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In this episode of The Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Kiki Astor tackles the elusive and often misunderstood concept of Style. Moving beyond fleeting trends and social media aesthetics, Kiki defines true style as a consistent manner of doing things—a language of behavior that extends far beyond your wardrobe.

Join Auntie Kiki as she explores the difference between authentic style and "costume," how to distinguish boldness from vulgarity, and why "Old Money" style prioritizes function and longevity over novelty. You'll learn a practical, step-by-step approach to auditing your lifestyle to find a personal uniform that serves you, rather than a fantasy version of yourself. Plus, Kiki answers listener questions on navigating wedding dress codes, handling friends with questionable taste, and aging with elegance.

SHOW NOTES

Episode: Defining True Style & The Art of Authenticity Host: Auntie Kiki (Author, Old Money & Etiquette Expert)

Key Topics Discussed:

Style vs. Aesthetic: Why buying "Old Money" aesthetic items (like linen or riding boots) doesn't automatically give you style. True style is a result of consistency and lifestyle alignment.
The Definition of Style: Understanding style as a process, not an outcome. It is how you speak, move, host, and exist in the world—even when no one is watching.
Costume vs. Character: How to determine if your look is authentic or performative. Kiki discusses when items like kilts or cowboy boots are genuine versus when they become a costume.
Boldness vs. Vulgarity: Navigating the fine line between being intentionally bold (eccentricity) and being vulgar (excess without meaning).
Finding Your Authentic Style:

Audit your actual life (where do you really go every day?).
Identify your natural tendencies (structured vs. fluid, minimal vs. expressive).
Choose consistency over novelty (the power of a uniform).
Edit relentlessly.

Etiquette Q&A:

Can a sporty person have a casual wedding?
Is it rude to resist dress codes?
How to handle a friend with "bad" taste without being rude.
Navigating style discrepancies in relationships.
Aging gracefully: When does a youthful style become inappropriate?

Memorable Quotes:

"Style is not what you buy, it's how you do things consistently and over time."

"Elegance is the guardrail when it comes to the boundary between style and costume."

"Style becomes too loud when it stops serving you and your lifestyle, and when it starts to demand attention."

"Etiquette absolutely forbids cruelty disguised as honesty."

"It's not about standing out. It's about standing firm—firm in your values, firm in your preferences, firm in your sense of self."

Resources Mentioned:

Auntie Kiki's mailing list http://www.kikiastor.com
Auntie Kiki's novels (featuring Old Money heroines).
Stick and Ball (Book reference regarding the character Ashley).

Connect with Auntie Kiki:

Website: http://www.kikiastor.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kikiastorofficial/
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