Egg Nogging

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary: Bad Friends – "Egg Nogging" (December 23, 2024)

In this festive episode of Bad Friends, hosts Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino, along with guest Jules, delve into a whirlwind of topics ranging from holiday stress and personal anecdotes to media critiques and humorous banter. Titled "Egg Nogging," this episode masterfully balances light-hearted comedy with deeper, more introspective conversations, capturing the essence of Bobby and Andrew’s dynamic friendship.

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1. Holiday Stress and Depression

The episode kicks off with Bobby Lee expressing his struggles with depression during the holiday season, a sentiment echoed humorously yet poignantly by Andrew Santino.

• Bobby Lee [00:48]: "I'm so depressed. I get so depressed during the holidays, I can't even."
• Andrew Santino [01:00]: "I stay depressed, dude. Let's see if this will make it over the crack."

This opening sets the tone for a candid discussion about mental health, highlighting how the holiday season can be a challenging time for many.

2. Humorous Takes on Mythology and Vulnerability

Bobby shifts the conversation to a playful discussion about Achilles' heel, blending mythology with their signature humor.

• Andrew Santino [02:11]: "The Greek hero Achilles, only vulnerable spot was his heel..."
• Bobby Lee [02:20]: "Well, mine's the taint. Mine goes the taint."

The camaraderie shines as they joke about personal vulnerabilities, bringing levity to the topic.

3. Deep Dive into Media: Korean Show "Kingdom"

Bobby passionately introduces the Korean Netflix series "Kingdom," praising its quality despite its limited viewership.

• Bobby Lee [09:19]: "It's a Korean show on Netflix called Kingdom. Have you seen it? It's the greatest show, I think."
• Andrew Santino [10:02]: "So it's a Game of Thrones kind of a show where there's like, what's going on?"

Their discussion highlights the show's intricate plot and cultural nuances, advocating for its broader recognition.

4. Critique of Zombie Representations in Media

The hosts humorously critique how zombies are portrayed in popular media, calling for more diversity and unique characteristics.

• Bobby Lee [17:07]: "You never see Spinal Bifida zombie. You know what I mean?"
• Andrew Santino [18:33]: "More DEI in the zombie world."

This segment blends social commentary with their trademark wit, making a case for more inclusive representations.

5. Personal Anecdotes: Travel and Family Dynamics

Bobby shares a heartfelt story about a trip to the Philippines, highlighting cultural differences and personal reflections on loneliness and family.

• Bobby Lee [29:12]: "And then we brought spaghetti to feed the hungry. And then they ran out of these huts could come."
• Andrew Santino [55:22]: "I want you to want me."

The conversation delves into feelings of isolation during the holidays, showcasing the hosts' ability to navigate between humor and vulnerability.

6. Reflection on Mental Health and Support Systems

Andrew opens up about his own depressive episodes, seeking support from Bobby, who empathizes and offers comfort.

• Andrew Santino [55:06]: "I need to be left alone, and I need to either exercise or go away."
• Bobby Lee [55:41]: "I start fantasizing about, like, where I could, like, ending it all."

This deeper moment underscores the importance of friendship and support in dealing with mental health challenges.

7. Humorous Takes on Everyday Situations

The hosts explore everyday scenarios with their characteristic humor, from gym anecdotes to awkward bathroom tales, making the conversation relatable and entertaining.

• Bobby Lee [61:04]: "I put the butthole in the bottom of my foot."
• Andrew Santino [63:14]: "How do you not like peanut butter?"

Their playful exchanges keep the atmosphere light, providing plenty of laughs for listeners.

8. Media Critique: "Free Willy" and Animal Captivity

Bobby narrates the story of "Free Willy," leading to a discussion about the ethical implications of animal captivity and the emotional bonds between humans and animals.

• Bobby Lee [75:15]: "So when they ship him to Iceland to release him, but they put him in a little bay first."
• Andrew Santino [78:59]: "I agree."

This segment combines storytelling with thoughtful critique, emphasizing the impacts of human intervention on wildlife.

9. Closing with a Festive Christmas Song

The episode wraps up on a warm, festive note with the hosts collaboratively performing a self-written Christmas song, symbolizing their bond and holiday spirit.

• Jules [81:58]: "Merry Christmas and thank you for being a bad friend."
• Bobby Lee [81:35]: "Christmas, Christmas... Christmas black friends, Mexican friends all around the fireplace..."

Their performance adds a heartfelt conclusion, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and holiday cheer.

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Notable Quotes:

• Bobby Lee [00:48]: "I'm so depressed. I get so depressed during the holidays, I can't even."
• Andrew Santino [01:00]: "I stay depressed, dude. Let's see if this will make it over the crack."
• Bobby Lee [17:07]: "You never see Spinal Bifida zombie. You know what I mean?"
• Andrew Santino [18:33]: "More DEI in the zombie world."
• Bobby Lee [55:41]: "I start fantasizing about, like, where I could, like, ending it all."
• Jules [81:58]: "Merry Christmas and thank you for being a bad friend."

---

Conclusion

"Egg Nogging" exemplifies the Bad Friends podcast's unique blend of humor, heartfelt conversation, and insightful commentary. Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino navigate a wide array of topics with ease, supported by Jules' engaging participation. From discussing the pressures of holiday seasons and personal mental health struggles to critiquing media representations and sharing amusing personal stories, this episode offers something for everyone. The heartfelt Christmas song at the end serves as a touching reminder of the enduring power of friendship and the importance of celebrating together, even amidst life's challenges.

Listeners new to Bad Friends will find this episode both entertaining and relatable, showcasing why Andrew and Bobby have cultivated such a dedicated following.

Transcript

[Bobby Lee]

This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel. Your go to for complete nutrition, try.

[Andrew Santino]

Huel with 15 off today using code bad [e-mail] Bad friends. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

[Bobby Lee]

You two are disgusting. You two or something.

[Andrew Santino]

We're bad friends. Oh, you have cookies in there.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, nuggets here, dude. Trader Joe's, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that from teachers? Pass that 10 player pass at 10 play boy.

[Bobby Lee]

Part of our favorite traditions is here in Bobby.

[Andrew Santino]

Chewing on the mic, Jingle jangle fun mix of favorite candy treats. Welcome.

[Bobby Lee]

Let it rip today, dude. Yeah, let it rip. I'm ready for it.

[Andrew Santino]

I agree.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm so depressed. I get so depressed during the holidays, I can't even. It's like a. It's a deep. It's a deep depression. You don't get depressed. You love it.

[Andrew Santino]

I stay depressed, dude. Let's see if this will make it over the crack.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. December 1st is when it starts.

[Andrew Santino]

Nope. December 1st you get depressed all the.

[Bobby Lee]

Way until January 5th.

[Andrew Santino]

What happens on January 5th? Because the next day is our holiday.

[Bobby Lee]

Three Kims. What? Three Kim. The crinkings happen. Three things. What's three kings? What is it? Let's start good. Let's start good. Let's not start like that. But do you get. You get real depressed?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I could tell. Dude, your face gets all red and all depressed. Huh?

[Andrew Santino]

I had a massage today. The woman said, is there anywhere I'm not allowed to touch?

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

I thought about you.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, there are some areas that you don't touch.

[Andrew Santino]

I said, I don't want my fa. I don't like my face.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't like my Achilles heel being much. I don't want that damage at all. Dude, didn't that happen to Troy? Who. Who did that happen to?

[Andrew Santino]

Who's Troy? Helen of Troy.

[Bobby Lee]

What a Aquil.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, Ailes. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Achilles.

[Bobby Lee]

This name is not Troy.

[Andrew Santino]

No, in Troy.

[Bobby Lee]

In Troy. Oh, that's what it is. Oh, here we go.

[Andrew Santino]

The Greek hero Achilles, only vulnerable spot was his heel left untouched until his mother dipped him in the river Sticks. As in that's where the band sticks get their name from.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, that's everyone's vulnerable spot.

[Andrew Santino]

Their heel.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, mine's the taint. Mine goes the taint.

[Andrew Santino]

Taint.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so vulnerable. My taint.

[Andrew Santino]

Tickly, wickly.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but there's probably a layer of skin that's not missing.

[Andrew Santino]

There's something about the taint. That area. Do you know what the taint is?

[Jules]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Can you guess what a taint is? It's on your body.

[Jules]

I'm guessing, like on your feet.

[Andrew Santino]

Nuh.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, some of mine's on my feet.

[Andrew Santino]

Got.

[Bobby Lee]

Mine does stretch down. Stretches down to my feet.

[Jules]

Is it on the vagina?

[Andrew Santino]

No, it's the area between your balls and your butthole.

[Bobby Lee]

Or your vag and the butthole.

[Andrew Santino]

The taint is a V. That little.

[Bobby Lee]

That little skin.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that little gap. Oh, not little. Some people have huge taints.

[Bobby Lee]

I hate the way this started.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, switch it.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not holiday spirit. No, don't. I don't like the way that's starting either. Dude. Let's start new. Let's start.

[Andrew Santino]

Tinkle bell, jingle bell Dished away oh, what fun it to ride One ho punch Ray.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey.

[Andrew Santino]

Jingle bell, jingle bell Dude. Asian Santa at the mall dude. See the under my rapper. Have you been a good boy?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, there's no chimneys in Japan. Are there chimneys in Japan?

[Andrew Santino]

100. There's chimneys in Japan. What are you talking about?

[Bobby Lee]

There's.

[Andrew Santino]

Got it.

[Bobby Lee]

Santa. Get in there.

[Andrew Santino]

Is there too. Not only. Yes, there are chimneys in Japan, they're not commonly seen because a lot of times you see, in the city, it's all buildings. It's all high rises. I grew up in a high rise in the city. When I was a kid, I grew up in an apartment building. And I said to my mom, how does Santa even get in? We don't have a chimney.

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Andrew Santino]

And she goes. He comes through the front door. And I thought, what an invasive thing to do.

[Bobby Lee]

Because the reason why Hiroshima, Nagasaki, it was so devastating is because the houses. No, but before the bombs, you know what they did? Firebombs.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Why? Why? Why was that so.

[Andrew Santino]

Warning shots.

[Bobby Lee]

No, that's not why. Why? Why was fire, firebombs so detrimental in those Japanese cities?

[Andrew Santino]

Teach me, Mr. Know It All.

[Bobby Lee]

Wood. What? Their house is made out like rice paper and wood.

[Andrew Santino]

Bamboo.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, why didn't you answer it the first time then?

[Andrew Santino]

Because I wanted you to say it.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think you knew.

[Andrew Santino]

Most Japanese cities were built highly flammable materials like wood and paper.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Extremely vulnerable to large scale fires when bombed, resulting in massive civilian casualties, widespread destruction of infrastructure, significant impact on morale. Yeah. You'd think if your house burned down, that would bum you out a little bit.

[Bobby Lee]

It was devastating back then.

[Andrew Santino]

You weren't even there.

[Bobby Lee]

I was there.

[Andrew Santino]

You were?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. I was a baby.

[Andrew Santino]

You were a baby.

[Bobby Lee]

It was so devastating.

[Andrew Santino]

Japan.

[Bobby Lee]

I crawled to Korea.

[Andrew Santino]

You did?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a long crawl.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

And you did.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Devastating.

[Bobby Lee]

Devastating.

[Andrew Santino]

That's devastating. Well, Merry Christmas.

[Bobby Lee]

Merry Christmas.

[Andrew Santino]

You know. You know, we can say Merry Christmas now because Trump is president. We're allowed to go back.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. Thank God. Whatever happened to Kwanzaa? It's a little thing. Have you heard of Kwanzaa?

[Andrew Santino]

December 26th. Dude, Kwanzaa is just so. They've got a Hanukkah, like candles, right? You light. How many candles are there? Let me see the Kwanzaa. Kwanzaa. So there's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

[McCone]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So it's 8 in 8 for Hanukkah, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa, look at the black one in the middle. What does that mean?

[Andrew Santino]

And look at those. The guys on the outside fighting them.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Keeping them down. Keeping the man down. The seven candles in the Kinara symbolized the seven principles of Kwanzaa. And what are the seven principles of KwanzaA? I'd like to know.

[Bobby Lee]

I can guess.

[Jules]

Thou shall not do incest.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, that's. That's. No, we want that.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, hold on. Here. Umoja. Umoja means unity in Swahili. So strive to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race. Kujika. Say that one. Go ahead, Rudy.

[Jules]

Kujichagulia.

[Andrew Santino]

Kuji jagulia. This principle refers to naming, creating, and speaking for oneself. Self determination. Ujima. Would these sound Korean? Ujima.

[Bobby Lee]

Nia.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Kumba.

[Andrew Santino]

Kumba.

[Bobby Lee]

Umani.

[Andrew Santino]

Imani. Oh, I feel I met a girl named Imani in college.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah? She black? Was she black?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Of course.

[Bobby Lee]

A miracle.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Face, community, faith. This is all kind of the same thing they're saying. This is kind of nice. I think we should celebrate Kwanzaa this year.

[McCone]

I have eggnog.

[Bobby Lee]

See, I think that's what it is.

[Andrew Santino]

You need eggnog.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no. I think that you coming in with your Christmas vibes, McCone has sort of, like, rattled me.

[McCone]

I love Christmas.

[Andrew Santino]

Give him some eggnog.

[Bobby Lee]

Give me some eggnog.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you ever had eggnog? Wait, seriously? They don't have that in the Philippines? Huh?

[Jules]

I haven't even built a gingerbread house.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you can take that home and build it. That was a gift from us to you.

[Jules]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

And you can eat it when you're done.

[Bobby Lee]

This is a Davitel joke. You know what eggnog is? Elf. Come.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I love that.

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa.

[Jules]

It's just milk.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no. It's eggnog.

[Bobby Lee]

It's eggnog. It's Something different. It's yellow.

[Andrew Santino]

Ooh, thick.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. There we go. Thank you. Give some for Jules.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, give some for Jules.

[McCone]

You want some?

[Andrew Santino]

No, thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

Really good eggnog.

[Andrew Santino]

You like it?

[Bobby Lee]

Really good.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me the carton.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me the carton.

[Bobby Lee]

You're going to love it.

[Andrew Santino]

You are going to love it. Hold on. Get out of the way while she drinks it. Do it again.

[Jules]

I like this.

[Bobby Lee]

You do good, right?

[Jules]

It's really sweet.

[Bobby Lee]

It's sweet.

[Andrew Santino]

So you want to know what's in it?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Jules]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Milk, cream, sugar, eggnog base, which is sugar, egg yolks and natural flavors. Nutmeg, turmeric, citric acid, cinnamon, milk, salad, cinnamon stabilizers, Guar gum, Carajinian, which is. And then locust bean gum. From locusts.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, because locusts have big mouths. Big mouths and they have gums.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at that. There it is. Yeah, Locust bean gum.

[Bobby Lee]

Those are their mouths.

[Andrew Santino]

Those are their mouths. So you're eating a locust right now. It tastes.

[Bobby Lee]

It tastes good.

[Andrew Santino]

It tastes good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but it coats your mouth a little too thick for me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, There is a commie, like, let.

[Andrew Santino]

Me see your top. Yeah, yeah. Voted.

[Bobby Lee]

It's like, you can't. You don't want to do this at Christmas dinner.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, so will you do me a favor and Macon, why don't you come? You don't. Delicious.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't want to do that Christmas dinner.

[Andrew Santino]

No, not at the dinner.

[Bobby Lee]

Especially if there's gays there. Anywhere. Cuz when the gays are there, they get. They get crazy.

[Jules]

Carlos.

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos is in Texas, I think.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Merry Christmas. This is my gift to you guys.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's actually nice that he's gone. Do you miss him?

[Jules]

Kind of, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He's in Texas. So.

[Bobby Lee]

I re. Watched a TV show last night and I think it's one of the greatest shows that no one's watched.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it?

[Bobby Lee]

It's called. It's called Kingdom.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, this is the. The MMA show?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, what's.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a Korean show on Netflix called Kingdom. Have you seen it? It's the greatest show, I think. I mean, when. I've seen it twice now. There's two seasons. It's so fucking good. And nobody watches it.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, someone must. They're on a second or third season, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they did two seasons and then a movie based on Kingdom. It's so fucking good. And. Oh, God, I can't. And no one. Like, I can't talk to anybody about it.

[Andrew Santino]

What is.

[Bobby Lee]

Have white people in it? No, it's all Koreans. Yeah. And it's also. Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Does it. Does it have white people? Any.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Can I just tell you what it's about?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, of course.

[Bobby Lee]

So it's ancient Korea.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm already out.

[Bobby Lee]

That's. That's what I mean. Yeah, yeah. That's all right. Yeah, you're right.

[Andrew Santino]

There's anything ancient. It's got. Yeah, it's got to be China. We can only see ancient Chinese shit.

[Bobby Lee]

So it's ancient Korea, Right? And it's like. It's like a Game of Thrones kind of a show where there's, like, what's going on? Game of a Throne, Right. Yeah. The guy's pitching as, like, imagine Game of the Throne.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but are you saying singular?

[Bobby Lee]

What? No.

[Andrew Santino]

Game of Thrones. All of them. Too many.

[Bobby Lee]

Everyone.

[Andrew Santino]

Every throne.

[Bobby Lee]

Everybody, you, me. And they go, okay. And they're like. And then. But then you, you know, Walking. Walking Dead.

[Andrew Santino]

Walk. Oh, walking. But it's Walk.

[Bobby Lee]

You know. You know how they go, yeah. Zombie.

[Andrew Santino]

The fried. Walking dead. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

The fry walking there. Yeah, yeah. You can put Excel Walks.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, perfect.

[Bobby Lee]

In the show, we. It's like protocol placement, product price.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, so what is your show about?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, so ancient Korea got it right. Game of Thrones got it right. Walking Dead. Got it. Put it together. Oh, yeah, we are Kingdom.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, we'll buy it. Yeah, that does sound like. That's how it got sold in the room.

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Walking Dead.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Game of Thrones in. Set in ancient Korea.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, so I'll get you.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a good pitch.

[Bobby Lee]

So I'll give you the premise. Yeah, there's a king, right? He's an emperor.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, let me guess. Is it set during the. The Joseon Dynasty?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. How'd you know? How'd you know? How do you know? How'd you know? How do you know?

[Andrew Santino]

Pretty good guess, I guess.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. And so he remarried and he. He had. He, you know, the queen is a concubine. One of his concubines.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, this must have been taking place during the Imjin war. Is that true or no?

[Bobby Lee]

How do you know that?

[Andrew Santino]

I know a little bit of Korean history.

[Bobby Lee]

Seriously? You saw the show in the 17th century?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I know a little bit of Korean history. Keep going. Please talk to me. I want it, but I'm just. I know some of those things.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Anyway, does it follow based on. Is it based on real people? Like Lee Chang?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Follows Lee Chang.

[Bobby Lee]

Shut the up, dude. Shut the up, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Shut the up.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you see it okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Anyway, let me know.

[Andrew Santino]

Li Chang is the crown.

[Bobby Lee]

You know that.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean? I know some ancient.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you're reading it.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you're reading it.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'm not.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, anyway, stop reading it.

[Andrew Santino]

All right.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me pitch it to you.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, Listen, Jules. All right.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. All right. So. So this. This concubine, she's young, right? And she's pregnant, right? And he's old. Super old Emperor. Right? But he already. He already had a son. He's a good guy.

[Andrew Santino]

His son is a good guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So when the king dies, right? The emperor dies. His son is gonna become emperor, but the concubine's like, I'm pregnant.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, and I have the next.

[Bobby Lee]

Right? And. And if my baby gets born. Right, Right?

[Andrew Santino]

I love this.

[Bobby Lee]

Right? And then the emperor is dying, he's so old. So there's a herb out in the mountains, right? And it's. It. There's, like, worms attached to this herb. And so when you eat the herb, the worms turn into these worms and they attack your brain. You turn into a zombie.

[Andrew Santino]

Whoa.

[Bobby Lee]

Right? So she's, like, trying to prolong the king's life because he's dying. So she feeds him this flower so that he stays alive until she gives birth, because if he dies, then he's automatically Emperor, this other son. Whoa. What?

[Andrew Santino]

This is wild.

[Bobby Lee]

No. I feel like you don't like it.

[Andrew Santino]

I love it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

I thought it was going to go a different way, but no.

[Bobby Lee]

Right? So the. The emperor's oldest son is, like, going, like, he. He knows that his dad's sick. He's already dead, but he's a zombie, and they're locked up. He's locked up in his, like, fortress.

[Andrew Santino]

But he's technically still alive.

[Bobby Lee]

He's technically still alive, but the bitch concubine isn't really even pregnant. She puts a thing in there to pretend, right? And she's there, she's on the side gathering women all over that are pregnant and seeing if they're males. The. Oh, she's trying to find.

[Andrew Santino]

Steal the baby.

[Bobby Lee]

Steal a baby.

[Andrew Santino]

Whoa.

[Bobby Lee]

Right? And then what happens is the emperor, he's in the fortress, and there's a little servant who feeds him, like, humans, flesh, right? But the boy gets bitten and he.

[Andrew Santino]

Turns into a zombie.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Yeah, but he dies. And some people don't turn into zombie. He just died. Yeah, but what happens is the doctor brings him to a different town to just do an autopsy, but that town is so hungry that one of the villagers chops him. The boy's carcass up and feeds it to the villagers.

[Andrew Santino]

I can. I can see why people didn't watch this.

[Bobby Lee]

And then the villagers. Oh, dude. I know. Okay, can I just say this?

[Andrew Santino]

It's too much.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no. What if. Okay, there's this. This after the first. Anyone will listen. The first episode. The very end scene. Watch it. It is incredible.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll say this.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

It sounds good. It went a little too wonky. Donkey. Here's what it should have been. She's pregnant. She's actually.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you talking about? If they did two season, you can't rewrite it.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm rewriting.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, all right.

[Andrew Santino]

It wasn't hit. You just said it lasted two and then they killed it and no one watched it. You started this off by saying nobody watched this fucking show. So clearly it wasn't a hit. It wasn't a hit. Here's how it would have been. Great. Take it out of the fantasy world of zombies. Just make it so that she's pregnant and there is a team of people who are trying to kill her so this baby doesn't get born. So that this other, other next to kin gets the kingdom. So it's a war of trying to kill this woman to get this baby out of her. So she. She's not carrying the next king.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

I love that. Better than eating a worm in the brain. And they keep them in the zombie and it bites the boy.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but these villagers that eat.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't like zombies. That's my. You know, I don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you don't like zombies. Can I ask you about zombies?

[Andrew Santino]

Zombies doesn't do it for me.

[Bobby Lee]

I have a thought about zombies. You like zombies?

[Jules]

I like zombies.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Yeah, if you watch any. Have we talked about zombies before on the show?

[Andrew Santino]

Probably.

[Bobby Lee]

We love zombies.

[Andrew Santino]

We like zombies.

[Bobby Lee]

Have you thought. Well, come listen. Okay. You're a director.

[Andrew Santino]

So rude to do that with Andre, right?

[Bobby Lee]

I. I know. You know. So when you see like Walking Dead or anything, you. You don't like talking about this?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to hear you just sigh.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'm just fat right now.

[Bobby Lee]

You look great.

[Andrew Santino]

No, brother, I. The mirror this morning. 205, 206. I think it was yesterday. Fatty, fatty Patty waddy. Yeah, Fatty Patty wagon. I was just eating when I watched the Walking Dead. What?

[Bobby Lee]

When you see. You see average zombies.

[Andrew Santino]

You mean looks wise.

[Bobby Lee]

They're essentially average people who turn it into average zombies. Right. So they're all wearing like, you know, a workman's jacket. Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Just regular, regular people.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. But you never see dwarf zombie.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You mean you never see that.

[Andrew Santino]

No, Brad. No, Brad.

[Bobby Lee]

You never see Spinal Bifida zombie. You know what I mean? Right? You never see £600 on me just in a bed.

[Andrew Santino]

Why not?

[Bobby Lee]

And he's eating deep fried brains or whatever. You know what I mean? Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Why is that?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know why you. You gotta mix it up, right? It's always like, well, have you seen.

[Jules]

The last of us? There's different kinds of zombies, but those are mushroom zombies.

[Bobby Lee]

No, what I'm talking. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, no, what I'm saying is. Yeah, I mean, people turning into a mushroom zombie. I'm not talking. But what happened to their. You know, I mean, if they're, if they're OCD or whatever, you got to put that into it.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, why isn't there.

[Bobby Lee]

Because I'll be like walking over a crack 15 times, you know, I mean like he loses the OCD when he becomes a zombie. Why you. You know, I mean. Or the racism.

[Andrew Santino]

Right?

[Bobby Lee]

You know, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Racism.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, just the zombies are just going for the black guy. Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Like they were like kkk, they turn zombies. You never. They what? Who they were. The essence of who they were are gone.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't, you don't. There's no autistic zombies.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Andrew Santino]

A bunch of zombies by a train track. Just people by train tracks all day. Immobile zombies.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. It's like it's always the same.

[Andrew Santino]

There are fat zombies in Touch of the Dead.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, fat zombie.

[Andrew Santino]

That's the first time. The walking dead. No man's Land. Fat walkers are particularly dangerous and they can tank more.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. Good.

[Andrew Santino]

Normal walker. So, yeah, I guess there is. Yeah, there's a few, but not. We don't see. It's not. What you're saying is there needs to be more DEI in the zombie world.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Like MMA zombie.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Putting in an arm lock but buying, you know, I mean, just like their old self.

[Andrew Santino]

More, more of that. But I want to see dwarves, LP zombies.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

LPZs.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And just. You just kick them and they land on their back. They have just little legs, they can't get back up. They're just, you know, I always. Do you ever think about stuff like that?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, every day of my life.

[Bobby Lee]

Like vampire. Like vampires.

[Andrew Santino]

Where are they?

[Bobby Lee]

Where's the 600 pound vampire that drinks too much blood? Yeah, yeah, he drinks way too much. And his buddies are going, dude, it's too much. Yeah, your blood sugar, you just killed a giraffe.

[Andrew Santino]

Your blood sugar, sugar levels right through the roof.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I'm saying.

[Andrew Santino]

Like a, like a, a vampire with diabetes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. They never have that.

[Andrew Santino]

No, they should.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. Why? Well, one would assume it's because they're, they're dead. They don't have to fucking adhere to any rules, so they're going to stay the same shape and size. Like, do you imagine when you die, will this be the body that you embody in the afterlife? Or do you think you get a new body?

[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

I know about semi glutides.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

Blue Chew. Does Blue Chew work? Of course it does. Because I take it you do and I do. Bang bang with it.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

That's okay. So this is what I was thinking, my friend. That's a very good question. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you get a new body?

[Bobby Lee]

So I was watching 600 pound Life the other day, Love. It was one of my favorite shows, right? And a lot of them, they just die fat, which is bad, right? I. So I feel bad. Awful, awful. But when they get to heaven, right? Are they £600 up there, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Do they get a new shell, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Or do they just fall immediately through the sky? They die. They're like, yeah. And they fall, right? Because you're up there.

[Andrew Santino]

Too heavy for the clouds.

[Bobby Lee]

Too heavy for the clouds. Or like, he's trying to get through the pearly gates and he can't get in.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, so funny.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Too fat for the.

[Bobby Lee]

Too fat for the pearly. Grades.

[Andrew Santino]

Imagine.

[Bobby Lee]

You never think that.

[Andrew Santino]

And what's his name? St. Peter. Who's at the gate?

[McCone]

St. Peter.

[Andrew Santino]

Imagine. St. Peter's like, buddy, buddy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Go back down, walk a couple laps around the clouds, come on back. You're never gonna make it.

[Bobby Lee]

You're never. Yeah, that's never gonna make it.

[Andrew Santino]

My buddy Zach's got a great joke. I'm gonna tell his joke about hell. Have I told you this? I told you in the car in Australia?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, tell me.

[Andrew Santino]

And the guy says, this guy goes to. This guy goes to hell, right? And he gets down there and it's okay. It's not that bad. And then Hitler, the devil comes up to him and goes, hey, how you liking it? He's like, it's. Honestly, that's. I mean, it's okay. He goes, all right, right on. He's like, you. You like pizza? He's like, yeah, I love pizza. He's like, oh, dude, you are gonna love Mondays. Mondays we have a brick oven pizza right back there. We use the flames and we all get pizza. We eat all night and drink. Drink beer. It's awesome.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He's like, you like tacos?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He says, yeah, I love tacos, dude. You're gonna love Tuesday. On Tuesday, we all have tacos. We gather around together, we drink beer and eat tacos. It's incredible.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. And he says, you like Wednesday? Not how.

[Bobby Lee]

He goes, please, I like it better, though.

[Andrew Santino]

He says, do you like anal sex with men?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And he goes, no. He goes, you're gonna hate Wednesday. Did you guys put up Christmas lights when you were a kid?

[Bobby Lee]

What are you talking about?

[Andrew Santino]

I just asked you a Legitimate question.

[Bobby Lee]

One morning my dad goes. Wakes me up. Merry Christmas. I go, okay. And he goes. He gave me 200 bucks. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

That was Christmas.

[Bobby Lee]

Is it gets worse? It was July.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that Korean? Christmas in July?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they don't know anything about.

[Andrew Santino]

So you never did any decor?

[Bobby Lee]

My parents knew nothing about any holiday.

[Andrew Santino]

You didn't get a tree ever, You.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. No. I mean, we had a tree right. When I was 8. And I kid you not. I'm not. This is not even a joke. That tree stayed in my house for seven years.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. The pines had fallen off and my mom would put squid on it. The branches to dry the squid.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it is a nice way to dry out the squid. And it gets.

[Bobby Lee]

I swear to God, that's not even a joke.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it? What is Christmas in Korea? What is it like? Let's see what it's like down there for Christmas. Korean.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Tell me they do.

[Andrew Santino]

It's considered a national holiday in Korea. Most employees have a day off from work.

[Bobby Lee]

But where can you look this up later? I mean, whatever. When that was a thing. I don't think it was like that when my parents grew up.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, right.

[Bobby Lee]

I think my. My parents. Because when they came to America in their. In their six in the 1960s, they knew nothing about it.

[Andrew Santino]

So when did it become concept of Christmas was introduced? Oh, right. It was before it was. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

It was the late 1700s and 1800 gets. My parents didn't care. Don introduced as Christmas as important holiday described by Christian events in detail. So in the late 1700s, but your parents were way before that. Your mom was born in like 1502, 4.

[Bobby Lee]

What? That boggles my mind because my parents pretended like they didn't know. Like we don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But check this out. This has got to be socioeconomic too, right? Like, I'm sure your parents didn't grow up with anything. They couldn't afford Christmas. They were struggling to survive.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I don't.

[Andrew Santino]

This has got to be privileged. People in Korea that had money could celebrate Christmas. Maybe not your. Your. Not your parents.

[Bobby Lee]

They Maybe. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Their families didn't come from a lot of your money.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, why. Don't say that like that.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a good thing.

[Bobby Lee]

No, my parents. Look at my. My mom says we were royal.

[Andrew Santino]

No, they weren't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, the Royal bloodline.

[Andrew Santino]

No. No chance.

[Bobby Lee]

My dad sides were ghetto. My parents side. My mom's side was royal. My. My grandfather, my. Remember I told you about the hill that my mom used to walk down?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That was like one house on a mountain.

[Andrew Santino]

How did you guys fall so far?

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you were royals and now you're.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but they. She married my ghetto dad.

[Andrew Santino]

Trash.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. So she married down.

[Andrew Santino]

Sounds like a Hallmark movie.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Titanic.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Married down. She married Titanic. Yeah. She married down. Dude, that sucks.

[Andrew Santino]

She married down for love.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Turns out, wasn't worth it. Got two shitty kids and.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I think it wasn't worth it.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But once it happens, what are you gonna do?

[Andrew Santino]

Stay in love.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You just got to stay in love until one of them dies. That's really. You just gotta slug it out until somebody dies.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what love really is.

[Bobby Lee]

But at least they didn't get like. I saw Tick Tock and you know that kid. We talked about it already, but like a kid that has like autism, like severe autism. Violent.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Like fights his parents.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like at least they didn't have that.

[Andrew Santino]

No. They had drug addict children.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's much easier to handle.

[Bobby Lee]

You think so?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I think because it's compassion through compassion that they understand that you're probably using drugs because you have an addictive bloodline.

[Bobby Lee]

They didn't know about it. They don't know about it.

[Andrew Santino]

No. But they. You can. You can empathize something in your. Your mom has a very.

[Bobby Lee]

She does.

[Andrew Santino]

Empathetic way.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you know what I mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Are you wearing your socks over your sweatpants like that?

[Jules]

Yeah. Because it's cold.

[Bobby Lee]

Your ankles were that cold?

[Jules]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you celebrate Christmas in the Philippines?

[Jules]

Yeah. Even like all the poor people, they still celebrate Christmas.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

But when they got nothing, what happens?

[Andrew Santino]

It was just another day.

[Bobby Lee]

It's fun, really. So like a. Because remember we went. So we went to the Philippines. Remember that one field? Not a field, but it was like a goat tied to a. Like a stick.

[Jules]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And then we brought spaghetti.

[Jules]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You feed spaghetti to the goat?

[Bobby Lee]

No. No. And we took. We took like hundreds of spaghetti's. Boxes of spaghetti.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

To feed the hungry. Yeah. So. And then they ran out of these huts could come. Can I call them huts?

[Jules]

So it's.

[Andrew Santino]

It's.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, I know, but it seems like just. I'm being.

[Andrew Santino]

What are they made out of?

[Bobby Lee]

Just sticks.

[Andrew Santino]

Sticks and mud.

[Jules]

Sticks, stones.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's. That's a hut.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a hut. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's undeniably a hut.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So we. So we bring a van, we open it up. We open up the van and there's like, these boxes of spaghetti that we all, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And then out comes kids, completely naked. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Spaghetti.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. And they took the spaghetti. And in my mind, I'm like, what do they get for Christmas?

[Andrew Santino]

Spaghetti.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I mean, really. I mean, and that poor goat.

[Andrew Santino]

What if they were going to eat it? Right? You just.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I don't know if they're. Were they eating it?

[Andrew Santino]

What did you do?

[Jules]

Some Filipinos, they just take care of it as, like, their pets.

[Andrew Santino]

So why poor goat? He's getting taken care of.

[Bobby Lee]

He didn't look healthy.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It was like, what you think I'm making fun of? Why'd you roll your eyes? What's going on here now?

[Andrew Santino]

Do you.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, there's a ghost, dude. There's a ghost here that.

[Andrew Santino]

It fell.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. What are you doing, McConnell?

[Andrew Santino]

Good job, Cone. Guess. You know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, good job, Con. We had the B team today. You golf today?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I can't because of my back.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, well, why, are you tired then?

[Andrew Santino]

I think last night I just couldn't go to bed. I had one of those nights where my brain was moving and I was going through my. It's going through my set in my mind about what I want to finalize for the hour. And then I couldn't go to bed. And then I went downstairs and I ate a midnight snack. And that's gonna keep you up for another.

[Bobby Lee]

What was the snack?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I had such a good little snack.

[Bobby Lee]

What was it?

[Andrew Santino]

Little Hawaiian rolls, You know, little puffy.

[Bobby Lee]

I love those things. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

With leftover beef tenderloin that we had. And. And I warmed it up so the American cheese melted all over that.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my Lord.

[Andrew Santino]

And I had a little bit of onions and peppers left over. Wow, buddy. So I had two of those, and then I was up. Once you eat that midnight snack, you're up. You're not going back to bed.

[Bobby Lee]

We'll let that digest first.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, that's why I stayed up for a little while.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, when people wake, do you wake up in the middle night to pee?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you wake up in the middle, like, to poop, too? No, I've started to do that. Yeah. I'll wake up to poop sometimes.

[Bobby Lee]

Sometimes I have to hold my pee. You know why?

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Bobby Lee]

Because if I open the door, the cats, all three cats, are just waiting.

[Andrew Santino]

There waiting for you to wake up.

[Bobby Lee]

They're. They're 24, 7. If I close a door, they're just waiting there like this. And I hold my pee. I Go. I don't want to deal with them.

[Andrew Santino]

What are they gonna do, Just walk around?

[Bobby Lee]

No, they try to get in.

[Andrew Santino]

But what do they do?

[Bobby Lee]

Sometimes I'll open it and one will scurry it and then go underneath the bed. And then now I have to, like, go underneath the bed and grab them.

[Andrew Santino]

What do they do? If you're in the room when you're sleeping, you don't even know they're there. They just kind of walk around.

[Bobby Lee]

No, because you don't send. Cats are nocturnal animals.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. They're up.

[Bobby Lee]

So at 4 in the morning, Goony thinks he's the flash.

[Andrew Santino]

He's jumping around.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You mean. And so I can't have him in the room. You just hear crazy. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

You'll stay awake.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, there's no way. So I have to barricade. You know, I barricade it.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

With objects and all kinds. It's a whole system. So if I open it, then I gotta put the barricades back up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And I've already peed. Right. So now I'm already awake because I'm doing physical activity. I mean, so it's like I sometimes just hold it. What's going on over your forehead?

[Jules]

Nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it's just it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. She's breaking out a little bit.

[Bobby Lee]

A little bit, huh?

[Jules]

Cuspa. Dandruff.

[Andrew Santino]

What? Cuspa. Dandruff.

[Jules]

Caspa is dandruff?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean? Kaspa, Casper is the word for dandruff. In what language?

[Bobby Lee]

In Spanish.

[Andrew Santino]

Kasba is dandruff. Is that the same thing in. In the Philippines? Wow. Dandruff. How would you know that? Did you get. Were you called Cuspa Boy when you were a kid? Little Casper. That's. That's Fancy B's new name.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, what does Costa mean again?

[Andrew Santino]

Dandruff. Flakes.

[Bobby Lee]

You have danders on your forehead. That's why Casper was named Casper. That. That right here. That's.

[Jules]

It's pimples here.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a pimple.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I meant.

[Jules]

And I have.

[Bobby Lee]

I thought you said you have dandruff on your forehead. You have dandruff on your. Without the hair. That's incredible.

[Andrew Santino]

Why do you have dandruff? Why do you have dandruff?

[Jules]

I don't know. I.

[Andrew Santino]

Your scalp is dry.

[Jules]

I wash my hair every day.

[Andrew Santino]

That's. That's exactly. That's why you don't. You're not supposed to wash it every day.

[Jules]

No, but If I don't wash it every day and then it gets oily and it gets like heavy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but there's tricks to it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Doesn't your aunt have a hair care line?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Jesus Christ, use that hair care line.

[Andrew Santino]

Pay attention.

[Jules]

I do.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but honestly, don't wash your hair every day. It's not good for it. It actually gets it more oily, you know, if you wash it too much, it's bad for it.

[Jules]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you. Did you see the final of Great British Bake Off?

[Andrew Santino]

I haven't watched the last episode, but I. But in my mind I know who won.

[Bobby Lee]

Tell me.

[Andrew Santino]

The young, good looking kid. I can't remember his name, but don't say anything.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Please.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna watch it.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna tell you.

[Andrew Santino]

No, because some of our fans don't. Haven't seen it yet, so don't do that.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you can't spoil it for them. But. By the way, the great British baking show.

[Bobby Lee]

But it made me cry.

[Andrew Santino]

Top tier television.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay?

[Andrew Santino]

Top tier television.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not just top tier.

[Andrew Santino]

It's.

[Bobby Lee]

There's a wholesomeness about it.

[Andrew Santino]

Beautiful.

[Bobby Lee]

And a warmth about it that like, is. None of that's in my own life.

[Andrew Santino]

Or in American culture. That's only happened in the British. In the British competition shows. It doesn't happen in the American competition shows.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you know why I. I have the secret.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to know. Money.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no prize money in the British shows. Zero. It's all for pride. All the American shows are based on Top Chef. You can win a hundred thousand dollars.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, It's Star Trek. Shit.

[Andrew Santino]

Exactly. Yeah, that's exactly Star Trek.

[Bobby Lee]

There's no money.

[Andrew Santino]

No money.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

In that world, the goal is pride. It's a pride. It's, it's, it is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Being. Bonding with other human beings.

[Andrew Santino]

Community.

[Bobby Lee]

Community.

[Andrew Santino]

And they don't have the show.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

It's all like it. Give me the money.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to be Reuben. Stutter.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when Paul Hollywood. Dude, when Paulie Hollywood gives you a handshake, I literally tear up.

[Andrew Santino]

That's more than money. That's the.

[Bobby Lee]

That's more than.

[Andrew Santino]

That's much more than money.

[Bobby Lee]

That's more than much. But I'm saying you can't know what that means.

[Andrew Santino]

But it's more than much.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You can't replace. There's Paul Hollywood right now.

[Bobby Lee]

Right there.

[Andrew Santino]

Sexy.

[Bobby Lee]

You watch the show Fox? No. It's the best show on television. He. So what happens is It's a baking show. And when he tastes something, it's usually something that he can't make because he's one of the best bread bakers in the world.

[Andrew Santino]

In the world.

[Bobby Lee]

In the world. Right. So sometimes, you know, they're amateur bakers, and sometimes they'll make. He'll eat it and he'll chew it. You can tell what's going on in his mind. He's like, holy, that was good. Right, right. And every once in a while, he'll go, handshake. And when the contestant gets a handshake, they start crying.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because they know that he doesn't give those out often. And they know that it's excellence. Pure excellence. It's such a great show.

[Andrew Santino]

And Pru is fun to look at, too.

[Bobby Lee]

I love the comedy. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's okay.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

I. They've tried to hire. Well, they used to have a couple of comedians come and go on the show.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Why do they even need to do it? Sketches and stuff?

[Andrew Santino]

I think because it kills time. I think it's a filler.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's proo. Right there. We love proves great. Look at the lettuce on her. Zoom in, by the way.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

She's got the thickest head of hair.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

It's beautiful.

[Bobby Lee]

What flavor does she not like?

[Andrew Santino]

That's. Wait, hold on. This is funny.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. There's something that she doesn't like.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, it's an ingredient, Paul.

[Andrew Santino]

Hollywood's the same way. He doesn't like because he said it to the young guy, too, in the middle of the season.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me guess. Matcha.

[Andrew Santino]

No, Matcha. He doesn't like. That's what they call.

[Bobby Lee]

He doesn't like matcha. Yeah, he doesn't like matcha. But she doesn't like. I'll tell you.

[Andrew Santino]

Hold on, hold on. Give me a hand. Give me one little hint.

[Bobby Lee]

It's something that we eat in. In our sandwiches. We make sandwiches out of it.

[Andrew Santino]

Make our sandwiches out of it.

[Bobby Lee]

It's like a filling for us.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, an ingredient.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Peanut butter.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. She hates peanut butter.

[Bobby Lee]

Doesn't like peanut butter.

[Andrew Santino]

I remember this.

[Bobby Lee]

It's.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, people, both. How do you not like peanut butter?

[Bobby Lee]

How do you not like it? It's the greatest adventure ever.

[Andrew Santino]

You like peanut butter?

[Bobby Lee]

It's so good.

[Andrew Santino]

What do they have?

[Bobby Lee]

What are you, chunky or creamy, brother? Well, let me guess.

[Andrew Santino]

Just like my come. Chunky, chunky, chunky, chunky, chunky.

[Bobby Lee]

Just like. I like my chunky, chunky, chunky.

[Andrew Santino]

I like My peanut butter. Like, I like my pussy chunky, dude. I love chunky.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to crunch on it.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to feel the bite.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That is. That is the thing, because when we were.

[Bobby Lee]

What is that discharge?

[Andrew Santino]

You know, when you crumble chips inside of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You need the crunch when you have potato chips and the chunky peanut butter.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my. You do? Peanut butter. Wait, what's up?

[Andrew Santino]

Crumble up potato chips and put them inside the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

[Bobby Lee]

You got to be kidding me. Like. Like lays? No. You've never done ruffles. You got to show me ruffles.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, bro. Oh, my.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God. I got.

[Andrew Santino]

It's one of my favorite things on earth.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you sure? Are you tricking?

[Andrew Santino]

You will love it. You guys have never done this. You never crumbled up chips on the inside of a peanut butter jelly salmon. My God, it's fucking phenomenal. There are potato chips in there. Look at that. There you go. Yeah, you put crumble. So those are kettle cooked. This might be kettle cook. Might be a little bit too much. You need something that's a little bit easier to break because kettles kind of cut the roof of your mouth if you catch them at a wrong angle.

[Bobby Lee]

So what is it? The saltiness of it?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's the crust.

[Bobby Lee]

Put salt in it then.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no, no. And also flavor. You got to pick a good flavor you like.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God. I've never even seen that before.

[Andrew Santino]

As we must. As we must.

[Bobby Lee]

It's white people. It's that you guys hide.

[Andrew Santino]

We've been hiding it for a year.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Why do you hide shit like that?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, let me tell you something. I was going to the meeting last week and I said, can we share this with the others? And all of the whites were like, we'd rather you not. Oh, the white said, you know how.

[Bobby Lee]

Many people are at the white meeting?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, what's our local? Our local? 4. 16 is what? I don't know. There's like 100 people there or something like that.

[McCone]

1 120.

[Andrew Santino]

1. 1 100, 120, depending.

[Bobby Lee]

And then. So let me. Because I've always want to know about white meetings.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, right. So can I tell you real fast before you ask?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I said I want to share some of this with my. My Asian best friend. Live it. They kicked me out of. Out of. Out of this sanction.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you're invited. Really?

[Andrew Santino]

He's a co chair.

[Bobby Lee]

Out of all the people in our area, he's the Co Chair.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, he's a co. Chair of this.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, Steve Carell lives around here.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, does Carell go.

[Andrew Santino]

He is in the Illuminati chair.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, there's different.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I see. He's not there. Yeah, well, he's.

[Andrew Santino]

He beams in.

[Bobby Lee]

He beams it. Oh, you have. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we see him. Wait, what do you got? But ask. Go ahead. Because you've.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, may I. Yeah. May I soak. Would I. I have so many questions.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, I'll answer one right now. Yeah. Snow was originally black. We made it white.

[Bobby Lee]

That was my first question. Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Snow was.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Original.

[Bobby Lee]

I did not know that. Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Yep.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Are there any black angels?

[Andrew Santino]

McConnell knows the answer.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Do you know that. You know the.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell him about the. The. Tell him. He asked, are there black angels? And Go ahead.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. Because you guys have all the, like, the Dead Sea Scrolls or whatever you have, correct? Right. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell them.

[Bobby Lee]

Are there black angels?

[McCone]

I don't think I'm allowed to tell them.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you nervous about this question?

[Bobby Lee]

All right, well, we could bypass the question.

[Andrew Santino]

Would you like to come to one of these meetings? We are looking for staff.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, I'm. I mean, I be honored, but, you know, I'm not.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you'd be working the meeting. You'd be working anyway.

[Bobby Lee]

So you have non whites working in the meeting.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, yeah, we're not going to do that. That's. That's disgusting. We're not gonna.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh. But would I be able to eventually move my way up the channel and be white?

[Andrew Santino]

There's room to shift.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it's mostly. It's mostly lateral.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it's this way?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I don't want that. I would rather not.

[Andrew Santino]

You'd be lucky to be there.

[Bobby Lee]

I understand that. I mean, I've always wanted to see a white meeting. Right? I mean, if I'm doing the janitorial stuff, like sweeping and all that stuff, you would be. Would I be able to peek in and watch what's going on or no.

[Andrew Santino]

Perhaps.

[Bobby Lee]

What, I need a guarantee here, babe?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, my dear, you pass one of the tests and you can.

[Bobby Lee]

The baby blood.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not. You don't get those tests.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, what is the minorities get.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell them.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, tell us.

[Andrew Santino]

Give them one of the minorities. Yeah, you remember them. You just got. You just got. You had your exam a week ago. You know, you're enacting something.

[Bobby Lee]

What is it? What is. What does. What is minorities.

[McCone]

First task here, the minority's first tasks.

[Bobby Lee]

Is can you Talk into the mic, please.

[McCone]

The handling the catering for everything is one. You know.

[Bobby Lee]

Just. I mean it. We call that anti comedy.

[Andrew Santino]

Anti. Anti.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, and, you know, we edit the show. You could say anything.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

This could have been so fun.

[Bobby Lee]

You can say, yeah, that was the most anti comedy, this bit. I don't know. It wasn't even bad.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, I know. You know what's funny? I'm just basically explaining Scientology. That's all. I know. I know.

[Bobby Lee]

So what is it?

[McCone]

I don't know if about. I don't know if I can.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[McCone]

I don't know about cults.

[Andrew Santino]

No. This bit does scare you. Funny.

[McCone]

For some reason, it doesn't.

[Andrew Santino]

This bit will be taken out of context and they'll be like, they really are in a cult.

[Bobby Lee]

You literally never said anything bad.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

It's obviously a joke.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. But it's funny how they do. How someone on the Internet will be like, were they really joking? Were they really joking about these white meetings?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And you know what? You'll never know.

[Bobby Lee]

You'll never know. Yeah. That's insane.

[Andrew Santino]

We don't have one. I'll tell you this.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, the bit was going so good. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

McCone squished.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. You got. Yeah, it was going. But here's the so good Christmas mood.

[McCone]

I'm not in a cult mood.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, we'll get to Christmas. Christmas is a cult.

[Bobby Lee]

Shopify, man.

[Andrew Santino]

We've been using Shopify for a long time. And those of you out there that support this show and get merch from us, they get the merch from us. We love Shopify because it fully integrates and helps sellers like us get the product to people like you.

[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

Than nobody on this planet.

[Bobby Lee]

Not on this planet, of course. Home of the number one checkout on the planet.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

More sell on Shopify.

[Andrew Santino]

A bunch of companies like Skims, Allbirds, Aloe. They use Shopify just like the Bad Friends family over here. So upgrade your business and get the same checkout as Allbirds, a big global respected company that is killing it. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com. bad friends all lowercase go to shopify.com.

[Bobby Lee]

Lowercase bad friends to upgr selling today.

[Andrew Santino]

Shopify.Com sad friends rocket money you guys, I've spent.

[Bobby Lee]

I've. I saved hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars a year because of Rocket Money. Why? Because I have so many, so many subscriptions on my phone.

[Andrew Santino]

Absurd.

[Bobby Lee]

I have no idea what is going on.

[Andrew Santino]

You have more than anyone I've ever seen.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. And what it what is it consolidates it.

[Andrew Santino]

You did Because Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. They monitor your spending and they help lower your bills so you can grow your savings. You want to save that money baby?

[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

Cancel your UNC unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Bad Friends today that.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

You're worshiping a sun God.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we're worshiping a sun God. My dude. How is this. How is Christmas not a cult? Every holiday is culty. You get together, you chant. By the way, what do we do at Christmas? What do the whites do? We sing songs together.

[Bobby Lee]

Have you ever caroled?

[Andrew Santino]

Culty? Absolutely not, man. I've sheila'd, but I've never caroled.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll be right back.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I've never caroled because I can't sing. I'm not a singer.

[Bobby Lee]

You. No, you're a very good singer.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, cut it out.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God, dude, on the road.

[Andrew Santino]

Cut it out, will you?

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, you're great, Honestly.

[Andrew Santino]

Stop it.

[Bobby Lee]

Do that.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you know what, though? I do. My dad does make us sing like the. Like a.

[Bobby Lee]

Like a Jeff.

[Andrew Santino]

Like a real. Yeah, JV Makes us. Yeah, like a real white family. We sing together.

[Bobby Lee]

I love that, man.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a funny clip, man. I wish I could show you. He loves you, dude. He loves you. He was like, how was Thanksgiving? I said, great. He goes, did Bobby come by? I said, nah, he was going to Michael Bay's house at the time. You were?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You didn't end up going?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

So, you know, he missed Michael Bay's Thanksgiving. They blow up the turkey.

[Bobby Lee]

They do? Yeah. It's incredible. It's incredible. Yeah. But uses film. Still. Really does. I went to Palm Springs.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You want a little. A little journey?

[Bobby Lee]

I took a date, a girl. A date out in Palm Springs.

[Andrew Santino]

And can I tell you, when you said that, the jealousy in my soul, because I haven't Been in a while. And Palm Springs in the. In the winter.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Favorite. It's beautiful.

[Bobby Lee]

We were at Beautiful Mastros.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, out in the. Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It was packed.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

I could not believe how packed it was.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, it's beautiful out there. They do all the lights and the decorating.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, you're talking about. I had to wait an hour and I had reservations. It was like. We're sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait a minute.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you do the.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

It's me. You did the. It's me. It's Bobby.

[Bobby Lee]

You know.

[Andrew Santino]

And they still let you down. Okay. Yeah, yeah. You know, they let him in.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But you went out there on a little journey.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, and then I drove back. I should have maybe gone to mine. I don't know. But anyway, I would have wish you came over because. Because I was talking with my friend. I go. The last Christmas I was in Chicago. I mean, the last Thanksgiving at my house. Was that your house?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What a great.

[Andrew Santino]

We had so much.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll always remember that.

[Andrew Santino]

Everybody. My mom and dad just. I mean, every. Everyone loves you.

[Bobby Lee]

But what'd you do for Thanksgiving?

[Jules]

We just had a small dinner with the family.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

The family. But not including us. So. Not the family.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I was a part of the family at one point.

[Andrew Santino]

You've been removed.

[Jules]

Was always invited. You're the one that doesn't want to go.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not true. That's not true. And you know what? Honestly, you're projecting. You don't want him to go, so you say to Auntie Kalila, you say, what if we don't invite Tito Bobby this year? No, that's what I heard.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. All right. Let me give you an example.

[Jules]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. If Darth Vader and the Emperor. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And Boba Fett and all head of. Right. No, that's not the. That's not the right. No, I. I know. I got it right here. Okay. Let's say I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm gonna do a Star Wars. Right. And I was gonna go tattooing to go to Thanksgiving. Right. But you guys invited Darth Vader. Would Luke Skywalker go Wandagru. Let me think.

[Andrew Santino]

Why would you invite Darth Vader?

[Bobby Lee]

He's just there.

[Andrew Santino]

And what's he doing there? Yeah, it's his dad. He's making up.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a bad example.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I like any of that, given that detail.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you understand why you're always invited.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a. I don't like that phrase. Because what does that mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. People think no one invited me, by the way.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So I have to assume that I'm invited.

[Jules]

Well, did you want to go?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So no one invited. No, she didn't. Yeah. So, you know, I want you to. Look, you have to assume like I think I'm gonna show up because I'm. I. I assume I'm invited because I'm always invited.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. But that's not the case. That's not the case because Bobby doesn't want to. He doesn't want to go.

[Bobby Lee]

Be intrusive.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. He doesn't want to be where he's not welcome.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He feels unwelcome, I guess.

[Jules]

But no one. Everyone, like, talks. They don't talk bad about you.

[Andrew Santino]

They're always like, that sounds like they do. That sounds like they do.

[Bobby Lee]

That's like the worst thing you could ever say. It's like the worst thing you. Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, ask me.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Watch this. Ask me right now. Go. They don't. Do they talk about me over there? Go ahead.

[Bobby Lee]

Do they talk to me about me over there?

[Andrew Santino]

No. No, no, no. Nobody does.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Right. You don't believe it. I don't believe that you know right away.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jules]

No, I'm telling you.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at me. Do they talk bad about Bobby at the party?

[Jules]

No, they don't.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't close your eyes. Do with your eyes open.

[Jules]

They don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Pretty good.

[Andrew Santino]

That's pretty good. Yeah. I believe it, actually. They don't. Yeah. I had to. I take it.

[Bobby Lee]

So you and your new. The new. The fam. My old family is having a Thanksgiving. Yeah. That's great. Who else showed up? The mom. Meredith. Yeah, everyone showed up. Good. Roger. Yeah. Yeah, everyone showed up. I remember. I used to go every. Every year. You remember that? You do? You do, huh?

[Jules]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't really think about that.

[Andrew Santino]

Be honest with me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

While you were driving back from Palm Spring.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you think about maybe popping in there and Surprising.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I don't even know where it is.

[Andrew Santino]

That's even more hurtful.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It's very hard. I don't know whose house it's at, because if you don't get invited, then you have no idea where the location is.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

It could be a number of places.

[Andrew Santino]

That is true, because we had Thanksgiving, but we didn't do it at my house. We did it at Buca to Beppo. So you never know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You never know where it's gonna happen.

[Bobby Lee]

But when I was driving back from Palm Springs, I was thinking to Myself. Wow. I should just drive off this freeway because I'm so lonely. I'm so lonely.

[Andrew Santino]

I wanted you at my house, and.

[Bobby Lee]

I am so lonely and so alone. I have nobody. I literally have nobody. I know you have you, but it's like, you know, I don't want to rely on, you know, so it's like.

[Andrew Santino]

I want you to want.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, I know.

[Andrew Santino]

I want you to want me.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but I. It was so miserable.

[Andrew Santino]

I actually held out.

[Bobby Lee]

I feel so alone.

[Andrew Santino]

We kept it.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

We kept a chair for you at the dinner table. Do you know this? We kept a chair at the table in the hopes that you would show up. Because I even said, oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

I said, I have nobody.

[Andrew Santino]

You have me.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm alone. I'm truly alone.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you're not.

[Bobby Lee]

I really am.

[Andrew Santino]

Why do you say that?

[Bobby Lee]

Because I am.

[Andrew Santino]

But.

[Bobby Lee]

But I wake up and I go, oh, no one's here.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Okay, first of all. Yeah, first of all, let's be real, though.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Not someone being in your home is different than you having a wealth of people that are deeply in love with you on many levels.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know, man.

[Andrew Santino]

I can tell you that's a fact.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, last night I was like, sitting there with Ian Bag, just talking.

[Andrew Santino]

Love Ian.

[Bobby Lee]

I do too.

[Andrew Santino]

Like one of the funniest dudes in comedy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And I was like. He's like, are you okay? I go, I'm so alone.

[Andrew Santino]

Where were you at Store Improv. Well, that'll make you feel lonely, that place.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, I. I get it. But by the way, comedy clubs are the worst place for our egos.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Because it's like, it's. It's a. It's a test. It's a test. You're. It's a test of your skill and your self assurance and your self awareness and all that. Stand up clubs are hard on your ego, whether we know it or not.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean, hard on our ego?

[Andrew Santino]

Because it. You're. You're constantly in. You should know, of all people, you are constantly in conflict with yourself over being good enough and funny enough. And.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's also.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a hard place to do to keep you honest. Keeps you honest. Yeah, well, it keeps you. It also keeps you very introspective.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Because you know how you and I did show Friday night? It was packed in the main room, slammed, but. So you weren't on the lineup last night in the main room?

[Andrew Santino]

I didn't go.

[Bobby Lee]

It was just me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It was dead.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it was. So they had to put both curtains up.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So I was back there, and I'm like, you know, the only kind of name except for Yamanika was in town, so she did it.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, wow.

[Bobby Lee]

But I was just like, oh, I. I can't. I'm. I'm. I don't draw anymore. I'm gonna.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not true.

[Bobby Lee]

I know it's not, but in my mind, I'm like. And people are like, dude, it's the holiday.

[Andrew Santino]

It's the holiday weekend.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but it's like. And then when you're already in a state of depression, it just kind of piles on you. Start thinking negatively.

[Andrew Santino]

It spirals.

[Bobby Lee]

It spirals. So I'm, like, been spiraling.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I thought in the morning. This morning in the shower, because we talked last week. You asked me about my depression, and I want to give you some credit. You do? You guys listened, and I got out what I needed to get out, and it made me feel really good. But I want you to be honest.

[Bobby Lee]

Then go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

About your depression, where you go and you get low. Because I didn't ask you back. You kind of let me just mouth vomit.

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's fine. What do you mean, where do I go? Well, you asked inside myself.

[Andrew Santino]

You said, where do I go when I get really depressed? And I told you where I think I disappear to.

[Bobby Lee]

Where do you go?

[Andrew Santino]

I told you last week. I think I. I just. I get in a place of isolation. I. I don't want to talk to people. I need to be left alone, and I need to either exercise or go away. Like when you drive back from Palm Springs and you were sad. Where. Where. Where are you?

[Bobby Lee]

I start fantasizing about, like, where I could, like, ending it all. Not my life like where you. But I would end this whole pursuit of comedy in this dream, right? And then I would, like, sell all my assets, retire. So retire. You know, grab all my. And go to the. You know, like, a town that no one knows me.

[Andrew Santino]

Where is this? What does it look?

[Bobby Lee]

I've always thought about, like, taking, like, having, like, a bunch of, like, an official. A bunch of, like, trailer parks.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Like trailer parks. Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, literal trailer.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, trailer. And putting my hand in, I go, oh, I guess I'm gonna live in, like, Shreveport, Louisiana.

[Andrew Santino]

For how long? A year?

[Bobby Lee]

My rest of my life.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, you got to keep doing that. Keep dipping in the fish.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe every year. But I would get it going to a trailer park and just disappear.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Trailer park Bobby.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And then I would look strange, too.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you. What would you look.

[Bobby Lee]

Bell bottoms.

[Andrew Santino]

Every day.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Even in Louisiana.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I look like El cucaracha, by the way, love.

[Andrew Santino]

El cocara.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I would do elkaracha cucaracha with them. I would bring a wife beater.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you wearing up top?

[Bobby Lee]

A wife beater. But also, I want. But also I want definitely, like one of those El Mariachi guitars.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Or on my shoulder. Right. Bell bottoms. A lot of, like, his, like, you know, I would go to his style, too.

[Andrew Santino]

Who, McConnell?

[Bobby Lee]

No, Fancy.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, what? Shitty shirts.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, like T shirts with, like, you know, I mean, people doing dancing. You know what I mean? And then I would probably wear. And this is probably not appropriate, but something with feathers.

[Andrew Santino]

How is that not appropriate? What are you not allowed to, like feathers?

[Bobby Lee]

You know, people says cultural appropriation or whatever.

[Andrew Santino]

How.

[Bobby Lee]

I would. You know what? I would do that but with three feathers and a gigantic blood diamond on my forehead.

[Andrew Santino]

Love.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, I mean, like, not a polished one.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Just a raw blood diamond.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. And then it was like, maybe blood from, like real. A revolutionary, you know, on it or. Or, you know, or a smuggler shout.

[Andrew Santino]

Out to South Africa.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just dried on there. You know what I mean? I would probably wear the football paint.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, we're like war paint.

[Bobby Lee]

No, not warpoint football paint, which is, you know, sometimes they just put black.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Do you know what that's for? Why that's actually interesting. I'm surprised that football players are the only ones that wear that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Why aren't. Soccer players could wear it too.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I would do that.

[Andrew Santino]

Reflection of the light. Light of the sun. It helps.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right, Helps.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why I would keep it out of your eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

Make my eyes wider. Let me see if I wore that, because the sun's not.

[Andrew Santino]

That's so funny.

[Bobby Lee]

Blood diamond.

[Andrew Santino]

Imagine all it takes.

[Bobby Lee]

Three feathers.

[Andrew Santino]

All it takes for Asians to have bigger eyes. To just put on that black under the eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Whoa.

[McCone]

They can use an extra fine Sharpie.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Okay. There he is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. He only waits.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He only waits for the jokes that he knows. He can tell.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's right.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. If we ask him to do the joke, he can't think of it.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. But if one pops in and says, even if it's gonna piss me off, he has to say it because he knows that it. It's kind of good.

[Andrew Santino]

Kind of good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So let's. Let's get back on a Happy track, then.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Is there something you're excited for at the end of the year or the beginning of next year?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

You know what?

[Andrew Santino]

There's nothing brewing for you.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I'm excited about. I've lost ten pounds, so I'm going to. I think I'm excited about.

[Andrew Santino]

Awesome.

[McCone]

I watched the original Christmas episode, like, a few days ago. It's wild how much smaller you look.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's like.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you do look smaller. Everyone has commented.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Literally.

[Bobby Lee]

And then. But when I get another 10, 15 pounds, I'm gonna then go to the gym, do my thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you. Can you. Does your penis look better? No, I'm serious. When you lose some weight, sometimes your dick looks better.

[Bobby Lee]

It's most of the weights from that.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Your dick lost ten, five pounds.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Definitely five pounds a day.

[Andrew Santino]

So let's get you fat again. Yeah, that's a bad idea.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so funny. I went to the spa the other day and I saw a couple of really big dudes with, like, little micro dicks.

[Andrew Santino]

Love.

[Bobby Lee]

They look like buttons.

[Andrew Santino]

You mean big as in fat or strong?

[Bobby Lee]

No, they're just a button.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, their body. Were they fat or strong?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, fat.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, well, fat's different.

[Bobby Lee]

They're huge. Right. But they have a little Benjamin Button.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why they got so fat.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You have a tiny penis. You're going to eat your sadness away.

[Bobby Lee]

But I don't. I wonder why, how that happens. They have big hands. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But they probably got fat because of their small dick. I just said they got sad. They saw that little pecker and they thought, never gonna use this. I might as well just eat away my feelings. Wow. I like seeing a buff guy at the gym with a small little penis. I love.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Because he's like, I'm jacked. And you're like, nah.

[Bobby Lee]

But that's why he's buff. I know, but that overcompensated.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why regular guys like us have regular dicks. It's great.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

We didn't. We didn't win. We didn't lose. It's fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's fine. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what? You know what? Our Vanilla Bean ice cream.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

French Vanilla. It's good. It's fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not the one that everybody wants, but it's fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, and yours has a little bit of mango in it. Get a couple slices.

[Bobby Lee]

Lychee fruit.

[Andrew Santino]

Lychee.

[Bobby Lee]

Lychee fruit. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And it's funny, by the way, I Just at the spa today, I went in the hot tub and, you know, you go naked in the men's spa. So you. I'm naked in the hot tub, and a guy came out of the. Came out of the sauna and didn't know someone was in there, because I'm sure he went in and no one was on that section. It was kind of quiet today. And he came out and he, like, saw me and panicked and grabbed one of the towels to cover up his little penis. And then I had to pretend like I didn't see his little penis.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Because he stood right there and I.

[Bobby Lee]

Kind of like, are you naked?

[Andrew Santino]

Look the other way. Yeah, you have to be.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So when I met the. I took Jules to the naturals, Jesse to the WI spa.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

We went to Wii spa together.

[Andrew Santino]

How was that?

[Bobby Lee]

It was so fun.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. She was a little scared.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It's you. It's foreign.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But when I always noticed.

[Andrew Santino]

Literally.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I always noticed, though, there's, like, white dudes completely wearing, like, basketball shorts in the steam room. And then the Koreans and the blacks were, like, completely naked.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But there's always. Why? Why is that? Why at the white meeting. Let's go back. You guys talk about that, the white meeting.

[Andrew Santino]

We do, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, and this is going to offend you, but we wear shorts because we don't want to sit on the same ground as you. We need some sort of cloth separation.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. Oh, it's because. Oh. Because, you know, the thing is, when I go to the sea room, I put a towel down and I sit on that. That's not enough protection.

[Andrew Santino]

Not for us.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe it's psychological. Yeah, it's mainly psychological.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it's like, you know, when you put down. You know, when put down, people put down those things on the toilet.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not doing anything.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But we need the reassurance.

[Bobby Lee]

Can we create a company that makes those but make them, like, thicker.

[Andrew Santino]

The toilet seat cover.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. I think it's.

[Bobby Lee]

Can we not have a. There's got to be a substitute for that.

[Andrew Santino]

But can. But it has to be. Be able to throw away. So how can it decrease?

[Bobby Lee]

Because the thing is, is that when you. Because I sat at the. I was at the airport when we're coming back and I was pooping.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Emergency poo. And somebody had peed on the seat. Seat.

[Andrew Santino]

Gross.

[Bobby Lee]

So you have to put nine layers of those things to absorb the pee so that it doesn't get on your.

[Andrew Santino]

What if we just travel with One of those.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, it's a. If there's a neck p. It's a neck pillow and.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow. Yeah. That's interesting. But there's still pee on the. What do you call it? The seat.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So you got to clean that.

[Andrew Santino]

You have a PE side and a butt side, and you always have the peace side down. You just always know which side is. It's by color.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

The peace side will be yellow, and.

[Bobby Lee]

That'S a little too thick to walk around.

[Andrew Santino]

You think so?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But we'll have a carryall. We'll have a bag that's specifically designed for it. That looks cool.

[Bobby Lee]

So you don't. See, women don't have that because, you know, women sit down and they pee. Right?

[Jules]

I don't.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

She stands up.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't. What?

[Andrew Santino]

She lifts one leg up like a dog.

[Jules]

She hovers on the seat, and then I squat.

[Bobby Lee]

Why? Because I don't want.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait a minute. You really. You don't stand on the seat. You just hover.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you physically. He puts two feet on there, like a monkey.

[Andrew Santino]

You put your feet on the toilet seat?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. That's like a spider monkey, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Why don't you just hover?

[Jules]

It's hard because I know a lot.

[Andrew Santino]

Of women that hover. Hovering is a very normal. They hold the walls.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but what. But what I'm saying is that if everyone just sat, you're not gonna get pee on the seat.

[Andrew Santino]

Correct.

[Bobby Lee]

We have pee on the seat because people stand and pee on the seat.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, how about this? How about this? Why is it, you know, like, the. The women do the hovering technique, you know, like this. This is like a constant thing.

[Bobby Lee]

I. I like what you're thinking. I just know it's gonna be something enlightening. It's gonna be great. I love it.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell me, why aren't women's toilets higher off the ground, then?

[Bobby Lee]

That wasn't what I.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Why do they have to hover and crouch? Why can't they just. Why don't they make a mechanism that, like, goes up to them so they can just stand?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Why don't they do that? Why do they have to hover over. Or this one.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh. Oh. So you stand, and it's kind of like a thing that goes over here.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

And you're right.

[Andrew Santino]

You hit a button.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And it just cups. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Why don't they do that?

[Bobby Lee]

And they poop and you can walk.

[Andrew Santino]

So now you're in.

[Bobby Lee]

Why don't they do that with Us.

[Andrew Santino]

We don't need that because we. We like to stand and pee. It's like a nature. It's like a. It's like a male.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I mean for pooing.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I don't. Well, extra tall toilet. See, this is what I'm talking about.

[Bobby Lee]

Can you poo like that? No, you can't poo like that.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm doing. Yeah, I've done that.

[Bobby Lee]

You pooed straight up.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. Steph is a board.

[Bobby Lee]

It must be messy.

[Andrew Santino]

That's how we end the meetings. Tell you that's your exit. No, but when I've camped, when I've gone camping. Yeah, you lean against a rock and poop. You never done that?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. You pooped in the ocean and God knows I know you have. I know you super hard. I know you've pooped in the ocean. Yeah, yeah. It's so gross.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so awesome.

[Andrew Santino]

It's actually awesome.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Now, I've never pooped in the ocean, but every time I pee in the ocean, I also stand up up above water level, so I'm not peeing underwater.

[Jules]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Because I don't want anything swimming inside my Pepito.

[Bobby Lee]

Speak. Speaking of the ocean, that's a real thing.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a real fear something. And by the way. Oh, this is what I was going to say, too. Looked up the statistic of this. Catching something, like from a toilet seat, like from sitting on it, is literally impossible. You'd have to have open wounds on your legs and they'd have to be fresh bacteria on the seat to catch anything from the toilet.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you can catch poo and I don't want poo. I'm sorry. You can catch poo and pee and I want that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but you just wipe it off.

[Bobby Lee]

Of my butt cheek. No, dude, I don't want poo on.

[Andrew Santino]

My butt cheek before I sit down.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And by the way, who's pooping on the toilet seat?

[Bobby Lee]

I've seen it.

[Andrew Santino]

This one that's hovering.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. I've seen it hover. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but when I get in the bathroom, I take toilet paper, I wipe the seat anyway.

[Jules]

It's still dirty.

[Andrew Santino]

How? How dirty?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. How?

[Andrew Santino]

Dirt. No, seriously, how dirty? No one is pooping. The only thing that's getting on there is other people's butts. That's it. That's it. No one is lifting up and pooping on the seat. It doesn't happen. It will not happen. It cannot happen.

[Bobby Lee]

I've. I swear to God, I've seen poo on the seat before then maybe it's.

[Andrew Santino]

At where a place where young kids are in their. Their little shitty gross. But most of the time in an adult atmosphere, there's nothing on the seat. Maybe a little bit of piss. Yeah, a little bit of piss. By the way, if you peed in a toilet with. With shorts on, you feel it on your legs.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You pee in a urinal, you feel it all over your legs.

[Bobby Lee]

I just think that the God should have made it different. Our body's different.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, where would you. Where would you put it?

[Bobby Lee]

I put the butthole in the bottom of my foot.

[Andrew Santino]

You've said this before and I've said this before.

[Bobby Lee]

Great idea.

[Andrew Santino]

And where do you pee from? Your fingers? Yeah, yeah, you can get it. You can. You can get it away from you.

[Bobby Lee]

You could shouldn't pee at the same like. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Just your. Yeah, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Imagine this would be great.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's why if someone's pissing.

[Bobby Lee]

But then you'd sit down and you have to wipe like this though.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not bad.

[Bobby Lee]

That's not bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, or you do. Or we just create a mechanism. You know, like at a bar, you know how they. You flip a glass upside down and they have a washer water sprays up. Yeah, that for your foot.

[Bobby Lee]

That's. That's great, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't have to wipe ever again.

[Bobby Lee]

Unless somebody has a foot fetish. That'd be weird. Maybe not really.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Well, yeah, that would be weird.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, how it gays.

[Andrew Santino]

Foot foot. That's a new. Look at these foot over there.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at that foot there, dude. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not going near those foot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Kidding me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, a foot.

[Bobby Lee]

Would you the foot?

[Andrew Santino]

I would.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I love. You know, I like feet.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I love a good foot. Something about it on the Internet when you see a good foot, you're like, that's sexy.

[Bobby Lee]

A shoe salesman for a women's department has to be a girl then probably.

[Andrew Santino]

Otherwise you're a perv.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Just grabbing the foot. You know what I mean? Taking the sock off.

[Andrew Santino]

What's the same thing with. What's the same thing with gynecologists? And I found out that like there's male gynecologists. You're like, what?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You would never. You've never had a male doctor that. No. Wouldn't you be so uncomfortable?

[Jules]

Yeah, but articleize is a man, I think.

[Andrew Santino]

Interesting, Interesting, interesting, interesting, interesting. Wait, it is her. Her gynecologist. Fewer than half practicing obgyns. Are men. Fewer than half. Still too many. Still too many.

[Bobby Lee]

I love when people, like, kids would be like, I want to be a gynecologist. It's like, really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. We take away all the fun.

[Bobby Lee]

Not just that. It's like, you know, you have to like. Judy Dench vagina. Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but it's a dame.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but, you know, I mean, like, it's like. Do you mean. I do a variety of different.

[Andrew Santino]

Too many.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And you get to see the worst. The best and the worst. Best and the worst.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You don't want to see it all the time. It's like when you work at McDonald's, you lose the taste of the food. You don't work in the firework factory. You just want to buy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Interesting. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And, boy, do I like buying them.

[Bobby Lee]

I love buying them. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to say this. For Christmas this year, I want one thing from you.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Happiness.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

I want you to be happy next year. And I'm going to work tirelessly on making you happy. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to do it. I'm going to find a way. I'm gonna find a way. I promise. I will find a way. Where there's a will, there is a way.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. Yes. Look at me. I'm gonna find a way. I promise.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you want for Christmas? Jules, you're in luck. We got a gift for you.

[Jules]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Bring out the gifts.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I want the gifts.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we definitely want the gifts. Oh, wow. Look at this.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[McCone]

Don't open them all at once.

[Andrew Santino]

You tell me what to do.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. He says this. If this is not worth a lot, but I'm gonna love it. No, he said it was priceless. Priceless.

[Andrew Santino]

Whoa.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll give you my genuine response.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, hold on one second.

[Bobby Lee]

This one starts.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, let Fancy start. Get his out of the way. Okay. All right. Bob, you go first.

[Bobby Lee]

I go first. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

No, stop. Jules, go first.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[McCone]

I should go this way.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Ski one, Ski.

[McCone]

Jules is kind of a throwback.

[Jules]

What is it?

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa. Whoa. It's plastic.

[Andrew Santino]

No, it's real.

[Bobby Lee]

It's the 500 million dollar one.

[McCone]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Whoa. That is so dope.

[Bobby Lee]

That's so cool.

[Jules]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

This is so dope, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm actually impressed.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a pretty cool one.

[Jules]

That's school. Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, dude, be careful with this.

[Bobby Lee]

That's not a real.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's a knife.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not steel. Though.

[Andrew Santino]

Put your hand out and feel it.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me see.

[Andrew Santino]

Stand right there.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, I don't want to do that.

[Andrew Santino]

Just once.

[Bobby Lee]

No, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. No, it's not. It's wood.

[Bobby Lee]

It's wood.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, let me, let me do mine.

[McCone]

Oh, I got some stuff for Cubby.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, wow. Salmon skins. Oh, for the.

[Bobby Lee]

For the dog.

[Andrew Santino]

For the dog. And it's a little Christmas sweater. Yay. Thank you, dude. Honestly, thank you. And by the way, you know who else likes salmon skins? Rudy. My little salmon skin girl.

[Jules]

Can you really eat this?

[Andrew Santino]

You can go ahead.

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's worth the dogs.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean? It's just saying I don't want her.

[Bobby Lee]

To eat it, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

I want her eat it.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

[Andrew Santino]

Mine, yours, yours, yours. Let's see it.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I know what this is.

[Andrew Santino]

You're so crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

Have a best of Bobby Lee.

[McCone]

I made that.

[Bobby Lee]

You made this?

[McCone]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

No way.

[Jules]

That's cool.

[Bobby Lee]

How'd you find these on YouTube?

[McCone]

I had. Yeah, I scrubbed through a bunch of YouTube, a bunch of red, and I downloaded as much as I could and I cut together like a 73 minute compilation.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[McCone]

I burned it onto a Blu ray so you could play that on any of your gaming devices that has a disc reader.

[Bobby Lee]

I do. Yeah. I can read. I see it.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you know what's incredible about this?

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

The effort he put into your gift versus literally express. Anybody else?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. He went to Petco for you.

[Andrew Santino]

Petco?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Target.

[Bobby Lee]

My target. Yeah. My guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me that. Let me see it. That is incredible.

[Bobby Lee]

Incredible.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Craft and heart.

[Andrew Santino]

I will say this.

[McCone]

Based on the first season DVD release.

[Andrew Santino]

Of Mad tv, American comedy icon Bobby Lee finally gets the home media release he deserves. See all his greatest sketches. At least all the ones I could find on the Internet. For some reason, this fucking show isn't streaming anywhere. A collection so funny, it will have your whole family shouting. Oh, hot dog. Merry Christmas. 2024 from a cone. It's a real Blu Ray. Should work on any gaming device with a disc. Runtime is 73 minutes.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow, 73 minutes. That's how much footage is out there.

[McCone]

I mean, there's even more that I cut out. Like if you weren't like the lead of a sketch. I cut it.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow, dude. That's incredible, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

It's an extremely thoughtful gift.

[Bobby Lee]

It really is.

[Andrew Santino]

I got nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

You got nothing.

[Andrew Santino]

And. And I. I pay you. I pay you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I give you. You're hard.

[Bobby Lee]

You're so hard. It's so. I'm insulted for you, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

You built this?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You built. You could have built me something. That is a beautiful gift.

[Bobby Lee]

It's incredible.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, Fancy, open up your gift.

[McCone]

And so I want Fancy to be able to appreciate some real cinema, so I also got Fancy a Best of Bob.

[Andrew Santino]

That is nice.

[Bobby Lee]

Which is what I've always wanted.

[Andrew Santino]

That is what you don't have enough of, Bobby. So you burned it twice?

[McCone]

No, I actually just made the COVID twice. There's not a real one in there.

[Andrew Santino]

Couldn't afford a second disc.

[McCone]

No, that's actually an snl, the Best.

[Bobby Lee]

Of Chris Farley disc, which is way better. Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, you're a piece of shit. That's mean. Take it back right now.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no, no, it's true. It's true. It's true.

[Andrew Santino]

Is it.

[Bobby Lee]

Is it real? Good. Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Is it true?

[Bobby Lee]

It's true.

[Andrew Santino]

How.

[Bobby Lee]

Anyway, thank you, Macon.

[Jules]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Merry Christmas. Thank you so much. That was nice. My dog will love this.

[Bobby Lee]

We'll give you a. We gave you a career, so have Merry Christmas. Before we go, I want to recommend something to our listeners.

[Andrew Santino]

Please.

[Bobby Lee]

So I've been. You know. You've heard of Serious, the podcast?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Anyway. Yeah. You have?

[Andrew Santino]

Serious. I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's called Serious. Or Cereal. Cereal.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, that's serious.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you serious? No, no, Cereal. The podcast.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Cereal.

[Bobby Lee]

There's a new one called the Good Whale.

[Andrew Santino]

The Good Whale, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And it's. I try to bring up the last podcast. I said. I brought up Keiko. Right. But then we didn't riff on it. But it really is an enlightening little podcast.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it about?

[Bobby Lee]

So have you ever seen Free Willy?

[Andrew Santino]

The movie? Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You did?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, of course.

[Bobby Lee]

So when they. They found a whale to play, Willie.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It was this whale in Mexico.

[Andrew Santino]

Hard to cast.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It was a Mexican whale.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I want to be Free Willie.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You would think if they got a whale to jump, it would have been a black whale, right?

[Bobby Lee]

But so then when. When the movie comes out, it becomes a hit, and all the kids are like, where is this whale? And they're like, it's in this tiny little pool. It. It's malnut. Malnutrition.

[Andrew Santino]

Malnourished. Yeah, kind of.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, you know, I don't know what the conditions were. They weren't gross. I mean, they weren't the best.

[Andrew Santino]

It's awful, right?

[Bobby Lee]

So they. So the playing, pretty much every. Everyone on the planet that had something to do with whales, they go, we want to Try to free him, but he's been in captivity since he was a kid.

[Andrew Santino]

Baby, this is real Free Willy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So they ship the. They build a completely big facility in Oregon, this high tech facility.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So they build his muscles and they try to train him in terms of how to catch fish, how to dive, you know what I mean? All that stuff. And then after a couple years, they bring him to ice Iceland, where they found the baby, to release him. But they put him in a little bay first, and it's his voyage out into the real sea.

[Andrew Santino]

And. Wow. And you. Well, you don't see it. You hear it.

[Bobby Lee]

It's five episodes. I listened to all of it. And it's really just, you know, it melts your heart.

[Andrew Santino]

Beautiful.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Did it live? Because a lot of times.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, I don't know if we should give that away.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, we did. It's great.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, well, my good thing.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what makes me so mad about this document. That's why I want people to listen to it. So when people go, what the. I don't go. You too. That's on you.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, live. Because when they re acclimate.

[Bobby Lee]

He came close, though.

[Andrew Santino]

Not really, no.

[Bobby Lee]

What can I just tell. Because we just gave it away.

[Andrew Santino]

Was he killed by another killer whale?

[Bobby Lee]

No. What happened was. It's so sad because it's like all these, you know, all his trainers and all the people that work for this organization, they. They got to a point where they. Because he was so reliant on humans, right. That even if he saw a boat, he would just come up to the boat and. And say hi. So that what all these people would do, they would have to hide. So all of a sudden, now Keiko's alone. Oh. And he doesn't know what to do. So they open up the bay and then they see, you know, sometimes these killer waves have these parties.

[Andrew Santino]

I've been to one.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. In the white. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're half black too.

[Andrew Santino]

We're okay with that.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. All right.

[Andrew Santino]

Depends on how that is.

[Bobby Lee]

So they have these parties and like, Keiko would watch from a distance. He's in the ocean, and they're all communicating, having fun. And Keiko's just like, I don't know what to do.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

So when did Keiko. Just because they're. All the. His trainers are hiding. He just started going into the ocean by himself, traveling thousands of miles.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, Keiko.

[Bobby Lee]

By himself. You know what I mean? And then one day in Norway, this little kid and His Norwegian family were on their boat and Keiko pops his head up. He traveled thousands of miles. And they're like, whoa, this killer whale is so nice. And he would just follow them around because he just, you know, I mean, so lonely. And then. And at nights the family could hear Keiko outside. Yeah. Yeah. Like, where are you? You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so sad, right? And then he dies. He dies.

[Andrew Santino]

He dies.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so sad. It's so sad.

[Andrew Santino]

But that's a circle of life.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not. That's not the circle you don't take.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's what it shouldn't have done in the first killer whales.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. They're so attached to their mothers, in fact. Right? Killer whale mothers. Right. Even when the. When their son is fully grown, they'll rip up a piece of fish and then leave some for the kid. That's how attached they are.

[Andrew Santino]

Right?

[Bobby Lee]

Right. And it's like. And they're. They're called pods or that's your family. And they know each other for all their lives. Right. And they have their own language. They know how to communicate. Keiko doesn't know any of that shit.

[Andrew Santino]

So of course Keiko wasn't going to survive based on all that. I mean, this is like ripping away their core instincts. And.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It's like you should not. I mean that she ruled. Should not exist. Any of these things should not exist.

[Andrew Santino]

I agree.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Do you do. What about zoos?

[Andrew Santino]

I think zoos are.

[Bobby Lee]

It's auschwitz for animals.

[Andrew Santino]

100.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

100.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you laughing at? You know. You know, you seem like a guy that captures them.

[McCone]

I like the alliteration of Auschwitz for animals.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Anyway, it's. Whenever you see these animals, it's just like they just. They don't know what's going on.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it's also. I don't care how like kept the zoo is. It's always. It's always awful. It's always looks like they look like they're bummed. That's why there's all. There's always sorts of like wild shit that happens at a zoo because they just don't want to be there. They don't want to fucking live. Like they know in their gut they're not supposed to be there. And they look sad every fucking time. You go. It's the worst.

[Bobby Lee]

But also when they. So when they brought Keiko to the new tank that they built in Oregon, they built half of the tank where it's see through. And reporters and People from the town would visit, and Kiko would always come by and just sit there and just say hi to these humans, like, you know, I mean, and play with them.

[Andrew Santino]

He's raised by humans.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. He. She just loved humans. And all of a sudden we're like, nah. You know, I mean, it's like. It's. It's insane. He doesn't.

[Andrew Santino]

Is it guy or a girl? Keiko.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a boy.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe man up his name.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, what?

[Bobby Lee]

Make. Change his name.

[Andrew Santino]

Keiko. That was probably why he didn't make it.

[Bobby Lee]

Anyway, I mean, Merry Christmas to everybody.

[Andrew Santino]

Merry Christmas to almost everybody.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you for being almost everybody.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you for being a bad friend. Don't go. Keiko us.

[Andrew Santino]

Honestly, can I tell you something? If you're going to land a joke to close the show, it's got to be seamless.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, she said don't four times.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you gotten worse at speaking English?

[Bobby Lee]

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Don't be ko.

[Andrew Santino]

It's almost like since you became a citizen, you're shittier at getting it out. Jules. Wish everyone a happy Christmas. Go ahead.

[Jules]

Merry Christmas and thank you for being a bad friend.

[Bobby Lee]

We end with that Christmas song. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So this is our bad friend's Christmas song that we wrote together.

[Bobby Lee]

We did?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You remember this?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Christmas, here. You are here. Come on. You know it.

[Bobby Lee]

Be with your family. Don't have tears. Christmas, Christmas Christmas Black friends, Mexican friends all around the fireplace Christmas, Christmas and the little ones we called children and the dwarves Christmas and jolly candy. Candy corn.

[Andrew Santino]

Jules, your verse.

[Jules]

Eggnog and cinnamon crunch together.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Jules]

Christmas, Christmas oh, what a wonderful Christmas.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. Christmas, Christmas Couple more lines.

[Jules]

I love everyone.

[Andrew Santino]

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas Go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Christmas.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, imagine if you walked into a lounge. You heard this? This was a lounge act. Imagine being depressed on Christmas and walking into here. Thank you for being a bad friend. That's so funny. Christmas, Christmas.