Shan Boodram (intimacy expert)

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard: Episode Featuring Shan Boodram, Intimacy Expert
Release Date: June 11, 2025

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard, Dax welcomes Shan Boodram, a renowned sex educator and sexologist. Shan delves deep into the intricacies of human intimacy, challenging societal norms and enhancing the conversation around sex education. Alongside Shan, co-host Monica Padman and guest Maria join the discussion, adding layers of humor and personal anecdotes that enrich the dialogue.

Shan Boodram's Journey into Sexology

Background and Education
Shan shares her path to becoming a certified sex educator, highlighting her early fascination with human bodies and intimacy. She recounts her experiences growing up, where observing familial nudity fostered a sense of closeness and understanding of human connections.

Shan Boodram [10:24]: "I initially went to school for print journalism at Centennial College... and I decided to get a library card and read everything I could. My big aha was sex needs to be sexy, more people need to know about this."

Motivation and Mission
Shan emphasizes the need to make sex education engaging, fun, and enjoyable. Her mission is to destigmatize discussions around sex, making it a more open and supportive dialogue for everyone.

Shan Boodram [10:57]: "Sex needs to be sexy, more people need to know about this. This needs to be brought to the masses."

Challenges in Modern Sexuality

Evolution of Sex Education
Shan reflects on the transformation of sex education over the past two decades. She contrasts the rigid, often embarrassment-driven approaches of the past with today's more inclusive and comprehensive methods.

Shan Boodram [11:50]: "Because in Thailand, where Sex is more normalized... their porn tends to look like everyday people... In contrast, U.S. porn is completely detached from reality."

Orgasm Gap and Gender Dynamics
The conversation delves into the persistent orgasm gap, noting improvements but recognizing ongoing disparities. Shan expresses empathy for men grappling with societal expectations around sexual performance.

Shan Boodram [35:44]: "It's the ultimate defeat. You have to delusionally pretend that you just have it all figured out."

Foreplay vs. Core Play

Redefining Foreplay
Shan redefines traditional notions of foreplay, separating it from core sexual activities like oral sex. She introduces creative and non-genital-focused ways to build intimacy and enhance sexual experiences.

Shan Boodram [36:47]: "Foreplay is anything that is erotic in nature that's not going to get you off... like dirty talk, showering, selecting matching underwear."

Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire
The discussion explores different types of sexual desire, distinguishing between spontaneous (brain-first) and responsive (body-first) arousal. This distinction helps explain varying libido levels and contributes to healthier sexual relationships.

Shan Boodram [39:29]: "Spontaneous desire is like an animalistic, irrational need... Responsive desire is engaging with foreplay that makes your body throb."

Sexual Social Scripts and Communication

Breaking Down Stereotypes
Shan challenges traditional sexual scripts that place undue pressure on men to perform and on women to be the gatekeepers of pleasure. She advocates for open communication and mutual exploration to foster better sexual relationships.

Shan Boodram [42:01]: "If you start off with incompatibility, you're off to the races. Most of the time you're going to be doing different things."

Enhancing Intimacy Through Communication
The trio discusses practical strategies for improving sexual intimacy, emphasizing the importance of understanding each other's desires and creating a supportive environment for open dialogue.

Monica Padman [43:24]: "Chore play is a way to establish some foreplay. Doing things that make your partner's life easier can be incredibly attractive."

Solo Play and Self-Discovery

Importance of Self-Awareness
Shan underscores the significance of solo sexual exploration to understand one's own body and desires. This self-awareness empowers individuals to communicate their needs effectively with partners.

Shan Boodram [73:33]: "Everybody has to be treated equally, but there's something we need to address in how we relate to each other."

Techniques for Solo Exploration
Shan shares techniques for solo play that help individuals map out their pleasure zones, fostering a deeper connection with their own bodies.

Shan Boodram [73:49]: "Start with a solo session where you pleasure map your own body. If that doesn't feel accessible, ask a partner or a massage therapist."

Addressing Taboo Topics

Squirting and Prostate Orgasms
The conversation bravely tackles often-taboo topics like squirting and prostate orgasms, debunking myths and encouraging open-minded exploration of these experiences.

Monica Padman [54:36]: "Ethical porn encourages performers to communicate their desires and boundaries, creating a safe environment for exploration."

Sexual Fluidity and Stigma
Shan discusses the stigma surrounding male sexual exploration, particularly regarding activities perceived as homosexual. She calls for a more inclusive understanding of male sexuality that transcends outdated stereotypes.

Shan Boodram [59:19]: "There's a lot of homosexual stigma around that part, which is insane that your own body even the nipples have that stigma."

Navigating Professional Dynamics

Status and Fair Treatment on Sets
Shan and Dax delve into the disparities in professional status within the entertainment industry, advocating for equitable treatment of all crew members regardless of their roles.

Shan Boodram [95:02]: "There's no finite amount of kindness towards people. Everyone on a set is a person and deserves equal respect."

Balancing Professionalism and Personal Connections
They explore the challenges of maintaining genuine human connections in high-stress, hierarchical environments, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect and understanding.

Dax Shepard [96:05]: "Actors bring their dogs and shit. But not everyone should bring their kids to work on a set."

Conclusion and Takeaways

Empowerment Through Knowledge
The episode concludes with a strong message on the importance of sex education and self-awareness in fostering healthy, fulfilling intimate relationships. Shan encourages listeners to embrace their desires, communicate openly, and continuously seek knowledge to enhance their sexual well-being.

Shan Boodram [73:49]: "Try everything, go slow, and talk about it as you explore together."

Final Reflections
Dax expresses his appreciation for Shan's insights, highlighting the transformative impact of her expertise on his understanding of intimacy and relationships. The episode wraps up with light-hearted banter and mutual respect among the hosts and guests.

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Notable Quotes

1. Shan Boodram [10:57]: "Sex needs to be sexy, more people need to know about this. This needs to be brought to the masses."
2. Monica Padman [43:24]: "Chore play is a way to establish some foreplay. Doing things that make your partner's life easier can be incredibly attractive."
3. Shan Boodram [59:19]: "There's a lot of homosexual stigma around that part, which is insane that your own body even the nipples have that stigma."
4. Shan Boodram [73:49]: "Try everything, go slow, and talk about it as you explore together."

Key Insights

• Redefining Foreplay: Moving beyond traditional definitions to include activities that build intimacy without immediate sexual gratification.
• Understanding Desire: Differentiating between spontaneous and responsive desire to better navigate sexual relationships.
• Breaking Stigmas: Challenging societal norms and stigmas around male sexuality and taboo sexual topics.
• Equitable Treatment: Advocating for fair and respectful treatment of all individuals in professional settings, regardless of their role or status.
• Self-Exploration: Encouraging individuals to engage in solo play to understand their own bodies and desires, leading to more fulfilling sexual experiences with partners.

Conclusions

This episode of Armchair Expert serves as a profound exploration of human intimacy, guided by Shan Boodram's expertise in sexology. It highlights the necessity of evolving sex education, fostering open communication, and dismantling harmful stigmas. Through engaging discussions and personal anecdotes, the episode empowers listeners to embrace their sexuality, seek knowledge, and build healthier, more respectful intimate relationships.

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Note: All timestamps correspond to the provided transcript and are included to reference notable quotes and sections discussed in the summary.

Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. Experts on Expert. I'm Shan Boodram. I'm Dax Shepard, but I love the name Shan Boodram. Who is the name of our guest.

[Shan Boodram]

That's right.

[Dax Shepard]

Guys. I don't know if this episode is safe to listen to at work or.

[Shan Boodram]

Maybe in the car with your children or unless you have a very open, progressive dialogue with them about sex.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, this is a sexy episode. This might be Armchair's sexiest episode.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, we get into some nitty gritty sex stuff. Not overarching, but like positions, parts of the vagina. Like how to. Yeah, how to activate some of those parts.

[Dax Shepard]

Specifically parts of the prostate.

[Shan Boodram]

Yep, correct.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow, wow, wow. What a titillating episode. Shan Boudram is a certified sex educator and sexologist. She has a podcast called Lovers by Shan and she has a master class out now called the Art of Sex Appeal. It's dynamite. I watched it. I recommend it to everybody. Please enjoy Shan Boodram.

[Shan Boodram]

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[Dax Shepard]

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[Monica Padman]

He's an upch.

[Dax Shepard]

Do you live in la?

[Monica Padman]

I do, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, you do?

[Monica Padman]

I do, yes.

[Dax Shepard]

And you got a flat tire on the way here?

[Monica Padman]

I did get a flat tire on the way here.

[Dax Shepard]

Congratulations. I'd say 12% of Monica NY's text exchanges are me helping her deal with a flat tire.

[Monica Padman]

Really?

[Dax Shepard]

That she's obtained.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. And it's mainly help. And then really, I just have to call Triple A.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I have plugged some of the tires in the driveway. I've salvaged some tires.

[Shan Boodram]

And you've reached out, out to the places to help me get it out.

[Monica Padman]

But this should be a part of the notes.

[Shan Boodram]

Hey, it could be.

[Monica Padman]

People get flat tires on the way here. And the thing about it is, because I saw the pothole and I can't remember if I swerved or just accepted my fate.

[Dax Shepard]

It sounds like maybe, given the proof that you accepted your fate, but maybe.

[Monica Padman]

I swerved into it more. Maybe I swerved and if I would have just kept going because it wasn't a large one.

[Dax Shepard]

Like when you swerved to Mrs. Squirrel, but you swerve into where they ran situation. Yes, yes. Which you always just keep at pin.

[Monica Padman]

And I swerved to the edge of the pothole, so I got more of the sharpness.

[Shan Boodram]

Also, like when you fall down and you put your hands behind you to brace yourself, you think that's gonna help? Or really, you break your arms and you're. What?

[Dax Shepard]

Better just fly back on your cranium?

[Shan Boodram]

No, on your butt.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. On your coccyx. Now, listen, a service I provide. I went and picked up.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, you did? Tiffany Haddish.

[Dax Shepard]

Tiffany Haddish. She got in a huge collision on the way here, and then I drove to Mid City and picked her up, and I had never met her. And so that is a service I am willing to provide.

[Monica Padman]

I know this is the statistics of having sex 600, 500 episodes. So naturally, some people are gonna have accidents, but it is seeming like you guys.

[Dax Shepard]

It does.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. Okay. But I'm gonna push back because we're at 800.

[Dax Shepard]

At least 850. So we're talking one in 850 people get a flat tire.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

One in 850 people get a fender bender.

[Monica Padman]

It is pretty good odds. Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Someone will murder someone en route to the podcast. I think we'll hit that population threshold where.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, I hope.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And I'll come to get them out of there. Or I'll provide legal. I'll bury the body, we'll bring Carly, and we'll cut it up. My little sister, she's a gangster.

[Monica Padman]

If you need, you need to have one. I'm not that one. I know. Who is that one, though. Yeah, it's just not gonna be me. My friend Bart.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah, Bart. Shout out Bart. Yeah, Bart, getaway driver for you in an emergency.

[Monica Padman]

I think he just got lots of weapons. He just watches lots of dark YouTube videos. Yeah, he's expressed before. I think he wants to be this person.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, you have to want to in order to be able to do that.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, some people want that.

[Dax Shepard]

I'll just offer another perspective, which is like, you could not want to, but part of your identity is, I will rise up when the shit hits the fan. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not trying to cut anyone up.

[Monica Padman]

It's way above the fan. You murdered somebody and you want me to clean up the crime scene?

[Dax Shepard]

It was an accident.

[Monica Padman]

Well, then tell that to the police.

[Dax Shepard]

But the circumstances are such that there's no deniability. It looks so incriminating.

[Shan Boodram]

What about for your kids?

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my gosh. This is a, You, Honor, you have two children. I do have two children. I like the police.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

I have good experiences with the police.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

I trust them.

[Dax Shepard]

You'd call the police on your children? I don't know if I believe you.

[Monica Padman]

If it was an accident. For sure. If they murdered somebody. Like, you, Honor is a great one. Cause he accidentally murdered somebody who was the son of a gang member.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, so that's complicated.

[Dax Shepard]

Very complicated. That's a TV show or a movie?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that's Bryan Cranston.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, we love Bryan Cranston.

[Shan Boodram]

We do. Friend of the Pot, but we have not seen it.

[Dax Shepard]

Shan, where are you from originally?

[Monica Padman]

Toronto.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, you are? I'm from Detroit and Toronto was the closest cool, big city.

[Monica Padman]

Did you ever go to Caribana?

[Dax Shepard]

What's Carabana?

[Monica Padman]

The Toronto Caribbean Festival.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, no.

[Monica Padman]

If you were black and from Detroit, you went to Carabana. Okay, I believe that because. And I don't know if you experienced this as a white man, but there is an exoticism to Americans for Canadians.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it's a mix, right? They're repulsed by our obnoxiousness, but they're drawn to our obnoxiousness. And I think I was in on that and enjoyed that interplay. But I was not at the Caribbean Festival. I was on Yonge street buying punk rock T shirts and all those shitty little T shirt shacks. So I was being extra white in my punk rockness.

[Monica Padman]

I love extra white.

[Dax Shepard]

How long did you live there? When did you leave Toronto and what did mom and dad do?

[Monica Padman]

My parents were both in the medical field, which is not uncommon for immigrants. But they're also have a natural passion. So my mom was a nurse. My dad, same thing, came from a long line of nurses. He was a nurse for a second and then he became a paramedic. My mom is born in England, but she is Dominican and Irish and my dad is born in Guyana and they both moved to England at a point, then they both moved to Canada and then they met in a medical setting and then two weeks later they were engaged.

[Dax Shepard]

And did that pan out for them?

[Monica Padman]

Yes, because they're still together.

[Maria]

Wow.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, I'm going to give you a complicated compliment because I myself get this compliment. I don't know how to take it all that well. Often people will tell me, in real life, you're much better looking.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, God.

[Dax Shepard]

And then I'm left to go like, am I super ugly on screen? Or I just really deliver in person. But you're very pretty on screen. I watched the masterclass, but you're like outrageously beautiful in person.

[Monica Padman]

What?

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, you are. Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, right.

[Monica Padman]

I had to look to you to see if this is a normal statement that's made.

[Shan Boodram]

Well, he means statements. Everything he says, he believes.

[Monica Padman]

Kind of.

[Dax Shepard]

There's no. Yeah, I know.

[Shan Boodram]

Whether it's crazy or not is a different question. But yes, you are very beautiful.

[Monica Padman]

Thank you. I also looked you to co sign the compliment.

[Shan Boodram]

This happens sometimes where you give compliments that sometimes hurt people's feelings. Feelings.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I started by saying it's a complicated compliment, but I feel entitled to make it since I receive it so much.

[Shan Boodram]

I know, but that's what you always do, and that's not true. Yeah, like you told me once, you're like me. You're not pretty enough.

[Dax Shepard]

There's no way those were the words.

[Shan Boodram]

Maybe you didn't say pretty enough, but you said attractive enough. You did. How could I possibly forget this? To book the like, ingenue leading girl role. But you're not ugly enough to book the random outcast person. So that puts you in a tricky position, booking wise.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, Shan, sorry that we've snared you in this, but let's be incredibly clear. I'm saying conventionally, societally, I've also been your biggest cheerleader, saying you're beautiful.

[Shan Boodram]

I know that.

[Dax Shepard]

So I'm just acknowledging that, yes, when you were coming up, the ingenue was a white skinny girl and you had your work cut out for you.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. You're so beautiful. You have incredible skin.

[Shan Boodram]

Thank you.

[Monica Padman]

And what a great choice to wear.

[Shan Boodram]

Thank you. I just got the sweater.

[Monica Padman]

Really? You don't always wear lavender.

[Shan Boodram]

No.

[Monica Padman]

But you always should. You really should. But I know what you mean. I think you look like a person.

[Shan Boodram]

I do. It's correct. But it did hurt my feelings.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

Because we're 15 years later and I'm still thinking about it.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Okay. Okay. So my apologies. You know what happens in real life, I think, because this also just happened to us with Michelle Williams, which is. Eyes can be this huge breakthrough in person. They're 2D when you're looking at them on TV or in film. Malcolm Gladwell. Have you ever met Malcolm Gladwell?

[Monica Padman]

I've never met Malcolm Gladwell.

[Dax Shepard]

Another Canadian immigrant parent. You guys could bond. But his eyes are so fucking playful in person. And I was like, he might be the hottest guy. It's so unexpected.

[Shan Boodram]

He's very attractive.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. Yes.

[Shan Boodram]

Well, attraction's sort of part of.

[Dax Shepard]

I feel like if ever there were an interview with that idea, this is completely appropriate.

[Monica Padman]

I'm having a blast. Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

I'm having a wonderful time.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. So. So what did you initially study in college? And what college was that?

[Monica Padman]

I initially went to school for print journalism at Centennial College. I also took some U of T University of Toronto courses there. And so I became sex educator at University of Toronto while I was in college. So it sort of became the two marrying together of. This is the story that I like to tell. And I like to share information about this with people who really want it. And that pretty much was the beginning. I started into this space being like, you know, sex ed should be more sexy. It should be more engaging, more interesting, more fun. It should be just as enjoyable.

[Dax Shepard]

Playful.

[Monica Padman]

Can we add playful? Wet.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

[Monica Padman]

Right? Expansive. Surprising.

[Dax Shepard]

Do you have an explanation of what drew you to that field?

[Monica Padman]

Growing up, I was just fascinated by bodies.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, God, me too.

[Monica Padman]

I loved bodies. I loved intimacy in movies.

[Dax Shepard]

Did you like male or female bodies or both? Can you think of some?

[Monica Padman]

The earliest memory I can think of of identify. I liked bodies is I liked seeing my grandma naked.

[Dax Shepard]

There we go.

[Monica Padman]

But it was just because. And I even noticed this with my language with my kids. They just don't want to have clothes on. They're two and four. And it's like, hey, your body is for your family. You can be naked around your family all you want to, but it's just for your family. I think that maybe I was Given that messaging growing up, and I just knew if I saw people naked, I was close to them. So it gave a sense of intimacy, a sense of, like, humanity to them.

[Dax Shepard]

It signified you were in the inner circle.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. It meant something like, even to this day, I love men's feet. There's a psychological explanation as to why people have foot fetishes.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, what is it?

[Monica Padman]

Because in the part of the brain that registers pleasure, the feet are right beside the genitals, which are also where the nipples are. So that's why you can get nipplegasms or people often have foot fetishes. I also think for me, though, you don't see men's feet often. I'd love to see yours right now.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, you would throw up. I'm gonna warn you now at the end, I still want to keep the rhythm going. This would be a really disruptive experience.

[Monica Padman]

But that's why it's so right. Like there's something. You're in this deep inner circle. My husband and I started off as friends with benefits. And I really want to use the pre term, which is f buddies, because we were not even friends. He always wore socks. And I didn't have air conditioning at my spot, so I'd be having sex with a glazed donut, and he would have these socks on the whole time. I'm like, if you're so hot, take your socks off. And he just wouldn't. And so the day that he did, you felt accepted. And I love those gnarly toes. I really do.

[Shan Boodram]

I can totally relate to this.

[Dax Shepard]

Was he insecure about how his feet looked or he just was someone who liked the tactile sensation of them being covered. Do we know?

[Monica Padman]

I don't know if he has ever said, I'm insecure about my feet, but he definitely always wore socks. And it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy because they never see the sun, so they become white. Yeah. They don't get any sunlight to the toenails, so they're kind of yellowish.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow, wow, wow.

[Shan Boodram]

I can totally relate to connecting intimacy to something atypical. I had this weird. Go ahead.

[Dax Shepard]

They already know. Everyone already knows. You don't have to be protective.

[Shan Boodram]

If a boy was sick, I was very drawn to that because of the helping and the nurturing and the intimacy that goes on between someone who is sick and a caretaker. And that. I'm cutting it.

[Monica Padman]

No, I love that you must keep it.

[Shan Boodram]

I talk about it a lot, but every time I say it, it still sounds weird.

[Dax Shepard]

Am I wrong in remembering that we Drilled pretty deep into that. And part of that was, if I make myself essential or needed, it'll overcome this barrier they have because they're not gonna like me because I'm brown. But if they are vulnerable and need something and I can give it to them, that would be a way in.

[Shan Boodram]

There's so many parts to it. That's definitely one. One is kind of like what you're saying about the feet. Most people don't want anyone around when they're sick. I don't. And so to, like, let me in feels like a privilege or the deepest level of connection.

[Dax Shepard]

Trust.

[Shan Boodram]

Trust.

[Monica Padman]

The hot nurse fantasy is a thing. It's a very common thing. I was thinking about it on the way over here. You know, whenever I start a podcast, usually I'd be starting it off thinking, like, let's talk about sex, baby.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's talk about you and me.

[Monica Padman]

Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things. There's another layer to that for me now. I do look at sex as such a space for. Where all of you belongs. And if you're with somebody who accepts that, it's like the ultimate space of acceptance. I watched White Lotus this season. It was my favorite.

[Shan Boodram]

Me too.

[Monica Padman]

Of three people did not like it, but. But the concepts of sex and how it brings together so many humanities. And then I thought about that guy who had that really intricate desire for sex.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, Sam Rockwell.

[Dax Shepard]

Sam Rockwell.

[Monica Padman]

Because he thought that it had to mean something deeper. If he had those thoughts, he took it to, like, a whole different level. When, in genuineness, he just wanted to play in that facet of shared humanity. So maybe it is that you're into the nurse fantasy because there's something deeper. Or maybe it's just a side of yourself that you're like, I get to play and delight in this specific space, and I enjoy it here, and that's where it can stay. And it doesn't have to mean all these other things. And sometimes I think us trying to find the meaning in our fantasies and our desires, rather than just, this is the ultimate space of human connectivity and possibility. Why would I not play with the idea of penis envy or play with the idea of race play or existentialism, of power dynamics. If not here, then where?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, if not now, this is your trip on planet Earth. What department is this sexology degree? Is that part of psych or what is that part of?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, so I don't have a sexology degree. So my education. I graduated, graduated from college, put out a book. Years later, I got certified as a sexologist and then I went and got a degree in psychology. I got my master's and then now I'm an ASEX certified sex educator. And that's actually how I label myself as an educator. It's what I love doing. I love teaching. I like sharing ideas, that's how I learn best. I like to get an idea and then derive my own meaning from it versus sit with somebody who creates meaning with me. So that's just my thing.

[Dax Shepard]

So what was your career leading up to? You wrote the book, obviously. And then did you have clients or patients?

[Monica Padman]

No. So I started off journalism. I think it's important based because that's what I wanted to do, share and tell stories. So my big aha was essentially I was extremely sexually precocious as a younger kid. And naturally, like if your kid's drawn to the piano, you're like, let's get them classes. If your kid's drawn to the body, you're like, let's get to the Bible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that. Not in a negative way. My parents did a wonderful job, but they were in their 20s, they were young and they had this kid who had this interest and across the street from us with a Catholic school. So I went there because it was most convenient and it was just not an encouraged part of me. So when I got a little older and hormones came into play, I had this natural interest now mixed in with raging hormones. And I realized if I tell my parents or people who are my elders about this, it will make them hate me, dislike me, get upset with me, want to separate from me. It's dirty, impure, disappointing to them. So what do you do? You watch porn. You find whatever you can find. And so I read books, I watched porn, I looked at movies as my bible. And when I turned 19 years old, I had multiple sexual experiences. No orgasms, very low self esteem. And I was at a crossroads where I thought, okay, either all the adults were right, this is extremely dangerous, hellish part of life that I'm drawn to. Maybe because I have some kind of original sin issue with me, or it's good, I just have bad information. So I decided to get a library card and read everything I could. And essentially my big aha was sex needs to be sexy, more people need to know about this. This needs to be brought to the masses. So that was always where I was coming from. I never had a desire to do one to one work or clinical work or research based work. It was how do I get Great information and distill it down to a space that feels exciting, wet. All those beautiful adjectives you use to describe good sex. How can sex ed feel the exact same way? And that was when I was 19. So that's 21 years ago now when.

[Dax Shepard]

I was a kid. And you would have missed her, I presume as Dr. Ruth?

[Monica Padman]

Of course not.

[Dax Shepard]

You know, Dr. Rut.

[Monica Padman]

Dr. Ruth meets Rihanna as I like to describe myself.

[Shan Boodram]

I like that.

[Monica Padman]

Did you know about Sue Johansson?

[Dax Shepard]

No. Tell me about Sue Johansen.

[Monica Padman]

Well, she was Canadian, so I didn't know if Canadian adjacent. You may have heard of her, but she was the Canadian version of Dr. Ruth.

[Dax Shepard]

I remember being a kid and Dr. Ruth had a call in show on the radio and I loved listening to that. And also I think the packaging's relevant for the sex experts. Like her really tiny stature and her accent. It did so much to destigmafy and give some levity to this topic. I think if it came in a different package in the 80s, I'm not sure that America would have been ready for it.

[Monica Padman]

100%. Sue Johansen. I worked with her when I was in my late teens, when I was just getting started. And I sent her my first book which was called Laid. And the concept of laid was tell me the story about sex. But don't skip the good parts. Even if it had a negative aftermath, you ended up with herpes or an unwanted pregnancy. Here are some real stories. But everything in between. The butterflies that you felt the first time that you looked at that person, what you thought when you saw their body naked for the first time. Tell me all of it. And Sue Johansen read it and she was like, this is not going to work. She's like, you need to embarrass people into doing the right things. You have to tell women. Imagine your breasts flopping from side to side and sweat going everywhere. Imagine your partner seeing sweat in between your belly folds. That's what you have to do to get people to make better choices when it came to sex.

[Dax Shepard]

Because she ideally wanted abstinence for people unless they were in committed relationships or something.

[Monica Padman]

I think when it came to teen sex that are younger people, abstinence was sort of what the driving force goal was. But there was a little bit of embarrassment tactics that also was unifying for people because we weren't taking it too seriously. We had this 80 year old lady who was sitting there with a vulva puppet and you know, jamming it with a can of liquid death, right? And that's what the Kind of show and stick was. So I think things have definitely changed since then. I'm not very familiar with Dr. Ruth's work, because. Different country.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. Now we have. I'm gonna put Esther Perel in this space.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

But you must love her, right? We love her.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. Absolutely. Phenomenal. Game changer, thought leader. What I love about Astaire, what she does so uniquely. Because now we all kind of have access to the information. Amazing. 21 years ago, I had to go to a library to the far depths of the back and secretly read things, not even check them out, because I was too embarrassed. And today, you can look it up anywhere. What Astaire does, though, is she takes that universal information and she brings it into her own world and then allows you to do the same with the information. So I just think that she has such a gifted mind. Not just her delivery, but the way that she distills information. I've probably watched everything, listened to everything. I've been to her tour. I think she's phenomenal.

[Dax Shepard]

It's hard not to, though, notice the parallel between this interesting accent and a small package. There's some recipe there that is disarming.

[Monica Padman]

I understand, but do you think Dr. Ruth's accent was the same as his stairs?

[Dax Shepard]

Nope, but I just think they both have accents and they're both short ladies, and there's something that can't be coincidental. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

All right, then let me take my heels off.

[Dax Shepard]

No, no, no. Keep on.

[Shan Boodram]

Well, the. Because sex is intimidating, the topic can be intimidating. And so the vessel for the information, if it's not very. Although I think Esther is very intimidating, actually.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. She's such a boss.

[Shan Boodram]

But when she walks in, maybe people don't expect it, and maybe that lowers the threshold.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm gonna argue, too, there's some magic in the outsiderness of it, I think, because this country, and I can't speak for Canada, but we have a cultural repression and. And there's numerous explanations for that. I think we should get into why this country is so repressed and terrified to talk about sex. So it's almost like. Because it's an outsider, I think if it's an insider, we start lobbying on all of our judgments and projections onto them because they're one of us. But there's something about them being from the outside that I think helps.

[Monica Padman]

I wonder. There was something that I learned in sexology school when they were talking about the relationship between how porn looks and a country's perception of sex. And so in Thailand, for example, where Sex is more normalized. You hear about it growing up, you know that it happens. There's just more conversation around it. Their porn tends to look like everyday people because that's your socialization of it. But for us, we're like, we don't do that. Nobody does that. And so your porn has to look like massive tits you've never seen before, right? Giant throbbing penises. Because it has to be as far removed from your reality as possible for you to engage with it.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so let's talk about the history of it a little bit. Cause I read this in crow incredible book on killing which talks about our fascination with killing. And you can pretty much chart it. It correlates perfectly with the further and further detached we get from killing. The more and more we're obsessed with it. So we used to. Grandma and grandpa died in the house. You buried grandma and grandpa in the backyard. You killed animals, you had this firsthand experience with it. So for 250,000 years we lived in a one room dwelling. You heard mom and dad have sex, you heard aunt and uncle have sex. Then we moved to these separated individual bedrooms. And then all of a sudden everyone's completely removed from this experience that for 99 of our time on earth we were quite intimately close to. And so it's developed all these interesting things. Not unlike the fascination with killing, which is like you're kind of not educated on it. You have no sense of whether you're good or bad at it. I really believe this is a part of people's insecurity around sex, is if you take up basketball, you can go to the park and evaluate are you good or bad, you medium. It's easily discovered if you're a singer. Any pursuit in life other than sex, all of us are like, I hope I'm good. How would I know other than I'm going to watch a porno with these people that don't resemble me and they're having sex that's completely unrealistic. And I'm going to evaluate myself against that If I'm a 15 year old boy. So what do you think about that notion? Just that it's hard to know whether you're competent or not.

[Monica Padman]

I think the difference between killing and sex is that for sex, one day you wake up and you're supposed to be amazing at it. Despite the fact that you've never got any education or scaffolding and experience, you haven't seen it before. All of a sudden you're 23 or 24. And I think a lot of immigrant people can relate to this. Are you East Indian?

[Shan Boodram]

Mm. Oh, South. Yes.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, South. All of a sudden you just wake up and it's like, well, where's your husband? It's like, well, for the these past however many years, I was discouraged from having a boyfriend, from having a crush, from acknowledging this part of myself. And then there's this automatic switch that happens. And then you get a husband. You're supposed to be they're everything in the bedroom while still keeping all the puritanical and religious expectations and cultural expectations. So that, I think, is the real mind f when it comes to sex.

[Dax Shepard]

And you've seen media, so you saw Fatal Attraction and you saw this movie. Like you've seen a very heightened and romanticized and scored version of it all that's floating around.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Yes.

[Shan Boodram]

You've seen acting.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes.

[Shan Boodram]

And then you're like, I guess it should be like that.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I guess it's like almost watching the NBA secretly. And then one day being like, now I'm going to play the best basketball of my life. You never got to practice. No one ever took you to the court before. You never had a coach.

[Dax Shepard]

And I'm going to measure myself against Michael Jordan because that's the only thing I've seen.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. The sad part is, admitting that you're probably not the best at it is actually the ultimate defeat. You have to delusionally pretend that you just have it all figured out.

[Dax Shepard]

Here's the paradox to get a girl interested in you. She wants to have sex with someone, knows what they're doing, probably doesn't know what she's doing. So you're exuding this confidence and knowledge in an attempt to be appealing to them. Very few young boys are going to go up and be like, here's the sitch. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm going to come in about five seconds.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you down? Like, they know better. Intuitively, they know better than to do that. So it's a big paradoxical trap.

[Monica Padman]

It's interesting when you think about sex because often we think about the orgasm gap. And when I began, it was three to one. So for every three orgasms a straight man had, a straight woman had one. Now it's two to one. I think that's a huge win. When I first started in this space, the big question was, where's the clitoris? Like, how do you find that thing? And now we're all like, everybody, it's right there. So there's definitely improvements. But I also have so much empathy for how hard it is to be a man. I have a class on masterclass, the art of sex appeal. When you do a masterclass, they research all of your stuff, and they put together a curriculum for you, because they don't expect Usher to sit there and, you know, write 50 pages of a curriculum. So for me, they provided this, and you obviously get to tweak and tailor and rewrite it. But the section on how to have better sex for a woman was all about multiple spots, multiple orgasms, embracing yourself, rejecting social sexual scripts, et cetera. And the section on men or people with penises was really just how to last longer. I'm like, that's it? That's all we get. Every position was designed for how to last longer. I'm like, how incredibly unfair is this? Also in consideration of the fact that from an evolutionary perspective, a man who comes quick is the hero of the town. He's about passing his jeans. He's been four hours. So I think that there's something to be said for how none of us have really gotten the long end of the stick, even those with the longest penis.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so I'm gonna now share something personal that happened to me that I thank God for my whole life, which is I met a girl, and she was a lot older than me. She was probably 21 when I was 15. And I think it was a surprise to her we were hooking up as.

[Monica Padman]

Well, I should say. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[Dax Shepard]

I love this, and I couldn't be more grateful for it.

[Maria]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

I think that age gap made her confident enough to go step, step, step. I'm gonna tell you what to do. And she broke it all down. The clitoris, everything for me at 15. And I remember thinking, well, what a crazy gift I got. I think she saved me a decade of trying to figure stuff out.

[Monica Padman]

Do you know what's great? Did that then create a culture of accepting women as the experts of their own body, huh? Because it doesn't stop with that partner. Right? I learn stuff every day. I am blown away by that. My whole life's work. I'm just constantly learning new terms. I didn't know that an upside down pineapple said you were a swinger.

[Shan Boodram]

I just learned this recently.

[Dax Shepard]

Tell me more about that. You wear a keychain or something.

[Monica Padman]

You come to someone's house, if there's an upside down pineapple, it's to signifier. If they go out to a club, you wear an upside down pineapple. It's a way of creating some lubrication, make it easier to ask.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm now glancing at all your jewelry.

[Monica Padman]

I don't see any off my game. I just threw this this weekend. I got a whole wardrobe to retail upside down.

[Shan Boodram]

I heard it recently too.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. But I am curious if that then started a culture versus the culture that a lot of men come into where it's like, you have to teach me about my body. You have to be the one to show me a whole new world.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, meaning the guy's supposed to explain to the woman.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. That's not going to work.

[Shan Boodram]

Not for young people, not for anyone.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

The asterisk of all that would be certainly her playbook. I couldn't graph it perfectly onto every woman. Everyone has their own idiosyncrasies and their own specific desires and pressures and how much contact. But the architecture of that was very informative. You're not gonna just be able to pump me for 90 seconds and make this wonderful for me. Okay, great. There's more going on. Tell me what's going on. And just the knowledge that these other things need to be considered and explored and questioned and figured out was helpful as all hell.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Stay tuned for more armchair exper if you dare. We are supported by Edible Arrangements. There's just something special about getting a delivery, isn't there? Getting a gift from Edible Arrangements is a surefire way to put a smile on someone's face. I love when people send us this.

[Shan Boodram]

It is really fun.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm really keen on the pineapple when.

[Shan Boodram]

They come with the chocolate.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I can't get enough of that yummy goodness. You probably know Edible Arrangements has delicious fresh fruit bouquets. And those are great, but. But Edible Arrangements has so much more than that. They've got chocolate dipped fruit, new dessert boards with cakes, cookies and brownies, balloons and even fresh flowers. And free gift wrapping is included so your gift recipient will feel extra special. So no matter what your occasion, hosting, thank yous, birthdays, celebrations, hey, even a good apology. Edible Arrangements is your one stop shop for gifting. And if you happen to forget a special occasion, no worries. Edible Arrangements has fast and flexible delivery with next day, same day, and even one hour delivery options. Go to ediblearrangements.com and use promo code ARMCHAIR10 to save $10 on your order. Over $59. Offer ends at midnight Eastern Standard Time on December 31st. Additional terms and conditions apply. See site for details. We are supported by Michigan. Ding ding ding. Oh, I'm such a proud Michigander. I love Michigan. The people, the nature in summertime in Michigan. I'm telling you, I would put it up against any place in the world. It's such a beautiful and it's a great place for everyone, especially kids to experience all four seasons with beaches, trails and snow a stone's throw away. What you may not know is Michigan is also a great place to work. You can have a quality lifestyle and a rewarding tech career. The fast growing and rapidly evolving automotive and clean energy industries offer opportunities for career advancement no matter what your skill level. Plus, Michigan offers accessible housing, exciting nightlife and an inclusive community for all. It's really a one of a kind place. And do not forget the lake. Lakes, lakes, Lakes Lakes Lakes. Live your best 9 to 5 and 5 to 9 you can in Michigan. Go to themichiganlife.org to learn more. This message is brought to you by Apple Card Apply for Apple Card today and start earning up to 3% daily cash back on everyday purchases. And that daily cash can even grow automatically when you open a High Yield Savings account through Apple Car Card. What are you waiting for? Visit Apple Co Card Calculator today to see how much daily cash you can earn. Subject to credit approval Savings available to Apple Card owners subject to eligibility Savings and Apple Card by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Member FDIC terms and [e-mail] we are supported by Allstate. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check your flights on time first before heading to the airport. You know to check your presentation is save first before closing your laptop. That's one mistake I'll never make again. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Northbrook, Illinois.

[Monica Padman]

I know a lot of people who have a really great sex life or had a very good formative sex life. People with vulva specifically. It's because they had sex with other women and that allowed them to get the idea their pleasure mattered, that it belonged in a part of the conversation also too just empathizing with the drive. You can't even relate or imagine to the drive of a teenager specifically with testosterone. They'll say or do anything. Just the desire to come is probably equivalent to starving.

[Dax Shepard]

I appreciate that you're acknowledging that when you talk to especially dudes my age that are now not afraid to talk about what they were doing from 12 till 20, dudes are masturbating sometimes like eight times a day. Everyone has a story of like getting busted by their mom and there's somewhere they shouldn't be doing and they just fucking got to do it.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. I just heard the story about one of my male friends who in seventh grade during class was getting a hand job from this girl during class, a friend of mine I know very well. And I was like, what? But yes, that's the drive. No fear.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Shan Boodram]

The only thing that matters is getting off. And then I think maybe unfortunately for the girl, the only thing that sort of matters is pleasuring him.

[Monica Padman]

But you don't know what crazy things he said to her before. He's starving. Yeah, he will say anything. And I relate. Don't get me wrong, I think that I had really high sex drive. And even now I do my best not to suffer from presentism. I have a sex ed series with Crash Course and the Kinsey Institute that's for teens. And it can be really easy to kind of use your 40 year old brain to rationalize. It's not the same. I ran track and field and I was away at camp and I was masturbating like in a bed beside a stranger. I didn't want to do that. Yeah, I didn't want to. I felt so much shame. I've masturbated before in cars parked on the side of the road, on airplanes. I didn't want that life.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure, sure.

[Shan Boodram]

But it was like a compulsion.

[Monica Padman]

Insatiable compulsion. Right. Sometimes I don't want to eat that Krispy Kreme, but it's there. It's getting eaten.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Now I think we should talk about the interesting societal pressures. So conventionally, what was preventing this communication is for the young woman to know what she wants exactly would somehow be telling on herself that she's slutty or a. That that knowledge would somehow infer they're fighting that. Right. Like if I don't want to come across as a. This was the old architecture and of course we hate it. And then the boy is going, I'm supposed to be a pro at this and I'm supposed to fuck you like we're in a porno and for as long as you want it. And so the person that needs the most instruction in this scenario is the boy. And he's the one supposed to be the know it all. And then the one who's got the information is probably disincentivized to share the information. So, like, what a terrible construction for communication. To happen or learning or anything.

[Monica Padman]

I think in best case scenario the woman has the information. But even for me, I still come across women in my age group who don't masturbate or never masturbated. So some of them don't even have that basic information of how do I get off. I genuinely have so much faith for Gen Z and Gen Alpha, which I think is the one behind them for the conversations they get to hear and just again the basic knowledge of where things are and what's supposed to feel pleasurable. And we were even talking to my niece and nephew about the clitoris and they were like, oh yeah, we all develop female first and the clitoris is just this penis. I feel much better for them. But I do think that even having A woman maybe 10, 20 years ago who knew what she liked was a bit rare.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, that's a Good point.

[Monica Padman]

That 21 year old is actually a pioneer because I didn't know what was going on at 21.

[Dax Shepard]

So I watched the masterclass as always. Masterclass. Beautifully produced. They do such a bang em up job.

[Shan Boodram]

They do.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so part one is better, hotter and more passionate sex. And you start with foreplay. So let's discuss foreplay because I think a lot of people, people have a singular view of what foreplay is.

[Monica Padman]

I think of foreplay as engagement that is sexual, that is not going to get you off. So I take oral sex out of foreplay because for many people, specifically those of all of us, that's core play and foreplay can sound like the appetizer to dinner and appetizers are optional. So I like to differentiate foreplay from core play. But foreplay is anything that is erotic in nature that's not going to get you off. So that's like dirty talk even for yourself. Showering and shaving and selecting an underwear and panty that match is a part of foreplay, right? It's preparing your body for sexual release and for tension to be gone. I also love the Kama Sutra for this reason because it gives all these incredible ideas for foreplay. You may have heard the stat before that all bodies get hard and wet. It takes around 12 to 20 minutes to become fully erect. Some people up to 40 minutes. But when you hear that and your idea of foreplay is making it out and a little bit of a hand job, you're like we about seven minutes in and we're out of ideas. Why not tell each other some sexy stories or make up some fiction? Draw each other in the Kama Sutra. They said that Every good lover should have an easel by their bedside to like draw their lover naked. Playing games, perfuming. There's so many different things we can do when we expand foreplay. Aside from engaging with the genitals or major erogenous zones to just getting somebody ready to. To feel something beautiful.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. We had an expert on. I can't remember exactly who, but they broke down the two different arousal types and they seem to be heavily gendered.

[Monica Padman]

Are you talking about spontaneous versus responsive?

[Dax Shepard]

Yep. This plays into that nicely.

[Shan Boodram]

Let's hit that again.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, let's hit it again.

[Monica Padman]

So the idea that spontaneous desire is what was experienced in that class that day, he's like, this teacher is talking about algebra, but I gots to get mine. Yeah, Right. And it's an overcoming. It's what you see in the notebook and in movies. Right, Right. You're just drawn to that person. It's animalistic, it's irrational. I just need you.

[Dax Shepard]

And generally it's brain first. So it's the brain has a fantasy, the brain has a thought, the brain's thinking about sex and then the body's got to catch up.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. I've actually never heard it worded that way. That's perfect.

[Dax Shepard]

And then the other version, which is body first, you killed that.

[Monica Padman]

I expected to come here to learn. And so I'm happy to be getting some new stuff. I did. Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

In that way, if we're saying a lot of women are responsive response first. Is that what it is?

[Dax Shepard]

That's what our previous experts said.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. Then when that means body first, I would have expected the other way around.

[Monica Padman]

That's why I like it. Because brain first sounds like sapio sexuality or demisexuality, where there has to be a connection. Right. But it's not that. It's like you turn yourself on, your brain decides to start pumping those neurochemicals.

[Dax Shepard]

It'S launching these fantasies, and then your.

[Monica Padman]

Body starts to throb and it needs it. Whereas with body first, it's that you're not thinking about it. You don't feel it in the brain. But once somebody's engaging with you and performing foreplay, it's hair play for you.

[Dax Shepard]

It could be innocuous hair play. And then all of a sudden your scalp is tingly and now other parts of your body. Right. And now your body's aroused. And then your brain goes, ooh, I want sex.

[Shan Boodram]

Right. Your brain is lagging. I see, I see, I see. Oh, that's interesting.

[Monica Padman]

Which also kind of speaks to multi dimensional rules. I've been doing a lot of studying recently about dual mating strategy. It makes me kind of reflect on that a little bit. Even the most monogamous animals are likely to be monogamous 88% of the time. There's still that 12% that requires that. But with dual mating strategy, it's essentially that you choose one part partner that would be a good parent and a caregiver and provider, and you choose another that you're sexually attracted to who has the superior genes. And so there's something to reflect on, on that for why in longer term relationships, it does become heavily based on responsive desire versus spontaneous desire.

[Shan Boodram]

That's really interesting because I think for women especially, you feel like you really need to be both of those things. You need to be super sexually desirable, and you need to be a good mom, a nurturer. You have to be all of it to be a good woman.

[Dax Shepard]

I think it's universal, though. That's Esther's point, right? Is that we ask of our partners to be all of the things. A provider, a confidant, a best friend, then elusive and intriguing and novel. We want our partners to be every single thing. The best dad and the hottest, most unavailable dude to fuck me.

[Monica Padman]

Yes, Naturally, as you get older and you stop having that insatiable sex drive, and then you have a partner that you have this stable, loving relationship with that's heavily based on, like, trust and comfort. The reason why I really like what you said about brain versus body first. It also just invites you then to bring spontaneous desire back into your relationship by turning yourself on first, listening to an erotic book, telling yourself erotic stories, all the sort of tips I gave before. Giving a long shower for yourself, figuring out what turns you on.

[Dax Shepard]

And then there's also asking questions like, are you open to double penetration? Or not open to, but like, do you desire? How do you feel about double penetration? There's a lot of different questions that force your brain to start considering sex.

[Monica Padman]

Especially because, you know, when you go to a restaurant from a different country, if I asked you, what do you want? And you're like, I don't know, right? So I think a lot of times with sex, we often say to somebody, well, what do you want? Tell me what you want. And without acknowledging that many of us were never given a menu. We were never shown a variety. I mean, if we were, it was through a variety of porn categories that may not necessarily be applicable with our partners. So I think having those questions that are pointed allows somebody a chance to reflect on something they may have never even considered before.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And again, I'm gonna speak in very broad stereotypes, but I'm friends with many, many married people and oh, one great comforting thing. Did you watch Couples Therapy? We love it with Orna.

[Monica Padman]

I didn't watch Couples Therapy.

[Dax Shepard]

You must watch it.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh my God, you must. And it's coming back this month.

[Dax Shepard]

It's so fucking good. But what you will learn that across the board in all relationships, someone wants more sex than the the other.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

That's just standard. It could be the woman, it could be the man. In my circle, generally guys want more from their wives. I think it's really helpful to guys to understand. You can be at work thinking of what you're going to do and you're there. But if what you want is more sex, you need to bring her body into where your brain is at. And the foreplay is the only answer for that. You don't want her to get in the mood for sex seven minutes into penetration.

[Monica Padman]

It's a lot of people's reality and it's still a win if you get into the mood. But I do agree that the best case scenario is where we want to want it and we want that together. And that's also where you can supersede scheduling sex and go to intention setting where we can sit and be like, we both really want to do this. So when do we have the time versus get out the planner? Let's figure this out together. What have you found out that has worked for you? If this is not too much of a personal question, but what can you offer your partner that gets them in the headspace?

[Shan Boodram]

Acts of service. I know for her, for all the women that you're talking about, we're in a big friend group and the men that you're saying who want more skills sex, that's the way to get it from these women for sure.

[Monica Padman]

We call that chore play.

[Dax Shepard]

Ooh, chore play. Maybe we should really put a fine point on that. So chore play, is it self evident? Do some chores.

[Shan Boodram]

I mean more just like I thought of you, I thought of you. I thought, what is going to make your life easier and our life easier? And I did it. That is hot. That's a way to establish some foreplay.

[Dax Shepard]

I'll co sign on that. Yeah, I think I wanted to do the version which I like doing. Let's go to dinner and let's talk and I'll pay really good attention. You ask a lot of questions. And yes, probably more accident of service and not like out of A romantic movie is more effective. Yeah, but I think a lot of guys think, oh, I go down on her and then she'll want to have sex. But you're including oral in just core sex. So, no, that's not going to be for.

[Monica Padman]

No, that's not going to be it. Or they think it's like slapping on the ass or like squeezing the tits or being like, it's been a while.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it's been a while. That's always precious. That's always a libido blaster. It's been a while. It's a little guilt, little shame.

[Monica Padman]

It's just knowing it. I talk about turn on triggers, and of course, there's infinite ways of thinking about these, similar to love languages. But by and large, most people can kind of fit in different categories. Like my husband would fit underneath essentialist or environmentalist. It has to be the environment. He's very cognizant. We were having sex last night and the window was open and we could hear people talking outside. And that's hot to me.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure. What?

[Monica Padman]

I was just like, let me just set my watch when he's gonna get up and close these windows. And sure enough, he's going to. So that will take him out. And for me, I just like direct car almost teenage desire. I just want to feel like you just can't even help yourself around me. So a text that's very dirty talk will hit for me. For him, it's preparing the room, making sure that the kids can't hear us, putting on music, making sure that he has time to shower. All of those are essential for him to feel like, okay, now.

[Dax Shepard]

Right. Getting rid of all the distractions.

[Monica Padman]

And I don't care. I could have sex on a pile of dirty newspapers.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Monica Padman]

With everybody watching. So that's the importance of acknowledging those small differences. Whenever I hear couples talk about that, of course it's normal imbalances. It's actually a great privilege to have imbalances in libido or in anything, because it creates the culture of figuring it out. I have talked to a lot of couples, specifically on reality shows. Like a friend of mine was on the Bachelor. And you start out hot and heavy.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure.

[Monica Padman]

And you have this amazing chemistry, and then life happens and you don't have that anymore. And now it's really hard to have that conversation because the story that you've told yourself about your relationship is that we have amazing sexual chemistry. It doesn't require. And if we do, then something is fundamentally wrong and our story no longer Works. So that's really difficult. So I'm like, if you start off with incompatibility, you're off to the races. Because now you have a built in culture of having those kinds of discussions. Because truth of the matter is, the pendulum's going to be swinging in opposite ways. And like once in a while you're going to line up, but most of the time you're going to be doing different things.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so I now know one of your erogenous zones is your lower back.

[Monica Padman]

Yes, yes.

[Dax Shepard]

In rubbing your lower back, what's the nerve?

[Monica Padman]

Pudendal.

[Dax Shepard]

Now what happens when the last thing you're thinking about is sex? You have something very important the next day and your husband starts rubbing that erogenous zone. Are you not like, fuck, he knows the math and now he wants that. Do you not leap forward to like, well, he's just trying to fuck. Like it's hard to outsmart in some way.

[Shan Boodram]

Well, it shouldn't be an outsmarting.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, if you want to have sex and you would like your partner to be in the mood, I think that's a totally fine pursuit. Right, of course. And then so you know, oh great. So she likes this. I gave her a glass of wine, now I'm gonna rub her. But you're like, fuck, he got me a wine. He's rubbing my penuhas nurse nerve. I know where this is going and what I don't like is knowing where this is going. Like, how do we deal with that?

[Monica Padman]

There's something about that that feels like, don't try to outsmart my body. Don't be sneaky about it. It's not sexy to be sneaky. That coercive sneakiness, it just kind of feels cowardly a little bit like, I want you to own your desire or own what you're looking for. Look me in the eye and have that conversation. And if you're feeling my energy is tired and overwhelmed, it would be more helpful for you to, to be like, I'm going downstairs right now and pack the kids lunch from now so we can sleep in five minutes more. That would be more of a turn on than being like, oh, she's tired, let me just do that lower back trick. And then that feels like, really? So I think it's not looking for the cheat codes and instead trying to make intimacy something that we voluntarily excitedly, when we have the intention, we want to do this thing together. And so we're on the same team of wanting to do it.

[Dax Shepard]

Sounds like chores are bigger than, than we're it might be really the headlines. Chores.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, it's huge.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, now hold on. You're very smart. He's like, fuck, he just offered to make the lunges he never makes. He's going to fucking. I know what he's up to.

[Shan Boodram]

By rubbing the pituitary gland.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, Releasing some hgh.

[Shan Boodram]

Even if you like it, that's not something off of your plate.

[Dax Shepard]

Listen, we know how the brain works. What gives you dopamine is the unknown. So I'm going to rub your, your pumice nerve.

[Shan Boodram]

Sometimes pumice stone.

[Dax Shepard]

And then I'm gonna pick up my book and read. Yes, I'm gonna rub her pumice gland and then I'm gonna pick up my book and read.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, I see.

[Dax Shepard]

And she'll be like, huh, that's weird. I thought he was trying to fuck. No, he just rubbed my thing. I think if you mix in enough unexpected outcomes. Now every time the pituitary gland gets rubbed, you too don't know.

[Monica Padman]

It's the deliciousness of erotic ambiguity. And we lose that in long term relationships. And that's why toxic relationships or toxic dick is often so revered. But erotic ambiguity is when I know that you're attracted to me, I know that I'm attracted to you. We know that there's something there, but we don't know if we're gonna have sex. There's this question and sometimes in long term relationships that question gets dissolved and it's like, well, let's do it. It's like, let's just play in that area of the unknown. Like, I love to pretend I'm not gonna get give it up. And I need you to believe in your heart that I might not.

[Shan Boodram]

Right.

[Monica Padman]

Like I require that for that to sort of sit deliciously between us. And so your partner doing that something to get you turned on and then.

[Dax Shepard]

Pulling back, you're also just going back to like date three, which is I'm going to do this thing. It could just be I'm showing her I'm good at a foot massage. And it can end there.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Cuz that'll be a win. Because she doesn't know I'm good at a foot massage. There's like little wins because it's not a foregone condition. Conclusion. So it's like, I think the more you can play with that, the better, the more exciting.

[Monica Padman]

Like that little pineapple in the house. You go in, you see it's there, but you don't know for sure if.

[Dax Shepard]

You'Re going to get invited to Swing, right?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so let's go into core play. You start with being multi orgasmic. Is everyone potentially multi orgasmic?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. An orgasm is a sudden release of sexual tension. It's interesting because the brain is the biggest sex organ and so I can orgasm in my sleep. So that's it. But other than that, it's only clitoris for me. I can do clitoral, plus that provides a different sensation. But I have friends or I know of people who can orgasm from nipple play or from their toes being sucked or back of the knee. I've heard it before. Anus, of course. One of them. Of course. Penetration without any outer clitoral stimulation that occurs. So some people can be. If you can orgasm one way, that's a win. There's a delay light in, looking to see where your pleasure potential is. But it should never be the goal that becomes exhausting. So I balk against this sometimes because it can feel like, well, if you're not multi orgasmic, you're not really doing the sex right. And instead it's more just enjoying and embracing what you have and then delighting in the fact that there could possibly be more.

[Dax Shepard]

Again, it's back to. You're trying to evaluate whether you are good or bad on it. And that seems to be the only metric a guy needs.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

So it's like, how else is one to evaluate themselves other than the orgasm?

[Monica Padman]

But then Malte says that one's not good enough. There's gotta be many. 17 times in a session or something. And then I also just reflect on the fact that most men don't identify with being multi orgasmic. And that's never like, really.

[Shan Boodram]

Right.

[Monica Padman]

I'm sorry, that hasn't happened for you. Maybe with the right partner. You're just like, this is what works for me. I like it. And everyone's like, that's good enough. So it's both.

[Dax Shepard]

And I didn't know about the A spot. Can we talk about the A spot?

[Monica Padman]

Yes. So the A spot is a sensitive region. So it's the anterior fornix, which means towards the belly button. There's like a ridge that's there. And if you press forward, there's spongy tissue. And so the cervix is not pleasurable, but the A spot is. So it's a little bit.

[Dax Shepard]

It's just above it.

[Monica Padman]

It's just above your G spot or your G region or your inner clitoris, whatever you want to call it, is about a couple of inches in. And from forward, the A spot is probably the middle finger all the way to the top. Which is why for most people who get simulation that way, a finger or a toy that can provide that consistent, reliable pressure is probably better than a penis. Unless your penis is plated with gold, a little curved, and can last a long time because your ancestors lived in a region where there weren't a lot of prey around. So you had the luxury.

[Dax Shepard]

Now, G spot, there's no such thing. This was a revelation.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. So I kind of gave you the flashes there. Right at the end of the day, I'm not a of telling anybody that what they experience is not real. Whatever you believe to be true is true. And so I actually just got a O shot last week. And essentially what the doctor does is they take blood from you, and then they spin it to get the platelets, and then they inject it in your G spot and in your clitoris to make it larger and more sensitive.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow.

[Monica Padman]

And she's very much a believer of the G spot. But a lot of modern scientists today will tell you the G spot doesn't exist. Instead, as we know, the clitoris is shaped like a wishbone. And so it's just part of the clitoris, which even that is arguable because some people don't believe the vestibules are part of the clitoris.

[Shan Boodram]

When did you get that? Last week?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I did.

[Shan Boodram]

And how fast does that, like. Have you noticed a difference?

[Monica Padman]

No.

[Shan Boodram]

You haven't?

[Monica Padman]

No, I wish I did. I've never had an orgasm before from penetration alone, without clitoral stimulation. At the same time, two thirds of women, that's going to be their reality. So there's something really beautiful, I think about that. You know, I'm a part of this league, but of course I'm open and expanded to more.

[Dax Shepard]

I want whatever I can't have.

[Monica Padman]

I'm just interested in experiencing more. Have you had a prostate orgasm before?

[Dax Shepard]

No, but I'd love one, right? Absolutely. I'd be up for it in a second.

[Shan Boodram]

Maybe you could take a shot.

[Dax Shepard]

Definitely. Give me their number and see if they do prostate.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, they do. They have pee, for sure, where they enlarge the coronal ridge of the penis to make that area more sensitive and large. Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, they're doing things.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, they're doing things out here. But it also does, like, increase lubrication. Way I would describe having it, because I've had it done before, is if it happened and I was asleep, I probably wouldn't have known that it happened. Now that I know it's happened, I Think I'm just more like, maybe that's from this.

[Dax Shepard]

But you're getting into the world of.

[Monica Padman]

Placebo, which is fine.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Which is real. Placebo is real.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. I just want to put a point on the G spot and the A spot. So what you're looking for for our six guys listener is kind of a come hither motion.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. For the G, it's come hither. For the A, it's more like that. So it's like pressing the button for it and then the G, you can kind of reflect in the fact that it's a larger area. So you're stroking that entire area versus a spot which you tap app on. Right. So the A spot is more of a spot. It's hard on the fingers because you're way deep in there. So it's almost like that.

[Dax Shepard]

You advise shoulder movements.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, it takes some strength there. But the G spot is more of a region. So you're petting the region.

[Dax Shepard]

Squirting. You run straight at squirting.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's hear about squirting.

[Monica Padman]

What do you guys think of squirting?

[Shan Boodram]

I'm not against it. If it happened.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Do you believe?

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, do I believe it? I believe. Well, Howard says it's Howard Stern.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, there was a guy and she goes into that. They analyzed the ejaculate and they. On the Stern show, a doctor phone. That was your. I, of course, was introduced to it in pornography. And I was like, absolutely. Some visual signal of it. In the same way girls get a visual signal. It's so exciting. And to not go too deep into the story. But I was doing a movie in Chicago, and I was talking to the bartender deep into this long conversation. She said she doesn't hook up with many people because she has an embarrassment, embarrassing thing. And I'm like, oh, God, what is the embarrassing thing? And then she said, I'm a squirter. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so up for this.

[Monica Padman]

You think that was a pickup line?

[Shan Boodram]

I do.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

It definitely worked. And so I definitely experienced the full fledged.

[Shan Boodram]

So she did.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah.

[Monica Padman]

That's amazing. And there are studies that say that it's just sexual incontinence. It's like both because you need a strong pelvic floor in order to squirt and expel. But some people have a weak pelvic floor, so they just pee on you. I think I. I like the consensus that it's coming from the urethra. We don't have what men have where you cannot Pee and ejaculate at the same time. It's one or the other, and we don't have that. So it's very likely that you're getting some urine in there. But you also have the Bartholin gland. You have the Skene's gland. And someone described it to me, like, you know, when you're gonna eat something sour, your mouth salivates. And some people, they salivate so much that it's almost like an eek, it squirts out. So there can be some people whose glands, they react that way. So they do sor of eek out.

[Dax Shepard]

But your recommendation was, like, if you want to try this or explore this, pee before sex. So you don't have in your mind, oh, no, I'm going to pee.

[Monica Padman]

And then also, too, the technique to doing it is we use around the clock. So you do various different spots, and you go around to P spot, and you go A spot, and you go G spot while you're doing outer clitoral stimulation. And while all this is happening, you, as the person with the vulva, are bearing down. It's different than peeing. Bearing down is almost like you're pushing a marble out of your vulva. Out of your vulva.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, you're giving birth.

[Monica Padman]

You're giving birth to the squirt. Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Whoa. Giving birth to the squirt. That's my next book.

[Monica Padman]

So that's the thing, too. I think people sometimes, when they're trying to squirt, release is pleasurable.

[Shan Boodram]

Sure.

[Monica Padman]

So if you have a partner who's down for it and you put down a towel and you're bearing down, who cares if it's a little bit of pee? Right. If they're into that. It's so fascinating, too, because, you know, like, golden showers are, like a very taboo thing. And squirting is perfectly normal. And majority of the time, like Sarah, you are lapping up at least some urine and you're loving it. So bodies are cool.

[Shan Boodram]

I think that's taboo.

[Monica Padman]

Golden showers, I think it's the power dynamics of it. You urinate on things that you don't respect.

[Dax Shepard]

You put urine in the toilet. You think it's something the body has to expel. It is antiseptic. Weirdly, it's not dangerous by any stretch. But, yes, I think because it goes in a toilet, we think it's dirty.

[Shan Boodram]

But that's so silly because it's all fluid. There's so much fluid happening.

[Dax Shepard]

We love saliva when we're kissing. We love vaginal lubricant. We Love everything.

[Shan Boodram]

And then, yes, they were like, all fluids.

[Monica Padman]

The sex positivity coming from this side is just radiating. Most people are not relating to what you're saying right now.

[Shan Boodram]

I know. Most people are like, do not have turned it off.

[Monica Padman]

Come on, guys. It's just bodily fluids.

[Dax Shepard]

Everyone in our friendship circle had watched this same TV show, and it had a sex scene that was, by my accounts, awesome. And other people were freaked out by it, and it gave rise to a really great conversation. And I. I think the thing people were missing is so much of sex is, I trust you enough, and I'm signaling to you. I would do things with you that you don't do with normal people. And that in itself is very rewarding. And such a good signal that they're hung up on the. Like, she's spit in his mouth. Right? Because you can't spit in your co worker's mouth. You don't spit in your mom's mouth. Mouth. Like, yes, because this is the only person. It's not the spitting in the mouth. It's what it's symbolizing.

[Monica Padman]

Nothing about you is gross to me.

[Dax Shepard]

Right? Yes.

[Shan Boodram]

Yes, yes, exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

That sense of wow my whole self you don't think is gross is lovely.

[Shan Boodram]

That is the most acceptance you can have.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Prostate orgasm. I think any guy who saw American Pie, didn't Stifler get a prostate orgasm?

[Monica Padman]

Did he get milk?

[Dax Shepard]

I think so, yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

So many people would not even dare try. There is steals a lot of homosexual stigma around that part, which is insane that your own body, even the nipples, have that stigma.

[Shan Boodram]

Really?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. My husband, I mean, he's half black, half white, but even when he was talking about it to his friends, they were like, exploring your own body is sus. It's gay.

[Dax Shepard]

It's gay.

[Shan Boodram]

So crazy.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And he loves his nipples. That's his favorite thing.

[Monica Padman]

That's his thing. He loves his nipples. He's like, I would ask for that. He didn't even know that that was a part of, like, what he enjoyed. He's like, but now I'll ask that of anybody.

[Dax Shepard]

I know. It is really, really funny. I want to talk to these guys and, like, do you think you'll be engaged in some kind of sexual activity with a woman and something will start feeling so good that you'll be like, I want a guy now. When they walk through that, are they afraid that's what's going to happen?

[Monica Padman]

I think that they are afraid that their partner and them will break up and their partner will tell other people and that they will assume that they're gay. And I have talked to enough women who have said or done things that reinforce this. So I completely understand why men think this way.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Monica Padman]

And you see what happens in the news kind of somewhat recently, it was Kanye and Amber Rose where she outed him for liking anal. And that actually became a joke in a movie. That's when you're like, I'll just keep this to myself. Yeah, I'll go without it. Right.

[Shan Boodram]

But it's so funny because women, I don't think, have that stigma. It's like hot. If a woman is touching herself or exploring now, maybe that's changed over time.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, well, clitorectomies, I think there's a long history of women aren't supposed to enjoy it. They're a vessel for the dude. And then hopefully a baby comes out.

[Shan Boodram]

I mean, more in general, if a man told their friend, oh, she was touching herself, they're not like, oh, she might be gay. Like, that's hot.

[Dax Shepard]

Right?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

That's the difference for men there, which. That sucks for men.

[Monica Padman]

Well, for prostate orgasms, you can either go kind of similar interior wall, 2 inches in, then pressing forward, and then the milking sensation. It's the whole region. The prostate's the size of a waln. Or you can get a toy like the magic wand, which is really powerful, and put that up against the gooch. And a lot of people, it's similar to the G spot. It's not it by itself.

[Dax Shepard]

You call the perineum the gooch.

[Monica Padman]

Yes, the taint.

[Dax Shepard]

The gooch.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Like Gucci. That feels elevated.

[Monica Padman]

It's a hairless strip of wonder.

[Dax Shepard]

Part of that, which we were just talking about is you talk about the sexual social script. And one of the ways you can counteract this in your male partner is to sexually how manly it is that they are trying things.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. That it's hot, that they explore their body. It's interesting because when you speak to a lot of women in long term relationships, the complaint is how boring sex is, how vanilla it is. Yet for so much of that man's life, he was stuck between this rock and a hard place. Between trying to perform uber masculinity, of I know everything. I am the leader and the protection of the tightrope, of heterosexuality, of constantly trying to prove that you're heterosexual. I don't relate to that. I don't have to wake up every day and think, well, what am I gonna do to make sure people know?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, girls on the playground weren't calling each other gay non stop boys. That was the singular insult you heard. Non stop.

[Monica Padman]

You can't have one experience or be attracted to one person or watch one gay porn film and enjoy it without that meaning that like, well, you have to abandon your heterosexuality altogether. So it's difficult for, I think for men to decouple themselves from the social sexual scripts much more than women.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, that's a great point. Yeah. If you heard that a woman you knew hooked up with another woman in college, you'd be like, ha. And if you heard that a dude hooked up with another dude in college, you'd be like someone. So you're gay. And now what? You're just living this lie? Clearly you want that.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Stay tuned for more Armchair expert if you dare. We are supported by Quints. You know, when you look back at photos of yourself in your all black punk stage in high school or wearing head to toe 90s neon and you wonder what was I thinking? Sometimes trends just don't stand the test of time. If you want an outfit that you're going to feel great about both now and later, check out the wardrobe staples from Quint. They're classic and elevated, so you're going to love the way you look now and years from now. And they're made with high quality materials so they'll hold up for years to come too. I love Quint. I love their cashmere so much.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. If you want to revamp your wardrobe, which I suggest per season, add some pieces in that are fun, kind of just for the season. They're some really good summer pieces, some great button downs that you can also wear by the pool.

[Dax Shepard]

They have European linen beach shorts, you know, organic silk polos. Stick to staples that last with elevated essentials from quint. Go to quint.comstacks for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U I N C E.comstacks to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.comStack we are supported by ZipRecruiter. Oh get recruited. It's summertime baby. And one of the best times of year. The weather, vacation jobs. Okay, maybe not everyone is excited about jobs, but summer jobs are a rite of passage. I detassled corn.

[Shan Boodram]

You sure did. I worked at a law firm.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh wow. Unconventional. Whether it's a lifeguard, a drama camp counselor, or a tennis instructor, seasonal businesses are in need of employees with specific skills. And that's not always easy to find. Whether you're a hiring for one of these roles or any other role, how do you find top talent before the competition gets them? ZipRecruiter Zip Recruiter's powerful matching technology does a deep dive to identify top talent for your roles. And if we're talking about that lifeguard position, the dive's gotta be extra deep for safety reasons. I'll see myself out. Gear up for summer with ZipRecruiter's high speed hiring tools. See why 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Just go to this exclusive web address right now to try ZipRecruiter for free. Ziprecruiter.com Dax Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com Dax ZipRecruiter the smartest way to hire the CareCredit.

[Monica Padman]

Credit card lets me pay over time for just about anything my dog needs.

[Dax Shepard]

From food to vet care. But.

[Monica Padman]

But what if, hypothetically speaking, I got a bird.

[Dax Shepard]

No, a horse. Well, I've got good news for my hypothetical self. Care credit is accepted at more than.

[Monica Padman]

270,000 locations and works for, wait for it, all animals. And the even better, the better part.

[Dax Shepard]

Is it also works for me. I can use it for spa trips.

[Monica Padman]

Dental treatments and more. CareCredit offers flexible financing for all my.

[Dax Shepard]

Hypothetical animals and hypothetical meat.

[Monica Padman]

Visit carecredit.com to apply and find a.

[Dax Shepard]

Location near you, subject to credit approval. Okay. Positions. Love it. Everyone should watch this masterclass because it's going to be very educational. I know a dude from aa. I don't know why he decides to ask me this. And he's like, you know, I have sex with my wife and she rarely has an organ. I'm sure that's why she doesn't want to fuck. I'm like, well, she's using a vibrator. And he's like, no, should I get one? I'm like, yes, get this. And he's like, yeah. And then I want to last. I'm like, here, reverse cowgirl, give her a vibrator and try that out.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

And he came to the meeting and he's like, oh, my God, you need to tell every guy this. No one knows this. And he's now telling everyone in the meeting, have you talked to Dax? Get your wife a. Like, he was proselytizing and he was already 45. And I'm like, that's the state of maleducation is. I just offhandedly suggested that. And he's like, oh, my God, this is incredible.

[Shan Boodram]

But also, I wish she had earlier been like, I think I want to try bringing a toy to the scene. Taking that into her own hands too.

[Dax Shepard]

Right. But I think that's why this will be really helpful is I was shocked to see that this person didn't know that at 45. So I have a hunch a lot of people be watching this and be like, oh, wow, okay, that's a great idea.

[Monica Padman]

It's so fascinating. The master class population is so tender and special. And this class on masterclass was rated gold, which is rare because I'm not amongst a league of sex classes there. It's not what you go to masterclass for, but a lot of people were watching it and the population is older. It's almost like you're more likely to have the information at 18 than you are at 75. And so they just have been doing it one way forever. And so they're like, this is what sex is. So why would I ask for a vibrator? It means so much to my husband to do it this particular way. And I value that. I value getting along versus getting my way. So this is the kind of sex that we have. So it's hugely revolutionary for people to introduce doggy style, a reverse cowgirl, and a vibrator. So this information sometimes we think is common knowledge is really not even for women, I think is so important to note. Is that a question we're often asked in the early stages of dating is like, what's your favorite position? And you should be able to answer that based on your cycle. Well, during the luteal phase, I like this. During my ovulation phase, I like that because the position of your cervix is drastically different. Your hormones are different. So I think that the position conversation gets overly simplified. But there's a lot of rich knowledge to be shared there.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Sex drive. What is SAR? You said ideally everyone would be able to take SAR.

[Monica Padman]

Sexual attitude reassessment. And it's a 40 hour course. I've done two. So the first one that I did was in San Francisco and we just watched porn for 40 hours. And the purpose of that is so that I see so much different variety of what gets people off that when you tell me, Monica, that you love nurse play and the sicker, more oozier the person is, the more you're turned on, I'm like, okay. You know, I just watched people do it. Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

You're not like shaken by it?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. I'm like, oh, that makes sense. We had to watch one that was challenging for me to watch. Which was genital nicking. So they use really sharp razors and they nick each other's genitals. And you have to watch that. And you focus on their faces and how much joy they're experiencing. And they're doing it with somebody who likes it, who accepts that part of them, and that's really hot. So you learn to find sort of the yum despite if that's your jam or not.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Tell people about ethical porn.

[Monica Padman]

Ethical porn essentially is porn where there's usually not like a studio involved. It's performer first. The performers say what they're going to be doing versus coming into a scene with, like a written script. You're going to squirt at minute 12. You're going to get anal. You're going to say this. There's a conversation around what you would like, what feels body safe for you. And then it's also based on your pleasure. There's not an encouragement to fake or act or perform. And so rather than trying to force people to have multiple orgasms within a constructed environment, they say, what environment would allow you to have multiple orgasms? Okay, great. Let's create something around that. So, Erica Lust Bellesa. Ethical porn usually tends to mean women directors or women's LED studios. But there's options out there.

[Dax Shepard]

This has nothing to do with this, but I just think a lot of guys can relate to. Relate to watching the porn. It's the best thing you've ever seen. The second after you come, you're like, oh, my God, this guy is disgusting. This whole thing is disgusting.

[Monica Padman]

Can you give me an example why.

[Dax Shepard]

Just a ton of porn? Because you're so into it. You're great at ignoring all this stuff. Mostly with the guy you're generally ignoring, like, oh, my God, he's doing that. The way he's talking, I can't say this. It's all tolerable in pursuit. And then the second you come in, like the frontal lobe comes back online and you're out of the middle midbrain. You're like, oh, my God, I don't ever want to see this guy.

[Shan Boodram]

But is that just. You're projecting shame?

[Dax Shepard]

It could be. It's very common. I hear tons of guys say that.

[Monica Padman]

My sex life changed where I stopped thinking about sex as good in the moment. And it had to be good for three weeks after, which is the amount of time it takes to go and get a HIV test. Right. So if I was really hot night and I was really attracted to somebody, but the next morning I woke up and I was like, oh my God, I can't believe. I hope I don't run into that. That person. Or I felt fear of my sexual health. It wasn't a good sexual experience. So I challenge people do the same thing with porn. If afterwards you have to scrub your history and do a rosemary, then like maybe just invest in some porn that doesn't make you feel that.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, that's a good rule.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's talk about solo play and then I'll tease what you would get in part two, but solo play. I have no business saying this, but I think this is where it all needs to start. If you don't know, know what gives you pleasure by yourself, you are then going to rely on someone else to show you which good luck, maybe that person will arrive. But I just think it's a much better strategy to know exactly what you like.

[Monica Padman]

There's a male expert, which, if you guys ever want a male sex expert, this guy Alex Grundy, I absolutely adore him. But he coaches men. It's so fascinating because I predominantly speak with women. I'm very women facing. And so I get the benefit of having millions of people in my community. Community. And he has like a large community of people, but he has like 18 followers online. Because no man is going to hit the follow button because they're not going.

[Dax Shepard]

To admit that's an admission that they want instruction.

[Monica Padman]

Yes, that they need help.

[Maria]

That's sad.

[Monica Padman]

But he says that one of the first thing he directs his clients to do is to do a masturbation session where they start with the top of their head, they massage their head, they get to their ears, then they touch their shoulders. Every single part of their body with their genitals being last. And it has to last between 30 to 40 minutes. And then he also encourages them to make the most ridiculous sound that you can possibly imagine. Make the lowest sound, say the stupidest thing, and just play with delight in experiencing your own body first and then again you have the information to provide to somebody else. And it's not a surprise to you what your body does when you're working with somebody else. But it's interesting because I had a guest on my podcast who talked about this for women. And when she talked about it, she was like, I start with my head, I massage my head and I go down to my shoulders. And then when Alex was describing it, I'm like, even I gotta try to keep a straight face here. And I gotta check my own right. Because why is it silly or embarrassing?

[Dax Shepard]

Again, you're bumping up against the gay thing.

[Shan Boodram]

Or it's feminine versus masculine.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

Which is so unfair.

[Dax Shepard]

The dudes going like, oh, I'm feeling my shoulders. I'm feeling a man's shoulders. Why would I like that? You know, it's mired in all this.

[Shan Boodram]

Women aren't doing that. It's not like, oh, it's a girl's.

[Dax Shepard]

But again, women aren't being accused of being gay non stop.

[Shan Boodram]

Since you're a kid, we have got to.

[Dax Shepard]

What are we doing all this? It's so funny. All we ever deal with on this show is like, downriver issues, right? Like 30 years in. What's the result of these little tiny things? There's like five things driving 90% of all the shit we deal with later in society.

[Monica Padman]

So that's the challenge to everybody listening is to have a solo session where you pleasure map your own body. If that doesn't feel accessible to you, that's totally fine. Ask a partner or go to a massage therapist. Those are trained experts at that for a reason. And ask for that specificity. Try everything, go slow. And can we talk about it as we explore together?

[Dax Shepard]

That doesn't even cover all of part one. And then there's part two. And then in part two, you learn about the art of flirting. Emotional connection reigniting physical power, passion. Sexy eye triangle. Will you please do it for me?

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Because I've seen it and it's powerful. Yeah. Give it to Monica.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh. Oh, my God. Oh.

[Monica Padman]

So I looked right into one of your eyes. Deeply.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

And I looked down at your bottom of your body. I scanned your body and I dropped my chin. So when I look up again, now I'm in a submissive position.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, wow. Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Sexy eye triangle.

[Shan Boodram]

Really sexy.

[Dax Shepard]

Creates chemistry in your own dating life. Were men so intimidated when they found out what your area of specialty was? Like? We get into like, everyone has this enormous fear. They're not enough. And then you meet someone's like, fuck, this bitch knows everything about this. I'm gonna. She'll know all the things I'm doing wrong.

[Shan Boodram]

You must have a confident husband.

[Monica Padman]

Yes, but this is the real truth. So me and my husband started off as fuck buddies. At the time that I met him, I was on the fritz of deportation. I legally couldn't work in America. And I just came out of a long distance, tumultuous relationship. But I just finished my sexology certification. So I had all this new information and I just came out of this terrible relationship where the sex was bad and I Was like, I need to practice somewhere. He had just moved to a new spot in town. He lived five minutes from me. Proximity is huge. One of the most number one determinants for if you're going to be compatible with somebody's proximity. And I say it to this day, if we were not walking distance, we would not be here today. So we both in that same. So when he found out that I studied sex for a living, he was like, great, I'll have sex with this girl, I'll learn stuff. So when I have sex with other people, okay, I'll be great. So he came in with like a learner's mindset. I'm not here to show her or show her up. I'm genuinely here to learn, to apply that to other places. So I think that culture was huge. Whenever I meet people in general, if I tell a man what I do, he asks for my credentials. If I tell a woman, she asks for my advice. So that just ends me in separation.

[Shan Boodram]

Interesting.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Cuz it's like, what makes you qualified? A woman's like, okay, since we talking.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, cuz he went, she thinks I'm terrible at it. Why do you know who says you're an expert?

[Shan Boodram]

What makes you know that I'm terrible?

[Monica Padman]

Right. And are you going to reveal that? I don't know. Right. Is that what you're. Are you here because I don't know what I'm doing? Is that why you're hired?

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

You're going to suss me out in seconds.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God, what a gift. Though I think the secret to being great in bed is admitting that you're probably not that great in bed. There is the person who can admit that, who's curious, who has a learner's mindset, a tourist mindset. Oh my gosh, this country's amazing. Show me around.

[Dax Shepard]

Right?

[Monica Padman]

This is wonderful. Wow. Like, what do you eat? What do you do? That light, that spark, that curiosity makes you good.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. If you go to Rome and you're like, there's the C. Yeah, I know about that. Yeah, I already knew about the.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, I just put it on the conqueror here.

[Dax Shepard]

I know everything about this place. Don't explain, expose my ignorance.

[Monica Padman]

There's directives, you know, because men have the pressure to be dominant. So I want to respect that. And a lot of women do like that. They're like, yeah, I don't want to make any more decisions. So you can be directive. Like, I'm really great with my hands. Where do you want me to put them? So I'M still inviting your expertise while also showing my dominance in the area. So there's both.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, this has been awesome. Also, I really encourage people to listen to Lovers, which is your podcast.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Look at you.

[Dax Shepard]

This has been a blast in the titillating. I hope everyone checks out the art of sex appeal and then listen to Lovers.

[Monica Padman]

Amen.

[Dax Shepard]

Thanks for coming.

[Monica Padman]

Thank you for having me.

[Dax Shepard]

Stay tuned to hear Ms. Monica correct all the facts that were wrong. It's okay, though. We all make mistakes. Never before haircuts or other stuff.

[Maria]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh my God. Okay, so what are we doing here with your bangs? Let's just see. Okay, well, hold on. I'll sign to raise this so we can hear what you have to say. Okay.

[Maria]

I usually have shorter bangs.

[Dax Shepard]

Uhhuh. What? How high up are. Do you want the them? Like how much off are you looking for?

[Maria]

You can do whatever you want.

[Dax Shepard]

I can do whatever I want. Okay. And then I also see some people.

[Maria]

I love crazy.

[Shan Boodram]

You should be careful.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Go get my clippers, Rob. Well, first of all, Maria, I think people will know of you potentially.

[Shan Boodram]

Well, first of all, let's. Let's go back in time.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Let's go back in time.

[Shan Boodram]

If you missed a. There was a fact check some time ago. If you might have missed it a few weeks ago. Yes. Where Dax cut my hair cuz I was overgrown.

[Maria]

Yes.

[Shan Boodram]

And he did a pretty good job.

[Dax Shepard]

Pretty good.

[Shan Boodram]

And since then, our friend Maria, who is joining us today.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. You saw got Inside Spicely.

[Maria]

I saw it. But also I have heard of your haircut.

[Dax Shepard]

You have?

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Prior to, prior to that. Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

You heard of the reputation.

[Maria]

And I have seen your haircuts that I give myself. No.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay.

[Maria]

To your daughters.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.

[Maria]

For the years. Like when I think it was Delta.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. She had like a reverse bob.

[Maria]

Yeah, I did like that.

[Dax Shepard]

That was a fun car.

[Shan Boodram]

She's had some great cuts.

[Dax Shepard]

She either goes high and back long in front or vice versa.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Those are her moves.

[Maria]

So I have seen your haircuts. Kristen always told me, he's like, he knows how to cut hair. So I remember.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Maria]

No, and that was in fact, when I saw your daughters going like, you know, a couple of times, I was like, yeah, he knows how to cut hair.

[Shan Boodram]

You were convinced.

[Dax Shepard]

And you're in the business, so people should. No, you are officially in the business.

[Shan Boodram]

You are.

[Dax Shepard]

You are a makeup artist in film and television.

[Maria]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

For how long?

[Maria]

In Veronica Mars 2003.

[Shan Boodram]

Okay. A lot. Over 20 years ago.

[Dax Shepard]

22 years 22 years. And then, you know, we've worked together on the spin the wheel.

[Maria]

Yes.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

And Maria's done my, my makeup as well. For just fun. Yeah, just for fun. Just funsies.

[Dax Shepard]

She's very, very talented.

[Shan Boodram]

Very.

[Dax Shepard]

But to be honest, there are. There's a lot of talented people here in Los Angeles. Of course, you're definitely in the mix because of your personality. You're a great makeup artist, but we wouldn't really even care if you were a good makeup artist because your personality is top notch people. I don't know if people understand the person you are spending the most amount of time with other than. Well, more than the other actors on a set, is your hair and makeup.

[Shan Boodram]

Yep.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

And more. Your makeup, they're not fixing. If you're a dude, they're not fixing your hair nearly as much as they're fixing your makeup.

[Shan Boodram]

And they're in your face.

[Dax Shepard]

They're in your face.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

So they have to have a good personality.

[Dax Shepard]

And your day starts by sitting in their chair very, very early. And you're going to. You guys are going to be face to face for the next 40 minutes.

[Maria]

Yes. And I think it's a lot about energy and it's like I can read people's energy right away, you know, whether.

[Dax Shepard]

They want to chat or nothing.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Maria]

And even when I talk to my husband, because he has completely the opposite side. What I do do, like he goes to hospital, he is very like, you know, in suits and stuff. That for me, this is scary. These people have dark secrets, that scary energy.

[Shan Boodram]

They have diseases, they have AIDS, some of them. If you watch ER, you know, if.

[Dax Shepard]

It were the 80s or 90s, but over the years. Yes. So maybe I guess 22 years ago, you started working with Kristin.

[Maria]

Yeah, I. Everything for me started with. My uncle was a makeup artist for the TV industry.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Maria]

And I was little, I was like, when I see Delta, when I see your daughters on set, it kind of remind myself, like, because I was like, oh, I see all these celebrities. Oh, my God. I want to be. I want to meet them. I want, you know, I want to work with them. So everything started there because my uncle had a salon back in Venezuela, where I'm from.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. We are uniquely attracted to Venezuelans.

[Shan Boodram]

We have a few special Venezuelans in our life.

[Dax Shepard]

I kind of need to go because everyone I meet, I'm like, yeah, I.

[Shan Boodram]

Don'T think we can go. And I don't think right now they can come. Okay, thank you, President.

[Dax Shepard]

What do you call the President? Because this is one of the things I want to get to. What do you refer to the president as?

[Shan Boodram]

Are you even scared to talk about it?

[Monica Padman]

No, I'm not scared. Yeah.

[Maria]

The orange president.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Maria]

That's how I call.

[Shan Boodram]

I love that. Is the story there, is there? It's pretty sexy.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Maria]

I. I love Florida.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Maria]

My family live there. Every time that I go to Florida.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Maria]

I see all these orange people.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure.

[Shan Boodram]

That's right. Yep.

[Maria]

And, like, I go, why? Everybody looks here so orange, Like.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. What is happening?

[Maria]

This sun.

[Shan Boodram]

Florida sun.

[Maria]

It's like. And then when I go there, you know, I'm Latin, but they go, you need to go to the beach.

[Dax Shepard]

They think you're too white.

[Maria]

Yeah. Or like, you have, like, you need color. You need color.

[Dax Shepard]

You look unhealthy.

[Maria]

Yeah. And I'm like, no, I am very healthy. Like, I look normal. You are the ones that are orange.

[Dax Shepard]

Orange also. That's where they make a lot of oranges. That's where most of the citrus is coming from other than California.

[Shan Boodram]

Perhaps that's what we do as. As a society. We mimic the fruit that is native to our region.

[Dax Shepard]

But over the years, you have so many cute Marines. Isms. The original one I ever heard, like, before I ever met you. Even Kristen said, oh, my God, my makeup artist is so fucking cute on Veronica Mars. And of course, Kristen can mimic anybody.

[Maria]

Yes, she does. Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Because also when you weren't around, Simone's around, and she has a German accent. So Kristin, she can do Simone perfectly. She can do you perfectly. And she said. Yes. She was telling me about the sandwich, and she said that it had uber beef. Rough beef. Yeah.

[Maria]

I remember that. A lot of people know me because.

[Shan Boodram]

Of that rough beef.

[Maria]

And another. A couple of other ones, too.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Maria]

I try, but, like, sometimes my accent kind of. It doesn't kind of roll.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

But do we have the same memory that I think on spin the Wheel, I actually figured out what was going on. I think everyone assumed you were mispronounced, pronouncing roast. And I'm like, is it that? Or were you actually like, it's rough beef. Were you intending to say rough? Yeah. And you felt like, yes, you were.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Maria]

And actually, every time that I say that word, I remember that going, like, coming from school little and enter my mom kitchen. And she. I'd be like, no.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, you just. You didn't like it. Yeah.

[Maria]

And. Yeah. And actually, Kristen was the only one who was like, Maria, Okay. It's not roast. It's roast.

[Dax Shepard]

It's roast.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

It's not rough.

[Shan Boodram]

It's not rough.

[Maria]

And I was like, it's rough beef.

[Shan Boodram]

It will always be rough beef. It's better. I like what you're saying.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. And then the newest one and this one made its way to Kimmel, which was you. Kristen came to work. She told you the story how I had said. Link, oh, my God.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

She's having a very rough morning. I said, look in the mirror. I'm a bad bitch and I'm gonna fuck this day up. And you really liked it.

[Maria]

Yeah, that actually stay with me. Because, you know, being in the business for the TV industry is some days, like, they're amazing days, but sometimes even like, actors or anything, like, you want them to kind of, like, get out of that. What happened?

[Dax Shepard]

The funk.

[Maria]

Yeah. Or like, give them a signal like, you're better.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Maria]

Just don't, like. You don't have to drag that all day. Like, that is. Stay with me.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Maria]

Like when she told me and I.

[Dax Shepard]

Was like, oh, she was having a uniquely terrible day on set.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

And you were like, oh, my God, I know what to do.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

And you looked at her and you said, what?

[Maria]

I don't remember anymore.

[Dax Shepard]

Dax. Christine.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Remember, you're a. And you're going to everything up.

[Maria]

And then.

[Shan Boodram]

No.

[Maria]

And then when I. I was like. And then I like, oh, my God, I say it wrong. But then I look at her, and.

[Dax Shepard]

Then that was the magic thing. It made her so happy.

[Shan Boodram]

Right. That's what she needed to hear.

[Maria]

Yeah. And then she look at me, and then she started laughing, and I'm like, oh, my God, I can't believe I just say that. I didn't really, like, I was like, my brain didn't really, in my mouth. Say something else. So I was like, but I know Kristen. Like, you know, I know her for so long. Then I was like, she'll be fine. She'll be fine. She knows what I need.

[Shan Boodram]

No, you made her day.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. It was more than fine. It was a blessing that you said, you're a bitch and you're gonna fuck everything up.

[Shan Boodram]

Yes.

[Maria]

And that's why I did the mirror in her makeup bag. Because if something happened, like, I would say, like, exactly before camera roll, and you see something, like a message, like a secret message that you only be able to see it, nobody else in the room.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes.

[Maria]

You know it will help you.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. So you can just show her the mirror.

[Maria]

Yeah. Someone send you a sense secret there. And you only will know.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Maria]

And it will get you better. That make my day yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, let's get cutting.

[Maria]

Let's get cutting.

[Dax Shepard]

You're gonna have to lean forward a bit. This will be. Which is now gonna be the pattern in this barber shop. I'm never doing what I would normally do, which is stand.

[Shan Boodram]

Right. That's right.

[Dax Shepard]

So we're gonna do the best we can with this.

[Shan Boodram]

And I'm gonna also talk to seated butcher.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I'm gonna talk to Monica before. First. I need to see what's happening here. Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

Dax, how nervous are you right now?

[Dax Shepard]

I'm not too nervous, but I will say that this. What I have to do is see the shape that exists already and be very consistent with the shape, which I think I'm gonna be able to do. I'm gonna commit to a certain amount off, and I'm gonna follow the line that exists.

[Shan Boodram]

But Marie is so pretty and, like, you might ruin her whole thing.

[Dax Shepard]

No, that's the comfort. I can't even wait.

[Maria]

I have to see this.

[Shan Boodram]

I have to.

[Maria]

I have to say this.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Maria]

You know, in Kobe, I let my husband cut my hair in Kobe. It was not straight. I had a bob kind of. And the bob was, like, higher, and.

[Dax Shepard]

Then, like, it was, like, angled like this. Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Maria]

And I can. I need to say this. I took a picture of that because I had to take a picture for something from my profile. And the bob was like this, Right? And I was like, I hate this. And then I saw it, and that's a picture that I use for everything.

[Shan Boodram]

You love it.

[Maria]

Yeah. No, and people. People tell me, where'd you get that haircut?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, they love it.

[Shan Boodram]

And I was like, okay. Sometimes life gives you happy accidents.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Shan Boodram]

Okay, first cut is about to happen.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes, yes, yes. We're gonna get this chunk right here, and we're gonna get on it. And I'm not gonna cut myself this time. And Monica's gonna tell us a story while this happens.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, I was not prepared for that.

[Monica Padman]

Have you.

[Dax Shepard]

Monica always has a story.

[Shan Boodram]

I do normally have a story. Let's see. What' with me. Maria, have you watched the show? You great on Netflix?

[Maria]

I did.

[Monica Padman]

You did?

[Maria]

I think the first season, but yeah, I like it.

[Dax Shepard]

Too freaky for you?

[Shan Boodram]

It is. It was.

[Maria]

No, it's actually really good, actually.

[Shan Boodram]

Maria, I'm glad you're here, because this.

[Dax Shepard]

She's the first person who said that she's seen you. Right. You've asked now 20 or 30 people.

[Shan Boodram]

I've asked a lot of people, and I think she.

[Dax Shepard]

You're the first Maria.

[Maria]

And you knew.

[Shan Boodram]

I didn't even have to clarify a show on Netflix. You knew exactly what I was talking about. Yeah, no, but I'm glad you're here because this is what I've been thinking about for the last 24 hours. Tell me yesterday, and we're not going to give anything away, but yesterday we had a crazy day. We had two interviews and the first was an expert and the second was a celebrity.

[Dax Shepard]

An actor. A sexy celebrity.

[Shan Boodram]

A sexy celebrity actor. That's was a very big get for us. Both were great.

[Maria]

Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

The first one is with the expert is so fascinating. Dax and I were really anxious about the celebrity. More so than normal. I don't want to say we get through the first interview because we were very engaged and it was super interesting, but I, I'm gonna be honest. I do think we were 10% dis. Distracted.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, sure.

[Shan Boodram]

You know, it's just, it's playing in.

[Dax Shepard]

The background of yours.

[Shan Boodram]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Mind, you're like, okay, how many hours?

[Maria]

Yeah, but do you want to, like, you're not sure if you want to pick for like the very interesting or a celebrity.

[Shan Boodram]

So, okay, this is my. Who should we be technically, who should we be more distracted for?

[Dax Shepard]

Well, and that's a really. There's, there's something funny. Yeah, there's something funny about that question. Because in reality. Reality, the expert required a lot more knowledge on my behalf. I had to like really deep dive into a complex subject. And yet that doesn't. That should be probably more nerve wracking. And of course it's not.

[Shan Boodram]

Well, and then that's my whole. That's what I thought about after we finished the day yesterday.

[Maria]

A lot.

[Shan Boodram]

Like, I was so. We were so relieved after the day was over and we were happy and you know, we were talking about it and then just sort of it. I started to feel really sad.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow. Explain that. I want to know about that.

[Shan Boodram]

I started to feel. I just started thinking about our first guest and I, I, I'm not. We did not treat anyone poorly yesterday. I was just like, man, we should.

[Dax Shepard]

Think you're being a very. Like, if you're at a salon and they were treating you this way, you'd be like, hey, can't you do this without combing directly in front of my eyes? That's fine.

[Maria]

I will go with. I mean, I don't know. I will be more interested in the expert than, I mean, so.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, that's, yeah. So I, I was like, I, it is. There's such an imbalance in this world.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, this is nice.

[Maria]

Oh, I don't know.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, you're saying we're valuing. You felt guilty, like we're valuing the wrong things.

[Shan Boodram]

Yes. Or. And not. Not. I just wish it was equal. And I'm not saying, like, I wish like other people should. I myself was doing it. There's something that felt sort of unjust and unjust. And it all started to make me sad. And the man we had at first is. Well, he's Pakistani, but he looked kind of like my father.

[Dax Shepard]

I think that's a lot of what's going on for you with the way you're having these second thoughts and guilt feelings. I think it's like you're imagining your dad came in here.

[Shan Boodram]

But that's what we do. That's how we are able to see it. Right. In life, like you. You get a glimpse into something that you're connected to and that is how you. You see. And I. I. Yeah, I did. I was like, if my dad was somewhere talking to someone about this incredible. Like, he. This person's brilliant.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

And has incredible knowledge. And, you know, they're. The people there are kind of half distracted a little bit because they have this, like, beautiful white gas coming on. It's not just about. It's not white. I just think we, as a society, we. We definitely treat. We treat people differently and we think about people differently.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, we're status animals.

[Maria]

True.

[Shan Boodram]

But it makes me like, I don't want that. And I think it hurts everyone.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. This. This turned out good.

[Shan Boodram]

I always feel like this. Actually.

[Dax Shepard]

Do the whole thing. You do. And now look at Monica and she'll either gasp like, oh, you it up.

[Shan Boodram]

Looks really nice. Great cut.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, that's great. Okay, we like that. I'm gonna double check. I have no straights because a lot of times you think you got them all.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, God.

[Maria]

I laugh because when people cut hair or people do your makeup and you see their face.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. We all have, like, our concentration face.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Mine's usually tongue out. Okay, we're sticking with that. That's it. We did it.

[Shan Boodram]

It's really nice. It looks great.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't know if you know the rule. I only cut people's hair once. It's this weird thing I have. It's not even weird. We understand it. Exactly. I want to prove to you I can cut hair, but I don't really want to cut hair a lot.

[Maria]

Well, that's good.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Okay. So you want her conclusion on.

[Shan Boodram]

Well, you're on a set with. With that. It's very. There's a big hierarchy on sets. People are overvalued and people are undervalued. And I wonder how you feel about all of that.

[Dax Shepard]

And maybe I can offer an actual concrete detail, because this one I have felt bad about in the past, yet I'm gonna still do it. I'll bring my kids to work. And everyone's like, oh, fun, the kids are here. And I'm like, this is really unfair. The rest of the folks that work here can't bring. Bring their kids to work. Like, you're not going to show up with your kids. Maybe you could like, one day. It would be a thing.

[Maria]

I mean, if it's an emergency. Yeah, but I know what you mean.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

Like, she could bring her kids every day. Fun. You're not like. So they can see set.

[Maria]

Yeah, yeah, but she.

[Dax Shepard]

Although you got to go with your uncle, so I guess it does happen.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

But that's one where I'll go, like, yeah, this is a little bit unethical. Like, I shouldn't really do this because not everyone else can do it. And then. And then I go, and by the way, this is back to parenthood. That's only. And maybe I brought the kids once or twice to bless this mess. But I was also like, yeah, it's not fair. And also, if I can bring my kids to work, I'm going to do that. You know, like, what I would want is for anyone to be able to bring their kids to work ultimately. Unless it was really getting in the way.

[Shan Boodram]

I mean, it gets in the way, though. Like, let's be honest.

[Dax Shepard]

Actors bring their dogs and shit.

[Shan Boodram]

Really. Really. No one should bring their kids to work on a set. Or dogs, like, they bark and they make no. They are a distraction. And it is unfair. And some people get a pass and other people don't.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

And I. I do get kind of wrapped up in the unfairness of it. And it. Well, it's more like. I think it hurt. Honestly, I think it hurts everyone. We are all people.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

And everyone on a set is a person. Should be. There's no better. There really is no better or worse. And. But that's not the way way we tend to as animals behave.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. This is so dangerous. But yes, nobody is better than anyone on a set. No one has more value as a human being.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

But there is also a reality that. Where that is not true. So Maria could have a shit day and do kind of okay at her job. And the actor can't. The actor. The whole reason everyone's there is. So that this thing is a product that goes to at the television set and other people can kind of up their job and not get it right. What has to happen is that. And then you go even further. Why is that person there? Well, they bet on that person because they've already succeeded on TV a bunch of other times. Now, whether or not your makeup and hair department's great isn't going to predict at all whether people watch the show. That's just a market reality of these different jobs. So they intrinsically do have different values for the goal at hand. Not they don't have different values as humans on planet Earth.

[Shan Boodram]

That's what I'm talking about. It shouldn't be that you're. You're not. You're over the top nice to one person because they're an actor and you're. You could care less how you treat the pa.

[Dax Shepard]

I agree.

[Shan Boodram]

People. Everyone should be treated. I understand. Yeah.

[Maria]

Even what do you do or how you look or how whatever like it is.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. Even if you're technically replaceable as your job.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. And for me, that is 100% true. And when you are at craft service and you're talking with the B camera operator, you should be having an equal to equal conversation because you're both humans.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Now if we're under the gun and we have to get the shot or it's going to kick to the next day and it's going to cost $200,000 and the lead act actor is having an issue that is the most important. Like it's just.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. That is handling the most important problem and how we. Different than how you treat people.

[Dax Shepard]

But also how we might have to tiptoe around the actor who's got the crazy scene where she's just been raped and she's going to go to the police department and have her scene. She also is entitled to way more delicate kid glove treatment because we recognize what has to happen and we recognize that that's horrible. Harder than other jobs where you don't have to be in an emotional state to. To operate the dolly like I does. I do think it ignores a certain reality to just say everyone needs to be treated the same on a set because we're all of the same value. I think it's both things. If. If someone on the ship has to get sick and we're in the middle of a voyage to another country in order, we'd have everyone. Everyone gets sick and the captain would be the last person we would have get sick. Because all of our livelihood or all of our life is dependent on that person more than anyone else there. And the livelihood is more dependent on a few people that are there than on others. And so I think it would also be irrational to think there's not going to be different treatment given those circumstances.

[Maria]

I understand both of the points. I mean, everybody has to be treated equally. But at the same time I. Because I. I don't know, like in that TV and film industry, then the reason that we're doing the show is because number one.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Maria]

Or number two or three. You know what I mean?

[Dax Shepard]

And on the call sheet you're saying.

[Maria]

Yeah, right.

[Dax Shepard]

So they order the actors and really they're important to the project.

[Maria]

Yeah. And then that's when you're like, okay, starting from there, like this is it, you know, number one, number two and number three. I always feel like, oh my God, like they're acting but their body is going through that too.

[Shan Boodram]

Yes, definitely.

[Maria]

They're not pretending. You think you see it on camera and yes, for you it's pretending, but it's not because their stages or what they're going through and their body is also. That is happening, you know, in a.

[Shan Boodram]

Way, I'm not saying acting isn't hard.

[Dax Shepard]

We could also take it out of film and television, put it in sports. It's like, let's say there are two team trainers on the Chicago Bulls that can give them a sports massages. And unfortunately it'd be insane to not make sure Michael Jordan has a dedicated one of those people. Now. Is it fair that not everyone gets a massage or doesn't have a trainer spending attention on them? Maybe it's not fair, but it would be a really terrible plan to not prioritize Michael Jordan and Scotty Pittman for those limited resources. And I think that's a little bit how a film set operates as well. It's like there aren't infinite resources and infinite breaks and infinite all this stuff. There is finite of everything. There's a budget. And so you just. You start prioritizing in order of how important they are to the project. And so you can be not more important as a person, but you can definitely be more important to a project.

[Shan Boodram]

Exactly though. So there's no finite amount of kindness towards people. It's not like I only have this much, so I guess I got to give it to the most important person on the project.

[Dax Shepard]

But we're going to get parking spots out differently. We're going to give, but we're getting.

[Shan Boodram]

Kind of far away. From what like I was talking about. Because what happens here is not that.

[Dax Shepard]

Everyone gets the same interview.

[Shan Boodram]

Everyone gets an interview for the same amount of time. Both of these people are exceptional.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

There is no getting around that. Both are. And yet there's something that happens in the human body for a certain echelon of celebrity that just happens. It happens to all of us. I'm not again, I'm not like pointing fingers. I, I did, I am part of this problem, but I was just a very aware of it after the fact.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, but you, you tend to be a little harder on yourself than I do. Like when you like something or you like, you feel bad that you value one of those two people more than the other. Like you feel bad.

[Shan Boodram]

I feel bad that I had the reaction towards one person that I would have towards another.

[Dax Shepard]

But there's a very, very stark reality to the two guests. One has the potential of getting 10 million views and one has the potential of getting a million views. Even if the first guest, we do it perfectly, it'll get about a million views. Now the, the, the, the variability in the second guess, if we don't do a good job, it's going to be okay. If we do a great job. That's kind of a, that's a big game changer. So it does have a different value intrinsically.

[Shan Boodram]

It has a different value. And I think that's something that's like an easy thing to tell ourselves. Like it's because the stakes are higher job wise for that. But that's true. That is true. And that's not what is hap. That's not what's happening for me before this person enters. Of course I do. I am like, oh my God, I really hope this goes well.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

But there's something visceral that happens when you know that person's gonna walk in the room. Well, there's that, that is different than what happens before guest number one walks in the room.

[Maria]

You know, celebrities are persons and for me, celebrities is not celebrities because we all do what we love. So for me. Right, you're a person, so.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, exactly.

[Maria]

You know what I mean?

[Shan Boodram]

Sort of my, my point, you know.

[Maria]

And like I, everything for me is like, oh, I like this person. Like if you guys go for the more interested one one, I'll be like, oh, yeah. You know what I mean?

[Shan Boodram]

You will like the first guest.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Maria]

You know what I mean?

[Dax Shepard]

Like you would like that. You generally like experts more.

[Maria]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

And we, we, we generally like experts more because all we're, we're gonna hopefully do with a celebrity is learn their life story, because we're all very interested in what their life story is. And hopefully we'll hear some things about their life that we haven't heard previously, because who wants to hear it all over again?

[Shan Boodram]

And some things about the way they think of the world based on their unique experience in this life.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And then an expert. We're literally going to learn a new concept, and we might then at a dinner party, talk about this new thing. I mean, we have this. This revenge addiction guy on. And I just can't stop thinking about it. Everything I do, everywhere I'm at, I'm talking about. It's like, yeah, this guy introduced an entirely new way to think about things for me.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. The experts have changed my life.

[Dax Shepard]

Exactly.

[Shan Boodram]

The celebrities are wonderful, but they. They haven't.

[Dax Shepard]

What is on the table with the celebrity, which I do value almost nearly as much, is we do, on occasion, get an emotional exchange that is so profound. And to be doing it with a relative stranger is insanely rewarding. And I will think about that as much as I think about a new concept. So there's, like, two different offerings on the table, and I hope when we have an expert on that, I can be the layman and convey this as much as I can, and we all walk away with a new concept. And then when it's a celebrity, I hope we have an emotional exchange that is, like, very genuine and memorable. And you can feel.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. I just think it's my. I think it's my journey in this life to really. Because I started out feeling so inferior.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

That it is really my journey to. To understand the. That everyone really is equal. And I think I'm like, there. So I might die soon. They might unplug me because I think I'm getting really close.

[Dax Shepard]

But, Moni, don't you think.

[Shan Boodram]

What?

[Dax Shepard]

What? Don't you think a bit, though, that you felt underappreciated and low status? And so you. As we all project our own baggage, you're very fearful that someone else is feeling that way. Well, I see that you're kind of on high alert.

[Shan Boodram]

I see it, though. It's not. We can't act like people don't revere.

[Dax Shepard]

Have different status.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. And revere celebrity over scientists.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't. That's not my pushback at all. It's whether or not they feel bad.

[Shan Boodram]

The person.

[Dax Shepard]

The person. Because, yes. Status is a real thing. It's almost measurable. We have lots of markers for status.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

That's Real. But whether or not the person's feeling like you're treating them low status, that's completely up to each person.

[Shan Boodram]

Sure.

[Maria]

Wait, I have a question for you guys. This. Does, like everybody in this universe have status?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Finance status, Financial intelligence.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Academic achievement.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Your social network. Are you associated with lots of high status people who are financially. And I'll get on and all these things? There's physical status. You can be very attractive. There's strength status. There's like any number of ways we could measure two people. We can measure their income. Well, which one's higher? We could measure their strength. Which one's higher?

[Maria]

But which one will you erase from your world?

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I'll tell you the one that I'm not impressed by. I don't care if someone's rich.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, me either.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm like. But I see it a lot. You're around people and just they're the richest in their group and they have all this sway. People are kind of enamored by him, want to be close to him. And I'm just like, yeah, there's got to be something way more going on than that. Maybe the way they got rich would be interested in. And I would, I would, you know, be enamored by them. But. But yeah, if you're just rich, who gives a fuck? Because you could just be a trust fund kid. Like, what is impressive about that? But with the richness comes the cool car and the cool house and the cool vacations things.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, I think financial status is.

[Dax Shepard]

But I'm impressed by all the other stuff. Like, if you're crazy talented, I am. If you're very attractive, I like that. If you're, if you're super smart, I love that. Like, I, I'm, I do covet a lot of these status markers. Or I'm affected by a lot of these status markers. Like, I'll say this, when we're with Bill Gates, he's arguably, you know, in the top 10 in the world of status. And him being rich is like the least interesting part. And it's the one we think about the least one. I mean, I think about it the least when I'm with him. I'm just constantly.

[Shan Boodram]

When we were first talking to him and we thought about it.

[Dax Shepard]

We did. You're right.

[Shan Boodram]

And then now obviously we don't. But like, remember, we were like, that's $130 billion. How does a person have that? You know, you can't help it. These are, these are human ways of being. This is how. These are how humans are. But I am trying. I. I think it's good for me anyway. I don't. It's not a. I'm not telling other people what to do. I want to move away from it, not toward it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I think that's the fundamental way you and I definitely differ.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

You think we should and can transcend status as a species, and I don't think social animals can ever transcend status. I think you have to be. I think you have to accept it. You have to learn how it's affecting you. You have to learn how to deal with it the way we have to learn how to deal with many of the vestigial things we're stuck with. We want to eat more food. Food than we need. It's never going to change. That's how humans are. So we got to figure out a game plan around that. But I. I don't think you will ever live in a world with social animals where there's not status. I don't think that's a goal we could we even achieve or should even waste time aiming at. It's more like, how's this thing we're stuck with affecting your emotional state? And how can you help limit the amount of fallout from that?

[Shan Boodram]

I've changed a lot in the way I've view status.

[Dax Shepard]

Like how you evaluate.

[Shan Boodram]

How I evaluate. Yeah. Like when I first moved here, I was definite and be definitely before I moved here, like f. You know, people who were famous and celebrities. That was so. They were so cool. And I was definitely overly impressed.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

And I really, again, maybe that's why also this is coming up because I have. I haven't felt, oh, right feeling in a long time. I haven't felt this feeling that we had yesterday where I was like, nervous because I don't care anymore. We have all these famous people on, and I don't think, oh, they're famous or, oh, they're cooler than me, or, oh, they're better than me at all. So that's a huge shift.

[Dax Shepard]

You know what's great, though? Can I just tell you something nice? You were so fucking confident yesterday that you didn't let that get the best of you in any way. You were almost cocky in the way that I love when you're cocky.

[Maria]

You always translate very well, Monica.

[Shan Boodram]

Thank you. It did fall away quickly.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. But you were yourself. You were like. When I say to you, like you've said different people you dated, you started to evaluate more like, who am I when I'm with them.

[Shan Boodram]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

And yeah, You.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. Not who are they? Who am I?

[Dax Shepard]

Who are you? And then certain people, people brought out certain sides of you. And I, I just left yesterday thinking, like, oh, yeah, that's the best, most confident side of Monica.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

I, I, I think part of it.

[Dax Shepard]

I was enormously proud of you, even though. Yeah. Well, I called you and told you how much I appreciate it. Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

I mean, I do think part of it's based off that stubbornness. Like, I'm not gonna let this person with all this status that ever. Everyone's like, you know, everyone's texting after. How was this interview? How was this interview? I'm, I'm. Nope. You're not gonna let me feel that way.

[Maria]

When I started and I was, you know, on the show and TV series and stuff, they used to tell me, this person's gonna, you know, you're gonna do their makeup. This person's gonna. But, you know, I'm from South America, Venezuela. So for me, I don't know these people.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

A superpower.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Maria]

And I remember one time I started, like, going, oh, I going to do it. And then I started going, read about them, show them. And that I couldn't handle.

[Shan Boodram]

Yes. Too intimidating.

[Maria]

It was too much for me. I learned through the years being in the industry that I don't Google anyone.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, that's.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, that's a good policy.

[Maria]

I remember this story and this actress, I don't know, I have never seen her after that. She, she was like, her look was very serious, but she was the sweetest thing. But nobody really.

[Shan Boodram]

They were afraid to talk to her. Yeah.

[Maria]

And she's like, maria, how. Like, you are so friendly with her. Nobody really talked to her.

[Shan Boodram]

Right. It's like just.

[Dax Shepard]

They were intimidated.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Maria]

Like, even like the crew. And I'm like, well, I have to do her makeup. I love her.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Maria]

And we click and you know what I mean? But that's the, the thing. It's like sometimes you're outside, it doesn't really match what is inside.

[Dax Shepard]

Maria, this was so fun having you a part of the banter.

[Shan Boodram]

Thank you for joining us and getting your haircut. It looks beautiful.

[Maria]

Thank you. Thank you, Dax. Thank you, Monica.

[Dax Shepard]

Stand by that.

[Maria]

You were the inspirational that day. I was like, when I saw Kristen instead, I'm like, you need to tell Dax that he needs to trim my bangs. I need. And she was like, okay, well, you.

[Shan Boodram]

Did a great job.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, thank you, guys. I.

[Shan Boodram]

It appreciate.

[Maria]

I know it's only gonna be once. It's okay.

[Dax Shepard]

I might do you a Second time. Because I like you so much.

[Shan Boodram]

Wow. Lucky.

[Dax Shepard]

Any actors out there who have a choice if they get to pick who their makeup artist is, I could not recommend Maria Moore. I had so much fun. You, Amy, and I had so much fun on that insane game show with a five story wheel.

[Maria]

By the way, I have to say this, you in that suit look very sexy.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, there you go.

[Maria]

And I actually sent that to KB because she didn't have the picture. And I remember I was like, you need to see your husband in this picture. And she was like, okay. And I'm like, send it to you. Because I remember it was like a suit and like, I don't know, like so much money in the bag.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure, sure, sure, that helps.

[Maria]

And I remember. So she has it. And you know, things like that, you.

[Dax Shepard]

Need to say, yeah, I appreciate it. I love you. Thanks for coming.

[Maria]

Thank you.

[Shan Boodram]

So good to have you.

[Dax Shepard]

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

[Shan Boodram]

There's some incredible TV coming out of.

[Dax Shepard]

The UK right now.

[Shan Boodram]

Brits just do it differently.

[Maria]

The accents, the wit, the scenery, the.

[Shan Boodram]

Devastating one liners disguised as compliments.

[Dax Shepard]

It's all streaming on BritBox.

[Maria]

They have the best mysteries, dramas, comedies.

[Shan Boodram]

And seriously addicting originals like Outrageous, based on the true story of the Mitford sisters. They were kind of like the Kardashians of the 1930s. Wealthy, audacious, chaotic, wildly opinionated and always making headlines.

[Dax Shepard]

And chances are you've never heard their story.

[Shan Boodram]

It's stunning. Its jaw dropping. It's very British.

[Monica Padman]

So check out Outrageous.

[Dax Shepard]

It could be your next favorite.

[Shan Boodram]

Don't miss Outrageous.

[Monica Padman]

Streaming now only on BritBox.

[Shan Boodram]

Shan.

[Dax Shepard]

Shan.

[Shan Boodram]

So there aren't very many facts for Shan.

[Dax Shepard]

Shan brought the facts.

[Shan Boodram]

She really did. She brought the facts. Weirdly, Sam Rock was comes up, which is wild because he was our guest earlier this week.

[Dax Shepard]

What was said about Sam Rockwell? Oh, the speech in White Lotus.

[Shan Boodram]

The speech in White Lotus.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Shan Boodram]

Came up. And if you missed that episode, it was earlier this week. And we do talk about that speech a fair amount. Where are the pleasure centers in the brain? Okay. The nucleus acubens is often referred to as the pleasure center of the brain. It's a subcortical brain structure involved in positive effects and feelings of reward. When we engage in pleasurable activities, the nucleus acubens becomes activated, leading to the release of dopamine, which reinforces the behavior. It's located in the ventral stratum, a part of the basal ganglia.

[Dax Shepard]

Basal ganglia.

[Shan Boodram]

Also the orbitofrontal cortex, particularly in a mid anterior subregion. According to some neuroimaging studies, is also a site for pleasure.

[Dax Shepard]

I wish you would have got into a little bit how men are more visual by nature than women. That's curious to me.

[Shan Boodram]

You wish she had.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah, like some kind of explanation for that.

[Shan Boodram]

Did Stifler get a prostate orgasm in American Pie? No. Road Trip.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, Road Trip.

[Shan Boodram]

There is, I guess, a scene where he's milking the prostate.

[Dax Shepard]

I remember it well. A nurse is in his ass and.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, good for him.

[Dax Shepard]

Sounds great.

[Shan Boodram]

And that's it.

[Dax Shepard]

That was it.

[Shan Boodram]

She brought a lot.

[Dax Shepard]

Stifler was in Road Trip when he got milked.

[Shan Boodram]

I mean, some of the facts I didn't feel comfortable checking. Oh, I'm just kidding. But, you know, some of those Googles I don't need to do.

[Dax Shepard]

You were afraid some images would come up? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

But I trust her anyway. She's a master class.

[Dax Shepard]

I mean, you got to trust the master class.

[Shan Boodram]

Got to.

[Maria]

All right, all right.

[Dax Shepard]

Love you. Love you. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey. This is Nick and this is Jack. We're best friends, ex finance guys and resident 90s experts. And every week on our podcast, the.

[Monica Padman]

Best Idea yet, we're bringing you the untold stories behind your favorite products.

[Dax Shepard]

For instance, can you guess which billion dollar fashion company went viral thanks to a rhyme covered tracksuit?

[Monica Padman]

Or which cartoon turned four turtles into.

[Dax Shepard]

A global toy empire by accident? It started as a joke. Last one. Which cold beverage was so hated by Starbucks they actually ended up acquiring it?

[Monica Padman]

Spoiler.

[Dax Shepard]

The Frappuccino. Howard Schultz apparently thought cold coffee was super lame, and then he bought it. From Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Juicy Couture to the Orange Mocha Frappuccino, join.

[Monica Padman]

Us every week to learn how your.

[Dax Shepard]

Favorite things got made. Follow the best idea yet on the Wonder App or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Monica Padman]

And you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

[Dax Shepard]

And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor.