Heated Rivalry w/ Rick Glassman

Summary

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Bad Friends – Draft Episode for Feb 2, 2026

Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino

Notable Guests: Steel Beans, Rick Glassman

Date: February 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This raucous episode of Bad Friends welcomes musician Steel Beans and comedian Rick Glassman for a characteristically loose, hilarious, and at times deeply honest hang. Bobby and Andrew riff on cultural obsessions, post-special melancholy, Asian pride in sports, not-so-healthy habits, AI’s limits, touring as comics, awkward dating encounters, and bodily mishaps—while also teasing one another relentlessly and examining their unique friendships. The episode is a cross-section of everything Bad Friends fans love: biting jokes, vulnerable moments, pop culture deep-dives, and genuine Bad Friend energy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Food, Racial Slang, and UK Terminology

• [01:22–02:47] Andrew and Bobby banter about British slang for "getting a Chinese" (referring to Chinese takeout). They poke fun at UK culture and riff on the idea of "getting a Japanese," joking about the absurdity of treating nationalities as menu items.
  • Bobby: “You don’t get a Chinese. They’re harder to catch. Dude, they’re ninjas.”
  • Andrew: “When we go to Japan, we should do a late night walk and talk video where we find drunk Japanese men sleeping on the street.”

---

2. Bobby’s Special, Friendship, and AA Birthday

• [02:57–04:13, 09:07–09:15] Bobby expresses feeling underappreciated after his comedy special, calling out his friends for not showing up or texting—except Andrew, who takes pride as “the only one.”
  • Bobby: “You’re the only one that texted me on my [AA] birthday. You’re literally the only one. None of you bastards came to my special.”
  • Andrew: “You probably don’t want me there, because you think I’d give you notes.”
• They touch on Bobby’s ongoing sobriety and the unique bonds in their circle.

---

3. The “Heated Rivalry” Gay Hockey Show

• [04:32–07:03] Bobby humorously reviews an imaginary gay hockey show, “Heated Rivalry,” detailing a scene with two rivals exchanging a water bottle—playful, awkward, and enthusiastic.
  • Bobby: “It’s so hot, dude. It melts the ice. These two rookies... right? And one guy goes, ‘Can I get a drink of your water?’ He doesn’t piss in his mouth. He hands him the bottle and they do a little brush of the finger, and that sets it off.”
• Andrew feigns prudishness, then admits his dislike for any overdone sex scenes, straight or gay.

---

4. The Real Show Plug: “Free Bert” & Arden Myrin

• [07:14–08:28] Andrew shouts out “Free Bert” and actress Arden Myrin (“She looks sexy—for her age”), while Bobby shares Matt TV memories.
  • Andrew: “I look like John McCain’s wife.”
  • Bobby: “I look like Mitch McConnell’s wife.”

---

5. Therapy Talk, “JOY,” and Creativity Slumps

• [09:24–12:01] Andrew shares a therapy acronym: “JOY—Just Observe Yourself,” applying mindfulness to daily life.
  • Bobby jokes: “I do YOJ.”
• Both discuss post-special depression and the creative void after finishing a big project.
  • Andrew: “There’s a postpartum special... after I film anything, I always feel a little sick and bad. You put so much into something.”
  • Bobby: “I literally don’t have anything... I don’t know what else to say.”

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6. Sports, Asian Pride, and Learning Languages

• [13:17–15:30] Andrew celebrates Japanese baseball star Shohei Ohtani joining the Dodgers, noting a surge in Japanese ads and influence.
  • Andrew: “Everything is Japanese now at Dodger stadium. All the advertisers. It’s brilliant.”
• Bobby jokes about learning Cantonese and Mandarin, mimicking phrases and the word for “ice” (“bing”).

---

7. “GOAT”: Their Animated Film Project

• [15:33–16:28] Both hosts light up discussing a huge billboard for GOAT, their upcoming animated movie.
  • Andrew: “Never been in a real animated feature... it’s cool to be a part of that kind of thing.”

---

8. Guest Segment: Steel Beans on Music, AI, and Exercise

• [16:31–21:23] Steel Beans discusses his weight loss (dancing “like James Brown” and eating scrambled eggs), naked household routines, and why he’s not an “AI guy.”
  • Steel Beans: “They still can’t get green screen to work perfectly... It’ll never have the human emotion of comedy or the nuance in songwriting.”
  • On AI-generated lyrics: “It wrote a song and I was like, damn, these are lyrics I would write, but I would never say that. It’s hacky... it’s the fine tuning that puts the eyebrows.”
• Andrew pokes at AI: “Did you say that to AI? Because if you say that, it’ll just get better at it, then! That’s the problem.”
• Bobby marvels at Beans’ ability to play drums, guitar, and sing at once: “It’s like chewing gum and riding a horse at the same time!”

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9. Guest Segment: Rick Glassman on Touring, Personal History, and Banter

• [26:17–56:41] Rick Glassman arrives, immediately sparking chaos and rapid-fire riffing.
• Rick plugs his tour, which they joke will be at coffee shops and Denver’s “Coffee Bean.”
• They discuss stand-up tour life, handling mean internet comments, and Rick’s style—Andrew calls him “a rabble rouser” and “handsome, tall Jew.”
• Rick and Bobby invent awkward UFC fighter names and moves, riffing on MMA commentary and “fake” fights:
  • Bobby: “Marcus Monroe is a very good bantamweight.”
  • Rick: “Sarah Mit Finowicz—good boxing lineage. Her dad died in a fire.”
• Awkward dating stories: Bobby admits to taking different dates to the same restaurant; Rick jokes about never eating out.
• They swap poop mishap stories, with Bobby calling his almost-miss a matter of “five seconds.”
• Rick tells a story about his mom having a bathroom accident at his ex’s apartment in London, gets her "phone approval" on-air, and shares a dad-joke about traffic stops and wearing glasses.

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10. Wholesome & Absurd Closer

• [56:41–end] The crew gets silly and vulnerable.
• Bobby and Andrew tease Rick about his quirks—his rules at home (“Don’t touch that”) and his oddly polite boundaries.
• Jokes about micro-dosing mushrooms, dating habits, and how the hosts handle internet fame and pressure.
• Rick and Bobby launch into a mutual appreciation—“Lost, confused, and found”—before descending into fart and poop jokes.
• Rick phones his parents for live fact-checking and approval.
• The episode closes with Bobby openly reaching his “limit” and signing off, Rick attempting to co-host, and everyone affectionately (and officially) saying goodbye.

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Notable & Memorable Quotes

• On British Chinese food slang
  • Bobby: “You don’t get a Chinese. They’re harder to catch. Dude, they’re ninjas.” (02:44)
• On friendship and birthdays
  • Bobby: “You’re the only one that texted me on my [AA] birthday. You’re literally the only one.” (03:00)
• On “Heated Rivalry”
  • Bobby: “It melts the ice, it’s so hot. I’m watching it going… I’m in!” (04:50)
• On post-special blues
  • Andrew: “There’s a postpartum special or a postpartum shooting, but I feel the same way. After I film anything… you put so much into something.” (10:12)
• Steel Beans on AI music
  • Steel Beans: “I entered in write a song in the style of Steel Beans... It wrote lyrics I would write, but I’d never say them. It’s hacky... it's the fine tuning that puts the eyebrows.” (19:53)
• On comments and rabble rousing
  • Andrew: “You are the most beloved guy on the internet. Your show is a hit. You’re a handsome, tall Jew. Things are going good.” (46:40)
  • Rick: “I have rebel rouse syndrome.” (48:27)
• Bobby on dating rules
  • Bobby: “I would find that it'd be a nightmare dating you. All your little rules at your house: Take your shoes off, don’t touch that.” (54:29)

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Important Timestamps

• [01:22–02:47] Riffing on British “getting a Chinese” and “getting a Japanese”
• [03:00] Bobby calls out his friends for missing his special/AA birthday
• [04:32–07:03] Heated Rivalry (Imaginary gay hockey show discussion)
• [09:24–12:01] Therapy talk and post-special depression
• [13:17–15:30] Ohtani and Asian pride in sports
• [15:33–16:28] Animated movie “Goat” billboard excitement
• [16:31–21:23] Steel Beans on weight loss, AI, and music process
• [26:17–56:41] Rick Glassman’s extended guest segment: riffing, tour talk, dating, and poop stories
• [46:40] Andrew praises Rick’s online reputation (“Handsome, tall Jew”)
• [48:27] “Rebel rouse syndrome” joke
• [54:29] Bobby on dating Rick: “All your little rules...”
• [56:41–end] Warm goodbyes and co-hosting attempt by Rick

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Tone & Style

Bad Friends maintains its signature: fast-paced, openly biased, and irreverently silly. The energy ricochets between affection, satire, and heartfelt honesty, all in the hosts’ and guests’ authentic voices.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode is a quintessential Bad Friends cocktail: part roast, part group therapy, part fever dream, part love letter between old friends and weirdos. Fans get the classic inside jokes and new listeners get a crash course in Bobby and Andrew’s chemistry—including all the fart and poop comedy that’s become its own language among them.

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If you love comedy podcasts where sincerity and absurdity go hand in hand, this is a must-listen.

Transcript

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[A]

White dude and an Asian dude.

[C]

You two are disgusting.

[A]

Oh, you two are something.

[B]

We're bad friends.

[A]

You know, I. You know what I love, dude?

[B]

Yeah?

[A]

I love dried noodles.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean, the Chinese, where they have the dried noodles and some sort of gravy, like some Chinese gravy on top of. So you get some of the like soft parts, right? And then the hard parts somehow. Like my, my, me, I'm soft at the same time.

[B]

Well, you need to be soft before.

[A]

You can get hard or vice versa.

[B]

Be hard and then go soft.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I do.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I tell you what's bothering me about the Internet and Chinese? All these Brits posting about getting a Chinese. We're going out, we're getting ourselves a Chinese. They call getting Chinese food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Getting a Chinese.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Look up getting a Chinese in the uk. Getting a Chinese is common non offensive slang for phrase meaning. So to order or buy a Chinese takeaway meal. Why is it okay for. Brits are the first people to get mad at people for saying something incorrectly on PC they say, go get a Chinese. Yeah, I mean, that sounds pretty scary in this day and age.

[A]

Yeah, I get a Japanese. That's easier.

[B]

Much easier.

[A]

Yeah, they're easier to catch. The Japanese are easier to get. They really are, are they not?

[B]

Well, they're more patient.

[A]

Yeah, they're like in their suits, you know, I mean, just out with their briefcase out there.

[B]

Well, you can't.

[A]

And they get drunk. They get drunk. That's when you get them.

[B]

You can't run.

[A]

You go to Tokyo, two in the morning, bunch of businessmen, they're drunk. That's when they get a job.

[B]

That's when you get a little Japanese.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Going to get myself a Japanese.

[A]

Yeah, you don't get a Chinese. They're harder to catch. Dude, they're ninjas.

[B]

They're very evasive.

[A]

They're in the trees.

[B]

That guy's easy to grab.

[A]

Look at that.

[B]

Yeah, that's such a great culture. When we go to Japan, I want to. We should do a late night walk and talk video where we find drunk Japanese men sleeping on the street.

[A]

You're the only one. You're the only one that texted me on my birthday. You're the only one.

[B]

Well, clarify what you mean by birthday.

[A]

My. A birthday.

[B]

That's right. I'm the only one.

[A]

You're literally Sunday the only one. None of you bastards. Right? Came to my special. Thank you. Came to my special.

[D]

Yeah, we were there.

[B]

But. But, But, Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. What?

[B]

Who did?

[A]

Who didn't? Who didn't? He's busy.

[B]

No, but let's.

[A]

Andrew's a busy man. He's in that magic movie, right? He's hanging out with, you know, me.

[B]

You know why I didn't come to the special?

[A]

Because you have your own shows.

[B]

No. Yeah, Carlos knows. I even said to those guys when you weren't here, I said I should cancel the shows. And then I thought, you probably don't want me there. And you said to me off air, if we're going to be honest about it, you said, it's probably easier if you're not there because.

[A]

Because you're going to give me notes.

[B]

I would never give you notes. Yeah, I said, you don't need the pressure of me being there. And I. And I was honest with the guys. I said I was going to call my agent cancel. And I said, he probably doesn't want me there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you said to me off air.

[A]

I Didn't want you.

[B]

That's right. Okay.

[A]

So I don't think we should go. I mean, you know, if there's a wedding, like, if I'm married, getting married, obviously, you guys should come.

[B]

No. You don't want me there for that.

[A]

No, no, you gotta come.

[B]

I will.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So you can go. No, I don't agree, you know, with the vows. Yeah. Object.

[B]

You.

[A]

You know, I want you to object.

[B]

Imagine I object, and it's because I want you to be my wife.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And do a speech. Yeah.

[B]

And I'm. Everyone's crying. It's that moment in the movie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I pick you up, we run down to the ocean.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We go swimming and everybody. It's a beautiful moment. Then the music stops and everybody realizes it's just us in the ocean together.

[A]

God.

[B]

Wading away.

[A]

Heated rivalry.

[B]

He did rivalry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Revelry.

[A]

No, he did rivalry.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Do you know about it?

[B]

No.

[A]

The show. It's my jam.

[B]

What's heated rivalry?

[A]

This show is my jam, dude.

[B]

What is this?

[A]

Gay hockey. It's a gay hockey show.

[B]

This is why everybody online is talking about. Yeah. When do they kiss? People are going to hockey games and going, when did they kiss, dude?

[A]

It's so hot, dude.

[B]

It melts the ice.

[A]

It melts the ice. It's so hot. I've been watching it, dude. Right? There's a scene, these two rookies in the beginning, okay, this is where I'm.

[B]

Gonna be a little.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna be a little.

[A]

No, two rookies.

[B]

Take that off. I don't want to see that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. There's.

[B]

Yeah, stop it.

[A]

There's these two rookies, right? And they find themselves in the gym, right? And they're also like. You know what I mean? Not Nemesis, but they're rivals, okay? Hence the name heated rivalry.

[B]

Pretty on brand.

[A]

It's pretty on brand, right? And one guy goes, can I get a drink of your water?

[B]

He pisses his mouth.

[A]

No, he doesn't. And he hands him a white water bottle and he does a light. A little brush of the finger, and.

[B]

That sets it off. It turns into a gay porno after.

[A]

Dude, I'm watching it going, I'm in. I'm in this.

[B]

So this is a gay love story.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What is this on Bravo?

[A]

No, it's on hbo. It's on hbo.

[D]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

I'm gonna call my local. I'm going call my local congressperson to get this removed.

[A]

Yeah. And here's my only problem with the.

[B]

Show is all the gay.

[A]

No, it's not the gay. Right. The Asian one. Right. When they first hook up, he's the bottom. He comes too fast. He comes. Do you see it? He comes way too fast.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

Yeah. And because the Russian one. There's always a Russian one.

[B]

Well, they're hockey.

[A]

Yeah. And he doesn't know what his sexuality is. The Asian one.

[B]

I think we figured it out pretty quickly in the show.

[A]

Yeah, but he doesn't know. Right. And then when he blows them. Right. He comes so fast. Right. And I'm like, too fast. PTSD for you? No, I just want to see the last. What do you mean? What does that mean?

[B]

A little. What do they call that when you have an acid flashback? You got a flashback.

[A]

Yeah. But anyway, dude, half Asians. Wow.

[B]

So heated rivalry is your favorite new gay show?

[A]

Yes, my favorite gay show.

[B]

I can't watch that kind of.

[A]

And can I say something?

[B]

Crazy talk. What are we talking about?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

I don't want to watch that stuff.

[A]

See, that's why I watched it, because I don't want to be that guy says, I don't want to watch that stuff.

[B]

I am not.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

I don't want to watch that.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't want to be that guy.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

I want to be open. Right. And go, oh, he's. You know what I mean? He's an open book. He's in touch with this feeling.

[B]

I don't want to see sex scenes between straight couples on shows. I want to see shows that are more creative than just sex.

[A]

Yeah. I only saw one episode. I'll never see another one. Yeah. You know, the girl I'm seeing made me watch it. I saw the first episode. I was like, that's enough for me. I know what happens when you brought.

[B]

Up a gay love scene. Like two men in love. You were talking about Free Bert. I thought it was Bert's new show.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Honestly, I watched it the other night. Good, brother. It's great.

[A]

I heard it's good.

[B]

It's not good. It's great. It's fantastic. It's so fun, and it's. It hits all the notes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's a great show.

[A]

Great.

[B]

I'm not saying that because he's our boy. So happy for it is fantastic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And. Oh, God, what's wrong with my brain?

[A]

What's.

[B]

What's her name? Artemoren.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Arteman. Artemis.

[A]

Artemis Fowl.

[B]

Yeah. No, Arden. Arden. She's Arden, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Arden Mirin. Yeah, she's great.

[A]

Arden is. I have to say something.

[B]

You've known her for a long time.

[A]

I've known her. We were on Matt TV the year.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Yeah. Arden looks so good for her age.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Is that bad to see?

[B]

I don't even know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

No, I mean, what is she, 106?

[A]

No, she's my age.

[B]

You corrected it by saying sexy. That's.

[A]

Is that mean for me to say?

[B]

Is that.

[A]

I don't need the For. For her age part. I didn't just say she looks. Let me get that again. Big two. Yeah, she looks sexy.

[B]

A little creepy, but, yeah, that's fine.

[A]

No, as a friend, I don't. There's no. Come on.

[B]

I know, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, well, then, just teasing. 52 years old. Yeah, she looked great. You look great, too, for 54.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I look.

[A]

I remember when I played John McCain, she played Cindy McCain. Oh, I remember.

[B]

That's pretty sweet.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Wow, look at that third picture, babe. Third photo. Yeah, there it is. Zoom in. You do look like John McCain. That's incredible.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, it's incredible.

[B]

If you're ever wondering why not a lot of Asian guys get casted in sketch comedy. That's it right there. Why? I mean, it's hard. You look nothing like John. You just like an old. You look like an older Asian guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're playing your dad.

[A]

I look like Mitch McConnell's wife.

[B]

Wow. Look at how much taller she is than you. Why. Why'd they make her wear heels?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You have grown since then. Comedically, physically.

[A]

Yeah, you've grown. So Anyway, you guys, January 25th is my AA birthday. So just text me, you know, happy birthday.

[B]

That'd be nice.

[D]

I did.

[B]

I did.

[A]

You're the only one. No one else in my life.

[B]

Oh, it means a lot to me.

[A]

Yeah. Dude. What? A friend did.

[B]

And I'm. And I'm happy.

[A]

Very good.

[B]

I was really excited to see you today.

[D]

Why?

[B]

I got therapy this morning. I feel great. Yeah, I feel great. I got a great lesson out of it. I used it.

[A]

Tell me your lessons.

[B]

Well, I'll give you one called joy. I told the boys today. Joy. The acronym in the lesson today was joy. Yeah, Just observe yourself. Yeah, he's like, just be in it a little bit. Just stop trying to go full speed ahead and look. Just be in it a little bit.

[A]

Yeah, I do. Yoj.

[B]

Yeah. What is that?

[A]

What?

[B]

What is it?

[A]

Joy? Backwards.

[B]

Yeah. What is it? What?

[A]

Yourself. Right?

[B]

You always jerk.

[A]

I'm not done.

[B]

Joy. Backwards.

[A]

Yeah, Yourself. On Jeremiah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. What do you think? Anyway, yeah, now I feel. Do you get. Do you. Did you. Because I felt after my special, I felt like postpartum a little bit. Is that real?

[B]

Big time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Especially when you're writing the new hour. I am in postpartum hell.

[A]

Yeah. In fact, today I got an Alexa Pro because of it.

[B]

No, don't get on that. Yeah, please.

[A]

Dude, I'm so depressed.

[B]

How many pills are you on now?

[A]

So many different kinds.

[B]

Ozzy. Lexi.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Bluetooth, Blue Chew. Yeah, we gotta eat that Bluetooth. He loves it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You do really use that a lot.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Does that balance okay with your medication?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Yeah. Everything works. But. Yeah. So you're saying that there is a feeling of a little bit of.

[B]

There's a postpartum special or a postpartum shooting, but I feel the same way. After I film anything. Anything. I always feel a little sick and. And bad. Just because you. You put some. You put so much into something. People that don't know. You worked so hard on the special.

[A]

I think so. Yeah.

[B]

No, you did. I saw you every night, multiple times a night. And then when you put it out, it's. It's hard when you're done because you're. Then you're like. Yeah, it's just weights lifted. But you also feel a little empty.

[A]

Because the night was magical. I mean, you guys were there, you know, I mean, so it's like. We were surprised. That's another thing. Why did you. So this is what he's. This is what these. I get off stage, these guys are like, oh, you're actually funny.

[B]

You've seen him before.

[A]

I know, but that was the energy that you were giving me, right? Why?

[D]

Because you.

[A]

You took it to a different level. Yeah.

[B]

You were taping. You did it.

[A]

Yeah. You have to, though, because when there's cameras on, you're like, I have to mug. And, you know, I mean. And milk it.

[B]

You got to milk it.

[A]

Right. These guys don't know anything about showbiz. I mean, when you're doing a live show in front of people, it's not that I do 50%, but you don't really do a lot with your face and this because they can't really see it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's all about tone.

[B]

But you're doing it big in this one.

[A]

Yeah, I'm doing white eyes. Yeah, I did white eyes. I did.

[B]

Oh, Asian eyes. Yeah, yeah. Scared eyes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, just came eyes.

[A]

Yeah, I did all of them.

[B]

Yeah. You got to do them.

[A]

All full range. I did the full range of eyes, dude. Yeah.

[B]

I think it's. I think it's a good thing that you're feeling this way because then you build something new again.

[A]

I can't think of anything to say.

[B]

Come on. Talk about.

[A]

I really. I literally don't have anything. I don't know what. I sit there and I go. I don't know what else to say. Well, yeah. Yeah.

[B]

There's a lot going on in the world. You could talk about any of it.

[A]

Oh, I see. Know what I mean? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, by the way, this was amazing. Carlos sent me this. I died. There was a. This in. In. How do you say that? Fans. Kar as Stephen Hawking. So, like, I saw that. They all dressed up. Look at that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Roaming the streets as Stephen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Take me to Epstein's Island. Take me to Epstein's Island.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Take me to. Take me to. Take me to. Take me to. Take me to Epstein's Island.

[A]

The footwork on the guy in the middle is dead on.

[B]

It's impressive.

[A]

You got to do a crooked foot.

[B]

You have to have the lean.

[A]

Yeah. You have to do lean. Yeah.

[B]

This is a celebration of life more than it is.

[A]

It's a celebration of life. Yeah.

[B]

Whoever has the best technology, I'd be. I'd be more impressed with whose computer actually worked.

[A]

Yeah. And the next year, they're doing Michael J. Fox. It's going to look like an earthquake, and I'm going to do it that way. Give me your Michael J. Fox walk.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

What's on your hat?

[A]

Oh, the flower.

[B]

What does that mean?

[D]

It just. I think it's like a Japanese, like, version.

[A]

That's cool, dude.

[B]

Let me tell you something. Shohei Ohtani has us on lock.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Everything is Japanese now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Go to Dodger Stadium this next season. It's all Japanese. All the advertisers. It's brilliant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, they start. I know you don't love baseball. I want. You're going to come this year with me.

[A]

I'm going to come this.

[B]

All right, pause this. This guy. I think they said the Dodgers have already made their money back on him already because of how sellable he is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, he's an. He is a. It's a megastar. Beyond megastar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's mind blowing.

[A]

Yeah. It's not as big, but lafc. Getting sun on the team, too. That's huge. Yeah. Everything is sun.

[B]

Even I know who that is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's how big that is. Yeah, but that's money. It's all big money. If they just. Let me tell you.

[A]

Yeah. Knock on wood, dude, Asians are here.

[B]

Open up.

[A]

We're here. And we're here to stay. That's right, we're here. We're here to say. Dude, you know, I know you don't mess with us.

[B]

No, trust me. I'm learning Cantonese right now.

[A]

Are you really late at night?

[B]

Yeah, my buddy. My buddy who you know is teaching his son Mandarin right now. You know my friends speaking. He's. They're speaking.

[A]

No, speak. Speak to me.

[B]

He did it this morning. What's water? He was doing. It's like. No, it's like. It's like. And he said he knew coffee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's water? Does that literally say wata shushu shui? Yeah, it was that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But the little kid this morning.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Cute.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So cute.

[A]

What's ice? How do you say ice? I just curious.

[B]

What is it? Be bean.

[A]

I can point. You know what I mean? If I'm with my Mexican friends.

[B]

Bing.

[A]

And they run. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, what is that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, fuck. Isis.

[A]

I'm going to Minnesota right now. I'm gonna be yelling that in the.

[B]

Ping is the cool. They would make a hit song out of that.

[A]

Yeah. That's so good.

[B]

That's ice. Yeah, that's great.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

That's so funny, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anyway, that's so fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They can make anything fun.

[A]

They can make it fun.

[B]

Hey, you know what I saw this morning?

[A]

What?

[B]

I was actually a little proud. I almost sent you a little phot.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

I saw a billboard of our movie Goat that we're in.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

A huge billboard. I was like, holy shit.

[A]

It's gonna be big.

[B]

A big deal.

[A]

Gonna go to the thing?

[B]

Yeah, we gotta go. Yeah, we have to. We don't have a choice.

[A]

It's not this weekend, but next week.

[B]

Next weekend? Yeah. We have to go to the premiere. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Look at that there. Yeah. I don't know which one that was, but it was just cool to see because we've never been in a real animated feature. I have never been in an animated feature.

[A]

That's huge. Look at it.

[B]

It's three dimensional to look at it, but zoom in. Look what it says. From K Pop Demon Hunters spot into the spider verse. Spider Man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's pretty cool. Huge. I hope so, man.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's gonna be huge.

[B]

I will say we saw the movie. I'm not.

[A]

You saw what movie?

[B]

We saw this Movie. I'm saying we saw bits of it. No. What do you mean? We sat down, we saw. Well, we didn't see it fully animated.

[A]

We didn't see the act fully. And we did see it, though.

[B]

But they showed us the. It was so fun, man.

[A]

It's fun. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. It's cool to be a part of that kind of thing, because I've never seen animation come like that from so cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

0 to 100.

[A]

We've been working on that for a year. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it takes forever.

[A]

It takes forever. Willy Wonka's here. You want to bring in.

[B]

Bring in Willy Wonka?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Willy Wonka.

[B]

Willy, willy, willy, willy, willy, willy, willy.

[A]

What's up, dude? Dude. Let me say something, dude.

[B]

Outfit steel.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Outfit on fleek.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. Keep it getting.

[A]

Look at that. Let me say something. I didn't recognize you when. At first, because you lost so much weight.

[E]

Thank you.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not gonna lie to you, either. I 100. Didn't know that was you outside. I was like, what the. When I met you, dude, you were much bigger, dude.

[E]

Like 80 pounds heavy. I was just my usual weight that I'm usually at.

[A]

That. That's the one I miss. I'm getting. No.

[E]

See how you look, right, dude, thanks to Jam in the van for this picture. I look like a goblin.

[A]

Yeah, you do.

[B]

You do look sickly there.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

That's a pale man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tell me how you lost all the weight, dude.

[E]

I just. I eat scrambled eggs and fucking exercise every day. I dance like James Brown in my house for, like, three hours.

[B]

That's amazing. Scrambled eggs. Amazing scrambled eggs. Dance like James Brown. You look like this America.

[A]

Well, I mean, you know, you like incense. I feel like you like incense.

[E]

I do, if I have time.

[A]

Yeah. I used to go to you, like, things around the house. I bet you. I bet you money, dude.

[E]

I walk around the house naked every day.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

That's how I live. And so, like, if my girlfriend's niece moves in, it's like, oh, fuck, you got to wear clothes.

[A]

Amen.

[E]

Never again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't let your girlfriend's niece move in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That a life lesson.

[A]

It's a life.

[B]

That is a life.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Y. Yeah.

[E]

Her ghost is right here.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know Jules.

[E]

Don't know her, but you know about her. Seen her on the show.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It was over. Are you an AI Guy?

[E]

No. It's strange to see it come and go because a year ago, everybody in the comments would go, if you're not into AI you're going to get left behind. And that's totally flipped now in the comments. People are like, what is this? AI Slop.

[B]

What is this?

[E]

So I'm kind of stoked to see the public reception flip.

[B]

Right?

[E]

You know, because I think it's cool.

[B]

They.

[E]

They still can't get green screen to work perfectly, like when you go to.

[B]

Yeah, we're working on it every day in here.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Just can't get it done.

[E]

It'll never have the. The human emotion of comedy or the nuance in songwriting, you know?

[B]

Yeah, that's true. You got. It's you. It's gonna be us. It's got to be us.

[A]

Yeah. But there was a song on Tick Tock.

[B]

Oh, so good.

[A]

What?

[B]

The AI song.

[A]

It's an AI song.

[D]

I know.

[A]

It's a live song, you know, live. The band.

[E]

I can feel it.

[A]

Yeah, that. That song. Right. It was like an R B version of that song. And I tried to find it on my itunes and it does. It's unavailable. It's A.I. yeah. It's fake, but it sounds good.

[B]

There's A.I.

[A]

Are you scared or no?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Because when I. I love that scared.

[E]

They'll never. They'll never come close. Dude, I can write you any genre in the next five minutes. I write like five, ten songs a day when I'm locked in. But I collect all the gear from like the Motown days and I'll record you a Motown song and write you something that'll make you cry. I only exist because it's copying. It's a reflection of the human emotion and all the stuff that's trained it.

[B]

Right. But will it continue? Will it get so good that it will then train us?

[E]

It's at the fingertips of human command. So no AI thing is existing without a guy firing the command. So it comes down to a laziness on the writer's behalf.

[B]

Right.

[E]

I entered in write a song in the style of steel beans. And I'm not like that famous, but my lyrics are on there. And it wrote a song and I looked at the lyrics and I was like, damn, this is kind of some lyrics I would write, but I would never say this. It's hacky to put this sentence like that. It's the fine tuning that puts the eyebrows.

[B]

Did you say that to AI? Because if you say that, then it's going to good. I'll just get better at it then.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

That's the problem is that people go, this isn't good enough. And it goes Working on it. And it just continues to like what you just said into that microphone now.

[E]

Right.

[B]

It's being recorded. It's put out into the app. Like it. AI is going to know now. Yeah. You up?

[A]

You up, dude. I purposely did that by asking those.

[D]

Damn it.

[A]

You're done, dude.

[B]

You got an album out now.

[E]

I do. I didn't come here to promote my album. That came out promoted over 9th on Anderson Pax label, Ape Records.

[B]

Awesome.

[E]

I got Troy Van Leeuwen from Queens of the Stone Age on three of the songs.

[A]

And let me ask you about that part of it, Right? You're playing the guitar, playing drums at the same time and singing.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. Seems difficult. It's like chewing gum and riding a horse at the same time. Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if you're chewing gum and riding a horse at the same time.

[B]

Ridden a horse with gum. It throws both of you and the horse off. It's just tough. Rhythmically.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Christopher Reeves.

[B]

That's what happened to him. He was doing too much.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

I don't blame him.

[A]

So is that. I mean, you. You're thinking. Are you thinking, though? It's just organic.

[E]

I'm not thinking at all. I'll be honest. The lame answer is it's not that hard because I played drums since I was 2, got into guitar in middle school, and I was texting the band, when are you guys gonna get here? To rehearsal? And I sat down at the drum set with my guitar on. I just went.

[A]

Yeah, let me see if I can do it.

[B]

And you gotta move rightly.

[E]

You got it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Are we about to start the first two man. One man.

[A]

You gotta do it two times or not less you can do it.

[B]

I do. This is a two man band.

[A]

Yeah. Try it. There we go. Thank you for being a bad friend. Wow. DraftKings Sportsbook Super Bowl 60 deserves a sportsbook built for the moment.

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[A]

Bluechew I took bluechew the other night because I had sexual intercourse with a human.

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[A]

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I do. I drool, man. When?

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[B]

You know Longfoot's here. Yeah, Longfoot's in the house.

[A]

Longfoot's here.

[B]

One of our favorite.

[A]

Look at those feet.

[B]

One of our favorite guests and friends. Comedian Amen, lovers.

[A]

Praise the Lord.

[B]

Rabble rouser, if you will. It's Rick Glassman, huh?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you, Ricky. What's going on?

[D]

Where do I begin?

[B]

That's the show. Thanks, guys.

[A]

Thanks for coming in.

[D]

Could I plug my tour?

[B]

There's a tour?

[D]

There's a tour.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What Coffee shops. Are you gonna play?

[B]

Hello? San Francisco, Denver, Houston, Cleveland, Dallas, Portland, Salt Lake city, Austin, Indianapolis, St. Louis. There it is. Go to punch up.

[A]

He's gonna be at the San Francisco Starbucks.

[B]

Well, it's a reserve on Main Street.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Denver Coffee. Coffee Bean. The Houston Alfred's, which is good.

[B]

That is really.

[A]

It's a really good coffee. It'll be at the Houston Alfred.

[D]

People say they love it.

[B]

Yeah, it is good.

[A]

Do what?

[D]

Denver Coffee Bean.

[A]

It's one of the best. It's a. Yeah, it's a great gig.

[B]

I'll be.

[A]

Good acoustics.

[D]

I'll be in the Cleveland. Oh, they're gone.

[A]

You excited or what?

[D]

Man, I've never loved stand up more.

[A]

Yeah, you're very good at it.

[D]

Thank you. Yeah, thank you. I think I want to fill my hour. I've been working on this hour for, like, about two and a half years now.

[B]

And there's reverb from the headphones that are coming through the microphone.

[A]

You can just put it in your ears.

[D]

Loud. It's too loud.

[A]

You put in your ears. Yeah.

[D]

Head rolls are too loud.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Can you bring the cans down? And. And now let's get into it.

[B]

Let's go.

[D]

Could you bring the can down?

[B]

Bring the can down. He asked you twice.

[A]

He did.

[D]

The Red Bull. Thank you.

[A]

The Red Bull.

[B]

Someone's got to bring the can down. Ricky, this hour is going to be fantastic. Out of you. I know that because you're really killing it lately.

[A]

I just got it. Play on Work. It was a play on work.

[D]

That's how you laugh.

[A]

There's a play on words.

[D]

What if that's how you laugh?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Richard.

[D]

What if that's how he actually laughed?

[B]

That is.

[A]

That is.

[D]

No.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Can I say something? You like eccentric socks?

[D]

You tell me.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[D]

I got these at a museum.

[A]

Oh, which one?

[D]

It was the. It was the one where the. The cows go to. I'm sorry, A museum.

[B]

Burn.

[D]

Sorry, dude. You asked for it.

[A]

Let me. Can I think about it? I get it.

[D]

Okay. Let's get into it.

[A]

I really get it. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know, in their stance, no less.

[A]

Yeah. You know what show I've been watching, though, that I really like? Have you. Have you seen this show? The Pit?

[B]

No.

[A]

Have you heard of it?

[D]

The show about Roethlisberger?

[B]

The Pit.

[A]

You watch this show?

[B]

No.

[A]

Can I say something? Yeah, yeah. I've never seen a medical show before. I never saw er. I never saw Grey's Anatomy. Never saw Scrub and any of that. Right. And I've been watching the Pit. Right. Why would you want to be in the medical field?

[B]

It's so.

[D]

Have you seen the Bloopers?

[A]

The bloopers on the Pit.

[D]

Oh, they're insane. Pull up the Pit Bloopers. Just Ben Roethlisberger getting tackled a bunch.

[B]

Yeah, very funny.

[A]

It's such a stressful job.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Have you ever been a mother?

[A]

You mean the sitcom?

[D]

Yeah. Have you ever watched the Mother?

[B]

Did you do that? An episode of the Mother?

[A]

No, I never. What's the Mother?

[B]

The CBS show the Mother.

[D]

That's the actual hardest job in the world by far.

[A]

Is that called Mom?

[B]

No. Well, the Mom Mom. The show mom is a spin off of the Mother. The Mother was an original show on cbs.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Do you remember how successful Bad Friends got after people talked about. Started talking about your mom?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Isn't that crazy?

[B]

That was a big piece of our puzzle.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. We learned.

[A]

I put that in the special.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I heard, I heard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you know what? I might sue you.

[A]

Why?

[B]

It's copyright. You said it on this show, I'm Bobby mom is mine.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's my phrase forever.

[D]

Isn't it yours impression of. Isn't the original IP his mom?

[B]

No, but I Didn't she actually say that. The phrase is copywritten.

[D]

She doesn't actually say, I'm Bobby Mom.

[B]

She's never said it once.

[D]

Do you want to edit that out? Is it worth you getting credit for something? Because people love it? Because I thought.

[B]

No, she's never said it. Okay, I'm suing. I'm suing.

[A]

What's up with the Groucho Marx eyebrows?

[D]

Do I have Groucho Marx eyebrows?

[A]

Yeah, a little bit.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Is that the black guy from Full House?

[B]

Yeah, there he is.

[D]

There he is.

[A]

Yeah. I think it's the wideness of it. You know what I mean? Not the thickness.

[D]

I don't know what my eyebrows look like. I haven't looked in a mirror in three months.

[A]

Yeah, it was a slam. That didn't work, actually.

[B]

What happened to those mirrors that. You got the mirrors out of your house?

[D]

No, I just don't look at them.

[B]

They're there, though.

[A]

My God.

[B]

Self restraint.

[D]

Yeah, it's tough. Every time I walk by, I go, I want to take a look at this guy.

[B]

I want to see what he looks like.

[D]

Because when I look in the mirror and I go like this.

[B]

I don't.

[D]

Know how to do it.

[B]

That was great. That was a great question.

[D]

I felt like. Like I Had Botox or something. I felt like I. I couldn't do it.

[A]

Hell is other people.

[D]

Yeah. I don't know. Get it.

[A]

Like. Sorry, this is. This is a nightmare.

[D]

Oh, I. We could call it.

[A]

I'm just saying. No. What? I'm gonna say this, right? If we died and. And we were all three stuck in a room together. Oh, my God. Wait. I would crom. Crow. I would. I would imagine for us then. What do you mean? Oh, this is what you see every day.

[B]

Okay, well, you're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome.

[A]

What's up?

[D]

Not much. What's up with you?

[A]

That's what I mean. That's a pleasure.

[D]

You have. What's up on your shirt? You're supposed to say what's up on your shirt.

[A]

What is going on here, Bobby. No, you shut up. Shut up. You make. You make it very successful podcast. No, no, no, no. Very, very successful when we're together. So basically what I'm saying to you is that. No, I. I don't think it's me. I think it's you. Yeah, yeah, no, it's up.

[D]

That's not. That's a. That's a chicken.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Bad friends. Tiger belly.

[A]

Oh, really? You think so?

[D]

I don't know. Why don't you pull up the analytics?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't have. We don't have to have huge celebrities to up.

[D]

What is that noise?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's going up.

[B]

That's going up.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So. So if the stock.

[A]

We understand. We understand what this is.

[B]

You think this is grifting? You think that's Hollywood grifting?

[A]

No. Okay, congratulations.

[B]

Because he's making it sound as if you're grifting. Why? We've had those people on the show.

[A]

I know. We're grifters as well. We're grifters as well.

[B]

Well, Paul Rudd. I mean, what in it.

[D]

What a job you've done coming back on. But.

[B]

Well, he's dead, right?

[D]

He. It was left. I don't think he was dead.

[B]

No, he was severely injured.

[D]

Yeah, he was up a couple of times on my podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I felt bad, but he told me I could post it. And then he told me that he was upset that I posted it, but he didn't know that. He said, because he was. He was on pain pills. He didn't quite understand what I was asking him. He didn't really remember it.

[B]

Did he block you on platforms or anything?

[D]

I. I only connect with him through his publicist. I don't know. I don't think he's on any social media. He's one of those guys that it's like. Like, you know, people, like, social media is stupid, but, like, they're on it all the time.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

He's not on it.

[A]

What's your screen time on your phone? Does it register?

[B]

I can look.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, I know mine.

[B]

What is it Depends on the week. Yeah.

[D]

I go between four hours and eight hours.

[A]

All right, so, you know, I'll tell you. You know what? My daily averages 4 hours and 10 minutes.

[B]

How do you find?

[D]

Oh, that's like my low end.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My daily average is five hours and 44 minutes. Is that bad?

[A]

Five hours of your life on your phone, that's pretty bad.

[D]

Yeah, I think it's bad. I mean, I don't think. I think it's typical and I think it's bad. Carlos is seven hours.

[A]

Is it really? Oh, my God. A day?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That's insane. What's yours?

[D]

Between four and eight. But also, it's tough to know because sometimes I, like, I'll put stuff on, like I'm listening to YouTube on my phone or something, you know, so, yeah, let me see.

[B]

Instagram is the most. And TikTok.

[A]

Three hours of only fans. That's what it says here.

[D]

Posting or watching.

[B]

Posting feet, pics, messages takes up most of my time.

[D]

Do you think that's reading or writing?

[B]

I can't do either. It's probably why it takes me so goddamn long to get through that app. I open it up, I scroll forever. It's impossible.

[A]

It does say only fans online. 15 minutes. Yeah, it's not that bad.

[B]

No, that's not bad.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

What do you do on OnlyFans? Do you watch stuff? Do you send them messages?

[A]

I watch. I may. I'm supportive of the arts.

[D]

You look young when you smile. I don't think I've seen you smile before.

[A]

Yeah, I love anything creative.

[B]

How much money do you put on only fans? How much do I spend a month?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you think a couple hundred bucks?

[D]

I think no, way more.

[B]

A couple hundred bucks a day?

[A]

No. A couple hundred bucks. Do you vibe?

[D]

Do you buy the videos, like the extra one?

[A]

Sometimes I do, but, you know, the descriptions, though. I. I want to sue.

[D]

Oh, I know.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I know. Yeah. Like this video. You're gonna see it all. It's some girl in a bikini, but fool me once, shame on you.

[B]

Fool me twice.

[D]

Knock it off.

[A]

Don't get filled again. Don't feel again.

[D]

Give a man a fish.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Fool Me four times, I'll teach a man to fish.

[D]

I used to do that as a bit. I think I'll bring it back.

[B]

Fool me five times, shame on me again. Fool me six times.

[D]

Well, can't fool me again.

[B]

Can't get fooled again.

[A]

Can't get fooled again.

[B]

You fool me, can't get fooled again.

[A]

This guy's a hound dog.

[D]

You ain't nothing but a hound dog.

[A]

Crying all the time. You're a hound. You're a hound dog. You know how I know? You remember at my birthday party.

[B]

I.

[A]

Could do it too, pal.

[B]

You say he looks like it's Bell palsy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's fucking great. That is true.

[D]

I went to school with a Bell's palsy.

[B]

Yeah. What'd he do?

[D]

Mr. And Mrs. Palsy's kid pops asked him to freeze. He said, I will. Halfway.

[A]

I see. His name is Belle. That's a joke. His last name is Pelosi. Do the can thing again.

[D]

We'Ll be in Denver.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Coffee Bean. My point is, is this. Welcome to the show.

[D]

Thank you, man.

[A]

And really having you on is. What a pleasure.

[D]

Are you reading this?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. We'll be right back. I'm doing one of yours. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

What else?

[A]

I know exactly.

[B]

We're back. Yeah, we are back.

[A]

We're back. We're back. You like going on the road?

[D]

You just want to make this a short app.

[A]

We could just call you like going on.

[D]

I have. I've sincerely been loving it. Yeah.

[A]

You get nervous or you bring openers. Who do you bring?

[D]

Mike Linochi's been coming with me.

[A]

Good. Is he really? Oh, love the. Love the La Noche.

[D]

Love the La Noche. That's good merch.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

This is like a first date. That is, we both realize we're not attracted to each other.

[A]

Is that. Why is it you and I. I mean, do him. He's vibe with him.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I want to see you guys vibe.

[D]

All right. Would you like to host? Host me?

[B]

I'd love to host you.

[D]

All right.

[B]

How have you been?

[D]

Lonely.

[B]

What's going on? Are you dating right now?

[D]

Yes. Technically. Yes. I would call it dating. I am making an effort to meet people and to go out with them. I have not been dating, like, either somebody I'm dating that I'm like, oh, I found my person.

[B]

But you are searching.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. When we say this, you're dating right now, do you do this thing where you take multiple women to the same restaurant? Like, you'll go back to the same restaurant? With a different girl.

[D]

I don't think I've ever been to a restaurant in the past three years. Good.

[A]

I. I've been doing that and I hate when the host.

[D]

One sec. I'm so sorry. It's just what I was vibe with Andrew. I was just seeing how that was going, Remember? I was just trying to see how that goes. Give us a sec, Andrew. What were you asking?

[B]

I was just saying, when you go out on a date to a restaurant, will you take a different girl back to that same restaurant later in the week or a different week?

[D]

I don't know, Bobby.

[A]

I hate bringing the same girl back to different dates. Because you've done it. Because the host will go, welcome back, Mr. Lee. Yeah, another one.

[B]

But you've done it.

[A]

It's as if they say that.

[D]

I have a question. Is the host. Fuck, I hate when I can't remember things. What's. Thank you.

[A]

Excuse me.

[D]

Is the. Was the hostess DJ Khaled? So when a host. When a host says, oh, welcome back, why don't you go to your date? I've only been here with friends before.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I've never been here with another girl before. Just do that. And then she'll be like, oh, phew.

[B]

I've gone to a restaurant where they've told me. They go, yo, your boy Bobby coming here, he brought a different bunch of different girls, like the same week. Anyway, let me take your order.

[D]

Do you go out with different girls.

[A]

With, like, I'm seeing one person now?

[B]

Yeah. This is in the past. This is in the past.

[A]

Also, take off your notifications on your iPhone. IPad. That's what I've been doing.

[B]

What does that even mean?

[D]

Because. Because you get text messages from people.

[A]

You'Re watching the pit with. With your.

[D]

On your iPad.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Watching the Pit. Right.

[D]

Are you guys on a plane and.

[A]

All of a sudden you get like a nude photo.

[B]

He lives on the. Right.

[A]

On your messages. And she's like, what's that? It's just my cousin Sabrina. You get to make a lie. Oh, she has nice breasts. She sure does.

[D]

Do you really get random people sending you naked pictures?

[A]

But you take off the notifications, they'll pop up again.

[D]

But that's real. You'll just randomly.

[A]

I got the ufc, like, ufc fight pass or whatever. That's fine. You know what I mean? You mean Dustin McGoogle's fighting Natty Brayheart? You know, I mean, that's fine.

[B]

That's a good fight.

[A]

It's a good fight. Yeah.

[B]

Google should win that fight.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, but those made up people. Yeah, I wouldn't know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

That's a. Those are good names.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Name it. Name some fake.

[D]

You.

[A]

I know.

[D]

Marcus Monroe.

[A]

Marcus Monroe is very good bantamweight.

[D]

What's that?

[B]

Phantom.

[D]

Wait, but I bet it was a while ago and he's still fighting. I'm into the female fighting.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Sarah Mit Finowicz, fifth.

[A]

Big fan of which the family's good. Good boxing lineage.

[B]

That's gonna talk about that.

[A]

Her dad died in a fire. Her dad died in a fire.

[D]

Kia Starburn or Sterban Sturbin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But her sister, my God, when she fought Oscar Melosi. I'm not kidding. I thought she. I thought they was gonna end her career.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because she had her in a four fine.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. The four or five was great. Yeah.

[B]

Four fine line.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

What are you. Four fine lock?

[B]

The four fine lock is when the. Your.

[D]

You know.

[A]

Kumor. Right.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

Kumar.

[A]

Hold into a 360 on the Kimura. Right. And spin it around.

[D]

But spin it around.

[A]

368.

[D]

Kimora. Brings you right back to where you started.

[A]

Exactly. They just call it nothing.

[D]

Oh, that would. Yeah. That nothing.

[A]

But they. They have a name for it.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

Her first fight, though, when she fought Tatum. Tatum, dude. That dude.

[B]

Insane.

[A]

That was insane.

[B]

Because she's a heavyweight. Exactly why they let them fight in that same way.

[A]

Almost die.

[B]

Almost died.

[A]

That was incredible. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

The paramedics were like, next to the thing, like, waiting for them to be done.

[D]

Are you saying there were two medics? The pair of medics. Yeah.

[B]

The paramedics were there. Yeah.

[D]

The pair of medics.

[A]

Four lock, half moon. Have you ever seen that move before?

[D]

Show me how that goes.

[A]

Right? You take both of your legs, right?

[D]

Both of your legs.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You take. You take your own leg.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your own legs. You lock around their legs, right? You look at the moon, right? And then you go360.

[D]

So you end up back where you start.

[A]

Exactly. So I don't know what they named that either.

[B]

Because a lot of Muay Thai. A lot of Muay Thai does go back. Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That's when you. You eat more Thai.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

Well, you have to order it before the last round. It won't get there in time.

[A]

Right.

[D]

And if you want more Thai.

[A]

Yeah. Does it in liquid form.

[D]

That's Jason Katum's son.

[B]

Exactly.

[D]

I thought we were talking female.

[B]

No, no. It's Casey Kasem's daughter.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Twice removed.

[D]

What does that mean? There's twice removed. I feel like I asked if it twice removed to make sure they don't put cheese on it.

[B]

Well, you got it. Twice removed means you were kicked out of the family two times. You said something bad twice at a dinner. So you're twice removed. You're still blood, but they don't want you in the family anymore. Twice.

[D]

Do you ever play poker and somebody bets a lot of money and you want to call but you don't, and you let them know because it's too much money? And the way you let them know, you say, too rich for my blood.

[B]

Well, if I'm playing with a bunch of Crips, yeah.

[D]

You say, too much for my blood.

[A]

Yeah. What happened to the Crips and Bloods? You don't hear much about them.

[B]

They're still around.

[A]

Yeah. You don't hear much about them.

[D]

They have a podcast now, together.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What?

[B]

We have the same publicist as the Crip and Blood podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Show me the Crib and Blood podcast. Oh, I like that.

[D]

I like the Cribbing Blood podcast. See what happened.

[B]

Imagine how good it is. Wait, go back to the map of la. I'd love to see where the divides are, because certain neighborhoods that I need to go in.

[D]

This is what Gavin Newsom has been trying to change, right?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

What do you mean? Is he a Crip?

[D]

He's just trying to change the. He's redistricting it all.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good for him. That's what we need. Zoom into that map. That's great. The gang map. I love a good gang map.

[A]

Yeah. I want to know where in my area. What, mostly rich?

[B]

Yeah, it's mostly Erwan.

[A]

Great gang, by the way.

[B]

Oh, my God. One of the best. One of the toughest gangs in the valley.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

I was talking about their hot bar here.

[A]

One gig. Yeah.

[B]

Everyone.

[A]

Gang.

[B]

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[A]

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[A]

Shopify.com bad friends quince how do I look? Good.

[B]

Well, it's a well built wardrobe. It's about pieces that work together and hold up over time. And you know who has that?

[A]

Who?

[B]

Quince. Quince has it. I know they do. And that's what they do best. Premium materials, thoughtful design and everyday staples that feel easy to wear and easy to rely on even as the weather, weather shifts.

[A]

Do they have organic cotton sweaters?

[B]

I'm pretty sure they do.

[A]

Polos?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh my God. Lighter jack jackets.

[B]

You better believe it.

[A]

Oh my God. They have everything.

[B]

Then they have almost everything you could ever dream of. Quim works directly with top factories and cuts out the middleman. So you're not paying for brand markup, just quality clothing.

[A]

Plus they only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production.

[B]

That's exactly correct. And everything is built to hold up the daily wear and still look good season after season. Quinn sent us a bunch of stuff and thank you so much to Quince for doing that. And they are so comfortable, so nice and stylish, by the way. That's a big thing. A lot of times you're like, oh, it's cheap. Am I going to get something that looks cool? Quince has got you covered.

[A]

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[B]

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[D]

I want to just acknowledge the people.

[B]

We Know, Houston, Seattle, we'll put the fucking date.

[A]

I just want to say here's a.

[B]

Good spot for everybody. There it is.

[D]

San Francisco, Denver, as you possibly can. If you haven't written those comments yet, just be as mean as you possibly can now.

[A]

How do you do with comments? How do you deal with it?

[B]

Are you being crazy right now? Everyone loves you.

[D]

How do I.

[B]

You are the most beloved guy on the Internet. Your show is a hit. You're a handsome, tall Jew. Things are going good.

[D]

Joe Rogan. I'd like to come to the mothership.

[B]

But I do what you think. There it is.

[D]

I actually want to come there to perform.

[B]

Nice. What did you. What did you. No, it's not going to happen. What did you ask him? You just asked him an important.

[A]

I have no idea what's going on.

[B]

You think people are going to be mean to you? Asked you about comments.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Yes. I don't read. Com. I mean, sometimes, but I don't really read comments when I'm guests on other people's pods anymore because when people watch my podcast, they have an idea of what they're getting and they've decided that they like me when I go on other people's podcasts. I think they think that. That I've hijacked it and they're. They're mad. Some of them might be a little bit mad at you, too. Why would you let that guy on?

[B]

We, we. We like. We like that people that you razz people. I like that you're a rabble rouser. Look at you.

[A]

Here's what I like about you, little bad boy.

[B]

Look at you at your little snarl. Who's a little bad boy?

[D]

I'm not. I'm not trying to.

[B]

You're a little bad boy.

[A]

He's a nasty little body.

[D]

You're a. I have a good heart.

[A]

But I really believe that. I think you're a very nice guy. I've always thought that. A little lost and confused, but I think you're found.

[D]

Yeah. Lost, confused and found.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Good.

[B]

Good.

[D]

Bobby.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Thank you for saying that.

[A]

Huh?

[D]

Thank you for saying that. You see me in a way. That is nice, huh? I think your penis is dribbling. I think your penis is dribbling. Ooh, I could see.

[A]

Always has to go back to that, huh? You're right.

[D]

You're right. It's a sickness, dude. It's a sickness. I have rebel rouse syndrome.

[B]

You are a rebel rouser, buddy, and it's really tough.

[D]

Try not to snarl.

[B]

Don't, don't do it, Ricky. Don't be a bad boy. Don't snarl on the show fiasco. Please don't, Ricky.

[E]

Please.

[D]

That's what girls say when they see me naked walking away. They say, word free Asco.

[B]

Fiat. Word free Asco.

[D]

They see where Masco. And they say, it's running down my pants. Do you remember that joke?

[A]

Do you really remember it?

[D]

You all remember it? All right, let's try to tell it. You start it.

[A]

No.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Absolutely not.

[D]

Yeah, I want to.

[A]

Yeah, we're not doing this. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Do you really know the joke?

[B]

No. The peas.

[D]

Running down my pants.

[B]

Yeah. There's pee running down my pants.

[D]

The kid asked the teacher to go to the. Do you need glasses?

[A]

I just. I have no idea what's going on.

[D]

The kid. It's an old absolute.

[B]

I go to the bathroom, there's pee running down my pants.

[D]

And she.

[B]

And she says, why are we laughing?

[D]

That's a quicker way of getting to it. No. The teacher says, sure, you go to the bathroom, but first you have to sing. The Alphabet kid says, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z. Teacher says, that's close, but where's the P?

[B]

Teacher says, kids running down my leg.

[D]

My dad got pulled over the other day.

[B]

I love your dad.

[D]

He got pulled over the other day. The cop asked for his driver's license and it says, correct a vision because he needs a correct division. And he says, where's your glasses? To my dad. My dad says, I have contacts. And the cop says, I don't care who you know. You need to wear your glasses. I don't care who you know. You need to wear my glasses. That's a joke my dad used to tell me a lot as a kid and I always just thought it was a story he told me.

[B]

Such a good joke.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I love your father. You tell your parents I said hi?

[D]

If I remember.

[B]

Come on, it's me.

[A]

Your parents like me.

[D]

I don't. I don't know you.

[A]

You came to my birthday party.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Only private people that I know well come to my birthday party. So we don't know each other. Is that what you're saying? Stating out loud in public that we don't know each other.

[D]

You know me.

[A]

Why are you laughing?

[B]

Because you're getting real upset.

[D]

Yeah, you know me and that's why I was invited.

[A]

Yeah, but you know me as well.

[B]

Did you bring your cousin? You know me.

[A]

Yeah, I like that one. I get to her.

[D]

Still the same og.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

I haven't seen him in a while.

[B]

Yeah, well, you know why?

[D]

He's been low key.

[B]

That's right.

[D]

He's also hated on so.

[B]

And I can't say the next line.

[D]

You could say that he has no wheels, no keys, and no snowmobiles. And no skis.

[A]

What's that from?

[B]

No boats, no snowmobiles and no skis.

[A]

What's that from?

[D]

Me, because I could finally afford to provide my family with groceries. Funnier.

[B]

Sorry.

[D]

It rhymes.

[B]

Yeah, you're right.

[D]

Got a crib to add to the wall full of plaques that I keep.

[B]

In the back of my house house like trophies because y' all think I'm gonna let my dough freeze. Oh, please. You better bow down on both.

[A]

Both knees. I know this. Okay, now, I like the game. Give me another one. I know the game.

[D]

I puke, eat it and freak. You battle. I'm too weeded to speak to. The only key that I see to defeat you would be for me to remove these two Adidas and beat you and force feed you them both. And on each feet is a cleat shoe. His glasses get really foggy.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

That's.

[A]

You know what that sound is? All the people at the Coffee Bean.

[D]

When you're performing, they all stub their.

[A]

Toe.

[D]

And they're trying not to be disruptive.

[A]

What is espresso machine?

[B]

What's your coffee?

[D]

I haven't drank coffee since December 2023.

[A]

They're steaming at a latte.

[B]

Why?

[D]

I did a cleanse for 10 days and I stayed off it. I'm super sensitive to drugs and like weed. I only do a little bit coffee, so I drink now. Free plug. No joke. Magic mind. I love it.

[B]

Yeah, it's great.

[A]

You keep bringing that up.

[D]

It's really. It's.

[A]

I take it you every time I see you about magic. Magic. I'm not.

[D]

I drink it almost every day.

[A]

Yeah. Do you have some on you?

[D]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

In you?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, I had one today.

[B]

How much. How much weed are you taking a day?

[D]

Day? I do weed probably between two and four days a week and I take around five milligrams.

[B]

That's it?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That's good.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Something low. Do you ever do the little microdose mushrooms too?

[D]

I bought them. I haven't done them yet, but I'm going to start trying them.

[B]

Phenomenal.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what? I take them. I take them when I go golfing.

[A]

You Michael goes there.

[B]

It's my favorite thing in the World, really.

[D]

When you. When you microdose them, do you think you are phenomenal? Do you ever say, I am phenomenal? Throw it up.

[B]

Depends on if I'm making a movie or not. I love the way I feel on them in the morning.

[D]

Do you guarantee it?

[B]

I can't.

[D]

Well, have you tried doing it in a suit?

[B]

I will.

[D]

You're gonna like the way you feel.

[B]

Guarantee is really good, though. It starts my day off great if I go out there and I stretch and exercise a little bit. Feels amazing. Rick Glassman. I'm Phenomenal. One of the best music videos of all time. And who produced this? Rick Ross. Is this a Maybach music hit?

[D]

That's a Maybach music hit.

[B]

God, look at the hair. I remember you then. I know you then.

[D]

You know, I recently had. I won't say who, but it was an ex girlfriend who I talked to every now and then.

[B]

Say it.

[D]

And she said, you. When your hair is long. I missed, like, your hair. She saw that my hair was shorter and she said, I like your hair longer. And even though I have no idea if I'm ever going to see this person again, I think I'm growing it up.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Maybe for her, maybe for you.

[D]

And Maybach. For Rick Ross.

[B]

Maybach music.

[A]

Do you ever miss your ex girlfriends or no.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You do.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And you think to yourself, I fucked it up. Or maybe I could have done this better.

[D]

Or I think about what I could have done better. And not exclusively in relationships, but also in relationships. Sure.

[A]

Because I. I would find that it'd be a nightmare dating you.

[D]

I believe that.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I believe all your little rules at your house. Take your shoes off. Don't touch that.

[D]

Don't touch that.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[D]

I wouldn't date somebody who. I would care if she touched stuff. I just don't want you touching stuff.

[A]

Unlike dating Bobby. That's. Oh, so it's a personal thing. When I go in your house, you're like, don't touch that. You don't like me touching it?

[B]

Well, you do touch everything when I'm at your house.

[A]

I'm very fucking polite.

[B]

You are very polite.

[A]

I don't touch anything.

[B]

Well, you know, I'll yell at you if you do.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I don't touch that.

[B]

Things. He's actually. He's actually gotten better at not touching.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because we do say that. When he walks in, I go, don't touch.

[A]

Don't touch.

[B]

Remember, don't touch.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

There's a cow in the living room. Treat it like a Terry Museum. Don't touch.

[A]

You know, when I was shooting my special, I lost my voice. The Friday. Didn't hear about that.

[B]

You told me you got scared.

[D]

Show me. Wink.

[A]

And I got steroids.

[B]

He will.

[A]

And I was really aggressive after that.

[B]

Yeah, the steroids amped you up?

[A]

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah.

[D]

What'd you take steroids for my throat. You want to get your throat stronger?

[A]

No, I was losing my voice when I was shooting my special, and I didn't know what to do. Saturday, I woke up in a panic.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[A]

I lost my voice. And so I had a doctor come over inject me.

[D]

And.

[A]

And it worked like four or five hours later. It did work.

[D]

Yeah, because you could just do subtitles for your special.

[A]

Another Asian joke.

[D]

That wasn't an Asian joke.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, but.

[A]

Or maybe it might get my voice. Dumb is that we didn't get my voice dubbed.

[B]

Are you doing subtitles?

[A]

Do it.

[D]

Are you doing subtitles?

[A]

I thought we were doing it bad.

[B]

So I'm with my dad.

[D]

Asked teacher if I could use the bathroom. The teacher says, first you have to sing. The Alphabet kid says, okay. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z. And the teacher said, oh, now I know my ABCs. Next time, won't you? The teacher says, what happened to the picture? And the kid said, it's running the coffee house. Denver.

[A]

Yeah, that's crush.

[B]

Go get the tickets right [e-mail] backslash. Rick, Rick, Rick.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

We'Ll put the link, the ticket link in the description.

[A]

Yeah, it's gonna be.

[B]

But we're gonna hide it. You have to find it.

[D]

It's right by the high ho.

[B]

Ah, it's hidden.

[D]

Which is what Mrs. Claus said to Santa Claus the first time they met.

[A]

Nope.

[D]

Put the cans up. All right. So I. I almost forgot to bring this up.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

So I was driving like a little over the speed limit. I got pulled over by the cop.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

My driver's license says. Says here you need corrective eyewear. I wasn't wearing my glasses at the time. I said, I'm sorry, sir, I have to pee and it's running down my pants. Cop says, I know that joke. And then I forgot how the rest goes, but I will text it to you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Rabble rouse, level four.

[B]

That's why your podcast is number two.

[D]

That's why my podcast is number two. Are you saying it's shit?

[B]

No, that's.

[A]

That's.

[B]

But that would be a good joke. If you wanted to stick that landing. You should have just let that one.

[D]

Hey, your podcast is great. I hear it's. It's not the. It's not the best, but it is a number two.

[B]

Heard your podcast is doing well. Feels like it's running down your leg.

[D]

When was the last time you guys pooped your pants backwards?

[A]

Yesterday.

[D]

Really? Are you still talking about your love of the Beatles?

[A]

I was clinching it and I barely missed, like, five seconds.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Did it get in the underpants?

[A]

I ran into my room and it. It just. A plop came out.

[D]

So it didn't get in your underpants and a question. You ran into your room?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Not the bathroom.

[A]

I went into the room where the bathroom is. So.

[D]

The bathroom.

[A]

No, I entered the room. Plop. And then. Bathroom.

[D]

You pooped. Got it.

[A]

Exactly.

[D]

I have a funny story about.

[A]

But five seconds just. I just needed five seconds and God didn't give me that.

[B]

Were you delaying it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I like that feeling.

[D]

Did it get in your underpants?

[A]

A little bit, yeah.

[D]

I want to tell you, speaking of ex girlfriends, I was dating a girl who lived in London, and my mom always wanted to go to London and flew her out, and this is her first time visiting. And I was at my girlfriend's place, and my mom walked over from her hotel and she had to use the bathroom, and she walks in, she goes, I have to use the bathroom. I have to use the bathroom. She had only met my girlfriend one time, and she walked to the bathroom, and then she came out after, and she said, I had a little accident on your rug. I might have to take this out. I had a little accident on your rug, and what do you want me.

[A]

To do with it?

[D]

She had the bath mat, and my ex said, throw it away. But my mom, you know, took her. Started taking her pants before she got to the toilet. So, you know, so it could be just a smooth sit. And much like what Bobby said, it just kind of plopped out a little.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[D]

Down the rug.

[A]

Embarrassing.

[D]

She wasn't.

[A]

Yeah, she was embarrassed.

[D]

I don't know if she'd love that I said this here, but I do have an animation.

[B]

Oh, Ricky, why did you do that? I can hear her. Yes, that's your odd Ricky.

[D]

Let me ask her if it's okay if I talk about it.

[B]

She'd be living.

[A]

God, please don't. I gotta talk to her now. Please don't. I wanna. Hi, Mrs. Glassman.

[B]

Yeah, I like that. Put her on, Mama.

[D]

I'm on the podcast with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. And we were talking.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Hello.

[D]

And we were talking about the last time we pooped our pants. And I was wondering if I have your permission to talk about when you pooped in London on the rug.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

It's such a happy, mature story.

[B]

I'm very proud.

[D]

Also, you could bring. Will you ask Dad a quick question? Didn't dad get pulled over recently? And they said that he needed his glasses. Dad, what happened?

[A]

Well, he looked at my driver's license, and he said, it says you need glasses. And I said, I have contacts.

[D]

I thought that's what happened.

[B]

All right.

[D]

I love you, dad. Talk to you later. All right.

[A]

Love you. I love you.

[B]

Bob, show them the trophy that I gave you. Show them the thing that I got from Howie Mandel for you. This was a gift. Pretty cool.

[A]

You like mosquitoes?

[B]

You ever got one of those?

[A]

No, I love mosquitoes.

[B]

How he gave it to me.

[A]

Really?

[D]

How he loves mosquitoes.

[B]

I actually stole it from his studio for you. And he told me not to take it, and I did. Anyway. He was really upset. Yeah, but he does that he. With us all the time, so I figured I should with him on your behalf.

[A]

Yeah. This is mine forever.

[B]

He actually said, is Bobby still mad at me? I said, you better believe it.

[A]

Yeah. Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good.

[B]

He thinks you're still mad.

[A]

It's fun.

[B]

Well, you are.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

But. Yeah, so I stole that. And he actually. He asked me to not take it, and I did.

[A]

Okay, you guys talk, because I gotta go. All right.

[D]

Do you maybe want to not do that by the microphone?

[B]

No, it's.

[D]

He.

[A]

It is.

[B]

Exactly.

[D]

It's a child. Right? And we all have our weakness points. I know. I have plenty.

[B]

I have so many.

[D]

But Bobby is really, like. He's looking for candy. His bag of toys.

[A]

He's.

[D]

He's. He's probably. His blood sugar's a little low right now.

[B]

That's his backpack. He went to school. Bob, say. Say. Say. Say goodbye to Ricky if you want to go.

[A]

I love you, Ricky. Thanks for, you know, mean.

[D]

I do know you mean.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you for attending our podcast. What a pleasure. It was a surprise. I didn't know you were coming.

[D]

Are you eating a little candy while you're telling me?

[A]

Yeah, I am.

[D]

Werther's Original.

[A]

It's milky.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So, anyway, good luck. Take care. I'm sure it's going to be great.

[B]

You reach your limit, huh?

[A]

I've. I can't do this anymore.

[B]

What do you think it is? About residual.

[A]

I'm completely out. So have a good time. You can continue doing it, you know, I mean, I'm just not going to participate.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Could I see what it's like to be like a co host of Bad Friends would love it a little bit.

[B]

Thank you.

[D]

All right, so what we normally do toward the end of the show is we think of some of our favorite hopes and dreams.

[B]

That's right.

[D]

And we give hints to the other person and we see if the other person could fill in that hope and dream. And it's a fun activity to see if they know what we're thinking, but it also, it lets us feel like, oh, they're helping us with our hopes and dreams. So I'll let you start.

[B]

Something that I'm feeling right now is a need to be in a place.

[D]

You have to take a poop.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Am I right?

[B]

Yeah, that's my hope. I'm going to hope I can poop.

[D]

I also learned from an ex of mine that when you're sitting on the toilet, you could take toilet paper and you could place it on your butthole. Or if you're Beavis Bunghole and you just court. Holy. All right. And you kind of press with your fingers and just kind of massage your butthole.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[D]

And then also I shoot water up my ass with my bidet and then it pours out and I have to assume as it's coming out, poop is coming with it.

[B]

Not always. You'd be surprised.

[D]

All right, well, thank you for being a bad friend.

[B]

Well, the holidays have come and gone once again. But if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift. Well, Mint Mobile is exciting, extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless. So here's the idea. You get it now, you call it.

[A]

An early present for next year.

[B]

What do you have to lose?

[D]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch limited time.

[C]

50% off regular price for new customers. Upfront payment required. $45 for three month, $90 for six month or $180 for 12 month plan taxes and fees. Extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes per month when network is busy.

[B]

See terms.