Eric Andre Goes Full Korean

Summary

Bad Friends Podcast Summary

Episode: Eric Andre Goes Full Korean
Date: June 22, 2026
Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Guest: Eric Andre

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Episode Overview

This episode of Bad Friends is a blend of chaotic humor, personal anecdotes, and heartfelt moments. Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino are joined by comedian and actor Eric Andre for a raucous discussion covering everything from simulation theory and awkward social encounters, to Eric's new film with John Cena and the intricacies of Korean skincare. With stories about friendship, past Hollywood slights, game invention gripes, and plans for a Korean comedy, this episode captures the wacky, unpredictable energy that makes Bad Friends a fan favorite.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Remembrance

• The episode begins with the hosts paying tribute to their late friend Oliver Tree.
  • [00:00] Andrew: “...friend of ours passed away. We're recording it the day after... I just don't know what to say about it.”
  • [00:21] Bobby: “We loved him very much. He was a really good dude and we're gonna miss him a lot. And we love you.”

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Birthday Shenanigans & Friendship Rituals

• Andrew’s birthday leads to a barrage of jokes, fake sincerity, and playful gift one-upmanship.
  • [01:13] Skewering each other about not caring about birthdays, giving/lending money, “redheaded trickery,” and evaluating the worth of records.
  • Bobby’s riff: “You continue to let me down year after year, and I know this following year will be just the same. Love you.” [03:18]
  • Riffing on cash gifts and “autistic little spy” behavior regarding presents [04:45].

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Simulation Theory & Life's Oddities

• Bobby recounts a series of surreal experiences, to argue “we’re living in a simulation.”
  • Random encounters with the same strangers in multiple cities, people dancing with no music, eerie restaurant scenarios.
  • [12:15] Bobby: “It was almost as if I wasn’t supposed to approach this person.”
  • Santino uses Occam’s razor to offer mundane explanations, but the duo spiral into “Target commercial” and “simulation crack” jokes.

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Hobbies & Home Life

• Bobby discusses his hobby of distressing t-shirts and “simulation cracking” by pouring coffee and vinegar into his pool.
  • [18:03] Santino (deadpan): “It's a simulation cracker. You're trying to crack the simulation.”
  • [19:06] “You fill up your pool with instant coffee…for your t-shirts.”
• Playful banter about merch, hobbies vs. obsessions, Klarna, and payment flexibility.

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Game Invention & Board Game Royalties

• A long tangent on who gets rich from inventing games like UNO and Jenga, mocking exploitative licensing deals.
  • [27:48] Bobby: “Anyone that says that Uno is pure luck is out of their minds. There is skill involved.”
  • [30:07] Comedy skit as toy inventors haggling about royalties and contracts.
• Theorizing about combining thin and deep-dish pizza into a "Bad Friends" frozen pizza for Goldbelly.
  • [37:07] Santino: “Bad Friends mashup…we’d have to eat so much.”

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Grievances & Stand-Up Debuts

• Tour anecdotes shared, with a mock-seriousness about traveling etiquette and social norms (the “say it back!” airport incident, [38:39]).
• Discussion of on-stage nerves, manipulation tactics in UNO, and Santino gently ribbing Bobby about his tactics.
• Praise for a non-comedian’s 6-minute stand-up set at a Minneapolis show.
  • [40:24] Bobby: “For a guy that doesn’t do standup…to stay on stage for six minutes…is a big deal.”

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Eric Andre Joins: Hollywood History & Friendship

• Eric enters with high energy, immediately riffing with Bobby and Andrew about their “lost pilot,” showbiz, and old resentments.
  • [47:06] Eric: “I was a very racist character. You played me like a Sambo.”
  • [47:23] Bobby: “There was no sambal. You were my best friend.”
• Real back-and-forth about how show business can breed petty grievances and misunderstandings.
  • [48:43] Bobby: “With this guy...he has...little resentments that build because this business is hard and it comes out in weird ways.”
• Stories about Mad TV auditions, text etiquette, and “Hollywood” blow-offs.

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Bobby's Vicodin Story

• Bobby recounts quitting Vicodin cold turkey at Mad TV, resulting in withdrawal symptoms during a sketch.
  • [50:13] Bobby: “My pants—when I play Connie Chung. Yes. And Aries Spears was going, ‘Damn, it smells like…’”
  • [51:41] Bobby: “I’d give [the pill dealer] three or four grand. That’s why Ari [Shaffir] beat me up—because I was on it mad and had no money left.”

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Eric Andre on Working With John Cena

• Eric discusses making “Little Brother” with John Cena and his admiration for wrestlers’ acting skills.
  • [54:32] Eric: “WWE is actually, in my opinion, the greatest acting school you could ever go to.”
  • [56:28] Andrew: “The more people that could stay in it, that’s how they got…That’s how they got…the character delivery on those promo pops. He was flawless.”

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Korean Culture & Skincare Jokes

• Long-running bit about how Eric is “going full Korean,” planning to buy face creams and possibly pitch a show to Korean TV.
  • [58:43] Eric: “I’m fully getting plastic surgery to become Korean.”
  • Idea: a wacky low-budget comedy show for Korean TV with Eric playing the clueless American, and Bobby’s limited Korean skills.
  • [64:23] Eric: “Why don’t we pitch a super duper, low budget wacky comedy show to Korean television and speak only in Korean?”

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Reflections on Friendship, Fashion, and Not Being “Corporate”

• Eric lauded for his fashion sense and “being Bobby’s type of energy.”
  • [62:27] Bobby: “I’ve always thought to myself, Eric Andre is fashionable.”
• All three reflect on why they’ve never been asked to do a corporate gig—“why would any corporation look at us and ask us?”
• Exchanges of genuine affection and promises to collaborate on future projects—“I would do a show with you.” [59:04]
• Eric thanks Bobby for early career advice about stand-up (“make them laugh on your way to the stage”).

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Eric’s Movie “Little Brother”

• Eric recaps the plot of his Netflix film with John Cena, a Big Brother/What About Bob/Parasite mashup.
  • [67:06] “Cena did a Big Brother program…30 years ago, I get in a car accident, now he’s stuck with me…It’s about how I insinuate myself into his life.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bobby: “You continue to let me down year after year, and I know this following year will be just the same. Love you.” [03:18]
• Bobby: “We’re living in a simulation. I’m telling you—it’s real.” [08:24]
• Bobby: “Why are you putting coffee in your pool?” [17:20]
• Andrew (UNO): “The origins of this were using the same tactics that Bobby’s using to win this game.” [27:34]
• Bobby: “I say I help her, but I sabotage her.” [26:31]
• Eric: “WWE is the greatest acting school you could ever go to.” [54:32]
• Eric: “Why don’t we pitch a super duper, low budget wacky comedy show to Korean television and speak only in Korean?” [64:23]
• Bobby: “You have my kind of energy—I think we’re similar.” [61:29]
• Eric: “You gave me one of the best pieces of advice…Make them laugh before your first joke on your walk to the stage.” [59:04]
• Bobby: “Thank you for being a bad friend.” [68:43]

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Important Timestamps

• [00:00] – Tribute to Oliver Tree
• [01:13] – Birthday exchanges & playful banter
• [08:24] – Bobby’s simulation theory stories
• [17:00] – Instant coffee in the pool for t-shirt dyeing
• [27:34] – UNO tactics: skill vs. luck
• [38:39] – “Say it back!” airport incident
• [40:24] – Stand-up set praise
• [47:06] – Eric Andre’s “racy” pilot memory with Bobby
• [54:32] – Cena, WWE, and acting discussion
• [59:04] – Eric’s early-career advice from Bobby
• [67:06] – Eric’s explanation of “Little Brother,” Korea TV pitch

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Tone, Style, and Energy

Consistently absurd, self-deprecating, and riff-heavy—Santino and Lee’s frenetic chemistry is matched by Eric Andre’s wild, performative energy. The trio bounce between sincere affection, gleeful trolling, Hollywood war stories, and surreal hypothetical ventures. Their humor is irreverent but affectionate, punctured by inside jokes and heartfelt moments.

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For New Listeners

This episode is quintessential Bad Friends: mischievous, refreshingly honest, and loaded with rapid-fire gags, personal stories, and eccentric ideas you won’t hear anywhere else. Expect genuine friendship filtered through layers of satire and stand-up sensibility. If you’re a fan of offbeat comedy and authentic comic rapport, this episode with Eric Andre is a must-listen.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, everybody. So our friend of ours passed away. This is. We're recording it the day after it hit us hard. And it's for Oliver Tree. He's a dear friend of ours. And I just. I really just don't know really what to say about it. I'm still processing it.

[B]

Yes. We don't know what to say. So we're not going to say much other than we loved him so very much. He was good friend of ours, a part of our world. His. He'll be on the. An episode of the Bad Game show in a couple of weeks. But he was near and dear to us. We loved him very much. He was a really good dude and we're gonna miss him a lot. And we love you.

[A]

We love you.

[B]

And he'll forever be a bad friend. Hey.

[A]

Hey, everybody. Andrew is the best comic on planet Earth. And he's doing shows in San Diego. The Sound Delmarch.

[B]

June 28th. Two shows. We're doing an early show and a late show down in Del Mar, Bobby's hometown. Please come out and see me, San Diego. I love you very much. And then I'm playing St. Charles, which is St. Louis, Missouri, there, August 7th. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. Andrewsantino.com you2 are bad friends.

[A]

Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

[C]

You two or something.

[B]

We're bad friends. Friends. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday here, McConnell. Happy birthday to you.

[A]

Guys, it's, it's funny because you're dressed in a suit, wearing a tie because you're going to a big event. You're going to. Oh, an event where Steven Spielberg is going to talk about disclosure day. And I told you. Let me finish. I told you before this podcast. Just go now. Go now. Because you're not going to be here for the pod. And I realized why you stayed for the happy birthday song. Because also I wanted to. Because you didn't know it was my birthday.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nor did I care. I know.

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Blow out your Ralph's cake.

[A]

Happy birthday, kiddo. Thanks, Bob.

[C]

That was crazy.

[A]

My wish was I wish Bobby cared about my birthday.

[B]

And right when I blew it out,

[A]

you said, happy birthday, dude. It's so weird that you just said that because my, my, my emotions just changed about it. And I'm going to give you a hug.

[B]

It was like obsession.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

The wishbone.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Come here. Wishbone.

[B]

The wishbone.

[C]

You saw it?

[B]

I saw it.

[C]

No.

[B]

And I'll Say this. Are you drinking? You're not drinking this?

[A]

No.

[B]

So you got this just for me to drink alone?

[A]

Well, for. I want a cone to have.

[B]

Okay. I'll. I'll cheers you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you know what pisses me off about this kid? I sent him a text this morning, and in the text, it said, happy birthday. You continue to let me down

[A]

here.

[B]

Cheers. Cheers.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Cheers.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Kind of operation are we running here? I sent him a glasses. At least I sent him a real glasses.

[A]

They're from Ralph. Okay.

[B]

Happy birthday. You continue to let me down year after year, and I know this following year will be just the same. Love you.

[A]

I. I didn't text you, but I like to do a live text.

[B]

Yeah. Live text them.

[A]

Yeah. You've grown enormously over the years. Thank you. I've realized you do have talent. You really do. Thank you. Yeah. You're a creative kid. You have talent. And I. You know, being a Hollywood piece of shit is gonna. I'm gonna treat you nicer because I believe. I believe one day you will get that opportunity. So I'm gonna change right, and go, kid. Kiddo. Dude. You got it, kid. And you're talented, and I embrace you. And I want you to have a good time tonight. And whatever you need, I got you. If he gives you money, I'll give you double.

[B]

I gave him five grand.

[A]

I'm gonna give you ten grand.

[B]

No, but I'm g. Five grand today and five grand on his birthday, which for.

[A]

For why?

[B]

Birthday party. Huh?

[A]

Why'd you give him five grand today?

[B]

Because I. Well, he needed the money. He said he can't pay rent, so I gave him five grand. And then I said, on Friday at your birthday party, I'll give you another five. So 10. I'll give you so 20.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But then I have to see the receipts first to know that you got the money, and then I will do.

[B]

It was Cat. I gave him cash.

[A]

I'd like to see the cash. Yeah, yeah. Do you have the cash on you? It's in my car. It's in your car? Go grab. Grab it.

[C]

It's.

[A]

It's. It's redheaded trickery.

[B]

He's not a redhead.

[A]

I know you.

[B]

I'm not a trick.

[A]

You're a deceiver.

[B]

You're a treat.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, what annoys me about the kid is he saw me get out of my car, and he stared at my hand like an autistic little. An autistic little spy. And he was like, oh, what is that.

[A]

Is that a gift for me?

[B]

And it's annoying because it is, but it's so annoying that you stared. You didn't even say hi. You just stared at my hands to see when I walked out of my car. Like, he's just, like, such a little autistic weirdo. He didn't say hi. He just looked down at my arms to see what I'm carrying and then looked up at me. That's why I pushed him as hard as I could.

[A]

What did he give you? He hasn't given it to me yet, but I believe it's a record. Oh, it's a record. On the shape of the package.

[C]

Two records now.

[A]

Oh, two records now.

[B]

Okay, well, three, including two.

[A]

The. Bobby will get me. No, I'm. I'm not going to give you record. I'm going to do something better. Yeah, I'm going to double down on it.

[B]

All right. Get the record.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Happy birthday, bud.

[B]

This is a very special. And so let me warn you something before you do this. Know that this is graded and rated twice. Okay. If you know anything about collections.

[A]

This guy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You're so annoying.

[B]

Okay. You're still.

[A]

You are so annoying.

[B]

I learned it. I learned it this morning.

[A]

You learn a lot.

[B]

I don't know anything about it.

[A]

It's like the cards he gave me from Arsenal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, what.

[B]

Those were super valuable.

[A]

I understand that. That's why it's not safe.

[B]

I didn't know anything about cards.

[A]

I understand. So tell me how much this is.

[B]

So all I know is this woman told me these are graded. The. The COVID is mint. It's m. It got a mint cover and it got two pluses. Plus, plus on the physical.

[A]

Like air, one water.

[B]

It's very special on the physical. On the physical. Album itself is graded.

[A]

This is sick. That is so sick. Dude.

[B]

It's the. A Japanese. A Japanese press. Now check this out. Be very careful. Open it up and show the record. This is the sickest part. Look at that. People can see it's a. It's. It's red vinyl.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

Don't take it out. How much is if you take it out? She said make sure you play it. If you're going to take it out, play it. Yeah, but don't, like, take it out and pull it out of the.

[A]

I take my records.

[B]

Can I be honest with you?

[A]

What?

[B]

This is a copy. It's 96 cents. I. I got it on Amazon.

[A]

Thank you. That's very nice.

[B]

It's very rad, right?

[A]

Well, I'M just gonna let you know that I knew. I know how much it is.

[B]

You do. I know because I googled it.

[C]

Right.

[A]

And so I'm gonna Venmo you later.

[B]

And I want that receipt.

[C]

Yeah,

[B]

that's a receipt we need.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not a competition. But it is.

[B]

You made it for life.

[A]

I don't make it.

[B]

Yes, you did.

[A]

It's your energy. Even when I came in here, your energy was, like, angry and like.

[B]

I had a tough day. That's why.

[A]

Tell me about your day.

[B]

No, I had in ocular today. I had an ocular migraine today, but what happened? I haven't had one in months and months, but there were. You go blind. I go blind in my eye. My left eye.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

I know. It's really. It sucks. It sucks.

[A]

Did you have a dizzy spell in the bathroom again?

[B]

Remember?

[A]

Yes. The little slip.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I can't wait till you have a stroke. And when you do, I'm gonna walk into the hospital.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You're gonna be like, yeah. And you'll relearn how to speak again.

[A]

Okay, well, that's. Yeah.

[B]

F Ck you.

[A]

Fudge you. What are you doing today?

[B]

You started it.

[A]

You were angry before, and then I

[B]

came in, and then I'm just trying to have a talk with the guys, and here's you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I say something? Can I say something? You're Trump. Can I say something? Can I say something? And I couldn't let. I couldn't get anything out.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We're living in a simulation. I believe we're living in a simulation.

[B]

That's a fact.

[A]

I'll tell you what's happened. Okay, what happened? I was in Toronto. I was in an elevator with this tall man, white hair, glasses. And he was particularly hip, but old. And you know, when old people get, they. They stop turning sexy, they start dressing weirder. You know what I mean? Like, loud sweatpants.

[B]

So you now. Yes, that's you now.

[A]

Yeah, that's me now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't care how my hair goes, Right. Yesterday I did all green with socks.

[B]

You've never cared how you. How you dress. You always dress funky.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've always been like.

[B]

You've always been a funky, right?

[A]

So this guy had a specific look, right? And he had this smaller wife, very pretty, right? And I just go, dude, I like your style. He's like, thanks, dude. You're a comedian, right? I go, yeah. And that was pretty much the conversation, right? I'm in Chicago at the hotel, and they just walk by me.

[B]

The same couple.

[A]

The same couple. And he goes, hey. I go, what the fuck? And he goes, what do you mean? I go, didn't we. He goes, yeah. And I went, simulation.

[B]

He goes, dude, you're telling me he didn't go to Chicago to see you? I assume he did.

[A]

No, no, he was just randomly there. No fucking yes way.

[B]

Here's what happened in my mind. This guy's trying to play it cool.

[A]

No, no, that's not why.

[B]

Play it out.

[A]

No.

[B]

Gets back to the room with his wife, and she's like, I love Bobby Lee. And he was like, you should have said something. She goes, oh, I don't know. He's playing a show, it's all sold out, as it always is. And then the guy goes, oh, there's tickets available in Chicago. Chicago, Toronto. Very short flight. And he goes, you know what? Let's go to Chicago and see him. And it just so happens that the kind of people that can pull the trigger last minute would stay at a hotel that you'd be staying at because it's five star. I know that.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

And that's what happened.

[A]

All right?

[B]

And I believe that's exactly what happened.

[A]

That's not what happened.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

It's a simulation, okay? Here's another thing that I experienced that my girlfriend could even, you know me

[B]

and tell you she can attest.

[A]

We're walking down the street. This is a couple weeks ago, right? There's a car, a Lincoln Continental. Yes. An old school car, right? Black.

[B]

Yeah. I love them.

[A]

Lincoln. So we're walking down the street, on the left side, there's a Lincoln Continental park, right? There's four black guys, right? The windows rolled down. There's a woman in the driver's seat, but she's parked.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Right? And they're dancing.

[B]

They're always dancing.

[A]

They're always dancing. And I love the freedom of dance. Yeah. I mean, I don't care what color you are.

[B]

We're pro dance.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. River dance. You know what I mean? Break swing, whatever.

[B]

Break dancing.

[A]

Break dancing. I love it. Right? They're dancing that we're walking by, right, Boombox.

[B]

Yeah, boombox.

[A]

Guess what?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

No music.

[B]

They were in sync. They were in complete.

[A]

There was literally no music and they were dancing. And she's dancing in the, like, bobbing her head, and there was no music. And as we turned the corner, I looked at my girlfriend. I go, are you real?

[B]

Did she hear music?

[A]

No. And I don't even think you're real. Did it have headphones What? They had no headphones.

[B]

Silent disco.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so surreal.

[B]

You know what it is? They were shooting, like, a Target ad, and. And you can't play the music while you're filming, and he just saw a scene from a Target ad. Or. Can you imagine if we are in a simulation and there's a crack and they're letting you see it.

[A]

I know. I think they're letting me see it.

[B]

They're letting you see it because they go, no one will believe Bobby. He says, crazy.

[A]

For years. Yeah.

[B]

20 years, he's been saying nonsense on podcasts. No one's going to believe him.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And so they will tease you. That's what the aliens would do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They go, him. They'll never believe him. He's crazy.

[A]

Okay, last simulation. I'm at a restaurant. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I don't get a menu. Okay. No menu. Right. So I just walk up to the host and I go, can I get a menu? And they go, what are you doing here? What? What did they say? Yeah. Like, I'm in Truman Show. What? What? Like, it was almost as if. Right. I wasn't supposed to approach this person.

[B]

You weren't supposed to be there today.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Another day. You could have.

[A]

I could have been there. Like, he was rehearsing.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Right. Okay.

[B]

The cooks were like, oh.

[A]

Oh, shit. Right. And I looked in the kitchen. No vegetables. You know what I mean? Nothing's going on. People just want.

[C]

Right.

[A]

There's a cash chair.

[B]

Someone gets up.

[A]

Guy just. You're reading a newspaper. Yeah. Yeah. And he was almost as if, like, I wasn't supposed to be there. And he didn't even know what I was talking about.

[B]

Well, he wasn't.

[A]

And he was kind of looking around for a minute. It was really weird.

[B]

And let's play the logic card. They're probably switching from lunch to dinner. And he's like, what do you. We don't. We're unprepared.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If I'm. If I'm gonna play very.

[A]

I want you to, because I don't want to lose my mind.

[B]

Well, you should. I mean, we are.

[A]

Yeah. So what you're saying to me is this then. Okay. That the two people I ran into from Toronto and Chicago secretly funds.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Our fans.

[B]

Not secretly. They're fans. You have millions.

[A]

He has. No, he. He. I had to tell him what I did.

[B]

You said. He said, you're a comedian. Right?

[A]

Right. And I go, yeah. He's like, oh.

[B]

Which is him playing coy.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

He's a Rich guy playing cool. He doesn't want to in front of his wife go, are you the comedian?

[A]

That's. That doesn't make any sense.

[B]

It does. People do that all the time. People try to act cool all the time.

[A]

All right, so let's.

[B]

You're the. You're a stand up.

[A]

Right. All right.

[B]

And then they know everything.

[A]

Let's. Let's just say. Let's. Okay, so Lou Reed, for instance, if when he was alive, right. He did a poetry reading, I went to it. Right? Right. And if I ran into Lou Reed on the street, right. It wouldn't be like I would pretend, right. That it wasn't fucking Lou Reed.

[B]

But you're in entertainment. You're talking about a guy who's probably in finance. He doesn't do this for a living.

[A]

All right, so.

[B]

And you're a guy, what you're telling

[A]

me is the black people dancing is a Target commercial?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, they are.

[A]

I just happen to walk in for a shoot.

[B]

Could be Walmart. Could be Walmart.

[A]

It could be Walmart.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

Costco. Let's go. Costco. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Kmart. Is Kmart still around?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I. I came in the wrong time at that restaurant.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

These three things, those.

[A]

All three things can be true 100%. It's not a simulation.

[B]

I mean, I'll give you the. I. I had one. I'm not going to lie.

[A]

Okay. Give me a simulation.

[B]

Something me up in a. The. We. The garbage. The garbage can. The garbage truck came. I sat at the front window.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I was looking out, having coffee. In the morning, I watched the gar. Cuz my house was asleep. No one's awake with me. I'm up early.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I watched the garbage truck grab my bin, My black bin. It's so loud. It's unmistakable.

[A]

What time?

[B]

It was about 7 in the morning.

[A]

Okay. It was an Italian garbage. Yes.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I see it happen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I go back, I sit down. I'm on the computer. I'm doing some stuff. She wakes up dogs up. Dogs need to be taken out to poop and pee.

[A]

You have one dog.

[B]

Huh? I said she wakes up, dog wakes up.

[A]

You said dogs. You said plural.

[B]

Oh, so we're correcting each other's English?

[A]

Well, when you say dogs, you imply there's more than one dog and you have one dog.

[B]

There is.

[A]

No, there isn't.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Oh, so you got a new dog.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

It's so funny because it would be something that you would tell me.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But the Simulation hasn't communicated whether or not I should tell you.

[A]

Continue the story.

[B]

I go outside to take dog for poop.

[A]

Your pack of wolves, well, they're. It might as well just embellish.

[B]

Okay. The herd and my garbage can is closed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I grab it to wheel it up to the house and it's full of trash.

[C]

Oh my.

[A]

Dude, that's so annoying.

[B]

No, but I was like, somebody switched trash. Somebody didn't take out the trash or some. And they just moved theirs where mine was.

[A]

Okay. Did you look.

[B]

Wait a minute. Okay, my address is on it. So it was mine.

[A]

But what you have to do then is open up the trash can to see if those are your items. Because if you look at my trash can, you know, it's my trash can. There's banana peels.

[B]

Wait, what? What else?

[C]

What?

[B]

Banana peels.

[A]

I have banana peels. Yeah, right. I'll probably empty bottle cans of red sugar free Red Bull. I'm sorry. Kimchi. Old bottles of kimchi. Bob, you know you some flower seeds. Yes.

[B]

I think your bit. That was.

[A]

No, it wasn't.

[B]

There's your bin was.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I also have empty bottles of instant coffee. I buy 15 empty bottles of instant Copy.

[B]

Why are we buying instant coffee?

[A]

You have no idea. I have a factory at home.

[B]

You're making instant coffee?

[A]

No, I have. I have 15 bottles. My. My. Okay, so my pool. My pool asked, honey, today. They said your swimming pool is black. And I go, yeah, it's pure black. I go, yeah, it's fine. But how is it black Instant coffee.

[B]

Why are you putting that in your pool?

[A]

It's none of your business.

[B]

Trying to crack the simulation. I get what you're up to.

[A]

It's a simulation cracker.

[B]

Dude. You're trying to crack.

[A]

You add weird. You buy olive oil, which is. I have not olive oil. White vinegar.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I. I bought 15 boxes of white vinegar.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

Yeah. The simulation doesn't know what to do with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Why are you.

[A]

Why is a human being. You know what I mean? What?

[B]

Your pool.

[C]

What?

[B]

Why are you putting coffee in your pool?

[A]

It's for my T shirts.

[B]

It is what?

[A]

It's for my T shirts.

[B]

You're dyeing your shirts with coffee and chlorine.

[A]

The fonts.

[B]

The font.

[A]

Yeah. Although today.

[B]

Have you lost your. What is going on?

[A]

Trying to recreate made worn Google.

[B]

Oh, you want to do what made Warren did?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Google instant coffee. But why is it in your swimming pool?

[A]

It's not. It's not literally that. So this is what this is what happened.

[B]

Just put in your tub.

[A]

I know, I know. This is what happened. Okay. Who told you how to do this? I'm making it up. I'm experimenting with different things. Okay? So this is what I did. Okay.

[B]

Dude, you're bored.

[A]

I'm so. No. I have hobbies.

[B]

So busy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is what you get to fill up your pool with instant coffee.

[C]

All right?

[A]

So check it out. This shirt I got yesterday.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Brand new.

[B]

It was white.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[C]

Right.

[A]

So it's like you put. Right. You put like, little paint. Right?

[B]

Got it.

[C]

Right.

[A]

See all the. That's what my daughter does.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I do. With sandpaper.

[B]

You sandpapered it?

[A]

Yeah, I sandpaper the whole shirt.

[B]

So you buy new and make it look old.

[A]

Yeah, I do experiments. So the swimming pool thing doesn't work. You need probably a truckload of coffee for it to work. So, you know, I mean, 15 bottles of instant coffee does not work in a swimming pool.

[B]

Yeah, dude, swimming pool is so big.

[A]

It's so big. Yeah, the tub. You're right. So I go. I'll go tub next time. Right? But I do. I do things when I not bored. It's not boredom. It's not boredom. What it is, is too much time. It's not time either, because we've been very busy, you and I, on the road. All right?

[B]

We at home.

[A]

I know. So at home, it's either I play video games. Okay? Right. Which I haven't played in four or five months. A single video game. Girlfriend guy. What?

[B]

He's your girlfriend guy.

[A]

Now I'm a girlfriend guy. And number two, right. I haven't doom.

[C]

Scrolled.

[A]

Right. So then to occupy my time, I have a hobby, which is distressing. Shirts.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But are you planning on selling them?

[C]

No.

[B]

You should.

[A]

Yeah. Today I bought. So I have 20 shirts coming over the weekend, and then I have 20 more shirts coming next week. Well, this is your only sweatshop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have a sweatshop. Klarna, pay now, later or overtime. Whatever fits your life. I have a friend named Alex, right? And he wants this tracksuit. I go, do you use Klarna? Yeah. You can do four easy payments, and he has the tracksuit now. And it looks terrible. It does, it does. But he was able to afford it.

[B]

Well, because I tell you, they have a lot of flexibility. You can pay now, later, or over time, which is great. You have the options to do that with Klarna. And they have value, transparency and control without any surprises. Is the problem nowadays with these payment apps, a lot of people are like, they throw something at you that looks big and good and then they hook you and they do the bait and switch. But Klarna does not do that. Here's the thing about Klarna, which is very helpful in this day and age. A lot of people are noticing shrinkflation. Do you know what that is? Things are getting more expensive and they're giving you less. And you know what? The way to fight back is only get stuff that you want and only get stuff that means something to you. You can pay over time. You don't have to pay it off right now. So if you're really looking for something that's important to you, Klarna helps you get what you need and or want and not have to pay now. You can do it later or over time on your schedule.

[A]

Flexibility, pay now, later, or overtime. Like Andrew said, value, transparency, control, and no surprises.

[B]

That's right. Download the Klarna app today or visit klarna.com to learn more. California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California finance law license n m l s number 1353190. Klarna balance account required to be eligible for cash back points. Limitations, terms and conditions apply.

[A]

Ethos, you know what? I'm 54 years old. You're getting up there, I'm getting over there.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

And it's okay because I'm taking care of my life because I have life insurance now through Ethos.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it makes life insurance fast and easy. 100 online. And I feel safe and secure because my family members, you and some of the family here are all in my life insurance. Some people are getting more than others. Yeah, but you're gonna get some stuff. And Ethos makes it online and you can get quotes in seconds, apply in minutes, and get same day coverage.

[B]

There's no medical exam, which because traditionally used to have to always do that. Now you just answer a few simple health questions. You can get up to 3 million in coverage. And some policies are as low as $30 a month.

[A]

Oh my God.

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Very cheap in comparison to a lot of the other ones. And you're going to get your lowest rate. From their network of trusted carriers.

[A]

Ethos also has a 4.8 out of 5 stars on Trust Pilot with over 4000 reviews.

[B]

That's pretty good, man. And thankfully to Ethos, we've both got ourselves secured for the future. Whether you have children or not, like us, you want to just secure for your family or friends or Whomever Ethos can do it for you. Take 10 minutes to get covered today with life insurance through Ethos.

[A]

Get your free [e-mail] BadFriends that's Ethos.

[B]

E T H O S.com BadFriends Application times may vary. Rates may vary.

[A]

Send Help is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney. We're somewhere in the Gulf of Highland. Getting us out of here should be your focus. I'm your boss.

[B]

You work for me.

[C]

Not in the office office anymore.

[A]

It's bold, relentless, and endlessly rewatchable. Discover why critics give it 93 on rotten tomatoes. You're so fired.

[B]

Oh, am I?

[C]

No.

[A]

Help is coming. Send help. Rated R now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus. Anyway, my point though being is, is that it's not boredom. It's just me having a hobby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I get obsessed with things and this is just what I'm putting my time to.

[B]

I know. We all have an obsess.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you have obsessions as well. Golf.

[B]

These gu guys. I'm obsessed with their health and well being.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And as me as well. Like for instance, that bad friend shirt you're wearing is a great shirt. It's one of my favorites. I could distress her for you, actually.

[B]

That would be cool. Distressed.

[A]

You don't want to distress. I definitely want to distress. Okay.

[B]

He wants to de. Stress is what he. He very stressed out.

[A]

Cuz to me it looks brand new. Too brand new for me.

[B]

Well, do you want to tell Bob the unfortunate news? His child is leaving him and his wife.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

His kid is getting a divorce from her parents. Legally emancipating. Emancipating.

[C]

Wait, wait.

[A]

Your child.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is leaving your wife and you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Decided.

[A]

And your child is what, one years old?

[B]

Three.

[A]

Oh, three.

[B]

One.

[A]

I don't know how old this kid is.

[B]

She's been around, dude.

[A]

I've never met her.

[B]

She's big. She has a bank account.

[A]

Oh, she does?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. And she just said, I'm leaving. I'm leaving. Yeah. So this is what you do? Because I know this is what happens.

[B]

It's happened to him before.

[A]

He knows because I did it. Yeah. And my parents were too weak. What you do is this, right? You let them leave? Yeah. And so I left. I packed all my stuff as a kid.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

I go, daddy, mommy, I'm gonna go leave home now. Come back. And then. And my dad was like, okay, go, go. I made it to the driveway and I cried. And I ran back inside. Right. You don't do that. You lock the doors, lock, Change the locks.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You change the locks. You lock the doors. Yeah. You give it a week, I never do it again.

[B]

I say lock the doors, change the locks, call the police if they try to come back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is. This is. Someone is a B and E. Because

[A]

what it teaches them is strength. Yep. You know, and that's why I've been able to win Uno. So, in the house. Sorry.

[B]

I like it. No, I know. King.

[A]

Babe, I'm going to show you some photos I have that. I have.

[B]

How many games of Uno you want in a row?

[A]

I'm four in a row right now, dude.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm gonna just show you. And I've been trolling anyone that plays Uno with me. I troll them with this, and this says, Uno, King, Foreigner. Four in a row, guys. Okay. And I played with me, my girlfriend, Honey Jules, and her sister Issa.

[B]

Do you ever let your girlfriend win?

[A]

I say I help her, but I sabotage her.

[B]

You do. That's smart.

[A]

Yeah, I play mind games.

[B]

That's good.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You think if. Equal rights, man, if we want to be equal, we gotta. We gotta play it.

[A]

For instance, if I'm sitting next to my girlfriend and she. She wants to plus for me, Huh? I look at. Right. I go, didn't we have a nice dinner tonight?

[B]

Oh, you manipulate.

[A]

I manipulate.

[B]

Smart.

[A]

I look at Honey.

[B]

She's weak.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Not. No, she's weak. Okay. And. And, you know, like those mystery cards, you know? I mean, I always. Whenever she looks at me, like, exchange your hand with my hand. I'll go like this, Right. And she won't do it.

[B]

Good.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Smart.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So when I play Uno, I use mind games and manipulation. Manipulation and power.

[B]

Power.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And bullying. Good. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's how Uno was. That's what it was meant to do. I mean, bring up Uno. When did UNO start? I gotta tell you, buddy, the origins of this were we're using the same tactics that Bobby's using to win this game.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Uno was invented 71 by Merle Robbins. A barber from Reading, Ohio, created the game in his kitchen table to resolve an argument with his son about the rules of Crazy Eights.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Original decks were the Robin's Family. That's crazy. So it was another game they were fighting over to make a new game.

[A]

And anyone that says that Uno is pure luck is out of their minds. There is skill involved.

[B]

Tactics.

[A]

It's tactics.

[B]

Tactics.

[A]

It's tactics. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's using what you have.

[A]

It's what you have.

[B]

Oh, he died, huh?

[A]

Yeah, he died. And. And God bless you, Merle. What a great game.

[B]

Great game, bud.

[A]

Yeah. Merle Robbins, what a great game. And he probably made a good chunk out of that game. You think?

[B]

No, this is one of those things. I bet you he never made a lot of money. You know these stories where they're like, you know, like the chick who. Who did the Nike swoosh. They gave her 35 bucks. That was what it was. And then he gave her a bunch of stock, but the stock wasn't worth.

[A]

Did make money. I know, right?

[B]

Sold the game for $50,000 up front, plus a royalty of 10 cents per game. Sold.

[A]

Well, that's good then.

[B]

That is really good.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Well, let's see this. Google about how many decks of Uno have been sold since its inception. I'd like to know.

[A]

I want to know.

[B]

I mean, I want to know how much Merle made.

[A]

Yeah. 10 cents was low. 150.

[B]

500 million decks. 500 million decks times 10 cents was 10 cents. Is that what it was?

[A]

Yes. A dollar. He got fucked. I mean, he probably didn't know inflation was going to be what it was.

[B]

He had no idea.

[A]

He had no idea. But I would have done a dollar instinctually, you know, I mean, highball it. Jenga. What do they sell it for? Let's go. Jenga.

[B]

Who made Jen.

[A]

Who made Jenga? And. And what do they sell for?

[B]

And now I'm telling you. Jenga. I'll get you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Oh, Invented by British board Gazan.

[A]

It's a great Quinternum.

[B]

You'll get it.

[A]

It's a great Tarantino movie. Anyway, Jenga and chain. No, yeah, cut that out.

[B]

I'll leave it in. Jenga unblocked.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Leslie Scott in the early 1970s developed the game for a wooden from a wooden block stacking actively. Her family played in Ghana, West Africa.

[A]

Scott interest became in London toy fair in 1983.

[B]

It originally came with mosquito nets included in the Jenga set. Millions of copies. They launched at the London Toy Fair. Why do we have a toy fair still? Is the Los Angeles Toy Fair still a thing we should go?

[A]

No, but let's see. 1986, okay. It Broughton around 96. Sold millions of copies worldwide. So how much. Let's see. How much did Leslie Scott make from Jenga? Can we make?

[B]

Yeah, I want to know.

[A]

I want to know.

[B]

How much did Leslie Scott, you know make from Jenga. Michael Scott's first love. How much did she make? 5 cents per every $10 in sales. So a 20% royalty rate on the game. That's really good.

[A]

She wants a word. So how many? What?

[B]

No, no, it says, it says Scott's initial licensing agreement was not highly lucrative in the beginning and she once owed upwards of 238,000 early debt before it became global phenomenon. Then I'm sure after the fact, she. It worked out just fine.

[A]

Okay. Because the super soccer guy, the black guy that invented that got stolen. That got stolen from him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like that, you know, I don't like. I don't like it at all.

[B]

Well, what are you gonna do?

[A]

Well, he didn't he get some money back from.

[B]

We looked that up, remember?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyone that invents a game that's like cultural and you know, they should reap the rewards. But these gigantic companies gobble them up. Well, yeah, in the beginning they're like, great idea, bud, we'll give you 10 cents a game.

[B]

And that sounds pretty good.

[A]

Yeah, no it doesn't.

[B]

No, but at the time you go Dev. Oh my God.

[A]

In 68. 1968.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Yeah. But right now, like what, you invented a game.

[B]

Yeah, I did.

[A]

Yeah. I'm Mattel.

[B]

Oh, Hi.

[A]

Hi. I'm Dr. McTel.

[B]

Well, I, I'm sure Dr. Mattel.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hello. Hello.

[B]

I know that you love the game. I love the game and it's, it's called catch them while you can.

[A]

Catch while you can. I love it.

[B]

Right. And you see the game here is laid out very easy.

[C]

So it's.

[A]

Yeah. And I love the figurines of black guy.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the white police officer.

[B]

Well, those are, those are actually ice officers.

[A]

Oh, these are ice officers. Yeah. And there's a brown guy too.

[B]

Yes, he's working.

[A]

What a great game. Catch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it can never catch him, can they?

[B]

They can't.

[A]

No.

[B]

Much faster.

[A]

And the buildings that you have. Yeah, I love it. They hide in the buildings and this and that. What?

[B]

The buildings are all owned by those guys over there.

[A]

Oh, the ones with that little funny hats on. Yes, I love a good game. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're in the sky for some reason.

[B]

They're always up top.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You have clouds and they're in the sky.

[B]

Unless they can't be in those buildings cuz something might happen.

[A]

Exactly. Right out of the. Exactly. Yeah. Anyway, I love the cons. Of catch me if you can.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But anyway. Is that. So I'll give you. I will give you $1 every. And. And every game. Sold.

[B]

Done.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

$1 for every game.

[B]

That sounds incredible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I made this in my garage.

[A]

We're selling this for a hundred dollars.

[B]

A hundred dollars for the game?

[A]

For the game. Oh, we're charging a hundred dollars. You'll get $1.

[B]

I'm just a humble man from Mansfield, Ohio, so I just. I think I'll take the deal.

[A]

You'll take the deal?

[B]

I will.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

30. 30 years later, broke, living in.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You. You got to go higher.

[B]

Well, you got to get a lawyer.

[A]

You could get 25. 50.

[B]

50. They'll never do.

[A]

25.

[B]

25 will do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, 25. I'd take it.

[A]

25% of every game you should sell is. I think, is fair.

[B]

What I let's. You know what? We should invent something and see if we can go to patent with it. I had a. I had an invention. You know, so funny. My wife had one today. We were on a hike, and she goes. She had, like, a little sling backpack, the ones that you have. And there was a. A dude with an umbrella to protect him from the Asian guy. Son, they don't, you know.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

My people. And she thought, wouldn't it be cool if there was, like, a umbrella in this little, like, sling backpack so you could use for the sun or something changes and then folds back up into the backpack? Okay, don't say that. Is that a good idea?

[A]

Yeah, it's a good idea. You don't.

[B]

I know. Can I give you one idea that I never. I thought of in high school? We had in, like, economics class. They were like, invent something.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I played tennis, like, one time in high school. I never played in gym class. And then every time you hit it in the net, it bounces, right? It just will hit, stop, and bounce unless you're good. And you never hit the net. But I thought amateurs hit the net all the fucking time. How come it just stays there? Like, how come there's not a quarter pipe on each side of the net so at least when it hits, it would roll back some of the way to you? In fact, you could invent a. You could invent, like, a wheeling system to kick it back to you a little bit more? Yeah, but you stand there, not at the net. You almost never are that close to the net.

[A]

Yeah, but your toes are sometimes at the net.

[B]

Almost never you that close to the Net. And also it would only be used in amateur practice. Never forget. Like play.

[A]

I don't like that idea.

[B]

Because it's good.

[A]

No, it's not good.

[B]

It's very good. Because if you've ever played tennis, you're like, God, I gotta go.

[A]

Yeah, I play tennis.

[B]

But it would help get it halfway back to you.

[A]

Okay. So it hits the net and there's a curve.

[B]

There's a quarter pipe on each side.

[A]

Right, right. And I think. Yeah, but. But a tennis ball bounces.

[B]

But a lot of times it hits the net because of the give of the net. It holds it. Right. So it would hold it and then slide it right back down.

[A]

How about this?

[B]

I want to do it.

[A]

Let's. Let's try it. I think. I think it's not going to work.

[B]

Guess what? We can. And now. And now. Well, yeah, you can.

[A]

Engineering and physics wise, I don't think it's going to work. Right. Back me up.

[C]

Let's test it.

[A]

Let's test it.

[B]

Because it might.

[A]

Let's test it because.

[B]

How about this? You would. We would toggle with it to figure out.

[A]

I have another idea for us, please. Yeah. Professor, I was in Chicago and these are all copywritten.

[B]

You can't steal these.

[A]

You can't steal these. All right. Professor Pizza.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Wants to do a frozen pizza with us.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Interesting. Wait a minute. Yeah, Like a bad friend's frozen pizza.

[A]

Yeah. With. In conjunction with Professor Pizza.

[B]

And what is the. What's the. What makes ours, like, unique, different. What do we do with it?

[A]

Bulgogi meat. Oh, kimchi stuff like that.

[B]

Phenomenal.

[A]

Yeah. And it's. Some of it's deep dish, I think.

[B]

Half and half.

[A]

Half and half. Right. And we do it on gold belly. Start there. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's a. You know. Can I pitch something?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know how hard this is.

[A]

He wants to do it.

[B]

I don't know how hard this is to do. But I've told you before, deep dishes and what. We don't really eat that in Chicago. We do when you guys are.

[A]

I ate it there.

[B]

I know, but we don't. What I'm saying is.

[A]

And so you do.

[B]

When you live there, you just. People don't eat it that much. It's just. We usually eat thin. Thin crust, tavern style, which is square

[A]

cut pizza, Detroit style.

[B]

Oh, it's tavern style.

[A]

It's Chicago. Yeah. Detroit. It's ours, anyway.

[B]

Tavern style.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's tavern. Eminem has something else say about it.

[B]

Eminem's Wrong.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Eminem's not even from 8 mile. He's from 6 mile.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I've been over there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Mom's spaghetti. They don't make that on eight Mile.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's only on six.

[A]

I've been there. Okay, let's move on from.

[B]

Half of the pizza is tavern style thin and half is deep dish.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's a monster mashup.

[A]

It's a monster mashup.

[B]

It's like a Taco Bell kfc.

[A]

Here's the problem with that, if I may.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You put it in the oven. How do you cook it?

[B]

Well, once. Well, the deep dish dough is going to be. You're going to. It's going to be layered differently. It's. It's. You could do that.

[A]

Yeah. Because by the time it comes out of the oven, the thin part is going to be black.

[B]

No.

[A]

Andrew's part. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

You're just gonna.

[A]

Your part's gonna be black and burnt.

[B]

Check it out.

[A]

I mean, check it out. Yeah.

[B]

You cook that half separately and you would join it with cheese and you adjoin it with cheese. What's the binding agent? Cheese. So they're half moons.

[A]

I see what you're saying. So. So the frozen pizza comes to your house. There's a side of sauce and.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

You put the whole thing in.

[B]

Correct, Right, Yep.

[A]

You cook it to a certain point.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Then you pull it back out. Then you add the sauce and the cheese and some toppings on top of that part at your leisure. I love that word. I love the phrasing of that word. Right. And you put it back in.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

That I can think. But we'd have to test it.

[B]

Bad friends mashup. We would. We would get in the kitchen.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

We'd have to eat so much.

[A]

Can I say something else? Yeah, yeah. The tennis thing, it's. It doesn't work. I like it. Yeah. I don't like it at all.

[B]

I think.

[A]

But the bad. But the Bad friends pizza.

[B]

I like bad friends pizza. We can do the monster mashup.

[A]

Will do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he really said that, so that's something that maybe we can talk about.

[B]

I'm down. I would love to do that, actually do that. Because every time I go there, I eat his pizza.

[A]

Yeah. Can I just say, the tour with Carlos, there was no real hang up.

[B]

Really.

[A]

And there was one thing, and that's all.

[B]

Wait a minute. Time out. Before you play anything.

[A]

Yeah, before you play anything. Yeah.

[B]

What? What? Give me your Grievances. Air out your grievances.

[A]

There was only one grievance. It was only a grievance.

[B]

Grief.

[A]

It was at the airport, and you were being.

[C]

Andrew.

[A]

You would have been on my side.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

A lady got in my. No, no, no, no. That's not. What can I say? Well, I feel like you're not gonna tell the truth.

[B]

Let him finish. It's his birthday.

[A]

It's my. Whose birthday?

[B]

He's gone.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So someone gets to pick up the birthday.

[A]

All right. Right. So that. That could quite possibly be true. What you're saying someone got in your way.

[B]

They did.

[A]

Yeah. But then you said, excuse me.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They didn't say anything. Yeah. And then you said what? Say it back. Say it back.

[B]

You said that to him?

[A]

No, he said it to the lady that he said, excuse me to.

[B]

Oh, he's right. Yeah.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Say it back. Yeah.

[A]

Are you kidding me?

[B]

Say it back then.

[A]

Don't say excuse me in the first place.

[B]

No, because it's a cord. People were at. At fault. Who was at fault?

[C]

She was.

[A]

She was in my way. But that's. That's arguable.

[B]

She was in your way while you're walking?

[A]

Yeah. She, like, did a cross. Like. Like a 45. What was the. Ton.

[B]

It.

[A]

What did you hear?

[B]

Let's hear excuse me.

[A]

All right, so. All right, I'm walking.

[B]

Let's hear it.

[A]

Yeah, let's hear. Excuse me was fine.

[C]

It was excuse me.

[A]

It was very. No, the excuse me was perfect.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah, it was a perfect excuse me. And in my mind, I'm like, what a mindful, thoughtful person.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Regardless of who was at fault. Right. That's a sweet, very traditional way of saying, I'm sorry. That's my bad. Or whatever.

[B]

Excuse me.

[A]

Right. Then she didn't say anything. Right. And then what did you say? Say it back. That's not how you said. That's how I said that. There's no way that.

[B]

Say it as if she's walking away. Go.

[A]

Say it back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's how she. That's how he said it.

[B]

He's right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Say it back. When I hold the door for someone, they don't say, thank you. I go, you're welcome. You're welcome.

[A]

He would be mad at you on the road. I would be mad at you on the road for that.

[B]

You don't get to tell me what to do.

[A]

You specifically know whatever he does. Right. Is a reflection on me.

[B]

You. Unless she has no idea you're together because you could Go. I don't know that weirdo. Someone goes, this guy. Go. I know. He's a piece of.

[A]

Listen, I don't have any grievances. I thought that everything was actually perfect.

[B]

It was good.

[A]

Meal was good and okay.

[B]

So.

[A]

Yeah. He didn't invite any strangers, you know, I mean, into dinner.

[B]

How was. Do you got up on stage now?

[A]

The 12 minutes. Oh, yeah. Six minutes.

[B]

Six.

[A]

Let me. But it's an eternity, but I'm gonna say this. Very good.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I thought for a guy that doesn't do stand up and hasn't done it, and to stay on stage for six minutes in front of that many people.

[B]

It's a big deal.

[A]

Is a big deal.

[B]

We gotta get you on what.

[A]

What venue are we watching? Minneapolis?

[C]

The Orpheum.

[A]

Yeah, the Orpheum.

[B]

We're gonna get him on Kill Tony now. Yeah, I'm serious. You should go do Kill Tony now.

[A]

You did open in which. All right, so I'm just gonna say this. Can we see before we even see in Chicago, the Live Nation rep walked up to me and goes, interesting. I go, why? We opened with Israel.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's topical.

[A]

Yeah, I know, but it was like I said, that's where I got my hair done. And. Yeah. That people. It was cheap. Yeah. Kind of a joke.

[B]

It's funny.

[A]

Okay. I have to survive up there. I'm not a comedian.

[B]

Yeah, he's trying. He's swing. He has to swing. He's got a swing.

[A]

Thank you. Do you want to play his or.

[B]

I want to see. I want to see some of it. Yeah, for sure. I mean, we could watch the whole thing.

[C]

I do like your black people, though.

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[B]

Hell, yeah. They're.

[A]

They're different from the ones in Texas and California, though, I noticed. They're not all like Anthony Edwards. Anthony Edwards is the ones I expect. They're more like the I am the

[C]

captain now kind of

[A]

captains. Wait, stop.

[B]

Huge pop.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

Wait, wait, stop, stop, stop. Stop for a second.

[B]

That's so good. Can I.

[A]

No, no, hold on.

[B]

Wait, let me play that again.

[A]

That was. I'm telling you right now.

[B]

That's so good.

[A]

You gu. You guys added laughs to it. I swear to God.

[B]

You did what?

[A]

The laughter. There's no way that was a pop.

[B]

Like, play it again. Let me hear it again. Wait, what do you mean, added laughs?

[A]

Dude, there's added track. There's no way it's got a footage of this. I was there. See where the darkness is? I'm standing in that darkness.

[B]

Well, probably because he's ripping.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let me see.

[A]

Say it again. Do it again. California, though I noticed they're not all like he. Anthony Edwards.

[B]

That's a good pop.

[C]

Anthony Edwards is the ones I expect.

[A]

They're more like the.

[C]

I am the captain now.

[B]

Dude, you ripped.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

Did you get laughs that loud?

[A]

No, no, no, dude. He never got an applause break.

[B]

It sounded.

[A]

He never got an applause break.

[B]

I was gonna say.

[A]

Did you edit it? Oh, the oxford shirt that I have almost went to the Golden Gala Awards. Right. But I still wear it and it looks smooth at night. In fact, I used it. I wore it with some slacks, Right. Tucked it in with a belt and went and saw the movie Obsession.

[B]

Ooh, a little dress.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Quince is. It's stylish and people go, oh, my God, this guy is, you know, I mean, high level.

[B]

Well, because Quint's European linen pants and shirts are perfect warm weather upgrade.

[A]

Say that again. I love that.

[B]

Well, they're European.

[A]

Oh, Lynn. Oh, European.

[B]

European leather is not European. Linen is nice. You add it to your rotation. And by the way, it starts at just $34. Their tees are soft, easy to wear. I wear them all the time. I do love them very much. Lightweight cotton sweaters are perfect for cooler summer nights.

[A]

Everything.

[B]

Everything. Say it.

[A]

Everything at quints is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands.

[B]

That's insane. You're going to get so much quality for a more affordable price. And it's not cheap. I don't like the word cheap. It's not cheap. It's just unaffordable. Because that's what you deserve. And they go way beyond clothing. They're custom upholstered sofas, ceramic cookware, premium bedding. It's the kind of brand you end up recommending to everyone for literally everything. Quince does it right.

[A]

Elevate your summer wardrobe, fellows. And ladies. Go to quince.combadfriends for free shipping on your order and a 365 day return

[B]

that's now available in Canada too. Our neighbors of the north. That's Quince. Q U-I-N c e.com Bad Friends for free shipping and 365 day returns.

[A]

Quint.com Bad Friends tomorrow morning is knocking. Stock your fridge now. How about a creamy mocha frappuccino drink?

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Why wait? Ask your doctor. Visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. Hello, wild one.

[B]

There's the wild one.

[A]

Wild one. Wild one. Wild one. Wild one. Whoa. Look at those pants. Oh, dude, you got a shirt with

[B]

rats on it, dude. Yeah, sit down, you homeless sheik.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

We're in the presence of a movie star.

[A]

Big movie star. John Cena. Wow. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[B]

The star of the new movie Little Brother with John Cena is here. Him and John share the screen.

[A]

Saw the poster proving.

[B]

I watched the movie.

[C]

They sent it to you.

[B]

I have it on my Netflix.

[A]

I watched it, baby.

[C]

I love to hear it.

[B]

Homework.

[C]

You know what?

[A]

I'm never going to see it.

[C]

Okay. Weird start.

[B]

No, no.

[C]

Weird start.

[A]

I'm going to see it. I'm going to see it.

[C]

You promise? Man, me and Bobby almost did a Comedy Central show together.

[A]

Yeah, we did.

[C]

Back in the good old.

[A]

Oh, my God, dude.

[C]

Back in the good old days.

[B]

What was that called?

[A]

Called?

[C]

I didn't say anything about it. It was called the Bobby Lee Bonanza.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

And he played. You played a sous chef. It was the predecessor to chef.

[B]

And what were you.

[C]

I was a very racist character. You played me like a Sambo.

[B]

Okay, Bobby.

[C]

Like a Al Jolson kind of thing.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, Everyone. Yeah.

[A]

Literally wasn't.

[C]

It was like a blood.

[A]

You were my best friend. Ye. All right. You were literally my best friend.

[C]

You're still my best friend.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's what it was. There was no sambal.

[C]

It was a bit, you know, it didn't age well. Let me put it that way.

[A]

It never got picked up.

[B]

Give me, give me one of the lines.

[A]

It never got picked up.

[C]

One of the lives.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It was your shoe shine balls. Yeah, because my shoes were dirty.

[C]

His shoes were dirty. Yeah, the vents.

[A]

No, that was. No, he was just like a regular guy.

[B]

Oh, soup's ready, Bow.

[A]

No, that's one. That's not what it was.

[C]

And when we, when we shot the pilot, we were having a ball.

[B]

It was a good time.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No, he cast Donald Glover instead of me.

[A]

No, I didn't cast a Donald Glover.

[C]

Yeah, but that's word around the campfire.

[B]

Smart move.

[A]

Yeah. If you want. You want a good career decision, you're

[B]

gonna cast dog lover Donald Glover.

[A]

You know, there's a couple of things that. You brought that up before in front of me.

[C]

Bobby. I'm trying to give.

[A]

I understand.

[C]

The audience needs context for our friendship.

[A]

When you look at me like that, I feel like you're looking at me like, to calm down.

[B]

No, go ahead.

[A]

Okay, I.

[C]

You're very sweet to me. In the beginning, you took me out to dinner at the farmers market.

[A]

Yeah. And we used to go to. You used to have those great parties.

[B]

He still has great parties.

[A]

Block party.

[B]

He's a big party guy.

[C]

Why are you making it weird?

[A]

Yeah, I know, but there was. There was. I think it's the coolest. I understand that. But there was a 20 year gap between parties.

[C]

Wait a minute. You took me to dinner when I was a very young.

[A]

Treated you like a king. A king, yeah, Right.

[C]

Didn't cast me in the show. But that's okay.

[A]

Okay. See, there's these little tiny. That's what I want with. It is with this guy. With this guy. He has, he has. He's like a Korean. You're very Korean. Yeah. No, you have little, like, resentments that build because this business, business is hard and it comes out in weird ways.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And this is the way it comes out with him. Right. He has another one. Yeah, yeah. Holding on to resentment about how he's perceived this, which is fucking bullshit, that he auditioned for Mad tv, he didn't get it, and he thought that I treated him differently after that. He didn't get it.

[B]

Is that true?

[A]

No.

[C]

He got a little Hollywood.

[B]

Is any of it not true?

[A]

I don't know what he's talking about.

[C]

Let's just say the text, the responses, they didn't come back.

[B]

Oh, Brother.

[A]

Yeah, but I don't text anybody.

[B]

He doesn't.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no. There was the. There was. Texts were flowing. I didn't get on. Season 14 of MAD TV, known as

[B]

the best season, best season alive.

[A]

It was the one. It was the year that Baron.

[B]

So good.

[A]

That was the year that it buried the show. I think it can't get canceled. That was the last season. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and that's God's work. Just look at your career now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. So you.

[B]

It is true.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It worked out for the better.

[C]

Yeah. He told me crazy stories back in the day.

[A]

Okay. You can't say them.

[C]

What is there? You told me you try to quit drugs cold turkey on the show.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And weird ooze started.

[A]

Yeah. I. My pants. And when I play Connie Chong. Yes. And our spears was going. Damn, it smells like. Yeah. So that is a true story. It's not funny.

[B]

It's very funny. Yeah.

[C]

To me as like, hey, isn't that funny?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Something happened where I was detoxing off of Vicodin. Right?

[C]

Oh, you were. Vicodin was your thing.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. That's an opiate, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't want to get two days before I did Connie Chung. Right. The show quit cold turkey. Yeah. The show goes.

[C]

You're.

[A]

You. You got to get off the drugs.

[C]

Taper, though.

[A]

No, I didn't know anything about it. So I. So on.

[C]

How old were you at the time?

[A]

I was 32.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Sorry.

[C]

On Mad TV, you get Mad TV. But you were before Mad TV second season. You weren't on television before this.

[A]

I did commercials, but, like, you and I had done. I had done. I'd done Harold Kumar.

[C]

I thought he was gonna say heroin.

[A]

So.

[C]

So this was big for you to be on that tv.

[A]

Yeah, it was pretty big.

[C]

So the pressure is immense. You're. You're going down to la. You're getting pills.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. No.

[C]

And you're having a good time, so.

[A]

No. Where I got. Where I got the. Where I got. No, no, no. There was a Second City guy, right, who had everything. He had Vicodin for horses.

[C]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[A]

They were like these big blue. They were big blue Vicodin pills.

[B]

He had Vicodin and Ivermectin. He had both.

[A]

It was something. It was a specific big, blue pill.

[C]

See, this is a good story, right?

[A]

That he would. Because. Because a lot of the cast members was from Second City. He would give me these big. I would.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Those. All my money on These big blue Vicomin pills. And he. He knew writers and cast members, right? He would go be backstage.

[C]

They're like, stop selling this to Bobby.

[A]

No, no, it was secret, right? So I would give him, like, three or four grand. That's why. Ari.

[C]

Three or four grand?

[A]

Yeah. That's why our shaft beat me up. Because one time I asked Ari for four grand because I was on it mad, and I had no money left.

[B]

You asked. He beat you up.

[A]

Because that's not what. The context of that. The real content. Yeah, the real.

[C]

Imagine his, like, arms swing.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He beat me up. At the end of the day.

[C]

Is that Hong Kong?

[A]

No, that's. Do you have any qualms with this, Mr. Andre?

[B]

No, we've actually got along.

[A]

Yeah, there's no problem. We've actually called each other. I know. We talked about how much we love

[B]

taking a piss out of you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you seem to always have, like, a little thing with.

[B]

With me, but wait, maybe it's you.

[A]

I don't think it's me.

[B]

You think it's him?

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[C]

I don't have a thing with anyone else in the comedy community. I get along with everybody. While we were at that Netflix brunch.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Santino goes, you talk to everybody. There's people here. Not everybody. You talk to everybody. You got something. I go, well, this one guy here, you know, we kind of ruffle each other's face.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I talk to everybody, too, on that Netflix. Yeah.

[C]

That's not what most people say.

[A]

I talked to Odenkirk. I talked to Jon Stewart. I talked to.

[C]

Okay, you could name a few.

[A]

Okay, I named a few.

[B]

You.

[A]

FYI, I was very social. I was very social. So.

[C]

So Paul Shear selling you the pills and then Ari. Yeah.

[A]

It wasn't Paul Shear.

[C]

Why does Ari.

[A]

I love you, Paul.

[C]

Why did Ari punch. Why did Ari throw a punch at you?

[A]

Okay, this is old, old news.

[C]

If I love you guys, have me had a guest on your show. And all we do, we spend the time talking about Bobby. The whole time, it's brother.

[A]

Talk about your movie. How was the movie?

[B]

It's a movie star now, dude.

[C]

Yeah. This has got, like. I did one movie, pretty big netfl.

[B]

It's going to be the top movie on Netflix.

[A]

Top movie on the Netflix.

[B]

100%.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You think so?

[B]

There's no doubt in my mind.

[C]

I'm flattered by that. I hope.

[B]

No doubt. I hope so. When you did that. When you did the scene at the golf course naked, you had Your out, huh?

[C]

Yeah. They give you a little.

[B]

Now the merkin.

[C]

They give you a little bag, but

[B]

if it flew off, I wanted you to be butt naked for that because

[A]

I knew I was.

[B]

You fun. Yeah.

[C]

You know, I try to keep it on.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But it. The thing. The thing, you know, with the water, it slips off.

[B]

John. Good guy, dude.

[A]

Good guy.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a. He's an ace.

[A]

He is an ace.

[C]

Sweet guy. Total pro.

[A]

Like, nice guy.

[C]

Hundred percent, like, shows up early, always prepared.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Just like a total, Like, WWE is actually, in my opinion, the greatest acting school you could ever go to.

[B]

We've seen it work.

[C]

Well, think about it. They have to have a monologue that they got that afternoon on the plane. They have to deliver something out of their mouth that's five pages long in front of 40,000 people.

[A]

They can improvise.

[C]

Yeah, but I. I mean, it's not like.

[A]

It's not an Aaron Sorkin project where you have to do it word by word.

[B]

Yeah, but he said you have.

[C]

I'm making a larger point. I'm making. I'm making a large. Sure. Besides the book. Yeah. I'm just saying what they have to do. They have to go to Dublin, you know, one night, deliver a monologue that's exposition about the next fight in Des Moines that the audience isn't even connected to. And then another wrestler comes out and, like, you know, they do John Wick stunts for, like, 45 minutes, then they got to deliver more exposition about. It's like, if you could go through that for as many years as he went through it, a movie's like, nothing. Like, you know, this is bullshit.

[B]

He's like, do it again. That's fine. Yeah, take it again. Fuck that.

[C]

Another T. Not in front of 40,000.

[B]

I mean, that's why if you, like, you know what's so funny about that? When you. When I watch the Hogan documentary, it showed many reasons why he gained popularity. Hulk Hogan. But like, one of them also was his delivery, his character delivery on those pops, whatever they call them. Like the promos. The promo pops. He was flawless.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, he wouldn't miss. And they got it so tight, so good. And he was. Then they watched guys. You watched guys. They did outtakes on that. It was wild to watch because people get defeated.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, if they up, they're like, do it again. And they would do it again. And you watch these guys, like, lose the character, and then they have to take. It was kind of powerful to watch. So the more people that could stay in it. Like what you're saying?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's how they got.

[A]

That's like.

[B]

It was so organic.

[C]

There's very few guys willing to get that jacked and do that. That much wrestling and stunt work. And also have to deliver pages and pages of dialogue, monologues in an instant.

[A]

And also committing to the character and

[B]

commit to the storyline.

[A]

Storyline.

[C]

And in front of 50,000 people.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Impossibly hard. So it's like, you only get one of those guys a generation. It's like Hulk Hogan is like, the guy for 10, 20 years. And you get Dwayne the Rock Johnson for another 10, 20 years. Then you get John.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

For another 20 years. It's like. I. I don't know. Cody Rhodes, who.

[B]

Yeah, he seems like the guy.

[C]

He's the best. I just did Street Fighter with him. He's the best.

[B]

It's a guy that everyone I think has pinned to be the guy.

[C]

He's the bad. His dad was Dusty Rhodes, and his. And his brother's gold dust.

[B]

Yeah. Gold dust.

[A]

Gold dust.

[C]

And, you know, so I just. I. Last year, I got to work with John all summer, and then I went to Australia and did Street Fighter with. With. With Cody. It's like, I love working with wrestling. And I grew up. I grew up with Hulk Hogan. Macho man, junkyard dog, sheets on my bed. So it's like a country. Working with John Tonga, the kid.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

This was shot in New York, and I don't know Tonga, the kid.

[B]

This is.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[C]

This is New Jersey.

[A]

Every time I bring up Tonga the kid, this is New Jersey. You don't know Tonga.

[C]

The kid is before my time.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Well, let me tell you something.

[C]

You're much older than me.

[B]

We're on his land right now. Acknowledgement.

[C]

Do we do a sacred land acknowledgement?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. I don't feel comfortable with this part of the.

[A]

All right.

[C]

I don't feel comfortable.

[A]

Why?

[C]

At an AAPI panel?

[A]

I'm Polynesian.

[C]

I'm Polyamorous.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I haven't told my wife, but I'm probably still alive.

[B]

I gotta hope so.

[A]

Yeah. Look at.

[C]

A lot of these guys are not alive.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like they're big guys. They did a lot of crazy steroids and drugs.

[B]

He's alive.

[C]

Good for him.

[A]

Tonga. Big fan. Sam. Fatu.

[C]

I'm going to topgolf tonight.

[B]

Why?

[C]

I'm Korean.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

I'm fully. Fully getting. I'm fully getting plastic surgery to become Korean.

[A]

Yeah. I can't wait.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

See, most of Us are turning Chinese. That's the new trend.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm turning Chinese. Yeah.

[C]

Not me.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What were you gonna say? Am I what? What?

[A]

Were you serious when you wanted to. You said, you texted me, you go. You want to go on tour together?

[C]

Yeah. It's serious.

[B]

Do it.

[C]

I love you, man. You're funny.

[A]

I would do a show with you.

[C]

You gave me one of the best pieces of advice one time. You said, make them laugh before your first joke on your walk to the stage. You gave me that advice very young. And I, I was like, that's the best because it shakes off the jitters. So that, that first like. Like taking the mic out of the stand, all that isn't awkward. So I always. I'll sneak up behind the audience and do a bunch of goofy ass Andy Kaufman.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[C]

I love you, man.

[A]

It's.

[B]

It's smart because then once you do start talking, they don't laugh. So.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Very good.

[A]

Well, here's another note.

[C]

I also. I want to steal your material.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

On tour.

[A]

All right. Yeah, do it. I'll do yours. Honestly, we should do On Halloween. I gave you full permission to do Brown Face.

[C]

I don't know. What am I?

[A]

Yeah, here's another is. There's a difference between writing funny and being funny. Do you understand what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah. So a lot of new comics will just memorize whatever they wrote.

[C]

Like, hey, girl. Hey, girl.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Being.

[A]

Yeah, Shut the up. I'm not gay.

[B]

Some people are funny. Some people write.

[C]

Okay, dude, spill that tea, girl.

[B]

Tell us go off queen.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I really want.

[A]

You understand what I mean?

[C]

I want your belly back. No, I know you're trying to do the Kumail thing. You're probably doing Peptides.

[B]

He's getting jacked.

[C]

Don't. Please don't. Remember Australia, you with that pot belly when you really had the dad bod.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Everything before you told a joke. I was laughing, okay. Because you look.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You looked like human comedy. Why are in this Bad Friends circular thing? Why is it a cartoon of you with a Chicano community leader?

[B]

That's Paul Rodriguez. Yeah, that's a young.

[A]

I replaced Paul. You didn't know that? Yeah, yeah. Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. Bad Friends was really with him and Paul? Yeah, yeah.

[B]

The original.

[A]

Yeah. I look like. Like a Cheech Marin.

[B]

You do.

[A]

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Then we're going to podcast it.

[A]

But why do I look like Salvador Dali in this one?

[B]

You have a dolly style.

[A]

You think I have a Dolly style.

[B]

You have a very dolly bite type.

[C]

Liked when you guys popped up on Happy Gilmore. That made me happy.

[A]

Oh, that's cool. You know what? I'll be honest with you.

[B]

Huge for us.

[A]

As, As a comic, I have to

[B]

say, it was awesome.

[A]

I think you're very funny. You. You're just. You're. You have my.

[C]

I love you, bro.

[A]

No, no, you have my kind of energy. I. I think we're similar. The other day, whenever. Come by the house behind me when Seen you in years, and you came up behind me, took my shirt, wrapped over my head.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? And I hadn't seen you in years. Right. That's my kind of energy. I know, but you got very shy. What?

[C]

You got shy.

[A]

I got shy? Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm. I'm more corporate. I'm more corporate, and I watch what I say. Okay. So corporate.

[C]

Big corporate events.

[A]

I'm corporate.

[C]

Yeah. Have you ever done a corporate gig?

[A]

I've never done one.

[C]

I've never once asked. Been asked when I hear comics, like, I had to do a corporate gig once, and yada, yada, yada, I'm like, how. How did that happen? Not once.

[A]

Not me either. Never. I mean. And I would.

[C]

Why would single corporation look at us and ask us.

[A]

But here's another reason a compliment is you've always. Even as a youngster. Right. He's always been. You've always been fashionable.

[C]

You think so?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've always. Yeah. I've always thought to myself, eric Andre is fashionable.

[B]

Have you ever said it?

[A]

I never said it to you, but I always felt it, like, you're cool.

[C]

Thanks, man.

[A]

Yeah. Dress wise.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Santino's.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You want me to leave you two or.

[B]

I couldn't care less.

[A]

He doesn't care. No, no, no, no. He doesn't care.

[C]

We were gonna do a movie together.

[A]

Yeah. Well, what happened?

[C]

We're gonna do something together.

[A]

Together.

[C]

One day.

[B]

We were gonna do a movie.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

It went by the wayside.

[C]

You got. You got a little sunburnt.

[B]

I did?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Today?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Really? Is it my face?

[C]

You got a little.

[B]

I got a little color.

[A]

You got golf. It's a little. No, it. Golf did it.

[C]

No, you got to do spf, dude. You're going to kill yourself.

[B]

I'm doing spf, bud.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm doing it every.

[C]

I'm not. I'm not joking.

[B]

Look, Blue lizard. Liv up. Blue lizard.

[C]

I, I, I hope, I hope you're getting moles checked and all that stuff.

[B]

I'M getting it checked. I got. I already got two golf.

[C]

I know you're always out golfing and you're. You're not. You're careless.

[B]

Blue Lizard.

[C]

Dude, you can look up whatever you want.

[A]

Is that a good. I want to use it. Is that a good.

[B]

I love Blue lizard.

[A]

Okay, good point. Okay, well, you're taking it in a weird direction, brother.

[B]

I like blue lizard.

[A]

Do you use facial creams at night?

[C]

No. No.

[A]

Like when you.

[C]

When I was in Korea.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

All my platonic G pals were like, go in every store and buy me every lotion. And I came back, it looked like I was like, smuggling lotions into.

[B]

Yeah, you have the best.

[C]

And. And what?

[A]

There's a beautiful people. There's a new Korean.

[C]

What are you looking at?

[A]

I don't know where it is. That's why there's a new Korean store that just opened for those face products. Right. It was like a two mile line.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And they're using, like, sales.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You look at new Korean two Mile. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

This is a real. This is a real pitch. And you're gonna think I'm joking.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I don't know. How good is your Korean?

[A]

It's called all of Young. That's what it's called. Olive. Young.

[C]

Can you speak night? Why don't we pitch a super duper, low budget wacky comedy show to Korean

[A]

television and speak only in Korean.

[C]

Yeah, I can be the. I can play the dumb American and

[A]

you give me, like, I literally. You probably know more Korean than I do.

[B]

That's probably.

[A]

That's how little I know. Yeah, I know Set net. That's. That's all I can count to.

[B]

No, he can.

[A]

That's four. Yeah, I can say go to. I can say certain thing. It's a school Donnell Rawlings.

[C]

And I'm not making this up.

[A]

No, I know fluent.

[C]

Fluent Korean and I.

[A]

He knows more than he's done my body. He knows more than I do.

[C]

Well, because it's mind blowing. He hates you.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Since when? Why?

[A]

He just has a. He has a little thing with me.

[C]

You told me no comedians hate you at the Netflix comedy brunch.

[B]

He wasn't there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Donald was there.

[C]

You asked Don.

[A]

So anyway, all of Young is a mile long. I want to go in there. There.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Yeah, let's go.

[B]

Where is it?

[A]

Yeah. Where is all of Young?

[C]

Pasadena.

[A]

Pasadena.

[B]

So there's a. There's a. There's a long line. Can't you let me call and Say I'm Bobby Lee and temporarily closed. All right. Is it.

[C]

You can call and say, I'm Bobby Lee and they'll cut you to the front line.

[B]

Yeah, they'll get you in there, Bob.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Wait. Click on the. Is it closed? Is that true?

[A]

Century City was.

[C]

You know, I thought that was your mom the whole time. That really tripped me out. This is why I don't like this chair that much, because I can't it. First of all. Come on.

[B]

No, no, no. We have to.

[C]

That's crazy.

[B]

We have to. For the sake of. Now. It's for the sake of the show.

[A]

Jack Black's out there.

[B]

Jack Black. Those chairs have been sat in by legends. Merl Haggard.

[A]

Merl Haggard. Mortall.

[B]

Mort, Saul.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Shecky Green.

[C]

That's not true.

[B]

All of them.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Mort, Saul.

[B]

Mort. Skeleton, skeleton, Red Skeleton, red, skeleton.

[A]

Caesar. Flip Wilson. We've had black.

[B]

Did you do this? Cat skills.

[C]

We've had blacks.

[A]

Yeah. From the 60s.

[C]

Have you had blacks?

[B]

Yeah, a couple.

[C]

Did the blacks go crazy when they're in here?

[B]

Blacks love this show.

[A]

They love it. They love it.

[C]

The blacks just.

[B]

The blacks love this show.

[A]

Baby, your laugh is demonic.

[B]

I love Hog Wild.

[A]

Yeah. So can you tell us them about the movie?

[C]

Okay, so the movie I play. I play Cena's little brother.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So he like did like a, you know, genetic testing. No, no, no, no, it's not. It's not. What is that? Junior twins, 23 and me.

[B]

It was like.

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Not biological. So he like 30 years ago, when he was in high school and I was 10, he did like a program, the Big Brother.

[A]

Oh, I like it.

[C]

Where he like adopt, you know, adopted me for a few weekends. And it was. He just did it for like, it looked good on his resume for college.

[A]

Right.

[C]

But for me, you know, this abandoned

[A]

live altering, you know? Yeah.

[C]

10 year old. It was life altering.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Then I get this horrible car accident. He gets a call from the hospital like, oh, your brother's in the hospital? He has a biological brother? So he's like. So he runs to the hospital with his wife. He opens the curtain and it's me. He hasn't seen me since I was 10.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So it's just me. I'm all up. I'm in the medical halo. I'm like, blood coming out my mouth.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And they're like, who the is this? And they're like, holy. I think that's my little brother from the. The program. But I haven't seen this guy in 30 years. I only hung out with him for a few weekends when we were kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then I slowly. It's like a what about Bob meets the movie Parasite. I slowly, like, like the wife kind of starts, you know, she's enchanted by me.

[A]

Right.

[C]

The kids love me. His brother loves me. Everyone at work loves me. He's trying to be a real estate agent on this reality TV show. And he almost gets like kicked off the show, but they love me so much, they want not only him back, but they want. So I like drive him nuts.

[A]

That's it. I want people to watch it. So that's, you know, I mean, that's a great premise.

[B]

This movie is on Netflix. Go watch.

[A]

Go watch little brother.

[B]

Also, Eric is on the very first episode of the bad game show.

[A]

Yes, we.

[B]

Your episode number one.

[C]

I'm very excited.

[A]

Number one.

[B]

All right, we gotta, we gotta go.

[A]

Can you look in the camera and say thank you for being a bad friend?

[B]

Yeah, please.

[C]

Thank you for being a bad friend.

[A]

Yes,

[B]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try. @mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail].