Brexting

Summary

Podcast Summary: Ask the Mediatrician – "Brexting"

Host: Dr. Michael Rich ("the Mediatrician")
Co-host: Kristelle Lavallee
Date: November 19, 2019
Episode Focus: Exploration of "Brexting"—the practice of texting or using devices while breastfeeding or bottle-feeding—and its impact on parent-child bonding and child development.

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Episode Overview

This episode addresses the growing phenomenon of "brexting" (using electronic devices, especially for texting or social media, during breastfeeding) and its implications for parental bonding, child development, and media’s effect on family connectedness. Dr. Michael Rich (pediatrician and media expert) and educator Kristelle Lavallee tackle concerns sent in by listeners, offering science-based advice for balancing media use with the critical need for parental presence.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. What Is "Brexting" and Why Is It Important?

[00:41-01:43]

• The episode is prompted by a question from a listener ("Flip Flop Gal") asking if it's okay to tweet while breastfeeding.
• Dr. Rich discusses coining the term "brexting" to describe this common modern behavior.
• Kristelle echoes concerns from mothers who feel isolated and use their phones to maintain connections, but also worry about missing out on bonding with their babies and facing public judgment.

Quote:

“How do we stay in touch with our children when we're able to stay in touch with the world? How do we maintain human connectedness, that deep and protective connectedness, in a full connectivity environment?”
— Dr. Michael Rich [01:43]

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2. Parent-Child Connectedness and Early Development

[01:43-03:55]

• Dr. Rich emphasizes that parent-child connectedness is perhaps the most protective factor in a child’s life for long-term physical, mental, and social health.
• The baby’s brain develops rapidly in the first two years, making face-to-face interaction during feeding essential.
• The gaze between parent and child while feeding “may be as important as... the nutrition that's coming through that bottle or breast.”
• The practice of “gazing” has positive effects far beyond infancy and is vital even at family meals with older children or teens.

Quote:

“We can build that connection with that face to face gazing. It helps the kid to improve her mood and stabilize and regulate her emotions.”
— Dr. Michael Rich [03:35]

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3. The Power of “Motherese” and Language Development

[03:55-04:30]

• Kristelle notes the importance of “motherese” (“infant-directed speech”) in building language skills. She suggests that using devices distracts from crucial one-on-one spoken and nonverbal communication.

Quote:

“Texting distracts you from whatever you're doing... it is always displacing other activities, other behaviors which may be more important.”
— Dr. Michael Rich [04:30]

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4. Dangers of Distraction and the Uniqueness of Feeding Time

[04:30-06:02]

• Dr. Rich highlights feeding time as unique and fleeting, especially during infancy.
• Silent eye contact, reading, talking, and singing foster trust and help parents read their baby’s cues.
• These moments are “often very difficult and one could argue, impossible if you're distracted by a text.”

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5. Bottle-Feeding, Dads, and Other Caregivers

[06:02-07:56]

• Kristelle asks about the importance of bonding for dads and non-breastfeeding parents.
• Dr. Rich describes training pediatric interns to bottle-feed to experience caring for a whole human being, not just “a series of numbers.”
• Emphasizes that feeding—whether breast, bottle, or even later, at the family table—is an essential bonding opportunity for all caregivers.

Quote:

“Feeding time... is an important time for any primary caregiver, dads as well as moms, to bond with that child, connect with that child, communicate with that child, and perhaps most importantly, listen to that child.”
— Dr. Michael Rich [07:35]

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6. Striking a Balance: Practical Advice for Modern Parents

[08:06-09:27]

• Dr. Rich advises balancing necessary media use with the need to be fully present.
• Media isn't inherently bad but should not displace moments of direct interaction.
• Suggests limiting device use during child-focused times and saving texts for when the child is napping or not engaged with the parent.

Quotes:

“Texting isn't inherently bad. It can be a powerful and important tool for information seeking, communicating, staying in touch… But do it when the child is napping.”
— Dr. Michael Rich [08:23]

“Children learn more from what we do than what we say. So let's stay connected with them and model that kind of connectedness with us and with the world.”
— Dr. Michael Rich [09:10]

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Notable Quotes

• On presence:
  "It's the special things that kids do, those silly things that happen that we remember. We're not going to remember those texts or tweets. Exactly."
  — Dr. Michael Rich [09:00]

• On avoiding device distraction:
  “So it basically sounds like we need to exit from ‘Brexting.’”
  — Kristelle Lavallee [07:56]
  "As long as we don't Brexit."
  — Dr. Michael Rich [08:01] (light humor)

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Key Takeaways

• Parent-child gaze and attention during feeding is critical for emotional, social, and language development.
• Device use during these moments—"brexting"—can diminish important bonding opportunities.
• Both mothers and fathers (or any caregiver) should view feeding and mealtime as opportunities for deep connection, communication, and emotional security.
• Texting or using media is not inherently negative but should be paced and balanced according to the child's developmental needs and moments of connection.
• Savor fleeting moments with your child—model the behavior and presence you want your children to learn.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:41] – Introduction of the "brexting" question
• [01:43] – The science and significance of parent-child connectedness
• [03:55] – The importance of talking and face-to-face interaction
• [04:30] – Distraction by texting and its impact
• [06:02] – The role of dads/non-breastfeeding caregivers
• [08:06] – Advice for balancing media and presence
• [09:10] – Modeling healthy media behaviors for children

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Final Advice

“Enjoy your media and use them wisely and enjoy your children and raise them wisely.”
— Dr. Michael Rich [09:56]

Transcript

[A]

Hey, I'm Dr. Michael Rich, the mediatrician. I'm a practicing pediatrician who specializes on the effects of media on children. Because as a former filmmaker, I understand the power of media to change hearts and minds, and I bring the science of child development and health to that understanding. I'm here with mediatrix educator Christelle Lavallee.

[B]

Hey there.

[A]

So what question are we hearing today?

[B]

All right, so this question actually came to us via Twitter, which reminds me to let you all know out there that if you have a question of your own, you can tweet to us too, ediatrician. But today this question came to us from Flip Flopgal, and she basically tweeted, is it okay that I'm tweeting while I'm breastfeeding? So when we first got this question, Michael, I remember that you also talked about it on a radio program and you coined the term brexting. Right. And now I've been seeing brexting as a hashtag and all over those mommy blogs. Definitely something that moms are concerned about, including my friends who are new moms. And I've got to say, I really see how hard it is for them. They feel so isolated at home with the new baby, who, you know, they love, but it's a lot of time. And texting helps them keep in touch, you know, tweeting and being on social media too. But they also just really worry about bonding with their baby and also being judged for even having their phone out when they're in public. So what do you say to them? What does the mediatrician say about brexiting?

[A]

This is an important variation on perhaps the most important question for parents, which is how do we stay in touch with our children when we're able to stay in touch with the world? How do we maintain human connectedness, that deep and protective connectedness, in a full connectivity environment? Yeah, that's big in terms of the long term effects, because such research requires taking the time for those developmental outcomes to occur. We don't have a lot of long term evidence for. For this question, but we do know that in the early stages, in particular parent child connectedness, the mutual sustained positive emotional bond between parent and child may be the single most protective factor in a child's life in terms of her long term physical health, her mental health, and her socialization as a member of a family and of the larger world. We have to remember the human brain develops remarkably quickly during those first two years of life. It triples in volume.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Because we're making all kinds of Connections between synapses, understanding about the world and how the world works. And what we know is that the gaze between a parent and her infant while breast or bottle feeding, which a dad can do too, is as important as perhaps the nutrition that's coming through that bottle or breast. We can build that connection with that face to face gazing. It helps the kid to improve her mood and stabilize and regulate her emotions. And even long after infancy, the parent child gaze, particularly while eating, remains a powerful, primal source of nurture and strength for both. And remember, it's not just during breastfeeding, but when you are sharing a meal, even with your adolescent, it's important that they and you put your devices down, look at each other and listen to each other.

[B]

This makes me want to facetime with my mom when I'm eating. It's so sweet. All right. Well, I know that talking to babies, that kind of, hi, you're so cute, I love you. You know, when we raise our voice an octave, that kind of motherese or infant directed speech that they. I know that that's also incredibly important as babies are able to kind of pick up language from hearing their parents speak to them in that kind of tone. But from seeing my friends breastfeed, it's often a time they talk to their baby. And I'd imagine that texting can probably take away from that kind of important talk. Is that true?

[A]

Well, texting distracts you from whatever you're doing, you know, so it's true during breastfeeding, just as it's true during driving or in anything else that we do. So I think that we have to be conscious when we are using our devices for texting or anything, that it is always displacing other activities, other behaviors which may be more important. And I can say that feeding is an important, unique and fleeting time, particularly with an infant and breastfeeding. To spend really intimate one on one time with your child and build this powerful connection, build that trust, build that ability to communicate without words. Staring at each other in silence can not only be calming and centering, but a great way for you to understand your child and her body cues her body language and is often very difficult and one could argue, impossible if you're distracted by a text. So think about reading out loud, talking, singing to your infant, engaging older children with her, and that can help improve their language development. Now, when they're breastfeeding, their mouth is full, so they're not going to be talking, but they are going to be building their receptive language and learning how to Talk.

[B]

Such a key time. So Flip Flop Gal, remember that? Those kids grow up so fast. So maybe save the tweet for a little later. But Michael, I also noticed earlier that you mentioned the guys in this. You specifically called out the dads. And I just really want to loop back because the question was from probably a lady where she was talking about breastfeeding. But I know that there's a lot of information on the mother baby bond. But I'm assuming that feeding a baby from a bottle, whether you're the dad or even just the non breastfeeding parent, that's also a really important time. Is that true?

[A]

Well, I'm a dad too, so I've got to stay up for my guys, you know, represent. One of the things that this brings up is that when I was training interns and residents in pediatrics, one kind of off the wall thing I would do is insist that all of them sit in a rocking chair and feed a baby.

[B]

So wacky.

[A]

But this allowed them to connect to the babies as something more than just a series of numbers of body chemistries of vital signs, and to see them as a whole human being. And that's important for clinicians, just as it's important for parents. So I think that what we need to do is understand that feeding time, whether it's of the infant or of the adolescent, is an important time for any primary caregiver, dads as well as moms, to bond with that child, connect with that child, communicate with that child, and perhaps most importantly, listen to that child. And anything that has to do with a device, texting, emailing, tweeting, whatever, tweeting, even looking at a television takes away from that connection.

[B]

That's important. So it basically sounds like we need to exit from Brexiting.

[A]

As long as we don't Brexit.

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

Okay, so the advice I'd give to Flip Flop Gal and to any new mom or dad, or even old moms and dads with their teenagers, is that it's important to strike a balance between the media use such as texting and our human needs. And the most important human need we have, particularly with children, is to be present and stay connected. Texting isn't inherently bad. It can be a powerful and important tool for information seeking, communicating, staying in touch, even with the child's grandparents. But do it when the child is napping, do it when you're not focused on that child, and try to limit your texting when children are around so you don't miss those spontaneous moments that you would never get if you're staring at your phone. Remember, it's the special things that kids do, those silly things that happen that we remember. We're not going to remember those texts or tweets. Exactly. Children learn more from what we do than what we say. So let's stay connected with them and model that kind of connectedness with us and with the world.

[B]

Alright, that's solid advice. Flip Flopgal I hope that really helped you out today. And to find more on this and many other topics related to healthy media habits, all science based information can be [e-mail] that said, for you tweeters out there like Flip Flop Gal, you can follow Dr. Rich on Twitter Mediatrician or submit your own [e-mail] and finally, make sure you subscribe. Subscribe and share this podcast with all of your new mom friends.

[A]

Enjoy your media and use them wisely and enjoy your children and raise them wisely.

[C]

Ask the Mediatrician is hosted by Dr. Michael Rich, joined by Mediatrix educator Christelle Lavallee. Jill R. Kavanagh is our Chief Knowledge Officer. Original music composed by Christopher Cerf Podcast and music recorded, mixed and edited at Saturn Sound Studios Executive Producer Alicia Heywood

[D]

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