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Refreshers contain caffeine.
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Oh, I'm so excited. Hi, friends. I feel like I just stumbled upon gold. Let me fix my seat. Hang on. Got a lot to talk about. Because I feel like I just stumbled upon gold. Like a whole truckload of gold. With the awareness that I found one of the biggest blocks to receiving anything you want in this life. Oh, my God. Oh, we gotta talk about it. I'm so excited. Okay, we about to get real spiritual. Woo woo. A little bit. Just enough. We're not talking about, like, deserving. Okay? That's one thing I want to hit out the gate with, like, the biggest blocks to, like, receiving anything you want in this life. Nothing to do with deserving. Deserving does not exist. It's not a real thing. The concept of deserving is something that humans created to control each other.
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Right?
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Because things happen all the time that you didn't deserve. Good things happen you didn't deserve, and bad things happen you didn't deserve. And things happen to people all the time. Like children don't deserve to be riddled with cancer, but some of them are. So the whole concept of deserving, throw it out the window. Enough of this. Oh, I don't feel like I deserve it. Oh, please. So kindergarten, wake up. I don't mean to make fun of you a little, but for real, like, deserving has nothing to do with nothing. So people who are always worried about, oh, I don't feel good enough. I don't feel worthy. Once I feel worthy of something, then I'll get it. No, that'll have nothing to do with nothing. So deserving, throw it out of your head. Doesn't matter. Doesn't exist. Not a thing. God, don't play like that. There's no God who's looking at you and saying, oh, this one deserves this and this one deserves this. That's not how it works. So the way that I, like, came to this whole realization, I think I'm going just walk you through it, right? Yeah. That's how you learn through experience. So the people who watch my podcast and have kept up with what I've been going through, everything going on, you, you know what's been going on in my life, if you're new. Hi. Hello. Hope you like it here. But basically I'm in like a whole self discovery period again. Like, I've had to rebuild my whole life again and I've done it. And I was like, okay, great. But a lot of things are getting shifted in my head. So what I've been realizing about receiving in and of itself, you know how when you have like a certain transactional relationship or friendship, like someone does something for you, but they expect something in return, but they don't tell you, like a hidden contract that people will put you in of like, oh, I'm going to do this for you, but it's so you do something for me later or I'm going to love you. And that means I get access to you. And that means I'm allowed to be pissed off and dictate your life if you didn't reply to me. Right? So it's like a hidden contract of if I give you this thing, what you owe me in return. The concept of owing people, owing things, being in debt. Ah, that's where it starts. So other day, I'm sitting on a couch and I'm like, you know what would be really nice? Like, I was just stressed out about so many things, like, like playing the tape forward, worrying about so much stuff, like rebuilding my life. What do I want to do with my life? I don't know. Like, I'm searching for clarity. And I was like, you know, it'll be really nice. Like, it's one of those irritated things. Like it just, you know, just like, okay, $100 million would be great. I was trying to figure out, like, what do I want in this life? You know what I mean? Like, what the hell do I really want? And that's the, like, the irritation brought up. Like, if I just had $100 million, it would just give me a second, right? And I was like, wait. Because when you have a desire for something, you're meant to purify it. So a lot of people will think that they want money. But there's something else under it. And for me, in this situation, I was. $100 million would be great. That's what I want, okay? I'm trying to search for what I want in this life, okay? Money. Then I'm like, no, it ain't that simple. What do I feel like I would be able to finally do once I have $100 million just sitting in my bank account? Like, what would I finally have access to? What is it in that that I'm so. Like, just fuck it. Like, that's it. Okay? I think I found the answer no. So I fully visualized it. I'm like, okay, if $100 million just, like, popped into my bank account, I wouldn't trust it. I'd be skeptical, scared, worried. But the whole thing that I wanted was to be able to just be for a minute, to just exist. And it made me realize I don't feel okay to just exist or just to be. Like, my brain is constantly thinking about how I have to do certain things. I have to figure this out, figure that out, look out for this person, watch out for my own business, my own ass, my own shit. It's just this constant mental. I'm always in of what do I have to do? Like, I have to be doing something. And I realized I really got a problem with being. I don't know how to be. I don't feel like I'm. It's not like I deserve to be. That doesn't exist because I've done enough. I've achieved enough, where it's like, okay, I could, with the money that I've got in my bank account, sit for, like, a minute and just like, b. No, I don't feel comfortable to do that. But even if I had a hundred million dollars, if I went into that, I still wouldn't feel like I could just be. I'd be figuring out how I can invest it, how to keep it, how to manage it, making sure it ain't weird, like, someone's gonna take it. I'd have to watch out for people trying to take it. I have to be secretive about it. I was like, okay, I have a problem where I just don't know how to be. That's what I truly want. So the purification of that desire for money out of being, like, irritated was, I want to be able to just be and feel okay and feel at ease and feel at peace. And I haven't been able to do that, come to find out. So I decided, you know what? I'm gonna make that My desire. Be careful what you wish for. So I was like, all right, I'm just gonna make it real simple. I desire to just be, learn how to be. Like, I just wanna be able to be like, oh, what are you doing? Just being what you doing? Like, I want. That's my desire. So as soon as I said that, when you desire something and you figure out what you want, everything that's preventing you from it will come up. And you got to face it, you have to take full responsibility for everything that comes up because you're being purified. All the that is in the way of you and your desire is going to get snatched out of you. Like my hair like just ripped right out. If you're listening to this on the audio side, you can't see me. I hope you know that I'm bald by now. But the thing with that was I feel like weirdly I haven't earned the ability to just like relax and be yet. And I feel like everything I try and do gets sabotaged. Like right where I get to a point where I can finally relax, something else happens or something gets sabotaged or I find that I'm getting fucked over business wise and I have to blow everything up and then go restart it. That's what I just had to do. But I kept getting irritated. That was my irritation of like, I keep getting to a point where I can just relax for a second and then something else comes up. Then visualizing having a hundred million dollars, okay, I could just be. For a second, I would feel terrified that I was gonna have my debt be collected in some way that was bad. So like if I just randomly received $100 million, I would be shit scared because I don't know how it's going to be collected. I would feel in debt to that. I don't feel safe to just accept things and receive things. So this kicked on a whole like, whoa, wait a minute, let's start thinking. So I start thinking about my life and I'm like, with anything that I receive, anything, I always feel like there's a debt to be paid or there's something that I have to give back. So there's so many examples this took. I'm gonna give you a few of them so you can be like, wait. Because if it hits you the same, hey, I just found your block for you. You're welcome. So first is like friendships with people. Being in my life and being friends with me. I get scared sometimes to let certain people closer to me because I feel like once you get Closer to me. I owe you my attention. It's like, if you text me, I feel like I have to text you back. I have to be present, I have to be in your life. I have to do all this. It's like, if you do for me, I feel like I have to do for you. Reciprocity. Like, I'm always very big on that. And it's good to have people in your life that do things back and forth for you. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who just takes, but I take it to a whole other extent of, like, doing way too damn much with receiving love from people, even just, like, friendships. I started to feel, like, drained at the thought of it because I started to see only what I would owe if I received their friendship or if I received someone's love. I'm going to have to give you access to me. I'm going to lose myself to receive love from anyone. And then it went a few steps further and this is all over my life. So with social media, here's an example. Getting views on social media, I feel like I'm in debt. Like, I have to keep posting because I've gotten the views. It's like, if I want more, okay, I have to keep posting. But now that I've got them, I feel like I owe people an explanation because I haven't been posting on TikTok and Instagram for almost a month now. And I kept feeling this. Like, I need to give people an explanation. I need to, like, check in and say hi. It's like they've been here and supported me this far. I need to say something. I can't just leave them hanging. What if I need to take a break? I'm gonna take a break. But that's something else that got revealed. Because, okay, if you want views, then I feel in debt, Then I feel like I owe and it's an obligation. And I don't like that. Another thing is the thought of the gym, like, going to the gym, it got very draining because I just see the cost of it of, like, trying to get my body to look a certain way. I owe my life to it. It's like, okay, I desire to look a certain way. I'm gonna have to eat this way, go to the gym, like this, stop partying, stop traveling. It's like, it just. I see the cost of everything before I even get it. And it makes me not even want it and it makes me feel drained. But this goes so much further and deeper in different aspects. Because when you want something bigger that you can't fathom how you'd get it yet. Like, example, money. I'm scared to receive money that's unexpected because I assume it's gonna be collected for, like, the debt will be paid in another way. So I was looking at it like, oh, if I get money, God's gonna crack me in the head with something else that, like, make me lose it or have to deal with something or some problem's gonna come up where it's like, okay, you don't just get things for free. I haven't, like, experienced receiving things without a cost or without, like, some kind of contract. Even, like, a compliment from somebody. Or, like, you know how you have the friends that, like, text you and say nice shit. It's like you feel like you have to over be nice back so they don't get their feelings hurt. It's like, I have to cater to your emotions. Receiving your love makes me feel like I'm responsible for your emotional state. That's the contract I was then. So another thing was, like, with energy, I wanted energy because I felt so tired all the time. I'm like, okay, I want energy, but if I got energy, I would feel like I'm in debt to it. Like, okay, I have to use that energy now. If I get the energy, then I have to do something with it. I don't know what the fuck to do right now. Like, I'm in a confusing state. Another thing was clarity. I want clarity. I want to receive clarity. If I get clarity, I have to honor it. If I don't honor it, I'm scared of some weird punishment or like, the clarity is going to leave or something bad's going to happen in my life. It's like this contract with every single thing in my life. And I'm so glad I realized it because I feel so much more at ease because this is all just contracts made up in my damn head. Like, this is not how things work. Like, with awareness too. Like, when I was talking about clarity, like, certain realizations will hit me all the time. And I've been journaling a lot. And this realization hit me the other night when I was coming to all this awareness. And the realization hit me and I was, like, frantic to receive something. I felt frantic. I was like, okay, I have to keep writing. Like, you can't go to sleep yet. You have to keep writing. Like, frantic. What the fuck was I thinking? Like, what? What is that? I pissed myself off, but I'm like, okay, I have to keep deepening the awareness. I have to keep going with the realization I have to keep honoring it so it doesn't leave. It's like there's this fear of abandonment and fear of unseen consequences that I don't want to pay for. And what I've just gone through business wise. Another type of issue I have with transactions is with this certain business partnership I had. I was paying for something and I thought for a year, okay, this is the transaction. I pay you this, and this is what we do. This is what I get. Come to find out after a year I overpaid because they were secretly overcharging the fucking shit out of me. So looking at that experience, I'm like, okay, when you do receive something and it is a transaction, I don't feel safe in transactions no more. Because if someone seems happy about the amount of money they're receiving or something that they're getting, they're happy because they're secretly getting more than. I just don't realize it. So I had that come up in my head and I'm like, oh, wow, that did a number on me. But even when it's a conscious transaction, I don't trust those no more. So it's like the weird spot. Rock and a hard place, you could say. So after realizing all this, it just kept unfolding, truthfully, like, everything just kept unfolding. And I saw more and more and more and more contracts with everything. And I'm like, wow, I really been living like this. No wonder I've been so tired. No wonder nothing's really, like, coming to me. And I'm such a frantic wreck because whenever I do receive something, I'm paranoid something's going to happen and something's going to, like, collect that debt without me realizing. And there's a lot of times where I would receive something and then something negative would happen and I'd be like, oh, it's the debt being paid for that. It has nothing to do with that. That's just how I saw it in my head, like a lunatic. I think you can kind of see how I was actively resisting every single thing that I thought I wanted. And then it got to a point where I was like, I'm tired of wanting things. I was over here trying to figure out what do I want in my life? What do I want to do with my life? What do I actually desire? And then I'm over here, secretly, unconsciously, I was like, resisting every single thing. Then I lost entire sight of anything that I wanted to. Because anytime I had a thought of something I desired, I Would immediately see the cost or the debt of the way that I would owe something or owe someone for that thing. And it was made up in my head. So I felt very, very, very confused. And I was like, man, what the hell, man? Like, I don't know nothing that I want. I don't like anything. I got to a point where I was like, I just don't want nothing no more. But that felt uncomfortable because I wanted to know what I wanted. But even for that desire, I had a desire to know what it is that I desire. But if I got that and understood what I desired, I would feel in debt. Like, now I have to go full throttle for it. You see, Just becoming aware of this and all of the contracts that I've had made up in my own mind has removed all the weight from every single thing. And I don't feel like I'm so stressed out, and I don't feel so clouded. I'm having so much clarity. Hit me now because I've kind of, like, opened up to life. I was shut down to life when I was thinking and looking at things like this without realizing. And I was so confused, like, man, what the hell? Okay, one more thing that I forgot to add. I was procrastinating, cleaning my bedroom and my house. Like, my house has been a little bit of a mess. I've been traveling a bunch, but I just needed, like, get some boxes out of here and then, like, organize my closet in my bedroom and, like, do the laundry, stuff like that. And I was procrastinating it because I just didn't want to do it. And I kept being like, okay, I want to go clean everything and get it done, But I want. And I want to have energy to do that. And I don't want to do drugs anymore. And, like, coffee ain't cutting it. So I was just, like, procrastinating this for, like, a week. And I was thinking about that I'm even like, okay, if I give myself a clean house. Like, if I get up and clean everything, I feel like then I have to get up and keep doing more. It's like the to do list would never end. And so I kept procrastinating it. And through all of this, I have an obsession with freedom. I have absolutely. That is one of my biggest things I struggle with a lot. But to receive anything, I saw it as getting trapped, like, by obligation, by the contract, by what I thought I had to do or what I was worried would happen if I didn't do a certain thing a certain way. Or if I received the gift, if I didn't show gratitude in a certain form. I was worried about XYZ consequence. Like everything was just perceiving consequences non stop. And when my nervous system was like dead set against me looking at life like this, all I could see is how I was going to be trapped by anything that I got. But if you look at the whole relationship that I have, like the obsession with freedom and I want to be able to just feel like I can exist and just be. They go hand in hand because to just be you have to feel free. So that was my biggest block to being able to receive anything is how I was going to be trapped in a contract. And oh more this and oh, more energy and oh more people and oh, oh my God. I don't know if I should keep talking, but this is the part where it gets a little crazy. Like a real like spiritual. So I started sitting there and I was like, okay, I'm going to try to just be and see what comes up. And sitting there I start thinking, I'm like, okay, all these things I'm realizing and noticing and thinking about them. Okay, wait, if you can observe something, then you're not that. So I was like, okay, wait, so who am I then? I have this whole come apart, who am I?
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That question.
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Holy. So then I really like started. I went into like a meditative state and I started to like go backwards in my mind of, okay, I'm aware of all of my senses, I'm aware of my physical body as a human. I'm aware of thoughts that I'm thinking, I'm aware of my mind. So if I'm aware of all of this, I'm not any of it. Like that's not what I truly am, like spiritually speaking. And then I was like, okay, so I'm the awareness that's watching everything. It's like I stepped back and I was like watching everything and I'm like, wait, so everything that I know about God and the universe and all this stuff, okay, there's infinite consciousness and we all come from that, whether you want to call it God, the universe, like the source of everything. And my mind kind of like flipped where I saw like our souls, how we're connected to the infinite consciousness, the infinite consciousness is experiencing through us. I always thought the universe was looking at me. I always thought God was looking at me. No, what I see it as now is the consciousness that we come from. We're a piece of it, we're a fragment of that consciousness. And it's experiencing through us, through our eyes. It's not observing us to judge us. It's not observing us to say you're not doing enough, oh you're good, you're bad. It doesn't see that it's experiencing this life. I'm trying to figure out if I think it's a hologram or not. Kinda I'm kind of on that train. But it my whole perspective of how God in the universe sees us, they don't see us. It doesn't see us. It is us experiencing through us. So the whole eyes flipped and I felt so much relief because that whole concept of deserving is gone. The whole concept of punishment and reward is gone. And I've been questioning a lot of things that I've thought about God when with punishment and reward. I don't believe there's a God that's punishing and rewarding us anymore. Cuz I was so caught up in that. And if nothing is punishing me or rewarding me, that's looking at me that changes the game. There's nothing looking at me while I'm being on my couch judging that that is wrong. And the way that I've kind of like conceptualized God not being a punisher is because you're doing a weak ass job if that's your job. Because all these people on the Epstein list, they should all be hanging from a tree with no limbs.
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Ah.
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Like there's so much that goes on in the world and the whole concept of deserving is gone. Like that's, that's stupid now that I think about it. But the whole concept of being in debt to things, I'm creating that like that's all in my own mind. And this has flipped my whole relationship to everything. And I feel so at peace because I don't feel like I'm being watched. And that's very refreshing because the Bible, when I was reading through the Bible and getting my own understanding of it, that's very the vibe of it. It's very the vibe of you're being watched and judged. And I don't see it as that anymore. After that experience I had when I was in like that meditative state. I just feel very, very relief right now. Very much relief. I feel able to be a little bit. And the peace that I've been feeling is insane. Another way this kind of like took form for me when I was realizing the contracts that I'm in is I started seeing people on social media talking shit about me. And if you take your attention like your awareness. What I've been understanding about awareness, you have control of where your focus goes, and that determin determines what you experience. I believe in integration and aspects of yourselves and parts of yourself that you need to integrate. And the way that things get our attention is through getting our attention. Like, if something can grab your attention and cause a physical, like, emotional reaction in you, that's something that needs to be integrated. There's an aspect of you that needs to be integrated and seen in that moment. And I'm not talking about, like, you walking outside and a car. Like, you hear a car crash and you, like, get ready. That's biology. There's a difference between biology, surviving, having a reaction like that versus looking at someone and having a reaction to them or something about them. And that's a projection of our own awareness. For integration is how I see it now, because I've always seen all of that and lived my life like that. Like, the way I journal and do is always. Integration is the core of it and expanding my understanding of things. So there's this woman on TikTok named Jasmine Giovanni. Absolutely love her. Okay? And I saw a video she posted. There was a bunch of people, like, talking shit about some girl who was, like, a tarot card reader. And then she switched to Christianity and quit reading tarot cards. And everybody was, like, up in a frenzy about talking shit about the girl. And so Jasmine made a video and was like, okay, as spiritual teachers online, why are you guys not watching yourself watch them? And everything started clicking. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Go watch Jasmine. Go check her out if you haven't seen her. I absolutely love her. She's like my spiritual auntie. But when she said, watch yourself, watch them, and she started talking about integration, I'm like, wait, this is a whole different. Like, it's the same perspective. It's just. I'm hearing it, like, in a different way. Watch yourself. Watch them. Like, the reactions that you have. Watch it. Like, observe yourself observing them. Get into that awareness that you are. So this. I see videos, like, people, like, posting, and someone was, like, talking about me, and I had a reaction to it. Like, a physical reaction of, like, just, like, half wanted to, like, crack you upside the head and half, like, just felt, like, a sting inside. So I'm like, hang on. I'm gonna watch myself react to that and see what I find out. You know what I mean? Chance for integration. So I start paying attention to myself, and I'm like, okay, what is it about this person saying these Things about me that I'm a grifter, that I hate gay people, that all these different things, I'm like, okay, these things are not true, but this person saying them bothers me. Why? Why is it bothering me so bad? And the same way I have a contract with receiving good things. I didn't realize I have contracts with negativity, too. When negative things come in, I feel an obligation to do something. And I felt the need to, like, say something and, like, address certain things. There's like, certain things that people have said about me and taking out of context and, like, some have just made up about me. And I felt the need, like, I need to address this. And I'm like, why? Truthfully, why? If it's not true, why do I need to address it? The reason that the hate comment was bothering me. Certain hate comments bother me here and there, but there's a certain trend of certain ones of people saying certain things that, like, bother the out of me because I'm like, you're going to call me a grifter when I've turned down more money than you can fucking fathom? Okay, Put myself in bad financial spots to stay true to my integrity and true to who I am, right? Like, it just kind of like triggers something to me. And then I'm like, wait, I have a contract with negativity. Like, I need to change something about myself. I need to reflect on something or I need to address something so that hate comments make me feel like I need to change something that I'm doing. And that was the contract. Not true at all. I didn't realize that was playing in my head. But by watching myself read that comment, like, observing myself observe them too, I was like, wait, this person is fully has a warped perspective and opinion of who I am. There's someone who is not operating with an opinion based on the reality of who I truly am. They've only seen out of context. Why do I need to react to someone's projection of me? They're projecting onto me a false identity. Why do I have to address that? The things they're projecting about me are things they have to integrate about themselves. Same way with this, like, me wanting to crack their head in for a second, I started realizing all these things. I'm like, wait, so when people say things about me that are operating in a totally incorrect version of me, I feel an obligation and, like, I feel trapped to change something or do something about it. If you have a false identity made of me, it's not my problem, you know? Like it's weird to kind of navigate that because if you don't get ahead of certain things or address certain things, it can have negative consequences against you. But I'm not responsible for what I trigger in other people. That's on them. It's like how I said that she has a false identity of me or a false observation of me. No matter how much I've tried to prove it and not even tried to prove it, no matter how much I exist, the exact opposite of what certain people think, they are not going to see the reality of me because something they've projected over me is screaming at them to be integrated. But they choose to attack it and further go into their TO instead of watching themselves. Why am I triggered by this? People that don't question that are going to sit there and yap. A lot of people think by complaining they're contributing. You're not sorry to burst your baby. But I felt so much relief about that and about just hate comments in general. I'm like, wow, I didn't realize I had a contract with receiving negativity also. So that was cool. But after seeing that, I'm like, wait, I can sit here and actually just relax. Like I don't have to do something. And that was nice. So I'm able to be. And I've been being as fuck. I've just been being. And it's been nice because the amount of clarity cracking me is insane. Because I'm allowing myself to just be and sit with the clarity. And when I feel true inspiration to act and move and do things, I do it. Because yesterday I cleaned everything in my whole house. Clean. I didn't even need to clean just because I had the inspiration. And it was true. Like it come. It came from while I was being. When I was at peace with myself. The inspired action came and it what took no effort. It was so easy. I just knocked everything out. It's like I went into like a weird like not dissociated state. It was like a meditative state where I was just like following the true urge that I had to get up and start cleaning. I got everything and plus more, plus laundry, plus this, plus that. I got everything done plus in less than an hour and a half. And I felt like it took like five minutes. So yeah, that's where I'm at right now with receiving also. It's like with receiving and all of that, I've just been becoming aware of all the times that I have a contract made that I wasn't aware of. Like I don't have to do anything about it because I had this new awareness of. I've been laying contracts on everything. All my job now is just to observe it. Because once you observe it, you're disconnected from it. I'm not stuck in this cycle and stuck in this loop with receiving things. And a lot of clarity has been coming because I don't feel antsy, like I have to do something to honor it. And I'm not in debt, so it's like so much is coming to me right now because I'm no longer in debt to it. Yeah. I'm learning to be. It's really nice. It's worth more than 100 million bucks. Okay. I mean, let me not say that too soon. Yeah. I think that's all I have to say for this week. Just been enjoying it. I'm having a lot of awareness, too. I think I'll talk more in next week's episode. But. Yeah. Hope everything I said made sense if you made it this far in the episode. Comment a book emoji. Because I'm reading myself to filth right now. I wish there was, like, a being emoji. Do a B. Call me a B emoji. Like a bumblebee Comment a bumblebee emoji if you made it this far. Because I like to see who makes it to the end. Hangs out with me all the way B. Because we're being
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okay.
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That's it. Thanks for hanging out. Love me real bad. You guys are still putting in orders. It's so cute. Like, I'm not posting anything. You all are still ordering stuff like merch and sunglasses and all that. I love it. But I'm still at the warehouse doing all that. It's been fun, actually. Like, from this new state I'm in, I'm just like, wow, yeah, it's fun to be. I'm. The weird thing is, I'm getting so much more done while I'm practicing just being and observing myself observe. It's crazy, but it doesn't feel like I'm being productive. But I don't have to earn that feeling anymore. So it's like I'm not do. Forcing myself to do a bunch of crap. It's like. But I'm. I'm doing 10 times more nuts. We'll talk more next week, but that's all I got for now, so. Love you so bad. Everybody be safe. Take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.
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All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with Popping Boba to crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry Blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six? All new drinks are here now at McDonald's.
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Refreshers contain caffeine.
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We have the tech to get food delivered in 15 minutes, but we all have horror stories about buying tickets. The GameTime app gives fans the advantage. Get amazing tickets in just a few taps. Fees are included, so what you see is what you pay. And the gametime guarantee means authentic tickets at the best price every time. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets to concerts, sports, comedy and more with GameTime. Download the GameTime app and create an account for $20 off your first purchase terms. Apply.
Episode 68: The Biggest Block To Receiving
Date: July 12, 2026
In this deeply introspective episode, the host of Aware and Aggravated confronts the single biggest block to "receiving"—whether it's abundance, love, clarity, or even the ability to simply be at peace. The episode explores the concept of subconscious "contracts" and beliefs that transform desires into obligations and prevent genuine, effortless receiving. With characteristic candor and wit, the host shares personal revelations, spiritual insights, and actionable takeaways—inviting listeners to challenge their own limiting narratives about worthiness, debt, and freedom.
"Deserving does not exist. It’s not a real thing. The concept of deserving is something that humans created to control each other."
[01:14]
"If you can observe something, then you’re not that. So I was like, so who am I then?"
[19:30]
"I always thought the universe was looking at me. I always thought God was looking at me. No, what I see now is, the consciousness that we come from—it is experiencing through us."
[20:05]
"With anything that I receive... I always feel like there’s a debt to be paid or there’s something I have to give back."
[09:08]
"Why do I need to react to someone’s projection of me?... I’m not responsible for what I trigger in other people."
[28:41]
"I’ve just been being. And it’s been nice because the amount of clarity cracking me is insane."
[31:35]
Throughout, the episode mixes playful snark, tough-love honesty, and spiritual openness, creating a relatable and vulnerable atmosphere. The host doesn’t shy away from bold language or self-examination, encouraging listeners to do the same.
The real block to receiving is the subconscious belief that everything must be earned and paid for. By spotting and releasing these internal “contracts” and reimagining your relationship to desire, obligation, and worthiness, you can create space for peace, freedom, and inspired action—making being your new natural state.
For those who "made it to the end", the host invites you to comment a bumblebee emoji: "B, because we’re being." [32:00]