Dimorphous Expression w/ Are You Garbage?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bad Friends – "Dimorphous Expression w/ Are You Garbage?"

Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Guests: Ryan H. Foley and Kevin Ryan (Are You Garbage?)
Date: October 6, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this lively and often irreverent episode, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino are joined by Kevin Ryan and Ryan Foley from the "Are You Garbage?" podcast. The group weaves between the absurd and the sincere, riffing on health scares, stand-up woes, weight loss drugs, tour disasters, mental health, and personal anecdotes that blend crude humor with real vulnerability. The tone is playful, teasing, and deeply comedic, yet with surprising moments of earnest conversation about depression, friendship, and the pressures of public life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Health Scares and Doctor Stories

• 00:49–03:40:
  Andrew recounts a recent eye infection (blepharitis) and a doctor who nonchalantly warns him it could "spread to your brain and you can die." This leads to jokes about medical anxiety and the infamous “danger triangle” on the face.

  • Quote:
    “She goes, ‘If it spreads, it can go to your brain. Whoa. And you can die.’" – Andrew (02:11)

• The group riffs on dubious medical advice found online and lampoons doctors ("Dr. Reddit", "Dr. Chevron").

2. Gas Station Crime and Extreme Protests

• 04:16–05:19:
  Andrew reacts to rising crime at LA gas stations, joking about preferring to get shot over a "gun butt" to the face.

  • Quote:
    "Just shoot me. Don’t gun butt me in the head." – Andrew (04:48)

• This morphs into a discussion of Vietnamese Buddhist monks' self-immolation as protest, with comic asides about their own levels of commitment for causes.

3. Controversial Album Covers & Bombing On Stage

• 06:39–11:17:
  The comics talk legendary album covers (Pusha T’s Daytona, Beatles “Yesterday and Today,” Captain Beefheart) and reminisce about the time Bobby bombed on stage in front of a band, ending a blossoming friendship for a decade.

  • Quote:
    "I bombed so hard that he didn't talk to me for like 10 years after that." – Kevin (09:59)

• Andrew then shares his own stories of bombing in front of Chris Rock and the anxiety of performing for famous audiences.

4. Mental Health & Comedy’s Dark Side

• 13:30–16:48:
  They discuss their friend Theo Von’s public struggles with depression and suicide ideation. Both Andrew and Bobby get candid about how comedians are often assumed to be immune from real pain.
  • Quote:
    "I have clinical depression. I have very dark days... I think people just think you're a clown, and you're like, you're not a human. Well, he's a fucking human." – Andrew (13:52)
  • Bobby opens up about checking in with Theo and the difficulty of dealing with mental health in comedy's public and often hostile environment.

5. Nostalgia & Tribute to Comedy Heroes

• 17:44–20:44:
  Heartfelt predictions about what Chris Farley could have become, memories of John Candy and John Goodman as comedic inspirations, and appreciation for their range.

6. Recasting Classic Comedies with Modern Comics

• 25:27–27:32:
  Fun hypothetical: recasting “Three Amigos” and “Planes, Trains & Automobiles” with themselves and their friends, with tongue-in-cheek references to studio casting biases and fears of Hollywood typecasting.

7. Natural Disasters & (Non-)Rapture

• 27:31–35:08:
  Jokes about hurricane naming conventions, the never-arriving Christian “rapture,” and playful debate about who among them could be “raptured.”

• Andrew, mock-defensive, claims religious devotion; Bobby confronts him for never inviting him to church.

  • Quote:
    “You don’t want me to be saved.” – Bobby (32:32)

8. Dimorphous Expression – The Name’s Meaning

• 36:07–36:49:
  The title is explained: “Dimorphous expression” refers to expressing contradictory emotions simultaneously, like laughing at funerals or crying when happy.
  • Quote:
    "Dimorphous expression is the phenomenon of displaying two contradictory expressions or actions in response to a single intense emotion." – Andrew (35:48)

9. Death, Assisted Suicide & Opiates

• 36:54–38:50:
  Conversation shifts to assisted suicide, morphine, addiction, and the lure of opiates in old age.
  • Quote:
    "I’m just gonna drip my way into heaven." – Kevin (39:00)

10. Pop Culture & Watching Movies Alone

• 40:00–42:11:
  Everyone discusses the pleasure (or perils) of watching movies alone vs. with others, reactions to new programs like Jason Bateman’s “Black Rabbit,” and Bobby’s immigrant father’s total alienation from music, with a touching story about his first connection to a song (“Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton).
  • Quote:
    "...a single tear. No, I swear to God. Comes on his face. And it was the first time he..." – Kevin (43:25)

11. Are You Garbage? Boys Arrive

• 49:03–54:11:
  The Are You Garbage duo comes on officially, and the mood stays loose. Talk centers on:
  • Weight loss drugs (Zepbound, Ozempic) and their side effects (constipation, nausea, “looking at your dick”).
  • Changing appearances, body confidence, childhood insecurities.
  • Comic self-roasting and zingers about “Asian-looking” eyes and “ronin” samurai.

12. Tour War Stories & Performing Nightmares

• 61:09–67:29:
  Tales from the road:
  • Traveling as a comedy crew; tour bus vs. van; bloody injuries from bunkbed mishaps; unreliable drivers (“Mega Man”).
  • Worst gigs: a legendarily bad show at Graceland, Memphis; bombing in Flagstaff, etc.
  • Practicalities of touring and adapting to different regions and venues.

13. Relationships, Dating, and Race

• 71:32–74:25:
  Bobby opens up about dating mostly white women, the pressure from the Asian-American community, and stereotypes about being “unclean.”
  • Debate about booger-eating and body hygiene as a bar to dating.
  • Open, humorous honesty about sexuality, kinks, and the “Asian porn” Twitter algorithm.

14. Adoption, Parenthood, and Acceptance

• 75:08–79:44:
  Serious and comic talk about fatherhood, adoption (jokes about “white Slavic babies” and returning adopted kids to China), and progressive parenting.
  • Questions of heritage, searching for biological families, and the emotional turmoil in adoptive situations.
  • The group touches on attitudes toward LGBTQ+ kids, with universal acceptance.
    • Quote:
      “If your son came and said, ‘Dad, I think I’m gay,’ what do you say? – ‘I’d be okay with it.’” – Ryan H. Foley (79:14)

15. Podcast Community & Support

• 80:13–81:52:
  The hosts celebrate each other’s shows, camaraderie among the “comedy podcast sphere,” and mutual support rather than jealousy.
  • The Are You Garbage boys invite Andrew and Bobby to their NYC studio; they promote their podcast, Patreon, and “Back on the Block Tour.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Medical Anxiety:
  "Doctors aren't supposed to give you the possibilities." – Andrew (03:30)
• On Mental Health in Comedy:
  "I think people just think you're a clown, and you're like, you're not a human. Well, he's a fucking human." – Andrew (13:52)
• On Comedic Bombing:
  "I bombed so hard that he didn't talk to me for like 10 years after that." – Kevin (09:59)
• On Assisted Suicide:
  "They kept changing the date of the assisted suicide because they kind of had a—probably a few good weeks or something. ... If I bailed once, I'm out. I don't know if I could go through with it." – Andrew (37:06)
• On Dimorphous Expression:
  "Displaying two contradictory expressions or actions in response to a single intense emotion, such as crying when happy or feeling the urge to squeeze a cute object." – Andrew (35:48)
• On Relationships and Racial Identity:
  "Because those Asian women find me to be unclean, which I'm not." – Bobby (72:16)
• On Podcast Community:
  "Nobody's jealous. Nobody's, you know, high tides raise all ships." – Bobby (80:27)
• On Parenting & Acceptance:
  "If your son came to you and said, dad, I think I'm gay? ... I’d be okay with it." – Ryan H. Foley (79:14)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Time | Topic | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:49 | Andrew's eye infection & medical anxiety | | 02:40 | The "danger triangle" and web-diagnosis jokes | | 04:16 | LA gas station robberies & “gun butt” jokes | | 06:39 | Album cover controversies & musical nostalgia | | 09:53 | Story: Bombing in front of famous people | | 13:30 | Theo Von, comics’ mental health | | 17:44 | Chris Farley, John Candy, John Goodman tributes | | 25:27 | Hypothetically recasting “Three Amigos” | | 27:31 | Hurricanes, rapture, religious debate | | 35:48 | “Dimorphous Expression” explained | | 36:54 | Assisted suicide, morphine & old age | | 40:00 | Movie-going habits; Bobby’s dad and “Tears in Heaven” | | 49:03 | Are You Garbage team joins, weight loss drugs | | 61:09 | Tour bus disasters; worst gigs | | 71:32 | Dating across cultures, stereotypes, and booger-eating | | 75:08 | Parenting, adoption, LGBTQ+ acceptance | | 80:13 | Support in the comedy podcast world | | 81:15 | Are You Garbage plugs their tour / Patreon |

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Conclusion

This episode is a showcase of the Bad Friends brand: a blend of quickfire irreverence, deeply personal storytelling, and unsparing camaraderie. Whether discussing eye infections, potential rapture, assisted suicide, or the challenges of podcasting and touring, the group never shies from honesty — even when cloaked in jokes. The guest appearance by the Are You Garbage crew energizes the room with more stories of comic misery and friendship. Through it all, there’s a running theme: the necessity of finding humor in life’s darkest and weirdest corners, and of sticking together as “bad friends.”

Transcript

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, bad friends. Come see me live. I am running around the country. I'm going to be in San Francisco at the Punchline at the end of October, Halloween weekend. Then I'm in Brea Brea. Come out and see me. Brea, California, November, Tempe Improv. Returning to Arizona State. I'm in Hammond, Indiana in November around Thanksgiving. Windsor, Ontario, Canada. Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Hanover, Maryland. Atlantic City, New Jersey. And then Valley center with the Harrah's down there in Southern California by San Diego. And then also Canyonville, Oregon in February. And then finally Win Casino. I'm at the Win in Las Vegas in March. Come see me at the Wynn in Las Vegas, baby. Andrew santino.com for those tickets. Andrew santino.com you2 are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

[Bobby Lee]

White dude and an Asian dude.

[Kevin]

You two are disgusting.

[Bobby Lee]

You two or something.

[Andrew Santino]

We're bad friends. I went to the doctor last night.

[Kevin]

I know what happened, though.

[Andrew Santino]

Two nights ago?

[Kevin]

Well, I saw it close up.

[Andrew Santino]

Your wife beating you. Are you okay? Blink twice. Of all people that talk about their.

[Kevin]

Wife beating them, you're the biggest I've ever met.

[Andrew Santino]

You're king. You're.

[Kevin]

You get pegged every night.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I want to. No, that's what they all say.

[Kevin]

It's sexual assault every night, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you know what?

[Kevin]

It a tear.

[Andrew Santino]

So we guessed what this was in my eye. My eye got worse. It's called bletheritis. Bletheritis.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

How do you get it?

[Andrew Santino]

Infection of the gland within the eye. Could have been like dirt or whatever got up in my eye.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then Bobby Tatu. Bobby Touch. You're. He's on one today. You want to fight today?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, I did.

[Kevin]

You are?

[Andrew Santino]

I miss it?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

He said something to me earlier. I had to physically assault him.

[Andrew Santino]

What'd he say?

[Kevin]

It was something about.

[Andrew Santino]

Ah, yeah.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You got a lot of nerve, dude.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

You got a lot of nerve, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

I went into the urgent care. Urgent care took two, no less than two and a half, three hours to even get in. And the woman gets in and goes, who poked you in the eye?

[Kevin]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

And I said, life. And she goes, oh, that's a good one. And she goes, this looks infected. It actually looks pretty bad. We should get this medic here. This is the worst part. When you go to a doctor, she goes, we're going to get you eye drops. You have to do two every four hours. Two in your eye, right? And antibiotics. Just general amoxicillin or whatever. I go, great. It should knock it right out, right? Like, I'VE had sty or whatever before. She goes, yeah, we don't want it to spread. And I was like, why would you say that? Well, if it spreads, it can go to your brain. Whoa. And you can die. Whoa.

[Kevin]

You know what they say, too, is if you.

[Andrew Santino]

The.

[Kevin]

The. This triangle of your face when you get acne, and if you pop it, you could die, too.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Where?

[Kevin]

It's called the triangle of face Sadness.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. Saw that movie.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

No, I'm saying that they're saying that if you pop the. Is it.

[Andrew Santino]

They.

[Kevin]

They. The Internet, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, the Internet.

[Kevin]

Yeah. My doctor read it. Dr. Reddit said this? No, it.

[Andrew Santino]

What is the.

[Kevin]

What would I just say? Danger triangle face?

[Andrew Santino]

You shouldn't pop a pimple on the danger triangle on your nose.

[Kevin]

On my nose? Why.

[Andrew Santino]

Why is it so dangerous? Think of the small segment of your face as a direct line to your brain. So through this sinus, blood's drained from your brain. An infection in the diet in a danger triangle, like pick from a pimple. Nose piercing gone wrong. Possibility of a facial infection to become an infection that impacts the rest of your body. Can it really kill you? Don't panic. You're probably not going to die from popping a pimple on your nose, but technically speaking, it's impossible. It's possible.

[Kevin]

It's possible.

[Andrew Santino]

Technically, you could get a brain abscess. Brain infection. Wow. This is real. Okay, so this thing in my eye, though, she was like, yeah, no, it's okay. But I mean, you know, if it spreads to your brain, you could die. And I was like, what? Why would you say that?

[Kevin]

Well, the possibilities.

[Andrew Santino]

I didn't want to know. Doctors aren't supposed to give you the possibilities.

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I'm the doctor.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Hey, Dr. Lee. Yes.

[Kevin]

@ all. Your eye. We looked at your eye.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. What happened with my eye?

[Kevin]

You could die.

[Andrew Santino]

I. My eye. I could die. You can also go blonde from bletheritis.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Freddie Mercury.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what he had.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, he had some.

[Kevin]

Something in his eye.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Why did I go to a doctor behind his gas.

[Kevin]

Listen to me. I'm a doctor, okay?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

All right.

[Andrew Santino]

You're Mr. Dr. Chevron. Oh, yeah.

[Kevin]

Welcome to my Chevron station office.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, thank you.

[Kevin]

What race do you think that was?

[Andrew Santino]

Sudanese? No.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

What.

[Kevin]

What do you think?

[Andrew Santino]

Bangladesh?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

East Ethiopia.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, East.

[Kevin]

I was doing East Ethiopia, dude.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Look up gas station robberies now in Sherman Oaks. Big thing in the valley here. They're robbing people at gas stations. I'm not going anymore. I'm not getting gas. I'm just running out and then I call aaa. They gun butted that guy. Some guy had like a Rolex or something on, and they gun butted him. Then it just happened another week ago. Some guy, he got out of his car, gun butted him. They're just robbing people like ass.

[Kevin]

What's a gun butt?

[Andrew Santino]

What's a gun butt? Yeah, yeah, they hit that. They hit you in the face with it.

[Kevin]

Oh, the butt of the gun.

[Andrew Santino]

And let me say this. Let me say this to a thief.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Just shoot me. Don't gun butt me in the head. I don't want to. Just kill me. Shoot me, baby. A gun butts knock you out. The butt of a gun is heavy. They're hitting you in the face with a gun.

[Kevin]

And what are they taking? Your car?

[Andrew Santino]

Anything they've taken. Car, jewelry, clothes, cash, clothes. They left a man naked in Van Nuys.

[Kevin]

That's why when I pump gas.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't pump gas.

[Kevin]

I have a lighter.

[Andrew Santino]

You do?

[Kevin]

And I have the thing.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Dude, right.

[Kevin]

Gun butt me, dude.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

You.

[Kevin]

You Vietnam monk. Remember those Buddhist months of Vietnam? That's what's going to happen.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Light the whole place up.

[Kevin]

You're going to. You're going to be lit on fire, dog. And also, there's nothing to steal. Except for my wallet.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Or your car. They can steal your car. That's Bobby gun bought me, dog.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

I'm also.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, you know what's so awful? What if that was an accident? He was just trying to get gas for that guy's car that ran out. Yeah, gas.

[Kevin]

Yeah. My question is, is that like, you know, you know why they did that?

[Andrew Santino]

It was for. Well, it was a peaceful protest, right?

[Kevin]

No, they're protesting the oppressive Saigon regime. It's a protest, Right. Whatever happened to me just making a sign?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

You mean like protest? That's a little too far from me.

[Andrew Santino]

Make a sign.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

Like stop Buddhist hate. That. That'd be me. People are like, I stopped. Buddha's hate right here with the sign. Like, that's. Don't you think that's extreme?

[Andrew Santino]

That's. Don't do. I think that's. Yeah, dude, a little bit. The guy lit himself on fire.

[Kevin]

I'm a Vietnamese monk. You're a Vietnamese monk, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I go, we got to oppress.

[Andrew Santino]

We have to.

[Kevin]

Saigon regime. What do you think we should do, Tony?

[Andrew Santino]

Yell in the street?

[Kevin]

No, no, that's too. Too. I'm not going to do much okay. What else do you think we should do?

[Andrew Santino]

Get our friends together, to bond together. To create a community of people.

[Kevin]

I have an idea. We shall last half a fight.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. Extreme forms of protest encompass violent tactics. Terrorism, welfare, vandalism, extreme non violent.

[Kevin]

Great album cover, though. Rage against the Machine. That was first album.

[Andrew Santino]

One of the greatest.

[Kevin]

Great album.

[Andrew Santino]

They got a lot of flack for that. Didn't they get a lot of flack for that? Album covers that got flack. I. You know what? Interesting topic, cuz M. You and I were talking the other day about Pusha T's famous album with a picture of Whitney Houston's dying hotel room, Daytona. Did you ever see this?

[Kevin]

No. I want to see it.

[Andrew Santino]

They had a photo on the COVID of this wonderful album by Pusha T. And that is the photograph of Whitney Houston's hotel room when she was found dead.

[Kevin]

And I. Oh, my God, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

And there's bottles of whiskey and vodka and then whenever there's tinfoil, you know, tinfoil is no good.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

People smoke crack out of tinfoil.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Okay.

[Kevin]

I put my bubble gum in there.

[Andrew Santino]

You do?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Don't make it. You know what, Andrew? Don't make assumptions.

[Andrew Santino]

You're right. I'm a bit.

[Kevin]

Yeah, the tinfoil is there for various reasons.

[Andrew Santino]

You said I was a good detective.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, the Beatles yesterday and today. Right. Another controversial album cover. Do you know why this was controversial?

[Kevin]

Because there's babies, heads and stuff?

[Andrew Santino]

No, because. Look who's in the back. It's three in the front and one in the back. Little rude. A little rude. Very odd to put him in the back, by the way.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Why. Why did they do that? Aesthetics. Composition. Aesthetics, Composition.

[Kevin]

What's your. What's your favorite album?

[Andrew Santino]

Aesthetics. Composition. Aesthetic. Composition. What's my favorite album of all time?

[Kevin]

No. Album cover. Oh, I. I'll tell you mine.

[Andrew Santino]

Go.

[Kevin]

Captain Beef Heart Trout Mask Replica. Look it up, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Captain Beefheart Trout Mask Replica.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Sounds like one of those Mad Libs.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's pretty cool.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

I love that one.

[Andrew Santino]

That's good. I was gonna give you something like Blood Sugar Sex Magic.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I think I like Blood Sugar Sex Magic from Chili Pepper so much because it was also like a time in my youth. It was like something about the time of, like the sexiness of the album cover. I don't know why I liked it so much as a kid, but I loved that. It's like lick. They're all tongue licking of like. I don't know why I thought that was badass. No, I liked Mother's Milk because there was a titty on it. That one was great, too. Same thing. Another Chili Peppers. Yeah. Dude, that was a poster. You go over to. You over to some kid's house named Ryan and he was like, see my new poster?

[Kevin]

Dude, Could I tell you this?

[Andrew Santino]

My mom's livid about it, dude. My dad was like, hang it up.

[Kevin]

Can I tell you what just happened with me and Anthony? Kas.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

So I've never talked about this, though, for some reason. This is 20 years ago. K Chris Rock was in the main room and Ka saw me.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Kevin]

Right, Cool. And then Kis was. Came up to me, goes, oh, you're really funny. This and that.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Right.

[Kevin]

So then Kis would go around town just to watch my sets. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, following you.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And same night or many.

[Kevin]

No, just throughout the months.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Kevin]

We've been very friendly. I got his number, the whole thing. Right. And then. And then all of a sudden, one day I do this show in. At. At El Cid.

[Andrew Santino]

I like.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

He brought the whole band out there.

[Andrew Santino]

To come see you.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Kevin]

They're in the front row. I bombed so hard.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that there? Is that.

[Kevin]

No, no, this is.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait.

[Kevin]

Years later, I bombed so hard that he didn't talk to me for like 10 years after that. Right. I'm not kidding you. It was night and day. Like, I ate it. That hard?

[Andrew Santino]

No way.

[Kevin]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Santino]

It was.

[Kevin]

I still remember the show. I remember their faces. There was nothing I could do. I didn't have the skill set to dick me out of this hole.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

And then he just recently goes. Because, you know, he has a music observatory like, thing that he does with Flea.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

And they do a yearly benefit show and they asked me to host it. I can't because of Irvine. And I was. I almost canceled Irvine to do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. That's. Would, you know, host a benefit show. Yeah. You're going to tank at that too. He's going to see you tank 20 years. Benefit shows suck.

[Kevin]

You're right.

[Andrew Santino]

So hard to do well at.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

People are kind of uncomfortable and they're there, like, and they're stiff and they're dressed up. It's not like a relaxed atmosphere. I mean, we like doing benefits, but stand up. No, I'd rather just show up, give you money and be a part of the thing.

[Kevin]

Yeah, but you would have done it if you didn't have something to do.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know, man. I don't like doing those things. They give me that.

[Kevin]

You bomb.

[Andrew Santino]

Bomb. You Eat shit at those things.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Nobody wants stand up at a bed. They're like, we're raising money for sick kids who have cancer of the brain. Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Lee. It's fucking impossible to do. Well, you bomb. I just. It's bad.

[Kevin]

What's your opening line? What's up, everybody? What's eating you?

[Andrew Santino]

God. Dude. Let me tell you guys what's on my.

[Kevin]

You can get ahead.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Step right on that also. Step right on it, I said. I want to tell you guys what's on my mind. God.

[Kevin]

Oh, fuck.

[Andrew Santino]

After every punchline I go, think about it, think about it.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, rein it in.

[Kevin]

Let's bring it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but by the way, after. After you ate shit. He made stadium arcadium. So was that your fault? What? Sorry.

[Kevin]

Dude, have you ever bombed in front of like a someone that you didn't.

[Andrew Santino]

Want to bomb in front of famous people? Yeah, I mean, I bombed in front of rock pretty, pretty, pretty horrifically at the store, in the or. And I think from that he's never really taken me serious. Cuz he sat in the bucket seats. He was staying at the hotel nearby, came over. Sometimes he stays in LA and just doesn't do a spot.

[Kevin]

Yeah, he'll just come by. He's so nice.

[Andrew Santino]

He was in the bucket seats and he watched me. I mean, torrential. It was like. It was, it, it. It was so bad.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I brought on fahim or someone afterwards and I'm sure Fahim crushed cuz he always does. And I just was working out new in the OR and it was late night.

[Kevin]

Dude, did you wait? Did you know he was there?

[Andrew Santino]

I saw him.

[Kevin]

So before you knew he was there?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It drove me nuts.

[Kevin]

No, no, this is what you do.

[Andrew Santino]

Then he sat down and I was like.

[Kevin]

Then you go, I have to kill. Don't do the new stuff. I have to kill.

[Andrew Santino]

It was 11:45, it was like a late spot and I was like, fuck it.

[Kevin]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I was just trying new shit. Bobby, are there famous people every time you perform?

[Kevin]

What do you mean? Is that why you don't do new material?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, this guy.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Is he looking for a fight, dude?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Give it to him. No, Give it to him.

[Kevin]

I have some things I could say, but.

[Andrew Santino]

Say it.

[Kevin]

No, I don't want to.

[Bobby Lee]

Say it.

[Kevin]

Say it's dark stuff. I know some dark stuff and I'm not going to do it because you like to go personal.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he really does dig deep.

[Kevin]

I have so many new jokes. I know it is Good. I told you that last time you left. Why would you say the joke? Because you didn't roll down the window or acknowledge my point being, is this okay that I'm doing everything I can to come out with new stuff? I'm taking risks on stage. And for McCone to say that joke again, Rude. It's really hurtful and rude.

[Andrew Santino]

You're talking to one of the top 25 working comics today. Okay? Top of 25,000. Yeah, we saw this whole thing. And let me clear the air real fast. Let me say something genuine about this. Theo Vaughn is someone we've known for a long, long time.

[Kevin]

I can't right now.

[Andrew Santino]

I just want to. I want to say my piece. I hope he's okay.

[Kevin]

I just texted. He texted me yesterday.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. I texted him, too, but I'm saying, like, I texted him. That doesn't mean he's going through something very deep on stage. You know, that clip is gross. Of him saying, I'm trying not to take my own life. And I think people think that was, like, a bit, and I. He's really in a dark place, so I. We wish him the. The greatest. And I was texting with a lot of other comics because I think it's a. Yo. I know there's a comedy show. I just. I'll wrap it up real fast. I'm just saying I think people don't know. I know. I think people don't know that we. Some of us suffer actual real clinical shit. And I have. I have clinical depression. I have very dark days. You guys. You guys have lived through my. He's got it very bad. I'm sorry, but I think people just think you're a clown, and you're like, you're not a human. Well, he's a fucking human. So my heart goes out to the guy because I know he's struggling a lot, so. We love him. I really do. Oh, sorry. Sorry. To be fucking honest, for three seconds on the show. What do you want? No, no, no. What do you want to do? Another Filipino accent, huh?

[Kevin]

East Ethiopian. Welcome to Chevron.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Whatever.

[Kevin]

I'll just say my. Okay, so we. The reason why I love Theo so much is that I have the same exact sensitivities and vulnerabilities as he has. We have the same kind of issues.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Mentally, you know? And when I see. When I saw that clip, it was heartbreaking. It was so heartbreaking because I understood where he was at, and I. I reached out to him, and I. All I can do as a friend is say, I'm here 24 7. I'm just available. And I'm really concerned for him. I mean, I, you know, he, you know, he seems to be fine, but I'm still very concerned for him. Yeah, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a very difficult thing to, to survive mental health issues in this kind of environment because it's so hostile out there, particularly.

[Andrew Santino]

When it's wrapped in fame and success. I know people are like, cry me a river, rich guy. But like he's very successful and he's so famous and that does a thing to you. It's like inundation of attention and so really distorts your sensibility sometimes when you're as, you know, kind of popular and wanted and everyone's around you and they want something, they need something. And I don't think people understand that. And they never. And that's okay.

[Kevin]

Also, people don't understand that he is such a kind, soft, sensitive kind of a guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. He has to. But we all.

[Kevin]

He's so mindful about his feelings and about people around him. He's just a. I just care so much about him. And you read things about your friends and you just want to say, you got it wrong, buddy. You know, it's like not him, you know, and it's like people say things about me, you, this and that. And I, I get it, you know, it's. And it's just a double edged sword.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And you, the Internet and swords.

[Kevin]

I love swords.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

You're a big sword.

[Kevin]

I'm a sword guy. Katanas especially.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, I did get on a big kick of watching Japanese guys sharpen swords enough to drop a blade through a pineapple. I sat for hours on the Internet watching this guy sharpen a blade so he could drop it clean through a pineapple.

[Kevin]

Okay. I feel like I can do that. No, you fucking can't drop a sword onto a pineapple.

[Andrew Santino]

Patience. You have the patience to shave that to a fine point. You do not have that.

[Kevin]

What do you mean even by you saying this?

[Andrew Santino]

He literally would hold the handle and hold the blade and then drop the blade and hold the handle with his fingertips.

[Kevin]

You can edit.

[Andrew Santino]

He doesn't edit.

[Kevin]

You could do it 10,000 times until you get it. I can do a cartwheel. Wheel. I could do a cartwheel.

[Andrew Santino]

Bicycle. Do one.

[Kevin]

What is a cartwheel? Show me and I'll do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Entrance on Letterman. Do it. That's one of my favorite entrances of all time. Chris Farley, everybody. Look at him. Yes. Look at how Perfect. It's so.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I can't do it that way.

[Andrew Santino]

That was insane, by the way. He tried to do three. Watch. Go back.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He bailed on the third.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

God, this guy was the king of comedy. Go all the way back. Go all the way back. All the way back. So we can see it from Fresh. One, two, Watch. Go three. And he's like, oh, God, Farley's the man.

[Kevin]

Oh, my God. Dude, he was so good. I know. He was so good.

[Andrew Santino]

Going over to Spade's house and seeing that jacket. The fat guy in a little coat. Jacket.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Oh, my.

[Andrew Santino]

And then he falls off the back of the chair. I mean, that jacket. I told Spade, I was like, I. I know you'd never sell that, but, I mean, good God, I'd pay so much money.

[Kevin]

If he. If he was still alive, we would probably know him. Do you think, or.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I don't know if you'd know us, but, I mean, if he was still alive, he'd be the most famous comedian in the world.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I mean, you would still probably. He'd go be at Spade's house one day and you could say, hi.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. That's how we could see it.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

At Spade's house. But also, he probably wouldn't. Yeah.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. I just. You know, when you're in that. What? He was as big as he was and as much as he was in it, it was almost like, what's the other side of that look like? When he gets clean? You know, you probably go away from comedy. You get clean and you level out.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Because it was.

[Kevin]

So you'd be on the Olympic.

[Andrew Santino]

No, 100%.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah. Yeah. He'd be.

[Andrew Santino]

You and him would be doing Oz commercials together. Okay. Look at the lineup. Tommy Boy, Beverly Hills Ninja, Black Sheep, Cone Heads, Almost Heroes, Wayne's World airheads. Wayne's World 2. God. Dude. The guy was literally just getting started. And as we know, Shrek, the original voice of Shrek. We talked about it on the show before.

[Kevin]

Also, he didn't do. Because at one point you tried to go serious. He didn't do, like, a serious role.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Kevin]

The only role that eventually he would have. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Totally.

[Kevin]

Like the whale 2. Super whale, the blue whale. What?

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. God rest the dead.

[Kevin]

I'm sorry. That was mean.

[Andrew Santino]

God.

[Kevin]

What, too soon?

[Andrew Santino]

No, it was good.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

But even, like, John Candy did jfk, he was great in that.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

That's what I'm saying.

[Andrew Santino]

Candy showed moments of brilliance in every comedic role, but he did serious stuff all the time. The difference was Farley had soft, fun, sweet moments. Nothing like candy, Candy and Uncle Buck. Candy and planes, trains, candy and fucking candy. In Home Alone. Dude, the guy, he showed moments of, like, unbelievable Cool Runnings, a movie that was such a wacky. He was sweet in that.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

One of the greatest.

[Kevin]

One of the greatest.

[Andrew Santino]

One of the greatest. Him. John Candy. John Goodman, to me were, like, when I was a kid, were two of, like, the coolest, funny guys. And Goodman wasn't your traditional comedic actor, but he was so funny.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, King Ralph is one of the best movies I think I've ever seen. Conceptually. I don't know why we haven't done that again. Why haven't we done King Ralph again? Where a fucking regular Midwest, like, blue collar guy inherits the keys to the royal kingdom. Isn't that a genius concept? Your. Your great uncle left you the keys to the kingdom?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that not even listed on his filmography? King Round.

[Kevin]

I remember as a kid watching Stripes. Oh, no, he wasn't in that. But those movies.

[Andrew Santino]

This movie was so good.

[Kevin]

Which one?

[Andrew Santino]

King Ralph.

[Kevin]

I never saw King Ralph.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, dude, it's so good.

[Kevin]

Who's in it?

[Andrew Santino]

John Goodman. John Goodman.

[Kevin]

Peter, how did we go from Candy to Goodman?

[Andrew Santino]

I said these two guys were kind of comedic heroes when I was a kid.

[Kevin]

I don't remember. I didn't see that.

[Andrew Santino]

Trying to listen to a word I'm saying.

[Kevin]

I was trying to think.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

I'll take.

[Kevin]

Can I tell you why? I'll tell you what just happened.

[Andrew Santino]

He disconnected.

[Kevin]

I just. Not only did this disconnect, somebody picked.

[Andrew Santino]

Up the phone and the Internet cut out. Yeah, Mom, I'm on the.

[Kevin]

No, I was trying to think of the movie Stripes. So while you were talking about the whole thing about Goodman, I was, like, not even listening. I said, what is that movie?

[Andrew Santino]

You never listen to me.

[Kevin]

Of course I do. We go bing, bang, boom, bang, bang.

[Andrew Santino]

When's my birthday?

[Kevin]

October 6th.

[Andrew Santino]

No, don't look at your phone.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

It's not October 6th. No, it's got to be October 6th. Dude, it's not October 16th. Fuck. Ten days. But I knew it was six.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that was true.

[Kevin]

October 16th. Are you upset? I didn't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Simply safe.

[Kevin]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Safe is real security that stops crime before it starts.

[Kevin]

So you. You. You gave me simply did.

[Andrew Santino]

We helped you install it.

[Kevin]

Installed it.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Right.

[Kevin]

And I have a couple of Filipinos living at the house.

[Andrew Santino]

You have too many Filipinos.

[Kevin]

Seven and seven animals. Right. And now I feel completely safe because.

[Andrew Santino]

You'Re you, you, you guys, you got to know if you want to trust something, you got to trust simply safe to keep your home, family, property, whatever it is. Important safe. That's why you need simply safe like Bobby. He's got cameras. He's got monitors now he's got motion detectors.

[Kevin]

It's a game changer.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a game.

[Kevin]

The agents take action while the intruder is still inside the house.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right. They're there for you when they're there. Yeah, for you.

[Kevin]

There's no long term contracts either or hidden. Freeze. You can cancel at any time.

[Andrew Santino]

Cancel at any time.

[Kevin]

Named best home security Systems by the U.S. news and World Report for five years running and a six or 60 day money guarantee. So you can try it and see the difference for yourself.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right. Right now our listeners can save 50% on a SimpliSafe home security system at.

[Kevin]

Simplisafe.Com/Bad friends that simplisafe.com/bad Friends.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no safe like simply safe Kachava.

[Kevin]

You know what? When I want nourishment and I want something pleasant in my mouth, I go to kachava. I'll tell you why.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Kevin]

25 grams. Grams of 100% plant based protein.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Five indulgent flavors. They're all good. Chocolate, vanilla, chai matcha and coconut acai.

[Andrew Santino]

They also got 26 vitamins and minerals, 6 grams of fiber, 85 plus superfoods, nutrients and plant based ingredients. I'm telling you, cachava has changed Bobby's life because it is delicious.

[Kevin]

I love it.

[Andrew Santino]

And two scoops. You get so much more than you could ever get from any of that other crap you're putting in your body. Energy drinks are a drain. Stop consuming them. Okay, you can try cachava risk free with their love it guarantee. There's thousands of reviews that agree. If you're thinking about adding more plant based protein to your diet, this is a fantastic way to nourish your body. You can try cachava risk free, which is the best part about it. And Bobby got me into it because I am not a fan of artificial, artificial flavors. I hate them. Or colors. Or sweeteners. I don't like gmo. Get it out of here. No soy, no animal, no gluten and no preservatives. Fuel your daily adventures with Cachava. Go to cachava.com and use the code bad friends for 15% off your next order.

[Kevin]

That's Cachava K A C H A V A dot com code bad friends for 15% off.

[Andrew Santino]

Zach.

[Kevin]

Doc, your eye.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at my eye. By the way. I used to do. What did we got to get on Zoc Doc? And I did it to get a new doctor to help out my eye.

[Kevin]

And now your eye is getting better.

[Andrew Santino]

It's getting a little bit better. Still looks weird, but it's getting better because ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment with zocdoc.

[Kevin]

You can book in network appointments with more than a hundred thousand doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care and more.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, I've used Zoc Doc, which is a big thing for me because I moved to a new neighborhood. I told you this. And now even more than ever, had to go back to a doctor, had to get my eyeball checked out, make sure my statin levels were good, and you can filter on specific preferences. You know, if you're looking for a male doctor, if you look at a female doctor, you're looking for a tall doctor. They don't have that. But everything else. All right. And you can even find a same day opening if they have it. Once you find the right doctor, you can actually see their appointments right in front of your face. So how do they get Zoc Doc?

[Kevin]

Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and.

[Andrew Santino]

Go to zocdoc.com bad friends to find and instantly book a top ready doctor today.

[Kevin]

That's z o c d o c.com BadFriends Zoc document.com Bad Friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Let'S take old movies like that and see some of the new comics that could fill those.

[Kevin]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

It's very interesting.

[Kevin]

Three Amigos.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh my God. Me? You?

[Kevin]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, you're right.

[Kevin]

I mean wouldn't it wouldn't.

[Andrew Santino]

I'd like to put us in something because I can't get any work.

[Kevin]

I know, me either.

[Andrew Santino]

But I get some work.

[Kevin]

But they would, they would imagine a studio.

[Andrew Santino]

You and I could do Plane Strange Automobiles and it would be amazing.

[Kevin]

That'd be amazing.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, how much more am I Steve Martin to his John Candy? I mean genuinely.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

We'd have to get you off the Ozempic though.

[Kevin]

I have to gain weight.

[Andrew Santino]

You'd have to gain weight to make it fun.

[Kevin]

But don't think a studio would be like, okay, Three Amigos. Let's go to Sedekers first. Let's go to these kind of people first. Or no.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But that's boring. That's not a shot at him.

[Kevin]

That's what they would do.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me someone. We're making our world. No, I'm just saying. Studio exec now. Yeah.

[Kevin]

From a studio exec. I would be like Santino or Sudeika is probably Sudeikis.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, let me say this.

[Kevin]

Our ecosystem. Our ecosystem that we're talking about.

[Andrew Santino]

Your friends that we know.

[Kevin]

All right, so here we go. Three amigos. Well, you're obviously. You're obviously the Chevy Chase part. And fucking.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, that would. What I would want.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's Steve Martin then?

[Kevin]

Steve Martin would be Nate Bragazzi.

[Andrew Santino]

Perfect.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then you are little Nettie Needleander.

[Kevin]

No, there's no way they would pick me.

[Andrew Santino]

It's for us. Who are you talking about? We're casting this movie.

[Kevin]

No, no. I'm going to be the bar contender. Freddie Asparagus's part.

[Andrew Santino]

Freddy Asparagus.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, smile. A smile.

[Kevin]

Yes, smile, smile.

[Andrew Santino]

Who would be. Who would be little Nettie Needleander?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Who would be that Martin Short. Neddy Needlelander. Who would be him? I want to be Dusty Bottom so bad.

[Kevin]

That's a tough. That's a tough.

[Andrew Santino]

And who would be Patrice Martinez? The one of the first girl that he falls in love with, that Steve falls in love with. Who would be her.

[Kevin]

Oh, shit.

[Andrew Santino]

Angela Johnson.

[Kevin]

Angela Johnson.

[Andrew Santino]

Now I'm trying to think of a. Yeah, it's got to be like, who's the most famous Latino comedian?

[Kevin]

Angela Johnson.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, Sofia Nino de Rivera. What? Annabel Ferreira. I mean, I don't know any of these. I mean, fancy. Shouldn't you know? Sophia Nino.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

The Rivera shut.

[Andrew Santino]

Is so annoying. Wow.

[Kevin]

Yeah, he'll be her.

[Andrew Santino]

Have her on the show. Hey, is this hurricane going to hit Florida or is this bullshit? Let's fucking do more hurricanes. Remember that when we were kids? I feel like it happened all the time. Hurricane. What is that? Imelda. Forecasters are monitoring hurricane Imelda, which is. Am I saying that right? Imelda.

[Kevin]

Why do you think they name it?

[Andrew Santino]

Names like that and it goes in alphabetical order. Hurricanes are given names to improve public and professional communication, making storms easier to identify, track and discuss. Especially when multiple storms are active. Right. Because they've got. Sometimes there's three hurricanes going on at the same time.

[Kevin]

I like when they combined.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, when they hook up.

[Kevin]

Oh, that's my favorite.

[Andrew Santino]

When they hook up.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

When they don't know. And then when they combine, they're bigger.

[Andrew Santino]

They're a Hera. Orgy.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, sort of.

[Andrew Santino]

Horgy. That's a movie where like six come into one.

[Kevin]

Or you have two natural events happen.

[Andrew Santino]

Earthquake and so two.

[Kevin]

Two hurricanes that meet, you know, and then an earthquake in the ocean.

[Andrew Santino]

Love.

[Kevin]

Which causes a tsunami. Just. It just happens.

[Andrew Santino]

A tornado sweeping through the Midwest.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Fires on the West Coast.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

And then it just happens at one place.

[Andrew Santino]

And then we all die.

[Kevin]

No, just. It'll happen in a rapture.

[Andrew Santino]

Rapture?

[Kevin]

Yeah. What happened to the rapture?

[Andrew Santino]

What happened to the rapture?

[Kevin]

What happened to the rapture?

[Andrew Santino]

Excuse me. Yeah, excuse me. What happened to the rapture?

[Kevin]

What happened, though? Did anyone.

[Andrew Santino]

It said it's back on.

[Kevin]

Was anyone raptured?

[Andrew Santino]

Here's a new date the Christians believe in.

[Kevin]

Oh, there's a new one.

[Andrew Santino]

They got the wrong date.

[Kevin]

Wait, it was two weeks ago, right?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

What day was the rapture? I don't know, but it was a Tuesday, I think.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's see. Go down. Let's see. Rapture 2025. Prophecy may be expected to occur on the 23rd or 24th.

[Kevin]

That's right. It didn't happen.

[Andrew Santino]

Failed to materialize.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And anti climax led to dismiss it. A long line of unfulfilled doomsday claims. However, some believers say it's still coming. South African pastor Joshua Michaela, who has. Well, I mean, that's. I didn't need to. Joshua Michaela. I don't know how to say it. It says. It's like, you know what I did on the 23rd?

[Kevin]

I was waiting for the rapture. I was in my backyard completely naked. Do you know why I was naked?

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Kevin]

Because when. When you have your clothes on, it leaves where you left. I want that to be a mystery.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Kevin]

Where's Bobby? I don't want them to know where I. You know what I mean? I feel like if I was raptured, no one would believe it.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, people would think, bob, you're on one. People. Like, he relapsed. He's on one. He's out there.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Kevin]

I don't think that, like, if people.

[Andrew Santino]

Were right, and how stupid would I be? I'm like, you guys don't get it. He was raptured. They're like, okay, dude, where is he?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

I mean, if you were raptured, do you think he would believe it for sure.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm rapturable, too.

[Kevin]

I don't think you're rapturable.

[Andrew Santino]

Come on, dude. I keep tempting the rapture.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

I mean, who would? I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, I'm not rapturable.

[Kevin]

I don't. Well, I don't think so. If. If I'm not rapturable. You're not rapturable.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you're. Okay, fine. A person raptured is according to some Christian beliefs when they're a true believer in Jesus Christ.

[Kevin]

Okay, that. That's.

[Andrew Santino]

I believe in Jesus. Now you die.

[Kevin]

Oh, damn it. Is that the pre. Record requisite?

[Andrew Santino]

Say it again.

[Kevin]

Is that the prerequisite?

[Andrew Santino]

I love that. I love. And you did it good on that second one.

[Kevin]

Is that not how he said that.

[Andrew Santino]

Is a prerequisite to being raptured?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You must believe.

[Kevin]

But okay, what if I have all the other ones? But except for that one.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you got to talk to the guy. Imagine he gets up to. You know what I mean? He gets up.

[Kevin]

What are the conditions about rapture? Do you have that?

[Andrew Santino]

I think it's just that you gotta believe.

[Kevin]

That's the only thing. That's it.

[Andrew Santino]

You gotta accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior.

[Kevin]

I just did it.

[Andrew Santino]

Seriously?

[Kevin]

Yeah, I just did it, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you're gonna get raptured.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Kevin]

I don't think you believe.

[Andrew Santino]

Imagine.

[Kevin]

Wait, no, there's a few.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

Give me the few.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, hold on. But imagine we all get raptured and we're waiting in line and. And Jesus is like, why is Bobby naked?

[Ryan H. Foley]

We all have clothes on.

[Kevin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He's like.

[Kevin]

I'm just like.

[Andrew Santino]

And one of the apostles is like, that's a bit he does from his show. And he's like, Jesus, he's gonna a pube shot when he receive Jesus Christ. You receive in the fundamental steps to believing in Jesus Christ. Accept him as your Lord and savior and repent for your sins. Read and study the Bible. No, you don't pray and confess. You do live a faithful life. You do join a healthy church. You don't be patient and endure. You do. Is that. It's just six.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Yeah, yeah. So understand the event. Know it's coming. So we got to get you to a church is really what it is now.

[Kevin]

So you do you pray and repent?

[Andrew Santino]

I. I pray.

[Kevin]

I pray too.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I pray a lot.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Pray for people.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I pray for the show that Fancy gets replaced.

[Kevin]

What else do you do? I've never seen you go.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't talk to God.

[Kevin]

I've never seen you go to a church.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean I do. I go to church every Sunday. That's why we can't do the show on Sunday mornings.

[Kevin]

Do you really go to church every Sunday morning?

[Andrew Santino]

Have I missed. How many Sundays have I missed, McCone? McCone knows. I mean, none. Sometimes he comes and watches the dog.

[Kevin]

Are you kidding me, dude? You go to church every Sunday?

[Andrew Santino]

What? What do you.

[Kevin]

Okay, okay, stop. Not if we're on the road. Stop. Stop for a second.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we can't. Because I don't want to go.

[Kevin]

Stop. Stop for a second.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Kevin]

May I speak, please? Okay. That says a lot about our relationship.

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Kevin]

Because you've never invited me. You don't want me to be saved.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you know churches at 8am right?

[Kevin]

It doesn't matter. You don't want at least one time, like, hey, hey, bud, you want to go?

[Andrew Santino]

Do you think you could get up at 8 to go to church for real?

[Kevin]

I went.

[Andrew Santino]

Genuinely?

[Kevin]

I go up on Sunday mornings and I go to 3rd and Gardner, which is an early AA meeting. I go to that.

[Andrew Santino]

That's at 10:30, you said?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. You want to go two and a half hours.

[Kevin]

But you think I sleep? You think I sleep when I go to 3rd and Garden, or. No, I stay up all night.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, that's not good.

[Kevin]

That's my point. I would go if you try to save me, but you don't want me to go. You don't want me to go to heaven.

[Andrew Santino]

I want you to go to heaven.

[Kevin]

Yeah, but then why wouldn't you invite me? Okay, look, you don't want me saved.

[Andrew Santino]

I want.

[Kevin]

That's up.

[Andrew Santino]

I want you to go to heaven. But I do think I've already put in a couple of requests and they've been denied.

[Kevin]

It's invite only. What do you mean, request for me, Jesus.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like, Raya. Like, you can get in, but it's like you gotta have a few people to vouch for you. And also, if you violate, you've been banned. Yeah, you got banned from heaven, bud. But honestly, if you wait a couple weeks, I'll lift the band. Can I come with me.

[Kevin]

What's the church called?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not telling it on the. Okay, you want to come?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, let's go.

[Kevin]

And what do you wear?

[Andrew Santino]

Hadashiki. What do you mean? You wear street clothes.

[Kevin]

Oh, really?

[Andrew Santino]

Wear whatever you want. There's no rules to church. That's old school. That's old fuddy duddy.

[Kevin]

It's. Honestly, it's. I'm so shocked that you go to.

[Andrew Santino]

Church, but you can't wear shorts.

[Kevin]

I.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you ever seen Jesus don't like knees?

[Kevin]

Have you ever seen me wear shorts?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Not really.

[Kevin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen you. No, that's not true.

[Kevin]

On. On a beach.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

We've gone swimming together, and I've seen you, in short.

[Kevin]

Yeah, I know.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah. You see me?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I've seen your little thong.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Cute.

[Kevin]

Those little black things.

[Andrew Santino]

We wore black thongs.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Dude.

[Andrew Santino]

They were so funny. Yeah, that's sexy. That's an album cover. What is that? It's for the Brea. Oh, a flyer for Brea.

[Bobby Lee]

Pretty good.

[Andrew Santino]

God, the kid's got a much better body now. I gotta tell. You should reshoot that photo now. You should reshoot some of those old like. Like nudie photos and see what you look like now. God, look at how young the kid is.

[Kevin]

Oh, my God, look at how young I am.

[Andrew Santino]

We want you to be saved. I want you to be saved, and the fans want you to be saved, and I believe you can do it.

[Kevin]

Yeah, I want to go. I want. That rapture talk was really scary, and I just. I just.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, buddy, you're gonna be saved. You know why? Because you have a good heart and a good soul. The number one rule I believe in all religions is to try to be a good person. And you're a great person. And that is your entrance entry ticket to the. The afterlife. Yeah.

[Kevin]

But I've giggled at a couple funerals before.

[Andrew Santino]

Funerals can be funny.

[Kevin]

But they've been in church. I've been.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

I've.

[Kevin]

I've. Every time I'm in a funeral, I do, there's a laugh attack.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, yeah. Who said that they're supposed to be sad?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Why. Why is there. Why are they sad?

[Kevin]

Like, my brother and I were at a funeral once and we heard a knock.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Is it closed casket?

[Kevin]

It was closed cassette. But we hurt like that. Right. And I looked at my brother and we just collapsed on the ground.

[Andrew Santino]

So funny.

[Kevin]

Started laughing. I mean, it's funny. I know, but still, you're not supposed to laugh. Do you ever have a laugh fit.

[Andrew Santino]

When you're not supposed to laugh? When I'm uncomfortable, yeah. Yeah, because you don't feel. You don't know how to feel.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, like, I learned something the other day that this is. This dimorphous expression is the phenomenon of displaying two contradictory expressions or actions in response to a single intense emotion, such as crying when happy or feeling the urge to squeeze a cute object. Yeah. Sometimes you feel so overwhelmed you do something you usually wouldn't. I laugh sometimes when I want to cry.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

You know, when feelings are too emotional.

[Andrew Santino]

For me, do Dimorphous Expression.

[Kevin]

I've never even heard that before.

[Andrew Santino]

What's up, San Diego? We're dimorphous bawling while they play.

[Kevin]

Expression. That's a great band.

[Andrew Santino]

Or. It's a great album.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Dimorphous.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

The morphos Expression. I've literally never learned. We're learning new.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I had someone. I. Someone I know, they had a. They had someone in their family do assisted suicide.

[Kevin]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Which is kind of crazy. Well. Because usually people that do it do it because they have a terminal illness and they're like, well, I don't want this to get progressively worse. I want to say goodbye. But this is kind of a crazy story. The person, like, threw themselves a goodbye party or whatever. You know, these living funerals is, like, a big thing that people do now.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But they kept pushing back the date of the. Because they, you know, had a couple of, like, secondaries of, like. Maybe. I don't wanna. Let's. Let's move it back a little bit.

[Kevin]

What do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Like, they kept changing the date of the assisted suicide because they kind of had a. Probably a few good weeks or something. It's up. Because don't you think after you do that, you'd be like, all right, I don't want to do it.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

If I bailed once, I'm. I. I'm out. I don't know if I could go through with it.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

It's a dark thing.

[Andrew Santino]

It's crazy. I'm not. It's just, like. It's. It's hard.

[Kevin]

I don't know how to spin this, but.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, spin it, spin it, spin it.

[Kevin]

Pretty dark.

[Andrew Santino]

Spin it. You got it. I know it's in there.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I don't like physical pain.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't want to experience any physical.

[Kevin]

I think once the physical pain is just. Even if morphine or any of these drugs stop working.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I just. I feel like I. Like, I'm gonna move on.

[Andrew Santino]

You ever had morphine?

[Kevin]

Like, when I was in Vietnam.

[Andrew Santino]

Like a drip?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Like on the field.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Like a drip.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You've had a drip in a Baha?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude. They gave me that when I had my torn ligaments in my leg.

[Kevin]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Yum. It's unfucking real. You feel more.

[Kevin]

I mean.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it's warm. Sunshine.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It makes me go. Heroin. Yes. Yes.

[Kevin]

It's not surprising why people are addicted to all these, you know. Opiates.

[Andrew Santino]

No, of course not. Morphine. Drip. The is the continuous intravenous administration of the opioid. Pain medication, morphine, IV dog. Drip, drip, drop. A drip, drip, drip with that drip, drip, drip. I got that drip. I got that drip, drip, drip. I got that drip. Just two IVs in my arms. I got that drip, drip, drip. I'm just drooling. Wow, it does feel good.

[Kevin]

It does feel good.

[Andrew Santino]

It's bad News Bears, you know, when you get on it, you know, they're like, be careful because it's fun.

[Kevin]

You know what I think? In the last five years of my life, when I'm 70, I think I'm gonna do it.

[Andrew Santino]

70. The last five. That's the. What are you talking about?

[Kevin]

I think I'm 75. I'm done.

[Andrew Santino]

You're living way past I'm 70.

[Kevin]

I think I'm gonna go. You know what? I'm gonna liquidate everything, and I'm just gonna shoot heroin.

[Andrew Santino]

Please don't.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Or fentanyl. There's a new fentanyl. There's a super fentanyl.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Right?

[Kevin]

But I think I'm just gonna. Boom, boom. You can come over to my little apartment. I'll have. I'm gonna. I'm gonna downsize.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna die.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

And I'm just gonna drip my way into heaven.

[Andrew Santino]

Super fentanyl.

[Kevin]

There's a new fentanyl, dude. Super fentanyl.

[Andrew Santino]

Car Fentanyl. Extreme potency. Synthetic opioid. Estimated be a hundred times more potent than fentanyl. 10,000 times more potent than morphine. Damn.

[Kevin]

It's on the streets now.

[Andrew Santino]

Give that to me in the hospital, dog. They're like, andrew, you just have a paper cut. I'm like, I need it. Who.

[Kevin]

Who took fentanyl was like, nah, it's not enough. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, probably because they're used to it. They've. They've. Their tolerance is too high.

[Kevin]

Do a little extra Fentanyl then.

[Andrew Santino]

No, that's not gonna work. Listen, Charlie. Charlie Sheen was like. I was banging seven gram rocks. I was like, go.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He couldn't get enough.

[Kevin]

That was the greatest documentary.

[Andrew Santino]

We were talking about that for days, dude. It's so.

[Kevin]

That documentary. What in this. What a life. And the thing that got him sober was, like, incredible.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Happy. He did Shenzies, AKA Charlie Sheen. Did you see Jason Bateman's new show, Black Rabbit?

[Kevin]

Yeah. Everyone's talking about it.

[Andrew Santino]

Very good. Yeah, it's very good. And Jude Law.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Jude Law. So good.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

And the new Paul Thomas Anderson movie. Everyone's saying, great.

[Andrew Santino]

A lot people are saying it's good, but I've seen a little bit of other sides. I've seen people say that they don't like it yourself. Yeah, I'm gonna.

[Kevin]

You want to go watch it?

[Andrew Santino]

I'll go.

[Kevin]

Yeah, let's do it this week.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's go.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I love it.

[Kevin]

Would you watch it again?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna go watch it again. Wow.

[Kevin]

Oh, you are. Because you have no life.

[Andrew Santino]

I like, go to movies. Are you dating anybody right now? Are you single? I'm single. You taking anybody out on dates? No, I like to go to movies.

[Kevin]

By myself because I can get a better seat.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I agree. I do like going to movies as well by myself. But you're not seeing anybody at all, huh?

[Kevin]

So often I'll go on a date, but I don't.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, why don't you be honest? Because you talk to me that how badly you want to have love. You're, like, interested badly in love. The problem is that people now watch the show, so. Fancy.

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, I will get you back to Spain pretty bad. Keep that vibe up.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I don't like watching movies with somebody because I get influenced by them.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

If they laugh or if they. Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

I'll be sitting next to somebody. Like, I was watching Superman with, like, three other people. My brother dumbfounded and Gene. And I'm watching it. I'm like. I'm trying to get into it.

[Andrew Santino]

What's that? Combined IQ in that room? Sorry. I'm trying to get into it. You, dude.

[Kevin]

This is my friend group dude and family. What the.

[Andrew Santino]

Your brother dumbfounded.

[Kevin]

Gene Hong is.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he's get you over 100.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

And I turned to my brother. My brother just goes, yeah. As soon as he did that, I was like, oh, it's bad.

[Andrew Santino]

No, that's just.

[Kevin]

And then it ruined the whole thing.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Kevin]

You know, I mean. Or, like, somebody will just be like, their eyes closed.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I took my dad to Lord of the Rings, the Two Towers, sleeping dude. Because he had never seen the first one or the third one. Right. Because the third one wasn't out. And I just remember just opening what going on right in the beginning.

[Andrew Santino]

Just watch.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

And then, like, five minutes, and he's just. It's just deep and gone. Sleepy gone.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But he works a lot.

[Kevin]

He has no interest in, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, what was he interested in?

[Kevin]

He's never seen a movie. He. You know, my dad was one of those immigrants that was like, he doesn't know what music is? I talked about this before.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but it's so funny. Not as music.

[Kevin]

He doesn't know what music is.

[Andrew Santino]

Turn it on. He's like. Ha, ha.

[Kevin]

I mean, yeah, but right before he died, right, I had AirPods.

[Andrew Santino]

The translation ones. The new ones.

[Kevin]

No, no, no. And he was, like, finally communicated.

[Andrew Santino]

I know what you're saying. After all those years.

[Kevin]

I love Radiohead.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

In Rainbows is amazing.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Weird fishes. What's this?

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Yeah.

[Kevin]

So he. We put in Eric Clapton Reckoner.

[Andrew Santino]

Sorry?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Reckoners. We put Eric Clapton in. What's that song?

[Andrew Santino]

Tears and Tears in Heaven.

[Kevin]

Tears in Heaven.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, God.

[Kevin]

Put it in. We play it. Never heard music before in his life. I mean, obviously. He's in the elevator in a mall. He hears it in the ambiance of it.

[Andrew Santino]

Pure. Your dad dies, he gets to the pearly gates. He's like, pure. I'm sorry, sir. What do you keep singing a song?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Did he smile through the song? Did he take it?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

No.

[Kevin]

And he's. He's like. We play and he's like, kind of sitting there. And then a single tear. No, I swear to God. Comes on his face. And it was the first time he.

[Andrew Santino]

Who?

[Kevin]

You know who. You know my name.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Go.

[Kevin]

You take the next one.

[Andrew Santino]

Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?

[Kevin]

I must be strong Is that how it goes?

[Andrew Santino]

I must be strong and carry on. Cause I know I don't be wrong, brother. And this about his kid falling out a window?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

We didn't explain that to him. He was doing cocaine on a balcony. I don't know what the story was. Was he doing cocaine?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

He was. He loved cocaine. Traditionally, he wrote a song about it, but it's about a. It's about his son falling out of a 53rd. 53rd story apartment.

[Kevin]

How do you move on after that?

[Andrew Santino]

God.

[Kevin]

How do you. How do you move on after that?

[Andrew Santino]

53 floors. Like this. No, I mean, so long.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

That's.

[Andrew Santino]

So many stories.

[Kevin]

Funniest thing I've ever seen.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm sorry.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin]

It's so long. How long is that? That's a long time.

[Andrew Santino]

Long time, man. Oh, my God. No.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

That's so fun, too. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Forever.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Whoa, look who's here. Come on in, Prince. Sit down in these chairs. Hey. Hey.

[Bobby Lee]

You could have came in and mugged you. Hi, boys.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you guys lock the door? No, we left it open for you. What's wrong with that? You don't like that? Jack Black did it yeah, Jack Black. Ship Station.

[Kevin]

We go to Ship Station. We have an online store and you know, since the inception of Bad Friends, we've been using shipstation and we love it.

[Andrew Santino]

We really do. If you run an E commerce business, you know, customer reviews are of an enormous impact on your business and you need scalable features to help ensure accuracy. You get shipments to their door faster and wow your customers. You want to keep them.

[Kevin]

Automate your workflow, save time and reduce human error through an unlimited number of ways to automate the fulfillment process.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right. Best in class Carrier savings discounts up to 90% off rates on all global major carriers. Centralize your fulfillment operations all in one place. With the 400 store carrier and tool integration. It's amazing.

[Kevin]

90% of companies that stick with shipstation for a year become customers for life.

[Andrew Santino]

That's exactly right. We've been using ShipStation for a long time. We're going to use them for an even longer time to get you what you want from us. So wow your customers and get rave reviews with cheaper, faster and better shipping. Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a 60 day free trial at shipstation.com BadFriends.

[Kevin]

There'S no credit card or contract required and you can Cancel anytime that shipstation.com Bad Friends Cash App hey man, I want to feel safe when I'm transferring.

[Andrew Santino]

Money and I didn't feel safe. I used a competitive Apple years ago and I got hacked. Yeah, okay. And that was so annoying because someone was renting a boat in Florida and my bank was like, are you in Florida? I was like, no, I'm in la.

[Kevin]

Well, I needed that boat.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, you did need that boat. No. And thanks to Cash App they have high, high end security that keeps you and your money safe, that protects you the way you deserve. When you get the Cash App card, not only do you get access to a ton of perks like benefits, exclusive early access to nationwide concerts, pre sales or discounts on popular brands, but you also have extra security with the power to instantly lock or unlock your card right from your phone in one tap. I wish I had that.

[Kevin]

Turn on your security lock in your Cash App settings now to keep your account and your information safer than ever. And pay attention to scam warnings if sending money to someone new.

[Andrew Santino]

With Cash App you can spend, save and live your life knowing your money is right where you left it. With advanced built in security protections you count on and help when you need it. Spend with peace of mind today and order a Cash App card in the app or at cash.app/card for a limited time only new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash.

[Kevin]

For real, Just download Cash App. Use our exclusive referral code secure 10 in your profile. Send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App.

[Andrew Santino]

Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member fdic. Instant discounts provided by Cash App, a Block Incorporated brand. Visit Cash App legal podcast for full disclosures.

[Kevin]

This is a real good story about Bronx and his dad, Ryan.

[Andrew Santino]

Real United Airlines customers.

[Kevin]

We were returning home, and one of the flight attendants asked Bronx if he wanted to see the flight deck and meet Captain Andrew.

[Andrew Santino]

I got to sit in the driver's seat. I grew up in an aviation family, and seeing Bronx kind of reminded me of myself when I was that age.

[Kevin]

That's Andrew, a real United pilot. These small interactions can shape a kid's future.

[Andrew Santino]

It felt like I was the captain.

[Kevin]

Allowing my son to see the flight deck will stick with us forever.

[Andrew Santino]

That's how good leads the way.

[Kevin]

Is your hair wet or just greasy? Wet.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's go to the shower.

[Kevin]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

You look good, though. Look at the lettuce on the kid.

[Kevin]

Don't. Don't get defensive.

[Ryan H. Foley]

He's doing all right.

[Kevin]

Let's ask you a question, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Your hair looks good, too. Looks nice.

[Kevin]

I want to feel like it does.

[Bobby Lee]

You cut it. It looks stylish.

[Andrew Santino]

Introduce our guest.

[Kevin]

And you look Kevin Ryan H. Foley from Are you Garbage?

[Andrew Santino]

Ladies and gentlemen, Are you garbage Is in the house.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Happy to be here. Do you like the chair?

[Bobby Lee]

Hate the chair.

[Andrew Santino]

Why do you hate the chair?

[Bobby Lee]

Because I'm a fat pig. I feel like Biggie.

[Andrew Santino]

This is what Biggie felt like his whole career.

[Kevin]

Give me the loot. Give me the loot.

[Andrew Santino]

That's the one phrase he knows I'm not kidding. He says that every week.

[Kevin]

It's the only thing I know.

[Ryan H. Foley]

That's great because that came off quick. I was like, damn, Bobby's a. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Why do you say mean, diminutive stuff about yourself?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, dude, I'm all fatty.

[Kevin]

You're successful now.

[Andrew Santino]

You feel? You feel. Are you bigger than you were before?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm actually going on the way down. I started Zepbound, what, six weeks ago.

[Andrew Santino]

What's it called?

[Bobby Lee]

Zepbound.

[Andrew Santino]

Zep Bound?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Is it like Ozempic?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, me too.

[Andrew Santino]

You are.

[Ryan H. Foley]

You are down 40 pounds.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean? You always look good, though. You. I've never.

[Bobby Lee]

I blew up.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I'm down 30. I'm down 30.

[Bobby Lee]

You look great.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're down.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

I do.

[Kevin]

Can you see?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I told you that as soon as I came in. The hair looks good. He looks in. Look, Hollywood, you're 30.

[Andrew Santino]

£35. This guy's got off now.

[Kevin]

30, 30, 30.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Thanks.

[Andrew Santino]

What? What'd you get the biggest where you were at?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Probably 250.

[Andrew Santino]

Shut the up. Wow. How tall are you? Five?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah. Five' eleven. Probably right? Smidge under six.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Kevin]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

250.

[Ryan H. Foley]

That was big.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. As many times.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Boozing a lot.

[Bobby Lee]

Boozing, eating good food.

[Ryan H. Foley]

It's like, you know.

[Bobby Lee]

You know.

[Kevin]

You have the roundest eyes I've ever seen.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Thanks, bud. You not so much.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, zingers. Bring them out.

[Kevin]

Bring them out and fully. Your eyes are pretty Asian y.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Kevin]

To me. Right? Yeah, it's more Japanese. It's more Ronin.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

You know, I mean, like, you know, a bigger samurai.

[Bobby Lee]

I like that.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Kevin]

I will say samurai.

[Andrew Santino]

If you gain weight, it does smush your eyes a little bit. When you lose some weight, those things are going to be big. Beautiful eyes.

[Kevin]

Are you thinking about getting the injection?

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean injection?

[Kevin]

Oh, no, you're. I mean, you're already on it.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm on it.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Is it the same thing as Ozempic and.

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's different. The side effects aren't as bad. And yeah, it's.

[Andrew Santino]

Zepbound is a brand medication, Tir. Zepatide, used for a chronic weight. Okay, let's go down to. Let's see what the. What? The side effects are generally considered safe when used as a directed but comes with a potential side effects. Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation.

[Ryan H. Foley]

You already have all these stuff to begin with. You know, that's how I.

[Bobby Lee]

And it made me gay.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It's awesome.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, I like it.

[Andrew Santino]

And then you guys are sharing hotel rooms. Fatigue and hair loss. You got a lot of lettuce. Who cares? You're fine.

[Kevin]

The constipation I have a problem with.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Really?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, brutal. I take Metamucil for it.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, the combat.

[Kevin]

They'll be good. Three days, remember? I. I celebrated.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. It was three. No, yeah. Three days.

[Kevin]

Three days and I sent you a poop photo.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it was nice.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

It was a celebration.

[Andrew Santino]

Saved it, printed it.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's the kind of relationship we have.

[Kevin]

You get.

[Bobby Lee]

You get Clogged up on this. Not so bad. The Ozempic, it was brutal. It was like I was getting chemo. That's why I had to stop.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you throw up too?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh. Oh, I was throwing up was awful.

[Kevin]

Awful.

[Andrew Santino]

No. You're on it too, huh, buddy?

[Ryan H. Foley]

I don't have a one side effect. I'm in. It's great.

[Andrew Santino]

On Zepbound or on Zepbound? You guys are both on it. You guys sponsored by it. Do a read real fast into the camera. Are you a fat piece of.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Do you have no self control?

[Bobby Lee]

Do you want to see your dick look a little bit bigger? Get on Zepbound. Does your dick look bigger?

[Kevin]

No. Same size.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Really? You don't get it. There's no more life in it.

[Kevin]

£30, £25 came out of my penis. I had a very thick penis.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I started here.

[Kevin]

It was like boys spamming.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You can't change that. You know what I mean? That's okay. It's genetic. No.

[Bobby Lee]

As you lose weight, it looks. It looks bigger. Mine's starting to look a little bigger.

[Andrew Santino]

You've seen that Sydney Sweeney commercial. He's like, my jeans. My jeans are Asian. You know?

[Kevin]

I don't like it.

[Andrew Santino]

You.

[Kevin]

Yeah, I. I don't like what we're doing right now.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I'm not making funny. I got. I got a small piece myself.

[Kevin]

I don't have a small piece. That's the thing. That's the thing. Wait, wait. I don't have one. That's the thing.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Yeah.

[Kevin]

For my body structure.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin]

Very, very good.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Okay.

[Kevin]

Like, you know, like Spud Web.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Your dick and jump high.

[Kevin]

I'm just saying, obviously Spud Web is not going to have Shaquille on his feet.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, it is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, he does.

[Andrew Santino]

Historically, you've never heard of this? This guy has a fucking pipe. It fell out of his shorts one time when he was dunking.

[Ryan H. Foley]

The confidence. You need to jump that high as a little guy.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

How tall was Spud Web?

[Bobby Lee]

A big one?

[Andrew Santino]

5, 6, 5, 6, 5, 6.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Wow.

[Kevin]

God.

[Andrew Santino]

What the man, huh?

[Kevin]

He was great.

[Bobby Lee]

Twitter's been feeding me a lot of Asian porn lately.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know why Twitter's feeding him.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, man, he's obsessed that there's like full blown porn on Twitter. It's great. He's like all over.

[Andrew Santino]

You know there's porn on the Internet.

[Bobby Lee]

I know something about Twitter.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Two minutes.

[Andrew Santino]

Why do you like it so much? You think just because it's like you're reading about news and disaster shit and Then you get off to a little Asian foot.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. It's awesome. I love it.

[Andrew Santino]

What's your favorite kind of porn?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Of Asian.

[Bobby Lee]

Of Asian, yeah. Japanese.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Japanese, Korean.

[Kevin]

And wait, wait, Japanese goes number one in terms of porn?

[Andrew Santino]

Japanese is always number one. Everybody.

[Kevin]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Bobby Lee]

Japanese girls.

[Andrew Santino]

Anime, Anime, Anime. Japanese has always been number one. They've been number one forever.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Then K Pop's making a move, though.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it is.

[Kevin]

Making.

[Andrew Santino]

Not good enough.

[Bobby Lee]

That girl Rose is beautiful. The Rose. You know what I'm talking about.

[Kevin]

Why are you looking at me like I know everything?

[Andrew Santino]

Like he's a expert in every Japanese porn star.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it called? Rose. What?

[Bobby Lee]

Her name's Rose. She does the song with Bruno Mars. Oh, Apata. Bobby, you don't know this.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Oh, she's gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous.

[Bobby Lee]

Great singer, too.

[Kevin]

Would you leave your wife for her?

[Bobby Lee]

Absolutely. Yeah. Throw it all away, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Nice.

[Kevin]

Would you really throw? Kevin, how about you?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Ryan H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin]

No, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not gonna leave your wife for Rose? No. Number one. Goo.

[Bobby Lee]

And of course I wouldn't.

[Kevin]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Tennis. Sweet.

[Kevin]

What?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Kev.

[Ryan H. Foley]

What?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

You would.

[Kevin]

I wouldn't.

[Ryan H. Foley]

No, no, no, no.

[Kevin]

You don't like Asian girls?

[Ryan H. Foley]

No, I do like Asian.

[Andrew Santino]

I used to.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I've dated.

[Kevin]

I think we talked about it before.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, white's number one on your list, isn't it? You always say, keep it white. That's what he said.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Keep it white, baby.

[Kevin]

Yeah. You're married to a white.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I'm married to a white.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

She's a good looking. She's a good looking.

[Kevin]

Yeah. I'm not questioning that. I'm questioning the racism.

[Andrew Santino]

He just did the trump. She's a good looking.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Very good. Look at her. She's good.

[Andrew Santino]

What's been going on with the dogs? I haven't seen you guys in a long time. On tour, running around on tour.

[Ryan H. Foley]

The Back on the Block tour. Getting by is what we're doing.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you talking about? You guys are cruising.

[Ryan H. Foley]

We're getting rough.

[Bobby Lee]

Summer.

[Andrew Santino]

Why? Why'd you tour in the summer?

[Bobby Lee]

We didn't tour in the summer. We were off. Kippy had a baby.

[Kevin]

Oh, congratulations. The first one.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, first.

[Kevin]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan H. Foley]

The white, too.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's guess the name.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, we'll get.

[Kevin]

We'll do Donovan.

[Bobby Lee]

That's really good.

[Ryan H. Foley]

A big McNabb guy.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Chat.

[Ryan H. Foley]

That is something. That is. You're attacking my whiteness.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

No, I. Because you're an artist. So I'm an artist.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

It's gonna be a little art.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I call a guy fat for a little.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I used to be able to. Yeah. You call him fat? I do the Asian thing.

[Kevin]

Devin.

[Andrew Santino]

Kevin and Devin's good.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

What is it?

[Ryan H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin]

The baby's name.

[Andrew Santino]

Marcus.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Marcus. No, we went with Dan.

[Andrew Santino]

Dan. Daniel.

[Kevin]

Dan, Daniel.

[Andrew Santino]

Daniel.

[Kevin]

You went with Daniels?

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Bobby Lee]

He was gonna go with Earthquake.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

I ain't never met a named Catalisa.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Mr. Pat.

[Kevin]

I mean, was that. Was that a hard struggle to come up with that?

[Andrew Santino]

Irish. Irish. It's an old Irish.

[Bobby Lee]

That's how we do it.

[Kevin]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's some Irish pig.

[Kevin]

But it's not like I'm gonna name my kid Chong. Should Chong.

[Andrew Santino]

Lee Chang and Chong would be amazing. Yeah, Good name. Good boy. Strong Lad.

[Ryan H. Foley]

It's a family name.

[Andrew Santino]

You're gonna do this whole game where people are, like, using the top birth percentile of all that.

[Ryan H. Foley]

He's a big fan.

[Bobby Lee]

He's already done.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, see, I know.

[Bobby Lee]

99. He's not.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, let me guess. The weight. The weight was him.

[Kevin]

450.

[Andrew Santino]

The weighted.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Dan, you're one full term at born. I born. I don't remember number. I don't know any of them.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

I don't know, but, h. When you look at the baby, do you feel like.

[Andrew Santino]

Does it look like you.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Does it feel like. Do you love the baby? I mean, he's your best friend, right? One of your best.

[Bobby Lee]

Love the baby.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Adorable Irish baby.

[Kevin]

So if Kevin passed away, would you.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I always love coming to talk to these guys.

[Kevin]

Would you? Take care.

[Ryan H. Foley]

It was a good time.

[Bobby Lee]

He wouldn't let me.

[Andrew Santino]

So who's the godfather? Don't you have a godfather?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Not yet.

[Andrew Santino]

You got to pick something.

[Kevin]

It's got to be. It's got to be.

[Andrew Santino]

I got.

[Kevin]

I'm.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no.

[Kevin]

It's got to be. Let me. Let me. Let me push for age.

[Andrew Santino]

No, he's got to be his brother.

[Ryan H. Foley]

No, I would love to hear this. Please state your case, Mister.

[Kevin]

Mister. What? You're going to say something. Go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, Chong or whatever it is, say.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Ms. Bobby Lee, my good, dear friend.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Okay.

[Kevin]

I don't know your brother, so this is tough.

[Andrew Santino]

He's on that super fentanyl we were talking about earlier.

[Bobby Lee]

Would you give me your kid if you passed away?

[Kevin]

Well, I mean, he would be first in line.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

He's not.

[Kevin]

Him.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

What do you mean? My relationship with them. You don't have the same relationship with h. I do.

[Bobby Lee]

But I'm not Andrew.

[Ryan H. Foley]

That would be like.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't even know what that means.

[Ryan H. Foley]

That would be like if Andrew.

[Andrew Santino]

I would.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Andrew would leave.

[Andrew Santino]

I would leave my kid with him.

[Kevin]

I leave my kid with him.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

And he would make my godfather.

[Bobby Lee]

I would leave my kid with him. But not the other way.

[Kevin]

Yeah. So what's your problem?

[Bobby Lee]

Because he has better prospects.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I'm a.

[Kevin]

You're my only prospect.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not a buddy. There's no chance.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I don't know. It seems like they're turning against me. You don't. You don't seem like a.

[Kevin]

You're not a dude. Of course. Name me a state in city in Kansas.

[Andrew Santino]

And see, the question is confusing. That's a bit of a trick question.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Huh?

[Bobby Lee]

Kansas City.

[Kevin]

Yeah, exactly. So boom, boom, boom.

[Andrew Santino]

Capital. California.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not la. It's.

[Kevin]

Starts with an S. Stop.

[Bobby Lee]

Sacramento.

[Andrew Santino]

There it is.

[Kevin]

There we go.

[Andrew Santino]

Capital.

[Ryan H. Foley]

You know what? Take my baby.

[Bobby Lee]

Thanks, buddy.

[Andrew Santino]

I knew that's all it took.

[Bobby Lee]

I would want that, but no, it'd be bad.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you have kids? You don't have kids?

[Bobby Lee]

No kids.

[Andrew Santino]

No kids.

[Kevin]

Ask me a question.

[Ryan H. Foley]

What is the capital of Pennsylvania?

[Kevin]

Pittsburgh.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

No.

[Kevin]

Oh. Do you know?

[Bobby Lee]

Name something that comes with hot pot.

[Kevin]

Pot. Hot pot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Potatoes.

[Bobby Lee]

Pretty good.

[Kevin]

Very thankful.

[Andrew Santino]

That's actually very funny.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

We tried this one time. We did the. Are you smarter than a fifth grader? We lost. We failed every question.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, We've done. We did it on Patreon.

[Andrew Santino]

But are you guys. Are you guys college graduates?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, I am. I went to Temple. You know.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a good school. What about you?

[Bobby Lee]

I flunked out sophomore year.

[Andrew Santino]

God is good. Where?

[Bobby Lee]

Widener University. Shout out to him. Played football.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, Widener.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Widener's awesome.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

All right.

[Bobby Lee]

You know it.

[Andrew Santino]

I went to skinnier.

[Bobby Lee]

Our rivals.

[Andrew Santino]

We beat you guys all the time.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Could never catch them.

[Andrew Santino]

The game's over, I guess. No, I went to Arizona State. Dude. I'm a fucking. I'm a dumbo bumbo. Yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

It's a big dumb.

[Bobby Lee]

People always say that in Arizona. I think they're awesome schools.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Wow. They're fun.

[Bobby Lee]

Hot chicks.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Don't want to have like a lazy river. That was like always the big.

[Andrew Santino]

It was a great rumor. And they also said 90 acceptance rate. Let's go.

[Ryan H. Foley]

That's pretty good. Can you check Temple universities?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's got to be like 30. Yeah, but you under 50?

[Ryan H. Foley]

No, it's.

[Andrew Santino]

It's. It's really?

[Ryan H. Foley]

One of. They have, like. They claim they. They have like 500,000 students. They have like, the biggest.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you're just as high as us.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, what's the school. What school has the highest acceptance rate? Do that. I want to know what that is. Let's take a guess. My guess would be Florida State. Yeah, it's got to be State.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but it's like Penn State maybe.

[Ryan H. Foley]

No, they just have so many.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. College of Staten Islands. Yes. 98 rate. University of Mississippi is cited with a 98. So everyone could go to Mississippi if.

[Kevin]

I was denied AT D university. Am I Bobby, did you kill myself?

[Bobby Lee]

No, No, I didn't go to college.

[Kevin]

I think I went to nothing.

[Andrew Santino]

Why would he need to look at this, huh?

[Kevin]

Yeah, I'm a brainiac, dude. Ask me anything. Potatoes, hot pock.

[Bobby Lee]

Weren't you already working, like, right after high school?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

In a sweatshop.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Making Nikes? Is that what you're saying?

[Andrew Santino]

In fact, yeah, he made those.

[Kevin]

I made those.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

They're a little. I got. I got some notes for you.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you were already cruising in entertainment a little.

[Kevin]

No, no, no. I started at 23.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, really?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

No, from high school to 23, no future. Almost die.

[Bobby Lee]

Damn.

[Kevin]

Yeah, because I had no future and I had no idea what I was gonna do.

[Andrew Santino]

You guys got six guys on the road with you. What are you talking? Videographer, producer. Videographer, manager.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, we got a guy, Diops, we call him director of Operations. He gave himself that title. Pretty much drives the van and stuff. Now he's our boy. Ryan D. He's great. We got him. We got a two openers and a producer and then two opener comics that.

[Andrew Santino]

We might know or not. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Colin Chamberlain and Sam Rubinoff.

[Ryan H. Foley]

So, no, right now, like New York guys. Colin Chamberlain and Sam Ruben.

[Bobby Lee]

Colin works with Jessica Kirsten a lot.

[Andrew Santino]

And Sam is Jewish.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yes. You have resident. You got to have one. If you're operating in la, you gotta have a Jew.

[Andrew Santino]

Trust me, I know. No, you guys do the bus when you're on the road or.

[Ryan H. Foley]

No, we have. We've done the bus that. I kind of like the bus. You don't like it?

[Andrew Santino]

We'll never do that ever again.

[Ryan H. Foley]

We love it.

[Andrew Santino]

This guy had night terrors every fucking night.

[Ryan H. Foley]

You got a bad hang.

[Bobby Lee]

I loved it.

[Andrew Santino]

Now do. I'd rather just go to the hotel, get a nice hotel.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I get that. Yeah, I get that.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't like waking up in the new city.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I like just. I like waking up In a nice hotel bed instead of listening this guy scream bloody murder every night, and then him up until 5:30 playing video games and peeing everything. Yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, he does.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Bobby, I put in the.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Rule number one, that's not the bus. That's the squad. You guys gotta step it up a little bit.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Nah, honestly, this whole team. Yeah, you don't know.

[Ryan H. Foley]

You got a weak crew.

[Bobby Lee]

My favorite is with Bert. Being on the bus with Bert.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, he's got nine buses like a baby.

[Bobby Lee]

When he's.

[Kevin]

When I almost died. Remember I fell off the.

[Andrew Santino]

You guys did that tour with him?

[Ryan H. Foley]

No, no, we weren't on that. But, I mean, Nash, that was national headline. I saw that on.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, he posted about it so he could cancel shows. Unfortunately, probably we will not be performing tonight.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I'll be back in 20, 26.

[Bobby Lee]

What the fuck happened?

[Andrew Santino]

I cut to my rib.

[Kevin]

All right? So I was on the. I was on the top bunk bunk. It was pitch black, like three in the morning.

[Andrew Santino]

Which he shouldn't be in the first place.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Now you're a bottom bunk guy.

[Kevin]

Oh, I also asked.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm a bottom bunk.

[Kevin]

I asked people, hey, can I get the bottom? I have little legs.

[Ryan H. Foley]

That's. That's all.

[Kevin]

Like, no, I claimed it. That's like, who else is on our.

[Andrew Santino]

Shame on you.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

So I'm on the top bunk, right? It's pitch black. I don't know where. We're in the middle of the south somewhere, driving, right? I open up the curtain, right? And I have to go to the bathroom. So I. I take my hand, but I can't see it. To brace myself on the opposite. Opposite side of the other bunk, the ledge, And I miss it. And I just. I fall forward and I hit my mouth on the thing.

[Andrew Santino]

This guy thinks he's gonna reach across the bus. These arms are like a foot long. Got T. Rex arms.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Anybody wake up?

[Kevin]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Everybody wake up?

[Kevin]

No one woke up. And I was on the ground with. Knocked unconscious.

[Andrew Santino]

They woke up.

[Bobby Lee]

They were like, you got knocked out?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

And I. And it was just blood everywhere. So I go to the front of the bus. I sit there, and I go to the driver, and I go. I think I need to go hospital. And he goes, no, man, we're seven hours away. I'm bleeding. I think I need stitches. No. Seven hours, dude. And I start testing Bert, everybody. No one replies.

[Andrew Santino]

Everyone's asleep.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I'm just sitting there just in a pool of blood for, like, hours. It was crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Get a Paper towel, Put some ice on it. Suck it.

[Kevin]

I did all that. What do you think, dude?

[Bobby Lee]

Did you need stitches?

[Kevin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he did. Oh, I got, like, a bunch of stitches. And Three.

[Andrew Santino]

You got three?

[Ryan H. Foley]

I knew a bunch was a big thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Wait, what? What do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, he said you didn't get 15. You got three.

[Kevin]

I got a lot.

[Andrew Santino]

Three, four. No.

[Bobby Lee]

What's it say in the lawsuit?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

45 stitches?

[Kevin]

And you know what was great? And this is Burton. You know, the whole team.

[Andrew Santino]

Leanne.

[Kevin]

Leanne. Yeah, the whole team.

[Andrew Santino]

Squad.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Love the squad.

[Kevin]

The squad. And they were like, you know, obviously, go home, home. But they paid me for the gigs.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Oh, great.

[Andrew Santino]

Which is so cool. That's what he liked the most. Every time we go on tour, he's gonna fall off the bunk.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I can't put a phone.

[Bobby Lee]

That's getting off cheap. They're probably worried you're gonna.

[Kevin]

I would never do it. Even if I died, I wouldn't do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Not to Burton. Leanne, there's other people.

[Kevin]

I love them so much.

[Andrew Santino]

You can't sue them.

[Kevin]

You can't meet better people.

[Andrew Santino]

No, they're probably the best. Two of the best people I've ever had.

[Kevin]

Oh, my. Come on.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, she's great.

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what's so funny, though? The bus thing. Our driver, that was also. That guy was up a lunatic.

[Ryan H. Foley]

We had a lunatic Mega Man.

[Andrew Santino]

What the. Was his nickname. He had, like a. It was like a superhero nickname. One night, I wake up because the bus is like, you know, this? And I'm like, dude, what's going on? I walk up there and I pop up the curtain open. You know what I mean? Pop off the buttons. This is going off on his wife. Do you remember this? She's yelling at this dude.

[Bobby Lee]

That's awesome.

[Andrew Santino]

He's like, that's what I said. Is that when.

[Kevin]

That's how it is to be.

[Andrew Santino]

And he's yelling into his headset mic. And so I was like, he's wild. He's wide awake. So I clicked the button back on, went back and laid it. I thought he might be dozing, that.

[Ryan H. Foley]

He'S not going to sleep for six, four hours. No, I was locked in.

[Andrew Santino]

We'll see you later, Salt Lake City. We'll be there.

[Ryan H. Foley]

We.

[Andrew Santino]

I hated it, though.

[Ryan H. Foley]

We had one that broke down. We did, like, Route 66. We had one that broke down and barely made the gig. Like, pulled in as, like, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh. Now, see, it was.

[Ryan H. Foley]

We had a sleep on the bus just parked in Tulsa or Something like. Yeah, in a sketch, like behind the venue because he couldn't get the bus started.

[Andrew Santino]

You guys go to Memphis by any chance?

[Bobby Lee]

We'll never bring up Memphis.

[Andrew Santino]

I hated it.

[Kevin]

It was ptsd.

[Ryan H. Foley]

The event, like the show.

[Andrew Santino]

We tanked in a way we've never.

[Kevin]

I bombed so hard.

[Ryan H. Foley]

They had. That just happened.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Memphis is also kind of bomb.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Recently.

[Kevin]

Yeah, a couple years ago.

[Andrew Santino]

Two years ago.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, it was so bad. We've stayed. We're on the Elvis's. We were on Grace's land. We played the Graceland stages. Ah. And we're thinking, this is the best dude. Worth the out lay up, dude. Nope. Tank. And then we were also like, can we go get something to eat? And they're like, I don't recommend it. Yeah, it's not the nicest area.

[Ryan H. Foley]

And I was like, really?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, we're hungry. That was the room.

[Kevin]

You guys don't have bad gigs?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, no.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Every once in a while.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Worst gig. Say, what's this? What's the city?

[Kevin]

They're not gonna name a city.

[Andrew Santino]

No. That you tanked the hardest in on the tour.

[Bobby Lee]

What was that? Where were we?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Oh, it was that one that we pulled into. Wasn't Salt Lake somewhere down there in the. In the Southwest, like a Denverish kind.

[Bobby Lee]

Of town, but in, I think Arizona.

[Andrew Santino]

What was Phoenix? Phoenix. Flagstaff.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Flagstaff.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I mean, it was like we wanted Flagstaff on a Wednesday. Sold light.

[Kevin]

Is that the venue?

[Andrew Santino]

That was the one we played.

[Kevin]

Oh, okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Flagstaff got you.

[Ryan H. Foley]

It was. It was just. And it was. And like, it was one of those things they ended up like. Like they had a good time and, like. But we just.

[Andrew Santino]

I can tell you, our fans in Memphis did not have a good time. Yeah, not with us. They.

[Ryan H. Foley]

We just didn't love it.

[Andrew Santino]

Flag's also pretty beautiful. A lot of people, like, a lot of whites like to go up there and get married.

[Ryan H. Foley]

And it's beautiful.

[Bobby Lee]

A lot of cash up there.

[Ryan H. Foley]

One thing we did do to circumvent the bus because the one of the bus is very circumvent.

[Kevin]

What does that mean?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Go around.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't use big words around my friend, man.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I apologize.

[Andrew Santino]

Being condescending.

[Ryan H. Foley]

My apologies.

[Bobby Lee]

Let us reiterate.

[Ryan H. Foley]

That stamp's pretty good. They had circumvent up.

[Andrew Santino]

Find a way around.

[Ryan H. Foley]

We bought a. We bought a very nice. The nicest conversion van we could buy. And we kind of use that as the tour bus. Die ops. Our boy Ryan D. Will drive it out to Michigan. He'll pick us up at the airport in Michigan, and then that's. We're cruising around in that for the week.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, why Michigan?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Or like wherever the run.

[Andrew Santino]

I was like, yeah. You guys aren't living. Are you guys living in New York? Where do you live?

[Bobby Lee]

Queens.

[Andrew Santino]

Queens, Kids. Both of you?

[Ryan H. Foley]

No, I got a Manhattan.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not getting that. Yeah. You're not getting that Austin itch, huh?

[Bobby Lee]

The heat would kill me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, true. Genuinely. Yeah.

[Kevin]

You guys dread being here? Not at Bad Friends, but in la.

[Bobby Lee]

I love la. I don't have any of that. That other people.

[Kevin]

That's what I like about you.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't like it. It's, you know.

[Kevin]

Hey, troop.

[Andrew Santino]

Troop check, please.

[Kevin]

What's up?

[Bobby Lee]

I love it.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I don't. I don't. I don't hate it. I'm not one of those guys. I just don't love it. It's just not. I enjoy my time out here. I like seeing my friends.

[Andrew Santino]

I get it.

[Ryan H. Foley]

We stay. We got a very nice house in the hills. We're having a beer.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you rented a crib for the kids.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What are we talking about?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Nice. Nice property.

[Bobby Lee]

Good place to Oda.

[Andrew Santino]

Airbnb.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Airbnb looked up it looked it up on Zillow. 6.5 million.

[Kevin]

How long. How long you in town for? Let me get that right. Let me say it again.

[Andrew Santino]

Circumvent.

[Kevin]

Circumvent. How long are you guys in town for?

[Bobby Lee]

Until Thursday.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, we were here Saturday. Thursday.

[Bobby Lee]

We called, you didn't answer.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he loves taking people to dinner.

[Bobby Lee]

I was looking for your car in the parking lot to see what you were whipping around and I don't.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't drive anymore, man. Not after the accident.

[Kevin]

What accent you don't hear about his accident was. Died.

[Bobby Lee]

Nah.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, is that true?

[Andrew Santino]

I hit it. I hit.

[Bobby Lee]

You're with me.

[Andrew Santino]

No, dude, I hit. Look at his eye. Look at my eye. My eyes all up. I hit a couple.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I was pink guy. I've seen that all.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

It was bad.

[Kevin]

It wasn't his fault. It wasn't a car. It wasn't his fault, though.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I mean, I was drinking, but. Yeah. No, it's not funny.

[Kevin]

Why would you joke?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I shouldn't joke about it.

[Kevin]

I mean, the almost. I mean, he. I mean, he almost died.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Kevin]

Yeah, dude, it's in fucking Hollywood Reporter.

[Andrew Santino]

Reporter brought a deadline.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I'll pull it up.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's see if that's my. That's my ticket there from the hospital.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yep.

[Bobby Lee]

Holy.

[Kevin]

It was really bad.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you get knocked out?

[Kevin]

Yeah, dude, I was there for three days at the hospital.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't remember anything for almost a week. Yeah, almost a week. Like five. What is this?

[Kevin]

Dude, he was hooked up with machines.

[Andrew Santino]

It was in a month and a half ago.

[Bobby Lee]

He's lying.

[Kevin]

No, dude.

[Ryan H. Foley]

You know, let me see the holiday.

[Kevin]

No, here's.

[Andrew Santino]

I would have heard this.

[Kevin]

We are going to pull it up. But here's already.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Once they type it.

[Kevin]

No, no, no, no. What?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna say domain.

[Ryan H. Foley]

The domain.

[Kevin]

Hey, Kevin.

[Andrew Santino]

Nope.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, sorry.

[Kevin]

Okay.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I got excited right now.

[Kevin]

You have sad eyes.

[Ryan H. Foley]

You just complimented.

[Kevin]

I know, but they're drooping. They're sad, and I don't like it. So what I'm gonna say is, before we look it up, I want to say this. All right, already. Will you look at me right now? I'm not done talking.

[Bobby Lee]

Go.

[Kevin]

All right. We told you a fact.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin]

And you doubted it.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right. Yeah, sure.

[Kevin]

Which means there's division between our teams.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right. Yeah.

[Kevin]

Right. We're not cohesive.

[Bobby Lee]

No. We're just not suckers.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what you two are up to? We lie all the time.

[Andrew Santino]

Formally said that he crashed his Kia Sorento. Incident appears have been minor.

[Bobby Lee]

2001.

[Ryan H. Foley]

2021.

[Andrew Santino]

It was a 2021 Kia Sorrento.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's wrong.

[Kevin]

He's been in the hospital for three, four, five years every day. I was only there for three days.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Out of those four years.

[Andrew Santino]

That's one of my favorite bits. I always kept saying I got really good, though. I crashed Shakia Sorrento. People. Fuck it. For some reason, if you said you got in a car accident, like, yeah, dude, I crashed my old Kia Sorento. People like, damn. Like, they buy it right away.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know why the car validates the accident.

[Bobby Lee]

I was gonna make fun of you for driving ikea.

[Andrew Santino]

I was like, what do you drive, flashy guy?

[Bobby Lee]

I drive.

[Andrew Santino]

You live in Queens. You don't have a car? Do you have a car?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I got a Jeep.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Oh, so better than a Kia, hotshot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I have a question, Bobby. Are you dating anybody? Can you talk about that or. No? Okay, good.

[Kevin]

No, no, no, no. I'm absorbing what you're asking.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Huh.

[Kevin]

And I'm gonna answer you properly.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Okay.

[Kevin]

Yes, I am.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Great.

[Kevin]

Yeah, I'm getting a lot of. Because they're white women.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

They're all white.

[Bobby Lee]

So you're dating casually.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

You're not in a white woman yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's cool.

[Kevin]

And my Asian, you know, friends and family are going, what's up, dude?

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

And I'm like. I don't. Those are the ones that like me.

[Andrew Santino]

Who. What do your friends and family say?

[Kevin]

What wasab, dude?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Mexican?

[Andrew Santino]

No, that's some of them. Yeah.

[Kevin]

Yeah, some of them.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Yeah, no, but they go.

[Bobby Lee]

Do other Asian celebrities give you for that kind of stuff?

[Andrew Santino]

They don't talk to him.

[Kevin]

No, no. Like, you look at Steven Yoon. He's nice Asian woman. John show nice Asian woman. Yeah, I just. I can't.

[Andrew Santino]

What's your problem?

[Kevin]

Because those Asian women find me to be unclean, which I'm not.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Very clean man.

[Kevin]

Excuse me?

[Ryan H. Foley]

A very. You're a very clean man.

[Kevin]

Yeah, but people think. But based on my online presence or whatever, that I'm a dirty.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, But I'm eating and stuff like that. The booger eating and stuff like that.

[Kevin]

Well, have you not.

[Bobby Lee]

Of course.

[Kevin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

I've never done it.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Me either.

[Andrew Santino]

Never. Once you've eaten your boogers.

[Bobby Lee]

I've eaten my boogers. Yeah. When I said.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, not interested.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What about touching your butthole?

[Andrew Santino]

If it comes out, it doesn't go back in. That's how I feel.

[Bobby Lee]

When's the last time you touched your butthole? Bare finger?

[Andrew Santino]

I had a. I had a stint. I had a run. I had to run. I got over it. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Not sexually dirty. Just touching it.

[Andrew Santino]

What? Not sexually.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I was talking about sexually. What do you mean? Just touching my butthole? Just for. For as in passive whatever.

[Kevin]

Like a little boop.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no, no. He loves it.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby, what about you?

[Kevin]

I'll do it now.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I'm not afraid of it.

[Andrew Santino]

It's actually fine. Yeah. If you're playing with a toy. But I mean, you know what I mean.

[Bobby Lee]

If you're having fun, you've done that with toys.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you should see the size of the thing I put in my ass. Show him the thing I put.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, right.

[Ryan H. Foley]

He's lying.

[Andrew Santino]

He's got it.

[Kevin]

He's got it.

[Andrew Santino]

It's unbelievable. The thing. The size of this.

[Bobby Lee]

I wouldn't have suspected that, my man. I like that.

[Andrew Santino]

That you don't know. What do you know? I'm just gay.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Shut up.

[Andrew Santino]

How long have you known me? Yeah, that thing. I put that. Whoa, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I borrow that thing.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Now?

[Bobby Lee]

You're married. I met your wife, haven't I?

[Andrew Santino]

So you think you met my beard?

[Bobby Lee]

Nice.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. No, I'm seeing a couple of guys right now, but none of them.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Nothing serious.

[Andrew Santino]

Nothing's sticking. No. Yeah. I've never touched my butthole. Un. Sexually.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

What are you doing with it? It?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Making sure it's there.

[Bobby Lee]

Just crossing that line. Of touching my butthole.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin]

I have a difficult time committing right now.

[Andrew Santino]

To your butthole.

[Bobby Lee]

To your butthole?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

It moves.

[Bobby Lee]

You mean relationship.

[Kevin]

What vibrates?

[Andrew Santino]

Huh?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

It goes like that.

[Bobby Lee]

Your butthole?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kevin]

And I don't like it that it's sassy.

[Bobby Lee]

Jeez.

[Kevin]

No, in terms of a Women.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're playing the field. You're having fun playing the field.

[Kevin]

I wanna.

[Bobby Lee]

You're dating.

[Kevin]

No, I want to find. I want to find. I want to fall in love.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Have.

[Bobby Lee]

No, stop that.

[Kevin]

You don't.

[Bobby Lee]

You went through that. How'd that turn out? Get out of here.

[Kevin]

I know.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Enjoy yourself.

[Kevin]

Yeah, but I'm ready again, I think.

[Bobby Lee]

No, that's. That's your mistake.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Ready?

[Andrew Santino]

Get back up on those.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't do it, Bobby. Fall in love with yourself. That's how you fall in love.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. That. Let him fall in love with a woman.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

I don't know if I'll ever marry.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Yeah, for sure.

[Andrew Santino]

How happy are you? You got a boy?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, very.

[Andrew Santino]

You amped?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You nervous?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah. It's crazy. I'm still nervous.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. Do a gender reveal thing. You did one of these things?

[Kevin]

Nah.

[Andrew Santino]

Shoulda, woulda, coulda, did. Would have been fun to do.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you. Have you done that?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I don't have any kids. You don't? No, but if I did, I think I would do the general reveal. But I do it real, real crazy. Blow it up. You know what I mean?

[Ryan H. Foley]

You do a golf ball, you do the golf ball. That's what you gotta do.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. I'd like, you know, like light a boat on fire. Color of the smoke. What? I mean, real extravagant. Something obnoxious.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you guys gonna have kids? Do you want to have kids?

[Andrew Santino]

You can't have kids.

[Bobby Lee]

No kidding.

[Andrew Santino]

No, we tried. Yeah. It doesn't.

[Kevin]

Yeah, they start bringing that up.

[Andrew Santino]

It can't go through the. But for some reason, I don't even know why. Doesn't make it. It's not a loop. I know. We thought it was a loop, but it's not a loop. No, we tried. We can't do it.

[Bobby Lee]

You being serious?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin]

Adopt, maybe.

[Bobby Lee]

Would you want to do that?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but a white Slav, you know, a little White Slavic baby they're giving. Those are pretty adoptable right now.

[Bobby Lee]

Not a little Asian kid.

[Andrew Santino]

White slobs. Little Asian kid. I got a little Asian kid. Hey, buddy. I have one. I. If I was going to adopt. Yeah. I mean, it's. I think that's a whole Another. Like, I have friends that were adopted, and that's a whole. Another set of things that come along with it. Sure. So I might. But I don't know. I'm just not sure. The good thing about adoptions, you got time, you know? I mean, like, I don't.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I don't have to do whatever. Yeah, you're not fighting a biological clock.

[Andrew Santino]

It's always a kid wanting. Wanting to be adopted. Maybe. Seriously, Maybe I'd like to adopt a kid that's like 17. Give him one good year.

[Bobby Lee]

An athlete. Get an athlete.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, dude. You know what I mean? Get him up to Chaminade, one of those high schools.

[Kevin]

If you adopted a kid and years later they want to find their biological family.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. That's what's tough.

[Kevin]

Would. That depends if that hurt your feelings.

[Andrew Santino]

No. If the adoption is open or closed. Right. Some of them are.

[Kevin]

Even if it was closed, they're like. Like, you know what, dad? You're a great dad. I'm. Even though, you know, you're so angry sometimes. But anyway, you know, I'm. I'm going to look for my biological family. Is that okay?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's good. Go back to China. Is that what you want?

[Bobby Lee]

Hold on.

[Andrew Santino]

Go back to China. I'll send you right back.

[Bobby Lee]

That's the reason.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll put you in the box that you came in and I'll send you right back. You'll be on the bottom of a Hyundai trailer.

[Kevin]

See, that attitude you're doing right now, that's the reason why I want to find my biological parents. Because this is the way you talk to me.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, hang on.

[Andrew Santino]

You're the only kid I know that didn't get into Mississippi State. How about that? Back to China.

[Bobby Lee]

Hang on. So the kid you would adopt would be. The kid that you would adopt would be a bad actor. Is that what's going on here? What was that accent?

[Kevin]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

What was that accent? You're better than that.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no.

[Kevin]

Cleveland, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

That's it. Yeah, that's. That is a. Outside of Cleveland.

[Kevin]

Well, let me do it again. I was a kid.

[Bobby Lee]

Do Australian.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. Do Australian. Yeah. I dropped an Australian kid.

[Bobby Lee]

Or do British. I'll give you that. Make it easy. Cockney date.

[Andrew Santino]

Cockney.

[Bobby Lee]

That's not.

[Andrew Santino]

Brother. He's not dialects.

[Kevin]

Date.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, son.

[Kevin]

I want to find my biological family.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, they're in China. I told you that.

[Kevin]

I thought I was British date.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you are. You're British. Chinese kid.

[Kevin]

You do a kid, then don't do it. We're your gay. We're your gay parents. We adopted you.

[Andrew Santino]

This is a fantasy we play out all the time.

[Kevin]

Yeah, there's a fantasy. You're 18 years old now and you're telling us.

[Bobby Lee]

Us Telling you what? That you want, I'm gay and I want to all hook up.

[Andrew Santino]

Sure.

[Bobby Lee]

That's the kind of porn I like, by the way. Step parents porn. Very nice.

[Kevin]

I did see on Tik Tok today a montage of kids coming out to their parents and their parents being so supportive, it made me cry.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's awesome. Was there anyone not supportive, though?

[Kevin]

That's why that's not the montage I saw. But those are my favorite ones.

[Ryan H. Foley]

What?

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, not in my house.

[Bobby Lee]

That's crazy when that happens. Happens when you hear that. How could somebody not even that they like, kick them out.

[Kevin]

Oh, I can't believe that.

[Bobby Lee]

How much of a. I had a.

[Andrew Santino]

Buddy when I first moved to la. This guy that I met, his parents sent him to pray away the gay camp. We talk.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, dude. What? But he made him more gay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I hear those places.

[Kevin]

Yeah, it's awful.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like there was nothing. There was never going to fix anything.

[Bobby Lee]

So.

[Andrew Santino]

And his mom used to say, wild. She'd come. We lived in the same complex. His mom would come and visit and she'd be like, how come. How come he can't get a pretty girl like the girl you're dating? And I had to keep up the lie. I was like, I think he loves being single.

[Kevin]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Lee]

She didn't know?

[Andrew Santino]

No, they.

[Ryan H. Foley]

They just in denial.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, sure. Sheer denial.

[Kevin]

But don't parents know?

[Andrew Santino]

You would think you can usually smell a gay in your. In your house.

[Kevin]

Yeah, I'm just like, dad. Dad, sure.

[Andrew Santino]

You ever go to your friend's house and they're, this is my son, Riley. He's like, hello. You're like, oh.

[Kevin]

I thought his parents already knew.

[Andrew Santino]

You like dancing, Riley.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, I think they know from a young age.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, of course.

[Kevin]

You know, I'd just be like, yeah, I know that already, kid.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What if your son came to you and said, dad, I think I'm gay? What do you say?

[Ryan H. Foley]

I'd be okay with it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Great.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Would you be disappointed at all?

[Ryan H. Foley]

I'd start Calling my daughter. But short. No, I'm kidding. No, I mean, I think. I don't know. I'm three months in. It'd be weird if he did, you know, if he told me.

[Andrew Santino]

No, it's coming. Five months. That's what they did. Five months maybe.

[Kevin]

A.

[Ryan H. Foley]

So stupid dude I like starts.

[Bobby Lee]

Listening to Chapel Roan.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Yeah, I don't know. I would be fine. You'd have to be fine, you know?

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

I'm a progressive guy.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Of course.

[Ryan H. Foley]

My best friend's gay, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Sure. On the weekends sometimes.

[Andrew Santino]

You never tried.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

You never tried to flip the other side of the menu as Charlie.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Great line. We were talking. Great line.

[Bobby Lee]

That whole thing is fantastic.

[Andrew Santino]

Doing your show. Doing your show. The. One of the most fun. I remember doing it and being like, oh, yeah, I want to go to. That'll be fun. It'll be cool. And then I did it, and I was like, that's one of the best, most inventive podcasts on the Internet. Your rhythm is perfect. You guys. Relationship is amazing. I seeing you guys.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

We love you guys.

[Kevin]

I love you guys.

[Andrew Santino]

Seeing you guys grow. And I was also like, this is. Some people take off, and you're like, when. You know what I mean? When it happens to someone, you're like, yes, good. Yeah. That is the goal. This should be the biggest, big thing. Go, go, go.

[Bobby Lee]

We love you guys so much. Everybody in the comedy pod, community, little sphere has been so great to us. And nobody's jealous. Nobody's, you know, high tides raise all ships.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And that was an away game. We want you in the studio when you in New York.

[Andrew Santino]

I come to New York. Yeah.

[Diops (Ryan D.)]

I did it.

[Bobby Lee]

Both of you.

[Andrew Santino]

You did it.

[Ryan H. Foley]

You were in the old studio.

[Kevin]

I know, but then I went. I went inside one studio.

[Andrew Santino]

Where do you.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Love to have you back.

[Andrew Santino]

Where's the new stuff Studio at?

[Ryan H. Foley]

Midtown.

[Bobby Lee]

Second biggest comedy podcast in the city.

[Ryan H. Foley]

It's bigger than. Seriously bigger than Schultzes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Oh, for the game. Come for the game.

[Bobby Lee]

Schultzes is way nicer and his staff is all cool as.

[Andrew Santino]

And they're all minorities. You guys have only whites. That's why I want to go to our.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Oh, we got an Italian guy.

[Bobby Lee]

We got an Italian.

[Ryan H. Foley]

We don't eat with them, but, you.

[Kevin]

Know, you guys want to promote anything.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Check out the pod. Are you garbage? Wherever we do twice a week. Public and then Patreon as well. We have a very active Patreon and we're on tour right now. Back on the block tour. All tickets [e-mail] it's stand up and we play AYG with the crowd.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, and we have a special Route 66 special which is a combination of all that. And we each have half hours on our page.

[Andrew Santino]

Go see the kids. Are you garbage.com is where you can get all that information. We'll put the link in the description down below for the fans. We appreciate you guys. We love you guys. Thank you for being garbage friends.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Love you.

[Kevin]

Thank you for being part of Garbage Pan Fan.

[Andrew Santino]

It says into that camera. At the same time, say, thank you for being a bad fan. Friend.

[Ryan H. Foley]

Thanks for being a bad friend.

[Andrew Santino]

Good boys.