Loading summary
Andrew Santino
Hey, bad friends. I am going to be in San Diego, Bobby's hometown, on June 28 at the Sound in Del Mar North County. Come on out, dude. Take a break from the water and the sun. San Diego. Come see him at the sound. June 28th. Two shows, Early show and a late show. June 28th. Then July 24th, I'm going to be in St. Charles, Missouri. Basically, St. Louis. Right next door. Next door neighbors. Come out and see me at The Maristar Casino, St. Charles, St. Louis, Missouri. That's July 24, June 28, in San Diego. Come out and see me. Go to andrew santino.com for those tickets. Andrew santino.com. you two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?
Bobby Lee
White dude and an Asian dude.
Andrew Santino
You two are disgusting.
Bobby Lee
You two are something. We're bad friends.
Andrew Santino
Petey. Petey. Petey. Petey.
Bobby Lee
Petey. Petey. Pety. Pety. Pety. Pety. To Pety.
Andrew Santino
Peter. Pete.
Bobby Lee
Pete. Pete. Average white. Pete.
Andrew Santino
Pete. Pete.
Bobby Lee
Average white.
Andrew Santino
Normal white guy. Normal white guy. Normal white guy.
Bobby Lee
Pete. Texas, right? Yeah, I like it. Yeah, you like it.
Andrew Santino
Look who's back.
Bobby Lee
You're still buying beef at the store?
Andrew Santino
Oh, beef.
Bobby Lee
20% up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Eating the beef, huh? I'm eating the beef. Yeah. What else? What about gas? Gas? The lowest grade gas. You get the low grade. Yeah, I get supreme.
Andrew Santino
Anyway, that's just with. That's gas. With tomatoes and sour cream.
Bobby Lee
Exactly. They're working. It's like a baked potato. Yeah. Have you gotten colonoscopy? I haven't. Yeah, I just got mine last week.
Andrew Santino
Let's bring up the results.
Bobby Lee
No, I can just tell you the results.
Andrew Santino
It was awesome. The phone call made me happy. Yeah?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Zero polyps.
Bobby Lee
No. No polyps, no cancer. They did find a fingernail. Apparently. My ass was like a well from the Silence of the Lamb. Things are crawling out of it. You know what I mean? I think my poop has claws. They're just crawling out.
Andrew Santino
Something's got to be.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. They found a fingernail. Yeah. Yeah. And a little bit of aids, but you can't put that in there. They tested it. It's pure. Does.
Andrew Santino
Guess who's back from Coachella? Bobby Lee and Carlos Herrera went out to the desert. They were at Coachella. They were ripping it up.
Bobby Lee
Dude.
Andrew Santino
TMZ reported on it.
Bobby Lee
Well, RIP Ripping it up is. I'll tell you what happened. And may I show you my Coachella experience? I've never been before.
Andrew Santino
That's why I introed it.
Carlos Herrera
He was showing off his RIP wristband.
Bobby Lee
Oh, I Was showing off hot shot
Andrew Santino
with the new wristband.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, it's kind of like, rude.
Andrew Santino
Start it over.
Bobby Lee
Go ahead. Go ahead. No,
Andrew Santino
they tag you now.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
You're an.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Arrogant.
Andrew Santino
What section?
Bobby Lee
They're missing an A.
Andrew Santino
Hey, what's up, dude? What section are you in? Oh, sick dog. I'm in. Douchebag.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, that's artist. That's artists.
Andrew Santino
So whose artist pass was it?
Bobby Lee
Mine.
Andrew Santino
What artist gave you an artist pass?
Bobby Lee
Well, I. I'll be honest with you. We. We.
Carlos Herrera
We.
Bobby Lee
We know a guy, you know. Should we say his name? Yeah. And he's a pure white. He's a. What I like how to call a forever white.
Andrew Santino
Like me.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you're forever white, Cole. Like, you guys are the good ones, right? I mean, Pete, I think I would put you in that category.
Andrew Santino
What about McCone?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Not really. Because he can turn on a dime. That'. Allegiances. I don't know whose allegiances is to he.
Andrew Santino
That he. He is such a. A fence sitter. We don't know where.
Bobby Lee
We don't know where he is, dude. Yeah, yeah. He's sort of like Pakistan, Right?
Carlos Herrera
Right.
Andrew Santino
Who you are.
Bobby Lee
We're going to negotiate. We're. We're doing the negotiations, right? Yeah, but what. What's really going on here?
Andrew Santino
Pakistan is great.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so we. He really hooked us up, this guy Cole. He's such a nice guy. I hugged him a thousand times. I was so grateful that, you know, I mean, we were able to go and.
Andrew Santino
Who's the gentleman you're referring to?
Bobby Lee
Cole. He's the director. He's the director of the whole festival.
Andrew Santino
Oh, cool.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. Really cool guy. He looked after us, and we. The only show I saw, I saw two shows and he saw three.
Carlos Herrera
You were miserable at 1.
Bobby Lee
I barely saw one.
Andrew Santino
Well, who was the third?
Bobby Lee
Oh, so the. The first? I say two. Sabrina Carpenter. Let me tell you about Sabrina Carpenter.
Andrew Santino
Fill me in.
Bobby Lee
Okay, I will. She's a good performer. Pretty. She gave it her all, huh? I had rather been in an ice detention center. I'd rather been in a Japanese internment camp. It was pure painful. Until. That's me. Until grand Madonna came out. And when grandma Donna came out, I was so excited.
Andrew Santino
Grandma Madonna.
Bobby Lee
Grand Madonna. Madonna came out, but the Graham version.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Old Madonna, Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Grandma Madonna, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Grandma Madonna, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Grandmama. Grandmama Madonna, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Grandma, yeah, yeah. And she did vogue and when, you know, I mean, come on. Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Let your body move with the music.
Bobby Lee
She's a. Strike a pose and when she Struck the pose. She had her walking.
Andrew Santino
Her walker.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, her walker. It was incredible. And she was doing that, right? She was doing a lot of leaning against, you know what I mean? Objects.
Andrew Santino
I heard Madonna's tour bus pulled up into the handicapped parking spot.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Wait a minute.
Bobby Lee
But she was incredible.
Andrew Santino
Was she a surprise guest?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. We heard. So, you know, I'm watching us. I here's another weird thing is when you've never heard of the music. I. I kept calling her. What? Karen Carpenter. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because I did. I kept messing up the names. Yeah. Carpenter is a good performer is what I. Look at, look at the set, right?
Andrew Santino
She was good.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Carpenter.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Karen Carpenter was so good.
Andrew Santino
Great musician.
Bobby Lee
You barely see her, she's so skinny.
Andrew Santino
So this is. This is Sabrina Carpenter.
Bobby Lee
Sabrina Carpenter. She's killing it on stage. But when you haven't heard the music before, like not a single. Have you heard of the music before?
Carlos Herrera
No, I didn't know anything.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. I kept call looking at Carlos and the girls. Me, Jules, Isa are going crazy, like saying the words, you know. Espresso.
Andrew Santino
Oh, espresso.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's her song. Oh yeah. Is it?
Andrew Santino
How does it, how does it go?
Bobby Lee
I don't know. Espresso, Espresso.
Andrew Santino
Get me an espresso.
Bobby Lee
Hey, hey, hey.
Andrew Santino
Why don't you get me an espresso? Let me do the lyrics and see if I can get.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, see if you can do it.
Andrew Santino
Now he's thinking bout me every night. Oh, isn't that sweet? I guess so. Say you can't sleep, baby I know that's me espresso can you zoom it in?
Bobby Lee
Maybe. Try me doing a lyric here.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, let's hear it.
Bobby Lee
Move it up, down, left, right on switch up like Nintendo say you can't sleep, baby I know that's me Espresso
Andrew Santino
I can't relate to desperation My give a fucks are on vacation and I got this one boy he won't stop calling when the ex way I know I got him Wait a minute, time out.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
I can't relate to desperation I give a are on vacation yeah. Clean yeah. And I got this one boy he won't stop calling yeah when they act this way you know I got him no and I don't like that.
Bobby Lee
I don't like it either.
Andrew Santino
Too bad for your ex don't do it for you walked in a dream came true for you Soft skin and I perfumed it for you Yes, I know it for you yes that morning coffee brewed it for you? Yes. That one touch brand. I knew it for you. Now he's thinking about me every night. Isn't that sweet? Guess you can't sleep.
Bobby Lee
You know, that's how good. That's how it goes. That's not how it goes. No, yeah, yeah. It was much slower.
Andrew Santino
Well, it should have been faster.
Bobby Lee
All. If all the songs were faster, it'd be like a 50 minute set. Oh, you lied. I. I turned to Carlos, I go, how long is this? He goes, 45 minutes. Her set. Yeah. And then an hour, an hour and a half in. I looked at him, I go, you're a liar.
Carlos Herrera
It's because the Strokes didn't play long last week, so I assumed it would be the same amount of time.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. So. But when Grandma Donna. Grandma Grandma Madonna came out, it was exciting because she did Vogue just Like a Prayer with Karen Carpenter. And it was like.
Andrew Santino
A Prayer is one of my favorite songs.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. It's so it was like. Then I got goosebumps. Right, right. And I was, oh, you know, this is incredible. But then I couldn't wait to get the out of there.
Andrew Santino
Well, it's too many people, man.
Bobby Lee
Oh, my.
Andrew Santino
Well, in our area, you're in the vip. Yeah.
Carlos Herrera
He was by the trailers. Like, Snoop Dogg walked by him and he's just like laying back, getting recognized.
Andrew Santino
Snoop walked by high as a.
Bobby Lee
Well, you're sitting next to a guy that, you know, you're talk a while and. And I go, what do you do? He's like, oh, I'm in the suicidal tendencies.
Andrew Santino
Oh, really?
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that. It was that kind of vibe, you know what I mean? And then. So then the Strokes came on the second night. Wow. And that was fun.
Andrew Santino
They're. They're good.
Bobby Lee
They were good. And then I turned to Jules, Issa and Kid Kua. They do not know who are
Carlos Herrera
Easter Island.
Bobby Lee
They have no idea what's going on.
Andrew Santino
Well, they don't know the Strokes. Right.
Bobby Lee
They don't know. And also when. When Madonna came out, Issa goes, when who came out? Madonna came out?
Andrew Santino
Who?
Bobby Lee
Grandma Donna came out. Yeah. Issa looked at Jules and goes, who is that? Which is crazy.
Andrew Santino
It's weird to be in this. Like, they're in a gap where that's too old. And the Strokes are not as old as Madonna. But not their style of music.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
So they're missing these two.
Bobby Lee
Right. That's kind of why also, when you're the oldest guy in the whole place, it feels weird. I know. I mean, you would see Other. But they're working.
Carlos Herrera
It's like Rick Rubin and you.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, Rick Rubin, me. There's a guy with a camera that's like. I mean, been doing it for 40 years.
Andrew Santino
You're in a class of your own.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So then we. Oh. So we're sitting there. The YouTube area. It's lightly lit. And then. Then we. To the second level above us was literally the Manson girls.
Andrew Santino
You mean like Charles Manson's?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Do you remember in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, that girl that was hitchhiking?
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
So there's three girls up there. They're wearing no shoes.
Andrew Santino
Wait, Margaret Qualley was right.
Bobby Lee
No, no, no, it wasn't. Mark.
Andrew Santino
Amazing.
Bobby Lee
No, that's not that. No, they were wearing no shoes.
Andrew Santino
They were like hippie chicks at Spawn, Right?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And they're just like. Yeah. Oh, and you. Here's the most.
Carlos Herrera
That's cool, though.
Bobby Lee
Here's the most. Or once I walked in, is the most annoying. I knew I wasn't gonna have a good time. What? The lady at the gate, she says to me, watch this. This would. Don't know you. Yeah, I'm going through. And she goes, stay hydrated.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Like, I know what water is like. I've been drinking water longer than you. I know about electrolytes. I know about the whole thing.
Andrew Santino
To be fair.
Bobby Lee
What? I don't look like I'm hydrated.
Andrew Santino
You look quite dry.
Bobby Lee
I do. No. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You're a sober guy. She's speaking to the drug addicts that are there. That place is full of people on drugs and. And drinking heavily. Yes. Most. You know, many times. Google how many people pass out or need medical help at a Coachella weekend.
Bobby Lee
I guarantee.
Andrew Santino
I guarantee you it's in the hundreds of people. Because here's why. Every year, something bad people have. They pass out. People overdose.
Bobby Lee
The weekend before, a light bulb, a gigantic light bulb this side fell on a person's head.
Andrew Santino
I heard about that.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That's crazy. Look at this. What does that say? 80 walking. 21. 21. Okay.
Bobby Lee
Amputees.
Andrew Santino
So last year, 100 people had to get emergency services because they're either too high.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
They're not drinking water. Which is why that woman is doing her job.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And if she's doing her job, it'll go down again next year.
Bobby Lee
It wasn't what she was saying is how she said it.
Andrew Santino
You didn't like her. Her vibe.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Drink water.
Bobby Lee
Like, stay hidden.
Andrew Santino
I mean, that would make me laugh, though.
Bobby Lee
It. It made me laugh at first, but Then it made me mad. Yeah. You got to know of, like, you know what I mean? I know how water works.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, lady.
Bobby Lee
I know how water. Yeah, I know how water. You know how water works, right?
Andrew Santino
Just found out. This stuff is fantastic.
Bobby Lee
It's the best beverage on the best beverage on earth. Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
But so, so then you're backstage. The Manson girls are there.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
This is a big group. Or did you guys split up with you and Jules Nisa, were.
Bobby Lee
They.
Andrew Santino
Did everyone at that point?
Bobby Lee
It was me, the girl I was seeing, and Carlos. And behind us were three Manson girls, you know, I mean, with no shoes on, and they're just, you know, I mean, just doing things, vibing.
Carlos Herrera
Dude, I like that.
Bobby Lee
I know you like that. That's when you said the other thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they were like, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And it's like, like, it's also. I know how much it costs to be there in that area. Yeah. You know, I mean, and they, you know, their feet are just dirt.
Andrew Santino
But you didn't have to pay for that area. They did what you.
Bobby Lee
So that's what I'm saying. It's like, here's. So I was in the artist area and there was three blokes. They're from England.
Andrew Santino
Hello, Mike.
Bobby Lee
Hello, Mike. Right. I go, oh, you bab. And I go, yeah. And they're like. I go, what do you guys do? You know what I mean? We're investors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finance investor.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And so you realize it's just all rich people, old money. We've got.
Andrew Santino
We've got really old money.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Really got. Yeah. And then you realize when you're there in front of a sea of people, and you go, in your mind, you're trying to have a good time, but in your mind, we're in a war.
Andrew Santino
Would you ever go to Coachella? Yeah, I told you. I think I, I went to, like, the fifth or sixth one.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Ever.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And I've never been back.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I went to it and I was like, this is, you know me. That is my nightmare.
Bobby Lee
You know me, that's my nightmare.
Andrew Santino
Thousands of people. Like, I can't do that. I, I. But you, you know, but you're different in the fact that, like, you can enjoy. You can enjoy, like, the scene with, with, with the family. You can. With the girls.
Bobby Lee
Was I enjoying?
Carlos Herrera
You eventually did. Yeah. You found, like, good in it.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
I can go to one show if it's a one band I want to see.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Andrew Santino
I can't do.
Bobby Lee
You can't sit through Karen Carpenter.
Andrew Santino
What the.
Bobby Lee
No. For an hour and a half.
Andrew Santino
Like a festival of Karen Carpenter.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I can't do that. Anxiety.
Bobby Lee
I don't.
Andrew Santino
Where did you poop? Where do you poop?
Bobby Lee
Oh, in it. They have nicer ones now. Oh, they do for the vip. There's nicer ones. They look like. Like maybe a Nobu bathroom. I went to Nobu. I'll tell you about Coachella. Yeah. I'll tell you about my noob. But I wanted to say this.
Andrew Santino
What?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. So the Nobu is one thing. All right, so. So I. I made a. I made a promise with myself. I'll never go back. I don't care what it is.
Andrew Santino
Thank you.
Bobby Lee
It depend it. I don't care if it's the return of Jesus Christ. I'll go to hell.
Andrew Santino
Can you.
Bobby Lee
Whatever. Yeah. Return of Jesus Christ. Right. I ain't going.
Andrew Santino
Would he play the main stage? They couldn't get Jesus on the main stage. They're like, look.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. Ariana Grande beats the number.
Andrew Santino
Harry Styles is going to get mainstage.
Carlos Herrera
He's a stage coach.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
That's so funny.
Andrew Santino
Jesus is at Bonnaroo.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I mean, they could do the return of the Beatles and have George and John's bones up there. Just. You know what I mean? I would not go. You know what I mean? I still would not.
Andrew Santino
Just marry.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Marionette when you bit old. Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
That would be so funny.
Bobby Lee
I know. Tax Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
You still wouldn't go.
Bobby Lee
You wouldn't go.
Andrew Santino
You would never go.
Bobby Lee
I would never go back. Right, Terrible. Do. Do the thing. So then Carlos says to me, he goes, I got Chernobyl. Where? At Coachella? And I go, oh, that's cool. Thank you. He's at 7 o'. Clock.
Carlos Herrera
For my birthday, I got him Nobu.
Andrew Santino
How did you do that?
Bobby Lee
And for. For your birthday, I got you Coachella. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, so I think that I won.
Carlos Herrera
It's not a contest.
Bobby Lee
I know, but what you just said was. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
No, you did. You did do that.
Bobby Lee
You just did do that.
Carlos Herrera
I'm a little edgy.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Wait, why?
Carlos Herrera
Molly 18.
Bobby Lee
So he gets me. Yeah. I want to say this one. And I'm gonna narc on you.
Andrew Santino
So, first of all, you lied because when I called you and we talked, I said, did you do any drugs at Coachell?
Carlos Herrera
And you said, I don't consider Molly
Bobby Lee
a drug because it's not just drugs. It's not just. Oh, I'm sorry, can I interrupt? Can I interrupt?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Can I interrupt?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
He comes out into the. Because we have. We Airbnb house.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
He comes into the living room. I'm sorry. Happy birthday. He brings out a Bible.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, no.
Andrew Santino
While you're on Molly. No.
Bobby Lee
And he opens up the Bible. It's not a Bible. It's a drug pharmacy.
Andrew Santino
Carlos. You still have the drug Bible? That's insane. Yeah, it's like a little travel case. His little Bible.
Carlos Herrera
It has a lock on it.
Andrew Santino
I know. Yeah. Oh, thanks. That's good.
Carlos Herrera
Dog and kid proof.
Bobby Lee
That's why I brought it. Written Arabic. Still written Arabic, this Bible, right?
Andrew Santino
Inshallah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And so are you mad at that?
Carlos Herrera
No. It made Bieber so much fun.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah. So then he makes me go to Nobu. Now it sounds good.
Carlos Herrera
Nobody make you go to no time.
Andrew Santino
Hold, stop. Let him get it out. Where is the Nobu?
Bobby Lee
Just in the middle of the festival.
Andrew Santino
There's a Nobu in the grounds. Like, they built a.
Bobby Lee
No, they built a nobu in the grounds.
Andrew Santino
What? That's crazy.
Bobby Lee
But unfortunately, they built it. So you're on a patio outside, and literally 200ft away is the stage of the EDM Festival. Right. So you're eating. You're eating. You're eating sushi in an earthquake. It was the most unpleasant human experience. And I felt bad for the sushi chefs.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Because you have to be there all day.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I bet they got paid handsomely.
Bobby Lee
I. I hope so.
Andrew Santino
I guarantee you. They made so much fucking money because
Bobby Lee
they're there all day listening to this.
Carlos Herrera
That's the View.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I gotta tell. That's the view. That's the stage. And that's not one speaker.
Andrew Santino
That's all of the speakers.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, that's the kind of speakers in Close Encounters with Third Kind, they communicated with aliens.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I mean, that's that speaker, dude.
Andrew Santino
Acorns. You know what?
Bobby Lee
I. I wish I knew about investing
Andrew Santino
earlier in my life. Yeah, me too.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And acorns is the thing. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow.
Andrew Santino
That's exactly right. Because here's the problem. People think, oh, you need a lot of money to start investing.
Bobby Lee
You don't.
Andrew Santino
No, you don't.
Bobby Lee
You don't.
Andrew Santino
You can start investing with whatever you got right now, because it's all about the future, all right? You want to do something about the money you have tomorrow, Acorns wants to help. And with the Acorns potential screen, you can find out what your money is capable of doing down the road.
Bobby Lee
Acorns is all in one no more finance apps cluttering up your phone. With Acorns, you can invest, save and give your money a chance to grow in one trusted place.
Andrew Santino
That's right, Acorns grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or thinking about settling down, Acorns supports your big and small goals across every life stage. And I'm telling you, you do want to save because you don't know what's coming down the road ahead of you or if you're looking for something that you want to buy that you've always had your eye on. Acorns helps you do that, giving your money a chance to grow. And you can adjust what you're investing every day, every week, every month to make sure you're building towards those financial goals. Well, how big or small they may be, it doesn't matter.
Bobby Lee
Set up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus. Investment join over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns.
Andrew Santino
Head to acorns.com/bad friends or download the Acorn to get started. Paid Down Client Endorsement Compensation provides incentive deposit promote acorns tier 2 compensation provided potential subject to various factors such as customers accounts, age and investment settings does not include Acorns fees Result to not predict or represent the performance of any Air Corn portfolio. Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor view important disclosures@acorns.com BadFriend Hymns hey, when thinning starts, it's not just your hair that takes a hit. It can change how you feel day in and day out. And HIMS makes it simple to take control of hair regrowth with personalized care that fits your life. Look, I'm in my 40s, Bobby's in his 50s, we are all getting older and the hair is getting a little wispier. Okay? You got better things to do than sit in a doctor's office all day talking about your hairline. That's why HIMS offers access to expert backed hair loss treatments entirely done on the Internet. Hair loss doesn't fix itself and the earlier you act, the better it is for you. HIMS makes starting simple with 100% online process, personalized treatment plans delivered right to you. Doctor trusted ingredients like finasteride and minoxidil can stop further hair loss and regrow that beautiful lettuce you got in as Little as three to six months. It's pretty quick. Shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. They're going to bring expert care to you. For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, ED, weight loss, and so much more, visit hims.com Bad Friends that's hims.com Bad Friends for your free online visit hims.com Bad Friends Future products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for for full details, restrictions and important safety information. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride.
Bobby Lee
There's nothing like my American Express Platinum card. I love that I can earn hotel credits when I travel. I can also earn resi credits, so, you know, I'm hitting the restaurants everyone's talking about. Plus, with the digital entertainment credit, I'm even more excited to catch my favorite shows. All in all, I can access over $3,500 in annual value with benefits and eligible purchases across travel, entertainment, entertainment and more. Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore Platinum Enrollment Requirements monthly and other limits in terms apply.
Andrew Santino
I was in the desert. I was in Las Vegas.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Viva Las Vegas. Interesting place. Interesting.
Bobby Lee
I've been there. Like it as if I've never been there.
Andrew Santino
Do you like it?
Bobby Lee
In what way?
Andrew Santino
Exactly? In what way?
Bobby Lee
Ditto exactly. Ditto to you, my friend.
Andrew Santino
Every time I go to Vegas, this so much smoke.
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
I can't breathe. Dude. Michelle we says, by the way, who does Michelle We?
Bobby Lee
Oh, the athlete.
Andrew Santino
Probably the greatest female golfer on earth. She loves. She loves you.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Loves you. Oh, I wish Bobby would come to something like that.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Michelle we west one of the best.
Bobby Lee
And then we were watching the Strokes. Josh. Adam Myers walks by, like, in the
Andrew Santino
elite area to his voice.
Bobby Lee
I. Well, I don't know. And you know, he's with the Strokes. You know what I mean? And I go, hey, Josh. He doesn't turn around, texts me later. Where are you?
Andrew Santino
Oh, you think he saw you and pretended to not see you?
Bobby Lee
I don't know.
Andrew Santino
That's up.
Bobby Lee
I don't know. Oh, Bobby, I. Oh, he's on too, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
You think he did a thing where
Bobby Lee
it's like, I don't know. I love that movie. What? I love that for him. Yeah. Because he's in a different class.
Andrew Santino
What does that mean? What do you mean?
Bobby Lee
He's with the band.
Andrew Santino
You're with the band.
Bobby Lee
No, I wasn't I was back. We went back there to see them and I couldn't get to him.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, he was looking for the stroke.
Bobby Lee
I was.
Andrew Santino
And you couldn't get to.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Carlos Herrera
We couldn't find them.
Bobby Lee
We couldn't find them. Yeah. But there was. We ran to that comedian, Megan Stalter. Stalter. I said hi to her.
Andrew Santino
Oh, Meg Stalter.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So funny.
Bobby Lee
And then I ran into just like Minnie Mouse.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, she's funny.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And this is one kid. We don't. Still don't know who he is. But he had like three. What do you call them? Carlos. Oh, like piercings on his right eye and he was just kind of sweating. I just got off stage. The mainstay. We still don't know who it was.
Andrew Santino
A comedian.
Bobby Lee
No, he was a performer.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah, yeah. There was no comedy at Coachella.
Bobby Lee
Right. Imagine.
Andrew Santino
I mean, they could have. They could have a comedy tent and do very well. I bet.
Bobby Lee
You think so?
Carlos Herrera
100 asked at other festivals, like, yeah, they do that.
Andrew Santino
What do you mean?
Bobby Lee
But you wouldn't. It wouldn't be our types of comedy. I looked at the demographic. There's just no way.
Andrew Santino
Who would it be? Who would headline Coachella?
Bobby Lee
Okay. Oh, this is good.
Andrew Santino
I mean, first of all, Chappelle could easily do that.
Bobby Lee
He could, but I'm talking about it would be more like on the smaller tents, a smaller tent, more of a. I could see Moshe Casher.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
These types of, you know, I mean, east side. East side or east side.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that.
Bobby Lee
I could see David Cross doing.
Andrew Santino
Well, no, he would never go out there.
Bobby Lee
That's another. That. When I said that, I go, I promise you this. I will not run into a single. Except for Meg, but she's an actress. Right. I'll not run into a traditional stand up comic here ever. Because there's just. Imagine David Tell sitting there watching Karen Carpenter.
Andrew Santino
No, but that's not. But that's not true. There's. There comics that are in the psychedelics would absolutely go to that. There's a lot of comics that like music and psychedelics. I'm sure there's a lot of guys that would go do that.
Bobby Lee
I'm. I just, I never ran into one.
Andrew Santino
I bet you there's way more than you thought were out there. You think so I, I would assume that like. Yeah, no, not, you know, I couldn't
Bobby Lee
see like a traditional.
Andrew Santino
Not like Louis CK is.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. There's no way Louie's gonna be there watching. Yeah. I mean, Sabrina Carpenter.
Andrew Santino
No, but there's some people that are. That. Yeah, there's some drug. Drug comics that like to get high and listen to music also.
Bobby Lee
It. What? What? When did Bieber end? 1:00am 1:00am Imagine being out there at 1:00am in the desert.
Carlos Herrera
It was great.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, he loved it.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I'm 54. My body couldn't do it.
Andrew Santino
You got to go home.
Bobby Lee
I did the Strokes and I did three hops and then everything broke.
Carlos Herrera
Remember he was hopping hard.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I was hopping hard.
Andrew Santino
I broke from the stroke.
Bobby Lee
I mean it. I couldn't Bob anymore.
Andrew Santino
You loved it, though, because you were on mdma.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, I took it for Bieber. I didn't.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, no, you were taking it all day long. I saw.
Carlos Herrera
Those are mushrooms.
Bobby Lee
Oh, okay.
Andrew Santino
So you're eating mushrooms all day and then took Molly at night for Bieber.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, it was the warm up.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, it's warm up. Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
And then he slept in the house with you?
Bobby Lee
He slept in the door, but I had to lock the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was literally right next to me. I had to lock the door.
Andrew Santino
How many. It was a lot of rooms.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, there were a lot. Like 12 rooms.
Andrew Santino
And you slept next to him?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, But I had to lock his door to my room.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Because I was with my friend and it's like I didn't want him to walk in.
Andrew Santino
Right, right.
Bobby Lee
Because that would be.
Andrew Santino
That'd be gross.
Bobby Lee
Because then he would take his clothes off. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I mean.
Bobby Lee
And then try to ram it in me.
Andrew Santino
I thought about you on the week, all weekend. Because I was with a table of friends and one of my friend's girlfriends didn't understand how I could pick out which of the girls on the floor of the casino were professionals.
Bobby Lee
Oh.
Andrew Santino
So she's like, how do you know? I'm like, what? It's so clear. Like, it's so obvious what girls are out.
Bobby Lee
Well, tell me the rules.
Carlos Herrera
What's the hottest one wearing nice shoes?
Andrew Santino
First of all, dead giveaway at any casino you go to, like the bar there. If you're at a casino and you're not gambling.
Bobby Lee
What casino?
Andrew Santino
Any. Every.
Bobby Lee
All.
Andrew Santino
Everyone.
Bobby Lee
All center of the. Because there's always a center bar.
Andrew Santino
Well, there's always a bar that's near where the tables are. Right. Whether people are paying $80 a drink. But you can get a drink for free if you just gamble. So it's the dumbest shit.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So it's usually a single girl sitting alone who's remarkably attractive, wearing a dress that's not even on her body.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And she's on her phone the whole time.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Right.
Andrew Santino
And then she's waiting at the bar for, you know, old man McGillicuddy to sit down.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Who's got a suit jacket? The old guys always have a suit jacket that are rich. They don't dress like.
Bobby Lee
I love old men.
Andrew Santino
Old men are the best.
Bobby Lee
No, middle. Middle color. Cuddy.
Andrew Santino
McGillicuddy.
Bobby Lee
McGillicuddy. McGillicollet. Cuddy.
Andrew Santino
Mcgillicuddy.
Bobby Lee
McGillicuddy. Yeah. Okay.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And they're always alone. They always are alone. Because then what they do is old man killicoly. McKillikully. He's not alone.
Bobby Lee
Oh, he's not alone.
Andrew Santino
He's with guys.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
But the professional is alone. And then she chums it up. Oh, my God. And then gives him the thought, oh, this is the. She's like, who are you here with? And he's with some. Some friends. She's like, let me get some of my friends. And then you'll see the professionals start coming. Like moth to a flame. A few other hot girls were. Some somehow show up out of nowhere.
Bobby Lee
Or light bulb.
Andrew Santino
In his older. What?
Bobby Lee
Or light bulb.
Andrew Santino
Oh, moth to a flame is the phrase.
Bobby Lee
But yeah. I'm just any kind of source of
Andrew Santino
any kind of source of life. Incandescent.
Bobby Lee
I want to be. Yeah. Inconsistent.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And they'll show up and then you'll just notice.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Five very slovenly looking, middle of nowhere men.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
With three to five unbelievably attractive women wearing nothing half of their age. And you're like, these guys are going to get run on by these professionals. These girls are going to take these guys. We watched it happen like live. And my friend's girlfriend was like, how did you. How did you like call that? I was like, it's. It's so see through. Why would that girl talk to that guy? Because he's got the cash, baby. Go to the high limit rooms. Always a professional. Walking around or sitting kind of waiting near it.
Bobby Lee
I would have no idea.
Andrew Santino
It's so obvious.
Carlos Herrera
We saw that in Vegas last time.
Andrew Santino
100.
Bobby Lee
I have no idea.
Andrew Santino
So you can pick them off from a mile away.
Bobby Lee
Very easy.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
It happened when we were. Where was I? Just. Oh, with.
Bobby Lee
Because my assumption would be like, oh, she's. Her boyfriend's in the bathroom.
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
You know what I mean? Oh, she's just waiting for her boyfriend in the bathroom.
Andrew Santino
You can always tell.
Bobby Lee
Really?
Andrew Santino
You. It's just there's a vibe that they're doing that you're like, they're they're obviously waiting for their target. Like, they're waiting for the target to arrive. If you walk up to her, and if guys walk up to her and flirt with her, which I'm sure they do, she probably them off.
Bobby Lee
Why?
Andrew Santino
Because she's looking for the. She goes fishing. She's not looking to be caught. She's fishing.
Bobby Lee
Oh, she's fishing.
Andrew Santino
She's finding the idiot that she's looking to take down, so they find the guy.
Bobby Lee
When you see. You see all these things, like target, take down. What is going on here?
Andrew Santino
They're all in the military.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, because you're scaring me.
Andrew Santino
Well, they work. They seriously work like that. Everything is strategy. You can just see the way they operate. It's all strategy, by the way they. They operate with these guys. But you. We watched it happen, and she was shocked. She, like, couldn't believe it. I was like, well, we saw it in Vegas together. It was so you. And then when I was with Gillis, same thing. We sit at the bar. Me and Derosa are sitting at the bar having a cocktail.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I'm about to go to bed because I play golf the next morning.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And this girl sitting alone, and then she slowly is, like, kind of leaning in on our conversation, and she zones in on Derosa, and I slowly fade off into the background.
Bobby Lee
Right?
Andrew Santino
And I can see it happening.
Bobby Lee
You become a whisperer.
Andrew Santino
And I texted him, I said, joe, don't do anything stupid.
Bobby Lee
Oh, so, but what happens next?
Andrew Santino
Then she does chats. Who you hear without, like, a formal,
Bobby Lee
tell me the rules.
Andrew Santino
Then he buys her a drink. He buys her a drink. You can do. Then it's like, oh, let's have another. Have another drink.
Bobby Lee
How much is that?
Andrew Santino
Do you want to gamble? Drinks at those bars are, like 25 bucks.
Carlos Herrera
Probably.
Andrew Santino
They're a ripoff.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. But they don't drink, so.
Andrew Santino
And then she goes, oh, I want to go gamble. Do you want to get. Oh, my God, let's go gamble. Just you and me. Separate him from the herd, right? This is how they kill their prey. They go, let's go gamble, you and me. So then they take him to a table. Dude, I've seen it happen.
Bobby Lee
I've seen it happen.
Andrew Santino
And then they take them to a table or they go, let's play slots, whatever. And it's like.
Bobby Lee
So you can tell this guy, this target, right? You can call them the usa.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I mean, right?
Andrew Santino
Yes.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you take the usa, Take it into you. I mean, a hostile environment, because the
Andrew Santino
USA thinks he's the man. I'm the man.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got money. I got money. I got money. I'll give you money. I'll give you whatever you want. Okay, now I'm beginning to see it now. Yeah, I'm beginning to see it now. Yeah. Okay.
Andrew Santino
Maybe the greatest analogy of all time.
Bobby Lee
I think so. I think so. I think it's perfect. It's perfect.
Andrew Santino
And they separate them. They start to gamble. They're drinking more. They're gambling.
Bobby Lee
Right, Right.
Andrew Santino
Maybe Then. Then. Then comes in the drop about.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Should we get a bag?
Bobby Lee
Whoa.
Andrew Santino
Do you want to. Oh. Do you like to party?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Then this drops in. Right. Then you start to see the swirl.
Bobby Lee
What do we mean? What's a bag? Coke. Do you want a bag?
Andrew Santino
Should we get a bag?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And then depending on if.
Bobby Lee
Is that the term?
Andrew Santino
Get a bag?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. Because I wouldn't know what that meant. And she goes, if you want a bag. I go, a bag of groceries.
Andrew Santino
What you want?
Bobby Lee
You want Instacart?
Andrew Santino
Let's go to Trader Joe.
Bobby Lee
I wouldn't know the term.
Andrew Santino
Be so funny to take a prostitute just to Trader Joe's.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
You take her.
Bobby Lee
This is what I meant. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I mean, I just wanted stuff for my apartment.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Then they. They ask for drugs. And if the subject is like, if
Bobby Lee
I said, I don't do bags, that's fine.
Andrew Santino
You're probably less likely now for her to attack harder.
Bobby Lee
Oh, okay. So give me the situation. All right, Now I say okay. I say, all right.
Andrew Santino
So you're sober.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I've been sober for four years.
Andrew Santino
Oh.
Bobby Lee
And I'm gonna talk like Coachella. I just wanted to go with this. There. Yeah. I mean, hydrate.
Andrew Santino
And then. So, all right, so I'm the professional.
Bobby Lee
You're the professional. So, yeah, I don't do drugs. I've been silver for four years. I don't have a back.
Andrew Santino
That's no problem.
Bobby Lee
There's. That's not a problem.
Andrew Santino
Not at all.
Bobby Lee
Okay, so what do we do next?
Andrew Santino
Let's go gamble some more.
Bobby Lee
Okay, let's gamble. So we're gambling I spent about three grand. Right. And then at one point. What happens after that?
Andrew Santino
She goes, oh, God. Is this hotel nice?
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah. I have a suite here.
Andrew Santino
You do?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Can we. Can I check it out? I want to see. I've never seen the sweets here. Okay, see, you're in.
Bobby Lee
All right, so we go to the elevator. Boop. Because you have to put the boot
Andrew Santino
you're in the elevator.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah. And you take your. You have to hack your room key. Poop it. Right? Yeah. So once you see the room, I mean, what happens?
Andrew Santino
I just want to check it out.
Bobby Lee
Oh, you want to check it out. All right, we're in the room.
Andrew Santino
Is there a mini bar in here?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I want to do a shot. Let's do a shot.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I don't drink. I just said that. I don't do bags or drinks.
Andrew Santino
Can I do a shot?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I guess. Okay.
Andrew Santino
I do a shot.
Bobby Lee
Right?
Andrew Santino
Ready?
Bobby Lee
I'm feeling good.
Andrew Santino
It's warm in here. Shirts off, tits out.
Carlos Herrera
Wait, Andrew.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Carlos Herrera
She needs to go to the bathroom first to text her pimp that she's okay.
Andrew Santino
Oh, oh.
Bobby Lee
So the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. By the way.
Andrew Santino
By the way.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I've only seen this from the floor level.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Carlos needs to take it from here.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
I actually don't know the next move. I'm making it up as we go, but that sounds right.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Well, tell us what they do when they get into the room.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Carlos Herrera
Hold on. Can I use your restroom? And then like it's like 10 minutes. It's way too long. Like, things are happening.
Bobby Lee
How much does this cost, Carlos? Yeah.
Carlos Herrera
In Vegas, a G minimum. And then she's going to be. She's going to take her shirt off.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Carlos Herrera
She'll be like, oh, if you want to do anything else, you have to tip me.
Andrew Santino
So they take their shirt off.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Carlos Herrera
They're like, okay.
Andrew Santino
And she says, you have to tip me. But you already paid her a thousand dollars.
Carlos Herrera
Anything else is extra. You have to tip me.
Andrew Santino
So thousand dollars is just to hang with her?
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, just for five minutes.
Andrew Santino
No, that's no way that I'm serious. For nothing.
Carlos Herrera
That's how they really.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I'm out.
Carlos Herrera
That's how they rip.
Andrew Santino
You're not even getting like a tuggy or something.
Carlos Herrera
No, that's how they rip people off in Vegas or la. You have to.
Bobby Lee
It feels too, you know, I mean,
Andrew Santino
the only story I know. Yeah, I mean, other than the ones you've told me, but from a friend of mine who isn't a guy that would do this usually. This was very out of pocket for him, but I think he was newly single and going through a rough patch.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
This is a long time ago, but he told me they were drinking and he thinks that she drugged him. Well, okay. She know. He knows. I mean, he was drinking all day. He was hammered.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
But then he passed out, blacked out, passed out. And Then when he woke up, his watch and his cash were gone.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, yeah, that happens to, like, NBA players all the time.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And they call on their friends.
Bobby Lee
Well, then what's the. What's the worth? What is it worth it? It. There's no. It's not worth it.
Carlos Herrera
Well, not that way.
Bobby Lee
Just jerk off. Yeah.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, yeah, no, that's what I do.
Bobby Lee
Just jerk off.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but. See, but here's the difference.
Bobby Lee
Or get on Lexapro.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that's what I get in an ssri.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, it does help.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
This is the commercial for SSRIs. Are you having trouble with prostitutes? Get on an SSRI. No, but. So have you been robbed before?
Carlos Herrera
No. No, because you know the stories.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You know, so you keep doing it.
Carlos Herrera
I've been in those situations, and I've, like, backed out.
Andrew Santino
But why are you still doing it? Knowing that it's dangerous.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, that was so long ago.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but he.
Carlos Herrera
I'm the pro.
Bobby Lee
No, but here. I know, but here's the thing about.
Andrew Santino
You think you're the pro.
Bobby Lee
You like. You like excitement.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You're. You're sort of like a Navy SEAL in that way. Exactly.
Andrew Santino
And in no other way whatsoever. It's so disrespectful to Navy SEALs, like, some of the most, like.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Adored athletically, mentally, physically strong.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You are nothing like the Navy.
Bobby Lee
Except for this way.
Andrew Santino
Except for this.
Carlos Herrera
And we train in California.
Bobby Lee
They train all over the place. All over the world. Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
By the way, he's gonna run.
Bobby Lee
Are you good at water?
Carlos Herrera
I'm good at water.
Bobby Lee
Okay. He's good.
Andrew Santino
Have you seen him swim? No, not as. Not a water.
Bobby Lee
No, you're not. You're not a water guy. He's.
Andrew Santino
You know what you are? You're not a seal.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You're. You're. Well, you're a beached seal.
Carlos Herrera
That's nice. You're chilling on the beach.
Andrew Santino
See?
Bobby Lee
Oh, it'd be so funny if his, like, you know, I mean, his. His patrol or whatever. Right. They're. They're on. They're fighting now. Where's Carlos? And he's still swimming. This is two days in 100 yards off the shore.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I'm on my way.
Carlos Herrera
Vaping the whole time.
Andrew Santino
You'd be vaping in the water.
Bobby Lee
You're not a sealed.
Carlos Herrera
Watching basketball on my iPhone.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
By the way, vaping. I wish overtook cigarettes completely because of this. In Vegas. Every time. And now it's like people still smoke in Vegas even though I know they don't smoke back where they're from this game people play. Just vape, please. Vape. Because I don't. I don't. I'm huffing and puffing. Your just vape everywhere. Should be vape. They should be. Only sell vapes everywhere, all over Vegas. No cigarettes. It's obnoxious. How was he a Navy SEAL again? I forgot my space.
Bobby Lee
Oh, no. I know why. Because you like extreme.
Carlos Herrera
Yes.
Bobby Lee
You mean.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you want.
Bobby Lee
You like danger.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You like danger. You're like living on the edge even at your age.
Andrew Santino
Aerosmith.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. And you like the mystery of it all.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Like the chase. Yeah, yeah.
Carlos Herrera
I've like run from the cops three times.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you told me about the motorcycle thing and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
But, but so now you think you've got it at a place where if you get. If you pay for a friend.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
If we're going to say this eloquently, you think you're safe from any sort of.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, I know I am because I'm like a member of certain things where it's all verified.
Andrew Santino
What do you mean you're in a private club? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
I'm gonna tell you this right now.
Andrew Santino
I want to know how much you pay to be in the private.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, I got in early.
Bobby Lee
You got in early? Invested earlier.
Andrew Santino
Like as I literally, like, it's AI.
Bobby Lee
It's incinerating. Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Who else is in there?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Who's else?
Andrew Santino
What other insider traders are in there.
Carlos Herrera
I feel like there are famous people in there, but I would.
Andrew Santino
In your private club. Wow.
Bobby Lee
I believe that if Carlos was a king.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, this is what you said.
Bobby Lee
No, no, no, no. If I. If Carlos was a king. Hey. That we'd all be dead.
Andrew Santino
Popper. Popper. Popper.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Popper.
Bobby Lee
Popper. What's it? Popper. Papa.
Andrew Santino
King of. Prince of popper. He's a popper. He's a popper.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah. But do you think we'd be alive
Andrew Santino
if he was a king? Yeah, only because of the loyalty that we've had. He's had to us so far. We'd still live through his. His.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but what position will we have?
Andrew Santino
Well, ask him. He's right there.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Like you're king. What position do I have?
Carlos Herrera
And be completely honest, obviously, you're my court's jester.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that's fine.
Bobby Lee
Of course.
Carlos Herrera
You're my fool.
Bobby Lee
What do I get, though? I'm your fool?
Carlos Herrera
You're my fool.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. You.
Carlos Herrera
I keep you drunk and I make you relapse.
Bobby Lee
Wow. Okay.
Carlos Herrera
You and you have a chain around your neck. I do like a bear in Russia in like the 1800s.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but do I get like a condo or an area to a good night. A place in the castle. Asleep.
Andrew Santino
The jester lives in the basement.
Bobby Lee
I live in the basement.
Carlos Herrera
I would give them like a really cool view of. Of like the ocean.
Bobby Lee
Oh, go cool.
Carlos Herrera
He gets everything.
Bobby Lee
No chain.
Carlos Herrera
No chain.
Bobby Lee
Why?
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, there's this chains. And you have a guy walking with you all the time to watch you.
Bobby Lee
Oh, I have like a. An assistant?
Carlos Herrera
No, it's a bodyguard. But he works for me. He's watching you.
Bobby Lee
All right. Right, right.
Andrew Santino
Just making sure you don't get any ideas to leave.
Carlos Herrera
Exactly.
Andrew Santino
Anything.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. To anything.
Carlos Herrera
All right.
Andrew Santino
What am I?
Bobby Lee
Well, just one last question. I'm sorry, I'm the gesture. So I gotta have a couple.
Andrew Santino
Well, the gesture is not allowed to speak really.
Bobby Lee
I know, but how many times do I have to perform?
Carlos Herrera
Speak.
Bobby Lee
How many times do I have to perform? Whenever I want. Okay.
Carlos Herrera
When I wake up, I need like a funny like ringtone.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, and like my phone rings. It has to always be on silent. Yeah, but you do the ringtone vocally. Exactly.
Bobby Lee
Okay. All right.
Carlos Herrera
I would love that one.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. Do I get to have a girlfriend?
Andrew Santino
Think carefully, King. This is why they're doing the no kings protest.
Carlos Herrera
By the way you behave after like three years. We'll review it again.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you get to apply.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
So I get nothing until three years.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, exactly.
Andrew Santino
You.
Bobby Lee
Absolutely nothing.
Carlos Herrera
I'm going to change your taste in humans.
Bobby Lee
Do I get wi fi?
Carlos Herrera
I'm going to turn you full gay.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Do I get wi fi?
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, you can have wi fi.
Bobby Lee
Okay, cool.
Andrew Santino
But earn him full gay.
Bobby Lee
You turn me full gay.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah. I'm going to do experiments where I get them hard, but there's like pictures of men and so like reactivate his brain to only be attracted to men.
Andrew Santino
This sounds like just Hollywood. Yeah, I've been in his casting.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I don't want to be. Yeah, I try. Yeah, Chain's a good idea. Cuz I would want to get out. What is Andrew?
Andrew Santino
Where am I? On the King's. On the king's court.
Bobby Lee
And don't. Don't talk out of fear.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, don't.
Carlos Herrera
No. I have a good one for you.
Bobby Lee
Oh good.
Carlos Herrera
Head of the Air Force Focus features
Bobby Lee
in Blumhouse present Obsession.
Carlos Herrera
When I have a crush on a
Bobby Lee
guy no one knows. Be careful. I wish Nikki love me more than
Andrew Santino
anyone in the entire world.
Bobby Lee
Who you wish for obsession is 96%
Andrew Santino
fresh on rotten Tomatoes.
Bobby Lee
I love you so so so so much. It's blood soaked nightmare fuel. Brooke. I just bullet you put on her. You have been warned. Obsession. Rated R under 17 on a minute
Andrew Santino
without parent only theaters May 15 with special engagements in Dolby. A vacation rental shouldn't come with surprises. It should come with verbo Care and 24. 7 Life Support. If the hot tub's broken, that's a verbo care thing. If my teenager starts calling me Leslie, that's a family thing. Leslie. Verbo Care and 24. 7 Life Support. If you know you VRBO terms apply. See vrbo.comtrust for details. Ready to soundtrack your summer with Red Bull Summer All Day Play. You choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best. Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end dj, a road dog, or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen playlist and put your summer on track. Red Bull Summer all day play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit Red Red Bull.com BrightSummer ahead to learn more. See you this summer.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
With honor, my king.
Bobby Lee
Which means he's nowhere near you.
Andrew Santino
That's right.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Carlos Herrera
He's out there. He's.
Bobby Lee
He's out there.
Andrew Santino
I'm out there.
Bobby Lee
You're out what?
Carlos Herrera
Drones to do what?
Bobby Lee
What?
Carlos Herrera
He's telling drones what?
Andrew Santino
I'm starting War Dog.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. If he's the king, do we have communication? No. Why?
Carlos Herrera
Only talks to me?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I can't talk to him. Like, how's the war going?
Andrew Santino
Well, can I come see the jester?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Carlos Herrera
You need a. If you need a laugh and things are too hard.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. You can come over.
Andrew Santino
This is a Roman comedy that I'm the head of. Of the Royal Air Force.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And I have to sneak to come see you do shows.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And afterwards we hang out late night around.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
This is like a romantic love story.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Carlos Herrera
Infuriate me though.
Andrew Santino
But they're never gonna catch us.
Bobby Lee
There'd be an opening on the door. Right. And. And the chain only goes gets to the opening of the door. Right. So you hear? And I go, Andrew, we're going. Hey. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
How are you, buddy?
Bobby Lee
Not great, dude. Two years I haven't been laid. Yeah. And I think I'.
Andrew Santino
I love you. I gotta go. I gotta go.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I have to go. Bomb.
Bobby Lee
I ran. Okay. Yeah. All right. So what is McCone's. What is McCoen's job?
Carlos Herrera
Oh, he obviously just like films and vlogs everything for me.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
So he's Doing that.
Bobby Lee
So he gets a better job than me.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, No.
Carlos Herrera
Y' all do what y' all are best at.
Andrew Santino
That's true.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah. But why do I have a chain?
Carlos Herrera
You're the best fool.
Andrew Santino
You're the best fool.
Carlos Herrera
And the chain is because I always want you to make me laugh. And. And I think it will get tiring and you won't be allowed to leave,
Bobby Lee
but eventually I will stop making you laugh because, you know my temperament experiments. Oh, then you do, like, scientific experiments on me.
Andrew Santino
Does Makone like a mouse? All access to the. To the kingdom.
Carlos Herrera
He has a.
Andrew Santino
Because he's filming.
Carlos Herrera
He has an all access. A band.
Andrew Santino
This is where the king fucked up.
Bobby Lee
All right. What. What. What. What. What band do I have? Ga. General admission.
Andrew Santino
You're Jen. Admission.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah. General admission, for sure.
Bobby Lee
I gave you VIP for Coachella.
Andrew Santino
What do I have? What do I have? What band am I at?
Carlos Herrera
Your artist pass, for sure.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I get artist pass. So I'm not all access, but I just get your.
Carlos Herrera
Says af. Air Force.
Andrew Santino
Air Force. Air Force. Access.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And can I tell you something? Listen, he. This is where he up. Because the king already laid out the rules. McCone, you know damn well.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, no.
Andrew Santino
Is going to eventually sneak down to the Jester's cave.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Because of his crush on you. And break you free. You know, he's gonna go behind Carlo.
Bobby Lee
You know what will happen in that opening? I'll just see a camera
Andrew Santino
filming you.
Bobby Lee
He'd be just filming me.
Andrew Santino
It's great content.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not gonna help with.
Andrew Santino
I disagree.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Am I right, though? You would try to break him out, wouldn't you? You little.
Bobby Lee
Now, I'd film for a bit, but
Carlos Herrera
then when he was doing the same things, we did something new for the video.
Bobby Lee
So we'll break him out.
Andrew Santino
And Pete. Where's Pete in this whole thing?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, Pete is not around a lot.
Andrew Santino
No.
Carlos Herrera
We have a royal podcast every week.
Bobby Lee
Oh, and I like that.
Carlos Herrera
It's the only one available.
Andrew Santino
And he stays in the podcast space. Yeah, he's a producer, but he's not allowed to leave the podcast room.
Carlos Herrera
He doesn't want to.
Bobby Lee
I'm a good podcaster. Can I be in the podcast?
Andrew Santino
Of course.
Carlos Herrera
You're the fool. My air Force sergeant is telling me.
Andrew Santino
No, no, that's a threat to security, sir.
Bobby Lee
Oh, it is.
Andrew Santino
We can't have that. The King.
Bobby Lee
Okay, all right. And then what does Andreas have?
Andrew Santino
Well, this is interesting. What does the king do with Andres?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Carlos Herrera
Head of fashion in our Country. He designs the uniforms for the military.
Andrew Santino
The least fashionable guy on this show is the head of fashion. That's the funniest thing I've ever said. That's insane.
Bobby Lee
What's that called? Did you. What's the clothes he wears? Half plaid, half shirt.
Andrew Santino
You end up where he ends up designing the kingdom. It's all dizzy. Ul kingdom.
Bobby Lee
Oh, my God. We look terrible. Oh, my God.
Carlos Herrera
And we're changing the language, and Andres is the head of that. We're changing it to Spanish.
Andrew Santino
We're gonna be speaking Spanish.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
It'll be like we're in la.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. How can I be funny? I don't know Spanish.
Carlos Herrera
You're gonna learn it. You're gonna.
Bobby Lee
Oh, okay.
Carlos Herrera
A Mexican cartoon or something.
Andrew Santino
Jesters only have one good phrase. Look up in Spanish. How to say piss in my mout. All right, let's hear it.
Bobby Lee
That's all I say.
Carlos Herrera
Very good.
Andrew Santino
The gesture just walks around.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. Honestly, people peeing in my mouth. Wow. That's how you feel about me? That's how you feel about it?
Carlos Herrera
You really did.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Carlos Herrera
You're so funny. There's a lot of creativity to throw.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. I bought for every meal in Coachella.
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you VIP in Coachella. Coachella.
Carlos Herrera
We got better than vip.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you a free place to stay in in Coachella. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. And I'm still. The gesture gets his peed on and is gay.
Carlos Herrera
I thought.
Bobby Lee
Is that the rule?
Carlos Herrera
I thought it'd be an honor.
Bobby Lee
It's not an honor, dude. It's a disgrace. I get the worst job in your kingdom.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, it's incredible.
Bobby Lee
It's not incredible, dude. I have a chain on my neck. I live in a cave.
Carlos Herrera
But for me, it's great. We get to hang out all the time.
Bobby Lee
No, I'm not hanging out with you, dude.
Andrew Santino
Well, no, yeah, he's. You're hanging out with him. He's not hanging out with you. That's the difference. You have to hang with.
Bobby Lee
I'm going to tell you right now.
Andrew Santino
Click on that one more time.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. What?
Andrew Santino
Just let me hear it. We got to make a merch shirt of him going pissing my mouth.
Bobby Lee
I could convince him to move up, I think.
Andrew Santino
No chance.
Bobby Lee
Oh, dude, I'm. I'm. He's so highly manipulative, the po.
Andrew Santino
Look at. That's you. That's you and Carlos.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Oh, my God, dude. It's so. Oh, my God. That's how you feel? That's how you feel about me, dude.
Carlos Herrera
Because I think that's fun, man.
Bobby Lee
It makes that for me though. I love you, dude. Yeah, I'm.
Carlos Herrera
No, it's forced love.
Bobby Lee
It's force love, dude.
Andrew Santino
I want that photo here. Yeah, I want that in the studio.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
That is Mary Evans. That's amazing.
Bobby Lee
That. What does Jules get Rudy?
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's interesting.
Carlos Herrera
She's like in our CIA.
Bobby Lee
Oh, she's in. She gets a higher position. Zero Dark Thirty. She is waterboarding.
Andrew Santino
Is our assassin.
Bobby Lee
Right, right.
Andrew Santino
She's our secret assassin.
Bobby Lee
Secret assassin.
Andrew Santino
I'm gonna work closely with her on using her to infiltrate other kingdoms to try to make yours more so much.
Bobby Lee
You guys get so cool roles. You know what I would do? I would do a monocrystal day. I would take a.
Andrew Santino
A piece of rock and start slowly.
Bobby Lee
25 years. Yeah. Slowly chipping away at a. You know, I mean, I just needed like a Brigitte Fonda. Some poster.
Andrew Santino
Good double. Good double reference. I like.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. Monte Cristo. Right. I. One day I would go for my birthday.
Andrew Santino
What you say there? Fussy britches?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. Can I. Can I get a whatever poster? What is that?
Andrew Santino
Oh, you're gonna wake him. Where? He's gonna wear one A gimp mask.
Carlos Herrera
Trying to do that.
Andrew Santino
So when you try to break out.
Bobby Lee
Oh, would you catch me? Yeah. So you're gonna do poster inspections.
Carlos Herrera
100. I've seen Shawshank.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you're gonna be in a gimp man.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Other people. Let me ask you this.
Andrew Santino
Hey, by the way, can still orina in Miboka. And that too.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's. It's so close off on the neck. It fills up. Oh my God.
Andrew Santino
Those eyes are pre cut.
Bobby Lee
I want the right one. That looks cooler.
Andrew Santino
It looks like yours.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, that looks cooler.
Carlos Herrera
I look like.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. So are there other people where I'm living? The caves?
Carlos Herrera
Are there other people of you? Don't worry.
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Oh, oh, I'm not worried.
Andrew Santino
He wants to know about community.
Bobby Lee
Oh, look at the. Look at the ocean. While in a. That mask and a chain.
Carlos Herrera
Wait, well, that's the only thing if you misbehave.
Andrew Santino
Dude. Where's the castle, by the way? Yeah, what location?
Bobby Lee
What does the castle look like? Try to find it.
Carlos Herrera
We've moved the capital from D.C. to LA.
Andrew Santino
So we live here.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And we live Malibu.
Andrew Santino
Malibu.
Bobby Lee
Malibu.
Andrew Santino
That's at least nice Iron man.
Bobby Lee
For you.
Andrew Santino
Where I don't live.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, for all of you but me.
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
I'm the head of the Air Force I live way in the middle of. No, you live at the Castle on the Sea. That's. This is where you live?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. You know what I get? This is what I'm gonna do. I'll look out the window and go, oh, there's Mel Gibson running on the beach. That's the cat. What?
Andrew Santino
The castle looks like Bowser's Castle, right?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Honestly.
Bobby Lee
And then where am I now? Just like. So, yeah.
Carlos Herrera
Where I'm at all the time?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Penthouse.
Bobby Lee
The penthouse. Yeah. Where am I at?
Carlos Herrera
In the face?
Bobby Lee
Well, that's not the Facing the ocean.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, well, it's.
Bobby Lee
Oh, that's facing the ocean.
Andrew Santino
It is.
Bobby Lee
Okay. All right. So can I see the left tower or far left tower? Can I be there?
Carlos Herrera
No, you don't get to choose. There's only so many chains.
Bobby Lee
Why?
Carlos Herrera
It's a chain issue, dude.
Bobby Lee
You have plenty of chains.
Andrew Santino
Also, dude, that left. That. That left tower. That's the bathroom.
Bobby Lee
Oh, it is?
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I'd rather. Okay.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah. See, you'll live up there.
Bobby Lee
Oh, where? Near you?
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, yeah. You're right under me.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. You're not gonna sleep, I'll tell you that. Am I screaming?
Andrew Santino
You know, they used to do that. They used to, like, carve out little pieces so they would poop over the wall outside of the castle. So it'd fill up the moat with, like, poop and pee and stuff like that.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
It would deter people from trying to swimming through it.
Bobby Lee
Am I near there?
Andrew Santino
You're by the poopy moat.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, but you also have to clean it because I want to. It has to be see through.
Andrew Santino
So he gets to clean the poop moat every day. Oh, he collects the bucket whenever he wants.
Bobby Lee
Oh, whenever I want. Whenever. All day long.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, it's whenever.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, he collects the buckets from all the.
Bobby Lee
You know, my work ethic that is gonna be filled with. And peeing I ain't doing.
Carlos Herrera
I'm gonna love the Iron mask.
Bobby Lee
Then I'll wear the iron mask and pee in my face. I don't care.
Carlos Herrera
This is the issue.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. This is a big issue.
Andrew Santino
Your colony would be called the Castles.
Bobby Lee
Ah.
Andrew Santino
Down at chick.
Bobby Lee
All right. You're the king.
Andrew Santino
Oh, brother.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah. What am I?
Andrew Santino
Phenomenal. What am I if I'm the king?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
What are you?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I would.
Andrew Santino
I. If you're gonna not like this answer.
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
You're not gonna like this answer.
Bobby Lee
All right.
Andrew Santino
You're gonna be my queen.
Bobby Lee
That's way better than fucking shit pee pee face.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but, but, but the queen gets Beaten daily.
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah. By you?
Andrew Santino
All of us.
Bobby Lee
By the king. Oh.
Andrew Santino
My entire court. And the queen's only allowed one phrase.
Bobby Lee
Eat what?
Andrew Santino
This is my mouth. Yeah. It's the same phrase,
Bobby Lee
Dude. I get like.
Andrew Santino
No, no, no, no. You're my. Let's be real.
Bobby Lee
Hey, I don't want to be your queen. You could have a woman.
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Your wife.
Andrew Santino
No. I want you.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, no, I know.
Andrew Santino
You're my little.
Bobby Lee
Give me something aside from queen. I'm begging you. All right.
Andrew Santino
You'll be my geisha girl.
Bobby Lee
Girl. Vice president. Give me a good rule.
Andrew Santino
You think in medieval times you would be anything but a jester or geisha girl. That's what you would be.
Bobby Lee
No, no, no. Give me. How about this? Just send me out and I'll, like, be like a. What do you call it?
Andrew Santino
Can't trust you in the field.
Bobby Lee
No. Like, you go. You're our representative in Belgium.
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Yes.
Andrew Santino
That's you there.
Bobby Lee
Why can't I have. What do you call them? An ambassador?
Andrew Santino
Absolutely.
Bobby Lee
Give me an Alaska.
Andrew Santino
We can't have you represent us.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Anywhere.
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. How about a place that no one wants to go?
Andrew Santino
Where?
Bobby Lee
Right. Like, you know that little area between South America and North America where all those snakes and all that where people can't walk?
Carlos Herrera
Central America?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, Central America.
Bobby Lee
There's a chunk of land where there's no roads. It's impossible to get through because of. It's just the terrain and no one lives there. And because there's so many snakes, the
Andrew Santino
guy in Pluribus got through it.
Bobby Lee
It. Yeah. So that area. Yeah, yeah. Can I be the that.
Andrew Santino
But then you're going to live there.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I will find a way to live there.
Andrew Santino
I don't like you begging. No,
Bobby Lee
I can't even get that.
Andrew Santino
My queen back.
Bobby Lee
Oh, I'm with both. How about you, Pete?
Andrew Santino
Pete's my designated toe sucker, by the way.
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Pete sucks my toe every single night.
Bobby Lee
I'll do it.
Andrew Santino
Lucky and see. I'll do it. See?
Bobby Lee
Can I do to sucking? No way. Do my toe sucking abilities.
Andrew Santino
You're not sucking toe.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, dude.
Andrew Santino
No, Pete's on it.
Bobby Lee
I'll even. I'll even rim the toes. You want me to rim your toes?
Andrew Santino
All right, all right.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
Well, Carlo? What? Would Carlos be in my kingdom?
Bobby Lee
Oh, my God.
Andrew Santino
In your kingdom?
Bobby Lee
Oh, dude, he wouldn't be in the kingdom.
Andrew Santino
Oh, so now this is retaliation.
Bobby Lee
Is that. What enemy. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're definitely enemy of state. Yeah, you're number one on the FBI Most Wanted. List. You're bin Laden.
Carlos Herrera
That's cool.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everybody's hunting. Everybody.
Carlos Herrera
You.
Andrew Santino
Everyone's hunting.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Every country. I'm going to have everyone hunt you.
Carlos Herrera
Sounds awesome.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a dead man, dude.
Andrew Santino
Andre would be my. My groundskeeper for sure.
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
He'd make everything so nice.
Bobby Lee
Not fashion, but ground, ground, ground.
Andrew Santino
He can do fashion in the grounds.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
If he wants a desi. Wild landscape, he can. Yeah, he can desi. While the bushes. What would McCone be in your little kid?
Bobby Lee
I would have a lesbian legs show. Oh, and he's the head lesbian.
Andrew Santino
Head, leg.
Bobby Lee
Head leg. Like of the lesbian legs. Yeah. Because your legs are like a lesbians. Just puffy, wide, thick. You know what I mean?
Andrew Santino
Come over here.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Let me see your legs.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, Your legs are the worst.
Andrew Santino
We got to see these things.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
You do have weird legs.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Take your pants off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Subaru Outback.
Bobby Lee
Yes. Uber Outback. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Those are. Those are kind of like lesbian.
Bobby Lee
If you shave them, they would be. Lesbian leg. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Get out of here. Softball player there.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
McCone. In my. In my world, in my kingdom, I would send him on missions that have no purpose whatsoever. Just to get him out of the kingdom for a little while, you know, I'm like, you have to go to the land of Quanang and find a three legged woman. He's gone for like six months.
Bobby Lee
Years.
Andrew Santino
And he comes back defeated.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
My lord, I could not find the three.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Fine. And you'll complete yet another mission. You'll fail yet. One more.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
And I'll send him out again. To do what? What, what's the other mission we send him out for?
Bobby Lee
Oh, stats. Stats.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You must go to Cola Cola and count every single strawberry ever grown in one season. I don't want the numbers off at all.
Andrew Santino
And if they are.
Bobby Lee
If they are.
Andrew Santino
Off with your head.
Bobby Lee
Off with your head.
Carlos Herrera
This is what you do on tour already? You'd send me on impossible missions.
Bobby Lee
Impossible mission. It's the best.
Andrew Santino
I love sending him on missions.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And then you criticize him when he comes back and he fails them. Because of course he would fail.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
How could he do anything otherwise?
Bobby Lee
Pete would be executioner. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. I'd have him with the. The. The black robes.
Andrew Santino
So accurate.
Bobby Lee
It's so accurate. Black. No one knows who you are. So don't feel guilty. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
You can tell it's Pete.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. I'll be good at.
Andrew Santino
Look.
Bobby Lee
It's just that, that's. That, yeah, that's Pete.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but he walks up, he's like, hey, it's Pete.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. People know his name. Yeah, it's Pete. Pete the butcher.
Andrew Santino
Pete the butcher.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, there's. There's a. You know, I mean, yeah, Pete's a butcher.
Andrew Santino
He's so funny.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's me. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
We try to cut off somebody's head, the rig doesn't work. And Pete's like, it must be the USBC wire. That's not. Yeah, like, oh.
Bobby Lee
And then Andreas, for me would be spokesperson.
Andrew Santino
A lot of miscommunication.
Bobby Lee
I know. That's why. That's why.
Andrew Santino
Right.
Bobby Lee
What I tell him is not going to be. No one's going to understand what he's saying.
Andrew Santino
It's like code.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, it's code. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
It's actually brilliant.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
No one's gonna.
Bobby Lee
No one's gonna understand what he's saying.
Andrew Santino
Saying, we plan to be just out to tomorrow.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
What did the king's communicator say?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
You speak only through him.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And I go, well, you know all the information.
Andrew Santino
I told him Italian Trump.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tell you this right now. In two weeks. In two weeks it'll be done. But, yeah, I would be huge, my communicator, but for fashion, I would have to go. Go for outside help.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Who's designing?
Bobby Lee
Rick Ingram. I mean, that's just standard gap.
Andrew Santino
Just guy.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, Guy Gap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not dressed like that. As the king, you make your court. No, I'm Balenciaga, you know, I mean, Gucci, you know, I mean, but like everyone else, Rick is one of the funniest comics in the world.
Andrew Santino
In the world.
Bobby Lee
But he has just standard, common people fashion. Fashion shirt. Yeah, yeah. T shirt, jeans.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And, you know, I'm that way, though.
Andrew Santino
I'm T shirt. I'm standard white.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Standard white.
Bobby Lee
A standard white clothing style. Except for me. Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Except for you. The king.
Bobby Lee
The king.
Andrew Santino
And the king wears what? What does the king wear?
Bobby Lee
Oh, Jesus Christ. Probably every day is a different, you know, Verachi and then like.
Andrew Santino
No, Verachi is the knockoff. Verachi.
Bobby Lee
Oh.
Andrew Santino
What king was known to have the best fashion? Louis xiv. They said this guy was best fashion. Also was gay, right? I mean, he was gay. Give us like a straight king. That's Bobby lee. Yeah, that's 100 Bobby Lee. Well, do you. Are you going to do anything for your birthday?
Carlos Herrera
I did it all weekend. I. I'M gonna watch Euphoria and take Xanax later. That's my big plan.
Andrew Santino
God, what's this big about Euphoria? I, I, I'm not. Have you done it, Bob?
Carlos Herrera
Euphoria.
Bobby Lee
No, No. I see the kids watching it and I, I try to sit there and watch and it's like, not my thing.
Andrew Santino
Not for you.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Well, good. Have fun on Euphoria. We got you a little something.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, we did. And also, you know, as you get older, you know, there's just some things you just can't watch anymore. Why?
Andrew Santino
What? Euphoria.
Bobby Lee
Why? I think it hasn't. Let's tie it into Coachella. It's just like there's, there's a language that it's just, it's just too young and too new and hip.
Andrew Santino
And I like how you're bringing out Carlos's cake to me, but it's going to him.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Well, for the cameras. You guys are also on camera in the booth.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Carlos Happy birthday to you.
Bobby Lee
38.
Andrew Santino
39.
Bobby Lee
39. Make a wish. Wow. Wow. 40 next year, dude. I can't believe it.
Andrew Santino
And you already said by 40. You know he's gonna have what?
Carlos Herrera
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna have hair.
Andrew Santino
He's gonna get his hair done.
Bobby Lee
Have hair.
Andrew Santino
So he'll have hair before. While he's 40 years old. And those are nuggets. Right. And then we also got you an erewhon smoothie there from. Which smoothie is that? Whose is that? Is that one of the girls that was at Coachella?
Carlos Herrera
The Haley Bieber one?
Andrew Santino
There you go.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Was she there?
Carlos Herrera
Yeah, dude.
Andrew Santino
Did she sing? Is she a perform? What does she do?
Carlos Herrera
She's Alec or Stephen Baldwin's daughter.
Andrew Santino
I know she's married to Justin Bieber. I'm saying, does she, what does she do? Is she a singer?
Carlos Herrera
Dang. She's a mom. She's a beauty.
Andrew Santino
Before she met him.
Bobby Lee
What are you angry for? Because they're saying it is a nice person.
Andrew Santino
I'm saying he's so angry for. What did she do?
Bobby Lee
She's a Alec Bald's daughter.
Andrew Santino
She's just famous.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Carlos Herrera
Oh, that's so good.
Bobby Lee
Good. Is that good?
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Hell yeah.
Carlos Herrera
Thank you, guys.
Andrew Santino
Dude, I did. You know what I did the other day when I was in Arizona before I went to Vegas? I did the bad boy. The bad boy mini bar. I went back to the room, watch movies, and I click. I ate the entire mini bar. You were that beef Jerky, two bags of chips. I was just like feeling I was having a night. Dude. It's so fun, isn't it? So fun to clear it out because you're like, I might as well get. For the other. I was like, chocolate almonds. I was like, yeah, absolutely. And then I was like, like, you know, I'm be pretty good with these.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Gummy bears.
Andrew Santino
Gummy bears.
Bobby Lee
Don't you hate it when you go to a hotel and there is no.
Andrew Santino
It's a joke.
Bobby Lee
It's a joke.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. What?
Bobby Lee
They have a empty refrigerator. Like, you have to go, no snacks. No snacks. Here's the. Here's. Let's name the things that are there.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. All right. There's always like a artisan bag of potato chips.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. A brand. A brand that you. A brand that you don't know, you've never heard of. Yeah. Mama Jenkins Hickory Barbecue.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like local. Local own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Number two, beef jerky.
Andrew Santino
Always, Always Beef Jer Market and another brand that I've never heard of.
Bobby Lee
Another brand you've never heard of, Right, Yeah. And it's always in the city that you're from Tunics Ranch. Right?
Andrew Santino
Fine.
Bobby Lee
So gummy bears is always another one.
Andrew Santino
Gotta be.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, there's gotta.
Andrew Santino
And then one of the variations of nuts. Either mixed nuts or. Or just. Or just cashews or almonds.
Bobby Lee
Almonds.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. There's always a chocolate covered almond thing sometimes.
Andrew Santino
I do. Love that.
Bobby Lee
I do. I like. I eat the. Out of those. So. Good. What else do they have there?
Andrew Santino
Well, it depends on the class level.
Bobby Lee
Level. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Because sometimes at a high class hotel, it'll be peanut M M's, but they'll put it in a jar. So it'll be like. Not in the bag.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
They'll put it in another jar. Just. Yeah, like this. At the wind.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just put the same thing.
Andrew Santino
They just put it in something else, but.
Bobby Lee
And yet you still eat it.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah.
Bobby Lee
I think it looks healthier because it's in a jar, right?
Andrew Santino
In a jar. Better for you.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. You know, in Hawaii, what they do is they gave me a fresh fruit of. Of fruit. Fresh fruit of fruit.
Andrew Santino
Sometimes they give you a fresh fruit of fruit.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
If you can get it.
Bobby Lee
And then when it's through. Carlos and Gilbert's wife Cindy. Right. I get. I. I always open the refrigerator there and there's Diet Coke, water and sugar free Red Bull.
Andrew Santino
What else do you need?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, so it's like. It's like cater to me, which I really appreciate.
Carlos Herrera
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I mean, yeah. Yeah. But I think I would ra. I don't want to be gestured her.
Carlos Herrera
What if I left a girl in there for you?
Bobby Lee
That. That's okay. Good. Now we're negotiating.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but she's. She's 7 foot 2.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And she weighs 385 pounds.
Bobby Lee
It's fine. It's fine. She's a man. Let me ask you this.
Andrew Santino
When you put your head back to the gay thing. Right away.
Carlos Herrera
Now I took this in Australia.
Andrew Santino
I was after you cleared out our mini bar, passed out and I ate the entire mini bar. I was so hungry. We came back, I was like, let me in your room. And I ate their whole mini bar. And then I slept in McCone's bed. What do we watch on T? We were watching a movie.
Carlos Herrera
We were watching like I think Fear and Loathing.
Andrew Santino
Oh yeah, we were.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
By the way, you see that bag of chips next to me?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Gone.
Bobby Lee
Gone.
Andrew Santino
I peeled off everything in your mini bar and then I charged my headphones. There.
Bobby Lee
Now how long do you keep the do not disturb on your.
Andrew Santino
The entire week. Weekend.
Bobby Lee
So you don't let them clean your room one weekend.
Andrew Santino
I don't need it. Just give me new towels. I just want new towels. Unless. Unless it's if I'm alone. Yeah. If my wife's with me, we get service.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
But I'm alone. Yeah, Leave me alone. I keep it at 65 degrees.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Give me new towels. Leave me alone.
Bobby Lee
I'm a service hunter.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you are?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm one of those rare service hunter.
Andrew Santino
You want it all the time.
Bobby Lee
No, what I do is you meet
Andrew Santino
him at the bar, you ask him.
Bobby Lee
What I get is because my do not disturb sign is always until 3, 4pm yeah. And they stop. Kind of like they go home or whatever. Yeah. They're gone. So I'll take it off. I'll go to the front desk and go, where are they? Where are they? And they're like, we have one on floor three. And I'll go to three and I'll go to every room to see where they're cleaning and I'll give them a
Andrew Santino
hundred dollars to come clean your room.
Bobby Lee
And I go, I'm in room 8 19.
Andrew Santino
Great.
Bobby Lee
Right?
Andrew Santino
Perfect.
Bobby Lee
Clean room. Room mama. Service hunter.
Andrew Santino
Okay, let's do the rules then.
Bobby Lee
What are the.
Andrew Santino
If you have the. Sir, if you have service come to your room every day and you're doing a three day stint. Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night.
Carlos Herrera
Right.
Andrew Santino
Or Thursday Friday, whatever. How much money do you leave money every day or at the end of your stay? Do you leave a tip at the end of your stay? And. Hold on. Before you answer.
Bobby Lee
Okay, I already know the answer, but.
Andrew Santino
I know you do. But listen. But it's. But you're gonna hear why I'm listening to you. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Do you leave every night money every day when they clean, or do you leave it at the end of the day?
Bobby Lee
I'd leave it at the end.
Andrew Santino
End of the day. And what do you leave, Pete?
Carlos Herrera
100 bucks.
Andrew Santino
100 bucks no matter what, Right?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. That's the tip.
Andrew Santino
What do you do? McCone, he asked me for money. Go on, Carlos. Cash. What do you do you do every night?
Carlos Herrera
Oh, no. And the end.
Andrew Santino
The end. Okay. How much do you leave?
Carlos Herrera
200.
Bobby Lee
No, he does.
Andrew Santino
He's a liar.
Bobby Lee
He's a liar.
Andrew Santino
I saw. I. I just.
Bobby Lee
Eat your nuggets. Eat your nuggets.
Andrew Santino
Look at me in the face.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
20 bucks.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Open you up.
Andrew Santino
Bet you leave 20 bucks.
Carlos Herrera
I didn't even know you had to tip them.
Bobby Lee
See, that's what I'm saying. Why'd you lie?
Andrew Santino
What the. Do you mean you don't know you have to tip them?
Bobby Lee
They have a job. Oh, I see. Who you.
Carlos Herrera
I thought you only.
Bobby Lee
I know who you voted for.
Carlos Herrera
I thought you only tip waiters.
Andrew Santino
Just. That's the only people you tip in public.
Bobby Lee
Okay, I t. Here's the thing. If I get up early to get the breakfast in. In.
Andrew Santino
In the room.
Bobby Lee
No. I go out downstairs. Yeah. I get the breakfast. Correct. Right. I take it off. And. And if I go back up and they already cleane it, I leave no tip because I still have to service hunt then.
Andrew Santino
Correct?
Bobby Lee
Right?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I mean, and service hunt takes a long time sometimes, right? Right. But if they're. If I catch them in the act of cleaning. Right. Then I tip. Got it. Right. But when I actually service hunt, I tip.
Andrew Santino
Get it? Yeah, got it.
Bobby Lee
But if it's already clean, then no need. No need.
Andrew Santino
Right.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. That's my thing.
Andrew Santino
I do it. If I. I only do it at the end because of this.
Bobby Lee
How do you do it?
Andrew Santino
I don't want people coming and going, so there's always a little notepad with a little pen always on a desk somewhere. And I write, thank you so much. And then if I've acquired something, like this weekend, I left that. We got a swag bag of stuff I just didn't want. I was gonna bring it from a cone, but all the Other things I've given him are where? The backseat of your car? I gave him a ton of clothes, new swag. Throws them in his Accord in the back.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Very nice. Dude, I'm gonna not give you anymore
Carlos Herrera
backups in case I need.
Andrew Santino
I'm not gonna give you anymore. You have too much free. So then I. I had a backpack, a bottle of tequila, like, hats, some clothes, like a. Like, cool throw over, you know, like. And I wrote free if you'd like it.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Bottle of tequila. Yours, a nice new backpack, and some baseball caps.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And then I.
Bobby Lee
And I cash.
Andrew Santino
But how much do I leave?
Bobby Lee
20 bucks.
Andrew Santino
20 bucks?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
No, 100. I leave 100.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I live 100 every time. Unless.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
If it's my wife and I. Yeah. And I make. We making a mess every day.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Like, there's. All over the place. Women, for some reason, set off a. A bomb in the bathroom. I'll leave them a little bit more. I'll do like a buck and a half.
Bobby Lee
You know what the Ritz does? They wash your clothes and fold them.
Andrew Santino
You have to pay for that.
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
Yes, you do.
Bobby Lee
I did.
Andrew Santino
Yes. I'm sure. We did it on tour.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I don't know. When I.
Andrew Santino
In Hawaii, Bobby's like, you're not gonna believe this.
Bobby Lee
I put all my clothes in the washer, thinking that later at night I was gonna wash them. By the time I got home, they had washed it, dried it, and folded it.
Andrew Santino
Yes. Laundry services at the Ritz Carlton properties in Hawaii, Kapalo or Waikiki, are very extra cost.
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
You pay for that.
Bobby Lee
And I gave them money.
Andrew Santino
Well, and then you tipped on top of the money.
Bobby Lee
Okay. Before the Internet, though. Okay. Before we had Internet access 40 years ago.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
40 years. Yeah. Yeah. I used to leave. This is what. I used to leave DVD players. What?
Andrew Santino
In your hotel room?
Bobby Lee
In my hotel room, I would write a note. This is your DVD player. DVD player.
Andrew Santino
What would you just go. Bought a DVD player because you'd buy it at Best Buy to watch movies in the weekend.
Bobby Lee
Not movies.
Andrew Santino
Porn.
Bobby Lee
Yes. Got it.
Andrew Santino
Did you leave some of the porn in the. In there or.
Bobby Lee
No, no, I would take the porn.
Andrew Santino
They're discs, right?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I would leave with the disc, but leave the DVD player.
Andrew Santino
By the way, he could have bought porn from the TV for, like, 50 bucks.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but they're fuzzy and there's five options.
Andrew Santino
I know.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Carlos always finds an opportunity to look up, even though he knows what DVDs look like.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. He'll look it up. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
He just wants to Google it.
Bobby Lee
So I would. So I would go to the local. Yeah, stop. I would go to the local. You know, the porn store. I'd buy five or six discs. I'd go to the Best Buy, get a DVD player. Yeah. I've also left two Xboxes.
Andrew Santino
That's so expensive.
Bobby Lee
It's so expensive.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, because the DVD players probably get for 21.
Bobby Lee
No, because my intention was always, I'm gonna put in my suitcase. But then I try to put in the suitcase and it won't fit. So I said, oh, fuck it, you know? I mean. And I'll just write a nod. Here's a brand new.
Andrew Santino
Here's a new Xbox.
Bobby Lee
Xbox for you. And they must have loved it.
Andrew Santino
How much was Xbox in 2007? It was 500.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God.
Bobby Lee
And that's what I would get paid for the gig too, by the way.
Andrew Santino
500 back then is like 6 grand today. That's great, dude. This was a crazy moment I had at the airport here today before I came home. I went to the bathroom when we landed.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And there was a man in the. In the room changing his baby's diaper.
Bobby Lee
Oh.
Andrew Santino
And I'm in there taking a piss, and I. And he turns to me and I go, hey, man.
Bobby Lee
Man.
Andrew Santino
He's like, hi. And then another guy walks in to go by me to go piss as I'm washing my hands. And he's like, oh, baby. And the guy's like, yeah. And he's like, how old's the baby? He's like, real fresh. It's like it was like two months or something like that. And he was like, oh, so cute. And I'm washing my hands, and then this guy's done peeing. Then he goes next to the man and, like, stands there and, like, watching him change the baby. And he was like, so cute. So cute. And I could feel the dad being
Bobby Lee
like, I know what that is. What if he's a new dad and trying to figure out how to put.
Andrew Santino
He doesn't know how to do it.
Bobby Lee
Diaper on.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, Internet. Google it. Don't stare at another man changing his baby. Insane.
Bobby Lee
Like boiling the egg for me.
Andrew Santino
We Googled it.
Bobby Lee
Now, you know, sometimes the Internet doesn't know.
Andrew Santino
No, the Internet always knows.
Bobby Lee
The Internet literally told me to do it wrong.
Andrew Santino
No, no, you just did it wrong. We followed the directions perfectly.
Bobby Lee
Okay, well, anyway, although. Although I've never. I've. Although I've never put a diaper on a baby before. I already know how to do it.
Andrew Santino
You've never changed your friend's kids.
Bobby Lee
No, but I assume I already know how to do it because I know how the body works. I know there's adhesives on the end.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You're not an idiot.
Bobby Lee
I'm not an idiot. Right. So. Yeah. I don't know what the explanation.
Andrew Santino
It was so weird, dude. Even I was wanted to turn and be like, dude, get out of here.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
What are you doing?
Bobby Lee
But Kalila's baby, where we're having. We're in the house.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You've never changed Kalila's baby?
Bobby Lee
No. But he said something that I almost cried.
Andrew Santino
The baby?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. The baby was sitting there eating, and I was kind of across the table. And he looks at me, he goes, bobby.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
And he knows my name.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, we heard that. Yeah. We forget.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just like. Oh. And I went in and kissed his forehead and he. And then he does this because he
Andrew Santino
gets shy, but he knows it's you.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
All right, King, sign us out. Go ahead. It's your birthday.
Carlos Herrera
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Bobby Lee
Cute.
Andrew Santino
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying.
Bobby Lee
Enjoying.
Andrew Santino
It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate, first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full terms@mintmobile.com.
Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Main Guests: Carlos Herrera
This episode dives into Bobby Lee's virgin voyage to Coachella, the eccentricities and hierarchies of music festivals, and the crew's wild hypotheticals about running kingdoms. Hilarious personal stories about travel, tipping, hotel room antics, and even the intricacies of Vegas nightlife combine with the show's irreverent, fast-paced humor. Expect classic Bad Friends energy: quick-witted banter, playful insults, and philosophical debates about role assignments if one of them ever became king.
Bobby recounts his awkward, out-of-place first Coachella.
Generational gaps at festivals:
Festivals as status symbols
Festival fatigue & bathroom logistics:
Carlos’ festival drug regimen:
Andrew lays out how to identify sex workers in Las Vegas (27:08 - 34:09):
Entertaining cautionary tales:
Carlos is crowned King; everyone else’s fate is debated (38:16 on):
Retaliatory Kingdoms:
How much should you leave housekeeping?
Hotel mini bar habits:
Bobby shares a sweet story of Kalila's baby recognizing him: "He looks at me, goes, 'bobby.' And he knows my name." — Bobby (72:00)
They debate feeling out-of-touch with things like Euphoria, echoing Bobby’s discomfort at Coachella with being the “old guy in the crowd.”
"Bobbychella & The King's Fool" blends festival absurdity, generational comedy, and surreal roleplay into a laughter-filled episode. Bobby's awkward Coachella adventure provides a lens on culture shocks, shifting tastes, and the pain of being out of your element—while the "what if you were king?" segment lets the crew roast and reimagine one another in outlandish, medieval scenarios. Throughout, the hosts balance raunchy humor and quick wit, delivering insights into modern social life and their own unique friendships.
If you missed the episode, these highlights will make you feel like you were right there for all the gags, gripes, and genuine moments.