YouTube

Summary

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Ask the Mediatrician – Episode Summary: "YouTube" (October 2, 2019)

Episode Overview

In this episode of “Ask the Mediatrician,” host Dr. Michael Rich (pediatrician, researcher, filmmaker) and child development expert Christelle Lavallee address a real-world question from a parent about allowing her 12-year-old son to create a YouTube channel. They explore the challenges parents face in navigating privacy, digital autonomy, online safety, copyright laws, and responsible media use. The discussion blends practical advice, developmental insight, and encouragement for parental engagement in children’s digital lives.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Tween Aspiration: Being a YouTuber

[02:03]

• A mother from Berkeley, Maggie, seeks advice on whether to let her 12-year-old post gaming “how-to” videos on YouTube to earn money, as his friends do.
• The child argues he can remain “totally anonymous,” but resists parental oversight.

Nostalgia vs. Today’s Reality

• Christelle recalls childhood fantasies of performing or hosting shows—now, kids dream of “YouTube fame.”
• Dr. Rich contextualizes this as an evolution of the classic dream (NBA star, pop singer), now centered on digital influence.

Quote:

“The first thing that Maggie can do to help him is to understand that his likelihood of becoming a YouTube influencer is about the same as those kids who are going to be NBA stars. These are long shots and have a fallback plan.” – Dr. Michael Rich [03:54]

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2. Developmental Needs: Privacy and Autonomy

[05:14 – 06:27]

• Dr. Rich explains that a tween’s demand for privacy reflects a developmental push for autonomy, not necessarily a mature grasp of long-term digital consequences.
• Kids, especially at 12, lack the cognitive maturity (“executive functions”) to fully understand issues of online privacy, permanence, and future impact.

Quote:

“He’s not even capable of thinking about next week, let alone applying for college or a job in the future. Yet what he puts online will be there when those events occur.” – Dr. Michael Rich [05:33]

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3. Parenting Practicalities: Setting Boundaries, Dialog, and Supervision

[06:55 – 09:16]

• Parents must stay involved, even if children perceive it as an invasion.
• Dr. Rich compares the process to teaching future independence a step at a time, adapting supervision as skills and judgment develop.
• Christelle emphasizes that “private” social media accounts often aren’t truly private (e.g., 400+ followers).

Quote:

“Everything you put there is there for you and others to see. And it goes a long way, it goes very fast, and it will remain there.” – Dr. Michael Rich [08:22]

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4. The Myth and Reality of Becoming a YouTube Star

[10:21 – 11:14]

• Comparing YouTube “entrepreneurship” to the lemonade stand: The stakes are higher, the risks different.
• Kids may not understand that using video games for YouTube videos can involve copyright infringement, as the intellectual property belongs to large companies.

Quote:

“He has every right to play a game that he’s bought over and over... But the moment that he starts to charge admission for it, make money, he is violating copyright.” – Dr. Michael Rich [11:01]

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5. Legalities: Copyright, COPPA, and Age Restrictions

[12:03 – 14:29]

• Copyright violations can lead to videos being pulled or more serious legal consequences, although the industry’s approach is evolving (from lawsuits to content shutdowns).
• Reminder: YouTube and most social platforms are legally restricted to users 13+, per the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA).

Quote:

“YouTube is social media. Social media is prohibited for children under 13 by the Childhood Online Privacy Protection Act.” – Christelle Lavallee & Dr. Michael Rich [14:17–14:29]

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6. The Parenting Approach: Online and Offline Worlds

[13:36 – 15:45]

• Parents should “parent online as you do offline”—with presence, guidance, and modeling positive behavior.
• Advocates for co-viewing, account access, and shared learning, rather than abdication.
• Dr. Rich likens the digital world to a “power tool” requiring close guidance, just like teaching a teen to drive.

Quote:

“The Internet and interactive media are power tools... She will be there side by side with him in the car and should be there side by side with him in front of a screen.” – Dr. Michael Rich [15:38]

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7. Encouraging Responsible Independence

[16:09 – 17:39]

• It's not about letting a child “run free” online, but incrementally granting responsibility as digital skills and judgment develop.
• The co-hosts describe using a “leash”—gradually increasing autonomy as appropriate, being ready to “pull it in” if missteps occur.

Quote:

“They want more freedom. You give them more leash and you see what they do with it. And if they behave well, they get more leash. If they misbehave or stumble, you pull it in a little bit... Eventually, they climb those stairs.” – Dr. Michael Rich [16:51]

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Memorable Moments/Quotes with Timestamps

• “A lot of tweens and younger kids dream about becoming YouTube famous...But I also have to wonder, is a public audience actually a good thing for a 12 year old like Maggie’s son?” – Christelle Lavallee [02:40]
• “As annoying and obnoxious as you may be, keep it up because you love him... He will not necessarily recognize that right away, but in 10 years he’ll thank you for it.” – Dr. Michael Rich [08:05]
• “We have to parent them everywhere they go and everywhere they are.” – Christelle Lavallee [13:37]
• “Remember that this is a power tool. The Internet and interactive media are power tools...” – Dr. Michael Rich [15:20]

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Suggested Parent Takeaways

• Stay actively involved in your child's digital life, just as you would in their physical world.
• Respect their need for autonomy, but guide privacy and safety conversations.
• Teach about copyright and legal boundaries.
• Model positive, ethical behavior online.
• Gradually increase online freedom as responsibility and judgment are demonstrated.
• Leverage YouTube dreams as teachable moments on creativity, intellectual property, and digital citizenship.

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Notable Timestamps

• [02:03] – Maggie’s question, setting the episode’s main dilemma
• [03:53] – Comparison of ‘YouTube influencer’ dream to classic childhood ambitions
• [05:14] – The child’s drive for autonomy vs. parental responsibility
• [08:22] – “Privacy doesn’t exist online” discussion
• [11:01] – Copyright as a real-world obstacle to making gaming videos for money
• [13:36] – “Parenting online as you do offline”
• [15:38] – The “power tool” (driving) analogy
• [16:51] – The “leash” analogy for incremental responsibility

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This episode underscores the importance of consistent, curious, and caring parenting in the digital age—reminding families that while the landscape is new, the principles of guidance, protection, and supportive independence remain unchanged.

Transcript

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[Dr. Michael Rich]

Hey, it's Dr. Michael Rich, the Mediatrician. I'm a practicing pediatrician, a child health researcher, and a lifelong filmmaker who understands how powerfully screens can engage and change us all. As a doctor who takes care of kids every day, I see how they

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

struggle in many ways with the screens

[Dr. Michael Rich]

in their lives, from smartphones to televisions. And I see the concern in their parents as they wonder whether this is going to affect their physical, mental or social health as they grow up. So to really understand how to raise healthy, happy, productive children in a world filled with digital screens, I try to bring my two worlds together and understand it in a deep and meaningful way that you can use to raise your kids to be successful. Mediatrix Educator Christelle Lavallee joins me here each week to address your questions.

[Christelle Lavallee]

Yes I do. Thanks Michael. So this week we have Maggie, a mom from Berkeley, California who is looking for advice and she wrote to us asking. She says basically my 12 year old son wants a YouTube account so that he can post videos of himself talking about how to play certain games. He says he can earn money this way as some of his friends do. He says he can be totally anonymous so there are no risks. I told him I am willing to consider it as long as I view the videos first, but he tells me he considers that an infringement on his privacy. What are your thoughts? So I hear this a lot. I know you do, with your patience. A lot of tweens and younger kids dream about becoming YouTube famous, whether through their how to make slime videos or streaming or filming their gameplay, which is huge. And I have to say Michael, when I was younger my friend And I had like, we used to pretend that we had our own cooking show. We peaked at boxed Mac and cheese. But sometimes I like to think we would have had an audience. But I also have to wonder, is a public audience actually a good thing for a 12 year old like Maggie's son?

[Dr. Michael Rich]

Well, you know, kids are often performing and some kids like performing more than others. They're performing for their parents, for their teachers, et cetera. And it is interesting that you are seeing this, and I am seeing this a lot in my practice now, because part of what I do is help care for kids who actually get sucked into the world of gaming or social media and are really struggling and impaired by that behavior. While 10 years or so ago, I would have kids who would play basketball all the time because they were going to be an NBA star, today I'm hearing kids who want to be YouTube influencers, like Maggie's son.

[Christelle Lavallee]

Oh, interesting.

[Dr. Michael Rich]

What's interesting is the first thing that Maggie can do to help him is to understand that his likelihood of becoming a YouTube influencer is about the same as those kids who are going to be NBA stars. These are long shots and have a fallback plan. Yeah, right. But Maggie's impulse to parent her son in his digital life is right on. And I frankly wish more parents would have that courage and that motivation because an awful lot check out and sort of say, I don't really understand that world. They're being quiet, they're not dealing drugs, they're not having sex, so everything must be okay. And she is right on the mark, even if he doesn't like it. And this is just one of many experiences she's going to have as he moves through adolescence where she needs to hang in there, keep the dialogue going, keep the door open as he struggles with a number of issues through adolescence, from substance use to sex. And Maggie, understand that your son's request for privacy actually results from a normal developmental drive for autonomy. He is moving from being a child to being an independent adult.

[Christelle Lavallee]

So moving away from mom, moving away

[Dr. Michael Rich]

from Maggie, moving away from Maggie in terms of his own identity and figuring out who he is and what he does. Yet he does not really understand or really grapple with the concept of privacy the same way that you do. You are thinking of privacy in a long term effect, like how what he does today will affect what happens tomorrow. But 10 years from now, 20 years from now as well, he's not even capable of thinking about next week, let alone applying for college or a job in the future. Yet what he puts Online will be there when those events occur. And he's not able to really understand, monitor, or protect his privacy. So it is your job as someone with a mature prefrontal cortex and fully functioning executive functions, and to model and guide his responsibility and independence a step at a time.

[Christelle Lavallee]

Okay. I really think it's important to kind of what you were saying about where her son is developmentally. I mean, this is a tween, right? So how is Maggie going to deal with a tween? Let's start from like, that developmental perspective.

[Dr. Michael Rich]

Sure. Well, 12 year olds are only just starting to be capable of what we call formal abstract thinking, or what Piaget called that. Love Piaget. That means that he's building his executive functions. He's just starting to work on impulse control, future thinking, understanding that the actions he takes have consequences in the short and long term. He is a long way from getting there.

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

He is not going to have fully

[Dr. Michael Rich]

functioning executive functions till his mid to late 20s. And we need to be there. Maggie needs to be there for him as he stumbles sometimes in moving toward that independence. So she needs, despite his protestations, to stay closely involved with him. And he will feel like his privacy is being violated, but she needs to help him understand that he needs to build the skills both to understand privacy and to protect it as he is stepping out from her shadow and. And developing independent identity and independent behavior.

[Christelle Lavallee]

So, Maggie, you're in this for a long haul. So, Michael, what kind of parenting tips can we give her specifically because she's already getting that pushback? As you noted, he doesn't want mom involved in these videos or even watching these videos, which is interesting because they're going to be public. So how can we help Maggie out?

[Dr. Michael Rich]

Well, first of all, Maggie can both acknowledge and respect his need for privacy. In other words, she doesn't want to say, you don't understand. She wants to say, I'll turn him off. I understand you need to be private, and I want you to be private, not just from me, but from the rest of the world. The moment you put something online, it is no longer private. Privacy doesn't exist online.

[Christelle Lavallee]

Amen.

[Dr. Michael Rich]

Everything you put there is there for you and others to see. And it goes a long way, it goes very fast, and it will remain there. So he does not see privacy yet in the way that you do. He sees it as keeping things away from you, but does not really recognize or actually doesn't really care that the danger is from others. He sees them as a potential audience that can pay him, not as People who are seeking what they can take from him. So as annoying and obnoxious as you may be, keep it up because you love him and you're there to protect him from harm and from harming others. He will not necessarily recognize that right away, but in 10 years he'll thank you for it.

[Christelle Lavallee]

That's encouraging. And I think that this point is huge and one we can all use a reminder about. If it's on social media, it is public, it is not private. It is so easy to forget how quick someone can just take a screenshot of something and share it and spread it online or spread it just even by word of mouth, the old fashioned way, if you will. Because I cannot tell you how many times I hear, oh well, my account is private and then I'll look at the account and it's they have 400 friends, they have 400 followers on Insta. And yes, it's private, but they let everybody have permission who asks people that they don't know. So I just thank you for reminding everybody, Michael, because I think it's so important. But then what about the business side of things? Because it sounds like Maggie's raising a little businessman here and her son wants to make money as a gamer. We know that this can be done. All the people who make it make the headlines. So it's not like her son is wrong. But what are other concerns Maggie needs to know and that she can kind of break down for her son.

[Dr. Michael Rich]

Well, a decade or so ago he

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

would have had a lemonade stand.

[Christelle Lavallee]

Right, go back to that.

[Dr. Michael Rich]

But here's the difference with what he's doing.

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

He's using his basis of business, intellectual property that belongs to someone else, that

[Dr. Michael Rich]

game was created by someone else at the expense of many millions of dollars.

[Christelle Lavallee]

Sometimes the game that he's playing, the

[Dr. Michael Rich]

game that he is playing, and they copyright that game and they use that game as something that they sell. So in some ways he has to be very careful that he's not violating copyright by using that and trying to

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

make money off it.

[Dr. Michael Rich]

He has every right to play a game that he's bought over and over and over again. But the moment that he starts to charge admission for it, make money, he is violating copyright.

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

And so the video games that he's playing are, are likely those that are most popular, that are created by multibillion dollar businesses. Video gaming is the biggest part of the entertainment industry now. More than movies, more than television. And remember when the music industry hit kids as young as 10 or 12 with huge lawsuits just for File sharing music. And they are not afraid to bring some really mean lawyers to bear on him if he overstep.

[Christelle Lavallee]

Oh, yeah. As someone who may or may not have downloaded months work of music, I was frightened of jail. I recall those lawsuits that you're referring to, Michael, but could something similar happen here?

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

Well, I think times have changed and both the music industry and the video game industry and the entertainment industry have learned how better to use streaming and the availability of their product online. So it may or may not happen, but in the case of YouTube, they have cracked down on people who copyright violate.

[Christelle Lavallee]

I've read those stories.

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

What they've done typically is just shut down those videos. But that does not mean that if someone is a repeat offender, they would not have qualms about, you know, going after them legally in one way or another if it's only to have a lawyer threaten them.

[Christelle Lavallee]

Yeah.

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

So Maggie, if she wants to support her son in this business, help him do it systematically to investigate how he can legally share that content, how he can do this, you know, and as in some cases when hackers have hacked into things, they end up getting hired by the companies they hack to do security. It may well be that if he's good enough at playing these games, the game makers would hire him to be one of their stars, to sponsor him, in a sense. So I think that the important thing here for Maggie, as well as other parents with kids who want to become YouTube influencers, is to remember to parent online as you do offline.

[Christelle Lavallee]

So important.

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

We think of these as two separate worlds, and many parents only parent offline. These kids move seamlessly between the online and offline world. We have to parent them everywhere they go and everywhere they are. So she can only help him if she understands this world and is present with him in it. And so we recommend that you not only preview all the videos he posts, but that you have access to his accounts, you have passwords to. And participate with him in all of his online activities. Because.

[Christelle Lavallee]

Can't be private.

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

Right. You can't be private.

[Christelle Lavallee]

He.

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

He's 12 years old. YouTube is social media.

[Christelle Lavallee]

Absolutely.

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

Social media is prohibited for children under 13 by the Childhood Online Privacy Protection Act.

[Christelle Lavallee]

That's right. COPPA.

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

Right by COPPA. So I think all of these things have to be brought into play here and to help him to be a good digital citizen, to enjoy his games, to share his games, but to do so in. In not just a legal way, but in a caring and good citizenship kind of way. And one of the ways she can do it is not only helping him do it, but to model doing it in her behavior online and supervise him as he learns to navigate on his own and model for him good behavior online. Remember that this is a power tool. The Internet and interactive media are power tools. And just as she will in four short years be sitting white knuckled in the front seat of an automobile, teaching him to use that powerful tool. Oh, yeah, that can do great things. He can make money, he can have a lot more freedom. But he can also cause great harm if he doesn't learn to use it well. And she will be there side by side with him in the car and should be there side by side with him in front of a screen.

[Christelle Lavallee]

I love that. I love the car analogy, Michael. I think that's one that can resonate with every parent. So, but jumping on that car analogy, can Maggie eventually let her son kind of drive on his own? And by that I mean have a YouTube channel? So he's not ready at 12, but would he be ready at 14 after Coppa? Maybe she's given him some guidance. What are your thoughts there?

[Dr. Michael Rich]

Well, I would change that question to, can Maggie let her son go on YouTube? To can Maggie help her son go on YouTube, helping him learn what the rules are, what good behavior, good etiquette is online, how to respect other people's creativity and creative property rights. Just as he will want others to respect his creative property rights when he creates, so she can help him do this in the way that we do all of parenting of adolescents, which is they seek freedom. We want them to take responsibility. So it's like having a dog on a leash.

[Co-host / Expert Guest]

They want more freedom.

[Dr. Michael Rich]

You give them more leash and you see what they do with it. And if they behave well, they get more leash. If they misbehave or stumble, you pull it in a little bit. And it's a very much a push me pull you through adolescence and winning analogies. This is not like a steady, gradual slope, but more like stair steps in the sense that they will make advances and then they consolidate them. They learn how to take responsibility for them. And sometimes they step down and sometimes they step up, but eventually they climb those stairs. And that is how she can help him as opposed to letting him do it. She can be there side by side with him.

[Christelle Lavallee]

That's so great. And Maggie, if you end up becoming that celebrity parent of a YouTube influencer, please remember us. We hope for the best for both

[Dr. Michael Rich]

you and your son and help him stay humble.

[Christelle Lavallee]

That too. So for the rest of you, you can find links to all of our resources at Ask. You can also connect with our very own Mediatrician on Twitter Mediatrician and submit your own [e-mail] thank you so much for listening and make sure you subscribe and share this podcast.

[Dr. Michael Rich]

Enjoy your media and use them wisely together, which is one way to enjoy your son and raise him wisely.

[Podcast Producer / Announcer]

Ask the Mediatrician is hosted by Dr. Michael Richard, joined by Mediatrix educator Christelle Lavallee. Jill R. Kavanagh is our Chief Knowledge Officer. Original music composed by Christopher Cerf Podcast and music recorded, mixed and edited at Saturn Sound Studios Executive Producer Alicia Haywood.

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