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Bobby Lee
This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huell. Your go to for complete nutrition, try.
Andrew Santino
Huell with 15% off today using code bad friends at my.huell.com bad friends.
Bobby Lee
Hey, scary times USA. We did a live. It was really great.
Andrew Santino
So much fun.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you have to check it out, man.
Andrew Santino
You have to check it out. A lot of people think it might be up on YouTube. It's not.
Bobby Lee
It's only going to be never on YouTube.
Andrew Santino
Moment co bad Friends. Yeah, because in the description for 11 days, that's all we got left. We have 11 days hoodies and shirts and stuff. That's only custom for that. This was one of the most fun live episodes interactive with fans that we've done. We're going to keep doing them. We love them. But in 11 days. Gone forever.
Bobby Lee
Gone forever.
Andrew Santino
So go to Moment Co Bad Friends. Watch it.
Bobby Lee
You two are bad friends.
Andrew Santino
Who are these two idiots?
Bobby Lee
White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two or something. We're bad friends. Friends. Does a bee have a dick?
Andrew Santino
Does it? Yes. Male bees, also known as drones, have a penis or penis. A penis.
Rudy
It gets ripped out.
Andrew Santino
What?
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
His penis is doomed to be ripped out from his body along with his intestines when he goes looking for love. So the moment he has sex, penis gone. Wow. One and done.
Bobby Lee
That's why they're very faithful.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. During the mating fight flight, several male bees called drones will be selected from thousands of others in their colony to mount the virgin queen bee mid flight. So they all. Oh, so she's a skank. So she takes it from all these. All these bees.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
They give it to her and then they die.
Bobby Lee
You go. You have to raise your hand. What's up? What's up? We're like professors at a college. Yes, young lady.
Andrew Santino
Rudy, please.
Rudy
There's a video on TikTok about a girl that bang 101 men.
Bobby Lee
Okay, that has nothing to do with bees. Queen bee.
Andrew Santino
Oh, is that her name? Queen bee. It should be. Wait a minute. There's a woman who's banged 101 men. What?
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
In her lifetime?
Rudy
No, like once.
Andrew Santino
Like in one sitting.
Rudy
In one day.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, that. I mean, those are called gang bang. No, not gang bangs. What do they call them? Yeah, Gang bang. Gang bang. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
No, that's more than a gang bang. 101 guys, one day. That's a small colony.
Bobby Lee
You ever get invited to those parties? Do you?
Andrew Santino
I did get invited, but I couldn't make. I had a.
Bobby Lee
Can I be 102?
Andrew Santino
Imagine being 102 woman films aftermath of sleeping with 101 men in just 14 hours.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
Going to be exhausted. Yeah, you got to be exhausted.
Bobby Lee
Would you rather be 102 or 1?
Andrew Santino
How much would you. How much would I have to pay you to sleep in that bed when it's done with 101 guys? I mean, honestly, for one night? Would you sleep in that bed after 100?
Bobby Lee
If I was in the thing? Yeah.
Andrew Santino
No, no, no. This is.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to sleep there if I'm like, I wasn't like, they're like, you're not a part of it.
Andrew Santino
How funny, though.
Bobby Lee
And then I'm like, I. Yeah, that's.
Andrew Santino
A good fantasy football punishment. You lose in your fantasy league. You got to sleep in the bed of 101. 101 dudes aftermath. Zoom in a little bit. That is awful.
Bobby Lee
Who litters at orgy?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Clean up after, right? Yeah.
Bobby Lee
So many. You're just throwing paper towels and ketchup packets and like, what the is going on here, dude?
Andrew Santino
You called. You what? Yeah. You would.
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah, you would. Fried chicken and stuff. Yeah, I'm eating fried chicken. Well, you have to wait in line.
Andrew Santino
She's pretty.
Bobby Lee
What are you gonna do in line?
Andrew Santino
Well, you'd be on your phone the whole time.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I'd be like, tick tocking, scrolling fried chick. Right.
Andrew Santino
Imagine if it's your turn to get up there and gang banger and you're like, dude, I am so close to finishing this, Goku. I have to finish this.
Bobby Lee
And I guess what else I'm eating, huh? Blue Chew.
Andrew Santino
Yes, you are. She's actually very.
Bobby Lee
I'm blue chewing it.
Andrew Santino
She's pretty hot. Yeah, but you know what's so crazy.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
About this is you just called me out a week ago about this. About being too, like a clean freak. You know me, I'd be waiting in line for the gangbang, cleaning up after everybody.
Bobby Lee
Oh, I know you've been.
Andrew Santino
Please don't leave all this, especially if.
Bobby Lee
It'S at your house. Oh, my God.
Andrew Santino
My God. That's why we don't host gang bangs anymore. Wait, so she's an only fans girl? Her name is Lily Phillips. Yeah. And she's so 101 guys in one day. Is she setting a. Is this at least a record?
Bobby Lee
No, there's no way. Yeah, I don't think that's a record. Yeah. Yeah, I think somebody did it a.
Andrew Santino
Thousand times in 14 hours.
Bobby Lee
Oh, no. 14 hours? I don't know.
Andrew Santino
That's a. That's so much.
Bobby Lee
I mean, because technically they don't have to come. So you could just have. No, what I would do. What I would do is I'd lay there and go, just one pump so I can get. Just get through everyone.
Andrew Santino
That's okay.
Bobby Lee
One pump. And then you would have to use a condom, right?
Andrew Santino
I would fucking hope so.
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
101, guys. I would hope you'd wrap it up.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but is there.
Rudy
The girl said they. She didn't need like an STD test to prove that they're clean.
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
They did not.
Rudy
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And did they wear a condom?
Rudy
You get first priority if you have like a proof. But you don't need.
Bobby Lee
They have a fast pass like Disneyland.
Andrew Santino
Wow. Front of the line, the way they fast pass. And then also, you know, they also have the fast pass. They have kids in wheelchairs that go next to it. Do those guys get to the front as well, or do they have to wait in line?
Bobby Lee
Well, for military first.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're boarding.
Bobby Lee
Military get to go for them.
Andrew Santino
Well, yeah, military and. And what is it? People. People who need more time to board. Yeah. Let them go first in the gang bang.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
And then we'll get to first class.
Bobby Lee
And the elderly.
Andrew Santino
Oh, they got come on grabs. Let's go. I can't wait to peel your pussy to pieces.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So wait a minute, dude. Look, I just did the math because I'm stupid. 101 guys in seven guys an hour. Seven an hour.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
That's almost two guys every 15 minutes. So they are.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
It must have sounded like a construction zone next door. Yeah, people would have been like, what's going on over there?
Bobby Lee
Which I don't know. I mean, I just. I don't know. I just wouldn't be able to get it up, I don't think.
Andrew Santino
Look, if I got a terminal illness.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I'm. I'm gonna tell my wife I gotta leave you and I gotta go join this world's greatest gang bang.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Okay, I gotta go.
Bobby Lee
One time was on, I was at an audition.
Andrew Santino
Okay, now this is how the Hollywood stuff starts.
Bobby Lee
Here we go. I was audition and I walk in and it was all like. It was finesse. Mitchell, Eric, like all my friends. And we were high fiving, right? We were making each other laugh, right? And then all of a sudden I hear somebody go, okay, Bobby. And I ate that audition. So it was fucking bad, right? The same thing's gonna happen at that fucking gangbang.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you're gonna fuck around.
Bobby Lee
I'm gonna fuck around. Right what's up, dude? You know, I mean, great movie or whatever, right? You did a great job or whatever, Right? And then as soon as my name's called, I'm going to walk in there and it's going to be completely dead.
Andrew Santino
Nothing's going to work.
Bobby Lee
I don't know, man. I would have to.
Andrew Santino
Maybe you get nervous.
Bobby Lee
I would grab a breast.
Andrew Santino
Gotta.
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
I wonder what her rules.
Bobby Lee
I would try to get it going, you know? So I would grab a breast, and I would probably always go, are you okay? Right?
Andrew Santino
Is everything okay?
Bobby Lee
You wouldn't ask.
Andrew Santino
I'd be the first guy. I'd be the one guy who kisses her.
Bobby Lee
That's so funny. And she's like, what are you doing?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I just want to foreplay a little bit.
Bobby Lee
A little foreplay.
Andrew Santino
The world's biggest gangbang, by the way, was a Hollywood studio. Anna Annabelle Chong, one of ours. Look at that.
Bobby Lee
Oh, Annabelle Chong.
Andrew Santino
300 men. Oh.
Bobby Lee
Oh, my God. Our Asian.
Andrew Santino
Wait, wait, this is the best part. It said the participants were far fewer than advertise, so she only got to get to 251. Let's be nice. That's still incredible.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
Can we see a picture of Annabelle Chong, please?
Bobby Lee
It was in 95. That's in 1995.
Andrew Santino
And she's where? Go. Scroll down a little bit. Where's she from? Grace? Her born University of Southern California. She went to usc. She's from Singapore.
Bobby Lee
Wow. Hey, what does she look like?
Andrew Santino
Guess who's going to Singapore? Bobby.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Annabelle, if you're still working, Bob and I are coming with the Bad Friends crew. We'd love to meet you.
Bobby Lee
What does she look like now? Animal Chung.
Andrew Santino
Now, I mean.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Oh, still pretty good.
Rudy
Oh, she's pretty.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
She, known professionally as Annabelle Chong, is a Singaporean former pornographic actress who became famous after starring in adult film that was performed at the world's biggest gangbang. So she's no longer working, but I. She's running, like, a shop somewhere. She's probably just doing, like, a. A clothing store.
Bobby Lee
Oh, she's 52.
Andrew Santino
Bob Chong's dong.
Bobby Lee
Oh. Hey. Wow.
Andrew Santino
Younger than you. The queen of gangbang is younger than you. That's how you know you're getting older.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Rudy, what's been going on with you?
Rudy
I failed an exam.
Bobby Lee
Right. That's fantastic.
Andrew Santino
What? That's bad. I'm clapping. That's good.
Bobby Lee
No, I said that's fantastic.
Andrew Santino
You have to fail in order to.
Bobby Lee
Learn how to learn how to win.
Andrew Santino
That's right. What did you. Which One. Wait, wait, wait. Let's guess.
Bobby Lee
Well, ask me some of the questions that's on the exam. Maybe I can answer them.
Andrew Santino
I don't even know.
Rudy
That's why I failed.
Andrew Santino
Wait, wait.
Bobby Lee
You don't know what topic it was, what the subject matter was?
Rudy
It's like DNA. Transcript.
Bobby Lee
Here we go. I'm the expert of DNA. Go ahead.
Andrew Santino
Biology. You failed biology, right?
Rudy
Microbiology.
Andrew Santino
Microbiology.
Bobby Lee
Like, give me, like, just any question that they might have. Are you kidding me? You don't even know one question. On the exam, she said she failed. How many questions are there?
Rudy
There were 50 questions.
Bobby Lee
You don't know one?
Rudy
No.
Bobby Lee
Oh, my God.
Rudy
It's like, about transcription, like DNA replication. Can you talk us about DNA replication?
Bobby Lee
That's what I'm saying.
Andrew Santino
Okay, here you go, Bob. What's the difference between bacteria and viruses?
Bobby Lee
Well, they're about amoebas. I mean, one has an amoeba and one has.
Andrew Santino
Fail.
Bobby Lee
No, I'm not done.
Andrew Santino
Well, you're done. You're failed.
Bobby Lee
No, I'm not. Can I finish?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, please.
Bobby Lee
Dude, you know what? You're so rude.
Andrew Santino
Thank you.
Bobby Lee
Dude, you know what I realized about you Tuesday when we did the live show? Dude, you're a little cocky.
Andrew Santino
I'm cocky?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And a little bit, like, confident and assure of yourself. People see, that's what the audience said. Remember when they said that they. People see it, right?
Andrew Santino
That I'm confident?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. What do they. What do they say Tuesday night? Why are we bringing this up?
Andrew Santino
Starting a war.
Bobby Lee
What do they say? Tuesday night they asked Andrew if he was better than.
Andrew Santino
Are you arrogant or better or you think you're better?
Bobby Lee
That's what I'm getting at. You know what I mean? And I want you to lower it.
Andrew Santino
No, I don't think I'm better than anybody. Except for you.
Bobby Lee
See, that's what I'm saying.
Andrew Santino
It's just you.
Bobby Lee
That's it.
Andrew Santino
I treat her very well.
Bobby Lee
But I wonder why the audience read that.
Andrew Santino
It's one woman, okay? One woman said that. And also, by the way, I know why she said that.
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
There's a bad. She's nagging. It's a bad neg. Yeah, it's like a bad flirt. It's a shitty flirt.
Bobby Lee
So I'm sitting in the audience watching Andrew perform, and there was a pretty attractive woman next to me. And during one of your jokes, people are laughing, and she turns to me and she goes, your friend's hot. And you know what I did? I went. It was just an instinctual.
Andrew Santino
Like, was this A girl that you were with or just a random girl?
Bobby Lee
Some random girl. But I just wanted to. If I could spit out poison.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You would hear me. Blind has a rattle. Dude, I went out. Right, right. Her neck. You know what I mean? Like a scorpion right in the neck.
Rudy
Dude, you're very buff.
Bobby Lee
Oh, fuck off.
Andrew Santino
I love you. Rude. You know what? Let me say this.
Bobby Lee
Oh, here we go.
Andrew Santino
I'll say this. I love our fans more than anything. I thank them graciously. It means the world to me. People may think that I'm, like, shut down or cold, but if you know me, you know I'm not. I just have a demeanor that has so much trauma and damage that I just feel a little blank sometimes. So people don't know. I would love to say hi and smile at you, but when I walk around town, maybe I look a little, and that's because I'm a broken, shattered dude.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, Backstage, too. I like to observe other people that aren't familiar with, you know, comics and stuff, and they get a little nervous around you.
Andrew Santino
Only because I'm so. I'm so kind of stupid.
Bobby Lee
I know, but I see people going, you know, I mean, it's like, what's going on?
Andrew Santino
Well, because here's the deal, little boy. Your light.
Bobby Lee
Are you lost?
Andrew Santino
You are a bright, beautiful light. You're.
Bobby Lee
I come in there with joy, dude. And that's what my thing is, dude. I'm pure joy.
Andrew Santino
You are.
Bobby Lee
And my positive energy.
Andrew Santino
Mine is comedy from a very kind of like, a very, like, planted space.
Bobby Lee
Sure.
Andrew Santino
And you're a more. You're. You are a bright, shiny star.
Bobby Lee
You're like Napoleon.
Andrew Santino
You know what I am?
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
You have to dig for me. I'm a gem, but you have to dig for me.
Bobby Lee
Okay?
Andrew Santino
You got to get down in there. You. You know who you are?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Your bio. What is that? Bioluminescence. You know that when the ocean glows at night.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That's you.
Bobby Lee
Thank you.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And it's a compliment. I'm just saying I'm a gem as well. I just. I'm different. You have to dig for me a little bit. That's what makes us so wonderful.
Bobby Lee
I have another philosophical question for you, though. What if. What if we don't have a shovel? And that's the real question. Wow. Yeah. What if we don't have a shovel?
Andrew Santino
You have to use your hands. You have to get creative. No, no.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Why don't you open up your own hole?
Andrew Santino
I'm not, like, open up your own. I don't like opening up my hole.
Bobby Lee
You don't have to dig.
Andrew Santino
I'm not like you.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
I don't want to open my hole to everybody.
Bobby Lee
Like, you don't have the time to dig, dude.
Andrew Santino
Well, you know what happens to the people that open their hole all the time to everybody? They end up in huge gang bangs.
Bobby Lee
Oh, that's right.
Andrew Santino
And then they're immortalized forever as the gang bang queen. So guess what?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
From now on, you, my friend, queen. You're queen bee, my friend. You're the queen bee of this show.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, friendo.
Andrew Santino
You're the queen bee.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Okay.
Andrew Santino
I'm the dirty gem, and you're the queen bee.
Bobby Lee
Okay, I'll be the queen bee, dude.
Andrew Santino
That's fine. You are. Because you get by thousands of people and you get tired of it. I know. You turn to me sometimes after you've opened your hole too much, and you say to me, I don't want to do it anymore. And I say, give the people what they want. And you do. I love the way you reversed it, by the way. We had so many people at the live show that came and asked to see your butthole and. Or your penis. But what bothers me is these guys. It's always these brazen men. Show me your butthole and your penis. And then I say, will you show Bobby your butthole and your penis?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That's a fair exchange.
Bobby Lee
Exactly.
Andrew Santino
And they get so creeped out.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
As if. That's crazy to go. You asked for his butthole. Show him your butthole. Fair is fair. Am I wrong?
Bobby Lee
Fair. It's so fair.
Andrew Santino
I didn't like it. That guy got weird about it. He was like, that's fucking weird.
Bobby Lee
Like, no, because I think you said. And let him suck it or something. You said something like that.
Andrew Santino
I said, let him kiss it.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
I said, let him kiss it.
Bobby Lee
So I think. I think that was the part that he was like, oh, no. I don't know, man.
Andrew Santino
I'll tell you. Well, dude. Yeah, party. Party with us. Or don't. Yeah, I felt a little. I will say I had a moment of true vulnerability that I played. Played off for comedy when you kissed that guy in the front row.
Bobby Lee
That was fun.
Andrew Santino
And then he said something else. You said something else about kiss him. And I said, no, now I get to kiss your wife or your girl.
Bobby Lee
That's right. That's right.
Andrew Santino
Making a joke.
Bobby Lee
Dude.
Andrew Santino
She was into it.
Bobby Lee
Why didn't you do it?
Andrew Santino
I know. Thank you. I don't want to Kiss this guy's wife.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
But she was like, yes. And he was like, yeah, she can. I was like, no, no, no, I don't. That was a joke.
Bobby Lee
Can I.
Andrew Santino
And they said, yes and no. She said, no, no, no, no.
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah, yeah. And then. So then I try to kiss the guy again, and he goes, no, no.
Andrew Santino
He didn't want it more than once.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, whoa, he's a true.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, we do have. Look, I'm cool. If we've got some cuck, I'm down for cookery. It's what Rudy really wants to have happen in her relationship.
Bobby Lee
Back in the day when they used to have black and white, she wants.
Andrew Santino
A cuck king, don't you? Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Black and white fountains. Remember back in the day, you know, it was a white fountain. You couldn't drink out of it.
Andrew Santino
What do you mean? Oh, you mean the separation 60s?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, segregation. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. I mean, the colored one is better.
Andrew Santino
No, it's not.
Bobby Lee
It's not.
Andrew Santino
All right, now the white one, you put your penis in the middle of it.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, but imagine.
Andrew Santino
That's disgusting.
Bobby Lee
It's so disgusting.
Andrew Santino
That's a part of our fucking history. History, dude, they wouldn't share water.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
With black people. That's how fucking stupid it is. That's crazy. Shit.
Bobby Lee
Or when they couldn't even like, sit at, like, a. At the restaurant, like a, like, diner table.
Andrew Santino
They had their own section that they.
Bobby Lee
Wouldn'T even go to go in.
Andrew Santino
Certain ones, yeah. Of course.
Bobby Lee
Like some of the, you know, the jazz documentaries.
Andrew Santino
We're not going back. Please don't go back.
Bobby Lee
Let me give you. I have some historical context, all right?
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Right. Some of these jazz bands, right, would go into a town, play a hotel, but they couldn't stay there.
Andrew Santino
Right? I know, right?
Bobby Lee
So, you know what?
Andrew Santino
Green Book.
Bobby Lee
Did I say this already where. What? Did I say this already where? What would happen is, you know, Count Bassi or whatever would go with his band, right? They couldn't stay there, but their wives would go into the black neighborhood while they're on stage and ask the residents, the bands in town, can they stay? So then they would coordinate, like, yeah, yeah. Little Slim, you know what I mean? And Jackie Eyes can sleep here. You know what I mean? Frankie the Midget and Trombone Tony can sleep here. You know, me and they. They would all, you know. Trombon Tony, I love him so good.
Andrew Santino
He's got little toes.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Little Toes Tom, Trombone Tony.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And Squeaky Peak. Squeaky Peak and, you know, whatever. And then, then, then after the show, the wives would come back and go, we got you a place to stay.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
That's insane.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that was a reality.
Bobby Lee
It would sell out.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. That's a Green Book. The whole movie was about that. Not being able to perform in certain places.
Bobby Lee
Mile or Green Book?
Andrew Santino
Green Mile was a totally different movie. Green Book. Green Book won an Academy Academy Award with. Academy Academy Award. It wasn't a full size one. What's it. What's his name? Mike Viggo. I mean, Viggo Morgenson and. And Mahershala Ali. Do you not. You never saw that movie? Oh, my God. You're in the. In your jazz. In your. In your jazz era. He toured the country and Viggo Mortensen was his driver of a black.
Bobby Lee
Oh, no, I haven't seen it.
Andrew Santino
Do you know it, though? Really? I don't know. You're a movie guy. It won an Academy Award.
Bobby Lee
So many movies, though, dude.
Andrew Santino
No, no, this won an Academy Award.
Bobby Lee
Oh, really? You saw every Academy Award movie?
Andrew Santino
I think I've seen every movie that's won an Academy Award, people. Yes. Seen it. Name one. There's no Academy Award movie I've never seen.
Bobby Lee
Kramer versus Kramer.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, dude, I've seen Kramer versus Fucking.
Bobby Lee
What's it about?
Andrew Santino
Kramer saying the N word at the laugh.
Bobby Lee
What's it. What's it about? What is Kramer vs Kramer about?
Andrew Santino
It's a. It's a court case film.
Bobby Lee
About what?
Andrew Santino
About Kramer versus Kramer.
Bobby Lee
But what is it?
Andrew Santino
Kramer, dude.
Bobby Lee
You never saw it?
Andrew Santino
No, I never saw.
Bobby Lee
It's a divorce.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. No, I did. I have.
Bobby Lee
About a divorce. Yeah. Justin Hoffman was in it.
Andrew Santino
I have seen it.
Bobby Lee
Did Kramer versus Kramer get anything? I don't know. I was just making that up.
Andrew Santino
No, but Oppenheimer. Yes. Everything. Yes. Coda. No, actually, Coda is the first one I haven't seen on that.
Bobby Lee
I haven't seen Coda.
Andrew Santino
Green Book, Parasite, Shape of Water, Moonlight, Birdman, Spotlight, Argo. I've seen all these 12 years of slave, Hurt Locker, Art.
Bobby Lee
Let me know. King Speech. Never saw it.
Andrew Santino
I did see the.
Bobby Lee
I never saw it.
Andrew Santino
No. That was good.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
No Country Departed. All these. I've seen all these.
Bobby Lee
So I watched no country for Old Men again. That scene in the gas station with that old man is probably the most. It's.
Andrew Santino
He gives me the creeps in a way that no one can do.
Bobby Lee
Call it friendo. Yeah, friendo. But it's also just that the performance of the man, that was, you know, I Mean, the guy was so good. If you really look at it.
Andrew Santino
He's the actor.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, Yeah. I mean, he's a character actor. I don't know who he is, but, like, it just. It's just so good. And his response. Dude, have you seen this movie? No. That character right there is insane.
Andrew Santino
Go back real fast. I did. There's one more that I know you and I definitely have never seen in Chicago. We've. I've never.
Bobby Lee
Never saw Chicago. No.
Andrew Santino
Never seen the Play or the English Patient. Fantastic. Forest Gump. Very good.
Bobby Lee
Great movie.
Andrew Santino
So what's the. What's the repercussions of you failing your microbiology exam?
Rudy
Well, I have three more exams to go, and I have right now, like a B minus.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you're fine, dude. A B minus? Yeah, I graduated high school with a C minus.
Rudy
You can. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That's not good.
Rudy
Good even having a D. I mean.
Bobby Lee
Okay, I was last in my class.
Andrew Santino
We know. And you're first in our hearts.
Bobby Lee
Well, so nothing you're learning you're going to use in your life anyway, so it's.
Andrew Santino
I wouldn't say that's totally.
Bobby Lee
Are you biology? You're not gonna be a biologist?
Rudy
Well, I'm taking fish classes.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, she wants.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Marine biologist, perhaps?
Rudy
Maybe.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. If you said you wanted to work in the water, you definitely need to know that stuff.
Bobby Lee
I think you just do animals. Just be a vet or whatever.
Andrew Santino
You would probably need to pass biology to be a vet. Do you do 100%? Yeah. That's a big deal.
Bobby Lee
You know, you need to know about amoebas.
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
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Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
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Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
Could be me, could be you, and could be me.
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
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Bobby Lee
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Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
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Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
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Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
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Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
Wow. So I wonder what you would need.
Andrew Santino
To know, I mean, to be a vet and vet.
Bobby Lee
I mean, do you. I'm sorry, I'm dumb, but I'm dumb. Do you spend like doctor, eight years in medical school to be a vet?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I don't know if it's a full eight. I think it's six, though. Yeah, I think it's six, which is a long time. Four year. Okay. So it's. Oh, it is said eight years in total typically takes about eight. Wow.
Bobby Lee
And then do you make a lot of money?
Andrew Santino
I think vets make good money.
Bobby Lee
Really?
Andrew Santino
Well, I can tell you how much my.
Bobby Lee
That's true.
Andrew Santino
The scan cost when I went to the vet for the emergency vet.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Did I tell you this when my dog was puking and blood?
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
The average salary for a vet in California is 171.
Bobby Lee
Wow. That's a pretty good thing.
Andrew Santino
Pretty good. That's very good.
Bobby Lee
Very good.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I took my dog to the vet and we don't have pet insurance, and it was an emergency because she was throwing up blood and she drink blood and I pan. I had the worst panic. Man, I was so scared, so sad. Then we go there and they take all these X rays and stuff and they're like, you know, this is not covered. And I said, we don't even have insurance. She goes, okay, I just want to let you know. Comes back with the bill and it's $1,500. Also on top of that, she goes, some of the staff is a big fan. Can we take pictures of you?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I was like, my dog. Just blood.
Bobby Lee
At least a discount. No discount.
Andrew Santino
No shit, no. No discount. No picture discount.
Bobby Lee
Nothing.
Andrew Santino
I was happily taking pictures. Like, my dog pooping blood. And I'm taking photos.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
I did the right thing. But I was also like, that's a little weird to ask me to take photos first thing in the morning when my dog is shedding blood and I'm a little worried and you're like, can we get a picture for the student for the office? I was like, sure. Is the blood thing taken care of? She's still shedding fucking blood. Yeah, it was a little weird.
Bobby Lee
You know what my thing is, is whenever I'm in a pet food store, I hate it when there's always old white ladies. They come in and they go, what's the cheapest cat food you got? Dry. Right. And I'm always like, you know, I mean, I'm always like, that's your family member.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. That's the love of your life.
Bobby Lee
I mean.
Andrew Santino
Well, here's the deal. It's an economic thing for some people, right? So some people can't range what Some people can't afford to level up. It's hard.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but it's just like the cheapest. You don't walk in the cheapest.
Andrew Santino
Well, think about. Let's genuinely. Let's do this.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
The. In the scope of America, most people have to buy the cheapest gas, the cheapest groceries.
Bobby Lee
Being arrogant a little bit.
Andrew Santino
No, not arrogant, but you're being.
Bobby Lee
Am I being.
Andrew Santino
I think you're forgetting out of touch.
Bobby Lee
With reality here a little bit. Dog nice shit too. Like, I think.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but you live foolishly.
Bobby Lee
You know, they're not. The gap between cheapest and average isn't that much. I agree with a dollar or two.
Andrew Santino
I agree with you. I agree. But I'm saying most Americans have to buy the cheapest gas, the cheapest food, the cheapest everything to get through the. Their lives. Yeah, but it's just like, we're blessed that we. That you don't have.
Bobby Lee
I don't know, dude. Because even when I. In my early 20s, I had two cats and I went to the pet food store and I got like, I had no money and I still went like, I'm not gonna get the cheapest one.
Andrew Santino
I know you're talking.
Bobby Lee
I want them to, you know, I mean, at least survive.
Andrew Santino
I agree. But I think most people don't. Can't. I think that's the bummer.
Bobby Lee
Well, they care.
Andrew Santino
I think some people don't care. I think most people with pets give a fuck about their pets. They love their pets. That's why there's like A. What's that place called? That's near my old house. Just dog. Just for dogs. Just food for dogs.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That shit's so expensive. I walked in there one time and I was like, this is fucking rude.
Bobby Lee
It was like a. I Love it there.
Andrew Santino
2 pound bag of food for like 80 bucks. I was like, what the fuck are you. They're like, we hand cut up filet.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, they do.
Andrew Santino
That's crazy.
Bobby Lee
No, it's not crazy. And let me say something.
Rudy
Bobby pays for the dogs.
Andrew Santino
You do that?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That's so much money.
Bobby Lee
Well, it's my dogs, dude.
Andrew Santino
I know, dude, but that's like an. That's an inflation.
Bobby Lee
If I go to. That's the lvd, right? Or you know, I mean. Or Maestros, right? I'm going to get my dog. Dude. I got you. Don't go, no boo for my cats.
Andrew Santino
That's fucking insane, right?
Bobby Lee
And they didn't like it. So I'm like, oh, I guess this isn't going to be a thing.
Andrew Santino
You got the fanciest sushi in LA.
Bobby Lee
For your cat up the. The salmon too, and all that stuff. Like really thin Lego. Maybe that'll work. I put gravy on it. They don't like it.
Andrew Santino
Crazy.
Bobby Lee
No, it's not crazy.
Andrew Santino
No, no, it's crazy. It's funny, but it's.
Bobby Lee
Well, I guess it's, you know, here's. And I'm going to cause a little controversy out here. I might as well put my foot down. Okay. And maybe some people. And I was going to say white people, but I'm not going to say that. I don't want to generalize. Right?
Andrew Santino
No, go ahead and do it.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. They view their animals as, you know, a lower family member.
Andrew Santino
Not true. Yeah, don't generalize whites because I don't do that and he doesn't do that.
Bobby Lee
You know, but it's like, don't do that to whites.
Andrew Santino
Just people. How about this then? You want to take it there?
Bobby Lee
That's why I brought it up, dude. Let's take it there.
Andrew Santino
Let's take it there.
Bobby Lee
Let's take it there.
Andrew Santino
Let's generalize Asians. Asians.
Bobby Lee
You're going to do cat. We eat them.
Andrew Santino
Timeout.
Bobby Lee
Don't go eat. We don't eat them.
Andrew Santino
Really?
Bobby Lee
I don't eat them.
Andrew Santino
Then don't generalize all whites.
Bobby Lee
Not in this America. Maybe in some fucking remote village in Taipei.
Andrew Santino
Well, you're talking about a global population here, buddy. Do Asians eat animal slaves?
Bobby Lee
Oh, you're going to do this again? With the fucking slave. The Korean slave thing.
Andrew Santino
No. Do Asians.
Bobby Lee
That's what you're trying to do. Get a moment.
Andrew Santino
Rudy, do people still eat dogs in the Philippines?
Bobby Lee
We talked about this before, like rural.
Andrew Santino
Rural.
Bobby Lee
Thank you.
Andrew Santino
And yet it happens.
Bobby Lee
But we're still in that three year.
Andrew Santino
Grace period where it's legal to eat in South Korea. They still haven't passed that bill.
Bobby Lee
But we did pass it.
Andrew Santino
Congratul. 20, 24.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
In three.
Bobby Lee
What about. Hey, buddy, I'll, I'll, I'll double down on you then.
Andrew Santino
Give it to me.
Bobby Lee
What about squirrels? Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So many. Some white teachers.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. But snakes and how about this? Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Then you get.
Bobby Lee
Have you even attempted to pass this law? Did not eat squirrels. Those cute little critters from.
Andrew Santino
They're delicious friends. They're delicious. You've never had one.
Bobby Lee
Would you eat a squirrel?
Rudy
I think I would.
Andrew Santino
100%. They're so good.
Bobby Lee
Look at them right there.
Andrew Santino
Is that a filet?
Bobby Lee
Oh, my God, look at them.
Andrew Santino
It's all dark meat.
Bobby Lee
Yes.
Andrew Santino
So good. So good.
Bobby Lee
Oh, my God. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Look at that. What I'm saying is, is that I don't know why you went from me, you know, spending a little bit more money for my cats to us eating dogs.
Andrew Santino
You did it.
Bobby Lee
I don't know how. Went from one there to there.
Andrew Santino
Look, you can't generalize and say all whites.
Bobby Lee
I took it back already.
Andrew Santino
Thank you. I'll take mine back too then. Yeah, but Asians still eat dogs.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And you guys eat squirrels.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Thank you. Okay, but, but, but I know there's no people that have pets as squirrels.
Bobby Lee
Oh, there are. Who has a squirrel dodo?
Andrew Santino
Go to dodo.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Where's that YouTube. And he has a squirrel dodo.
Bobby Lee
There's a lot of squirrel friends that the people have in, in their home. In their home.
Andrew Santino
No, they keep them outside. No, they don't.
Bobby Lee
Every day in the home. There we go. That's a guy chilling on a kitchen table then. Look at that guy. Look at that dude. Look how fatty is too.
Andrew Santino
That looks like lunch to me.
Bobby Lee
I know. What do they feed them, like fancy nuts?
Andrew Santino
They might. Yeah, but like Erewhon nuts.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but there's, there's a difference between like, you know, airplane nuts. Right. And going to like a, you know, going to Erewhon or something and getting like organic nuts unsalted. You know what I mean? Right. I guess that's what I would do.
Andrew Santino
I would assume they golfing come from the Same farm. And some of them are just packaged for erewhon.
Bobby Lee
Okay, Okay. I don't know how they're packaged. I don't know what the farm.
Andrew Santino
Well, you know what? That's it then. We need to do bad friends visits. A farm. We need to go visit a farm.
Bobby Lee
My point though, being is, boom, there's another one chilling, watching, you know, reality TV on a couch. Dude, probably, you know, 90 Day Fiance. Look at the. Look at them chilling.
Andrew Santino
He's watching Love is Blind.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, Love is Blind chilling there.
Andrew Santino
He's so fat.
Bobby Lee
I know. They're so cute.
Andrew Santino
They are so cute. I know. No, look. Okay, let's get back to the original. I value my pet. The first thing, the first person I kiss in my home when I walk.
Bobby Lee
I know. I know you do, because I know that you spent fifteen hundred dollars. But there's a lot of people that were like, at the vet, like, what? How much it gonna cost?
Andrew Santino
Well, people. Some people can't afford it. I'm lucky that I could afford it. You know, I'm lucky. I'm lucky. I'm lucky that I'm able to do that. Carlos's dog goes to the vet and it cost him two grand or something like that. He's in some shit. He's calling us.
Bobby Lee
Would you pay it?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, of course he would.
Bobby Lee
There we go.
Andrew Santino
But he's scared.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, that's. Yeah, yeah. I'm not saying the feeling behind it. Yeah, it's going to be a hit and it's going to be a bummer. But I'm just saying it's like.
Andrew Santino
But you're right.
Bobby Lee
Well, it depends on what the. Like, it's okay. Here's. Here's. Here's one. All right. When you guys. When you guys.
Rudy
The grapes.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, the grapes. I got a call like, oh, yeah, all the dogs are in the vet. Right. And you got to help with the money. Right?
Andrew Santino
Because they all ate grapes.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. So I go, they ate fucking grapes. Like Roman emperors. What the fuck are you talking about? Right? They're like. And they. And then nothing happened. But, you guys, we had to spend thousands of dollars for what? Yeah, exactly. So what was that all about?
Rudy
The vet said that they were gonna die.
Bobby Lee
But why are you bringing the fucking dogs to the fucking vet? It's the first place called First.
Rudy
And they said, yeah, take them.
Bobby Lee
You did one grape?
Andrew Santino
No, it was three.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. Amongst four dogs, they ate three grapes. And I get this call like, it's gonna cost all this money. I was like, what the is going on here? So in that case, yes. I'd be like, our grapes. We'll figure it out.
Andrew Santino
We'll figure it out.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Wait a minute.
Bobby Lee
A bar of chocolate, I would be like, oh, let's just see. Take it about hour by hour.
Andrew Santino
Can dogs not eat grapes? I do not.
Bobby Lee
I don't think it was great. What was it?
Rudy
Grapes.
Andrew Santino
The number of grapes can be lethal to a dog. Depends on the dog's weight. But the general rule of thumb is that one grape per 10 pounds of body weight is potentially dangerous. Why? Grapes and raisins cause acute kidney failure in dogs. What? I mean, my dog doesn't eat grapes.
Bobby Lee
Now you know.
Andrew Santino
That's crazy. I don't know.
Bobby Lee
Now you know.
Andrew Santino
I'm glad I know.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah. And also, why you have just free grapes laying around the ground?
Rudy
Because we were taking care of a crow, so we were feeding him grapes.
Bobby Lee
Oh, that's right, the crow.
Andrew Santino
Of course.
Bobby Lee
You know how many. You know what they did for me?
Andrew Santino
I hope they got you a crow.
Bobby Lee
No. Oh, my God. I feel so bad about that. I haven't talked about this. About the little bird. I'm in the backyard with Gunar.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I know.
Bobby Lee
No, you don't. And I look and there's a bird, A baby bird had fallen from the tree, right? And I look at Gunar, and Gunnar's just. You know what I mean? And I'm like, he's not gonna.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah.
Bobby Lee
And it goes up and just breaks. Breaks its neck with his fucking jaw, right? And then I fucking grab. Gonna bring in the house. And now the. You know, I mean, it's like the little birds going. It was insane, dude. Right? It was making these, right? And I'm. I call them. They come over. And then I go, you gotta keep this bird alive. Now I go, right? Yeah, please.
Andrew Santino
His head is off.
Bobby Lee
I know. It was just like, you know. You know. And they came over. It died, right?
Rudy
It died. Three days after.
Andrew Santino
Three days is pretty good, though.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but I tried everything. I tried everything. But we love. We love our friends in the sky. That's what my point. But you can love the friends.
Andrew Santino
You should have taken them out. Three days of suffering.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. You could have thrown them off the hill.
Andrew Santino
You drown them.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You drown.
Bobby Lee
I'm sorry.
Andrew Santino
You drown him.
Bobby Lee
Excuse me.
Andrew Santino
You drown him. You take that bird, you go to your pool, you drown, dog.
Bobby Lee
What? I know.
Andrew Santino
I'm kidding. That's.
Bobby Lee
You would do that?
Andrew Santino
No, but my dog.
Bobby Lee
That's insane.
Andrew Santino
My dog has. My dog has come back with. With different rodents, things or whatever. And I do. But you. You got it. You got to get rid of it. Because it's suffering. It's crazy. It's awful. When dogs do this, it's a bummer. But when they Living just those three days of the bird is like, fucking kill me.
Bobby Lee
Oh, you.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I don't know. I don't. I don't know birds. I don't know.
Andrew Santino
I got.
Bobby Lee
I have a few by Newport. What?
Andrew Santino
I do. I mean, I went to college with four or five of them.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah. But I still talk to one. If there was like a chance that he. It was just like, you know, a spray neck or whatever. Right. That's why I called. Because the worst would be like, I'll just leave it there.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And then day three, I go back there and he's still. You know, I mean, that would have been bad.
Andrew Santino
That's true.
Bobby Lee
He was paralyzed after that. You guys.
Andrew Santino
Little bird wheelchair.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Little bird wheelchair.
Bobby Lee
You know, it's so funny. Andreas, you're trying to make fun of me. Like, I have empathy. I have empathy for the little creatures in the world. You know what movie makes me really sad? What Part in Raising Arizona. When.
Andrew Santino
One of my favorite movies of all time.
Bobby Lee
Me, too. And when that. You know the. The bad biker.
Andrew Santino
Yes.
Bobby Lee
Right. And he shoots that lizard. I don't know why. Even as a young man, I went.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you know what else it is? That actor. Yeah, that guy. He's so good. And you believe how he's so mean in his heart. And the music is so powerful.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
God, that movie was.
Bobby Lee
If you haven't seen that movie, couldn't recommend it more. It's. What it's.
Andrew Santino
Because it's Coen Brothers finest.
Bobby Lee
It does two things. Okay. In the same year they did this. There's two movies that are my favorite movies is this. And also Evil Dead 2. Those two movies are just masterpieces.
Andrew Santino
But 89, 88.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. This movie is so fucking good.
Andrew Santino
And the beauty, her name is Ed is one of the funniest things on earth.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
He falls in love with a woman.
Bobby Lee
Holly Hunter kills that movie.
Andrew Santino
Because Ed is such a beautiful, like, guy. Guy's name.
Bobby Lee
Look at Nicholas K. So young.
Andrew Santino
Do you know the concept of this movie? They can't have a child, and so they decide they're going to steal someone's baby who's an embarrassment of riches.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
It's great.
Bobby Lee
It's a comedy, though. Especially when Nicholas, when Nicholas Cage goes up with the ladder into the baby's room.
Andrew Santino
And Nathan Arizona's House?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Nathan Arizona's house. And there's that five minute montage of him trying to handle the babies. Is so cleverly done. So cute. It's so good.
Andrew Santino
It's such a good scene.
Bobby Lee
There's another scene where he runs into his bedroom, right? Because he has to. Dude, I forget what he has to do. And he sees a Playboy magazine on his bed and he puts it underneath the thing and he walks away. And then he comes back and looks at the Playboy and then puts it back in there because he needs one more look. It's like those little things that makes that movie so special. That's such a great movie.
Andrew Santino
You got to watch that. Okay, but you should be studying for your test before you watch another movie.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So can we get you through school first? Yeah, yeah, please. Because I don't want you to fail after all the work you put in. When you think about it, she started the show as a senior in high school.
Bobby Lee
I can't believe it.
Andrew Santino
And now you're graduating college.
Bobby Lee
That's so incredible.
Andrew Santino
It's. It really makes me sad.
Bobby Lee
It makes me sad because we're closer to death.
Andrew Santino
That's all that you and I are doing.
Bobby Lee
You really think of that?
Andrew Santino
We're crawling towards death. There's death. Hey, we're on our way.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And she's about to just grow into a fun adult life of fun and freedom and.
Bobby Lee
But you know who my fucking guy is I look at to make me feel more like he's like, sort of like if he dies, I'm fucked. Because he's a little ahead of me.
Andrew Santino
In the comedy scene.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Yeah, he's a little ahead of me. I see him all the time.
Andrew Santino
Marin.
Bobby Lee
No. And I look at him. No, it's like no.
Andrew Santino
Smaller, Smaller, tinier person than Marin.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Brad Williams.
Bobby Lee
No, in between. Think in between.
Andrew Santino
Cold gold.
Bobby Lee
Also, I'm older than Brad. It's a guy that's older than me.
Andrew Santino
And I go, oh, no, you're not.
Bobby Lee
I am.
Andrew Santino
No. Little people are a thousand years old. He's been living forever. He's lived seven lifetimes.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. We have no idea how old they're. You have to cut them in half and count their rings.
Bobby Lee
Dude, yesterday I. I saw Brad and I said a couple of things. Some dwarf jokes in the green room. And I don't think it went over well in the room.
Andrew Santino
He's our boy.
Bobby Lee
I go. I just walked into the restaurant. How's the carnival? I don't know why I said that. And then I. So for some reason, everyone was in there, I go, oh, they love candy corn. I don't even know if that's a fact.
Andrew Santino
They do.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
But my point is, I always keep a pop.
Bobby Lee
It's David Spade.
Andrew Santino
Oh, Spade.
Bobby Lee
So when I see Spade because he's like five years older than me and he looks good.
Andrew Santino
He does.
Bobby Lee
So I just go, oh, he looks good. So I'm going to worry when he doesn't look good.
Andrew Santino
Well, here's the problem. This isn't apples to apples. Do you know what I mean?
Bobby Lee
Don't do this.
Andrew Santino
It's like this is zucchini to pair.
Bobby Lee
Don't do this. Right.
Andrew Santino
No, because don't do this.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
Well, he's. He takes care of himself a little. He worked. He exercises.
Bobby Lee
I went hiking yesterday for so long.
Andrew Santino
No way.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. So long.
Andrew Santino
With whom?
Bobby Lee
By myself. In the dark.
Andrew Santino
Where in the dark?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, the one by our house. No proof. And this time, you know where I go?
Andrew Santino
No proof.
Bobby Lee
There's a marker that I have. You know, there's the first bench on that.
Rudy
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Now we go double that.
Andrew Santino
Can I ask you something?
Bobby Lee
It's so scary.
Andrew Santino
Can I recommend something as a friend? Please don't hike in the dark. If you fall or slip or something bad happens, who the fuck is gonna get you?
Bobby Lee
That's the. That's the thing I want.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you want to go? Yeah, I'd rather you not.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you. The only thing that I'm worried about is bobcats. Yeah, dude, you know, I mean.
Andrew Santino
I mean, people or. Yeah, what about weirdos? What about some guy that's waiting to fucking kill you?
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
I mean, please, please don't hike at night.
Bobby Lee
Why? There's other. There's people, families at night. Oh, I see them with the flashlights.
Andrew Santino
I've seen Alpha Dog. I know what happens when you hike at night. You end up in a pit.
Bobby Lee
Great movie. Wow.
Andrew Santino
Please don't hike at night.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
I'm concerned for your well being, but do you want to hike during the day with me? I would love to go hiking.
Bobby Lee
I'd love to.
Andrew Santino
There's a hiking hill right by our houses.
Bobby Lee
That's the one I went to last night.
Andrew Santino
Well, let me. Let's go.
Bobby Lee
I kind of want to do it solo because. I'll tell you why. Can I tell you why? Can I tell you why, though? Can I tell you why?
Andrew Santino
Yes.
Bobby Lee
It's Pace. Oh, you know what I mean?
Andrew Santino
I understand.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I put my hands behind my back like an old Korean man. I do that and I kind of mosey up there with Music Shuffle would be the word. I shuffle up with music.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And I go as long as I can and I come back down.
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
Alex, do you like canned cranberry sauce.
Andrew Santino
Or should we make it ourselves?
Rudy
That's my mom.
Bobby Lee
She didn't know about Instacart's family carts. So, wanna make pecan pie this year?
Andrew Santino
Yes or no?
Bobby Lee
Oh, and how many boxes of stuffing?
Andrew Santino
So I told her we could just share a family card and add all our holiday favorites to the same order.
Bobby Lee
Without losing our voices or our sanity. It's so much fun.
Andrew Santino
Alex, can you get my holiday village out of the attic?
Bobby Lee
Baby steps, Alex.
Andrew Santino
Baby steps. Shop instacart this holiday season and enjoy.
Bobby Lee
Free delivery on your first three orders.
Andrew Santino
Service fees and terms apply.
Bobby Lee
Alex.
Andrew Santino
Seriously, Diane, was Colgate your secret to winning Best smile back in high school?
Rudy
Yep, and it still is.
Bobby Lee
I even work overnight. Huh? Colgate's Optic White Overnight Whitening pen works overnight so after one week, I can show up confident and reunion ready.
Andrew Santino
And here I was bragging about my kids.
Bobby Lee
Colgate Optic White. Find it at all major retailers. You know what? There's an old saying, and it's from a sitcom. There's an old saying. It's from a sitcom. It's called Different Strokes. You know, I mean, what you talking about?
Andrew Santino
Willis.
Bobby Lee
Willis, right. What you talk about Willis, right?
Rudy
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
That's what I want to say to you. Dude, that was the wrong sitcom line.
Andrew Santino
It really was. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Honestly, I was trying to. Yeah, you know what?
Andrew Santino
I got it, Bob. I got you. There is an old sitcom line that you should. That. That speaks exactly to you about what we're talking about.
Bobby Lee
Dynamite.
Andrew Santino
No, definitely not.
Bobby Lee
That's not it.
Andrew Santino
No. There is an old one that I got to tell you. Perfect for this. To fucking teach you about this world.
Bobby Lee
Give it to her, dude.
Andrew Santino
Did I do that Perfect?
Bobby Lee
Wait, what. What sitcom is that?
Andrew Santino
Family Matters. That's fucking. That's. That's.
Bobby Lee
That's one of his catchphrases.
Andrew Santino
Did I do that?
Bobby Lee
I don't know if that is.
Andrew Santino
What, are you insane?
Bobby Lee
Do that?
Andrew Santino
Did I do that?
Bobby Lee
What, you've heard of that?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
Where did you grow up? You don't know? Did I do.
Bobby Lee
I never saw that one.
Andrew Santino
Steve Urkel.
Bobby Lee
What? Do you and I know that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Even the Spaniard knows.
Bobby Lee
You don't have to Google.
Andrew Santino
I believe you, but you made me think that I'm wrong. Did I do that? Did I do that?
Bobby Lee
I've met him a couple times.
Andrew Santino
Jaleel White.
Bobby Lee
I like him a lot. Yeah, he's a sweet kid.
Andrew Santino
I've heard. He's great.
Bobby Lee
He's a nice guy.
Andrew Santino
Can I do that? Yeah. He would break something.
Bobby Lee
Oh, I see. I remember.
Andrew Santino
Fantastic.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There he is. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
By the way, this is a character that I'm sure in this day and age, they would be like, it just feels like we're targeting a type of person. Right. If you wrote that Character on a TV show. They'd be like, I don't know if we can do that.
Bobby Lee
There's no way.
Andrew Santino
Isn't that wild?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. You know, you used to call me at three in the morning randomly back in the day when I lived on Beechwood, before I met Kalila. Three in the morning? No, it's a sitcom guy. You're not gonna believe it.
Andrew Santino
Hold on, hold on.
Bobby Lee
And he always asks me, eman, I'm in town. What you doing?
Andrew Santino
I'm sleeping, by the sound of it.
Bobby Lee
Amy Ann, hey, it's me, Leah. Yeah, hold on. Hey. Yeah, let me do it together. Yeah. Too mad about Gary. Gary Coleman. He passed away. I'm the only one left.
Andrew Santino
Well, it's got to be a small black guy.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got it, bud. Go toward the light.
Andrew Santino
Emmanuel Lewis. Yes. Got it.
Bobby Lee
Webster.
Andrew Santino
Yes. Webster. I could.
Bobby Lee
This dude, it's so funny.
Andrew Santino
I saw him, he used to call.
Bobby Lee
You at three in the morning. Hey, man.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, hey, it's me.
Bobby Lee
What you doing? It's like he would go, yeah, he'd go, meet me at. Meet me at fred62s.
Andrew Santino
I love that cafe.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And I'd be like, no, dude.
Andrew Santino
Why not?
Bobby Lee
Never hung out with a. Once.
Andrew Santino
Like, I read this thing. This was insane. It's supposed to. It really does. Dude, you should try this. This is a trick.
Bobby Lee
I know, I know, I know.
Andrew Santino
No, no, this is a trick I'm trying to do. Is. Is this when you wake up in the morning, instead of brushing your teeth with your right hand, do it with your left. And then when you get in the shower, instead of doing your normal shower routine, like, what's the first thing you wash in the shower?
Bobby Lee
My back.
Andrew Santino
Right, so instead of doing your back, do your feet first and then do your fit and, like, switch up the order.
Bobby Lee
Why are you laughing? At back.
Rudy
That's just weird.
Andrew Santino
No, it's not.
Bobby Lee
That's not.
Andrew Santino
You're weird. What do you do?
Rudy
Go head first?
Andrew Santino
No, everybody does it different.
Bobby Lee
Head is last. No, heads last.
Andrew Santino
I actually agree. I do. I think I do head and face last.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, no, here's my order.
Andrew Santino
I do my butthole.
Bobby Lee
20 minutes. I'll literally tell you my order. Okay, so I'll take. You know, we've already established that that plastic thing has a cloth. We already. We already established that on this podcast.
Andrew Santino
Sure.
Bobby Lee
Right. So I do. I pull that out, right? I put two different. A body.
Andrew Santino
Body wash. Wash on it, right?
Bobby Lee
From two different brands. One of them probably a like, you know, something that. That's Like a ax, some bat one. But then I'll put an organic, like, fancy one.
Andrew Santino
So you'll feed your dogs high end food, but you're using ax on your body?
Bobby Lee
No, I put ax and. But I put. Then I put a high end one that I got at a boutique place.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah.
Bobby Lee
So I'll combo it up upstairs, downstairs. Yeah. Then I put it in a sud. Then I do that. I do it back first. Back, back, arms, arms, chest. Right. Then in between the sacks. Scrub hard.
Andrew Santino
What do you mean, sacks? This is singular. You have more than one?
Bobby Lee
What, the sack either. Oh, I have two sacks. Right. Legs. And then what I do is rinse.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And then I do face with my face wash.
Andrew Santino
Right.
Bobby Lee
And then I do hair. And then I'm done.
Andrew Santino
I get that.
Bobby Lee
What do you do?
Andrew Santino
I first get in there and I lube up the loofah. I've got my nice little loofah.
Bobby Lee
How do you get your back with a loofah? What do you mean?
Andrew Santino
It's got a. It's on a stick. Oh, you don't have a loofah stick? No, it's fantastic. It's actually my favorite because after you're done loofing.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You can flip the stick around and foot it right up your ass.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Okay. You don't do that. You don't do a little rabbit with.
Bobby Lee
A loofah stick, though. Because I got one on the road. You can't get the real, like. With the fucking one I have, you can really grind out your back.
Andrew Santino
I don't need to rub it deep into the back. I don't know if I need to.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
Because I get a massage for that.
Bobby Lee
It's just like deep skin. It has something to do with muscles, but how.
Andrew Santino
This skin is never exposed to almost anything on your back. You don't really need to exfoliate your back.
Bobby Lee
Oh, that's true. That's true.
Andrew Santino
What's exposed? So I do the loofah. I loofah.
Bobby Lee
I do sand angels on the.
Andrew Santino
On the beach. I loofah, I lose. I get the loofah ready? And I do chest, neck, and back first.
Bobby Lee
Great, great combo.
Andrew Santino
Pitsy, pitsy, pitsy, pitsy. Then I go down to legs and feetsies.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And then I put the loofah down and I.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
I get a lot. I love a lot.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And I slap it.
Bobby Lee
Boom.
Andrew Santino
Right in my pepito and I. And then I get underneath to my nifkin and my butthole. I really work this area. I really clean My butthole, my wiener. Huh?
Bobby Lee
I'm just gonna see how much you do.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Okay. That's a lot.
Andrew Santino
That's a lot. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And then finally I finish with the top half with face and hair.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, that's the last. Jules.
Rudy
I just do hair, shampoo, conditioner, and then body, and then face, and then brush my teeth and then that's it.
Andrew Santino
Oh, actually, you know what? I lied. I. The very first thing I do is brush my teeth in the shower. You brush your teeth in the shower?
Rudy
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, me too.
Bobby Lee
I don't do any of it.
Andrew Santino
You've never brushed your teeth?
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
Let me see. Looks fine.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Let's get a hands. Who brushed their teeth in the shower? Oh, wow.
Bobby Lee
Not me.
Andrew Santino
See, people. Some people don't like it.
Bobby Lee
I don't like it.
Andrew Santino
Perfect. I'm already there.
Bobby Lee
It's. It's. It's like. You know, let me say, honestly, it's like playing basketball on ice, how it just doesn't belong there.
Andrew Santino
But.
Bobby Lee
You pee in the shower.
Andrew Santino
No, No.
Bobby Lee
I don't care.
Andrew Santino
Stop, stop, stop. Yeah, Yeah, I pee in the shower too. He poops in the shower.
Bobby Lee
I don't poo in the shower. That's insane.
Andrew Santino
We did a whole episode about it. You smushed the poop down the drain. You talked about it.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, one time. Okay, one fucking time. That's fucking one time.
Andrew Santino
One time too many times.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Andrew Santino
No, that one time too many times.
Bobby Lee
One time you did a month ago.
Andrew Santino
You've done it more than.
Bobby Lee
You pooed in the shower. Yeah, I had to go. Exactly. That's a good one. Yeah. There you go. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Well, you've done it often.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I'm not. I don't shame Carlos for doing that. I get it.
Andrew Santino
No, you should.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
You do not poop in the shower. Do not poop in the shower.
Bobby Lee
You do what you need to do. Thank you. Thank you.
Andrew Santino
Cuz then. Then the water, it's gonna smack. You're gonna.
Bobby Lee
Okay. Because I need a mirror when I brush my teeth.
Andrew Santino
What are you looking at?
Bobby Lee
So you can go. You have to be.
Andrew Santino
I have my. My phone. I have my. I could if I need it. Yeah, yeah, I have my phone.
Bobby Lee
I just don't. I feel it like it's not. Doesn't belong there.
Andrew Santino
I get this. People say this, but I think it does because it's the first thing I like to do. It's warm. The water on your back is so warm. And you're brushing under the warmth. It's just. It's a perfect Combination.
Bobby Lee
It just seems like you're doing your taxes in the water. It doesn't make any sense. Like with a calculator, abacus, whatever.
Andrew Santino
So hygienically you're cleaning your body and then also cleaning your mouth. Doesn't belong in the cleaning. In the cleaning.
Bobby Lee
Maybe you're right, but I know I just can't. I would never do it.
Andrew Santino
I think you should. Will you try it?
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
Please? I'd like. Unfortunately, I want to know how Andres does his. But I know it's going to be really weird and annoying. How do you do your shower?
Bobby Lee
It's like north to south.
Andrew Santino
You start up top and go down.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Wow. Always. All right. So everybody. Okay. Carlos, what's your shower routine?
Bobby Lee
Get it. It's a lot like Rudy's, actually.
Andrew Santino
Well, you like baths, right? Because you like to have that. The water on your clit.
Bobby Lee
I like baths, actually. I love baths.
Andrew Santino
Me too. Who doesn't? They're fucking amazing. But he lets the water rush on his little clit.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. In terms of baths, what you got me for my birthday.
Rudy
Was it bad?
Bobby Lee
No, it's not that bad. It's just like. I don't know what the point is.
Andrew Santino
She gives me like bath salts.
Bobby Lee
No, it was flowers. Like full blown petals.
Andrew Santino
Oh, no, they're. It's actually the aromatics. It's good for you.
Bobby Lee
Really?
Andrew Santino
Supposed to calm you down? Yeah, it's really.
Bobby Lee
But I gotta pick all. I gotta pick all the up.
Andrew Santino
You have someone clean your house for you? You don't do that. She's right there. She gave herself garbage.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. When's the last time you clean my house? Months.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, get back to it.
Rudy
It's too much.
Bobby Lee
Too much, is it? I got a new person.
Andrew Santino
You did? Yeah, one person. Or more than one?
Bobby Lee
It's a cabal of Hispanics.
Andrew Santino
It's a cabal.
Bobby Lee
A cabal of Hispanics.
Andrew Santino
Wow. Just one pickup truck, 35 Hispanics.
Bobby Lee
And they're amazing.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Where did you find these people?
Bobby Lee
Through my friend. Why?
Andrew Santino
Because what if I need somebody?
Bobby Lee
It's through Gilbert. Gilbert. Gil. She's great.
Andrew Santino
Okay?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I have a woman that I'm dearly, dearly in love with.
Bobby Lee
Well, then why'd you ask me?
Andrew Santino
In case she doesn't do it anymore. What if she stops one day?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
She's incredible. Dude, this woman is so beautiful and nice. She really. I'm not. I'm not. I'm actually not even making a comedy joke right now.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
She's such a lovely person. Her heart is so beautiful. She walks in the door and sits and plays with a dog before. She's like, my friend, My friend. And she'll like, sing to the dog and sit and play with the dog. It like, makes my soul so happy when I see her. And she's always in a good mood. And I've told her multiple times, I've said, you know, if you want me to get you food or you want to eat or whatever, anything in the house, you can have always anything. I've never seen her eat. I've never seen her drink water. She's never gone to the bathroom. Never. I'm always like, you know, you can have any of the food in the fridge. You can do anything you want. She's like, no, okay. No, it's okay.
Bobby Lee
But do you do the Bobby Lee test of deception?
Andrew Santino
I leave money all over the place.
Bobby Lee
That's what I do.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I leave thousands and thousands of dollars deception.
Bobby Lee
And what I do is I leave random money.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Tens, twenties, sometimes 100.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
In places to see if they take.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And they never take.
Andrew Santino
They never take.
Bobby Lee
That's the test. Because if they take, I fire.
Andrew Santino
You kill.
Bobby Lee
You don't kill. But do you do that?
Andrew Santino
Well, I went to a jewelry store. I got a bunch of loose diamonds.
Bobby Lee
That's what you have.
Andrew Santino
And I'll just put diamonds all over.
Bobby Lee
That's insane.
Andrew Santino
No, but she's so. It's like, she's so honest. If she did take from me, I don't care. She's such a good person. If she was. If I caught her.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And she was like, I steal this.
Bobby Lee
Okay, well, I guess if you're cleaning and you saw like a random dollar bill, you would in your head go, oh, that's a test of the SAP, John.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, right. You would pass this test recently, proud to say.
Andrew Santino
What happened?
Bobby Lee
I was at Mercedes and there was a five dollar bill on the bench. And I just took a picture of it and I didn't take it.
Andrew Santino
Okay, this is not the same scenario. You're an idiot. You should have taken the five dollar bill. Really?
Bobby Lee
What? The wild?
Andrew Santino
The wild is fine.
Bobby Lee
In the wild. Yes.
Andrew Santino
Money in the wild.
Bobby Lee
Thought I was being filmed or something. Yeah, Streamer, planes. Oh, yeah, sometimes. Did he do that? Right?
Andrew Santino
I know, but what would be that you picked up a random fight. Was there anybody around you? No, that's your money I left.
Bobby Lee
Okay. Have you seen these? Carlos, have you seen these? Okay. Where they, like, they'll have like a little girl, like on a bench.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah. I hate that.
Bobby Lee
Okay, so what I'M talking. They're tests of trust.
Andrew Santino
I hate that, right.
Bobby Lee
Where it's like, you know, like a woman will be sitting there, right, who's like a, you know, a plant, right? And then some guy will hit on her, right? And some strangers. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm so grateful. I'm not in that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Because I don't think, I don't know, I think I would fail.
Andrew Santino
You'd walk away.
Bobby Lee
I would just be like, oh, that's weird. You know, I walk away. Or if a little girl comes to me, excuse me, sir, I don't have anyone. Or. And I'd be like, oh, you do hear me.
Andrew Santino
Get the fuck away from me.
Bobby Lee
Catch me doing that. I'm fucked, dude.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, you're done.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
No, those test.
Bobby Lee
What would you do?
Andrew Santino
That's the name of the show. Yeah, it's called John, John, John Quinones. What would you do? Right? Isn't that what it's called? What would you do?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, what would you do if I saw that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that's what it's called. What would you do?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, that's what it is, literally the.
Andrew Santino
Show we're talking about.
Bobby Lee
What would you do?
Andrew Santino
I. I honestly, I'm so aloof in public. I'm. I'm probably just walking by.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. I don't know.
Andrew Santino
I'm not gonna stay there and take care of it.
Bobby Lee
Is there anything that you. A punk that you did that was like. That aired that went crazy?
Andrew Santino
Is there a punk that I did that went. I mean. You mean like what, like it did. Well, I don't.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but that was like they were mad. Like super mad or.
Andrew Santino
I mean. No, I don't think there was anything that we did that like everything that aired kind of went. I will say. Oh, there. No, that's not true.
Bobby Lee
There's so many lives you've lived.
Andrew Santino
There's one. There's one that we did in the hills and I don't remember who it was and it was a bad idea. I don't remember the girl. I don't remember. We were in the hills and I was pretending like I was lost and they were house sitting and I pretended like I was a guy who's just like lost in the hills and my car died and somehow we figured out a way to get me inside of the home and this woman thought she was like trapped with a. The hitchhike killer or something like that.
Bobby Lee
Oh, wow.
Andrew Santino
It was. It was such a bad bit. It was so stupid and so overblown. This woman was on the phone with her mother, like, just bawling, crying.
Bobby Lee
And they never aired that either.
Andrew Santino
No, did not add that one. No, no, no. I mean, the. The Arab ones are, you know, like Efron hitting an old woman. We hit an old woman with a car. A stunt woman.
Bobby Lee
Oh, you knew Zac Efron then?
Andrew Santino
That's the first time I met him.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah, that was the first time I met that guy. Anyway.
Bobby Lee
Deep Hollywood connections.
Andrew Santino
Well, first of all, I was. First of all, I was a kid. I was an actor on Punk that no one knew, and people still didn't know that I did that.
Bobby Lee
I remember you then.
Andrew Santino
And I got paid, like, $40.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. But I was remembering. This guy's on the rise.
Andrew Santino
You know what's so funny? Here I am shooting punked. No, no, listen. How funny is this? Here I am shooting punk'd, shooting a TV show, writing it and being an actor in it.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Working at the studio, and I was worried about rent every month.
Bobby Lee
That's insane.
Andrew Santino
I was so worried.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
There was months that I almost didn't pay rent.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Because I got paid so little money from the show.
Bobby Lee
Would you make a week?
Andrew Santino
It wasn't a week. It was an episode. You got paid an episode?
Bobby Lee
How much you get an episode?
Andrew Santino
I think it was. I think it was fifteen hundred dollars, something like that. An episode.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but then with taxes and all that stuff. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
To pay my agent, my lawyer.
Bobby Lee
700.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. 800 bucks. 700 bucks.
Bobby Lee
So how many episodes you do a month?
Andrew Santino
Oh, no, it's not month. In total. We only did 10 or 11. I don't even know.
Bobby Lee
Your only income.
Andrew Santino
I was forced to work for the studio full time. Like. Like, I got. I got put in that system, and I was working for the studio.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Like, I was writing for them and all that stuff, and I was.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you got ripped off.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, we got cooked. Those guys were making millions of dollars. We were. I mean, that's Hollywood and Jet. That's. That's what they do. They.
Bobby Lee
My mad TV was $4,500 a week.
Andrew Santino
That's great.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That's really good money.
Bobby Lee
But you only got four the first year.
Andrew Santino
What do you mean? Oh, only four episodes.
Bobby Lee
And then you can't do anything else.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And they hold you.
Bobby Lee
So then you're like, oh, I got to fuck. Am I going to.
Andrew Santino
It's weird to be on tv.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And people from home being like, dude, you're on tv.
Bobby Lee
I know. You get there's.
Andrew Santino
And you're like, I can't.
Bobby Lee
I can't pay rent, do anything.
Andrew Santino
It's fucked. The business is fucked.
Bobby Lee
That's why you still eating at Arby's and like.
Andrew Santino
Arby's? What are you, rich?
Bobby Lee
I know, I know.
Andrew Santino
I was eating exactly. Maybe out of the trash can behind the Arby's.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, well, at the college.
Andrew Santino
Have you guys got any beef? You're throwing away beef? Aren't touchless. Very hungry.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. But now at the Comedy Store, they're like, dude, congratulations. You're like, yeah, I'm making less money than I.
Andrew Santino
Than I was before.
Bobby Lee
Before?
Andrew Santino
No, dude. Are you kidding me? Free meals at comedy clubs?
Bobby Lee
Oh, my God.
Andrew Santino
When they were like, when I would go and play those clubs, I'd be like, hey, can we get lunch and dinner here?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And they were like, what? Why? I'm like, pay for.
Bobby Lee
But I played it, right. I remember the first year I went. I got on it with. I don't for say. I can't say her name, but a Hispanic girl, we all know her, I think, right? And so there was like a couple of weeks where we weren't in anything.
Andrew Santino
Didn't make a sketch.
Bobby Lee
Not a single sketch, right? And all the white nude dudes. People were getting everything.
Andrew Santino
White new dudes.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And then. So I remember her coming into my dressing room crying. She goes, this is fucked up. I go, what is it? And she's like, well, I mean, you're Asian, I'm Hispanic. And we're not getting. Right. I'm going to go to the president of the. You know. Of the company.
Andrew Santino
Fox?
Bobby Lee
No, of the show. The guy that owns the show who's like this old Hollywood mogul, right? I can say his name. He's a great guy. David Salzman.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
This just old. He did Dallas and Judge Judy. I mean, this is an old guy, right? And I grabbed her by the wrist. I go, please don't. I go, and if you do leave.
Andrew Santino
My name out of it, we will be fired.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah. And she's like, no, I'm making a stink. This is bullshit. She goes. Knocks on his door and just went into cry fast. Right? Two weeks later, I never saw her again.
Andrew Santino
You got fired?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
That's what happens.
Bobby Lee
And I was in nothing. And I just, you know, my fingers on the dressing room wall.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Just hanging.
Andrew Santino
Bobby. Yes.
Bobby Lee
They're taking my ankle, trying to get me out. I'm like, I'm not leaving. Right? And that's. That's. I think that was the right. Right move. It took years for me to get anything really legitimate, but I just I could barely made every. You know, I mean.
Andrew Santino
But you didn't get fired.
Bobby Lee
You gotta play it smart.
Andrew Santino
You didn't get fired.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And you got. You gotta play it smart.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Something that you don't. You. She doesn't have to. With her generation, she can do whatever she wants.
Bobby Lee
Can I tell you another story about it? I tell you this, so I'm not gonna name any names, but I. There was another female comic from the store, right. That was gonna test for mad tv.
Andrew Santino
Whitney?
Bobby Lee
No, I can't tell you.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Right. And so we were. I remember seeing her, and I go, oh, so are you nervous about the test?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And she goes, I ain't doing it. And I go, why? She goes, I need 10 grand to test. I need 10 grand because, you know, you negotiate.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I know. Was she famous already?
Bobby Lee
No. Oh, she was just the same comma guy.
Andrew Santino
I was sure.
Bobby Lee
Nobody, right? And I go, you're asking for 10,000 an episode because the initial thing is 4,500, right? And she goes, yeah. And I go, oh, I'm testing. I don't care. They could give me peanuts. Yeah, I'm testing Erewhon peanuts, though, right?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And then, so five years after that, I was at a restaurant.
Andrew Santino
She served you?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Oh, and you know what she said to me? She goes, I should have taken the 4,500.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God, that hurts my heart.
Bobby Lee
And it's. And I swear to God. And I was like. My heart cracked.
Andrew Santino
You stiffed her on the tip.
Bobby Lee
I go, yeah, but. Hey, dude, can I get the fucking ketchup? You know what I mean? I asked you for the hot sauce. You know, I mean. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's awful.
Bobby Lee
And we. I. She never worked again. Never saw her again. My God, she should have taken it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
She would have killed it on that show.
Andrew Santino
Oh, we need. We need to figure out a way to have Rudy get her act together so we don't have a. A failure on our hands.
Bobby Lee
Oh, that's the.
Andrew Santino
That's a lesson.
Bobby Lee
You listen. Did you hear the lessons today?
Rudy
Yeah, I'm scared.
Bobby Lee
No, no, you don't have to be scared. Well, you have to make the right decision.
Andrew Santino
No, you should be scared.
Rudy
But how do you know that you're making the right decisions?
Andrew Santino
That's a good question.
Bobby Lee
That is a very good question.
Andrew Santino
I actually don't know.
Bobby Lee
Well, I mean, you. The opportunities that you get, seize them. You seize them?
Rudy
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You don't go against them. Because I really, honestly believe that one day. And don't give me that face.
Andrew Santino
Don't give him that face.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. One day you're going to look back at certain times in your life, you're going to go, oh, I didn't see it for what it was, and say.
Andrew Santino
That to all of our fans, too. Sometimes it's like, if it's right there in front of you, the worst you. The worst that can happen is that it just doesn't work the way you think, but you got to keep trying it.
Bobby Lee
Like, for instance, if you. If 7eki is wanting to do a podcast with you individually and, you know, I mean, and they go, you want to try it. Right. I think your instinct would be, no, I don't want to do it. Right.
Rudy
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Well, then don't. But I think you'd regret it because. Because hot now, right?
Andrew Santino
If you.
Bobby Lee
It won't be 10 years from now.
Andrew Santino
If you try it and it doesn't work. All that. All that happened was it didn't work. It doesn't matter. You don't lose, you know, it just.
Bobby Lee
Didn'T work because in this moment in your life, you can make as much money as you can, and then, you know, later you'll have a little savings or whatever. But. But I honestly believe that, you know, life is hard, and it's hard out there to make a living, and we've seen people struggle, and it's like, you know, I feel like I've. And me and Andrew both have made decisions that were, like, at the end of the day, you know, beneficial.
Andrew Santino
Well, and I made some failures. I did a lot of failures. I mean, most of the things I did was a. Was not a failure. Most of the things I did didn't work out the way I thought they might have worked out. Bad sitcoms, bad, bad, bad scripts and testing, and it doesn't work. It just didn't work. And then you go, go, go until it works. But not seizing the opportunity is tough. And we want you to win. All we care about is you winning.
Rudy
I think I am more open, though.
Bobby Lee
I know you are.
Andrew Santino
I think you've grown so much on this show.
Bobby Lee
So much.
Andrew Santino
It is crazy.
Bobby Lee
So much.
Andrew Santino
Well, end the show. Tell them goodbye.
Rudy
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Andrew Santino
F.
Bobby Lee
Dam.
Podcast Summary: Bad Friends
Episode: Processing...
Release Date: November 19, 2024
Hosts:
In the "Processing..." episode of Bad Friends, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino, accompanied by guest Rudy, dive into a mix of hilarious anecdotes, personal stories, and light-hearted banter. The trio navigates through various topics, blending humor with relatable life experiences, all while maintaining their signature comedic chemistry.
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In this episode of Bad Friends, Bobby Lee, Andrew Santino, and Rudy masterfully blend humor with heartfelt discussions, creating a relatable and entertaining experience for their audience. From dissecting the quirky biology of bees to sharing personal struggles and triumphs, the trio showcases their unique dynamic and genuine camaraderie. Listeners are treated to a rollercoaster of laughs, insights, and authentic moments that encapsulate the essence of friendship and resilience.
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Per the episode guidelines, all advertisements, promotional segments, and non-content sections have been omitted to focus solely on the substantive discussions and interactions between the hosts and guest.