He's a Rat!

Summary

Bad Friends – “He’s a Rat!” (June 1, 2026)

Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Notable Guest Appearances: Carlos ("tour manager"), Fancy, McCone

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Overview

This episode of Bad Friends finds Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino in signature form, riffing through Bobby’s recent eye doctor experience, dental misadventures, the true risk of the hantavirus, and the chaos of touring together—with plenty of playful bickering, honest confessions, and digs at each other and their team. The episode revolves around themes of aging, health scares, personal hygiene (with a special focus on “dragon’s breath”), and the complex, sometimes contentious, friendships and work dynamics that fuel the Bad Friends universe.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Bobby’s Eye Doctor Saga

[00:12 – 05:47]

• Bobby talks about visiting an eye doctor for the first time, marveling at modern glasses (“I've never had them before”), and realizing his eyesight might need “distance” correction.
• The hosts make fun of optometry terms, Asian stereotypes, and misread letter charts.
• Notable Quote (Bobby Lee, [01:40]): “He goes, walk outside with me. So he was Asian, by the way… He put these glasses on me. I go, those are trees. Like, literally, I saw nothing. And he put the glasses on. This is across the street. I saw trees.”

2. Dental Hygiene Confessions

[06:06 – 08:49]

• Andrew visited the dentist (“I got zero [cavities] this time”), and the two admit to differing flossing habits. Bobby flosses daily, Andrew only “maybe one or two days a week.”
• Bobby reveals that his teeth are so weak the dentist predicts they’ll all fall out by 60. He has “gingivitis number five.”
• Andrew insists Koreans are known for strong teeth, referencing the “333 rule” in Korea: brush three times a day, three minutes each.
• Notable exchange (Bobby Lee, [08:49]): “This one was an exception. And that's why he's the most famous Korean in the world.”

3. Restaurant Encounter and Unwanted Honesty

[11:00 – 12:42]

• Bobby recounts a story about a fan encounter at a restaurant. When he asked a female fan, “what are you looking for in a guy?” she replied, “Not Asian. Wow.”
• Andrew points out that Bobby’s “uncle energy” (unk) might have provoked the honesty: “An unc says something like, man, that's a short skirt for a day like today.”

4. The Hantavirus Segment

[13:29 – 21:06]

• Bobby dives into a semi-serious, semi-conspiratorial explanation of the hantavirus, its strains, how it spreads (mostly from rats, rarely human-to-human), and recent news about a cruise ship outbreak.
• Emphasis on white people’s love of dangerous travel—spelunking, adventure cruises, cave exploration—being responsible for catching rare diseases.
• Notable Quote (Andrew Santino, [17:05]): “You've never heard a Black guy get stuck in spelunking in a cave?”
• Bobby: “There are caves in Asia, Vietnam, and whatnot that white people discovered before the Asians did… We’re not going near it.”

5. Airline and Service Industry Etiquette

[18:06 – 19:35]

• Both hosts agree: if you’re sick, don’t get on a plane or go to work, especially in food service.
• Santino plays “devil’s advocate,” dryly suggesting everyone should be as sick as possible at work, calling out their own team (Fancy) for always showing up ill.

6. Breath, Cologne, and Bad Friend Hygiene

[27:22 – 34:34]

• The group get sidetracked roasting Carlos, their tour manager, about his “dragon’s breath,” his lack of eating, and sub-par cologne habits. There’s an extended and hilarious breakdown of how to properly apply fragrance (wrists, neck, and even “under the sack to hit the taint”), with comparisons to YouTube cologne gurus.
• Memorable Sequence ([29:45] - [32:13]):
  Bobby: “Spray on the wrist. Always rub. Must. I lift up my shirt right underneath, one spray underneath.”
  Andrew: “Do you do skin or do you do shirt?”
  Bobby: “I spray upwards and it gets both.”
  Bobby (on undercarriage): “Lift the sack and hit the taint.”

7. The Tour Manager Throwdown: “He’s a Rat!”

[34:44 – 46:10]

• The heart of the episode is a classic Bad Friends meta-conflict, with Bobby accusing Carlos of being a “rat” (hence the episode title) for allegedly telling others that Andrew is the more difficult boss/touring partner, a charge Carlos strenuously denies (“You’re such a rat. You think I’m the rat? He’s the rat!” [50:51]).
• The group riff on job titles (EP, producer, assistant), the structure of tour life, and who is truly easiest/hardest to work with.
• Bobby mock-calls his agent mid-show to “fire” Carlos as a tour manager, all in comedic, mock-hostile spirit.
• Carlos gets roasted for his ascetic eating and poor hygiene, but is also acknowledged as handsome, and almost certainly a future male model—provided he fixes his breath.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bobby Lee, [11:20]: “I go, what are you looking for in a guy? And she goes, not Asian. Wow.”
• Andrew Santino, [17:05]: “You've never heard a Black guy get stuck in spelunking in a cave?”
• Bobby Lee, [29:52]: “I lift the sack and hit the taint… Because if you know what I mean, you don’t want them to taste it, you want them to smell it.”
• Andrew Santino, [50:51]: “You’re such a rat. You think I’m the rat? He’s the rat!”
• Andrew Santino, [56:52]: “This is like an ex that we have a kid with. We still have to see these people.”
• Bobby Lee, [40:03]: “Ogre, troll, dragon’s breath… I swear to God on my mother’s life those three things are true.”

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Structural Summary with Timestamps

[00:12 – 05:47] – Bobby’s Vision Quest

• Eye doctor visit; marvel at simple new glasses
• Discussion of Asian stereotypes in medicine
• Bobby plans to wear glasses everywhere, even during sex

[06:06 – 08:49] – The Great Dental Debate

• Andrew and Bobby compare flossing habits
• Bobby admits to poor genetics and a grim dental future
• Andrew upholds Korean dental superiority

[11:00 – 12:42] – Restaurant Interaction Goes Awkward

• Bobby’s “unk” energy gets an honest (brutal) answer

[13:29 – 21:06] – Disease, Danger, and White People’s Fault

• Bobby on global disease spread, risk aversion in travel
• “White cruises” and obsession with dangerous adventure

[22:10 – 26:33] – Hantavirus, Viruses, and Economy

• Jokes about viral mutation, mortality, and government
• Quick side-track into economic worries

[27:22 – 34:34] – Cologne Wars & Breath Battles

• Extensive roast of Carlos’s hygiene
• Instructional (and absurd) cologne routines
• Offers on bribing Carlos to use Listerine

[34:44 – 46:10] – The Tour Manager “Rat” Standoff

• Bobby “fires” Carlos (in jest); Carlos pleads innocence
• Job title disputes (“EP or producer?”); mutual accusations of being a gossip or “witch”
• Carlos and Bobby squabble like a dysfunctional family
• Andrew emerges as “the scarier boss”

[46:10 – End] – Reflections and Reconciliation

• Group reflects on cycles of conflict, comedy, and truth
• Acknowledgement of the fake/real balance in their friendship and work relationships
• End on the theme of “toxic behavior” and the impossibility of a clean break from one another, as if they’re co-parenting a “baby” (the podcast)

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Final Thoughts

This episode is classic Bad Friends: an hour-plus of sharp, off-color, self-deprecating humor rooted in real-life anxieties and relational messiness. Bobby’s vision and dental troubles become comedic fodder for authenticity and cultural riffing; the supposed threat of the hantavirus is a springboard for making fun of white adventure tourism and the internet’s short attention span for real danger; and the group’s inside-joke-laced interpersonal drama (especially the “rat” tour manager segment) perfectly illustrates the show’s blend of love, antagonism, and unfiltered honesty.

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Top 3 Must-Hear Segments

1. Bobby’s first time experiencing glasses – (“Those are trees!”) – [01:49]
2. The “dragon’s breath”/cologne spray breakdown – [29:45 – 32:13]
3. Bobby mock-firing Carlos for being a “rat” and accusing Andrew of being the difficult boss – [50:51]

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For fans and newcomers alike, this episode delivers the wit, chaos, and banter that make Bad Friends tick—proving that the line between aggression and affection is thin and best navigated with plenty of laughs.

Transcript

[Andrew Santino]

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

[Bobby Lee]

White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something.

[Andrew Santino]

We're bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Finally, I saw an eye doctor today.

[Andrew Santino]

What did the doc say?

[Bobby Lee]

He. We took a bunch of tests.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, like what? Like a. A B, fq?

[Bobby Lee]

No, he said there was one word called Hovam.

[Andrew Santino]

Hovam.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. He goes, what does that say there?

[Andrew Santino]

It said hovo.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Hovo. Yeah, yeah. And I go, I'm black man. Blogging. Yeah, yeah. And he goes, that's way off, right? Both eyes. Then he scanned the interior of all. Where all the.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, that's only an.

[Bobby Lee]

Cells.

[Andrew Santino]

That's only an Asian thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I know.

[Andrew Santino]

They don't have to do that for us.

[Bobby Lee]

And what. You know what the cells are? They're squinty. The cells were squinty. Dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Even the cells under microscope are.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, what are we doing?

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, get up that. Get that test up and let me see if we can do it. Ready? Bob?

[Bobby Lee]

I already know. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Well, that's not. Do the other one you just had. There it is.

[Bobby Lee]

This one.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you going to do?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I want to.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you're. I'm closer. Your eyes are way better than mine.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I just want to see what line you can get down to. So the first.

[Bobby Lee]

First from here.

[Andrew Santino]

No. 1, 2, and 3 are fine. Do the fourth line. Fourth line down.

[Bobby Lee]

T, H, V, O, H, T, O, V. Next one. Here we go. H, V, T, O, T, V, H, V, T, O.

[Andrew Santino]

Great. Next one.

[Bobby Lee]

Now I'm done. Q, 2.

[Andrew Santino]

N. No, Q, O. It's O again. I mean, the letters are the same in every single.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, okay. My point is, is that.

[Andrew Santino]

And the bottom one. Can you do that?

[Bobby Lee]

I can't do the bottom one.

[Andrew Santino]

V, O, T, H, T, O. Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

That one's teeny tiny from here.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So.

[Andrew Santino]

But the doctor said you have a.

[Bobby Lee]

You have long distance.

[Andrew Santino]

He's got little Asian eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

I love that you have long distance. And he goes, I want to show you something. It's a miracle. I go, what is it? He goes, walk outside with me. So he was Asian, by the way.

[Andrew Santino]

He said, can I get a picture?

[Bobby Lee]

He was Asian, by the way. And he goes, look over there. What do you see? I go, I don't. Nothing. And he put these glasses on me. I go, those are trees. Like, literally, I saw nothing. And he put the glasses on. This is across the street. I saw trees.

[Andrew Santino]

You act like this is crazy science. It's just glasses.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but I've never had them before.

[Andrew Santino]

And then this is like when babies get cochlear implants and they can hear.

[Bobby Lee]

So what I'm saying Is that 19.

[Andrew Santino]

What is that? Glasses were invented in 1268. They've been around.

[Bobby Lee]

I haven't caught up yet. Okay. But when you. Because I'm you. I know, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Since the 13th century, we've had.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. There's an Asian guy wearing them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're wearing it for years. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's amazing.

[Bobby Lee]

So. So I'm getting. I don't know what they're called, but I'm getting the distance one. You know all my cool glasses I wear.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm getting both lenses.

[Sponsor Voice]

Prescriptions.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going to. The top is going to be long distance and the bottom is going to be. So I. Up front.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, so you really. You'll be data. You'll be.

[Bobby Lee]

Actually, I'll be Data. But it's so funny, after I took the glasses off, everything seemed blurry.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, right.

[Bobby Lee]

So right now everything seems blurry. So maybe I can't see.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, did they do the drops in your eyes?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, don't they do that right when you go? No, they dilate your eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, let me just say something to you because I'm not in the best mood and I like to say something to everyone. Not you. To this theory. Okay. I don't do drop eye. Okay. I went to.

[Andrew Santino]

You have drop eye.

[Bobby Lee]

I have drop eye. You don't doctor I don't do drop by. I have drop. Yeah, yeah. So why can't you read them? I'm saying.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, you take it. You know what? Unbutton one more button.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Unbutton one more button.

[Andrew Santino]

Unbutton one more.

[Bobby Lee]

You little porgy with your digital shirt. I don't know what the. Let me just say something.

[Andrew Santino]

Why don't you unbutton one more button?

[Bobby Lee]

All right. So I went to. I called my assistant and I said, I don't want. I want future. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they had me in a lab with machinery.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And you know what I mean? You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Give me what NASA does.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. That's what NASA did. So they were able to see the interior of my eye, the actual thing. And guess what? He goes, your eyesight is going to be fine until your 80s because you have good eyes. Yeah. He says. He asked me some genetic questions. There's no blindness.

[Andrew Santino]

Does your mom have glasses?

[Bobby Lee]

No. My dad did though. Right. And my brother does.

[Andrew Santino]

Steve does?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he does. Yeah. Cuz he caught it early.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Once you catch it early.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. But so now what I'm going to do is I'm going to do everything with glasses on. Even make love.

[Andrew Santino]

You have to have them.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Because I don't think I've seen it. Right, right. Yeah. Everything's been blurry.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what all your confusion.

[Bobby Lee]

That's my belly button. What? Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna see it. He goes, you're gonna see life in high def hd. Yeah. For the first time. But then I go when I get three weeks.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, yeah, it takes it. They gotta make them. Right. It's got to be.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I want my style.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So I'm taking my. You know me, the glasses I wear, I'm gonna punch out all those, you know, I mean, lenses and put those lenses.

[Andrew Santino]

They'll do that. They'll do custom.

[Bobby Lee]

They're doing. They're doing custom work for.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me. Give me the lyrics to the song Betty Davis Eyes. Betty Day. Yeah. Well, it's spelled wrong, but that's fine. Betty. It'll get there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

His hair is brack.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, don't do it in an Asian accent.

[Andrew Santino]

I didn't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I haven't know

[Bobby Lee]

what does that even.

[Andrew Santino]

Arlo Gold. Yeah, but it's. I just like this part. She's got Betty. She got Betty Davis. He's got little Asian eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And he'll tease you. He'll unease you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

All the better. Just to please you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Bob's precocious.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And he knows just what takes to make a pro blush. I love it.

[Bobby Lee]

Y.

[Andrew Santino]

She's got Greta Garbos. Greta Garbo's standoff size. Bobby's got little Asian eyes. Beautiful.

[Bobby Lee]

She's got Genghis Khan standout. Right. Let's change it.

[Andrew Santino]

Standoff size. Genghis Khan standoff size.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You have beautiful little eyes. I went to the dentist this morning.

[Bobby Lee]

What? Let me guess, brother.

[Andrew Santino]

They say the same thing every time.

[Bobby Lee]

You got two.

[Andrew Santino]

I got zero this time.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank God.

[Andrew Santino]

But. But they say the same thing every time. And she's so nice about it. Do you. Are you. Have you been. How much Are you flossing? I said, I am flossing. She said, how much? I said, almost never.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm honest about it.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, I'm going to show you something. All right, guys.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, I'm trying.

[Bobby Lee]

I know you're trying.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, how about this? I'm going to get in one, maybe two days a week.

[Bobby Lee]

I always have.

[Andrew Santino]

You do you're good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. But I've been using this one for a year.

[Andrew Santino]

It's the same one.

[Bobby Lee]

It's the same one.

[Andrew Santino]

But it doesn't even have a string on it anymore. It's gone.

[Bobby Lee]

It's got the. Yeah, string's gone.

[Andrew Santino]

But how many days a week are you flossing? For real?

[Bobby Lee]

Every day.

[Andrew Santino]

Every day. What about you?

[Carlos]

Every day, three times a week?

[Andrew Santino]

Three. Four.

[Bobby Lee]

Four.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. I'm way behind.

[Bobby Lee]

Rest on the weekend. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, God needed. I do one to two days a week because it's like on the move and. And you know what it really is? It's usually after a big meal out, but if you like. Today I had smoothie and a. It's like. Yeah, I'm. I'm brushing three day. Three times. Three times a day.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you're not.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I brush in the morning when I get home, and then before I go to bed.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. I don't think so.

[Andrew Santino]

My mom. No, my mom did it to me.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

My mom did mid.

[Bobby Lee]

What about this morning floss and then

[Andrew Santino]

night morning floss instead?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, the midday one. Just floss.

[Andrew Santino]

I like the midday brush because then in case my wife and I have a midday hookup. It's a nice brush because then you have fresh breath in the middle of the day.

[Bobby Lee]

I do a midday poo. I do three.

[Andrew Santino]

I do that while I'm pooing.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Yeah, okay.

[Andrew Santino]

It's one of the same. Yeah, but I. That don't. See, he's agreeing. A midday brush is really nice.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what the dentist told me I have so many missing teeth, he said by the age of 60 all of them are going to fall out.

[Andrew Santino]

Congrats. That's huge.

[Bobby Lee]

So then I don't know what to do.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, your vision will be good, but your mouth. Perfect vision with gums. Yeah, I can see everything.

[Bobby Lee]

I fucked it. No, wait.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, you're just going to get. End up getting. What everybody gets is caps. Everybody gets caps.

[Bobby Lee]

No. What? No. What they have to do is drill into my bone.

[Andrew Santino]

But wait a minute. Veneers are different than caps. You can just get caps on.

[Bobby Lee]

No, he said that my teeth are so weak.

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know why you have.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me see. You have great teeth.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but they're weak. The foundations and the root, it's all fucked. I have like gingivitis number five or whatever.

[Andrew Santino]

But Koreans usually have very strong teeth. You can look this up. Koreans are actually known to have some of the strongest teeth in the world.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

How come you didn't get that.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. Genetically, I got the armpit thing, but that's it.

[Andrew Santino]

You did get the armpit.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at this. Yes. Look at this. Zoom in. Many Koreans have strong, healthy teeth. A culture of meticulous oral hygiene. Prevalent 333 rule. Brushing three times a day. Told you. Three minutes each. I'm telling you, in Korea, Koreans are known for having phenomenal teeth.

[Bobby Lee]

This was an exception.

[Andrew Santino]

This one was an exception. And that's why he's the most famous Korean in the world. Watch your mouth, Spaniard.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you bastard. You know, the disrespect is out of control and out of control today.

[Andrew Santino]

You've been nuts today. He was. Came with an attitude this morning.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. Hey, He.

[Andrew Santino]

He was on the phone in the parking lot.

[Bobby Lee]

I saw. And he waved me off.

[Andrew Santino]

I saw. I waved me off.

[Bobby Lee]

This is what he did. Okay. I saw. I saw. I saw everything. Okay. He comes out of right, goes towards your car. I left a space for you because I know how angry you get.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

If I'm parked close, look.

[Andrew Santino]

Because the doors hit. Because our parking spots were made by Brad Williams. Designed our parking lot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So I put a space between us, and he comes out and he's. The. The door's literally between our cars. And he goes towards you for some business information.

[Andrew Santino]

And basically, Andrew B.

[Bobby Lee]

Right? Then I. And you're on the phone, you're busy, so I'm available, and I turn to Andreas and I go, is there anything I can help with you? He goes, nope. I go, can I help with something? He goes, you can do what?

[Andrew Santino]

Were you on the. Who are you on the phone with? Who are you on the phone with, hot shot. You're being a hotshot. Who are you on the phone with, hotshot? You don't want to say.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's a business. It's a secret business thing. But he goes, it's something I can talk you about. And I'm like, okay. All right. So I guess I got nothing. Yeah, I got nothing. I told you. You're not gonna do it. You can. That's true. But still ask.

[Andrew Santino]

But still, he wants to know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Still ask. Dude, my hands are cramping up so bad.

[Andrew Santino]

Drink some. Drink that other water.

[Bobby Lee]

Like everything's cramping up.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, what do they do to you at the eye doctor?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I haven't been drinking water all day.

[Andrew Santino]

We gotta have some water.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. I'll tell you why I'm in a bad mood. Ow. I Swear to God. I swear to God. I am cramping up everything.

[Andrew Santino]

How do you solve hand cramps? Here we go. Gently stretch. Get some electrodes. Massage the affected area. McComb, will you come massage his hands, please?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I'm being real, dude. Everything is cramped.

[Andrew Santino]

Do we have those heat things you put your hand in? Do we have that hand heat thing again? Where's the hand massager? Did we buy one of those?

[Bobby Lee]

I think I'm fine. I'm fine. You have to shake it or massage it. So today, just now, before I got here, I'm going to tell you what restaurant. But I was sitting at a restaurant, right? And there was a girl and three guys sitting at a table right next to mine.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay? Do you imagine I've seen that movie?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay? The whole table goes high. We're big fans. Yeah, right? And the girl goes, yeah, I'm a big fan. Friends. And I go, that's fine. I go. I go, but we're one of these guys, your boyfriends. And she goes, no, no, they're just friends of mine. I go, oh. I go, what are you looking for in a guy? And she goes, not Asian. Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Did they laugh.

[Bobby Lee]

I wasn't even hitting on her, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, if you say to a girl, what are you looking for? Okay, timeout. You said, do you have a boyfriend?

[Bobby Lee]

Ramping the up guy that. She got me all cramped up guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you have a boyfriend? I don't. What are you looking for in a guy? It seems like you're maybe saying, are you interested in. I.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Because they.

[Carlos]

First of all, he was just being unk.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you're uncan.

[Bobby Lee]

What's. What's an unk?

[Andrew Santino]

You. You're unc. You're king Unk.

[Bobby Lee]

What is unk?

[Andrew Santino]

Unk is like, what?

[Bobby Lee]

Like an uncle.

[Andrew Santino]

The kids call us uncs.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, like uncle. Yeah, I was. I was being polite. Yeah, right. Oh, are any of these guys your boyfriend? Which is. And they're like, no, we're just. They were like, we're just friends.

[Andrew Santino]

But that is an uncle. Like, an unc. Says something like, man, that is a. That's a short skirt for a day like today. That's an uncle.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, really?

[Andrew Santino]

It's an uncle.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, so I. That was an ankh.

[Andrew Santino]

You anked it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but could she say something. Oh, my God. Could she say something different?

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, I'll be the girl.

[Bobby Lee]

Ready? Yeah, go ahead. I go, well, you have to approach me first. I'm eating.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, we're huge fans. Just want to tell you we're Huge fan.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, are these. One of these guys your boyfriend?

[Andrew Santino]

No, these are all my friends. We're just friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, cool. Oh, so you're single?

[Andrew Santino]

I am, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Well, what kind of guys are you looking for?

[Andrew Santino]

Tall guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, cool. Much better.

[Andrew Santino]

Tall guys. Guys who. You know, guys who are like Mayflower material.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean by that? Like, you can build a ship.

[Andrew Santino]

People who came over on one of this first couple of boats.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I see. I see.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like almostad.

[Andrew Santino]

People who own. People like you.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, not Amistad.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. Opposite.

[Bobby Lee]

Opposite of almost.

[Andrew Santino]

People who own those boats.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, the people that own the boat.

[Andrew Santino]

Those are the guys I like.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Do you own a boat?

[Bobby Lee]

A yacht.

[Andrew Santino]

You own a yacht?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

How big?

[Bobby Lee]

Pretty fucking big.

[Andrew Santino]

How many feet?

[Bobby Lee]

Have you heard of hantavirus?

[Andrew Santino]

Does that. You.

[Bobby Lee]

That's my.

[Andrew Santino]

You guys are at it again.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, don't get me started, because I've had. You were the fourth person today who's talked about it. Freaking out about it.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going to tell you about it.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't do a conspiracy. It's not.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not a cons. I'm going to tell you about it.

[Andrew Santino]

Bring it up.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you don't have to even bring it up. Don't bring it up. I will tell you about it. Ask me.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't bring it up. He's going to bring it up.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Ask me.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Is the hantavirus going to be the next plague? Viral plague.

[Bobby Lee]

Nope.

[Andrew Santino]

Why is that?

[Bobby Lee]

Because we've gotten all of the bad

[Andrew Santino]

food out of the way.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no.

[Andrew Santino]

He's going to take.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll tell you. I'll tell you why.

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. There's different strains of this virus.

[Andrew Santino]

Just like Covid.

[Bobby Lee]

Just like Covid.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

But most of this. Don't look it up, man.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't look it up.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't look it up, guy. Most of the strains, you get it from rats. So if I. No, I'm being real. So if I'm in Brazil, I'm just an arbitrary country.

[Andrew Santino]

Seemed pretty pointed.

[Bobby Lee]

I was going to say I was a cheetah, but I went Brazil.

[Andrew Santino]

Sure.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm in Colombia. Right, right.

[Andrew Santino]

It's all

[Bobby Lee]

in the same area. I'm in Peru. Now, listen,

[Andrew Santino]

just naming South America.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. All right. So I'm in Peru. Okay. And I'm, you know, I'm mopping. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

Always mopping.

[Bobby Lee]

A hallway.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Or an alleyway. There happens to be rat shit and rat piss.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Or right this. The particles go up out of the air. I sniff it. You can get it mostly that way.

[Andrew Santino]

That's how they get it from huffing rat poop particles.

[Bobby Lee]

Now there's one called the Andis strain, which is the one that's on the cruise ship, which is human to human.

[Andrew Santino]

So this is like if you had it and you were kissing a girl, she gets it.

[Bobby Lee]

But see the odds of getting it, smelling the poop.

[Andrew Santino]

You want to leave that bit in.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, keep that bit in.

[Andrew Santino]

Keep that in.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Because sometimes we need anti comedy when he bombs. Yeah, yeah. Because it makes us funnier.

[Andrew Santino]

It's perfect.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, the loser. You loser. You're a loser.

[Andrew Santino]

But anyway, unbutton another button. So. So human to human.

[Bobby Lee]

Human to human. And even in that, it's very difficult to get, apparently.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Because the couple that got it on the cruise were sleeping together on the same bed.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, they were husband and wife. Right? Yeah, that makes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, so. So that makes sense. Right. But the only scary part is this.

[Andrew Santino]

Who got it first, by the way? Did the guy or the girl get it and they got it from a rat on the boat?

[Bobby Lee]

No, they got it from bird watching in Argentina.

[Andrew Santino]

I've said it once, I'll say it again.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Stop watching birds.

[Bobby Lee]

Stop watching them.

[Andrew Santino]

They don't need to be watched.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. They need to be perceived. You have to perceive them.

[Andrew Santino]

Perceive a bird is fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Because if a hawk's going to come and attack, your eyes have good perception. And I don't have the eyes to even witness the hawk.

[Andrew Santino]

Until you get the glasses.

[Bobby Lee]

Right? Until I get the glasses. Right. So don't poke up my eyes. Hawk.

[Andrew Santino]

Correct.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. So my point is, is that they were out, you know, you know, these. There's different kinds of cruises.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that an image of you between you. The time when you leave and you're getting your glasses and you don't have them yet. Hawks just smashing you in the eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. I need gl. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

The different kinds of cruises.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So what? This kind of crew. Like I did a cruise with the Adam Divine folk. Right, right. That's Max. Go back. Ah, right. But there's certain cruises, adventurism cruises. White cruises.

[Andrew Santino]

White people.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, white people cruisers. Like I need to go to go to the top of that mountain.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean? I need to see the. The top of that Mayan temple.

[Andrew Santino]

I must get to Kilimanjaro.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The explorers, I go deeper into the cave. You know, the ones that go in the Crevices.

[Andrew Santino]

Why are you in there?

[Bobby Lee]

What are you doing in there?

[Andrew Santino]

What's in there? Nothing's in there.

[Bobby Lee]

And they get stuck. They're like, I can't move. I go. Because black people don't do that. They don't even go. We don't go to caves.

[Andrew Santino]

You've never heard a black guy get stuck in spelunking in a cave?

[Bobby Lee]

No, no. You. There are, like, fucking caves in Asia, Vietnam, and whatnot that white people discovered before the Asians did.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. We didn't know it was there.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm sure the Vietnamese knew that it was there. They're like, we're not going near it.

[Andrew Santino]

No way.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

White people love spelunking.

[Bobby Lee]

They love spelunking. So this is white people's fault.

[Andrew Santino]

This is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So they went on an adventure. They caught it, you know, they brought it back on the cruise. And I think it's. But the scary part is somebody that was flying to South Africa. Right. Who died.

[Andrew Santino]

Brought it.

[Bobby Lee]

Brought it to South. But died. But the stewardess. Is that what you call them now? No, flight attendant. A flight attendant. Got it.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, no.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean? So that's a little weird.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, because airplanes are the one. That's the one where I'm like, you're in a contained space. And they're like, the HEPA filters are really good. You're like, not when the guy next to me is going. Because I've sat next to that guy many flights.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, dude. I have a rule, and I have a message to everyone listening. If you're super. Have a cold and you're super sick, don't get on a plane and don't go to work.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't get on. You don't need to go to work.

[Bobby Lee]

If I say food industry, I've had waiters, you know, I mean, super sick.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, yeah, fries.

[Bobby Lee]

Your fries. Super sick. It's like, what are you doing at work, dude?

[Andrew Santino]

Take a day down.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Not. I understand the economy.

[Andrew Santino]

People need to work.

[Bobby Lee]

They need to work. I understand that.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what?

[Bobby Lee]

For that, I'm gonna.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna be the opposite, Devil's advocate. I think everyone should go to work as sick as they possibly are.

[Bobby Lee]

You.

[Andrew Santino]

You know who does it every day?

[Bobby Lee]

Who?

[Andrew Santino]

Fancy.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right.

[Andrew Santino]

Has never not come to work. I don't take a day off. You're sick now.

[Bobby Lee]

But we go on the road, we get it from him, and sudden we're in Denver Saturday night, all sick. Yeah. And we're all sick. And it's Your fault.

[Andrew Santino]

You've gotten everyone in this room sick multiple times. Dude, you're a carrier. I edited this show with like 110 fever.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, you be. But I bet you money if I get the hantavirus. Hantavirus. You gave it to me.

[Andrew Santino]

You did.

[Bobby Lee]

It's got a 30 to 40% mortality rate. What? And there's a 21 to 40 day incubation period.

[Andrew Santino]

So you don't even know.

[Bobby Lee]

But here's the good news.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't know for a month.

[Bobby Lee]

Here's the good news. You want to hear the good news?

[Andrew Santino]

Please.

[Bobby Lee]

Even if you have it, and I have it. But it's. It's not like I'm. It's incubating. You're not going to catch it for me until I have symptoms. Ah, right. So it's like if I'm. If I have Hanta. Hanta. I don't know how you call it. And I.

[Andrew Santino]

What does it prefer to be called?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you. Spanish.

[Andrew Santino]

Hunter.

[Bobby Lee]

Hunter.

[Andrew Santino]

Sounds like a good car company out of Japan.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Hunter.

[Bobby Lee]

Hunter virus. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So drive the all new Hunter.

[Bobby Lee]

So if I had it and I was showing symptoms and I sneezed in front of you, then.

[Andrew Santino]

Then, yeah, but bring that back up though. That says the rattiest cities.

[Bobby Lee]

I didn't say that.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but look. Most rat infested cities are la, Chicago, Paris, New York, London and Deshnoke, India, known for its Kari Manta temple, famously home to thousands of rats considered holy. Oh, holy. Rats. Don't get it though.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So did I get the facts correct about the hantavirus?

[Carlos]

Yep.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you did. And can I say this? This is a temple dedicated to rats.

[Bobby Lee]

That's crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Just don't go there. White people.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Don't go. Well, that's. It's in India.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but they go. They do the cruise. We gotta go to that temple.

[Andrew Santino]

Gotta go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but not you.

[Andrew Santino]

I would never.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no. You're. You're more.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm a landlocked guy.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you're more ethnic when it comes to decision making.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you're actually. Yeah. You're not going to bungee jump.

[Andrew Santino]

Nope.

[Bobby Lee]

Have you bungee jumped?

[Andrew Santino]

Never. I would skydive or. Never.

[Bobby Lee]

Never. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm way more ethnic when it comes to white.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Mountain biking.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Mountain bike.

[Andrew Santino]

Why am I on a bicycle on a mountain?

[Bobby Lee]

No, a flat land.

[Andrew Santino]

Flat.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Like on flat bike. On flat.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

I do VR. Biking. Shopify. Hey, we have an online business here at. And Our other podcasts. And we use Shopify because we only use the best. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like I mean Allbirds.

[Andrew Santino]

Allbirds, yeah, and Rothy's. We love. I mean to brands that are just getting started out. Everyone's using them to get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify is going to help you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style. And here's the deal. You're thinking, what if I get stuck? I don't know what to do. Shopify is always around to share advice with their award winning 24. 7 customer support. Shopify is your commerce expert, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Tell them about the iconic purple button. I love that button.

[Andrew Santino]

You love the shop pay button. He goes nuts for that. I go nuts. That shop pay button, it's used by millions of businesses around the world. It's why Shopify has the best. The best converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions, meaning less carts are going to go abandoned and way more sales for you and your business.

[Bobby Lee]

It's time to turn those what ifs into Cha Cha Ching with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.combad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

You go ahead and go over to shopify.com bad friends. You heard us, that's shopify.com bad friends. Quo quo baby spelled Q U O. You have heard of it, right? Missed calls and slow follow ups are silent killers. They're going to ruin your business out there.

[Bobby Lee]

Ruin it.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why businesses leave money on the table without ever realizing it. And that's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo spelled Q U O. The business communication system. They're built so you never miss a call.

[Bobby Lee]

Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2 with over 3,000 reviews. Built for how modern teams work. More than 90,000 businesses, from solo operators to growing teams, rely on it to stay connected, professional and consistently reachable.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Quo works wherever you are, right? From your computer or your phone. You can keep your existing number. Don't got to do anything. You can add teammates and minutes. You can sync your CRM and you can let the call routing handle itself as you scale. Look, a lot of you are owning smaller businesses now. Everyone wants to be an entrepreneur. You need help. And it's very easy. Calls, texts, voicemails, transcripts and contact details all in one clean, simple view. So you and your team, you always have the full picture. You're always on the same page. That way you're ensuring a seamless and more personalized experience. Money is on the line. Always say hello with Quo.

[Bobby Lee]

Hello Quo. Try Quo for free. Plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to Quo.com.

[Andrew Santino]

that's Quo Q U O.com bad friends rocket Money.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going to tell you this right now. A couple years ago, Andrew Santino saved me a lot of money because I had all these unwanted subscriptions on my phone and I went to Rocket Money and they have a dashboard and everything.

[Andrew Santino]

It's so easy, it's so simple to save money.

[Bobby Lee]

And I have saved thousand dollars, thousands of dollars a year.

[Andrew Santino]

It's actually comical. Most people, most people save a good amount of money. Bobby saved a ton of money. Because Rocket Money tracks all your subscriptions, has the ability to cancel unwanted ones within and saving user users over 880 million overall in canceled subscriptions across the board. Why not be one of those people, okay?

[Bobby Lee]

It consolidates checking, savings, loans and investments into a single dashboard to give users clear view of their financial picture.

[Andrew Santino]

It's very simple, man. You can, you can set budgets and set goals and Rocket Money is going to help you with personalized insights and user reports to receive real time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, low balances, whatever your financial goal may be, they're going to help you do it by getting rid of all that expensive stuff on your phone that you're actually not using that you're paying for. So why not let Rocket Money clean up your life today? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

[Bobby Lee]

Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. [e-mail] BadFriends.

[Andrew Santino]

You heard them. That's RocketMoney.com BadFriends RocketMoney.com Bad Friends.

[Bobby Lee]

My point though being is I don't think the hantavirus is that scary yet. But here's the thing that we need to be careful of all viruses. They want to survive.

[Andrew Santino]

They're looking for a host, right?

[Bobby Lee]

And in order to survive, they mutate, right? And Covid has mutated many times. Thousands and thousands of times.

[Andrew Santino]

This thing's a better mutator.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I don't know. We don't know yet. That's why, you know, who is getting upfront, you know what I mean? The World Health Organization. Who? Yeah, they're getting upfront on the messaging,

[Andrew Santino]

by the way, this does say kidney failure can happen within four to 10 days after symptoms. You can just lose your kidney.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's bad. This one is bad. And you know what's going to happen

[Andrew Santino]

is people are going to die.

[Bobby Lee]

No, because of. If this becomes like Covid. What's going to happen is they tricked us last time.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. They're not going to do it again.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they're not going to do it again. I'm going to the country music festival.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm going to go right.

[Bobby Lee]

Not that it could be coachella.

[Andrew Santino]

Come get you.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want to be regional.

[Andrew Santino]

Come get a rat. Get a rat on stick.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden, it's like the mortality rates worse. And it's going to get.

[Andrew Santino]

I think we're good. Knock on knock.

[Bobby Lee]

I think we're good. I think we're good because, I mean, we're going to go into a recession.

[Andrew Santino]

God bless.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And in. The economy is fucked.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's go. No, we got to go into recession.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Because they have to go down to go back up. That's the only way it works. If we don't do a recession and then we go into depression, we must recede before we proceed.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh. Like a wave.

[Andrew Santino]

We must hit the wave.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I see.

[Andrew Santino]

As of May, the u. S. Economy is not in a current recession, Facing significant material headwinds and mixed signals. Some analysts foresee a 4050 probability of downturn due to high interest rates. It is.

[Bobby Lee]

But there's an AI Bubble that could pop, you know, I mean, and if that happens, you know, I mean, then, you know, I don't want to. What?

[Andrew Santino]

It just scared.

[Bobby Lee]

It's. It.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like, who knows what's.

[Bobby Lee]

Who knows what's happening?

[Andrew Santino]

Are you feeling better? He said he was feeling better earlier.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

The head feels good. It looks good.

[Carlos]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

Your head feels good?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

It hurts in the back a little bit.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, I can't see it. It's got. I mean, from afar, when I look closer, I see the little redness. Yeah. From afar, it looks normal.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, it'll.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude. How funny if he turns into, like, a male model when this is over. Oh, that'd be awesome if we shift him into modeling now.

[Bobby Lee]

And he is handsome.

[Andrew Santino]

He is. The kid's handsome.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You do stink.

[Carlos]

Because I'm always busy and.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I know. Can I just say something about. You're handsome. You have a cool vibe.

[Carlos]

Thanks, bro.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what? I Mean set up, Set up, set up. Oh, yeah, here it is. And the thing before the butt doesn't count. The butt's my favorite. Why?

[Bobby Lee]

Can I be honest?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. No, you're. No, we would like it. Be honest.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You smell always good.

[Andrew Santino]

Ditto, by the way. I smell.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

I smelled a girl last night at the fucking restaurant. And I was like, God, what is that? That smells incredible. She sat next to us and my wife was like, that's. That's Bobby's cologne.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I smelled you on someone else.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And it made me get. I ran up to her, I did an Asian accent tour. I missed you so much because you wear a lot of unisex.

[Bobby Lee]

Some sweet. You know, I mean, Woody sweet. You know, I mean.

[Andrew Santino]

But I go, she had your cologne on it or your parfum.

[Bobby Lee]

My perfume.

[Andrew Santino]

Why do you think he's you?

[Bobby Lee]

So you think he smells at times your breath? You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

What is it I use? What does he use?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Malin and goats rum.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. I don't know. If.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't put goat.

[Bobby Lee]

It's too goat. It's too goat. Yeah. Do more Mullen.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Founders are gay.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's go more.

[Sponsor Voice]

Let's go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. In fact, how about this?

[Andrew Santino]

Only Mullen for a smell good set to have goat in it is crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

It's crazy, dude. Is there a little bit of sheep in there, too?

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, I'm using Marcus and farts right now. More Marcus.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, is that your. That's your.

[Bobby Lee]

That's your go to.

[Andrew Santino]

That's your scent.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What is that?

[Andrew Santino]

Tom Ford.

[Bobby Lee]

Tom Ford, yeah. Do you use it?

[Carlos]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. All right. Use.

[Carlos]

I come to work so stressed that I'm.

[Bobby Lee]

This is what you need to do.

[Andrew Santino]

You do need to chill on the stress thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. This is what you. This is what I do.

[Carlos]

I can't take meds before I come here. Why? You see me raw, know if I'm

[Andrew Santino]

high, I will 100% know. Well, you have tricked me a few times.

[Bobby Lee]

There's.

[Carlos]

I just always forget to tell you the truth.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, so this is what you do. Okay, this is what I do.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Spray on the wrist. Always rub and do a rub must. Right. I lift up my shirt right underneath one spray underneath.

[Andrew Santino]

Now, do you do skin or do you do shirt?

[Bobby Lee]

It's I, I. I spray upwards. And it gets both.

[Andrew Santino]

It gets all the way up.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it gets all the way up.

[Carlos]

I record myself doing it.

[Bobby Lee]

Prove it. Okay. And then this is another one I do. Sure. And this is A little gross. But I lift the sack and it hit the taint.

[Andrew Santino]

How's that gross? That's per. That's exactly where it's supposed to go.

[Bobby Lee]

That's where exactly bar is supposed to go. Right? Because if you know what I mean, they don't want you. You don't want them to taste it.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. But that. You want them to smell it.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, right.

[Andrew Santino]

They want the aura.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, the aura. Yeah. And then. Wait, wait, I've got it.

[Andrew Santino]

One on the neck, one in the neck.

[Carlos]

That was zesty, that last one.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. And that's it.

[Andrew Santino]

That's it.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you do?

[Carlos]

I do this.

[Andrew Santino]

Two sprays.

[Bobby Lee]

And that's it?

[Carlos]

Yeah, that's it.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, but that's what I.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I don't Carlos you now.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

I don't want to smell too crazy. Maybe I should spray some in your

[Bobby Lee]

mouth, too, because that thing. What. What are you, a dragon? Like what temple you're trying to burn down?

[Carlos]

It's.

[Andrew Santino]

I use the natural one.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, it's so smelly.

[Andrew Santino]

It's the natural one.

[Carlos]

Some air one. And I don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sponsor Voice]

Do more.

[Bobby Lee]

Whatever.

[Andrew Santino]

But I don't eat.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll give you the money. What do you think?

[Andrew Santino]

Please eat food.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not eating. McCone has commented multiple times. Sometimes you'll skip an entire day of meal.

[Bobby Lee]

Smells like a vegetarian.

[Carlos]

I skip sitting.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't do that.

[Bobby Lee]

This is another thing he does on the road.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I didn't eat.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we haven't eaten all day. You know, I'll have four lettuces, one crouton, and half a shrimp.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like, order a steak, have a meal.

[Carlos]

But you said I'm handsome earlier. It's like, that's why, like, that has

[Andrew Santino]

nothing to do with the food. You need to eat for nutrition.

[Bobby Lee]

You're fucking up your breath. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Your body's gonna kill you.

[Carlos]

Yeah, but you can just have smoothies, too.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you can't just eat smoothies.

[Carlos]

Literally, I've been eating avocado toast and smoothies for a whole year and nothing else.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, congratulations.

[Carlos]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

And nugget.

[Bobby Lee]

You look shit.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me the guy. Give me. Yeah. And then McDonald's. Yeah, give me the guy. That's. That does the cologne tutorials. He does, like, on. On YouTube. He sprays, like. He says, like a hundred sprays. That's what he does.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's good to do.

[Andrew Santino]

A hundred sprays.

[Bobby Lee]

I'd rather have that than whatever he has.

[Andrew Santino]

This dragon, this guy here's. Cologne the right way. Let's see how cologne. Let's see how it's applied the correct way. How to put on cologne.

[Carlos]

Because I don't. I mean, I guess I don't know how.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, here we go. Because this guy will teach us.

[Bobby Lee]

I already told you the best time to apply your cologne. All right, Push pause. Push pause. First of all, I don't believe it. Already turned the video off.

[Andrew Santino]

It's too much AI. That's why it's AI.

[Bobby Lee]

Because turn that off for a second.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll take number two.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I don't believe it. Okay. Yes. Yesterday morning.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Mookie Betts. Yeah, Mookie and Cam.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Cam. The best, right?

[Bobby Lee]

They both smelled unreal. Unreal.

[Andrew Santino]

So good.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, when you smell Mookie Bats, it's because they're famous. No, that's not it, dude. Right? They just intuitively know where to spray. They do what to spray, they do how to spray. They intuitively know to put some sort of mint in the mouth not to offend the human beings around them.

[Carlos]

I brought that to.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. So. So what I'm saying. I'm not done talking.

[Carlos]

Well, I'm just saying for big.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. So it's like, you know, so that they're not intrusive.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean? Like, I don't want an eyebrow burned off. Right? Because you're telling me something. You know what I mean? Do you understand what I'm saying? Like, I want, you know, I don't want to get tan. I don't want to get an insta tan when you're talking to me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Ye. You need to take. Your breath stinks, dude. You need to take your fucking terrible. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to take your fake pills. No, on one. Every time I'm with you. On. I look Filipino.

[Andrew Santino]

Because your brother is so.

[Bobby Lee]

Like a dragon.

[Andrew Santino]

He's had time with you. He talked to you the other day, and then he turned to me and he got breath. Burn. His whole face had breath.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I'm saying. Dude. I'm not eating. Look at the kind of vaping.

[Carlos]

I'm vaping.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not eating. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's terrible.

[Andrew Santino]

What's in there? Rats? Yeah. What's in there?

[Carlos]

Tobacco.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, God. I'm sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

I love you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Carlos]

The price I pay.

[Bobby Lee]

It's the price you pay. But please. We're going on the road Thursday morning. Yeah, Right. If you're not going to eat, if you need Listerine packets. That's what I brought. Or gum or whatever you want. I'll give you thousands of dollars because that's what's. What it's going to take.

[Carlos]

Because I use the natural, right. It doesn't work.

[Bobby Lee]

It doesn't matter. And also, on top of it, do the cologne routine and that, we won't have a fudgeing problem. I've got a homeless man as my tour manager.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll record.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. What the is going on?

[Carlos]

All right, calm down. You're on.

[Bobby Lee]

All the stage hands are like, is he homeless? I go, no, he's not homeless. He's a real. He lives in a house. I'm sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

That's been pinned up for years. Yeah, it is. How do you say that?

[Carlos]

You say it.

[Bobby Lee]

How do you say that? How do you say that to somebody? You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

You just did.

[Bobby Lee]

No, that when you're. You know. I mean, because you have. I've never seen you publicly acknowledge his breath. What do you, in your mind think

[Andrew Santino]

I write about it? I have a blog.

[Bobby Lee]

You do? Morning pages, the artist way.

[Andrew Santino]

I have a sub stack on it. You guys got to read it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. You gotta read it.

[Andrew Santino]

Go to morningbreath.com Andrew Santino. All right, well, any retorts then for Bob then? Do you have a retort or do you have.

[Carlos]

Bobby usually smells good. And he's a good boss. And respect. Is that a max maximum.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, smart dude. He's about to get some checks on the road.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Very, very smart.

[Andrew Santino]

Excited.

[Bobby Lee]

You're really good.

[Carlos]

Sold out. San Antonio. It's great.

[Andrew Santino]

Of course.

[Bobby Lee]

Of course. Yeah. Houston's getting there, and also Dallas is there already doing well.

[Carlos]

Toronto.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Reach out from Texas. You're gonna rip up Texas to shred.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So what I'm saying is, is that you're also being. Last thing I want to say. Yeah. Last thing I want to say. Because I feel like people think that I completely complain or I'm being vicious. You know what I mean? I think you're over compensating. Let me say that again.

[Andrew Santino]

Hit it again.

[Bobby Lee]

You're over compensating.

[Andrew Santino]

Overcompensating.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Overcompensating. Yeah. For what? It's like. Because last time I said you're not a good tour manager. Right. But now you're being extra good where it's kind of annoying.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you're going too far.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Today. No, no, no, it's not. So we. We're fly. We fly all Thursday.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. To San Antonio. In the morning, Right. We land at three, Right? Right. He's already today going, what kind of beef do you want?

[Andrew Santino]

What is that? What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Like he. I have to pre order, pre order meat for our barbecue place.

[Carlos]

They don't run out.

[Bobby Lee]

So that they don't run out.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean? They're gonna.

[Carlos]

They're gonna run out of meat by 3. So when we go at 7:30, they'll hold.

[Bobby Lee]

Did they tell you that they run out and meet? We're at a barbecue fucking place.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Excuse me. I will order the corn, right? And I guess the cornbread. There's nothing good left because they're like a Michelin star place. That's normal, idiot. That's fucking normal. God damn, dude. You're just calling the barbecue. Barbecue place. Yeah.

[Carlos]

And they're all millionaires.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, you're so. You know.

[Carlos]

No, you don't.

[Bobby Lee]

You're overcompensating this. Yeah. I mean, let's be real. Let's be real for once in your life. No, go in the middle.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe he's overcompensated.

[Bobby Lee]

Ah,

[Andrew Santino]

wow.

[Bobby Lee]

He's got me riled up, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

How about we do a hygiene bump then? Financially give him a hygiene bump.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, I'm willing to do this. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

We'll put aside a little bit of money for hygiene.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm willing to do this. Okay.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Thanks for the hair.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Even hair.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not it. That's not what smells.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. That it. Will you. You think that's hair from the back of his head? No, dude, he's not gonna sacrifice the back of his head. That's hair. That's pube hair, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

I love it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what?

[Bobby Lee]

Imagine that hair. He's gonna have dreadlocks,

[Andrew Santino]

dingleberries up at the front.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. It's gonna look bad, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

It's gonna look so good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Not only are you gonna look good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm afraid we're gonna lose you to modeling. I just think. I think you're gonna get a full head of hair. I think he's gonna get a full head of hair in a year and he's gonna think he's better than us. Do you happen? Fancy. I think he's going to be up his own ass. McCone's saying yes. I think you're going to be Mr. Hotshot and Mr. Hotshot's going to go, I'm late. I don't want to come to the shoot anymore. I'm doing my own thing.

[Carlos]

I'm 90 minutes early every time. I'm a killer.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but you don't have any hair yet. When the hair comes in, it might change your perspective.

[Carlos]

Okay, that's interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

He's two inches taller than me. One.

[Andrew Santino]

One.

[Bobby Lee]

One.

[Andrew Santino]

One. It's one.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It's one or two inches taller than me. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

With the hair might be even.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, right. He has haunt a body. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The face is pretty good.

[Andrew Santino]

Face is very good.

[Carlos]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

The eyes, even with eyes. Nice car, nose, mouth are very good. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

The women like the eyes in the face. Nose.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. You're right. But also, women don't like medieval.

[Andrew Santino]

They don't like.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They don't.

[Andrew Santino]

They don't like.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you know, I mean, they don't like, you know, fire coming out of the mouth. They don't like. Is that an ogre? And with their senses, you know, their smells. Right. I mean, they don't like medieval.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. They like.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, right, Right. Yeah. Am I under a bridge? Like, what is going on? Like a troll? You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

So what I'm saying to you is, is that it? I think it'll, you know, I mean, even off.

[Andrew Santino]

Even out.

[Bobby Lee]

Even out as an average guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Got it.

[Carlos]

I see.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. No, I have nothing at me.

[Carlos]

I'm not trying to go at you.

[Bobby Lee]

Come at me, guy.

[Carlos]

Bobby Hinchcliffe.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, Bobby. Dude, he's gonna piss me off. Dude. This guy. You're beginning to piss me off right now. I love you. I love you. Yeah. First of all, I love you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, so I want to say this. It's not roasting.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not. That's honesting.

[Bobby Lee]

It's. It's. It's telling it how it is. Right. Structurally, it's not a roast joke. Joke. It's not as clever as a roast joke.

[Carlos]

That's true.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. And I. And I. I'm the one that said it. Yeah. So I admit it. Okay. Right. Still got laughs yet.

[Carlos]

Same with the roast the other night on Netflix.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. So what my point is, is that it's not a roast joke, because I'm just being honest.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Ogre, troll, dragon's breath. No, look at me right now, dude. No, I. I swear to God on my mother's life that those three things are true. All right, so what my point is, Bob, I said one thing as soon I'm talking. I'm the host of the show. Thank you. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. So, anyway, let me finish what I would say. Okay. Listen to what I have to say. Yeah. How. How is that. How is that roasting when I'm just being honest?

[Andrew Santino]

It was not a roast. I didn't see a roast come out of it.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

It was you divulging your.

[Bobby Lee]

What are the three things I said mythologically?

[Andrew Santino]

Under a bridge? Troll.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Dragon's breath.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

And.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Ogre.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Exactly. Yeah. Now, will you defy any of those three things?

[Andrew Santino]

There is.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No defiance.

[Bobby Lee]

There's no defiance.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

They're truisms. Correct.

[Andrew Santino]

Truth. Truths.

[Bobby Lee]

Truths.

[Andrew Santino]

Truths.

[Bobby Lee]

You're a truth or I'm a truther. Correct.

[Andrew Santino]

Right, Always.

[Bobby Lee]

So case closed.

[Andrew Santino]

Case closed.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Carlos]

That's not how, like, court works. You can't just.

[Andrew Santino]

It is if you. It is if you own the court. It does work.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you believe he just said, I'm the executive producer? Did you hear that?

[Andrew Santino]

Is that what you said to Bobby?

[Carlos]

Yeah. I've never even said executive.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you an executive producer?

[Carlos]

I mean. Yeah, I guess.

[Bobby Lee]

I. I may ask you as a. Let me ask you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. As a nonpartisan. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no. You're not partisan. You're my best friend. And we do this together.

[Andrew Santino]

So I'm part of.

[Bobby Lee]

We're on the poster.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

We're the band. We're the band.

[Andrew Santino]

We're the band.

[Bobby Lee]

We're the band. Okay.

[Carlos]

I'm on the tour.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. So this guy. Dude, you make the poster.

[Carlos]

I take pictures.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let me ask you, as my business partner.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And as the stars of the show.

[Andrew Santino]

Correct.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Is he executive producer?

[Carlos]

Flash. Booker.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me think.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, think about it.

[Carlos]

Wait, Andrew. I can just be producer.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, so you're. You don't even want the title? I was going to give it to you, but I guess. No. So just producer, then.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Associate.

[Andrew Santino]

AP.

[Carlos]

Associate.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no.

[Andrew Santino]

What's McCone, then?

[Carlos]

He's assistant.

[Bobby Lee]

He's exactly what Carlos is.

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos.

[Bobby Lee]

You guys, I'm 54 years old. I'm about to turn 55.

[Andrew Santino]

Congratulations.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'm about to die. But my point is, I'm still sexually active. And what I do is I have a girlfriend now as well.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, you do.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And still I use Bluetooth. I'll tell you why it's easy. It's easy because as you get older. You mean you have ed.

[Andrew Santino]

You do.

[Bobby Lee]

Erectile dysfunction is what they call it.

[Andrew Santino]

And that's not a big deal. Millions and millions of people suffer from it. It's not that big of a deal. Because now bluechew has been on a mission to get you absolutely bricked up and build your confidence so you can perform in the bedroom. So you're getting those late night texts of those. You up? What's up? What's going on? Bluechew Gold is their new arousal boosting formula. It's helping millions of men have better sex right here in 2026 and beyond.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's right. It's time for less talking and more rocking. Less hanging, more banging, less thinking, more dinking. Seriously, who wrote this? It's simple. Chew it and do it, chew it

[Andrew Santino]

and do it is all you need to know. You can get the solution that does both and more for getting hard, staying hard for a long time. Level up with BlueChew Gold. Don't let your mind get in the way of a good time. Be like Bobby Lee. Discover your [e-mail] and we got a special deal for our listeners right now. When you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you're going to get the third for free with promo code bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

That's promo code bad friends. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast Kachava. No. What? Andrew? I'd rather have cachava than any other meal ever if I had a choice, like if I was on an island. They're like, you get one meal, I'll go. You know, I'll do every flavor of Cachoeva.

[Andrew Santino]

You know why? Because it supports energy, digestion, strength, metabolism, cognition, immunity. This stuff has so much amazing stuff in it for you and it tastes very good. You know, your immune system. Get a boost of vitamin C, zinc and probiotics. And I'm telling you, it is so easy to take your favorite all in one nutrition shake with you, Bobby, wherever you're headed with Kachava's new travel packs.

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa.

[Andrew Santino]

Incredible. Because they're on the go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. Protein, fiber, vitamins, minerals, greens, probiotics, omegas, electrolytes, and more. Features six fan favorite flavors. Chocolate, vanilla, chai, matcha, coconut, acai and strawberry.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

That's Kachava K A C-H-A-V-A.com code BAD FRIENDS.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

You know what guys? My younger self would have definitely been

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

They also have Spot me which lets you overdrap up to $200 fee free. You heard it, fee free.

[Bobby Lee]

Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee free today.

[Andrew Santino]

Head to chime.combadfriends that's chime.com bad friends. It only takes a few minutes to sign up.

[Carlos]

No. You're trying to break me and it just won't work because you've been trying for 20 years.

[Bobby Lee]

I feel like he sounds like a broken man. Look at me right now. Such projection. Don't talk please, because the hosts are talking at all. Look at me right now.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Does that sound like a broken little bit? I want more love.

[Bobby Lee]

I do love him. He's my tour manager. I will not fire him. He will be my tour manager to the end of my tour.

[Andrew Santino]

What started this do you think? How did this kick off? There was an energy transfer that happened.

[Bobby Lee]

I came in today because my hands were cramping. Yeah, Right. My hands were cramping and they're still cramping. Okay. I had a miracle. But the eye thing, even that lady said, you mean not Asian.

[Andrew Santino]

That was rude.

[Bobby Lee]

And so I was in this kind of mixed move also when I was driving here, I was going, I have nothing to talk about.

[Carlos]

Oh, it's the barbecue. He's mad that I asked him to pre order barbecue.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I do feel like the pre order ask was what started this whole.

[Carlos]

Yeah. And I'm just order for him is what I'll end up doing.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I want you to be comfortable being

[Carlos]

on tour with, like, Nirvana would be easier. Like, it was so much calmer in the early 90s with them. I bet it's crazier. Like Michael. Michael Jackson and his monkey or something. Like, it's insane.

[Andrew Santino]

So you're saying he's a hard guy to work with.

[Carlos]

I think there are levels of difficulty and he's on one of the higher ones.

[Andrew Santino]

Ones. Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

You have to really, like, really crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Now the heart and the hardest part about.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's. Let's go back then. Oh.

[Carlos]

He's like, oh, I'm a man of the people. That makes me easy.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. If you want to get real, let's get real.

[Carlos]

We haven't been real this whole.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, no, because I was kidding about that. You don't smoke, ogre. That's such gaslighting. You're a gas. I did that for comedy reasons. It's a comedy podcast.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Ogres do not smell like.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dragon. Yeah, yeah. Dragons don't exist.

[Andrew Santino]

These are actually all mythological creatures.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cherubs. It's all mermaids. All fake.

[Andrew Santino]

None of it's real.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. That's not gaslighting. That's a truism.

[Andrew Santino]

There is no dragons.

[Bobby Lee]

There is no dragon. It's a truth.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. There's no.

[Bobby Lee]

Is the truth.

[Andrew Santino]

That's the truth of the truth.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

So take it back.

[Bobby Lee]

There are trolls. There are some mythological evidence.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Give or take.

[Bobby Lee]

Give or take. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, I was in jest saying these things for comedy purposes at one point or another. You took it personally.

[Andrew Santino]

There was a personal take.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. And those names. Yeah, yeah. And then you snapped. You got angry.

[Carlos]

If I snapped, Andrew would legit be like, get the fuck out of here.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no. I would let you have your peace. If you want to say your piece, you can say your piece.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Carlos]

That's how you lose your job.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no. You can't lose your job. I was Just doing it in jest, of course. You don't rebuild. Not a dragon.

[Andrew Santino]

I can't even say it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. And all that stuff. Right. I was just giving, you know, light hints of maybe, you know, me and suggestions.

[Andrew Santino]

Small stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, small stuff. And you took it personally.

[Carlos]

I wish that as my friend, you would just tell me the truth and that you were trying to break.

[Andrew Santino]

Would you rather him tell you the truth? Not on the air?

[Carlos]

No. On the air.

[Andrew Santino]

You want on the air.

[Bobby Lee]

You want on the air because.

[Andrew Santino]

It's because you wanted to.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, I will tell you the truth on the air then. Right. You have dragon's breath. All right. You smell like an ogre and a troll. Yeah.

[Carlos]

And all the things I. I can't.

[Bobby Lee]

Like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You can fight.

[Bobby Lee]

You can fight back.

[Andrew Santino]

Back.

[Carlos]

Nah.

[Bobby Lee]

So let me ask you. I'm difficult on the road. I'm like. Like Michael Jackson and bubbles or whatever

[Andrew Santino]

he said you were like Bubbles.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So what's my writer?

[Carlos]

Smart water.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, that's not. It's not Smart water.

[Carlos]

Sugar free Red Bull.

[Bobby Lee]

I have two. I have two things on my writer.

[Carlos]

Okay, all right, tell me what they are.

[Bobby Lee]

Water. Yeah. And sugar free Red Bull.

[Carlos]

I just said smart water and sugar.

[Bobby Lee]

Those are the only two? Yeah. What is Michael Jackson's writer?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it's like all the nine year old boy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. No, don't say that. No, but I'm just saying.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, that is rider.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, but what's, you know, I mean, you choose. Ryder.

[Carlos]

It's not about the.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. Yes, it is. It's about what the tour manager has to do to make the artist happy. Mine's basic. I want a stool on stage.

[Andrew Santino]

Yep.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. I want a meal. Yeah. Right. I want to pay my openers. And I also want Red Bull and water. That's it.

[Andrew Santino]

That's it.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want to just stir anything, but. All right. War. War.

[Andrew Santino]

Sounds like it's coming. He actually said that Bobby is so cool on the road.

[Bobby Lee]

That who? You know, he thinks Andrew's really, really difficult. And you know that. You've said that to me before.

[Carlos]

No, y' all are very different.

[Bobby Lee]

Andrew, you've said that to me before.

[Carlos]

I never.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, you have. I would literally. No, I would literally never say that. You're such a rat. You're such a rat that. I would never say that. You're saying this now because you know the fire. That's why I would never say it because you're such a rat. You think I'm the rat? He's the rat.

[Carlos]

I would never call Andrew.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey.

[Carlos]

I would never call him.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey. Yeah. Yeah. Andrew, look at me right now. Quiet. Quiet for him. All right, listen to me right now. Okay?

[Carlos]

You have to be more on top of things.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'm. We're good.

[Carlos]

No, I'm not worried about you and me. I'm worried about me and Andrew.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. I understand. It's good. It's real good. No, it's not. Yeah, it's good. He's also my. Yeah, it's good. You know what I mean? It's good. Let me look at my. My friend here.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Hello?

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, don't take it personally.

[Andrew Santino]

Hit me.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Carlos]

You're ready for a lie?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Let's make play fair. Fair.

[Andrew Santino]

Play fair.

[Bobby Lee]

What? Andreas son. What do you say?

[Andrew Santino]

That I'm more difficult on the road than you.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Did I say that?

[Andrew Santino]

You did not know.

[Bobby Lee]

Little. Facts are facts.

[Andrew Santino]

Fancy said that. Said that. Carlos said that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Behind my back.

[Carlos]

I've never.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. So never.

[Andrew Santino]

So listen here, dragon boy.

[Bobby Lee]

I've never called you this ever. So it's very interesting to me, you know? I mean, I'm getting the heat because I'm the easier target than he is.

[Carlos]

Welcome to my life.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Carlos]

It's like we're mirror images.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. So what I'm saying is that you're. He's scarier. Yeah. Than I am.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Carlos]

So you have to stay on top of it with him.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. So you treat me shittier. You do because you're afraid of him.

[Carlos]

This is.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's be real. Let's be real for once.

[Carlos]

That's not true. I'm not frustrated with Andrew in the slightest and it's not redirected to you. That's insane. I like working with Andrew.

[Andrew Santino]

Not anymore. Hey, brother. We're gonna be needing to look for a new tour manager as the run I have right now is a dragon breath troll. Ghoul. Please.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm calling mine live. Matt. No, Abby, I'm kidding.

[Andrew Santino]

I didn't text.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm doing for real.

[Andrew Santino]

I would never do that.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlos is obviously everyone. Andres, please. Hello? Hi, it's Bob. Bob? Yeah. One of your clients. Bob Lee.

[Andrew Santino]

What's up?

[Bobby Lee]

What's up? I just want to let you know you're on bad friends right now.

[Andrew Santino]

I am?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but don't. You're not going to say anything bad. I'm just going to let you. I'm going to say I'll do all the talking and then you just. And then I'M gonna hang up.

[Andrew Santino]

Do they hear me this part?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they're hearing you talk. Yes, but you don't have to. Yeah, but you don't have to talk anymore.

[Andrew Santino]

Does she know what a podcast is?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Okay. All right, all right. So here's. Here's. All right. My tour manager has dragon's breath. You don't say anything. Right? Smells like a troll in an ogre. Right. If I looked at my. My writer or. None of the. That's in my dressing room is in, like, the fruit plate.

[Carlos]

Not true, Abby.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

It's not true.

[Bobby Lee]

And I want to let you know this tour is fine, but the next tour I do, he's out. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I love him.

[Carlos]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, bye.

[Carlos]

There's always.

[Bobby Lee]

She's fired. She's fired. She's fired.

[Andrew Santino]

I will say this.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

The fact that you went behind my back and saying that and told Fancy and McCone. Did he tell you?

[Carlos]

Not me.

[Andrew Santino]

Did he tell you? McCone didn't hear this?

[Bobby Lee]

No. Bacon McCone. Kunka's the closer to the mic.

[Andrew Santino]

McCone, have you ever tour managed?

[Carlos]

No, but I've seen a lot of.

[Andrew Santino]

We were about to.

[Bobby Lee]

McCone, you've told me this before. Okay. And I want you to be on the record. Right. Who's scarier, Andrew or I?

[Carlos]

Andrew. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, good.

[Andrew Santino]

That's good. That's the way I look.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. But you have said that before.

[Carlos]

But fear doesn't make me talk about him.

[Andrew Santino]

Or does it?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Carlos]

I'm so much smarter than. I don't tell you anything, Bob, because you would tell everyone my business.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I'm a gossip. Interesting. I'm a gossiper. I'm a witch.

[Carlos]

Yeah, you are.

[Bobby Lee]

Salem's witch trial, huh? You're a gossiper.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. Well, you know what's unfortunate, Carlos, I will be honest with you right now.

[Bobby Lee]

We love you.

[Andrew Santino]

No, not yet.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I thought. Man, I make it real easy on Carlos. I don't ask for much but the simple things.

[Carlos]

You don't.

[Andrew Santino]

I just want water and popcorn backstage before I go on.

[Carlos]

And you always have it.

[Bobby Lee]

It's crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

And I just think I don't ever call you and bug you and say, give me this, give me that. I need one, I need this, I need that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And also, I was.

[Andrew Santino]

For you to go behind my back and tell Fancy I'm difficult to deal with on the road breaks my heart. And quite frankly, praise the Lord. I think that's it for us on the road.

[Carlos]

This is sad that we're going to end over lies.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's lying? Fancy's lying.

[Carlos]

I think Fancy's having a hallucination from one of his many colds.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you lying?

[Carlos]

Yes, it's a fever dream.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm lying. No, you're lying about lying now. So now there's layers of lies. So now I can't believe anybody in the booth. Yeah, so now we have a booth filled with liars.

[Bobby Lee]

They've always have been liars.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's to believe now?

[Bobby Lee]

No one.

[Carlos]

No, you're innocent.

[Bobby Lee]

No one's to believe.

[Andrew Santino]

So you are the only person I can believe. So we have. I can't believe.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't believe me, either.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, well.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. This is Game of Thrones. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And whom is the dragon?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right there. I'm Khaleesi.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, for the record, I defended you. I don't think you have bad breath, and I don't think you smell bad.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I don't either. It was just a joke.

[Andrew Santino]

Lies. The room for the lies.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, I'm a liar as well.

[Andrew Santino]

Gosh, how do we get away from this?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, let me tell you something, though. In all honesty, all jokes aside. All jokes aside, I love you dearly, Carlos.

[Bobby Lee]

I do, too.

[Andrew Santino]

But I will not be touring with you in the future. He got a good beating today.

[Carlos]

I took it like a. Like a.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what the worst part of all this is?

[Bobby Lee]

What is it?

[Andrew Santino]

This is like an ex that we have a kid with. We still have to see these people.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean? You and I had a baby.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. This show is our baby.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And that's our child.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, that's. That's. That's the. That's our ex. These people are.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, these are our ex. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And now we have to see them, because to create, to keep the baby happy, we have to see our exes, Right? And they're all.

[Bobby Lee]

That's exactly what it is.

[Andrew Santino]

And they're all of our exes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I do that on Tiger Belly.

[Andrew Santino]

A grand slam. Yeah, yeah, A literal grand slam.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And that's what it is over here.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm disappointed.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm disappointed, too. If you. The way you framed it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Makes me disappointed. But I guess, you know, I guess

[Andrew Santino]

that's the way it is.

[Bobby Lee]

The panic.

[Carlos]

Remember?

[Bobby Lee]

What did I say before I went in hot? Right. And what did I say when I walked through the store?

[Carlos]

You have nothing to talk about.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly. But you know what that really means?

[Andrew Santino]

I got something to Say I have

[Bobby Lee]

to see my ex.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Toxic behavior.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. I have to see my ex and I have to pretend everything's, you know, cool. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So it's like, be cooler.

[Andrew Santino]

Be cooler.

[Carlos]

That's great advice.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It's good advice. Right?

[Carlos]

Thank you, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Facetious.

[Bobby Lee]

And when you walk out of the door. Right. Don't go just to Andrew. Tell me some business.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Lie to me. I just want to say this, okay?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And this is the truth of the matter.

[Carlos]

You're a great boss man. I love you.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

This is the truth of the matter.

[Carlos]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna be honest.

[Andrew Santino]

Didn't tell me I'm a good boss.

[Bobby Lee]

Tell Andrew. He didn't say that.

[Carlos]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

He loves you.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you, Fancy. He didn't say that. Say you swear on your daughter's life. He didn't say that. Say you swear on your daughter's life.

[Bobby Lee]

On your daughter's life.

[Andrew Santino]

Say it. No, no, no, don't.

[Bobby Lee]

You can't what you're saying, even if you're crossing your little toes and your fingers and you're thinking something else, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is true. Right? Say on your daughter's life that. He didn't say that.

[Andrew Santino]

He didn't. On my daughter's life. Say that. Say he didn't say that. On my daughter's life. He didn't say that. On my daughter's life.

[Carlos]

Let's go. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

You get a phone call right now. Your wife is like. She's dead.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I. I can't believe you would let your daughter die.

[Andrew Santino]

Crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

That's so crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

For just the show.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Just for the show. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's to give the show.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow. Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Call the hospital right now.

[Bobby Lee]

Call the hospital. Yeah, I believe. Here's the deal. Here's the deal.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a lot of bits. We're doing.

[Bobby Lee]

We're doing a lot of bits. I was ripping on you. And. And here's the honest tr. Even with my notoriety and some of my income, right. I still don't do better than you when it comes to the ladies. And historically, I haven't. So maybe it's a little bit my. Of my. Yeah. So you still have dragon's breath. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

I'm doing the candy.

[Bobby Lee]

You still have that. You still have all those things, but still, historically, you've always done better than me when it comes to. To the attraction of the opposite sex, so. But Dragon's breath. Ogre troll. Thank you for being a bad friend.

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