Bobby's Break Up Tips

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Bobby's Break Up Tips"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Bad Friends
• Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
• Episode: Bobby's Break Up Tips
• Release Date: February 24, 2025
• Production: A 7EQUIS production

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1. Opening Banter and Comedic Setup ([00:29] – [05:00])

The episode kicks off with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino diving straight into their signature humorous banter. They playfully insult each other, establishing the light-hearted and irreverent tone typical of "Bad Friends."

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Santino ([00:29]): "You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends."

2. Workplace Humor and Personal Jokes ([05:00] – [15:00])

Bobby and Andrew engage in a series of jokes about work environments, generating laughter with their exaggerated descriptions and playful teasing. They touch upon themes like work ethic, generational differences, and personal quirks, all delivered with their characteristic comedic flair.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino ([01:00]): "We have work ethic, you know? You know, you don't. And stop complaining then."
• Bobby Lee ([05:05]): "I just mispronounced the word Tupperware... that's what made it super viral."

3. Navigating Fame and Social Media ([15:00] – [25:00])

The conversation shifts towards their experiences with fame, social media, and the challenges that come with it. Bobby discusses the virality of his Tupperware joke, while Andrew reflects on the pressures of maintaining a public persona and the misconceptions surrounding their online interactions.

Notable Quotes:

• Bobby Lee ([06:05]): "Now I don't care about anyone's opinion, good or bad, unless I personally know you or I've met you."
• Andrew Santino ([25:00]): "And if I did read it, I think it would affect me."

4. Relationship Dynamics and Personal Stories ([25:00] – [40:00])

Bobby and Andrew delve into personal anecdotes about relationships, commitment, and family dynamics. Bobby shares emotional moments about his engagement and the impact on his family, while Andrew offers humorous yet insightful perspectives on ending relationships and maintaining personal boundaries.

Notable Quotes:

• Bobby Lee ([31:15]): "What I love about her after being with her for 10 years is she is very loyal..."
• Andrew Santino ([51:07]): "You want to end it... you have to find a window to get out."

5. Theatrical Interlude and Improvisation ([40:00] – [60:00])

In a creative twist, Bobby and Andrew engage in an improvised acting scene set in an Old West laundry shop. Their performance showcases their versatility and comedic timing, blending scripted lines with spontaneous humor. This interlude provides listeners with a refreshing break from their usual conversational style.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino ([38:25]): "He's Jed. I'll be Jed."
• Bobby Lee ([39:27]): "So what's another good one, too?"

6. Addressing Cultural Sensitivities and Apologies ([60:00] – [72:01])

Towards the end of the episode, Bobby and Andrew confront cultural sensitivities, particularly around the portrayal of Asian accents and stereotypes. Bobby apologizes for previous missteps, expressing genuine remorse and a desire to move forward respectfully. This segment highlights their willingness to engage in self-reflection and address important societal issues, albeit through their unique comedic lens.

Notable Quotes:

• Bobby Lee ([43:38]): "I just want to say, look into the camera this time and mean. I really am actually sorry for saying that."
• Andrew Santino ([43:35]): "And I'm sorry, that's so rude. I apologize. I love you."

7. Closing Remarks and Future Plans ([72:01])

As the episode wraps up, Bobby and Andrew tease upcoming projects, including their respective Hulu specials. They maintain their playful dynamic, ensuring listeners are left with anticipation for future episodes.

Notable Quotes:

• Bobby Lee ([71:56]): "I really did cry. And... that's all."
• Andrew Santino ([71:57]): "Exactly. Thank you for being a bad friend."

---

Key Takeaways:

• Humor and Camaraderie: Bobby and Andrew's chemistry is evident throughout, blending sharp wit with genuine friendship.

• Personal Growth: The hosts show growth by addressing past mistakes and striving for more respectful interactions, particularly concerning cultural representations.

• Engaging Content: From improvised scenes to heartfelt discussions, the episode offers a mix of entertainment and introspection, catering to a diverse audience.

• Future Endeavors: Listeners are teased with upcoming projects, promising continued quality and humor in future episodes.

Conclusion:

"Bobby's Break Up Tips" encapsulates the essence of "Bad Friends" — a blend of relentless humor, personal anecdotes, and meaningful conversations. Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino successfully navigate both light-hearted jokes and more serious topics, providing a well-rounded and engaging listening experience for their audience.

Transcript

[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Let's complain to the guys in the booth about this. Go make a video.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Or. Or maybe, you know, go up on stage. You know what I mean? Huh? We have work ethic, you know? You know, you don't. And stop complaining then. You know, it's your generation, dude. I mean, we're gritty, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

We are.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. We. We click, click, right? You know what that is?

[Bobby Lee]

Click, click. What's that?

[Andrew Santino]

My check at work. I'm checking in the work at the factory.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you hear that? Click, click, right? And then you go, hello, Supervisor Monroe. They go, hello there. You know what I mean, Lineman.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at this.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you doing? Why do you have that?

[Bobby Lee]

That's. And seat.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, really? Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It sucks.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it sucks. You want to switch?

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no. I want to.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What Andrew likes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Anyway, you click, click, click.

[Bobby Lee]

Opens up his butt.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, I know he has back. He has backaches.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

He has a spinal dead disc. He's a gay disc. He has a little gay discs in his back.

[Bobby Lee]

He's a gay.

[Andrew Santino]

They're dismantled. What a crybaby, huh?

[Bobby Lee]

He really is.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, what did he hit his head on? The toilet, remember? Yeah, like a crybaby.

[Bobby Lee]

How do you hit his head on the toilet?

[Andrew Santino]

He got all woozy, like, oh, I'm redheaded. I get woozy, you know? I mean, he falls over is so good. Wait, what's mine? The Vietnamese one. What's yours? A white man's one.

[Bobby Lee]

Mine is. Dude, oat milk.

[Andrew Santino]

Because Andrew's not here. You're going to chop. I like it. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What did it say?

[Andrew Santino]

I can't do this today, man. I'm so tired.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God, it's raining.

[Andrew Santino]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Bobby Lee]

What? Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Definitely not. Andrew's out here.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God. So you'll be yelling at that.

[Andrew Santino]

Does he not?

[Bobby Lee]

Let. See, here's what's good about Me and you do the pod. I'll let you be you. I won't keep you in the cage.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, because when I do that, he doesn't like it.

[Bobby Lee]

He doesn't like it.

[Andrew Santino]

He's an oppressor dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude. I'm gonna say this right now, dude. I've had enough of him setting the rules. It's all about him, dude. Are you gonna do it this time? You have to do it this or you're not doing it. You know what I mean? He gets mad and he does it.

[Bobby Lee]

And he does it all while sitting on a seesaw. Yeah, he's like this y.

[Andrew Santino]

Like a seahorse.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he's like a seahorse.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Seahorse seesaw.

[Bobby Lee]

It's like a bike without us.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you don't. Shut up, all right? You shut up.

[Bobby Lee]

I can't believe that's what he does. All right.

[Andrew Santino]

You beg.

[Bobby Lee]

I love when now every time I see a clip of Andrew when he's like yelling or getting mad at being a tough guy.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, but your backwards. But you could play golf all day.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, what kind of golf are you playing, dude?

[Bobby Lee]

Scumbag.

[Andrew Santino]

Scumbag golf. You don't play golf, do you?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

I know why.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Because you're a man.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

You're a real man.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not going to do. I've.

[Andrew Santino]

Me either.

[Bobby Lee]

I've made a decision.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not going to do what other people do.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not going to do the things that will advance my career. I'm not.

[Andrew Santino]

Get that back.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Say it again.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not going to.

[Bobby Lee]

You. I'm not going to play golf.

[Andrew Santino]

Or what? What?

[Bobby Lee]

Ball.

[Chris Distefano]

Ball.

[Andrew Santino]

Or what? What we do? What do we do?

[Bobby Lee]

What do we.

[Andrew Santino]

What we do? What do you and I do?

[Bobby Lee]

Kiss on the lips at the bar.

[Andrew Santino]

We also read Kierkegaard.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

We. Philosophical books.

[Bobby Lee]

Hold on. We read the Arkagard.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Watch Kurosawa films.

[Bobby Lee]

Curacao films.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

We meditate.

[Andrew Santino]

We meditate, dude. Meditate with our dicks out.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

We.

[Bobby Lee]

We meditate a lot. We go for walks.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And take your pants down. Oh. You know what I did yesterday, my friend? I was in the green room before you got there. Right. There was all guys in there. I just pulled my penis out.

[Bobby Lee]

Good.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And everyone laughed.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Like the old days.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Kierkegaard comedy.

[Bobby Lee]

They laugh, dude. It's Kierkegaard comedy.

[Andrew Santino]

It's existential philosophical comedy, dude. You have to think about it. And ponder. Dude, people don't ponder anymore, Stefanskis. They don't ponder anymore. Dysto.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's ponder.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

What did you ponder about today?

[Andrew Santino]

I was able to follow you last night. Yeah, that's what I'm pondering, dude. I was scared. Yeah, you know, I mean, you're a Madison Square Garden comic now.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, allegedly.

[Andrew Santino]

Allegedly, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Allegedly. We'll see what happens. Check your news feed.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. So, great lineup last night.

[Bobby Lee]

I really was. I like doing comedy here.

[Andrew Santino]

You remember. Hi. You remember her?

[Bobby Lee]

Ruby. Ruby.

[Andrew Santino]

Ruby Tuesday.

[Bobby Lee]

Rudy.

[Andrew Santino]

Rudy.

[Bobby Lee]

Ruby. Cake.

[Andrew Santino]

Ruby Cake.

[Bobby Lee]

Hello.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, she's putting makeup on. Yeah. Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

This is a Tiger bellies. You don't do. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah, but for bad friends. Look at her.

[Bobby Lee]

She was coming.

[Andrew Santino]

I knew she was coming.

[Bobby Lee]

Hello.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, hello.

[Bobby Lee]

Welcome again.

[Andrew Santino]

What's. Wait, wait, what's the name?

[Jules]

The Stefano.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Have you ever seen him online?

[Jules]

Sometimes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. He pops up.

[Jules]

I see you. The tubbywear.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, Tupperware.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. What's that?

[Bobby Lee]

I've done. I mispronounced the word Tupperware on my old podcast, hey Babe with Salvo Kano. And that's the thing that went viral. Not the jokes that I've written.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. That's the things that go viral. You. You can't plan.

[Bobby Lee]

And I get. I have to do comedy shows and people bring Tupperware and I sign them.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Accomplished comedian.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like that. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What was the bit? I don't ever see that.

[Bobby Lee]

I just mispronounced the word Tupperware because I thought it was T U B B E R. That's so funny. But it was top.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I didn't know that. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I don't want to see it.

[Bobby Lee]

But you know, what happened was. Is. Is the gay community on Tick Tock. I swear to God. They started coming out to their parents. They started doing like, all like, you know, like, Tick Tock. You could take the audio. They started coming out to their parents with the Tupperware video and that's what made it super viral.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, whoa.

[Bobby Lee]

They would do that.

[Andrew Santino]

They would come out like, I'm gay. I'm Tupperware.

[Bobby Lee]

I don' I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gay. What is it?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's pretty good.

[Bobby Lee]

But this whole thing. And then it went viral.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Little buttholes and all.

[Andrew Santino]

Your relationship with Sell good.

[Bobby Lee]

Of course.

[Andrew Santino]

But you end it then you. Will you do it? Are you done with him?

[Bobby Lee]

No. Well, we just stopped the pod. We were both. He was. He was going Back on tour. Impractical joker, started again. I'm a gambler, so I'm addicted to losing.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

I like to lose it, get it back, lose it, get it back, lose it, get it back. I say I cancel the show. I put it back.

[Andrew Santino]

Now you're back with yon.

[Bobby Lee]

Back with.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll stop and put it back.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. He's so happy that no Yana shout.

[Bobby Lee]

Out history Ian is because that is was. I finally found a place too for me to just be so wild on the Patreon there. Yeah. Just say what I want, do what I want.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And you like to say wild things, huh?

[Bobby Lee]

I like to say wild things. But I kept getting demonetized.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So now I don't.

[Andrew Santino]

If you were at a zoo, let me ask you a question. You're at a zoom. You'd have fall into a pit. Okay. Animal pit. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

You have chimps. Would you rather fall in the chimps, hyenas or. The third one's a good one. Joe Rogan zombie.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I would say if I wanted to out of all them.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I would say Joe Rogan zombie.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no way.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

He would eat your face and then do push ups with your body.

[Bobby Lee]

Because you know what I travel with. No, no, because I would know how to distract him. You know what I travel with on it Kettlebells.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Kettlebells. Yeah, that's good company. The on it kettlebells.

[Andrew Santino]

Right, right.

[Bobby Lee]

So I would take one of his on it kettlebells right as like a gorilla head and I put it in the corner and.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

And I run the other way.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a good one.

[Bobby Lee]

Because the hyenas will eat you alive. That's what they like to do. They like to eat from the feet first. No, they'll eat you alive. I'm so rip your head off.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll tell you my logic with the hyenas though. Tell me you want to hear my. You know about hyenas because you. What do you know about them?

[Bobby Lee]

Their.

[Andrew Santino]

That merger promoting Bible. Yeah, yeah. You know he just converted. Do you know that?

[Bobby Lee]

I just want to say something.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. He wants to say he has a message.

[Bobby Lee]

I just want to say he has.

[Andrew Santino]

A message for you.

[Bobby Lee]

During Jechemiah's reign, Nebus Nazar, this is N U B U C H. Nebus, King of Babylon attacked and Je Kamaka became his vassal for three years. Then Jehomah turned and rebelled against him. The lord loosed against him bands of Chaldin Arites and Ammonites. He unleashed them against Judah to destroy him according to the Lord's word, spoken through his servants, the prophets.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

This befell Judah because the Lord had stated that he would put them out of his sight for the sins Manassa had committed in all that he did. And especially because of the innocent blood, because the J.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. Were cousins.

[Bobby Lee]

And then, you know what happened?

[Andrew Santino]

Johan.

[Bobby Lee]

The rest of the.

[Andrew Santino]

Johan had something to do with it.

[Bobby Lee]

The rest of the Acts of Jehukim.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. Was. He was like Judas at that time.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. But then, like, Job.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Jules]

Who's your mama?

[Andrew Santino]

That's. Exactly. That's the mystery. And that's what we're all asking. And theologians.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, right.

[Andrew Santino]

And religious people are always asking that question.

[Bobby Lee]

The wicked have been corrupt since liars from the liar may have gone astray. Their venom.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It's like the venom of a snake. Like that of a serpent chopping its ears.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. Let me read you my favorite.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'll read you my favorite.

[Andrew Santino]

My favorite, too. Oh, you want to go, dude? Here we go. Oh, my favorite. Par. Do. Pharaoh's broken arm. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, the seventh day of the first month in the 11th year, and I was 14 years old then.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, a little side note. Oh, okay. And that's when I lost my virginity at 14. I was molested.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Same thing. I have broken the arm of Pharaoh. Oh, King of the Egypt.

[Bobby Lee]

Why do you do that?

[Andrew Santino]

Let me. Let me finish that. This. God damn it.

[Bobby Lee]

C, King of Egypt.

[Andrew Santino]

C, dude. It has not been immobilized for healing, nor set with a splint to make it strong enough to grasp a sword. And when they say sword, they mean dick.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Back then, you know, I mean, the sword is a symbol.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Of dick. It's a parable, dude. You know what I mean? And you can't grasp yours. You have to use two fingers. Right? We grasp. Yeah, we grasp.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlos has a little dick.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, this is poor. Yeah, yeah. Fancy pork.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but it's Spanish. It's okay if it's little.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but he drew stuff with three fingers.

[Bobby Lee]

Really? He does? Yeah, yeah, like a fully erect, like, one hand.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And I don't know, you got your wife pregnant, but that's a mystery with style.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you having a baby style? You had a baby already?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just jam the gummy in your gummy penis into their vag.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

So gross.

[Bobby Lee]

How old is the baby? Two.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Years old and. Okay, nice.

[Andrew Santino]

Jules, would you read Chris to Stefano our. Our Guest, A parable of your choosing.

[Bobby Lee]

Please. Please. Thank you. Yeah, go ahead. There you go. Jesus is among us all. Remember that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

There it is.

[Jules]

Usurpation of Athalia. When Athalia, the mother of Ajia, saw that her son was dead, she began to kill off the whole royal family of the house of Judah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're very excited about that.

[Bobby Lee]

That is fun.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, what'd you learn from that parable, Jules?

[Jules]

That it's okay to kill your family.

[Andrew Santino]

No, that's not what the parable was. Somebody killed a daughter. Right. And then she killed the royal family. Oh, that. Her family.

[Jules]

It's okay to kill your rival.

[Andrew Santino]

That's great. That's very. Is it. Is it okay?

[Bobby Lee]

I think in certain instances, it's okay.

[Andrew Santino]

So I can kill Ronny Cheng?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I thought you did.

[Andrew Santino]

So, Jimmy Oyang? Ronnie Chang.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Dr. Ken. They're on my.

[Bobby Lee]

Margaret.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Who are your rivals that you're going to kill?

[Bobby Lee]

Who am I going to kill? I'm going to kill Schultz. No, no, I want to kill Schultz. I don't kill black people.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

I would kill. I don't really have, like, a. Like a rival who's like me. I mean, I don't know. Who would I kill? Just because maybe I'd kill.

[Andrew Santino]

I think kills are harsh. Let's. Let's. Let's. Let's reframe.

[Bobby Lee]

Kill. Funny.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Okay. That's not funny. You edit that part out. I don't like it. It's a play on words I don't like.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you don't like it. Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Right. So how about this? Okay? You're in an elevator.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay?

[Andrew Santino]

You see people running to get in. It's closing.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Sometimes you put your hand in.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, right.

[Andrew Santino]

To stop it.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

But who would you let it close?

[Bobby Lee]

Who would I let it.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's close? Would you close on.

[Bobby Lee]

Right in front of their face?

[Andrew Santino]

So what I would do, I'll just. And this. And it has nothing to do with how I feel about them. I just would just do it for a laugh.

[Bobby Lee]

Who would you do?

[Andrew Santino]

Fortune Fumster. All right, so you're an elevator. Now, would you. Who would you. Who's running toward. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Sprinting towards me. Yeah, yeah. I would let it close on Fahima more. Why? Just because I saw him last night and I love it. Yeah. And.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And I would. I would just yell, so.

[Andrew Santino]

Because he would. I'll tell you why.

[Bobby Lee]

You look at his eyes, and I would say, never Forget.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. Oh, nine, 11.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

9 11. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I like it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But I like. Because I love.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. But so here. Here's the thing. The reason I would do it to him is he wouldn't be. Even when he's mad, he's not mad.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

He's too nice.

[Bobby Lee]

And he was with a beautiful girl last night.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my. Holy moly.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that his girlfriend?

[Andrew Santino]

I guess it's a girl that he is seeing.

[Bobby Lee]

She's beautiful.

[Andrew Santino]

Holy moly.

[Bobby Lee]

Holy.

[Andrew Santino]

I hugged her so hard last night. I hugged her so hard. And I think he called me at one in the morning. I sort of got. And I didn't pick up because I think it's about the hog.

[Bobby Lee]

Because you hugged her and then you were bubbling from the other spit bubbles in your.

[Andrew Santino]

No, we did a head. Like. Here's what we did. A side hug.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But then her head hit my head.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And we touched heads like this. Right. And I think we. Our head's.

[Bobby Lee]

You.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Because I did come.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I did come. Right. So she went. I went. Right. And then I saw his, like, you know. You know how Afghans get. Or whatever. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You get sand crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

They do. They really do.

[Andrew Santino]

It gets sand crazy, dude. Right, right, right. And they start thinking of crazy things, you know, I mean, like taking a bag and putting some sort of contraption in it and just putting on the side of the road.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

They could stand. Crazy dude. Right. So what I'm saying.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you think when he's her, he has to take off his C4? Or do you think he.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Does it with him?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You know, I envision him putting a mask. Right. Having a pole. Right. And then having someone dress like Luke Skywalker. He's got, you know. I mean.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, God.

[Andrew Santino]

You remember that movie?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Did the New Hope.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

On Tatooine.

[Bobby Lee]

Why are we attacking?

[Andrew Santino]

He's a great guy. My point is.

[Bobby Lee]

And he's got a beautiful girl.

[Andrew Santino]

So we had. We. Yeah, we hit. We hit heads.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I came. Right. He called at 1 in the morning. Right. And I didn't pick up because I knew that's what it was about.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, why'd you. My girl's head.

[Bobby Lee]

What? But maybe it wasn't about that. It couldn't.

[Andrew Santino]

Should I call him?

[Bobby Lee]

Call him.

[Andrew Santino]

All right.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you think?

[Andrew Santino]

Should I call him?

[Bobby Lee]

He's also a very handsome man.

[Andrew Santino]

He's a handsome.

[Bobby Lee]

He's on snl.

[Andrew Santino]

He auditioned or. I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

He should do it.

[Andrew Santino]

But he's. He's. Not only should do it, he the best writer on the west coast. Very.

[Bobby Lee]

One of the funniest comics ever, too.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. So. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Handsome man.

[Andrew Santino]

What a Beheme at 12:11. He called. So what do you want to talk about? I don't know. I didn't pick up.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, you actually don't pick up a lot, and it's.

[Andrew Santino]

I never pick up. I love it.

[Bobby Lee]

And I also have something to talk to you about, too, after.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, good. All right. What is the thing that you want to talk to me about?

[Bobby Lee]

There was an episode you guys did two weeks ago, three weeks ago, when the fires were happening, and then you checked in on each person. You.

[Andrew Santino]

You. Wait, stop, stop, stop. Wait, wait, wait. Please. Don't you want to do it?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I do.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I want to say to people right now, I have empathy, great empathy for the people that lost their homes.

[Jules]

You're letting me stay in your house?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm letting you stay at my house because of the fire.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Because Kalila's house was in Altadena, and it's. It. You. They still can't get there.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

So the dogs and June and you can stay at my house forever.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. Okay, so Kalila's house was set on fire.

[Andrew Santino]

It got saved, but they can't go into the area.

[Bobby Lee]

Got it.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Because of the lead. What? Because of looters? No, Carlos. What?

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm just asking. No looters, man. Okay. I'm asking why you can't go back. Because of the fucking chemicals and stuff that's in the air, man. Oh, chemicals, man. Yeah. So anyway, so then what happened?

[Bobby Lee]

So I. I was. I. I texted. I texted, I listened.

[Andrew Santino]

You're. You're in New York, and I'm in.

[Bobby Lee]

New York, and I hear this episode. Everyone. Andrew and Bobby are going. Who reached out to them and. And I reached out to Andrew, and I have proof of that text and I reached out to Bobby and I have proof of that text on Friday, January 10th.

[Andrew Santino]

And I said that you didn't.

[Bobby Lee]

The day after the fires, you said, I did it. I said, hey, babe, how are you? Checking in on fires. I love you is what I said to him. And then two hours later, he sent me back the text that said, not great, followed by this picture of an Asian man burning himself alive in a. In a protest of Vietnam. And that's what I was sent. And then. And then I wrote, I love you. And then he said, love you too, bro.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, we just have for you to read another passage.

[Bobby Lee]

One more. One More.

[Andrew Santino]

God damn.

[Bobby Lee]

One more.

[Andrew Santino]

And that's gotta get back on track.

[Bobby Lee]

I like reading the New Testament.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, let me say you, parable 58. Cry out full throated and unsparingly.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's enough.

[Bobby Lee]

Lift up your voice.

[Andrew Santino]

That's enough. I already know your voice.

[Bobby Lee]

Like a trumpet blast.

[Andrew Santino]

Whoa. I know what trumpet means.

[Bobby Lee]

Proclaim to my people their transgression to the house of Jacob. Their sins. Like a nation that has done what just. And not abandon the judgment of their God. They ask of me just judgments. They desire to draw near God. Why do we fast? But yet you do not see it. Why do we fast? Afflict ourselves, but you take no note. See, on your fast you carry out your own pursuits and drive all your labor. Labors. See? You fast only to quarrel and fight and to strike with a wicked fist. Do not fast as you do today to make your voice heard on high. Is this the manner of fasting I would choose?

[Andrew Santino]

What does that mean? They don't eat the big back then.

[Bobby Lee]

They use the intermittent fasting. I use called.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Was there a Karen Carpenter back in the day? Oh, what is a Karen Carpenter back in that time, huh?

[Bobby Lee]

Who's Karen Carpenter?

[Andrew Santino]

You don't know Karen Carpenter?

[Bobby Lee]

I know Sabrina Carpenter. I went to her.

[Andrew Santino]

Am I saying Karen Carpenter wrong? No, you're saying it correct. Yeah, yeah. How do you not know who Karen Carpenter is?

[Bobby Lee]

Look, because I only know. I only know Sabrina Carpenter. Oh, yeah, I went to her concert.

[Andrew Santino]

Out of the Carpenters.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I went to a concert with my family and my family left and I.

[Andrew Santino]

Said it was a band called the Carpenters and she was a drummer and.

[Bobby Lee]

A singer and Jesus's father was a Carpenter.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And she died from bulimia.

[Bobby Lee]

From bulimia? Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I was trying to make a little. Try to riff on something and you didn't know. So now it's kind of just. It was a dead end.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm sorry. Hold on.

[Jules]

Hear me like you like Sabrina Carpenter.

[Bobby Lee]

I love Sabrina. Oh, here we go. Friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Give me that. Me Simone. Espresso. That's. That me.

[Andrew Santino]

Espresso.

[Bobby Lee]

I think, and I'll say it off air. I think. I think we have a. We have a friend who I think did a little with her.

[Andrew Santino]

No, really.

[Bobby Lee]

I know a guy, you know, I know a lot with her.

[Andrew Santino]

We know a lot of guys. Here's a little secret. Everyone listening. Okay, tell us. We've had people on this show, right? Unknown comics, almost, right? People that are like, really right. That have hooked up with super famous Celebrities.

[Bobby Lee]

Jeff Die.

[Andrew Santino]

We can never, we can never announce here.

[Bobby Lee]

Jeff Dye. Jeff Dye.

[Andrew Santino]

Like crazy thing like I know Jeff Die. It's close. But like crazy things like that. But if I said it now, it would cause so much ruckus and chaos.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I've never, I've never hooked up with an A list celebrity actress. Shopify.

[Chris Distefano]

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[Andrew Santino]

We have an online business here. We use Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify. True home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%.

[Chris Distefano]

That's way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going cha ching through the roof. If you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling. Whenever, wherever. On the web, in your store, in their feed, everywhere in between.

[Andrew Santino]

Business that sell more sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout as Aloe and all birds.

[Chris Distefano]

That's right. Sign up for your $1 per month trial [e-mail] Bad Friends all lowercase. Go to shopify.com Bad Friends to upgrade your selling today.

[Andrew Santino]

Shopify.com Bad Friends sold.

[Chris Distefano]

Hey.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey.

[Chris Distefano]

You miss having something to sip on at social gatherings? Huh? Now that you're not drinking as much or drinking at all, that's a big deal. I know a lot of people that took dry January all the way through February and they're continuing on. But Sol has a new product. Sol's new out of office THC beverage fills in that gap. All right. Makes it a little bit easier. Something tasty and delicious. Give that extra little boost a little kick. It is wonderful they got sipping that summertime. Last time they gave us one. They gave us that summertime one. It was raspberry lemonade. Very delicious. And I don't know if you know, but hemp derived THC products are federally legal. Yes, they are. 2018 farm bill hemp delivered. THC is now legal and accessible nationwide. All over the place. You can get this. The out of office beverages not only come two mouth watering raspberry lemonade and cucumber melon lime. They offer two different doses. 2.5 milligrams of THC and 5 milligrams of THC. And that's not all that Sol's got. Whether you're looking for a sleep aid, enhanced focus or pain relief, Sol has all your wellness needs covered. Plus, all Soul's products are grown right here in the USA, organically farmed and gluten free. For 30% off your order, head to GetSoule.com and use the code BAD FRIENDS. That's GetSoule G-E T S O U L.com and the code is Bad Friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good.

[Chris Distefano]

In this world, stop with Mint.

[Andrew Santino]

You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try. @mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

[Bobby Lee]

See full [e-mail] your data is like gold to hackers. They're selling your passwords, bank details and private messages. McAfee helps stop them. Secure VPN keeps your online activity private. AI powered tech scam detector spots phishing attempts instantly. And with award winning antivirus, you get top tier hacker protection. Plus you'll get up to $2 million in identity theft coverage. All for just $39.99 for your first year. Visit McAfee.com, cancel anytime terms apply. Have you ever seen hermaphrodite up close?

[Andrew Santino]

You know, I don't want to Google it because I don't think we can show it, but can you describe it to me?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, so when I.

[Andrew Santino]

So let me. Okay. Hermaphrodite is this. Let me.

[Bobby Lee]

Sure.

[Andrew Santino]

The. The definition.

[Bobby Lee]

Do it, do it, do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Is a her hermaphrodex. Somebody that was born with both genitals.

[Bobby Lee]

With both genitals.

[Andrew Santino]

Are they combined?

[Bobby Lee]

They can be. There's a whole array of hermaphrodites.

[Andrew Santino]

Now. Which kind would you want to be?

[Bobby Lee]

So I'd want to be.

[Andrew Santino]

I. I want to be combined.

[Bobby Lee]

Combined.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to be combined.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to be mostly with a little dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to be. And the Be my dick.

[Bobby Lee]

I want. You know what? I want to be.

[Andrew Santino]

So I. I want to two on one.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to have. I want to have a full. And just balls, no penis.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, really? Really? Or. Or I want to have the penis. Right. And have the whole of the Penis. Be a. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Great.

[Andrew Santino]

So you only, like, you know, like little rodents and things. I could it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So you're saying, like, you have a full penis, but just the end is a puzzle.

[Andrew Santino]

Yep. It's shaped like. But it's not the hole that we have. Right. It has the actual, like, labia and the. But it's miniature.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, what if you have a penis.

[Andrew Santino]

And both fraggles like a fraggle from a fraggle Rock and come back if.

[Bobby Lee]

You have a full. What if you have a full penis, but then both balls are just two pussies?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's cool.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, you have a penis and that's. What.

[Andrew Santino]

Are the balls big?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Because I want regular size badges on the balls. Right, Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

And then. Right. What you could do is if Britney and What's her name. Abby and Brittany. The twins were lesbians.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

That's.

[Bobby Lee]

That's it.

[Andrew Santino]

Two for one. So two for two.

[Bobby Lee]

When I was a.

[Andrew Santino]

Two for two. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I was a physical therapist. Like, what are we talking about, 15? Well, I'm bringing it up because I was a physical therapist, and there was a hermet. Hermaphrodite who was a patient of ours. But my boss didn't tell me. Okay. It was my second week on the job. Wow. So he. He knew, you know, we're not working in the hospital, whatever. And this person who was hermaphrodite came in. They needed a total knee replacement. So I just thought it was a regular patient. It was like, just look like a regular guy, you know, whatever. And he had. He had total knee replacement. So my boss was like, you know, I want you to do a. I want you to do a pelvic exam as well.

[Andrew Santino]

I said, true story.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a true story.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

And I said. And I said, what do you mean? And they're, like, standing in the back like this, like, land laugh, you know, like, holding in laughter, because even the guy was in on it, the actual patient. And I said. I said, oh. Pelvic is. Ambide has total knee replacement.

[Andrew Santino]

What did he look like, this guy?

[Bobby Lee]

He looked like a normal guy.

[Andrew Santino]

He looked like Adrien Brody.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, good.

[Bobby Lee]

He looked.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I want him to look like Adrien Brody for some reason.

[Bobby Lee]

He looked like if you combined Carlos and Fancy.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, not Adrian Brody. The opposite. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

He looked like if you had. If Carlos his penis and Fancy's pussy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So. So. So we go. So we go. I say pelvic exam. Okay. And. And I saw it Go. You know, doing, like, my little pelvic exam above the robe. And my boss is, no, you need to disrobe. He's given permission. And I said, oh, okay, sir.

[Andrew Santino]

And is it a goo. It's a trick. No, you're just real. No, I love it.

[Bobby Lee]

So I go. So I get them in the proper position for a pelvic exam, lay them down, and it's like a, you know, very medical procedure or whatever.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And I'm going to do it, and I pull down and I go, oh, my God. Because you pull down and you see a penis. You see the penis? I see the top of the penis. And then right off to the side. Scott. Just a huge pussy coming off his thigh guy.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no way.

[Bobby Lee]

I swear to God.

[Andrew Santino]

You swear to God, A huge.

[Bobby Lee]

It doesn't work.

[Andrew Santino]

Why would you go. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

Because you don't expect to see a. On the inside of a guy's thumb.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what it's like? You know, it's in the movie Temple of Doom.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. When Kate Capshaw. Right. Is getting that soup.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

And she's really hungry.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

She's about to eat it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

In the eyeball.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Service. That's what. I'm gonna quit it. Holy smoke. Dr. Jones.

[Bobby Lee]

So I saw it, and then these guys are dying, laughing because.

[Andrew Santino]

Were you laughing?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Well, then I started to laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But I was like, what? You couldn't do that today. Imagine today trying to do that as, like, a goof where it's. You just prank a hermaphrodite.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a new show on True tv.

[Andrew Santino]

So if I Honestly. Be honest with me. With your. With your heart.

[Bobby Lee]

Literally.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Right. Honestly, dude, if I was a hermaphrodite. Okay. And I showed you my vag.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. And it was like, I'm talking about, like, you know. You know, like Kate Mott. You know, like, I'm talking about, like, you know, I mean, just the perfect.

[Bobby Lee]

Perfect.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Rebel Wilson.

[Andrew Santino]

Rebel Wilson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

[Bobby Lee]

I do.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that. She's in Cats, right?

[Bobby Lee]

She's hot. Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

That lady in Cat.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

I like her. Her vet. Like, beefy Rebel.

[Bobby Lee]

Like that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. But beefy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

She looks like a nice, tight b.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I was thinking, because she looks like she has a kind of a giant. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

We shouldn't talk like that about women.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe we respect all women. And. And Jules, we apologize. Right. But let's say it's a very good one.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

And I. And I Looked at you and I went, you wanna. You would be honest.

[Bobby Lee]

So you're saying you have a working vagina? As ofmaphrodite. Yeah, You're. You. You're fully. You just with a vagina.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I could. Like half my face.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, I mean, put makeup.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I would do it.

[Andrew Santino]

It.

[Bobby Lee]

I would do it. Because you know why? You're hairless. That's what I like. If you were a more hairy guy, I would say no, but I'd like to. I would you. I would. You have no hair. That's what I like about you. You're very, very, very hairless.

[Andrew Santino]

I wish I can say the same for you.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't have hair.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I. I'm. I wouldn't do it with you.

[Bobby Lee]

I have hair on my legs.

[Andrew Santino]

But you're too manly. You have all the chin. You have the. You know. I mean, you look just too manly to me.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you think I'm handsome?

[Jules]

You look like a Greek God because of your nose.

[Bobby Lee]

What? Does Santino handsome. Am I more handsome than Andrew Santino? Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. Dude. It's not even a dude. That's not even a debate. I mean.

[Bobby Lee]

So then I should get the show.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, he. Yeah, he's like.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And he's handsome at the top of the red spectrum.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, right, right.

[Andrew Santino]

But if you take it out.

[Bobby Lee]

Handsome for a guy, just a white spectrum. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like special needs.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[Andrew Santino]

Red.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He's top line.

[Bobby Lee]

The top. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

And for little mythological Asian dudes, I feel like I'm top of the line.

[Bobby Lee]

You really are.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're right. There's you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Jackie. I would.

[Andrew Santino]

Frodo Baggins.

[Bobby Lee]

You. Jack. Jackie and Frodo Baggins.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

The panda in the Central Park Zoo.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. That I think amongst them in a lineup. Like, you know that thing where they put top pop the balloons? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think the pandas would pop my balloon. No, they're balloons.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you're very handsome and you're also very confident. Mike. Jasmine, my girl. Very cute. She loves you. She's love you.

[Andrew Santino]

It was kind of juicing her up that night at the Hulu party.

[Bobby Lee]

She loves you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I think juicing was the right.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what?

[Andrew Santino]

Word to you.

[Bobby Lee]

This is a pattern with you because you tried to Jasmine's head, too.

[Andrew Santino]

I did a head thing. I did a head thing.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what he does.

[Andrew Santino]

And I did couple. So. Yeah. Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

That's how he marks his territory. Because I kissed her on the head. Good night. It smelled like kimchi.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you're good, dude. Yeah, she's. You know what? Here's. Can I be honest with you? That's what I'm looking.

[Bobby Lee]

It's beautiful, right?

[Andrew Santino]

That's what I'm looking for.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Someone that can. Here's FYI for people out there, okay, that wanna.

[Bobby Lee]

For women who want to maybe date you.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe I'm gonna be my life partner.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Respect.

[Andrew Santino]

That is. It's one thing to be beautiful, cultured.

[Bobby Lee]

She has. She is beautiful.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know, but it's like my daughter, you know? I mean, it's like, you know, like looking at my dogs or whatever. I was like, there it is. But I love you, you know, I love all animals. But my point is, is this. I'm sorry, that's so rude. I apologize. I love you. But what I'm saying is, is that, you know, I'm beauty, right? In culture. Right. But they need to adapt to every social situation, right? I feel like your wife can adapt to social situations. Am I correct or not about that?

[Bobby Lee]

You're correct about her. And what I love about her after being with her for 10 years.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What I love about her is she is very loyal and she knows bullshit right away and she knows what people to say, hey, no more with this guy. There's something I don't like about him. And she's right. She's right because she grew up in the hood.

[Andrew Santino]

What if she said that about me?

[Bobby Lee]

No, but she knew.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but what if she did? Then you would fuck. Stop fucking with me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Then I would start fucking with you.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay?

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I would do.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

I would bring back the Asian hate. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

From three years ago. Okay, good.

[Bobby Lee]

Now. Now I listen because, you know, we're engaged now. You know that.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, bravo. Congratulations. Will you have a wedding?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, we're going to have a wedding.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I go?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, 100%. We got engaged on January 6th. I swear to God.

[Andrew Santino]

You did.

[Bobby Lee]

I swear to God.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, that's a great day. We got holiday.

[Bobby Lee]

We got engaged on January 6th and then we were going to get married on. On 9 11, but I'm doing the show.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, But.

[Bobby Lee]

But we might just get married at the show.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

And. And, and so. So we got engaged because I said, you know what? How long am I going to keep. Keep not committing. How long am I going to keep doing this?

[Andrew Santino]

We have children with.

[Bobby Lee]

We have children. And my daughter, you know, the first thing my daughter said when we got Engaged. She said, finally, daddy, we're going to be a real family.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh. Did you, did you cry?

[Bobby Lee]

Cried. 100 cried.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't see you crying.

[Bobby Lee]

I had to cry in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I cry. I, I, that, that was, that was something that brought tears. The only times I've cried in the last year, I swear to God, is that moment. And when I rewatched Little Giants from 1994, that, that gets me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You ever seen Little Giants?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

The annexation of Puerto Rico.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I call my family.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Did you really cry during that movie?

[Bobby Lee]

I swear to God, I really did.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I really, really cried. And, and, But I cried when my daughter said that, and it made me feel really bad about some of the decisions I've made over the course of my last 10 years of, like, why didn't I just commit to do this with her earlier? What was I afraid of? Because what I've done is I've committed to two people. Jasmine and this guy right here.

[Jules]

Have you tried eating the body of Christ already?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, he's eaten so many bodies.

[Bobby Lee]

100% you. I do it because I follow a strict keto diet. He's high protein. I ate his body, but, yeah, I eat the body of Christ. The blood of Christ. I drink the blood.

[Andrew Santino]

What. What is the body? Is it bread? I've never been to one of those things.

[Bobby Lee]

It's the Holy Eucharist. It's. It's a wafer that's been blessed by the priest, and it, it, it is the body of Christ. It's a, It's a little wafer, and it's only about 5 calories, according to my fitness pal, so it will not break a fast. And then I have my. And then you drink the blood of Christ.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Which is wine. Which is just Sutter home wine from the liquor store. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's so interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. It's interesting that I been to a church like that.

[Bobby Lee]

I want you to come to church. You come to our wedding at the church?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I mean, I'll go to the wedding, but I've never. I know I've been to weddings in a church, but I've never been to, like, a Catholic church where they have the whole.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, the bread and stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going to call Jazz and see if you can come see.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think so.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me see. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Hold on. Let's see. She doesn't. I think she literally looks at my call. She Knows that like when I'm on the road, I'm very lonely and I need her. And she looks at the call and hangs up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Cuz I think you know it is cuz she's an old school woman. She thinks it's weak if I say I'm lonely and I'm depressed. Why don't you snap the out of it and try to sell out your shows? Yeah, because we need that money and I need a new tip.

[Andrew Santino]

Why, why haven't you. Are you. Is the acting thing not a thing you're gonna do?

[Bobby Lee]

I've.

[Andrew Santino]

You're very hand. I mean let's, let's get down to the business at hand. Let's get down to the business's hand. And look at this guy. He's. He's gonna sell out Madison score Guard Martin. Let's be honest.

[Bobby Lee]

Allegedly.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you're gonna. Okay, Keep, keep, keep watching September, you know. And I'm gonna do this.

[Bobby Lee]

There'll be announcement coming soon.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. You're now a talk show guy. I mean you're on the talk show circuit. Yeah. You just did Kimmel.

[Bobby Lee]

No, we did Kimmel. And then, and then I got. Edward Norton was on. On YouTube. He got 500000 views. Anthony Mackie on the Week before, he got 250, 000 views. I was on 18,000 views use.

[Andrew Santino]

That's, that's pretty good though. Compare comparatively speaking.

[Bobby Lee]

Yep. Yeah, yeah, go on, keep going.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. And so. And can you act is the question.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, I can. I. I work at it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I've went on. On. I've kept track. I've went on 100. The 103 auditions. Yeah, 16. And I've gotten one.

[Andrew Santino]

Can we chat GBT a script before me and.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I think we should do a three way. You know, I mean a scene between us three. I'd like to test your. You know what I mean, your chops.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm putting my product, Bobby, on a daily basis and the people are saying no. That's what's happened.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, Can I say this too? And I want to say this.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm thankful and fortunate. I do have. But people are saying no.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Relatively. Guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, Guy. Guy. Let me tell you something. Guy. Dude. There's a disconnect between this and that, between what we do in our ecosystem in Hollywood. Do you understand what I'm saying? If this. There still isn't, you know, I mean a complete direct line is what I'm saying. They think that what We. They don't understand what we do, and we don't quite understand what they do. But we want to do what they do. And they want to do what? Why don't we do it together? You know? I mean. But they won't let it. You know what I mean? That's why you're in. That's why. No, I'm not.

[Bobby Lee]

You get it? Almost.

[Andrew Santino]

I've done some stuff. I'm not fully in, though.

[Bobby Lee]

You're like in, but you're there because you do their laundry. Laundry.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Oh, you did it. More Asian analogy.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Old West. Yes, it's the Old West.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I know what it is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

In the. Let's say you're a cowboy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. And I'm a Chinese laundromat guy at. In Deadwood. Right. You come in. You. Amen.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, Chang. Yeah, I mean, wash these trousers. Okay, Mr. Okay, Mr. John. Right. And you go. Delivered to my house. Right. Okay. Right, Right, Right. And I get through the laundry and I go in and you invite me in for a second.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Come on in here, Chang. And I go in. That's the only time you're allowed. Allowed in that house.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that a good analogy?

[Bobby Lee]

That's a good analogy.

[Andrew Santino]

And then you come in and we.

[Bobby Lee]

Tie up your feet because we like.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. What else? What else happens?

[Bobby Lee]

The tie feet. We like to tie up the Asian.

[Andrew Santino]

Feet down the stairs in the basement.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I go. And I go. What going on here? M I. I wash your trouser. It's on the house. Please don't do this to me. And then what do you say?

[Bobby Lee]

Then I tie up. I said, I'm going to tie up your feet.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to me?

[Bobby Lee]

Put a little soy sauce on.

[Andrew Santino]

Why? I'm not tumbling. I'm not dumpling.

[Bobby Lee]

Mr. Joe, you don't believe in Jesus. I don't.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm Buddhist. I'm Buddhist, Mr. Jones.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna eat your face. Oh, I see.

[Andrew Santino]

I see. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then the next time you go to the place, I'm just, like, wobbling around.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And you're gonna still go wash my trousers.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. That's in that guy. And I have, like. I have no. I'm walking on nubs. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

Here's the scene. It's just the laundry run. A small, dusty laundry shop in a typical Old west town. Clothes are hanging on a line outside.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh.

[Bobby Lee]

And there's the faint sound of a creek in the background. Inside the smell of soap and steam from boiling water fills the air. The three men, Jed, Billy and Cole, stand by count counter leaning on it with various laundry items in hand.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, so what am I playing?

[Bobby Lee]

So you'll be.

[Andrew Santino]

Just throw it out, yo.

[Bobby Lee]

I guess you're.

[Andrew Santino]

He's Jed. I'll be Jed.

[Bobby Lee]

You're Jed and I'm Billy.

[Andrew Santino]

You're Billy? Yeah. And you're Cole.

[Jules]

Okay, man, we have to do an accent.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it's whatever. Your choice, dude. You're the actor. Man, I've never thought I'd be standing in a place like this. Went out again for my laundry to get done. Ain't no cowboy got time for laundry.

[Bobby Lee]

You ain't wrong, Jed. But I reckon it's better than wearing these stinkers another day. I ain't been washed clean in the month. My old lady would have had a fit if she saw me like this.

[Jules]

You boys are lucky I don't have anyone to complain about me looking like a tumbleweed. My boots smell worse than a rattler's dam. I ain't bothering with no laundry.

[Andrew Santino]

Ah, you got a good point, Cole. Ain't much to do when you rattle alone all the time. I reckon you can smell as bad as you please out there in the wild. But calm each town, and folks start looking at you like y'all been rolling and cow dung.

[Bobby Lee]

I reckon it's the dust. It gets in your pores, makes you smell like you've been sleeping in the middle of a sandstorm. Like fahim. I mean, I can't even tell if my shirt's dirtier from sweat or from just sitting in the sun all day.

[Andrew Santino]

You okay, Cole? You coughing?

[Jules]

I say it's a little bit. You boys ain't much different. But this laundry place, hell, it's like little slice of civilization. Clean sheets, hot water, and the smell of lavender.

[Andrew Santino]

You sound like a lady, Cole. Lavender. What happened to riding a hide and living free?

[Jules]

Living free don't mean you gotta sing like a horse backside. But I do like me so clean socks and underwear. Ain't too proud to admit it.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, we might ought to be careful what we say. The way this laundry lady looks at us, I. I wouldn't put it past her to be listening in in our conversation. You seen her eyes. They got like that look like she knows everything. Even things you ain't said out loud.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. I swear, every time I come in here, it feels like she gonna read my soul. I am sure she managed to fold the laundry so perfectly, like she's Work magic.

[Jules]

That ain't magic. That's skill. You don't survive out here without doing knowing how to take care of business. Maybe she's been in these fars longer than we seem.

[Bobby Lee]

She? Me. That's what I like about the West. Everyone's got a story they ain't telling. But they all know how to make things work.

[Andrew Santino]

I feel like we're. That's the truth. Well, fellas, I reckon it's time to get our shirts back before she starts making us fold them ourselves. Don't. Wait, wait, wait. Don't want no part of the kind. Work.

[Jules]

Before she puts a spill on us. Boys, we may be cool.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, let's go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we got this from the Theo Vaughan and In Spade movie. That's it. That's it. That's what it's from.

[Jules]

For a limited time, you can get.

[Andrew Santino]

KFC chicken with the sweet heat of hot honey. And after one bite, you'll wonder, how do bees make hot honey so hot? Are they special bees? Does KFC have dragon bees? Fire breathing dragon bees that create spicy honey honey? No, silly.

[Jules]

There's no such thing.

[Andrew Santino]

KFC just partnered with Mike's Hot Honey to drizzle all over their crispy chicken.

[Jules]

But dragon bees would be so cool. Try it now for only $7.

[Andrew Santino]

Or share a box with friends for 25.

[Bobby Lee]

Prices and participation vary while supplies last.

[Jules]

Taxes, tips and fees extra.

[Andrew Santino]

This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Upgrade your business with Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet. Shop pay boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning fewer carts going abandoned and more sales going Cha Ching. So if you're into growing your business, get a commerce platform that's ready to sell wherever your customers are. Visit shopify.com to upgrade your selling today. That's a funny callback. I like that. Very good commitment.

[Bobby Lee]

Very great.

[Andrew Santino]

You grasped onto the Southern accent. That was really good.

[Jules]

I followed you.

[Andrew Santino]

You followed? Yeah. And God, Chris, you can act. God damn it.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And one day.

[Bobby Lee]

This shirt's designed to be inside out, by the way.

[Andrew Santino]

I never questioned it.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Because I want. I know the fans might start talking.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But it's designed this way.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So just.

[Andrew Santino]

Just FYI, and you know, I. What I appreciated about it is that you haven't done one Asian accent since you've been on the show.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Because. Why? What? Why?

[Bobby Lee]

Because I.

[Andrew Santino]

When you do it. Because you get some heat on online.

[Bobby Lee]

I got some heat online. And like I. Like I said before, I said this, a couple of Episodes. I came on here and I apologized because I got yelled at for some Asian accents I was doing. And I. And I made a genuine deep hearted apology.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Ended it with Missouri.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

And then people got mad at me at that too. People got.

[Andrew Santino]

And they're gonna be mad at that.

[Bobby Lee]

You think they're gonna be mad at that?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And then I'm so. I just. I just want to say, look into the camera this time and mean. I really am actually sorry for saying that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But he.

[Bobby Lee]

No, and I'm. I'm sorry and it hurts me, but we're.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, you know, I make fun of you.

[Bobby Lee]

I have rubbed. Ye know, I know it's a tension.

[Andrew Santino]

I know when white people. What you have is. Yeah, you got to stretch it out farther cuz it relieves the brain. You got to get to the temple.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what helps sometimes when I have a. My therapist said to do this detention. You pull it back and you go like this. That releases the pressure.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, that's. Yeah, I do that too at home.

[Bobby Lee]

And I do it too.

[Andrew Santino]

And it feels so good. Your headache goes away. White people, I'm telling you, no matter where you are, you know, sometimes.

[Bobby Lee]

Sometimes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. When you're in taekwondo class or wherever you might be, your local Chinese restaurant, if you have a headache. See right there? Yeah. That guy has a headache. That's not Mickey Rooney. Yeah. That guy with a headache.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Last week my daughter was asking me for help with her math homework and I said, honey, I don't know the answer to them like this. Just to. Really. The answer just came to me.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

And then I just said, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Now let me ask you. You're Asian, right? Jules, when you see white people behave like that, how do you feel?

[Jules]

Well, if I don't know them, then that's the thing.

[Andrew Santino]

There we go. That's what we're talking about here.

[Bobby Lee]

But I was.

[Andrew Santino]

It's about we know each other. I make fun of white people's penises. I make fun of their dumbness, you know, some of their cultural misgivings. And I think if I know somebody, I feel like anything's at play here.

[Bobby Lee]

I've made a decision in my life and it's freed me from a lot of stuff online is I don't care about anyone's opinion, good or bad, unless I personally know you or I've met you. Like, if you told me, chris, what you said hurt me, I would genuinely apologize to you. But a random fan online, if they tell me I'm doing great, or doing bad. Bad. I don't let it affect me either way. Only people that I personally know and I've met in the physical space because my brains are not equipped. I can't, I can't process praise or hate. From Nebraska. Yeah, I can't process it.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, we have a friend in mute. I don't want to say his name, but we have a friend that was working through that. He called me a couple of months ago. Paranoid, right. About a bunch of stuff online. He was reading. You're super depressed.

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Andrew Santino]

And I told this person, I said, said, don't read it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You just don't read it. Yeah, I don't read anything.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Yeah, no.

[Andrew Santino]

People go, oh, we'll read it this. And I, I don't even know. I've never been on it. I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. And that's how you have to live. Because if I did read it, I think it would affect me.

[Bobby Lee]

And you know what? And you know what? Now our friend, our mutual friend, who when we talk to him about it.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to see you say his.

[Bobby Lee]

Name and then put a patreon.com. bad friends. No, we said he said. And he. This is very accurate of him. He said, you know, all that looking online for the comments, all that comparison stuff, it's a form of self hate. You hate yourself. And so you're looking to be, you're looking for it to be justified by the comments. You want to say, oh, Chris sucks. You're looking for. Because you think you suck. But if you're positive, you come from a positive place, you don't go looking for it. So I think you. At times, Bobby, you know, I need therapy, need this, you need that. But you're much more positive place than you think.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I know. I think I am. I think that I think I am. I, I've been doing things that. Let's be serious for a second. I were doing a lot of like, you know, this and a lot of crazy sand stuff, you know, I mean, all that stuff. But what I want to say is, is that there's another thing that I do is I, I was at the Chicago Improv and I was at the Schomburg Improv. I was in the green room and a waitress came. You know, every green room, the club waitress is, they're, they're the, you know, they're, they take care of you.

[Bobby Lee]

That's the head waitress.

[Andrew Santino]

The head waitress, she's like, I'm. I'm gonna Be your waitress all weekend whenever you need just the tips. And so she. She goes, this is so. And so. And she's interning. And she seemed shy, but also, she kind of looked me weird. She was like. She kind of looked at me like this. And when they left, I turned to the comics in the room. I go, oh, yeah, she doesn't like me. They go. And they. And they go, what? Yeah, I. I can. I go, I can tell.

[Bobby Lee]

And then it's because. But do you think it's because. Were you making it up, or do you think it's because you pulled your dick out?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I didn't. No, that wasn't. When I did that. Yeah. I would never do that. All right. I would never do that. I respect her too much.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

And that wouldn't be good.

[Bobby Lee]

And by the way, I just want to make it clear, even if it looks like I did on camera before, I didn't pull out any of my penis. I. I know.

[Andrew Santino]

You know exactly. It was your side. I know. Exactly. All right. So let's get that out in the clear.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But then two days later, she came up to me. She goes, hey, I just want. You know, I'm just like, I have a bad friend's T shirt. I'm a huge fan. Oh. So in my mind, I was like, oh, I make assumptions about people that aren't true. And it's because of. I. I know growing up, I don't have to read my parents because my parents were snapper heads.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that a. Is that like a. A slur.

[Andrew Santino]

Damn. Snapper heads. Where you're taking up all.

[Bobby Lee]

No, for Koreans from Scandinavia.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no. They. They were physically violent towards you. Yeah, yeah. And they would just. You. You know, and so every day was reading the situation and to protect myself. Right, right. To, like, for danger. And I do that out in the wild. You know what I mean? And I'm tired of doing it because it's, like, it's usually not true. You know what I mean? And I feel comfortable with when they don't like me, and when people like me, I feel uncomfortable, which I want to change that narrative as well.

[Bobby Lee]

But here's the good thing to know, is that most people don't care at all. Most.

[Andrew Santino]

They don't care. That's the thing. They don't think about it.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what it is?

[Andrew Santino]

With.

[Bobby Lee]

Assume. You know what it is. You make an asset of you and me. You know that?

[Andrew Santino]

I know that. That's a really good. I like those little. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I like those little Just one more.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's another one. A little.

[Bobby Lee]

Another one. Kid, here's another parable. And this one's for you, Don. Their wives are foolish and their children wicked a curse their brood but the children of adulterers.

[Andrew Santino]

Don, how come you never sit down? Come sit down.

[Bobby Lee]

Come sit down. Will remain issue you never come of an unlawful bed will disappear. For should they attain long life, they will be held no establishment esteem. Should they die abruptly, they will have no hope nor comfort in the daily of scrutiny. For dire is the end of the wicked generation.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's what it is. John, did you listen? That was for you. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was really good.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you doing? What are you doing?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, little advice. I was telling him yesterday. You want me to say it? No. Then why'd you just do that? Because you. Because I was practicing. Oh, yeah, yeah, we're practicing. That was very good. Very good learner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris. Yes. I'll just tell you. I could tell him, tell him, but it has nothing to do with. Yeah, yeah. I was just saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying is, is that you know when you're in a relationship, right. And I was telling a bunch of comics. That's in the room.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. And you want to get out of the relationship. I can never end it.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. Because what you do is you have to find a window to get out. Right, Right. So you can force a window to open.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

By doing some of my techniques, you.

[Bobby Lee]

Can force a window to be open.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

The problem is, for me with that, where I have. I don't have. My house isn't the best right now. And I have air conditioners in the window. It's opening the window. I don't have central air.

[Andrew Santino]

It's an analogy.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. But I could hurt somebody.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want to do that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, okay. Yeah. It was just an analogy. Or door to open, whatever.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

An opportunity.

[Bobby Lee]

An opportunity.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. That's where you have to get out.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. Okay, so what it is when you do the little techniques, and one of the techniques I was telling people was you want her to break up with you. Subtle things. The coward way. That's a coward's way.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, the coward way.

[Andrew Santino]

So you do subtle things. And one of my techniques is you forget their name for a split second every time, and you use a snap. Right. So you go, hey, Kathy. Right? Yeah. Hey, what are we going to eat tonight? Kathy. Right?

[Bobby Lee]

You do that smart.

[Andrew Santino]

30 times it. Seeps into their subconscious and they don't know what's bothering them. They don't know what that's bothering them. Right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then it. That's where the windows will open. Another one. I have several of them.

[Bobby Lee]

Smart.

[Andrew Santino]

What? Very smart.

[Bobby Lee]

That's actually very smart.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell them another one. Another one. Which one? The. The. I think I've told people this one before on this podcast before.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's hear it though. I haven't heard.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, you haven't heard it. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Remember this pro? You can. Sometimes you can say things that you've said in a podcast before previously. Because guess what? As Marcus Aurelius said, you never step in the same river twice. Because the river is always flowing. It's always new water. So when you step in, it's a different light, a different.

[Andrew Santino]

So you can say the same thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Emotion.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. That's. This is a different river.

[Bobby Lee]

In the same river twice. The.

[Andrew Santino]

The. Yeah, yeah. So all you have to do this is five times. Okay. So those snapping 30 times. This five times. Okay. When you orgasm, you don't make a noise. You look directly into their eyes. You. They have to be looking at you. Right. And you orgasm with your face.

[Bobby Lee]

It's hard for me to. I'm never looking in when I come.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but this is what you need to do.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm always facing this way.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

In order for you to do this exercise, you have to be doing missionary.

[Bobby Lee]

So I have to have a mirror.

[Andrew Santino]

This is what you do, Right. You look in their eyes and you go. You go. You go like this. You go like that. Right. If you do that five times subconsciously. Right. They will break up with you. Really? Yeah. It's terrifying.

[Bobby Lee]

Terrifying.

[Andrew Santino]

Third thing. Yeah, yeah. Third thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Right Thing.

[Andrew Santino]

This is a basic one.

[Bobby Lee]

No, this is good.

[Andrew Santino]

You gave him the same present twice.

[Bobby Lee]

That's huge.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a good one.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a good one.

[Andrew Santino]

Right? Because they usually go. They always say. I don't. It's just a thought that counts, you know? I mean like I don't care. Right? Right. Here's two oven mitts, bitch.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Right handed. A left. One for Christmas, one for Christmas. Other Christmas.

[Bobby Lee]

That's smart, right? Very.

[Andrew Santino]

Those little tints. Dude.

[Bobby Lee]

That's it.

[Andrew Santino]

The window will open, my friend.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what? That's funny because I had a friend, he was dating a girl for five years. They were gonna get engaged. And then on her birthday one year, he gave her a card with $100 bill in it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. Great.

[Bobby Lee]

She broke up with him.

[Andrew Santino]

That's great. Brilliant.

[Bobby Lee]

Broke up with him because she wanted an engager and he gave her 100 bucks cash.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. I did this once and she didn't break up with me. Sarah Hyland. She can even defend.

[Bobby Lee]

She can even back the actress Sarah Highland.

[Andrew Santino]

No, there's a different Sarah. All right. Awesome comedian Sarah Hyland. Right. So Sarah, we were dating for a couple years. The first year she gave me a vintage painting from a store. Store. Like a vintage. She likes going shopping at like. Like antique stores and vintage, you know. And then I gave it to her next year.

[Bobby Lee]

You re gifted it.

[Andrew Santino]

I re gifted it to her.

[Bobby Lee]

Smart.

[Andrew Santino]

Forgetting that she gave it to me.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

And it was super embarrassing. But she still didn't break up with me.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. Because she really loved you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, she really did love.

[Bobby Lee]

What about getting back with her? What about.

[Andrew Santino]

She's married now with a. To my friend Jen.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh. She's a lesbo.

[Andrew Santino]

She's bi. Sexual and she's a very funny comic and I love her and she's famous family to me. But you know, I think if you're.

[Bobby Lee]

Going to be a bisexual woman, you're the. You're a very good guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it's.

[Bobby Lee]

It was because you're neutral. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

I've had a couple of situations where lesbians have gone. Dated me for a couple years.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Everyone around them have been women. So I've never really questioned that about myself.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what I mean? What do you think?

[Bobby Lee]

Just because. Because it is. Because you're very interesting, John.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you think of that?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you got.

[Andrew Santino]

You've. You've solved soft skin and I think that, that it's like a. It's smooth, so it's an easy transition. I can look at you from across the room and go. Yeah, yeah. You look at me like that from across the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see it. Yeah. I go, yeah, interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

His skin is. It's made of seaweed.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's come up with another. Let's come up with another one of these window opportunities together so we can.

[Bobby Lee]

So that.

[Andrew Santino]

So I can write a book.

[Bobby Lee]

What you've done is.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What you. Well, you, you have really, really good ones so far.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

The. The. The best one was the snapping. Snapping and forgetting the name.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. It's got to be a split second though. Everyone knows it. If you live too much of a thing, it. Then it's noticeable.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

And that's why I think the snapping is Very important.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what's another good one, too?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Let me write it down.

[Bobby Lee]

Come home, you could. Every time she comes home from work and it's happy to see you, you're just laid out on the couch, drinking a beer.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, you're depressed. Like, and then. And then. And then when your friends come over, right. You jump up. You can't wait to go out with them. You kind of subconsciously tell her, I'm having fun with my friends, and when I'm with you, I'm miserable.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

And she starts to sit, say, do I make it miserable?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what you do.

[Andrew Santino]

You can. You can tell her you're gonna call her. Like, I'm gonna call you in 30 minutes. Then you don't. And then. Oh, those are good. Those are good. Two hours.

[Bobby Lee]

Never call her.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Never call her.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But those are. Immediately.

[Bobby Lee]

You're gonna pick her up from the airport, never show up.

[Andrew Santino]

This is a room full of gobblers. I'll tell you why those don't work. Because. What? My things are subtle. Right? These will cause arguments right then and there.

[Bobby Lee]

Subtle. Right?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want that either. You know what I mean? I don't want to, like. Hey. Hey. I texted you. You didn't text me. I want them not to know what's going on. Almost like there's something weird, but I don't know what it is. You know what I mean? You know, it's got to be one of those.

[Bobby Lee]

Every time she texts you, I love you, you could just hard it and not say it back.

[Andrew Santino]

Ditto. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Hold on. Wait.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, Right?

[Bobby Lee]

Just for Andrew, what if you brought.

[Andrew Santino]

Home takeout food, but only for yourself? Oh, that's good.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a good.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a really good one. That's a good one.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, what if. What? Yeah, what if you only. You only kissed her on her forehead like a child.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Like, you never kissed her on the lips. You want to get down. You just say, have a good day, and you kiss her on her head. Top it. Like a. Or you pat her on her head like a little.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a good one.

[Bobby Lee]

That's good.

[Andrew Santino]

Treat her like a dwarf. That's good. I like that. Treat her like a door.

[Bobby Lee]

Or every time you guys were driving somewhere, she would drive and you sit in the back seat.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. Like an Uber. Uber, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Uber method relationship where it's like. It's not intimate.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Like a Driving Miss Daisy kind of a thing. Yeah, I like that.

[Bobby Lee]

What about. What about this? When you're walking somewhere with her, you always walk a little bit in front of her.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a good one.

[Bobby Lee]

And you get.

[Andrew Santino]

But that. That's that. But I've had fights like that before, right? Where they go. How come you always walk ahead of me?

[Bobby Lee]

Right, right, right.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Or like, you know. Or have you had this happen? Happened? You're walking with your girl, right? On a beach, wherever, boardwalk, let's say whatever, Right? At a mall. Right?

[Bobby Lee]

Sure.

[Andrew Santino]

And you're just walking forward and a hot chick just walks in front of you. And then you're like. And they're like, I saw that. Oh. Oh. Why? Because I have eyeballs. Cuz I have eyeballs. I was running that way. You're me. Mean.

[Bobby Lee]

It's crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

It's crazy talk. Have you had that? You want me to walk like this? Come on.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I hate it. It's so dumb. It's like you haven't checked in with me. You're not my parole officer. I'm not a criminal.

[Bobby Lee]

I haven't done.

[Andrew Santino]

Sorry, kid. The guard. Kindergarten.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Sorry it out. Sorry, sorry. Yeah, sorry.

[Bobby Lee]

It's true, though, what you're saying, we all agree with. It's true.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like all these things. It's just now when I say these things, I don't want to be in a relationship. Why? Oh, you told me another one. I did. Last night. Were you? Were you? Were you. But you don't. Oh, but that's different. That's different. Here's my theory.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

And I'm not a scientist. As you know. As you know. Right. And I'm not a doctor.

[Bobby Lee]

You only look like one.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Was that.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm emotional today.

[Bobby Lee]

You are.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm tired. I'm on the edge.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna express myself.

[Bobby Lee]

Please.

[Andrew Santino]

I believe that sperm is liquid love. Hear me out, okay. When I'm jacked up with it, I love my girlfriend. Right. When it. I release, I like my girlfriend. Okay?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. So in order for me to stay in love, you don't come. And that's what I was telling you last night. You never come.

[Bobby Lee]

What about this? Here's a. Here's a third theory.

[Andrew Santino]

Am I not.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

It means you don't really like them. No. Even I've. I was in love with kids. And even when I orgasm, it's not like. It's not like I hate. I love them still. But it's like it's still less Yeah, a little less, is what I'm saying.

[Bobby Lee]

Sure.

[Andrew Santino]

Will you not admit, or am I. Am I in the. In the shadows here?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I get it. Because you. Yeah, because maybe you were lust. Maybe it was lust. And there was the lust juice.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, so what you're telling me, distefano is this liquid lust?

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's liquid lust.

[Bobby Lee]

Liquid lust.

[Andrew Santino]

So what you're telling me is this. And maybe I'm wrong then. Okay. That every time you orgasm with you, you're. You. You feel the same exact way.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

You don't feel empty?

[Bobby Lee]

Like, empty, like, towards her?

[Andrew Santino]

Not just toward her, but it's like, you know, you don't really want to cuddle as hard or whatever. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Lee]

I feel like that's not you. Probably.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm alone on an island. You're not on the boat.

[Bobby Lee]

I.

[Andrew Santino]

It depends on the person. Oh. Oh, really? Last night you were on the boat. We were on the boat together. Last night I was like, we're not on the boat anymore.

[Bobby Lee]

Get it?

[Andrew Santino]

I. What happened? You jumped overboard? No. Oh, my God. Depends on the person. You're all liars, dude. Everyone in this blasphemy.

[Bobby Lee]

Blasphemy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Give me the book. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Please, dear Lord, forgive these sinners. I mean, they do not know what they say or mean. They only do for public eye. Here you go. Thank God. It's insane. All right, let's go back then. Forget it. So I try to Ed you. That's all. That's just an.

[Bobby Lee]

It's the best way to do it. It's just. Yeah, I. Every time I've had. The last five times I've had sex with my girl, I've come, but she's just continued watching Landman on Paramount plus.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Is it good show?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Landman.

[Bobby Lee]

Every time I come, I have Billy Bob Thornton in the background.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It's called Landman.

[Bobby Lee]

It's. Landman is one of the best TV shows so I've seen ever in my life. So the character Billy Bob Thornton plays is fantastic.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a very male. Male show. Show.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

It's on Paramount. And it's a TV show or movie? Like it? TV show.

[Bobby Lee]

No, girl. You know, girls don't like it.

[Andrew Santino]

Ali Lard is in it.

[Bobby Lee]

Ali Lard, who's beautiful.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a good show. The last Landman. The. The anything. Tyler Taylor. Taylor Sherman has put out Landman. Yeah. The other one, that lioness. Lioness was fantastic. Yellowstone. This guy's Unreal.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, Yellowstone. I saw yellowstone. Yeah, yeah. 1883. 1920. 18.

[Bobby Lee]

You should be. You could be an 1880. You could be an 18.

[Andrew Santino]

What could I play in 1883? What could I play? Laundryman.

[Bobby Lee]

No, the railroad. You build a railroad.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've already said this before, you know, I mean, we're in a different river, right? Whatever the analogy.

[Bobby Lee]

Never stepped in the same river twice.

[Andrew Santino]

Forever. Twice. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Success is not final. Failure is not fatal.

[Andrew Santino]

But I always said in the old West, I'd be opium. Opium, opium. I'd be an opium dealer. Oh, yeah, Yeah. I would get straight from China. You.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what you would do?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And I feel like you're the guy that, if, you know, you would get me, I would call in and shake your hand, and next thing he knows, you got me in a finger. Finger trap.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's. Can we discuss that for a second? So let me see how that works. Okay. Right. So you come into my opium den.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. I go right this way. You do? Right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And you go, thank you so much. You're my favorite opium den. Right. And we shake hands.

[Bobby Lee]

Shake hands.

[Andrew Santino]

And then when we release, you're like. I go, I gotcha.

[Bobby Lee]

I got you. And then.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

And then. I can't. I can't.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. But our two fingers are things.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, you. You just snitch it on me.

[Andrew Santino]

And your two fingers are in a trap.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but you got my hands in a trap. And then. And then you. And you start hitting me with sticks, dude. I mean, what does opium feel like? It must feel.

[Andrew Santino]

It's heroin, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's what it is, right?

[Andrew Santino]

It's heroin.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, heroin is not actually bad for you. There's vitamin D. Actual heroin?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Rfk. Our new Chancellor of health.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

If you look at Google, heroin itself, that's not the bad thing.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, it's crazy. He's the Chancellor of Health and he's been inside my house.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that weird to think about?

[Bobby Lee]

Is that wild?

[Andrew Santino]

It's so wild that he's been that, like, somebody. You've met Trump?

[Bobby Lee]

Huh?

[Andrew Santino]

Have you met Trump?

[Bobby Lee]

When I was a little kid. Never. Never.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's, like, the biggest politician you met? Love him. Voted him twice.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. I don't know. Eric Adams, the mayor of New York. Eric.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Lee]

He did history hyenas.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you did?

[Bobby Lee]

He did. In 2020. And now he's going to go to prison.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's the most famous guy you met? Don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Politician?

[Andrew Santino]

No, just in general. Rich. Newt Gingrich, speaker of the House. Who's the biggest famous person you've met? Probably Colin Farrell. How'd you meet him? I worked with him. Doing what? TV show. No. Wow. Thank you. You were an actor on it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you played across from him? Yeah. Was he nice? He beat me up. Was he nice? He was the nicest man. Yeah. He seems so nice. He's the. He's the fucking great dude. He's. How talented? Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I remember we were watching the show was called Sugar on Apple tv and I was having. Having sex with my girl a couple of months ago and I'm coming and she goes, there's Don.

[Andrew Santino]

Really? And you could see you on Sugar.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You had lines and everything. I was in four episodes. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Why don't you shut your mouth, Bobby?

[Andrew Santino]

I told you last night, though. What? I said last night to you. Did you? You're. I like me. No, but also as an actor, you would. You. You have such a distinct look.

[Bobby Lee]

Thanks.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if that was a compliment, but. Yeah.

[Jules]

You're still handsome.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Jules]

You're still.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you think he's more.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, he's way better than. Than him. Yeah. A good voice too.

[Bobby Lee]

And voice.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So he doesn't look like a Greek God, though. You said I look like a Greek God from the side.

[Jules]

Well, maybe he's just a superior being than you.

[Andrew Santino]

Superior being. How do you. Right here.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but I'm more Aryan looking.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not a. Is that good?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. In. In today's America. Yeah. You're like an Italian baker to me back in the day.

[Bobby Lee]

He does.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He does look like.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you Mexican? What are you Italian? Okay. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

From the south maybe. They're rare.

[Andrew Santino]

Sydney Sweeney. Is that the most famous person now?

[Bobby Lee]

Sydney Sweeney is all right.

[Andrew Santino]

You did a mov too just now. Wow. Congratulations. But you do stand up too. Still debatable. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Come with me.

[Andrew Santino]

He's come over feature.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Bobby Lee]

I do two man shows. Don goes up, does 20. I do an hour. We'll see you the later.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

We go and then you have fun. I do.

[Andrew Santino]

Have a good time. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Have a good time. Cops Comedy club. Shout it out.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Oh, Fahim called.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll call him back.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's call him back. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. Stay here. Don't on. I have to tell him he's on pod.

[Bobby Lee]

Yo.

[Andrew Santino]

What up? So, I'm with the Safano. You're on Bad Friends. Oh.

[Bobby Lee]

What's up? Are you sure that right now.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we're on air. I wanted to warn you. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

What you said.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't get sand crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm. I'm in Laurel Canyon.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't get sand crazy. You know, I know how you get. Anyway, what'd you call me last night, late at night for? Just the trade notes.

[Bobby Lee]

It wasn't about. It wasn't about Bobby rubbing his head on your girlfriend's head.

[Andrew Santino]

I missed that. We did side hog. We did a side hug photo and I bumped my head against that. She's a wonderful girl, by the way. She's beautiful.

[Bobby Lee]

Beautiful. We were complimenting.

[Andrew Santino]

I touched heads with there and I came a little bit. Is that wrong or.

[Bobby Lee]

Sure.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I mean, it's biological. It's biological.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you. So that's. That's what you wanted.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. He can't. Bobby. He noticed when he got home, he had a little bit of come on his Crocs. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. That happens. Yeah. Are you with her right now? I'll have a good pause. Are you with her right now?

[Bobby Lee]

Just driving to the store, doing my show in the belly.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, well, have a good show, bud. All right.

[Bobby Lee]

Thanks, dude. All right.

[Andrew Santino]

Bye. Bye. Anyway, that was for him and War. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Should I try Jasmine one more time to see if you can come to the wedding?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And then this is it. Okay. Sorry. Let me see. She doesn't pick up my calls. I think she might have somebody else.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not going tonight, right? Whoa.

[Bobby Lee]

That wasn't. That was an immediate go yourself. Now I'm calling back. She hung up on me, Right? Yeah, that was obvious.

[Andrew Santino]

It's probably stuck. Yeah. Not disturbed.

[Bobby Lee]

Where's Andrew tonight? Is he in New York?

[Andrew Santino]

Boston. Boston. Wilbur.

[Chris Distefano]

Hi.

[Bobby Lee]

Hi. I just want to tell you that you're on Bad Friends right now with Bobby Lee. Okay? You're on the podcast.

[Andrew Santino]

She doesn't know who I am.

[Bobby Lee]

With Bobby.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Hang up now.

[Bobby Lee]

With Bobby.

[Andrew Santino]

Hang up right now. If you don't hang up right now, we're done. Hang up right now.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you heard. I said, tell him I love him.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you know who I am?

[Bobby Lee]

I know who you are. What? What do you think he. What is Bobby Lee from other than Bad Friends? Where have you seen him? Where haven't I seen him?

[Andrew Santino]

Very good answer. I like. It's very political.

[Bobby Lee]

Just give one. Just give one. All you. All you have to do is get one here. I don't know, honey.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

Where do you Think you've seen him? Just take a guess. Anything. Anything that comes to mind, sweetheart, I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

All right.

[Bobby Lee]

Asking you to take.

[Andrew Santino]

Wedding. The wedding. The wedding.

[Bobby Lee]

Karate Kid. One guess. Where have I seen.

[Andrew Santino]

I saw him at the hilarious party.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. And was he. Was he. Did he make you uncomfortable at all?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Because he has a thing where he likes to rub his head on other people's girlfriend's heads.

[Andrew Santino]

That doesn't make me uncomfortable at all.

[Bobby Lee]

Really. Okay, let me ask you a question. Now, is Bob. We've said we want to keep things very, very small and intimate, close friends and family only for the wedding. And I want you to be honest. I know that you're on the show, but I want you to be genuinely honest. Is Bobby Lee invited to the wedding? With a plus one. I'm sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

He's not. Is. Is. Are. Are you being genuine? Jasmine, he cannot come to the wedding.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Okay. Good night.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, good night. So Bob's not invited?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not yet.

[Bobby Lee]

Real quick, real quick. And then I let you go. Hold on. Jazz. Is Andrew Santino invited? I gotta think about.

[Andrew Santino]

Love you.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby walked off. All right, I love you. Bye.

[Andrew Santino]

A. They're all invited.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no, no. All right. Bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Oh, my God. Before we go, I want to say something. I have to rebuttal.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. I will not go. I will not go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you're not invited.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I'm not invited. I will not. Even if I was, I'm not going. You know, the next time I see her, right? It'll be a little different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll be a little different. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Could have believed the attitude.

[Andrew Santino]

It'll be. It'll be political but not as sweet, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be less.

[Bobby Lee]

It'd be less.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're not going to touch her head.

[Andrew Santino]

Won't be anywhere near her. Yeah, yeah. From afar. I'll go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The next hilarity.

[Bobby Lee]

It's messed up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, keep her away. Yeah, yeah. And anything to promote down. You have a website or any Scott.com? i don't know. Okay, good. You're good.

[Bobby Lee]

You hulu special out February 21st.

[Andrew Santino]

Yep.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby's going to do Hulu Special too. Mine's called it's just Unfortunate.

[Andrew Santino]

It's just unfortunate.

[Bobby Lee]

And then go to Chris comedy dot com. I got understand updates. Oh, and patreon.com history ien as my history show is back and also Jesus.

[Andrew Santino]

Jesus Christ.

[Bobby Lee]

Remember to keep him in your heart. And remember that an error is not a mistake until you refuse to correct it.

[Andrew Santino]

Exactly. Thank you for being a bad friend. Right.