Chatty Chatty, Bang Bang

Summary

Bad Friends – "Chatty Chatty, Bang Bang"

Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Date: April 20, 2026

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Main Theme & Episode Overview

This lively episode of Bad Friends captures Bobby and Andrew in peak form, riffing on comedy greenroom etiquette, interactions with fans and Uber drivers, nightclub misadventures, drug stories, personal fitness, addiction, and life’s anxieties. The tone is light, fast-paced, and full of self-deprecation and banter—with moments of sincere reflection undercut by quick jokes.

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Breakdown of Key Topics & Insights

1. Comedy Greenroom Gripes and Pet Peeves

(01:09 – 08:14)

• Bobby vents about stand-up openers lowering his mic stand for laughs, and ‘feature smiles’—the smug looks openers shoot headliners after killing their set.
  • "If you do feature smiles again—No. Feature smiles. No, no, no. I need a frown. I know how well you did. I heard it." (04:01 – Bobby)
• Both discuss intrusive hosts and needy comics, with Bobby lamenting hosts who over-rely on headliners for comedy advice.
  • Andrew: "You can lead a horse to water, but it'll eventually be glue." (08:14)
• Extended riff imagining open mic performers as used cars at a dealership, played with wild characters and gags.

2. Vegas, Drivers, and “Chatty Chatty Bang Bang”

(08:48 – 12:23)

• Andrew recounts an Uber ride where the driver, a Bad Friends fan from Pakistan, got into deep talk about culture, religion, and world politics.
  • Santino: "I'm literally just yelling at him like that in the car. 'Yeah, I love Pakistan is grape!'" (10:00)
• Both riff on Islamic prayer routines and what kind of luxury brands Bobby would apply to a prayer rug.
  • Bobby: "I would do a Balenciaga rug. Just for, like, a Friday. I'm about clubbing, you know what I mean?" (12:23)
• Kicked off segment name: "Chatty Chatty Bang Bang" referencing the overly talkative driver.

3. Nightlife FOMO, Sobriety & Microdosing

(13:37 – 29:53)

• Andrew laments going out to Marshmello at a Vegas club, while Bobby goes for Sprinkles cupcakes; both share post-show routines.
• Discussion on substance use: Andrew microdoses mushrooms for mental health, Bobby is 9 days into quitting smoking and on Lexapro.
  • Andrew: "When I microdose, I do feel like at the end of the day I don't have as much anxiety before I go to bed." (26:12)
  • Bobby: "I haven't come in three weeks." (26:18)
• Lighthearted argument about being left out of the group's wildest nights due to concern for Bobby’s sobriety.
  • Bobby: "I don't want to be protected, dude... I want to go to Marshmello, I want to go out with Andreas, you know? And have those times." (29:46)
• Mock-serious ranking of whose well-being is more important, skewering their own show's family dynamic.

4. Club & Venue Experiences / Comedy Store Fatigue

(15:03 – 17:59)

• Bobby explains a weird discomfort bordering on "nausea" from performing so long at the San Jose Improv and LA's Comedy Store.
  • Bobby: "Because I've been there so long that it just kind of makes me want to go this again." (15:51)
• Discussion on show attendance, ticket reschedules, and dealing with empty balconies despite “sold-out” shows.

5. Fitness & Personal Health Updates

(55:02 – 77:29)

• Bobby’s “Oldboy” Workout Routine: He claims to do up to a thousand sit-ups a day, inspired by prison-style fitness.
  • Bobby: "I'm only going to do push ups and sit ups and just see what that does. Jail. Yeah. Like prison." (57:51)
  • Ongoing debate whether Bobby actually does this many (with Santino accusing him of exaggerating).
• Bobby is quitting smoking and feels extra anxious, channeling that energy into exercise; Andrew debates the efficacy and “proof” of Bobby’s regimen.
• Amusing sidebar: debate over IV therapy—whether “hot IV girls” offset the fact the treatments are a scam.

6. Addiction, Mental Health, and Life After Sobriety

(26:18 – 30:19; 63:14 – 66:14)

• Honest points about the challenges of Lexapro (no orgasms), anxiety, escapism via video games, and changing habits.
  • Bobby: "I use video games to like, not think about my life and not think about my anxiety... but now I don't have as much, so it's like I have no interest in escapism." (65:17)
• The group jokes about medical problems, avoiding therapy, and the awkward effects of antidepressants on sex.

7. Hot Sauce & Farmers Market Tangent

(73:31 – 74:47)

• Bobby brags about collecting the world’s hottest hot sauces, like “Satan’s Blood” and “The Source” (7.1 million Scoville).
  • Story: He and Jordan Peele once burned their mouths nearly off with “The Source.”
• Spirited debate on the merits of LA's permanent versus pop-up farmers markets & which is legitimate.

8. Celebrity Awards, Mortality, and Existential Angst

(45:31 – 54:47)

• Sean Penn’s Oscar for Zelensky: riffing on Penn handing off his Oscar to the Ukrainian President in a backpack.
• Reflections on death, how to handle terminal illness, and vlogging/podcasting their own deaths for Bad Friends Patreon.
  • Santino: "If I have terminal cancer, I'm telling you guys now in this room, none of you will ever know." (52:28)
  • Both reflect on hiding suffering from the public, referencing Chadwick Boseman and Norm Macdonald.

9. Playful Friendship Dynamics

(37:38 – 40:11; sporadic)

• Recurring bit about who owes whom money or meals, who’s emotionally distant, who’s more repressed, and whose names should go first on imaginary co-hosted shows.
  • “He wants to headline the show.” (40:04)
  • "There's more resistance when it comes to you than me." (39:25 – Bobby to Andreas)
• End-of-show joking about “white spiders,” author personas, and being “Salingerian.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On intrusive comics:
  "It's not my laugh. It's their laugh. You know? I mean, it's the residue laugh." (01:28 - Bobby Lee)

• On overzealous openers:
  "No. Feature smiles. No, no, no. I need a frown. I know how well you did. I heard it." (04:24 - Bobby Lee)

• On microdosing mushrooms:
  "When I microdose, I do feel like at the end of the day I don't have as much anxiety before I go to bed..." (26:12 - Andrew Santino)

• On the pain of letting go of old routines:
  "Because I've been there so long that it just kind of makes me want to go this again." (15:51 - Bobby Lee)

• Bobby’s gym adventure:
  "I went in there and I go, I want to join. They go, we want to... link you get your bank account. We don't do credit card membership. And I'm like, what? I don't know how to do that. And I just left." (58:25)

• On Uber driver encounters:
  "I'm literally just yelling at him like that in the car. Yeah, I love Pakistan is grape!" (10:00 - Andrew Santino)

• On personal change:
  "I haven't come in three weeks." (26:18 - Bobby Lee)

• Meta-podcasting on dying:
  “I want people to see me die in 3D… I would pod until I can’t talk.” (51:56, 52:14 - Bobby Lee)

• On permanent farmers markets:
  "No, I'm talking about the Third Street farmers market... But look at—it's on a temple. I know, but what do you call that?" (71:58 - Bobby Lee)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:09 – 08:14: Greenroom etiquette & comedy pet peeves
• 08:48 – 12:23: Uber driver story, Islam prayer riff, "Chatty Chatty Bang Bang"
• 15:03 – 17:59: San Jose Improv, Comedy Store fatigue
• 26:06 – 31:25: Microdosing, addiction humor, being left out of wild nights
• 45:26 – 54:47: Celebrity award discourse, mortality & dying on pod
• 55:02 – 77:29: Bobby’s fitness journey, sit-ups, IV therapy, farmers market/food tangents, hot sauce bragging

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Final Thoughts & Episode’s Tone

This episode is a prime example of Bad Friends’ mix of brash, fast banter and surprising vulnerability—the hosts weave back and forth between meta-comedy, confessional, and pure riffing. It’s an episode stuffed with callbacks, inside jokes, and sharp commentary on both showbiz and personal growth, peppered with physical comedy and absurd running jokes. The “chatty, chatty bang bang” mood persists throughout as Bobby and Andrew riff off each other for laughs but land on real, if fleeting, moments of candor.

Transcript

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, Bad Friends. I'm doing a bunch of shows. First off, Bobby and I, the Bad Friends live, are going to be at Netflix as a joke fest here in Los angeles at the YouTube Theater down by SoFi. That's May 8th. Get your tickets right now. Then I'll be down in Del Mar at the Sound in San Diego. Bro, surf's up. June 28th, I'm doing two shows early in a late show. And then July 24th, I'm at the Ameristar Casino in St. Charles, Missouri, which might as well be St. Louis, Missouri. Come out and see me. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. Andrewsantino.com hey, everybody.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby Lee here. You know, I shot a special and so I'm going to do the finally tour before the special comes out. I want to be in Detroit, 424 Indianapolis, 425, Montclair 5 1, Atlantic City, 5 2. Just go to my website and check out the other day. It's Medford 5 3, San Antonio, 515 and go check it out. It's going to be a theater tour. My first one. And come see me live. Go to bobbylee live.

[Andrew Santino]

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

[Bobby Lee]

White dude. I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two or something. We're bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

It smells like dog food in here.

[Bobby Lee]

Yep.

[Andrew Santino]

Rook rook.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby just got here. I just got here. I yelled at the host for putting the mic stand low. You know how they try to get a laugh?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because I'm small.

[Andrew Santino]

I've done.

[Bobby Lee]

I do that. I know. And it makes me so angry. But I won't yell at you. But I want. If you ever do that again, I'll rip you. Oh, I've gotten that from you. Yeah, yeah. The low voice. Because it's. Because it's. It's. It's trying to get a laugh. That I'm sure. Right. But it's not my laugh. It's their laugh. You know? I mean, it's the residue laugh. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Leftover.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Leftover laugh. Well, they're not even on stage. They try to get a laugh. Yeah. And they're in the back going, but I made that mic store look. You know, I bet you Brad gets that Williams.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, dude, I do the opposite from when Brad follows me in the store. I put it as high as I can.

[Bobby Lee]

That's. See, that's the same thing. It's the same thing.

[Andrew Santino]

But it's funny for you, for all of us.

[Bobby Lee]

For Brad, it's. For Brad, it's a whole extra thing he has to do.

[Andrew Santino]

Funny. Dude.

[Bobby Lee]

For me, it's a. You know, I mean, I have. I get a laugh. Yeah. But then I have to go, I'm small. Do that face. Like, well, God made me. Right. And then Brad has to bring it down.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It's funny.

[Bobby Lee]

It's for you, for the person before. But it's not our laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, you know what? We're not going to do any. No more funny stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No more comedy.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I think we're done with comedy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

All weekend long. All weekend long.

[Bobby Lee]

That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, is.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh my gosh. Brad left his toothbrush here at the studio.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And his. And his pen. Another thing is get it off your chest. When like one time I was in the OR and Steve Burn. Halfway during myself grabbed the mic from the side of the stage and walked. Walked up on stage and then goes, let's do a duo. Let's play with a crowd. And that made me so mad.

[Andrew Santino]

This is very funny. You know, he. At San Francisco, at the last time I just played punch. He showed up and he came on stage at the end of my.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you ask him to come up or did he just come up on stage?

[Andrew Santino]

He just came up.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Are you being real?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm being serious.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But I welcomed it with open arms. I thought.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I don't welcome with open arm arms.

[Andrew Santino]

You didn't want it.

[Bobby Lee]

He's half Korean.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh. He's not a full.

[Bobby Lee]

He's that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You got to be a fully to pull that kind of stunt. You got.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. You got to be a fool.

[Andrew Santino]

I actually totally agree. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It. No, because it's like I'm in the middle of a setup and all of a sudden what's up? Without asking. And it's just like, I don't like that.

[Andrew Santino]

Also, from a. From a outsider's perspective, it looks like your Korean uncle who's got it together cuz he wears a suit is coming to like.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Like talk you down a little bit. Let me do comedy for you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Cuz he wear suits.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And we wear clothes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I also don't like this. I just realized. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Give it to me. Give me the idol.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going to give you the. The feature smile.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it?

[Bobby Lee]

So what. What happens is you're. You're backstage. I just played the San Jose improv and Ramsey Badawi had a really good set before me. And so there's A curtain. And he opens it and he has a smile right at you. Yeah. Like he knows he killed. Right? And I go, if you do feature smiles again.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Feature smiles.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no. I need a frown. I know how well you did. I heard it.

[Andrew Santino]

I tell my features. No smiling at all. No comedy. I say go up there, say hello.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell people where you're from.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell them the favorite foods you have.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And that's it. And then get off.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Bring up the headliner.

[Bobby Lee]

And then the last thing I want to. Can I just get off my chest?

[Andrew Santino]

I love stuff on your chest. Pause.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Are you being real?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I want you to get it off your chest.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, so what? I hate needy hosts.

[Andrew Santino]

Was that good? Funny?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I had a local, you know, nice girl. She's already. I already brutally, you know, I mean, verbalize it to her.

[Andrew Santino]

Well then. So should we be talking about it?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Well, I could just be vague about it.

[Andrew Santino]

It's going to ruminate feelings again. Then for her. She's going to hear this 100 and be like, that's about me.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Maybe it's going to teach her a lesson.

[Andrew Santino]

Teach. Did she bomb?

[Bobby Lee]

No, she did great.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, well then okay.

[Bobby Lee]

No, she's great. I think she has a future. I do.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not selling me on it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But can I be a car salesman? She has a future. Well, how is this.

[Bobby Lee]

Welcome to open mic night lot.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

The open mic night lot.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it's at the lot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We have many new. New open up micros here. All new. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got. Look at this one. This is a. This one's called Catbird. Really quick, snappy. Yeah. And it's like, you know, it's an engine that grows. Yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, it's a slim design. Right. And it creates food. She was a chef. She was.

[Andrew Santino]

No, she was married to a chef.

[Bobby Lee]

No, she was a chef. She was a Michelin star chef.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not true.

[Bobby Lee]

She worked at Michelin star restaurants as a chef.

[Andrew Santino]

That doesn't make you a Michelin star chef because you worked at a.

[Bobby Lee]

She. Poor. Water. Basils at the end.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

The last line. Person that does the herbs or whatever.

[Andrew Santino]

Water up.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Scoop of. Scoop of caviar.

[Andrew Santino]

Just one little caviar scoop.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. And the chef goes, too much caviar.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you doing?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, get it off your chest. So this is capper. This is another model we have. Okay. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Is it foreign?

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's Black. It's a black sleek called a Devantre.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, this is. This is a good car.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a gray car. Yeah. Fast. It's the. It's also the best selling.

[Andrew Santino]

It's got to be.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. This car, though, you're gonna love this car right here. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

If it doesn't look like it asks

[Bobby Lee]

a lot of questions.

[Andrew Santino]

Too many questions.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. It's like Knight Rider.

[Andrew Santino]

It talks the whole time.

[Bobby Lee]

Talks the whole time.

[Andrew Santino]

You can't turn it off.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Hello.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean? You're driving too fast. The rules. You know what I mean? It talks a lot. It talks a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no off button.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh. There's no switch.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Unless you turn it off.

[Andrew Santino]

Unless you're.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, maybe it's talking to itself at night. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

But, yeah, yeah, maybe it'll run out of gas.

[Bobby Lee]

But still, it's a lot of, like, you know, I mean, you know, so what? How do I make it to this? How do I do this?

[Andrew Santino]

Inquisitive.

[Bobby Lee]

Inquisitive. Like, you know, I mean, how do you make it, you know, I mean, who. How do I get an agent? This and that. You know what I mean? And then it's like, you know, you have to go, hey, stop. You have to have that conversation of, like, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, I'm the polar opposite. I'm like, I'll give you an Excel spreadsheet on how to do everything that you're asking me to.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I did. I, I, I did tell her what to do.

[Andrew Santino]

You did. You gave her the hints?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I gave her, like, this is what you do. And then. But I don't think that she got what I was saying.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you can lead a horse to water, but it'll eventually be glue.

[Bobby Lee]

That's.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what they say. That's the be. Meanwhile, Carlos is wearing a wind hat.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Because you guys were at the win.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you bought that hat or they give us those hats?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I bought it. I like. I got the same one at Caesars years ago.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. I remember this.

[Bobby Lee]

I like this specific hat. It's. I have my circus circus at home. I should have brought it in.

[Andrew Santino]

Fancy. Got that Stratosphere hat.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Everywhere I go, in the casino.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Where's Bobby, bro?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Where's. I get that every time at the airport.

[Andrew Santino]

Why can't we make a shirt? Where's Bobby?

[Bobby Lee]

Where's Santino?

[Andrew Santino]

We should make sure to say, where's Bobby? Yeah, we had a Great time. By the way. I had a conversation with my driver, my Uber driver on the way to the airport. So nice. So nice. But I was very tired. Yeah, we had a long weekend. I just kind of wanted to chill. And he was chatty. Chatty. He was inquisitive. He was chatty, chatty. Bang bang. He was very inquisitive.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't know the rules.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

What you do?

[Andrew Santino]

What do I do?

[Bobby Lee]

I open with a statement.

[Andrew Santino]

You say, I don't want to talk. No, what do you say?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Hey, dude, I'm gonna be listening to music, so if you need anything, just,

[Andrew Santino]

you know, I mean, that's smart.

[Bobby Lee]

Hand up.

[Andrew Santino]

But he was a fan.

[Bobby Lee]

But my earphones aren't even on.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, so the Uber driver, super nice guy, he's a big fan. Loves bad friends. Loves you.

[Bobby Lee]

How do you know he vocalized verbally or through hand language or non verbal? It was nonverbal. Through facial expression.

[Andrew Santino]

He goes, bad friend.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's verbal. He went, yeah, that's bad friends. Yeah, yeah, no, this is bad friends. And yeah, yeah, so he did that.

[Andrew Santino]

He said he loved us.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then he was talking and I said he was talking. He was like, oh, I just drove back from la, blah, blah, blah. He's like, I've been in the car for like 30 hours or something like that. I was like, oh, that's crazy. And he said, I got a gift sent to me from my home country for my sister's wedding or something. I had to go pick it up. I said, oh, that's cool. Where? Where? Originally from Pakistan. And immediately I'm in like a mood, like he's trying to talk about. And I just. All I kept thinking about was those videos from Pakistan. That's like, do you love Pakistan? Do you know those videos? And I started talking. He goes, I love those videos. Yeah, one day I'm going to be pilot. I dude, what will you do for Pakistan? And so I'm literally just yelling at him like that in the car. Yeah, I'm not even letting get another word out. I keep going, I love Pakistan is grape. And then he goes, I have no problem with that. I'm Pakistani. I have Indian friends. So he's opened up this gate. I'm like, oh, no. I just think the videos are funny. He's like, no, but I understand there's a lot of hatred in the world right now as far as. And I was like, oh, no. I think he.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Santino]

And he goes, and I'm Muslim. And he goes, My barber is Jewish, and I was. And then he starts, keep talking. I go, jewish barber? I don't. Have you ever Jewish barber?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that a thing?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, what a disappointment for the family.

[Bobby Lee]

Does that Jewish barber go to another. An American barber to attack the Muslim guy?

[Andrew Santino]

No, but he says I'm Muslim. And he goes, well, I'm not a practicing.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He's like, I'm not like, you know, praying five times a day. And then that logged in my brain for the rest of the time. I couldn't hear what he was saying. Five times is a lot of times a day.

[Bobby Lee]

He says he prays five times.

[Andrew Santino]

Not anymore. It's exhausting.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But also, why would they do that? Why not breakfast, lunch and dinner? It's called Fajr, Sunrise, Dhur, Asur, Maghrib and Isha.

[Bobby Lee]

But the thing is, is that it can be quick.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, Do a prayer right now. Go. That's it. I mean, wait, you are facing east.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, how quick was that prayer?

[Andrew Santino]

That was really good.

[Bobby Lee]

And if I did that five times, imagine. I mean, it's over.

[Andrew Santino]

If Bobby. If Bobby was Muslim.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And had to pray.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know the little rug that they have.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Imagine how he would have the most, like, fancy, vintage, cool rug. He would have to have the dopest rug out of all the rug.

[Bobby Lee]

It would be the high end. Yeah. Montclair rug.

[Andrew Santino]

It would be a fancy rug.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that a Goyard prayer?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it would be the dope.

[Andrew Santino]

You would have a fancy rug.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And different brands, though, too. I would do a Balenciaga. A Balenciaga rug. You know what I mean? Just for like a Friday. I'm about clubbing, you know what I mean? I would have a Monclair one. I would have a. If Golden Goose had a rug, that'd be cool.

[Andrew Santino]

I guarantee you they'd make.

[Bobby Lee]

And then a Made one rug where it's, like, kind of tattered and looking old school. Like, you know, I mean, from like a 50s.

[Andrew Santino]

A vintage.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a vintage but brand new R.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's get you Muslim, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'll get Muslim.

[Andrew Santino]

Sign up. Sign up and go Muslim.

[Bobby Lee]

Why not? Well, five times is a lot. You know, it's just a lot of

[Andrew Santino]

times to stop and roll out.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's.

[Andrew Santino]

It.

[Bobby Lee]

I would probably go Zoroastrism. Oh. There's only like 600 of them on planet Earth, and I need to know exactly what they practice. But that seems like what it's Also before Christ. You mean so before Christianity.

[Andrew Santino]

You mean B.C.

[Bobby Lee]

yeah, B.C. so it's like. I think I would go with Zoroastria.

[Andrew Santino]

That's how cocky Christians are. What they name time before their own time. I know, but it's still their time.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

BC still is us. You're like, well, Christ not exist yet. I know, but it's still our time because it's always been.

[Bobby Lee]

That's awesome. I mean, how do you feel about. I think I'm being affected about the world around me. What's the war and all that stuff. I know.

[Andrew Santino]

I was at Marshmallow nightclub last night. I don't know what's going on in the world. Dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

We went out till 4:35 in the morning.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Unbelievable. What are we doing? We were. They were like, you want to go to Marshmallow? I was like, I. Yeah, I guess.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Wow, you went to Marshmallow, huh? I didn't go to that. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He went to his room.

[Bobby Lee]

I went to Sprinkles. I got cupcakes.

[Andrew Santino]

You do? I see the spring in San Jose, the Sprinkles, cupcake vending machines. There's no way they're making money. You don't want to buy it out of.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no, no. That's. How long has it been in there? That's closed down. Yeah. Oh, it's closed down.

[Andrew Santino]

They're all closed.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

La.

[Bobby Lee]

But do you buy. Do you buy, like, headphones from the. From the kiosk?

[Andrew Santino]

So one time I did have to buy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I forgot mine on a long trip.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So. And I thought, who's buying it? I was. I was a guy. People. I've got it too, and I'm ashamed.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. People.

[Andrew Santino]

People passing by, like, dude, who buys that?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you doing?

[Bobby Lee]

But imagine, like, you know, like when you buy a candy bar and it gets stuck. Right? You're like, it's 60 cents. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

But an AirPod.

[Bobby Lee]

But doing an AirPod, a Bose. You know what I mean? AirBud. That's 300. Imagine that getting stuck and you're like banging up the machine. It's 300.

[Andrew Santino]

You're buying Meta glasses and they're stuck.

[Bobby Lee]

Imagine. Imagine a kid getting stuck in there. You know how they do it? Those crawl through the crane machine, the cray machine.

[Andrew Santino]

Do they get.

[Bobby Lee]

Some nerd is in there. Yeah, yeah. Some nerd kid is in there.

[Andrew Santino]

You know me, some sweet little nerd.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, so San Jose was good, you know? You love it up there.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I mean, I played that room for over 20 years. And it's like, it's very comfortable, but it's. You know, it's the same thing where

[Andrew Santino]

it's like, I got to do that place.

[Bobby Lee]

Do. Yeah, it's a great club.

[Andrew Santino]

I never done it.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. I just never did an improv run.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow. It's a theater. You'll love it.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, I just mean I've only done a few improvs. I never really did a bunch of improvs. Yeah, but you used to do that all the time.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm an improv guy.

[Andrew Santino]

But you used to do San Jose, like, twice a year sometimes. Yeah, it's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a great audience. But you know how I've been going to the Comedy Store for so long that when I go in there, I feel nauseous?

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Because it's. I. Because I've been there so long that it just kind of makes me want to go this again.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, like, there's a nausea that happens.

[Andrew Santino]

You're losing the love of the store.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I've always loved it, but it's just like. It's like, you know, going into your living room.

[Andrew Santino]

I love my living room.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you do?

[Andrew Santino]

You don't feel nauseous sick in my house?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You can experience from visiting the same place repeatedly due to several factors and condition responses, environmental triggers.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had a lot of trauma at the store back in the day. I. I don't know. There's just something about that. But. But San Jose improv has the same effect.

[Andrew Santino]

You get nauseous when you go.

[Bobby Lee]

When I walk into the bit, I just feel nauseous.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, that's not good.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not good. It's just because I've been going there for so long, and it's just like, you should stop then. Well, no, I mean, maybe this. I'm. Day nine not smoking.

[Andrew Santino]

You guys. Come on. That's a huge deal. Day nine is. I think they say, what's the day that you stop? What's, like, the crest? What day is like, you finally get over the hump of not smoking. It's got to be like, two weeks. You got to be getting close. I want this for you so bad. After the first week. Okay, so seven to ten days is. Is when you're going to start to clear up. And then two to four weeks, you're going to be clean, ready to rock and roll.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So anyway, maybe that had something to do with it, but there's always a Kind of a. It's. It's also what bummed me out was. So the Friday first show, you know, it's a theater, so it's like I go to the balcony and it's empty. What do you mean no one's there?

[Andrew Santino]

The show's not on yet?

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's starting and you're on the about.

[Andrew Santino]

And no one. So it's not sold out upstairs.

[Bobby Lee]

It. They said it's all sold out.

[Andrew Santino]

People buy tickets that don't show up all the time.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but what happened was this is a date a year ago. I never just showed up. I just didn't show up.

[Andrew Santino]

You rescheduled it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, so it was rescheduled. So all the tickets from that transferred over this. Right. So, like, a lot of people just didn't show up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, right.

[Bobby Lee]

And I. It bummed me out.

[Andrew Santino]

I understand. The cookies. Look at the cookies they little made for me. And that's. The show was really nice. This one's kind of my favorite. I'm not gonna lie.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But, you know, I'll have the one with me on it.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what's so funny about this cookie? That's old Bob. Do you notice that? Yeah, that's old Bob with long hair. Old Bob. And I saw a video of you posted on the Internet with old hair. Yeah, Old Bob hair.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And it made me miss the long hair.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm growing it up.

[Andrew Santino]

You have to.

[Bobby Lee]

I am.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I love when you.

[Bobby Lee]

I. I am. I'm growing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, because old Bob hair like that, when it was that long, like, oh, it's gonna.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it's gonna be long.

[Andrew Santino]

There's videos. When we first started this podcast. Yeah, your hair was insane. Your hair was insane. You know who didn't get high this weekend? Carlos. He was a good boy. In Vegas, no less.

[Bobby Lee]

He does it behind your back.

[Andrew Santino]

No, he doesn't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I smoked weed. Remember I told you I was vaping it in the room?

[Andrew Santino]

You were? Yeah, I told you.

[Bobby Lee]

You said you're not doing anything, dude. What kind of boss are you, dude?

[Andrew Santino]

Not a good one.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, right. Right behind your back. He even says it to you and you don't even listen.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I'm a great boss.

[Bobby Lee]

You're not a great boss.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'm a good boss.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you're not a good boss, dude. He's like, you're a good. Your employee goes, hey, hey, boss, I'm smoking weed right in front of your face. Yeah. And you're like, he didn't do any drugs this weekend.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You're a bad dad.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm trying to. I would not be.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you're a bad dad, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

You know why? Because I'm cool, okay? I'm. You know what?

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's. Here's the problem. Here's the problem.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

When he vapes, I don't know if it's weed or if it's.

[Bobby Lee]

He just said he told you.

[Andrew Santino]

You.

[Bobby Lee]

He was doing it.

[Andrew Santino]

I was not paying attention. I was bus.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you say it? I. I'm Andrew. No, no, look at me. Look at me. Right? Okay. And what is Andrew doing? Andrew goes, you're being a good boy, right? And I go, oh, yeah. Okay. Let me. You're being good boy, right? He goes, no. I forget what else he says, but I just say it the way. Okay, who cares what he says?

[Andrew Santino]

Let him play the scene.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, let me play the scene. Right? All right. You're Andrew. Yeah, yeah. You're being good boy, huh?

[Andrew Santino]

Your. Your lip is bleeding.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Put some blood on your lips. Yeah, it's fine. Go.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I need blood.

[Andrew Santino]

You got it. See, he. This. An actor prepares.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Andrew Santino]

An actor prepares. And there's red there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, You're doing good boy, huh? No, I'm just vaping weed. Don't worry about it. That's what you did.

[Andrew Santino]

I was worried about my show. What did I really say? When you told me you were vaping,

[Bobby Lee]

you said that that was worse than smoking joints.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it is. Yeah. What's in those fucking things?

[Bobby Lee]

You did know. You're being so. You lied to me.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I just forgot zbiotics. You know, sometimes I like to go out, have a couple of sodas. Responsibly. I'm an adult, but when I drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut. And I'm telling you, the buildup of this, it's not dehydration. It's this buildup that's to blame for those rough days after nights drinking at the bar. And you got to take zbiotics, you know? Remember to take pre alcohol, your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly, and you're going to feel so good tomorrow. I always feel so much better when I take this before I have a couple. A couple of fun nights out. Okay? And you will, too. It makes your recovery so much easier and faster versus just chugging water and drinking soup all afternoon. From the fairways in Augusta to the first pitch of baseball season and the start of festival circuits, April is a sprint of outdoor celebrations. Don't let a rough next day keep you on the sidelines. Drink pre alcohol to stay ahead of the game and make the most of every sunny Saturday. Go to zebiotics.com bad friends to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use code BAD FRIENDS at checkout. ZBiotics is backed with 100% money back guarantee, so if you're unsatisfied for any reason whatsoever, they're going to refund your money, no questions asked. Remember to head to ZBiotics.com Bad friends use the code bad friends at checkout for 15% off.

[Bobby Lee]

Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2 with over 3,000 reviews.

[Andrew Santino]

It's built for how modern teams work today. That's why more than 90 and businesses from solo operators to growing teams rely on Quo to stay connected, professional, and consistently they are reachable. Quo makes it so easy, man. Calls, texts, voicemails, transcripts, contact details, all of this stuff is going to be live in one clean view. No more cards all over the place. With. With all of this full context at your fingertips, your team in your office is going to communicate faster, stay aligned, and deliver a more personal experience for your customers.

[Bobby Lee]

It's. It isn't just a phone system, Andrew. It's a smart system. KOHS AI automatically log calls, generate summaries, and highlights next steps so nothing gets lost.

[Andrew Santino]

They're even going to qualify leads or respond after hours when you're not there. They're going to ensure your business stays responsive even when you're finally offline at home. No matter what the size of your business is, whether you're Bad Friends, small and titan, indie, or you're massive, it doesn't matter. Quo is there to help make this

[Bobby Lee]

year the year where no opportunity and no customer slips away.

[Andrew Santino]

You can try Quo for free, plus get 20 off your first six months. When you go to quo.com/bad friends, that's quo.com/bad friends quo.

[Bobby Lee]

No missed calls, no missed customers.

[Andrew Santino]

That's quo.comqu o.com bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Quince, you know I'm going to an event, the Asian event. Oh, I love the Golden Gala.

[Andrew Santino]

The Golden Gala.

[Bobby Lee]

And I got a shirt from Quinn's. Okay. It's a blue oxford button up. Oxford button up. Yeah. Right. It looks like a $2,000 piece of shirt. It's high class and it. That's why I bought it. I got a Quinn shirt. I'm gonna look fab.

[Andrew Santino]

You're gonna look way fab.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna look like I spent a

[Andrew Santino]

lot of money because they make high quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100 European linen. And they're insanely soft. This flow knit activewear is my favorite. The activewear fabric is so soft when you get sweaty, it doesn't cling to your body, make you feel uncomfortable. It's moisture wicking and it's anti odor. So no matter how much you sweat, you ain't gonna stink. Thanks to their flow knit active and

[Bobby Lee]

the best part is their price is 50 to 60% less. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Everything is designed to last and make getting dressed easy.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right. So refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.combadfriends for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. So go to quince Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Bad Friends for free shipping and 365 day returns.

[Bobby Lee]

Quince.com Bad Friends I'm like at the San Jose Improv, right? They have a security guy that walks me to my hotel and I'm like, I stop.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but they do that for. They do.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't need. I know where to go.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but you're easily attackable. People attack you all the time.

[Bobby Lee]

But, but like the other rest of the day you're free. I'm just walking around alone in the same areas and stuff like that. Why in this specific incident?

[Andrew Santino]

Because you're under their tutelage right there. You're under there. If you got hurt, it'd be on them during that, when they're done with you.

[Bobby Lee]

I think once I get out of the club, it's free.

[Andrew Santino]

I agree.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Yeah. I think it's like, you know, I mean our responsibility is over. You like it? I. I don't. Cuz I always tell him like you please just stay here.

[Andrew Santino]

But he does like to smoke. Back in the day he would smoke behind the security guard and walk and very like, like gallivant behind the security and like dart his eyes. Didn't you never sultry? Yeah, you did. When we were on tour, you'd be walking behind the security and you do this, you'd be like sexily smoking see me do that? Yes you would. You're pissing me off. Everyone's nodding. Everyone's nodding.

[Bobby Lee]

You're pissing me off. I've never done that.

[Andrew Santino]

You would. Romantic.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, dude, I've never done this.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not the Face. No, don't do.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. What are you doing?

[Andrew Santino]

No, you. You would, like, cool. Like, very. You're.

[Bobby Lee]

You're doing this with your hand.

[Andrew Santino]

You do when you walk.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I don't do. I.

[Andrew Santino]

When you walk with your cigarette, you kind of bob a little bit when you walk, and then you'll smoke, and then your eyes will be darting all romantic.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm listening to the Doobie Brothers or something.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you're not.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. I bop, dude. I bop when I listen to the doo.

[Andrew Santino]

You're.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're Doobie.

[Bobby Lee]

Listen to the music, dude. So it's like I'm doobie brothering.

[Andrew Santino]

It's romantic, though.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like. And I don't know if that's a security guard. You're saying the. Behind the security guard you would walk. I'm Doobie brother.

[Andrew Santino]

You would do. Be, brother.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

So anyway, I took mushrooms last night.

[Bobby Lee]

Can you put that in?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I felt amazing. It was.

[Bobby Lee]

When was the last time you took mushrooms?

[Andrew Santino]

A couple weeks ago.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh. But was it a more of a dosage?

[Andrew Santino]

This one was higher.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Much higher. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I've been microdosing.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you've been microdosing.

[Andrew Santino]

My mental health.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm genuinely happy and I heard.

[Bobby Lee]

I heard it helps.

[Andrew Santino]

I do feel much better at night.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

When I microdose, I do feel like the end of the day. I don't have as much anxiety before I go to bed because I used to lay awake in bed at night.

[Bobby Lee]

I haven't come in three weeks.

[Andrew Santino]

Start microdosing, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Because of Alexa Pro.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So you can't not. I can't cut what comes out.

[Bobby Lee]

I can't nut nothing. I mean, I haven't even tried. Really? Yeah, it's weird.

[Andrew Santino]

Did they have something to combat that? They do.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

One, two, three. Blue Chew.

[Bobby Lee]

Now. Blue Chew Gold. Yeah. Anoxanil and Malolo Colon.

[Andrew Santino]

It's the main ingredient. Anoxynolam.

[Bobby Lee]

And the two ones, I think. I can't say.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I did and I watched. I watched my cousin play roulette, and I was feeling fantastic.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, your cousin was there? Yeah. Was he juicing too, or what?

[Andrew Santino]

He was having a great time.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he is. He's so funny.

[Bobby Lee]

But then when I was using in Mexico, we weren't doing that. Oh, yeah? Who?

[Andrew Santino]

You and I, we were not having a good time. When you were using a Mexico.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but because why is it not. Like, why couldn't we have those?

[Andrew Santino]

Because you're a drug addict and you have no control because you. You don't use until you get high and feel good. You use until it's unmanageable. Till there's poop on the walls and you're screaming and you're pointing in my face in front of people going, you lied. This is. This has no booze in it. You liar.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what?

[Andrew Santino]

You know, in front of everyone.

[Bobby Lee]

You know who I am? Yeah. I mean, I'm. I'm. I'm Ren from Ren and Stimpy. Yep.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you are.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's Stimpy the dog. Ren's the dog. Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Ren's little weird dog.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm. Because I love Ren. Because Ren's so paranoid.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean? And he gets in people's faces and he has these delusions, you know? I mean, and I love that character.

[Andrew Santino]

Somehow you're both of these guys.

[Bobby Lee]

I think so. I think I am random and simpy.

[Andrew Santino]

You're Stimpy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. But I love that cartoon. But anyway. Yeah, I ran out when I am,

[Andrew Santino]

like, it's just when you. You're.

[Bobby Lee]

You're. You're up. You're up to something.

[Andrew Santino]

No. And then you point in my face and yelled at me in front of me because you wanted booze, and I lied to you and I got you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I know. Dumb. Dumb. I know what you're doing.

[Andrew Santino]

But you were so fucked up.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but I know what you're doing.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, protecting you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. But I can. I'll just get my own drink.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, you flew to Mexico with a suitcase fill of drugs full of drugs. You open your suitcase, and guess what?

[Bobby Lee]

I flew back with no drugs.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. Yeah. Because of us.

[Bobby Lee]

No. I did it all.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

You're right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah, you did. That's called magic.

[Andrew Santino]

That is called magic in a weird way.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, so it's like. But we never had that. When. Next time I go out.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you're not going.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. No. Shut the up or I'm tired of this. I'm boss, too, all right? Your boss. Number two. Yeah, I'm like the vice president. Yeah. I'm J.D. vance.

[Andrew Santino]

You kind of are.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know you're not gonna go out.

[Bobby Lee]

What I'm saying is, the next time I go out, you. I mean, God forbid it doesn't happen. Right? I want a night. I want to go to Marshmallow. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

You can go to Marshmallow without using.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. You know? No, I Want to go to Marshmallow? I want to be on Shroom. I want to be on Ketamine. You. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to go to Vegas. I want to be able to, like, walk out of a bathroom and go. Yeah. Are you okay? Yeah. I mean, don't actually have cocaine in my nose.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want that next time. It's never gonna happen, but hypothetically, it could. And what I'm saying is, is that the next time, don't cut me out. I won't. Because the last time I went out, you cut me out. You were all being parental because you were.

[Andrew Santino]

You were.

[Bobby Lee]

That doesn't matter. No, I want good times. Carlos. Carlos. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, so you're mad that we are protecting you.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want to be protected, Dude. Yes. No, I want to go to Marshmallow. You. I mean, I want to go out with Andreas, you know? I mean, and have those times.

[Andrew Santino]

We can do it without alcohol.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, next time. No, we can't have those times because I'm all Christian on the road now.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not Christian on the road.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, but I'm like, I'm going to bed now.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but we did that, too. I do that.

[Bobby Lee]

I know you eventually did, but, like, I do it at, like, 11.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So my point being is, is that, you know, you guys can have your. All your Vegas nightlife and still. And I get cut out when I'm out. What's.

[Andrew Santino]

Because you. You can't. Because you're.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, I can.

[Andrew Santino]

You're a drug addict.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a label, and I refuse to believe it. I know. I am one.

[Andrew Santino]

You are.

[Bobby Lee]

I am. And he is.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I know, but he's not.

[Bobby Lee]

Why? Is he okay?

[Andrew Santino]

He's. He's not okay. We're very concerned.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but then why. When I. When I wasn't okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Because we care more about you than Carlos. You make more money. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're famous. You're worth more in this world. Oh, so if you passed away from an overdose. No. If I, like, made a movie all of a sudden, y' all would, like, talk to me more, probably, and care more about my health.

[Andrew Santino]

I talk to you every day.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I should have said more.

[Andrew Santino]

This bit is so stupid. We care about all of you equally. The difference is, you have control of your addiction right now. He does not. I know, but I can't do anything. What do you want me to do with him? Fire him. Should we fire him?

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe. Maybe when he's, like, you Know, I mean. Hey. Hey, dad.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm smoking weed right in front of you. That's not bad, though, to just smoke weed. If I'm just smoking weed. That's so chill. That's like going to war and just, like, showing up for a day with a gun. Oh, you're like, just outside of Car Guyland. Yeah. You're. You're on a ship. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Just. You don't know if you're gonna attack Car Guy island yet. Is that what it is? I don't know what Car Gyland is. Do you know what Car Guy is? Oh, it's an island right there. That's one of your Antarctica theories. No, it's not a theory. It's an Iranian island. I mean, they have, you know, I mean, oil reserves there and. And Tick Tock is full of.

[Andrew Santino]

You've been. You've been watching so much. Like, I know how much Iran stuff you've been looking at now. It's all day, every day.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. 24 hours a day. I mean, see what I was saying

[Andrew Santino]

before you have to stop.

[Bobby Lee]

Is there a Car island?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And what's on Carg Island?

[Andrew Santino]

Probably oil reserves.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. A bunch of sand. Yeah. Oh, my God, now he's being racist. There's more sand. Everywhere has sand. Okay. There's oil reserved. Exactly. That's what I just said.

[Andrew Santino]

Target island is a 7.7 square mile coral island in the Persian Gulf that serves as Iran's primary oil export terminal.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. And. And, and there's now, like, questions. If the US Marines are gonna charge at Carg island, take control of it.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, so good. David Attenborough, as the Marines, you know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry I'm consumed about the war. Why? You're not a soldier. I'm an American citizen. I just paid 130 of the pump. Okay. And I. And I drive a moped. That's a lot, dude. All right, very fair. I drive a moped.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that how much? Yeah, 130. To fill up your tank?

[Bobby Lee]

No, it was like 80 something, but I usually pay $80. Yeah, but I used to only pay. And that's my. My small car. $55. $50. Do you do the cheap gas? No, I do the Supreme. Good. What does that mean?

[Andrew Santino]

That's actually a really good question.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, well, I mean, I never knew. Can you explain to me, I don't know, the three different Unleaded, unleaded, premium, and then Supreme. Can you. Cool cars. Get the fancy one and the shitty one. It's like air. One.

[Andrew Santino]

Water.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it is. No, tell. Tell me this difference, because I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

So I will tell you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So a combustion engine, right?

[Bobby Lee]

We'll explain that. Let's start with a car.

[Andrew Santino]

So a car.

[Bobby Lee]

Start with the car.

[Andrew Santino]

Beep, beep.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Vroom, vroom.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, okay. Beep, beep. Room. Okay, hold on.

[Andrew Santino]

So a combustion engine, right? Little explosions have to take place within these pistons, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And these pistons that are in your car that fire, that make it go fast and have. Have torque.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

And have power and drive.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Higher octane. Right. The higher octane numbers, they fire at a cleaner and faster rate. So faster, nicer cars, like F1, they need highest octane levels.

[Bobby Lee]

So they do supreme.

[Andrew Santino]

They do their own. They have a different octane. They have octane that we can't get. F1 gas.

[Bobby Lee]

I need that. Yeah. How did we get that?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think your moped can handle that again.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Oh, all right.

[Andrew Santino]

I doubt it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but it's higher octane gas. It burns cleaner and it fires. It fires cleaner and it's cleaner for the engine. Higher octane, but it's more expensive. But that's what it is. That's essentially why people do.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, so.

[Andrew Santino]

But people who have like a. Just a luxury car, like say someone that has a BMW, okay. And just a regular BMW.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

And they put in the most expensive, highest, supreme. It's meaningless. They should just put it. But the only reason you would need a higher octane level in your cars if your engine requires a higher minimum because of the performance of the engine. So performance cars need them.

[Bobby Lee]

So in what? My. My Hyundai, you know, I mean, your moped in my moped, yeah. I put supreme in. Right. Just thinking that it's better for the engine or whatever. It's pointless.

[Andrew Santino]

No, it is hypothetically better for the engine. It's going to burn cleaner.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, then. Well, then I'll just keep doing that.

[Andrew Santino]

But it's not going to make your engine and it's not going to make your. Your. It's not going to make your moped go faster.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not trying to go room. Room.

[Andrew Santino]

So. So then put in the cheapest.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but I want my engine to be healthy.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not even your car.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's right.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You're going to give it back.

[Bobby Lee]

I am giving it back.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Don't do that. Who cares if it's a lease, by the way, to every American if it's a lease? Put the Shittiest gas in there you can find. Go to Sinclair, where the dinosaur is, where it's like a dollar eighty six. Real shit.

[Bobby Lee]

I go to the tar pits, scoop it. I scoop it. I stick it in the.

[Andrew Santino]

Manually do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I manually do it.

[Andrew Santino]

This is the funniest thing about the cookies that I'm gnawing on because they're delicious.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Is they were like doing Shout out to, you know, they did White Noise, Cookie, the Whiskey, Ginger. They did Bad, Bad Friends.

[Bobby Lee]

But you did the John Cena movie. What do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

We're never gonna be cool leads in a thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but people think that you're cool already.

[Andrew Santino]

Whom?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm sorry. When you were in Vegas, did no one come up to show up to your show and buy a ticket?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, Carlos can actually tell you, unfortunately, nobody came.

[Bobby Lee]

Bummer, man.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it was a huge.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it was a bummer.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my bad.

[Andrew Santino]

We went out for a nice little fancy dinner. We had a great little dinner. Carlos paid the bill.

[Bobby Lee]

That's unbelievable. He paid the bill through my tour money. You haven't paid me yet. We haven't even started my tour. Tour money. Yeah, we. You haven't paid me yet. But. But my. Your future tour money. I paid him my future tomb. I paid Delilah with future money. Yeah, yeah, that. Which is my money. Yeah. I said, bobby will pay you in. Yeah, yeah. So I pay for your dinner. Hey, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, he didn't pay for the dinner. You know damn well.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. In fact, I don't think any of them have paid for the dinner. I have paid for dinner before. Which one?

[Andrew Santino]

Wait a minute. Time out. Before you get it. What are you raising your hand for? When have you paid for a dinner? I paid for our breakfast one time. When. When I was over there at the white place with the.

[Bobby Lee]

With the.

[Andrew Santino]

With the. With the weird square.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you and him. Was it a Ku Klux Klan rally? What? I definitely wasn't there. With the white hood and the white faces. Yeah, I mean, what did you know

[Andrew Santino]

Ginger one day because I didn't have my wallet or something? No, you're like. You're paying today.

[Bobby Lee]

I said okay. Okay, good. That's good. Good. Have you ever paid a meal for me?

[Andrew Santino]

We don't.

[Bobby Lee]

We've.

[Andrew Santino]

We've gone. We've gotten food together once.

[Bobby Lee]

That's so not true.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not true. Me and you together.

[Bobby Lee]

Which one? Where was it?

[Andrew Santino]

It was you took me to sushi around my birthday.

[Bobby Lee]

Where was it?

[Andrew Santino]

And then we went to see the Mission Impossible.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right. We've done stuff together. I know.

[Andrew Santino]

That was one thing. One time.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was one time. But a great one. Oh no, it was great. But yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't to like, you know, I mean, white hats, white face, you know, I mean breakfast places.

[Andrew Santino]

We don't do that at breakfast.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think you do a nice sushi restaurant and a fine ass movie tickets, right? Yeah, I don't do white face, white head. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's like you fart. No, it was this, it was a. But. Yeah. So you've. Andreas, have you ever paid for a meal?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think so. I don't think we ever been to a meal together. Well, as bad friends we have.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. As a group. We have group, yes. Yeah, yeah. You don't think. Yeah. One on one. We've never had a meal together. No, I don't think we have that kind of relationship. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He's just too cool for us now he's got a kid.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He's over it.

[Bobby Lee]

Kind of makes me mad. It's just that whole thing, you know, I'll be. I'll be honest. I think it's on you. Nah. Yeah, there's no, you know, I call you a lot. You know, I mean, you only text me. I call you a lot. You only text me. I think it's you.

[Andrew Santino]

I know that's not true, but I'm just going.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no, that really is. I call him a lot.

[Andrew Santino]

About what?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, about what do I not call you? What's it about?

[Andrew Santino]

You have called me, but about what? What did you wanna. Why are you in interested in me? What are you a girl?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Why do you like me, Bob?

[Bobby Lee]

Tell me why you like Happy birthday text. Oh, that was a text. Yeah, yeah. You mean what time is bad friends?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. What time is bad friends?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. And then. But you have to read behind the

[Andrew Santino]

context of it more than just what?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Scramble the words. He forced me to say I love you in front of his friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you should say I love you more.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, these are the things I'm talking about, dude. It's like there's more resistance when it comes to you than me.

[Andrew Santino]

Because he has a lot of repression. Fancy has a lot of repression.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Repressed feelings.

[Andrew Santino]

He gets really uncomfortable.

[Bobby Lee]

And then when he got drunk, he got really touchy feely with me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you not? And that's when your real self comes where the defense goes down. Yeah. And this is how I really feel.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I'll tell you, he wants to be a star now because I pitched a little show about me and him going to, like, a local bar to me, like, showing him what a local watering hole is. Like.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And literally the other day of the episode, he's like, andrew, when are we going to do this show where you and I go to the bar and whose name goes first? Whose name is on top? He wants to headline the show.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

And by the way, that only reminds me, Macon, that breakfast. That reminds me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

This is the funniest part. I know that I did that to you just to tease you, you know, to be like, oh, you pay this time. But I also know that stayed with you for a while. You've been thinking about it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. How much was it?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I was like.

[Bobby Lee]

No. How much was it?

[Andrew Santino]

Like $30? No, it wasn't much, but I was like, coffee also. It's way more than I would have spent on breakfast.

[Bobby Lee]

But I was like, can you talk in the mic?

[Andrew Santino]

I was also like, this is a good.

[Bobby Lee]

This is a good thing. Why is it a good thing?

[Andrew Santino]

Because I. Because I get so much. It's nice to pay some back.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I see.

[Andrew Santino]

Because he walks around like this all day.

[Bobby Lee]

I know he. Have I not given you cash before?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you constantly give me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but you can't get me a breakfast.

[Andrew Santino]

If you want to go out for breakfast. Yeah, sure. He does not want to go out for breakfast.

[Bobby Lee]

Actually texted me the other day out of the blue.

[Andrew Santino]

What it say? He said, marty supreme is a film of two halves. That's true.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's actually a very true statement.

[Bobby Lee]

What? This is the New York Times.

[Andrew Santino]

He's a critic.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I mean, I watched. I watched. I mean, can I have my own opinion about the movie?

[Andrew Santino]

It is a film of two hats.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I thought that the first half of the movie. Right. Was, like, brilliant.

[Andrew Santino]

It was.

[Bobby Lee]

I thought the setup was good. And then I think it just ran away from itself. It became something else. Like, there was a lot of editing that needed to be. Go on or whatever, like, get to the thing.

[Andrew Santino]

It was a lot of other movies.

[Bobby Lee]

Other movies in there, and it just. I got lost in it. And, you know, at the end of the day, good movie, but, you know, I mean, it doesn't deserve any awards, in my opinion.

[Andrew Santino]

Shopify.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, we have an online business here at Bad Friends, and we would not be nothing without Shopify.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, that is exactly true.

[Bobby Lee]

You like designing? I do, yeah. Yeah, that's what they do.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, they help you shop.

[Bobby Lee]

Design studio.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, it's one of the best out there. You know, you, you, you, you seem like you got a huge marketing team. You can easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling thanks to Shopify. If you don't know, they've been around for a long time. And thankfully they got that iconic purple shop pay button. It's used by millions. Millions of businesses around the world is why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet.

[Bobby Lee]

Excellent. Accelerate your efficiency whether you're uploading new products, improve existing ones. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines and even enhance your product photography.

[Andrew Santino]

They got 247 award winning customer support. If you get stuck, which you probably won't, but if you do, they're always around to help you out. They help boost conversions, meaning less carts are going to go abandoned and more sales are going to go to you. So thank you to Shopify. They help us out. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com bad friends go to shopify.com bad friends that is shopify.com bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Mars man, you know what I'm lacking? Yeah. What?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

Testosterone.

[Andrew Santino]

A little bit.

[Bobby Lee]

I was born with none.

[Andrew Santino]

No, that's impossible.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Guess what? And guess what, with Mars men testosterone,

[Andrew Santino]

you get a big boost from Mars men. This is natural testosterone support. It's phenomenal this stuff. A lot of people think like, you know, having a dad bod comes from drinking beer, eating worse. For a lot of guys, that's not actually the whole story. As we all get older men, our bodies are going to reprogram themselves. We're going to store more fat and

[Bobby Lee]

there's no, there's no weird stimulants or synthetic hormones, nothing. It's real natural ingredients like tong car, ali, shilajit, zinc boron and more than healthy T levels, weight management and exercise performance.

[Andrew Santino]

The quality of this stuff is legit. It's made in the United States. Every batch is third party tested so you know that it is good. You have more constant energy, stronger lifts, better focus. And I gotta tell you, I haven't felt this good since I was in my 20s. And I do, I love it. I do love feeling good. After a good workout. You got a 90 day money back guarantee. There's no risk. Worst case scenario, you don't love it. You get your money back over 91 of users report higher.

[Bobby Lee]

Made in the USA.

[Andrew Santino]

For a limited time, our listeners can get 50 off for life plus free shipping and 3 free gifts@ Mengotomars.com and

[Bobby Lee]

after you purchase they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you.

[Andrew Santino]

That's mengotomars.com for 50 off and three free gifts when you check out and it's also available on Amazon. This podcast is sponsored by IQ Bar. I've got good news and bad news. Here's the bad news. Most protein bars are packed with sugar and unpronounceable ingredients. The good news, there's a better option. I'm Will and I created IQ Bar plant protein bars to empower doers like you with clean, delicious, low sugar, brain and body fuel. IQ bars are packed with 12 grams of protein brain nutrients like magnesium and Lion's Mane and Zero Weird Stuff. And right now you can get 20% off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping. Try our delicious IQ Bar Sampler Pack with seven plant protein bars, four hydration mixes and four enhanced coffee sticks. Clean ingredients, amazing taste and you'll love how you feel. Refuel smarter, hydrate harder, caffeinate larger with IQ Bar. Go to eatiqbar.com and enter code BAR20. To get 20 off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping. Again go to eatiqbar.com and Enter code BAR20. I think the coolest thing is that Sean Penn got award and didn't show up.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. He was in Ukraine. He gave it to Zelensky Glensky.

[Andrew Santino]

I love that he gave him his Oscar.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And he carried it in like a jan sport backpack.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It's amazing.

[Andrew Santino]

Bubble wrapped. I thought that was like the funniest.

[Bobby Lee]

Amazing.

[Andrew Santino]

It's funny to take something that so many people ch Paris show deer and throw it in like a trapper keeper.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And give it to a. Look at that. Show the video of him pulling out of a backpack. It's.

[Bobby Lee]

It's like FIFA giving a FIFA Nobel peace prize to Trump. Remember that? Yeah. Some make believe thing that they have never done before. Sean Pen has a, that there's a vibe about him that I kind of believe. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I believe everything he is, I think he is extremely him. I don't think.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I, I, I, I, I don't think that during Hurricane Katrina when he was diving into New Orleans and trying to save people was that. I think he was really trying to save lives.

[Andrew Santino]

I think he loves that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're saying it's not Performative.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think it's performative with them. You know, I mean, I think he's just. There's something's wrong. That's not wrong, but they're like. There's. There's like a. Yeah. You know, I mean, an eccentric, you know, personality disorder.

[Andrew Santino]

100.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Where it's like, he really believed he went out there. Yeah. Doesn't care about the leeches. Dude, he's been saving lives.

[Andrew Santino]

He gave the president of Ukraine his own.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I mean, doesn't he have one already?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, two.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So where are you gonna put it?

[Andrew Santino]

Next to the other one.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but it's like, you know, you would. No, dude, my Oscar. You know what my Oscar would be?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, your Oscar is more like a.

[Bobby Lee]

Ask me where my Oscar is.

[Andrew Santino]

That is a good joke.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

I said your Oscar is more like a Juan. You'll never get an Oscar. You'll get a Julio before you get an Oscar.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's mean. It's not true, though. It's mean.

[Andrew Santino]

You're never gonna win a Oscar. Are you out of your mind?

[Bobby Lee]

I was just trying to make a hypothetical game about, like.

[Andrew Santino]

No. And I was just having fun. I'm just digging you in.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But, you know, give me your Oscar speech. If you did win. We shouldn't do Oscar jokes. It's so long ago the Oscars. But yours would be at the front door. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Lights. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Music. Every time. Right as you open the door, it's like. And Bobby's like, no, I would have

[Bobby Lee]

a gigantic Oscar holding the Oscar.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's actually awesome.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That I would.

[Bobby Lee]

End lights and. Yeah, yeah. But don't forget the gigantic Oscar. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You ever walk into somebody's house. You ever walk into somebody's house and they've got, like, Emmys, plural, you know? And you're like, how did you get

[Bobby Lee]

a m. I know. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, you'll go to somebody's house who's like, someone you know in the business, and you're like, you got a Emmy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And they're like, yeah, we got three of them. We did this outstanding non scripted, blah, blah, blah thing. Daytime Emmys. And you're like, they give too many, though. I know, but.

[Bobby Lee]

But I saw. I went to a guy's house, and, like, it was, like, on the bottom, like, there was a bunch of books. It was just the corner of a room. I go, what's that? He goes, that's an Emmy.

[Andrew Santino]

That's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

And I go, I would have A Emmy on top of an Emmy inside of another Emmy inside of another enemy. You know what? It'd be like one of those Russian dolls where.

[Andrew Santino]

You

[Bobby Lee]

know what I mean? There'd be so many Emmys within Emmys. You know what I mean? Like. Yeah, but he just put it right in the corner of this. Like, you know, discreet. Just doesn't care about it rusting. That's cool. I think that's cool. I think that's what I would do. How funny. If it. If I did get nominated for something, I.

[Andrew Santino]

We would. I'd quit the show. It would validate all my hate for the business.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it's all bullshit.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that would be definitely bullshit. My friends nominated. Well, I'll tell you why I won't. Even if I do a good job in a movie, the reason why I won't is because I can't do the thing that you need to do.

[Andrew Santino]

Which is.

[Bobby Lee]

Which is go and shake hands and. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

You're so good at that.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I'm not.

[Andrew Santino]

You are very.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't show up to those things.

[Andrew Santino]

But for this, you would.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you think you gotta. You gotta go to Paris and meet so and so, and you gotta do this and that. You think I would do all those things?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Have you ever seen the movie Home for Purim?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

It's one of the best. That's like one of the. It's called. That's Not a Mighty Wind, is it? No. For your consideration. Sorry. For your consideration.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

This shitty little movie called Home for Purim. It's a movie inside of a movie and the cast thinks it's a. And then it gets Oscar buzz that they might actually win. So then they all change. They all. They dynamically all change.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They become, like, so full of themselves, and they all become the fakest version of who they used to be.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's cool.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it's brilliant.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, wow.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a. Yeah. What's his name? Movie. What's wrong? It's for Guest Christ Movie.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it really is.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at the cast, by the way.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Did we kill yet another celebrity?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we did.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, we gotta stop talking about famous people. We killed Chuck Norris.

[Bobby Lee]

No, we didn't kill.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, we did.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, he was 70, 81 years old.

[Andrew Santino]

No, he was only 68 or 69. 86. 86. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

He was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that if they're above 75, we didn't kill them. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

How about 80? If they're above 80?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Above 80, I think he was on his way.

[Andrew Santino]

86 is a good, good run. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a really good run. But, you know, Hawaii is where I want to die. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You've talked about this.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Why? Why?

[Bobby Lee]

Because I saw Rom Das die there. Yeah. I mean, and when it was the last video, it was weird because this is when they had. When I first got. What do you call that? The oxy? Oculus. Yeah. Right. And then there was, like, a thing where you could press and see Ram Dass.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, Right. So then, you know, I mean, you go, ram Dass.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

And he's like a thousand. He looks like a thousand years old.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

And he's in Hawaii, and he's going. You know what I mean? Nah, it's just a process. Yeah. You know what he's talking. You know?

[Andrew Santino]

You know what I mean?

[Bobby Lee]

It's a. It's a witness to realism, you know, whatever he's talking about. Right. And you could zoom around his body, see all his liver spots and stuff. But then, like. Yeah, but then I was like, it was definitely in Hawaii. Right. And I'm like, oh, this is where you pass.

[Andrew Santino]

You want to die in Hawaii?

[Bobby Lee]

I think so. You know, beautiful day in Hawaii with the palm trees. Beautiful day and just sitting there, you know? I mean, maybe in an Oculus. Die on an oculus or something. You know what I mean? But, like, 3D. I want people to see me die in 3D.

[Andrew Santino]

Sign up for Bad Friends Patreon. We will be. Yeah, we'll be doing a viewing party of Bobby's death, and you can live. Would you do a vlog as I die?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Bobby Lee]

Until you can't talk. Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

As I lay dying.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's so dark.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But I would pod until I can't talk.

[Andrew Santino]

You'd be doing a death pod.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, do a death pod.

[Andrew Santino]

There is a guy that is the guy that got diagnosed with, like, stage four something cancer, and he's doing, like, a pod until he dies.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

There's, like, a guy that was an artist that was doing this.

[Bobby Lee]

Would you do it?

[Andrew Santino]

No, because it would be. Let me tell you something.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. If I do, I would do it

[Andrew Santino]

with you, but if I have terminal cancer, I'm telling you guys now in this room, none of you will ever know.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you would know either if I had it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I wouldn't tell anybody. Yeah, I would do it. What's his name? Did.

[Bobby Lee]

Huh?

[Andrew Santino]

Norm. Norm. But I was thinking about. What's that? That beautiful actor oh, Chadwick Boseman didn't tell a soul.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, why did. Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Because you don't want to. You don't want people to treat you differently as you die. He don't want the pity.

[Bobby Lee]

You.

[Andrew Santino]

You just don't want someone to treat you different because you're d. When you're dying, people are going to talk to you like a baby because they know you're sick.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay? What?

[Andrew Santino]

How was today? Yeah, you don't want any of that. Just treat me like you treat me, and then I'll die.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Please tell me, though.

[Andrew Santino]

I would.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, please, you have to tell me.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you want me to tell you now? I. I don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, what stage? Like, if it's stage two, would you

[Andrew Santino]

tell me how funny. I'm literally, like, withering away and Bob's like, are you okay? Yeah, I'm on the pod. I'm just like. Like, I'm totally fine. Yeah, I'm dying live on the pod.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I wouldn't tell anybody.

[Bobby Lee]

I really, actually, even me, I think

[Andrew Santino]

just for me and the old lady would know and I wouldn't tell anybody else.

[Bobby Lee]

And then one day I show up, you're not here.

[Andrew Santino]

It's kind of beautiful, isn't it?

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's not. It's like goodwill hunting. Yeah, then I gotta. Yes, then I gotta call Theo. You want to start one?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, dude. Yeah, I would, but I'm busy.

[Bobby Lee]

What would I do? I mean, it's over. Yeah, it would be over.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I won't die.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't die with that.

[Andrew Santino]

All right.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, dude. All right. Knock on wood. Me either, dude. For at least another five.

[Andrew Santino]

Five?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Give me more than five, you know, we need five more years.

[Andrew Santino]

The couple next to me said that today. They said it was there. I was eating at the Chinese joint before I left, and the guy was like. Just kind of started drummed up conversation. Nice guy at the casino. I see you guys out here in Vegas doing something special. He's like, it's our anniversary. It's awesome. I was like, yeah, my in laws are gonna, you know, about to do their 50th. And she goes, oh, God, we'll never make it there. And the husband was like, what do you mean? What? What, you're gonna leave me? And she's like, no, I'll be dead in 20 years. I'll be dead. It was their 30th. And I was like, no, you won't be dead. And she's like, I hope so. I was like, God damn. Yeah, it was it made me sad. I was like, no, don't say that.

[Bobby Lee]

What's coming for all of us.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but I don't want to think about it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I think about it.

[Bobby Lee]

That's why I quit smoking.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

To try. Give. Give myself a shot.

[Andrew Santino]

Get death away from the door.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Get him to go away. And now we're gonna start exercising.

[Bobby Lee]

I have been.

[Andrew Santino]

Go on.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I mean, I have.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, go on.

[Bobby Lee]

I believe you. I mean, I've been. I've been trying to. You know, we do setups.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I tell you something?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And this is not an insult.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But your stomach kind of looks like after someone gets surgery and they have all that extra skin left over because you've lost so much weight.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

You got to just get that ripped off.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I don't think I've. I don't have that kind of extra skin.

[Andrew Santino]

You do.

[Bobby Lee]

I can sit up. You. You think so?

[Andrew Santino]

Let's do a tummy tuck for you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I think I have extra skin.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me see it again.

[Bobby Lee]

What? He's gonna gain the weight back, though.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. But don't. Okay. Stop sucking it just now.

[Bobby Lee]

I am.

[Andrew Santino]

Relax your body. Relax your back.

[Bobby Lee]

I am.

[Andrew Santino]

Relax.

[Bobby Lee]

I am.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

This.

[Andrew Santino]

It's crazy how skinny you are, but this.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but I've been doing a lot of sit ups.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I do like a thousand a day. Really? You do a thousand a day? Yeah, I try to do a thousand a day. Try to.

[Andrew Santino]

How many do you actually do? Six.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I know. No, I'm not kidding you. I do it like when I wake up. I judge. I do it like 150. And then during the day, I'll just keep doing it. Goes to the kitchen for that. Yes, I do.

[Andrew Santino]

Show me a sit up right now. 150.

[Bobby Lee]

No, not in a row. Not in a row.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean? You said I do. I do like 150.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So I'll do like 25. Yeah. Stop. Right. Look out the window. Right. Watch Neighbors on HBO. Right. And then I'll go, you gotta do another 25. So I'll do another 25. Right. Stop. But I'll make sure I get to 150 in the morning.

[Andrew Santino]

In the.

[Bobby Lee]

When I wake up.

[Andrew Santino]

You do 150?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I just started a week after I quit smoking.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I see how you do your form?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Please, please let me see your form. No, I just want to see how you do it. No, I can't do it because you're

[Bobby Lee]

gonna tease me and it's gonna be mockery. And I don't want. I don't want to do that because it's gonna disappear. What it's gonna do is gonna make me go, oh, don't do them anymore because it's mockery.

[Andrew Santino]

Of course I'm gonna tease you.

[Bobby Lee]

That's why I'm not doing it right now, dude. Yeah, but I'm gonna. I'm doing it. I'm gonna do it for a year and see what happens.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm so proud of you.

[Bobby Lee]

You'll be ripped. Yeah. Really do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I am.

[Bobby Lee]

I really am doing it like this. I'm obsessed with it. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you brace your legs with something to like. Because you need weight on your feet.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So I hook my legs on my cabinet. You do? Yeah. Yeah, like this. And I get cramps in my feet.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you drink water.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And I. And I. And I try to hold this too. So the pain is there. Wow. Yeah. And right now it does hurt. All of it.

[Andrew Santino]

That's good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Good pain. It's all this pain down here. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

A mat down. Are you doing it?

[Bobby Lee]

I just do hard ground. You know what I call it? I'm doing old boy doing old boy when he was stuck in that room for 15 years. Right. So I'm only going to do push ups. I'm only going to do push ups and sit ups and just see what that does. Jail. Yeah. Like. Like prison.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, street. Street workouts. You've seen those guys that only work out, like, they just do pull ups on street lights. Have you seen how jacked these guys are? They go to a jungle gym. These guys are street works out that, that, that. Those two black guys, I've seen these guys, they don't do anything but push ups, sit ups, pull ups, squats. Like this is all.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

From practical outside.

[Bobby Lee]

Practical outside.

[Andrew Santino]

No weights.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Also it's like I went to that place. What's that gym next to my house? Equinox. No. Planet Fitness. So I walked in there and I go, I want to join.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you didn't.

[Bobby Lee]

I swear to God on my mother's life.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

And I went in there and I go, I want to join. They go, we want to. We need to link. You get your bank account. We don't do credit card membership. And I'm like, what? I don't know how to do that. And I just left. I go, you. I'm leaving. Right. I really was gonna join Planet Fitness. It was right.

[Andrew Santino]

Fitness would be so funny.

[Bobby Lee]

It was right by my house. Right by my house. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

You're never gonna get anything done. People are gonna bother you all day.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, I. No, no, I. Dude, I. I put a mask on everything you do. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And they can't tell it to you. First of all, you have to cover your eyes if you're gonna cover anything. Not your mouth.

[Bobby Lee]

A Batman mask. Yeah. I'd like to work out.

[Andrew Santino]

I came here to work out. Pain better not be in the cold.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So I went there and they said,

[Andrew Santino]

welcome to the steam room, Batman.

[Bobby Lee]

So I. So I. Yeah. So then in my mind, I'm like, you know, and I don't want to go to Equinox. That's where all the supermodels and all the hot people go.

[Andrew Santino]

The hottest people. It's just.

[Bobby Lee]

That's why I'm like, I'm just gonna go old boy style. Yeah. And did you sit ups and push ups? Now, you can't tell yet, but maybe if I do it for like a year.

[Andrew Santino]

You're gonna get jacked.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe.

[Andrew Santino]

But do you remember what you said to me in the car in Australia?

[Bobby Lee]

What? You'll see.

[Andrew Santino]

You'll see.

[Bobby Lee]

You're gonna see.

[Andrew Santino]

Now, it's already been two years.

[Bobby Lee]

I. I know, I. I know, but I. Listen, I didn't do anything until this week and a half. And I've been starting every day doing it because I need a. Because I need a new obsession.

[Andrew Santino]

You're bored, too?

[Bobby Lee]

Because I'm smoking. I used to smoke. Right. So it's like instead of that, I have so much anxiety, so it's like I have to do it because if I don't, then I get entrenched in Iran.

[Andrew Santino]

In Iran?

[Bobby Lee]

Iran. Iran.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. I. I didn't know what you were. I thought it was an app. Put me onto Iran.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, like the war. Like, I get obsessed with the war and stuff and what's going on and stuff like that, you know, I mean, and then I. And I get lost in it. It causes me more. More anxiety. So it's like now I'm, you know, I mean, old boying it.

[Andrew Santino]

You're old boy?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Like, oh, I. Or I call it the Travis pickle. Yeah. I mean, that more lines up. Yeah. Dirt and the trash in the streets. You know what I mean? It's incel. Talk. Yeah, yeah. It's like. Yeah, I talk to myself. You know what I mean? It's garbage. The human garbage. What Dogs. You know what I mean? You know who's up there in that room? That's my wife. That's my wife. You know who's up in that room?

[Andrew Santino]

Not my apartment.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's not my apartment. You know what I mean? It's a. He's a shooter.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

You're a shooter? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm about to.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a little dangerous.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Yeah. I just got a rifle. Yeah. I'm traveling. Speckling it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Please don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm like, I have like notes from the underground. Thoughts. What does that mean? It's a Dostoevsky book and it's about a guy that's like living in a basement and judging society through like a little opening, you know, I mean. Yeah. You know, I mean, and I do that.

[Andrew Santino]

So scary.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's such a scary thing to think about.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Judging from a windowsill in a basement.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Just piss jars everywhere.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

FAP all over the place.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm JD Salinger, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

One would think.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That you were. You were very Salingerian.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Sal did.

[Andrew Santino]

If I was an author, which author would I be?

[Bobby Lee]

Never drinks water.

[Andrew Santino]

He got calf cramps doing sit ups, so now he's got to fix all that.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I have another water, please? Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

D. You're parched, huh?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'm so tired and drained from it. I mean, this week was crazy, bad crazy. We did sack and then I flew straight to Philly, you know, I mean, three days there, one day in la, then went to San Jose. Today I flew back, you know, I mean, I didn't sleep at all. It's like you're on the pit. Slept all day.

[Andrew Santino]

What the is going on? It's like a camel. No, I love you need it, huh?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So I'm old boying it.

[Andrew Santino]

You got old boy it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I think you're. I. I believe in you. I believe.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, I'm never going to destroy you. I'll never get physically enough, you know, I mean, strong enough. You're just a bigger weight class. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

How's dating going?

[Bobby Lee]

But I am seeing somebody and what I've been doing is just looking at them and go, are we done? And then she goes, are you sure I got. Yeah. I mean, you did it, right? She goes, yeah, I got there. And then I'll go, I think I'm done.

[Andrew Santino]

So you're just bailing? What do you mean you're just bailing out? You're not going to try to finish the job?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I'll come like some excuse. Like, we did the job, you know, I mean, we got rid of the. You Know what I mean? Most of their military. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, I need a. You know, it's called, you know, I mean, an exit strategy. Yeah. So I use an exit strategy. You know what I mean? When we're done.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it?

[Bobby Lee]

It's just like at one time what happened was, you know, I mean, she was working so hard and I just grabbed her arms and I go, no,

[Andrew Santino]

he shook it off.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And I shook it off. And she goes, are you sure? I got. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Like a picture to a catcher shaking off the signs. Yeah, I don't want that.

[Bobby Lee]

But, but, but is it worth it? I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, if you're happier.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'm happier. And it's also. But here's what's the great thing about it though, is. Is that. Am I boring everybody?

[Andrew Santino]

No. It's interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you sure? Yeah. I feel like being boring today.

[Andrew Santino]

We're listening.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that what it is?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. People are quiet when you're talking because they're listening.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. But what it is, is what helped it.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm kidding.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you real?

[Andrew Santino]

It was a bit. It was a bit because you just asked. But go ahead.

[Bobby Lee]

The cookies are good.

[Andrew Santino]

Come on. I'm serious.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

It was a bit. You just said something.

[Bobby Lee]

I just didn't have the motivation or, you know, I mean, it's really weird. That's healthy.

[Andrew Santino]

Couldn't do it.

[Bobby Lee]

She was like hugging. I was hugging her and I got kind of half hard. You know how you get half. I know that. Yeah. You know that feeling, right? Yeah, yeah. It's like midway point.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. No turning back.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's like neutral. Like India. Yeah. Too much a roar, right? Too much, too much. But using reference.

[Andrew Santino]

Too much.

[Bobby Lee]

Way too much. Yeah. Switzerland. What? Switzerland. Yeah. I'm being very neutral. You know what I mean? But it's like another thing that I realized is that a new game came out that I've been anticipating for six months and I haven't played one single bit of it.

[Andrew Santino]

What is the game?

[Bobby Lee]

It's called Crimson Desert. Yeah, I think it's Alexa Pro, because it's like I. It's downloaded, you know, I mean, I turned it on and I saw the character walk to. I got him to walk toward like a cabin. And you got Meatpoint. I got point.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I couldn't even reach the cabin.

[Andrew Santino]

You got neutral.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You got sweet.

[Bobby Lee]

And my character stopped and I was like, I just turned it off. What? Yeah. And then I just did 25 sit ups.

[Andrew Santino]

We gotta get. Oh, that's good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Some more dry for life.

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's. It's like. I don't know, it's weird. It's like because I. I play. I use video games to like, not think about my life and not think about my anxiety and stuff, but I don't. I don't have as much. Right. So it's like I have no interest in escapist escapism. You know what I mean? In that way.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So. But it. The. The only downside is, you know, I mean, the climaxing and the orgasm.

[Andrew Santino]

No coming is a big. That's a.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a big one. Yeah. You need to talk to your therapist. This isn't therapy. Dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Is there a spider on your shirt? It's a hole.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you're. You. It wouldn't scare me a spider. I just look like one.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but it's like I felt like you were trying to scare me.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Yeah. I think that a scorpion maybe.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that a scorpion on your shirt?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. I mean, but the spider was like. I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

It's just.

[Bobby Lee]

Unless it was like, you know, what's it called? The. The brown one.

[Andrew Santino]

Brown recluse.

[Bobby Lee]

The brown recluse. If it was a brown clothes, I'll be scared a little bit.

[Andrew Santino]

They're in California.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Yeah. A black widow, probably. But a standard spider, I don't think I'm scared of.

[Andrew Santino]

You think that's disrespectful to them? That they're called standard spiders? You know, like when they're crawling up with your wall and they're trying to be tough and you go, oh, look, a little standard brown recluse. That's so offensive. A brown recluse.

[Bobby Lee]

They're brown.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

How did they get into this country? Is my real is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. Who brought your papers,

[Andrew Santino]

by the way? Brown recluse, black widow. Notice the theme.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. All right. There's no white one. That's in fact. There's no white spiders.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, there is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Genocide right there. Oh, there's one.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, there's one.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Would you be scared with that one?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, no, it looks. It looks nice and safe.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It's like, hello, neighbor.

[Andrew Santino]

White spiders.

[Bobby Lee]

Okie dokie.

[Andrew Santino]

White spiders asked to come in your house.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, may I come in? Yeah, come on in.

[Bobby Lee]

Give some spare butter.

[Andrew Santino]

White spiders in Arizona. That's really. Those are.

[Bobby Lee]

Those are cute.

[Andrew Santino]

Cool looking looking.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but there's some black in it. Obama style. Can I have Another water, please.

[Andrew Santino]

Unbelievable. I love this hydration. Do you know why all the Ivy IV girls are hot? I know it. I figured it out. Why are they all.

[Bobby Lee]

How did you figure it out?

[Andrew Santino]

Because I got them a bunch of times when I'm on the road and it. And this helped me figure it out because they're. Because they.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, here we go.

[Andrew Santino]

They don't work. And they send a hot girl to distract you from the fact that it doesn't fucking actually do shit. You piss it out five seconds later. It didn't do anything. It's placebo. And here's how I know that's true. Half of these women that are administering these things, I don't even believe they're nurses. These are just fucking chicks who. It's like an agency hired them. I don't think that any of it's real.

[Bobby Lee]

That's okay. If they're hot, though.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want someone stabbing me in the fucking arm with a needle in a bag. So you.

[Bobby Lee]

You'll never get an IV again.

[Andrew Santino]

I think they're.

[Bobby Lee]

I get them every week. Week.

[Andrew Santino]

And is it working?

[Bobby Lee]

It is working.

[Andrew Santino]

On what?

[Bobby Lee]

My sit ups. All right? My sit ups.

[Andrew Santino]

In my mind, they're overpriced and they're fake. I know that they're fake. There's vitamins in those bags. But you're.

[Bobby Lee]

Then why is your pee right a different color?

[Andrew Santino]

You. You answered my what? You literally validating what I'm saying. You piss it right out.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but it's the vitamins and all the good stuff that's going through your body.

[Andrew Santino]

Almost nothing gets absorbed. You can talk to any doctor. They'll tell you you're about your body.

[Bobby Lee]

It goes to your veins guy.

[Andrew Santino]

It doesn't absorb. You piss it right out.

[Bobby Lee]

If my veins absorb.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me see your veins. Those did absorb.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, they're absorbing. Giving veins. Dude, you might. You got to get your veins checked.

[Andrew Santino]

Every doctor I know says it's a scam.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's.

[Andrew Santino]

And they're overpriced and they go, you'll retain such a small percentage of those vitamins. You might as well just take a handful of vitamins at home. Easier than getting a drip for 40 minutes because you want a hot chicken. Your living room.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, so what?

[Andrew Santino]

That's what it is.

[Bobby Lee]

It's cool.

[Andrew Santino]

See? No, it's a scam.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not a scam.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a scam.

[Bobby Lee]

No, because then they add extra. Do you want extra?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that doesn't sound like a scam. At All.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you want extra something?

[Bobby Lee]

It's like extra hot sauce at Taco Bell.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Put it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Which one? Diablo.

[Andrew Santino]

Fire. Fire. Fire.

[Bobby Lee]

Diablo.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's why I don't like. Okay, now here's why I don't like Diablo.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Changes the flavor profile of. Of Taco Bell. Fire is. Is just hot enough. And I buy it at the store. It's on sale right now at Bonds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's in my fridge. Yeah, I have four bottles.

[Bobby Lee]

I. Oh, I got six bottles of Aardvark.

[Andrew Santino]

I have nine bottles of shoe leather aardvark.

[Bobby Lee]

You know aardvark? Yeah, yeah. Great hot sauce.

[Andrew Santino]

Nine bottles of it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I ordered it on Shop on my phone.

[Andrew Santino]

On Shop.

[Bobby Lee]

It's called Shop on my phone.

[Andrew Santino]

Is it like Amazon Shop?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know what it is, but yeah. The reason why I don't use Amazon anymore, because all my deliveries go to this girl I used to hit on in Phoenix because she was sick one time. And you forget to do that? Yeah, I forgot to do the address. So she. She texted me last week. I got 12 bottles of Aardvark, and I go, oh, and I finally figured out how to change the address.

[Andrew Santino]

You mean enjoy the aardvark, though?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, what a gift.

[Bobby Lee]

Aardvark's great.

[Andrew Santino]

She goes, I got 12. You're, like, thinking of you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And then here's what I also have been doing lately, and I don't know if, you know, this is a good thing, but you ever. You ever go to the farmers market every day? No.

[Andrew Santino]

You want to walk around the farmers market and see, like, a. Like, four. By the way, it's. Three of the bins are the same thing. It's like, oh, is this lettuce again? From this guy? A different guy. It's a honey guy. Four lettuce stands, two egg ladies.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God. What are you talking about?

[Andrew Santino]

And how many candles?

[Bobby Lee]

There's a sticker shop. Oh, all right. There's a nut shop. Oh, all right. I'm not going there for lettuce guy.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a scam.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not a scam.

[Andrew Santino]

Farmers markets are the IV of groceries.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me tell you something about fucking the farmers market. Which farmers market are you talking about? I'm Third Street.

[Andrew Santino]

Third Street?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, the. The farmer's market. The. That farmers market. Oh, the. The Grove and farmers. Why did the Grove.

[Andrew Santino]

Brother, we're talking about farmers.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I'm talking about the third street farmers market.

[Andrew Santino]

All of us thought the other thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you did Yeah, I got you. You got me on third street. What about for you, McConnell?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I thought you meant a real farmer. A farmer's market.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, so the farmer's market on Thursday is not a real farmer's market. Oh, what is it called?

[Andrew Santino]

The mall? It's the Grove.

[Bobby Lee]

It's called the Grove. No, it's called the Farmers.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, that's the name of it.

[Bobby Lee]

But it's called. But no one calls it that.

[Andrew Santino]

Nobody called that.

[Bobby Lee]

Also, in big letters, it says the Farmer's Market. Yes, but no one calls it that.

[Andrew Santino]

No, first of all, nobody go. Nobody goes there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Hey, Pepsi. No one calls that. It's brown Juice. What are you talking about?

[Andrew Santino]

It is Brown Juice Market.

[Bobby Lee]

But look at. It's on a temple. I know, but what do you call that?

[Andrew Santino]

A farmer's market. Farmers market that we're referring to is a thing that's come and go. This is a permanent far. It's permanent.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, so next time we'll say permanent farmers market.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, say. Say, you know the farmers market at the Grove? That's what everybody said.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll do. I'll say that from now.

[Andrew Santino]

Am I right? Am I right? Everyone goes, oh, the farmers market. That's a farmer's market. There's nine people making candles, six people selling lettuce and one bitch selling eggs. It's the fucking worst. They're. They're dog shit. Look at that. Oranges. Don't need them. Don't need them. But can I finish?

[Bobby Lee]

Listen, can I finish my farmers.

[Andrew Santino]

The farmer's market at the Grove is phenomenal.

[Bobby Lee]

Sticker shop.

[Andrew Santino]

No, it's phenomenal.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but there's all kinds.

[Andrew Santino]

But it's a fucking mall. It's a mall with permanent restaurants.

[Bobby Lee]

But can I just. So there's a. There's a hot sauce store there.

[Andrew Santino]

A hot. Hot sauce bar. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's not a bar.

[Andrew Santino]

That's just a name. A hot sauce bar.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm being combative.

[Andrew Santino]

I like it.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, so there's a hot sauce place there, and then there's the. I. And I always buy. I don't know why. And I have a cabinet filled. I go, where's the hottest one?

[Andrew Santino]

You want to just have it?

[Bobby Lee]

I now have it. Like, I have the source.

[Andrew Santino]

But you're not gonna put it on anything.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. No, just.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you dip the finger?

[Bobby Lee]

I have the one that's shaped like a devil. I have devil's blood. You know, I mean, the devil's blood. Yeah, I mean, I have the you know, I mean, the hottest ones that you could buy. The most expensive ones. Very cool. Yeah. Give me a Devil's Blood. Yeah, that one in the top. Yeah, that's. Yeah, Satan's. Satan's Blood. Yeah. Yeah, I have a couple of bottles.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, what's up? It's Mikey. Today we're doing Satan's Blood. So stupid.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, but I just, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

But you collect them.

[Bobby Lee]

Because I collect. I don't use them. I have the source, too. The sources. Look at the sources. Bottle. Have we talked about the source?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

The source Hot sauce.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, the source Hot sauce.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at the way it comes out. Like a mind. It's like a book. Ancient. It's ancient. No, it comes in that. And then. Yeah, it's like that. It is so hot.

[Andrew Santino]

It's 7.1 million Scoville units. Rory Scoville rated this 7.1 million Scoville's. What is. So what is the average Scoville units of, like, a bottle of Cholula? Give me that.

[Bobby Lee]

Here's the kid again. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, guys, I'm trying the Source again. It's Mikey. Give me the Scoville units of a bottle of Cholula. And let's guess, because it's 7.1 million for the source. I'm guessing regular Cholula hot sauce is like 500. Yeah, yeah, I was just gonna say a thousand. Scoville A thousand and two thousand. I was right on the money, baby.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Scoville units? The heat units. That's how they measure heat.

[Bobby Lee]

And that's of what? Hot sauce.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, so just for like, Cholula, regular tables, tabletop, Cholula, a thousand to two thousand. The one you have is 7.1 million. Yeah, that's absurdist.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

You couldn't.

[Bobby Lee]

You gotta try it.

[Andrew Santino]

No, it's. What do you know? It's gonna fry your tongue.

[Bobby Lee]

So one time, me and Jordan Peele went to that hot sauce place and we got the sores, and we took a toothpick on your tongue and we dipped a toothpick and we stuck on our tongue. And it was the most painful thing. It was like alien blood from the movie Alien. You could hear the sizzle. You know what I mean? It is so hot. This guy's A card that says he survived the hot sauce? Yeah. Yeah, it's a hot sauce.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, he just. He just tried it once. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You get a card. You get a card. I don't have the card.

[Andrew Santino]

We gotta get you a card.

[Bobby Lee]

You gotta get. You got a car, too, then I'll

[Andrew Santino]

go get a card with you.

[Bobby Lee]

Would you try it?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It's just gonna be an annoy. So painful it's going to ruin a part of your day.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

We learned a lot. We learned that you're going to be. You're going to be getting a six pack. I, at the very least, get a two pack. Get a two pack, Shakur. But from doing setups, I think you can. I think you really can if you're really doing 150 a day.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, no, just in the morning. In the morning he said more.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you doing in the afternoon?

[Bobby Lee]

I tried to do a thousand.

[Andrew Santino]

Can you videotape it? No, because I want proof.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I mean, hopefully it'll show on my body.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think it will.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't think it will.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't think sit ups that many times? I think you count one, and then you lay there for 10 minutes and you think, oh, I did 200. You think I was some sort of Asian math. Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

You guys are tricky. Yeah, well, I can't wait to see it. I want to see the results.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe you won't.

[Andrew Santino]

Won't. Maybe I won't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, maybe you won't. You know, because it's condescending and it's. It's negative.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not doing a thousand.

[Bobby Lee]

Disruptive. It's disruptive. It's in. Not encouraging.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, I mean, discouraging.

[Bobby Lee]

You're discouraging.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I said I want you to prove that you're doing it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It's draconian. Yeah. Yeah. It's draconian.

[Andrew Santino]

Is it?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. Harsh.

[Andrew Santino]

It's harsh. Draconian.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Another. Learn another word. I learned through the tick tocks.

[Andrew Santino]

I was just gonna say this is the war.

[Bobby Lee]

The war.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a war thing. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop. With Mint, you can get premium wireless for just 15amonth. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a try. @mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] thank you for being a bad friend.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a war.