Big Head, Little Body w/ Chris Distefano

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bad Friends – Episode “Big Head, Little Body” with Chris Distefano

Introduction

In this lively episode of Bad Friends, hosts Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino engage in their signature blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and cultural commentary. Joined by special guest Chris Distefano, the trio navigates a myriad of topics ranging from sports preferences and cultural heritage to personal struggles and historical insights. The episode, titled “Big Head, Little Body,” exemplifies the casual yet engaging dynamic that fans have come to love.

Opening Banter and Promotions (00:00 – 01:07)

The episode kicks off with playful banter between Bobby and Andrew, interspersed with shout-outs to sponsors and upcoming events. Promotional segments highlight the Scary Times USA live show and merchandise available for fans. Bobby teases Andrew with humorous jabs, setting a lighthearted tone for the episode.

Sports Preferences and Cultural Jokes (01:07 – 06:00)

The conversation transitions smoothly into a discussion about sports, revealing differing preferences between the hosts. Bobby dismisses hockey in favor of soccer, leading to a humorous exchange about Zlatan Ibrahimović’s physical attributes.

Notable Quote:

Bobby (01:35): "He’s a big mother."

The hosts delve into playful teasing about physical traits, demonstrating their ease in joking with one another. This segment underscores the camaraderie and mutual respect between Bobby and Andrew.

Personal Relationships and Conflicts (06:00 – 17:00)

The dialogue takes a more personal turn as Bobby recounts an unsettling incident from the previous night involving unexpected intimate gestures. The discussion reveals underlying tensions and the complexity of their friendship dynamics.

Notable Quote:

Andrew (03:27): “We just do that. We just do that.”

This segment highlights the challenges of maintaining friendships amidst misunderstandings and differing personal boundaries.

Cultural Heritage and Historical Perspectives (17:00 – 35:00)

Bobby and Andrew engage in an extensive exploration of their cultural backgrounds, particularly focusing on Asian heritage. They discuss the origins of the Jomon people, the evolution of civilizations through conflict, and the contributions of various Asian cultures to modern society.

Notable Quotes:

Bobby (18:30): "All mammals give birth through the vag."

Andrew (19:04): "You think you would go back, you would get knocked back into Korea."

Their conversation blends historical facts with humor, providing listeners with insightful yet entertaining perspectives on cultural identity and historical events.

Mental Health and Personal Struggles (35:00 – 48:00)

The hosts bravely delve into personal territory, discussing traumatic family experiences and the profound impact these events have had on their lives. Bobby shares a poignant story about his father’s passing, illustrating the depth of his emotional struggles.

Notable Quote:

Andrew (34:51): “That was beautiful. It was unbelievable.”

This candid discussion fosters a sense of vulnerability and authenticity, allowing listeners to connect with the hosts on a deeper level.

Social Dynamics and Networking Challenges (48:00 – 60:00)

Transitioning back to lighter topics, Bobby and Andrew discuss the challenges of social interactions, particularly in the context of show business. They humorously recount experiences at parties and interactions with celebrities, highlighting Bobby’s discomfort in social settings.

Notable Quote:

Bobby (65:40): “You’re so dumb right now, dude. You’re really upsetting the shit out of me.”

Their exchange underscores the difficulty many face in balancing public persona with personal comfort in social environments.

Cultural Inventiveness and Stereotypes (60:00 – 75:00)

The conversation shifts to a playful yet critical examination of cultural inventions and stereotypes. Bobby and Andrew mockingly rank various Asian cultures based on perceived contributions to technology and society, interspersing their analysis with humorous inaccuracies and exaggerated claims.

Notable Quote:

Bobby (73:09): “They invented Fanta.”

While the segment is rife with exaggerated statements, it serves as a satirical commentary on cultural appropriation and the oversimplification of complex cultural contributions.

Closing Remarks and Promotions (75:00 – 79:30)

As the episode nears its end, Bobby and Andrew return to promotional content, advertising upcoming shows and merchandise. They reflect on their discussions, reiterating their comedic rapport and the value of their friendship despite the humorous conflicts and disagreements that arise.

Notable Quote:

Bobby (79:29): “Thank you for being a bad friend.”

Andrew (79:30): “Thank you.”

Conclusion

This episode of Bad Friends exemplifies the show's ability to blend humor with meaningful conversations. Through their interactions with Chris Distefano, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino offer listeners a multifaceted experience that balances lighthearted jokes with genuine discussions about culture, personal struggles, and the intricacies of friendship. The inclusion of notable quotes and timestamps provides valuable insights into the flow and key moments of the episode, making it a memorable installment for fans and newcomers alike.

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Key Themes:

1. Friendship Dynamics: The playful banter and occasional tensions between Bobby and Andrew emphasize the complexities of maintaining close relationships.
2. Cultural Identity: Extensive discussions on Asian heritage and cultural contributions highlight the hosts' exploration of their backgrounds.
3. Personal Struggles: Candid conversations about family trauma and mental health add depth to the comedic exterior.
4. Historical Insights: Bobby and Andrew provide humorous yet informative takes on historical events and cultural evolution.
5. Social Interactions: The challenges of networking and public appearances are humorously dissected, reflecting common experiences in the entertainment industry.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Andrew (03:27): “We just do that. We just do that.” (Addressing personal relationship dynamics)
• Bobby (18:30): "All mammals give birth through the vag." (Discussing biological traits)
• Andrew (34:51): “That was beautiful. It was unbelievable.” (Reflecting on a personal experience)
• Bobby (65:40): “You’re so dumb right now, dude. You’re really upsetting the shit out of me.” (Confronting a social faux pas)
• Bobby (73:09): “They invented Fanta.” (Mocking cultural stereotypes)
• Andrew (79:30): “Thank you.” (Expressing gratitude in closing remarks)

This detailed summary captures the essence of the Bad Friends episode, providing an engaging and comprehensive overview for those who haven't tuned in.

Transcript

[A]

This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huell. Your go to for complete Nutrition Try Huel with 15 off today using code bad [e-mail] Bad friends.

[B]

Hey, everybody.

[C]

It's Scary Times USA with bad friends. Bad Friends. And we have shirts. We have hoodies.

[A]

We have hoodies.

[C]

We got the posts.

[A]

And if you get. If you lose, you lose.

[C]

If you lose, you lose. And everybody says, hey, man, what is this? It's a live episode. It's not a live event. It's not taking place. We're doing it here. Watch it.

[A]

We communicate.

[C]

Moment co slash Bad Friends. And we can Moment co slash Bad Friends. This Thursday at 6pm Pacific St. Pacific Standard Time. Bad Friends presents.

[A]

Check it out. Scary Times USA Moment Bad Friends.

[C]

It is pretty cool. Get a shirt, Get a hoodie. Come join us. 6pm for bad friends. Scary time USA.

[A]

You two are bad friends.

[B]

Who are these two idiots?

[A]

White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something.

[B]

We're bad friends.

[A]

You like to do Batman?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, but no. Probably football. American football.

[B]

Yeah. Baseball.

[A]

Baseball. Basketball.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's your thing.

[B]

Yeah. Not hockey. I don't really do hockey.

[A]

Yeah, I don't do hockey either. I only do soccer. Yeah. And do you know why? Because I'm.

[B]

Because you have little feet.

[A]

Dude. Dude, you want to tell Zlatan Ibrimovic that he has little feet?

[B]

Dude, I will tell him that.

[A]

Dude, dude, he's got six foot nine feet. Dude.

[B]

He's a big mother.

[A]

He's a big guy. He's not 6 foot 9, but he's tall.

[B]

Do you know him?

[A]

No. Dude, if I saw him, I would melt.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I would be like, oh, I don't know what to say to you. You're from Sweden.

[B]

You think you would go back, you would get knocked back into Korea.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Like Korean accent you would say, I don't know what it is.

[A]

Yeah. Whenever I'm around a celebrate, I go back to, you know, Korean.

[B]

Korean guy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But you look good. I saw you yesterday.

[A]

Jomon.

[B]

I'm sorry, I. You didn't take.

[A]

Oh, no. I tell you what you did last night, it was bullshit.

[B]

Tell him what it tell out of pocket. Yeah.

[A]

And insincere and deceptive and created chaos within my own life.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Right. And I don't like it. I don't like when you come into town and you create chaos.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And with your diabolical. If you don't get me one, dude.

[B]

Chrissy. Cass. Thank you.

[A]

I got you this new, like, it looks like all cream, dude.

[B]

Gonna be great.

[A]

Oh, you know, lactose intolerant, though. You still drink lactose?

[B]

Thank you. It's gonna be good.

[A]

It's all cream, dude.

[B]

I like Carlos. Carlos got a. Carlos is in good shape on top. He's got a chubby little butt.

[A]

Dude, he's got. Not a chubby to. But it's a Brazilian butt situation.

[B]

But, you know, Carlos has got a butt like. Like a toddler.

[A]

But I've never seen a toddler's butt. But I'm taking your word.

[B]

If I pulled out a picture of my 3 year old's butt and Carlos, you wouldn't know which one is. Yo. It's just that. It's just.

[A]

How many kids do you have again?

[B]

Three kids.

[A]

Three kids?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is one of the butts of your kids not good?

[B]

What? My. No, they all got good butts.

[A]

From you?

[B]

Yeah. No, no, from their mom. Their mom. Their mom has a really good butt. And all my kids were born with tattooed lips on their ass cheeks.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

You like that?

[A]

Do you request that or.

[B]

No, Genet, it's genetics. Whoa.

[A]

Can we go back to last night?

[B]

Yeah, let's go back.

[A]

So I'm at the improv. I'm sitting there with some people, a couple of girls, some guys. You know, my agents are there too.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

And their assistants. Yeah, yeah. And you come up from behind, and then you kiss me on the cheek, and then you try to kiss me on the lips, and then you just kind of leave. Right. And I had to explain, it took about 20 minutes to tell people that we're not gay lovers. I go, no, dude, I'm not gay. They're like, dude, that seemed like, super intimate. And like, you're gonna see your husband later tonight. I go, he just does that. We just do that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just. Next time you do that in front of strangers.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You need to explain to people that this is not just a heterosexual.

[B]

But then I said. But then I said to you. But then I said to you. Because you told me you were sad. And then. And then I. What I did was when I was kissing you and then I slapped you a little bit, and I felt like I slapped you too hard.

[A]

No, it wasn't her.

[B]

Because I wrote to you and you never wrote back. I said, sorry, that last slap was unintentionally too hard.

[A]

No, I know that. That's. And I was mad at the slap.

[B]

I said, I love you.

[A]

It's the kisses that.

[B]

Call me if you ever want to talk.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And then I prefer slaps and kisses, but. Okay.

[B]

But I just. Because I felt like, you know, like we have a thing where, you know. Because I kissed you once on the head because I really missed you and then I liked the way it felt, so I kissed you more and that's what it was.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I know. But just kiss me once. Even the king gets kissed on the cheek once.

[B]

One time.

[A]

I mean, if as a peasant, if I got to kiss the king.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'd want to kiss him more.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I would only kiss him once.

[B]

And then I kiss. And then. You were sweating. Was warm out yesterday. And then I tasted cabbage on my lips for the whole. The rest of the night.

[A]

Ye. Pickled cabbage.

[B]

Kimchi joke.

[A]

Kimchi joke. That was a really good joke.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Because most people just said kimchi, but I want to go to the root.

[A]

Yeah. Jomon. You know what Jomon is?

[B]

Jamon is. Oh, let me guess. J O M O N. Jamong is.

[A]

I would say that black guy's name.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Pickled cabbage sliced up in a pan with egg. Then you put it you with egg and grated cheese. Then you mix it in to dough and you kind of make like a healthier bread. That's.

[A]

It's not a food.

[B]

Oh, Jamon Jackson.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's one of the. No, Jamon wayans. It's the 12th. Wayne's brother.

[B]

What is Jamon? What is Jamal?

[A]

Well, I found out that Jamon's were the Koreans before the Koreans and Japanese before the Japanese.

[B]

Really?

[A]

And they didn't look. They didn't look Asian. So what they look happened? They kind of looked like. They kind of look like. Let me guess, like Chris O'Donnell or.

[B]

Okay. Oh, Robin from Batman and Robin. Crystal, he's gay, right?

[A]

What?

[B]

Chris O'Donnell is gay.

[A]

He's why he was gay in the movie.

[B]

Well, Robin is gay.

[A]

That was the gayest.

[B]

Yeah, Robin is.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't think he's Robin gay. I think so because he's wearing pink and yellow and I mean red and yellow.

[B]

He's just kind of like a sidekick kind of.

[A]

Well, Robin's a gay bird, right? They should have picked a different.

[B]

They should have picked a different bird.

[A]

Like what's. Like, what's a good one? Bird of paradise.

[B]

Yeah. Or like a seagull.

[A]

Moray. Go more gay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, a seagull. Look at. Don's gay, right? Don de is my friend.

[A]

I like Don a lot.

[B]

Comes a lot.

[A]

Did him and I. Dude. We have a connection.

[B]

But you don't see him. If he doesn't come with me, you don't see him.

[A]

Yeah, no. Yeah. Of course not.

[B]

No. Yeah.

[A]

He's like, what?

[B]

But he wants to always reach out, and he doesn't feel comfortable if he could reach out to you and Santino. I told him he can.

[A]

Yeah, but why would you want to reach out?

[B]

He wants to hang out. He gets lonely here, and he only sees you when.

[A]

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Weren't you the one that. Back in the day.

[B]

So.

[A]

Can I ask you a question?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wasn't the guy the last time that got us covered?

[B]

Yes, that's him. Yeah, that's him.

[A]

Done. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, that's on. And I gotta.

[A]

He switched his stuff because he wore. He thought, oh, I'm gonna grow this mustache to make it look more. You know. I mean.

[B]

But he just grows the mustache. He doesn't grow the beard. He. I told him it doesn't look good. Yeah, it looks like Yosemite Sam, but. Yeah. Yeah, but gay. From Hollywood.

[A]

Yeah. You still do stand up.

[B]

Oh, but you. You were supposed to come tonight, but you're not going to come now. You said. You told me the other day.

[A]

You tell you what. I got invited to something else.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

Well, I got invited to a party that I never get invited to, and I think I have to go politically.

[B]

What? What. Who's. Can we. Can you tell. Tell me.

[A]

Well, yeah, I can tell you, but, you know, why. Why are you smiling?

[B]

Carlos is about to give you a black eye like he gave his kid one. Yeah. No.

[A]

It'S this guy Sonny. You know Sonny. He's a beef.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

Right. And so, you know, Ali, all these.

[B]

Guys are the Asian community.

[A]

Yeah. They're gonna go, and I missed the last year, and I, you know, got invited this year, and I was like, I should go.

[B]

Is there one of them that you want to get out, though? Like, between. Like.

[A]

I don't want to go to any of them. I don't want to go to any of them. I go to. I went to that one event a couple. Two months ago. Was it Asian Excellence? No, not the Asian Excellence. It was like the Golden. You know, I mean, Phoenix or whatever they had.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And I went downtown, they gave me a shitty table. I'm with Margaret Cho. All these fucking people, all the cool Asians get in the front, and I got to sit there and watch presentations and see Michelle Yao's back of her head.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I don't want to do it anymore, man. I want to be around my people, my white. Dirty whites. I'm a dirty white more than a Korean, dude.

[B]

Yeah, you are.

[A]

Yeah, I like the dirties, man. Yeah, we're good baggies, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Guys are still. They don't. They're not good. Well kept.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're so dirty.

[B]

Yeah. Because it's musky. I'm getting sick of it, too. There's too many. It's too much like it's.

[A]

Don't say there's too many Asians.

[B]

Well, no, there are.

[A]

Don't say there's too many Asians.

[B]

No, it's not. There's too many Asians. But it's just like there's. It's. It's becoming a thing now where it's like we. I can't get in. You know what I mean?

[A]

You can. You'll never get in.

[B]

I can't get into the Asian thing.

[A]

Yeah, well, you'll. You want to get in.

[B]

I do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think because. Because if I. You know me, I'm all about procreating, but I don't want to make more white people. That's why I have Puerto Rican kids.

[A]

Oh, that's right.

[B]

But the next thing is if the things end with me with Puerto Rican. I want to go to the Asians, so I want to. I'm.

[A]

Well, let me say something.

[B]

I'm looking.

[A]

I'll make a call to George, to Kai.

[B]

I would love that.

[A]

Hello? Yeah, Hello. He's still alive.

[B]

George, the guy I go to.

[A]

Kai, what's up? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'd be like, are you sucking dick right now? Yeah, he loves it.

[B]

Wait, where's Andrew? Why isn't he here? Where'd he go?

[A]

We both, you know. What's the problem with you? When I. Yeah, we both have the same mental dis. That, like, it just doesn't. There's no cohesive. I like it.

[B]

Here's the truth. It's. It's. It's half the fan base. No matter what. Andrew isn't here. They shut the pot off anyway, so there's really nothing I could do.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know. I don't think so.

[B]

I don't know. Okay, well, if you got. If you. If you're still here. Thank you.

[A]

I think maybe the reverse would be true.

[B]

Oh, if you. If. I know.

[A]

I'm kidding. No, let's not cut that out. 40%. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I do find it interesting. That. And can you cut this part out or no?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Maybe. Oh, maybe. All right. So it's interesting that Andrew called me today and he's like, wait, cause you're doing this movie and then like you're going to cobs and this and that. It's like you're not gonna be in town. We gotta back and go, oh, I'm sorry. When you go out on and doing things right, I fill in with another guy, but he's never done that. He's never filled in with another person. When he went to Australia to do that fucking thing with the fucking good looking whites. You know what I mean? What's it? The George Sheena.

[B]

Yeah. Hugh Jackman.

[A]

George Sheena, the huge actor. Whatever it was. You know what I mean? Whatever that Stakanaka. Yeah. George Snakanaka. What was that movie? Sticky Nikki.

[B]

Sticky Nikki.

[A]

Sticky Nicky dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When he did Sticky Nikki, I had to fill in four times or whatever. Right. He's never filled in for me when I was on the road. Have you ever give me one episode.

[B]

He did with Little Dicky. Yes, he did.

[A]

One time here with Lil Dicky at the last studio. At the last studio one with Kalila.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Oh, he did. Okay, well, let's move on then.

[B]

I actually think. I believe I even co hosted one with Andrew when you weren't here.

[A]

I believe I did. I've been mistaken.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I've been mistaken and I'm wrong.

[B]

Yes. I want to think I did two episodes with him actually, and then Andrew and I seriously started talking about how maybe him and I should just do the podcast and we started texting you and you got very upset.

[A]

Okay, well, so that's a 50. 50. Anyway.

[B]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[A]

So I got to put my hair to the side. But what we were talking about right before that, because you went from Batman is bisexual, actually. Who Bat or Robin? Oh, he's bisexual.

[B]

Yeah, I figured that.

[A]

I could feel that.

[B]

Yeah, I figured that.

[A]

Yeah. It's an interesting. Why another bird when the writers were creating Batman? You know me. Why does it have to be a bird?

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because Batman's a bird. Is a bat a bird a bat.

[B]

It's a marsupial.

[A]

Oh, it's right.

[B]

Am I right? Wrong about that.

[A]

You're right. Oh, it's not a bat or bird. It's a mammal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's interesting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I did not know that bats are so. They give. They are pussies.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And they give birth to the pussy.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Is that. Isn't that trait of a mammal. Yeah, right.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Do you know for sure?

[B]

No, but it sounds right.

[A]

All right. Jamon.

[B]

Jamon.

[A]

We gotta go back to Jamal.

[B]

Jamon.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's not a food then.

[A]

Yeah, that's not a jamon. That's a bat. But anyway.

[B]

Disgusting.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So all mammals give birth through the vag.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Right. So the reptiles lay eggs. Platypus. This guy. There's always one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

What was a man without lays eggs?

[A]

Yeah, there's always a Caitlyn Jenner in the.

[B]

Yeah, he does. He kind of look like. He does kind of look like a woman from the future. Yeah, right.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like what a woman's gonna be in, like 2075. Yeah, it looked like.

[A]

So anyway, that's interesting. So aside from the platypus, what are these mammals that don't la eggs or they do lay eggs. So give me a mammal that lays eggs. The etchedness. Okay. Wow.

[B]

What is that? Do you want to put that in a soup?

[A]

It's a squash. Me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, because I'm Asian. Yeah. You know, when white people say, like, say stuff like that, it really makes me mad because I'll tell you why. Right.

[B]

It's funny, though.

[A]

I know, but the thing is that, I mean, poor white people eat squirrels.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. It's like you're eating the things that are around you in your environment. It's not. The Chinese are going, oh, I heard that. Austria, there's a wombat. You know what I mean? We're going to go there. We're going to eat that. You know, if a wombat was in their backyard, they would eat it.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

But they're not. They're not like, going out to, like, eat weird thing. They're just, you know, surviving based on the land. But we've evolved to, like, Burger King.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

And what I want to say is that. What is that thing called this? Acono academia.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I bet you that meat is better than a burger. Like a big macro.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Like. Like if you ate what they were saying in with the. In Wuhan. They were eating. What is it? Pand or something like that?

[A]

What does wuhan have anything to do with it? And why. Why are you doing this? Dude, I don't like this. You know, on Tik Tok, you know, you know, the hand gestures.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To have power over the room.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I know when you guys do that. So stop doing that because you're not. That doesn't work with me. Yeah. All this stuff that you're trying to do with your hands to like this. To grab, like, dominance like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do this. I know what that means, dude.

[B]

Yeah. I'm kidding.

[A]

That's okie dokie.

[B]

Yeah. No, they eat this. These types of things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because that thing. Whatever that thing is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is just all up in their trees and.

[B]

Yeah. It's disgusting. I thought that was Jeremiah Watkins.

[A]

I know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. He has one of those.

[B]

He's got that nose, that look. I saw him yesterday. He's great.

[A]

He's an underdeveloped white.

[B]

He is an underdeveloped.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Like, there's a couple of. He should have been in the oven for a couple more.

[B]

Yeah. When I. When I look, when I see him, every time I see him, I go, seven months.

[A]

Oh, yeah, he went out seven months?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you mean, he tapped out?

[B]

Yeah, he's tapped out. But he's funny.

[A]

Yeah. Well, that's interesting.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He is underdeveloped. But, you know, you have whites in New York that are undeveloped as well.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We. But. But I. But I do think if you're going to take the. An American.

[A]

Gillis.

[B]

Shane Gillis.

[A]

His face is underdeveloped.

[B]

Underdeveloped. But brain. But. But his brain is developed well, but his face is underdeveloped.

[A]

It's almost as his face was in the womb for too long.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. He was baked for too long.

[B]

It looks like.

[A]

It looks like his eyes, you know, it started bubble.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Y.

[B]

It's like God was making him. And, you know, he had, like that soft dough. A beautiful thing.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Just at the last minute, just like that, right on his face.

[A]

All right.

[B]

He just smushed it.

[A]

He dropped it. He smushed it. Yeah, he dropped it out of the oven.

[B]

He just smushed a little bit like that. But he said. But as he was going down, he said, I feel bad. He goes, let me give. Let me make him a comic genius. And went like that.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Gave him that gift because he said his face is. I fucked up.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. How about me?

[B]

He forgot that. I don't think that he forgot what? The sprinkle. The sprinkle? Yeah.

[A]

On me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry, Andreas. You're saying I'm sprinkles?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, fuck you, man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You think they forgot the sprinkles on me?

[B]

I think. Yeah. I think he put you in a walk and he just.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I think, I think with you.

[A]

I think with you, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that. He goes, I want to make a good looking white, right? Because sometimes he's in that mood.

[B]

God.

[A]

Right. He said, well, watch, I'm going to spend five hours. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then he's like, couldn't finish it. Then he had to do something else, Right. Maybe there was a hurricane he had to deal with. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he goes, hey, mom Joe, right? Some guy that works there, he goes, put in the brain. And mom Joe, Momcho went to the right. Wrong department. Yeah. He went to like the fat in celly, you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With the weird guy department. Yeah. He went, maybe this one, right? And he put it in the brain. Sent you down. And then God was mad, like, what the.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You know, because then he kid that once he puts you down the chute, he can't take you back.

[A]

Can't take you back.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So now I'm stuck, you're saying, with kind of a dumb incel brain, but.

[A]

Yeah, but still bright. It's. It's crazy.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

Well, because, you know, big people that don't have the good look, you know? You know, a lot of comics, they don't have the look. Yeah, right. A lot of them don't make it. Right. But they still have the brain.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But then they, you know.

[B]

Right.

[A]

What? Why are you saying. Right?

[B]

I'm just listening.

[A]

Yeah, but I don't even know what I'm saying. Why would you say. Right.

[B]

Because I'm connected to you, dude.

[A]

We're so connected. We are doing Jomon.

[B]

Jo man.

[A]

Go back to Jomon.

[B]

Okay, let me take another guess at what it is. You're saying. It's not a food.

[A]

Yeah, I already. Yeah.

[B]

Did you tell me what it was already?

[A]

I think yeah, I did, but what did you say? No, you have to.

[B]

What the.

[A]

Do you not listen?

[B]

Okay, so did I say it already? No.

[A]

Oh, I didn't. Okay.

[B]

It's not cabbage bread.

[A]

What was it? Yeah, I did say it. Thank you so much. I did say it.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they were the original people, but they didn't look Asian.

[A]

Well, there's also a group of people. Yay. Which was. No, really? Yayoi's right. That I think they mixed together and they came out with. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, there we go.

[A]

There we go. So the Jomons are to the left. Does that look Asian?

[B]

Yes, of course. That looks.

[A]

Yeah, that looks more like. I don't Know, like Kazakhstan.

[B]

Really? To the. Oh, to the left.

[A]

Yeah, that guy.

[B]

Okay. The guy closest to Carlos is Jomon.

[A]

No, the one. No, the one closer.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah, Carlos is. That's. Yay.

[B]

Yay.

[A]

Yay is gooky.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yay. So. Yay. So they're saying that the Koreans actually came from the first one to the left.

[A]

A combination of the two.

[B]

That's crazy. Yeah, that. I don't see how that. How that one works, because the one on the left just looks like Hasan Minhaj.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah. I thought that he had a Netflix one man show that guy. But then the Asian one. The Asian one, I could tell that that looks like a very handsome young Korean boy. Yeah, yeah, he looks. He looks good.

[A]

But I'm just wondering, you know, that's probably over years of crossbreeding, too, Probably.

[B]

Yeah, of course. I mean, we all have. We all have a little bit of everyone in us. That's why culture, to me is so silly. When people try to defend their culture, it's like whatever your culture is today, it's because it was into your ancestors hundreds and hundreds of years ago by the enemy. So stop saying we're all just one culture. You and I are. Are more. We are more. We're Jomo.

[A]

I'm getting kind of into history myself, and I realized that, you know, civilizations, the only way they can evolve is through war.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

You mean. And conquer. Because then you absorb other cultures into your. And it actually improves, you know, I mean, a civilization there, that's a Jomon.

[B]

That's a Joe Malone. Okay, that right there.

[A]

Yeah. Now that kind of looks.

[B]

That does.

[A]

Well, that. Actually, to be honest with you, like Steve Burn.

[B]

Asian, I was just gonna say. Yeah, that's. I kind of. That's a semi Asian.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You can see him wear a suit and do practical jokes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Like that. That guy. I could see that.

[A]

Whatever he's doing.

[B]

That guy. I could see. I could see him.

[A]

I don't know what the fuck Steve is doing lately, but that's what he's doing lately.

[B]

That's what he's.

[A]

Yeah, I could wear a suit when doing fucking politics.

[B]

Politics stuff. Yeah, yeah, I could see him on tbs. That guy looks like he's with this guy right here. Yeah, that's a TBS face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he looks. But that's Jomon. He looks little too. He looks like a tiny little Asian. He looks like, you know, like the Russian dolls. Like how they have. They getting smaller, like you look like you'd be the top.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Let me say I have some at home. Yeah, it's a bigger one. And you open it up and it's a.

[B]

More.

[A]

How many. How many openings am I.

[B]

No, no, I'm saying we're. Start with you and then that little guy.

[A]

Oh, I'm the big one.

[B]

That's the. Yeah, right.

[A]

Oh, so you open. Open somebody before openings. Exactly that.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes. That's what I think. Yeah. He's. He's the little one. He's the. He's the one you get to. Right. And the deepest layer, that's really what. That's who you look like on the inside. That's who's always mad.

[A]

But also notice.

[B]

That's who makes the mistakes.

[A]

But notice there is based on that photo, what have we taken from that? Koreans. They're still like that. That's basically. Yeah.

[B]

That Koreans. Right.

[A]

Still have.

[B]

Still have.

[A]

Based on that photo, the.

[B]

The same exact facial hair as you.

[A]

No big head. We were big headed people.

[B]

Big head, little body. Yes, yes.

[A]

I find that to be very interesting. And you know what? There's no shame in that because Tom Cruise has a big head.

[B]

He does.

[A]

Yeah. A lot of the male, like Steve McQueen, all of the male leading, you know, movie stars.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Had big heads and little bodies.

[B]

And what's great about Koreans is they're a stinkless agent.

[A]

Stinkless agent we've talked about many times on this program.

[B]

They don't smell at all. You don't have a gene that could even make you smell. So that's.

[A]

And yet I still wear the cologne.

[B]

But why?

[A]

Because, you know, I like mysterious smells.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, and I like when people walk by me and go, ooh, yeah, where were you? And that's not even a cologne. They say that. Were you like a war or like. No. Or like, you know, I mean, did you. Were you mining or something like that?

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

What about cigarettes? When you smoke cigarettes, do you squat down as low as you can or do you smoke standing up?

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[A]

Just give me a second. Yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna. You know, I want to go past that. You know, I'm gonna pretend that ever happened. I'm gonna go bass. I'm gonna go past it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like a detour.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So.

[B]

Yeah, Jaman.

[A]

Yeah. Jamon to you.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Because a lot of Asian people, what they like to do is they like to swat down as much as they can.

[A]

It's funny.

[B]

With their. As close to the floor as possible, then. Yes.

[A]

Guy. Right. Could it be that there's no chairs around?

[B]

Whatever the reason is, it's just something that they do.

[A]

If there's no chairs around your place, you squat, go down.

[B]

No.

[A]

What would you do? Just stand?

[B]

Yeah, I would do. I would do calf raises. I have Viking.

[A]

Oh, so you would stand. How about what to eat? Still stand.

[B]

I always. I always stand and eat.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Something. Yeah.

[A]

Digestive.

[B]

I like to stand up and eat.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, I like.

[A]

And then we do that.

[B]

That's what it is. Yeah. So that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That to me, if I was. If somebody. If. If somebody said, chris, I want you to draw an Asian person. That's what I. Exactly what I draw. Right. I would.

[A]

I wonder why that is. I've never really thought about it.

[B]

It's only the Asian culture, because a lot of cultures smoke cigarettes. But not only the Asians will squat down with their asshole hovering no more than an inch off.

[A]

As you can tell.

[B]

We read that way, too, but it's a beautiful thing. You have. Hip flexibility, Bobby, is directly related to longevity of life. So the more flexible your hips are, which. This man has got very flexible hips. The longer he'll live.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you do have good flexibility.

[A]

Is that a true thing? Flip. Flip.

[B]

Flexibility.

[A]

Sorry, Hip flexibility. I mixed up the two. Hip flexibility, it's.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Equates to longevity.

[B]

Longevity of life. Because flexibility overall. They think that the actual, like, key to longevity now is flexibility is the biggest thing that. That. That actually is one of the root causes of health problems is how stiff you are.

[A]

Are you flexible?

[B]

No, not as flexible as I can be, but I've been trying to do hot yoga. I've been trying to stretch every day. I've been trying to do core work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've been listening to Andrew Huberman. I've been listening to the Good Guy. No. Oh, I don't know him. You know, I just listen to his stuff.

[A]

But you know a lot of people.

[B]

Not as much as I.

[A]

Let me ask you something.

[B]

I don't know how I'm a little bit disconnected. I'm not as plugged in as you.

[A]

That's not true.

[B]

No, it's true.

[A]

If you're doing a gig, have there been, like, famous people that come to your king of your gig?

[B]

I don't get that.

[A]

Not one time, unfortunately.

[B]

No.

[A]

Not one time. A famous person.

[B]

Not very. I mean, unless I knew them before, of course.

[A]

That. I mean, no one, like, I mean, I'm not going to be on the road and all of a sudden, like, John Cougar Melon Cap is going to go, hey, are you in Indiana?

[B]

I know.

[A]

I don't know. You become eat. You know, I mean, a pork sandwich.

[B]

No, unfortunately, I don't have any. I don't.

[A]

Yeah. Because in Indiana, right, pork. Pork sandwiches are huge. Right. What do they call them? The tenderloin. Pork tenderloin sandwiches. So that when you laugh like that, dude, that. That's mockery of my own thoughts. And I want you to stop that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Immediately.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. You almost killed us four years ago. All right? And I have not forgotten about that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Murder, dude. Attempted murder.

[B]

Legit.

[A]

Legit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So interesting to me.

[B]

But I never get. No, I never get any famous people that come, unfortunately, you.

[A]

There's got to be one time where, like, someone that. Anybody. How about comics? Famous comics?

[B]

No, not really. I never get, like, the people who. Oh, it's so and so wants to come back to the green room and say, hello. It's Never happened to me once.

[A]

Really?

[B]

No. Unfortunately, something's not connecting with my comedy.

[A]

I don't think that's what it is.

[B]

No, no, it is. It is.

[A]

No, I think they're so aloof. You have no idea what the fuck is going on.

[B]

No, Bobby, I'm telling you. I'm telling you something's not connecting. I don't know what is. I don't think I'm not funny, but something. The general public is looking at me and just saying, no, overall, no, that's.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I'm telling you. True. No. Look at the number.

[A]

When we were in Vegas.

[B]

Look at my YouTube. We were in Vegas. Look at the numbers.

[A]

That's not the numbers. We were in Vegas. Right. You were the one that goes, hey, let's go sit next to Jimmy Kimmel.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know Jimmy Kimmel.

[B]

But he didn't. He doesn't come to my shows.

[A]

I know, but you know him.

[B]

Yeah. All right.

[A]

What are the celebrities you know, then?

[B]

Jimmy Kimmel, Chaz Palminteri.

[A]

Oh, you see, I don't know Chaz Palminteri.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You've hung out with him.

[B]

Yes. Jazz Palminteri. I know.

[A]

He's a huge star.

[B]

Yeah. Big time legend.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. This was when I was going through my glasses phase.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I hate that guy.

[A]

Really good.

[B]

Myself. I'm talking about. I hate that guy with the glasses.

[A]

Who else do you know?

[B]

I know.

[A]

Now what's. When I ask.

[B]

No, not really anybody.

[A]

Okay. When I ask. No, what is. No, like, for instance, someone that you've met before, or is it somebody that's in your life? That's the confusing part. Because I've met a lot of people, but for me to say that I know them is a different thing. Right?

[B]

Yeah. Like, the only people that I know, Chaz Pomineteri. I know you've.

[A]

You've talked.

[B]

We go to each other's houses. Like, Chaz Ponter was almost my little daughter's godfather.

[A]

Oh, what happened? He got beat out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who beat him out?

[B]

We had to be. Well, who beat him out initially was jasmine's Uncle Jerry. T.T. jerry.

[A]

Okay. Okay, That's.

[B]

That's. Who beat him out was Chaz. But. And it was upset about it. Well, no, because what we decided was because he's trans. So TT Jerry is actually the Godfather godmother at the same time. We just did it once.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can get a double combo. That's good.

[B]

That's it. Yeah. So he's the Godfather and the. So so, um, But Chaz is the only guy that he. He's. I know he's old school. He's old school.

[A]

But he lives in your area?

[B]

No, he lives about an hour away.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We see him on the weekends. We go pumpkin picking with his family.

[A]

Oh, so it's a close thing?

[B]

Oh, yeah. My girl and his wife are, like, very close. They talk all the time.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is Chaz. He's working a lot still, right? Sure, yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Old school work. Yeah, He's. He's old school Hollywood.

[A]

Yeah, he's one of the best.

[B]

They just. He doesn't have to, like, call. He doesn't have a PR person. He just walks up to, like a night.

[A]

Unusual Suspects. One of my favorite movies.

[B]

The. The. The bouncers. Chaz Palminteri is known by almost every black person, knows jazz palm material, and they love him. He's their fan amongst black people. Chaz Palmitary is up there with their favorite white. He might be their favorite white person with the blacks because Bronx Tale.

[A]

Yeah, he's like 20th on the Asians.

[B]

Yeah, they don't.

[A]

He's really low.

[B]

Yeah. And he would be even lower if you. If we.

[A]

Dad, you know Charles Palmetary. They're not even close. Yeah, Chaz Parliamentary. Yeah, right.

[B]

He wouldn't know.

[A]

And you're like, what? Are you even listening? I'm listening to you.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

She doesn't know.

[B]

He doesn't know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And you would.

[A]

Dad couldn't say a lot of things.

[B]

No.

[A]

You know Samuel L. Jackson? Samuel Joe. Yeah, yeah. And that's. Yes. Yeah. Joe, man. I know Joe man. My people, you know, but he doesn't know much. He doesn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me another. What's a harder one?

[B]

Benicio del Toro.

[A]

Oh, forget about it. Yeah, dad, you know Benicio del Toro, right? No, not even close. My dad wouldn't even know. Like, you know, I go, name me one Beatles song. He doesn't even know what the fuck you're talking about. He's out. He's out of culture. Like, there's nothing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you seen a movie? I never see a movie. He doesn't know what. Wizard of Oz. Doesn't know what it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? If I explain it to you. I don't like. There's a wizard, a lion. I don't like a lion. I don't like a Tintin. Tin man. I don't care. You know what I mean? He doesn't know.

[B]

So what would he watch them? What?

[A]

That's the thing. Fucking nothing, in fact. When? Two weeks before he died. Right. This is a sad story. I think I've said this story before, but.

[B]

But I never. But it's a different experience with me. You never go down the same river twice.

[A]

What.

[B]

So I'm saying even if you sail story again, it's a different day, different audience, different. You never go. You never step in the same river twice.

[A]

But people do.

[B]

No, but then. But it's flowing water, so you never. So it's technically a different.

[A]

There's a river by your house. You've probably been in a place.

[B]

No, no, you step in. You know where I learned that from? Ancient Jomon proverb.

[A]

Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Well, then they were dumb.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it makes no sense. But anyway, maybe not too. I want to make. I see. Sometimes I exaggerate. So I want to be.

[B]

Be honest.

[A]

I want to be completely honest.

[B]

Be honest. Be accurate.

[A]

A year before my dad died, okay. I would have to say my brother and I were in his house in Phoenix, Chandler, Arizona, and he was resorted. He's in a wheelchair now. You can't walk because he got hit.

[B]

By a truck, right. Or something. Didn't. Isn't that. Didn't.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. Stroke or.

[B]

Didn't your grandmother get run over by a tank?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. No, my aunt did.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's what you remember.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So then I think about it, like in the shower.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My. My aunt got run over by a tank.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's. What a weird thing to memorize. Wow.

[B]

That's what I'll tell people. Fun facts about.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the most traumatic in my family's history, you know, But a year before my dad died, my brother and I were at home and we were talking about music. And he goes, I don't like music. Right. I go, we're asking him a question about music. He doesn't know anything about it, right? I go, have you ever heard a song? And he goes, sometime I go out, you know, I see a hero. I hear the. You know, in the. You know, outside, you know, in the moor. When I met more, you know, I mean, because one of his stores is in a mall, but he doesn't know what it is. Like, he doesn't listen to it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

To him, it's just like birds chirping, right? You know, I mean, or like planes crashing, you know, I mean, just. There's no difference.

[B]

So what would he do for entertainment?

[A]

So I. What my brother in guy goes, we Want you to listen to this. I put my little, you know, I mean AirPods in his ear. We played him. It's the most like, universally, you know. And it was Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton, Right. And he's listening to it, and then tears starts coming down his face and he goes, that's beautiful. It was unbelievable.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

80 years. Never heard a song before. Right? It's like we're like running into a primal. A tribe in some island. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He has access to everything, but he doesn't, you know, I mean, he's. That's basically who he is.

[B]

Did you tell him what it was about?

[A]

I said, yeah, Eric clapped him get cocaine and killed his kid. That's not what happened. No, no.

[B]

You know, actually what happened.

[A]

I know what happened.

[B]

Tell him what happened.

[A]

So there was some sort of party or something at his house. This is already wrong. Yeah, there were people there, though. This is wrong.

[B]

Go ahead.

[A]

I literally googled it the other day.

[B]

Okay. Right, okay, go ahead.

[A]

And then he fell off a window out of a window.

[B]

Okay, so the window part's right there. So. No, what happened was.

[A]

Let me. Wait first of all, but let me.

[B]

Tell you the story first so you could fact. Ch. Okay, so what happened was, is he. He left his baby, you know, with their nanny, and they let the kid, like used to run up and down the hallway like in his apartment building in New York. And they lived on whatever the 14th or 15th floor. And the maintenance worker had left the window at the end of the hallway open, which was like a floor to ceiling window because they were like cleaning it. And the kid thought he was running. He had always ran to that window and touch it and ran back and he just ran through the window.

[A]

Wow, that's insane.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

That's what it says online.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, I was wrong. Yeah, that's what I. I don't think I would. I don't think I'd ever come back from that.

[B]

No, he can't.

[A]

You.

[B]

No, I think. And then. But I think he did come back. I think he then just.

[A]

No, yeah, he wrote Tears of Heaven. I'm just saying.

[B]

Me. I think. I think.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He did proactive things. I'm just saying, if it happened to me, I think that it would. What?

[B]

Best special? You would win best special?

[A]

I would come with a great special. I don't know, man.

[B]

I think you would.

[A]

It would take me years to even get back to any form of normalcy.

[B]

But what. What would it take, like, if I killed One of your cats. Like, right. Like, how would. What would be similar that to you? Like, who would I have to kill for you to feel that, to kind of motivate you to write the special of your life? Who would have to die right in front of you?

[A]

Wow. What a question.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

It would have to be a four man death.

[B]

A four man.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

For me to motivate me to make the best special in the world, like what?

[B]

The producers in here and Andrew, everybody would have the whole best.

[A]

No, no, no, no. It would have to be my brother.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

My mother.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Andrew.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And Kalila.

[B]

All four of them had to die.

[A]

Simultaneously at the same time. For me to go to feel completely lost, right. Of like, oh, I'm gonna kill myself, or I would definitely not stay sober.

[B]

No.

[A]

It would be too traumatic for me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I would probably disappear for a very long time. I had to go through a bender. So I already thought about it. So I would liquefy. I would liquefy. I would sell my house because he secretly hopes it happens. No, I don't secretly hope that happened. I do the same thing.

[B]

I hope.

[A]

I don't secretly hope it happens. I hope everyone. I just have a. I just have like an out. I know, but. Right. It's a fantasy. So I would sell my mom's house, right. Maybe not sell mine. I would try to lick. Like, I have some other real estate I would probably sell.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I would get as much cash as I can, Right. And I would probably get. I've never tried fentanyl.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I would just get, like high grade fentanyl.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I would get all the liquor in the world. We. It's just the whole thing. Shrooms, acid, everything. Right, Right. And I would probably go into, like, a place like Butte, Montana, because I was just there. And so when I was walking around Butte, Montana, I was going, oh, that's where I die.

[B]

Right.

[A]

In my mind, you know, I mean, like, I found spots. Like, there's mine. Like abandoned mines.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I was just being an abandoned mine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, with my overalls, no shirt underneath it.

[B]

No.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I know already your nipples, you have strands of hair that come out of your nipple.

[A]

Exactly, yes. And I would not shave them.

[B]

No.

[A]

They would be like, out, Right. Just swirling around in the wind. Right. I would have a bandana on my head.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'd put one of those football kind of black, you know, I mean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, you know how Batman did like. Yeah. Dark Knight, because he has to put the mask on so he wants this area to be.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He wants this to be dark.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I had no mask. I just have that with the bandana.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Right. I would look really wicked awesome. Right. And I would just party till I gave out, I think.

[B]

So you wouldn't. So you're saying you wouldn't write a special.

[A]

But then if I survived that. No, but then. But. No, I'm just telling you what I would go through. Right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then it would be like, I think, I wonder who would try to find me. A raccoon.

[B]

Yeah, I think. Wait, wait. No, I.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What I'm saying is when I just said, who in my life would try to find me? And you're fucking saying a raccoon would.

[B]

Yeah, I think Andres would. I think Andres would be the one who would try to find you because he would see if you were still alive. So you could do the ad reads.

[A]

Oh, right, right.

[B]

Yeah. He would say that they need.

[A]

Well, this would be over if Andrew died, right? This would be over. Tiger Billy would be over.

[B]

No, I don't know if it'd necessarily be over. I could. I could slide in for half the price.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, we would just.

[B]

Yeah, I could kind of.

[A]

I don't think. I don't think I would be able to.

[B]

I'd relocate, no issue.

[A]

I don't think I would be able to do it.

[B]

I think we. You'd pick up the pieces.

[A]

But anyway, so if your three children, your wife all died. Right. Is that too much?

[B]

Whatever. We're in it. We're in it.

[A]

And you're like, you know, I mean, they. Them. Uncle.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Came in, which is all this is.

[A]

He's out. He's dead, too.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But he dies from other things, right? I'll tell you that right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I'm talking about. Philadelphia style. But anyway.

[B]

Yep. Oh, yeah, yeah, yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lesions. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

100%. Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

And so what would you do? So I'm the cop. You're on the road.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hello, Mr. Stefano.

[B]

Hi. Hi. How are you, Officer?

[A]

Excuse me, am I talking to Christopher Stefano?

[B]

That's me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How you doing? Are you. You're an officer?

[A]

Oh, I'm Sheriff Wilson.

[B]

Hey, Sheriff Wilson. How are you?

[A]

Yeah. Ozark County.

[B]

Oh, I like it here.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Yes. You look, I didn't realize that they would. That you were a sheriff in Ozark. I didn't think they did that here.

[A]

I'm calling you.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

This is not a FaceTime.

[B]

Oh, I thought that you were physically.

[A]

No, no, no. Oh, if I physically saw you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, you want me to physically see you?

[B]

Well, I just thought because, like, I was, like. That would be weird if you're the sheriff of Ozark county and you're a small Korean man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It wouldn't work. Yeah.

[A]

But you would say that even if that was the case.

[B]

Yeah, I think I would. Because I have a nice rapport with the police. Yeah.

[A]

But, I mean, why are you being racist?

[B]

Well, I would just. I think it would just be my attempt. Because I'd be very nervous to. Be my attempt.

[A]

Well, then my explanation would be. During the Civil War, you know, then some Chinese moved here.

[B]

Right?

[A]

To the Ozarks. Right. 99.9% of people moved out. But my family were the ones that stayed. We owned a Chinese restaurant.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I mean, over, you know, hundreds of years.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And, you know, my family said, I decided to break away from the Chinese food industry and become a sheriff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's the problem?

[B]

I decide to break away from the Chinese.

[A]

Look at that.

[B]

And become.

[A]

There I am, dude.

[B]

Actually, yeah, see, that. That. That looks like. That's not full Asian, though. That's. That's why.

[A]

No, that's full Asian.

[B]

That's Jomon.

[A]

No, that's not Johan, dude.

[B]

That's Joman.

[A]

No, the reason why he. He has to look like that, right? Because if he doesn't look like that, he looks like me. He's dead.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He has to, like, assimilate as much.

[B]

As he can a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He had to push his eyes up at night.

[A]

He's just like, with his fingers like this, trying to stretch them out. Remember in that movie Clockwork Orange? The little mechanism. Yes, the metal, you know. Little mechanism.

[B]

That's what he does.

[A]

That's what he does. Anyway, so, anyway. Hi.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

So, like I said, I'm Sergeant Sheriff.

[B]

Sheriff Wilson Wilson.

[A]

That's right. Ozarks. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry to inform you, but your wife and your children died in a fire. Alex, do you like canned cranberry sauce.

[B]

Or should we make it ourselves? That's my mom.

[A]

She didn't know about Instacart's family carts.

[B]

So, wanna make pecan pie this year? Yes or no? Oh, and how many boxes of stuffing?

[A]

So I told her we could just share a family cart and add all our holiday favorites to the same order without losing our voices or our sanity. It's so much fun.

[B]

Alex, can you get my holiday village out of the attic?

[A]

Baby steps, Alex.

[B]

Baby steps.

[A]

Shop Instacart this holiday season and enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply. Alex, the new Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist. And it's the fastest charging Apple watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. Introducing the all new Apple Watch Series 10 now available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum compared to previous generation. IPhone Xs are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary. Seriously, Diane, was Colgate your secret to winning best smile back in high school? Yep, and it still is. I even work overnight. Huh?

[B]

Colgate's Optic White overnight whitening pen works overnight. So after one week I can show up confident and reunion ready.

[A]

And here I was bragging about my kids.

[B]

Colgate Optic White find it at all major retailers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Damn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What?

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Where? No.

[A]

What? Damn.

[B]

Where?

[A]

Your house, sir.

[B]

Oh, I would say.

[A]

And your.

[B]

They them all died.

[A]

No, he died outside of the house from something else.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah, it's okay.

[B]

He was.

[A]

But there was bubbling. So what I would do a bubbling bubbles on the skin. You know, it looked sexual. You know, I mean. Yeah, it was. It's a sexual virus we've never even seen before. But he was just like, help me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And we just shot him between the forehead.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Because there's nothing.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Well, because the CDC had to get involved, right? Yes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, I mean, and it's. We don't know what you know, but it looked like some.

[B]

And we're not sure. Yeah. And we.

[A]

A sexual disease, AKA like Ebola. Right, Right. And his dick was missing. It was terrible.

[B]

And we have to. We have to be careful. And we have to be careful. He did die within the. He did die in the property of a Korean person's backyard. And they could eat him. They would eat him.

[A]

Interesting how you switch that is from before.

[B]

If it's in your backyard, they eat it.

[A]

Well, it is true. Your neighbors are Korean and half his body was on the Korean lawn. So luckily the Korean family did not eat him.

[B]

Right. But the rule is in Korean law, if you die on my property, you are.

[A]

You know what? So it's very unusual to tell somebody that their three kids and their wife died and is more obsessed with uncle where his position of his body is.

[B]

Yes. Cause my thought. Cause what I would immediately think about is like it's cat You're a cannibal. But are you using chopsticks, Teeth?

[A]

I know, but I'm telling you that your wife and your three. She has a children that would. That would not even be okay.

[B]

So honestly, what I would do. I would take a minute. What I would probably do, honestly, is. I would probably do is because I wouldn't be able to live, you know, more than an hour without them. So I would be like, I'm not going to live anymore. But what I would honestly do, if I'm being completely honest with you.

[A]

Yeah, honest.

[B]

I would take it in, obviously. Be horrified, upset. I would say, I'm killing myself tonight. But before I do that, I do want to at least have sex one more time. And I would get a prostitute in Ozark. I would honestly get a prostitute, and then I'd get a gun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or any me. And then I take my own life. But I would have sex with a random prostitute one time, no condom.

[A]

Okay. Okay. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's what you would do?

[B]

Yeah, And I pay her, you know, whatever.

[A]

Most people would. Would have just called other family members and express their grief.

[B]

Yeah, well, there's nothing really. My family is going to help me, you know, my. Nothing's going to help me.

[A]

You know that. Your friends can help you through that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't know.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. How could it. What? What is. What could they possibly tell me that would make me better?

[A]

Well, I mean, can we just take it one day at a time first? I would say I go, I know, Chris, this is how you feel right now, and I can't imagine what you're going through. Right. But can you do it tomorrow?

[B]

Sex with the prostitute?

[A]

Yeah. And, you know, I mean, no, I would say.

[B]

I would say that's last night on earth, but I'm gonna go out and have sex with multiple prostitutes.

[A]

Okay, okay, well. Well, now there's two.

[B]

Maybe. Well, honestly, if you want to just be honest with you, just because I know that I'm dying that day, I would maybe get one male, one female, and just. Just to feel it. Because even though I make a lot of gay jokes, I've never done anything gay like that.

[A]

Well, that's interesting.

[B]

That.

[A]

Would you have sex with me then?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Do we?

[B]

I would.

[A]

But you know what? Through the love that you. You and I make, you might want to make you live.

[B]

That's true. Because you know what?

[A]

I make you giggle.

[B]

Yeah. Because you know what it is? You look like you have. Even though I know you know, you have a clean Body like. I bet you. Having sex with you, it's like the. You like the inside of your body looks like a doll.

[A]

That's. Oh, my God. Probably one of the nicest things. Everyone.

[B]

Yeah. You have clean.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

You have a clean ass.

[A]

Clean everything. That's the truth.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

Amen.

[B]

And no hair. No hair on your body. Very little pieces.

[A]

Hallelujah.

[B]

No ass hair.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. That's a morbid thing to even think of. I'm so sorry that we. I don't even know how. Why we went down that path.

[B]

Well, the thing is with you, when I'm with you, I'm just gonna kind of go where you leave me.

[A]

Yeah, but I' But I thought I felt like you left there. I felt like you left me there.

[B]

No.

[A]

Did I lead him there or did he.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What? Eric Clapton. Oh, we went from music. That's the thing with you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It. You know, we talk about one thing, right? And it goes into that. I don't know why. I guess I did lead you down there.

[B]

What I like to do, we go.

[A]

Back to Eric Clapton.

[B]

I like to do the reverse rate. Yeah. You lead the trail of tears and I follow.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Whoa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that a Vietnam reference?

[B]

No, Native American.

[A]

Native American, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Which is. I'm Am not.

[B]

No, but I mean, you know. Yeah, yeah, it's whatever.

[A]

No, no, it's not just whatever. It's not just whatever. It was a tragic time.

[B]

It was.

[A]

Yeah. Can you explain to me what happened at the Crusades? Because I don't know anything. Whenever, like, I talked to. No, honestly, whenever I talk to people about religion and they go, why don't you believe in God? I always say all the Crusades, just as a blanket, blanket statement, Right? And then they go, oh, yeah, that's right. You know, I mean, I just kind of move on, but I don't even really know what I'm talking about.

[B]

It's the religious war, the Christians versus the Muslims.

[A]

Oh, so is that what happened?

[B]

That was it big time. They fought a lot over ancient Turkey. You know, Christianity thought that their religion was the best Turkey. Muslims thought theirs was. You know what the interesting thing is.

[A]

About who won the Crusades?

[B]

Nobody really knows. I mean, I would say really kind of the Christians, but that's because. But I have Christian tattoos all over my body. I'm actually fighting in the modern day Crusaders.

[A]

Wow. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And we're going up against a church of Latter Day Saints tomorrow. That's our match.

[A]

Oh, I'LL be winded.

[B]

Thank you. But you know what was interesting is I read a book about it, and they said that you would think that the Muslims. Right. Because you hear like these things like, oh, it's a very racist thing right now to be like, oh, you'll hear like, oh, Muslims, dirty. Whatever. That's all such a. It's a racist thing.

[A]

All the Muslims I know are clean.

[B]

No, no, because. Because it's. Because it's reverse racism. Because. Because what would happen is. Is actually the Muslims were so.

[A]

Well.

[B]

Was so educated, so hygienic. They had science hundreds of years before the Christians were. The Christians. Christians came in kind of gangly. Disgusting. The Muslim people said that they could smell the Christian army coming from miles away because they were dirty, filthy heathens. Where Muslims were high. Science education.

[A]

Astronomy.

[B]

Astronomy, yeah. All that Dancing with the Stars.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

They did it. Everything. Wow. Yeah. They had it all.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Podcasts.

[A]

Yeah. What did the Muslims invent back then that we still use today? Without the Muslims, what would we not have?

[B]

Algebra.

[A]

That's huge.

[B]

The Arabic.

[A]

It's a big one.

[B]

Numeral. The numeral. Our numbers. Arabic.

[A]

Oh, okay, let's go. Let's just zoom in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Muslims invent coffee, bro.

[B]

Look at this. Every time Allah.

[A]

I was. Thank you, Allah.

[B]

Every time I take a sip, I say, praise be to Allah.

[A]

Yeah. There's another one. Algebra. Huge hospitals, bro.

[B]

Toothbrush, dude. Really disgusting teeth. Yeah.

[A]

Because look at the English.

[B]

Deodorant.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Smelling spices. You know what? Most of the wars, Crusades were over salt.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

They wanted their. Everybody wanted clocks, bro.

[A]

They invented clocks, bro. That's legit.

[B]

Optics University.

[A]

I've even heard of windmills.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Beheading.

[A]

Beheadings are on there. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. That's interesting.

[B]

The crank.

[A]

What's. Oh, yeah, the crank. Wow.

[B]

What is crank?

[A]

Can I know a little statistic I read the other day? Tell me a black kid invented the doorknob.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you know that?

[B]

Google it.

[A]

That guy. That guy invented the door fucking knob.

[B]

What the hell were they doing before?

[A]

They were difficult to open.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, but he made it, you know, and he made no money off of it.

[B]

He's just. Wow.

[A]

Yeah. People just stole it from him. Like, oh, wow. I could have thought of that and just took it from him.

[B]

That's very interesting.

[A]

That guy invented it. What's his name? Osborne. Dorsey. Osman Dorsey. Yeah.

[B]

The doors. You know, they should call it. Yeah.

[A]

The Doors. You know. Thank you. Because I used doorknobs still to this day.

[B]

Yeah. It was ever. Because every door was like a saloon door then. Back then. You just have to push it.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I guess.

[A]

And he was able to find the little mechanics and little.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Of that. That's incredible.

[B]

Yes, yes. Osborne Dorsey, African American man who invented the doorknob and the doorstop in December of 18 doorstep.

[A]

Seems like somebody, right. Would figure that out.

[B]

And he was born a slave.

[A]

I mean. Right.

[B]

He became freed. He became a free person.

[A]

Wait, wait, he invented it while he was enslaved.

[B]

He was born into slavery and then he says he became a freed slave. So I don't.

[A]

Oh, and after he was able to.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Imagine all the things they could have invented if they weren't slaves.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Think about that.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Like, you know, creams or whatever.

[B]

Exactly. No, I agree.

[A]

I think about racist.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can say it, though. You're Asian.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can't. Really.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Doesn't matter. I don't know that Asians, even though Asians are the most racist, pound for pound people, we whites get the worst, but Asians are. I mean, it's horrifying how racist amongst.

[A]

I've heard that been said, and that's really. There's no evidence to back that up.

[B]

I mean.

[A]

What.

[B]

I mean, the Chinese, you know, they came in and they. Japanese came in and they were bayoneting Chinese babies and killing them. They all hate each other. They think the Koreans are, you know. Well, Koreans are the top. China's the top one. Then Japan, then Korea, then Vietnam, then Laos. Right.

[A]

I mean, I don't know why there's a ranking, but if I were. If. Well, if you. If I were to rank it. I have my own rankings.

[B]

If you want to hear the reason, come to our meetings.

[A]

Oh, your white meetings. Okay, well, then explain to me. What?

[B]

Why. Based on the rankings, China's the number one.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Biggest, Most populous.

[A]

But you're just basing it on geography, Right? The size of mass.

[B]

No. And people. And that's.

[A]

I mean, that. Yeah.

[B]

And how much real estate they own.

[A]

Okay. But it's still based on the land. Right. I want to get into like, you know, I mean, what they've invented and, you know.

[B]

Well, China invented everything.

[A]

Compute. What?

[B]

China was the one they all.

[A]

Gunpowder.

[B]

Yes, gunpowder. Spaghetti.

[A]

Spaghetti. Really? Spaghetti?

[B]

Yeah. Chinese.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The finger trap.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Finger traps. A good one.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's a really good one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What else do they.

[B]

You said warfare on horses, Right? Chinese.

[A]

Yeah. They also invented. What's the thing?

[B]

Chariot.

[A]

No.

[B]

Plow.

[A]

No, I forgot what's called. But well, I'll act it out. How many people? Yeah.

[B]

Rickshaw, rickshaw.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much.

[B]

Oh, they invented alcohol.

[A]

That's a huge one.

[B]

That's a big one, dude.

[A]

That's like one of the number one thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Noodles Silk.

[A]

That's incredible.

[B]

They said. Ah, wait. Upset Chinese invented toothbrushes too, I thought.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Let's get down.

[A]

What is going on? What's going on there?

[B]

Come on.

[A]

It's them claiming it there.

[B]

That's what.

[A]

Oh, we are made up of. What? How do you know? Look at my teeth or whatever. I don't know. Why would they.

[B]

It's so clean.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so let's go to Koreans. What do Koreans invent? Probably not much.

[B]

Let's do Koreans. Let's see whether they invent. Let's see. What do Koreans possibly invent? K pop. All right. Infection control robot.

[A]

What now? We're gonna get. We're getting in the future. We're like, we'll fuck the past. Everybody have an infection.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, we need a robot to do that. Yeah.

[B]

Braille. Braille translation. That's nice. That's helpful.

[A]

That's huge.

[B]

Yeah. Software that predicts cardiac arrest.

[A]

Dude, you know how sometimes you're watching a movie, you go, I wish this wrapped around. I wish it wrapped around my whole body. They invented the wrap around movie, dude.

[B]

Smart glasses reimagined.

[A]

Yeah. They didn't even invent the smart glass. We are reimagining it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's his software that predicts cardiac arrest.

[B]

Oh, that's a. Oh, look at this one. Inflatable isolation wards.

[A]

Really? So you know how. Isolation wards.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So on the ground. Yeah. It's so stern.

[B]

And I mean, they put you in an isolation where then they push you down the river. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Wow. That's incredible. So we didn't really invent anything.

[B]

A flexible screen tv.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's one of those things where we took other inventions and made it better.

[B]

But that's okay. That's what you're good at, right?

[A]

That's what we were good at.

[B]

Here are some. Look. 5G smartphone, 3D hologram, recharging roads for electric vehicles.

[A]

That's pretty big because I think that we only got into the game of.

[B]

That Jagongu, an automated self striking water clock.

[A]

What? We invented that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have four Gengoos, dude. I have four of them at home. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Wow. That's good, though.

[A]

That's incredible. Let's go to now. Let's go now. This is great. Let's go to Vietnamese because we're ranking the Asians, right? So.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What is the Vietnamese investment? Let me. Let's guess before it trail.

[B]

And by the way, just know what's going to happen. You know what's going to happen, by the way, too, is people are going to say that you're allowing me, a white person, to make fun of Asian culture and all that stuff.

[A]

Okay, all right. Push pause for a second. All right, let's. Let's talk about that real quick. Okay, I want to talk about that right now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I make fun of whites so much and their culture. I really do. And a lot of my friends make fun of my culture. Right? But Korean isn't my culture. I'm an American. I was born here. I have the same sensibilities as everyone else. I don't know. I mean, I like the food. I do feel like when I'm around my Korean friends, it does feel a little different in terms of shared American experiences that we bond into. But I love you so much. I know there isn't a racist bone in your body. And we. What we do is. It's healing for us. It's a pleasure to do what we do. It. I think it's healthy, you know, I mean, to out of love, make fun of each other. And this is. This is, to me, not a bad thing. You know, I think it's a positive thing. I think this is what doc workers did back in the day when, like, you had different cultures at a doc, right? And they didn't know that each other's languages and they made fun of each other's mustaches or the way someone talked, and they would all laugh, drink a beer at the pub or whatever. And was there a way of bonding? And so I don't think it's a bad thing. I don't think you've ever said anything racist. You never said anything that's offended me. And there are. There are a lot of Asians that don't like what I do. A lot of them, right? And they've told me to my face, you know, I mean, yeah, like, you're a disgrace. Or, you know, man, you know me, you know, and outside, it's like, I don't feel that way.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I do what feels right. I. I think that I. What? I think I'm very funny, and I think you're very funny. And so can we get past that? Yeah, let's make fun of the Vietnamese.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Anyway.

[B]

Okay, so what did they do hand embroidery.

[A]

Let's go. Let's go. The first one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The atm, dude. Are you sure?

[B]

They said. They said Du Duc Quang, a Vietnamese inventor, co invented the atm.

[A]

Oh, co invented.

[B]

Co invented.

[A]

Who's the other guy?

[B]

White guy?

[A]

Jew.

[B]

Jew.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

A guy. Looks like Carlos.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The second is the conical hat, also known as the non law. This head is believed to have originated in Vietnam over 3,000 years ago.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

Aliens, you know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Like a cone head hat.

[A]

No, it's one of those flat hats with the little.

[B]

Oh, that's okay.

[A]

Oh, that hat.

[B]

Yeah, they invented that hat.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Wow.

[B]

Raiden from street. Oh, there it is.

[A]

That they invented. That's incredible. That's a pretty cool hat.

[B]

That is pretty awesome.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And it's a good idea. It keeps you, you know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

The sun out of your face.

[A]

It just looks weird.

[B]

It does look kind of crazy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

But you could make it cool.

[A]

Yeah. Anyway, the lacquerware.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

A natural product that has been made in Vietnam for centuries with pieces dating back to 4th and 5th century. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hand embroidery. I mean.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah, I know. They've never really done. This is why they're kind of not at the top of the list. Invasion. They don't have anything that reimagines.

[A]

Well, the Bachov antivirus is pretty good.

[B]

That's pretty big.

[A]

How many times have you had Bachfaub?

[B]

I have had. Right.

[A]

And you're like, God damn, I'm gonna die. And then they had the antivirus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, the thing. What's some other things, I mean, about Vietnamese people include Vietnamese calligraphy.

[A]

Yeah. But that's just. It seems like. It seems like it's because no one else uses it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No one in Cambodia is going, I'm doing Vietnamese calligraphy. You know your own calligraphy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. It doesn't.

[A]

Fong shading. I don't even know what that is.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. This is why. Then they're not. They're. They're kind of.

[A]

All right, so let's put them right now based on what we see.

[B]

Put them at five.

[A]

At five. But then we never did Japanese. I'm sure it's a lot.

[B]

Japan is two. China's one.

[A]

So let's go to Japan.

[B]

Japan was two. And Korea.

[A]

Well, based on Korea, though, I think we're like, fourth.

[B]

No. Well, let's see what Japan invests.

[A]

Zoom in, zoom in.

[B]

Japan's a big deal. The electronic rice cooker. That's big. You use that every day.

[A]

Godzilla. That's huge.

[B]

That's. Yes.

[A]

Godzilla's huge.

[B]

CDs. Laptops. Mario.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Batteries. Eyedrop funnels. Novels. Selfie sticks.

[A]

Robotics.

[B]

I mean, Japanese are big, dude.

[A]

Huge emoji.

[B]

The QR code.

[A]

It truly is. It. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Instant noodles.

[A]

Calculators. Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude. Based on this, they're number one. Dude.

[B]

They are. You think?

[A]

Yeah, based on this, they're number one. That's a lot. Happy faces.

[B]

Happy faces. Hello Kitty.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot. Dude, they.

[B]

They.

[A]

Glory holes.

[B]

Glory holes is Japanese.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Bullet trains. Wow. Big Walkman.

[B]

Vhs.

[A]

Yeah. The novel.

[B]

Insane.

[A]

It's insane. You would think the English, I think.

[B]

Yeah. But it's them. And they're great because they're such a small island nation for to. They're. They're very. They were, my grandfather said, very difficult to kill. He would shoot them. Hundreds of. They would never die. He said in the war, just keep shooting them and shooting them and they run around. He said they'd go over there, he'd hit him with. They'd hit him with paddles.

[A]

Well, I think what you're basically saying is they're just bad shots.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

You keep shooting, shooting, but they. They're just so quick, like, couldn't do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. So they would kind of. And they're very in there, and they're fearless.

[A]

Yeah. What kind of wine are you?

[B]

Mostly German. And then, let's see.

[A]

German. German, probably. Let me guess. The Watch.

[B]

The inventions are going to get bad. Yes. The oven, it's going to get bad.

[A]

Are you going to crush the game?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you going to crush the game?

[B]

Germans are going to get.

[A]

Crushing the game.

[B]

Use all these things in not. Not great ways.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Bicycles.

[B]

We invented bicycle.

[A]

You invented Fanta.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's on there.

[B]

Yeah. Fanta.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Orange soda. Diesel engine. Yeah.

[A]

Bicycles is huge.

[B]

Huge, huge.

[A]

Dude, airbags.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Gummy bears to me, is huge.

[B]

That's big.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Bl. Come on. Look at that.

[A]

Wait, I thought Henry Ford did that.

[B]

Maybe he just did the assembly line.

[A]

Well, who invented the car?

[B]

I guess the Germans. Maybe Mercedes Benz.

[A]

No, who really? Really?

[B]

Who invented the car?

[A]

Yeah, I want to know that. We gotta get the fact we invented.

[B]

The Christmas tree as well. By the way, Ben's Carl Benz. So that's. He invented the car. That's German.

[A]

That's German.

[B]

That's Mercedes Benz.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

Carl Benz.

[A]

Wow. That's insane. Well, good job, Airbeck.

[B]

Christmas tree is big.

[A]

What?

[B]

Christmas tree is a big one.

[A]

Yeah, Christmas tree, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know, though.

[B]

Germans big.

[A]

I don't even claim that.

[B]

It says it right there.

[A]

Yeah, I know. So you're the first people to put stuff on a tree.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, it is definitely German holiday.

[A]

Is Santa German?

[B]

Yeah, it's all. Look, it says in. Originate in Germany in the 16th century.

[A]

Let me see.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I can't believe you're not coming my show tonight.

[A]

Yeah. I just have to do this thing, I think.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

You know, I'll tell you why.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'll tell you why. Let's get. Get off this. I'll tell you why. It's because throughout my whole life, I've been known not to go to think these events. Yeah. I'm not good at the socializations, the social aspects of. Of show business. I've never been good at it. I've been called aloof. I've been called like, he seemed weird. You know, I mean, I'm being real. I mean, that's the things that people say. We're shocked. Yeah. People go, I don't invite him because it's weird. You know what I mean? Why? He just sits in a corner. I don't really talk too much. It's also, I try too hard sometimes because I gotta be cool, right? So it's just like I'm not like, I'll interject into a conversation I shouldn't. You know, I'll give you an example. Last week, we're in Vegas and I got. After my show with Bert, I got invited to Maroon 5.

[B]

Great.

[A]

And, you know, we saw Maroon 5. And then backstage, Adam wanted to say hi, so I brought my friend John park, dumbfounded. And talk about embarrassing. This guy tried so hard, like, like, Adam brought up Korea, and then John just stepped in. Well, yeah, Korea. I'm. I'm legit in Korea. He says, right. And eventually I had to go, adam, I'm sorry. He's trying too hard. And I backed him out.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Right? I go, shut the fuck up, dude. You're embarrassing.

[B]

You said that to him?

[A]

Yeah. And then later he got mad. He's like, you embarrassed me. I go, no, you embarrassed yourself. Okay. But I understand how John was, because that's what I'm like sometimes. Are you good at parties?

[B]

What is he famous for in Korea?

[A]

Nothing. That's what. No, he was like, I know all the, like, legit restaurants and.

[B]

Yeah. Why would Maroon Fuck care about that?

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Bingo.

[B]

Yeah. They're like, I don't care what the hot restaurant is in Pyongyang, Yang.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't care either. Yeah, yeah. Either. Anyone. Yeah, right. But. And I said, he likes you, John. Just back up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're trying too hard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then Adam laughed at that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And he thought I was ridiculing him.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

But anyway. But the truth be known is I.

[B]

Was a little nervous because of being.

[A]

Around him, just being around that whole situation because, you know, you watch that show, it's like high. The highest level of production.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's incredible. The sound. Did they choreography. Okay. It's fine. It's fine. Yeah, it's fine.

[B]

That's what. Germans invented the fart.

[A]

They did.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I'm not good at parties. No. I try to. Like, today I have a show, and then after there's people coming to the show, you know, it's la, the agents, and I just. I want to run out the back door right after utl. Wme.

[A]

Wme. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So I want to run because I don't like the social interaction because I can go on stage and do this all day for hours. But when it's the small talk, I don't know how to do it. I don't want to do it. I get very, very, very uncomfortable.

[A]

Yeah, me too. I'm not good at it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And. Yeah. It's unnatural almost.

[B]

You were really going to town yesterday on that jalapeno cornbread and the brisket in the Mac and cheese. You really.

[A]

Why would you.

[B]

You really just. No, because he had stomach problems all night. I heard him going to the bathroom all night. Were you.

[A]

Did you really? Can I be honest with you? I didn't. So I ate a couple of pieces, and my stomach has a instinctual alert system. Right.

[B]

Koreans invented that.

[A]

Yeah, I know we did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And it's sort of like a queef out of your butt. Yeah. It's not a fart. You know what I mean? But it's a queef.

[B]

It's like this.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And my butt did that. And I stopped eating it.

[B]

Smart.

[A]

It's my system going, there's something wrong.

[B]

And you didn't eat again for the rest of the night?

[A]

No, I did. Oh. I had pasta.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So you just had carbonara pasta.

[B]

You ignored the system.

[A]

I did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I had a difficult night.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Sometimes you ignore the system.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But. But when you. When you. When you did, you keep eating. Does your body have an alert system.

[B]

Sometimes. It didn't, it didn't with that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You had heartburn. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. And then we ate. And then we ate big Italian meal just before we came in. Then I fell asleep on Don's couch.

[A]

Oh, that's interesting. So let me ask you about your experiences in la. Do you. You don't like it?

[B]

La? Yeah, I don't have a problem with LA at all. But I am, I am absolutely. If you said, hey, Chris, your career will get twice as big. You just have to go to LA more or you just have to move to la. I would say I'd rather just stay where I'm at and just be in New York because I don't hate la. It's just my whole family and life and me feeling at peace is all in New York.

[A]

Sure, sure.

[B]

I like staying in the original 13 colonies.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

That's enough said. And the. Well put. Yeah, yeah, I agree.

[B]

Yes. I don't like it. Like, for me, if you could tell me I will have a career from, you know, Vermont to Georgia, the original 13, I would like to do that.

[A]

Really.

[B]

I don't like to go too far west. This is way too far. This is, to me, this is the Spanish. This is not our country. Our country, what our founding fathers believe was the thirteen colonies. And then Thomas Jefferson bought the Louisiana Purchase. He bought too much land.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's not what we wanted. That's not what was agreed upon. So I like staying in the original 13. So if we would have stayed with.

[A]

The 13 colonies, what would have happened with the rest of the country? You think it would have been like no man's land? No.

[B]

Would have stayed with Spain and France and do you know Thomas Jefferson, the actual president of the United States at this time when he bought the Louisiana Purchase, when they sent Lewis and Clark out into that big blue West. Thomas Jefferson, this is. This is why culture is and society is wild. Thomas Jefferson, who was the president, the sitting president, a very smart inventor type guy, he believed. And they. They were not sure if they were going to encounter dinosaurs or not.

[A]

Really.

[B]

I swear to God. In like Ohio and all that. They knew they were going to enc encountering hostile Native Americans, but they also thought there could be a Tyrannosaurus rex out there.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Because they didn't have any information.

[A]

Oh, right. They were scared.

[B]

Yeah, right, of course. But so, so that. That's what they thought, that, that they thought there were dinosaurs. Interesting. But see, the original 13. So from. So from actually not even in Vermont. Wasn't. Was an original. So from New Hampshire up to Georgia. That's right. That. That's my zone right there. That's where I like to sell tickets. That's where I like to stay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My family has fun there. We feel close.

[A]

But don't you like the way it's a little bit more space in la?

[B]

No.

[A]

You don't like space?

[B]

Gives me anxiety. Space. When you give me space, you give me places for people to hide. Ah, I don't like that there are.

[A]

Places to hide in New York. No, no.

[B]

But I know them all.

[A]

Oh, you know the little cubby holes?

[B]

Yeah, I know them all.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

Yes. And I. And I think that. And I think that for me, out here, things get a little weird. Out here, you get a lot of serial killers. Out here, you get a lot of people just alone with their thoughts. Out here, things can move too slow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's a lot of isolation where over here we're on top of each other. And that in the moments, can be frustrating, but that's.

[A]

That.

[B]

That makes us feel more connected as humans. And I. I like it born. I like it more in the original 13. Yeah.

[A]

Because so does Sam. Let's talk about the killer.

[B]

He was from New York. Yeah. So that. That's one you got me on.

[A]

No, I know. No, but that's only one. Really. I can't think of any other ones. Can you?

[B]

Yeah, the Boston Strangler.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, that's. He's a pretty good one. But. But the Son of Sam got caught quickly. No.

[B]

Or no Son of Sam.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Son of Sam, he shot people. He shot people. And allegedly Son of Sam, they pinned it on him. But he didn't do all the murders. They were. It was a cult of people doing the murders.

[A]

Oh, that's interesting tidbits. Thank you for saying.

[B]

Supposedly TT Jerry went. Was in prison with Son of Sam and told us that.

[A]

Wow. But you would have to admit, though, the Midwestern and the Northern serial killers are the worst.

[B]

The worst.

[A]

Don't you think?

[B]

The Midwestern and the Northern. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't. Well, the. Really. The mid. The, like, Milwaukee on Jeffrey Dahmer movie right now. Ted Bundy, Ed Gein. These are all like west west, where expansion is no good. Manifest Destiny. Yeah, I don't like that. I want the original 13. That's what. That's all. I think we should go back. If the United States owns any chance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I say we get rid of everything Besides those original 13 and people come and move to where? To the East Coast. What do you think? We have the weather there.

[A]

What do you think of Cal exit or Texas exit?

[B]

Like, I'm for it.

[A]

Your four states getting removed from the union. Union, yes. So much union. And just having their independent own country do it. You think so?

[B]

Do it. Because to me, it's. It's, you know, it's the east coast down to Georgia. Oh.

[A]

So what you're saying to me is that if. If Washington, Oregon and California got off and we were on our own country and then you did that with the 13 colonies.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That there would be a war? I think we'd be allies. No, we would be allies.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we would be allies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we would. Yeah, we would be allies. Texas wouldn't be our ally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't want Texas.

[A]

I feel like our army would be better than your army.

[B]

Which army are you in the Asian army?

[A]

No, no, no, no. I'm in the California, Oregon, Washington.

[B]

No, no, no. Because. Because somebody like Don, who's from Georgia.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That we have the Deep south in the 13 colors. They're. They're the fighters.

[A]

Yeah, but we have Ms. 13.

[B]

That's true. Yeah, but they're not. But they're not. They're not legal.

[A]

They might have them.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. We still have them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Rather, regardless, I'd make them.

[B]

They'll work for you.

[A]

I'll make them legal. Right. And that's a pretty good bar. Me throw out them first. Look at that. That guy, dude.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I don't want to fuck with that.

[A]

I don't want to fuck with that guy, dude. Yeah, his tattoos on his eyeball.

[B]

Those guys are bad.

[A]

They're pretty bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or good if they're listening.

[A]

Look at that hand gesture.

[B]

I can't even do that with my fingers.

[A]

I know. I have arthritis. Yeah. I couldn't do it.

[B]

Yeah. But I think. I think. Yeah. I think we should think more as Americans. We should think more about just going back to what this was originally intended.

[A]

I don't think so. It's never going to happen.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I think it's fine the way it is. You know, I think that we're, like, politically polarized in this country, like we've never seen. But I think at the end of the day, you know, we'll be fine.

[B]

That's the thing is, like, what. Do you think this is any worse today than it was in the French Revolution when they cut the King and Queen's heads off? Like, it's the same shit. Just relax. Everyone needs to just fucking relax. Saying everyone thinks they're in the worst. Tell that to a World War II veteran. That they're living in the worst time in American history. And they're like, what?

[A]

Yeah, it was.

[B]

Well, 400,000 soldiers died.

[A]

Yeah, There's. There's been a lot of points in American history that was worse.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah. I mean, the Depression was terrible.

[B]

The Great Depression.

[A]

The great one.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that's where jazz came out.

[B]

That's it. That's where jazz came out. And that's where. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Can you name me ten jazz musicians?

[B]

Not King Cole.

[A]

Not necessarily jazz. No.

[B]

Edgar Allan Poe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, no, hold on. Coltrane. Johnson.

[A]

John Coltrane. Yeah, I read that one.

[B]

Okay, you ready for this one?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

B.B.

[A]

King, Blues, Medgar Evers, but not jazz. Medgar Evers. Yes. Didn't play anything, but he did like a jazz.

[B]

Okay, here we go. Maya Angelou.

[A]

No, let's move on. Let's move.

[B]

No, no, no, no. Hold on.

[A]

You got nothing, right?

[B]

Ray Charles.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, do Ernest Hemingway.

[A]

Thanks for saying Ray Charles. I want to talk about this. This. We'll wrap it up with this.

[B]

Koreans invented braille.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Braille translators.

[B]

Oh, yes, that's right. Not even. They reimagined Braille.

[A]

I saw a documentary on Netflix. Netflix? It's the greatest night in music. I think I know what it was called.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I saw that. You saw We Are the World.

[A]

We Are the World. And did you see it? Oh, my God.

[B]

It's pretty.

[A]

It's incredible the way. I mean, imagine getting all those guys in one night to stay in one studio, Insane. Till five in the morning to get. Put, lay down a track right after they went to the AMA Awards or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, something like that.

[A]

Something like that. Right? And the amount of talent in that room. But without Quincy Jones and Michael Jackson, right?

[B]

Sure, dude.

[A]

The funniest parts is when Michael Jackson was with Lionel Richie and they're at, like, Michael Jackson's house, right? And Lionel Richie's, like, talking about something, and then all of a sudden he hears, like, a hiss.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, right? He goes, what the fuck is that? And then Michael Jackson goes, oh, there he is. He's been missing for so long. And there's this gigantic boa constrictor, right? And Rich is all freaked out, you know what I mean? Just to think that Michael Jackson, he's just like, not a normal.

[B]

No, because you can't be that talented and be normal. One or the other.

[A]

But you watch this, though, and you're like. And you're like, yeah, there is. When he was missing for, like, two days, I think, but it almost ate Lionel Richie. But. Yeah, but when you think of when you see that documentary, you go. And you see him singing and stuff, you go, wow, he's so. You can just tell how talented he is.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, big time. He. He was legend. Almost like he had autism.

[A]

Yeah. But there are some people in there. I don't know why they were in it.

[B]

Like, he, like, give me.

[A]

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

[B]

Like, why was Dan Aykroyd in it?

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Singer.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. What is he doing there? Yeah, but you saw him in it.

[B]

Huey Lewis. Well, he's a good singer, though. Yeah.

[A]

Hugh Lewis is a good.

[B]

Big celebrity.

[A]

Yeah, but, like, the one person they couldn't. That almost said no was Cyndi Laubert. She's like, I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, like, bitch.

[A]

Fucking Ray Charles is going, bitch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You go, bruce Springsteen.

[B]

Yeah, She's. Yeah. I mean, these. A lot of these people. Because there's just a little. Before my time. I don't even know who they are.

[A]

Well, yeah, you do.

[B]

Was Whitney Houston. Was she in it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Mariah Carey.

[A]

No, she wasn't around then. I mean, I'm gonna. Look at me right now. Do you know who Kenny Rogers is?

[B]

Yes. Yes, I do.

[A]

Give me a song.

[B]

No one to hold him. No one to fold.

[A]

Whoa. That was really good. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Give me another one. Give me another one.

[A]

Dionne Warwick.

[B]

She does the.

[A]

That's her name. Diane Warwick or Dion.

[B]

Dionne Warwick does. Does the tarot card readings.

[A]

Exactly. Bob Dylan.

[B]

You know, he died in the plane crash.

[A]

No, you know, Bob Dylan. You're being jokey.

[B]

No, I swear to. I swear.

[A]

You don't know who Bob Dylan is.

[B]

I do know who Bob Dylan is. I've heard the name. I don't know. One of his song. Let It Be. What's one of his songs?

[A]

Are you being fucking real right now?

[B]

I'm not even.

[A]

You're so dumb right now, dude. You're really upsetting the shit out of me.

[B]

No, no, no. Bob Dylan. I'm sure I know. If you ask me to pick him out of a line lineup. I'm sure I know. I think I could guess which one he was.

[A]

Yeah, but I think.

[B]

But I've heard the name Bob Dylan, but I don't know.

[A]

One of the songs okay, okay, so. But you know who he is. So you're.

[B]

I've heard of him, but I don't. I don't know his song.

[A]

You know Stevie Wonder, right?

[B]

Stevie Wonder, Yeah. You are the sunshine of my life.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You are the sunshine of my life.

[B]

You are the sunshine of my life. I just called say I love you.

[A]

And then Lionel Richie was. Anyway, what do you want to promote?

[B]

Anything. Christy, comedy.com. i got a bunch of stand up dates up there. Some are sold, selling well, some aren't. I had to cancel my shows in auction this weekend. I'm running into absolute ticket problems in certain markets.

[A]

Like what ones on this one?

[B]

This one. We could pick up the pace in Fort Worth, Texas, but that might, that might be. It might have happened already.

[A]

I think it's going to be good.

[B]

New Year's Eve in December, Phoenix in December. I will be in Phoenix, Arizona and Up Live, Stand Up Live, and then Miami Improv from December 28th to the 31st.

[A]

I just, I like doing my random weekends, you know what I mean?

[B]

But you're still away a lot because you do the movies.

[A]

Yeah, I'm doing that. But I would do different things, you know, I mean, a variety of different things. And then me and Andrew are going to do Australia and Singapore, but, you know, Australia's the lowest white I know. But that's what. They're my favorite. And they're. You know how I know they're lower? Because they're the girls that really hit on me a lot.

[B]

They love you on Instagram.

[A]

They really do. Let the hottest ones go. When are you coming, baby? You know, I mean, I don't know if that did accent, but anyway, thank you. So. Thank you for being a bad friend.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

That was great.