5th Badiversary w/ Chris Distefano & Dr. Phil

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bad Friends Episode – 5th Badiversary with Chris Distefano & Dr. Phil

Episode Information:

• Title: 5th Badiversary
• Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
• Guests: Chris Distefano & Dr. Phil
• Release Date: February 17, 2025
• Production: 7EQUIS
• Platforms: Instagram, Patreon, TikTok, Bad Friends Website

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1. Celebrating Five Years of “Bad Friends”

The episode kicks off with a heartfelt celebration of the podcast's five-year milestone. Hosts Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino reflect on their journey, expressing immense gratitude towards their listeners.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Santino [59:02]: "Of the five years we've been doing this show, a little bit of emotional reminiscing, please. It is genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, the greatest thing that's ever happened in my career."

2. Promotions and Upcoming Specials

Andrew Santino enthusiastically promotes his upcoming comedy specials scheduled for various cities, including Minneapolis, London, and Dublin. He emphasizes the urgency for listeners to secure tickets, highlighting limited availability.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino [00:34]: "Minneapolis, Minnesota, I am in your city this week. Come see me shoot my special. All but one are sold out."
• Chris Distefano [03:42]: "That's right, I'm beans on toast."

3. Super Bowl Party Antics and Jake Paul

Dr. Phil shares a humorous anecdote about attending Jake Paul's Super Bowl party despite feeling ill, sparking a playful debate about commitment and friendship. The conversation teems with jokes about flying long distances and risking health for fleeting moments with celebrities.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino [02:21]: "I'm so sick I can't do the podcast, but I can go to Miami with Jake Paul."
• Dr. Phil [02:32]: "I'm so sick that I'm going out of my way, right? To risk my life and my health and my family's lineage."

4. Kanye West Merchandise Controversy

The hosts delve into the controversy surrounding Kanye West's recent merchandise, particularly his swastika-themed T-shirts. They debate whether the symbol is appropriated from Hinduism or if it perpetuates Nazi imagery, ultimately critiquing Kanye's intentions and market strategies.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino [12:21]: "Guess who’ll be the fashion designer for Hot Top. We’ve got a brand new fashion designer. Guess who it is. Who? Kanye."
• Bobby Lee [14:30]: "He says that it's doing. It's the Hindu symbol and that we're all assholes."

5. Propaganda and Media Influence

A segment discusses historical and modern propaganda, comparing WWII Japanese propaganda to today's digital and subtle influence tactics. The hosts reflect on how current media strategies might be perceived in the future.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino [26:30]: "By the way, people are going to look back in 100 years, look at our propaganda. We just don't know ours yet."
• Dr. Phil [25:45]: "They control their individual arms. Imagine..."

6. Aviation Crashes and Public Safety

The podcast touches upon recent aviation incidents, including Vince Neil's private plane crash. The hosts humorously speculate on the causes, linking them to broader themes of public safety and management in the aviation industry.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino [39:00]: "Small jet owned by Vince Neil crashed into plane upon landing in Arizona."
• Dr. Phil [40:10]: "Wow. How does this keep happening over the last..."

7. Movie Discussions: Top Gun and Tropic Thunder

A lively discussion ensues about iconic movies like "Top Gun" and "Tropic Thunder." The hosts share personal favorites, critique plot elements, and humorously reinterpret storylines, infusing the conversation with playful banter.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino [27:39]: "It was 100. A gay love story. It's an unrequited gay love story."
• Bobby Lee [27:51]: "You never saw the first one."

8. Improv Session with Dr. Phil

In an unexpected twist, Dr. Phil joins an improv session with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. The segment is filled with spontaneous humor, quirky characters, and witty exchanges, showcasing Dr. Phil's comedic side alongside seasoned comedians.

Notable Quotes:

• Chris Distefano [35:00]: "I went and felt like I didn't bring it, even though the episode got some downloads."
• Dr. Phil [36:13]: "I would actually love, dude, have an improv group."

9. Final Celebrations and Gratitude

As the episode winds down, the hosts express deep appreciation for their listeners and guests. They perform a humorous yet touching "Bad Friends" song, celebrating their unique friendships and shared experiences.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino [59:02]: "It means the world to us."
• Bobby Lee [60:29]: "We love them both very much."

Closing Quote:

• Andrew Santino [68:45]: "Thank you for being a bad friend."

---

Key Highlights:

• Humorous Banter: The episode is rich with comedic exchanges, roasting, and playful insults among the hosts and guests.
• Guest Contributions: Chris Distefano and Dr. Phil add unique perspectives, enhancing the dynamic conversations.
• Personal Stories: Anecdotes about personal experiences, such as attending parties under duress or dealing with illness, provide relatable and entertaining content.
• Cultural Commentary: Discussions on controversial topics like Kanye's merchandise and historical propaganda offer insightful, albeit humorous, reflections.
• Celebratory Tone: The episode culminates in a heartfelt celebration of the podcast's longevity, reinforcing the value of friendship and community among the hosts and listeners.

This episode encapsulates the essence of "Bad Friends" – a blend of humor, candid conversations, and genuine camaraderie, making it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Bobby Lee]

This cold and flu season, Instacart is here to help deliver all of your sick day essentials. Whether you're in prevention mode and need vitamins, hand sanitizer and that lemon tea your nana swears by, or you're in healing mode and need medicine, soup and a lot more tissues, simply download the instacart app to get sick day supplies that reinvigorate or relieve. Delivered in as fast as 30 minutes.

[Andrew Santino]

Plus enjoy.

[Bobby Lee]

Zero delivery fees on your first three orders. Excludes restaurant orders. Service fees and terms apply.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh my God.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm shooting.

[Dr. Phil]

I was doing a special tonight.

[Andrew Santino]

Today, this week. I mean this week, this Friday and Saturday, the 21st and 22nd, Minneapolis, Minnesota, I am in your city this week. Come see me shoot my special. All but one are sold out. The late Friday show. Come see your boy. Go to andrew santino.com for those tickets. Andrew santino.com to get tickets. And also, that's right, I'm beans on toast. Beans on toast. London, England, we're coming we're coming to.

[Dr. Phil]

London, England, July 4th 18th, July 18th.

[Andrew Santino]

And Dublin, Ireland afterwards. We're going Dublin, London and Dublin. We're playing the OVO arena in Wembley. No association to Drake.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then Dublin, Ireland on the 19th, we're playing the 3Arena. The tickets are our regular sale now. They were artist pre sale and now.

[Dr. Phil]

They'Re on sale regular.

[Andrew Santino]

So go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets. Bad friends. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

[Dr. Phil]

You two are disgusting.

[Chris Distefano]

You two or something. We're bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm so sick I can't do the podcast, but I can go to Miami with Jake Paul.

[Dr. Phil]

Huh?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm so sick I can't podcast, but I can go to Miami for Jake Paul. I'm so sick I can't podcast, but I can sit on a five and a half hour flight to Miami.

[Dr. Phil]

Interesting.

[Andrew Santino]

For Jake Paul. I'm so sick I can't podcast. Yeah, Jake Paul, we heard. On my way. Yeah, I'm on my way.

[Dr. Phil]

I'm so sick that I'm going to go promotions for bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.

[Dr. Phil]

I'm so sick that I. I go out of my way, right? To risk my life and my health and my family's lineage, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

For my best friend.

[Andrew Santino]

And your family's lineage is in jeopardy already. Don't even get me started, dude. You know this guy goes to Jake Paul's party for the super bowl and goes the day before. I'm sick, dude. We can't podcast.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, it's so.

[Andrew Santino]

And I said, you still going to go to Miami? No answer.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, right. He was always. He was there.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No answer.

[Bobby Lee]

That's why he didn't answer.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. I'm so sick that I'm. I, I, I, I bow to the king.

[Andrew Santino]

Jake Paul's the king.

[Dr. Phil]

Yes, Jake Paul's the king. Let me say something right now, dude. Right? You know, we're like in Game of Thrones, dude.

[Chris Distefano]

Right?

[Dr. Phil]

I went to the Lannisters, dude. Right? Right. When I'm just a peasant, I could get my head beheaded. Right. I did it for our, you know, farm in, you know, White walkers are coming from the north. Right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

And I risk my life and limb, right, to go down there to bow to the king. Right. For us so that we get saved. And now he does this. You understand?

[Andrew Santino]

Ring, ring. Hello? Jake Paul, Dude. Oh, you need me in the Miriam. Who else gonna be there?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. What? Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, I love stumping you. I love. You know, I know that, you know that you got. You weren't that sick.

[Dr. Phil]

No, no, no, no. And also, that's not it.

[Andrew Santino]

And also the night before was with a lady friend. Hanging out with a lady friend. Didn't get that sick. Went on a flight. Jake Paul, Miami. Okay, first of all, our guest today is Chris Stephano.

[Dr. Phil]

I like you.

[Bobby Lee]

I just want.

[Dr. Phil]

I love, I love you, but say this right. Right. Lady Fred always trumps work.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Did you bring us back any Celsius?

[Dr. Phil]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Any Celsius?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, I go. Does he have Jake had something to do with that?

[Andrew Santino]

No, they're prime.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, prime.

[Dr. Phil]

Sorry.

[Bobby Lee]

Bring back any prime?

[Dr. Phil]

Well, let's get that back because the joke doesn't work now.

[Andrew Santino]

Do it again.

[Bobby Lee]

Sorry. Bring me in. Did you, did you bring back any prime?

[Dr. Phil]

Explain to know what's going on.

[Andrew Santino]

Explain to us who was at the super bowl party. By the way. You hate football.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

You look like.

[Dr. Phil]

So Carlos went with me.

[Bobby Lee]

You do have pig skin face. Yeah, just, just in the face.

[Dr. Phil]

I don't know, man.

[Bobby Lee]

You look like a field goal kicked football.

[Dr. Phil]

Good.

[Bobby Lee]

Sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, who was at the point?

[Bobby Lee]

You look thin, though. You do look good.

[Andrew Santino]

T. D I being real, though.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I swear to God, as soon as I came in, you, I said you, you looked. You look thinner than I've ever seen you. I thought maybe on.

[Andrew Santino]

He is.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you.

[Andrew Santino]

We go bring up the photo of him from his Instagram. He posted on the set of Theo's movie.

[Bobby Lee]

You look good. No, you really do.

[Andrew Santino]

Look, everyone I know is like, bro, is Bobby losing crazy weight? I was like, he. Yeah, dude, he's on it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, there it is.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no. It's the next one.

[Dr. Phil]

There.

[Andrew Santino]

He's standing up. Look at that, dude. Wow. Skinny look good.

[Dr. Phil]

Look at my belly, dude. Oh, I mean, it is compared to dav. Yeah. David Spade does look like he has the hiv.

[Bobby Lee]

You look good. And if. Honestly, if I just blacked out the face with that hair and that outfit, you look exactly like my Aunt Colleen.

[Andrew Santino]

Shout out. Colleen.

[Bobby Lee]

You look literally exactly like my Aunt Colleen.

[Dr. Phil]

Dude, I'm already drowning on this podcast. What's it like? No, it's like the nom, dude. It's like, I'm just being pelted, dude. This is Hamburger Hill.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm on Hamburger Hill.

[Dr. Phil]

There's no way out. Bad.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, what side would you fight on in Vietnam?

[Andrew Santino]

You're on Hamburger Hill. No bun. No bun. Protein style.

[Dr. Phil]

Protein style. Am.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait a minute, though.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You do look fantastic in this photo. You look thin. You look good.

[Dr. Phil]

Are you being real?

[Andrew Santino]

Your skin looks good. Yeah, man. You look good.

[Bobby Lee]

David Spade looks even better.

[Dr. Phil]

He always looks.

[Bobby Lee]

He looks even thinner.

[Andrew Santino]

He's Twiggy Wiggy. So skinny, man.

[Bobby Lee]

He looks like he has Siskel and Ebert jaw cancer.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, Spatty's never. He never overeats. He never has a bad month. I've never seen him go, dude, I got to cut back. Like, you and I have phone calls where it's like, buddy, you called me.

[Bobby Lee]

Santino called me, and he didn't know that Jasmine was in the car. He called me and told me that he had to get back in shape because he was on the road so much. And he looked at himself in the mirror, naked at a hotel room on the road. And he started crying, and my girl heard it.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, I got out of the shower. I saw my stupid, little, ugly, pale body in the. They had one of those big mirrors, right? As you got out of the shower. And I looked at it, started crying.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Instantly was like, look at my little penis. My pale, frumpy body. And just bawling. I was like, I gotta go to the gym, dude. Yeah, I just sad, fat. But on the road, you're eating, you're not sleeping, right? Like, you're traveling.

[Dr. Phil]

I couldn't get the head of my dick out of this tube.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean?

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, here we go. Here we go.

[Andrew Santino]

What tube?

[Dr. Phil]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean?

[Dr. Phil]

Well, the tube. Is that the stem? Oh, the shaft.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it went in.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

But I Couldn't get it out.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Dr. Phil]

It was like gum or something in it.

[Bobby Lee]

You're not circumcised?

[Dr. Phil]

I am circumcised. That's what. That's the tragedy. That's the tragedy. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, right.

[Dr. Phil]

It was like a turtle, right? Like his head couldn't get out of the shell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Stuck.

[Dr. Phil]

Right. So then I had to do a thing where I was like. Like that. And it made a sound, like. And it came out. And then I held it with my two fingers so that it wouldn't like, you know, mean, dry that way, you know?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But look there, you could see.

[Dr. Phil]

You got.

[Bobby Lee]

You got.

[Dr. Phil]

I don't know why I just shared that information. Because you were like. You guys were sharing about your mirror and stuff. Right? I just. This is what happened to me.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think I'm drowning.

[Dr. Phil]

I'm drowning already because it attacked me so badly.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you never look good. You never look good in a hotel mirror.

[Andrew Santino]

It's disgusting. Also, by the way, you're not drowning. And if you do, remember Vietnam, you ended up. You guys ended up winning. You know, I mean.

[Dr. Phil]

Stalemate.

[Andrew Santino]

Stalemate.

[Bobby Lee]

But that's a win. If a tie. A tie is a win. Are you going to tie with the United States? That's a win.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, man, you love soccer. That's a ties away.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, I guess the tie is a win.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Well, you know, when you both come, it's good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Yeah, that's true.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Dr. Phil]

Sometimes you. You come. Right. And the other person doesn't come.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right.

[Dr. Phil]

Right. And then you're like, I'm tired or whatever.

[Bobby Lee]

That's most of my sex life.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Your wife. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

I tell you, if she had a right, you'd be.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, I was. I was so nice to her at the Hulu party.

[Bobby Lee]

Was it not 100%?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I didn't like your face. Why you think I was Be too nice. I wasn't hitting on her.

[Bobby Lee]

No, she doesn't care.

[Dr. Phil]

I was just looking at her go. She's so beautiful.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

You know what I mean? Very nice. Very important.

[Andrew Santino]

She is gorgeous.

[Bobby Lee]

She. Yeah, she. She got.

[Andrew Santino]

You got everything going for.

[Dr. Phil]

You got everything going for.

[Andrew Santino]

Watch this transition. Look at this.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Special out on Hulu. The guy is playing Madison Square garden. Square Garden, September 11, 911.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what it is.

[Dr. Phil]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Now, are you donating. You donating any of the proceeds to the fire to. To FDNY?

[Bobby Lee]

If we can get ticket sales above 7,000 yeah. Okay. Anything. Anything under that I'm going to have to keep from. Poppy's going to have to keep.

[Dr. Phil]

Now, do we get spots on that show or.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Should 100% not being real.

[Dr. Phil]

Do we get spots on that?

[Bobby Lee]

If you guys. I swear to God, if you were in New York, you could absolutely come do spots. As long as I could promote you 100%. Kidding. Kidding.

[Andrew Santino]

Smart.

[Bobby Lee]

Tickets are going good. Tickets are going good. Stay positive.

[Dr. Phil]

Good.

[Andrew Santino]

September 11th, a memorable day for New York City.

[Bobby Lee]

Yep.

[Dr. Phil]

Are you nervous that if you don't sell out that you look like a tragedy like that?

[Bobby Lee]

That's.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, that's.

[Andrew Santino]

If you don't sell out the garbage.

[Dr. Phil]

And there's me running.

[Bobby Lee]

I was going to say. Yeah. There's Bobby dressed like a burglar from the 1920s. That's the Hamburglar Hill. Yes, that. Yeah. So, no, I'm not nervous because it's just. It's just been a dream of mine, and it's going to be good. And they say President Donald Trump might seriously. Well, because all the presidents always go to the 9 11, so they were saying that there's a possibility that maybe they'll come at night.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Dr. Phil]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Does he like you? Does he know you?

[Dr. Phil]

You guys know each other?

[Bobby Lee]

Son knows me, Trump junior. Wow. He said he never told me anything about his dad. When everyone was. When everyone was getting Trump on the pod in New York and out here, too, they. They offered. They said maybe he would zoom in with me. So I said, I can't. No.

[Andrew Santino]

No one wanted to do this.

[Dr. Phil]

No one did.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Dr. Phil]

AOC, can we get her?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, you should get her in and I'll come run in and smell the seat.

[Dr. Phil]

No, like, aoc, let's. Let's talk about her, right? In a club.

[Andrew Santino]

Pass.

[Dr. Phil]

You're in a club.

[Bobby Lee]

Would you go, sir, if I. I mean, look at my family?

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You wouldn't. That weird way.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I want. If you're. If you're. If you're like, if you're from any US Territory, I want to have sex with you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what it is. So I like girls from the US Territories. Puerto Rico.

[Andrew Santino]

Any. Any trips to the Gulf of America coming up for you?

[Bobby Lee]

No. Swimming the golf in there? No.

[Andrew Santino]

If you look at the map, I think they changed it on Apple map.

[Dr. Phil]

There's no way.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, look.

[Dr. Phil]

Only in the U.S. yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

One of our boys. One of our boys in the group chat posted like, they posted it on Facebook. Gulf of America. Like, you know, like, proud, like look at this. Whatever. And then one. He didn't realize when he sent the screenshot to the group chat on Facebook, there was a comment from, like, this gay guy that was like, haven't seen you at the bars in Long beach, big boy. When you coming back? Who do I send it to?

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlos. All right, I'll send it to you. Carlos. We were dying laughing. When you just get caught being a. I think Gulf of Mer. I like them wanting to buy Greenland.

[Dr. Phil]

That's a good one.

[Andrew Santino]

What are we going to do with Greenland?

[Bobby Lee]

Canada. It's just another. Oh, I don't know.

[Dr. Phil]

What.

[Bobby Lee]

What could we do there?

[Dr. Phil]

Hot Topic headquarters.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that where it goes?

[Dr. Phil]

No, I want to do one there. Let's. We took over Greenland. What shop should we have there in Greenland?

[Andrew Santino]

That's pretty smart.

[Dr. Phil]

Let's do it.

[Andrew Santino]

What shops?

[Dr. Phil]

What we do? Hot Topic. Many. Like the warehouse CEO. Obviously a hot topic there.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Woo.

[Andrew Santino]

Woo.

[Bobby Lee]

Women.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, I like that a lot. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Auntie Annie's pretzels.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yummy. Panda Express.

[Andrew Santino]

Gotta be there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Because they're Eskimos.

[Andrew Santino]

Could we throw in a Sbarron? Yeah, Sbarro. The best mall pizza in the world.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, I thought it was a car.

[Bobby Lee]

Guess who'll be the fashion designer for Hot Top. We've got a brand new fashion designer. Guess who it is. Who? Kanye.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Have you seen his website? Have you gone to yeezy.com?

[Bobby Lee]

Did you see a Super bowl commercial, bro?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, look, they're blocking the site now.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, God. Really?

[Andrew Santino]

It's down.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, it's down.

[Andrew Santino]

He was selling T shirts. Do you know this for real?

[Dr. Phil]

Tell me everything.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm. Dude, I'm not joking. We can't. We can Google it still to find it.

[Dr. Phil]

Right wing.

[Andrew Santino]

He was selling a white.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. I'd say it's right.

[Andrew Santino]

Whoa. He was selling a T shirt with just a swastika on it. A white. $20, right?

[Dr. Phil]

You got to be.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but he was.

[Andrew Santino]

I swear to God.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, that's why I saw. I saw Jewish people wearing the same symbol but with a flick off.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. That if you. If you. He paid $8 million to do a Super bowl commercial in certain regions that he just filmed on his iPhone from the dentist office.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. He's sitting in a dentist chair.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, but that. Doesn't somebody own that brand already?

[Andrew Santino]

The swastika.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Hitler. I think they're licensing Happy Birthday.

[Dr. Phil]

Who has Happy birthday?

[Andrew Santino]

Hitler.

[Dr. Phil]

Hitler. Yeah. Yeah. He has Happy Birthday and he has a swastika. No.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Dr. Phil]

Can he. They sue him?

[Andrew Santino]

He probably.

[Dr. Phil]

That's ours.

[Andrew Santino]

He's probably. It's probably in court right now. You know, he also owns the black. Happy birthday.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, I don't listen. Because I. That.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he owns them both.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. That birthday. Yeah, I like that one. Yeah, I love all black. You saw like, Merry Christmas.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. What is that?

[Dr. Phil]

Well, it's like. Jingle Bells is good, right? Black Jingle Bells.

[Andrew Santino]

What is that one?

[Dr. Phil]

I don't remember.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you do.

[Dr. Phil]

You do.

[Andrew Santino]

I think you know.

[Dr. Phil]

Jingle Bell, Jingle Bells.

[Andrew Santino]

Really good.

[Dr. Phil]

No, that was bad. Cut that part out. I committed my throat crack. It didn't sound good. Why'd you set me up? Juicing Black Jingle Bells.

[Bobby Lee]

Happy Kwanzaa.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, shout out to Kanye selling shirts with swastikas on them. Dude, what are you doing?

[Bobby Lee]

He says that it's doing. It's the Hindu symbol.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that what.

[Bobby Lee]

He's not the Nazi thing? He said it's the Hindu and that we're all assholes. That he's just sending a Hindu symbol for freedom or crazy peace or whatever it is.

[Dr. Phil]

If you had a record company, would you sign them? Yeah, let's be. No, be real.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, you wouldn't.

[Dr. Phil]

I guess you're a startup.

[Bobby Lee]

You're starting to start up.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah. Record company.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I would.

[Dr. Phil]

You have no. You have no, like, band singer. No. You have signed nobody. You have no money.

[Andrew Santino]

He's the guy.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, right. And you're like. He goes, yeah, I'll sign with you. Would you sign him?

[Bobby Lee]

I would. I could separate the man.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would probably buy the Cosby show, too, you know?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

The backlog of it.

[Bobby Lee]

Do it all. I support black owned business.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's exactly Kanye. I got every Diddy. I got Diddy fucking oil.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

When I went on the website, I was like, there's no way this is real. When it was still up. And sure enough, it was there for $20.

[Dr. Phil]

But I have empathy for him.

[Andrew Santino]

I want you do.

[Dr. Phil]

Well, he's definitely going through some mental illness.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. You only get one of these.

[Dr. Phil]

No, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

He's done several times. No, dude, he's done this way too many times.

[Dr. Phil]

Wait, wait, so. But he has. He hasn't addressed his mental illness.

[Andrew Santino]

You get one Nazi explosion. No, you get one.

[Dr. Phil]

Where I come from, you get six. You get six Nazi explosions. Where I come from. Okay, so it's like, where I come.

[Bobby Lee]

From, you can't even. You can't even buy a condo unless you've had a Nazi.

[Dr. Phil]

Right, right. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

All these shirts, if we trace where they went, they all went to Staten Island.

[Bobby Lee]

That's it.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, but there's no. There's no empathy there. I mean, let's be real for a second.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, he's. But I get what you mean. But I agree with Andrew in the sense, like, if this was the first time he ever did this and he came out of left field, we'd be like, okay, let's get this guy to the hospital.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But this is like the 30th time he's done something like this.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He is a genius musically, though.

[Andrew Santino]

Sure.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Just like Hitler was a genius in speech. In free speech.

[Dr. Phil]

Right. But do you think that his mental illness do talent?

[Bobby Lee]

Huh?

[Dr. Phil]

Like, the reason why he, like, he's accessing things as. I don't. I don't know much about.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He's gone. I think this is him grasping for reality and grasping for relevance because he is so lost. He thinks this is how I. I get pop. Get a pop again. Dude, he did. He bit. He bit into the system. He dated the most famous woman in the world, made a family with her. And then when he realized that he wasn't really making music as much anymore and no one cared about his music because other artists overshadowed him, he was like, well, I need another pop. So he does this just to make noise again. So someone goes, so we're doing this. Kanye. Kanye. So it's out again.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's what it. Like, that's what his girl dress in that, like naked see through lingerie on the red carpet.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. He trolls her around naked. Look, open that up again.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at that.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, go back. No, no, no, go back. Carlos. This is. This is the. Stefano's buddy's post. So he posted Golf of America.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then zoom in. Mark Elias wrote, bring your beautiful butt back to Long Beach. Those are sort of handsome.

[Bobby Lee]

And we've always thought this guy may be kind of gay. And then so we said, hey, what about that? And then he just hasn't responded. That's so funny, because he thought he was just sent to the Gulf of America post.

[Dr. Phil]

Wow, what a dick.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. No, Kanye went. He went.

[Bobby Lee]

He went nuts. And then he wears the see through lingerie shift with his girl on the red carpet. And that's. That's what I'm going to wear in Kimmel tomorrow.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you doing, you know, Kimmel tomorrow?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm doing Kimmel tomorrow and I forgot I don't have an outfit. I'm just going to wear this.

[Andrew Santino]

Just wear that Are you doing stand.

[Dr. Phil]

Up or just a guest?

[Bobby Lee]

No, just a guest.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, cool.

[Bobby Lee]

Promoting my special on hulu comes out February 21st.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, that's.

[Bobby Lee]

Andrew's got a special coming out.

[Andrew Santino]

I know him, too. He did.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, and Bobby. And guess what? And hey, guess what? They. One comic a month. One comic a month for 12 months. And guess what? They gave me Black History Month.

[Andrew Santino]

God bless.

[Bobby Lee]

That should tell you something that they believe. They believe in me to get the black vote, not Roy Wood Jr. They believe in me.

[Andrew Santino]

When. When is Royce come out?

[Bobby Lee]

It already came out already.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So they could have given.

[Andrew Santino]

They could have switched you guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But, yeah, they could have given me my month. January 6th. And they said they gave it to Roy. They did a reversal.

[Andrew Santino]

They did a reverse.

[Bobby Lee]

Roy came out in January and I come out in February.

[Andrew Santino]

They're trying to break. They're trying to break the norms.

[Bobby Lee]

That's fine.

[Andrew Santino]

And I like it.

[Bobby Lee]

I like it.

[Andrew Santino]

I like it a lot. This guy's excited. He gets to shoot his special at the end of the year.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, where are you gonna shoot it?

[Dr. Phil]

I don't know what's going on.

[Bobby Lee]

Where are you gonna shoot it?

[Dr. Phil]

San Diego, I think.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Gotta shoot it.

[Bobby Lee]

Why in San Diego?

[Dr. Phil]

I'm from there. I was.

[Bobby Lee]

I know there.

[Dr. Phil]

I was raised there. I. I've been a little stressed out about. Because I've never done the special, so I'm, like, kind of trying to map it out, but it's hard.

[Andrew Santino]

You should shoot it at high. Yeah, I think that'd be the coolest thing in the world.

[Dr. Phil]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

At the school that didn't put you in the hall of fame?

[Bobby Lee]

You should shoot it on Hamburger Hill.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, in Vietnam.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that'd be sick, dude. With one of those big straw hats.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Poway High. We should shoot in the auditorium.

[Dr. Phil]

Somebody asked me, do you have a theme? Do you have a theme?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it? What do you mean, a theme?

[Dr. Phil]

Sounds like. Well, do you have a theme of your podcast, your special? I go, I need a theme.

[Bobby Lee]

No. I take my fucking clothes off and I dance around in my underwear for my clothes are what I do.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. I feel it. Is that attack?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, I think that doesn't attack, dude. Yeah. You have yellow teeth.

[Bobby Lee]

I do. You have yellow skin.

[Dr. Phil]

That's true.

[Bobby Lee]

I do have yellow.

[Andrew Santino]

I think you should remember when I first. When I first met you, you still were wearing those, like, boxer. Those tighty whities.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I think you should have a big, huge pair of underwear on stage, like stained underwear hanging like A massive one. And you're in the bald sack portion, and you come out of it.

[Dr. Phil]

It's me.

[Bobby Lee]

That'd be so.

[Dr. Phil]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

That'd be sick.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I met you used to wear tighty whities.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, I know. I kind of.

[Andrew Santino]

You still do.

[Dr. Phil]

I don't know what I'm wearing now.

[Andrew Santino]

When I met you. You did. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So you look good. You really do. You lost.

[Dr. Phil]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Look.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at your fucking junk, dude. You have a really, like, a relatively big penis and big balls. You have a big package overall.

[Dr. Phil]

Well, you have.

[Bobby Lee]

You're, like, optimum.

[Dr. Phil]

God bless you, sir.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you really do. And you're always very nice to me in the. And I remember when you took me out for sushi in New York. You're always very, very nice to me.

[Dr. Phil]

Well, you know, why?

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Dr. Phil]

And I have. I have a saying. I'm gonna make it up.

[Bobby Lee]

Go ahead.

[Dr. Phil]

When you see brethren in other.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, you got it.

[Dr. Phil]

Thank you. So. No, can I get it? When you see brethren with two peas in a pond within each other, you have to really. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Dr. Phil]

Don't you think, though?

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Dr. Phil]

But don't you think, guys.

[Bobby Lee]

I remember the very first time.

[Dr. Phil]

Put that as a shirt.

[Bobby Lee]

Poetic.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I remember the very first time I met Bobby. We met on the Opie and Anthony show, and he was very nice to me. And he sat down and took me out right after the Opie and Anthony show and talked to me about comedy and how this is really hard venture to do and congratulations for getting into it all and all this serious talk when just moments before. I'm Talking about maybe 15 minutes before, he was eating bulldick on Opie and Anthony. They had bull's penis, and he was taking bites out of it. And then he was telling me to take comedy seriously 15 minutes later at a TGIF Friday.

[Dr. Phil]

I remember.

[Bobby Lee]

I remember.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Everyone in the. Almost everyone in these photos are dead.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Wait, wait, really, Vic? Oh, yeah, Carl.

[Bobby Lee]

Unfortunately, that. Whoever that top magician guy is. Yeah, he's dead.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That top magician guy. You. Were you in the room with us when this top magician guy on Opie and Anthony.

[Dr. Phil]

I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

I forgot what his name was. But anyway, he has this trick where it's like, you know, like a magical card trick, whatever, and then, like, you're, like, blown away, and then you, like, points over there, and the card was, like, on the wall outside the studio. And so. And this is, like, his trick, but he's got, like, someone who helps him do it, whatever. And, like, it's all distractions and Club Soda Kenny. You guys know Club Soda?

[Andrew Santino]

Love it, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Club Soda Kenny, who was like the security guard for Opie and Anthony forever because he just doesn't like that shit. In While we were all distracted over here, Club Soda Kenny saw the helper put the card on the wall. Club Soda Kenny took him. The guy pointed up the ball and it wasn't that. Club Soda Kenny's like, I got the car. And he ruined this kid's life.

[Dr. Phil]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Dr. Phil]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Dr. Phil]

Shopify. You guys if you have business online. If you're not with Shopify, you die.

[Andrew Santino]

You die if you're not with Shopify.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, nobody does selling better than Shopify. Home of the number one checkout on the planet. And the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts Converse conversions up to 50.

[Andrew Santino]

That's exactly right. So if you're growing your business, you're at the beginning, you're way in the latter stages of it. Your commerce platform better be ready to sell whenever, wherever your customers are scrolling and strolling on the web in your store and their feed everywhere in between. If you're selling stuff the way we do, we sell merch to you guys, fan created stuff and custom stuff for you guys. We gotta use Shopify. That is the only way that this business gets your business.

[Dr. Phil]

When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof like Aloe or Allbirds or Skims, sure you think about a great product, a cool brand and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the businesses making, selling and for shoppers and buying simple for millions of businesses. That businesses is Shopify.

[Andrew Santino]

A lot of businesses. That business on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout as all birds and skims and aloe that they use. Sign up for your $1 per month trial [e-mail] bad friends. All lowercase.

[Dr. Phil]

That's shopify.com bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Go to shopify.com bad friends to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com badfriends.

[Bobby Lee]

You ever see, like, the World War II United States, like, generation? Like, Japanese propaganda? Like to be scared of them. Like how they would make Asian people. No, just Google, like, World War II Japanese propaganda. American. Look at the faces that they used to make on these people. I got. I hope we could find. They are. It's insane. I mean, this is one of them, like, bro. Little kids posters.

[Dr. Phil]

That's the most interesting. Look at that photo.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at that.

[Dr. Phil]

I can't even look at it.

[Chris Distefano]

You.

[Dr. Phil]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at what it says. Jeffy's so happy when this happens to you.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, my God. It's so racist. Give me another one. I love them.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's so. What does it say? Watch out for the driver.

[Dr. Phil]

Those are fine.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, that's insane.

[Dr. Phil]

That's insane, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Jappy. So happy.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I mean, yeah. They have so many.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't. Don't blab. Lose. Traps help the Japs.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what it is.

[Andrew Santino]

Loose traps help the jab. So don't go down.

[Dr. Phil]

Go down a bit.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Jesus.

[Bobby Lee]

There's a bunch of them.

[Dr. Phil]

Let's see if. Oh, my. What's with the teeth?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's what they would do.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, they all got veneers early on.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Is that Joe Coy?

[Andrew Santino]

Look at this. This is their big slogan. Open trap, make happy Jap.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, my God. Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, did you ever see that, like, from the 80s, that German?

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, my God. What was this?

[Andrew Santino]

This is the enemy. He's carrying, like, a pastel white woman.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

It's brutal.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Or just recently, in the 80s, there's that German commercial. It was going viral. German commercial about, like, washing a Chinese person. Like, they put. You ever seen that one? Yeah, it's crazy. I don't know if we could play it, but it was nuts.

[Dr. Phil]

Tokyo, they get bigger and bigger. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Wash up early. Rush outdoor. Give Jeff time for win war.

[Dr. Phil]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Jesus.

[Bobby Lee]

That's how we used to roll.

[Andrew Santino]

I'd like to meet this artist.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Does he. Does he do.

[Andrew Santino]

Can he do Bad Friends flyers?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Can he? Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, that's okay. That's my dad, but it is. Oh, yeah, there we go.

[Andrew Santino]

The propaganda stuff is.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, people are going to look back in 100 years, look at our propaganda. We just don't know ours yet. Right? I mean.

[Dr. Phil]

No, no, explain.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, we got to have propaganda out there that's so digital, under the radar, we don't even know it's happening.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I think is a big thing like that we're doing right now?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Dr. Phil]

Top Gun. Wouldn't that be considered propaganda for the military?

[Andrew Santino]

Top Gun, the movie?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Like, even the Navy gave Tom Cruise an award this year.

[Andrew Santino]

But not the new one. The old one. Maybe the new one just fodder now. Now, the OG Wanted, Secretary of the.

[Dr. Phil]

Minister of Defense, whatever his name, the guy from Fox wants the Top Gun people to do the commercials and everything.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, really.

[Andrew Santino]

The movie was great, right?

[Bobby Lee]

It really was.

[Andrew Santino]

It was so good. Dude, it was so good. Top Gun was. I went into it being like, is this going to be as good as Top Gun? The original? It was just as good.

[Dr. Phil]

Maverick. So good.

[Andrew Santino]

It was incredible.

[Dr. Phil]

It was so good.

[Andrew Santino]

And by the way, less. Less gay. Because the first one, the thing I love the most about it was all the gay stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And they took that out. Yeah, I took out all the gay stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

I would be edging myself every time the plane went up, and before they could pass out, I would just.

[Andrew Santino]

You would not. As soon as they brought a sound barrier.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that was me. As soon as they broke the sound barrier, I mean, it was.

[Andrew Santino]

This was a gay love story.

[Bobby Lee]

It was.

[Dr. Phil]

We've talked about Top Buck. Top Gun was.

[Andrew Santino]

Haven't we talked about this? This was a gay love story.

[Dr. Phil]

I never talked about it with you.

[Andrew Santino]

It's 100. A gay love story. It's an unrequited gay love story.

[Dr. Phil]

I never saw it.

[Bobby Lee]

That's why I thought Gun. Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Maverick. I didn't see the first.

[Andrew Santino]

Bottom Gum.

[Bobby Lee]

Bottom Gun.

[Andrew Santino]

You never saw the first one.

[Dr. Phil]

I saw Maverick. That was good.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. I'm shocked.

[Dr. Phil]

You know, Tell me about the gay story.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, look. I mean, look, they have these, like, beach volleyball scenes. And it's also this love relationship between Maverick and. And. And Goose. Right. No, then. And Iceman.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And it's like this beautiful, like, unrequited love story. They can't. They can't be in love. So he's got to pretend to like that girl.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, I saw this.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Dr. Phil]

I remember.

[Bobby Lee]

Could you imagine that girl? The woman who. Who was like in the first Top Gun, she just got so Old and out of shape that they just couldn't put her in the second one.

[Dr. Phil]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

What was her name?

[Bobby Lee]

They had to replace her with someone else. Yeah, that's gotta feel.

[Andrew Santino]

She looks great.

[Dr. Phil]

No, there was another photo. That's not, no, find a different one. There was one photo, I was like, what? Oh yeah. I mean she doesn't look bad.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that the girl that wrote Harry Potter?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But she was a dime, dude. I remember watching that being like the amount of movies that Tom Cruise made that I jerked off to like Jerry Maguire. I used to, I had that VHS all day.

[Bobby Lee]

That first one cubic Gooden Jr. Comes out naked.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, give me the money.

[Bobby Lee]

He's like, he's like, I'll air dry.

[Dr. Phil]

I'm like my favorite Rain Man. Rain Man.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, come on, Dustin. Jerk off to that.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, Martin. Sucks, right?

[Bobby Lee]

All day, dude. Yeah, Love jerking, by the way.

[Andrew Santino]

I just re watched Tropic Thunder.

[Dr. Phil]

So good.

[Andrew Santino]

I just watch it just traveling again. Maybe one of the best movies. Like maybe one of the funniest, funniest movies I've seen in years.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I give a confession? I've never seen it.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Dr. Phil]

What? Oh, you gotta watch it.

[Bobby Lee]

I gotta watch it. I'm gonna watch it in blackface.

[Andrew Santino]

He was so good in it though, so.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh yeah, he was so good. He was great in that. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, Tom Cruise, yeah, best.

[Andrew Santino]

The guy. Did you see his during the Super Bowl? He was, he did the, he did like the, one of the intros or whatever, whatever that was for the pre tape, you know.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh yeah, yeah, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

This guy, he's just saying a beautiful script and I'm in. He's the last movie star and he.

[Bobby Lee]

Grew his hair out. His hair looks exactly like Bobby Lee's hair right now.

[Dr. Phil]

I don't know. Timothy Chalamet is going to get there now.

[Andrew Santino]

This guy's the original movie star, Tom.

[Chris Distefano]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

This is the guy.

[Dr. Phil]

I, I, I know, but eventually. You think Timothee Chalamet is the future?

[Bobby Lee]

He is, he is. But I don't know that you can have a list movie box office success like Tom Cruise had. I don't know if any of that will ever happen again.

[Andrew Santino]

Google Tom Cruise, total box office.

[Bobby Lee]

And look at his hair.

[Andrew Santino]

It's got to. Let's take a guess. Hold on. Tom Cruise, total box office. I'm guessing he's upwards of billions. Yeah, I was going to say 5 or 6 billion.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I was going to guess $8 billion from total box office success across everything.

[Andrew Santino]

Go ahead, McCone, what is it? 12 billion.

[Dr. Phil]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

I got closer. What? I win.

[Dr. Phil]

That's insane.

[Andrew Santino]

A kiss from Fancy.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, great.

[Dr. Phil]

Love it.

[Bobby Lee]

You mean again, highest?

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, 12 billion.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, look, no shot at Chalamet. He'll never reach that. Only because the box office isn't earning like that anymore.

[Dr. Phil]

That's what I'm saying, though. But, you know, relatively. Though.

[Andrew Santino]

Sammy Jackson still topping the charts with 14 billion. Scarlett.

[Dr. Phil]

What? What?

[Andrew Santino]

Robert Downey. 14.

[Dr. Phil]

All the Avengers movies.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You got to remember, it's all. These are the friends. Oh.

[Bobby Lee]

Zoe Saldana know if you took away.

[Andrew Santino]

The superhero films, Tom Cruise is the only one. Right? And Tom Cruise is in. No. Well, arguably, he is the original superhero. Right, Right. It's hard to. He is, but it's not a. It's not a family franchise the way that Avengers is.

[Dr. Phil]

Avengers or Avatar.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, Avengers or Avatar. Another gay.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, here it is.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, no.

[Chris Distefano]

Ladies and gentlemen, Harry Potter and two girls, one cup. Yeah, seen them. Been there. What's up, Bob? Drew. Chris.

[Andrew Santino]

Dr. Phil. Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome Dr. Phil to the show. He just popped in. That is unexpected.

[Chris Distefano]

Had to put my tie on last time. I want to be clear. Can I get some more juice in the headphones? Bob? What's his name? The kid with the syndrome. What's his name?

[Andrew Santino]

Whatever you want to call him.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

What does your mom call you?

[Dr. Phil]

Fancy, huh? Yeah. Why?

[Chris Distefano]

What? You look like a make a wish kid. So fancy.

[Dr. Phil]

Wow, you're coming in aggressive. I love it, Doctor.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, last time I was here, I was riding a gummy. A THC gummy.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I think we can cut to a clip. Great. You don't have it. Okay, well, last time I was on a gummy, and. And I felt like I didn't bring it, even though the episode. I know. Got some downloads.

[Bobby Lee]

Hell, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And some uploads, but. But I just want to be more myself today.

[Andrew Santino]

Good.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Good.

[Chris Distefano]

Good to see you, Dr. Phil.

[Andrew Santino]

Great to see you. Are you. Are you someone that dabbles often in. In THC gummies?

[Chris Distefano]

I tried to. One time I took 80mg of THC CBD, though I was having some. My apnea machine didn't work, and so I popped in the. What I thought was cbd. Next thing you know, I'm taking my hoodie off, and I got stuck in it for four hours. I thought I was gonna die. I watched 19 episodes of Naked and Afraid. Fancy. I know you like that show, right?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to let you know, I don't know if you're aware you probably should be. And you're very worldly and knowledgeable.

[Chris Distefano]

I like to be on the Internet as much as possible.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. I heard our good friend Chris Estefano here sitting next to you.

[Chris Distefano]

Love you.

[Andrew Santino]

I know you guys know each other. He's playing Madison Square Garden in New York City on 9 11.

[Chris Distefano]

Boy, that.

[Dr. Phil]

Yep.

[Chris Distefano]

Not 10 was taken.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But, you know, here's what I love about you. Yeah, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like fucking your ex in front of your wife on Valentine's Day.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's what I did. That's what I did. And I, you know, it's 911 that the tickets are on sale. The pre sale code is Hamas.

[Chris Distefano]

We'll be right back. That is a great. First of all, I'm a big fan. I'm sitting here with three of the best comics working today. But the garden, that's, you know, I, I, I once got a hand job in a secret garden. Oh, yeah, well, it was the movie. But I was 15, you know, TMI, YOLO.

[Dr. Phil]

No, I just finally got 910 was taken. That was funny. Just got, just click.

[Chris Distefano]

I knew a couple that got married on 911 because it was, it was cheaper. Like, no, no rabbi or priest wanted to touch anybody or.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Or do a prayer because I thought it was an appropriate, inappropriate day. But, you know, time, you know, we've moved on, you know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Dr. Phil, I heard there's a rumor on the Internet that you're converting to Judaism.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, look, most rumors are true.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Remember when there was that rumor that Tom Hanks was snorting ibuprofen in the back of a Chuck E. Cheese?

[Andrew Santino]

I heard that.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, I remember that.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Well, you guys are good at improv. But, but my favorite.

[Andrew Santino]

I did say yes.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Yeah, we said yes.

[Chris Distefano]

What I'm saying we're yes and.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. What improv is.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Bob, I, you. And about that rumor, Andrew, is, look, I've been to quite a few bar mitzvahs. Only a few bat mitzvahs. I'd like to get more bat Mitzvah invites in 2025. But I've, you know, have I been to a circumcision? Yeah. Have I a fat Jewish gal? Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Have I had a kegel? Uh, or kugel? Kugel.

[Bobby Lee]

Cougar.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, I've had cougar, but Keegan, kugel is the noodle. It's a Passover. Uh, food. It's a passover.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It's the Jew food that's like, she fish, but oh.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, coogel.

[Chris Distefano]

It's like lasagna for Jews. It's called. I said kegel. We'll edit this out. I meant kugel. So I've done it all. So I figure. I figure, why not just jump in to the deep and without a life preserver. I've swam with sharks, you know, I've done a dolphin mating call just to impress a girl that I thought was a guy, you know?

[Bobby Lee]

Sure.

[Chris Distefano]

What's that?

[Andrew Santino]

We'd like to hear it. The dolphin mating call.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, this will be the first time I've ever done it live, so apologies if it's not spot on, but basically it was a girl that I thought was a guy. And my friend said, you know, he's really into dolphins.

[Dr. Phil]

Dr. Phil. I'm. I'm going to be a dolphin. I'll be a male do. I'll be a female do.

[Chris Distefano]

I love this. Okay.

[Dr. Phil]

Because I can. I can do that.

[Chris Distefano]

So. Okay. Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

I have the ability to, like, you know, trans, you know?

[Chris Distefano]

No, I've seen the dictator. You've got trans.

[Dr. Phil]

What? Not trans.

[Chris Distefano]

No, this. I didn't say. So let's just take it back a sec, Bobby.

[Dr. Phil]

Whatever.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Yep.

[Dr. Phil]

Can I. Can I just. Just.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Dr. Phil]

Ready? Right. Okay. That. That's it. That's it.

[Andrew Santino]

How good are we at improv now? Dr. F, welcome to the show.

[Dr. Phil]

I would actually love. Dude, have an improv group.

[Chris Distefano]

We should go. We should.

[Dr. Phil]

Amazing.

[Chris Distefano]

Here we go. We'll be the name of our. If this was the force. And by the way, people would come watch this for. Okay. Whether it was to change a light bulb or put our fingers inside of each other or take a suggestion from.

[Andrew Santino]

A crowd, I think it should be called doctor's orders.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my nice. Doctor's orders.

[Chris Distefano]

Come out. And Doc, you do about lab coat.

[Dr. Phil]

I think you do dolphin. Okay. No, no, that was.

[Chris Distefano]

Guys.

[Andrew Santino]

Never seen a dog.

[Chris Distefano]

That was a kid being trapped in one of those. Nordstrom Rat. You know, when kids used to hide under the clothes. That was the kid calling for his mom.

[Dr. Phil]

But there was a kid.

[Chris Distefano]

Shut up. There was a kidnapper under the clothes. Trying to cover. Go ahead.

[Dr. Phil]

But I. I don't remember when kids try to hide under the clothes. Clothes.

[Chris Distefano]

Why not?

[Dr. Phil]

I don't know.

[Chris Distefano]

Did you ever go do that?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, yeah, the department store, they had these rope. There's these circular.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, I did that.

[Chris Distefano]

Remember the rack of clothes?

[Dr. Phil]

I did that.

[Bobby Lee]

I did that. That's how I would hide from my mom's. Boyfriends.

[Dr. Phil]

Hold on.

[Chris Distefano]

Hold on a second. That's what I'm talking about.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Chris Distefano]

Preach.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait a minute.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Your mom, your dad owned.

[Dr. Phil]

I know. That's clothing. Yeah, I remember. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

What was it called?

[Dr. Phil]

Fashion Gal.

[Andrew Santino]

Fashion.

[Dr. Phil]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Let Dr. Phil sit with it, that Fashion Gal. You didn't ever go to a Fashion Gal?

[Chris Distefano]

Well, I did, but not to shop.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, that was good.

[Chris Distefano]

Now, what kind of clothes and women? Who was the clientele?

[Dr. Phil]

What was the fat, ethnic women.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep. I was going to guess that, but I want you to say Samoans.

[Dr. Phil]

Like Lane Bryant for, like, Samoans and stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

Got it.

[Chris Distefano]

Lane Bryant. Now, is Lane Bryant based on a. A true story? Like, is the. Is this shot? Is like, is that actually a. Some tube? Like, is there a real Lane? Like, if you're a woman, your name's Elaine. You're already over two.

[Andrew Santino]

Lane Bryant.

[Chris Distefano]

But Brian, it's like, I think Elaine Bryant. I think of Bryant Park. I think a Kobe Bryant. So I'm thinking of Big Stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, right.

[Andrew Santino]

There's Fashion Gal right there.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, my parents owned that.

[Chris Distefano]

You sure that wasn't a rubbing Tug?

[Bobby Lee]

But it looked like.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it really does.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, look at the font. That's Rubbing Tug. Font.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell me that's your dad's Jag out front. Did your dad drive a Jag?

[Chris Distefano]

No, that's my Mazda Miata to the right.

[Dr. Phil]

How is that on there? That's weird.

[Andrew Santino]

This is a photo of someone took this. A fashion gal who was a huge fan and sad that it's gone.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Fashion Gal.

[Andrew Santino]

Rest in peace, Fashion Gal.

[Chris Distefano]

And while we're at it, Rip. Betty White.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Chris Distefano]

Can we just in the last.

[Andrew Santino]

Is she dead?

[Dr. Phil]

No, she died.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, she died.

[Chris Distefano]

Pretty sure she is in that category of, like, her Bob Barker.

[Andrew Santino]

Also.

[Chris Distefano]

Rip.

[Andrew Santino]

Rip.

[Chris Distefano]

And look, it's not just the whites that are leaving us, but I think that there's something about what she did. Kid, almost 100, right? No, 101. I can't do math. What is that?

[Andrew Santino]

She's 99.

[Dr. Phil]

99, man. The other way around.

[Chris Distefano]

If you get to.

[Bobby Lee]

She died in Brentwood. She was killed by OJ what if OJ Was.

[Chris Distefano]

Wouldn't it be great if he was like, I swear I didn't do the first one, but this one was all me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I killed Betty White.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Unbelievable.

[Bobby Lee]

She's Fashion Gal. She would shop at Fashion Gal. 100%.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what I just saw today? MLE Cruz private plane crash.

[Dr. Phil]

I know today.

[Chris Distefano]

Into wood.

[Andrew Santino]

Nobody was on it. Into another plane. It. No, no. Somebody's girlfriend, Vince. Neil's girlfriend was on it. Oh, and the pilot died. They all lived.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, this is like the fifth plane.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm freaking the out.

[Chris Distefano]

What the hell? Look, I'm about to John Madden everywhere and just get on a Greyhound, buddy.

[Andrew Santino]

Seriously, he was smart.

[Chris Distefano]

He was very smart.

[Andrew Santino]

This just crashed. Was this today or yesterday? Why yesterday?

[Chris Distefano]

Like, they ran out of gas in the sky.

[Andrew Santino]

They landed. They landed. It's. It like skidded off. Something happened with the landing gear and it. Another plane and the pilot died. People on board did not die. And it was Vince's girlfriend. Is that what it says?

[Bobby Lee]

Did she die?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, they're all. They're alive. The pilot's the only one that died.

[Bobby Lee]

Just a pilot crew member killed when.

[Andrew Santino]

Small jet owned by Vince Neil crashed into plane upon landing in Arizona. But how does this happen?

[Bobby Lee]

How does this keep happening over the last.

[Andrew Santino]

See, I'm getting a little scared. It feels like way too. Well.

[Chris Distefano]

We fired everybody who works at the airport.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Builds planes.

[Andrew Santino]

That was on purpose.

[Chris Distefano]

Even the.

[Bobby Lee]

Even the gal at south while they were migrants.

[Dr. Phil]

Drones. Kidding. That. That's connected to drones and the planes going down.

[Andrew Santino]

Neil's girlfriend and her friend were arriving on the plane and were injured. I'm flying out to Boston tomorrow, so. This is exciting.

[Chris Distefano]

All right, let's change the mood. You guys seen Oppenheimer?

[Andrew Santino]

Love, love.

[Dr. Phil]

Good segue.

[Andrew Santino]

Dr. Phil. Loved it.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Really good along.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I'll watch anything with rdj. Robert, Danny?

[Andrew Santino]

Same. What about rfk? You watch anything with him?

[Chris Distefano]

I'm working on my RFK impression.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me hear it. Pretty good.

[Bobby Lee]

I like that.

[Chris Distefano]

Whopper Jr. It's not for me. I'm trying to lose weight. It's for the worm inside my head.

[Bobby Lee]

There was a comic. There was a comic the other night. All right, we'll cut that.

[Andrew Santino]

Doctor.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, you know what? Leave it in, leave it in. Clip it and I'll send it to him on Facebook.

[Bobby Lee]

There was a comic down, a black comic. And I. I don' Hear what else he said.

[Chris Distefano]

Godfrey.

[Bobby Lee]

But he goes. Yeah, probably. But he goes. He goes. He goes. Yeah. He was like, rfk. He was like. I like the. But he sound like he talking into a massage chair.

[Chris Distefano]

Wait, that's so funny. So funny. There's certain lines like that that are just so. Yeah, yeah, I'm a. I'm a big. Just like. I don't need to set up or a premise. Just give me something like that.

[Andrew Santino]

That give you some jazz like that.

[Dr. Phil]

That was jazz comedy.

[Chris Distefano]

One shot. Zinger.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, that Was jazz comedy.

[Chris Distefano]

Jazz.

[Andrew Santino]

Not just because he was a black comic? No, jazz comedy too.

[Bobby Lee]

100.

[Andrew Santino]

Mitch Hedberg was the king of jazz comic.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

That was a jazz comic. Are you gonna try. Are you doing stand up now, Dr. Phil? There's a rumor that.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, we're doing a live tour. Adam.com for tickets.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's that? Is that your agent?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, sounds like it. No, it's. It's just the producer of the show. He's also brings me crustables when I'm hungry.

[Andrew Santino]

Love.

[Chris Distefano]

But we're doing a big national city theater tour. Yeah, you can go ahead and cut to it right there. We're going to.

[Andrew Santino]

You put the. Go back.

[Chris Distefano]

Denver, Chicago, Boston, Atlanta.

[Andrew Santino]

You put your agent on the main page there.

[Chris Distefano]

He been with me. A hundred bucks sounds like a move. I'm pretty. You know, I got enough cash, so now it's just about helping others out.

[Andrew Santino]

You are flush with cash now, Dr. Phil.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, that guy. Go back there. This guy. Because that's your agent. That guy just looks like a gay dude from Seattle.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Normally they're like Jews Dewey guys, but this guy's just like, literally like a. A.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, you can be both. You can be jewy and gay like.

[Bobby Lee]

A gozzling homo from Seattle 1000.

[Chris Distefano]

Look at the way he's leaning on that thing. It's almost like he's leaning on a. Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, just to see it mouth.

[Chris Distefano]

He just saw a guy take his shirt off, you know?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

He's like, oh, look at that set of. Look at that.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, just like. He looks like he's just on his knees in the public market. He looks like he's the original Starbucks.

[Chris Distefano]

He looks like fancy was on the balcony and goes, would you like to suck my penis?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And then Adam goes, no, I' and then he kept pulling them down and he goes, on second thought.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, let it happen.

[Chris Distefano]

Let it happen.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

Anyway, big national theater tour. Yeah, great.

[Andrew Santino]

Go.

[Chris Distefano]

Surprise guests everywhere. They're all selling out. Just go get. Go get your tickets and bring your.

[Andrew Santino]

Family while you still can.

[Chris Distefano]

While you still can.

[Andrew Santino]

Dr. Phil. I'm surprised you're still doing this. You're touring around because. And you're going all the way till October.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, no, we go until about July. October is where I think I put my dates on Adam Ray Stand up dates. He's got a big fall Stand up tour. But the Dr. Phil show goes. Goes through July. I think we end in Reno, as you do at the Grand Sierra resort and Come Come Factory or whatever.

[Andrew Santino]

God, Bless.

[Dr. Phil]

Were we supposed to do Dr. Phil or.

[Chris Distefano]

No, I think you guys are. Well, the guests aren't announced, but you guys are on one.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, are we? I don't know.

[Dr. Phil]

Do you know?

[Andrew Santino]

I have no idea. We'll find out.

[Chris Distefano]

We'll find out. I was.

[Andrew Santino]

We'll be right back.

[Chris Distefano]

We'll keep her right here, but I think we can. We'll figure it out. You got to go to Boston tomorrow. And then once you get back from that, we'll talk down here.

[Andrew Santino]

We'll talk. Dude, I had a. I had a harrowing moment in ve. Honestly, one of the saddest things I've ever seen recently. I just got back yesterday. I'm sitting at a table, I was like, I'm going to gamble before I go do this gig. And I'm. I'm sitting at the table and this guy was so blacked out. And I mean, like, couldn't really. He was barely there. And I'm seeing him, I'm looking at his chip stack and I'm like, oh, my God, dude, he's got thousand dollar chips, right? And then he's got. He's got. The casino gives you credits, right? So they're throwing him $25,000 chip credits when he runs out of.

[Chris Distefano]

Because he's.

[Andrew Santino]

He's running out of money. He's just betting. He's not. He's smoking, he's laughing. He goes, who's a new guy to me? I go, hey, I'm Andrew.

[Chris Distefano]

I love this guy.

[Andrew Santino]

He goes, hey, I'm Chuck. I'm Chuck, man. And he's smoking. He's hitting on the wrong stuff. And then at some point, I said to the pit boss, I go, I gotta be honest with you. I think this is a little unfair. And he was like, what do you mean? I go, this guy's betting $10,000 hands, right? And he's doubling down. He's splitting them all, and he's losing four. I'm watching lose forty grand, eighty grand. I'm not kidding. Within let's just say ten minutes. Let's say ten minutes. Minutes. Quarter of a million bucks out the window. And he stepped, stood up, went and smoked. And I go, you're going to cut that guy off, right? And the p. Pit boss goes, we're familiar with him. He's going to be able to keep playing.

[Dr. Phil]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

I was like, are you just robbing this guy?

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're literally robbing this.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, I saw a guy blackout in the Tropicana rip got knocked down for a baseball stadium. To the Jesus most in Holy Ghost. But he. He was throwing his roulette chips across the casino. Oh, no, it was dice. He was doing crap caps. Threw his dice, blackout. Like, imagine, like, just being like. Like, what if you were, like, trying to mock a child, right? And the kid was like, do you have a quarter for the wishing well? You were like, yeah, and you had it. And then you go suck your own dick. You tossed it. That's the way he was throwing the dice. And the. The. The security went and got the dice, I swear to God, and put it back in his hand.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And I remember being like, he's. He doesn't know where he is. And they're like, yeah, but he.

[Dr. Phil]

He's.

[Chris Distefano]

He wants to double down.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why there's no state income tax in Nevada. Because of that country. Because of that guy's greatest country, world Dr. Phil. You really want to be engaged with something? Bobby Lee, a huge NFL football fan, big fan of the Super Bowl. He went out to Jake Paul's super bowl party.

[Chris Distefano]

I heard.

[Andrew Santino]

To party with Jake Paul.

[Dr. Phil]

How was.

[Andrew Santino]

Who won that game, by the way?

[Dr. Phil]

I didn't. I was on a plane back.

[Chris Distefano]

What did you watch?

[Andrew Santino]

You went for the super bowl party to not watch the game?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, I went to the. I got that plane back.

[Chris Distefano]

So you went to the party on what day?

[Dr. Phil]

Sunday.

[Chris Distefano]

That's when the game was.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So you left during it started.

[Dr. Phil]

I went, bye, bye, and I got on a flight.

[Chris Distefano]

So you walked in.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, because, you know, I. I went.

[Bobby Lee]

There is that dolphin. That was a dollar dolphin.

[Andrew Santino]

Here comes a lie. Dr. Phil, strap in.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, I can tell.

[Dr. Phil]

All right, so we went there to pod with him. And then, you know, when this party started, we got on a flight and we went home. Carlos was me. He could defend me.

[Andrew Santino]

What is he defending?

[Dr. Phil]

He. I wasn't there to do. Watch the Super Bowl. I didn't even know what the super bowl was.

[Chris Distefano]

You were there to drink Prime Shots with Jake Paul?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Yeah. I went and did a pod and then we left.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know what the super bowl is.

[Dr. Phil]

Well, I know what it is, but I don't know who was playing. I found out Sunday. The Eagles, Philadelphia and the Kansas City Chiefs.

[Chris Distefano]

Can you do an eagle? Yep. Pretty close.

[Andrew Santino]

That sounds like the dolphin.

[Chris Distefano]

It's like.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[Chris Distefano]

It's a dolphin trying to fly. Okay, that's very impressive.

[Dr. Phil]

Let me really try.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. No, no.

[Bobby Lee]

Could you do a Chief?

[Chris Distefano]

Well, this is gonna get.

[Dr. Phil]

Dad, I've never seen it. I've Never seen it. Oh.

[Chris Distefano]

Right here.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Yeah. Primeval. Do you see that?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Dr. Phil]

I heard it's so good, though, is.

[Chris Distefano]

I got a Jake Paul question.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Distefano]

Because I watched that fight with Tassin. And then, you know they're big on the promo videos, right? They put out a video of him and Logan being like, I. I was. I ra. I was born with this guy and now I want to kill him. And that I got. That got my attention, Chris.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Because I've been dying to see two brothers just fight to the death. You know, Luke and Owen Wilson. Been waiting for that to happen.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't know. Name another brother Combo.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, Macaulay Culkin and Kieran.

[Dr. Phil]

Kieran Culkin and Rory do three way. He let him go.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, what about Eric versus Lyle Menendez?

[Andrew Santino]

Love.

[Dr. Phil]

Love that they give him.

[Bobby Lee]

God. They blow their heads off. Loser gets their head blown off.

[Andrew Santino]

Shotgun to shotgun.

[Chris Distefano]

Alec and Billy Baldwin.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's a good one.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's Stephen. Where's Stephen in that?

[Chris Distefano]

He's with Corey Culkin or what's his name?

[Andrew Santino]

Rory Culkin.

[Dr. Phil]

Rory Culkin, yeah. David Hawking. Stephen Hawking.

[Bobby Lee]

What about. What about Barack versus Michelle Obama?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, that would be a good one.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, how about.

[Dr. Phil]

How about.

[Andrew Santino]

How about fraternal twins? How about, like.

[Chris Distefano]

How about conjoined? I'll raise you.

[Bobby Lee]

You.

[Dr. Phil]

I only know one. Britney.

[Andrew Santino]

Those girls.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Girls that are tied together, I'd pay.

[Chris Distefano]

Can I be honest? I pay upwards of $60,000 to watch them fight.

[Dr. Phil]

Was it Britney and Abby?

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Dr. Phil]

But it's. Who has the bigger head? That's the person that's going to win.

[Chris Distefano]

No, it's not true.

[Dr. Phil]

You do sidebots.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, that's very.

[Dr. Phil]

You have to do sidebots. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

All right, I take it back.

[Bobby Lee]

And what is it? One of them's married and one's not.

[Chris Distefano]

One of them's married, but they both get to get played with, I think.

[Bobby Lee]

Do they have one vagina China?

[Chris Distefano]

I think it's two.

[Dr. Phil]

No, they have one.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, let's go to a clip.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah. And also this. You know this, right? They control their individual arms.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Dr. Phil]

But they have individual legs, so they have to coordinate. Imagine.

[Chris Distefano]

So they're just constantly marching.

[Dr. Phil]

So one person going, right, right, right, right.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think they need to tell each other.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

I think they just know in their mind.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, sure.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Because they still got brains, Bobby.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There we go. Look at it.

[Andrew Santino]

Imagine one of them.

[Chris Distefano]

Here's a breakdown.

[Andrew Santino]

Not in the mood to hook up, and you just got to be there.

[Chris Distefano]

So here' what throws me off. One bladder, right. But. And one urethra. But two kidneys, two st. Okay. Two stomachs.

[Bobby Lee]

That's two stomachs. What are they like? Jeff Ross, September 11, 2025.

[Chris Distefano]

God, I like the way you advertise.

[Bobby Lee]

That's it, baby.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You go hard and then you go deep.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what it is.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Best.

[Dr. Phil]

So funny.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, that's. That is.

[Dr. Phil]

That is crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

So we should set up Dr. Phil. Present family feuds. Family fights. Family Real fights.

[Chris Distefano]

I. I would. Look, I'm trying to get out of the daytime game. I'm obviously in the nighttime game, but I would love to host a show. I tried to host Kids say the Darndest things.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we had this.

[Chris Distefano]

We had this kid on Nathan from, like, Burbank. Right. And he said the N word in the first 15 minutes, so. And he wasn't even using it in, like, a funny story or context.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, like Carlos does. Go ahead, Carlos.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Carlos, the floor is yours. Thanks a lot. Carlos.

[Andrew Santino]

Do one of those funny N word stories that you do all the time.

[Bobby Lee]

Question.

[Dr. Phil]

Hold on.

[Andrew Santino]

On. We have A question for Dr. Phil from the booth.

[Chris Distefano]

Fancy. Go ahead.

[Dr. Phil]

Do you have.

[Chris Distefano]

Take your time. Sound it out.

[Dr. Phil]

STK in San Diego.

[Chris Distefano]

Did I or would I. What the are you asking me right.

[Andrew Santino]

Now that you have dinner when Dr. Phil. This is actually recently. A really good question.

[Chris Distefano]

Recently in stk.

[Andrew Santino]

SDK, the steakhouse in San Diego. Did you have dinner there?

[Chris Distefano]

Well, I've had dinner with MGK at the Olive Garden. But let's go back to your question. SDK, the steakhouse.

[Dr. Phil]

I'll tell you what. He says it. We were at the STK in San Diego.

[Andrew Santino]

We were.

[Dr. Phil]

And the waitress. The waitress came up to our table and she was vaguely. Vaguely familiar with.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

She didn't know who we were.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I was trying to do it.

[Dr. Phil]

In a nice way.

[Chris Distefano]

How does that make you feel? Because you guys are pretty recognizable.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And they wouldn't care.

[Dr. Phil]

But what really bothered me, I took.

[Bobby Lee]

You thought it was Chuck Norris and Margaret Chell.

[Dr. Phil]

September 11th, fork in my hand. And we said, we're comedians. And she goes, you know who came in here was Adam Ray.

[Andrew Santino]

Love.

[Dr. Phil]

We love Adam Ray.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what she said.

[Dr. Phil]

And I took the. I went, what?

[Bobby Lee]

Dr. Phil's agent.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, my agent.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, your agent.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. He did go there. It was. Yeah, that's right. It was. That's near the Anda, right?

[Andrew Santino]

It's in the basement.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

The basement of the Andaz. And they have, like, shrimp tartar and they got real. They, like, light up. They put. They put a Roman candle in your Kobe beef or some. Yeah, it's all fireworks and charades and charades and charad smalls there. There's a lot of. There's a lot of fun flair. It's like an exciting time to be alive when you're there.

[Andrew Santino]

She loved. She loved Adam Ray.

[Chris Distefano]

She took care of her.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, Adam Ray was here. We loved. We loved Adam Ray. And then Bobby said, you know, look, we always leave more than 20%, but in this instance, he goes, let's just leave 20. Just 20 for this.

[Bobby Lee]

I respect that.

[Chris Distefano]

Do you like to eat out a lot?

[Andrew Santino]

Let's go. Let's go to the phones.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby likes eating out a lot.

[Dr. Phil]

I. Every meal is out.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, he doesn't cook.

[Dr. Phil]

I don't cook.

[Chris Distefano]

But do you order in or do you go out?

[Dr. Phil]

I usually postmates or doordash.

[Chris Distefano]

What's your favorite door dash order?

[Dr. Phil]

I have. Every day is a different day.

[Bobby Lee]

I love that, Bobby. You look like you eat a lot of chicken fingers and applesauce.

[Chris Distefano]

You look good, Bobby.

[Bobby Lee]

You do.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, it's a. You're saying that fat.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no.

[Chris Distefano]

You've gone like this last time I've seen you.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you don't understand. I'm saying that you have. You eat your fun the way you eat, and you eat like you're very young and youthful in the way you eat. You're not here eating quinoa, by the way.

[Chris Distefano]

Worst diet therapist of all time. You imagine sitting down with him, he's like, you're not fat. You're just. Your tits are getting longer.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You're not fat. You're just young.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Yeah. So I had another one of those vomits. So when we flew in from Miami, I wouldn't have got Chinese food. No, not because I took Ozempic. I mean, the wegovy way.

[Andrew Santino]

Govi.

[Chris Distefano]

Who's. Wait, what?

[Dr. Phil]

We Govi.

[Chris Distefano]

It's a Korean Ozempic.

[Dr. Phil]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Also, it's my Xbox screen.

[Dr. Phil]

So I was eating. I was sitting at my kitchen. Ozempicient, and I started eating. I started eating the food.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Dr. Phil]

And then I just.

[Chris Distefano]

Diarrhea?

[Dr. Phil]

No. The whole table was red vomit.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Did you black out when you.

[Dr. Phil]

And then I ran to the thing and I vomited all over the kitchen.

[Bobby Lee]

You were throwing up blood?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby.

[Chris Distefano]

Bobby. That's bad.

[Dr. Phil]

What happened to me when I landed, I went to McDonald's on Manchester and I threw up while driving on Los Angeles. Yeah. So what did we eat?

[Andrew Santino]

That's the last time we're going to PF Chang. I'll tell that.

[Dr. Phil]

Crab fried rice. Oh, that's why it was the crab.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you might have got the norovirus. They have that.

[Dr. Phil]

No, no, no. It was cr. Rice. Let's just say that.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah. Because that sounds scary. The noro. No, but we. I threw up, too. Did you really? Thank God. Because I was like, what the is going on?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

And the red was because of the Skittles. It wasn't that. Because no blood. Yeah. I had like, red licorice and Skittles. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Concerned about the blood there.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah. No, it's not blood.

[Andrew Santino]

Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you oh.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, boy. Bad friends. Happy birthday to you Five years.

[Andrew Santino]

We're five years old.

[Chris Distefano]

As of today.

[Andrew Santino]

Today.

[Dr. Phil]

As of today. This episode.

[Bobby Lee]

What kind of cake?

[Dr. Phil]

Carrot.

[Andrew Santino]

Carrots for me?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I eat it with my hands?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know he will.

[Dr. Phil]

We got it at the same supermarket that Bobby got his, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, go ahead.

[Chris Distefano]

Pregnancy test.

[Andrew Santino]

Beautiful piece there. Delicious.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you.

[Chris Distefano]

You really did eat it with your hand.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, wait. Make a wi. Let's do it together. No, you're sick. Go ahead and blow.

[Chris Distefano]

What you wish for.

[Dr. Phil]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Let me guess.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Jake. Paul.

[Andrew Santino]

One's not enough. One Paul brother is just not enough for you. Get in there. Dr. Phil. Would you like a piece of cake?

[Chris Distefano]

I'm came on Atkins. And now being. Being involved for anything for five years is a big deal. You. Look at you. You're like a drunk chick eating frosted flakes at 4am so five years.

[Dr. Phil]

Let's talk about the five years.

[Andrew Santino]

Five years. Pretty incredible.

[Dr. Phil]

Five years. I've never done anything for five years except for stand up.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I thought it was longer than five years, to be honest.

[Andrew Santino]

You played FIFA.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, that's true. That's right. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I thought it was much longer than five years. You only started, like, right in the beginning of the pandemic. That's right.

[Dr. Phil]

Exactly.

[Chris Distefano]

Congrats, guys.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you so much. We're very happy and we want to thank the fans very. Thank you so much for the ride, for this. It's been incredible. And also get that there's cake on your headphones. Herb. Good boy. Good boy.

[Chris Distefano]

This is closer. 9-11-LIT. Cake up.

[Andrew Santino]

He's going to eat carrot cake on.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going to eat. You know Bob Levy. Reverend Bob Levy. So you eat blue cheese?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going to eat carrot cake out of somebody's ass.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell me this. What's your.

[Dr. Phil]

What's.

[Andrew Santino]

What's on your rider for Madison Square Garden?

[Chris Distefano]

Great question.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Honestly.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

To be honest, I'm going to have a pizza from my local pizzeria. Joe and John's Pizzeria. Shout out. Joe and John's Pizzeria.

[Andrew Santino]

Staten Island.

[Bobby Lee]

No, fucking Ridgewood.

[Andrew Santino]

Ridgewood, Queens.

[Dr. Phil]

What was the place where you took us?

[Bobby Lee]

Us?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you in. That was in Staten Island. That was that restaurant, Staten Island. After. After we were at the apartment, we had pizza. We had pizza at that joint. And it's in a. It's in the. It's in an apartment complex. It was on the first floor.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. We went to Staten Island. Staten Island.

[Dr. Phil]

It was really good.

[Bobby Lee]

I forgot the name now. Damn it.

[Andrew Santino]

They love.

[Dr. Phil]

I always. That memory. I don't know why. It's ingrained in. I liked it.

[Andrew Santino]

I loved it.

[Dr. Phil]

That was a pleasant day.

[Andrew Santino]

Also a wonderful day that we had.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we did. That was a nice day.

[Dr. Phil]

It was a nice day in Pete.

[Andrew Santino]

Davidson's old apartment, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, I remember that.

[Dr. Phil]

I remember that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, yes. So that. That. But I want. I'm gonna have pizza, and I'm gonna have Gushers. Tequila Gush. No, not Gushers. Dunkaroos. Oh, we're gonna have Dunkaroos. And then I'm gonna have a cake from this German bakery that I love.

[Andrew Santino]

Kanye. I'm gonna own it.

[Dr. Phil]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, it's interesting you say that. It's a black forest cake. And the reason why I'm gonna have that. I think it's simple, dude. Sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

Just say forest.

[Chris Distefano]

No need to bring race into.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's insane.

[Bobby Lee]

Saying It's a Kanye forest cake. And I'm gonna. And I'm gonna have it because this actual bakery, which is from Ridgewood, Queens, which is a historically German neighborhood, when the.

[Andrew Santino]

Not.

[Bobby Lee]

Remember when the Nazis sold out the garden in 1937. This bakery did the catering, so it's symbolic.

[Andrew Santino]

That's insane. They sold out the Garden.

[Bobby Lee]

They did.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

They did. And as a m. That's going to be. My background is George.

[Andrew Santino]

Is this real Than not.

[Bobby Lee]

I swear to cry.

[Dr. Phil]

They did. They did.

[Bobby Lee]

Who was. They did.

[Andrew Santino]

Who was he? Gentlemen, this next guy coming to the stage towards colleges and clubs all over. Yeah, it's Hitler.

[Bobby Lee]

The man you came to see.

[Chris Distefano]

It's Hitler.

[Andrew Santino]

Guys, he's backstage right now. He can't hear you. Put your hands together. What is Hitler's Come out music what was his walk?

[Bobby Lee]

What did he.

[Andrew Santino]

What did he come out?

[Chris Distefano]

The Aqua Barbie girl.

[Andrew Santino]

He comes out.

[Bobby Lee]

He came out to a freak out.

[Andrew Santino]

Freak out. He loved Nelly. He was doing. If you want to go and take a ride with me.

[Chris Distefano]

I thought you meant Nelly Furtado.

[Andrew Santino]

There you go. Kanye breakfast.

[Bobby Lee]

He came out to Kanye.

[Andrew Santino]

He probably would.

[Chris Distefano]

What a w. What a wild guy, huh?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Only Nazi T shirts now.

[Andrew Santino]

They're gone, though. They took them down. We looked earlier in the podcast. They're gone. So we were trying to buy. Carlos wanted to buy one.

[Chris Distefano]

So now he's got no merch.

[Bobby Lee]

He doesn't.

[Andrew Santino]

Nothing. No, nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

But, yeah, he doesn't even have a website, but he still sells more.

[Andrew Santino]

But I did hear if you guys still want one of those swastika shirts, you can go to a Kill Tony Live. They are selling them there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Make my mustache fall off.

[Bobby Lee]

Dr.

[Andrew Santino]

I got to say this, of the five years we've been doing this show, little bit emotional reminiscing, please. It is genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, the greatest thing that's ever happened in my career. And I mean it without any joke. It's the greatest thing that's ever happened in my career, in my life. And thank you to the fans and thank you.

[Dr. Phil]

Thank you so much. So much.

[Bobby Lee]

We.

[Andrew Santino]

It means the world to us.

[Dr. Phil]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

No, that's all you guys are really. It really is amazing to see. I mean, change.

[Andrew Santino]

Change our lives.

[Bobby Lee]

You're the top pod.

[Andrew Santino]

We're not. We're just. We're just. We're humming along. And I'm the people that come along for this stupid ride with us. It's the best. It's the Most. It's the MO. You know, Dr. Phil, when you do shows, it's the best. The people that come along for the ride.

[Chris Distefano]

It's wild. It's. It's cultish. But what you guys have created isn't just a fun backdrop. You know, you got diversity. You got characters in the booth.

[Dr. Phil]

Booth.

[Chris Distefano]

The guest always has fun. The table is proportionate to your bodies. The live shows are fun. There's a pube shot every other night.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right.

[Chris Distefano]

The banter between you is maybe the best. And. And again, not to get emotional, maybe the best banter out there. There was a time when I was a big. Like, you ever watch Sharon, Lois and Bram?

[Andrew Santino]

Love Lois and Bram.

[Chris Distefano]

They had great banter.

[Andrew Santino]

Great.

[Chris Distefano]

And then here comes, you know, here comes Siskel and Ebert, man. But they were all on the wrong page. More often than not, you guys Always. Yes. And you support, but you also encourage and you divulge in a way that most people can't, you know, Chris, take it away.

[Bobby Lee]

You guys are. It's really amazing to see how you.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you for being a bad friend.

[Bobby Lee]

And you guys are.

[Chris Distefano]

Is that it? I thought we're gonna sing a song.

[Andrew Santino]

We do. We have to sing a song to end the show? No, we do have to sing a song. Chris gets the verse, and then Dr. Phil, and then you and I will close it out. So, guys, this is a bad Friend song. To thank the bad friends for coming along for this ride with us and two of our very good friends and. And special guest, Chris Estefano. A special out on Hulu, and he's playing Madison Square Garden, September 11th. Please go see him. New York City and the surrounding areas. Go see our boy. And Dr. Phil, of course, represented by Adam Ray, his. His agent, Adam Ray, comedy. They're both on tour. They're never going to overlap. Two separate entities. You won't catch them in the same room. We love them both very much. Go ahead and take it away, Chris Estefano.

[Bobby Lee]

So just a song about bad friends. The five years.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't need to explain it, man. You should just be able to.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Love to see bad friends. You brought together United States and Korea. And it said it couldn't be done but you did it hun Dr. Phil.

[Chris Distefano]

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You walk into a store late at night looking for some gum and a Jew on ju fight. But you don't, you don't know what you got into. So you fill your car with gas. You get your ass kicked by the guy at the front I don't have it station. Cause he ran out of condom. And you're looking to fuck. So you gotta drive home with a boner filled with cum. Oh, mom, what have I done? I've got nothing on the radio, so I'm gonna turn on my favorite show. Bad.

[Dr. Phil]

Bad.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you for being a bad friend.

[Dr. Phil]

This is a 5050 podcast.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, go ahead.

[Dr. Phil]

And I feel like you're. You think that you're the captain of the ship.

[Andrew Santino]

I am.

[Chris Distefano]

We're.

[Dr. Phil]

We're. No, we're like the lighthouse. We're the two dudes in the lighthouse.

[Bobby Lee]

Turn it off.

[Chris Distefano]

Turn it off.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, it's off.

[Dr. Phil]

All right. If I was that Asian lady, I'd already.

[Bobby Lee]

I going to chop, chop, chop, chow down.

[Andrew Santino]

Take chow down to Chinatown. I almost a ninja. She almost a ninja. Oh, are you cleaning a knife?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

What is that for?

[Andrew Santino]

I just Bought it. Bought it.

[Dr. Phil]

What? What? What? Would it be funny if I. You ate. You and I walked across to the island as a resort. But I want to say this right now, for the record.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Okay. I like it. You look good doing.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. I don't hate. I'm going to do it again.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't.

[Dr. Phil]

This is great.

[Andrew Santino]

Anytime.

[Dr. Phil]

Anyway, I'm going to get you, for the record, finance advice.

[Andrew Santino]

Finance advice. He. I just saw Matador in my head pull a finance advice.

[Dr. Phil]

Koreans didn't have slaves.

[Andrew Santino]

Did Koreans have slaves?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Google that.

[Andrew Santino]

We were the longest unbroken chain of slavery of any society in history. Spanning 1500 years off.

[Dr. Phil]

That's not what it says. Had the longest unbroken chain of slavery of any society in history. Holy. Not gay no more. I am delivered.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, I have a question. When you.

[Dr. Phil]

When you.

[Bobby Lee]

When you were my age.

[Chris Distefano]

Age.

[Andrew Santino]

And you were pooing, does your, like, bleed a lot?

[Dr. Phil]

Let it sink in. Just let that sink in.

[Andrew Santino]

Who are you gonna vote for?

[Bobby Lee]

D O N A L D T R O U M P. No.

[Andrew Santino]

See, it's some fish I cooked earlier. That's why it smells over there. It's not because of young black men's bodies rotting in the fridge.

[Dr. Phil]

A sex company, Taboo, announced a new line of vibrators with removable batteries. Finally. I'm not gonna have those embarrassing moments at tsa. Jules, you have to.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that is a game.

[Bobby Lee]

We do one word.

[Chris Distefano]

You do one word?

[Dr. Phil]

Jules.

[Andrew Santino]

Word. One word.

[Dr. Phil]

One word. Everyone says one word. Is that what it is? Not the sentence.

[Andrew Santino]

You say one word, and then you try and keep the cadence of an actual story.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Yeah. You want to try that?

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Just a word.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. See, just. Jules, you're playing number one and number two. This is how it works.

[Andrew Santino]

No, this is how you works.

[Dr. Phil]

We'll be right back. Who celebrates Thanksgiving on the second Monday of October?

[Andrew Santino]

Who celebrates Thanksgiving?

[Dr. Phil]

You know what?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Dr. Phil]

Why'd you raise your hand?

[Andrew Santino]

Because I want to go first. Go ahead. Ahead. Go.

[Chris Distefano]

Jews.

[Andrew Santino]

How.

[Dr. Phil]

That's definitely.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, that's the show.

[Dr. Phil]

We're cancelled.

[Andrew Santino]

Well.

[Dr. Phil]

Well.

[Bobby Lee]

Jews.

[Andrew Santino]

That kid is Chinese. On the right.

[Bobby Lee]

Definitely.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, That's.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no doubt in my mind, but.

[Dr. Phil]

We need a test.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at that. If you saw him on the street, go, who's that little Chinese kid?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Like, he looks like a Chinese guy's that sells pineapples in the black market. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I tell you that a few episodes.

[Dr. Phil]

Can I tell you about the totoi?

[Andrew Santino]

She Chinese, too?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah. Is that your Asian accent?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Dr. Phil]

Why are you doing this?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know why I'm turning Japanese.

[Dr. Phil]

Whoa. The grizzly animal in Chicago. Your mom. Well, it's just a joke. Relax.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, my mother's very pretty.

[Dr. Phil]

She's a beautiful woman.

[Andrew Santino]

Unlike your cross eyed mother.

[Dr. Phil]

Don't you. You don't have to fucking get.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not Bobby Mata. I'm Bobby mom.

[Dr. Phil]

I'm a simple.

[Andrew Santino]

You be simping hard.

[Dr. Phil]

Hard.

[Andrew Santino]

Out of a failed hope of winning some entitled sexual attention. Oh, that feel good.

[Dr. Phil]

So now I don't have to feel bad for your little heartbreak.

[Andrew Santino]

Fuck you, Mr. Herrera.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

What? What is it?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. How far away is this private investigator?

[Andrew Santino]

Take it on an iPhone. Four feet away. Like. Look Bobby in the eye right now. Let's see your confidence level. Tell him to go himself. Look him right in the eye and say, go yourself. Do it.

[Dr. Phil]

Go yourself.

[Andrew Santino]

Whoa. That was so believable. I love it, man. This is good. I like this new rude.

[Dr. Phil]

Do more. Do more.

[Andrew Santino]

Look, I'm right in the. And do it. You're a fat piece of ready do. Ready for another one. You're not my blood and I don't respect you at all. Oh my God. It looks so real when she says it.

[Dr. Phil]

Wow. That was a good one. That was a good one. No, one. One more one.

[Andrew Santino]

You want another one?

[Dr. Phil]

One last one for the roast. I like it, I like it, I like it. I can't wait till Atikalila leaves you.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that one hurts. That one stung. He's getting hit a little bit. Wow.

[Dr. Phil]

I'm in the middle there. Look.

[Andrew Santino]

Zoom in, zoom in, zoom in.

[Dr. Phil]

Ancient crane technique. If too right. No can defend. Hey, how tall are you?

[Andrew Santino]

About three.

[Dr. Phil]

Three. There's no way.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Dr. Phil]

Who's taller to you or I?

[Bobby Lee]

That's a good question.

[Dr. Phil]

I'm five'two yeah, I'm five'two yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dr. Phil]

Bro, you. Bro. You're five foot.

[Chris Distefano]

No, don't do that.

[Dr. Phil]

And then I plug in my iPhone. Whatever. I have a phone, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Samsung. Samsung.

[Dr. Phil]

Okay. Gotta be Samsung. All right. Samsung. Yeah. Does it matter what kind of TV I'm looking at?

[Andrew Santino]

Or Toshiba.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I assume just by your thinking, I'm wearing a kimono.

[Andrew Santino]

100. What else would you be wearing at your house?

[Dr. Phil]

So just. All right.

[Andrew Santino]

Out in public.

[Dr. Phil]

You have street clothes, right? Kimono. I have a sword.

[Andrew Santino]

A sword. And your hair is in a bun. Must be. And what's in it? What's holding your hair up?

[Dr. Phil]

Chopsticks.

[Andrew Santino]

Chopsticks. That's correct. Oh, you racist fuck.

[Dr. Phil]

All right, so you're what, for some reason.

[Andrew Santino]

For some reason.

[Dr. Phil]

For some reason, I'm wearing regular clothes.

[Andrew Santino]

You're wearing regular clothes at the liquor store.

[Dr. Phil]

But when I get home, there's got to be a montage where I put the cocoa.

[Andrew Santino]

You ever kiss someone of the same sex? Yes, I do it all the time. Once or twice. No way. Or I love kissing people regardless of their sex.

[Dr. Phil]

Third.

[Andrew Santino]

No way.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You've never.

[Dr. Phil]

You've sucked a dick, but never.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, why can't we make that the same thing?

[Dr. Phil]

They're not the same thing. They're not the same thing.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. You went to third base instead of first.

[Dr. Phil]

So sensual.

[Andrew Santino]

They're saying, did you ever hit passion? They're saying, did you ever hit a single? And you're like, well, I got a triple.

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah, that's not what the question is. Over the years, and you may disagree with me, I have learned a little move called dodge.

[Andrew Santino]

You think you're quick enough to dodge a elephant?

[Dr. Phil]

Yeah. Let me ask you this, right? You think they're. You think they're like a race?

[Andrew Santino]

An elephant kill you? You didn't even move.

[Dr. Phil]

So I'm in the patio.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm like, make me go all the way around.

[Dr. Phil]

That's not the point.

[Andrew Santino]

You're gonna make me go all the way around. You're gonna make me go all the way. All the way around.

[Dr. Phil]

Oh, no. You're gonna make me go all the way around. Daddy, I love you. Daddy, why you die Time. Happy Father's Day, Daddy. Daddy fly.

[Andrew Santino]

Daddy, I miss you. Why are you dead?

[Dr. Phil]

Daddy, I need you.

[Chris Distefano]

I need your laying on your bed.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm sorry. I took photos of you while you were dead and sent it to the Hudson. What was in my head? You were dead and I whipped out my phone. I can't fucking believe I did that shit. I'm all, no longer miss you, dad.

[Bobby Lee]

It.