Podcast
Awkward Etiquette: Old Money & New Manners
Hosted by Kiki Astor · EN
Welcome to "Awkward Etiquette with Kiki Astor" – the podcast where old money meets new manners, and your Auntie Kiki spills the tea on all things etiquette, with a side of laughter and a dash of aristocratic charm!
Join the illustrious Kiki Astor, author of smutty romance novels and grande dame of decorum, as she tackles your most pressing etiquette questions with the finesse of a debutante twirling at a ball. Wondering about the historical roots of fork placement or the proper way to decline a social invitation without causing a scandal? Auntie Kiki has you covered, darling!
In each episode, Kiki Astor delves into the archives of social graces, uncovering the hidden gems of bygone eras and bringing them into the 21st century with a wink and a nod. Learn how to curtsy with confidence, when to deploy the subtle art of shade, and why you should never, ever drop your pedigree papers, whether it's during a soirée, a cocktail party, or in the PTA or HOA meeting.
From navigating the treacherous waters of modern technology to mastering the delicate dance of small talk, Kiki Astor is here to ensure you ascend the social ladder without stepping on any well-heeled toes. So, grab your monocle, straighten your tiara, and prepare for a delightful blend of refined advice and uproarious anecdotes that will have you laughing all the way to the gilded gates of high society.
Subscribe now and embark on a journey through the annals of etiquette, where Kiki Astor transforms the socially awkward into the effortlessly elegant, one podcast episode at a time. After all, darling, why be gauche when you can be gloriously graceful? 🥂 #AwkwardEtiquette #KikiAstor #MannersMatter
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Episodes
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The Scent of Status: How Perfume Shapes Class & Identity, From Cleopatra to TikTok
1w ago00:56:00Tap to summarizeThis episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners with your Auntie Kiki Astor goes far beyond mere fragrance, exploring perfume as a social language, a class performance, and invisible status signaling. Dive into the fascinating anthropology of scent, from Cleopatra's perfumed sails to the opulent courts of Versailles, uncovering how elites throughout history manipulated fragrance as carefully as architecture or jewels. Host Kiki Astor, author and expert on social intelligence, unpacks the hidden meanings behind what and how we smell. Discover the evolution of perfume etiquette, why "old money" values subtlety and discretion, and how today's quiet luxury scents continue this tradition. We'll journey from ancient rituals that equated pleasant smells with moral purity to the modern phenomenon of PerfumeTok, where fragrance wardrobes, niche perfume elitism, and blind buying reveal contemporary obsessions with identity, aspiration, and the curated self. Learn what your fragrance says about you—whether it's signaling wealth, intellectualism, or seduction—and why, unlike fashion, scent is intimate, invasive, and deeply tied to memory. Kiki also shares insights from her book Midnight Blue, a story infused with the power and mystique of perfume. Buckle up, darling, for an intriguing exploration of how fragrance shapes not just how we smell, but how we are felt and understood in society. Episode Description: Join your Auntie Kiki Astor on Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners for a captivating journey into the world of perfume, not just as a beauty product, but as a profound social and cultural phenomenon. This episode uncovers how fragrance has always served as a powerful tool for class performance, status signaling, and self-expression throughout history and into the digital age. In this episode, we explore: * The Anthropological Power of Scent: From sacred rituals in ancient Egypt to the "perfumed court" of Versailles, discover how fragrance was used to announce divinity, protect against disease, and define aristocracy. * Cleopatra's "Anticipatory Aura": How the legendary queen weaponized scent as political stagecraft, a principle still used by luxury brands today. * The Morality & Class of Smell: Why historical and modern societies equate cleanliness with virtue and how scent becomes a powerful indicator of refinement vs. vulgarity. * Old Money Fragrance Etiquette: The historical emphasis on subtlety, discretion, and quality, and why "loud" fragrances were (and often still are) class-coded. * Modern Fragrance Trends & PerfumeTok: The rise of fragrance wardrobes, niche perfume communities, quiet luxury scents, clean girl aesthetics, and the fascinating digital performance of curated identities. * The Psychology of Perfume: How scent uniquely bypasses cognitive filters, linking directly to memory, emotion, and identity—and why blind buying is such a compelling modern phenomenon. * Perfume Etiquette in Today's World: Navigating nose blindness, communal sensitivity in enclosed spaces, professional settings, and the delicate art of gifting fragrance. * Cultural Nuances: Contrasting attitudes towards perfume in France, Gulf countries, and Japan, revealing diverse social norms. * Layering & the Modular Identity: How modern consumers use fragrance to author unique, ever-evolving versions of themselves. * Kiki Astor's "Midnight Blue": Insights into Kiki's own novel, where the power of perfume drives a tale of inheritance and obsession. Tune in to understand why perfume is the ultimate invisible accessory, telling society who you are before you even speak, and revealing the eternal human desire to control how we are felt. Mentions & Resources: * Host: Kiki Astor – Author, Old Money & Etiquette Expert * Kiki's Books: * Midnight Blue (available on Amazon, Kindle, paperback, audiobook) * Service Entrance * Key Historical Figures/Texts: * Plutarch (Cleopatra's story) * Alain Corbin (The Foul and the Fragrant) * Jean de Galimar (Scented gloves) * Catherine de Medici * Louis XIV (Versailles) * Pierre Bourdieu (Cultural Capital) * Fragrance Concepts/Trends: * PerfumeTok * Quiet Luxury Scents * Clean Girl Fragrances * Niche Perfume * Fragrance Wardrobes * Skin Scents * Blind Buying * Anticipatory Aura * Fragrance Brands Mentioned: Creed, Diptyque, Frédéric Malle, Maison Francis Kurkdjian, Le Labo, Byredo, Baccarat Rouge. * Book Comparison: Patrick Süskind's Perfume (mentioned) Connect with Kiki Astor: madamexofmontecito@gmail.com https://www.kikiastor.com
Transcribe →Old Money Secrets and Author Life: Behind the Curtain with Kiki Astor
Apr 2700:41:25Tap to summarizeIn this season finale, Kiki steps out from behind the microphone to pull back the curtain on her creative process, the psychology behind her books, and the nuanced world of unspoken social codes. Addressing a curated list of reader FAQs, she dives into the intersection of taste, money, and power, exploring what our aesthetic choices actually reveal about us. Kiki also discusses the reality of her persona, teases her upcoming novel Midnight Blue, and shares her real-life next steps, including upcoming literary events and a new creative retreat taking shape in Santa Barbara. She is stepping away to collect more stories, promising to return for the next season with even sharper, more dangerous observations. Episode Description: Welcome to a slightly unusual moment. In our season finale, Kiki is hitting pause, but not before pulling back the curtain on the quiet codes, performed effortlessness, and the psychology of aspiration that fuel her world. This special behind-the-scenes episode tackles your most curious FAQs. We explore the fine line between real taste and trying too hard, the truth behind the Kiki persona, and the slightly obsessive note-taking that builds her literary universes. Plus, get an exclusive sneak peek into her highly anticipated new release, Midnight Blue, and find out what Kiki is building next in Santa Barbara. In This Episode, We Cover: - The Season in Review: A look back at the unspoken social codes, the psychology of money, and the power dynamics of belonging. - The Kiki Persona: When did Kiki stop being a bit and start being uncomfortably accurate? - The Writing Process: What a completely unglamorous writing Tuesday looks like, and how offhand dinner comments become entire subplots. - Inside Midnight Blue: Quiet setups, untrustworthy characters, and the scenes that felt almost too revealing to publish. - The Backlist Deep Dive: Performing taste in Pink Palazzo, old traditions in Scarlet Fever, and the quiet wealth of Low Season in St. Tropez. - The Art of Taste: The exact details that signal trying too hard versus the subtle cues of real, unannounced taste. - What is Next: A look at Kiki's upcoming schedule (Santa Barbara Literary Festival, a Virginia hunting lodge retreat) and the new creative gathering space forming in Santa Barbara. Mentioned in this Episode: - Pre-order/Buy Midnight Blue - Pink Palazzo - Low Season in St. Tropez - Scarlet Fever - Santa Barbara Literary Festival Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this season, be sure to subscribe so you do not miss our return. While we are on a brief pause to collect better stories, step into Kiki's world by exploring her books. https://kikiastor.com/
Transcribe →The New Grand Tour: Cultivating Old Money Taste in the Modern World
Apr 2001:00:58Tap to summarizeIn this insightful episode of "Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners," Kiki Astor delves into the historical Grand Tour, contrasting it sharply with contemporary travel and offering a powerful framework for cultivating taste, confidence, and a sophisticated worldview in the modern era. Historically, the Grand Tour (17th-18th centuries) was far from a mere holiday; it was a rigorous social rite of passage and a system of cultural engineering for young European elites. Designed to complete one's education, it exposed travelers to art, antiquity, and diverse civilizations, particularly across the European continent. Accompanied by "bear leaders" (tutors) who guided their intellectual and moral development, these young aristocrats were meant to return refined, less insufferably British, and equipped with a portable internal reference system for discernment. Despite intentions, the tours were often rife with gambling, scandal, and personal transformation, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. Astor meticulously differentiates the Grand Tour's core purpose – the formation of taste and worldview – from modern "influencer travel" (focused on content production, visibility, and fragmented experiences) and "family vacations" (prioritizing rest, ease, and shared memories). She argues that the need for this "finishing school of the world" hasn't disappeared; if anything, it's more urgent today for training perception and understanding how life can be lived differently. The episode then brilliantly reinterprets the Grand Tour for contemporary listeners, regardless of age or budget. Astor suggests modern equivalents for the historical "tutor," including digital tutors (curated intellectual content from museum archives, scholars), taste mentors (discerning friends), using museums as tutors (slow, intentional engagement with fewer objects), and curated reading lists (novels, history, architecture). Practical advice extends to packing (absence of excess, strategic carry-on), itinerary planning (slow travel, fewer places, planned downtime), and even recreating the Grand Tour sensibility at home through art study, literature, local museum visits, and themed dinners. A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Kiki's proposed rebalanced global Grand Tour, moving beyond Eurocentrism. This ambitious itinerary spans London, Paris, Rome, Marrakesh, Lagos, Mumbai, Tokyo, Shanghai, Singapore, Mexico City, Sao Paulo, and New York City. Each destination is chosen for its unique lessons on power dynamics, urban forms, historical presentation, inequality, and global synthesis, aiming to produce an individual who understands the world as a complex, interconnected entity. Finally, Astor provides crucial etiquette considerations for sophisticated modern travel, covering aspects like navigating finances with friends, cultural sensitivity (learning local phrases, respecting dress codes, observing before participating), thoughtful preparation (reading, soft landings), polite food refusal, and appropriate communication (what to say/not to say, photo ethics). The ultimate marker of a successful Grand Tour, Kiki concludes, is returning with "better questions, harder to impress or trick, but easier to delight." This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to deepen their understanding of elite identity, cultural fluency, and the art of living with profound discernment. --- Show Notes: Episode Title: (Choose one from the list above, e.g., "The Grand Tour Reboot: Cultivating Old Money Taste in a New World") Episode Description: Kiki Astor unpacks the historical Grand Tour, revealing its origins as an old money rite of passage and a system of cultural engineering. Discover why this transformative journey is more relevant than ever for developing taste, confidence, and a global worldview today, and learn how to embark on your own modern Grand Tour – even without leaving home. Key Themes & Topics: * The historical context and purpose of the 17th-18th century Grand Tour. * How the Grand Tour functioned as a "finishing school" for elite identity. * Distinguishing the Grand Tour from modern "influencer travel" and "family vacations." * The role of "bear leaders" (tutors) in shaping young aristocrats. * Practical strategies for recreating the Grand Tour's benefits in today's world. * Modern "tutors": digital resources, discerning mentors, museums, reading lists. * The concept of a "Grand Tour at home" for cultivating sensibility. * Kiki Astor's proposed rebalanced global Grand Tour itinerary. * Essential etiquette and practical advice for cultured, mindful travel. * Developing a trained eye, steady judgment, and confident way of moving through the world. Historical Grand Tour Insights: * A social rite of passage for young men (and some women) of fortune from Britain and Northern Europe. * Not leisure, but a "system of cultural engineering" to produce elite identity. * Destinations like Paris (refinement), Florence (art, beauty), Rome (antiquity), Venice (indulgence). * Traveled with trunks, servants, and tutors ("bear leaders") for guidance and moral supervision. * Often involved gambling debts, romances, and personal "unraveling." * Outcome: Elite cultural knowledge, shared aesthetic codes, rise of guidebooks. Modern Travel Comparisons: * Influencer Travel: Purpose - content production; visible, repetitive hero locations; outfits for visuals; fragmented experience. * Family Vacation: Purpose - rest, shared memory; one destination, stable routines; low friction. * Grand Tour: Purpose - formation of taste, worldview; fewer places, longer stays; intentional sequencing (cities for cultural function); builds internal reference system. Recreating the Grand Tour Today: * Modern "Tutors": * Digital Tutor: Selective intellectual filtration via art historians, museum curators, long-form travel content (e.g., Met Museum Digital Collections). * Taste Mentor: Intentional proximity to discerning individuals; friends who see the deeper meaning in places. * Museum as Tutor: Slow, unhurried engagement with fewer objects; sustained attention to details. * Reading Lists: Books (novels, history, architecture, diaries) relevant to destinations. * Packing Tutor: Absence of excess; carry-on travel to allow for purchases. * Itinerary Tutor: Maximum 1-2 structured activities per day; longer stays in fewer places; allowing for "nothing" to become "something." * The Grand Tour at Home: * Studying art, reading literature from different regions. * Visiting local museums repeatedly. * Hosting themed dinners inspired by different places. * Creating an environment that suggests "I have seen things" (books, objects with stories, layered textiles/lighting). Kiki Astor's Rebalanced Global Grand Tour Itinerary: * Phase 1: Old Power & Foundations * London, UK: Finance, law, language, empire. * Paris, France: Culture as power, art, philosophy, revolution. * Rome, Italy: Civilizational continuity, enduring institutions. * Phase 2: Crossroads & Post-Colonial Identity * Marrakesh, Morocco: Trade, religion, craft, intersection of Africa, Arab world, Europe. * Lagos, Nigeria: Future in motion, fastest-growing cultural/economic hub in Sub-Saharan Africa. * Mumbai, India: Scale and inequality, finance, Bollywood, urban intensity. * Phase 3: Modernity & The Future * Tokyo, Japan: Non-Western modernity, hyper-modern yet culturally continuous. * Shanghai, China: State and capitalism, massive urbanization, manufacturing, geopolitical ambition. * Singapore: Engineered society, efficiency, globalization, governance. * Phase 4: The New World / Americas * Mexico City, Mexico: Layered civilizations, new identity, modern mega-city (art, fashion, design). * Sao Paulo, Brazil: Industrial culture, diversity, Latin America's economic engine. * New York City, USA: Finance, media, culture scale worldwide, Broadway, ballet, opera. * Focus Areas: Power dynamics, urban forms, historical presentation, inequality, global synthesis. Etiquette & Practical Advice for Modern Travel: * Paying: Host one meaningful thing; for peers, aim for rhythmic reciprocity; wealthier person quietly absorbs friction points. * Itinerary: Elegant elasticity (one anchor plan/day); normalize splitting up. * Cultural Sensitivity: Learn 5 local phrases; understand dress codes (scarf is useful); observe first, participate second; avoid comparison or ranking; don't say "Is it safe here?" or "Why isn't this more developed?"</p...
Transcribe →From Queen Victoria to Instagram Bridezillas: Old Money Wedding Etiquette & Style
Apr 1301:12:39Tap to summarizeIn this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Kiki Astor explores how Queen Victoria's 1840 white gown and later royal spectacles (Charles & Diana, Grace Kelly, JFK/Jacqueline) shaped modern wedding expectations. She examines the social and economic pressures behind extravagant weddings, who should pay, the rise of pre-wedding events, venue and menu choices, wedding attire (old money vs. new money), guest etiquette, digital invites vs. tradition, and strategies to avoid becoming a "bridezilla." Practical, budget-friendly tips emphasize authenticity, restraint, and how to create an elegant day that reflects values rather than trying to project status and keep up with influencers. Intro & thesis: How Queen Victoria (1840) set the white-dress precedent and transformed weddings into status performances. Historical anchors: Queen Victoria's white dress: symbolism, lace industry support, status signaling. Charles & Diana (1981): spectacle, public finance, backlash. Grace Kelly (1956) & Jackie Kennedy (1953): models of restraint and curated guest lists. Queen Elizabeth II (1947): post-war modesty and tradition. Main themes: Weddings as performative displays of social status vs. personal celebration. Financial realities: who pays, avoiding ruinous expectations, prioritizing long-term goals over one-day spectacle. Modern etiquette shifts: digital invites, wedding websites, RSVPs vs. tradition. Pre-wedding event culture: engagement parties, showers, bachelorettes—value vs. excess. Venue choices: authenticity over Instagrammability; alternatives (home, club, chapel, meaningful local spots). Attire: old-money simplicity, vintage and tailoring tips, guest dress-code rules, color no-nos (white/ivory). Menu & drinks: elegant simplicity, seasonal/local choices, family-style or signature drinks, budget-friendly substitutes (Prosecco, punch). Guest behavior: arrive on time, follow dress code, don't upstage, support the couple. Bride/Bridegroom guidance: set boundaries, communicate, expect small failures, remain gracious. Personal anecdotes: Kiki's own low-budget yet elegant wedding (university chapel, restaurant reception, borrowed flowers/cake). Practical tips & quick wins (actionable): Set a shared budget early; decide who pays and delegate small, meaningful contributions. Prioritize 3-4 things that matter most (venue, dress, photos, food); save elsewhere. Consider vintage or off-the-rack + tailoring for a classic look. Use a wedding website + a tasteful paper invitation for etiquette/clarity. Choose meaningful venues (family estate, backyard, private club) over trending destinations. Simplify the menu: seasonal, local, a few elegant choices; pick one signature cocktail. Limit pre-wedding events; do what feels authentic rather than performative. Communicate guest expectations clearly (dress code, plus-ones, travel). Practice composure: plan for small mishaps and lead with grace. Resources & links mentioned: Kiki Astor's novel Scarlet Fever (for readers who enjoy old-money fiction) Contact: MadamexofMontecito@gmail.com (listener Q&A)
Transcribe →Beyond the Trend: Timeless, Classic, Ageless, and Iconic, the Old Money Way
Apr 600:44:23Tap to summarizeJoin Auntie Kiki (Kiki Astor) on the "Awkward Etiquette Old Money and New Manners" podcast as she uncovers the secrets to a truly timeless existence. This episode dives deep into why the old money aesthetic resonates so deeply and how you can integrate effortless elegance into your home, wardrobe, lifestyle, manners, and even your approach to aging. Inspired by a surprising home tour, Kiki shares practical tips on choosing honest materials, embracing thoughtful editing, and cultivating an attitude that transcends fleeting trends. Learn how to create classic spaces and styles on a budget, conduct a "digital detox," and practice timeless etiquette that makes you—and those around you—feel valued and comfortable. Discover how to live an iconic life that is fluid, intentional, and always in style. Key Topics Discussed: - Timeless Elegance: Embracing the enduring appeal of the old money aesthetic. - Timeless Design: Secrets for creating ageless spaces, focusing on materials and the "Light & Touch Test." - Budget-Friendly Home: Smart strategies for achieving a sophisticated home without breaking the bank. - Avoiding the "Time Capsule": Blending eras for a personalized, comfortable, and classic living environment. - Digital Detox & Analog Living: Cultivating intentional, less-connected daily practices. - Timeless Entertaining: Classic approaches to hosting and celebrations, including weddings. - Ageless Style & Investment Dressing: Building a wardrobe that stands the test of time through quality and fit. - Graceful Aging: Focusing on vibrancy, posture, grooming, and an engaged mind over cosmetic fixes. - Timeless Manners & Etiquette: Developing intentional, respectful, and fluid social skills. - Strategic Trend Integration: How to selectively incorporate trends while maintaining a timeless core. Kiki Astor's Novels Mentioned in the Episode: - Scarlet Fever (Dark Inheritance series: old money rivalries, haunted equestrian, suspenseful romance) - Pink Palazzo (historic homes, evolving aesthetics) - Low Season in St Tropez (1920s design, new materials for classic looks) - Midnight Blue (forthcoming, perfumery, analog vs. tech) Upcoming Event: Santa Barbara Literary Festival, May 2nd & 3rd, 2026. Kiki Astor will be on a romance panel and hosting a workshop on self-promotion for writers. Connect with Auntie Kiki: www.kikiastor.com Mailing List: Sign up on Kiki Astor's website for updates on books, appearances, and more. Pressing etiquette and old money style questions? Ask Auntie Kiki! madamexofmontecito@gmail.com Thank you for listening to The Awkward Etiquette Old Money and New Manners Podcast!
Transcribe →Are Influencers Really Rich? The Old Money Guide to a Truly Rich Life (off camera)
Mar 3001:05:37Tap to summarizeHave you ever scrolled through social media and felt an overwhelming sense of inadequacy? Everywhere you look, people seem to be living incredibly expensive, flawless lives filled with luxury travel, designer shopping, and perfect morning routines. But is it real? In this episode, Kiki Astor breaks down the jarring difference between influencer wealth and actual wealth. We explore the history of performative wealth, from ancient Rome and the Court of Versailles to the Gilded Age and the 1990s, and explain how social media has turned the appearance of wealth into a highly lucrative business model. We also discuss why the "Old Money" aesthetic is trending, how to spot the red flags of aspirational performance (including a look at the Becca Bloom conversation), and most importantly, how to consume social media without letting it ruin your peace of mind. Tune in to learn how to cultivate a genuinely rich life that doesn't need an audience. Key Takeaways: - The Illusion of Online Wealth: Why keeping up with online influencers is fundamentally different (and more damaging) than keeping up with the Joneses. - The History of Status: How wealth has been performed throughout history, comparing modern social media feeds to the Royal Court of Versailles and the Gilded Age. - The Influencer Economy: How the algorithm rewards visibility and creates a cycle where presenting an aspirational lifestyle is a mandatory part of the job. - Real Wealth vs. Fake Wealth: The true markers of old money and real wealth, which include control over your time, multi-generational thinking, discretion, and lived-in continuity, not unboxing videos. - Protecting Your Peace: Actionable advice on how to view social media as entertainment rather than a benchmark for your own life and financial stability. Quotes from the Episode: "The goal of that whole world of online wealthy influencers is not really stability... It's about visibility." "A lifestyle develops slowly... Content is designed to work instantly, and it is meant to be visible." "The best luxury isn't bought or posted. It's lived exactly on your own terms." About the Host: Kiki Astor is a romance author, former rich person, and your resident old money and etiquette expert. She helps listeners navigate the modern world with historical context, grace, and a healthy dose of reality. Visit http://www.kikiastor.com for books, merchandise, and advisory services via Cameo. Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners and leave us a review! Share this episode with a friend who might need a reminder that real life is far more beautiful than a curated feed.
Transcribe →Spring Forward: Old Money Traditions & New Manners for the Season
Mar 2300:43:45Tap to summarizeNo description available
Transcribe →"Dogs and Horses": The Aristocratic Art of Vagueness vs Oversharing
Mar 1600:46:43Tap to summarizeIn this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, etiquette expert and author Kiki Astor explores the fascinating social tension between strategic vagueness and chronic oversharing. Kiki dissects why old money aristocracy and traditional upper-class society view discretion and understatement as the ultimate forms of power and elegance. Listeners will learn how aristocratic etiquette historically used ambiguity to navigate court politics and protect privacy, contrasting this with modern social media culture that rewards radical transparency, trauma dumping, and parasocial relationships. Kiki offers practical advice on navigating these conflicting communication styles, explaining when vagueness becomes passive-aggressive and when vulnerability crosses the line into a boundary violation. From handling intrusive questions about finances to mastering the art of the graceful decline, this episode provides a masterclass in conversational etiquette. Whether you are navigating a cocktail party, managing family scandals, or simply trying to avoid the organ recital of health complaints, Auntie Kiki reveals how to balance privacy with authenticity to maintain social harmony and mystique. --- SHOW NOTES "Dogs and Horses": The Aristocratic Art of Vagueness vs Oversharing Welcome back to Awkward Etiquette! Today, your Auntie Kiki is diving deep into the communication wars: the silence of the old guard versus the "tell-all" nature of the modern world. Why do some people never give a straight answer, while others treat a first date like a therapy session? We are breaking down the history, psychology, and manners behind how much we reveal. In this episode, we cover: -Strategic Vagueness: Why old money families describe running a hedge fund as "something in finance" and how understatement signals status and confidence. -The History of Discretion: From the court of Louis XIV to Jane Austen's novels, we look at why saying less was historically a survival mechanism for the elite. -The Three Pillars of Old Money Silence: Privacy, social flexibility (the art of the non-committal RSVP), and status signaling. -Topics You Must Never Discuss Directly: Wealth, family scandals, and personal achievements. (Why saying "the family has a few things" is more chic than flashing a bank statement). -The Rise of Oversharing: How therapy culture and social media algorithms have conditioned us to mistake "trauma dumping" for intimacy. - Parasocial Relationships: Why we feel emotionally connected to strangers online and how this leads to boundary violations in real life. -Etiquette SOS: - How to handle intrusive questions about money. - The polite way to decline an invitation without lying. - When gossip is harmless fun vs. when it is destructive. -Romance & Mystery: Kiki's advice on why you shouldn't tell your partner everything (keep the biological effluvia to yourself, darling!). Quotes from Kiki: - "This isn't LinkedIn, it's a cocktail party." *-"The real goal of etiquette is not silence, but it's not confession. It is knowing how much to say, when to say it, and to whom." *-"Information is power. And power must always be handled carefully." Mentioned in this Episode: -Scarlet Fever (Kiki's latest novel) - Irving Goffman (Sociologist on "face-saving" communication) -Kiki's upcoming perfume-themed book set in Morocco (Reviewers wanted!) Connect with Kiki: -Email: Madamexofmontecito@gmail.com -Sign up for the Guest List (my weekly newsletter with etiquette and style tips and charming musings)
Transcribe →Main Character Energy: Aristocrats, Influencers, and Etiquette
Mar 900:52:52Tap to summarizeIn this episode of Kiki Astor's Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, your Auntie Kiki explores the modern cultural phenomenon of "Main Character Energy." We dive deep into the intersection of social media trends, old money archetypes, and the delicate art of owning your narrative without becoming a social nuisance. From the curated lives we see on TikTok to the historical upbringing of aristocrats, we analyze why everyone wants to be the protagonist and where true confidence actually comes from. Kiki breaks down the difference between healthy self-assurance and narcissistic behavior, offering a guide on how to balance being the star of your life while graciously sharing the spotlight with others. Key Topics Discussed: - Defining Main Character Energy: Understanding the shift from literary archetypes (like Jay Gatsby and Blair Waldorf) to modern social media trends. - Old Money vs. New Manners: Why "old money aesthetics" are actually about cultural capital, status security, and nonchalance rather than wealth. - The Problem with Performative Living: How documenting every moment for Instagram or TikTok can ruin the actual experience and breach social etiquette. - The "Heir and Spare" Dynamic: A look at how historical aristocratic families managed ego and entitlement through strict upbringing and stewardship. - Social Etiquette in the Age of Influencers: How to navigate dinner parties, weddings, and public spaces without letting your "main character" persona overshadow the host or the event. - True Confidence vs. Egomaniacal Behavior: Why the most magnetic people in the room are curious listeners, not loud broadcasters. - Actionable Tips: How to channel main character energy with grace, including dressing for the day, cultivating a unique point of view, and embracing "grace under chaos." Keywords & Keyphrases: - Main Character Energy - Old Money Aesthetic - Social Etiquette - Cultural Capital - Pierre Bourdieu - Aristocratic Lifestyle - Quiet Luxury - Social Media Manners - Narcissism vs. Confidence - Romanticize Your Life - Host and Hostess Etiquette - Status Security - Social Fluency Quotes from the Episode: - "The most convincing old money energy was never wealth. It was nonchalance." - "There is a huge difference between being the protagonist and having obnoxious main character energy." - "Confidence is social generosity." - "In a truly refined life... there are no extras. There is a cast who is both supporting characters in your life, and main characters in theirs. " Mentioned in this Episode: - The Great Gatsby (Jay Gatsby) - Downton Abbey (Lady Mary Crawley) - Gossip Girl (Blair Waldorf) - Consuelo Vanderbilt - Pierre Bourdieu (Sociologist) Connect with Kiki: - Email: madamexofmontecito@gmail.com - Books: Check out Kiki Astor's novels for more old money intrigue and etiquette. *** Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review Awkward Etiquette to help us keep the conversation elegant!
Transcribe →Too high? Too low? How are your standards?
Feb 2300:48:17Tap to summarizeIn this episode of Awkward Etiquette, Auntie Kiki begins with a cautionary tale of a dinner party guest who arrived forty-five minutes late without an apology—and why she was never invited back. This isn't a story about petty drama; it's a masterclass in the quiet, devastating power of standards, the invisible architecture of a civilized Life. We move beyond the surface level of manners to discuss the invisible architecture that holds up your entire life. Kiki breaks down the crucial difference between preferences (aesthetic), aspirations (fantasy), and standards (enforced criteria). Are your standards protecting your peace, or are they merely "trauma in a silk blouse"? From the erosion of societal decorum (is this the modern Fall of Rome?) to the specific etiquette of "quiet enforcement," this episode is a deep dive into how Old Money discipline relies on access, not argument. We also explore the delicate art of calibrating your standards to your actual economic reality—because security never needs theater. In This Episode, You Will Learn: The Dinner Party Test: Why the hostess didn't scold the late guest, but simply removed her access—and why this is the ultimate power move. Defining the Terms: The vital distinction between preferences (I like peonies), aspirations (I want a mansion), and standards (I will not tolerate disrespect). The Three Domains of Standards: Internal: How you treat your body, time, and finances. Relational: Who gains emotional proximity to you. Environmental: The physical chaos or noise you permit in your space. The "Ex-Rich" Dilemma: How to maintain dignity and class without financial insulation, and why over-extending to signal status is actually a lack of refinement. Quiet Enforcement: Why explaining your boundaries weakens them, and how to use "access" rather than "argument" as your mechanism of authority. The Reciprocity Rule: Why you cannot demand standards from others that you do not embody yourself (the hypocrisy of the handwritten note). Quotable Moments: "Standards are not about being superior in any way. It's about being structurally sound." "Silence, darling, is not grace if it is breeding resentment." "High standards are sometimes just trauma in a silk blouse." "Aspiration is decoration. Standards are structure." "Security never needs theater." Keywords & Keyphrases: Old Money Etiquette, Social Boundaries, High Society Standards, Cultural Capital vs. Financial Wealth, Relationship Standards, Quiet Luxury, Social Climbing Signs, Etiquette for Dinner Parties, Narcissism and Access, Emotional Intelligence, Class Differences. Resources & Links: Support the Podcast: Help keep Awkward Etiquette ad-free by supporting Kiki's work. Read the Books: Dive into the world of Old Money romance and suspense. Click Here Get a Cameo: Book a personalized message from Auntie Kiki for a birthday or a harsh truth bomb. https://www.cameo.com/kikiastorofficial Shop the Collection: Click here for Kiki Astor Nouveau Pauvre tees and more. Listener Challenge: This week, audit your life. Where are you performing standards instead of embodying them? Sit still and ask yourself: Are my thresholds strong enough to hold the weight of who I say I want to become? Don't forget to leave a review, darling. It's simply good manners.
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