Bad Friends – "Boiled Hamburgers" w/ Brad Williams
Release Date: April 13, 2026
Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Guest: Brad Williams
Overview
This lively episode of Bad Friends features comedian Brad Williams joining hosts Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino for a freewheeling conversation blending stories from the road, animal facts, riffs on doomsday prepping, and hilarious deep dives into dwarf culture and representation. The chemistry between Bobby, Andrew, and Brad delivers a mix of insightful personal anecdotes, irreverent humor, and memorable bits, all in the classic Bad Friends style.
Key Discussion Points & Notable Moments
1. Live Shows, Travel, and On-the-Road Antics
[00:12 – 04:44]
- The episode kicks off with Bobby and Andrew reminiscing about recent shows in Lincoln/Sacramento.
- Bobby thanks attendees and playfully critiques Andrew’s set, while recounting on-stage drunkenness and a thrifted shirt round (with a brief history of the Desigual brand).
- Bobby shares travel exhaustion stories, triggered by long delays and constant cross-country flights, likening himself to Amelia Earhart.
Notable Quote:
“I'm exhausted. You're Amelia Earhart, dog. You're flying all over the place.”
— Andrew Santino [04:05]
2. Doomsday Prepping & Backyard Survival Schemes
[04:44 – 06:46]
- Bobby’s fear of “the world ending” leads to prepping: “5,000 Smart Waters” and apocalypse seed collections.
- The duo riff on what seeds Bobby should buy, blurring the line between sunflower seeds (for snacking) and actual planting.
- Plans to convert fake grass (turf) in Bobby’s yard into a survival garden—mostly for “American” crops.
Notable Exchange:
“I have this fear that the world is ending, right? So I'm gonna get seeds...chili lime, the Hispanic one.”
— Bobby Lee [04:50]
3. Witchcraft, Spirituality, and Freezer Spells
[08:04 – 13:34]
- Bobby reveals his girlfriend’s spiritual practices—seeing the future, communicating with spirits, and performing freezer spells to “banish” Andrew’s negativity.
- The group debates freedoms: religion vs. right to mock religion; Bobby argues for respect, Andrew demands mockery rights.
Notable Quote:
“You know what happened there? Nothing. So it's gonna be the same result.”
— Andrew Santino on Y2K and Bobby’s prepping [06:51]
Witchcraft Bit:
“The freezer spell involving your name is typically using witchcraft to bind, stop, or banish a person from causing trouble.”
— Andrew Santino [12:38]
“I tried to freeze your negativity, and it didn’t work...You can’t be binded. Like in Lord of the Rings, that ring? No. Nothing on you.”
— Bobby Lee [12:55]
4. Animal Facts Deep Dive: Greenland Sharks & Immortal Sponges
[15:30 – 26:38]
- The group dives (literally) into fascinating animal lifespans:
- Greenland sharks: live up to 400 years, possibly “witnessing” slavery and European colonization.
- Quahog clams: live more than 500 years; glass sponges: up to 15,000 years, surviving since the last Ice Age.
- The humor blends awe with dark observations about history.
Notable Quotes:
“Imagine interviewing one right now on his deathbed, and he’s like, do you guys still buy humans?”
— Andrew Santino [17:13]
“There are glass sponges that were around when a hammer was invented.”
— Bobby Lee [20:12]
5. Orcas, Apex Predators & “Boiled Hamburger” Tangent
[29:31 – 38:34]
- Orcas/Killer Whales emerge as the group’s pick for ocean apex predator, but no orca is recorded as ever killing a human in the wild.
- Tangent: TikTok’s boiled hamburger (from Wisconsin)—debate erupts as Bobby thinks the whole assembled burger is boiled, not just the patty.
- Extended riff about boiled bread, wet food, and culinary nostalgia.
Memorable Exchange:
“In my mind, you envision a hamburger, right...fully cooked, then they boiled it...I’m like, it’s so soggy.”
— Bobby Lee [35:30]
“Are you the dumbest guy alive?”
— Andrew Santino [35:01]
6. Prime Rib Rituals, York Pudding, and the Asian Foodie Army
[39:39 – 40:41]
- Bobby explains the ritual of dining at LA’s Lawry’s, where prime rib is sliced tableside and “wet bread” (Yorkshire pudding) is served.
- Andrew jokes about “60% Asians” at Lawry’s and Bobby attributes Asian love for nostalgia and opulence.
Notable Quote:
“It’s the ritual of it. When you said it: boiled hamburgers...to me, it’s the same as Lawry’s—they’ve been doing it that way for 115 years.”
— Bobby Lee [42:33]
7. Dwarf Culture, Representation, and Brad’s Convention Stories
[45:01 – 75:23]
- Brad Williams joins:
- Brad jokes about sitting in a “gender reveal chair” and discusses tailored clothing for dwarves (“Jimmy O’s,” “Build-A-Bear” for fun).
- Riotous back-and-forth about the “dwarf convention”—the Little People of America annual conference—a week-long, party-fueled event.
- Brad reveals “laying waste” to “two hands” (10+) of women at his peak convention year.
- Riffs on terminology (“biggers,” “littlers,” “Liliputians,” “reacher”), who dates whom, and social status at the convention compared to daily life.
- Peeled-back look at dwarf orgies, group sleeping (“like sardines”) and convention superstitions (never have seven in a room…).
Notable Quotes:
“It helped at first [in comedy]...people wanted something different...but then it was harder to get past the threshold of people thinking I was a gimmick.”
— Brad Williams [54:13]
“Over a thousand. Right? So that’s like 300 regular people.”
— Brad Williams [59:00]
“We hit two hands…one or two a day. It was fun. I was Mat Rife at that damn thing!”
— Brad Williams [61:48]
8. Dwarf Representation in Hollywood – The CGI Controversy
[66:26 – 68:31]
- Brad laments the use of CGI dwarves in recent movies (referencing the Razzie awards and "Snow White"), emphasizing actual actors missing out on opportunities.
- The importance of real representation and Brad’s personal disappointment if not cast.
Notable Quote:
“If they did use dwarves in the actual movie and you didn’t get the part of the seven, would you be mad? Heartbroken.”
— Bobby Lee & Brad Williams [67:24]
9. Dwarf History: Icons, Villains, and Little People of America
[68:09 – 74:46]
- Brad discusses Billy Barty—“our [dwarves’] MLK”—actor, founder of Little People of America, and convention instigator.
- The Ovitz family (Jewish dwarves of Romania), subject to Nazi experiments—dark comedy about “croutons” for food rations, with earnest calls for a proper Hollywood film.
- Brief aside about historical evil dwarves and unique contributions (e.g., mapping the human body by “crawling inside”).
10. Wrapping Up: Brad’s Special & Classic Bad Friends Farewell
[74:22 – 75:15]
- Andrew and Bobby plug Brad Williams’ new comedy special—Live on Short Street on YouTube (released April 12th).
- Brad delivers the sign-off: “Thank you for being a Bad Friend!”
Notable Quote:
“Some might argue it’s a short film.”
— Brad Williams [74:59]
Noteworthy Quotes & Timestamps
- “I realize that you're unbanishable. Also, I realized…you can't be binded.”—Bobby Lee [12:48]
- “There are glass sponges that were around when a hammer was invented. That's insane.”—Bobby Lee [20:12]
- “Are you the dumbest guy alive?”—Andrew Santino (to Bobby, re: boiled hamburgers) [35:01]
- “You're Amelia Earhart, dog. You're flying all over the place.”—Andrew Santino [04:05]
- “I was Mat Rife at that damn thing.”—Brad Williams (on dwarf convention hookups) [62:00]
- “If they CGI [the seven dwarves] again, that's another award that could have gone to a real life dwarf.”—Brad Williams [67:05]
- “Billy Barty…that’s our guy, that’s our MLK…”—Brad Williams [68:20]
Conclusion & Episode Vibe
The episode is classic Bad Friends: sharp, irreverent, self-deprecating, and rapid-fire with multi-layered humor. Brad’s insider stories on dwarf culture, relationships, and representation add depth and novelty, while the hosts lean into playful ignorance and genuine fascination. As always, edgy jokes rub elbows with heartfelt moments, making it both raucous and oddly enlightening.
For new listeners:
You’ll hear wild tangents covering ancient animals, weird food traditions, spiritual quirks, and the lived reality of being a dwarf in comedy and in America—all delivered with the chemistry and quick wit that makes Bad Friends a mainstay in the podcast scene.
