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- [00:01]
A
There's nothing like my American Express Platinum card. I love that I can earn hotel credits when I travel. I can also earn resi credits, so, you know, I'm hitting the restaurants everyone's talking about. Plus, with the digital entertainment credit, I'm even more excited to catch my favorite shows. All in all, I can access over $3,500 in annual value with benefits and eligible purchases across travel, entertainment, and more. Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore Platinum Enrollment Requirements monthly and other limits in terms apply. With the American Express Platinum card, I can unlock experiences like no other. Since I'm always booking my next trip, I love that I can earn points on travel. Plus I get a resi benefit. So, you know, I'm hitting the restaurants everyone's talking about. And you can find out your welcome offer after you apply, which could be as high as 175,000 points. For experiences like no other. There's nothing like Platinum. Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore Platinum Terms apply.
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B
Hi, friends. I'm gonna tell you something this week, and you gotta promise not to do anything bad with it. I'm gonna teach you about a superpower that you got. Okay, Piggy? Promise you're not gonna fuck nobody up with it. Okay? This is to help you. And that's it. The title is exactly what. This is. How to burn people out of your mind. Hey, you want to forget them forever? Okay, here you go. I detach very quickly. I'm able to move past things very quickly and forget, like, people ever existed. And I've been sitting with that, and I've been trying to understand it because I've needed it recently. But I'm going to give you an example of how this kind of works with a physical object, and then I'll tell you how it goes into people. So there's a quote from the show Charmed, the original. I used to watch that when I was growing up all the time. My favorite show of all time. So there was a scene where one of the girls in the show was. Her name was Pru, and she was dealing with this photographer, this, like, guy that she idolized and loved, and he turned out to be an asshole in real life. So she did something where they were developing photos and she fucked it up. And the guy told her, if you leave your object under the light too long, it burns. That's always stuck with me, and I never understood why till now. Okay, you can leave objects under the light and burn them. You can fucking disintegrate them out of your mind. The way that I see the light now is your attention. So I see attention kind of like a spotlight. You can shine it wherever you want it to go. And if you want it to be on something to burn it, you can do it. Physical example I'm going to tell you about first with how to kind of like, guide the spotlight, which you have, which is your attention. You hear about it all the time. With the law of attraction, community and the manifestation people, your thoughts create your reality, where your attention goes, where your energy flows the fuck up. Okay, I like the version where I can weaponize it, so let's do that. Okay, so here's what happened. My safe. I have this huge safe. It has an electric element to it and then an actual physical key element to it to get into it. And my keypad, like, stopped working. So it's a good safe because I couldn't even break into it myself. And I know a lot of tricks to the trade. There's a lot of metaphors in this. But this is where I'm going to explain the attention thing. So with my safe, I realized I can't get in it. And I'm like, okay, I'm just going to change the batteries out. So I go and get new batteries and I change them out. And I've been dealing with this safe being broken for, like, two weeks. So I put new batteries in it. After two days, the brand new batteries would die. So I'm like, let me order a bunch more batteries, brand new, fresh ones, and like, five packs of them. Because I'm over here hoping it's just the battery problem, you know what I mean? So I order these new batteries, and every two days the batteries will die. Even if they're brand new. They kept dying. And the issue was I could not get in my safe. I could not open it. I could not get to the things I wanted inside of it. Trying to protect them bit me in the ass. In order to solve a problem, your attention cannot be on the fact that you have a problem. And there is an issue with something. Your attention has to be on understanding what, why there is a problem so that you can fix it. Because here comes the day where my little battery trick stops working. You have to take the little cover off to switch the batteries out and the batteries, like, I couldn't get in it at all. It didn't matter how many batteries I put in it. It was like the most faded little, like, dink, dink, dink. I was watching it die. Like, it was like taking this last little breath When I was hitting, like, the combination to get in the keypad, it finally, like, fizzled out with a brand new battery. So my first thing, my attention immediately went to. All of my stuff inside is now trapped. I can't get it out. I'm not going to be able to access any of my shit in there. I'm going to have to call a technician to come out to the house. Is this under warranty? I need to go figure out setting up the warranty thing. I have to make a claim. I don't know how long it's going to be till I can get my shit out of it. This whole thing of having my attention on the problems, I realized I was doing that and I was like, doom st about it. So I'm like, all right, shine the spotlight onto the keypad. Put your attention on understanding what is wrong with the safe. Why is it not operating how it's supposed to? So I take the COVID off and I'm looking at the wiring. My attention is not on the problem. My attention is on how does this thing work. So I'm looking at the wiring, I'm looking at the keypad, I'm looking at all the little stuff, and I start to look at it very closely. All the thoughts of not being able to get into my safe and the panic of not being able to get my jewelry and my passport and very important documents. I had to take my attention and move the spotlight off of that and onto understanding what the is going on with.
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A
Keep it.
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B
So I'm looking at it, and I see one of the little wires, and it's got a little, like, break in it. So I think one of the times that I've switched the batteries, I up the wiring when I put the covering back on, and it, like, snagged one of the wires. So I was like, okay, this is why potentially it might not be working right. So I go and get electrical tape, I wrap it around the little wire, and what happens? Put a new battery on. It works fucking perfectly. And it's been working perfectly. Like, I kind of fixed it. I need to just get it warrantied and get it replaced. But I'm back being able to use my safe how I was supposed to and not be stressed out about it. But that entire situation came from me placing my attention on understanding the problem, to burn the problem away. I want to point out in this situation, there are little metaphors here and there. So I was dealing with the symptom of the safe not working. Like the keypad, like the batteries, okay? I'm just switching the batteries out. When you're dealing with a problem and you're just treating the symptoms, you don't ever cure it. You don't ever fix the problem. Underneath with changing the batteries out, that eventually didn't work anymore. It stopped working. So it's like a medical problem. If you treat the symptoms, you treat the symptoms. Unless you treat the root cause, like a weed growing out of the ground, unless you snatch that out by the root, it's not coming out. So my metaphors of my little safe example is sitting here and focusing on why it's not working, how it's supposed to and what's going to happen. Because I'm not getting what I'm wanting and freaking out because of that. That did nothing to get me closer to what I wanted to figuring it out. Freaking out about it did nothing. Having my attention on understanding it, taking the COVID off and looking at it, observing it and trying to understand it, not playing the whole game of God's fucking with me. This is karma. What did I do to deserve this way? That childish shit I used to. Oh my God, I was so sick of myself. But my attention being on understanding the issue is how you fix it. So now let's go into how this relates to people. You can see from my example with the safe, there is nothing I could have done outside of that safe to make it do what I wanted it to do. What I wanted was for it to open so I could get what I wanted. I saw the safe as a block to getting what I wanted out of it. And there's nothing I could have done to earn the safe opening. There's nothing I could have done to earn getting what I had inside. There's no reasoning with a safe. There's no nothing. So when you have somebody that you feel subconsciously is holding you from the thing that you want, there is no amount of performing that you can do to get that. So if you clicked on this video, your attention being on someone is causing you issues because you want to burn them out of your mind. So I want to talk about when your attention being on someone is so annoying. Ah. Like it's like you feel like it's wasted. If what you want is their attention on you, that's a symptom. What you think their attention being on you will give you example with the safe unlocking will give me what I want. What it is that you want, you think requires their attention to be on you. I don't know if everyone's going to relate to this. But I grew up in a way where my attention was how I was expected to show that I cared about people. So if at any moment the people closest to me needed me and I wasn't there or they needed something, I didn't put my attention on them or they were in distress and I didn't calm them down or I didn't like put my attention on them, no matter what I was doing, if I didn't throw what I was doing away and put my attention on them, that means I didn't love them. So I learned from a young age that your attention being on someone is how you show that you care. And your attention being on someone is how you feel loved and how you show love. So if you relate to that someone's attention being off of you is not just being ignored, it's being held from love. And then you putting your attention on them makes you feel like a goddamn idiot. Because it's like I, I like this is how I'm showing I love you, I deserve it. Like look like, look back, look back, show me you love me back. Nothing people will do will satisfy that. Because to have someone's attention on you 247 is unrealistic. But that's the only way that you've adapted to life and learned how to show love. You're comfortable doing it, but you only feel okay when it's reciprocated. When it's not, you get pissed on feel. Bet you paid. I know, I get it. But if you kick it back even further to childhood, like when was we was all like little babies being able to get the attention of the people that are taking care of you and feeding you and holding you and making sure that you're not shitting your diaper and not just sitting there in it like the people who are responsible for your well being. You have an innate ability and an innate need to get the attention of external people that take care of you onto you. When you're an infant and can't take care of yourself, all you have to do is get attention on you. That's your only option to stay alive. So that's why babies cry. Throw a little tantrum. That's the only way of getting their attention on you from a young age. Now how this transpires later in life when you're not aware of what's going on, you'll begin to perform for attention because you think it's your means of survival. If someone doesn't have their attention on you, you forget you're not A baby, an infant anymore. And that's what drives people nuts, drives insane. And this is where I can talk about kind of like the manic feeling that you get when you're trying to get someone's attention on you. Because when your attention is on them, it feels trapped. You feel unsafe to take your attention off of them at any point because that means you don't love them. And when someone's got you in this state of withholding attention or their attention not being on you, all you're perceiving is how you're not loved. And to have your attention on not being loved, you can't see how you are loved in other ways. So you just feel an internal starvation and deprivation. And that's when this manic feeling comes in of you trying to do anything you can to get the other person's attention on you. And then certain times it'll work like you can get people's attention and you'll feel okay, but you never feel satiated. It's like, especially with a partner dynamic, if you're in a relationship or something and you feel like you can't do anything to get the person's attention on you, you'll get little hits of it here and there when their attention's on you. But you start to, like, freak out once you get attention on you because you want to keep it. And any shift in their behavior or. Or the way that they're talking to you, you could pick up on it. A lot of people think that they're empaths. You're traumatized, babe. You're so conditioned to being able to read people so closely, where you can notice any kind of deviation in their behavior, their mood, the way they're talking, the way they're walking, the way they look at you. Noticing any difference. Sometimes people are empaths. Sometimes people are so internally starved. You've learned that how to study your subject to get its attention. But if you relate to what I'm saying, when someone doesn't have their attention on you, it's a perceived abandonment. It's a perceived. Like, you don't love, you don't care about. Because all my attention's on you. Like, even if you're not with them, you're thinking about them, and you can't stop. You can't get them out of your mind. And one thing I want to say about that is silence doesn't mean someone is not thinking about you or considering you or loving you. If someone is not in your presence, they can't have their Attention on thinking about you truthfully and also letting you know at the same time. So silence. You've learned that it's painful and you're just reacting to what you're projecting into the silence. What you're making it mean that they're not thinking about me. If they're not letting me know in any way that they're thinking about me, that means they're not thinking about me. And you doomsday and you freak out. That's not true. It's like being scared of a dark. You ain't scared of a dark. I've said this since the beginning of my podcast. No one is scared of a dark. You're scared of what you project is in the dark. If you think there's monsters and demons, tigers and beers, yeah, you're going to be scared of a dark. Scared shitless. But no one's actually scared of a dark. You're scared of what you think is in it. The thing here is you can't make someone think about you. And what you are trying to do. When you're trying to make someone put their attention on you is you're trying to make them love you. See, we have that association. Attention is love. It's not. So when you're trying to earn someone's love, you're never going to get it. Because love is something you don't have to earn. There's no such thing as deserving. But your attention being on how you deserve their attention is all you're going to be able to see proof of your attention being on how much you deserve love is always going to keep you apart from feeling loved. Your attention can be on one or the other. It can be on how you deserve love. These are all of the reasons that I deserve love. These are all of the things that I've done for this person. These are all the things and traits about myself of why I deserve their love. And you have to see that you're not getting it. To still be focused on and have the spotlight of your attention on feeling deserving of love, nothing you ever do or become will be enough. Because if your attention is on deserving it, that's all you're going to see. With deserving it, you have to see that you don't have it. So to move that spotlight and put it on how you are loved, to be able to experience that, it's going to be a work in progress. The next thing I want to point out is when you're earning love from that starved place, who you are when you feel starved for attention or starved for love is not you. It's not you at all. So when I say manic, it does make you feel very manic. But the thing that keeps you stuck in that starved state of not having their attention, one, like I said, is the focus on you deserve love and that you have to also see how you're not getting it when you have your attention there. But when you're in that state, you're constantly grading and assessing yourself and you're grading and assessing the other person where they're worthy of love and how you are worthy of love and how you deserve it. And when their attention is on you, you're assuming they are looking at you, how you are looking at you, to grade you for how much you deserve their attention. When their attention is on you, you feel manic again. You feel so unsettled, freaked out, you can't enjoy it and you cannot accept the love and feel loved because you're projecting the way you react. You're projecting how you are looking at the situation to see who deserves what. When someone actually loves you, they're not going to be grading you and assessing you for how much you deserve it. It's like, if I'm going to put my attention on something, do I. Does it deserve it? Nobody thinks like that. That's like, logical. We're both nuts, okay? If you relate to what I'm saying, we both psychotic a little. But you know what? Everybody loves us for it. But that's a big thing I wanted to point out with why you feel so unsettled with that. Like, when you finally get the attention, it's never enough. Like, if they were looking at you all the time, you wouldn't ever feel okay. And then you get to a point where you're like, enough. Because you feel the need to perform when you're being assessed. So when you're assuming your reaction out of them, you feel the need to perform because you feel like you're being assessed. But you can only perform so long before you want their attention off of you. It's like, enough. It's the constant push and pull. It's the back and forth of like, I want to be smothered. And then it's like, get the. Oh, wait, die. Actually get the away from me. Like, I get it, I get it. But it keeps you stuck in that loop because when their attention goes away from you, that's when you start the whole game again of how much I deserve it. And you're back to deserving love. You can never feel loved or while you're operating like this. A perfect example of this, if you want to see yourself, is social media. If you watch someone on social media when they get attention and get views, and then when they stop getting views, the way that they start feeling like there is something they have to do to earn it back, you see them start doing all kind of random crazy shit that gets more and more inflammatory, most of the times more and more rage baity, more and more something. It's like people will go to any length that they can to get attention back on them. So that manic state drives a lot of people nuts. So I get a grip on it. It's not cute. It's not like a good thing to have. That's one thing I've harnessed so hard in myself. You're never going to see me acting out of character because someone's ignoring me. I'll dismantle you. That's for another episode. For the next episode. I'm getting ahead of myself. But next week I'm going to do an episode about dismantling the entire concept of people so that you can detach. But I have an example of my friend earlier, literally tonight, where I've been working on my attention, controlling it and shining the spotlight where I want to put it, but also understanding I am the light. I am that spotlight. So the only thing that makes you forget that is your ego. When you're attached to the ego, instead of being attached to be in the spotlight, that's when it gets a little sticky. Okay, so my friend text me earlier. I told you all my last episode, I've been in a little isolation period, enjoying myself, minding my fucking business, learning something. And my friend texts me about, like, pulling away. Everybody in my life knows I've kind of been doing my own thing. Like, I'm just, like, taking a minute to myself so I can hear myself. Nothing is intentional to anyone about what I'm doing right now. So my friend texts me. And this friend is someone that if they express a concern or they say something vulnerable, if you don't reply quickly, they get pissed off. Or they'll be like, it's a family member. All right? Because I wouldn't tolerate a friend with this shit. But in my head, knowing how this family member of mine is, it started to make me anxious because I was in the middle of doing a bunch of shit. And I was very in the moment. I was being. I was like, with myself and I was getting a bunch of stuff done because I Have a trip again this weekend. Everybody got a fucking birthday. I can't take it. I am so over having so many friends because everybody got a goddamn birthday around June, July. It's like, I've done like, eight birthdays and everybody wants to go on a fucking trip. Can I just send you a gift? Please, God. But, yeah. I was just in Miami for my sister and my cousin's birthday. Now I'm going on another trip for my friend's birthday. It's nice. I'm excited. It's good for me to have, like, things that are. Like, things that are going on and doing while I'm in this isolation period, because I do recluse. But this is, like, bringing me out of it. So it's nice. Like, I'm enjoying it, but at the same time, I'm like, God damn. Like, can I sit down a second? So my cousin, earlier, I replied to him and was like, no, nothing. Like, is personal. Like, I'm just taking my time to myself and kind of, like, isolating and figuring my life out. And he goes, was I bad for your life? Like, he got, like, upset. Like, a little, like, sad, like, vulnerable. He's cute like that. And he was like, you know, I'm always here for you. Like, I love you. Like, do you think I was bad for your life? You know, I'm with you through anything. And that text, I saw it while I was in the middle of doing a bunch of stuff. And I know how he is. Well, I project how he's behaved in the past with, if you don't stop what you're doing and show that you care by putting your attention on them and catering to that text, they come up with this narrative in their head and dismiss it. I'm in the middle of doing a bunch of stuff, and I started to notice I couldn't get my attention off of him. It was just, like, eating at me. And I'm like. I started to feel a little, like, anxious because I was worried about that second text coming, and I witnessed myself thinking it. I was like, if only he knew I was thinking about him right now. He wouldn't feel the need to, like, get mad and send another text. He never sent another text. I'm just telling you, like, how I started feeling through it because I was, like, me thinking about him means nothing right now. Because if I'm not stopping what I'm doing and catering to you and typing out a text to you, then it's. It's for nothing. You know what I mean? It's like 30 minutes went by and the more and more anxious I got, the more and more I was like irritated. Like I couldn't get my attention off the text. And I started to like get irritated with having to text back. And I was just like projecting a certain reaction. And the reaction that I was assuming was coming was typically, this is coming from my childhood. If, like I said, someone has their attention on me or they want me, they want something from me or they need me, if I don't drop everything immediately, if I don't do it fast enough, that me not having my attention on them when they want it becomes a means of discrediting me. See, you don't love me. And they shut down to any understanding of what I was doing and why I had my attention somewhere else. Every explanation or anything of me having my own identity or my own life becomes an excuse to them. So I was trying to avoid that dynamic of the shutdown and me not putting my attention on them as the thing to discredit me and say that you don't love me, you don't care about me. But I see that's just an attempt for them to get me to have my attention focused on them. You can't do that no more. I'm the fucking spotlight, okay, I'll shine it where I want. But in that situation, I used feeling anxious to shine it back on myself to figure that out. But he never sent a follow up text. And I ended up, when I finally did get done and had time, I texted him back and he was cool. He was like, okay, love you. Like, no issue, no problem. So one more thing I want to talk about with this is how your attention, when you take that spotlight and it's stuck on somebody, whether you're controlling it or feel out of control of it, because you're acting from feeling starved, you start to gain a false sense of closeness with people and you think that you care about them more than you actually do. When you can't stop thinking about somebody, especially when you meet somebody new and you keep thinking about them all the time, you're filling in a lot of gaps. When you're not spending time with them and you're just fully thinking about them, they're not there in the physical spot with you. You're filling in the gaps. Your attention being on them 24, 7 makes you feel a lot closer to them than you do. A lot of people deal with moving too fast in relationships. Yeah, because you're sitting there getting nothing but enthralled with the projections. That you're overlaying over somebody and when you can't get your attention off them, it's cute. In the beginning you feel a sense of closeness to them. But this flips and you start to feel betrayed when your attention always being on them, you notice dips where their attention is not always on you. And then you feel a lot closer to them than you actually are in your own experience. And then you feel betrayed because you don't feel like they love you the same amount that you love them. It's just your attention that's been on them. You don't actually love them, you don't know them. If it's somebody you just met, you don't know, but you think that you over here, oh so oh, I'm still wind up with you and you don't love me bad. You're not in love. All right, you starved. The up thing about that is when you hit that moment where you feel betrayed because you feel like they don't love you as much as you love them because of your attention being on them and the false sense of closeness, that's when the spotlight goes on deserving it. And you're stuck in that deprivation state. But then you being stuck in that state and your attention being on them all the time and being trying to earn them, making yourself too available, thinking about them non stop checking everything, you're an emotional wreck. You're neglecting your own life. So your life starts to decline or deteriorate and you see that as more proof of. Look at what I've done to myself because of how much I love you. Look at what I've sacrificed. I've let seeing you and spending time with you get in the way of xyz that I care about the gym work, anything that you lose in your life or anything that starts to deteriorate, especially your physical appearance, it's like you start to get mad at them and you start to feel more betrayed because you're over here. Like, isn't it not obvious how much I love you? I'm deteriorating. Just give me love back. You seem nuts. Oh my God, I just saw myself. But that's when you start to feel okay to losing things. Because you've invested in this game so long, you're convinced what you want is behind that safe door. They are the safe door. Your attention being on them is just to try and get what you think is in there. If what you want is to feel loved and to feel safe and secure and like at peace, that's why you Feel like your peace is gone because you're constantly in that frantic state of trying to get their attention on. You realize it's empty. What you want is not behind that door and you can never feel loved. If love is the thing that you want, you can never feel it. One, you don't have to deserve it, you don't have to do anything for it. But two, like I explained before, even if they turn their attention onto you, it's never going to satiate you because you're going to feel smothered and then want them away from you. And then you're going to be wanting to get their attention back. And it's a back and forth game because your spotlight is not on yourself to understand what the fuck the real problem is. Like with the safe, where was the spotlight of my attention? Was it on dancing outside of the fucking safe, trying to people please and be nice to the safe and like talk to it nice? Was it trying to change who I was? Maybe if I speak in a different fucking accent, Maybe if I look better, maybe if I sounded smarter, maybe if I had hair like you come up with all this shit of how you could earn the safe opening, the person opening and giving their attention back to you. But because you think that's what's going to satiate you. No, it's a never ending cycle and it's what drive you mad. You be in a loony bin, you be breaking out their windows, stalking the exes. Freaking crazy shit. So the real like shitty part of this is when you get to the point where you feel so betrayed because of this game that you're playing. This is all your projections, this is all you. The only attention to get is your own. But you think that you can finally get your own attention back once theirs is on you. Because when theirs isn't on you, yours is on them. What you want is your attention back on you. You can give that to yourself now. But if you don't realize that that's when your self concept is put up against the wall and you have to dismantle them. You have to dismantle their entire concept of who they are as a person and see how they never deserved your love and were never worthy of it so that you feel justified in walking away. But I'll get into that in the next episode. Because dismantling people, whoa, oh, that's bad. I've always struggled with it. I see it as a learned adaptation. Like it's something that you adapt. A personality trait, you could say it's the way that your ego fights to stay alive. And I'll get into that in the next episode. But that's. That's all I got for this one. If you enjoyed this video, leave it a little thumbs up. Leave me a comment, let me know what you thought and I'll put all my you need for me in the description. You can go shop my merch once all of that is gone and it's sold out. It's gone. The gold hello and hoodie that I have only size left is a large. So there's only. There's like slim pickings over there. So if you want something, get it while you can cuz it's not coming back. I'm working on all new stuff and I'm very excited for that. But I will also put my Amazon storefront in the description. I forgot I have one of those. I forgot I have one and I got a check in the mail and I was like wait, what the. I forgot I had that cuz I didn't update it for like two years. So I went through the other day, I had so much fun and I was like everything that I use and everything that I've bought and like all my skincare, the books I read, my travel stuff, everything that I use changed over the two years and I was like oh my God. So I had so much fun putting all that together. So you don't have to go buy anything. But I'm nosy. I like to go see what the people use and what they have in theirs. A lot of people on social media, it's like you're like, oh, I want to go see what you use. And then it's just a bunch of they're trying to make money off of. No, I didn't add anything in there that I don't use. Like you don't have to buy anything. If you just want to go be nosy, go be nosy. It's fun. I'll put the link down there too. But also if you want to shop, give me the credit. If you buy some shit, use my. Use my link. If you made it this far into the episode, comment. A heart emoji. Just because it's about love and I love you, you don't got to do shit to earn mine. Okay, this is fun, huh? Also, if you're listening to the audio version of this on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, leave me five stars. That'll be nice. With that said, I gotta go get ready for my trip again. Another trip. But that's it. That's all I got for this week. Everybody be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday about dismantling.