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- [00:01]
Keke Palmer
This episode is sponsored by Airbnb. If Spring Fever's got you feeling a little antsy, might I suggest booking an Airbnb for a change of scenery? Now, let's start the show. What's up, listeners? You know, there's been a lot of chatter lately about misogyny. How we're living in the culture that just can't seem to let women live without some nonsense. And. And even if you're not out here dealing with straight up misogynist, there's this thing called internalized misogyny that we gotta check ourselves on. So what do we do about it? And how do we even know who the good men or good people are versus the ones who we need to swerve on? Well, my guest today has an EP out called Men Ain't Shit Except Mine. And honey, we are about to get into it. She's funny, she's real, and she's got a voice that's impossible to ignore. Her name's Tony Romidi. So let's dive in because, baby, this is Keke Palmer. No matter what we doing in the car, just chilling pop on Amazon music, sit back and listen. Life, love, sex, science, covering it all, especially the bad. Cause money always evolved. No matter what it is, we gonna make it make sense. Nothing else to do but kick it with the homies and kids to grab you a drink and a snack you enjoy. And get into the vibe that only one you know, it's your girl. This is, this is Kiki. Baby. This is Kiki Palma. Yeah. Okay. So, yes, I was telling you, Tony Romidi. I first discovered her on social media. She's been around for, I think at least gotta be, if not 10 years, almost 10 years. Like, I remember her at the beginning of me even getting into social media when I was a teenager. Maybe I'm stretching it, but she's been doing it for a long time. She tours a lot. She just got married a few years back. Maybe like might have been more than that. Cause her baby is about three, four years old. She's such a sweet mom, but she has this EP out called Men Ain't Shit Except Mine. I feel like that's very sharing coded.
- [01:58]
Tony Romidi
Yes, I love that. She stole that from me.
- [02:02]
Keke Palmer
Yes. Shout outs to Larry.
- [02:04]
Tony Romidi
There you go. Yes. That's so true. Such a true statement.
- [02:07]
Keke Palmer
But I'm excited to talk to her kind of just about that project, the personal connection she has to it, but also just kind of how we are existing in this space of gender. It's so funny, we have so much Gender nuance that's being invited in. But then also we still.
- [02:22]
Tony Romidi
What does that mean? Like, gender nuance?
- [02:25]
Keke Palmer
Like, now we're in a place where people are talking about being non binary or, you know, transitioning. They're like, we're open people, not afraid.
- [02:33]
Tony Romidi
To express that they have feminine and masculine traits.
- [02:37]
Keke Palmer
But at the same time, it's not. It's like fake. It's like we're being so progressive, but we're actually not being so progressive. Things are still being held to such extreme standards of what it should be. You know what I'm saying? And so I feel like with her, it's so awesome to see how she's expressed in her music. And then I think also just in what we see in her life, that there isn't that relationship between her and her partner. So I'm excited to talk to her about that, how she found that. And then also she grew up with a single dad, so I'm curious how that has impacted her outlook, everything like that. I always think it's about how you grew up. Cause for me, I always seen you and dad both taking the same roles. You know, dad would sew, he would cook, he would clean. You know what I'm saying? You worked in the factory at some point in his factory.
- [03:21]
Tony Romidi
That was a very short time. Yeah. That was back breaking work. I just wanna say to all the people that work at the factories and do factory jobs, and they're very necessary jobs for our country, but get some good shoes, you know, invest in some shoes with a good support. Because my feet was killing me and I had to quit, so.
- [03:44]
Keke Palmer
Oh, my gosh.
- [03:45]
Tony Romidi
But I mean, your dad was one of nine boys. Okay? So when you're in a household of nine boys, I mean, it's only one mother. So they had to learn how to cook.
- [03:57]
Keke Palmer
Yeah.
- [03:58]
Tony Romidi
They had to learn how to sew. They had to learn how to do things for themselves. And, you know, the first time I saw him hemming up his own pants, I was like, what are you doing? He's like, what do you mean? I said, what are you doing? He said, I'm about to hem my pants up. And I said, then what are you gonna do after you hem them up? He said, I'm gonna iron them to make sure that everything is good and they look good. I said, who taught you how to do that? He says, my mother. Didn't your mother teach you?
- [04:25]
Keke Palmer
I mean, he used to. First of all, not only would he sew my stuff back together, he would also always crease my Pants. When he ironed my pants and stuff for school, always the best cook. Your food was way too salty. You hated your food. D cook the best food, you know. Yeah. It's just again, I did not really see all of this extreme gender role play. It was just like, I have two loving parents that love each other, that love us. But I'm, you know, I'm curious for you if you see a difference between how that plays out in my generation and your generation. Like, did you feel like misogyny or patriarchy or gender roles was like a big thing in the 80s to talk about or discuss or.
- [05:07]
Tony Romidi
Well, I was, as you know, I was a singer trying to write music, a songwriter. So misogyny was everywhere in the music industry. It was everywhere in the music industry. So all the stuff that's happening now with all the people and freak offs and all that kind of stuff, I'm not surprised at anything that's being said now because the climate in the 80s was really horrible for women. It was so bad for women in music. I mean, it just was devastating to be in a recording studio and being talked down to, being told you were fat, being told you were not pretty enough, being told you were just not enough. And I don't know, you know, I didn't even experience that overt kind of pressure, but I felt it, you know, I felt it.
- [05:57]
Keke Palmer
Yeah. And I think it wasn't even just in the music business. I think it's just in general, this concept of this. What is the word I'm looking for? This not properly distributed sense of power that plays in between genders. That is not always the case, but it's more often the case. And how people respond to that becomes very, very difficult. I mean, I think that's one of the reasons why we talk about internalized misogyny, where it's like even women are doing it to each other as a source.
- [06:25]
Tony Romidi
I think it's more women. I think we as women are so hard on each other. I think we're so judgmental on each other.
- [06:33]
Keke Palmer
And.
- [06:33]
Tony Romidi
And, you know, I knew when Hillary Clinton was running for president that she wouldn't win, and I knew she wouldn't win because of women. Everybody always want to say it would have been, the men are not going to vote for her. No, the women, they were hard on her. So I just think we're so hard on each other.
- [06:52]
Keke Palmer
But I think it's because of that. Right. I think it's the same thing when we talk about, like, racial stuff. It's like, well, they're being racist towards you. So I don't wanna be a part of it because I don't want it to happen to me next. That's why a lot of times people don't speak up against that kind of thing. And I think it's the same thing when it comes to misogyny or just in general, like women being hated on. Well, I don't. I rather join the guys hating on you than experience them being angry with me. And that's obviously the concept we have around. Pick me. Because sometimes people just wanna survive it.
- [07:23]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [07:24]
Keke Palmer
You know, I don't know that I judge it. I don't wanna be a part of it. I don't appreciate it. But sometimes it's hard to stand up, folks.
- [07:31]
Tony Romidi
Well, growing up in the home that you grew up in, you know, what do you think that you benefited or maybe you didn't benefit from being in a household where there were no roles? Your father and I didn't have roles.
- [07:43]
Keke Palmer
I love that you said that. I think I benefited so much from knowing what it looks like to have a healthy partnership, knowing what it looks like for a man to really like, respect and love you. And also how my dad was, how my dad is, how my uncles were. What I experienced with those men was not reality across the board.
- [08:05]
Tony Romidi
Right.
- [08:06]
Keke Palmer
They love and respect women. They love and respect their mother. And look, not all of them. You know, I have uncles that are players and stuff like that too. You know what I'm saying? Like, I. You know, everybody's out to.
- [08:16]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, everybody's not like Uncle Tony in heaven.
- [08:19]
Keke Palmer
Yeah, everybody's not like that. But, you know, overall, they were respectful. They had some type of boundary, moral ethic, you know, especially to people they love. I mean, nowadays, some people is cussing they own mama out, you know, their own sisters and stuff. And so I feel like I saw so much of what I didn't. I was naive, I think, growing up in the household that I grew up in and the experience I had. And I even had dad tell me that a lot of times too, because you would give me advice on dating. And I remember by the time I was about 23 or 24, I had finally asked dad, and he said, don't listen to your mother, because she don't know I was the first guy that she dated. And I. And I didn't screw her over. Right. But I couldn't. Your mom didn't know nothing about dating. She didn't have no crazy experiences. She met me and, you know, that was kind of it. And he really kind of gave me. He let me know finally.
- [09:12]
Tony Romidi
What advice did he give you about guys?
- [09:14]
Keke Palmer
Well, just that. What I just said just that they're not. That they are always trying to get you. They. That's really kind of it. He really genuinely said was that. So you can't really. It's not because you would kind of sometimes try to say, oh, you know, it's because when they say, you know, you're the one for them. And you would say all these cliche stuff like when they look you in your eyes. But guys, just somebody. I've had people look in my eyes. They don't mean they love me. You know what I'm saying? Just cause somebody look at me.
- [09:39]
Tony Romidi
Everybody's an individual.
- [09:40]
Keke Palmer
Say you're great or you're amazing or that doesn't. So sometimes you would give advice like that where it was like we're in a movie, you know what I mean? Where we're in Ghost. But dad was like, that's not really what it's about. And really, when you actually do find somebody that you have a connection with, the greatest thing that you'll realize that maybe they're the right person is that you change.
- [10:01]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [10:02]
Keke Palmer
The things that you used to get crazy about or used to have anxiety over, or the things that used to concern you or worry you, or the things about yourself that maybe you didn't like as much, those things, you start to change. It almost what he. What it sounded like, if I could put it in my own words, was they almost make you love yourself more. The way that they love you, the way that they see you, the way that they are enhancing and supporting your life allows you to thrive in a way you weren't able to thrive before that you didn't even know you needed to thrive before. And that's what actually helped me to start to make better choices and learn the kind of people that I wanted to be around, friendships and. And people that I wanted to be romantically involved with. And obviously you don't always get everything right and everything is a learning process. But I think that's the big thing that he helped me with, is how somebody makes me treat me is a bit, you know, how I've decided to treat you. Yeah.
- [10:54]
Tony Romidi
I mean, he's a man, so he could tell you definitely from a man's perspective, more so than I can. And so that was the benefit. Good that you had him to talk to you.
- [11:02]
Keke Palmer
That was definitely the hardest thing. It's like just the realization that the men that love me in My life are not the example of men in the world.
- [11:11]
Tony Romidi
And how I'm going to.
- [11:12]
Keke Palmer
Yeah, especially because I've always been. You know, I remember dad used to make this joke. Keke was my first boy. Cause, you know, he always wanted a son. And he had L'Oreal, then me. And then y'all tried again for the twins, and they end up getting, you know, my little brother thinker. But he used to always make that joke where Keke was my first boy. She was toughest, roughest, you know, all this type of stuff. I never realized that, being like, dad always loved that about me. He always championed that and thought that was a cool thing about me.
- [11:38]
Tony Romidi
When you came out, went out in the world, you realize it wasn't a great thing sometimes. And sometimes people use it against you.
- [11:46]
Keke Palmer
That's right. They will rub up against me having what they would assume to be male qualities. And honestly, they aren't really male qualities. They're just, like, attributed that only men can have them. And like you said, when women have it, it's reversed. If I'm going into a situation, I'm extremely business, or I'm stoic and I'm being plain and analytical. I'm apparently a heartless bitch. But when a man does it, he's smart, he's brilliant, right? When I come into a situation and I'm being direct or I'm being assertive, I'm an asshole, I'm a jerk. But when a man does it, he's setting the record straight, right?
- [12:19]
Tony Romidi
And if you go into a room and you act, you know, jovial or flighty or whatever, you're an airhead.
- [12:25]
Keke Palmer
Or if I'm extraordinarily ambitious, athletic, you know, mentally disciplined to the 10th power, I'm anal and I don't know how to have fun. But really, no, I just have something that I care about, I'm focused on. And that's how I was raised, and that's what was championed in my household. I remember climbing the walls, and Uncle Reggie then would be telling me, ali boom bay, ali bu. You know what I mean? Like, they encouraged me to have all that stuff. So, yeah, I feel like that's a big shock. And I think learning how to deal with or how to function in life with the fact that people are going to try to tell you about you and not allow you to exist as you want to exist is definitely tough.
- [13:05]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, well, I came. My mother just always told me you could do what you wanted to do. You know, always save money for a rainy day, have You a secret bank account. Those are the things my mother would tell me. Always have some money, you know, that you could get to that nobody knows about. And she basically. My mother was married three times, you know, and she basically said, you know, sometimes you can't trust people as a woman, you're on your own sometimes. And that's the mentality that she grew up in, that she never felt like she had anyone that protected her. Yeah.
- [13:45]
Keke Palmer
Do you feel like you parented me similar to the way that you were parented?
- [13:48]
Tony Romidi
Of course. I mean, that's all. That's all I knew. I just hope as a parent. Cause Lord knows I wasn't perfect. But I hope that I've instilled in all my kids that fuck roles. Just do what you wanna do.
- [14:02]
Keke Palmer
That's right. Yeah.
- [14:02]
Tony Romidi
You know, do what you wanna do. If you wanna, you know, be a gardener, be a gardener. If you wanna, you know, whatever you wanna do, do it. And don't be concerned with people putting labels on them, because people, you know, they put you in a box. It's up to you to get out the box.
- [14:19]
Keke Palmer
That's true.
- [14:20]
Tony Romidi
That's true.
- [14:20]
Keke Palmer
You know, every generation, they're moving forward. You know, how your mom raised you, how my mom raised me. And so to that, I just want to say I'm so glad that we do talk. You know what I mean? And like I said, I'm happy that people see us talking, whether we're agreeing, whether we're disagreeing, whether we're sharing perspectives that we didn't even know each other thought. It makes me really happy because that's how I learn, you know, and how I explore our relationship to a way that I know that I can continue to be just as good a mother to my child as you was to me. Well, let's see what Tony Ratimi has to say now. Y'all know, over here at Baby, this is Keke Palmer. We like to keep things very classy, very demure, and thanks to Airbnb, you can have your very own spring break without any of the co ed chaos. That's right. As a Virgo, I can be very particular about my vacations. And crowded beaches and busy hotels simply do not fit into my fantasy. In the past, when I needed a break, I went straight for some peace and quiet. Whether it was a trailer in Joshua Tree or lakeside cabin up in Big Bear, Airbnb was always the first place I check when I'm trying to escape the drama in the middle of nowhere without all the hubbub. I was able to sit back, relax, and actually take a load off. So if you're avoiding south beach this spring, you should check into one of Airbnb's guest favorites. These are the most loved homes on Airbnb and they got the ratings to prove it. Okay? You can find spots so lux and off the beaten path, you'll forget spring break even exists. So ditch the drama, embrace the peace, and book the guest's favorite home you've been eyeing on Airbnb. Trust me, your grown and sexy self deserves it, baby. This is. This is Kiki. All right, y'all. My guest today is the definition of multi talented. She's a singer, rapper, songwriter, and let's not Forget a former D1 basketball player. Yes. She was out there dunking on folks before she was dropping heads. If you don't know her yet, let me just say you should become a fan, okay? She's got this vibe that's so real. I found out she's from Chicago. That explains it. And her latest ep, Men Ain't Shit. Except Mine is. I mean, one of her hottest takes. Tony, what's up, girl?
- [16:38]
Tony Romidi
Thank you so much, Keke.
- [16:39]
Keke Palmer
So I really wish that they heard we were talking about five minutes before. Because, guys, we were just going in about how we both from the Midwest, Illinois, Chi town. What's good? She from the west side, I'm from Robinson, south side. And we just talk about Chicago people. I mean, I feel like they're super real. You were saying that, too. But also, we can be a little hustley, you know, too.
- [16:56]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, I feel like people. People from Chicago, it's like there's a lot of masculine energy.
- [17:03]
Keke Palmer
Okay. Especially with us women, for sure. I mean, obviously with the men, too, but you know what I'm saying, like, I think it's different as us girls, we be like, yeah, yeah, what's good?
- [17:11]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, I think it's very much. Yeah, a lot of masculine energy. But, yeah, I think people from Chicago, because we have such Southern roots as, well, they're very sweet hospitality. Know how to cook.
- [17:22]
Keke Palmer
Yes.
- [17:23]
Tony Romidi
Chicago got the best food.
- [17:24]
Keke Palmer
Very much so. And I mean, New York's trying to come up behind us, but be quiet, y'all got that pizza. Don't wait.
- [17:29]
Tony Romidi
Do you live in Chicago or. I mean, not Chicago. Do you live in New York?
- [17:32]
Keke Palmer
I do back and forth. New York and la. I live in the Valley in la. When you were in LA too, now?
- [17:37]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, I live in Woodland Hills.
- [17:38]
Keke Palmer
Okay. Yeah, we were actually quite close over there in the Valley. I think it's good for the babies.
- [17:41]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, I like it.
- [17:42]
Keke Palmer
You want to get a little more land? I like little more space.
- [17:44]
Tony Romidi
I like it in my area.
- [17:46]
Keke Palmer
We're both moms. I know you were a mom first. Cause how old is your daughter?
- [17:50]
Tony Romidi
She is three. She'll be four in March.
- [17:53]
Keke Palmer
Oh, my gosh. I gotta tell you, Tony, I started following you early on in your career. Like, I feel like in the beginning I was like, I found you. You was making you singing your songs online that you would just have written 15 minutes before. And I was like, I love her. But seeing you grow, seriously. Thank you. And I didn't even know you was from the Midwest. But seeing you grow as an artist, but then also as a mom, it's been so awesome to see. I can see that you and your. I mean, your daughter, that's your girl.
- [18:19]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. She's amazing.
- [18:20]
Keke Palmer
I feel the same way about Leo. That's my boo.
- [18:22]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. How old is he now?
- [18:23]
Keke Palmer
He's gonna be two in February.
- [18:24]
Tony Romidi
Oh.
- [18:25]
Keke Palmer
So it's coming up. Girl, he's growing up fast. Do you want more kids?
- [18:29]
Tony Romidi
I wanna have one more. But I do think that, like, the thing that I. I don't enjoy how quickly your body changes so drastically.
- [18:37]
Keke Palmer
Oh, girl.
- [18:38]
Tony Romidi
It's kind of like gives me PTSD a little bit. When I see photos of myself, I'm like, who the fuck is that?
- [18:44]
Keke Palmer
Especially because, first of all, you're an athlete. And I mean, I'm not an athlete, but I have always had, like, an athletic mind. You know, I've always cared about, like, being on point and just, you know, being in my bag, so to speak.
- [18:53]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [18:54]
Keke Palmer
So that I don't think I realized until maybe just recently how much that affected me.
- [19:00]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [19:00]
Keke Palmer
That body changing and just like, dealing with how to. And I've seen you when you were posting your pictures, like, yo, this is what I. This is my transition, that transformation journey. And to finally get back to you.
- [19:10]
Tony Romidi
It feels so good. You're like, I want to hold on to this. Hold on a second. Please don't take me back to that place again.
- [19:17]
Keke Palmer
No, seriously, serious.
- [19:18]
Tony Romidi
It's kind of. I think it's. I think it's very traumatic a little bit. And I don't think people, like, I. I feel like I have body dysmorphia in the weirdest way. Like, I would see myself and then I would see a picture of myself. I'd be like, who is that? Yeah, like, literally the weight gain that I had in my face. Like, I had so much acne on the side of my towards the end of my pregnancy, when my siblings would call me, I would just be like, don't FaceTime me anymore because I don't wanna look at myself.
- [19:42]
Keke Palmer
I felt the exact same way. And I felt like such a. I love that we're talking about this, because when I gained so much weight after my. When I had my son, people had never really seen my body that way before. So people was like, oh, damn.
- [19:52]
Tony Romidi
You know, you got. You did look really good. You did look really good.
- [19:56]
Keke Palmer
And so, like, I loved it, but then deep down, it wasn't what I wanted for me.
- [20:00]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Yeah.
- [20:00]
Keke Palmer
And so that's kind of weird, right? It's like, oh, I'm glad that other people aren't calling me Shrek.
- [20:05]
Tony Romidi
Yes. Yes.
- [20:05]
Keke Palmer
But I feel not happy.
- [20:07]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [20:08]
Keke Palmer
You know, and so that even that's difficult because then everybody keeps telling you, damn, but you don't really feel like yourself. So I couldn't agree with you more about that, about that process. And, you know. Yeah, I want more kids, too, but figuring out how to, like, wrap my mind around, like, you're about to go through that again.
- [20:25]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. And also, too, like, I feel when you're pregnant. One of my biggest fears, especially when I was younger, was just, like, going through an entire pregnancy, and then, like, God forbid something bad happens at the end. Like, just going through all of that for, like, you know, something bad to happen. So, yeah, that's something that I think about, too. I mean, I did have a really good pregnancy last time.
- [20:47]
Keke Palmer
Me too.
- [20:47]
Tony Romidi
Did you have a good pregnancy?
- [20:48]
Keke Palmer
I did. I had a really good pregnancy. And what I mean by. Let me go into details. What I mean by a really good pregnancy. I mean, ultimately, physically, I did. Right. Like, my son was kicking. It wasn't too painful. It wasn't. He wasn't too heavy. It wasn't, like, throwing up or vomiting. But I think I was more mental anguish than I realized as time went on. And now that I'm getting back to myself, I realize, oh, in hindsight, you can see. Yeah, that was a part of that process. But more or less, I felt like it was pretty positive. And so I agree with you on the thoughts of, like, would it be again?
- [21:19]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. You know, especially too, like, my baby is so great. I'm like, should we roll the dice? Like, what if they're not. What if the next one isn't, like, Lily? I don't want to, like, hold my next baby to a standard that they can't. You know, like, it hasn't happened yet.
- [21:35]
Keke Palmer
Y.
- [21:36]
Tony Romidi
Like, Lily slept Through the night, from the moment she was born. Like, she started talking super early. So me and. She's so smart. Me and Jacob kind of had a really good time with understanding and communicating with her early on. You know, like, she would tell me when she was hungry, she would sign milk to me. She would like, tell me that she wanted, you know, like, wanted something so I could. I could communicate better with her. I'm just kind of nervous that if we have a second one, that second one's gonna give us a run for our money. And I'm just kind of like, nervous about it. But at the same time, I don't want my daughter to not have a sibling. Like, I do want her to be, you know, have somebody, especially with us.
- [22:09]
Keke Palmer
Working and being around. I mean, obviously they got, you know, their dads or your mom. I don't know if your family isn't. Is involved. I know you were raised by your dad.
- [22:16]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, he was.
- [22:17]
Keke Palmer
Yeah.
- [22:17]
Tony Romidi
Wow.
- [22:17]
Keke Palmer
Okay, so let me get go to the beginning.
- [22:19]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [22:20]
Keke Palmer
So you were raised by your dad. Single dad. We don't hear about that often. I mean, sometimes, but it's not. Yeah, usually mostly single mom. So.
- [22:27]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [22:28]
Keke Palmer
Where was your mom? And she wasn't involved.
- [22:31]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. So it's so funny. Me and my boyfriend were literally just talking about this because you don't really meet. Like, I was. I was saying to him, I probably know like four people my whole life who've, you know, had a similar situation to me. But yeah, my dad, he was my guardian from like, I think I was like around 14 months when my mom lost custody of us. But my mom is schizophrenic. She's still schizophrenic. I'm getting more comfortable talking about it publicly because I usually don't. My friend Shan actually, like, helped me kind of get out of that, like, talk more publicly about it. Making me kind of sad now, but.
- [23:04]
Keke Palmer
Well, take your time.
- [23:06]
Tony Romidi
I know. I don't want to cry though, but yeah, my mom wasn't a part of our lives growing up. She still isn't. I don't really know her that well. I really haven't spent that much time with her. Yeah, my dad was our guardian and then when I was 12 years old, he passed away. Yeah. And my sister Irma, who's like, she just turned 44, so she became our guardian then. So then she began to raise us. I have two other siblings.
- [23:40]
Keke Palmer
And y'all was all raised together?
- [23:42]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [23:42]
Keke Palmer
Wow. Now what's your parents background?
- [23:45]
Tony Romidi
My mom is black and my dad Is white.
- [23:47]
Keke Palmer
Wow. And so I'm just curious because obviously, culturally and then growing up in the Midwest, maybe there's a lot of biracial families, but if you don't have both sides, I wonder how that impacted you growing up with your white dad for that time you did and not having your mom's influence.
- [24:01]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Like, I feel like for us, because we grew up in this, like, really big apartment complex, and we also. We used to go to a babysitter. I'm actually going back to Chicago for her birthday, period. Her name's Mama T. Shout out to Mama T. She became my babysitter shortly after we moved with my dad. And she was this. She's got one arm. She's from Houston.
- [24:22]
Keke Palmer
She got one arm.
- [24:23]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. She's from. She was born that way.
- [24:25]
Okay.
- [24:25]
And like, she's from Houston, Texas. She used to have, like, 12 kids in her apartment at a time.
- [24:32]
Keke Palmer
We all had that lady, and we all had that lady. I mean, she had another arm, but.
- [24:36]
Tony Romidi
You know what I'm saying?
- [24:37]
Keke Palmer
Like, we all had that one lady that, like, who. Kids are these.
- [24:39]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Like. But she was our neighborhood babysitter. And, like, I had, like. I feel like I had the best of both worlds because it's like all of the more influential women in my life that I had, they were black women. And so, like, even my older sister, she's 15 years older than me, and she grew up more in the city. Like, she went to Whitney Young. So, like, Whitney Young, she was just a little bit more in tune with her blackness, I would say. So having her and then having my Mama T, having Beverly, which is Mama T's daughter, like, they were such positive women in my life. Like, to be honest, they loved on us so hard. And my dad, you know, short lived, but, like, I don't really feel like I missed out too much on having that kind of like that nurturing, loving love that you need from a woman. Like that motherly kind of love. Obviously, I didn't have that from my own mother, but, yeah. So I guess to answer your question, I feel like I got the best of both worlds when it came to being biracial, because I went to a more white high school, but my apartment complex was literally called Little Africa, period. That's terrible. But. That's literally terrible. But, yeah, like, because it was so predominantly black. Black, that's what the other people called our area. But I don't know. I had a really good time. My childhood was just. I had a really good childhood. I can't lie. It just sucked that those events happened the way that they did. But I really do believe I would not be who I am, where I am anything, you know, if that stuff didn't happen to me.
- [26:16]
Keke Palmer
Yeah, I don't know. I feel the same way. And I love that outlook. Cause I think a lot of times people assume that your outlook on life is based off of, you know, if you've had all great experiences, but it's really how you choose to look at it.
- [26:27]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, I'm really big on that. I'm really big on that. Like, I just think my sister Irma, my oldest sister, the one who raised us, like, she always instilled that in me from a really young age. Just like having perspective and. Yeah, I really feel like the things that she instilled in me, like, I still carry a lot to this day. And even just how, like, nurturing my sister was, like, my sister cooked every holiday. She still does. She's an amazing cook. She's. She's so nurturing. And all the things that she. Yeah, all the things that she didn't sacrifice for us because she was 26 years old when she became our guardian and like, she already had a five year old.
- [27:04]
Keke Palmer
Wow.
- [27:05]
Tony Romidi
I mean, yeah. So.
- [27:07]
Keke Palmer
Well, I mean, this explains why the EP is, you know, men ain't shit but mine, because the women in your life have really, I mean, light years. They can't compete. Okay. I know you lost your dad early. You said about 14.
- [27:21]
Tony Romidi
I was 12.
- [27:22]
Keke Palmer
12.
- [27:23]
Tony Romidi
12.
- [27:23]
Keke Palmer
What do you remember about him as a man in your life? It was your first image of having a relationship with a man?
- [27:29]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, my dad was amazing. To be honest, he put us in softball pretty early, so we were heavily involved in extracurricular stuff. I played on a softball team. I played on a basketball team. My softball team ended up being pretty good.
- [27:44]
Keke Palmer
That's why you had abs all your life.
- [27:45]
Tony Romidi
Yes. Literally jumping on trampolines, doing all. I had a really good childhood. But my dad, I love what I think about now. In hindsight, when I think about my dad is more so. Like, the way that he spoke to me, the conversations that he had with me, when I think about it now, I can't believe he had those conversations with me the way that he did, but I respect it so much. Like, just the topic of conversation that he would talk about with me, that's what he's saying. Like, I would ask him questions about our mom. Like, when was the first time that you realized that something was wrong with her? Or like, that you were also a wise Child, Yeah. Had a lot of questions, but he never shied away from telling me. And I just appreciated that more when I was older because I'm like, damn. He looked at me not only as his child, but like, as a person who wants to know. I don't know. Like, I just appreciate that he spoke to me the way that he did and like, and he was very present. My dad never missed any of our games. He was always on time. He instilled a lot about being on time in me and like caring about other people's time. And he was really amazing. He really was.
- [28:49]
Keke Palmer
What was the next close or intimate relationship that you had had with a male? I don't know if it would have been a peer. Was there an uncle? Was there? What, what then was your relationship with men after that?
- [28:59]
Tony Romidi
Later on in my high school career, I started playing basketball for a travel team called Chicago Hoops Express. And my head coach there, Gerald Davis, shout out to jd. He's like more of someone who became like a father figure to me.
- [29:15]
Keke Palmer
Okay.
- [29:15]
Tony Romidi
But that was a couple years after my dad passed. But he's amazing. He makes time to come visit me once a year. He's really thoughtful and I appreciate him very much. He's someone that I can call when I need an honest opinion. He also, when I was going through it, when I was deciding to drop out of college, when I was playing basketball or to pursue music full time, he was the one who really supported my decision no matter what. But my sister Irma, I always tell people, she said this, my sister, she's a Capricorn, okay?
- [29:49]
Keke Palmer
They really.
- [29:50]
Tony Romidi
She said, you gonna drop, you gonna drop out of college to give up a full scholarship? Cause a couple motherfuckers like your music. That's how she said it to me. And I said, yep, that's exactly what I'm about to do.
- [30:03]
Keke Palmer
What does she say now? I mean. Cause obviously you're so successful.
- [30:06]
Tony Romidi
She's super proud of me. But I understand now more too. Obviously I'm an Aries, so I'm gonna just do what I wanna do.
- [30:12]
Keke Palmer
Aries are so hard headed. My niece is Aries and y'all are too much.
- [30:17]
Tony Romidi
I wanna do what I wanna do.
- [30:18]
Keke Palmer
But y'all really do be getting it done though. But y'all are very much extra.
- [30:22]
Tony Romidi
Yes, I'm very headstrong and I've always been that way. I also had really bad FOMO growing up. Like if there was a party, I had to be there. Like if it was a party on the weekend and I'm not there. I'm having a mental breakdown. Like, literally, my sister one time, like, put me on punishment and took my phone. I literally had like, I hated this. I had withdrawn.
- [30:44]
Keke Palmer
I'd rather get a whooping anyway. I was like, whooping.
- [30:46]
Tony Romidi
I was like, banging on the wall, crying and shit. Like, what is wrong with me? I need, like, that's why you don't need that damn phone.
- [30:53]
Keke Palmer
I felt like that was the most excruciating pain that they could put us through. Taking my phone. What's wrong with you?
- [30:58]
Tony Romidi
Like, there's people texting me about going out. It's Friday, and I hate. I hate. Oh, and I just know there's gotta be a Chicago people thing. Oh, my God. Or maybe it's just a black parent thing. But my sister Irma loved to be like, you just went out yesterday. Why you gotta go out today?
- [31:14]
Keke Palmer
Because that's life.
- [31:15]
Tony Romidi
Because there's something else going on down.
- [31:16]
Keke Palmer
There's life to leave you asshole. Baby, this is Icky Palma. Yeah, listen, we all know those New Year's resolutions been fizzled out by March. But with Audible, personal growth doesn't need a calendar date. Audible's about to get y'all on track for the ultimate holistic glow up. Explore over 1 million audiobooks, podcasts, and exclusive Audible originals all in one easy app. And baby, while you're here, you need to check out my audiobook, Master of me. The secret to controlling your narrative. It's the motivational moment I think you might been waiting for. Narrated by yours truly. I get real raw and unfiltered about the necessary steps you need to take in order to truly empower yourself. Looking for a little some extra to help tap into your wellbeing. Audible's got you covered with titles that will inspire and motivate you. Find insight and expert advice on health, relationships, career, finance, and so much more. This is your chance to start, or maybe restart all those positive habits and reach the goals you set for yourself. Don't wait for another January to invest in your growth. Start listening today. Sign up for a 30 day trial, a free 30 day trial at audible.comke that's audible.comkeke the EP is called Men Ain't Shit. Except mine.
- [32:42]
Tony Romidi
Yes.
- [32:43]
Keke Palmer
And I want to know why did you want what inspired you to write it? Because I mean, really, Men ain't shit. You know what I'm saying? But obviously it must came from a particularly personal place.
- [32:55]
Tony Romidi
Well, it's a combinations of reasons. So, like my music, I would say for the most Part like shits on men.
- [33:02]
Keke Palmer
Yeah.
- [33:02]
Tony Romidi
Which is fun because I like writing, like, arrogant love songs. Like, that's what I call them. I love to obviously make women feel like they're the shit, you know, Like, I want them to feel confident. Like, my biggest goal when I was younger, when I first started songwriting, was like, I didn't want people to ever feel like they were alone like that. You know, that sounds cheesy, but you know that my young. My young brain, that's what I was thinking about. So because my music has always been like that, I just felt like music is sometimes one of those things that, like, it has to pertain kind of to your real life. Like to sell the story or for people to actually. It's hard. It's not like an author. If you write murder mystery books, people don't think you're a secret murderer.
- [33:39]
Keke Palmer
That's right.
- [33:40]
Tony Romidi
You know, but like, when you're a songwriter, people resonate more with the lyrics when they think that it's actually happening to you. That's why people be like, oh, I hope that so and so breaks Drake's heart so he can give us a new album, whatever the case may be. So, yeah, I just think music is one of those things. And so because I have been in such an amazing relationship the last seven years, going on seven years this February, I just wanted to write something that resonated more with my actual life because I can write arrogant, shit talking songs all day. Like, that's fun, you know, But I just feel like music hits more when people. When it's actually what you're going through at the time. And even when it comes to writing it, I feel like when you're actually going through it, it becomes easier to even write the songs. And so I just wanted to tap more into that. But yeah, I just thought the.
- [34:30]
Keke Palmer
So would you say the music would be really reflective of how you feel you should be treated or how obviously for you, you are being treated to those that are your fans that have been listening to it. Or is it more of an exploration of, like, what you shouldn't be treated like?
- [34:44]
Tony Romidi
The trick? That's the trickiest question. No, I guess for me, why I chose the title is more so, like, because I always make music that's talking shit about men. I wanted to make a love song project and kind of make it like it was more like a funny thing to me, more so than anything because I have my album before. This is called Don't Talk to Boys. And then when I wear my merch or Something people will be like, oh, don't talk to boys. But you. Like, you're with Jacob. Like, they try to be funny, make up something. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not saying don't talk to boys. I'm saying talk to emotionally mature men.
- [35:16]
Keke Palmer
That's right.
- [35:17]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Yeah. Except mine is more so just kind of being like, this is a. This is love songs by my man. I. I can agree with you that men suck, but not this one. And so these are my songs for. For him. But.
- [35:30]
Keke Palmer
And I love that you said it because we all get so caught up in the Men ain't shit. Don't talk to boys. But I love your explanation of the title. Don't talk to boys because. Yeah, don't talk to boys. Talk to men. And yeah, men ain't. Except mine, because there is a man out there that will love you like. Like, yeah, yeah. Ha ha ha. But let's evolve, ladies.
- [35:47]
Tony Romidi
That's what I'm saying.
- [35:47]
Keke Palmer
Let's get into. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. Exactly. Yeah. You ate that.
- [35:52]
Tony Romidi
At my shows. Cause, like, I do, like, when I perform live, I'm not the best dancer. So when I. My overcompensation for that is how can I entertain them in some other way? So I try to do, like, little comedy bits in between.
- [36:04]
Keke Palmer
I live for a comedy moment.
- [36:06]
Tony Romidi
Like little silly shit. Like I'll just say little random stuff in between. And I say something like that. I'm like, get in, bestie. We're getting healed.
- [36:12]
Keke Palmer
Like, that's.
- [36:13]
Tony Romidi
I'm like, let's. You know, like, we can't stay on the same drum. Come on.
- [36:18]
Keke Palmer
No, girl, that man ain't you is who you messing with? You need to upgrade. Your men ain't shit, Detective.
- [36:24]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, exactly. So I'm trying to just. Yeah. Have it just resonate more with my actual life, but still stay true to myself and be a little funny with it.
- [36:33]
Keke Palmer
Yeah, let's talk about that. I mean, what do you define. Obviously, we're in a very. I hate to say we're in a very misogynistic culture because, I mean, patriarchy has been going on since before any of us was alive. Like, there's always going to be things that people think you should be because of your sex, gender, race, all this other bullshit.
- [36:48]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, yeah.
- [36:49]
Keke Palmer
But how do we. It's hard to meet people. Everybody's not outside. Even though we was outside as kids, we in the house now, online. How do we find. What are the things that make a man a good man? Cause, you know, ain't nobody perfect. But what is in your mind? What are those things? Seven year relationship. That's a long time y'all get together.
- [37:10]
Tony Romidi
I guess for me, it's like, me and Jacob, it never felt forced for me. Like, I never felt like I was overcompensating. I felt like, the energy that I was giving because I told myself, like, at this point, it sounds like I was in my brain older, but I was 22 at the time when I met Jacob. But I had two other relationships that I had that were more serious, and they both gave me two different things. One of it was more, like, physically abusive, and the other one was more emotionally abusive.
- [37:45]
Keke Palmer
Yeah.
- [37:46]
Tony Romidi
And so I feel like I told myself, okay, this next time around, I'm gonna be unapologetically myself. I'm gonna love so hard, and if he loves me back, great. If he doesn't, I tried my best. And so I went into it with that mindset. And lucky me, Jacob liked me so much the same. And so it just felt so seamless. I guess it didn't feel forced at all. And for me, I. I like when someone has confidence but isn't overcompensating when they go places. I can't explain it. I don't really like.
- [38:26]
Keke Palmer
Like Jacob putting on people. Putting on. Yeah, yeah.
- [38:28]
Tony Romidi
Like, I. I love that Jacob was so calm and cool and collected, and I love the way that he carries himself. He's very. Just so chill. I can't explain it. He's very calm, and he has a lot of. I don't know, he has a lot of amazing thoughts, but he doesn't overdo it. He just. He's very chill.
- [38:50]
Keke Palmer
I think a lot of times, you know, because of the patriarchy or misogyny, whatever, you know, we call it and stuff like that. I do think sometimes it puts this pressure on guys to walk into the room and be these caricatures of what a man is, you know, where it's like this. The masculinity is toxic. It's not based off of. I don't think masculinity is exactly attributes. I feel like it's simplicity. I feel like it's a little bit more abstract than that, than what we make it as people. And so that's why I wanted to ask, too. You said before I always write songs that make women feel like they're the dominant ones, and I really relate to that. And I feel like sometimes it can be hard in relationships because of the image of guys think that they have to be when they meet a woman like myself or even like my mom. You said it earlier too. I don't even know if it was before we started the show. But women from Chicago are tough. Like, we ready to get down. We are dominant and assertive, but we're still women. At the end of the day, we still wanna be hugged, loved, cuddled, Calm me down with gentleness.
- [39:47]
Tony Romidi
Don't freak me out.
- [39:48]
Keke Palmer
Boo.
- [39:49]
Tony Romidi
That is actually something that me and Jacob do struggle with. No joke. No joke is like me, because I'm also, like, I'm kind of a tomboy. Not even kinda. I'm. I'm a tomboy.
- [39:58]
Keke Palmer
Me too.
- [39:58]
Tony Romidi
You know, like, I do have a smart mouth. Like, I can say some bad things, but I'm. I'm working on it. I'm working on it. But definitely me and Jacob, him getting used to that little bit of Chicago in me. He. Yeah, it's taken some adjusting. Cause I've said some crazy shit.
- [40:17]
Keke Palmer
I know. I feel like. But I think that in my mind, like, I think that is, like, as a man, like. Yeah. Like, I don't want to say reel me in, because don't reel me in. You'll get popped.
- [40:25]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, yeah.
- [40:26]
Keke Palmer
But, you know, handle me. Yeah, you can handle me.
- [40:30]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [40:30]
Keke Palmer
You know, like, deal with it with peace. Because I feel like that's what I saw with my dad growing up. Like, my dad never, like, banged on my mom, like, when she would get crazy, like, you're not gonna disrespect me and blah, blah, you know, he would give her a real good silent.
- [40:42]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, yeah.
- [40:42]
Keke Palmer
You know what I mean? And it would be just so common. She'll be checked.
- [40:46]
Tony Romidi
You know what I mean?
- [40:46]
Keke Palmer
It was, like, cool to see. Was. No, he wasn't performing this thing of, you know, reacting to her emotions. Cause I think that's all that it is. At the end of the day. Like, whether I'm a tomboy, I'm being tough. Like, I'm just emotional. If I'm screaming, even if there's no tears coming out and I'm screaming and angry, I'm hurt. And so help me help you. Let's get this right.
- [41:05]
Tony Romidi
You know what I mean?
- [41:06]
Keke Palmer
You can't fight fire with fire. I think it takes a real man to be able to do that.
- [41:10]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Sometimes. That's definitely me and Jacob's issue because he's a Leo and I'm Aries. Oh, fire.
- [41:16]
Keke Palmer
It's actually a very perfect match, though. By the way, Leo, Aries is one of the most perfect astrological matches.
- [41:20]
Tony Romidi
Yes. I Definitely feel that.
- [41:24]
Keke Palmer
Now, you've also talked about internalized misogyny, which I think is a really good thing to, like, always remind ourselves as. As women. Because, again, it becomes this thing where everybody's like, men are, men are, men are.
- [41:34]
Tony Romidi
But it's like, you perpetuate that, too.
- [41:36]
Keke Palmer
Women be misogynistic, too.
- [41:38]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [41:38]
Keke Palmer
So I'm curious of what your experience has been with that. Not even necessarily with other women, but, I mean, maybe other women, but also with yourself. Like, having to, you know, feel that and know how to respond to the world in this way.
- [41:50]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Yeah. I feel like when I was pregnant the first time with Lily, when I was finding out what the gender was, I wanted to have a boy first because of my internalized misogyny. Like, I was scared. One, like, I'm such a tomboy. Will I be able to raise a girl in the way that society deems feminine? Like, I don't know. I was nervous about that. And then secondly, I was like, I know what it's like to be a girl. It kind of stinks a little bit sometimes. Do I want to have to raise someone who's gonna have to go through so many similar experiences and someone who is just, by nature, more vulnerable in society? It just kind of made me a little bit scared.
- [42:25]
Keke Palmer
Yeah.
- [42:26]
Tony Romidi
So I guess that's kind of my. And I. Obviously, I've dealt with my own internalized misogyny in many other ways as well. But I can't lie. I feel like a lot of girls who play sports tend to be a little bit less misogynistic in a way. Like, I feel like, because you are almost forced to get along with women and see the good in each other and be teammates and in, like, you know.
- [42:48]
Keke Palmer
Yeah. And already not fitting the norm.
- [42:50]
Tony Romidi
Exactly.
- [42:51]
Keke Palmer
You know, like, I've often felt like that I've always been into glam and stuff like that, but I've also always been very tough and, like, have, again, attributes that people would assume that only a guy could have. And I think for me, my internalized misogyny would come when I realized that I received pushback on that. And that started to happen more as I got older and I started talking, having opinions, sharing my ideas, showing that I'm not just the girl next door, and learning how to deal with that was very difficult. I even recently was talking to my friend about it as I started really focusing on going to the gym. And I feel like I would have these moments in my life where I would periodically be super into working out, and then for Whatever reason, I would fall off, and it could be for any reason. I just got tired of the diet or, you know, oh, I didn't have enough time, whatever. But when I started to talk to her and really get into the conversation, I realized that I'm afraid of. To be strong.
- [43:39]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [43:39]
Keke Palmer
I'm afraid that, you know, Cause I have broad shoulders. I was like, oh, shit. I don't want to do too much of the weight training because I don't want to be. I don't want to be too strong. And I don't. But why can't I be strong?
- [43:51]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Yeah.
- [43:51]
Keke Palmer
You know, if that's what I really want to be deep down inside, like, let me be strong. And so I've really worked hard, literally in the last couple months, like, don't be afraid of what your body do. If you look strong and you want to be strong, be strong. You don't have to internalize.
- [44:06]
Tony Romidi
Trust me, I've gone through that. And my daughter recently has been saying to me, I just told my friend Allie when I've been taking my shirt off in front of her, like, if I'm getting out of the shower or something, and she sees me without my shirt on, she goes, mommy, you look like a man. And I'm like, all right, now, my. Now even my own daughter's saying it. And I'm like. I'm like, why are you saying that? And she's like, because you don't have a shirt on. And I was like, okay. And she's like, you don't have a shirt on. You look like a man. I was like, okay, thank you. I'm like, checklist. My daughter calls me a man, too.
- [44:38]
Keke Palmer
Oh, my God.
- [44:39]
Tony Romidi
I've been calling, no joke. When I was. I'm like swallowing spit from that. When I was a little girl and I used to be in my big apartment complex and people will come up to me, I'm like, you know, my name's Tony too, so that doesn't help. And I was such a little tomboy. I used to wear my hair with a slick back, ponytail straight to the back, like tight as hell. And people used to come up to me and they used like, is you a girl or a boy?
- [45:00]
Keke Palmer
Is you a girl or a boy? Is so Chicago. They love doing that. They did it to my. They did to my cousin. My cousin Buddha. He's a boy. They're like, is you. Is he a girl? Is he a boy? Is she a boy or girl? They always doing that. Is she a girl?
- [45:12]
Tony Romidi
Who's you A Boy. And I need to be like, I'm a girl. Oh, my God. They're like, can you sing some for us? Can you sing some?
- [45:19]
Keke Palmer
Oh, my God.
- [45:19]
Tony Romidi
Oh, my God. I used to be like, abc. It's easy, literally. I used to be. They make me sing on the spot.
- [45:25]
Keke Palmer
I'm howling. That's so. I love those memories. I feel like you grew up in the same kind of environment that I grew up, you know, And I think Illinois. And I do feel like the Midwest in general. Like, even the surrounding areas, Detroit, Indiana, et cetera. Like, there's such a deep sense of community, and I don't know if it's just cause of the great migration.
- [45:42]
Tony Romidi
You know what I mean? That's what I think it is.
- [45:43]
Keke Palmer
You know what I'm saying? That Southern, like you said. But we all find our home, you know, in our community some way somehow. Yeah. Going back to the love piece and obviously your relationship. Seven years. Congratulations again on that. That's really not easy to, you know, make something last.
- [45:58]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [45:59]
Keke Palmer
Feel like it takes a lot of growing up to do.
- [46:01]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [46:01]
Keke Palmer
What advice would you give, you know, whether it be for the. The male partner or the. Them they. Girl, whoever you're into. What is the advice on finding love and. And cultivating it? Because I really think that's what it is. Right. Cultivating a good relationship in this generation. Because at the old heads, and we like, oh, yeah, y'all did it. But, like, right now, it's so different.
- [46:22]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Damn. That's a hard question. I guess it would just be more about really, really being your authentic self and putting yourself out there, pushing past those parts where you're uncomfortable.
- [46:38]
Keke Palmer
Yeah.
- [46:39]
Tony Romidi
And really putting yourself out there and seeing what type of people you attract. And if you are genuinely being your authentic self, hopefully that attracts someone that, you know is good for you in that way. But I also think, too, a lot of people have a hard time, like, what you were saying when it comes to emotions and how a lot of our emotions, we think those are just the surface level ones, and there's so much more underneath what actually we're feeling. And until people are ready enough to be honest with themselves and, like, really own up to how they're feeling and not just staying at the surface of, oh, I'm upset. And it's like, well, why are you upset? Oh, because I just don't feel like having a talk about it. And it's like being able to actually get to the root, the real feeling. Are you, you know, embarrassed? Are you ashamed? Do you feel Guilty. Are you afraid?
- [47:33]
Keke Palmer
Admitting the tough things?
- [47:34]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Really being honest with yourself, you're not going to get anywhere.
- [47:39]
Keke Palmer
And both people.
- [47:40]
Tony Romidi
Both people. And also too, like something that Jacob's mom says to us a lot is like, no one is really right or wrong. It's just an opinion. And you have to really, like, that's. It's hard for me because, you know, I'm airy, so I know what I know and it's hard for me. It's hard for me. So I. Yeah, sometimes I do just have to take a step back and a question that I do a lot for myself when me and my. My boyfriend get into it is like I ask myself, is this enough for me not to be with him? And if the question, I mean, if the answer is no, then you need to just get the fuck over it because what are you holding onto? It only makes you more upset. And if you want to be in something, give it everything you got or don't fucking do it.
- [48:25]
Keke Palmer
Couple of those things you, I mean, all of the things you said. Amazing. And spoke to me specifically was, you know, just building a bridge and getting over it. I think I've always struggled with that. Even my dad used to tell me when I was a kid, you hold grudges. You hold grudges.
- [48:39]
Tony Romidi
You know what I mean?
- [48:40]
Keke Palmer
That's not good for you. You know what I'm saying? Like, having this idea that somebody is going to be perfect or they're never gonna hurt you. Like, the concept of forgiveness, like, you really have to do it if you ever wanna love somebody.
- [48:50]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [48:50]
Keke Palmer
You know, if you ever want a person in your life. Which I think is probably the big question that we need to ask ourselves most going into a relationship and not judging other people for forgiving and loving. Because I think that is a part of commitment that I had to really accept. Like, if I. If I do want a relationship and I want to be with somebody, long term, they're going to hurt me.
- [49:09]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [49:09]
Keke Palmer
I might be like Michelle Obama and hate his ass for 10 years. Yeah.
- [49:12]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [49:12]
Keke Palmer
You know what I mean? But I'm going to stick through it because ultimately, to your other point, is it enough for me to walk away?
- [49:18]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, if you're still there, then enjoy yourself.
- [49:20]
Keke Palmer
And those are. Yeah, enjoy yourself or be mad for the day and then get over it.
- [49:25]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [49:25]
Keke Palmer
You know what I mean?
- [49:26]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. I just don't think it's worth it. And I'm saying it's not worth it for you. You're not forgiving them for them. You're Forgiving them for. To be with them, then let it go and enjoy yourself. Like, even when it comes to. Like, when I first was Jacob, I had some pretty bad abandonment issues. Obviously, I've gotten better with them. Like, when he. He's the type of person sometimes where if he gets really upset, he needs space and he needs time and he needs to gather his thoughts because he gets too flustered, and he can't have a conversation that's productive. But for me, in the beginning, it was like, where the. Like, where are you going? Why are you. Don't do that. Like, we need to finish this. Like, let's have the conversation. And. And it wasn't. Yeah. Until his mom just, like, straight up told me, like, you know, he. He needs time, and he will come back. And. And you just have to let go, Tony. And if he doesn't come back, it doesn't matter. And I. And, like, once I actually let go of that of, like, if he wants to be with me, he will. It just gave me so much more peace of mind, and, like, that's less. Yeah.
- [50:21]
Keke Palmer
That's really tough. But when I went through everything with my son's father, and, you know, it was like, I got to let go. You know, it's. You know, things happen, get to a boiling point. You realize this goes further. It's too much.
- [50:33]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Yeah.
- [50:33]
Keke Palmer
In the midst of that letting go, I got to the other side of what you just said, which is that. That. That's why things got bad. You know what I'm saying? That's why.
- [50:41]
Tony Romidi
Exactly.
- [50:42]
Keke Palmer
Bad is because you keep on.
- [50:44]
Tony Romidi
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
- [50:46]
Keke Palmer
And it's like, let that go.
- [50:48]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [50:48]
Keke Palmer
And once that let go, I realize that, oh, I'm fine. It's actually not. I didn't have to do, like, it did. Like, oh, my gosh, I wish I had let go sooner.
- [50:58]
Tony Romidi
Yes.
- [50:59]
Keke Palmer
Because now that's what.
- [51:00]
Tony Romidi
Have clarity. I'm not so damn stressed out.
- [51:03]
Keke Palmer
I'm not so stressed out. And also. Oh, wait a minute. I should have always been putting me first.
- [51:09]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [51:09]
Keke Palmer
And I think that happens. And I don't want to say just as a woman, because I think guys, too. I think in general, when you fall in love with somebody, you love that person just so damn much. It gets to the point where y'all just overly codependent, like, you need me to make you happy. I need you to make me happy. And now we in this cycle because we don't have the maturity to know that you're not supposed to make me happy.
- [51:27]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Yeah.
- [51:27]
Keke Palmer
I love Falling in love with you. And I love this feeling that we have. But, like, you're your own person. If you need to take a walk, I need to let you take a walk.
- [51:34]
Tony Romidi
Exactly. It's not personal.
- [51:36]
Keke Palmer
Yeah. And that's. That is so.
- [51:38]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Because we internalize, like, if our partner. If our partner doesn't say good morning a certain way, then you're like, oh, let me tell you something. That else that Jacob's mom said to me that really helped me in the beginning.
- [51:49]
Keke Palmer
I love that you and the mama are out, because some of the mamas.
- [51:52]
Tony Romidi
She's awesome. That's one thing I will say is that I appreciate about her is she allows me to get my shit off and tell her the truth and tell her my truth and let her know when something's not doing well, and she will give me unbiased opinions, and she'll be truthful. And she doesn't protect Jacob. And I just appreciate that about her.
- [52:16]
Keke Palmer
Because she creates a safe space.
- [52:17]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. And it's different. Cause I can't go to my sisters every time me and Jacob get into it. And now they're looking at Jacob different. You know, it's like, I don't want that to be. You know, that adds a whole another layer of annoying things to them.
- [52:29]
Keke Palmer
Now we back and we against y'all.
- [52:31]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. God damn it. I'm sorry.
- [52:34]
Keke Palmer
Now we got to banging. No, you. What was I going to say? Oh, oh, oh, Go. You want to finish that, please?
- [52:43]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, Cuz I think you'll like this. So it was a point where we were going back and forth, and I just kept saying, aw, I feel like he just wants to be in control of everything. And then Jacob's mom said, now flip that around and say that about yourself. Say, I want to be in control of everything. And I said, damn. Okay. I want to be in control of everything. And when I said that shit, it all clicked. It was like, damn, wait a minute. He doesn't want to be in control. I want to be in control. I'm mad that he's not letting me control it.
- [53:11]
Keke Palmer
And I think it's even. And I think it even goes further than that. I'm the controlling one, and I think it even goes further than that. It's like, I want to be in control because I don't feel safe, because I'm scared. I've been abandoned, like you said. I like what we were talking about. It's always more and more and more. Cause a lot of times people don't want to admit that I Control anything. Because on the surface that sounds like I'm a tyrant. But actually, no, I want to control things because I have really bad anxiety, I have mental issues. And it stresses me out when I don't know what's coming next. I'm actually blown away by the whole human experience. And I didn't ask to come here. God extended my contract, you know what I mean? So it's like I feel the same way because I'm type A. I'm not type A because I think it's so cool. I'm type A because you're a Virgo. That too, Summer baby. But, you know, I'm type A because that makes me feel safe. And so it's not so, you know, in love, in relationships, friendships, shit, even with my parents and stuff like learning how to. Everybody has a. There's a learning curve where everybody has to deal with each other. And I think for me, with that piece, it's so big. Cause it's like I'm that way because that's what helps me with life. But it's not always. It's great for work. Okay. But it's not always exactly. But it's not conducive always in relationships. I've really had to learn that. Yeah. Now, before you put this epr, you went on like a four year hiatus. What was. You know, I mean, I'm sure maybe it has to do with obviously you becoming a mom and all that type of stuff. But I want to know what was going on through your mind at that time and if you ever thought if you were even gonna come back to music.
- [54:46]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, well, yeah. Taking the break. I enjoyed it very much. Cause I was just super heavily focused on, you know, like being a mom and letting Lily grow inside my body. And I was pregnant during the pandemic. So that was actually. It was bad, but it was good. I enjoyed not having to see a lot of people and stuff. Bad because I wasn't doing absolutely shit. And my. I just got so big. Like I got up to like 205 pounds. I'm usually like 135. And so, yeah, after I had Lily, I ended up tearing my Achilles.
- [55:16]
Keke Palmer
Oh.
- [55:17]
Tony Romidi
Trying to play basketball again. Too soon. Because I was like trying to lose weight. I was four months postpartum and that was probably my internalized misogyny right there beating my ass.
- [55:25]
Keke Palmer
Okay, I gotta beat. I gotta.
- [55:27]
Tony Romidi
I gotta lose weight. Cutting this bitch. Playing hard ass defense on a 17 year old backdoor cut. Tear my Achilles wide open completely. Just ruptured it. Yo, Never had surgery before. Before I had to get surgery like the next week. Literally couldn't walk for six weeks. Couldn't run for like eight months.
- [55:45]
Keke Palmer
I know. You were literally devastated.
- [55:48]
Tony Romidi
Oh, my God. I was so annoyed. I was like, no, now I'm really about to do.
- [55:53]
Keke Palmer
Now I've actually got to do the diet. I, like, I work it off.
- [55:58]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. And then I was nursing, so people like, say, oh, nursing makes you burn calories. Yeah. But you're also eating for two, so it's like you're damn near still eating like you're pregnant. But once I stopped nursing after two years and then once I stopped.
- [56:14]
Keke Palmer
Good for you. By the way. It's not easy.
- [56:16]
Tony Romidi
The nursing is a job, man. I tell people all the time, if I had to go to an actual 9 to 5, you wouldn't be getting no goddamn liquid gold for me.
- [56:23]
Keke Palmer
Okay.
- [56:23]
Tony Romidi
Because that is such a luxury to be able to nurse. And I tell my friends all the time that are new, like, moms, do not feel bad about not nursing for a long. If you can't do it, if you have to go to work every day, like, don't shame yourself. Like, that shit is so taxing. It is so tiring, pumping, everything about it.
- [56:43]
Keke Palmer
I mean, I cried a lot.
- [56:45]
Tony Romidi
You know what I mean?
- [56:45]
Keke Palmer
I cried a lot because you just want to know that the baby's okay, but then you're not okay.
- [56:50]
Tony Romidi
Yeah, that was a lot.
- [56:51]
Keke Palmer
Yeah.
- [56:51]
Tony Romidi
I don't even know how I got to that.
- [56:53]
Keke Palmer
Yeah. We were just talking about the hiatus, why you went, oh, okay. And so then I guess it's like, how'd you get back? Like, when did you realize, like, I have something I want to talk about and say?
- [57:00]
Tony Romidi
I mean, honestly, to be honest, I had the concept for the minute, except mine back around when I was gonna do don't talk to Boys. But back then, yeah, I had it, like, around that time, but I just thought that people wanted to hear more of, you know, my typical music that they expect from me. But I just felt like I've matured as a person. I wanted to put something out that was more resonating again with my current life. And also, too, I. I started touring again last year. Oh. You know, we're at the same booking agent. This is crazy, actually. Oh, my God. I literally typed in on. On Google black owned booking agencies in Los Angeles. And then Breakpoint came up, and then I saw you on there, and I was like, oh, they. They have Kiki. Okay. They're legit. Oh, my God. And then I emailed them. And I just like said, hey, you know, my name's Tony Romidi. I haven't toured in four years, but like, these are my, this is my stuff, whatever, period. And then they asked me to send like a couple more videos and then, yeah, they wanted to represent me. And I had did like a 10 year anniversary show back in Chicago last February.
- [58:04]
Keke Palmer
Fabulous.
- [58:05]
Tony Romidi
And it did so well. We just did like 30 cities last year. So that kind of like inspired me. I guess after I did that show.
- [58:12]
Keke Palmer
You like, the people miss your girl.
- [58:14]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. I was like, let me try. Let me put myself out there again and see what the fuck I can do. Cause especially too, I was feeling self conscious about my body. So I was like, do I want to be on camera? Like, I don't know how I feel yet. So. And again, I had such crazy body dysmorphia. Like, my manager would ask me, like, when do you think you'll be ready to start shooting, like, content again? Because we used to be on clockwork, like every fucking week. I used to be shooting stuff. And I was like, maybe like three weeks. Oh my gosh, bitch. I was like, I literally would be like, oh, I'll buy pants that I would typically wear. And I, I'm so spontaneous and like sporadic. I just buy clothes and I don't try them on and I'll just go home and put them bitches on. At that time I would go and buy some shit. I'll put them on. It wouldn't even get up past my fucking thigh, girl.
- [58:55]
Keke Palmer
I know exactly what you mean. And it's deficit. And it doesn't help if the man is like, I love you so much. Like, it doesn't help because it's like you are, you are contributing to me staying this way because you just love me, you know? So it's really difficult. Also in that environment. I remember feeling the same way when I like, I had to give all my clothes away.
- [59:15]
Tony Romidi
Oh yeah.
- [59:16]
Keke Palmer
Gave them all away because I'm like, I can't fit none of this shit. I need something to wear.
- [59:19]
Tony Romidi
I literally threw all of my. I like, not threw. I gave it away because I literally couldn't even pull it up past. And now I can fit those clothes again. And I'm like, why did I give them all away? Where'd my clothes go? I'm like, have you seen those pants?
- [59:31]
Keke Palmer
Shopping spree? No. I literally could talk to you all freaking day. I want to get to this game with you.
- [59:36]
Tony Romidi
Yes, let's do it.
- [59:37]
Keke Palmer
But I also quickly want to touch on you saying that you're sober recently?
- [59:41]
Tony Romidi
Yes.
- [59:41]
Keke Palmer
And I've been doing Dry January, and I just feel like a lot of my friends are. And I mean, again, nothing. There's nothing wrong with drinking and everything like that, but I just think that's dope when you. We. You know, we take those break. Cause sometimes it feels so social. We feel like we have to do it. And I know you said your fans would always be being like, let's take a shot. Let's take a shot. And you don't want to let nobody down, but it feel good when you could just be like, yeah.
- [60:03]
Tony Romidi
To be honest, I feel like I'm not the type of person who needs to drink to go places. I definitely used to have to drink before I performed. I used to get really nervous. Like, the first big show that I ever did, I opened up for Mindless Behavior.
- [60:15]
Keke Palmer
Come on. Mindless Behavior.
- [60:16]
Tony Romidi
And it was at Chicago State University. It was actually on April 20th on Easter. It was 4:20 on Easter 2014. And it was the biggest crowd that I ever did. And, like, I was so nervous. I was taking shots of Ciroc to perform in front of, like, nine year olds.
- [60:39]
Keke Palmer
The babies had no idea.
- [60:41]
Tony Romidi
Oh, my God. They're like, wow, she sang two fucking songs. Like, I was so nervous. And like, even when I. When I did my first music, like, my first music videos, like my first couple music videos, I used to be just drinking Hennessy, like, on the set.
- [60:56]
Keke Palmer
I love the switch.
- [60:57]
Tony Romidi
Cause I used to just rock Hennessy. Yeah. Because I got to a point, vodka just used to fuck my stomach up. But to be honest, it's like I started drinking when I was 15 years old. My high school was just, like, a little bit crazy.
- [61:07]
Keke Palmer
It was giving Degrassey.
- [61:09]
Tony Romidi
Yes, it was.
- [61:10]
Keke Palmer
But wait a minute. What is the new one that the people love? Kids on the block or kids in the downstream Euphoria. On the block. On the block.
- [61:18]
Tony Romidi
No, I don't know. I don't know that one. I'm on culture. Wow. But, yeah, I started drinking pretty early on, and I just think, yeah, like, there was two pretty traumatic things that happened to me last year. One I don't feel comfortable talking about, and secondly, when I was. Was at my show in Colorado, I ended up taking shots during my set, and people were like, it's the altitude. The altitude to get you. I don't give a fuck what it was. I was blacked out. I don't remember doing half of my set. And then I had to.
- [61:43]
Keke Palmer
But you were doing it too I was doing it. I was saying you were doing it.
- [61:45]
Tony Romidi
Wow.
- [61:46]
Keke Palmer
So all my memory isn't that crazy when you think about that? Like, that's crazy. Like my body to keep thinking.
- [61:54]
Tony Romidi
You sounded like the fucking Old Unsolved Mysteries. But no. Yeah. And then I had to do a meet and greet afterwards.
- [62:03]
Keke Palmer
Oh, my God.
- [62:04]
Tony Romidi
And I was completely blacked out. I did. Like, I met like 40 something people completely blacked out. And my boyfriend said it was so cringe. I was just like kissing everybody on the cheek, telling them how much I love them. And it was just like, what is wrong with you? I can't believe I just said this.
- [62:19]
Keke Palmer
They're like, I thought she really loved me. They're home. Like, I thought that that was real.
- [62:23]
Tony Romidi
No, no, I love you guys, I promise. But, yeah, after that.
- [62:26]
Keke Palmer
That's scary. That's scary.
- [62:27]
Tony Romidi
Yeah. Like, I just, like. And I've had other moments where I've blacked out. When I was younger, just like, I'm in an Uber. We went. You know, we went here. I'm just don't know exactly who I was talking to that night. Like. And honestly, I'll be happy to say I'm not really the type of person who's like a beat your ass type of drunk. I'm a more like, happy, like, now. If you piss me off when I'm drunk, yeah, I'll be ready to do something. But, like, you know, I'm not off the bat. Like, my sister when she drinks is like, this Hennessy starting to taste like, why the fuck that bitch looking at me?
- [62:59]
Keke Palmer
Yeah.
- [62:59]
Tony Romidi
And you're like, tina, please, like, please, let's just, like, chill out.
- [63:03]
Keke Palmer
I know exactly what you mean. I'm eating, I'm either sleep. Or, like, you know, being like, girl, you have always had my back. Like, I'm the speech bitch. Like, I'm like, and you been the.
- [63:15]
Tony Romidi
Best friend to me. Yeah. Yeah, that's me.
- [63:17]
Keke Palmer
Okay, I know I gotta let you go, but not before we play a game. I love playing a game with all my guests. This one's called but the Gag is. Okay, and here's how it works. I'm gonna hit you with a hot take. Now, it's not necessarily my hot take, but this is a hot take. And you're gonna tell me what the gag really is. Sounds good.
- [63:34]
Tony Romidi
Oh, damn. Wait, I don't know if I would be good at this.
- [63:38]
Keke Palmer
We're just gonna try it. You know what I mean?
- [63:40]
Tony Romidi
Okay.
- [63:42]
Keke Palmer
They say men are natural leaders, but.
- [63:44]
Tony Romidi
The gag is the female lion is actually the One who goes out on hunts. Oh, and the male lion sits back and waits for the food to come. It's really the women. It's the female lions that are holding it down. The lionesses.
- [64:00]
Keke Palmer
Just saying, you know, give us our tens. We are the woman K. Men say women are confusing, but the gag is.
- [64:09]
Tony Romidi
You'Ll ask a guy if he wants you to come, and he says, you can come if you want because why.
- [64:16]
Keke Palmer
Is all this shit open ended? I need confirmation.
- [64:19]
Tony Romidi
Tell me that you want me to come.
- [64:21]
Keke Palmer
Literally, people say boys will be boys.
- [64:24]
Tony Romidi
But the gag is society allows men to do what they do. We just give them passes for it and then we just write it off as that. Boys just do what boys do. But actually society allows them to do what they want to do and they're not shamed enough.
- [64:36]
Keke Palmer
Why are the answers everything? We need more. Is this now an ask advice column with Keke and Tony Romidi? Because those are excellent. Okay, just a couple more hilarious. Men say masculinity is under attack, but.
- [64:51]
Tony Romidi
The gag is masculinity is a figure of our imagination and we've created all of the idea of what masculinity is supposed to be. Therefore, just be yourself and. And love everybody and be nice.
- [65:06]
Keke Palmer
Yes. Last one. People say you're a tomboy in the gaggage.
- [65:10]
Tony Romidi
You're right.
- [65:12]
Keke Palmer
You are amazing. I could have talked to you, like, forever and ever and ever. Come on, Chi Town, unite.
- [65:18]
Tony Romidi
Thank you so much for having me. I just want to say thank you, Keke. You are amazing. I'm so happy for you. I'm so proud of you. I know more about you than you think I do, and you are honestly so amazing and I'm just so proud of you. I'm so happy for you.
- [65:32]
Keke Palmer
Thank you so much. I live for you as well. I'm so glad that we got to actually sit and do this in person.
- [65:37]
Tony Romidi
Yes, me too.
- [65:37]
Keke Palmer
And I'm so happy that even though men ain't shit, yours ain't. Make sure you guys check out the ep. Men ain't shit except mine.
- [65:44]
Tony Romidi
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yes. Give me a hug.
- [65:48]
Keke Palmer
You're awesome. All right, y'all. What a conversation. I mean, I really, like, lived for that conversation with Toni, and I'm so glad that she came through and. And was breaking it all the way down for us today. There's one thing I could take away, it's that we gotta stay on it. Checking ourselves to make sure we're not letting society creep into how we treat each other and think about ourselves. And if we're doing that work and the men in our lives are doing it too, then, hey, we on the right track. So let's just keep lifting each other up, calling out the nonsense, and making room for love. That's healthy, whole and real. I'll see y'all next time. Cause you know it's your girl. Baby, it's this is. This is Kiki. Baby, this is Kiki Palmer.
- [66:35]
Tony Romidi
Yeah.
- [66:38]
Keke Palmer
Enjoy. Baby this is Keke Palmer on the Wondery app, wherever you get your podcasts and now on YouTube where you can watch full episodes. Subscribe to the wondery channel on YouTube and don't miss any episodes. You can listen to Baby this is Keke Palmer early and ad free on Wondrin. Join Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Baby this is Keke Palmer is hosted and executive produced by me, Keke Palmer. Lucas Seagal is our post producer. Music supervisor is Scott Velasquez. Our original theme song was written and performed by me, Keke Palmer for Team Keke. My producer is Sharon Palmer for Wondery. Our managing producer is Olivia Font. Our producer is Tristan McNeil. Senior producers are Lizzie Bassett and Candice Manriquez. RIN Our executive producers are Dave Easton and Marshall Louis.