Itchy Bones & Dream Catchers

Summary

Bad Friends: "Itchy Bones & Dream Catchers"

Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Date: September 29, 2025

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Overview

This episode of Bad Friends is a prime example of the show’s signature blend of absurdity, vulnerability, and irreverent humor. Bobby and Andrew ramble through birthday stories, riff hard on gifts, imagine outlandishly dark revenge fantasies, improvise with young media interns, and deliver random slices of their inner lives. Longtime fans will appreciate the inside jokes, confessional moments, and playful teasing that double as therapy and comedy, culminating in a show that veers from hilarious to heartwarming and back again.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Bobby’s Birthday Party Recap

• Bowling Alley Bash: Bobby thanks everyone for showing up to his party, which he hosted in an intimate Montrose bowling alley. There was a fun mix of people from different pockets of his life – TigerBelly camp, Bad Friends, stand-ups, and open mic’ers.
• Gift Rankings: Bobby launches into a comedically detailed ranking of birthday gifts, with Andrew’s thoughtful collectible soccer cards taking first prize.
  "Not only was this gift the best gift of the party, probably one of the best gifts I've ever received in my life." – Bobby (04:00)
• Special Guests & Absentees: Jason Momoa makes an appearance, as does the topic of “excuses” from friends with kids. Bobby riffs on “itchy bones” as the latest made-up kid disease excuse.
• Gift Recap, with Receipts:
  • Andrew gifts Bobby an exclusive Thierry Henry Arsenal football card and a rookie card of promising player Ethan Nwaneri (06:25).
  • Debate over whether Andrew left the price stickers on, with Bobby teasing Andrew’s “sentimental value” but also outpricing the true worth of each gift (Timestamps: 06:10–10:22).

2. Musings on Collecting, Addictions & Sentimentality

• Bobby and Andrew digress into the “addict” itch shared by collectors, with reference to advice from artist David Choe (09:11).
• Bobby professes the importance of surprise and sentimental value in gifts, rather than just financial worth.
• Special mention of rare gifts from friends – language-translating AirPods, a weird Japanese vintage toy, and, humorously, a battered box of Dreamwater.

3. Dark Revenge Fantasies: Murder, Grief, and Crime Scenarios

(Timestamps: 18:00–39:34)

• Murder Fantasia: The hosts spiral into “what if scenarios” involving the revenge killing of their mothers’ murderers – constructing elaborate plots involving torture chambers, pop-culture references (Star Wars, Oldboy, Pulp Fiction), and absurd methods of vengeance (31:23–39:34).
• Memorable Quotes:
  • "I will spend every dollar that I have... 500 by nine [foot warehouse], that's gonna be a lot of running back and forth." – Bobby (30:19)
  • "I'd cut off his feet... every day, cut off each finger... then scoop out his eyes with a hot spoon, fill his sockets with pistachio ice cream." – Andrew (36:45, 37:19)
  • "You wake up and have no way to speak or walk or tell everybody what's going on. And I'll drop him off in the worst neighborhood so they eat him alive." – Andrew (38:33)
• Serious Sidebar: In the midst of this bit, both hosts acknowledge the therapeutic release from such dark hypotheticals, reassuring listeners they’d never actually harm anyone.

4. Sentimentality Over Stuff

• Bobby describes his refusal to hang up framed sports memorabilia like a "man cave" alpha male, sharing instead the eclectic, artsy decor of his own home (Depeche Mode, Peter Sellers, Brian Ferry, Toshiro Mifune, and dreamcatchers) (12:07-13:01).
• Andrew teases Bobby for dreamcatchers and nightmares, tying his past work on Reservation Dogs to this tangent.
• The ritual of gift ranking continues, combining sincerity and self-deprecation.

5. Interacting with Young Media Interns

Segments: 44:52–81:19

• Quinnipiac Students Enter: Bobby and Andrew invite groups of young media interns (Emma, Sam, Ben/Toke, JJ, Gianna/GG) onto the podcast for rapid-fire Q&A, improv exercises, and mentoring.
• Improv Games: The students role-play as producers or pitch movies; Bobby and Andrew construct comically aggressive Hollywood scenarios for them to practice assertiveness.
• Mentors and Roasters: Fanciful names are given (“Willow,” “Toke,” “Slavanka,” “Tweet"), careers and anxieties are probed, and sincere encouragement is lobbed between jokes.
• Standout Moments:
  • “You gotta talk like you’re one of us. I’ll be the exec, you be the producer—show us what you got.” – Andrew (63:39)
  • Interns improvise, sometimes shyly, sometimes boldly, navigating teasing from the hosts.
• Life in LA for East Coasters: Conversations about living in LA versus New York, the grind of unpaid internships, and the challenge of making ends meet.
• **Andrew and Bobby spontaneously give the students cash for dinner, admonishing them to "not spend it on anything but food" (76:57–77:43).

6. LA Life, Robots, and Social Commentary

(Timestamps: 54:33–58:09)

• Downtown life, run-ins with homeless people, rogue one-legged scooter-throwers, stuck delivery robots ("Kenny"), and the existential threat of self-driving Waymos.
• Andrew is skeptical of delivery robots taking human jobs; Bobby cracks that they’re new immigrants.

7. Comic Bits & Wisdom

• On Anxiety: Both hosts and their young guests admit to severe anxiety. Bobby leads improv “TED Talks” for the students, having them pitch inventions like the audible streetlight box or bubble wrap, with hilariously awkward results.
• On Smart vs. Stupid: Bobby questions if he’s dumb, with Andrew reassuring him, calling him an "idiot savant" (though they later realize that term is dated and ableist) (84:03–84:16).
• Gratitude and Sincerity: Andrew thanks fans for watching his special "White Noise," reflecting on the chaotic world and the redemptive power of comedy (84:39).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Gift Sentimentality:
  “You mentioned Bad Friends before Tiger Belly. Why? ...It’s by ranking, yeah.” – Bobby & Andrew (02:54)
• On Excuses:
  “Itchy bones. They’re nothing but an excuse.” – Bobby (08:55)
• On LA and Young People:
  “People from the east coast are so delusional. LA is the best city in the world.” – Bobby (50:15) “Sit around. Do. Enjoy a movie.” – Andrew, gently roasting student for attention span (48:28)
• On the Next Generation:
  “You’re going to make it. You’re going to be a great editor.” – Andrew to Emma (59:18)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Bobby's Birthday & Gifts: 01:38–17:00
• Revenge Fantasies: 18:00–39:34
• Moms, Grief & Family: 39:34–43:15
• Young Interns & Improv: 44:52–81:19
• Final Thoughts & Sincerity: 84:39–end

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Tone & Takeaways

Bad Friends at its best: meandering, absurd, honest, and disrespectful in a way that ends up being deeply affectionate. The hosts navigate dark material with comedy as a coping mechanism, mix mentorship with mockery, and always land on loyalty, especially to family—even if it’s channeled through increasingly unhinged hypothetical revenge plots. Their rapport with the up-and-coming interns is both brutally honest and quietly hopeful, ending with a note of gratitude to fans and a subtle meditation on what makes a “Bad Friend” good.

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*For anyone who missed the episode: expect chaotic reminiscence, wild speculation, and heart hidden under layers of comic vitriol. Welcome to the family.

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.

[B]

Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

[A]

White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something.

[B]

We're bad friends. I go beep beep longer than your BB birthday boy. Birthday boy.

[A]

Die. Die soon. 10 more years. No girl die alone. Shoot my face. Shotgun face.

[B]

It was. It was all good.

[A]

Sing, dude. I could sing.

[B]

Let me do your life song. And he will not die alone. He'll have a fulfilled life with a beautiful wife and a couple of kids. And they'll go fly a kite down by the ocean. And one of his kids will walk.

[A]

There's a lion. There's a lion at the end of the.

[B]

What a birthday celebration.

[A]

What a beautiful, beautiful. And let me say something. I appreciate everyone showing up to my party. It was a part. So there. We rented a bowling alley.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In Montrose Monro.

[B]

Shout out to Montrose bowl man.

[A]

Yeah. It was an intimate little setting.

[B]

Awesome. Eight lanes.

[A]

Yeah. There are some people. I was like, why are you here?

[B]

Well, let me guess who you know.

[A]

But most people were like, oh, pleasant surprises.

[B]

There was a couple people that didn't show up that I thought would show up. And I think maybe it's.

[A]

Well, Paul, it did. Is too far, buddy.

[B]

It's not far at all. It was.

[A]

Yeah. I have my dog. He said bring the dog.

[B]

No, we already had one.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. And then who else? They. It was funny because there was all these different camps too.

[B]

Well, it was the Tiger Belly camp and the Bad Friends.

[A]

Bad Friends camp. But then there was also other pockets of things.

[B]

There were other pockets of comics. You had a lot of younger comics.

[A]

Yeah, younger comics. Open micrs. How was my speech?

[B]

It was amazing. You called everyone an open micr. A lot of people that weren't open micros. He called open micrs.

[A]

No, they were kind of open. Mikey.

[B]

I don't really. I don't. That's a subjective term.

[A]

But so. And I did a speed. What did I say? Did I. Did I mention. Who did I mention in my speech? Of course you did. I mentioned you.

[B]

You mentioned me. Kalila. I was very sad. You mentioned me and Kalila and the bad.

[A]

Yeah. You mentioned Bad Friends though, before Tiger Belly.

[B]

That is true.

[A]

Yeah. Why? Why?

[B]

Well, it's by ranking yeah. Kalila did a phenomenal job, one of the most phenomenal jobs I've ever seen. And I also met the big bad wolf.

[A]

Oh, you did. Jason Momoa. I will blow your house down, dude.

[B]

Yeah, dude. One of the nicest, coolest dudes. And he was over today, by the way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Handsome.

[A]

But my point is, is that great. Let me say the rankings of gifts.

[B]

Okay. Gift ranking time.

[A]

Okay. Gift ranking time, Dude. And I. I'm gonna say this in the most honest way possible.

[B]

Please.

[A]

Okay. Not only was this gift the best gift of the party, probably one of the best gifts I've ever received in my life. W. And that's Jean Hong. He gave me these. No, no, it. Andrew. Andrew gave me something that was such a surprise out of left field. Right? Here's what I want to be surprised.

[B]

You love a good surprise, right?

[A]

Number two. It's got to have value.

[B]

Financial value matters to you. Yes.

[A]

No, sentimental value.

[B]

That's.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Hello.

[B]

We bought you 500 Louis Vuitton glasses. You go, I want the expensive ones.

[A]

Yeah. And you got me those.

[B]

We did. Yeah, we did. We went back and got.

[A]

But here's the thing, okay? What you gave me was shocking.

[B]

You didn't expect.

[A]

Was the best gift I ever got. Can I tell people what it was?

[B]

Of course you can.

[A]

Yeah. He gave me.

[B]

I gave him his own home kit to make a Chinese water torture. And it's got all the instructions.

[A]

You can do waterboarding, right?

[B]

It's really cool.

[A]

It comes with a mat. You know that Braveheart, you know, I mean, thing where he died at the end that little, you know, slab dude. How to unroll that.

[B]

I see an infomercial right now that's like, make your own waterboarding at home.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Timmy does it.

[A]

Yeah. And then bamboo. You know me because, you know, bamboo, that little shark. Like the tips.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can stick in the pink, right.

[B]

In the tip, Tip, tip, tip. And anyway, tell them what I got you. For real.

[A]

I have no idea what's going on, but he got me. Well, as everyone. Everyone knows, I'm a big fan of Arsenal fc. It's a huge.

[B]

It's your favorite soccer team.

[A]

The shoes.

[B]

The shoes are propping up the sign below. The shoes are what shoes? The Arsenal shoes that I bought you. They're propping up the sign. They remain in the box.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Which is fine.

[A]

Those are fine.

[B]

This is fine.

[A]

Yeah. This the gift you got me? Way better.

[B]

Well, yeah, obviously.

[A]

So he gave me. So Arsenal fc, their biggest star of all time was a guy named Thierry Henry.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

You got me a Tyrionry signed soccer club card.

[B]

But it's in a very football card. A very exclusive card.

[A]

Exclusive card. Hard to get for some reason. You left the price tags on them.

[B]

I did not.

[A]

Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did.

[B]

I did not.

[A]

I can take photos of it right now and I can show you the price tags on it.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. On every single item there's a price.

[B]

Forgot to take those off.

[A]

So you know it is real.

[B]

Yeah, I must have forgot to take.

[A]

Yeah. In bold, you know, I mean. Or did you have a price machine at home? Like one of those sticker machines? I don't know because I googled it.

[B]

Oh, you did?

[A]

I didn't trust it. It's right about right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And then he got me an Ethan Wanieri rookie card. Now this kid is from the academy. He's only 19 years old. He could be the next big thing.

[B]

You think he might be one of the greatest Arsenal players of all time.

[A]

He's great.

[B]

That good.

[A]

I mean, he is one of the youngest starters we've ever had, aside from Max nowman. He was 16 or something when he first.

[B]

How old is this new kid?

[A]

What? Max Dauman?

[B]

No, how old is this new Rookie now?

[A]

He's 19 or 20. Wow.

[B]

But he's 18.

[A]

He's 18. This guy Wanieri. Ethan Wanier. Yeah, yeah, he's 18.

[B]

18 years old and he's. You think he's.

[A]

He's. He was on the first team. He played for the first team at 16, 17 years old.

[B]

That's disgusting.

[A]

We have a kid named Max Dalman who debuted at 15, two weeks, three weeks ago.

[B]

He can't even drive a fucking car.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's.

[A]

They've never inserted their, you know, genitals into other genitals.

[B]

You never know. I don't know how that.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know how that is your personal story as a right measure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Excuse me.

[B]

Well, that's how you joined teams when you were a kid.

[A]

Or. They've never had caviar. Is that better?

[B]

That's probably closer.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. They've never had caviar. They've never had like, you know, snow beef.

[B]

I love snow beef.

[A]

Love. No snow beef.

[B]

I think I've had it with you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

We have snow beans.

[A]

Yes. No beef, dude.

[B]

Oh, wait. The thing I got you that I'm.

[A]

Really interested in and then you got me a couple of different packet of a set of cards. Yeah. That probably will never open.

[B]

Well, here's the deal. I'm told. And I have to give some love to the truth of this. Our good friend helped me. I went to. Was going to a store. I ran into a good friend of ours. Do you remember who I ran into?

[A]

Did you go with them to there or you just ran?

[B]

I literally. Random. Random ran into him.

[A]

And I was, no way. How are the odds?

[B]

My hand of God. And I was like, he was walking out of one store next door. These two. Cool. I'll show you where they are.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Collectible stores. And I was like, I want to get a collectible for you. And he's walking out with his buddy. And I was like, you have to be kidding me.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And it's David Cho.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, dude, what are you doing here? He's like, what are you doing here? I was like, I'm coming to get a gift for Bobby. And I was like, are you coming to the party? That's why when I showed you.

[A]

Was he invited? Yeah, he didn't come.

[B]

I showed you the text. He said, my kids.

[A]

I have to. It's. You know what? I'm tired. You know what I'm tired of? God, what?

[B]

He has kids.

[A]

I'm tired of. That's the excuse. With anyone that has a kid, that's the greatest excuse. I don't have the information. If they're sick, if they're dying, you know, I mean, if one of them's in prison, well, the kid.

[B]

Younger kid isn't.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, they have a dying toe. Right? There's nothing.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Itchy bones. They're nothing.

[B]

Itchy bones.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Itchy bones disease, you know, I don't know. Right. It could just be like, this is an excuse. I don't want to drive all the way over there. So I'm just going to say kids.

[B]

I think he really couldn't because he was upset by it, but he helped me pick this.

[A]

No.

[B]

All right.

[A]

He.

[B]

He helped me pick it out. And he said, that box set, he goes, bobby's an addict. I'm an addict. He's like, the thing I love about comic books and new card things is because it's like an addict. It's an a. It's an itch to scratch.

[A]

Yeah. We're both addicts.

[B]

And. And by the way, he said. He said in that pack, you can choose to not open it, but in that pack could be a like one of ten card that's worth ten grand.

[A]

What's the card?

[B]

It's. It's a. You'll know when you open it up because it'll have us. It'll. It'll have a special look to it of the oven arsenal. It'll. It'll say the sticker on it. 1 of 10 or 1 of number on it. He's like, you should open it. He opens all of them. You don't have to. Yeah, but I think it's worth.

[A]

Because that pack. Because the price tag was on it was. Was 500.

[B]

I think that's what it said.

[A]

Yeah. 500 for just a packet of.

[B]

But that's not the real price. You know that I put fake prices on those.

[A]

So how much was the Tyrion Rewind?

[B]

I think the Tron recard was like 36 bucks and 40 cents. And the. The rookie card he gave me for free. And that box set, I think literally was 19.99. I think it's been like 65 bucks.

[A]

Thank you. Appreciate it. I really do appreciate it.

[B]

No, it was.

[A]

I'm gonna throw them in a.

[B]

No, it was more.

[A]

You want me to throw them in a fucking fire?

[B]

No, stop it.

[A]

Look at me right now. Yeah, I will throw them in a fire. Sure.

[B]

I don't care.

[A]

Are they the real prices?

[B]

No.

[A]

No, I'm gonna throw them in a fire.

[B]

Do it.

[A]

Okay. Because it's not worth it.

[B]

The Henry one is. Don't do that. Please don't do that. Yeah, yeah, that one was not cheap. Please don't do that.

[A]

Okay, but is it the right. Anyway, let's move on.

[B]

But the rookie card was free. I will say shout out. The guy was friends with Cho, and he was like. He's like, you wanna. He's like, can I give this to you to give to Bobby as, like, an included gift? And I was. Well, because I'd spent. We'd spent enough money that he was like, can I give you a free gift?

[A]

Wow. That's a huge one.

[B]

Well, he was super rad.

[A]

That's the most excited one. Exciting.

[B]

Well, he's also a big fan. So he was like, is this cool if I give you a gift to give to him? I was like, that's fucking awesome. He owns the store, so he was like, I'm going to give you a rookie card. He goes, bobby will know who it is. And I said, okay. So I put in the thing.

[A]

It's so good.

[B]

It's awesome.

[A]

It was. You know, the Lanier card was like a deep cut. And it was like. In my mind, I'm like, andrew's doing research. Yeah, you just said that. He says I was being very Mindful. I did some research.

[B]

Well, I did research on where to go to get a collectible that I was looking for for you, so. That is true. But he helped me with the other side.

[A]

All right, I'm gonna go down.

[B]

Did I try to go get a Tron rethink for you? Know what I really tried to buy for you? A signed jersey from Tear On.

[A]

I don't want that framed on your.

[B]

Wall in your room.

[A]

I don't do that.

[B]

You don't want that?

[A]

No, I'm not like.

[B]

Well, then I'm glad I didn't buy.

[A]

It because, like, a Midwestern, like, oh, this is my man cave, dude. I'm alpha male, dude. Look, I got Troy a can. Sign whatever. Whatever. You know what I mean? I don't like that.

[B]

God, you're such a.

[A]

And a deer head. I shot that in the woods with my father, grandfather and father when I was 17 years old.

[B]

You don't like those fans?

[A]

No.

[B]

So you don't like.

[A]

I love them.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm just not that kind of guy. I'm beta.

[B]

You're very. You're very sensitive.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, you want to know the posters I have in my room?

[B]

Sure. I have a poster of Depeche Mode.

[A]

No. Peter sellers and Shirley McLean together framed. Right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I have a photo of Brian Ferry singing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. I have a photo of. I have a really cool Lou Reed one on the street. I have a photo of Tashira Mifune in his underwear doing a cheer.

[B]

Why is that? At a party or. It's a posed photo.

[A]

He was at a party.

[B]

Was just a candidate. Was a candid photo of him partying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's kind of cool.

[A]

Yeah. What else do I have? A couple of movie posters. But you know, I'm not. You know I'm not. You don't have, like, a deer head on my wall.

[B]

I don't think that's.

[A]

I have a dreamcatcher.

[B]

Oh, that's close to a deer head.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I have a little dream capture as.

[B]

It caught near your dreams, really saving them. Have any of them come true?

[A]

I. Hopefully not, because they're all nightmares.

[B]

Wait, really?

[A]

Oh, yeah, I have nightmares.

[B]

Isn't dream catcher supposed to encompass your Catch your dreams and put them back out into the world?

[A]

Isn't that what I think it catches nightmares?

[B]

Well, I'm pretty sure, yeah. Catches them before it goes into your head.

[A]

Like it.

[B]

You should know this, dude. You were on reservation dogs. Did you not pay attention to anything those guys said?

[A]

I never even shook Their hands.

[B]

You never shook one eye. No, no, he's kidding.

[A]

I love them.

[B]

Rank your gifts. Here we go. Let's get a gift.

[A]

All right. So, number one. Andrew.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Number two. I have to say, Gene Hong.

[B]

What did he get you?

[A]

He got me those AirPods that translate language.

[B]

No, the AirPod threes. That just came out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you try it?

[A]

No, they're still in the box.

[B]

You're never gonna use it when I.

[A]

Go to Mongolia or something.

[B]

Wood, when you going?

[A]

I go to Mongolia every year.

[B]

Every year you go. Is that where you go in?

[A]

There's a hut out there.

[B]

Dude, I don't think you're gonna use that.

[A]

And I love eagles.

[B]

Big Mongolia.

[A]

Yeah. I love Mongolian eagles.

[B]

And their beef is good.

[A]

They're delicious. Well, the Mongolian eagle meat is good.

[B]

That's what Mongolian beef is.

[A]

Yeah, I have one of those. I have one of those hand. You know those eagle hand mutt mittens. Everyone needs one of those, right? Right. You know what I also have? You know how the cocks fight? The cock fighting? The cocks, the cat, the little roosters. I have the little knives and the elbows.

[B]

Oh, the elbow knives.

[A]

I have a collection of those. I collect weird things. But my point is this. Let's rank down the fucking gifts.

[B]

Me, Gene Hong.

[A]

Right. And then what did he give you again? The Air Pods.

[B]

It's not that good. I mean, it's nice. It's okay.

[A]

Now, that being said, you know, it's going to go down, way down. Yeah. Well, so three was, I have to say, Sarah Hyland, my ex girlfriend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She got me some weird shit.

[B]

She's. She's cool.

[A]

Yeah. Why? She got me this weird Japanese, like a vintage toy from the 70s. Wow. Right. And it's just like this weird Asian doll. She goes, let me. Let me take it out. She took it out and there's a button and it goes. Hi. Yeah.

[B]

A little tiny Asian doll.

[A]

Yes. There's a karate that goes up to number one.

[B]

Yeah, that's great.

[A]

That's pretty cool.

[B]

That's really cool.

[A]

Yeah. And then.

[B]

But it's a little scary. It sounds a little.

[A]

It's a little scary. Her gifts. And then.

[B]

Just give me dead last. Now you can't go 4, 5, 6.

[A]

Okay, I'll give you dead last. And it's nothing against him.

[B]

It must be. It must.

[A]

So Sandy Danto.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

He shows up two hours late.

[B]

He was pretty late. But he. I think he had his kid with his thing with his kids.

[A]

Oh, really? Kids again.

[B]

Well, he showed Up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's big.

[A]

It evolves. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my kids have shivering eye disease.

[B]

That happens.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm going to call. I'm going to call Sandy's kid. I'm going to call Sandy Itchy bones from now on.

[A]

So he goes, here, dude, Happy birthday. I know you like these.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

And I could tell it's Dreamwater. You know what Dreamwater is?

[B]

No clue.

[A]

Dreamwater is what, you go to the airport and you can, you know, you go to like any of those stores.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's a melatonin drink, right?

[B]

Like it.

[A]

Yeah. Right. And it came in a box, but the box was so tired and torn that I knew that he probably bought it 10 years ago on the road.

[B]

Never. Never gave it to anybody.

[A]

Never gave it to anybody. He's like, I know you like these. It was like the most tattered I've ever seen any box. I mean, it's like brown and you know what I mean?

[B]

I love it. And I was sat in his car.

[A]

And I just like, okay, cool, man. Thanks. Yeah.

[B]

What did he say when he gave it to you? Sorry.

[A]

Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

He had.

[B]

He told me he had 20 tattoos and he never used to have tattoos. I said, when did this happen? He goes, honestly, dude, I just started getting them. My wife and I wanted to get tattoos. And then overnight he goes, I filled my arms. His arms are filled with tattoos.

[A]

I've never seen them.

[B]

He had so many tattoos.

[A]

He's always wearing, like long sleeve shirts.

[B]

I know, but I was shocked.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I think it's time for me, by the way. I had a. I had a daydream.

[A]

The other day to get a tattoo.

[B]

I think it's time.

[A]

I think a neck one is time.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

I'm not gonna love Sandy. Very funny guy.

[B]

Always long sleeves.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So he was wearing suit coat.

[A]

Look at suits. He dresses so great, though.

[B]

Yeah. The kid's got great style.

[A]

He's got great style.

[B]

Fancy. You don't have a tattoo either. Isn't it time to get a tattoo?

[A]

No.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Yeah. What are you gonna get?

[B]

I don't know. You have to dictate it.

[A]

Well, I mean, you love the Bears.

[B]

Not that much.

[A]

Oh, let me, let me. It's got, I don't know, a cute. Just golf club.

[B]

Just one little. Yeah, but right here.

[A]

Yeah. Smaller even.

[B]

Right there on my.

[A]

And just thin.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thin lines.

[B]

That's what?

[A]

Thin lines. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like your arsenal.

[A]

I don't have an arsenal. One I'm going to get. How about this?

[B]

Because I thought you had an arsenal.

[A]

I want to get one. I want to get an arsenal. Here.

[B]

What are you going to get, the cannon?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And then you get a golf club. We'll go. No. Yeah, that's pretty cool. That kind of looks like a scar, though.

[B]

Yeah, it looks like a scar.

[A]

Yeah. Too thick.

[B]

It's also poorly done.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

What does that say? Papa. That's a little creepy.

[A]

It's a little creepy.

[B]

Can I write? What if I write Daddy with a golf club? Yeah, that's for you. A golf club on your shoulder. Daddy. Danny.

[A]

Something. What about your wife? Something about your wife or something like it.

[B]

Just like a. Like something that reminds me of her on me.

[A]

Yeah. Or a little.

[B]

I'm trying to think of what.

[A]

That. Do you have a. Do you have like a little funny thing that you call her, like pumpkins or.

[B]

I do, yeah.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

I have a nickname.

[A]

What's a nickname?

[B]

I'm not saying. What's up with this guy that killed this girl and they found her in the trunk?

[A]

I wouldn't even know. It's so dark, dude.

[B]

This guy named David, He. He's a rapper in la. They found his Tesla in a dump yard, I heard. And a year went by. He. They found the body of this girl he killed a year ago. It was. She was sitting in a car for that long.

[A]

So where was the Tesla? In his driveway?

[B]

No, it was in a dump yard in a junkyard. Right.

[A]

Well, but they also interviewed the neighborhood. Like the neighbors that he lived in, they're like, oh, my dog would always, like, sniff at the car. And there was a foul stench.

[B]

So he kept her in the car for a long enough time. Then he turned it into like a impoundment lot. And it just sat there and somebody.

[A]

What. What a bad. What a bad criminal.

[B]

Well, let's not kill. Let's not.

[A]

Don't do that. But if you're going to. But if you're going to think it through.

[B]

Thinking.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, you got to know. You know, like the wolf in.

[B]

In. In Pulp Fiction.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You need one of those guys. You call that guy, they take the Tesla and they crush it in the fucking crushing machine.

[B]

And that's gone forever.

[A]

It's gone forever.

[B]

No, this guy didn't do his due diligence.

[A]

Yeah, you guys just leave it there.

[B]

Also, I listen to some of his music because I'm not familiar with him.

[A]

Good.

[B]

No, it's bad. So they should get him? Yeah, I gotta get him. It's terrible.

[A]

Yeah. What would you do, though? How would you do it if I.

[B]

Was gonna kill you?

[A]

No, no, but how to hide a body.

[B]

Well, you've obviously thought about it. So do you want to divulge?

[A]

No, that's why I'm asking now. I've never even thought about it, you know, so, you know, what does one do? Is there.

[B]

Okay, let's say here's a scenario. Someone attacks someone you love.

[A]

Which one?

[B]

Someone hurts your mom now.

[A]

Oh my God. Forget it.

[B]

Now you're a renegade. And you go to Arizona to kill this person. You find him, you kill them, you call me.

[A]

Well, my brother would kill him first.

[B]

How is he going to get a ride to Arizona?

[A]

He has a car.

[B]

It's never going to make it. I've seen that thing.

[A]

It's brand new. I bought him one. Wait, I just bought a new car?

[B]

Yes. Why'd you do that?

[A]

He's my brother.

[B]

You buy me a new car.

[A]

You have the cars. You have. All right? Jay Leno. You could buy me an Andres a new car. Yeah. No, you don't. You know what? Because that wasn't on. All right? And then to sign this.

[B]

You know how annoying that is? I actually said to him, I go, you're needing a new car at some point. He goes, I'm ride it to the wheels fall off. His car has 270, 000.

[A]

Oh my God. But it still runs well even though the engine light Check engine.

[B]

But it smells in there because those cloth seats after like 20 years they. There's so much stuff in those seats. How many times have you hooked up in that car?

[A]

I don't hook up in my car.

[B]

You've never hooked up in your car when you're in high school. You never hooked up in that car.

[A]

I don't really hook up with people in High School.

[B]

McCone, you never hooked up in a car in high school.

[A]

You've never hooked up in the backseat of a car. I have, but not my car. You're a pussy.

[B]

You're a pussy, dude.

[A]

You're weak.

[B]

You go in their car.

[A]

I have.

[B]

Be a gentleman.

[A]

Whose car? This one girl at after we saw a waymo at the Americana.

[B]

So funny to fucking a waymo someone.

[A]

Was the other day. Please.

[B]

You're going to get cum all over the streets. Stop.

[A]

Against policy rules.

[B]

Stop, stop, stop.

[A]

Yeah, so let's go back to he gives her credit to my my mom.

[B]

Use your hands a little less.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You're doing it too Wrong. Quo Q U O Quo One of the tools I've personally seen make a huge difference for business owners is Quo formerly Open Phone. That's what they used to be called before. And it's the same great business phone system you've heard me talk about before, just with a brand new name. And here's why it matters.

[A]

Tell me why.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

TalkSpace is the best at what they do.

[B]

It's incredible.

[A]

Out of all the other companies, this is the number one.

[B]

Well, Talk Space is the number one rated online therapy, bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists you can access anytime from anywhere.

[A]

You can switch providers at no extra cost. Find the licensed provider. That's the right fit for you and your needs. Let me say something. You know, I've had a lot of trauma in my life and without platforms, I mean businesses like Talkspace, I'd be dead in the water.

[B]

Yeah, truly.

[A]

Because you know, there are things that you can do like EMDR and there are other ways to do therapy, but talks, I mean, therapy is so very important to our lives.

[B]

It really is. And, and the best part is you can do that from the comfort of your own home. If you want to be comfortable while you are kind of divulging pieces of you that might be uncomfortable, you got to try Talk Space. As a listener to this podcast, you're going to get 80 off your first month with Talk Space. When you go to talkspace.com. bad friends and enter promo code SPACE80.

[A]

That's SPACE80. S, P, A, C, E, 80. To match with the licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com/bad friends and enter promo code SPACE80. My mother gets murdered.

[B]

Your mother gets murdered. And you call me and you go, dude, we need to. We need to take care of this guy. I already.

[A]

Already. I wouldn't do that.

[B]

You wouldn't call me.

[A]

No witnesses. You would. No connect. I don't want to connect you to the crime.

[B]

If somebody hurt your mother, I would.

[A]

You would never help me do.

[B]

What are you talking about? Is that real? You really believe that murder?

[A]

I don't. As a friend, I wouldn't want you an accessory to murder.

[B]

Well, if your mom is dead and you're gonna go on a hunt to kill this person, this show's over. So I might as well fuck, because.

[A]

I'm gonna get away with it.

[B]

You're never gonna get away.

[A]

I'm gonna Google it. They don't GPT.

[B]

You're gonna end up like David.

[A]

Oh, I'm David.

[B]

No, you're gonna end up just like.

[A]

Step ahead of David.

[B]

Really? He can dance?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You have no steps. He's got steps.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Give me what you're gonna do then. The guy that you go to kill.

[A]

Okay, give me the scenario, because I don't even know what the scenario is. Some random guy.

[B]

Here's what happened. Your mom. Your mom was playing Pie Gow, and she took the table.

[A]

She's good at pygo.

[B]

She's killer at Pie Gow. And there's a guy.

[A]

Well, then I have some questions.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Is it an underground tournament?

[B]

No, no, no. This is public. It's at. It's at. It's at Talking Stick, the casino right near your mom's house.

[A]

She's at the stock. Talking. Talking Stick. She's by herself.

[B]

She's in a room at a. At a P table. It's late at night. There's two or three people at the table.

[A]

Who are the people that are on the table?

[B]

There's a short. There's a short, little, tiny black guy who's. Who's really good in his.

[A]

Can he be Puerto Rican?

[B]

There's a short, little, tiny Puerto Rican guy who's really good. He's in his mid-60s.

[A]

Now it's fun. Now it's fun.

[B]

He's divorced, the second guy. Okay. Then there's another man there, a mysterious man, white. Gotta be a white guy who just moved to Arizona.

[A]

He has an underdeveloped hand.

[B]

Both of his hands?

[A]

No, just one of them.

[B]

One of his hands is a claw hand.

[A]

Not just claw. It's just like a nub with just two fingers. Like Peace. And they call him Peace because every time, you know, he weighs, people think he's doing the piece.

[B]

Yeah. Peace, man. But he's just saying hi and bye.

[A]

Okay. I like it. I like it.

[B]

He's got one leg much longer than the other one, so it's hard for him to.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Yeah, he kind of walks.

[A]

He does a little.

[B]

People. Well, he's got good rhythm, to be honest.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's why he's.

[A]

People can see this guy coming, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[B]

But you can hear a shoe.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And so this guy has it out for your mom because she's killing the table. He's got his mortgage on the line. He loses it. He's waiting out for your mom by the car. He's smoking a cigarette. He thinks I'm gonna rob her because she killed it. Tonight she made $50,000 cash. So he.

[A]

This is making me so angry.

[B]

He tries to rob your mom, but he acts.

[A]

Oh, my God. This makes me so angry.

[B]

I know. What are you gonna do?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Well, I'm setting you up. What do you do now?

[A]

Did she die?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How?

[B]

He pushed her. She fell.

[A]

Oh, that's it.

[B]

She's 100 years old.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Okay. And then. So how do I know about.

[B]

Breaks on the news in Arizona and an elderly W. 4, 5, 6. Welcome back to the evening hour. Tonight, a woman was killed out at talking.

[A]

This is me watching it.

[B]

An elderly Chinese woman was killed tonight at Talking Stick after playing PI Gow. Her name? Bobby.

[A]

Mom. That's good.

[B]

She was murdered. She was killed in the parking lot of the Talking Stick Casino. This is the. This is the suspect on the run. Photo up. You see where he is? He's somewhere in rural northern.

[A]

What's the photo look like? He's leaning.

[B]

Well, it's Peace. We know what he looks like. He's seen last in Flagstaff, Northern Arizona.

[A]

His name is Doug Peace McGovern.

[B]

Doug Peace McGovern. If you have any information about him, please call the Arizona hotline.

[A]

The first thing I would do is call my brother, not you. Wow. Because you're not going to help me murder.

[B]

I think you're. I think you're. You're grossly underestimating what I would do for you. I really think you are. But I bet that's fine. No, no, don't change your. I'LL call you if you don't want my help when you kill somebody, don't fucking call.

[A]

No, go to prison with me. Because we could do the pod in prison. Really? Bad Friends.

[B]

Bad Friends Live from LA County Jail.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And in the middle of the show.

[B]

Some guy's like, you boys ready for you ready for lunch? I'm like, yes, sir.

[A]

Yeah. I call you. Ding, ding, ring, ring.

[B]

Hey, Bob. What's going on? Are you okay?

[A]

My mother was a murderer. My mother was murdered.

[B]

Your mother was murdered?

[A]

Yeah, it was a song, Katie. Or whatever the.

[B]

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

[A]

I think his name is Peace McGovern or something.

[B]

Are you telling me Peace McGovern did this?

[A]

How do you fuck do you know Peace McGovern?

[B]

Dude killed my mother. That's it. I'm coming over.

[A]

Yeah. What did he do to your mother?

[B]

Oh, yeah, I remember I hung up.

[A]

I know, but whenever you hang up.

[B]

Talking to the dial.

[A]

No, I keep talking because, you know, you hang up too early.

[B]

I do it and I want to.

[A]

I want to keep talking. Yeah. I spent hours after you hang up.

[B]

I hang up so fast on everybody. I always love to hang up fast. Listen, what are you doing now? You're calling your brother. Be real. You call your brother, I call my.

[A]

Brother, and my brother already is gonna be livid. Like out of his mind.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Somebody might pick me up. He picks me up, we'll go straight to Arizona.

[B]

You gonna drive or fly?

[A]

If the cops can't find him, how am I gonna find him?

[B]

You have to take revenge in your own hands. Have you never seen. Taken. Have you never seen.

[A]

Yeah, but I don't know how to do any of that. I show up to this crime scene in the back of what? Chopsticks Casino. What is it?

[B]

Chopsticks Casino.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm wandering around and there's the. The yellow tape. Yeah. You know, my brother and I have flashlights.

[B]

You come. Well, it's. The lights are on, but, I mean, you can have flashlights if you want.

[A]

We have to have flashlights.

[B]

Well, the lights are on.

[A]

I have to have a pad.

[B]

You should have a pad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A legal notepad.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm dressed like you right now.

[B]

You're not changing.

[A]

I have to change.

[B]

You do?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're going to buy a suit.

[A]

No, I have to change. Like Shirl Holmes. Like 17th century English attire.

[B]

Beautiful.

[A]

Hello?

[B]

Hello?

[A]

I'm here. You know what I mean? We have notes, flashlights, and then it's like, what am I I don't have the technology to get fingerprints that.

[B]

Let's say that you did find him.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

How do you kill him? Guy that kills your.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

How do you find him?

[A]

We find out his address.

[B]

Well, how do you kill him?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

What do you do?

[A]

Well, first of all, I'm going to have to have a conversation with my brother.

[B]

You can use that Chinese water torture kit I finally come to use.

[A]

I was saying to my brother Steve, all right, I know you're gonna. I don't know why you have the machete, but I go, we want to torture him. Yeah.

[B]

You got to slowly torture him.

[A]

Don't just go swinging.

[B]

No.

[A]

You know what I mean? No. So what we'll do is we'll. Well, I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll capture him.

[B]

Yeah, you got him.

[A]

I'm gonna rent a warehouse somewhere. Gilbert, Arizona.

[B]

That's a big. I mean, right now, the prices are through the roof, but, yeah, it's fine.

[A]

I would spend every dollar that I have.

[B]

How many square foot are we talking in this warehouse?

[A]

I don't know about square feet, but probably 500 by nine.

[B]

500Ft by nine feet?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, it's an odd layout. Narrow, but I do like it.

[A]

It's very narrow.

[B]

Long hallway, 500 by 9. So long hall.

[A]

Yeah, because it's gonna be a lot of running back and forth.

[B]

Oh, you're gonna make him run back and forth. This is actually very smart.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So 500 by nine.

[A]

500.

[B]

If anybody can please draw this up, this torture chamber. That's 500ft by 9ft. Also actually very intelligent. 500. Looks like there's hope down the road. Yeah, but the nine feet is. That's. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he can. He's got a little bit of space.

[A]

Well, no, but the 500 fluctuates, get.

[B]

Shorter, as we know.

[A]

It's like one of those. Remember like in Star wars, that the trash can machine, the.

[B]

Oh, the garbage closes in. Yeah, like that. That's what kind of looks.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It closes in and out.

[B]

That would give you nightma nightmares, dude.

[A]

Like a long neon lights, no windows out. And so what we'll have at the very end of that hallway. Right. Is a surgery. Surgical table.

[B]

Oh, a surgical table.

[A]

I'm gonna. What?

[B]

I, I, I, I. I don't get it yet, but a surgical table. I didn't get it. So I was like, oh, yeah, that's good. Why is that there?

[A]

Yeah, no, I'm. No, Doctor. Right?

[B]

Neither.

[A]

But I will hire a black market. Right. Surge a surgeon. Okay, sure. And what we're gonna. I'm gonna say to this guy, I go, I'm gonna pay you $1 million.

[B]

What you. A million bucks to do what?

[A]

You'll see. Oh, right. We're gonna knock him out. Right. And we're gonna give him female genitalia. Oh.

[B]

All right. For free.

[A]

For free. For free.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not that. But he probably doesn't want it.

[B]

Maybe he does. How funny. He wakes up, he's like, perfect.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Exactly what I needed.

[A]

Wow. I've been gambling so I can get the surgery.

[B]

This is the only reason I gamble.

[A]

I should have killed your mom. I'm glad I killed your mom, because now I get this.

[B]

Now I have what I want.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She going to remove his genitals?

[B]

I think you make him genital less as a whole.

[A]

He has like a Barbie thing.

[B]

Yes, Barbies. A Ken doll.

[A]

Right. Or you can put anything as a genital replacement.

[B]

What could you put in or.

[A]

Yeah, what's. No, that's good. But you know what's worse? You give him no openings, right? Oh, it just. Right. So the pee and the poo, it just gathers inside his body. Yeah, yeah. He just bloats into this poop.

[B]

It's a good horror movie. Stitch him off.

[A]

The beginning of death. Yeah, yeah. We had to force feed him.

[B]

Well.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A tube. And you blend it through the throat.

[A]

Right, Right. Tube, wet throat.

[B]

Can you imagine? This doctor's like, you guys. You guys got me doing way too much. The doctors.

[A]

No, he'll leave after the surgery.

[B]

I'm a black market doctor, but I have other stuff to do.

[A]

Just. This is what I would say to him. Dr. Mama Lalo. Yeah.

[B]

Malalo. Mama Lalo. Dr. Mama Lalo.

[A]

Where is he from? What?

[B]

Dr. Mama Lalo.

[A]

Somewhere in the eastern northern region. Somewhere northeast from a different place.

[B]

Dr. Mama Lalo.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And I say, just put the. Put the tube in. I know. You did the bottom surgery.

[B]

Thank you for that.

[A]

Thank you so much. Here's the money. Right. She put the tube. But just let me know how to put the food into the tube.

[B]

How funny. When it breaks, you have to call them. You're like, Dr. Mamalo.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

The tube is on. Disconnected. You're gonna have to come back.

[A]

Yeah. And so then once he. Then we'll just. He leaves. And then my brother and I, for like a week, we'll just be feeding him. Wow.

[B]

And watching until he pops. Eventually he's gonna.

[A]

He'll Pop. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You're gonna film the pop and put it on ig.

[A]

Tick tock. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Tick tock that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But what do you think of that?

[B]

I think it's a great torture. And I would support you, unfortunately.

[A]

All right, let's go to you now.

[B]

If somebody killed my mom, can I.

[A]

Give you the scenario?

[B]

Go for it. I know you're already building one up, right.

[A]

Your stepdad's out of town. Is this trip.

[B]

Yeah. Well, he's retired, but, yeah, I got it. He goes back, he gets. He un. Retires.

[A]

Yeah. He unre. He gets a job he can't refuse.

[B]

What is the job? What doing?

[A]

It's some sort of repair job. I know he's not good at that.

[B]

He loves repairs.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like a plumbing, lighting, electrical.

[B]

Big electrical guy.

[A]

Yeah, it's a bunch of stuff. And they're like, you go, we'll give you 500 grand, jump back one day at work, we'll fly you out first class. Wow.

[B]

Gotta do it.

[A]

But here's the tick kicker. Oh, it's not even real. It's the killer luring your stepdad away.

[B]

It's a ruse.

[A]

It's a ruse. Wow. He shows him Louisville Airport, right. No one's there to pick him up. Right. Meanwhile, your mom's alone at the house.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Yeah. And there's a man that comes in.

[B]

What is he doing?

[A]

He's doing. He's dancing, I'll tell you that. He dances into the house. I'm so sorry to say.

[B]

It's pretty bold.

[A]

Yeah. He does, like a MC Hammer dance, right? Yeah, yeah. And he has a tomahawk.

[B]

Is he native or is this.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, this is really.

[A]

Start from Dances With Wolves.

[B]

Very disrespectful.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very disrespectful.

[B]

Right? That's what, Cultural appropriate. Cultural appropriate murder.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Cultural inappropriate murder.

[A]

Right. And he unfortunately throws the tomahawk at your mom's leg. Mom's leg just slices right off. She's screaming. Then he makes a makeshift tourniquet.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

And then, so she doesn't bleed out. Oh, he helps her just to do more torture.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Then he has some sort of medieval mallet.

[B]

My guy just pushed your mom down. My. My. Your mom just broke her hip. And d. The parking garage are talking.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry. Jesus, get it over with. All right, just let me do one last part. No. Anyway. Mallet pop by the head. Anyway, so then you get a call from the cop.

[B]

Chicago cops. Hey, hey. We found a murder over there. Your mother's house.

[A]

What would you do?

[B]

Your father's out of town. We got to go, though. We got dinner.

[A]

What would you do?

[B]

Oof. I mean, would. I definitely would take it into my own hands. If anybody hurt anybody in my family, you would. It would be.

[A]

You caught the guy. What would you. Let's just get to the cut.

[B]

So catch.

[A]

You.

[B]

You got to catch first. You can't kill because kill is too weak. You got to catch the guy.

[A]

Look what I did.

[B]

I know.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

So I'd cut off his feet, so.

[A]

Oh, that's always a good one.

[B]

Little nubby guy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then I'd slow. Every single day goes by, I'd cut off each finger, so each finger slowly gets cut off.

[A]

Can I. Can I have all the limbs?

[B]

You? Yeah, I'll save them for arts and crafts.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Bobby's way.

[A]

I'll do something.

[B]

Waiting on a FedEx. He's like, Andrew's FedEx is still not here. Yeah, I did today. Why would you ship me limbs today? Yeah, I didn't. I couldn't. Same day was expensive.

[A]

Oh. So pack it in ice.

[B]

And then. And here's what I do. Cut off his little thing. Oh, pack it in ice. I cut off his little. Cut off a finger a day. Cut off his feet. So he's. He's got nubbies. And then eyes. Eyes gone.

[A]

That's always good eyes.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

How do you put them out? With a spoon.

[B]

Ooh, hot spoon. Hot stove spoon.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Hot stove spoon. Hot stove spoon. Scoop it right out.

[A]

Scoop them out.

[B]

Do you want the eyes, or should I throw them away?

[A]

Keep, guys, keep.

[B]

I'll keep the eyes. Oh, an ice cream scoop.

[A]

Ice cream scooper is better.

[B]

It's perfect.

[A]

And then you fill it with pistachio ice cream.

[B]

Each of his eyes is pistachio ice cream.

[A]

I'm just throwing it out there.

[B]

Well, in case maybe Rocky road pistachio, right?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

[B]

So good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then, you know, he'd be freaking.

[A]

What the you mean?

[B]

And then I have a drip.

[A]

It would be so itchy. Itchy. And. And just the coldness of the ice cream in his sockets.

[B]

And he can't itch it out because his nubs can't. And then I. And then I have to cut out his tongue, so he really can't say much.

[A]

Keep the tongue. Nope.

[B]

Cut it gone. He can't say anything. And here's ship that I'M shipping.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then I'm gonna get a tattoo artist. One of the best in the world. Yeah. I'm gonna get like, Dr. Wu or somebody incredible.

[A]

Yeah. You know, Kevon D, maybe.

[B]

Sure. Caf? On D. Yeah. And they're gonna tattoo all over his chest in. In unbelievable amount of racial epithets. Like, you know, like a swastika, the N word all over him. Just like the most foul stuff all over his body.

[A]

I hate blacks.

[B]

Right on his chest.

[A]

You could go further.

[B]

You can. And then I'm gonna drop him off like in Die Hard. Right. Just like that. So he has no way to speak or walk or tell everybody what's going on. And I'm gonna drop him off in the middle of the worst neighborhood in the world that I can find and let them eat him alive slowly but surely. Oh, I'll never make it out. But I'm also. I'm also not killing him. And here's why.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because you want. You want someone to be able to have vengeance. Because then. That's a good movie. That's a good second movie. If he comes back for me now, it's a film.

[A]

Well. Well, he has no eyes.

[B]

They thought they killed me.

[A]

And there's no nubs on his feet. Wow. Imagine if the tongueless. Yeah.

[B]

And he comes back for me. Yeah, that's another. That's the second movie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like Old boy. Just like old Boy.

[A]

It's like.

[B]

Oh, just like old Boy.

[A]

Wow. What's a good idea, dude?

[B]

We got really dark and deep there.

[A]

I'm so sorry.

[B]

Me too. I hope no one ever hurts anybody that we love.

[A]

We'll never do that.

[B]

But we will kill you if you mess with our mom.

[A]

Yeah. Just. I mean, I think. I think people could relate. I think that's a no go.

[B]

Your mom is.

[A]

It's the one can't touch the mom. Dad. Fine.

[B]

Dad.

[A]

Yeah. Dad. No. Yeah.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

One sibling is bad, too, but just.

[B]

Something about your mom because it's your.

[A]

Oh, my mommy. Oh, my. The helplessness. My mom's 80 and she's just laying there. You know what I mean? Alone. Oh, my God. It makes me so angry.

[B]

Oh, there she is.

[A]

There she is. Okay.

[B]

Sweet, sweet lady.

[A]

Yes. What a sweet lady. Okay, good. Put it.

[B]

Hold on. Pull that up again. Is it. Was there two cameras taking pictures of her?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Well, she's looking one way and then the other way.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She didn't know which camera to look at is what it kind of.

[A]

Can I tell you. Can I tell you something?

[B]

So one camera was dead on, the other one was to the left.

[A]

Can I tell you something? This is something you don't know. And I can call your mom, right? So when my mom was.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Can I be honest?

[B]

You started that whole war three years.

[A]

Ago, so my mother, when she was 7 or 8 years old, right. She had chronic pneumonia. Okay.

[B]

She. She got pneumonia all the time.

[A]

Yeah. No, but she had this one sickness where her left eye. The pupil went all the way so you couldn't even see it.

[B]

What do you mean? The pupil went, like, out of, like.

[A]

It was fucked up by her face so bad. She went. Her eye went into her fucking what? Yeah, it was like that when she moved to America. But also growing up in Korea.

[B]

That's why it's the best country in the world. They're fixed now. Almost.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when she, as a kid was teased and bullied because of that eye, she was. Yeah, yeah. Like chronically, it was bad.

[B]

Well, thanks. I'm glad it's at the crux of.

[A]

The show and then. Let me finish. Right. She comes to America and my dad had a little bit of funny. And when she met him, he got those. That eye fixed.

[B]

He said, I'm gonna fix your eye.

[A]

Yeah. So that's now the result of it. You can make fun of her all you want.

[B]

I do. Yeah.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yeah, but you make fun of me, too. You make fun of my mom too.

[A]

Yeah, but your mom's perfect.

[B]

That's exactly right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, your mom. Your mom. Your mom got it all fixed out, and I'm glad that it.

[A]

No, but you still make fun of her eye, and it's crazy.

[B]

Well, I have to. It's insane.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have my mom all the time, but in fact. In fact, I go out in public probably ten times a day. That's been mentioned. And then you gotta go, right that. But your face is not really that happy. Your eye. Look at that. You're, like, good.

[B]

I get it. I get it every day. I didn't know when. That's not your mom by proxy. It is. And I love her so. I love her dearly.

[A]

Yeah. Anyway.

[B]

I can't believe you never told me that story about your mom's eye. Unless it's.

[A]

It's not. That's real.

[B]

You do stuff like that.

[A]

It's 100% real that that happened. I mean, it's very traumatic for her.

[B]

Well, it's terrible. Then why didn't you say that when we started joking about it years ago?

[A]

We're A comedy show. And I thought you meant well, but now you keep digging and digging.

[B]

I dig.

[A]

He brings up the photo.

[B]

He did that.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You're like, look at that. I wonder why. And I'm just telling you.

[B]

We love your mother. I'm the one that flew her out to see you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Bring in a student. Let's see if we got a student that we want to chat with. Rocket Money, the amount of subscriptions that we had you cancel through this company is actually very. Laughing.

[A]

I had oatmeal.

[B]

An oatmeal subscription.

[A]

Yeah. I swear to God.

[B]

Just coming to your house.

[A]

I had oatmeal coming for months. Like nine months in a row. Stacked. Right. And I had to go to Rocket Money. And that's where I found the discrepancy.

[B]

The discrepancies. That's right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, you need it because Rocket Money. Rocket Money's incredible. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. And here's what I'm telling you about it. They show you all your expenses in one place. They try to negotiate to lower your bills. They make it so easy for you. If you're someone that has a lot of subscriptions, like all of us do, let Rocket Money clean it up for you.

[A]

They also will negotiate lower bills for you. The app automatically scans your bills to find opportunity to save. Save, and then goes to work to get you better deals. They'll even talk to customer service so you don't have to.

[B]

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[A]

Go to rocket money.com bad friends today.

[B]

That's rocket money.com bad friends. Rocket money.com bad friends.

[A]

True classic. You know when you. You know when you look the sexiest?

[B]

What? Tell me when you're wearing True Classic. Classic is honestly so good. Some of my favorite shirts that I own are from True Classic. And I mean that genuinely. There's comfortable and they're well priced. And the best part about True Classic is you can wear them everywhere. I wear them to meetings. I can wear them when we're filming something. I can wear them here. You can wear them everywhere. And that's why they're so nice and sleek and comfortable. And they're very affordable, which is nice.

[A]

And clearly people agree because people vote with their dollars. And True Classic has sold over 25 million shirts to more than 5 million customers and racking up over 200,000 five star reviews.

[B]

God, it's so many people. People do vote with their dollars. So the shirts fit like they should. They feel incredible, and you don't break the bank. You get that tailored look without sacrificing comfort or blowing your budget. So forget the overpriced designer brand. Skip the cheap throwaway stuff. True Classic is built for comfort, built to last, and built to give back. I've been wearing them for a long time now, and the difference is very visible. You can find them at Amazon, Target, Costco, Sam's Club, or head to trueclassic.com bad friends to try them out for yourself.

[A]

That's trueclassic.com bad friends.

[B]

This actually could be my little sister.

[A]

Yeah, it could be your daughter.

[B]

We have the Weasley jeans, not my daughter. She's 20 years old.

[A]

Yeah. You're 40.

[B]

I am, yeah.

[A]

You could have had her when you were 20.

[B]

22. I'm 42.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, dude, you could have been. How old are you?

[C]

21.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

That could have been my kid. Yeah, your daughter could have been my daughter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where's your. Do you know your mom and dad?

[C]

I do know them.

[B]

Okay. Thank God.

[A]

Talk closer into the mic and put. You want the earphones on or. Yeah.

[B]

This is Quinnipiac, isn't it?

[A]

Quinnipiac.

[B]

Would you go to Quinnipiac for media studies or something?

[C]

Film.

[A]

Film, yeah. You want to be a director?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Actress?

[C]

No.

[B]

Writer?

[C]

No. Keep guessing.

[B]

Producer?

[C]

No.

[B]

Rigor.

[C]

No.

[B]

Would you call her a rigor? Sorry.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

No. What? You can't. Rigor. You don't know. Rigor is. You rigs. You don't know rigor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A grip.

[C]

No.

[B]

You want to be. Oh, oh, I know. I do.

[A]

Know what?

[B]

Wardrobe, makeup, hair.

[C]

You guys are missing, like, the other big one. I feel like you're getting producer.

[B]

Writer. Director. Actor, huh?

[C]

Editor.

[A]

Oh, my. That was a good one.

[B]

It's funny because we don't value them.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, he's.

[B]

He is.

[A]

You want to edit things?

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

Yeah, they're the best.

[B]

So you don't mind being locked up in a small, dark room?

[C]

No, I prefer it. I like when they, like, everyone goes on set and they, like, deal with all the chaos, and then they send it to me, and then I sit by myself and I do it.

[B]

You like that?

[C]

You Like, I prefer that. Yeah.

[B]

What's your name?

[C]

Emma.

[B]

Emma.

[A]

Emma.

[B]

Emma is here.

[A]

You're from Connecticut?

[C]

I'm from Boston.

[A]

Boston, Massachusetts.

[B]

Boston, Connecticut. Boston, Connecticut. She goes from Boston but goes to Quinnipiac in Connecticut.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Which we visited your beautiful campus.

[C]

Yes, it's lovely.

[A]

It's a nice.

[B]

Yeah, that's all right.

[A]

What do you think of la? What do you think of L. A? So Emma, you, you, you. Have you gone to any nice restaurants?

[B]

Have you experienced LA at all in a. In a fun way like.

[C]

Yes, but no. We've explored downtown a lot. We've gone to all the touristy areas and my internship is in Beverly Hills, so, like that's the only nice part that I've seen.

[A]

Didn't I give one of your students money so they can have dinner? Yeah, I think we're do that. I think I might do that tonight, you know, I mean.

[B]

Yeah, they keep coming because as a group they should. They know you might give them money. Yeah, yeah, Emma. So the dream is to be an editor and. And you know that this guy edits this show, this little the fancy and he does a very good job. Do you want. Have you ever seen this show before?

[C]

I've seen parts of it, yeah.

[B]

Yeah, parts of it. That means tick tock. Yes, I know what that means. That means tick tock. We're big with kids on TikTok.

[C]

Yeah, it's like I don't have the attention span.

[B]

Watch like anything really. Right, well, you're an editor, so you spend time watching other shit.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

I'm the same too. I don't watch whole things, including this show you watch. I've never seen this show.

[B]

But that's not. You do watch whole things. You watch films all the time.

[A]

Yeah, but if I'm not a part of it, I'll watch it. Right?

[B]

She's not a part of this. The fuck are you talking about? Yeah, young people her age don't watch anything anymore now.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

They don't like.

[A]

You don't watch film.

[C]

I like. I do, but I feel like films are getting longer.

[B]

See? Oh, they don't want to watch anything.

[A]

And we're talking about.

[B]

They're actually probably getting shorter. I bet you like shorter. They feel like they're getting shorter.

[C]

Popular ones lately have been.

[A]

Have you seen Dr. Zhivago? That's like four hours long.

[B]

They're getting. Statistically you're getting longer on average.

[A]

Oh, wow. You're right.

[C]

And I'm the only one. It's not like I like I have adhd. But it's not just me.

[B]

Well, look at that.

[C]

Everyone's.

[B]

They were around 90 minutes in the, in the 30s and then it went up to about 130 minutes. Peaked out in the 60s, then it dipped in the 80s and the 90s, which I love the 90, 90 minute, you know, whatever the. And back in the 90s, the comedies that were 100 minutes perfect, you know.

[A]

But they are peaking.

[B]

Yeah, but then right now we're no, we're kind of on average. We're actually going back down technically, so. So boohoo. Sit around. Do enjoy a movie.

[C]

I do enjoy.

[A]

What's the last movie you saw?

[C]

I feel like, I feel like the group of us watch something recently. Oh, we watched Pitch Perfect, which is.

[B]

Brand new movie, just came out 15 years ago. Emma. Pitch Perfect.

[C]

Well, it was on cable. We have like the TVs in our rooms.

[B]

This is going to make me sad. She's going to keep telling me how awful this place is.

[A]

Awful.

[B]

It sounds like a prison.

[C]

It's. It's nice.

[A]

You have no. You guys have no money.

[B]

Well, rub it in.

[C]

Internship right now.

[B]

They're 20 years old. They're in school. Yeah, it's tough.

[A]

I don't remember. So like you have a bank account?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Do your parents help you?

[B]

Bank account?

[A]

I don't know what the fucking deal is, dude. Sorry for swearing.

[B]

She has a bank account.

[A]

Okay. She can do your parents. You ever call? Do you ever call your parents? I need money.

[C]

No.

[A]

And they never give you money.

[C]

They like will offer it sometimes. I don't like to take it while.

[A]

You'Re one of them.

[B]

Are you making your own money now?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You are?

[C]

I mean at this exact moment? No, because my internship's unpaid.

[B]

But I've like unpaid internship is. Was always the biggest scam of all time of Hollywood. We all did it, but it's insane. Yeah, like you do the same amount of work but you don't get any of the money. And you're like, when do I get the money? They're like, if we want to give it to you. That's crazy. McCone's been on an unpaid internship for a couple years now. That's pretty wild. Do you enjoy working for them?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you cut? Are you cutting? Are you prepping and stuff? What are you doing?

[C]

No, I'm doing like a lot of internee like duties, which is like running the social media and stuff. But they're letting me like work on like giving like feedback on the trailers and stuff. It's really like, good. It's worth it to have the experience. It's just hard living in LA because it's so expensive to not be making money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you see yourself living here?

[B]

No.

[A]

Or New York.

[B]

So you're gonna go to New York? She's an east coast kid.

[C]

I. I like it here. I wouldn't stay here long term. I'd live here for like, a couple years.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

People from the east coast are so delusional and crazy. Can I. Let me make my piece here. Yeah. All right. LA is the best city in the world. I believe. Yeah.

[B]

I don't think. I don't think it's the best city in the world.

[A]

What do you think it is?

[B]

What's the best city in the world? Madrid's pretty great.

[A]

In the United States.

[B]

Well, that's not the world.

[A]

Okay, let's just.

[B]

Best city in the U. S. Yeah.

[A]

New York's up there.

[B]

New York is way up there.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Chicago is way up there.

[A]

Yeah. New York's beautiful. All right.

[B]

That's.

[A]

Chicago's good.

[B]

Look at how gorgeous.

[A]

But here's what. It's the weather.

[B]

The weather is the best here.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

San Francisco should not be on there. Look at all that poop.

[A]

San Francisco. San Francisco's still great.

[B]

No, I love it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Poop island, great restaurants. But la, I just. I can't. You. You'll never move.

[B]

I can't. You won't let me. I want to.

[A]

I know. You're staying here.

[B]

It's the hardest thing in the world. Whenever I said this the other day to my wife, whenever you fly here, when you're coming back from the east coast and you get to Colorado, they're like, it's going to be bumpy over the Rockies. It always is. And then they go, all right, strap in your seatbelts, and we've got about two hours left. You're like, two fucking hours.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We just did two hours. We got to do it again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're too far.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's my biggest problem with this place. It's way too far.

[A]

Not from Hawaii. Five hours.

[B]

It's far from everyone.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All of the country is that way. Everybody's that way.

[A]

Not my people.

[B]

You don't. I'm your people.

[A]

Hawaii, dude. Have you been to Hawaii? No.

[B]

What? Have you ever been on a vacation? A nice vacation?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Where'd you. With your parents?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Where'd you guys go?

[C]

Puerto Rico, I would say, is the best event.

[B]

It's an island of garbage.

[A]

I mean, that was really dead on.

[B]

You know who that was? There was a comic, Tony, he joked around and called it an island of garbage during the. What was that? I don't even know what that was.

[A]

It was Trump. Yeah.

[B]

It was a rally. He called it an island of garbage. It was a joke. He was.

[A]

But it was at the island of square garden. That's the square garden.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hulk Hogan was on it.

[B]

Garbage brother.

[A]

Yeah. So what your dream is to become an editor, have a family? Maybe one day. Yeah.

[B]

Well, you're 21, so like life is so bright now. There's nothing getting no free.

[A]

I wish you could like, you know, I mean, like borrow people's. Younger people's blood.

[B]

You stick around Hollywood long enough, you'll just, you'll get it right.

[A]

You know, just give you a couple more extra years.

[B]

That's why everybody's getting kicked off the air because they're all blood drinkers.

[A]

They're all blood.

[B]

I love that. That's like a real thing that, that people rumored this, that they're like, they're drinking blood of babies.

[A]

Yeah. I've run into people that said that.

[B]

That's what the Hollywood reservoir is filling.

[A]

I know there's a cabal, you know, in. And you guys are a part of a cult. I go, really mild. Yeah. And they go, but. And I always ask, am I in it? They're like, no, I don't think you're in it. Right, right. Then I go, then I'll ask like, but what about so and so? No, but then you get to a point like, what about Bill Burr?

[B]

And they're like, because he's that famous.

[A]

Yeah. But I'm like, yeah, he would never do that.

[B]

That's what you think. Dude, baby blood is warm. Maybe fucking warm baby blood, dude. I sit down for me. This guy's giving me warm baby blood at noon. Do you know who Bill Burr is?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you like stand up comedy?

[C]

Yeah, I watch this in my. I, I. We saw your show. That was really good.

[B]

What show?

[C]

At the Comedy Store.

[B]

Oh, you guys went to a live show? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, they came down the main room. Oh, you guys saw that?

[C]

Yeah, it was awesome.

[A]

Who was not good?

[C]

I don't want to say that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but we'll bleep it out.

[B]

Don't make her feel that way.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Dax Flame was so good.

[B]

We love dad.

[C]

That was hilarious. I didn't see it coming.

[B]

Emma. So we know your dreams, we know your hopes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're 21 and you're living in the arguably the most uncomfortable part of Los Angeles in terms of walking around at night. You don't feel safe, do you?

[C]

No.

[B]

Yeah. Please don't walk around at night.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We just met, but I really do.

[C]

Things I have seen being here. Just like, what, it's been two weeks, maybe three. Yeah, it's crazy. And like. Like I'll look out on my balcony. Like, I saw, like, I saw some. Someone with one leg, like, throwing scooters at people.

[B]

Oh, that's. That's Caleb.

[A]

Yeah, Caleb.

[B]

I love that guy. He's actually very sweet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There is a guy kind of near here that throws e bikes into the LA river.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then the fire department was there yesterday, and I talked to the guy and I talked to the firefighter. I was like, what do you guys do? And they had a hose out. And they were training by. They were. He was doing hose training exercises, like unplugging, plugging, and they were shooting into the L A River. And I go, what are you guys doing? He goes, training. And I go, what's up with all those bikes? He goes, dude, the more we take out, the more they keep putting in. So we're not doing it anymore.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Because these homeless guys, they throw. They find them, they throw them in the fucking L A River. Yeah, look, that's them. They just do they just huck them over the side scooters and stuff. E bike scooters. They'll throw. Why? Because they're homeless and they're upset and they're. Yeah, right. That's right there by Frogtown.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Dude, it's. I literally, the firefighter was like, we stopped taking them out because we would have to take them out. It's a pain. And then the next day, there'd be four more in there.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

There's a homeless taking a stand against E bikes.

[A]

He had no leg.

[C]

Yeah, he only had one leg. He was in a wheelchair. I don't know how he was throwing them. He's throwing them far too. He's throwing them, like, at people. He didn't reach them, but got good strength.

[B]

Those oneleggers. Just like the guy that murdered your mom. Peace.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

That guy was a bad boy. Maybe this could be the same guy.

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

Also, there's a robot that's been stuck in my neighborhood. They weren't allowed forever. You know the ones that self deliver.

[A]

I love those guys. Those.

[C]

They all have names?

[B]

Yeah, this one's Kenny.

[C]

Oh, Kenny.

[B]

And. And he's been stuck at a light pole in my neighborhood, and I don't know what to do. But I. But honestly, the sun is roasting him all day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's dying now. The lights are dying on. Is like Wally, dude. It is like Wally.

[A]

Good. I love the eyes that they put in.

[B]

Well, look, it helps, but link. Yeah, they blink.

[A]

They do blink. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And the eyes are slowly dying. I can tell it's dying. And I. And I want to help it.

[A]

And I always say hi. I don't know why.

[B]

Yeah, you say hello when they let.

[C]

Them go in front of me.

[A]

Yeah, me too. And I go, hi.

[B]

I like how they stop really abruptly when they don't know what's in front of.

[A]

And I always go, I'm sorry. Like it doesn't know.

[B]

No, it does know.

[A]

You think it does?

[B]

Well, it's recording everything at all times that someone. Someone's watching back some of that footage. I don't like those things I put.

[A]

In front of them or juke them out.

[B]

You're a fully. They're taking jobs from real people.

[A]

No, they're not, dude. You don't have to tip them.

[B]

These robots out of here. Someone had to program it, fix it. Yeah, upkeep. That's three jobs, right?

[A]

That last 50 people.

[B]

Delivery jobs.

[A]

You're an oppressor. That's how they felt like robots are oppressing us. When immigrants started coming to America, they viewed it like that. That's code. Immigrants are.

[B]

How is that not an immigrant?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Does he have a sentient being?

[A]

His name is Jamie. He's not an immigrant.

[B]

It's Jaime. Imagine if ICE starts busting these boxes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Today on ktla. Today ICE takes down Jamie. Jaime, please. No, just delivering food. Please, please, please, please. Nice try, Jamie. But you know, on the fucking ground shooting that thing up.

[A]

Yeah, bad. Are there waymos in Boston?

[C]

No, I've never seen one until I came to la.

[A]

No, when you saw one. If people don't know a Waymo is a driver.

[B]

Self driver. Driverless car. It's Uber without a driver. It's a car just drives you. They suck.

[A]

Did it shock you when you saw it or not?

[C]

It did. I saw them at first and I just thought they were like weird looking cars. And then I looked in and there's no one in there.

[A]

You know.

[B]

You know the bad news about this, right? Because we're Valley boys. We live here on the Valley. Yeah, they're coming to the fucking Valley by next year. But you know, they're mapping it out right now. So it's happening. I wanted it only in the City. Fine.

[A]

What's up with your fucking shit against oppressing fucking robots taking jobs from people? I was a driver. I was a FedEx driver. I support drivers. And the working man.

[B]

Yeah, you're the working man. You quit after like a month and a half. How long did you do it?

[A]

Well, I worked till I got my unpaid internship and I had to take all my FedEx savings and drive out here.

[B]

All right. With the same car. Let's go back to Emma. I'm not Emma. Do you like a guy? Like Cony is close in your age, is this kind of guy someone. If you saw him, would you trust him? At a party, would you go, I like this guy. He seems trustworthy. If you saw him.

[C]

I mean, do you want honesty?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Stash is always a little.

[B]

The mustache is always a little iffy. Yeah, right.

[C]

But so far you seem fine. He seems.

[B]

But he. But the mustache at. At glance go you. What do you think? You think perv abuser.

[C]

Not. Not specifically him. It's just the idea of that specific.

[B]

Right. But he is wearing.

[C]

Known for that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Is he cute?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Wow.

[B]

Yeah. She has to.

[C]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because we're here. It's. You know what I mean? I hurt his feelings.

[A]

Okay. Okay. I think you are cute because I've had girls say McCone's cute.

[B]

Thank you, Emma. I appreciate you, but I don't want to. Don't give him anything. Say thank you.

[A]

Thank you, Emma.

[B]

Emma, you're the best.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Give it up for Emma. That's Emma.

[A]

Run Applause.

[B]

Send in another victim. Let's see somebody else. Emma, I hope you make it it. I know you will. You're gonna be a great editor.

[A]

You're gonna make it. You're gonna make it. Yeah.

[B]

By the way, if we need more editors, right? Yep. When she comes out here, if we need one. Well, you don't want to move to la. We could. We seriously could use her if we need her for something. All right, we'll talk to you, Emma. Okay, Emma. Thank you.

[A]

We need a guy. Oh, wait, look at this guy. Oh, we're getting two. Two.

[B]

Yeah, we have two for one, two.

[A]

For one, two for good.

[B]

All right, we're gonna guess their names based on their appearance.

[A]

All right.

[B]

The fir the guy's name is. He looks Eastern European.

[A]

Yeah, right? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, he does look Eastern European. And his name is Toke. Toke. T O K e. Toke.

[A]

You're talk dude.

[B]

And this young lady looks. Yeah, yeah, it looks like just an east Coast Girl. Willow. Willow. Willow or Willow or.

[A]

Oh, Willow.

[B]

Willow with a W. Yeah, Willow. And I get Toke because you look very Toki.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And what's your real name?

[A]

Ben.

[B]

Close.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And your name? Sam.

[A]

I was close.

[B]

Sam and Sam. And what's your name?

[A]

Ben.

[B]

Now Toke. I like toke.

[A]

Toke's. Yeah.

[B]

All right. Token.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And you guys are Quinnipiac. How old are you guys?

[A]

I'm 21.

[B]

21. Same. And then you guys are in the graduate program. What do you want to do, Toque?

[A]

I want to find, like, stable income. I think that'd be cool.

[B]

Oh, these kids, you know. You know, these kids these days, they want to work.

[A]

Yeah, but it's a tough job market.

[B]

I know. I was being facetious. Yeah, no, it is very hard. I'm saying.

[A]

Ben, you know.

[B]

No, no, I get.

[A]

I get it, Ben. All I've been told is it's. It's hard to, like, get a job.

[B]

So, you know, and. And how has it been?

[A]

You know, I've just had internships.

[B]

What are you doing in the. In the world of film?

[A]

I'm with seven EIS right now. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, you work with us.

[A]

I do.

[B]

What do you do?

[A]

You're interning. Yeah, I'm the intern there. You know, like. Like Richie I saw. He was on the podcast the other day.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't get any ideas.

[A]

Totally. Yeah. Yeah. You have thin fingers. I like that.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Okay. Is that like a good thing?

[B]

It could be if you're Chopin.

[A]

Are yours. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

No, we need you to pick a lock or something.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And how about you, Willow? What do you aspire to be and do?

[C]

I've enjoyed producing.

[B]

That's been a lot of producer. Yeah, you kind of have a producer vibe.

[A]

You have a producer vibe.

[B]

You know why? Because she's even keeled. She's got that very, like, balance.

[A]

Anybody, but not a good one. Like Kathleen Kennedy. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Like a whip.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my way or the highway?

[B]

Secretly, she's. She's insane.

[A]

Yeah. Right now, it hasn't flourish yet, but you're going to be a bull. Okay, I'll take it like that's you.

[B]

Do you have bully inside of you? Can you be mean?

[A]

Look at that face. I ruined Star Wars.

[C]

I think I've, like, raised my voice that someone once, like, not including, like, my brothers because of course. But yeah.

[B]

Jerk.

[C]

Yeah, no, I don't. I don't like confrontation.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I'm going to have to get over.

[A]

That we're going to learn. All right? So you and I are working. You're a producer. Him and I are on a film set. You have to be. You have to scold us.

[B]

Scold you?

[A]

He's a lighting guy, right? And I'm. And you're. We're behind schedule. And I'm sound.

[B]

He's lighting, and we're just chilling.

[A]

No, we're just in the back alleyway, smoking. I mean, remember trees?

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Still in that mud pile.

[C]

Excuse me, guys.

[B]

Yeah. What's up?

[A]

What's up? What's up, lady? What's up, woman?

[B]

We don't have any more cigarettes, man.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

[B]

My last one.

[C]

You guys are done now, if that's okay. We're gonna go back inside, we're gonna do our job, and we're gonna have a great day.

[B]

What?

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah. Who are you? Who are you?

[C]

I'm the producer.

[B]

What? What Producer? I don't know.

[A]

Oh, for the movie. We're gonna.

[C]

Yes, yes. Top dog. Top hire. So I'm gonna need you guys to come.

[A]

Top dog. That's you?

[C]

Yep, that's me.

[A]

Oh, that's me.

[C]

It's nice. It's nice to meet you guys, but we gotta. Gotta get back in.

[A]

Yeah, you know what? Hey, lady, can I just say something, please, Skip.

[B]

Yeah, thank. Go ahead.

[A]

We'll get there when we get there.

[B]

Yeah, we'll get to it.

[C]

I have your paycheck, so if you want that, you're gonna have to come with me.

[B]

Oh, you're extorting us? Oh, you're threatening us?

[C]

Okay, I get it, all right?

[A]

I could.

[C]

I could do this all day.

[A]

You guys want your job? Hold on.

[B]

We can do this all day, too, lady.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty good.

[B]

I gotta go inside, man.

[A]

I should be more stern, though.

[B]

That was good.

[C]

Yeah, I'm gonna have to work on it. This is great practices.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Because you got to do it like you got. You gotta. You gotta talk like you're one of us. So, like, look, I'll be the executive. You be. You be. You be smoking. You know, you. Now you. It's just you.

[A]

I'll show Ben. Be in it.

[B]

Yeah, Token, be in it. You and Toke together, right? I'm gonna show you what to do, all right? You. You're. You guys, you're out back and you're on smoke break.

[A]

Hey, Toke. Yeah, what's up, Bobby? This project. That's what I'm saying, right? It sucks. Okay? Who? Jake Gyllenhaal?

[B]

Hey, boys. Hey, guys, guys, guys, guys. How are you?

[A]

What's up, man? We're smoking.

[B]

Oh, I know, I know. I love smoking. Smoking's rad, huh?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[A]

Yeah, man.

[B]

Don't you want to smoke everywhere, all the time?

[A]

Yeah, we do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We also. We also want our privacy.

[B]

Me, too.

[A]

Back up.

[B]

Tell me about it. Right, Tell me about it.

[A]

I told you to stand up for yourself. Toke, tell him off.

[B]

Toke? That's his name?

[A]

Yeah, Toge.

[B]

Yeah, Toke. You're fired. So, Bobby, I'm gonna need you back inside now or you're fired as well. Yeah, I fired. You see how quickly he got fired? You see how that's how you.

[A]

That's. That's how you do it?

[B]

Yeah, you just say, bully him. Yeah, you got it. And you got it in you. Okay, all right, so bully us now. Really hit us hard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want you to just make fun of us. You have to.

[A]

You have to. You're Kathleen Kennedy.

[B]

You're KK.

[A]

Let me say something. This movie is $300 million.

[B]

500 million.

[A]

Yeah, 500 and. Right. We're behind schedule. Tom Holland's waiting on set.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah. Also, who else is it? And. And. Oh, Tom Holland.

[B]

Tom Holland. And. And. Huh? And what's the kid from. Yeah, I don't know anybody's names.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Zendaya and Timothy Chalamet and Shallow. They've been waiting for days.

[A]

Camera operators, Right.

[B]

We're ops. We're supposed to be on. We're supposed to be shooting this.

[C]

Excited about this, though?

[A]

So we're smoking now.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

My bad.

[A]

You know that producer? You know that produce. What's that producer's name?

[B]

Who? Linda.

[A]

Whatever. That lady. That lady with the hair.

[B]

Oh, the little blonde.

[C]

Guys.

[B]

Hey, guys. Oh, here she is.

[C]

Can you put those down now?

[B]

No, no.

[C]

I'm gonna need you to do that, or I'm gonna need you to leave.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Excuse me.

[A]

Excuse me.

[B]

Who are you?

[C]

I'm the producer.

[B]

What's your name?

[C]

My name's Sam.

[B]

What's your guys's name already? You can't go up.

[A]

You can't. Yeah, she went.

[B]

My name's Sam. It was very sweet. You're not my friend. You gotta bully us. Yeah, you go, you go. Do you need. You don't need to know my food.

[A]

Let me just put this into perspective, okay?

[C]

I need, like, a notepad.

[A]

Here's. I'm gonna put.

[B]

You need to ignore all of these notes.

[A]

This is. You're Cleopatra, right? Okay. And we're just Dudes building the pyramid.

[B]

God, that's so harsh.

[A]

What?

[B]

You're.

[A]

That's how you have to think, though.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

Right? We're just one of 20,000 people building the pyramids, right? You're the queen of Egypt.

[B]

Yeah. You're the queen of Egypt.

[C]

No, no, no.

[A]

I.

[C]

To me, everyone's on the same.

[A]

You're not gonna be a producer then. That's not right. No pyramids will be built.

[B]

No pyramids are going to get built.

[A]

No pyramids are going to get barrel built. You have to be a bull. Yeah. Now we'll do it again.

[C]

Again, Right.

[B]

More so. Anyway, you know who I can't stand?

[A]

What? That.

[B]

That guy Toke that we used to work with.

[C]

Hey, guys.

[B]

He sucks.

[A]

Hey, I think hey guys is even wrong. Hey, guys. What's up?

[C]

Excuse me. Is that better?

[B]

No, no. Guys, listen up.

[C]

Guys, listen up.

[B]

I have my job back.

[C]

Yeah, actually. Okay, if you guys don't put those down, I'm hiring Token Toque.

[A]

Yeah, that's good. That's good.

[B]

Really bad at his job. You could have Toke, but. Okay. You're gonna fire me? Yeah. Okay. We'll just claim racial discrimination.

[A]

How are you claiming that?

[B]

Oh, Toque, you see any other redheads on set, Toque?

[A]

Yeah, Emma.

[C]

Emma's my editor, actually.

[B]

She's in this. She's in studio. She's not. Oh, she's on set.

[C]

She's on set.

[B]

My daughter's on set. Yeah. M Dog, listen, you're going to be a producer. You're going to be a great producer. Thank you.

[C]

I. I actually really like it out here and with school because I'm trying a lot of different things, so it's. It's really great experience all around and to.

[B]

I got to tell you something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Be careful out there.

[A]

I will.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Why are you saying that to him? Because I want to say the same thing.

[B]

You can feel something. He's a little troublemaker. He's a little bit.

[A]

He needs to stay careful.

[B]

Stay careful.

[A]

Why do you think I'm in trouble?

[B]

Well, you wore a jacket, and it's 96, and that was a little dead giveaway that something's afoot. And I. I don't know what it is, but I thought toe came in here with a jacket. It couldn't be hotter outside. Literally.

[A]

Normally very cool in, like, the building.

[B]

So I want, like, at 7, it's cold.

[A]

And I'll tell you another thing, Tom Tokyo. Your face is very Peaky blinders.

[B]

Picky blinders.

[A]

Peaky blinders. Hello.

[B]

To.

[A]

Yeah. Like a hood rat from England. Yeah.

[B]

Are you. Can you do a British accent, Toke?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Try.

[A]

That's you, dude.

[B]

Toke. Say, what should I say?

[A]

You're that type of.

[B]

Where. Where's the party tonight?

[A]

Where's the party tonight?

[B]

That's pretty good.

[A]

Pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good party. That's the party tonight.

[B]

Embody that character right now. What are you trying to do again? In the business? I forget.

[A]

Yeah. Body. That guy. I. I like to do, like, marketing. Advertising. Advertising, yeah.

[B]

Very good. All right, so sell me this. Sell me the show.

[A]

You know, you got Killian Murphy. It's a pretty big name right there. That's a great. I mean, can I just say something? I mean, we're production company. You don't open with whoever's starring in it. You need to know what the project.

[B]

What's the project?

[A]

Okay, so it's about these British guys, and it's. It's not in the modern day. It's like. I don't know what time period it is.

[B]

Excuse me.

[A]

Excuse me. Can we have a little meeting? Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't know that there's another time period of the mov. Interesting.

[B]

He could just make it up and lie to us.

[A]

They're gangsters. I know that. Oh, we're listening. We're listening.

[B]

Yeah. We love British gangsters.

[A]

Yes. Criminal activities. They do criminal activities. So time period, could it be in the future? No, it's like in the past. Oh, it is. Yeah. No.

[B]

Are you sure? Into the past.

[A]

How far? Let's say the 1920s, 1940s, maybe 1920s or 40s.

[B]

Big gap.

[A]

Big gap.

[B]

Somewhere in that 20, 1920 to 1940.

[A]

Jumps, though, you know?

[B]

Oh, you do a lot of time jump.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, time jumps. Okay.

[B]

And now. And now the show takes place in where?

[A]

London.

[B]

In Central London in 1920.

[A]

1920.

[B]

Is that right? Dude, you gotta pitch it. You lie.

[A]

You just kinda does take place in central London.

[B]

Very good. Very good.

[A]

Toque, you already lost the room.

[B]

Yeah, it's over.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'll pitch you this show.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Ready?

[A]

The pitch. No, pitch me a different show.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That you make up.

[B]

Oh, that. I'm a new show.

[A]

Yeah. All right.

[B]

To all you guys are the executives.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thanks for having me today, guys. Great to be here. How's everyone? Good. Hi, how are you?

[A]

Good evening.

[B]

Oh, good evening.

[A]

My name is Skip Lubowski.

[B]

Mr. Lebowski, it's wonderful to meet you and send your constituents over there and introduce yourselves, please.

[A]

Hi.

[C]

I'M Willow.

[B]

Hi, Willow.

[A]

Your last name? Willow.

[C]

My last name?

[B]

Yeah. What is it? I feel like we're familiar. Maybe we met. Willow. What's your last name, Willow?

[C]

Evergreen.

[B]

Willow. Evergreen.

[A]

Willow. Evergreen. Anyway. And sir, what's your name, sir? Toka.

[B]

Toca. Toka Smith. Toka.

[A]

Toka Smith. He's. He also stutters. Anyway.

[B]

Anyway, I will say, Toca, I do appreciate the fact that your parents, being very Anglo Smithians, giving you a unique name. I like that.

[A]

Now he's Bulgarian.

[B]

Oh, he's Bulgarian.

[A]

Let's move on.

[B]

So I have a movie.

[A]

What's the movie, sir?

[B]

Do you guys like who reps you? Huh?

[A]

Who reps you?

[B]

Unwrapped.

[A]

You're unwrapped?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How'd you get a meeting to Toka? How did you get a meeting? Will schedule him. Who? Willow? Did you schedule this guy? He has no reps. How did he get a meeting with us?

[B]

Well, your. Your assistant read my script that I sent in and loved it, so they.

[A]

You did Willow?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

No, I. I thought he had something, and I. I figured he should.

[B]

Ms. Evergreen wrote it.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Unbelievable. Because, you know, you bumped Aaron Sorka in front of him.

[B]

He's still out there in the hallway.

[A]

I know. Anyway, go ahead.

[B]

You guys like Girl Scout cookies?

[A]

We love girl. We were talking about doing a girl Scout cookie move.

[B]

What's your favorite flavor?

[A]

The mint. The mint one? The mint one? Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I like the peanut butter one.

[B]

You do?

[A]

Yeah. Willow, shut the fuck up. Willow, shut the fuck up.

[B]

The movie I'm pitching is called thick mints, okay? Not thin mints. And it's about a girl Scout leader. A very beautiful, sexy, thick woman who trains young girl Scout women to kill men.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Who have done her wrong. It's almost like a. It's a female empowerment film. And all the while, they're selling cookies to make money to fuel their. Their revenge on all these men that have done them wrong.

[A]

My God.

[B]

That's pretty great. You like it?

[A]

They're young children that murder.

[B]

No, no, they're girl Scouts, but they're all grown women by this point now they're just avenging their death through the girl Scouts.

[A]

So they train the children to. To kill. I don't know if that's going to market. Well, why Toga? Express yourself.

[B]

Why? Interesting.

[A]

Well, you know, I don't think that's going to appeal to the general audience. Like child neglect. Well, I like it. Yeah.

[B]

So this is Hollywood at its finest.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, this is Hollywood. One guy in the room.

[A]

Intern Shut the up.

[B]

We like it.

[A]

Yeah, we like it.

[B]

By the way, great movie.

[A]

It's a great movie.

[B]

Thickness.

[A]

Very good.

[B]

The Girl Scouts are trained to take. To take revenge on men who have done them wrong.

[A]

Amazing.

[B]

All right, well, we'll say thank you to Toke and thank you to Willow. You guys are amazing. We love you. Give it up for these guys. You join the others. Do we want to take one more for fun?

[A]

Two more in general?

[B]

Oh, get them over here.

[A]

Get them in here.

[B]

Yeah. Get them in here, guys. You guys are the best. Thank you, and good luck on everything.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

You're gonna be Capote the rest of the time. What's your name? Oh, wait, let's guess. Hold on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Her name is Slovakia.

[A]

Slovanka.

[B]

Slovanka. And his name is.

[A]

Tweet. Tweet.

[B]

Tweet.

[A]

Tweet.

[B]

Slovakia and Tweet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And your real names are jj. Jj.

[A]

When we said Tweet, I don't like your reaction. Got a little defensive.

[B]

What does J.J. stand for? Jeffrey Jr. Jeffrey Jr. Because your father's Jeff. That's true. That's the big J.

[A]

Your little jet you have. Falcon. What a Vulcan. You have a Vulcany vibe.

[B]

Kid's got great teeth.

[A]

Great teeth.

[B]

Kids got great teeth.

[A]

Great lips.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that weird to say? Yes. Okay.

[B]

I mean, no. If he has nice lips, he's paying him a compliment. I don't think it's that bad.

[A]

Slavonka.

[B]

Slavonki. What's your real name?

[C]

It's Gianna, but I go by Gigi.

[B]

Pretty close.

[A]

Gigi.

[B]

To be honest, that's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In the world. Slovakia. Giovanna, what's your history?

[A]

Like, what's. What European country does your family come from?

[B]

Italy.

[C]

Italy, France. I. I don't know, like, exactly.

[B]

Yeah. No one's doing 23andMe anymore.

[A]

After they put your mic closer to your mouth.

[C]

I'm not allowed to do those DNA tests.

[B]

You shouldn't do them. They're dangerous and silly.

[A]

Why?

[B]

They have your blood for the rest of the time.

[C]

They can, like, frame you. They have your DNA.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You're afraid of getting framed.

[A]

I leave my DNA in every hotel room I ever stay in.

[B]

Gigi, are you afraid of getting framed?

[C]

No. No, I.

[B]

Do you have anything to cover up? Okay. Is she being honest, do you think, jj? I think so, yeah. Okay. Well, I don't buy it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you guys want to do in the biz?

[C]

I want to go into editing.

[B]

Do you want to be an editor as well? Tough competition with Emma, huh?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What about you? I think I'm going to ad route. Ad ads are great. Smart. That's very smart. An organizational person. Your people person, right? Maybe. Well, that's ad.

[A]

If you ever ad something that I'm in, if you quit the film, if you call me in too early, we're gonna have a problemo. What is up with their. They don't know about time.

[B]

They do.

[A]

They don't.

[B]

They do.

[A]

Then why do I have to wait four hours?

[B]

Because they're lighting and they relight and then they change the where we're shooting. And you know how this thing goes. It's a nightmare. Who out of the crew hangs out the most?

[A]

Well, Token, I are. Have been roommates in college.

[B]

So Token, you go back?

[A]

Yeah, we go back.

[B]

Do you like Token? I'm a big fan of him. You guys are good friends.

[A]

You guys do night whispers.

[B]

You night whisper when you sleep. And you.

[A]

And you guys do night whisper.

[B]

You go toque.

[A]

It's more like.

[B]

What are you thinking about?

[A]

Yeah, what you thinking about?

[B]

Grilled cheese sandwiches. Yeah, I really want one real bad.

[A]

Oh, I wish we had a kitchen. You have a kitchen?

[B]

They do.

[A]

We do. We have a kitchen. What? We have a kitchen.

[B]

Kitchen.

[A]

Do you have cheese or cheese? Wait, do you have a fridge? Yeah, they do. We have a fridge. Fridge.

[B]

When did we get a.

[A]

Do we have a grill? Do we have a grill? They do. No, no. What the.

[B]

No, he said fourth floor. Fourth floor.

[A]

We have a. We have a grill. Right. So do we have cheese and bread? We can do it. Let's do it. Let's make it.

[B]

Do you do that ever with Toque?

[A]

No. Oh, okay. You don't whisper at night.

[B]

Who do you live with?

[C]

I live with the girls, but I.

[B]

Have all the girls live together.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I have my own room because there's three of us.

[B]

There's three girls. You all have your own room, obviously.

[A]

Here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna give you guys money. I'm being real.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are you laughing about? Okay.

[B]

If you want to give money.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But you guys are gonna get dinner tonight, okay?

[B]

On us.

[A]

On us. Do you have any cash on you?

[B]

Yeah, I got cash in the bag. Okay, I'll give you some cash.

[A]

We'll give you some cash. You guys gonna get a nice dinner? Okay. On the we treat.

[B]

What's it like? What's that? What in your mind? What's a nice dinner down. Is there a nice dinner downtown that you know of? What do you Guys usually eat eating downtown because everything closes down there.

[A]

But on the way from here, there. There's places they go to. Bob's Big Boy. I don't know.

[B]

No, I know. Yeah, that's true.

[C]

We've all been, like, kind of cooking a lot.

[B]

You cook a lot?

[C]

Like doing, like, frozen meals.

[B]

Frozen meals?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cooking a frozen meal.

[A]

Not tonight, baby. Right. And if you take the cash and not don't get a meal, I'm gonna have a problem with it.

[B]

I'm not gonna have a problem with it. You can do whatever you want.

[A]

No, no, not me.

[B]

Your money you're spending.

[A]

You're spending on a meal tonight on us. Thank you. You know you're shady right now. Slovakia.

[B]

Okay, what do you think? First thing out of her mouth, she was like, I don't want them to. I don't want them to frame me. So she's obviously got some weird shit.

[A]

You got some weird trust issues.

[C]

I think I just got social anxiety.

[B]

Oh, you do, you do.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[B]

Well, I'm glad we put you on the show.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I didn't know you well.

[C]

No, this is a good exercise.

[B]

This is good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We have anxiety.

[A]

Yeah. You know what's great?

[B]

What?

[A]

You wouldn't think I'm anxious now. I'm full of anxiety.

[B]

We have terrible anxiety.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It comes in different forms.

[A]

We'll do some improv exercises then to get you through it.

[B]

Let's do. Let's do one.

[A]

You want to. Do. You want to try one, and you.

[B]

Want to be an ad. And what do you want to be again?

[A]

Editor.

[B]

Editor with Emma. That's right.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Let's do an improv exercise. Okay. You're doing a TED talk Talk. Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So let me see.

[B]

Patina talk.

[A]

Yeah. You have to be very confident. Even though we're going to give you a topic, you have to pretend you really. You're a professional. You know what you're talking about?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's thousands of people in this room. They paid money, and they're here to hear an expert on a topic.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Okay, so you're going to go up and you're going to say you're. You're going to make up a name, you know, I mean, where you're from, and you're going to go into the topic for like a minute. It.

[B]

And. And the technology.

[A]

Well, because. What's the topic?

[B]

Well, the thing you invented was you were the one that. That decided that the box at Street Lights that goes wait or walk. Walk Walk. That's you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's actually your voice. The original one was your voice.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

So you were the girl that invented. Wait. Go. Walk. Walk. That's you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you know what I'm talking about?

[C]

To talk about that for a minute.

[B]

Yeah, one minute. One easy minute.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm going to introduce you. Okay, Ladies and gentlemen, lights down. And how about a round of applause for our presenter for this evening? You don't clap for yourself.

[B]

No. You can if you're really excited about your project.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I am.

[B]

Slavonia.

[C]

Slavonia and I have invented something that you have all used in your life many times.

[A]

Oh, what is it?

[B]

I forgot what it is. What is it?

[C]

It's actually the crosswalk box that says wait and. And it tells you to walk.

[B]

That's what she invented.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No, listen, listen. I'm serious. Think about this, okay? If this wasn't a thing, we'd all be getting hit by cars.

[B]

Well, we. Not really. I mean, we can see that. Green, red.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no, no. We need. This is a very important thing that is in every city, in every state, and I'm everywhere.

[A]

Okay. Can we. We have. We have some questions. We have some questions. Can we ask some questions?

[B]

I like how we gave her a great invention and she somehow made it sound like it was not worth it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, for some reason, now I'm like, God, that is not. It was invented for the. For the blind.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, it was, you know, that it was vented for blind. Yeah. To help them get across the streets.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's why you hear go. So the. The noises echo each other so they can find out how far it is and where they're going. But you hate blind people. You've said that on the show. The first thing out of your mouth is, I hate blind people. No, you did a good job pitching. Very good.

[A]

Very good.

[B]

I actually really liked it.

[A]

You want to do one? Not really. I think.

[C]

I think you should.

[A]

I think you should. I think you should.

[B]

You know, she said she has social anxiety and she really powered through it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think. And applaud you, J. That was great, gg.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, let's go, jj.

[A]

Okay, so, JJ and GG TED Talk or no?

[B]

Yeah, he's got to do a TED Talk and he. What did he invent? You two tell him I did hers.

[A]

Okay. Bubble wrap.

[B]

Oh, this is fantastic. All right, ladies and gentlemen, your presenter for the night, jj.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

You know how, like, you order something.

[A]

And then it gets damaged on the way.

[B]

That happens to me.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, human body.

[B]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Body parts always get dinged up. What if you had a wrap, made a bubble to stop that? What do you mean, bubble? Bubbles, they float and then they pop like little kids.

[A]

We already have that little boat. Is this the guy that invented it?

[B]

What is he. What is it? What do you mean? I did bubble wrap. Oh, you. You invented bubble wrap? I did. Really?

[A]

Yep. This is not turning into a TED Talk. It's turning into, like, an answer. What are you talking to the fucking speaker for, dude?

[B]

There's only two of us in this room. I mean, my God, he didn't sell any tickets.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It seemed like a Q A. I get it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You invented bubble wrap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what gave you the In. What gave you the instinct to invent something like that? Well, I ordered, like, a tv, and.

[A]

Then it shattered on the way, so.

[B]

I thought we need better protection in, like, the postal system. Smart.

[A]

Very smart.

[B]

Smart. I don't know why you're ordering TVs through the postal system, but outside of that, I think it's fantastic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jj, you're gonna make a great ad someday.

[A]

Very good ad.

[B]

You're gonna be a great editor. Who's better at editing, you or Emma? Be honest. Go fast. Go honestly.

[C]

Don't even think about really seen much of her stuff.

[B]

We need to have an edit.

[A]

Oh, Slam.

[B]

Let's have an edit off.

[A]

Slam to Emma.

[B]

Oh, that was.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I don't really see stuff that she.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

I don't like stuff that she does. That's a little down there.

[A]

I mean, she's asked. I just kind of don't want to see it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She does edit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not that I know.

[A]

I mean, I've seen it from afar. I don't think she's doing it right.

[B]

A lot of other people say she edits, but I. I don't. That I know of. It's not really my thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, well, JJ and gg, we appreciate you very much. Thank you.

[A]

Thank you so much for coming on.

[B]

Thank you, guys. Look at that. They passed. Did they get a grade for that or they passed some sort of test? Yes. Let's say this.

[A]

We thank you for all your birthday condolences.

[B]

Yeah, that was great. Can I say an honest thing real fast? A truthful thing?

[A]

No, it's the wrong word.

[B]

Yeah. He didn't die. Died on his birthday. I want to say. I want to Say something genuine.

[A]

Am I dumb? Honestly, am I dumb? No, no, be real. Am I dumb?

[B]

You're an artist.

[A]

Why? Because I say. Okay. Do you think I'm dumb?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You really do?

[B]

No, of course not.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I wouldn't do something with you if I didn't think you were intelligent.

[A]

Are you real?

[B]

Yeah, if you're a fucking idiot.

[A]

I mean, I could freak.

[B]

Here's the thing. I think you are what we call an idiot savant. Meaning you're brilliant in your own very specific way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And by the way, that's. That's what makes you so special. I'm not smart.

[A]

But you're bright.

[B]

No, Anita. Savant refers to an individual with mental disability who also demonstrates extraordinary abilities in specific specialized area. That's fact. The term is now considered outdated and potentially ableist. Did not know that. Instead prefer the more respectful term individual savant syndrome.

[A]

Sorry, I like idiot. Yeah, you're an idiot. That could also be a special name. Idiot savant. Yeah.

[B]

I just want to say this. I want to say thank you to everybody who watched my special White Noise on Hulu and Disney plus or wherever you get it. It's all over the globe on Disney plus, Hulu in North America, I believe. I want to say thank you. It means the world to me. I know the world is chaos right now and I'm glad that we can make comedy that lets people forget about all of the nonsense in the world and just have a laugh. So thank you for watching White Noise. It means the world to me. Thank you.

[A]

And also thank you for being a bad friend.

[B]

Thank you for being a bad friend.

[A]

Who.