Jennifer Aniston

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Episode: Jennifer Aniston
Release Date: October 20, 2025

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Overview

This rich and candid episode features Dax Shepard and Monica Padman in conversation with beloved actor Jennifer Aniston. The trio embarks on a deeply personal and often hilarious journey through Jennifer’s upbringing, her massive success on Friends and beyond, battles with fame, public scrutiny, self-acceptance, meditation, and what it really means to grow older without having children. The episode also touches on issues of spirituality, in-group/out-group dynamics, and the joys and pitfalls of being in the public eye for decades. Whether you’re a die-hard Aniston fan or simply curious about the price of superstardom, this honest, warm, and insightful discussion offers a rare glimpse into the life and mind of a pop culture icon.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meeting Jennifer: The Full Circle Moment

• Monica Padman shares the surreal nature of meeting her childhood hero after writing her a heartfelt letter, which was delivered via mutual friend Molly McNearney ([00:48]).
  • Monica: “They say never meet your heroes, but so far it’s worked out pretty well for me.”
• Dax and Monica praise Jennifer’s kindness and generosity, discussing the impact of “Friends” on Monica’s life and Monica’s VHS color-coding system for episodes ([53:07]).

2. Jennifer’s Early Life & Family Dynamics

• Jen discusses growing up with Greek Orthodox influences, the eccentricities of her grandmother, and learning about religion and spirituality through family rituals ([14:14–15:24]).
• The complexities of her parents’ marriage, her father’s acting career, and his brief foray into medical school in Greece:
  • “He was going to go to medical school in Greece because he could get in. ... It feels borderline insane.” ([19:34])
• The emotional impact of her parents’ divorce, seeking her father’s attention, and the enduring work of processing childhood experiences through therapy ([25:04–26:25]).
  • Jennifer: “We’re a constant work in progress. ... No matter what was imprinted into our neural pathways as children, they’re there and we can think we’ve worked on them, but ... someone is gonna come in and hit a little something that you go, whoa” ([26:01]).

3. Navigating Emotions & Upbringing

• The trio talks candidly about generational differences in emotional literacy, especially comparing Monica’s Indian upbringing and Jennifer’s Greek-American family ([26:26–27:56]).
• Jennifer offers compassion for parents who “weren’t taught how to process emotions” and advocates for children developing their own experiences of their parents.

4. Childhood in New York & Early Independence

• Jennifer shares stories of New York in the ‘70s and ‘80s—taking the bus alone at 11, being mugged, and how this shaped her street smarts and immunity ([29:20–31:58]).
• Anecdotes about her first jobs, her niche as a Duran Duran fan, and clubbing with her best friend (now a fellow podcaster, “Circle This”) but clarifies that she stayed away from drinking and drugs as a teen.

5. Transcendental Meditation (TM) & Spiritual Perspectives

• Dax and Jennifer bond over their mutual, initially skeptical, embrace of TM:
  • Dax: “It fucking worked the first time. I was shocked. … I just experienced a level of calmness and lack of racket I didn’t think I was capable of.” ([10:16])
  • Jennifer: “If that is the one rule around it [not revealing your mantra], I have no problem. … I don’t think anyone would pay me enough money…it would take to tell them my mantra. … that’s how much it’ll cost.” ([11:49])
• The conversation expands into spirituality, mystery, and humanity’s shared energy, with Jennifer’s thoughtful take:
  • “We are all, every human being on this entire planet, made up of the exact same shit. … And yet we … have figured out a way with these wonderful brains … to do what we have done.” ([12:31])

6. On Tribalism, In-Group/Out-Group, and Our Social Brains

• Dax brings up anthropology and the concept of tribal thinking, with Jennifer reflecting on the arbitrary nature of difference:
  • “And where does it come from? And who creates it? It’s like, hey, man, believe whatever you want to believe. ... We are all the group.” ([13:16–16:29])

7. The Acting Journey: Dyslexia, Imposter Syndrome, and 'Friends'

• Jen opens up about struggling with dyslexia and school, how performing arts schools offered an escape, and her embarrassment-turned-embracing of her unique pathway ([40:08–42:24]).
  • Jennifer: “I was mortified to walk into a room or be at a party. … I don’t know how to carry on a conversation. … The best thing to do is just ask questions.” ([41:03])
• Monica and Dax unpack the “Nepo baby” debate, with Jen defending legacy professions and sharing how her industry family gave her insights but not guarantees ([47:02–48:42]).
• The legendary gas station story: Jennifer humbly asked NBC exec Warren Littlefield for a role, underscoring her persistence and vulnerability ([49:13]).

8. Turning Down SNL, Embracing Destiny, & Hopeful Storytelling

• Jen reflects on nearly joining Saturday Night Live and choosing Friends instead, discussing fate and the necessity for optimism:
  • “Are you positive that way?”
  • Jennifer: “Well, you have to be. … We’re not designed to take in this much information. … No wonder mental illness is through the roof.” ([52:01])

9. Impact of “Friends” & The Value of Comfortable TV

• Monica shares her lifelong gratitude for “Friends” as a safe, hopeful, and reassuring place:
  • “We don’t have comedies like that anymore. ... It kind of makes you feel safe and brings hope. My favorite shows now don’t have hope.” ([54:22])
  • Jennifer: “They can’t hurt a friend. They were never going to hurt one of the... kill one of the friends.” ([55:02])

10. Handling Fame, Scrutiny, and Tabloids

• Dax calculates Jennifer’s “2000 tabloid covers,” prompting reflection on the effects of public scrutiny:
  • Dax: “That’s a tabloid cover every single day for the next 5.47 years. ... it’s so out of this world. … What that experience would be.” ([58:26])
  • Jennifer: “Of course I took it personally. ... At this point, I just don’t pay attention. ... I have a gorgeous, stunning group of friends … and that’s all that matters.” ([70:12])
• Discussion on the temptation to never do press again given media distortion, but Jennifer expresses genuine love for real, unscripted conversation ([61:07–62:41]).

11. Childfreedom, Acceptance, and Female Narratives

• Monica and Jennifer vulnerably discuss freezing eggs, ambivalence about motherhood, and the journey toward acceptance:
  • Monica: “It kind of feels like maybe it’s okay that I don’t [have children]. … I wonder if there’s peace there.”
  • Jennifer: “It’s so peaceful. … There’s a point where it’s out of my control. ... When people say, ‘but you can adopt,’ … I want my own DNA. … But once you are on the other side of it because it’s out of your control … it just wasn’t in the plan.” ([73:06–74:54])

12. The “Morning Show” & Portraying Powerful Women

• The group analyzes Jennifer’s latest role as Alex Levy, exploring real-life parallels, female power, and breaking out of the “women-in-competition” trope:
  • Dax: “It’s a show about two women ... who would conventionally have their own show and probably be pitted against each other, deciding to come together.” ([80:16])
  • Jennifer: “Women need to know that they are able to be in positions of power. … There’s room for all of us.” ([79:59])

13. On Value, Self-Knowledge, and Ongoing Ambition

• Jennifer affirms knowing her value at work and in life, yet acknowledges there is still room for growth and excitement about new ambitions:
  • Jennifer: “I know where I excel. Are there parts of me that wish and want to be in some of these other areas …? Absolutely. … But I also find that to be the fun of still being excited about, like, I’m gonna go make that happen.” ([84:01])

14. Bravery in New Roles and Future Projects

• Jennifer teases her upcoming portrayal of Jeanette McCurdy’s notorious mother, describing it as both cathartic and daunting:
  • Jennifer: “If a job is making me nervous, it means it’s something … that I know will challenge me. … Comedy … comes easier. ... Playing that woman—because Jeanette’s mom and my mom had some odd parallels—will be cathartic.” ([84:40–85:56])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Transcendental Meditation

  • Jennifer: “If that is the one rule around it, I have no problem… I don’t think anyone would pay me enough money… it would take to tell them my mantra. … that’s how much it’ll cost.” ([11:49])
  • Dax: “It fucking worked the first time. I was shocked…” ([10:16])

• On the Burden of Fame

  • Dax: “2000 tabloid covers is a tabloid cover every single day for the next 5.47 years.” ([58:26])
  • Jennifer: “Of course I took it personally… But at this point, I just don’t pay attention.” ([70:12])

• On Childfreedom and Acceptance

  • Jennifer: “It’s so peaceful… Once you are on the other side of it because it’s out of your control… it just wasn’t in the plan.” ([74:54])

• On Friends & Safe Comedy

  • Monica: “We don’t have comedies like that anymore… It kind of makes you feel safe and brings hope… My favorite shows now don’t have hope.” ([54:22])

• On Self-knowledge and Value

  • Jennifer: “I know where I excel… But I also find that to be the fun of still being excited about, like, I’m gonna go make that happen.” ([84:01])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Meeting Jennifer / Full Circle for Monica: [00:48]
• Transcendental Meditation & Spirituality: [09:54–14:42]
• Anthropology & In-Group / Out-Group: [15:34–16:22]
• Early Family Life and Greece: [18:00–22:27]
• Processing Childhood and Emotions: [25:04–27:04]
• Childhood in NYC: [29:20–31:58]
• Nepo Baby Debate & Industry Upbringing: [47:02–48:42]
• Gas Station Story – Meeting Warren Littlefield: [49:13]
• Turning Down SNL for “Friends”: [50:15]
• Impact of “Friends” on Monica: [53:07]
• Tabloid Scrutiny: [58:26–70:34]
• Motherhood, Egg Freezing, and Acceptance: [73:06–74:54]
• “Morning Show” & Powerful Women: [77:22–81:17]
• Knowing Your Value and Career Growth: [84:01–84:31]
• Portraying Jennette McCurdy’s Mom: [84:35–85:56]

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode is thoughtful yet breezy, marked by open vulnerability and humor. Dax and Monica’s admiration for Jennifer is palpable, but the discussion is intimate, with Jennifer’s humility and warmth at the forefront. The hosts create a safe space for challenging topics: emotional inheritance, tabloid trauma, and letting go of dreams that aren’t meant to be. Jennifer responds with honesty and wisdom, often weaving humor through heavier reflections.

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Final Thoughts

This is a must-listen for fans of Jennifer Aniston but also for anyone interested in the costs and gifts of celebrity, the possibility of self-acceptance, and the ever-complicated business of growing into one’s truest self. Jennifer’s legacy, as illuminated here, is not just professional but deeply human—a reminder that even the most beloved stars are “a constant work in progress.”

Transcript

[A]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondri in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Lily Padman.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Congratulations to my little friend from down in Duluth, Georgia. Goes around the bend.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[A]

She loved this show called Me and my friends. Her number one pals come down. Jennifer Aniston.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

That was kind of good.

[A]

Kind of not great.

[B]

I really like that, actually.

[C]

Congratulations.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

This was a big deal. Huge deal. Big, full circle, humongous deal.

[A]

Jennifer Aniston's here and all because of you. You wrote a beautiful letter to her. Our good friend Molly McNerney passed it on to Jen and God bless her, she read it and she said, yeah, I'm gonna come meet this girl.

[B]

I know. So nice. It was so they say never meet your heroes, but so far it's worked out pretty well for me.

[A]

Yeah, okay, friends, just go with it. We're the Millers, Horrible bosses. And of course, season four out now on Apple tv, plus the morning show. She also has the cutest book out now. Cook with Clydeo, a cookbook for kids. Clydeo is her dog. Clyde's foreign cousin. Dog Clyde.

[B]

So cute.

[A]

It's so cute. And then on top of that, please, madam, will you demonstrate? Do your best, Vanna White right now.

[B]

Okay. So we didn't really get to talk that much about Lola V in the pod, so I wanted to give it a little time. Right now. She sent all of this incredible Lola V hair products, and they're really good.

[A]

They're top notch.

[B]

They're really good, as you can imagine.

[A]

Could you spray some in your hair right now to demonstrate?

[B]

Yeah, I'll spray.

[A]

Do a spray the.

[B]

The peptide plumping volume spray, because I need a little. I need a little volume up top.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Plumping volume spray. I hope that doesn't attract the wrong customer base.

[B]

It smells so good.

[A]

I bet.

[B]

And you want your hair to smell good because that's where the pheromones come from.

[A]

Sure. That's where men are nuzzling their noses.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Getting their nose right in there.

[B]

Does it look nice and volumized?

[A]

Oh, yeah, it really does. It really picked up the volume.

[B]

Yeah, it's really nice. I mean, there's so much. She has shampoo. She has so many products and they're. They're all great.

[A]

Well, you want to hear something embarrassing? She sent a box I went through it and I saw there was dog doggy shampoo. She makes doggy shampoo. Went to put it away where our doggy shampoo is. Guess what? We already buy this product. Our dogs already love this product.

[B]

Of course you do.

[A]

God, I wish you would make some teeth brushing solvent for our dogs. Lolavie. Lola V Lolavie. Get some Lolavie. Read, cook with Clydeo and watch the morning show. And please enjoy. Jennifer Aniston this episode of Armchair Expert is presented by Apple Pay. You know, holiday shopping can be a hassle, but Apple Pay makes it so much easier. Whether you're shopping online or in store, look for the Apple Pay button or contactless symbol at checkout. No more digging for your wallet or filling out long online checkout forms. It works at millions of places, including stores, websites and apps. This means you can spend less time at checkout and and more time finding the perfect gifts. Pay the Apple way. Terms apply. We are supported by Function Health. You know what's fascinating? Your body is constantly sending signals about your health. But most of us only see a tiny fraction of that data. That's why I chose Function. It's the only health platform that gives you access to over a hundred biomarkers from hormones to heart health markers, all tracked in one secure place.

[B]

I love this because I agree that normal regs, blood work and stuff, it doesn't get it all. And sometimes you find hidden things in these hormone checks.

[A]

Yes, I love seeing my health data mapped out over time Helps me understand exactly what's happening in my body. It's no wonder top health leaders like Dr. Mark Hyman and Andrew Huberman are behind Function Health. This platform truly empowers you to own your own health journey. Learn more and join Using our Link, the first 1,000 people get $100 credit toward their membership. Visit www.functionhealth.com DAX or use code DAX100AT. Sign up to own your health. We are supported by BetterHelp. You know, it's wild. October 10th is World Mental Health Day. And it got me thinking about all the incredible therapists out there making a real difference. Better Help Therapists alone have helped over 5 million people worldwide. That's a lot of lives changed one conversation at a time.

[B]

I love my therapist so much. I saw her twice last week after my personal tragedy. She was so helpful in helping me process everything.

[A]

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[C]

I love you guys so much. This is a huge mirror. What's happening?

[B]

Well, this is an offering for you.

[A]

If you want, we both. We both drop best for you.

[C]

Well, you know, Tuesday, it's Taco Tuesday.

[A]

So I think that allows for a.

[B]

Lot of funny business and technically, happy hour in Atlanta. That's right.

[C]

This is in your garage.

[A]

This is in the garage? Yeah. The old thing is upstairs. So we used to be upstairs, and now we're in the garage.

[C]

I've seen this set up because you were in a different chair.

[A]

Yeah. You both lazy boy. We were both in La Z, boys. Yeah. I wore this for you, but I can't go much further now. I'm a little hot. Yeah. Can I take this off now? I'll put it back on for picture time, but do you want to take a quick pic? Now, look at. Your friends are on the screensaver.

[C]

Aw, Clyde, Claude and Lord Chesterfield. Come on.

[B]

Okay, Lauren, both of you. This is. Oh, my goodness.

[A]

Okay, great. Okay.

[B]

Do you like Babar?

[C]

Do I like Babar?

[A]

She likes Babar. She might not know she does, but yes, she likes Babar.

[C]

That was like my childhood books.

[B]

I know. Special books.

[C]

Dr. Seuss and the Babars of the World.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Remember when.

[A]

Yeah. I saw you say that you like Babar and I like Babar, but then I started thinking, why do I like Babar? Like, when I think of Sham, I.

[C]

Don'T know the stories of Babar. Do you?

[A]

Nor do I. I just love the image of the elephant, but I'm not sure what he did or what he was up to.

[B]

I think he was a king. Cause he has a big crown on.

[C]

Could you imagine if we go back and we just read He Was a Predator? Yeah. Like, it represented all of this awful shit, and we were like, I didn't know that's what it meant. It's sort of like when you realize that wizard of Oz had all these hidden messages.

[A]

Yeah. Especially if you smoke grass and put on Dark side of the moon leaned.

[C]

Into it is like backwards.

[A]

I think you do a little backwards playing.

[C]

I wanted to do that.

[A]

Okay, so one of my questions was gonna be, what's your nervous level out of 10?

[C]

My nerve level right now is so nothing, because I'm just talking with you.

[B]

That's okay. Good, good, good.

[A]

That's correct.

[C]

You've been rolling the whole time. Is that how you guys do it?

[A]

Well, we always are rolling. We have something here. Abr always be recording.

[C]

Actually, you know what you say right after the hour, just say, okay, let's start rolling.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Action.

[C]

Then the nerves will get up. And then I'll be like, oh. And then you'll say, joke. It was done. We did it.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

You actually. It's like coming out of anesthesia.

[A]

Oh, no, no.

[C]

It's over.

[B]

Or like, when a kid gets a shot, you, like, distract them. It's like, we did it.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes.

[C]

Right. I had once. Oh, I'm not gonna remember his name.

[B]

That's all right.

[A]

I don't need to. Nope, we'll keep it vague.

[C]

We would be talking and rehearsing, and then he'd go, okay, go ahead.

[A]

And did you like that?

[C]

Took us a minute to know what he meant. Okay, yeah, go ahead. Oh, actually, go ahead. Oh, so start acting great.

[A]

Go ahead and do the thing.

[C]

But he would do it. Not like it wasn't a big deal. He's like, okay, go ahead. And then walk away. And then we just go ahead.

[B]

I like that. Cause no pressure.

[A]

Was this person's name Clint Eastwood? Is that the name you can't think of?

[C]

Mar. Scorsese?

[A]

Well, I do think I've heard that Hitchcock would say, have you heard this one? No. Entertain me.

[C]

Oh, wait, Yes, I have heard that.

[A]

Which is, like, giving your personality. Like, I would dig it.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

But I could also, people be like, I'm not a monkey here to entertain you. You know?

[C]

Oh, my God. I am not here to entertain you.

[A]

But I was thinking if you were nervous, I was thinking we could do some transcendental meditation together. And then I was curious, how do you sit when you do your tm? And is this it?

[C]

This is pret much it. Or if I'm in a chair or if I'm in the back of a car or if I'm on an airplane or wherever it is. The many, many, many locations that I will go into a little. If I need to sort of chill it.

[A]

Yeah. And I was wondering, because I have a couple different friends that do TM as well, and one of my Friends.

[C]

Do you?

[A]

I do.

[C]

Amazing.

[A]

I think you and I differ a bit on. It's hard for me to embrace something like that. It's a little out there for me.

[C]

Which part?

[A]

It's religion adjacent. Even though it's not, as I learned. But there's something metaphysical happening a little bit. There's like, spirituality. Just the notion of spirituality scares me a little bit. Only because I'm afraid I'm not gonna experience what everyone else is experiencing, which.

[C]

Is actually all that's happening right now as we sit here and speak.

[A]

Absolutely correct. But tm, I went into a little apprehensive. And it fucking worked the first time. I was shocked.

[C]

Can I ask specifically what worked? Was it the first time you meditated?

[A]

It worked.

[C]

Or the first period that you were doing it for a while is when.

[A]

It worked the first time. Lynn came over, maybe. Do you know Lynn?

[C]

I had Penny.

[A]

You had Penny. Okay. But all from the David lynch thing. Yes. So Lynn came over. And again, the scary stuff is like, we've got some brass trays, there's some smoke happening. Yes. That's the stuff where I'm a little bit.

[C]

Like when all of those pictures. The photo frame came out.

[A]

We're paying homage to some deities, maybe. She gave me my mantra, and I did it 20 minutes later. I was like, oh, Lord. I, like, just experienced a level of calmness and lack of racket I didn't think I was capable of. Holy shit, it works. Yeah. This mantra thing is real. They tell you not to tell anyone your mantra.

[B]

I know. I was gonna ask this. If it goes well, will you tell us your mantra?

[C]

Do you know, it's really funny how they instilled it. And no one's holding a gun to my head. Penny's not outside.

[B]

No.

[C]

And she's not gonna come in and go, did you just.

[A]

But I have a friend who told me his mantra.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

And it's scary.

[C]

Yes, he did.

[A]

We lost him.

[B]

It's my test of friendship. So Dax has never shared his. So we're not quite there yet, but maybe we'll get there.

[A]

Yeah, it scared me. And I was like, normally I am. So I guess maybe punk rock, but I wouldn't tell him mine. And I'm wondering, what would be the price tag for you to tell someone your mantra? Would you.

[C]

Am I a rule follower? Not always. But in this case, I have chosen to commit to this practice. And if that is the one rule around it, I have no problem. I don't think anyone would pay me enough money that it actually would take for me to tell them my mantra. I don't think they'd give a shit that much to pay me a billion dollars. Cause that's how much it'll cost.

[A]

Okay. That's the number.

[B]

Write that down.

[A]

I do think there's something magic going on that I really am afraid to ever say it. And I think it's funny that I feel that way.

[C]

I do too. Cause you don't come across that. The truth is we're all here. This is kind of wild that we're all here.

[A]

I agree.

[C]

We're all these bodies. We're all made of what atoms. This is all energy, believe it or not. And then there's something that's bigger than us. And the other thing that is also so crazy to me is that we are all, every human being on this entire planet made up of the exact same shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And yet we have figured out a way with these wonderful brains that we've been gifted by. I don't know, whatever that is gifted and cursed to do what we have done. And I was driving over here and I was thinking to myself, I get sad.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, me too, of course.

[C]

Right? I get sad that there's so much.

[A]

Fake and arbitrary difference.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And where does it come from? And who creates it? It's like, hey, man, believe whatever you want to believe. And you do you. But at the end of the day, you do think we're all the same.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Even if our skin is a shade darker, Darker, lighter, lighter hair. We are all made up of the exact same wonderful stuff.

[A]

And we're embarrassingly predictable, given where we come from. So it's like we think we have this really well sorted identity. And then you go like, well, but if you give me your zip code, I can tell you with like 90% likelihood exactly what your opinions that you've thought of really well will be. I've been trying to read between the lines as I've watched a lot of interviews with you. And maybe, rightly or wrongly, I have felt like we agree on that. My biggest thing that bothers me isn't any one of my issues that I also care about. It's just like, how the fuck do we get out of this? This is madness. And it's getting worse every day and everyone's yelling louder and louder and how do we get out?

[C]

Everything seems very Pollyanna, any kind of thought you have, but it is. How do we get out of it? You say about the spirituality, I think the reason I lean more Towards TM or that world of whatever faith is to me personally is because, you know, I'm Greek Orthodox, I was raised and I went to the Greek church on Sundays. And my Yaya had all of the pictures of the women in black that terrified me and gave me nightmares in her beads. And she would talk to the wall of all these people.

[A]

And it's a little morbid, it seems.

[C]

It doesn't it? But for her, it kept her going. And she died at 98. Greeks doing something, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I was christened at St. Sophia's and they drink the holy water, which is basically mine, and I vomited. And she's like scooping up the vomit because it's sacred and the body of Christ is in there and it's the blood of Christ. She's like old at that point already. And so, yeah, in the car, and I had just had wine and bread at like one or whatever.

[A]

I would have thought there might be a poltergeist in you if you rejected it. You might be evil or a vampire.

[C]

Hey, who knows?

[B]

Who knows? TBD all up for grabs. That's right.

[C]

Life ain't over just yet.

[B]

But I wanna say something really quick. Cause I think that is the answer. Cause we talk a lot about status here and Dax was the anthropology major. So in group out group comes up a lot.

[A]

Too much, you could argue.

[B]

I won't say that.

[C]

Wait, which comes up, Say again?

[B]

In group out group.

[C]

What is in group out group.

[A]

Because we're very social primates and we're kind of designed to live in a group of 100. That was our in group and the out group. Whatever group arrived needed to be taken very seriously and with a lot of skepticism. It's not like you could just trust a stranger. So we have a lot of evolutionary things built in. We're really immediately good at identifying who the out group is and identifying who the in group is. So we have all this wiring. When you hear tribalism, tribalism is really in group, out group thinking. So, like this political thing, it's like, yeah, this is my group and that's your group. And we're just stuck with this terrible vestigial evolution that we somehow gotta figure out how to get out of. In group, group out group. Because we don't live that way anymore.

[B]

But if we remember that in group is exactly what you said. We are all one in group.

[C]

We're all the group. Is that just one group?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Interesting.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

So that's why I think this sort of spirituality or these New age or whatever you call it Super Agers. What does that say up there?

[A]

Trying to reach that because they're very distracting to people. A lot of people will be the middle. Like, Like. Well, that's when he pulled out the firearm King. Surrender.

[C]

Foolproof.

[A]

No, no, hold on. You were about to say someone shot you. Yeah, but what is this book I'm seeing?

[C]

But religions, they all had the judgments about who you were with. And it just felt like if religion is something that divides people based on absolutely nothing factual about the human being and their heart.

[A]

The lottery of what house you were brought home to as a baby.

[C]

Yeah. Because you grew up in this home and it represented that. And that's what you learned. And so that's what then go out and you believe. And critical thinking, free thinking isn't sort of allowed or it's condemned or fear of God that you're gonna go to hell for something. I don't do it.

[A]

Not for me.

[B]

Not for me.

[A]

Also, you were in New York City from what age did you. You were brought home from the hospital to Sherman Oaks.

[C]

Yes. Right around the corner from Casa Vega.

[B]

Ooh, I love it.

[A]

It's a very fun place.

[C]

I have early memories of crawling. Mine was enchiladas with cheese.

[A]

And for folks who are not from here, crawling on that floor, it's not like you're on the floor of the Four Seasons. It's a very active, heavily salsa on the floor, chips, sitch.

[C]

It's like Times Square.

[B]

Probably good for your microbiome. You got some germs in there.

[C]

Such a strong immunity.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

What age did you go to New York?

[C]

I went to New York at 6 years old. We went Sherman Oaks, Pennsylvania, Greece for a year, then to New York City.

[A]

Oh, wow. And so you landed in New York City at 6. So you probably left Sherman Oaks 4ish.

[C]

Like 4ish. 4 and a half. And do you have any memories in Sherman Oaks?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Besides crawling on the floor of Casa Vincent? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember the backyard. I remember my dad built a pool with his own two hands with his buddy.

[A]

An above ground. I'm imagining. No.

[B]

What is above ground?

[A]

A real in ground.

[C]

Well, there was someone that Doug. He was doing a lot of the work. They were just back there, these guys. And that was also when my dad was an out of work actor.

[B]

Yeah, he had a little time, which.

[C]

Leads to why we went to Greece of it all. And he was a door to door sales. He kind of was doing that. I drove a tricycle into that pool. My Brother had to save me because.

[A]

I didn't feel it was full of water or not full of water, and we almost lost it.

[C]

I have a fear of water for that reason. Maybe that makes sense.

[A]

What happened in Pennsylvania? He wasn't chasing an acting role there. No.

[C]

But that's where my grandmother lived and my cousins and my aunt, my dad's sister. He left us there so he could go set us up in Athens with my Aunt Mary and my cousins.

[A]

Was he gonna work there?

[C]

He was going to go to medical school in Greece because he could get into medical school in Greece.

[A]

Oh, boy. There's a lot there.

[B]

Yikes.

[C]

Now, listen, he's dead, so he could have told me all of these stories.

[A]

You and I have the unique freedom to talk quite honestly about our fathers at this point.

[C]

I know we should.

[A]

Yeah. I think there's a lot there.

[C]

Oh, there's a lot.

[A]

That feels so out of the blue to say, okay, I've been pursuing acting for 30. Not 30 years, but if he was 30, I've been pursuing acting for 12 years. I'm going to go to Athens to become a doctor. Feels borderline insane. Yeah. Was he the type of dude that would get something in his head and just chase it?

[C]

I wouldn't know, because once he really became a person that I was able to sort of take in, he was an actor, and he was barely there. He was like, where's John? A little bit. But when we were in Athens, he was going to school.

[A]

Okay. How far did he get in his medical training?

[C]

Not far. We were only there a year.

[A]

Did he come home and take your temperature or. No.

[C]

But we would watch all those shows. I remember watching a lot of medical stuff while eating dinner. That's why I love watching some weird shit. I can watch pretty much anything. I love a good surgery. I love to scrub up if they let me in.

[A]

Mom was getting drug along as well. And mom also was an actor.

[C]

Yeah, she was. She wasn't very good. She'd be the first person to say it. She was on Beverly Hillbillies, the Red Skelton Show. All those fun things that people will be like, well, and she was a model. And then she became a mom.

[A]

Okay. And so when she had gotten drugged to Greece for her husband's medical pursuits, how was she processing that? Was she resentful at him? I would be pretty pissed, I think, if I met another actor and we're gonna do this acting thing, and then I wake up in Athens and you're becoming a doctor. I might feel like a Little false advertising.

[C]

I don't think they had that sort of, let's go do this together. They met when she was modeling. My dad was the roommate of the photographer at the time, and he just thought she was beautiful. She was dating the gu. Guy who owned the chain, El Toritos.

[A]

Oh, she should have stuck with him, maybe.

[C]

Don't you think? Yes, she says that. Said she was right.

[A]

I hate to say it.

[C]

Nothing. I love hearing more than that.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, God, that's so.

[A]

If I had stayed with Mike from El Toritos, we would be on a yacht right now. But no, I followed your stupid dad to Athens so he could be an optometrist and look at me now.

[C]

These are all stories. I'm just remembering. And then she told the story. My dad tells the story about how he just walked into the El Toritos one day or wherever they were on a date and kind of like slammed his hand down on the table and he claimed her. I don't know if he clubbed him and then dragged her out by the hair or what actually happened, but it all sounded very romantic.

[B]

Well, yes, that's right. That was the version of romance back then, claiming.

[C]

Correct.

[A]

I'd pay slightly more than I'd pay for your mantra to be sitting in a booth by myself at El Torito and watch some Greek man walking, dragging his girlfriend to catch. Confront the proprietor. Don't even think about it. She's with me now.

[C]

She's mine.

[B]

It's so deep. Because that is the paradox. Right. Like, it is romantic at first when someone's like, I love you so much. I need you. You're mine. And then that's actually the problem that ends up being the problem that they feel ownership.

[C]

Yes. I think they call that narcissism.

[B]

That is correct.

[C]

Right. If I don't have it, I have to have it. Now I have it. What do I do with it? Do with this toy. Because that thrill is gone. You're not.

[A]

Yes. You don't validate me in the way you once did. Now they go to New York. This is pretty mind blowing and impressive. He was recurring on Days of our lives for 37 years.

[C]

He was on that show forever. In fact, the last episode he shot aired like a week after he died. Whoa. So he worked right up until. That was it. Wow. That was literally a wrap on John.

[A]

And when you guys got to New York, they made it another three years before they got divorced.

[C]

Yes, I was nine. So we got to New York at six.

[A]

And you went to live with mom, which was Very customary.

[C]

So he found us an apartment. 92nd in Columbus and $800 a month rent control. Three bedrooms. She gave it up anyway.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

21St floor. It was like you could see the Hudson river, all of downtown. It was like Cher's doll house. I'm saying way too many references and people won't know anything about.

[A]

Are you kidding? I was just playing with Cher's dollhouse.

[C]

You were the cher$penthouse. That you could take the view in and out for daytime or slide in the nighttime view. And it was just twinkling lights of the Empire State Building and the east river and the Hudson river. And that was our view. Anyway, she let that go. Where were we?

[A]

He set you up in the apartment and then he just bounced.

[C]

Opened up a restaurant while he was shooting. He was doing Love of Life at the time. He hadn't been on days. It was Love of Life at cbs. And then he moved uptown to be on a show called Search for Tomorrow. But before that he met his co star on Love of Life.

[A]

Oh, it was that scenario.

[C]

And then there was a little one of those oopsie moments.

[B]

And was your mom outwardly saying, I hate him. What were you getting implanted with?

[C]

Parents weren't taught what I think parents are taught today, which is you be kind, you lead with kindness. Your partner, you can talk bad about them behind closed doors, not in front of your children. Because that is abuse. Abuse.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Unfortunately, I do have some today that do that, but they almost just can't help themselves. It's some very strange.

[A]

You have to remember I'm talking about someone's parent. At the end of the day, even though they're my ex, this is someone's parent. They only get one.

[C]

And they get one and let them have their experience with them. And when they grow up and leave the house and then can create their own opinion from what they've experienced personally, let them have that right. But up until that point, don't plant negativity because I'm a little impression brain.

[A]

But you, it sounds like, sadly, I've read a few times, you did want his attention.

[C]

Yeah, I would have given anything. I'm not going to cry. I actually just need to take water.

[B]

You're allowed.

[A]

You're not allowed to cry.

[C]

I'm over it.

[A]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[C]

So over it, guys. No, I truly am.

[A]

No. But don't you think there are many things. I'm like, oh, I'm totally over that. I tell that story all the time. And then I tell it to a therapist and then all of a sudden, I feel, I guess, safe enough to allow the emotions to come in. And I go, oh, wow, this is confusing. I was certain this had no power. And here I am, quite emotional about this. And this is a shocker.

[C]

And it lived right there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It wasn't even far.

[C]

The question is asked, and then you're like, what? And literally, like, when they talk about those spies that can walk up to somebody and just go like that to the neck, and then the person collapses. It's kind of like the same thing, isn't it?

[B]

Exhausting. There are some things we'll just never.

[C]

It is exhausting, but it shows you. We're a constant work in progress. Yes, we are. Constantly. No matter what was imprinted into our neural pathways as children, they're there and we can think. We've worked on them. But just as we experience life, new moments here and there and new people here and there, someone is gonna come in and hit a little something somewhere that you go, whoa. That just made me think of that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's here now.

[C]

And that, I guess, is still to be looked at. And how wonderful that we have therapy and that we have people that we talk to or friendship group that we can bounce that stuff off so that we don't flip out. I don't know about your parents or your parents. How old are your parents?

[B]

My parents are 49 and 48. Nope, they are not. They are 63 and 70.

[C]

63 and 70. So different generations.

[A]

I'll let you guess who's what.

[B]

Oh, wouldn't it be cool if it was reversed? No, it's the normal normal.

[C]

They weren't taught how to process emotions.

[A]

They're also from India.

[B]

Oh, yeah. So that's another layer on top of zero.

[C]

Born in India.

[B]

Yes. Both born in India.

[C]

Where were you born?

[B]

In India. No, I was born here. I was born in Georgia.

[C]

No, in this garage.

[B]

I was born right here. This is where I came to be. This is kind of where I came to be.

[A]

She's never left.

[C]

Look at you now.

[B]

They're Indian. And emotions are not to be touched ever. Ever.

[C]

And how do they feel now?

[B]

No. Emotions is really cost them some stuff. And so I think they've come around. But it's still, like, we've talked about it a lot. Dax will be like, you need to tell your dad you love him. And I'm like, I can't. He'll freak out.

[A]

Yeah. He'll think I'm dying.

[B]

He will freak out.

[C]

I don't wanna kill him.

[B]

Yes. And I called them this weekend about something kind of emotional. And I can see the panic starting to happen. And I was like, dad, this is why I can't tell you things. Because now I'm trying to protect you from your emotions. And that can't be what's happening here.

[A]

I have totally surrendered. It is true. I'll go. Like, your dad wants to hear you love him. Everyone wants to hear that. I'm wrong. She's right.

[C]

Are you wrong?

[A]

I witness it.

[C]

You are right.

[B]

I'm right.

[A]

I surprised her one time. We were doing a live show in Chicago, and I secretly called them, and I said, can I please bring you to this live show so you can see your little girl and how much people love her? God.

[C]

See, now that's gonna make me.

[A]

I can't even say it like that. I think of me getting to go see my little girl. Yeah. So I'm like, it's a surprise. And then I'm like, I can't tell her. If she finds out they're there, she'll recognize how much is happening, and she'll start getting very worried about them. Just witnessing her be loved on that level.

[B]

They did say they were proud of me.

[C]

That's the first time I've ever heard.

[A]

Was so cute. Her dad was like, everyone knows her. He just really thought it was so funny. People wanted to get her picture and stuff. It was pretty crazy.

[C]

But had he even seen that before? That was probably overwhelming. They were overwhelmed for.

[B]

They were very overwhelmed. In a good way. Cause all they want is safety for me. They don't care about any of this stuff. And I'm sure we'll get to that with you. But all you want is your kid to be safe. And then all this other stuff. It's proof that I am. I'm good on my own.

[A]

These 5,000 people agree she's safe. Yeah.

[B]

They were relieved for the first time. That was a gift.

[C]

That's a huge gift.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

How long ago was that?

[B]

Five years. Five years ago, probably. And they said, your mom and I are proud of you.

[A]

Do not take offense at this point. Offend me. When I've met you, I don't go like child of New York City. How immersed were you in the quite eclectic and colorful world that was Manhattan in the late 70s and 80s? Were you partaking in the. Like. We just interviewed Mark Ronson.

[C]

Yes. He feels very New York.

[A]

Oh, yes. Yes. Or even the incredible director Jordan Peele.

[C]

Peele.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Jordan Peele.

[B]

Love him.

[A]

You know, he's on a block that's quite scary. He's gotta walk to school. And it informs them the rest of the ride.

[C]

That's where I was.

[A]

What was your childhood like, being in New York?

[C]

Well, we lived in this building on 92nd and Columbus, but the block between Columbus and Amsterdam and then Amsterdam, Broadway, that was all abandoned buildings. I was on a bus by myself at 11.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

Could you imagine by yourself, throw your key in your sneaker and see a.

[A]

Mom in a much different New York.

[C]

Much different New York. Especially up there. It started to become Preppyville and Upper west side and all that stuff. But, no, not when I lived there at all. You'd have to go around the block. There's a sniper in one of the buildings, one of the abandoned buildings. It was all just normal. As I got older, I was mugged. I was mugged a couple times.

[A]

Ross.

[C]

What'd you say?

[B]

I said, like Ross.

[C]

Like Ross.

[B]

He was mugged by Phoebe.

[A]

Oh, big.

[C]

Never forget, never terrifying Phoebe.

[A]

Phoebs. And did you have a lot of fear or did you quickly kind of acclimate?

[C]

I, oddly didn't feel fear. I worked at Jackson Hole on 85th and Columbus, and then I'd walk home at midnight. You know, it's not a lot, but it's still from 85th in Columbus to 92nd in Columbus at midnight.

[A]

And what was your niche? You love Duran Duran? Were you in a New wave? Did you dance?

[C]

I danced. Me and Dre, my best friend, who also has a podcast called Circle this.

[A]

Shout Out. Circle this. Yeah, go listen to it. Now pause this. Listen to that. Come back.

[B]

Is she still your best friend?

[C]

Still my best friend to this day. 14 and 15, when we met, we would go to Danceteria, we'd go to the Limelight, the Pallad, where we really liked to go. And not a lot. We didn't drink, we didn't smoke. I mean, we might have smoked, cigarette, but no drugs or anything. We just would get dressed up. And the amount of Aquanet in our hair. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Extra firm. Hold the pink.

[C]

The blue.

[A]

Pink. I don't know.

[C]

It was like, throw it on.

[A]

And I would get, like, the 26 ouncer, like the Big Boy, where you'd be wrestling that fucker.

[C]

Yes. And your eyelashes would have to be like.

[A]

There's poison all in the air. So crazy.

[C]

Dance on those boxes that were surrounding the dance floor.

[A]

Oh, good. So you were devouring the city as much as you can at that age.

[C]

And we could.

[A]

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. This message is brought to you by Apple Pay.

[B]

Dax, can you believe it's already fall? This year's flown by.

[A]

I know, right? But fall is my jam. Remember that farmer's market we hit up last weekend?

[B]

Yes. All those vendors with their yummy apple apple ciders and the big pumpkins. I love big pumpkins.

[A]

Artisanal apple cider, don't forget. And the smell of fresh baked goods. Heaven. But here's what blew my mind. So many vendors accepted Apple Pay.

[B]

It was so convenient. I love Apple Pay. Everywhere I saw the contactless symbol, I just double click the side button on my phone to bring up my card. And then just a quick little face ID scan, tap, boom. So easy.

[A]

Apple Pay has been my MVP this season to buy festive fall treats and drinks.

[B]

And you know, I'm on a mission to find the best, best fall themed latte in town. You know this.

[A]

I do know that. How's it going? That maple one you were telling me about sounded pretty insane.

[B]

It was so good. And get this, you can also use Apple Pay at lots of cafes. No fumbling for your wallet. Just double click tap and sip.

[A]

It works at millions of places. Anywhere you see the contactless symbol in stores or see the Apple Pay button online and in apps.

[B]

Exactly. Making it easier to enjoy all the fall color.

[A]

Speaking of which, I'm totally set for Halloween. Apple Pay made it a breeze to purchase the perfect decorations online right from my iPhone. I just tap the Apple Pay button at checkout, double click to authenticate and boom. Payment complete. No long checkout forms, no fuss.

[B]

Fall festivities have never been more fun or easy.

[A]

Pay the Apple Way Terms apply. We are supported by Squarespace. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to create a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. Our website functions beautifully. So seamless, like a Swiss made timepiece. And it was all designed on Squarespace by Wabi Wob. And it was easy. The cutting edge design tools on Squarespace are a game changer. With Blueprint AI, their AI enhanced website builder, you can create a fully custom site in just a few steps. It generates premium content and personalized design recommendations based on your brand and goals. Plus plus their intuitive drag and drop editor makes it easy to fine tune everything to your liking. But Squarespace isn't just about looks. Their integrated SEO tools help you get discovered faster online. Every Squarespace site is optimized with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap, and more. So you show up more often in search results and attract your ideal Customers ready to claim your corner of the Internet, go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Domain. That's squarespace.com and promo code DAX to get started today, we are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking things first. Well, that's how you end up with some pretty embarrassing stories, like not checking if your phone is actually connected to your earbuds before belting out Total Eclipse of the Heart on an airplane. Yeah, that was a fun flight. Or not checking if your gym shorts have a hole in them before doing squats in front of the wall mirror. The whole gym got to day. And don't even get me started about checking if your camping stove has fuel before heading into the wilderness. Nothing says roughing it quite like three days of granola bars and room temperature water. Yeah, checking first is smart, so check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, condition and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. We are supported by Quinn Quints. Fall is here and Quince delivers the perfect seasonal staples from 100% Mongolian cashmere starting at just $60 to their sharp looking suede trucker jacket that's ideal for layering.

[B]

I love the sweaters. It's sweater weather. It's exciting and you just couldn't be.

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

Oh God. I just watched the Charlie Sheen doc last night.

[A]

Me too.

[C]

I love it. Oh my God, it's so fun. And you just go, well, wow.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of them.

[C]

George Clooney.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He's in those little videos.

[B]

Those videos.

[A]

Sean Penn.

[C]

Penn and Nicolas Cage.

[A]

Yes. To find out they were best friends Was a real revelation to me and.

[C]

That little friend group and Laura Dern, who was in everything then and she's in everything now. It's just wild.

[A]

It kind of feels impossible that they were all this little ragtag group. It's sweet when Sean Penn says, I can't believe he said this on camera. It's my favorite thing I've heard.

[C]

God, which one? I'm dying to know it.

[A]

He goes, when people do. Men do cocaine, copious amounts, they have heightened sexual desires while diminished sexual competency. And I'm like, wow, you said coke dick in the most elegant way I've ever. Someone describe coping.

[C]

That's so interesting and makes so much sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Desire while you have no competency. What a purgatory.

[B]

And yet they keep doing it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Over and over.

[A]

In all sincerity, the moment that I realized, oh, we have a real problem was I was at a bar and I was talking to a very attractive girl, and things were going very well, and I was like, I'm gonna get an eight ball. And I was like, if I get an eight ball, I'm not gonna be pursuing this anymore. I'm gonna get an eight ball.

[C]

Oh. So did you weigh it out for a second?

[A]

I had this snap moment of clarity of like, wow, you're choosing this thing over a girl, which for me, girl was everything.

[C]

You really liked this particular girl.

[A]

She's very attractive, and it was very fun. It was going very well. This is gonna be so fun. Normally, that's the funnest thing in the world. And I'm like, wow, we've elevated something above this thing that I. I previously thought was the most attractive thing we.

[C]

Could do, but that was more attractive and prettier.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You were choosing between two drugs.

[A]

Yeah. Yes. My first drug and then my second.

[C]

Lovers.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

Feeling like a fool.

[A]

That's real bad. Okay, so then you went to LaGuardia High School of performing arts, which is the Fame school.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And Fame was on TV when we were kids.

[C]

Yeah. Well, I saw the movie when I was a kid.

[A]

I'm sorry, was it a movie and.

[C]

Then it became a TV show?

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, you have to see the movie. Am I right? Alan Parker was the director. It is so magnificent. All due respect to the television show, you'll go, what was that? I mean, the cinematography, the characters, the acting. What'd I do?

[B]

I know. I wondered too, but it was also looking cute.

[A]

It's very cute, but I just want to be protective.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Yeah, her hair's good.

[A]

Yeah, she's known for her hair.

[C]

You know what? I had a whole bag of Lola V for you both and I walked out of the house without it. So this will be coming to you. I have hair paste for you, conditioner for Kristen too, and then shampoos, everything.

[B]

I can't wait.

[A]

And I have a bottle of Aqua Net for you.

[B]

Aqua Net for me? Yeah.

[A]

Super extra firm hold.

[C]

Okay. Not animal tested.

[A]

No, exclusively animal tested. I think even orphan tested, maybe.

[C]

Might have got little children.

[A]

I think they went above.

[C]

They might have just said, screw it, let's hit the kids.

[A]

Okay. So was it hard to get into that school?

[C]

I was a very last minute get into that school because, oh, God, I was such a bad student. I'm going to say things embarrassed me forever. I was a terrible student.

[A]

We have this in common. You're dyslexic, right?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Me too.

[C]

Frustrating.

[A]

Thought I was the dumbest person alive.

[C]

If only someone thought to take this young kid who struggles to take him to get tested. They didn't have it then. I don't think.

[A]

What I immediately thought when I learned you were dyslexic is you don't have the same chip on your shoulder. I do. I've observed you don't have the same chip on your shoulder.

[C]

What does it look like?

[A]

My chip is like, I'm a know it all. Everyone thinks I'm dumb. I got to prove I'm smart all the time, and it's exhausting for. You don't have that at all. Yeah. I think that's interesting.

[C]

I kind of just know what I know and I know what I don't know. There was a period, though, where I was mortified to walk into a room or be at a party. I would just think, I don't know. I don't know how to carry on a conversation. And the truth is, the best thing to do is just ask questions.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

What does that mean? Explain that to me.

[B]

Knowing what you don't know is the smartest person in the room. The person who knows what they don't know.

[C]

Listen. Textbook smart, street smart. I could say I'm expert street smart. My EQ versus my iq.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

So we're doing pretty good.

[A]

But when they start writing on the chalkboard and you knew there would be questions that would follow that if it wasn't auditory, if they weren't telling me something, they were just writing on that chalkboard. I was like, oh, man. I hope to God they don't ask me what just happened. I don't know. What the is happening on that chalkboard? It's like hieroglyphics.

[C]

I was doodling. I was writing little scenes sketches that we were going to act out at recess. Or I'd write a note to somebody, and then I would get real good laughs, and I'd be like, bossa.

[A]

And then I'd be.

[C]

I'm sorry, in the hall. Oh, shoot. Bummer. Yes, in the hallway. And I'd stand there for the rest of the class. I was just constantly maneuvering my way. So I went to performing arts. This sounds terrible. I wanted to be an actor, obviously. Cause that's all I thought I could do. This could sound awful, but between grade nine and ten and we were given four books to read, and I was like, I'm never gonna read these books. I gotta get another school.

[A]

School.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

This is not going to happen.

[C]

I got to change locations.

[A]

Like, you saw those four books. It's like, I've just been kicked out of this school.

[C]

I was like, all right, so where are we going? That's not going to happen. This is absolutely not going to happen. These books are not going to get read. And I don't have any way to figure out a way around that. Can't go stand in the hallway around that.

[B]

There's no audio books back then, so. Yeah.

[A]

Do you love audiobooks?

[C]

I do love audiobooks, but I used to drink drift, and I'd have to rewind. That's part of my dyslexia, though, too. Whereas you'd be reading, and then I'd go, oh, I just read a whole page, and I don't know what I read because I'm not comprehending anything. And then my mind would wander.

[A]

Do you think you might have a little adhd?

[C]

I think I might, yeah.

[A]

I don't think that about you, but I know my wife is really coming to terms with the fact once I hear those symptoms and how they express in women, especially today.

[C]

We have so many. So many things that can distract us.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

At once.

[B]

Look at this room.

[A]

A lot of stuff. I mean, just look at.

[C]

I don't know if you can see what's behind you guys.

[A]

They're just taunting you.

[C]

There's like, some weird word I can't see clearly up there if I have to.

[A]

Ready?

[C]

No. You can tell me that the only way that you can be on this podcast is to read these books. You also look like Chris Cornell in that Wheaties box. For some reason, from where I'm sitting.

[A]

I'm feeling a little intimidated as well about the Books now, they always look nice. Do you audition to get into?

[C]

So, yes, it was like late auditions for last minute. I don't know why I can't honestly remember.

[A]

Yeah, you just kind of woke up there one day.

[C]

I just woke up one year, I learned two monologues. I auditioned, and then I came back, and the next thing you know, I was accepted.

[A]

Did it live up to your. I'm sure you had concocted a pretty good fantasy and expectations about what the experience was going to be like. And did it live up to. No. Okay, great.

[C]

Well, it moved buildings.

[A]

Oops.

[C]

So it wasn't in the old building on 46th street, which was half of the charm? Yeah, it was this big block building, a soulless building. It was just thousands of kids.

[A]

Oh, it was huge.

[C]

Sort of. The charm was in there, but the theater teachers were still there. They were also in the movie.

[A]

Oh, that's cool.

[C]

A couple of them. Mrs. Shine, Mr. Moody, did they appreciate you.

[A]

Because the previous teachers were putting you in the hallway. Did it feel like at least you were kind of appreciated there?

[C]

I was appreciated, except for from one teacher, Murat Youseem, who was one of our acting teachers who said I was a disgrace to the theater. Okay.

[A]

Okay. All right. A little early to make that.

[B]

Were you?

[C]

I probably was. I think I might have been pretty disgraceful. I was doing Chekhov, and people were.

[A]

Laughing, trying to look for the laughs. Always? Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, of course. Always.

[A]

Okay. So you make it out of there, you come to LA, you're probably 18.

[C]

To LA?

[A]

1919. 1990.

[C]

No, I'm 20.

[B]

20?

[A]

You're 20 years old.

[C]

Because I do three years of waitressing.

[A]

College and you telemarketed, which is great.

[C]

I telemarketed. When I first moved here, I worked at Jackson Hole was run by the wonderful Greek family. So I got an off Broadway show for two months. They'd let me do it, then I'd come back.

[A]

Oh, that's nice. You arrived here, you had a couple pilots really quick. You guest starred a few times. Quantum's Leap. That's exciting. That's not the name. Quantum Leap. It's not plural.

[C]

Burke's Law.

[A]

Burke's Law. Yeah. Yeah. You did that. There's a third one in there.

[C]

There's a couple. I did Malloy, I. Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

[A]

The spinoff. TV show.

[C]

Television show version.

[A]

Yeah. Speaking of fame and the spinoff.

[C]

So we're keeping a theme now.

[A]

My question there was, when I came here and I got on tv, no matter what it was, it was so exciting because I was the first shepherd to ever be on tv. And I wondered, how does having two parents that had pursued it, one of them's on tv. How did it impact your excitement about getting. Getting on these shows they're having been in the business. You mean, were you thinking, oh, this isn't good enough, or it should be better? Or was there already a bar?

[C]

Well, the bar was just work. My dad was telling me, please don't do this. You're just gonna suffer rejection.

[A]

You're gonna be learning science. Athens.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You're gonna end up in Greece anyway. Just go get a real job. All the cliche things.

[A]

Yeah, that's so shitty. You would think at least two actors would be supportive, but no. Yeah.

[C]

Although, I mean, I think some actors today are like, oh, please don't.

[A]

I hate that.

[C]

Whatever drives you passion in something and you love it, Go do it.

[B]

Back to safety, though. Your parents generally want safety for the children, and it's not safe. It is not a safe profession. As far as, like, it's a high risk. It's a high risk. It's a high risk. Mentally, I get it.

[C]

Yeah. Emotionally, I mean, just talk about Charlie Sheen. Exactly. Oh, no, he wasn't a kid actor. How old was he?

[A]

Well, he was 20 when Platoon won best pitcher.

[B]

Right.

[C]

But it wasn't like Bateman on Little House.

[A]

That's true. But he had made. That was surprising to me, and I kind of admired it. They had made a quatrillion movies, these kids.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Charlie Sheen and his buddies.

[C]

They really did.

[A]

Yeah. You could go like, oh, Nepo baby, blah, blah, blah. But it's like, no, These people have been practicing and were passionate about this since they were little kids. That Nepo baby thing, it's kind of annoying.

[B]

Well, you know why?

[C]

Because here's the deal, Simon. I mean, look at all the law firms. Blanky blank, blanky and blanky blank. I mean, all right, isn't that a version of all the. Okay, so maybe you got into a door because you're so and so's kid, but if you suck, guess what?

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

You're not gonna continue to do it.

[A]

They don't give a fuck after one or two. No, you might get one or two. My point is, like, what you're underestimating is you're only focusing on that you've inherited someone else's status. I get it. I would object to that. That's not fair to everyone else. But what they're not thinking about is, like, our children have been to sets Many times my kids understand about lenses. I was walking with my daughter when she. She was 6. She made a joke. I laughed. Minute later, she made the same joke. I didn't laugh. And she said out loud, at 6 years old, I went back to the well too much. Whoa. And I'm like, yeah, that's the house she grows up in. She has a knowledge of this industry that I had about the automotive industry with automotive parents. She knows a lot fucking more. And she'll show up knowing a lot more when she's competing with other kids. Now, is that because the door was open for her?

[C]

Just.

[A]

She has the skill set already.

[C]

She was privy to having the education.

[A]

Growing up in Detroit. The commercial was on. Nonsense was, father and son, we build them all. No one's mad that, yeah, that kid was probably 10, carrying bricks and helping the dad build houses. And now they got Father and Son construction company.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, I'm only going to ask you a single question about friends. That's it.

[B]

I can't guarantee that.

[A]

Yes. I make no promises and nor would I want to, because this is her Sopranos. Oh, my thing I found really interesting when I was reading about all this, and I just have such a crush on him. I want to bring them up, but you were constantly kind of feeling like you might want to throw in the towel. You were doing pilot after pilot and they weren't working. And then you ran into Warren Littlefield at a gas station. Is this apocryphal or real?

[C]

Oh, God. That is true, yes. Because I had gone to the final stage. Go to network. And then I think I definitely said something to him at a gas station. It was on Crescent and Sunset Boulevard and Crescent Heights.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And what did you say?

[C]

I might have given him a headshot or I said something like, please cast me. Please.

[B]

I don't love it.

[C]

At another time, I will you please give me a washer and a dryer? And he wrote that down on a.

[A]

Napkin as part of your negotiation or.

[C]

I just kept hearing that all these actors were getting cars and getting these things once they got hired and friends had happened and we were, I don't know, at the upfronts for something you.

[A]

Wanted a congratulatory Washington.

[C]

I was like, why? What are all these actors? Why do they get these treats for shows and stuff? And I said, treats?

[A]

Actor treats.

[C]

Actor treats. These elaborate. These very expensive gifts. And he was like, well, what do you want? And I was like, really? And he's like, yeah. And I couldn't think of anything. And I was like, I need a washer and a dryer. No kidding.

[A]

And did he deliver? Yeah. Oh really? I lied. There were actually two I wrote down. The other one was I had no idea until yesterday that you had been offered snl. That would have been impossible for me to turn.

[C]

Well, you know, I was thought I was such hot shit. The story of that is all very confusing. Honestly today I'd have to ask Lorne because I remember I was in New York City and I had a meeting with Lorne Michaels and I ran into Sandler and Spade in the room right outside and I knew Sandler forever.

[A]

You knew him pre Friends?

[C]

Yes. Oh wow. Cause he was very good friends with Charlie Schlatter who played played Ferris Bueller in the television version of Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

[B]

Wow, you guys go so fast.

[C]

So we met at Jerry's deli in.

[A]

Like 1912, just before the Spanish flu. Just before. Right before.

[C]

So I don't know why I had this self righteous attitude of like, I don't know if women are treated the way they should be treated on this show. It's a very male dominated. I would love to be here if it was in the Gilda Radner Day. I mean this is the brain that semi remembers things that are back that far. Yes, something like that. I can't remember, but I just remember Friends then happened and then that's where I went.

[A]

You really fucked up. You chose wrong.

[C]

You think so?

[A]

Oh my God, yes.

[C]

Well, people say regrets.

[A]

I could be interviewing you and I could be going, so you turned down Friends for us. And people would be like, that would.

[B]

Be the saddest story of all.

[C]

It all works out.

[B]

Ultimately, everything works out.

[C]

Everything is sort of meant to be.

[B]

Do you think that in the middle when something is bad currently, are you like it's gonna work out? Are you positive that way?

[C]

Well, you have to be.

[B]

It's hard.

[C]

It's hard. But you have to then consciously turn towards what's positive. I mean, I feel like a broken record. We're not designed to take in this much information. It's our brains. We're not designed that way. There's way too much information from all over the world within a blip of a second. Every single bit of information. No wonder mental illness is through the roof. And anxiety. This is a different time.

[A]

I totally agree. Back to the when we lived with a hundred other people our entire life.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

You probably would never even hear about a murder your whole existence. Or maybe there'd be one and you can hear about Hundreds of murders a day. There might be one natural disaster in your lifetime here. You'll hear about all of them. You're so right. We don't have the capacity for it.

[C]

We don't?

[A]

No, we think we do. We have this arrogance like, oh, I can handle all of them. I can watch news all fucking day long and not be affected. I don't think that's true.

[C]

I would rather live in. Ignorance is bliss.

[B]

I understand that.

[C]

I need moments of that.

[A]

Okay. I know you have friends thoughts, so I want to hear that.

[B]

I don't have friends questions, really. I'm just grateful for it. That's it.

[A]

Here's what I wanted to connect the dots on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you didn't have a VCR and you were obsessed with Laverne and Shirley and you used to record audio tapes on cassette tape of the episodes and then listen to just the audio. And I was like, if I've ever heard a Mom, Monica, Padman thing in my fucking life.

[B]

Oh, we have some real crossover. I VHS taped every episode of Friends. This is before the DVDs. And I had a whole color coded system. You did? Yeah, where like each season was a color and I would write the episode on the tape in the right color. Then there was these pictures with the number of the tape and I had 32 tapes. And, you know, the finale was the day before an AP exam and. Fuck the AP exam.

[C]

What did you do?

[B]

Horrible, because I had to watch. You guys were on something after Leno, maybe. And then Oprah the next day.

[C]

I don't remember.

[B]

I had to tape it all and I didn't study. Why would I study? The most important thing.

[A]

This is once in a lifetime.

[B]

Exactly. Exactly. So I probably failed that test.

[C]

I feel like owe you an apology.

[B]

No, you know what? It all worked out.

[A]

You're welcome.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That's the highlight of her.

[B]

It was everything to me.

[C]

That's so.

[B]

It was such an escape. I was thinking about it recently. Recently, because I was like, what? I have so many reasons why, but one is we don't have comedies like that anymore. We don't have shows like that where you do kind of know it's gonna work out, even though you know there's stakes. I'm not saying there's not, but it is going to work out. And it makes you feel safe and it brings hope. My favorite shows now don't have hope. I love them, but they're scary and you don't know if it's gonna work.

[A]

The best shows are the Ones where, like, they might kill the lead character and you're like, fuck, I'm on pins and needles.

[B]

Yes. The anxiety is at a deep Game.

[A]

Of Thrones of it all.

[C]

So true.

[B]

It's the opposite of what that was, which is just reassurance.

[C]

They can't hurt a friend. They were never going to hurt one of the.

[A]

They won't kill one of the friends.

[C]

Kill one of the friends hit by a cab.

[B]

And when you're like a teenager, you don't know what's going to happen. Everything's scary. People are going to make fun of you. But this is a constant. I can't really explain how important it is with words, but I'm grateful.

[C]

I can feel. I love that. I wish you could have come to a taping.

[B]

I had a recurring dream that you guys got back together and then I went to a taping. And so for a while I was like, I think I went to it.

[C]

I think I saw.

[B]

I think. And then it was just. Crazy dream.

[C]

Come to the reunion.

[B]

That was here, right? You were here, I was here. It was perfect. I didn't need to do that. And here we are.

[A]

We just were with somebody, Krista and I, and we were discussing this exact.

[C]

Obsessed with her show, by the way.

[A]

Oh, what a kiss. Have you ever seen a better kiss?

[C]

No.

[A]

On television?

[C]

No.

[A]

Maybe you had some, but I might have missed your.

[C]

No, none of us. I don't think anyone on the planet Earth. I also, like. Was it the putting down of the cups and all of the things? Like there's some hands on the kiss. So beautiful. It was just this foreplay.

[A]

It was a set piece.

[C]

Yeah, it was a.

[A]

Like, it was a kiss that was actually. They took the time. They made it like a set piece. It built, built, built, built. I'm gonna fucking die if they don't kiss. They fucking kiss it and it's great. Ye. Yeah. It was so good.

[B]

I guess that's excited for them. That's the closest to that feeling right now. Just like it's probably going to be okay.

[C]

It felt good. We needed that. I binged it. I don't binge things. And I could not get. I'm also so happy for my friend Aaron. Sarah as well. It's great. Happy for everybody.

[A]

Yeah. They created a cultural phenomenon their first time at bat. It's incredible.

[C]

Thank her for that.

[A]

I only had one single question about your movie career, which is. Is Bruce Almighty? Oh. Mega hit of a lifetime.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What is it like acting on the other side of Jim Carrey does it rattle your own sense of reality. And, like, what is the experience? Because he is pulling off something that is the most heightened we've ever seen, and he is landing it. I just can't really imagine what it's like being opposite of that.

[C]

He's a big kid at that point. It's quite, quite enjoyable. You would think it's gonna be. You're like, what do I do? How do I keep up? We just had fun. We just volleyed.

[A]

And you never had the sense you were leaving your own tone.

[C]

No, because I was the grounding. He's sort of the whirling, that guy. I can't remember his name. Wasn't Bruce, was it? Bruce?

[A]

It should be.

[B]

I think it was.

[A]

You would hope Bruce Almighty.

[B]

I hope so.

[C]

I really hope.

[A]

I don't know either, but I'm doing reversing engineering.

[C]

Not like God's name was Bruce.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Yeah. I think it was Bruce.

[C]

Bruce. When you say Bruce right now, it's like, why would you name a character Bruce?

[A]

He does not read as a Bruce.

[C]

No, he doesn't read in my memory as a Bruce.

[A]

No, he was Jim probably the whole time. Yeah.

[B]

And then there was Evan Almighty, and Evan Almighty was Steve, so he must have been Evan. If we're putting the pieces together, it's.

[A]

Even more proof that his name was Bruce.

[C]

Sorry, Jim.

[A]

I did the math on this, and I want people to think about this for one second. So I was reading this article that you were in, and they had done the research. This is not my research. And they had said, cumulatively, 2,000 tabloid covers, like, that's the total number of tabloid covers. And I did the math, which is.

[B]

Who loves math?

[A]

I do. I love math.

[C]

See, I failed. Terrible.

[A]

Let me hold your hand. And while you do this math, I.

[C]

Don'T give a math to help me. And I'd be like, gosh, can you just figure this out?

[A]

I just asked for a washer and dryer. Was that financial? Am I winning on this because he got a Ferrari? I don't know what model number, but are they comparable?

[C]

GE washer and dryer.

[A]

Oh. 2000 tabloid covers is a tabloid cover every single day for the next 5.47 years.

[C]

I'm sorry. So sorry.

[A]

I just want people to think about what that experience would be that there's a tabloid cover of you every day until 2030.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's so out of this world. Bonkers.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And you said to that when they hit you with that number, you said, yeah, I took it all very personally.

[C]

Of Course I did. I don't know why. I mean, of course I know why. Because I was a kid growing up, I'd look at those covers and I'd be like, really? Is that true?

[A]

A Helen and a hair boy had a child.

[B]

A what?

[A]

An alien and a hair boy. Wasn't there always, like a hairy boy on those? Yes.

[C]

Like, oh, he's like a Sasquatch kind of a thing.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Maybe he's a monkey boy or he's.

[C]

Yeah, something. That's so funny.

[B]

I think there's a generation now that doesn't understand tabloids.

[C]

It's Instagram now. Or is it? I guess it's the Internet. Way more people allowed access to participate in it.

[A]

Not only is the COVID there, but then we get to hear what everyone's takeaway from the COVID was.

[C]

It used to be that there would be a week or two weeks later that you'd open the first two pages and it would be like, letters from readers. Five little letters of what they thought. Someone would be like, meow, snark. And then there was one that was like, loved it.

[A]

Loved it.

[C]

And I'm like, hated.

[A]

Hated it.

[C]

But it would only be, like, a couple.

[A]

It went through some filter. Like, they're not gonna let something insanely misogynistic land in that letters to the editor.

[C]

Right.

[B]

But in some ways it was worse because that's the only way people were getting this salacious information was the tabloids. Now there's a new thing every 45 seconds. So, like, you could be in an article, article. But then tomorrow you're not going to be in an article, Something else is going to wash it away.

[C]

AI is going to come in, and then it's not even you saying things exactly.

[A]

Like, there was a tabloid story about Chris and I, that we were swingers. And I don't think people even remember that we were swingers.

[C]

That's not true.

[A]

It's not true. We could perhaps, under the right circumstance.

[B]

You know, you could send a letter.

[A]

And they can have a very open dialogue about that if the right participants presented themselves.

[C]

But see, that's such a headline that you go, that's so ridiculous.

[A]

But yours were too. Oh, yeah.

[C]

No, it's true. It's very true.

[A]

I thought yours were more ridiculous. Did you ever consider. Because you have the leverage, I want to say we are both so fucking grateful you're doing this. I think it's nothing but high risk for you. You don't need any press, and we both really appreciate it.

[B]

It's such an Honor.

[A]

But did you ever consider. Consider I'm just never gonna do press again. I'm gonna go act in things and they can pay me whatever reduced amount for not promoting it. If you had those debates with yourself, you have.

[B]

Right? Ask him all the time.

[C]

All the time.

[A]

Don't fucking bring this up.

[C]

Because I actually love to go into a conversation with people.

[A]

That's the sad part. Right? Yeah.

[C]

I love it. I love this. I love watching you. I love listening to you. I enjoy it. I find it interesting. This is safe. Do I get nervous? Obviously. That's just because I.

[A]

Well. And you've been fucking burned.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Like you've earned some apprehension.

[C]

There's little to cover. There's things that get even. Recently, something came out. Referring to a question that was asked about the Met Ball. Why haven't you been to the Met Ball? The answer was simply, I don't know. It intimidates me. It's not my thing, period. That was all. But an elaborate answer was created out of it. Things will always get misconstrued. But I always go into a conversation really happy to have the conversation.

[B]

And.

[C]

And it used to be even more so because I hadn't been burned. And when we say burned, it just means the writer's doing their job to make it more interesting. I don't think they're intentionally trying to do something.

[B]

That's generous of you.

[A]

Yeah, that's generous.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because they are. They're trying to get clicks. I mean, it is their job. It is how they get paid.

[C]

Also to make me sound a little more interesting than. No, I don't like it. Then you're like, that's the answer.

[B]

But what's the gossipy part of this? Like, that's what they want.

[A]

Did you ever go into sky places?

[C]

No.

[A]

You haven't?

[C]

No.

[A]

Have you ever considered that hat, glasses, scarves. That doesn't cut it though.

[C]

No. You mean like when they put an actual mask on?

[A]

Well. So Mila and Ashton told me they bought a piece of shit car.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Like a $1200 car. And they had masks. And they'd send their real car out with a friend. They'd drive in the Pop res and then they get in this clunker and drive on. I was like, this is incredible.

[C]

And would they go out into the night or have a taste?

[A]

I think they just needed to leave their neighbor and not get followed. And then I assume the mask. I doubt they went to El Chorito and ate the whole meal with masks on.

[C]

That's a bummer that they didn't do that. I've done all sorts of things. I remember wanting to write a book called Stories from the Floorboard where I'm getting in the backseat of cars and just sort of maneuvering through and then switching out and getting to a different car. I've done that.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. I have a pitch for you. Would you like to go to Burning man with me? No. Yep.

[B]

Correct answer. That is the correct answer.

[C]

I didn't hear the rest of the question. Sorry. Go on, finish your question.

[A]

And I don't think it's worthwhile.

[C]

I want to die near the rest of it.

[A]

Because you can go to Burning man in feathers. You could be an ostrich and I could be a donkey.

[C]

Right.

[A]

We could mill about and we could see all the art. You could be completely anonymous.

[C]

Yeah. And everybody else is just like on all sorts of drugs, so they won't even know what's happening.

[A]

You get those street smarts, the walking home from Jackson Hole. All that would come up. That comes back.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

Do you go to Burning Man?

[A]

No, but I want. I think it's gonna be my New year's resolution for 2026.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I have a lot of friends who I trust deeply and I value their.

[C]

Opinion and they love it.

[A]

My friend Joy Bryant in particular, she's like, you can't miss it if you're on planet Earth. You must go see this. She's like, the art is insane. The things that are happening are wild. You can kind of pick what experience you want. There's a lot of different camps you can be in, and they vary in extremeness. So that's a thing I would love to see.

[C]

Why haven't you done it?

[A]

I don't think I had been pitched so full heartedly by this very trusted source.

[C]

I got you.

[A]

And now I'm like, yeah, you're damn right. I don't want to leave this planet without having seen that spectacle. Have I intrigued you at all?

[C]

No, no. Only cause my friend group, my girls and their husbands have gone many times. They went 12, 15 years straight. So I've seen the photos, I've seen the videos, I've heard the stories. And I just go. I just don't think I could.

[B]

Not for me.

[A]

That's fair.

[C]

I also don't love crowds.

[B]

Yes, understandably.

[C]

But since I was a K, I don't like crowds. That's just. I don't know what that is.

[B]

Are you the type that can be peer pressured or are you like, I made my decision.

[C]

I'm Pretty. No. Cut and dry. I can think about it. But no, I would never be peer pressured.

[B]

Okay. About the tabloids because of all this and because everyone in your business and there was a lot of public information. How do you feel about being pitied?

[C]

Hate it.

[B]

Yeah. There's been so much pity towards you over the years and it feels so unfair. It's like, shh. She seems good.

[C]

I really just like it a lot. Hate is such a strong word. It's exhausting.

[A]

That's my most hated. So, you know, like if someone pities me, like, so you think I'm weak, that's my number one being labeled the poor anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

No point in even trying to rewrite it. Cause that's just stuck. Yeah.

[A]

That's the role they assigned you. And that's what it is.

[C]

Probably not much to really undo that. And that's okay.

[A]

Yeah. Stay tuned for more armchair experts if you dare. We are supported by Peloton. Listen, as someone who's spent way too much time trying to figure out if my form is garbage by watching myself in gym mirrors, I'm legitimately blown away by the new Peloton Cross training Tread plus. This beast is powered by Peloton IQ with a movement tracking camera that corrects you in real time. It counts your reps, corrects your form and tells you exactly which way you to grab. Finally, technology that stops me from ego lifting and actually helps me get stronger. The screen does a swivel move, transforming from tread to full on fitness studio in seconds. One minute you're crushing a run, next minute you're flowing through a pilates session. Zero awkward transitions. My absolute favorite feature, Peloton IQ creates a personalized workout roadmap just for you. It recommends weekly classes designed to help you crush your goals, whatever they may be. With Peloton's lineup of instructors, there's someone for every mood and vibe. Whether you're feeling like you need need a drill sergeant or a chill yoga instructor, they've got you covered. It's all about moving with intention towards your next breakthrough on your terms. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go explore the new peloton cross training tread plus. @1peloton.com we are supported by T Mobile 5G Home Internet. Like everyone, Home Internet is our life. And there's nothing worse than when it slows down.

[B]

Oh, I know. Especially when you're doing something important like editing this show.

[A]

Well, actually, there's one worse thing. Waiting around all day for the cable guy to show up to install it.

[B]

I want those five hours back.

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Fortunately, T Mobile's got home Internet. They have fast speeds and it sets up easily in 15 minutes with just one cord.

[B]

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[A]

Hey, we were first in on T Mobile's home Internet. We were using it up in the attic.

[B]

Yeah. If you recall, it powers this very show.

[A]

Yes, it's so reliable. And when you've got a podcast full of valuable insights about human nature and poop jokes, you need that.

[B]

We all need that.

[A]

Oh, and the low price is guaranteed for 5 years.

[B]

5 years. Gotta respect to LTR.

[A]

Guarantees monthly price of fixed wireless 5G Internet. Data exclusions like taxes and fees applies. Service delivered via 5G network speeds vary due to factor affecting cellular networks. Check availability and guarantee exclusions and [e-mail] home home Internet we are supported by Lenovo. You know, as someone who's constantly juggling creative projects, I've been thinking a lot about how AI is changing the game. It's exciting, but also a little intimidating. Right. That's why I'm pretty stoked about what Lenovo's doing. Here's the thing. These aren't just computers. They're like creative partners that actually learn from you. It's wild. The more you use it, the more it adapts to your style and product preferences. I'll be honest, I'm that guy who always has a million tabs open and is constantly hunting for an outlet. But these PCs get me. They manage my chaos, keep things running smoothly, and somehow don't die on me mid podcast. What I love most is that they're not trying to replace my creativity, they're amplifying it. Whether I'm brainstorming ideas for the show or editing our latest episode, they enhance my process, not take over. Lenovo AI PCs with the Intel Core Ultra processor. That's the power of intel inside. It's like having a supercharged brain working alongside your own. Learn more about Lenovo AI PCs at lenovo.com ai4u Trust me, your creative self will thank you. So over the years, you took it really personal. Do you think you have transcended that or still a little bit like, let's say at its height, it was a 10.

[C]

Oh, yeah, 10 bummed you on. I was just so upset. I mean, I would always take how did this happen? Or how did. Because if they give you the heads up, you're like, that's just not true. At this point, I just don't pay attention. And I realize it doesn't matter. We're still here. I love my work. I do my job. I have a gorgeous, stunning group of friends that know who I am, and that's all that really matters.

[A]

I like your group of friends. I was learning about your group of friends in my research.

[C]

A lot of crossovers.

[A]

We do have a lot of crossovers with the Batemans. Amanda, Jason, Jimmy, Molly. Jimmy, Molly. But the two I like, that I learned about was. I admire Gwyneth Paltrow so much. I think she's such a badass. I just think she's so cool.

[C]

She's the epitome of I don't care.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I love you so much. Take a page out of her book. She's a really good person to look to for that sort of. Who said it? Who cares?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Ask yourself, is that true?

[A]

Right. Right.

[C]

Or even before they would say it, is it true? First thing I would say is that actual fact.

[A]

Right?

[B]

No.

[C]

So then what's the problem? The problem is this other part of my brain that so wants to be the. Get off.

[B]

I know. I know those little two voices.

[A]

Well, I have. The thing that'll trap me is I'm stubborn to the point where, like, even the going to the Burning man thing, it's like I refuse to not be able to do the things I want to do.

[C]

Is that increased as you've gotten older?

[A]

I think it came out that way.

[C]

It came out that way. Has that lessened at all? Have you sort of relaxed out of it? In terms of I should not be so stubborn. I should be a little more flexible.

[A]

I've had to, because I am in a family, and I have these two little girls who have an opinion. They're stubborn as fuck. There's not enough room for another one of us to be stubborn. Kristen's very stubborn. I'm very stubborn. Because he hassle. And now. Now we've got two other stubborn people in the house. And so, Chris, I think both were like, okay, well, one of the variables has to change in this equation. It's certainly not gonna be these little kids. So I think that has definitely helped me get over some of it.

[C]

What's your sign?

[A]

Could you guess?

[C]

I would say Taurus.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Or Virgo.

[A]

I'm Capricorn.

[C]

Or Capricorn.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's very, very Capricorn.

[A]

To Capricorn. Monica might argue.

[B]

I didn't say that. Stop putting things on me.

[C]

What are you.

[B]

What do I feel like?

[C]

You're like a Pisces or a Gemini.

[B]

No, I am not water. I'm a Virgo.

[A]

Virgo.

[B]

I'm a double Virgo.

[C]

Double Virgo. Particular. Are you. Do you see things out of the corner of your eye and you just want to move it?

[B]

Definitely. What are you? Oh, February.

[C]

I'm like. I'm an Aquarian. Aquarius.

[B]

I think that's what my dad is. I have. We're talking about kids, and this might be a. No. No. But I'm curious.

[A]

Hit it.

[C]

You can ask me anything.

[B]

Okay. I froze my eggs twice. It went very badly. I did a podcast about it. It was following the journey. It was a whole thing. And I'm 38 and I am single, and I'm feeling like time to start making some big decisions. It kind of feels like now or never.

[C]

Ish.

[B]

To even try with some of those eggs. And I'm starting to just feel like I think it's never.

[C]

And why? Because. Can I ask you a bigger question?

[B]

Yes, please.

[C]

Are you doing that? The freezing?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Have you always wanted children?

[B]

I've always not known if you wanted them. Yes. So it's not like we had Chelsea on that podcast, Chelsea Handler, who I know we both love. And she's kind of always been like, no, I don't.

[C]

It's very cut and dry. Nope. Not my thing.

[B]

I respect it, and I wish I had that. Cause it's not that it's very much like, oh, I'm very close with their kids, and it's like, oh, my God. To have one of these that's mine. You know, you get kind of wrapped up in it. But also, my life is also very full. What you just said about all your friends and your life, I have the same thing. So it kind of feels like maybe it's okay that I don't. You've said you're on the other side of that, and I wonder if there's peace there.

[C]

Oh, it's so peaceful. But I will say there's a point where it's like, it's out of my control. There's literally nothing I can do about it. When people say, but you can adopt. I don't want to adopt.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I want my own DNA. In a little person. That's the only way. Selfish or not, whatever that is, I wanted it. But is there the moments of. Well, this goes around into. It's probably a topic I don't really want to discuss. But when you meet someone and you go, God, we would have made some good kids.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

[C]

So that might come up, and then that'll pass within three seconds. Right?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Right.

[C]

And you're like, but, but guess what?

[A]

You'll plan a trip to Mexico. Yeah. You'll be on that trip.

[C]

Just take a look at that vacation from five minutes. And you're like, oh, good night.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

See you later.

[C]

What are we gonna watch? Yes. It's a romanticizing. But once you are on the other side of it because it's out of your control. Just wasn't in the plan. Whatever the plan was.

[B]

Exactly. I do think some people, though, can't let it go. Let it go. I worry. I guess that would be me.

[C]

Come over and I'll help you let it go.

[B]

Okay. I'll take that invite.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

It's a lot.

[C]

It is a lot. And by the way, it's very emotional. Especially in the moment when they say that's it. Because there is a weird moment when that happens.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's getting too dark for this podcast.

[A]

No, no, no.

[C]

But it's like there's a moment when it's actually. Oh, yeah, this is not even viable.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

So.

[A]

Oh, that's probably a blessing and a curse. It probably hurts really bad. And then probably you move into acceptance mode and it probably is liberating on the other side.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Last personal question. And then we're getting into morning show. How many dogs do you have?

[C]

Two.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. That's nothing.

[C]

I had three. Well, I've had three at a time and I have two. And then there might, you know, there's.

[A]

Yeah. And Claudio takes a bite out of life.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Claudio is a very cute book. Yes, yes. And it's about finding your passion and your fun.

[C]

That's right. It's my contribution as a dog mom and a mother. Whether dog to human, but to the children's book world.

[A]

I know you don't read anything, but.

[C]

I do hope you that book I can read.

[A]

No, no, no, no. That book to read it to you.

[C]

And there is an I can read book that's also coming out that's really good. About a neighborhood cat.

[A]

Wait. Is a forthcoming book.

[C]

It'll be the third. Yeah. Super cute.

[A]

I know you're not consuming what's out there in the world, but I kind of do hope the comments Bateman has made recently about your contribution to his kids lives. I hope that filtered through to you.

[B]

So sweet. She said you're like a coma.

[C]

I know. Really beautiful. It's the sweetest thing. And those kids were. Since that like. And now she's in my bikinis, like really working them. And you're just like, oh my God, why am I Having an issue with this.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Her first vacation, she was going on a trip to Italy with all these kids by themselves. And I was like, did they pack condoms?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But they both looked at me like, why? I'm like, are you kidding? Kidding.

[A]

Yeah. Pull your head out of the sand. Italy.

[B]

Your bikini.

[C]

Have you seen.

[B]

Oh, my God. It's because the kids are such an active reminder of time. It's so wild. Like, it's easy as adults to forget that it's moving, but they don't let you forget.

[C]

No. And they can just chill out.

[B]

I know. We love that they take a break.

[C]

Down a little bit.

[A]

Yeah. Pump the brakes. Just.

[C]

How old are. Are yours?

[A]

10 and 12. Yeah. Okay. Morning Show. Okay. Season four of Morning Show. I'm caught up. I'm waiting. Tomorrow I'll get another installment. You're dealing with a tough one. You go to interview this athlete. Oh, they were.

[C]

You're in the first episode. Yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yes. And then the father puts in your hand this piece of paper that says, we want to defect. They're in town for the Olympics. And you're like, I got to help. How would you not? But you don't know that, really. He wants to defect because he's a nuclear engineer in Iran. So now this is a very big geopolitical.

[C]

That was a little baiting switch.

[A]

It was. He did a little bit misled you.

[C]

A little bit of a mislead there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Just goes to show you pause and think about things.

[A]

Sure. Before you just again, pump the brakes.

[C]

Pump it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, now, wait till you see what happens.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

Oh, boy. This show's scary. It keeps predicting things that happen that are very bad.

[C]

I know. Which.

[A]

What? Tell me.

[B]

All of it. Also, the space ladies predicted.

[C]

Oh, well, that was.

[B]

That wasn't very bad.

[C]

That was the billionaire in the rocket ships. And then there was the cruise with a mysterious virus. That was the end of the first season. I mean, there's all sorts. There were others.

[B]

I'm blanking.

[A]

Well, it rides this line of, like, it's very much tackling the issues that are happening in pop culture, and yet it's also fiction. And then so people are trying to connect dots that don't connect.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Which would kind of drive me nuts if I were you. Like, you were dating John Hamm, and he was a billionaire who went to rug, so. Because people are like, oh, that's Elon Musk. And you're like, my character would fucking take it. Still. It's not. And Then you've gone too far.

[C]

That's Jon Hamm playing a billionaire.

[A]

Yes. But your character, I mean, it's not hard at all to draw the parallel between you and the character in that you're an incredibly powerful woman and you are navigating still what is still a very male world. Right.

[C]

The challenges being a woman in the very male dominated world and dealing with public perception, the private world that's going on behind, behind the scenes, the price.

[A]

That you can't help but pay, the.

[C]

Drive to get what it is, you know, you have the ability that you can do. I am capable of this. Women are capable of this.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So when you've seen these scripts come in, are you so excited in that? Like, yeah, I can't wait to shine a light on this. Or are you like, this is a little too close. I don't want it to be so me. What's that balance?

[C]

I don't look at it that way, actually. I do look at it in a way of women need to know that they are able to be in positions of power. It has happened and it will keep happening. And this is a version of that happening. And I love to represent that as an idea that you can strive for.

[A]

I guess a better question would be, where are they parallel and where do they diverge?

[C]

I'm not as angry, I'm not as cutthroat. Fearless.

[B]

Interesting.

[C]

I don't think I am as cutthroat. There's a very alive and well, people pleaser inside of me that would love to make more swings at something than.

[A]

I do the other. Fun real life parallel is. It's a show about two women and it's about two women who are both sharing power in a very finite vacuum of power that's available. And the show itself is a breakthrough in that you have you and Rhys, who conventionally would only have your own show and probably be pitted against each other, deciding to come together and be like, no, no, there's room for both of us here and the pot's big enough for both. Both of us. How did that come about?

[C]

We both believe that, that there's room for all of us.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Actresses should not be pitted against each other. Cuz there's opportunity and it's only increasing.

[A]

Forgive the example, but it's like Ocean's Eleven. No one said like, well, there's no way we can do it. They're all too big. How will we pay them?

[C]

All right, right, Exactly.

[A]

That was fine. We're like, oh, we'll figure it out. Because we want to see this.

[C]

And they did figure it out.

[A]

They figured out trying to remember what they did.

[C]

They might have done it a couple times.

[B]

Just one or two or three times.

[C]

I think there was only one female version of that. Exactly. We haven't seen that.

[A]

Again, who approached who?

[C]

Michael Ellenberg approached us both with the book.

[A]

Were you friends prior to that?

[B]

Yes, she was on Friends.

[A]

Oh, I don't. Oh, no, I do know that because you guys interviewed each other.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

It was a battle of the blue eyes. I was like, whose eyes are bluer in this interview? My fucking.

[C]

Depending on who got the better light. Hers are really beautiful blue balls.

[A]

No one was suffering in the blue eyes compartment. And that. It was like, test your friendship. This is very telling.

[C]

Well, that's the other thing. We're friends, we know each other, but we don't wake up together.

[A]

Right, right, right, right.

[C]

Not bringing her coffee in bed. I felt terrible.

[B]

She doesn't even live here.

[C]

No. She really left all of us.

[B]

Yeah. She abandoned us.

[C]

She abandoned us.

[A]

She's our neighbor now, actually.

[C]

She is.

[A]

Yeah. Tennessee. See, but she's a special gal. Right? I love her.

[C]

She is a spitfire. She works harder than anyone.

[A]

She's Tracy Flick to some degree.

[C]

So. Tracy Flick, she'll be the first one to say that.

[B]

She.

[C]

She is fearless. She will speak her mind. She's the sponge, for sure.

[A]

Yeah. How are you guys? Yin and yangy.

[C]

She loves to read and learn and probably ace tests and work, work, work, work, work. And I wanna go outside and lay in the sun and listen to a podcast, talk to a group of girlfriends, group of friends, have a barbecue, talk about what's going on, listen to another podcast and then go the to work on Monday. I don't know if I could say I'm a little more laid back.

[A]

That's okay.

[B]

We'll see how they. How they compare.

[A]

It'll be interesting in a couple weeks.

[C]

Oh, God.

[A]

We'll ask her. We'll see if this matches up.

[B]

She agrees.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You said that you know your value at work, though. You said, I know my value when it comes to career. Do you feel that about the other places in your life at this point?

[C]

I do. That's good. I do.

[A]

Do you hear? She's like, I'm not going to Burning man with you. Yeah. Easily. That was. She's like, you. I don't hurt your feelings. I don't know what fantasy you've cooked up where we're going. I.

[C]

By the way, I'm psyched for you because you are Going to have a good time since you are dying to go.

[A]

I'm built for chaos. It arouses me.

[C]

Okay, good.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Oh, did I say bring a medical kit?

[A]

Someone will have one. You.

[C]

No, they won't.

[B]

They're all on drugs, so they probably.

[A]

Please bring medical, but they won't be able to find it.

[C]

Oh, no phone that you will know you can use. What do they call them? Satellite.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Satellite.

[A]

Okay. I'll bring a sat phone if that makes you.

[C]

That will make me feel much better.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Because I won't tell you the other stories of other friends.

[A]

So, sure, a lot of things go down, but I think it can be.

[B]

Tricky, though, because if you have such a big career, you can say, well, maybe that's why some of these other things haven't worked out for me the way I went. I think that all the time I'm like, well, I have this. So I won the lottery in this area, so maybe I don't get these other things. I don't think that's the smart way of thinking. But yeah. I wonder if you've experienced that.

[C]

Oh, sure. Knowing your Val, it's kind of like, you know what you know and you know what you don't know. Right. I know where I excel. Are there parts of me that wish and want to be in some of these other areas of the business? Absolutely. Doing other kinds of movies. Absolutely. Working with certain other directors. Absolutely.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I also find that to be the fun of still being excited about, like, I'm gonna go make that happen. You know, we're not done. We're not like, eh, this is where we coast now.

[A]

We had Jennette McCurdy on to talk about. I'm glad my mom's dead.

[C]

Yeah, I'm glad my mom died.

[A]

Yeah, I'm glad my mom died. I think that's a brave role to sign up for is what I wanted to say.

[C]

Oh, yes. First of all, Jeanette is so lovely.

[A]

We fell so in love with her. It's great.

[C]

Isn't she just so. And clever and smart?

[A]

She's unbelievably smart.

[C]

And the way she channeled that life into that book, so admirable and with that humor and sort of the wink in the midst of a lot of pain and suffering. So she's remarkable. And I can't wait to start playing that part. It's been almost two years now that we've had it, and I started prep end of the summer. So that's a character that gets me nervous.

[A]

Oh, yes. That's why I'm so excited about it. Like I said, it's a very, very brave. Yeah, it's out of the comfort zone.

[C]

If a job is making me nervous, it means it's something, obviously that I know will challenge me. Not that the others aren't challenging. I mean, certain comedy is super fun, and I've done that for so long.

[A]

But it's okay that that's easier.

[C]

Comes easier.

[A]

I've been practicing being a clown from the get go. Yeah.

[C]

It was ourselves. It's what helped us grow up without dying inside.

[A]

Yes. Right.

[C]

Make people laugh. Then you're like, oh, bring joy. That's a good way to ease it. Regulate, be happy. So playing that woman, because Jeanette's mom and my mom had some odd parallels. So it'll be cathartic in many, many ways. And we just couldn't believe the amount of stories that we had in common.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's an important story to tell, and it'll help a lot of young kids. Just parents, adults. Processed life that they've lived.

[A]

Okay, I saved this as the last thing I want to say to you because I don't think you're going to. I have to imagine you two have found yourself in these conversations. They're very fun. It's like you're sitting around with a bunch of other actors, and cumulatively, we've met nearly everybody in the business, and you kind of go like, who's magic on screen? That in real life is magic. Like, you're working with the perfect example, which is Billy Crudo. I'm like, oh, this motherfucker. Off screen, there's only one adjective for that guy. It's magic.

[C]

He is pure magic and committed because he really lives up to it. Like, if you looked up thespian in the dictionary, you would see Billy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

There's nothing that matters more to him than the work.

[A]

For 10 years now.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Every time this conversation comes up, I always, always say the person that just completely blew my mind is, I thought Jennifer Aniston was hot on screen.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And then I saw her in real life, and I was like, oh, my gosh. She's like the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I've said this 150 times. I think I've said it on here before.

[C]

That's so sweet.

[A]

I just think you're so overwhelmingly beautiful in real life. You're my anxiety example. I always give 100% of the time.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. I don't even know what to say. I'm so blushy. I'm back to the couch.

[B]

Now you're blushy. I'm so impressed. You're so humble. Because how many people have said that you are the most beautiful person? I mean, everyone says, I don't think.

[C]

We ever look at ourselves and feel that way.

[B]

You know what I mean? That's interesting, though. I think that'd be interesting for people. You are still blushing hearing that.

[C]

Still blushing hearing that. You said, friends, you had a color coordinated thing. And I'm like, I want to cry. And I'm still going, wow, what that means.

[B]

Your ego is so correct. And it did not have to be. You could be so off on another planet. And I think most people in your position probably you could have been like.

[A]

No, dude, get in line.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You're like, yeah, everybody, I agree.

[B]

I've been told before and I agree.

[A]

I've agreed with you about today.

[C]

I thought you were going to say to me, who is the person? And I was like going like, oh, my God, no.

[A]

But you and I, at dinner, we. We know, we know.

[C]

I can't wait to have dinner with you again to tell you more.

[A]

We know. We know. Yeah. And you'll forever be my example. Your doors. I adore you. I'm so, so grateful you came.

[C]

Jackson and I want to.

[A]

Of course, Monica, if there's anything.

[C]

Your letter moved me so much. It really did for the listener.

[B]

I did send a love letter via Molly McNerney. Big shout out, Molly.

[C]

Yay malls.

[B]

Love her so much. And she did send it to you. And then I got an email from Stephen the next day and it was right before my birthday and I was like, happy birthday to me. What a special.

[C]

Special. I'm so glad that timing happened.

[B]

I know. It was perfect.

[A]

Yeah. Very cool of you for reading Moni's letter and then coming. I think that's so sweet.

[C]

And you know, these are not my. I don't.

[B]

You don't do it well.

[C]

I go, what do I have to talk about? I don't have nothing to say. But this was so fun. We had so much fun. I felt like I had a really great conversation with two people. I adore.

[A]

This was so wonderful. Everyone watch. Morning show is out. Currently it's on Apple TV. It goes to November 19th, so if you're not caught up, binge. And I adore you. Thanks for coming.

[C]

Adore you too. Thank you. So fun.

[A]

I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out. When my mom, Mrs. Monica comes in and tells us what was wrong. New merch coming while you're already in it. Yeah, limited edition.

[B]

When I really. So we're working with the new like company and it's really good quality.

[A]

You're liking the quality a lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't wait to pop some on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that the only color it comes in?

[B]

This one? Yeah, but we have other stuff too.

[A]

Great. And you got some enormous Stonewash jeans on with patchwork.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I think those are new. I haven't seen seen those yet. What? I've worn them to this show. I mean, you worn them in real life?

[B]

I think I've worn them to this show. I have to replace. I sometimes have to wear the same clothes twice, you know.

[A]

Sometimes. Yeah, yeah, we're on different trajectories. Like I, I put on a pair of pants and I wear them for about eight days.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

And then I switch pants.

[B]

Now do they start to smell?

[A]

No.

[B]

You sure?

[A]

The smell.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

How many days have you worn those?

[A]

Well, to be fair, I washed these when we got back to Nashville after our motorcycle trip. Cuz I was about to say these have a thousand miles of open air road on them.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I did wash them a few.

[B]

Days ago traveling them yesterday.

[A]

Yeah. All right, all right.

[B]

Pu.

[A]

Oh come on on now.

[B]

I'm just kidding. There's no way they don't smell.

[A]

They don't smell. I did have my prostate exam in this morning.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

Well, I wasn't expecting this, but I had a follow up appointment with my primary caregiver.

[B]

Internist.

[A]

My internist. That's right. And I thought I was just going to chat and then I gave some more blood and some more yawn. And then he said, okay, why don't you drop your slacks and turn on your your side. Yeah, I want to feel your prostate.

[B]

And did you say, I know you want to, but do you need to?

[A]

No, I just comply.

[B]

Oh my God. You never do that.

[A]

Well at the doctor I tend to. Wow. Although that's not true. No. Because he wanted me to get a flu vaccine. He said, no thanks. But then he said, what about the pneumonoma cockamoma panonia vaccine? I said, sure, I'll take that one.

[B]

Pneumonia?

[A]

Yeah, the pneumococcal.

[B]

Pneumococcal pneumonia. Pneumococcal, pneumococcal.

[A]

Go guys. Why?

[B]

I know not everyone has a hard.

[A]

Time with it though, but Huey and I were just lamenting about this. Why do all these prescriptions have to have an X, a J, a Z? It's like they're going out of their way to make it difficult in pneumococcal pneumonia.

[B]

I think it's fun. It's like alliteration.

[A]

Okay. Okay. It seems excessively hard for no reason.

[B]

It is a lot.

[A]

What's the goal? To let people know what it is or to, like, flex with how many letters you can put in your hand?

[B]

I don't think it has to be about letting people know what it is. So maybe it's Latin and stuff.

[A]

Okay. Anyway, back to the anyways. Okay. So, yeah, so I did pee. I did give blood. Then he. He went in there and, I mean, I had anxiety, but not for the reason you might think. What do you think my anxiety was during the exam? Him putting his finger poop?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Like, I had gone this morning, but it was not what I wanted because I had.

[B]

So he puts his finger up there.

[A]

Of course. What else is he gonna feel? My process?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

But he didn't even ask me, like, have you had a movement or anything? He just, I guess, assumed I had.

[B]

He shouldn't assume some people don't have regular movement.

[A]

No. And again, I didn't have, like, what I would call a completely satisfactory movement this morning. Anyways, he went in there, I guess there was no obstruct. And he said that my prostate felt tiny and healthy.

[B]

Oh, great. Tiny.

[A]

That's. Generally, that's not a good descriptor, but in this case, it is okay. Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

I just feel like there should be a way to do that without having to stick your finger in there. Like in 2025.

[A]

Although some part of me is like, I love how old school it is. Sometimes it's as old fashioned as that. His finger, My prostate. Yep. That's the right size. Wow. Which I trust more than a gizmo.

[B]

What's a gizmo?

[A]

Oh, like an ultrasound that look through.

[B]

I trust that. Then you have the actual image and it can probably be measured. Yeah, yeah. Just based off his little finger. What if his finger.

[A]

It's like his finger was enlarged and my prostate just smelt. Felt small.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Relative to his.

[B]

Wow. Do you feel violated today?

[A]

No, it was. It was fine.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Was really fine. And then they. He gives you some tissues to wipe your butt with afterwards because there's a lot of jelly.

[C]

Oh, jelly.

[A]

Yeah. Not just like a random butt wipe, but it's a. It's an emasculating or something. Experience to wipe your butt on the side of the table.

[C]

Like.

[A]

You know, it's. It's very vulnerable.

[B]

That image is rough.

[A]

Yeah. Wiping on my side. I felt like a prostitute who had just like, you know, like I was gathering my side.

[B]

Yourself a sex worker?

[A]

No, I felt like a prostitute. I'm not calling other sex workers sex workers. I felt like a prostitute from the 80s.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Wow. Back when they were processed, did you.

[B]

Look at the tissues?

[A]

It was clean as hell. Thank God.

[B]

But you were worried.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Just. You're wiping your cords in front of a doctor. Oh, I know. I'm glad you're having the same reaction.

[B]

He should leave so that you can wipe.

[A]

I'll let you. I'm gonna step out while you wipe. Yeah, that's crazy, too.

[B]

No, it's not. It's. Here, you can wipe. I'm gonna go do one.

[A]

Should be wiping inside out away from a toilet is what the issue for me is. I know wiping happens on a toilet.

[B]

You're right.

[A]

Not like I'm going to bring you to the lobby wipe or I'm going to bring you to this closet.

[B]

Not lobby.

[A]

No.

[B]

He goes to do some, quote, paperwork while you clean.

[A]

While I do paperwork. Well, so anyways, I think that's all good. That's positive.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That the prostate was the normal size.

[B]

Well, actually, I think it's kind of nice that they give you the tissue because when you get like a pap. So smear. Yeah, they. Or when, like, I got my eggs frozen, they like you a lot of ultra. Internal ultra.

[A]

And they lube the hell out of that.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And then you don't get tissue. And so it's all, like, gooey.

[A]

Yeah. It's a jelly, too.

[B]

Yeah. It feels so weird in your underwear. It ties underwear. It does, yeah. Wow.

[A]

Wowzers.

[B]

Oh, my.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You've had quite a morning.

[A]

I've had quite a couple of weeks, but today is my last day of antibiotics, which. Oh, that'.

[C]

Good.

[A]

I'm delighted about.

[B]

Speaking of fingers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I had another hand injury.

[A]

Oh, no. What happened?

[B]

It's not as exciting as my other ones.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But weirdly. Okay. So I get a flower delivery every two weeks. It's like the highlight of my month.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's so exciting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I have two highlights and it's really exciting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they came.

[A]

How long do they last?

[B]

So depends on the flower. Normally a week. But I think these are gonna get me a little longer.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because the stem is like wood.

[A]

Okay. It's a branch.

[B]

Yeah. It's more branch like. And that's good. But also. So you're supposed to cut the ends of all the stems, you know, before you put them in water so that.

[A]

They'Ll leach up the water.

[B]

Yes. And cutting the branches is harder than cutting regular flowers.

[A]

Flowers. Right.

[B]

And I have to use scissors.

[A]

Hacksaw.

[B]

Well, I probably should have because I was using my scissors and like, you know, it was like really hard to cut.

[A]

Yeah. You need pruning shears.

[B]

I have, I have pruning flower ones that are sharper than regular scissors, but they're not for wood. I don't.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Anyway, and I was like squeezing really hard and then all of a sudden I was like, oh, my finger hurts. And I looked and I had this huge, huge hole in my finger and it had a bunch of wood in it.

[A]

Oh, you po. You. You poked yourself with the wooden branch, I guess.

[B]

But it was so deep.

[A]

Yeah. Puncture. My mother always said punctures are the worst.

[B]

Oh, she's right. She would know because she's right, because I, you know, yesterday I realized there's still some wood in there. So I got some out, some more out. But you can see it looks better today.

[A]

Oh, up, up top.

[B]

Yeah, here.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's legit. That's a puncture. My mother would agree that's the worst.

[B]

I hate the way it looks.

[A]

And then you're liable to get an infection with a puncture.

[B]

I know. So I put Neosporin and stuff on it, but. But I didn't do a great job getting. I didn't know what happened. I. I didn't know if I like punctured with the scissors or I punctured with the wood or both or something. I started. Still don't know.

[A]

Let me ask you, did your, Your grandfather, did he. Would he just start bleeding out of his hands all the time? Did you notice that?

[B]

No, he wasn't like. What do they call those? Demons?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Stigmata.

[A]

Stigmato. Yeah. No, not that. Rob, did your grandpa's hands bleed a lot? I mean, I guess a little bit.

[B]

What are you talking.

[A]

I'll tell you what I'm talking about. When you're a man and you. You get old, your. Your skin gets thin.

[B]

Oh, you mean dry and.

[A]

No. And you just like, you bump Nothing. Like, my pop up was always driving with a paper towel wrapped around his hand cuz he had like scuffed it on nothing. And then it's just gushing blood. That's how my dad is now. Your dad's currently that way? Yeah. Well, Aaron and I have been. We've both been noticing that we're heading in that direction where it's just like I always have six or seven cuts on my hands. And it's not like I'm not a machinist. I'm not welding.

[B]

Are you using lotion? No, I think part of it is dry because then it cracks.

[A]

It's not. Dry is not the issue.

[B]

Oh, I can't wait for a dermatologist to weigh in.

[A]

Oh, well, yeah, and I encourage them to. I invite them to. But what Aaron and I were theorizing also, I have a tremendous blister from riding motorcycles.

[B]

Stop trying to see my thunder.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

I am the one with the finger issue.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay.

[B]

Go on.

[A]

Well, no, I can just leave it.

[B]

No, I want to hear about that. I just want to hear about the blister.

[A]

Okay, well, the blister is what's hurting right now currently. Which reminded me.

[B]

Okay. Anyways, I guess it's okay that you talk about the blister because as we learned, it's not as bad as a puncture.

[A]

Punctures are the worst. But we were. We were theorizing, like, let's say that all this medical technology is heading where we think it's heading and that we're going to live to 165. Right. Peptides and stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How thin is the skin going to be? Like, sure, your organs might be good and you might be living, but we were just imagining us at 120, just kind of be like a sieve of leaky blood everywhere just because you're skin. What if they figure everything out except for that your skin's getting thinner and that you're just. You're. You can jog and climb a mountain, but you're gonna bleed a lot. You're gonna be wrapped in a lot of gauze.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. So that's like. People aren't predicting that outcome, but I'm, I'm. I'm theorizing that could be where we're headed.

[B]

I feel like they already have, you know, skin firming ser. Moisturizers and things. Women have been dealing with thin skin for a long time on their neck and yes, your hands and your face and fine lines. So I feel.

[A]

But is there a skin thickener, A pachydermer?

[B]

I mean, like, that's what we need to sell you on that.

[A]

We need to splice in just a little bit of elephant DNA because they're a pachyderm.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Pussy pachydermis and a hippopotamus and a hippopotamus and a rhinoceros.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Back of the. Yeah, we just need a little bit of their DNA. An infusion of their DNA when you hit 130, and that'll really thicken up the skin.

[B]

I mean, as long as it doesn't hurt them, I think it's fine. I mean.

[A]

Well, they're dumping DNA all over the spot. Right. They're just walking it, shedding off. Just gather that.

[B]

Yeah, gather that. Because, I mean, we're already doing salmon sperm facials and stuff, so it feels like this is soon.

[A]

This. Yeah, yeah. Is around the corner.

[B]

But it's just, you know, elephants have such good memories that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't want. What if it has, like, a reverse. What if it has a side effect that, like, now our memories are even better? Yeah, but in a bad way. Like, you only remember the bad stuff.

[A]

Isn't that already what you all are?

[B]

Exactly. So I feel like I don't want more. Actually, that's not true. I remember the good stuff.

[A]

I do, too. But I was having a moment, I think, because we were riding in North Carolina in the whole. The whole reason I even know about Asheville is because I had a stepdad whose parents had retired there. And we went there for a few days on our way to somewhere else, and I fell in love with it. I went to the Piggy's ice cream place. All you can eat, you know, I had the shirt, and I just fell in love and went to Biltmore, set off the alarms. But it's all stemming from Looking Glass Fall, Sliding rock. It's all from that trip. So, of course, while I'm riding through. Through there, I'm thinking how ironic that I really have him to thank for my love for. And then I was like, because I'm currently writing about him, I was also thinking how completely unfair your memory is. My memory, at least, is to people who I don't like.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because all I've held onto is, like, the 40 things, the 40 events that made me come to that decision that I don't like that person. And even if I added up the length of all 40 of those events, I don't know, what would we be talking about three days or four days out of several years with this person who, for sure, the majority of time was innocuous, at worst, just, like, present, but nothing's wrong. And then probably more often, they were really nice to me and maybe. Maybe even funny.

[B]

Do you remember that?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

So are you sure it's Real, though.

[A]

Well, it has to be, right? Because we.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

You don't think.

[B]

I mean, I don't know which one you're talking about.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But.

[A]

Well, you kind of do because the controlling one. Well, just. I can't. I don't want to get sued. But the dead ones, I can talk.

[B]

Yeah. Well, we love. One of the dead ones is wonderful.

[A]

Oh, Barton. Yeah. Three of my four dads are dad. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I hated that sentence.

[A]

Horrible.

[B]

I have a lot of dads myself, as you know.

[A]

Yeah. They're all, they're all alive. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's just put this like, no one's one. No. No one's good or they're not bad. He's not evil or good. There were all these things that made me go, I don't like, like this person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They tell you the, the side note to that, as I've written about him and I read it back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I read this section to my kids and then my mom. I mean, it's a description of me. It's insane. What a description. I definitely.

[B]

No wonder now you're like, he was so funny.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's not any self preservation. In fact, I'm just owning the fact that like I'm reading this and it's like, yeah, oh my, that's me. Me too. I mean, this could easily be a description of me, which is really interesting to synthesize.

[B]

Interesting. Now when you do that, when you have that realization, which I think that's a great realization and, and good self awareness, do you think like, oh, fuck, like I then need to try not to do that because that was pretty. That was pretty on unbearable.

[A]

Well, I've already had that reaction and I've even shared about it on here years ago. I've. I've gone like, I gotta shut up about the sink. It's like living with so and so. Like, I've already had that awareness.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But when I just go through the actual, like the description of like, he was so type A. He was so routine. He was like, ran marathons psychotically fitness, raced motorcycles, drove too aggressively, got invited people everywhere. He was with. It's really funny. And then of course, in my mind there's some difference because I think my spirit is kinder and more loving.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But just on paper again. And that's what helped me look at like, well, I've listed some qualities about him and then you could list those about me, but also my kids might choose to list that I'm really patient and generous or whatever. You know, a whole other suite of behaviors.

[B]

Yeah. Don't you think? Also, though, I've been thinking about that. This a lot like people, I think, especially actually people like him. I mean, I don't. I never met him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I probably won't.

[A]

You wouldn't have liked him.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I have a sense he wasn't playful and fun.

[B]

He was rigid and mean. Like, being mean. Like, it's. I think it's nice of what you're doing. You're trying to lend some generosity and compassion and understanding and like. Yes. No one is one thing.

[A]

And acknowledging the subjectivity of my memory.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is like, I've held onto the things that reinforce this opinion I have of this person and I've really let go. I'm sure he bought me ice cream a million times that I don't remember one time. No.

[B]

But like, buying ice cream doesn't make up for horrible stuff. I guess that's sort of. It's like, okay, yeah, there are good moments. Great. But like. Because obviously your mom wouldn't have married him if it was all bad moments. That's how all of this happens, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then. But it doesn't justify beating her up or being so controlling. Everyone's walking on eggshells and wants to die.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, you know, and I guess my.

[A]

Other layer of compassion in writing about him is like, he suffered the most from this personality type. Again. How mad can I be at someone when they're like, he was paying the price of this intensity?

[B]

Yeah. You don't have to. You don't have to hold anger.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you can still have understanding that, like, it was good you guys weren't around that for much longer because, like, that was not a tenable environment.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it does suck for him. It sucks that he has to live in that brain. Like, that's really, really hard.

[A]

Yeah. That's the thing, I guess. If he was, like. If he was loving life and we were the victims of that, I think I'd have one opinion of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think I'm old enough now to go like, he was a pretty unhappy person that couldn't figure out how to be in jive with the world around him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And then he paid the price and we paid the price and.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Everyone.

[A]

Yeah. And that's kind of like humanness.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare. We are supported by ZipRecruiter.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Get recruit. And hiring new employees is, like, stuck in the world's most confusing game show. You're sitting there drowning in resumes, playing endless phone tag and wondering if anyone out there actually has the skills you need. But here's the thing. Hiring doesn't have to be this time consuming anymore. ZipRecruiter's latest tools and features help speed up finding the right person for your roles so you save valuable time. And now you can try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com Dax here's what makes them different. Their new advances let you find and connect with qualified candidates in minutes. Someone perfect for the role. You can unlock their contact info instantly. Plus, they add over 320,000 new resumes monthly, which means more potential hires to choose from. No wonder they're the number one rated hiring site based on G. 2. Use Zip Recruiter and save time. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And if you go to ZipRecruiter.com DAX right now, you can try it for free again, that's ziprecruiter.com Dax ZipRecruiter the smartest way to hire.

[B]

Speaking of this a great transition.

[A]

Oh, great.

[B]

Without. I hope it's not a spoiler. So Beth's Dead's coming out October 30th.

[A]

Yes. How? Was there a billboard?

[B]

Yeah. New York. Patreon put up a billboard.

[A]

Oh, Patreon did that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, did Monica buy a billboard? Yeah. It didn't.

[B]

Patreon did. It was so cool. Okay, so a week from today, which I guess will be the 27th.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

October 27th. Elizabeth, Andy and I are going to do a live stream on Patreon. Nope. I'm sorry. On the 26th. Sunday.

[A]

Better get the date right.

[B]

Sunday.

[A]

If it's a live stream. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. We'll sell you the whole seat. You only need the edge.

[B]

Exactly. Sunday the 26th at 6. 3pm PST. That's 6pm East Coast, 5pm Nashville.

[A]

Yeah. And that 4pm Mountain. Yeah.

[B]

If you're in Mountain, don't listen. I'm just kidding. Come, please come. Please come to live stream.

[A]

But listen to it at 3pm Pacific, not 4pm Mountain.

[B]

Just get the date. It will put some stuff up. You can find it but on page on our Patreon bedstead Patreon. We're gonna do a lot live stream so you can chat with us, ask us questions. And I've never done a live stream, so I'm excited about it.

[A]

I haven't either. I think we're contractually obligated.

[B]

Oh, then I'll practice for us.

[A]

Please learn how to do it so we can fulfill that.

[B]

Anyway, so I'm really excited. And then that is leading up to the launch on the 30th, which is very exciting. And that's a complicated story as well. That's what just reminded me of it.

[A]

I'm so excited for you guys. I hope everyone listens.

[B]

Anyway, so come to the live stream. Check it out. That's that.

[A]

Give it a check out.

[B]

Give it a check out.

[A]

Okay. I have updates from my. Well, why don't you tell me what happened while I was on this trip?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I was gone for six days. Oh, you saw a great movie that I've seen too.

[B]

I did. I saw One Battle after Another.

[A]

That is the hardest title for me to remember.

[B]

As hard as pneumococcal pneumonia.

[A]

Not because I can't remember that one. Okay. Okay. One Battle after Another.

[B]

Yeah. So, so, so good. I loved it so much. I saw it at the Vista as it was intended to be seen. Vista Vision.

[A]

And do we think that's a real thing?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I know it says VistaVision.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But do you think they just invented that name because it's the Vista Theater or that's.

[B]

No, it's called the Vista theater because of VistaVision.

[A]

Are you sure?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, wow. They installed a special screen for.

[B]

It's the way it's filmed. It's a specific.

[A]

Well, I know it was filmed in a larger format and I saw it at IMAX for that reason. And I do think they have a 70 millimeter projector there at Vista. I'm just wondering if VistaVision was proprietary before.

[B]

Before theater. Yeah.

[A]

And I don't want to offend anyone. I'm just curious.

[B]

Vista Vision refers to a high resolution widescreen film format developed by Paramount Pictures in 1980. 1954.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

It works by running 35 millimeter film horizontally through the camera, which uses a larger negative area to capture a higher quality image with less grain than traditional vertical 35 millimeter film. While its use in full length features has declined since the 1960s, the format is still occasionally used for visual effects and has seen recent high profile feature film applications. There's only four, four or five Vista theaters in the world.

[A]

Really?

[B]

And we have one right down the street.

[A]

I love that theater. The seats are so comfortable and the spacing. So that's what I like is you get a couple feet in front of your feet.

[B]

Yes. You can stretch your whole legs out. Okay. So I saw with Jess. Now there was a hiccup. So we. There was a. It's sold out. Like you can. Those Vista ones are sold out. But there was availability at the 2pm Great timing actually because then you have time for dinner.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we're driving up and I had plans to get coffee from Pam's Coffee, the coffee shop that's next to it that's also owned by Quentin, that's after Pam Coffee. Pam Greer. And this is notoriously the coffee shop that I thought was owned by a black woman. And it was a black owned business. And I thought I was supporting, but really I wasn't. Right. Anywho.

[A]

So it's a white owned business.

[B]

As it turns out, it's a white male business. So anyway, I was like planning on getting a coffee and we're driving up the line. So at the Vista there's no. You don't buy your seat, you just buy tickets. Okay. So the line is wrapped around three block. Like it is so long. And I was like, what is that for? And then he was like, it better not be for the movie. And I was like, it. It can't be. It won't fit all these people. This is insane. And he was like, oh no, if it is like we can't go, right? I was like, yeah, I know. Like, I don't think we can stand in this line.

[A]

I don't sit in the front row.

[B]

Exactly. So then he was like, we can't sit in the front row. And I was like, yeah, okay, well here's our plan. We'll go into Pam's Coffee, we'll keep kill time.

[A]

Well, that line dies.

[B]

Yeah, the whole line will go in and then we'll see. Like if there's only seats in the very front. We won't watch it. We'll go to Bucatini, the store down the street that I'm really excited about that I love.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And Armchair works there. And I was getting kind of excited about going to Bucatini.

[A]

You are now like actually more excited to go.

[B]

I moved on. I moved on. And I was like, oh, Bucatini. Like I'm going to buy this cute little dish there and maybe some pop pasta. And then we get the coffee and we do have to end up getting in line. It's moving at this point. But we do get in line. And. And Chess keeps ask. He's. He asked like eight people. Have you guys been here? Do you think we'll all fit? He's like, so he's very worried.

[A]

Yeah. And he's getting verbal about it. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. This poor guy behind us was seeing White lady or some other movie.

[A]

And I was, well, there's a second cinema there.

[B]

Yeah, the. There's two screens.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

He said, oh, I'm actually seeing White lady or whatever. And Jess that said, no one. So anyway, we get in and it's packed. There's like, some random one seats, but it's. It's hard. And so we do. We go to the front and there are some seats, like, four rows back. And we were like, all right, let's try it. And we'll leave. If this is bad, shout out to an armchair. Chris, who sat next to us, he introduced himself and he was so lovely and sweet and loves the show, and it was really nice.

[A]

Was he single?

[B]

No. But that's funny because Jess was like, he's cute. This is one of those times you gotta like. And I was like, no, I don't know. And then Jess started talking to him.

[A]

Sure, sure. And then they went on a date.

[B]

No. And then he was like, we just moved here. And he was like, we? Who's we? He did. He was winging very well.

[A]

Yeah, well, he's very good at this kind of thing.

[B]

And he was like, my wife and I open.

[A]

Open relationship or close?

[B]

No, he didn't. We didn't get that far. Anyway, so. So then the movie starts and we're in immediately. We're not leaving. We love it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's such a thrill. It doesn't. It doesn't take its foot off the gas the whole three hours.

[A]

I know. In the woman.

[B]

Which one?

[A]

I mean, at the beginning, his. His.

[B]

Tiana Taylor.

[A]

Tiana.

[B]

She's amazing.

[A]

What a monster.

[B]

I know. And then they're, like, kissing and licking each other.

[A]

And I was like, she's so horny. Every time she gets in the car. She's trying to. At the.

[B]

All the crime scenes and stuff everywhere. She's so hot and he's so hot. Yeah, it's incredible. It's incredible. The acting's unbelievable.

[A]

Leo's impossibly good. He's just the greatest actor. Sean Pen is absolutely. Unh. I mean, what a performance.

[B]

It's incredible.

[A]

The only thing I can think of that, like, is on the same level is d' Ono in Men in Black as the monster who has a monster inside of his body. I mean, the physicality in the. I mean, that walking.

[B]

I know, I know, I know.

[A]

So bizarre.

[B]

It's. It's really. It's. And Then so good.

[A]

I was just crying at the end. Uncontrollably.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Father daughter.

[B]

It's interesting to me because I'm, I am a big sucker for father daughter. As a daughter. As we talked about. I have many dads.

[A]

Yeah. And it's the daughter of many.

[B]

Yeah. And I, I'm a sucker for that Interstellar. Oh my God. What a. Oh my God. I did expect to be slightly more moved by that storyline, but I think it's because there's just so much going on and, and it's so, and it's funny and it's, but it's like hectic. It's hectic and you're on pins and needles. But I mean, it's still, it still got me. But I, I, I was expecting a little bit more from, from that also, like, it's just so annoying that he still looks like that. He still looks so good. And that made me annoyed.

[A]

You were annoyed by that.

[B]

And, and horny.

[A]

And horny.

[B]

I was both.

[A]

So I think what you're describing is agitated.

[B]

I was agitated.

[A]

You were agitated in your groin.

[B]

I mean, I did spend like four or five minutes after the movie thinking about if it really would be a possibility to get some of his sperm to impregnate my egg.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Cu. They had. So the baby in the movie is so cute. Oh, my God. And it's a mix baby, not Indian. Actually. There's a hilarious line about Mick. So a lot of the movie is, is like calling out slash, parodying these like very extreme white supremacy groups.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And there's some, it's like, it's wild and there's some hysterical lines in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I just thought he nailed it. And I also was like, oh, yeah, he can do this. He is married to a black woman and has mixed race children. Like, he understands this. That's also. I was like, I can't believe he's married to Maya. And they just like, are out in the, like, he seems so, he seems like such an enigma, like Quentin, that it's like you went to Ola's with him. Is that what it's called?

[A]

Olga's.

[B]

Olga's.

[A]

Where he thought he was dead? Yeah.

[B]

You went to Olga's with him at a Greek restaurant in, in Michigan.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Oh, in Thousand Oaks. Yeah.

[A]

And weirder than actual either of those states for us to hear.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's just like so weird to me that he's a real person.

[A]

Yeah. He's a normal dude.

[B]

Yeah. That's so cool. Cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It made me. It made me feel very grateful for creative brains.

[A]

Sure. Yeah. That's such a unique, singular kind of take on all this.

[B]

Yeah, it was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was great.

[A]

It was great.

[B]

Do you think Maya ever just, like, looks at him and like, he farts in the bed and she's like, how are you him?

[A]

No, I bet she's not. I bet she doesn't feel like, about his art the way you do. Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I bet she thinks he's good, but I don't think, like, you're. You've infused a little bit of magic.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Like the. The world has. I mean, the world puts him in this, like, you know, legendary. That's just hard. That'd be so interesting for me. I'll try it. If Leonardo, you know, it's a similar situation if I date him and he gives me a sperm.

[A]

Huh. That you'll be.

[B]

And he farts in the bed.

[A]

Yes. I don't. Yeah. I don't think people can be in relationships if they're enamored with one.

[B]

Oh, I agree.

[A]

I think they can respect each other, but I don't think they can be enamored. So. No, I don't. I doubt she's ever in bed thinking, like, God, he's so good at filmmaking. I bet she never, ever thinks that.

[B]

Well, no, I guess I mean more like. Like, I agree with you. And actually I think I'm someone who, like, from afar is enamored and then as 40 seconds into meeting someone, it is gone.

[A]

Because, by the way, who gives a. If someone's good at their job?

[B]

Well, if you're married, I respect. There's a respect there.

[A]

Their job has nothing to do with your life is what I'm saying. Like, if they're great at their job, that's away from the house. It's not with your kids or you. And then they. You suck when you get home. Well, yeah, no, like, no one cares about the work because you're not even involved.

[B]

Well, no one's preferring it.

[A]

But by the way, I'm not saying Paul sucks it. No positions, but it's just like, you don't care if someone's good at their job. What you care about is if. Are they a good partner in your household, with your family.

[B]

Yeah, but you still like you. You respect when someone is good at something. And you do. You talk about Kristen constantly being like, the. One of the best actresses, which she is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And you can see that and respect it and be proud of it.

[A]

That doesn't this is a direct one to one. So I'm never in bed ever, ever, ever thinking, God, she's such a great.

[B]

Actor when you're watching her.

[A]

If I see her in a show, I think, God, she's so great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then additionally, I'm happy for her. Right? I'm like, I'm so happy for her. I'm sure Maya's so happy Paul got the thing in his brain onto the screen. So successful, successfully.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? But I. I guarantee she just never, ever thinks in bed. I'm so glad he's good at his job. Because you just don't care. You don't care about.

[B]

I know what you mean. But like, when you're watching Kristen together, if you guys are watching Good Place, like, I've been there and.

[A]

And run. We just did. We watched.

[B]

Okay. Hit and Run. Yeah. So. So you're like, I do this when I'm watching Cron's Hip. I'm just like, God, she's so good.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, me too, too.

[B]

And. And yes, when I am around her as a person, she's my friend. She's a person.

[A]

You're never thinking about how good she is.

[B]

No, I. I don't. I don't. But I mean, actually, I would. I guess maybe. Maybe sometimes even if I'm watching her, she's doing something incredible and I'm like, God, she's so good. I do think sometimes I'm like, it's crazy. That's the. The person I know. Like, it's definitely. It's like they're separate. They're kind of. And I can see it. So I guess what I'm saying is I wonder if she's watching. She's at the premiere, she's watching this movie, and she's like, holy sh. That my husband made this. Like, yeah, this for sure.

[A]

When she's watching the movie.

[B]

This person I procreated with, like, made this.

[A]

Yes, for sure. When she's watching the movie.

[B]

Again, the guy farts in the bed. I assume he does.

[A]

He's a human and all humans fart.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

You even told me you fart in your bed.

[B]

No. Like, run time.

[A]

Okay, I already know that.

[B]

Okay, I got one time.

[A]

But. But again, let's say you're. Let's say your husband is the greatest accountant in the world.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're never laying in bed being like, oh, man, he's so good at work. Because again, you're not. That's something he does. Completely separate from You. You and your family. So him being good at that job has no impact on you other than financially.

[B]

Yeah, it does.

[A]

But if he comes home and he didn't take the trash out and then he leaves his dishes on the thing, it's like how good of an accountant he is. Has no one gives a. Yeah, I don't know.

[B]

I. I hear what you mean and I think you're right. But I still think there's a respect that happens when someone is good at what they do. And my parents have it for each other. I see it. And they.

[A]

Well, right. They respect each other and admire each other. But the things that are annoying your mom about your dad, she never goes, but he's a great engineer.

[B]

I know. I know that.

[A]

But the problem is, is a lot of actors and directors and writers act like in their house, they should be being revered as an auteur.

[B]

Right. That's bad.

[A]

And they find people who are fans and allow them to act completely lazy in all departments because they're a genius in this one domain.

[B]

Yeah. That's why I don't want to date an armchair.

[A]

And it's bad.

[B]

No, it's bad. Yeah.

[A]

It's bad for a partner to care that the person's good at the job and it's bad for the person who's good at the job to think that being good at the job has anything to do with your real life and in your interpersonal relationship.

[B]

You're meshing it a little bit. I think it's. I think it's. I don't think it's bad to be like my husband or my wife is impressive.

[A]

So. And so talented.

[B]

And so talented. Did. And not. And just a hard work. Good. They're. They're good at that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm impressed by it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's one thing. That doesn't mean that you're just in full like, oh, my God. It just. I can't. I can't believe how amazing he is. And I just want it like, I'll do anything to keep him.

[A]

But most specifically, it doesn't get you out of a single thing.

[B]

It shouldn't get you out of anything. No.

[A]

I think people fall in love with rock stars because they see them on stage and on stage they're absolutely magnetic in once in a lifetime. And then they get out to dinner with them and they're just. They're a normal people. Yeah.

[B]

No, I am so. I mean, I could not be in more agree. You're actually saying the thing I say constantly, which is like, no one should be like, afraid of anyone's status. Like everyone or talent or. But those are often combined.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And so like, for me, no, that's one thing they do. But you're in a group of people. You're a person. You're a regular person. Everyone's the same. And this reverence is dangerous.

[A]

Yeah. If Kristen slaps one of our daughters on the same day, she wins an Emmy.

[B]

Well, she deserves that cuz she's. She has full of emotion. Like it's a lot.

[A]

I just would. Yeah. I just. I wouldn't give a. About. Yeah. Anyway, anyhow, on.

[B]

Do some facts now. I want to begin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

By saying that we had a bunch of alcohol on the table during this interview.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

People might be confused by that.

[A]

Yeah. Where did it all go?

[B]

Robin made me take it.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

And that is because you thought she would be nervous and that it might be fun to have some libation. Is that what it's called?

[A]

Yeah. Libation.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Ivations.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To like, you know, loosen her up. But when she arrived, we. You offered it to her and she was like, what is going on here?

[A]

I didn't. I don't even think I got to offering it for her. She's like, what is. Who's going to drink it? Like, she made it really clear that was sounding crazy. So I was just like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

We think it's locked over from a.

[A]

Party we had last night in the studio in the cloudy.

[B]

So no one partook, just FYI.

[A]

But it was a nice arrangement. I don't mind it as like a, A, A table piece. Yeah.

[B]

It's like they need to pay us for that.

[A]

Oh, okay. What if we took the labels off? I just like the idea of some cocktails and limes sitting out for guests. Like if I was willing to offer it to her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is where it's not fair. I could offer it to everybody.

[B]

Well, we have a lot of sober people in here.

[A]

Offer it to them and test their sobriety.

[B]

It's a test. Anyway, that was. That. That was booze.

[A]

Oh, by the way, someone. Someone got it. Like I had said, vodka and limes. And a lot of limes. Because I had asked our mutual friend Amanda what's her cocktail? And it was vodka with a lot of limes.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

This was on a previous fact check where you.

[A]

It was on a fact check and someone wrote in the comments, vodka limes is Jennifer Aniston. And I was like, yeah, people are. They know everything about her.

[B]

Wowie.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, that's cool.

[A]

It's not like they pitched anyone else. Surely other people drink vodka and lies. I didn't see another name in the comments, but it was like, bingo. It's Aniston.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good job. That person I didn't know, so I feel dumb.

[A]

I'm shocked you didn't know.

[B]

What is Taylor? She likes wine. Taylor likes wine. People know that.

[A]

She likes sourdough bread.

[B]

And she likes sourdough bread.

[A]

I'd put a hot loaf of sourdough bread in front of her.

[B]

Well, some people did that while she was on this tour selling. Yeah, Someone gave her sourdough.

[A]

She like it or not?

[B]

He liked it.

[A]

Okay, so. But it worked. But it's already been done.

[B]

It's already been done. I will get.

[A]

What about sourdough? Saturated in wine.

[B]

That sounds gross.

[A]

Sounds good to me.

[C]

It does.

[A]

With a fork and knife. Like jello shots.

[B]

It's also. It's very biblical. It is the bread and wine, the.

[A]

Body and the body and blood of Christ.

[B]

Ding, ding, ding. Jennifer. Okay. Babar.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I learned all about Babar. And also I was right. He is a king. The book is based on a tale elephant character named Babar who first appeared in 1931 in the French children's book His History of Babar. Okay, it's in French.

[A]

It's not the most appealing title for a kid's book.

[B]

Histor or whatever.

[A]

De la Babar.

[B]

Yes, exactly. The book is based on a tale that Brunhof's wife Cecile had invented for their children. It tells the story of a young African elephant named Babar whose mother is killed by a big game hunter. I know, it's sad. Babar the elephant escapes and in the process leaves the jungle in exile.

[A]

This is Lion King.

[B]

I know. Visits a big city and returns to bring the benefits of civilization to his fellow elephants. Just as he returns to his community of elephants, their king tragically dies from eating a poisonous mushroom. Because of his travels and civilization, Babar is chosen king of the album Elephant Kingdom. Oh. He marries his cousin Celeste and they subsequently have children and teach them valuable lessons.

[A]

Oh, that's lovely. It does remind me of my favorite book of that nature, which is Lefkado the Lion by Shel Silverstein. Have you ever. Speaking of giving tree shell Silverstein.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Lefkado the lion.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

There are some hunters out on the. He's a lion. And somehow they scare off these hunters and they leave one of their rifles behind. And Lefkado starts learning to shoot the rifle. And he's like incredible at it. And he spins it on his tail. Lifcatio Lefkado the lion. Lefkadio the lion. Huh? We always in my house said lefkado. But yeah, that's unfortunate. Anyways, so he becomes a real. What do they call it? A crack shot. And then he gets famous. And then someone sees him. Then they bring him to the big city, and then he gets ripped. Rich. It's kind of like Sid Arthur.

[C]

What?

[A]

He goes to the big city. He loves marshmallows. That's his favorite thing he's discovered of the human world is marshmallows. He's eating way too many marshmallows.

[B]

He's rich and he just gets stuck. Yes.

[A]

He wears furs now and he like spins a thing, but he's lazy about it. And he barely cares when he's putting on his show. And then he's got to return home eventually. It is. It's Sid Arthur. I don't know if shell.

[B]

This is your whole story. Your lucadio.

[A]

You think so? Livcatio lovecratio.

[B]

The lion who shot back.

[A]

He's taking a little dumpy there.

[B]

That is you.

[A]

He's got a catheter.

[B]

He might have his catheter in. Shel Silverstein is full of. Of like tales.

[A]

And he's got a perverted book. I used to love it. There's this huge tall book that was in our thing. And I remember removing it. I was like I was being naughty when I. I'd look through that one.

[B]

We forgot to ask her about 1111. That was a huge mistake.

[A]

Yeah. We up.

[B]

I know. I'm upset about that.

[A]

I didn't even see on her wrist if that was there.

[B]

Exactly. I didn't either.

[A]

I wonder if that was like a temp for a movie.

[B]

Maybe we don't. We'll never know until she comes back.

[A]

We could know, but I don't know.

[B]

We have to wait till she comes back. I'll send her another letter.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I wonder if it will work the second. Second time.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Cher's dollhouse share the pop star. Or that's what. Yeah, I think I'm also kind of confused by this. So you. You fill your little share dressing room with many little pink hangers of many little share doll fits. They were designed either from Bob mackie.

[A]

Or maybe like in her sunny and cher days, she had a line of toys or something.

[B]

Yeah, I think so. Also. Ding, ding, ding. Bob Mackey designed a lot of the outfits that Taylor is wearing in life of a showgirl.

[A]

Oh, My goodness.

[B]

I know, I know.

[A]

Wow, wow, wow.

[B]

Alan Parker did direct Fame. She was right about that. Bruce Almighty. His name is Bruce.

[A]

Yeah. Thank God.

[B]

The big mystery.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jim Carrey's name was Bruce.

[A]

That shouldn't have been so hard for us to accept immediately.

[B]

I know. He just doesn't look like a Bruce. But look, we don't always, always match our names.

[A]

No. Although very few people don't. Well, I'll tell you one that's not. They have the right name, but someone was using a iteration of it.

[B]

Uhhuh.

[A]

That was insane to me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I was talking to somebody who knew Rascally with the monitor. Yeah. I was running. I. I was talking to someone yesterday who knows Eric. Our good friend Eric.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And he was like, yeah, E's crazy. And I was like, oh, no, that's not. That doesn't sound right for Eric. That doesn't work at all. You can't. He's not like a B boy. Where you can be like, oh, egce.

[B]

Well, maybe to that guy. He was. He used to do a lot of drugs.

[A]

No. But he's never had a B boy vibe. He's never.

[B]

B boy basketball boy.

[A]

Like a boy who's into hip hop. And he's got the hat. Like. Like Entourage, all those gu. Guy. The Mark. Mark Wahlberg's whole world.

[B]

His name was E. On. On.

[A]

There you go. There. There it is.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But. But for Eric, I was like, no, we can't. We can't assign him E. That's right. Yeah.

[B]

Gosh. This is a good question, though.

[A]

Like, I can't think of anyone we know that has a really. The wrong name.

[B]

I guess you're right.

[C]

I'll.

[B]

I'll report back. I'm gonna think on this.

[A]

Yeah. The problem is we knew Jim before we knew the word Bruce. Now, if he'd always been Bruce Carey, if we had met him as Bruce Carey, it might have been fine.

[B]

Bruce Carey sounds good.

[A]

Bruce Carey.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What were we watching last night? We were. Oh, we were watching Jim Bond. 007. I introduced the kids to 007, and they like it. Which I'm so excited because there's 35 007s.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Six different actors that.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But I kept calling him Jim Bond the whole time, which sounds insane, right? Bond. Jim Bond. Huh.

[B]

Because now even, like, Tom Cruise, like, Tom Thomas. Thomas is Thomas Cruz.

[A]

Sounds crazy.

[B]

Yeah. But people. Yeah.

[A]

We kept going. Me and the girls were like, who wins in a fight between Jim Bond, Specifically Daniel Craig, because he's such a Beast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he's got the body on Ethan Hunt. Mission Impossible. But the girls decided Ethan had more moves. And I think. I agree. I think in a. In a battle to the death between Jim Bond and Ethan Hunt, interesting that Ethan wins that fight.

[B]

Okay, but.

[A]

But Jim looks way better doing it.

[B]

Okay. If people call him Dan, that doesn't work. Dan Craig. I don't like that.

[A]

Now we're getting close to Danny. Jenny Craig. Then it's the discount food or not discount. I don't think it's discounted calories.

[B]

Okay. Oh, some of the things the morning show predicted or like was kind of like right ahead of. Yeah, Billionaire Space Race. Me too. It wasn't really predict. I think they didn't predict it, but.

[A]

It came after Matt Lauer. The whole thing is like people thought was about Matt. Matt Lauer.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I predict. Said we're fast and loose with predictive. Well, the.

[B]

No, the first season of the show which premiered in 2019.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Focus on the immediate fallout after co anchor Mitch Kessler was fired for sexual misconduct. But was it me too? 2020 or was it not? Was it not? It was earlier. Okay.

[A]

And Matt Lauer was probably.

[B]

18 maybe. Okay. But they filmed this in 2013, so it predicted.

[A]

Oh, and they delayed it for six years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, what year was Matt Lauer Rascal 2017. Oh, 17.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So they predicted it had happened two years before.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Covid. Okay.

[B]

And some other stuff. Oh, war in Ukraine and catastrophic floods in eastern ocean Australia.

[A]

And we're sure again that those.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Those happened.

[B]

Yeah, those before. They wrote it before.

[A]

Okay. Sorry, I'm having a spray malfunction.

[B]

Yeah, it's on your lip.

[A]

You have spray on your lip.

[B]

All right, well, that's it for one of the loves of my life.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Love you.

[B]

Love you.

[A]

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