Bobbychella & The King's Fool

Summary

Bad Friends Podcast: "Bobbychella & The King's Fool" (May 11, 2026)

Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Main Guests: Carlos Herrera

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into Bobby Lee's virgin voyage to Coachella, the eccentricities and hierarchies of music festivals, and the crew's wild hypotheticals about running kingdoms. Hilarious personal stories about travel, tipping, hotel room antics, and even the intricacies of Vegas nightlife combine with the show's irreverent, fast-paced humor. Expect classic Bad Friends energy: quick-witted banter, playful insults, and philosophical debates about role assignments if one of them ever became king.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Coachella Adventures: Bobby's First Time (02:05 - 14:39)

• Bobby recounts his awkward, out-of-place first Coachella.

  • He flexes his "artist" wristband, only to realize how pretentious it looked.
    "I was showing off my wristband... It's kind of rude." — Bobby (02:24)
  • He only saw two shows: Sabrina Carpenter (for whom he feels no generational connection) and The Strokes (which left him and the other older folks excited but lost on the younger crowd).
  • Madonna’s surprise appearance is described as “Grandma Donna,” with playful jabs at her age: "When Grand Madonna came out, I was so excited. She did Vogue and had her walker." — Bobby (05:00)

• Generational gaps at festivals:

  • Bobby feels like the oldest guy there, referencing being surrounded by both “rich people, old money,” and “Manson girls”—barefoot, hippie types (09:59).
  • The disconnect when younger attendees don’t even recognize Madonna or The Strokes:
    "Issa looked at Jules and goes, 'Who is that?' when Madonna came out. Which is crazy." — Bobby (09:12)

• Festivals as status symbols

  • Discussion of how who you know (e.g., director Cole gets them access) and where you’re stationed becomes a social chess game.

2. The Coachella Experience: Comfort, Drugs, and Nobu (14:16 - 18:19)

• Festival fatigue & bathroom logistics:

  • Bobby describes VIP bathrooms as “like a Nobu bathroom,” then tells how he never wants to go back—even for “the return of Jesus Christ”:
    "I'll never go back. I don't care if it's the return of Jesus Christ. I'll go to hell whatever." — Bobby (14:40)
  • Carlos gets him a Nobu dinner inside the festival, but the EDM tent next door shakes the sushi bar:
    "You're eating sushi in an earthquake... I felt bad for the sushi chefs." — Bobby (17:30)

• Carlos’ festival drug regimen:

  • Carlos admits to eating mushrooms all day and taking Molly for Bieber (25:57), prompting Bobby to narc for laughs. "I don't consider Molly a drug." — Carlos (16:20)

3. Vegas Tales & Spotting "Professionals" (21:51 - 36:02)

• Andrew lays out how to identify sex workers in Las Vegas (27:08 - 34:09):

  • His "moth to a flame" analogy for how young, attractive women at bars scope targets: "She's finding the idiot she's looking to take down." — Andrew (29:34)
  • Carlos provides the Vegas Payout 101—certain women charge a base fee just for company and upsell everything else: "In Vegas, a G minimum. And then if you want to do anything else, you have to tip me." — Carlos (34:00)

• Entertaining cautionary tales:

  • Brief horror stories about friends being drugged and robbed, and Andrew's commercial for SSRIs to avoid risky situations. "Are you having trouble with prostitutes? Get on an SSRI." — Andrew (35:19)

4. The “Kingdom” Hypotheticals: What If You Were King? (38:16 - 59:00)

• Carlos is crowned King; everyone else’s fate is debated (38:16 on):

  • Assigns Bobby as court jester, subject to chains, experiments, and (for laughs) forced drunken relapses.
    "Obviously, you’re my court’s jester. I keep you drunk and make you relapse." — Carlos (38:40)
  • Andrew gets “Head of the Air Force,” but is never allowed to communicate directly with Bobby.
  • Jules/Rudy is the kingdom’s “secret assassin,” and McCone is the kingdom vlogger.
  • The power structure is a comical reflection of their real personalities and perceived pecking order.

• Retaliatory Kingdoms:

  • Andrew declares Bobby would be his Queen, who “gets beaten daily,” then jokes about making him ambassador to uninhabitable Central American jungles.
    • "You’re gonna be my queen." — Andrew (52:17)
    • Bobby pleads for a better role: "Just send me out, I’ll be a representative in Belgium." (53:07)
  • Assignments devolve into increasingly humiliating/fantastical roles: executioners, groundskeepers, lesbian leg show hosts.

5. Tipping & Hotel Etiquette (65:22 - 69:02)

• How much should you leave housekeeping?

  • Andrew and Bobby share the “service hunter” method: tracking down cleaning staff to tip extra if you want late room service.
    • "I'm a service hunter. I'll go to every room to see where they're cleaning and give them a hundred dollars." — Bobby (65:12)
  • Carlos admits he didn't know you’re supposed to tip (66:20).

• Hotel mini bar habits:

  • Everyone confesses to devouring minibar snacks, comparing favorite items and hotel chains’ “local” snack brands.
    • "It's so fun to clear it out... Gummy bears, beef jerky, nuts..." — Andrew (61:43)
  • Bobby reveals he used to leave behind DVD players or game consoles as tips if they didn’t fit in his suitcase (69:02).

6. Touching Family Moments & Age (71:45 - 72:03)

• Bobby shares a sweet story of Kalila's baby recognizing him: "He looks at me, goes, 'bobby.' And he knows my name." — Bobby (72:00)

• They debate feeling out-of-touch with things like Euphoria, echoing Bobby’s discomfort at Coachella with being the “old guy in the crowd.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Coachella Discomfort:
  "I'd rather be in a Japanese internment camp than at Sabrina Carpenter’s set." — Bobby (04:20)
• On being generationally out of place:
  "When you’re the oldest guy in the whole place, it feels weird." — Bobby (09:29)
• On bathroom luxury:
  "They have nicer ones now… like a Nobu bathroom." — Bobby (14:18)
• On Festival Food:
  "You're eating sushi in an earthquake." — Bobby (17:30)
• Vegas Pro Tips:
  "She's finding the idiot that she's looking to take down." — Andrew (29:34)
• Kingdom Assignments:
  "You're my fool. I keep you drunk and make you relapse." — Carlos (38:44) "You're going to be my queen." — Andrew (52:17)
• On Tipping Habits:
  "I'm a service hunter… I'll go to every room and give them a hundred dollars." — Bobby (65:12)
• Sweet moment:
  "He looks at me, goes, ‘Bobby.’ And he knows my name." — Bobby (72:00)

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Memorable Episode Themes

• Generational humor and being an outsider at youth-oriented events
• Playful reversals of social hierarchies (“What if you were king?”)
• The absurdity of festival status games and “artist” passes
• Insider knowledge about nightlife, hotels, and Vegas realities
• Using personal stories to riff on bigger issues: aging, drugs, service culture

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:05] Coachella report: Bobby’s first time, VIP access, and the generational divide
• [14:40] Bathroom/food logistics & vow never to return to Coachella
• [16:10] Drugs at festivals, including Carlos’s Molly routine
• [21:54] Vegas hotels, pro tips on spotting professionals and high-roller scenes
• [38:16] Hypothetical: If Carlos was King—role assignments and courtroom hierarchy
• [66:20] Debating how (and whether) to tip hotel staff
• [71:45] Bobby’s sweet story about being recognized by Kalila’s baby

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Summary

"Bobbychella & The King's Fool" blends festival absurdity, generational comedy, and surreal roleplay into a laughter-filled episode. Bobby's awkward Coachella adventure provides a lens on culture shocks, shifting tastes, and the pain of being out of your element—while the "what if you were king?" segment lets the crew roast and reimagine one another in outlandish, medieval scenarios. Throughout, the hosts balance raunchy humor and quick wit, delivering insights into modern social life and their own unique friendships.

If you missed the episode, these highlights will make you feel like you were right there for all the gags, gripes, and genuine moments.

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Transcript

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, bad friends. I am going to be in San Diego, Bobby's hometown, on June 28 at the Sound in Del Mar North County. Come on out, dude. Take a break from the water and the sun. San Diego. Come see him at the sound. June 28th. Two shows, Early show and a late show. June 28th. Then July 24th, I'm going to be in St. Charles, Missouri. Basically, St. Louis. Right next door. Next door neighbors. Come out and see me at The Maristar Casino, St. Charles, St. Louis, Missouri. That's July 24, June 28, in San Diego. Come out and see me. Go to andrew santino.com for those tickets. Andrew santino.com. you two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

[Bobby Lee]

White dude and an Asian dude.

[Andrew Santino]

You two are disgusting.

[Bobby Lee]

You two are something. We're bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Petey. Petey. Petey. Petey.

[Bobby Lee]

Petey. Petey. Pety. Pety. Pety. Pety. To Pety.

[Andrew Santino]

Peter. Pete.

[Bobby Lee]

Pete. Pete. Average white. Pete.

[Andrew Santino]

Pete. Pete.

[Bobby Lee]

Average white.

[Andrew Santino]

Normal white guy. Normal white guy. Normal white guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Pete. Texas, right? Yeah, I like it. Yeah, you like it.

[Andrew Santino]

Look who's back.

[Bobby Lee]

You're still buying beef at the store?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, beef.

[Bobby Lee]

20% up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Eating the beef, huh? I'm eating the beef. Yeah. What else? What about gas? Gas? The lowest grade gas. You get the low grade. Yeah, I get supreme.

[Andrew Santino]

Anyway, that's just with. That's gas. With tomatoes and sour cream.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly. They're working. It's like a baked potato. Yeah. Have you gotten colonoscopy? I haven't. Yeah, I just got mine last week.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's bring up the results.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I can just tell you the results.

[Andrew Santino]

It was awesome. The phone call made me happy. Yeah?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Zero polyps.

[Bobby Lee]

No. No polyps, no cancer. They did find a fingernail. Apparently. My ass was like a well from the Silence of the Lamb. Things are crawling out of it. You know what I mean? I think my poop has claws. They're just crawling out.

[Andrew Santino]

Something's got to be.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. They found a fingernail. Yeah. Yeah. And a little bit of aids, but you can't put that in there. They tested it. It's pure. Does.

[Andrew Santino]

Guess who's back from Coachella? Bobby Lee and Carlos Herrera went out to the desert. They were at Coachella. They were ripping it up.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude.

[Andrew Santino]

TMZ reported on it.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, RIP Ripping it up is. I'll tell you what happened. And may I show you my Coachella experience? I've never been before.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why I introed it.

[Carlos Herrera]

He was showing off his RIP wristband.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I Was showing off hot shot

[Andrew Santino]

with the new wristband.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, it's kind of like, rude.

[Andrew Santino]

Start it over.

[Bobby Lee]

Go ahead. Go ahead. No,

[Andrew Santino]

they tag you now.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're an.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Arrogant.

[Andrew Santino]

What section?

[Bobby Lee]

They're missing an A.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, what's up, dude? What section are you in? Oh, sick dog. I'm in. Douchebag.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's artist. That's artists.

[Andrew Santino]

So whose artist pass was it?

[Bobby Lee]

Mine.

[Andrew Santino]

What artist gave you an artist pass?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I. I'll be honest with you. We. We.

[Carlos Herrera]

We.

[Bobby Lee]

We know a guy, you know. Should we say his name? Yeah. And he's a pure white. He's a. What I like how to call a forever white.

[Andrew Santino]

Like me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you're forever white, Cole. Like, you guys are the good ones, right? I mean, Pete, I think I would put you in that category.

[Andrew Santino]

What about McCone?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Not really. Because he can turn on a dime. That'. Allegiances. I don't know whose allegiances is to he.

[Andrew Santino]

That he. He is such a. A fence sitter. We don't know where.

[Bobby Lee]

We don't know where he is, dude. Yeah, yeah. He's sort of like Pakistan, Right?

[Carlos Herrera]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Who you are.

[Bobby Lee]

We're going to negotiate. We're. We're doing the negotiations, right? Yeah, but what. What's really going on here?

[Andrew Santino]

Pakistan is great.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so we. He really hooked us up, this guy Cole. He's such a nice guy. I hugged him a thousand times. I was so grateful that, you know, I mean, we were able to go and.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's the gentleman you're referring to?

[Bobby Lee]

Cole. He's the director. He's the director of the whole festival.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, cool.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Really cool guy. He looked after us, and we. The only show I saw, I saw two shows and he saw three.

[Carlos Herrera]

You were miserable at 1.

[Bobby Lee]

I barely saw one.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, who was the third?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, so the. The first? I say two. Sabrina Carpenter. Let me tell you about Sabrina Carpenter.

[Andrew Santino]

Fill me in.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, I will. She's a good performer. Pretty. She gave it her all, huh? I had rather been in an ice detention center. I'd rather been in a Japanese internment camp. It was pure painful. Until. That's me. Until grand Madonna came out. And when grandma Donna came out, I was so excited.

[Andrew Santino]

Grandma Madonna.

[Bobby Lee]

Grand Madonna. Madonna came out, but the Graham version.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Old Madonna, Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Grandma Madonna, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Grandma Madonna, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Grandmama. Grandmama Madonna, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Grandma, yeah, yeah. And she did vogue and when, you know, I mean, come on. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Let your body move with the music.

[Bobby Lee]

She's a. Strike a pose and when she Struck the pose. She had her walking.

[Andrew Santino]

Her walker.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, her walker. It was incredible. And she was doing that, right? She was doing a lot of leaning against, you know what I mean? Objects.

[Andrew Santino]

I heard Madonna's tour bus pulled up into the handicapped parking spot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait a minute.

[Bobby Lee]

But she was incredible.

[Andrew Santino]

Was she a surprise guest?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. We heard. So, you know, I'm watching us. I here's another weird thing is when you've never heard of the music. I. I kept calling her. What? Karen Carpenter. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because I did. I kept messing up the names. Yeah. Carpenter is a good performer is what I. Look at, look at the set, right?

[Andrew Santino]

She was good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Carpenter.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Karen Carpenter was so good.

[Andrew Santino]

Great musician.

[Bobby Lee]

You barely see her, she's so skinny.

[Andrew Santino]

So this is. This is Sabrina Carpenter.

[Bobby Lee]

Sabrina Carpenter. She's killing it on stage. But when you haven't heard the music before, like not a single. Have you heard of the music before?

[Carlos Herrera]

No, I didn't know anything.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. I kept call looking at Carlos and the girls. Me, Jules, Isa are going crazy, like saying the words, you know. Espresso.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, espresso.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's her song. Oh yeah. Is it?

[Andrew Santino]

How does it, how does it go?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. Espresso, Espresso.

[Andrew Santino]

Get me an espresso.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Andrew Santino]

Why don't you get me an espresso? Let me do the lyrics and see if I can get.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, see if you can do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Now he's thinking bout me every night. Oh, isn't that sweet? I guess so. Say you can't sleep, baby I know that's me espresso can you zoom it in?

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe. Try me doing a lyric here.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, let's hear it.

[Bobby Lee]

Move it up, down, left, right on switch up like Nintendo say you can't sleep, baby I know that's me Espresso

[Andrew Santino]

I can't relate to desperation My give a fucks are on vacation and I got this one boy he won't stop calling when the ex way I know I got him Wait a minute, time out.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I can't relate to desperation I give a are on vacation yeah. Clean yeah. And I got this one boy he won't stop calling yeah when they act this way you know I got him no and I don't like that.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't like it either.

[Andrew Santino]

Too bad for your ex don't do it for you walked in a dream came true for you Soft skin and I perfumed it for you Yes, I know it for you yes that morning coffee brewed it for you? Yes. That one touch brand. I knew it for you. Now he's thinking about me every night. Isn't that sweet? Guess you can't sleep.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, that's how good. That's how it goes. That's not how it goes. No, yeah, yeah. It was much slower.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it should have been faster.

[Bobby Lee]

All. If all the songs were faster, it'd be like a 50 minute set. Oh, you lied. I. I turned to Carlos, I go, how long is this? He goes, 45 minutes. Her set. Yeah. And then an hour, an hour and a half in. I looked at him, I go, you're a liar.

[Carlos Herrera]

It's because the Strokes didn't play long last week, so I assumed it would be the same amount of time.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So. But when Grandma Donna. Grandma Grandma Madonna came out, it was exciting because she did Vogue just Like a Prayer with Karen Carpenter. And it was like.

[Andrew Santino]

A Prayer is one of my favorite songs.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. It's so it was like. Then I got goosebumps. Right, right. And I was, oh, you know, this is incredible. But then I couldn't wait to get the out of there.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it's too many people, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, in our area, you're in the vip. Yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

He was by the trailers. Like, Snoop Dogg walked by him and he's just like laying back, getting recognized.

[Andrew Santino]

Snoop walked by high as a.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you're sitting next to a guy that, you know, you're talk a while and. And I go, what do you do? He's like, oh, I'm in the suicidal tendencies.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that. It was that kind of vibe, you know what I mean? And then. So then the Strokes came on the second night. Wow. And that was fun.

[Andrew Santino]

They're. They're good.

[Bobby Lee]

They were good. And then I turned to Jules, Issa and Kid Kua. They do not know who are

[Carlos Herrera]

Easter Island.

[Bobby Lee]

They have no idea what's going on.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, they don't know the Strokes. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

They don't know. And also when. When Madonna came out, Issa goes, when who came out? Madonna came out?

[Andrew Santino]

Who?

[Bobby Lee]

Grandma Donna came out. Yeah. Issa looked at Jules and goes, who is that? Which is crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

It's weird to be in this. Like, they're in a gap where that's too old. And the Strokes are not as old as Madonna. But not their style of music.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So they're missing these two.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. That's kind of why also, when you're the oldest guy in the whole place, it feels weird. I know. I mean, you would see Other. But they're working.

[Carlos Herrera]

It's like Rick Rubin and you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Rick Rubin, me. There's a guy with a camera that's like. I mean, been doing it for 40 years.

[Andrew Santino]

You're in a class of your own.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So then we. Oh. So we're sitting there. The YouTube area. It's lightly lit. And then. Then we. To the second level above us was literally the Manson girls.

[Andrew Santino]

You mean like Charles Manson's?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Do you remember in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, that girl that was hitchhiking?

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So there's three girls up there. They're wearing no shoes.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, Margaret Qualley was right.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no, it wasn't. Mark.

[Andrew Santino]

Amazing.

[Bobby Lee]

No, that's not that. No, they were wearing no shoes.

[Andrew Santino]

They were like hippie chicks at Spawn, Right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And they're just like. Yeah. Oh, and you. Here's the most.

[Carlos Herrera]

That's cool, though.

[Bobby Lee]

Here's the most. Or once I walked in, is the most annoying. I knew I wasn't gonna have a good time. What? The lady at the gate, she says to me, watch this. This would. Don't know you. Yeah, I'm going through. And she goes, stay hydrated.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, I know what water is like. I've been drinking water longer than you. I know about electrolytes. I know about the whole thing.

[Andrew Santino]

To be fair.

[Bobby Lee]

What? I don't look like I'm hydrated.

[Andrew Santino]

You look quite dry.

[Bobby Lee]

I do. No. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're a sober guy. She's speaking to the drug addicts that are there. That place is full of people on drugs and. And drinking heavily. Yes. Most. You know, many times. Google how many people pass out or need medical help at a Coachella weekend.

[Bobby Lee]

I guarantee.

[Andrew Santino]

I guarantee you it's in the hundreds of people. Because here's why. Every year, something bad people have. They pass out. People overdose.

[Bobby Lee]

The weekend before, a light bulb, a gigantic light bulb this side fell on a person's head.

[Andrew Santino]

I heard about that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's crazy. Look at this. What does that say? 80 walking. 21. 21. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Amputees.

[Andrew Santino]

So last year, 100 people had to get emergency services because they're either too high.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They're not drinking water. Which is why that woman is doing her job.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And if she's doing her job, it'll go down again next year.

[Bobby Lee]

It wasn't what she was saying is how she said it.

[Andrew Santino]

You didn't like her. Her vibe.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Drink water.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, stay hidden.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, that would make me laugh, though.

[Bobby Lee]

It. It made me laugh at first, but Then it made me mad. Yeah. You got to know of, like, you know what I mean? I know how water works.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, lady.

[Bobby Lee]

I know how water. Yeah, I know how water. You know how water works, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Just found out. This stuff is fantastic.

[Bobby Lee]

It's the best beverage on the best beverage on earth. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But so, so then you're backstage. The Manson girls are there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

This is a big group. Or did you guys split up with you and Jules Nisa, were.

[Bobby Lee]

They.

[Andrew Santino]

Did everyone at that point?

[Bobby Lee]

It was me, the girl I was seeing, and Carlos. And behind us were three Manson girls, you know, I mean, with no shoes on, and they're just, you know, I mean, just doing things, vibing.

[Carlos Herrera]

Dude, I like that.

[Bobby Lee]

I know you like that. That's when you said the other thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they were like, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And it's like, like, it's also. I know how much it costs to be there in that area. Yeah. You know, I mean, and they, you know, their feet are just dirt.

[Andrew Santino]

But you didn't have to pay for that area. They did what you.

[Bobby Lee]

So that's what I'm saying. It's like, here's. So I was in the artist area and there was three blokes. They're from England.

[Andrew Santino]

Hello, Mike.

[Bobby Lee]

Hello, Mike. Right. I go, oh, you bab. And I go, yeah. And they're like. I go, what do you guys do? You know what I mean? We're investors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finance investor.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And so you realize it's just all rich people, old money. We've got.

[Andrew Santino]

We've got really old money.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Really got. Yeah. And then you realize when you're there in front of a sea of people, and you go, in your mind, you're trying to have a good time, but in your mind, we're in a war.

[Andrew Santino]

Would you ever go to Coachella? Yeah, I told you. I think I, I went to, like, the fifth or sixth one.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Ever.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I've never been back.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I went to it and I was like, this is, you know me. That is my nightmare.

[Bobby Lee]

You know me, that's my nightmare.

[Andrew Santino]

Thousands of people. Like, I can't do that. I, I. But you, you know, but you're different in the fact that, like, you can enjoy. You can enjoy, like, the scene with, with, with the family. You can. With the girls.

[Bobby Lee]

Was I enjoying?

[Carlos Herrera]

You eventually did. Yeah. You found, like, good in it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I can go to one show if it's a one band I want to see.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

I can't do.

[Bobby Lee]

You can't sit through Karen Carpenter.

[Andrew Santino]

What the.

[Bobby Lee]

No. For an hour and a half.

[Andrew Santino]

Like a festival of Karen Carpenter.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I can't do that. Anxiety.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't.

[Andrew Santino]

Where did you poop? Where do you poop?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, in it. They have nicer ones now. Oh, they do for the vip. There's nicer ones. They look like. Like maybe a Nobu bathroom. I went to Nobu. I'll tell you about Coachella. Yeah. I'll tell you about my noob. But I wanted to say this.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So the Nobu is one thing. All right, so. So I. I made a. I made a promise with myself. I'll never go back. I don't care what it is.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

It depend it. I don't care if it's the return of Jesus Christ. I'll go to hell.

[Andrew Santino]

Can you.

[Bobby Lee]

Whatever. Yeah. Return of Jesus Christ. Right. I ain't going.

[Andrew Santino]

Would he play the main stage? They couldn't get Jesus on the main stage. They're like, look.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Ariana Grande beats the number.

[Andrew Santino]

Harry Styles is going to get mainstage.

[Carlos Herrera]

He's a stage coach.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's so funny.

[Andrew Santino]

Jesus is at Bonnaroo.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I mean, they could do the return of the Beatles and have George and John's bones up there. Just. You know what I mean? I would not go. You know what I mean? I still would not.

[Andrew Santino]

Just marry.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Marionette when you bit old. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That would be so funny.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. Tax Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You still wouldn't go.

[Bobby Lee]

You wouldn't go.

[Andrew Santino]

You would never go.

[Bobby Lee]

I would never go back. Right, Terrible. Do. Do the thing. So then Carlos says to me, he goes, I got Chernobyl. Where? At Coachella? And I go, oh, that's cool. Thank you. He's at 7 o'. Clock.

[Carlos Herrera]

For my birthday, I got him Nobu.

[Andrew Santino]

How did you do that?

[Bobby Lee]

And for. For your birthday, I got you Coachella. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, so I think that I won.

[Carlos Herrera]

It's not a contest.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but what you just said was. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you did. You did do that.

[Bobby Lee]

You just did do that.

[Carlos Herrera]

I'm a little edgy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, why?

[Carlos Herrera]

Molly 18.

[Bobby Lee]

So he gets me. Yeah. I want to say this one. And I'm gonna narc on you.

[Andrew Santino]

So, first of all, you lied because when I called you and we talked, I said, did you do any drugs at Coachell?

[Carlos Herrera]

And you said, I don't consider Molly

[Bobby Lee]

a drug because it's not just drugs. It's not just. Oh, I'm sorry, can I interrupt? Can I interrupt?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I interrupt?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He comes out into the. Because we have. We Airbnb house.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He comes into the living room. I'm sorry. Happy birthday. He brings out a Bible.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Santino]

While you're on Molly. No.

[Bobby Lee]

And he opens up the Bible. It's not a Bible. It's a drug pharmacy.

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos. You still have the drug Bible? That's insane. Yeah, it's like a little travel case. His little Bible.

[Carlos Herrera]

It has a lock on it.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Yeah. Oh, thanks. That's good.

[Carlos Herrera]

Dog and kid proof.

[Bobby Lee]

That's why I brought it. Written Arabic. Still written Arabic, this Bible, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Inshallah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And so are you mad at that?

[Carlos Herrera]

No. It made Bieber so much fun.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. So then he makes me go to Nobu. Now it sounds good.

[Carlos Herrera]

Nobody make you go to no time.

[Andrew Santino]

Hold, stop. Let him get it out. Where is the Nobu?

[Bobby Lee]

Just in the middle of the festival.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a Nobu in the grounds. Like, they built a.

[Bobby Lee]

No, they built a nobu in the grounds.

[Andrew Santino]

What? That's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

But unfortunately, they built it. So you're on a patio outside, and literally 200ft away is the stage of the EDM Festival. Right. So you're eating. You're eating. You're eating sushi in an earthquake. It was the most unpleasant human experience. And I felt bad for the sushi chefs.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because you have to be there all day.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I bet they got paid handsomely.

[Bobby Lee]

I. I hope so.

[Andrew Santino]

I guarantee you. They made so much fucking money because

[Bobby Lee]

they're there all day listening to this.

[Carlos Herrera]

That's the View.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I gotta tell. That's the view. That's the stage. And that's not one speaker.

[Andrew Santino]

That's all of the speakers.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's the kind of speakers in Close Encounters with Third Kind, they communicated with aliens.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, that's that speaker, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Acorns. You know what?

[Bobby Lee]

I. I wish I knew about investing

[Andrew Santino]

earlier in my life. Yeah, me too.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And acorns is the thing. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow.

[Andrew Santino]

That's exactly right. Because here's the problem. People think, oh, you need a lot of money to start investing.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you don't.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't.

[Andrew Santino]

You can start investing with whatever you got right now, because it's all about the future, all right? You want to do something about the money you have tomorrow, Acorns wants to help. And with the Acorns potential screen, you can find out what your money is capable of doing down the road.

[Bobby Lee]

Acorns is all in one no more finance apps cluttering up your phone. With Acorns, you can invest, save and give your money a chance to grow in one trusted place.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right, Acorns grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or thinking about settling down, Acorns supports your big and small goals across every life stage. And I'm telling you, you do want to save because you don't know what's coming down the road ahead of you or if you're looking for something that you want to buy that you've always had your eye on. Acorns helps you do that, giving your money a chance to grow. And you can adjust what you're investing every day, every week, every month to make sure you're building towards those financial goals. Well, how big or small they may be, it doesn't matter.

[Bobby Lee]

Set up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus. Investment join over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns.

[Andrew Santino]

Head to acorns.com/bad friends or download the Acorn to get started. Paid Down Client Endorsement Compensation provides incentive deposit promote acorns tier 2 compensation provided potential subject to various factors such as customers accounts, age and investment settings does not include Acorns fees Result to not predict or represent the performance of any Air Corn portfolio. Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor view important [e-mail] BadFriend Hymns hey, when thinning starts, it's not just your hair that takes a hit. It can change how you feel day in and day out. And HIMS makes it simple to take control of hair regrowth with personalized care that fits your life. Look, I'm in my 40s, Bobby's in his 50s, we are all getting older and the hair is getting a little wispier. Okay? You got better things to do than sit in a doctor's office all day talking about your hairline. That's why HIMS offers access to expert backed hair loss treatments entirely done on the Internet. Hair loss doesn't fix itself and the earlier you act, the better it is for you. HIMS makes starting simple with 100% online process, personalized treatment plans delivered right to you. Doctor trusted ingredients like finasteride and minoxidil can stop further hair loss and regrow that beautiful lettuce you got in as Little as three to six months. It's pretty quick. Shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. They're going to bring expert care to you. For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, ED, weight loss, and so much more, visit hims.com Bad Friends that's hims.com Bad Friends for your free online visit hims.com Bad Friends Future products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for for full details, restrictions and important safety information. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride.

[Bobby Lee]

There's nothing like my American Express Platinum card. I love that I can earn hotel credits when I travel. I can also earn resi credits, so, you know, I'm hitting the restaurants everyone's talking about. Plus, with the digital entertainment credit, I'm even more excited to catch my favorite shows. All in all, I can access over $3,500 in annual value with benefits and eligible purchases across travel, entertainment, entertainment and more. Learn [e-mail] Explore Platinum Enrollment Requirements monthly and other limits in terms apply.

[Andrew Santino]

I was in the desert. I was in Las Vegas.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Viva Las Vegas. Interesting place. Interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

I've been there. Like it as if I've never been there.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you like it?

[Bobby Lee]

In what way?

[Andrew Santino]

Exactly? In what way?

[Bobby Lee]

Ditto exactly. Ditto to you, my friend.

[Andrew Santino]

Every time I go to Vegas, this so much smoke.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I can't breathe. Dude. Michelle we says, by the way, who does Michelle We?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, the athlete.

[Andrew Santino]

Probably the greatest female golfer on earth. She loves. She loves you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Loves you. Oh, I wish Bobby would come to something like that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Michelle we west one of the best.

[Bobby Lee]

And then we were watching the Strokes. Josh. Adam Myers walks by, like, in the

[Andrew Santino]

elite area to his voice.

[Bobby Lee]

I. Well, I don't know. And you know, he's with the Strokes. You know what I mean? And I go, hey, Josh. He doesn't turn around, texts me later. Where are you?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you think he saw you and pretended to not see you?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

That's up.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. Oh, Bobby, I. Oh, he's on too, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You think he did a thing where

[Bobby Lee]

it's like, I don't know. I love that movie. What? I love that for him. Yeah. Because he's in a different class.

[Andrew Santino]

What does that mean? What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

He's with the band.

[Andrew Santino]

You're with the band.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I wasn't I was back. We went back there to see them and I couldn't get to him.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, he was looking for the stroke.

[Bobby Lee]

I was.

[Andrew Santino]

And you couldn't get to.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

We couldn't find them.

[Bobby Lee]

We couldn't find them. Yeah. But there was. We ran to that comedian, Megan Stalter. Stalter. I said hi to her.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, Meg Stalter.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So funny.

[Bobby Lee]

And then I ran into just like Minnie Mouse.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, she's funny.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And this is one kid. We don't. Still don't know who he is. But he had like three. What do you call them? Carlos. Oh, like piercings on his right eye and he was just kind of sweating. I just got off stage. The mainstay. We still don't know who it was.

[Andrew Santino]

A comedian.

[Bobby Lee]

No, he was a performer.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, yeah. There was no comedy at Coachella.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. Imagine.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, they could have. They could have a comedy tent and do very well. I bet.

[Bobby Lee]

You think so?

[Carlos Herrera]

100 asked at other festivals, like, yeah, they do that.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

But you wouldn't. It wouldn't be our types of comedy. I looked at the demographic. There's just no way.

[Andrew Santino]

Who would it be? Who would headline Coachella?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Oh, this is good.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, first of all, Chappelle could easily do that.

[Bobby Lee]

He could, but I'm talking about it would be more like on the smaller tents, a smaller tent, more of a. I could see Moshe Casher.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

These types of, you know, I mean, east side. East side or east side.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that.

[Bobby Lee]

I could see David Cross doing.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, no, he would never go out there.

[Bobby Lee]

That's another. That. When I said that, I go, I promise you this. I will not run into a single. Except for Meg, but she's an actress. Right. I'll not run into a traditional stand up comic here ever. Because there's just. Imagine David Tell sitting there watching Karen Carpenter.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but that's not. But that's not true. There's. There comics that are in the psychedelics would absolutely go to that. There's a lot of comics that like music and psychedelics. I'm sure there's a lot of guys that would go do that.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm. I just, I never ran into one.

[Andrew Santino]

I bet you there's way more than you thought were out there. You think so I, I would assume that like. Yeah, no, not, you know, I couldn't

[Bobby Lee]

see like a traditional.

[Andrew Santino]

Not like Louis CK is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. There's no way Louie's gonna be there watching. Yeah. I mean, Sabrina Carpenter.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but there's some people that are. That. Yeah, there's some drug. Drug comics that like to get high and listen to music also.

[Bobby Lee]

It. What? What? When did Bieber end? 1:00am 1:00am Imagine being out there at 1:00am in the desert.

[Carlos Herrera]

It was great.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he loved it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I'm 54. My body couldn't do it.

[Andrew Santino]

You got to go home.

[Bobby Lee]

I did the Strokes and I did three hops and then everything broke.

[Carlos Herrera]

Remember he was hopping hard.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I was hopping hard.

[Andrew Santino]

I broke from the stroke.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean it. I couldn't Bob anymore.

[Andrew Santino]

You loved it, though, because you were on mdma.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, I took it for Bieber. I didn't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, no, you were taking it all day long. I saw.

[Carlos Herrera]

Those are mushrooms.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, okay.

[Andrew Santino]

So you're eating mushrooms all day and then took Molly at night for Bieber.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, it was the warm up.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's warm up. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then he slept in the house with you?

[Bobby Lee]

He slept in the door, but I had to lock the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was literally right next to me. I had to lock the door.

[Andrew Santino]

How many. It was a lot of rooms.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, there were a lot. Like 12 rooms.

[Andrew Santino]

And you slept next to him?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, But I had to lock his door to my room.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because I was with my friend and it's like I didn't want him to walk in.

[Andrew Santino]

Right, right.

[Bobby Lee]

Because that would be.

[Andrew Santino]

That'd be gross.

[Bobby Lee]

Because then he would take his clothes off. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean.

[Bobby Lee]

And then try to ram it in me.

[Andrew Santino]

I thought about you on the week, all weekend. Because I was with a table of friends and one of my friend's girlfriends didn't understand how I could pick out which of the girls on the floor of the casino were professionals.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

So she's like, how do you know? I'm like, what? It's so clear. Like, it's so obvious what girls are out.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, tell me the rules.

[Carlos Herrera]

What's the hottest one wearing nice shoes?

[Andrew Santino]

First of all, dead giveaway at any casino you go to, like the bar there. If you're at a casino and you're not gambling.

[Bobby Lee]

What casino?

[Andrew Santino]

Any. Every.

[Bobby Lee]

All.

[Andrew Santino]

Everyone.

[Bobby Lee]

All center of the. Because there's always a center bar.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, there's always a bar that's near where the tables are. Right. Whether people are paying $80 a drink. But you can get a drink for free if you just gamble. So it's the dumbest shit.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So it's usually a single girl sitting alone who's remarkably attractive, wearing a dress that's not even on her body.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And she's on her phone the whole time.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

And then she's waiting at the bar for, you know, old man McGillicuddy to sit down.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's got a suit jacket? The old guys always have a suit jacket that are rich. They don't dress like.

[Bobby Lee]

I love old men.

[Andrew Santino]

Old men are the best.

[Bobby Lee]

No, middle. Middle color. Cuddy.

[Andrew Santino]

McGillicuddy.

[Bobby Lee]

McGillicuddy. McGillicollet. Cuddy.

[Andrew Santino]

Mcgillicuddy.

[Bobby Lee]

McGillicuddy. Yeah. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And they're always alone. They always are alone. Because then what they do is old man killicoly. McKillikully. He's not alone.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, he's not alone.

[Andrew Santino]

He's with guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

But the professional is alone. And then she chums it up. Oh, my God. And then gives him the thought, oh, this is the. She's like, who are you here with? And he's with some. Some friends. She's like, let me get some of my friends. And then you'll see the professionals start coming. Like moth to a flame. A few other hot girls were. Some somehow show up out of nowhere.

[Bobby Lee]

Or light bulb.

[Andrew Santino]

In his older. What?

[Bobby Lee]

Or light bulb.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, moth to a flame is the phrase.

[Bobby Lee]

But yeah. I'm just any kind of source of

[Andrew Santino]

any kind of source of life. Incandescent.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to be. Yeah. Inconsistent.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And they'll show up and then you'll just notice.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Five very slovenly looking, middle of nowhere men.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

With three to five unbelievably attractive women wearing nothing half of their age. And you're like, these guys are going to get run on by these professionals. These girls are going to take these guys. We watched it happen like live. And my friend's girlfriend was like, how did you. How did you like call that? I was like, it's. It's so see through. Why would that girl talk to that guy? Because he's got the cash, baby. Go to the high limit rooms. Always a professional. Walking around or sitting kind of waiting near it.

[Bobby Lee]

I would have no idea.

[Andrew Santino]

It's so obvious.

[Carlos Herrera]

We saw that in Vegas last time.

[Andrew Santino]

100.

[Bobby Lee]

I have no idea.

[Andrew Santino]

So you can pick them off from a mile away.

[Bobby Lee]

Very easy.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It happened when we were. Where was I? Just. Oh, with.

[Bobby Lee]

Because my assumption would be like, oh, she's. Her boyfriend's in the bathroom.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean? Oh, she's just waiting for her boyfriend in the bathroom.

[Andrew Santino]

You can always tell.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

You. It's just there's a vibe that they're doing that you're like, they're they're obviously waiting for their target. Like, they're waiting for the target to arrive. If you walk up to her, and if guys walk up to her and flirt with her, which I'm sure they do, she probably them off.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Because she's looking for the. She goes fishing. She's not looking to be caught. She's fishing.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, she's fishing.

[Andrew Santino]

She's finding the idiot that she's looking to take down, so they find the guy.

[Bobby Lee]

When you see. You see all these things, like target, take down. What is going on here?

[Andrew Santino]

They're all in the military.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, because you're scaring me.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, they work. They seriously work like that. Everything is strategy. You can just see the way they operate. It's all strategy, by the way they. They operate with these guys. But you. We watched it happen, and she was shocked. She, like, couldn't believe it. I was like, well, we saw it in Vegas together. It was so you. And then when I was with Gillis, same thing. We sit at the bar. Me and Derosa are sitting at the bar having a cocktail.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm about to go to bed because I play golf the next morning.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And this girl sitting alone, and then she slowly is, like, kind of leaning in on our conversation, and she zones in on Derosa, and I slowly fade off into the background.

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Andrew Santino]

And I can see it happening.

[Bobby Lee]

You become a whisperer.

[Andrew Santino]

And I texted him, I said, joe, don't do anything stupid.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, so, but what happens next?

[Andrew Santino]

Then she does chats. Who you hear without, like, a formal,

[Bobby Lee]

tell me the rules.

[Andrew Santino]

Then he buys her a drink. He buys her a drink. You can do. Then it's like, oh, let's have another. Have another drink.

[Bobby Lee]

How much is that?

[Andrew Santino]

Do you want to gamble? Drinks at those bars are, like 25 bucks.

[Carlos Herrera]

Probably.

[Andrew Santino]

They're a ripoff.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But they don't drink, so.

[Andrew Santino]

And then she goes, oh, I want to go gamble. Do you want to get. Oh, my God, let's go gamble. Just you and me. Separate him from the herd, right? This is how they kill their prey. They go, let's go gamble, you and me. So then they take him to a table. Dude, I've seen it happen.

[Bobby Lee]

I've seen it happen.

[Andrew Santino]

And then they take them to a table or they go, let's play slots, whatever. And it's like.

[Bobby Lee]

So you can tell this guy, this target, right? You can call them the usa.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you take the usa, Take it into you. I mean, a hostile environment, because the

[Andrew Santino]

USA thinks he's the man. I'm the man.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got money. I got money. I got money. I'll give you money. I'll give you whatever you want. Okay, now I'm beginning to see it now. Yeah, I'm beginning to see it now. Yeah. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe the greatest analogy of all time.

[Bobby Lee]

I think so. I think so. I think it's perfect. It's perfect.

[Andrew Santino]

And they separate them. They start to gamble. They're drinking more. They're gambling.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe Then. Then. Then comes in the drop about.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Should we get a bag?

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you want to. Oh. Do you like to party?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Then this drops in. Right. Then you start to see the swirl.

[Bobby Lee]

What do we mean? What's a bag? Coke. Do you want a bag?

[Andrew Santino]

Should we get a bag?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And then depending on if.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that the term?

[Andrew Santino]

Get a bag?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Because I wouldn't know what that meant. And she goes, if you want a bag. I go, a bag of groceries.

[Andrew Santino]

What you want?

[Bobby Lee]

You want Instacart?

[Andrew Santino]

Let's go to Trader Joe.

[Bobby Lee]

I wouldn't know the term.

[Andrew Santino]

Be so funny to take a prostitute just to Trader Joe's.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You take her.

[Bobby Lee]

This is what I meant. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, I just wanted stuff for my apartment.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Then they. They ask for drugs. And if the subject is like, if

[Bobby Lee]

I said, I don't do bags, that's fine.

[Andrew Santino]

You're probably less likely now for her to attack harder.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, okay. So give me the situation. All right, Now I say okay. I say, all right.

[Andrew Santino]

So you're sober.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I've been sober for four years.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh.

[Bobby Lee]

And I'm gonna talk like Coachella. I just wanted to go with this. There. Yeah. I mean, hydrate.

[Andrew Santino]

And then. So, all right, so I'm the professional.

[Bobby Lee]

You're the professional. So, yeah, I don't do drugs. I've been silver for four years. I don't have a back.

[Andrew Santino]

That's no problem.

[Bobby Lee]

There's. That's not a problem.

[Andrew Santino]

Not at all.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, so what do we do next?

[Andrew Santino]

Let's go gamble some more.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, let's gamble. So we're gambling I spent about three grand. Right. And then at one point. What happens after that?

[Andrew Santino]

She goes, oh, God. Is this hotel nice?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. I have a suite here.

[Andrew Santino]

You do?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Can we. Can I check it out? I want to see. I've never seen the sweets here. Okay, see, you're in.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, so we go to the elevator. Boop. Because you have to put the boot

[Andrew Santino]

you're in the elevator.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. And you take your. You have to hack your room key. Poop it. Right? Yeah. So once you see the room, I mean, what happens?

[Andrew Santino]

I just want to check it out.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you want to check it out. All right, we're in the room.

[Andrew Santino]

Is there a mini bar in here?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to do a shot. Let's do a shot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I don't drink. I just said that. I don't do bags or drinks.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I do a shot?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I guess. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I do a shot.

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Ready?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm feeling good.

[Andrew Santino]

It's warm in here. Shirts off, tits out.

[Carlos Herrera]

Wait, Andrew.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

She needs to go to the bathroom first to text her pimp that she's okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, oh.

[Bobby Lee]

So the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. By the way.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I've only seen this from the floor level.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos needs to take it from here.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

I actually don't know the next move. I'm making it up as we go, but that sounds right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, tell us what they do when they get into the room.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

Hold on. Can I use your restroom? And then like it's like 10 minutes. It's way too long. Like, things are happening.

[Bobby Lee]

How much does this cost, Carlos? Yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

In Vegas, a G minimum. And then she's going to be. She's going to take her shirt off.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

She'll be like, oh, if you want to do anything else, you have to tip me.

[Andrew Santino]

So they take their shirt off.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

They're like, okay.

[Andrew Santino]

And she says, you have to tip me. But you already paid her a thousand dollars.

[Carlos Herrera]

Anything else is extra. You have to tip me.

[Andrew Santino]

So thousand dollars is just to hang with her?

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, just for five minutes.

[Andrew Santino]

No, that's no way that I'm serious. For nothing.

[Carlos Herrera]

That's how they really.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'm out.

[Carlos Herrera]

That's how they rip.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not even getting like a tuggy or something.

[Carlos Herrera]

No, that's how they rip people off in Vegas or la. You have to.

[Bobby Lee]

It feels too, you know, I mean,

[Andrew Santino]

the only story I know. Yeah, I mean, other than the ones you've told me, but from a friend of mine who isn't a guy that would do this usually. This was very out of pocket for him, but I think he was newly single and going through a rough patch.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

This is a long time ago, but he told me they were drinking and he thinks that she drugged him. Well, okay. She know. He knows. I mean, he was drinking all day. He was hammered.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But then he passed out, blacked out, passed out. And Then when he woke up, his watch and his cash were gone.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, yeah, that happens to, like, NBA players all the time.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And they call on their friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, then what's the. What's the worth? What is it worth it? It. There's no. It's not worth it.

[Carlos Herrera]

Well, not that way.

[Bobby Lee]

Just jerk off. Yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, yeah, no, that's what I do.

[Bobby Lee]

Just jerk off.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but. See, but here's the difference.

[Bobby Lee]

Or get on Lexapro.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's what I get in an ssri.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, it does help.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

This is the commercial for SSRIs. Are you having trouble with prostitutes? Get on an SSRI. No, but. So have you been robbed before?

[Carlos Herrera]

No. No, because you know the stories.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, so you keep doing it.

[Carlos Herrera]

I've been in those situations, and I've, like, backed out.

[Andrew Santino]

But why are you still doing it? Knowing that it's dangerous.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, that was so long ago.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but he.

[Carlos Herrera]

I'm the pro.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but here. I know, but here's the thing about.

[Andrew Santino]

You think you're the pro.

[Bobby Lee]

You like. You like excitement.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're. You're sort of like a Navy SEAL in that way. Exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

And in no other way whatsoever. It's so disrespectful to Navy SEALs, like, some of the most, like.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Adored athletically, mentally, physically strong.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You are nothing like the Navy.

[Bobby Lee]

Except for this way.

[Andrew Santino]

Except for this.

[Carlos Herrera]

And we train in California.

[Bobby Lee]

They train all over the place. All over the world. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, he's gonna run.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you good at water?

[Carlos Herrera]

I'm good at water.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. He's good.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you seen him swim? No, not as. Not a water.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you're not. You're not a water guy. He's.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what you are? You're not a seal.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're. You're. Well, you're a beached seal.

[Carlos Herrera]

That's nice. You're chilling on the beach.

[Andrew Santino]

See?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it'd be so funny if his, like, you know, I mean, his. His patrol or whatever. Right. They're. They're on. They're fighting now. Where's Carlos? And he's still swimming. This is two days in 100 yards off the shore.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I'm on my way.

[Carlos Herrera]

Vaping the whole time.

[Andrew Santino]

You'd be vaping in the water.

[Bobby Lee]

You're not a sealed.

[Carlos Herrera]

Watching basketball on my iPhone.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, vaping. I wish overtook cigarettes completely because of this. In Vegas. Every time. And now it's like people still smoke in Vegas even though I know they don't smoke back where they're from this game people play. Just vape, please. Vape. Because I don't. I don't. I'm huffing and puffing. Your just vape everywhere. Should be vape. They should be. Only sell vapes everywhere, all over Vegas. No cigarettes. It's obnoxious. How was he a Navy SEAL again? I forgot my space.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, no. I know why. Because you like extreme.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

You mean.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you want.

[Bobby Lee]

You like danger.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You like danger. You're like living on the edge even at your age.

[Andrew Santino]

Aerosmith.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. And you like the mystery of it all.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like the chase. Yeah, yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

I've like run from the cops three times.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you told me about the motorcycle thing and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But, but so now you think you've got it at a place where if you get. If you pay for a friend.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

If we're going to say this eloquently, you think you're safe from any sort of.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, I know I am because I'm like a member of certain things where it's all verified.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean you're in a private club? Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna tell you this right now.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to know how much you pay to be in the private.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, I got in early.

[Bobby Lee]

You got in early? Invested earlier.

[Andrew Santino]

Like as I literally, like, it's AI.

[Bobby Lee]

It's incinerating. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Who else is in there?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Who's else?

[Andrew Santino]

What other insider traders are in there.

[Carlos Herrera]

I feel like there are famous people in there, but I would.

[Andrew Santino]

In your private club. Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

I believe that if Carlos was a king.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, this is what you said.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no, no. If I. If Carlos was a king. Hey. That we'd all be dead.

[Andrew Santino]

Popper. Popper. Popper.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Popper.

[Bobby Lee]

Popper. What's it? Popper. Papa.

[Andrew Santino]

King of. Prince of popper. He's a popper. He's a popper.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. But do you think we'd be alive

[Andrew Santino]

if he was a king? Yeah, only because of the loyalty that we've had. He's had to us so far. We'd still live through his. His.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but what position will we have?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, ask him. He's right there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Like you're king. What position do I have?

[Carlos Herrera]

And be completely honest, obviously, you're my court's jester.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Of course.

[Carlos Herrera]

You're my fool.

[Bobby Lee]

What do I get, though? I'm your fool?

[Carlos Herrera]

You're my fool.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. You.

[Carlos Herrera]

I keep you drunk and I make you relapse.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow. Okay.

[Carlos Herrera]

You and you have a chain around your neck. I do like a bear in Russia in like the 1800s.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but do I get like a condo or an area to a good night. A place in the castle. Asleep.

[Andrew Santino]

The jester lives in the basement.

[Bobby Lee]

I live in the basement.

[Carlos Herrera]

I would give them like a really cool view of. Of like the ocean.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, go cool.

[Carlos Herrera]

He gets everything.

[Bobby Lee]

No chain.

[Carlos Herrera]

No chain.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, there's this chains. And you have a guy walking with you all the time to watch you.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I have like a. An assistant?

[Carlos Herrera]

No, it's a bodyguard. But he works for me. He's watching you.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. Right, right.

[Andrew Santino]

Just making sure you don't get any ideas to leave.

[Carlos Herrera]

Exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

Anything.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. To anything.

[Carlos Herrera]

All right.

[Andrew Santino]

What am I?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, just one last question. I'm sorry, I'm the gesture. So I gotta have a couple.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, the gesture is not allowed to speak really.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but how many times do I have to perform?

[Carlos Herrera]

Speak.

[Bobby Lee]

How many times do I have to perform? Whenever I want. Okay.

[Carlos Herrera]

When I wake up, I need like a funny like ringtone.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, and like my phone rings. It has to always be on silent. Yeah, but you do the ringtone vocally. Exactly.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. All right.

[Carlos Herrera]

I would love that one.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Do I get to have a girlfriend?

[Andrew Santino]

Think carefully, King. This is why they're doing the no kings protest.

[Carlos Herrera]

By the way you behave after like three years. We'll review it again.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you get to apply.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So I get nothing until three years.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

You.

[Bobby Lee]

Absolutely nothing.

[Carlos Herrera]

I'm going to change your taste in humans.

[Bobby Lee]

Do I get wi fi?

[Carlos Herrera]

I'm going to turn you full gay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Do I get wi fi?

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, you can have wi fi.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, cool.

[Andrew Santino]

But earn him full gay.

[Bobby Lee]

You turn me full gay.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah. I'm going to do experiments where I get them hard, but there's like pictures of men and so like reactivate his brain to only be attracted to men.

[Andrew Santino]

This sounds like just Hollywood. Yeah, I've been in his casting.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I don't want to be. Yeah, I try. Yeah, Chain's a good idea. Cuz I would want to get out. What is Andrew?

[Andrew Santino]

Where am I? On the King's. On the king's court.

[Bobby Lee]

And don't. Don't talk out of fear.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, don't.

[Carlos Herrera]

No. I have a good one for you.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh good.

[Carlos Herrera]

Head of the Air Force Focus features

[Bobby Lee]

in Blumhouse present Obsession.

[Carlos Herrera]

When I have a crush on a

[Bobby Lee]

guy no one knows. Be careful. I wish Nikki love me more than

[Andrew Santino]

anyone in the entire world.

[Bobby Lee]

Who you wish for obsession is 96%

[Andrew Santino]

fresh on rotten Tomatoes.

[Bobby Lee]

I love you so so so so much. It's blood soaked nightmare fuel. Brooke. I just bullet you put on her. You have been warned. Obsession. Rated R under 17 on a minute

[Andrew Santino]

without parent only theaters May 15 with special engagements in Dolby. A vacation rental shouldn't come with surprises. It should come with verbo Care and 24. 7 Life Support. If the hot tub's broken, that's a verbo care thing. If my teenager starts calling me Leslie, that's a family thing. Leslie. Verbo Care and 24. 7 Life Support. If you know you VRBO terms apply. See vrbo.comtrust for details. Ready to soundtrack your summer with Red Bull Summer All Day Play. You choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best. Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end dj, a road dog, or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen playlist and put your summer on track. Red Bull Summer all day play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit Red Red Bull.com BrightSummer ahead to learn more. See you this summer.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

With honor, my king.

[Bobby Lee]

Which means he's nowhere near you.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

He's out there. He's.

[Bobby Lee]

He's out there.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm out there.

[Bobby Lee]

You're out what?

[Carlos Herrera]

Drones to do what?

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Carlos Herrera]

He's telling drones what?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm starting War Dog.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. If he's the king, do we have communication? No. Why?

[Carlos Herrera]

Only talks to me?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I can't talk to him. Like, how's the war going?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, can I come see the jester?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

You need a. If you need a laugh and things are too hard.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. You can come over.

[Andrew Santino]

This is a Roman comedy that I'm the head of. Of the Royal Air Force.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I have to sneak to come see you do shows.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And afterwards we hang out late night around.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

This is like a romantic love story.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Carlos Herrera]

Infuriate me though.

[Andrew Santino]

But they're never gonna catch us.

[Bobby Lee]

There'd be an opening on the door. Right. And. And the chain only goes gets to the opening of the door. Right. So you hear? And I go, Andrew, we're going. Hey. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

How are you, buddy?

[Bobby Lee]

Not great, dude. Two years I haven't been laid. Yeah. And I think I'.

[Andrew Santino]

I love you. I gotta go. I gotta go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I have to go. Bomb.

[Bobby Lee]

I ran. Okay. Yeah. All right. So what is McCone's. What is McCoen's job?

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, he obviously just like films and vlogs everything for me.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

So he's Doing that.

[Bobby Lee]

So he gets a better job than me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, No.

[Carlos Herrera]

Y' all do what y' all are best at.

[Andrew Santino]

That's true.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. But why do I have a chain?

[Carlos Herrera]

You're the best fool.

[Andrew Santino]

You're the best fool.

[Carlos Herrera]

And the chain is because I always want you to make me laugh. And. And I think it will get tiring and you won't be allowed to leave,

[Bobby Lee]

but eventually I will stop making you laugh because, you know my temperament experiments. Oh, then you do, like, scientific experiments on me.

[Andrew Santino]

Does Makone like a mouse? All access to the. To the kingdom.

[Carlos Herrera]

He has a.

[Andrew Santino]

Because he's filming.

[Carlos Herrera]

He has an all access. A band.

[Andrew Santino]

This is where the king fucked up.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. What. What. What. What. What band do I have? Ga. General admission.

[Andrew Santino]

You're Jen. Admission.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah. General admission, for sure.

[Bobby Lee]

I gave you VIP for Coachella.

[Andrew Santino]

What do I have? What do I have? What band am I at?

[Carlos Herrera]

Your artist pass, for sure.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I get artist pass. So I'm not all access, but I just get your.

[Carlos Herrera]

Says af. Air Force.

[Andrew Santino]

Air Force. Air Force. Access.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And can I tell you something? Listen, he. This is where he up. Because the king already laid out the rules. McCone, you know damn well.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Is going to eventually sneak down to the Jester's cave.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Because of his crush on you. And break you free. You know, he's gonna go behind Carlo.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what will happen in that opening? I'll just see a camera

[Andrew Santino]

filming you.

[Bobby Lee]

He'd be just filming me.

[Andrew Santino]

It's great content.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not gonna help with.

[Andrew Santino]

I disagree.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Am I right, though? You would try to break him out, wouldn't you? You little.

[Bobby Lee]

Now, I'd film for a bit, but

[Carlos Herrera]

then when he was doing the same things, we did something new for the video.

[Bobby Lee]

So we'll break him out.

[Andrew Santino]

And Pete. Where's Pete in this whole thing?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Pete is not around a lot.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Carlos Herrera]

We have a royal podcast every week.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, and I like that.

[Carlos Herrera]

It's the only one available.

[Andrew Santino]

And he stays in the podcast space. Yeah, he's a producer, but he's not allowed to leave the podcast room.

[Carlos Herrera]

He doesn't want to.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm a good podcaster. Can I be in the podcast?

[Andrew Santino]

Of course.

[Carlos Herrera]

You're the fool. My air Force sergeant is telling me.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, that's a threat to security, sir.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it is.

[Andrew Santino]

We can't have that. The King.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, all right. And then what does Andreas have?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, this is interesting. What does the king do with Andres?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

Head of fashion in our Country. He designs the uniforms for the military.

[Andrew Santino]

The least fashionable guy on this show is the head of fashion. That's the funniest thing I've ever said. That's insane.

[Bobby Lee]

What's that called? Did you. What's the clothes he wears? Half plaid, half shirt.

[Andrew Santino]

You end up where he ends up designing the kingdom. It's all dizzy. Ul kingdom.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God. We look terrible. Oh, my God.

[Carlos Herrera]

And we're changing the language, and Andres is the head of that. We're changing it to Spanish.

[Andrew Santino]

We're gonna be speaking Spanish.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It'll be like we're in la.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. How can I be funny? I don't know Spanish.

[Carlos Herrera]

You're gonna learn it. You're gonna.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, okay.

[Carlos Herrera]

A Mexican cartoon or something.

[Andrew Santino]

Jesters only have one good phrase. Look up in Spanish. How to say piss in my mout. All right, let's hear it.

[Bobby Lee]

That's all I say.

[Carlos Herrera]

Very good.

[Andrew Santino]

The gesture just walks around.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Honestly, people peeing in my mouth. Wow. That's how you feel about me? That's how you feel about it?

[Carlos Herrera]

You really did.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

You're so funny. There's a lot of creativity to throw.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. I bought for every meal in Coachella.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you VIP in Coachella. Coachella.

[Carlos Herrera]

We got better than vip.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you a free place to stay in in Coachella. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. And I'm still. The gesture gets his peed on and is gay.

[Carlos Herrera]

I thought.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that the rule?

[Carlos Herrera]

I thought it'd be an honor.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not an honor, dude. It's a disgrace. I get the worst job in your kingdom.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, it's incredible.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not incredible, dude. I have a chain on my neck. I live in a cave.

[Carlos Herrera]

But for me, it's great. We get to hang out all the time.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I'm not hanging out with you, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, no, yeah, he's. You're hanging out with him. He's not hanging out with you. That's the difference. You have to hang with.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going to tell you right now.

[Andrew Santino]

Click on that one more time.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. What?

[Andrew Santino]

Just let me hear it. We got to make a merch shirt of him going pissing my mouth.

[Bobby Lee]

I could convince him to move up, I think.

[Andrew Santino]

No chance.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, dude, I'm. I'm. He's so highly manipulative, the po.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at. That's you. That's you and Carlos.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Oh, my God, dude. It's so. Oh, my God. That's how you feel? That's how you feel about me, dude.

[Carlos Herrera]

Because I think that's fun, man.

[Bobby Lee]

It makes that for me though. I love you, dude. Yeah, I'm.

[Carlos Herrera]

No, it's forced love.

[Bobby Lee]

It's force love, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

I want that photo here. Yeah, I want that in the studio.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That is Mary Evans. That's amazing.

[Bobby Lee]

That. What does Jules get Rudy?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Carlos Herrera]

She's like in our CIA.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, she's in. She gets a higher position. Zero Dark Thirty. She is waterboarding.

[Andrew Santino]

Is our assassin.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, right.

[Andrew Santino]

She's our secret assassin.

[Bobby Lee]

Secret assassin.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna work closely with her on using her to infiltrate other kingdoms to try to make yours more so much.

[Bobby Lee]

You guys get so cool roles. You know what I would do? I would do a monocrystal day. I would take a.

[Andrew Santino]

A piece of rock and start slowly.

[Bobby Lee]

25 years. Yeah. Slowly chipping away at a. You know, I mean, I just needed like a Brigitte Fonda. Some poster.

[Andrew Santino]

Good double. Good double reference. I like.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Monte Cristo. Right. I. One day I would go for my birthday.

[Andrew Santino]

What you say there? Fussy britches?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Can I. Can I get a whatever poster? What is that?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you're gonna wake him. Where? He's gonna wear one A gimp mask.

[Carlos Herrera]

Trying to do that.

[Andrew Santino]

So when you try to break out.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, would you catch me? Yeah. So you're gonna do poster inspections.

[Carlos Herrera]

100. I've seen Shawshank.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you're gonna be in a gimp man.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Other people. Let me ask you this.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, by the way, can still orina in Miboka. And that too.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's. It's so close off on the neck. It fills up. Oh my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Those eyes are pre cut.

[Bobby Lee]

I want the right one. That looks cooler.

[Andrew Santino]

It looks like yours.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that looks cooler.

[Carlos Herrera]

I look like.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. So are there other people where I'm living? The caves?

[Carlos Herrera]

Are there other people of you? Don't worry.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, oh, I'm not worried.

[Andrew Santino]

He wants to know about community.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, look at the. Look at the ocean. While in a. That mask and a chain.

[Carlos Herrera]

Wait, well, that's the only thing if you misbehave.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude. Where's the castle, by the way? Yeah, what location?

[Bobby Lee]

What does the castle look like? Try to find it.

[Carlos Herrera]

We've moved the capital from D.C. to LA.

[Andrew Santino]

So we live here.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And we live Malibu.

[Andrew Santino]

Malibu.

[Bobby Lee]

Malibu.

[Andrew Santino]

That's at least nice Iron man.

[Bobby Lee]

For you.

[Andrew Santino]

Where I don't live.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, for all of you but me.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm the head of the Air Force I live way in the middle of. No, you live at the Castle on the Sea. That's. This is where you live?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You know what I get? This is what I'm gonna do. I'll look out the window and go, oh, there's Mel Gibson running on the beach. That's the cat. What?

[Andrew Santino]

The castle looks like Bowser's Castle, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Honestly.

[Bobby Lee]

And then where am I now? Just like. So, yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

Where I'm at all the time?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Penthouse.

[Bobby Lee]

The penthouse. Yeah. Where am I at?

[Carlos Herrera]

In the face?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, that's not the Facing the ocean.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, well, it's.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's facing the ocean.

[Andrew Santino]

It is.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. All right. So can I see the left tower or far left tower? Can I be there?

[Carlos Herrera]

No, you don't get to choose. There's only so many chains.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Carlos Herrera]

It's a chain issue, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

You have plenty of chains.

[Andrew Santino]

Also, dude, that left. That. That left tower. That's the bathroom.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it is?

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'd rather. Okay.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah. See, you'll live up there.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, where? Near you?

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, yeah. You're right under me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. You're not gonna sleep, I'll tell you that. Am I screaming?

[Andrew Santino]

You know, they used to do that. They used to, like, carve out little pieces so they would poop over the wall outside of the castle. So it'd fill up the moat with, like, poop and pee and stuff like that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It would deter people from trying to swimming through it.

[Bobby Lee]

Am I near there?

[Andrew Santino]

You're by the poopy moat.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, but you also have to clean it because I want to. It has to be see through.

[Andrew Santino]

So he gets to clean the poop moat every day. Oh, he collects the bucket whenever he wants.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, whenever I want. Whenever. All day long.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, it's whenever.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he collects the buckets from all the.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, my work ethic that is gonna be filled with. And peeing I ain't doing.

[Carlos Herrera]

I'm gonna love the Iron mask.

[Bobby Lee]

Then I'll wear the iron mask and pee in my face. I don't care.

[Carlos Herrera]

This is the issue.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. This is a big issue.

[Andrew Santino]

Your colony would be called the Castles.

[Bobby Lee]

Ah.

[Andrew Santino]

Down at chick.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. You're the king.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, brother.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. What am I?

[Andrew Santino]

Phenomenal. What am I if I'm the king?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I would.

[Andrew Santino]

I. If you're gonna not like this answer.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

You're not gonna like this answer.

[Bobby Lee]

All right.

[Andrew Santino]

You're gonna be my queen.

[Bobby Lee]

That's way better than fucking shit pee pee face.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but, but, but the queen gets Beaten daily.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. By you?

[Andrew Santino]

All of us.

[Bobby Lee]

By the king. Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

My entire court. And the queen's only allowed one phrase.

[Bobby Lee]

Eat what?

[Andrew Santino]

This is my mouth. Yeah. It's the same phrase,

[Bobby Lee]

Dude. I get like.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no. You're my. Let's be real.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, I don't want to be your queen. You could have a woman.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Your wife.

[Andrew Santino]

No. I want you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, no, I know.

[Andrew Santino]

You're my little.

[Bobby Lee]

Give me something aside from queen. I'm begging you. All right.

[Andrew Santino]

You'll be my geisha girl.

[Bobby Lee]

Girl. Vice president. Give me a good rule.

[Andrew Santino]

You think in medieval times you would be anything but a jester or geisha girl. That's what you would be.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no. Give me. How about this? Just send me out and I'll, like, be like a. What do you call it?

[Andrew Santino]

Can't trust you in the field.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Like, you go. You're our representative in Belgium.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

That's you there.

[Bobby Lee]

Why can't I have. What do you call them? An ambassador?

[Andrew Santino]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Lee]

Give me an Alaska.

[Andrew Santino]

We can't have you represent us.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Anywhere.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. How about a place that no one wants to go?

[Andrew Santino]

Where?

[Bobby Lee]

Right. Like, you know that little area between South America and North America where all those snakes and all that where people can't walk?

[Carlos Herrera]

Central America?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, Central America.

[Bobby Lee]

There's a chunk of land where there's no roads. It's impossible to get through because of. It's just the terrain and no one lives there. And because there's so many snakes, the

[Andrew Santino]

guy in Pluribus got through it.

[Bobby Lee]

It. Yeah. So that area. Yeah, yeah. Can I be the that.

[Andrew Santino]

But then you're going to live there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I will find a way to live there.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't like you begging. No,

[Bobby Lee]

I can't even get that.

[Andrew Santino]

My queen back.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I'm with both. How about you, Pete?

[Andrew Santino]

Pete's my designated toe sucker, by the way.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Pete sucks my toe every single night.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Lucky and see. I'll do it. See?

[Bobby Lee]

Can I do to sucking? No way. Do my toe sucking abilities.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not sucking toe.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

No, Pete's on it.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll even. I'll even rim the toes. You want me to rim your toes?

[Andrew Santino]

All right, all right.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, Carlo? What? Would Carlos be in my kingdom?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

In your kingdom?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, dude, he wouldn't be in the kingdom.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, so now this is retaliation.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that. What enemy. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're definitely enemy of state. Yeah, you're number one on the FBI Most Wanted. List. You're bin Laden.

[Carlos Herrera]

That's cool.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everybody's hunting. Everybody.

[Carlos Herrera]

You.

[Andrew Santino]

Everyone's hunting.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Every country. I'm going to have everyone hunt you.

[Carlos Herrera]

Sounds awesome.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a dead man, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Andre would be my. My groundskeeper for sure.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He'd make everything so nice.

[Bobby Lee]

Not fashion, but ground, ground, ground.

[Andrew Santino]

He can do fashion in the grounds.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

If he wants a desi. Wild landscape, he can. Yeah, he can desi. While the bushes. What would McCone be in your little kid?

[Bobby Lee]

I would have a lesbian legs show. Oh, and he's the head lesbian.

[Andrew Santino]

Head, leg.

[Bobby Lee]

Head leg. Like of the lesbian legs. Yeah. Because your legs are like a lesbians. Just puffy, wide, thick. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Come over here.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me see your legs.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Your legs are the worst.

[Andrew Santino]

We got to see these things.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You do have weird legs.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Take your pants off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Subaru Outback.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Uber Outback. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Those are. Those are kind of like lesbian.

[Bobby Lee]

If you shave them, they would be. Lesbian leg. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Get out of here. Softball player there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

McCone. In my. In my world, in my kingdom, I would send him on missions that have no purpose whatsoever. Just to get him out of the kingdom for a little while, you know, I'm like, you have to go to the land of Quanang and find a three legged woman. He's gone for like six months.

[Bobby Lee]

Years.

[Andrew Santino]

And he comes back defeated.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

My lord, I could not find the three.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Fine. And you'll complete yet another mission. You'll fail yet. One more.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I'll send him out again. To do what? What, what's the other mission we send him out for?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, stats. Stats.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You must go to Cola Cola and count every single strawberry ever grown in one season. I don't want the numbers off at all.

[Andrew Santino]

And if they are.

[Bobby Lee]

If they are.

[Andrew Santino]

Off with your head.

[Bobby Lee]

Off with your head.

[Carlos Herrera]

This is what you do on tour already? You'd send me on impossible missions.

[Bobby Lee]

Impossible mission. It's the best.

[Andrew Santino]

I love sending him on missions.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then you criticize him when he comes back and he fails them. Because of course he would fail.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

How could he do anything otherwise?

[Bobby Lee]

Pete would be executioner. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. I'd have him with the. The. The black robes.

[Andrew Santino]

So accurate.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so accurate. Black. No one knows who you are. So don't feel guilty. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You can tell it's Pete.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. I'll be good at.

[Andrew Santino]

Look.

[Bobby Lee]

It's just that, that's. That, yeah, that's Pete.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but he walks up, he's like, hey, it's Pete.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People know his name. Yeah, it's Pete. Pete the butcher.

[Andrew Santino]

Pete the butcher.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, there's. There's a. You know, I mean, yeah, Pete's a butcher.

[Andrew Santino]

He's so funny.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's me. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

We try to cut off somebody's head, the rig doesn't work. And Pete's like, it must be the USBC wire. That's not. Yeah, like, oh.

[Bobby Lee]

And then Andreas, for me would be spokesperson.

[Andrew Santino]

A lot of miscommunication.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. That's why. That's why.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

What I tell him is not going to be. No one's going to understand what he's saying.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like code.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's code. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's actually brilliant.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No one's gonna.

[Bobby Lee]

No one's gonna understand what he's saying.

[Andrew Santino]

Saying, we plan to be just out to tomorrow.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What did the king's communicator say?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You speak only through him.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And I go, well, you know all the information.

[Andrew Santino]

I told him Italian Trump.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tell you this right now. In two weeks. In two weeks it'll be done. But, yeah, I would be huge, my communicator, but for fashion, I would have to go. Go for outside help.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Who's designing?

[Bobby Lee]

Rick Ingram. I mean, that's just standard gap.

[Andrew Santino]

Just guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Guy Gap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not dressed like that. As the king, you make your court. No, I'm Balenciaga, you know, I mean, Gucci, you know, I mean, but like everyone else, Rick is one of the funniest comics in the world.

[Andrew Santino]

In the world.

[Bobby Lee]

But he has just standard, common people fashion. Fashion shirt. Yeah, yeah. T shirt, jeans.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And, you know, I'm that way, though.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm T shirt. I'm standard white.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Standard white.

[Bobby Lee]

A standard white clothing style. Except for me. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Except for you. The king.

[Bobby Lee]

The king.

[Andrew Santino]

And the king wears what? What does the king wear?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Probably every day is a different, you know, Verachi and then like.

[Andrew Santino]

No, Verachi is the knockoff. Verachi.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

What king was known to have the best fashion? Louis xiv. They said this guy was best fashion. Also was gay, right? I mean, he was gay. Give us like a straight king. That's Bobby lee. Yeah, that's 100 Bobby Lee. Well, do you. Are you going to do anything for your birthday?

[Carlos Herrera]

I did it all weekend. I. I'M gonna watch Euphoria and take Xanax later. That's my big plan.

[Andrew Santino]

God, what's this big about Euphoria? I, I, I'm not. Have you done it, Bob?

[Carlos Herrera]

Euphoria.

[Bobby Lee]

No, No. I see the kids watching it and I, I try to sit there and watch and it's like, not my thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Not for you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, good. Have fun on Euphoria. We got you a little something.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we did. And also, you know, as you get older, you know, there's just some things you just can't watch anymore. Why?

[Andrew Santino]

What? Euphoria.

[Bobby Lee]

Why? I think it hasn't. Let's tie it into Coachella. It's just like there's, there's a language that it's just, it's just too young and too new and hip.

[Andrew Santino]

And I like how you're bringing out Carlos's cake to me, but it's going to him.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, for the cameras. You guys are also on camera in the booth.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Carlos Happy birthday to you.

[Bobby Lee]

38.

[Andrew Santino]

39.

[Bobby Lee]

39. Make a wish. Wow. Wow. 40 next year, dude. I can't believe it.

[Andrew Santino]

And you already said by 40. You know he's gonna have what?

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna have hair.

[Andrew Santino]

He's gonna get his hair done.

[Bobby Lee]

Have hair.

[Andrew Santino]

So he'll have hair before. While he's 40 years old. And those are nuggets. Right. And then we also got you an erewhon smoothie there from. Which smoothie is that? Whose is that? Is that one of the girls that was at Coachella?

[Carlos Herrera]

The Haley Bieber one?

[Andrew Santino]

There you go.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Was she there?

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Did she sing? Is she a perform? What does she do?

[Carlos Herrera]

She's Alec or Stephen Baldwin's daughter.

[Andrew Santino]

I know she's married to Justin Bieber. I'm saying, does she, what does she do? Is she a singer?

[Carlos Herrera]

Dang. She's a mom. She's a beauty.

[Andrew Santino]

Before she met him.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you angry for? Because they're saying it is a nice person.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm saying he's so angry for. What did she do?

[Bobby Lee]

She's a Alec Bald's daughter.

[Andrew Santino]

She's just famous.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, that's so good.

[Bobby Lee]

Good. Is that good?

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Hell yeah.

[Carlos Herrera]

Thank you, guys.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, I did. You know what I did the other day when I was in Arizona before I went to Vegas? I did the bad boy. The bad boy mini bar. I went back to the room, watch movies, and I click. I ate the entire mini bar. You were that beef Jerky, two bags of chips. I was just like feeling I was having a night. Dude. It's so fun, isn't it? So fun to clear it out because you're like, I might as well get. For the other. I was like, chocolate almonds. I was like, yeah, absolutely. And then I was like, like, you know, I'm be pretty good with these.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Gummy bears.

[Andrew Santino]

Gummy bears.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't you hate it when you go to a hotel and there is no.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a joke.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a joke.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. What?

[Bobby Lee]

They have a empty refrigerator. Like, you have to go, no snacks. No snacks. Here's the. Here's. Let's name the things that are there.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. All right. There's always like a artisan bag of potato chips.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. A brand. A brand that you. A brand that you don't know, you've never heard of. Yeah. Mama Jenkins Hickory Barbecue.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like local. Local own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Number two, beef jerky.

[Andrew Santino]

Always, Always Beef Jer Market and another brand that I've never heard of.

[Bobby Lee]

Another brand you've never heard of, Right, Yeah. And it's always in the city that you're from Tunics Ranch. Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Fine.

[Bobby Lee]

So gummy bears is always another one.

[Andrew Santino]

Gotta be.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, there's gotta.

[Andrew Santino]

And then one of the variations of nuts. Either mixed nuts or. Or just. Or just cashews or almonds.

[Bobby Lee]

Almonds.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. There's always a chocolate covered almond thing sometimes.

[Andrew Santino]

I do. Love that.

[Bobby Lee]

I do. I like. I eat the. Out of those. So. Good. What else do they have there?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it depends on the class level.

[Bobby Lee]

Level. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Because sometimes at a high class hotel, it'll be peanut M M's, but they'll put it in a jar. So it'll be like. Not in the bag.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They'll put it in another jar. Just. Yeah, like this. At the wind.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just put the same thing.

[Andrew Santino]

They just put it in something else, but.

[Bobby Lee]

And yet you still eat it.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I think it looks healthier because it's in a jar, right?

[Andrew Santino]

In a jar. Better for you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. You know, in Hawaii, what they do is they gave me a fresh fruit of. Of fruit. Fresh fruit of fruit.

[Andrew Santino]

Sometimes they give you a fresh fruit of fruit.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

If you can get it.

[Bobby Lee]

And then when it's through. Carlos and Gilbert's wife Cindy. Right. I get. I. I always open the refrigerator there and there's Diet Coke, water and sugar free Red Bull.

[Andrew Santino]

What else do you need?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, so it's like. It's like cater to me, which I really appreciate.

[Carlos Herrera]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, yeah. Yeah. But I think I would ra. I don't want to be gestured her.

[Carlos Herrera]

What if I left a girl in there for you?

[Bobby Lee]

That. That's okay. Good. Now we're negotiating.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but she's. She's 7 foot 2.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And she weighs 385 pounds.

[Bobby Lee]

It's fine. It's fine. She's a man. Let me ask you this.

[Andrew Santino]

When you put your head back to the gay thing. Right away.

[Carlos Herrera]

Now I took this in Australia.

[Andrew Santino]

I was after you cleared out our mini bar, passed out and I ate the entire mini bar. I was so hungry. We came back, I was like, let me in your room. And I ate their whole mini bar. And then I slept in McCone's bed. What do we watch on T? We were watching a movie.

[Carlos Herrera]

We were watching like I think Fear and Loathing.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh yeah, we were.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, you see that bag of chips next to me?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Gone.

[Bobby Lee]

Gone.

[Andrew Santino]

I peeled off everything in your mini bar and then I charged my headphones. There.

[Bobby Lee]

Now how long do you keep the do not disturb on your.

[Andrew Santino]

The entire week. Weekend.

[Bobby Lee]

So you don't let them clean your room one weekend.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't need it. Just give me new towels. I just want new towels. Unless. Unless it's if I'm alone. Yeah. If my wife's with me, we get service.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But I'm alone. Yeah, Leave me alone. I keep it at 65 degrees.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me new towels. Leave me alone.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm a service hunter.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you are?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm one of those rare service hunter.

[Andrew Santino]

You want it all the time.

[Bobby Lee]

No, what I do is you meet

[Andrew Santino]

him at the bar, you ask him.

[Bobby Lee]

What I get is because my do not disturb sign is always until 3, 4pm yeah. And they stop. Kind of like they go home or whatever. Yeah. They're gone. So I'll take it off. I'll go to the front desk and go, where are they? Where are they? And they're like, we have one on floor three. And I'll go to three and I'll go to every room to see where they're cleaning and I'll give them a

[Andrew Santino]

hundred dollars to come clean your room.

[Bobby Lee]

And I go, I'm in room 8 19.

[Andrew Santino]

Great.

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Perfect.

[Bobby Lee]

Clean room. Room mama. Service hunter.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, let's do the rules then.

[Bobby Lee]

What are the.

[Andrew Santino]

If you have the. Sir, if you have service come to your room every day and you're doing a three day stint. Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night.

[Carlos Herrera]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Or Thursday Friday, whatever. How much money do you leave money every day or at the end of your stay? Do you leave a tip at the end of your stay? And. Hold on. Before you answer.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, I already know the answer, but.

[Andrew Santino]

I know you do. But listen. But it's. But you're gonna hear why I'm listening to you. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Do you leave every night money every day when they clean, or do you leave it at the end of the day?

[Bobby Lee]

I'd leave it at the end.

[Andrew Santino]

End of the day. And what do you leave, Pete?

[Carlos Herrera]

100 bucks.

[Andrew Santino]

100 bucks no matter what, Right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. That's the tip.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you do? McCone, he asked me for money. Go on, Carlos. Cash. What do you do you do every night?

[Carlos Herrera]

Oh, no. And the end.

[Andrew Santino]

The end. Okay. How much do you leave?

[Carlos Herrera]

200.

[Bobby Lee]

No, he does.

[Andrew Santino]

He's a liar.

[Bobby Lee]

He's a liar.

[Andrew Santino]

I saw. I. I just.

[Bobby Lee]

Eat your nuggets. Eat your nuggets.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at me in the face.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

20 bucks.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Open you up.

[Andrew Santino]

Bet you leave 20 bucks.

[Carlos Herrera]

I didn't even know you had to tip them.

[Bobby Lee]

See, that's what I'm saying. Why'd you lie?

[Andrew Santino]

What the. Do you mean you don't know you have to tip them?

[Bobby Lee]

They have a job. Oh, I see. Who you.

[Carlos Herrera]

I thought you only.

[Bobby Lee]

I know who you voted for.

[Carlos Herrera]

I thought you only tip waiters.

[Andrew Santino]

Just. That's the only people you tip in public.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, I t. Here's the thing. If I get up early to get the breakfast in. In.

[Andrew Santino]

In the room.

[Bobby Lee]

No. I go out downstairs. Yeah. I get the breakfast. Correct. Right. I take it off. And. And if I go back up and they already cleane it, I leave no tip because I still have to service hunt then.

[Andrew Santino]

Correct?

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I mean, and service hunt takes a long time sometimes, right? Right. But if they're. If I catch them in the act of cleaning. Right. Then I tip. Got it. Right. But when I actually service hunt, I tip.

[Andrew Santino]

Get it? Yeah, got it.

[Bobby Lee]

But if it's already clean, then no need. No need.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. That's my thing.

[Andrew Santino]

I do it. If I. I only do it at the end because of this.

[Bobby Lee]

How do you do it?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want people coming and going, so there's always a little notepad with a little pen always on a desk somewhere. And I write, thank you so much. And then if I've acquired something, like this weekend, I left that. We got a swag bag of stuff I just didn't want. I was gonna bring it from a cone, but all the Other things I've given him are where? The backseat of your car? I gave him a ton of clothes, new swag. Throws them in his Accord in the back.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Very nice. Dude, I'm gonna not give you anymore

[Carlos Herrera]

backups in case I need.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not gonna give you anymore. You have too much free. So then I. I had a backpack, a bottle of tequila, like, hats, some clothes, like a. Like, cool throw over, you know, like. And I wrote free if you'd like it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Bottle of tequila. Yours, a nice new backpack, and some baseball caps.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then I.

[Bobby Lee]

And I cash.

[Andrew Santino]

But how much do I leave?

[Bobby Lee]

20 bucks.

[Andrew Santino]

20 bucks?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, 100. I leave 100.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I live 100 every time. Unless.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

If it's my wife and I. Yeah. And I make. We making a mess every day.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, there's. All over the place. Women, for some reason, set off a. A bomb in the bathroom. I'll leave them a little bit more. I'll do like a buck and a half.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what the Ritz does? They wash your clothes and fold them.

[Andrew Santino]

You have to pay for that.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, you do.

[Bobby Lee]

I did.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. I'm sure. We did it on tour.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I don't know. When I.

[Andrew Santino]

In Hawaii, Bobby's like, you're not gonna believe this.

[Bobby Lee]

I put all my clothes in the washer, thinking that later at night I was gonna wash them. By the time I got home, they had washed it, dried it, and folded it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. Laundry services at the Ritz Carlton properties in Hawaii, Kapalo or Waikiki, are very extra cost.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You pay for that.

[Bobby Lee]

And I gave them money.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, and then you tipped on top of the money.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Before the Internet, though. Okay. Before we had Internet access 40 years ago.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

40 years. Yeah. Yeah. I used to leave. This is what. I used to leave DVD players. What?

[Andrew Santino]

In your hotel room?

[Bobby Lee]

In my hotel room, I would write a note. This is your DVD player. DVD player.

[Andrew Santino]

What would you just go. Bought a DVD player because you'd buy it at Best Buy to watch movies in the weekend.

[Bobby Lee]

Not movies.

[Andrew Santino]

Porn.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Got it.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you leave some of the porn in the. In there or.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, I would take the porn.

[Andrew Santino]

They're discs, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I would leave with the disc, but leave the DVD player.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, he could have bought porn from the TV for, like, 50 bucks.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but they're fuzzy and there's five options.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos always finds an opportunity to look up, even though he knows what DVDs look like.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. He'll look it up. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He just wants to Google it.

[Bobby Lee]

So I would. So I would go to the local. Yeah, stop. I would go to the local. You know, the porn store. I'd buy five or six discs. I'd go to the Best Buy, get a DVD player. Yeah. I've also left two Xboxes.

[Andrew Santino]

That's so expensive.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so expensive.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, because the DVD players probably get for 21.

[Bobby Lee]

No, because my intention was always, I'm gonna put in my suitcase. But then I try to put in the suitcase and it won't fit. So I said, oh, fuck it, you know? I mean. And I'll just write a nod. Here's a brand new.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's a new Xbox.

[Bobby Lee]

Xbox for you. And they must have loved it.

[Andrew Santino]

How much was Xbox in 2007? It was 500.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

And that's what I would get paid for the gig too, by the way.

[Andrew Santino]

500 back then is like 6 grand today. That's great, dude. This was a crazy moment I had at the airport here today before I came home. I went to the bathroom when we landed.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And there was a man in the. In the room changing his baby's diaper.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

And I'm in there taking a piss, and I. And he turns to me and I go, hey, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Man.

[Andrew Santino]

He's like, hi. And then another guy walks in to go by me to go piss as I'm washing my hands. And he's like, oh, baby. And the guy's like, yeah. And he's like, how old's the baby? He's like, real fresh. It's like it was like two months or something like that. And he was like, oh, so cute. And I'm washing my hands, and then this guy's done peeing. Then he goes next to the man and, like, stands there and, like, watching him change the baby. And he was like, so cute. So cute. And I could feel the dad being

[Bobby Lee]

like, I know what that is. What if he's a new dad and trying to figure out how to put.

[Andrew Santino]

He doesn't know how to do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Diaper on.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Internet. Google it. Don't stare at another man changing his baby. Insane.

[Bobby Lee]

Like boiling the egg for me.

[Andrew Santino]

We Googled it.

[Bobby Lee]

Now, you know, sometimes the Internet doesn't know.

[Andrew Santino]

No, the Internet always knows.

[Bobby Lee]

The Internet literally told me to do it wrong.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, you just did it wrong. We followed the directions perfectly.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, well, anyway, although. Although I've never. I've. Although I've never put a diaper on a baby before. I already know how to do it.

[Andrew Santino]

You've never changed your friend's kids.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but I assume I already know how to do it because I know how the body works. I know there's adhesives on the end.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You're not an idiot.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not an idiot. Right. So. Yeah. I don't know what the explanation.

[Andrew Santino]

It was so weird, dude. Even I was wanted to turn and be like, dude, get out of here.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you doing?

[Bobby Lee]

But Kalila's baby, where we're having. We're in the house.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You've never changed Kalila's baby?

[Bobby Lee]

No. But he said something that I almost cried.

[Andrew Santino]

The baby?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. The baby was sitting there eating, and I was kind of across the table. And he looks at me, he goes, bobby.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

And he knows my name.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we heard that. Yeah. We forget.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just like. Oh. And I went in and kissed his forehead and he. And then he does this because he

[Andrew Santino]

gets shy, but he knows it's you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, King, sign us out. Go ahead. It's your birthday.

[Carlos Herrera]

Thank you for being a bad friend.

[Bobby Lee]

Cute.

[Andrew Santino]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying.

[Bobby Lee]

Enjoying.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate, first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full [e-mail].