New Episode Out on Patreon

Summary

Bad Friends Podcast

Episode: "New Episode Out on Patreon"

Date: July 3, 2026
Hosts: Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee

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Episode Overview

In this candid and hilarious episode of Bad Friends, Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee dive into the perils of eating out, bathroom emergencies, and the universal discomfort of urgent bodily functions. Through their trademark banter, they swap horror stories about unfortunate dining experiences and the delicate art of timing one’s dash to the restroom—all laced with their irreverent humor and colorful analogies.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Bathroom Emergencies After Bad Eats

• Andrew and Bobby reminisce about a recent restaurant mishap

  • Andrew describes an urgent bathroom run right after finishing his eggs.
  • Both discuss how certain meals can trigger digestive disasters.

• Consistency Comparison: Niagara Falls vs. Pompeii

  • Andrew likens his experience to Niagara Falls: "You ever been to Niagara Falls? Identical." (00:37-00:41)
  • Bobby claims his are more like Pompeii: "Yeah. Mine are Pompei, but you do a Niagara Falls ... mine’s an explosion." (00:44-00:48)
  • The hosts humorously distinguish between types of emergencies, turning a gross topic into a comedic highlight.

Stories About Friends and Shifting Strategies

• Bobby shares a Korean BBQ anecdote involving his friend Jean

  • He explains how Jean began “shifting” in her seat – a telltale sign of needing to use the bathroom.
  • “She’s shifting Shit shift. Yeah. She is like. Like Teutonic plates.” - Bobby (00:59-01:15)
  • Bobby identifies the “doomsday clock” moment, warning her she has eight minutes to get home or risk disaster.

• Public Bathroom Avoidance

  • Bobby notes that his friend refuses to use public bathrooms, even during emergencies:
    • "And she goes, I don't do public bathrooms." (01:47)
  • He details her mad dash home, predicting the timing to perfection: "You have eight minutes. It's gonna break away." (01:56-02:01)

• Environmental & Bodily Shifts Analogy

  • Bobby combines environmental disaster terminology with bathroom talk, joking, “I'm an environmentalist. I really am. ... I know about environmental shifts. I also know about shit shifts.” (01:19-02:16)
  • Andrew joins in: “You see the doomsday clock?” (02:01)

The Race Against Time and Comedic Catastrophes

• The importance of timing

  • Bobby emphasizes how close his friend cut it: “The timing is like if it was a second ... later, it would have been a disaster.” (02:21-02:27)
  • Andrew and Bobby liken close calls to historical catastrophes:
    • Andrew: “Chernobyl.”
    • Bobby: “Chernobyl.”
    • Andrew: “It would have been. It would have been the end of the end of the end.” (02:28-02:29)

• Andrew’s own embarrassing moment

  • Andrew recalls vomiting in his front yard after barely making it home from the airport, while his dog looked on in confusion:
    • “I threw up in my front yard. I got all the way to the house ... And my dog came out.” (02:29-02:40)
    • “They have no idea why you throw up. When you throw up in front of a dog, they do, they go like this.” (02:42-02:46)

Surreal Logic and Quick Jokes

• Is it better to stick around during a disaster?
  • Bobby quips, “Why do people leave Chernobyl?”
  • Andrew: “Yeah. They shouldn't have taken off.”
  • The pair riff on whether abandoning a disaster area is ever wise, looping the joke back to bathroom mayhem.
  • Bobby: “I'm just saying stick around. No.” (02:49-02:51)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You ever been to Niagara Falls? Identical." - Andrew Santino (00:37)
• "Mine are Pompei, but you do a Niagara Falls ... mine’s an explosion." - Bobby Lee (00:44)
• "She is like... Like Teutonic plates." - Bobby Lee (01:12-01:15)
• "You have eight minutes. It's gonna break away." - Bobby Lee (01:56-02:01)
• "You see the doomsday clock?" - Andrew Santino (02:01)
• "Why do people leave Chernobyl?" - Bobby Lee (02:49)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|--------------------| | 00:00-00:30 | Andrew and Bobby swap tales of post-restaurant bathroom emergencies | | 00:37-00:48 | Infamous “Niagara Falls” and “Pompei” consistency comparison | | 00:52-01:29 | Korean BBQ anecdote with Jean, “teutonic plates” analogy, public bathroom refusal | | 01:47-02:17 | The “eight minute” dash and perfectly timed escape | | 02:28-02:29 | “Chernobyl” disaster analogy for close calls | | 02:39-02:46 | Andrew’s dog-witnessed yard accident | | 02:49-02:51 | “Why do people leave Chernobyl?” closing riff |

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Tone & Language

The hosts keep a light-hearted, playful tone throughout, embracing gross-out humor and vivid analogies to keep the conversation engaging. Their banter blends self-deprecation with quick wit, turning relatable disasters into laugh-out-loud set pieces.

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This episode is a classic display of the duo’s chemistry, effortlessly turning embarrassing moments into comedic gold while offering listeners reliable tips on avoiding disaster... or at least laughing about it when it’s too late.

Transcript

[A]

Oh, my God. How long was I in the bathroom when we. At the restaurant?

[B]

So long.

[A]

20 minutes at the restaurant. The moment I took my last bite, I was like, yeah. I had to go immediately.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was bad News Bears. I should have wrote that girl and been, like, not a good recommendation.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My stomach. The moment I finished my eggs, I was like, I think this is. I think this is bad. We both.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. That was at that restaurant. Mine was prolonged.

[A]

His was. Yeah, his was an hour later.

[B]

Yeah. He was yours loose or did you have to. Dude, I. I want to know the cons. Consistency.

[A]

You ever been to Niagara Falls?

[B]

Now I get it.

[A]

Identical.

[B]

I understand.

[A]

Identical.

[B]

I understand. Yeah, I do Pompei.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Mine are Pompei, but you do a Niagara Falls. Niagara, yeah. Mine's an explosion.

[A]

Dude, that reminds me last.

[B]

Well, let me. Do I want to add on to the poop.

[A]

Go. Yeah. More poop stuff.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So last night, I'm having dinner with my friend Jean, Hong Kong, and Andrea. Jin hangs out.

[A]

Jin.

[B]

Yeah. And we're sitting there, we're eating at a nice Korean barbecue, right? And she's sort of, like, repositioning, Shifting. She's shifting Shit shift. Yeah. She is like. Like Teutonic plates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the world is doing.

[A]

And by the way, it's going to. It's going to break eventually.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Plates keep touching each other.

[B]

There's also, like, icebergs detaching from. You know, there's some stuff going on here. But anyway, let's get back to. Yeah, I'm an environmentalist. I really am. You are super el nino. The whole thing. All right. Anyway, things are shifting. But my point is, is this. She's shifting in her chair, and I go, you got. And she's like. I do. I go, well, they have a bathroom here. And she goes, I don't do public bathrooms.

[A]

Oh, I know that. Yeah.

[B]

And I go, you live pretty far away. I know. I just. I'm fine. I go, no, I can tell when shift people are shifting.

[A]

You can tell a shit.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, you have eight minutes. It's gonna break away.

[A]

You see the doomsday clock?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And she goes, you're right. And she just gets up, gets in her car, and then when she texts me later, she goes, I was right on time. And I knew the shifts. You know what I mean? I know about environmental shifts. I also know about shit shifts.

[A]

Eight minutes.

[B]

Eight minutes. She got raced home. You've been there.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

The timing is like if it was a second, you know, I mean, later, it would have been a disaster.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Chernobyl.

[B]

Chernobyl.

[A]

It would have been. It would have been the end of the end of the end. I did that one on the way from the airport. I threw up in my front yard. I got all the way to the house, Got out of my car.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And my dog came out.

[B]

Yeah. They're confused about it.

[A]

They have no idea why you throw up. When you throw up in front of a dog. They do. They go like this.

[B]

Yeah. Why do people leave Chernobyl?

[A]

Yeah. They shouldn't have taken off.

[B]

I'm just saying stick around. No.