The Way of The Whites w/ Pete Holmes

Summary

Bad Friends – "Make God Raff"

Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Guest: Pete Holmes (joins midway)
Date: May 4, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Bobby and Andrew kick off with character impressions and quickly spiral into playful banter about hosting houseguests, cultural habits, classic movies, dating stories, and the "ways of the white." Pete Holmes later joins for an extended, improvisational discussion about race, comedy, and quirky cultural habits. The energy throughout is spontaneous, irreverent, and deeply self-deprecating, with the cast riffing ceaselessly and peppering the show with sharp one-liners.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Character Impressions & Show Opening [00:00–00:24]

• Andrew riffs as “Andrew Rice Clay"; Bobby introduces “Sebastian Manischewitzvir."
• The pair quickly break character, poking fun at their bits and declaring themselves "bad friends."

Quote
“Hey, how you doing? I'm Andrew Rice Clay.” – Andrew Santino [00:02]

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2. Animal & Human Houseguest Limit Jokes [00:39–02:21]

• Andrew talks about having "a bunch of Filipinos" living in his house, jokingly comparing occupancy limits for pets and humans, which Bobby quickly steers away from crossing lines.
• Riff on local laws about pet limits, joking about weaning and permits.

Quote
“Careful now. I don't think animals and Filipinos should be...” – Bobby Lee [00:49]

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3. Neighbors, Musicians, and Family Dynamics [01:30–03:02]

• Exchange about a musically inclined neighbor and surprise that Bobby lives near a singer.
• Andrew clarifies he lives with family friends who are Filipino, naming Jules, Issa, and Honey.

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4. Movie Night: Showing Americans Classics to International Guests [03:54–14:33]

Andrew’s “Must See” Movie List

Andrew tries to introduce his Filipino housemates to iconic films:

• Tried “The Exorcist” – found it dated.
• Double feature: “Mad Max: Fury Road” and “Furiosa” were big hits.
• They’ve liked some Coen Brothers but find “The Big Lebowski” too weird.
• Struggle to pick films that aren’t “too slow-burn.”

Evergreen/Essential Films Considered:

• Apollo 13, Independence Day, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Magnolia
• Taxi Driver, Dog Day Afternoon, Revenant
• Fight Club, Oldboy, I Saw the Devil, Best in Show, Office Space, Galaxy Quest, Napoleon Dynamite, Battle Royale, Drive

Insightful Exchange
“They don't do slow burn.” – Andrew Santino [07:12]
“That's why I'm scared of the Godfather.” – Andrew [07:14]

• Bobby suggests classics like Die Hard, Speed, Terminator 2.
• They riff on what sequels surpass originals, and their preferences for Wes Anderson’s films.

Quote
“You want comedy, let’s… No, no, let’s go start with action…” – Bobby Lee / Andrew Santino [13:40–13:45]

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5. On Bruce Willis & Movie Stars [14:41–15:11]

• Emotional talk about Bruce Willis's declining health and his legacy in action cinema.

Quote
“It's so sad we're watching a legend die in front of us.” – Bobby Lee [14:55]

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6. Dating Story: “You Look Like Lord Farquaad” [17:38–21:12]

• Story about McCone trying to talk to a woman at the bar. Bobby, buzzed on edibles, tells him he looks like Lord Farquaad from Shrek.
• Bobby encourages McCone to use the line “I’m Lord Farquaad, at your service” as an opener—it surprisingly charms the women until one reveals she’s a lesbian, prompting McCone to do a “black power” fist, bewildering everyone.

Memorable Exchange
“He asked for the girl's number and she said, 'I'm a lesbian.' And then he puts his black power fist up.” – Bobby Lee [19:58]

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7. Hand Gestures White People Can/Can’t Do [24:35, 77:00–78:25]

• Dissects which hand gestures are considered “white” hand signals (waving, peace, shaka, heavy metal, NOT black power).
• Pete Holmes joins in, confirming which gestures are acceptable and riffing on the “Hang loose” sign and others.

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8. Cultural Habits: "Way of the White" [43:56–79:43]

• Andrew expresses a desire to learn “the way of the white”—Bobby and Pete list quirky “white” habits:
  • Baking soda or batteries in the fridge
  • Freezing jeans to remove smoke smells
  • Gallon of milk on the dinner table
  • Never waiting for the gas tank to empty before refilling
  • Quarterly tax payments
  • Microwaving coffee
• Pete mentions the “soul shake” and getting folded into other cultures.

Quote
“The ways of the whites.” – Bobby Lee [43:57]

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9. History, Stereotypes & Race in Comedy [55:16–64:43]

• Spirited discussion about racial “ownership” of celebrities, the “racial draft” concept from Chappelle’s Show.
• Who gets to “claim” figures like Whitney Houston, Tina Turner, George Foreman, Björk, Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
• Jokes about Shane Gillis’s SNL controversy and how “context” can shift the fallout.

Quote
“You’re trying to say, like Chappelle Show, the racial draft.” – Pete Holmes [63:22]

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10. Comedy & Friendship Dynamics [69:50–73:40]

• Talks about beefs/friendship jitters in the comedy world (Eric André, Robbie Hoffman), and how misunderstandings linger.
• Gentle introspection about trauma, creativity, mental health and how it plays into comic energy.

Quote
“Sometimes you don’t have to [do anything to have beef].” – Bobby Lee [74:57]
“We don’t see the world the way it is, we see the way we are.” – Pete Holmes [76:18]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• "You look exactly like Lord Farquaad from Shrek." – Bobby Lee [18:34]
• "I would marry Candace Owens right now. Oh my God." – Bobby Lee, on diversity in dating [27:59]
• "We don’t see the world the way it is, we see the way we are." – Pete Holmes [76:18]
• "The ways of the whites." – Bobby Lee [43:57]
• Discussion about "Make God Raff" as a potential memorial sign at the Comedy Store [33:29–34:39]

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Pete Holmes Joins: Deeper Banter & Improv (From ~[49:39])

• Pete shares in the “ways of the white” bits: penny loafers, Girl Scout cookies, quirks about protein bars, and more.
• The trio spiral into improv regarding cereal brands, racial “ownership” jokes, and performer/comedian habits.
• A warm, lively rapport as Pete engages in the show’s recurring bits and end-of-episode game ("Smallest Smile").

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Show Finale: Heartwarming & Improvised [80:00–End]

• End on the “smallest smile” game — a playful, barely-there smiling contest, leading to giggles all around.
• Pete plugs his special “Silly, Silly Fun Boy” on YouTube.

Quote
“The point is, it's hard to do without laughing.” – Pete Holmes [81:31]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:02 — Andrew’s “Andrew Rice Clay” bit
• 03:54 — Showing movies to international houseguests
• 07:01–14:33 — The Evergreen Movie Debate
• 14:41 — Bruce Willis tribute
• 17:38 — Lord Farquaad at the bar story
• 24:35 — White people’s hand gestures
• 43:56 — “Way of the White” segment
• 55:20 — Racial “claims” and Chappelle’s racial draft
• 69:50–73:40 — Comedian “beefs” and introspection
• 80:00 — "Smallest Smile" game and episode wrap

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Overall Tone & Takeaway

The episode is loose, rapid-fire, and full of affectionate mockery. The trio address cultural quirks, generational shifts, and the mechanics of comedy, all woven together by honest friendship and quick wit. Their vulnerability—about mental health, social anxiety, and irreducible difference—is wrapped up in constant self-satire and heartfelt laughter, making for an honest, endearing listen even at its most outrageous.

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For more: Watch Pete Holmes’ special “Silly, Silly Fun Boy” on YouTube and follow the hosts on social media.

Transcript

[Bobby Lee]

Your hair looks fantastic.

[Andrew Santino]

I have a new name, though. Can I.

[Bobby Lee]

What is it?

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, how you doing? I'm Andrew Rice Clay.

[Bobby Lee]

That's really good, Andrew Rice Clay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So good.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you. So, you know, as we. As you know.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, I'm Sebastian Manischewitzvir. All right, let's get off of our impressions.

[Andrew Santino]

Can we open that with that?

[Bobby Lee]

100%. You two are bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Who are these two idiots? White dude, Asian dude. You.

[Pete Holmes]

You two are disgusting.

[Andrew Santino]

You two or something.

[Bobby Lee]

We're bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

So, you know, I have a bunch of Filipinos living my house.

[Bobby Lee]

Too many. Some would argue you're at the limit.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, like with animals. You know how you can only have a certain animals in your house?

[Bobby Lee]

Careful now. I don't think animals and Filipinos should be.

[Andrew Santino]

They're not even the same thing because Philippines are humans.

[Bobby Lee]

But you're making the comparison to how having animals is the same as having Filipinos.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, just anybody, I guess.

[Bobby Lee]

What's the law for how many animals you're allowed to have in your house at one time?

[Andrew Santino]

In California? In California, I think it's five.

[Bobby Lee]

I think five of each breed?

[Andrew Santino]

No, just five.

[Bobby Lee]

Five animals?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. There's no way you think higher.

[Bobby Lee]

I bet it's like five cats. Five. I bet it's like. No, I mean, there might not be restrictive. There is a restrictive total pet limits in some areas, like Long Beach. Resident restricted. A total of four. Four weaned pets. So they must be. You got to wean them spaded or neutered.

[Andrew Santino]

And I have a business where I wean them.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at this. Three or four dogs or cats combined without a special kennel permit. It limits very wildly by municipality.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You know who your next door neighbor is, but Met him in Memphis at the Elvis at the. One of our worst performances ever. Southern.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I know. Spence. Spencer Presley.

[Bobby Lee]

Clay. Spencer Sutherland. I ran in him last night.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I know Spencer Sutherland.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I love sexy dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Sexy dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Sexy dude. And he told me what street he lives on. And I go, what? Bobby lives there? And he goes, where? We bring up that you're literally three doors down from this kid from.

[Andrew Santino]

I've never seen him.

[Bobby Lee]

He. He goes, ira.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no.

[Bobby Lee]

I. Dude.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I. I know where he lives.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you know how I know it's on your block?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, that's not it.

[Bobby Lee]

I just told you that.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Over two.

[Andrew Santino]

You're over two. Give me another guess.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe because you saw him one time driving.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Over three. I struck out there's this one house, two or three doors down. Right. But they played too loud. The music.

[Bobby Lee]

You think it's him?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it's. You can tell it's live music. Oh, right, right.

[Bobby Lee]

That's. That's his song.

[Andrew Santino]

Whatever. All right, so I have. I don't even bring Filipino. I have three people living in my house who are Filipino who happen to be Filipino.

[Bobby Lee]

Not happen. They are.

[Andrew Santino]

And they are my family.

[Bobby Lee]

Not blood, but.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. No, Jules. And what's their names? Issa and Honey are my family. Honey's the mom, and I have the two daughters, and they're like family.

[Bobby Lee]

We love them. Like family.

[Andrew Santino]

So Issa, right. The youngest, she lives in the Philippines. Right. What are you looking at?

[Bobby Lee]

Huh?

[Andrew Santino]

What are you looking at?

[Bobby Lee]

I was just doing the thing because you always look at them. So I'm looking away to see if maybe it affects the way that you. When you talk and tell a story, because you always look away when I talk at them. So I'm gonna start looking over here to see if that is the same balance.

[Andrew Santino]

I noticed that I was talking to you guys. Is that what you mean? Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you often. You will always look to your right.

[Andrew Santino]

All.

[Bobby Lee]

Every episode. Every episode. All the whole episode. So I'm gonna start going.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna turn this way.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, don't you think that.

[Andrew Santino]

But what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is, is that I didn't real. I didn't really even realize that I did that.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't really. I don't know that you do that either. That's something I'm not sure. Do you guys notice?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But the thing is, is there's three guys back there.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I get a window with guys over here?

[Andrew Santino]

I understand what you're doing, dude, but it's like, you know, I mean, I want to have peaceful conf. Relationship with you.

[Bobby Lee]

It's very. You and I are very peaceful.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. So it's like, sometimes I want to feel conflict. I go there.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, can we take a moment of peace?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I want to finish my story.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, let's take a moment's piece. Okay, so let me finish. Yeah. Okay. So Issa lives in the Philippines, and, you know, she hasn't seen any real movie, like, the movies that she's exp.

[Bobby Lee]

It's making the boys laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

I think you're right. I, I, I tend to look at them. And I will look at you from now.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm your partner.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. I've Just been hanging out with you every single day for a very long time.

[Bobby Lee]

Sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, from, you know, I mean, early

[Bobby Lee]

morning tonight, I realize.

[Andrew Santino]

I apologize. So it's like, look at the boys sometimes, you know? I bet you. You turn away from your wife sometimes and talk to three boys.

[Bobby Lee]

We don't. Yeah, the three boys that live in my house.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't you have three boys in a cubicle? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So anyway, well, men. They're three beautiful men.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Men. She'll finish it.

[Andrew Santino]

I will. So she's never seen, like, you know, Avengers, obviously, because, you know, she's 18 years old and also elf. Things of this nature. So what I've been doing at night is trying to, you know, I mean, expose them to, you know, I mean, movies that I think that are necessary to watch.

[Bobby Lee]

You told Exorcist you showed them, so I showed them.

[Andrew Santino]

Exorcist. Exorcist doesn't have the impact that it once was because every horror movie steals from it. And it's like. Like.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, gore is so different today.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, Grand Theft Auto has more violent gore than exorcism.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. But it was interesting to see. I've seen it thousand times, so it's like the kind of special effects they were able to do at that time.

[Bobby Lee]

It's impressive.

[Andrew Santino]

They liked it. It was okay. But. So last night, we did a double banger.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, what you do?

[Andrew Santino]

We did. I. I was just scrolling down. They had never even heard of Mad Max Fury Road.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

It's not even that old.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

How many years is that? Wasn't that like, 2014? Yeah, 10 years ago. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then obviously, we saw that. They're like, oh, we don't. We don't believe it. This is very good. You know what I mean? You know, I mean, give me more, Give me more. Right? More, more, more, more. So then we did Furiosa. Not as good, but very good. Yeah. Okay. Over the last couple years, we've. I've tried to do Coen Brothers.

[Bobby Lee]

My favorite.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. So I've showed them raising. Raising Arizona. Right. I've showed no Country. No country for Old Men. Fargo, right? What?

[Bobby Lee]

Lebowski. Lebowski. Big Lebowski.

[Andrew Santino]

I can't do it. They won't, because I pre. Watched it. To even have them watch it, because I know there's. What?

[Bobby Lee]

They're not gonna like it.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think they're gonna like is.

[Bobby Lee]

It is really kind of subversive and weird.

[Andrew Santino]

It's so weird out there.

[Bobby Lee]

And.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It's out There.

[Bobby Lee]

Although it's a great story.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it is. Right. So. But you have to understand, there ain't. How do I say this? It's almost as if they've landed here from a different.

[Bobby Lee]

It's almost like they're from the Philippines.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost like.

[Bobby Lee]

It's almost like they came from another country.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. So now I'm trying to look for Evergreen movies.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, interesting. So let's. The fans start submitting.

[Andrew Santino]

No. So I made a list.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you got it.

[Andrew Santino]

I list and most of them they haven't seen. And I would like to add to the list, if I may, of movies that should be now. You have to understand, they don't do slow burn.

[Bobby Lee]

It's gotta be quick, fast, hot action.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why I'm scared of the Godfather, because it's very slow burn.

[Bobby Lee]

They will hate that movie.

[Andrew Santino]

I think so.

[Bobby Lee]

They'll hate that. My money's on hate. In fact, we should take a poll.

[Andrew Santino]

But Jules. But Jules and Honey, the mom saw Taxi Driver. They liked it.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, that is a pretty intense film.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

I think.

[Bobby Lee]

I think. I think even the slow moments are building up to something very heavy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. So how about Dog Day Afternoon? So good.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think they'll like it, but I'll just give my list.

[Bobby Lee]

But that's a pretty.

[Pete Holmes]

Starts immediately.

[Bobby Lee]

It's funny as fuck.

[Andrew Santino]

It's funny as fuck. So let me. Let me just start with my list. Yep. They've never even heard of Apollo 13.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude. So funny.

[Andrew Santino]

Great movie, right? Don't you think if I framed it like this, this really happened?

[Bobby Lee]

Independence Day,

[Andrew Santino]

maybe Independence.

[Bobby Lee]

I think they would love Independence Day.

[Andrew Santino]

I think they've seen it.

[Bobby Lee]

Doesn't everybody like that movie?

[Andrew Santino]

So then here's my next one. Eternal the sunshine.

[Bobby Lee]

That's so weird. They're never going to.

[Andrew Santino]

They're not going to Like I love that movie Magnolia.

[Bobby Lee]

They're going to hate that movie.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, but they saw. What pts do they see? They saw a nun. Although they saw one a day. One fight after what? One battle after another. And they loved it.

[Bobby Lee]

Interesting.

[Andrew Santino]

They loved one battle.

[Bobby Lee]

But. But, but did they love that because of Leo? This is the thing. And you show them a movie without a star that they're with.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

That's the challenge.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because they. Everybody likes Brad. I mean, everyone likes Leo and guys like Brad Pitt. So it's hard to. When they see those movies, you go, well, I'm already in. I like those.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I'm. I'm pushing Revenant.

[Bobby Lee]

So good. I know they might like that, right? That's heavy.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, that scene with between that animal is one of the greatest scenes in.

[Bobby Lee]

I think you can leak it at this point.

[Andrew Santino]

I. I don't want to give it away,

[Bobby Lee]

honestly. That's noble. I just going to say let's not give it away.

[Andrew Santino]

If I'll lie. That possum. That.

[Bobby Lee]

That massive possum.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I mean that massive raccoon.

[Bobby Lee]

Big.

[Andrew Santino]

So scary. And almost kill them, but then show

[Bobby Lee]

them cocaine bear right after.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. So what I'm gonna do today is Fight club.

[Bobby Lee]

Such a good film. Even if you don't get the underlying message, it's still a good film.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And Issa's smart, so I think she'll get fight Club. Okay. Because she. They did, old boy. And they did. I saw the devil words of Korean movies. Or slow burn. They still liked it. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, it was a great film.

[Andrew Santino]

Here we go then. I'm now going to lean into classic comedies.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, so like Philadelphia, like classic comics.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That scene when he dies. Unbelievably, unbelievably funny. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Precious. Like films that are just hysterical through.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. And he did a Christian bale from the machinist. It was really good stuff. Almost like he had it, you know?

[Bobby Lee]

How about it?

[Andrew Santino]

Almost seemed like he had it.

[Bobby Lee]

I love you, Philip Morris.

[Andrew Santino]

I've never seen that movie.

[Bobby Lee]

Seriously, you would love that movie.

[Andrew Santino]

You've never seen happiness?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you would love that movie.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll watch that. You watch this.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, I'll watch this.

[Bobby Lee]

You watch that Youan McGregor and Jim Carrey.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, I will watch this movie. Okay. But you have to watch happiness.

[Bobby Lee]

Done.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. So here. Can I finish my list? It's not that long. So into comedies. So best in show, waiting for guman.

[Bobby Lee]

Best in show. They will love because it's about dogs. Waiting for Guffman's a little bit harder for them to consume, but I think they'll still like it.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's a deep cut. And you probably never seen it. Galaxy Quest.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

What? It's good. It's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Never seen it.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. Napoleon Dynamite.

[Bobby Lee]

They'll love that movie. Easy, easy. Characters.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's my fear, though. Here's my fear with the movie, though, right? It's so not based in any kind of reality. That character.

[Bobby Lee]

Just warn them.

[Andrew Santino]

I am gonna warn them.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean? Yeah, sure it is.

[Andrew Santino]

You think he's a nerd? I guess there are people like that in the world.

[Bobby Lee]

That's the Midwest. That's Everyone, that's you. That's McComb.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. That's you. You know, Napoleon. That dynamite would have sent me an audition that you didn't get, that I didn't get. I think.

[Bobby Lee]

You know how you didn't get that role? You know who got it?

[Andrew Santino]

Rory Scoville. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. I think Scoville got it right. Here's. Here's another one. Office Space.

[Bobby Lee]

Me and my mom's. One of. My mom and I's favorite movie to watch together.

[Andrew Santino]

Great.

[Bobby Lee]

One of the most quotable films of all time.

[Andrew Santino]

Great movie.

[Bobby Lee]

Jennifer Aniston. Why wouldn't she do more stuff like that? Yeah, that's who I want.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's another one that you haven't seen. Battle Royale.

[Pete Holmes]

What a good comedy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you know Battle Royale?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know if I've seen it.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at Battle Royale, Tarantino's favorite movie.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, we've talked about that on the. Talked about this on the show.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you have to watch Battle Royale. Yeah, it's incredible. And the last movie we have on the list is Drive Slow Burn. It is a slow burn.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I mean, it starts strong, but then drops.

[Andrew Santino]

It's such a cool movie, though.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but that. That is a. That is a tougher movie for them.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, I'm. I'm crossing this up, and that's why I want the debate.

[Bobby Lee]

But I do think they'll. But Gosling's in it, so you get bonus points on that. They're gonna be locked in on him. Yeah, but the movie is kind of drawn also.

[Andrew Santino]

What's his name's on it?

[Bobby Lee]

Oscar Isaac.

[Andrew Santino]

Oscar Isaac.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

But I mean, I think the girls will like Gosling.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, so let's now come try to come up with, you know, me, new movies from your point of view. Because, you know, I did a quick through my library. Yeah. And I said no to a lot because I just, like. They're just. They're too slow, Bernie, or they're not gonna get. I also have Spotlight on here. I love journalist movies. You know, movies about journalism, network and those kind of movies.

[Bobby Lee]

It's an important movie.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Spotlight.

[Andrew Santino]

Spotlight.

[Bobby Lee]

Spotlight.

[Andrew Santino]

Spotlight.

[Bobby Lee]

No, Boston. Spotlight.

[Andrew Santino]

Spotlight.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's a good Boston.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Boston. Spotlight.

[Andrew Santino]

Spotlight.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, Say park the car. Park the car, and I'll say spotlight.

[Andrew Santino]

Spotlight. Yeah, okay.

[Bobby Lee]

It's good.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, so what's some other movies,

[Bobby Lee]

do you think, funny comedy movies?

[Andrew Santino]

No, just in movies in general that are evergreen, that, like, if they've Never.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, Forrest Gump is an evergreen.

[Andrew Santino]

They've seen that. Everyone's seen that. That's mandatory. The government does that.

[Bobby Lee]

When you get your citizenship, do they make you. What? They make you watch Forrest Gump?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I mean, that. That movie they obviously has seen.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Let's go.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I would say that. I would say if you want comedy, the.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, let's go. Let's start with action. I showed them tomorrow.

[Bobby Lee]

Die Hard.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a good one.

[Pete Holmes]

Speed.

[Bobby Lee]

Speed. Phenomenal. Terminator 2. Yes. So much better than Terminator 1.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It's crazy how much better. Terminus. It's crazy that a sequel was much stronger than the original. I can't name that for many movies. Although people do say Godfather 2 is better than the first one. A lot of people like two. More than one.

[Andrew Santino]

I could have that debate with you.

[Bobby Lee]

I disagree. I think Godfather 1's a better movie. But people do think the second one. Oh, Dark Knight, Empire Strikes Back. Better than the original.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't. Don't look it up. No, we're looking at better sequels.

[Bobby Lee]

Toy Story 2 was better than Toy Story 1.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't. Please not look it up. Okay. Turn it off. I'm sorry. I'm controlling. I need your pure opinion. Yeah. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

So what did I say so far?

[Andrew Santino]

You said die Hard. Very good choice. I might. They probably have seen it.

[Bobby Lee]

Die Hard.

[Andrew Santino]

And I don't know how. I don't know if it still translates.

[Bobby Lee]

It does. Well, Die Hard 3 is really good, too.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I'm a Die Out 4 guy. Yeah. You know, the new one, Die Hard,

[Bobby Lee]

made me sad talking about it.

[Andrew Santino]

The first movie.

[Bobby Lee]

No, it just made me sad talking about. Because of Bruce.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, Bruce Campbell.

[Bobby Lee]

Bruce Campbell. Yeah. My acting coach. Bruce Campbell.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No, because of Bruce Willis, dog. It's so sad. It's so sad that we're watching a legend die in front of us.

[Andrew Santino]

I got another one.

[Bobby Lee]

Awful. And he's.

[Andrew Santino]

It is awful.

[Bobby Lee]

He's the man, dude. He's so.

[Andrew Santino]

He is a man. He's a. He. Him.

[Bobby Lee]

The Six Sense is a good movie.

[Andrew Santino]

No, they already seen it.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

But here's another one.

[Bobby Lee]

Signs.

[Andrew Santino]

I showed them the mar.

[Bobby Lee]

Signs.

[Andrew Santino]

Looper.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God, I love looper. Why is that why people hated on that movie? I thought it was great.

[Andrew Santino]

Looper. Because you said Bruce Willis.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. Well, Bruce. If you want to go through Bruce's repertoire, he's got let's Go, let's. Well, Pulp Fiction might be the best role.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I think they've already seen it. Can we Do Wes Anderson or. No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Rushmore. Old West. You can't do new. Like Tenenbaums. You can't do like, the Budapest Hotel or whatever the that was.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No, they're never gonna like that movie. What was the other one? The space one in the desert.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I saw that movie.

[Bobby Lee]

City.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Terrible. I enjoyed Missed by a Mile. Rushmore. You enjoyed it because of a visual. Because the visuals are incredible.

[Andrew Santino]

With Wes, I mean, I could do the. I could do the list of Wes Anderson movies. I think the best one is Royal Talenbaums. Yeah. Second best. Rushmore.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you're missing one.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not done.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

With my list. Third one, Bottle Rocket.

[Bobby Lee]

Oof.

[Andrew Santino]

Love that movie. Okay, Right. And then I think Steve Sizu, the Life Aquatic.

[Bobby Lee]

I would say that slides up my list.

[Andrew Santino]

Really? Life Aquatic.

[Bobby Lee]

Such a funny movie.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And then number five would be the Grand Budapest. What about Dark G Ling?

[Bobby Lee]

Limited.

[Andrew Santino]

It was okay.

[Bobby Lee]

It was fine.

[Andrew Santino]

It's fine. Really good, though.

[Bobby Lee]

Bottle Rocket should be maybe. Maybe one.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, let's go. Let's not. Let's not. Is this boring?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but I'm enjoying it. I don't give a fuck.

[Andrew Santino]

I think people would enjoy listening to

[Bobby Lee]

what our movies list. Movies? I don't know. You want to know a movie that I really like?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I thought that that was over now.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I'm transitioning into something funny.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why I look this way.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you have to.

[Andrew Santino]

What you just did is the reason why I worked. Look that way.

[Bobby Lee]

What did you learn when we shot the game show together? That Andrew sometimes has to guide boat back to reality. Well, because if you're on the boat, the rudder's going one way and the bow is facing the other. And it's awesome. But occasionally it's going to crash into the shore.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So then sometimes Captain has to take over and spin that back to.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right. You're John Luke Picard in the Vision. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Who am I in that? Anyway? Let's move on. Spock. But there's no Vulcans in.

[Bobby Lee]

You're Spock.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no Vulcan. Next Generation. Anyway, so.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

Why? What?

[Bobby Lee]

In our world, that can't exist.

[Andrew Santino]

That's true. I'll be Spock.

[Bobby Lee]

You are. Spot 100. Spot.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. You do with both fingers. I can't do it with my right. Whoa, whoa. That's good. Go ahead.

[Bobby Lee]

So we made McCone. McCone found a very pretty woman at the. At the bar last night. And we were here. We were having a Little snack and a meal and a post post round wrap up beer for a tough week that we did. We went and had ourselves a beer and McCone said, that girl's beautiful. She is. She's very pretty.

[Andrew Santino]

Ask you a question?

[Bobby Lee]

Sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

Did I work as hard as you? Just during that week, I mean.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Are you. Are you being serious?

[Andrew Santino]

I showed up on time, you know, I mean. Yeah. And I. I added some things. My improvised skills and this and that.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you did an incredible job.

[Andrew Santino]

Right, but why was it.

[Bobby Lee]

But if you try to say you

[Andrew Santino]

think I did better than McCone, did better than me.

[Bobby Lee]

You just asked me, did you work as hard as me?

[Andrew Santino]

No. You did. No. You did.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

But did McConnell work as hard as me?

[Bobby Lee]

That wasn't the original question. No. Makone.

[Andrew Santino]

But then why didn't I get to go to the celebrity celebratory meeting with you?

[Bobby Lee]

You were watching movies last night.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right. Okay, go ahead. Keep going. Okay. Hot chick.

[Bobby Lee]

Bar. Hot chick was at the bar. He said, I kind of want to talk to her. And immediately, I was kind of buzzing on one last night because I had taken a good amount of edibles and not drunk, but I was just taking edibles. And I said, you know, you do look exactly like Lord Farquaad from Shrek. He. Last night. He really looked like it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, A lot.

[Bobby Lee]

A lot. A lot, a lot.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. Let's go look.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, if that's not mc. If he shaves the mustache, that's McCone.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You're Lord.

[Bobby Lee]

You're Farquaad.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Lord Farquaad.

[Andrew Santino]

Men. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I want. I said to McCone, Go up to that pretty girl that you like so much and. And have the icebreaker. Go, have you guys seen Shrek? And they'll inevitably say, of course. And he'll go, well, I'm here, Lord Farquhar, at your service. And he did.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And it was killing. And they're laughing and smiling. I have the video. No sound because he's far away. But they're loving it. These two girls are loving him. They're loving it. Then finally the face changes. I see him go. And then she goes like this. And then he goes like this. He puts his fist up like.

[Andrew Santino]

Like you're. You won something at the gold and you're black.

[Bobby Lee]

No, like at the Olympics, he was saying, black power.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you do black power Move. You can never do black power.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, there were two white girls, first of all, which I thought was very odd. They nodded away and kind of laughed.

[Andrew Santino]

You have to do this.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. That's the white thing. Okie dokie. Your thing, right? This is for someone cooler.

[Bobby Lee]

He asked for the girl's number and she said, I'm a lesbian. And then he puts his black power fist up.

[Andrew Santino]

That's amazing.

[Pete Holmes]

That is.

[Andrew Santino]

As a 54 year old man, sometimes the rocket won't launch.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, a lot of times there's not enough fuel in there. And how do you get it fueled up?

[Andrew Santino]

You get you. You have to use Bluetooth.

[Bobby Lee]

You already know what time it is. Guys. It's time to level up. And you got to level up with Blue Chew. They just drop something crazy. Next level, championship belt. Gold plated Energy bluechew gold.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

It's the newest extension.

[Andrew Santino]

It dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes.

[Bobby Lee]

That's amazing. It's the number one chewable ed brand. This ain't your grandpapa's little blue pill. This is the four in one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. We're talking about two ingredients for blood flow. They're going to keep that rocket pumping. Filled with fuel.

[Andrew Santino]

This is peak passion and peak performance in a single tablet.

[Bobby Lee]

That's exactly right. And you've had zero complaints since you've been blue chewing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because the rockets, the rockets they're launching. It's their launch. So if you want to launch your rocket like Bobby Lee. Yeah. We've got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10% off your first month of Blue Chew Gold with code Bad friends. That's promo code bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast.

[Bobby Lee]

I love, love kachava.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Kachava is I honestly, I think it saved my life.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I eat terrible food. I really, I'm being real. You do eat a lot of terrible food. Right. And when I drink a cup of delicious cachava. Right. The coffee flavor is amazing.

[Bobby Lee]

This is so good.

[Andrew Santino]

I love this mint chocolate flavor.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Bobby Lee]

Very good.

[Andrew Santino]

And when you're drinking it, it's like it tastes better than any smoothie that you would ever make. Just water and powder. Right. It gives you what nutrition.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going to tell you.

[Andrew Santino]

Energy, digestion, strength.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. They got so much metabolism.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Cognition.

[Bobby Lee]

Support your all day energy with five key vitamins and minerals. Okay. Nature, A healthy metabolism with B vitamins, minerals and fiber. You can support your mind and your nervous system with essential minerals that are in here. You're nourishing your immune system with vitamin C, zinc and probiotics. It is so good. And by the way, the flavors, the flavors are delicious. Sometimes, you know, these powder drinks, a lot of people are like, oh, I don't like the way it tastes. This is so good. Because they've got chocolate, vanilla, chai, matcha, coconut, sai, strawberry, coffee. So many good.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not my favorite part of it, though.

[Bobby Lee]

What is it?

[Andrew Santino]

No artificial flavors, colors or sweeteners. No GMO ingredients, no soy, no animal products, no gluten and no preservative.

[Bobby Lee]

This is just clean nutrition, you guys. To feel whatever your day takes you wherever you go. No fillers, no nonsense. You have to treat yourself. Right now, just two scoops provide 25 grams of protein, 6 grams of fiber, greens, adaptogens, and so much more. So treat yourself to the flavor and the nutrition your body craves. Go to kachava.com and use the promo code bad friends for 15% off your first order.

[Andrew Santino]

That's Kachava K A C H A V A dot com code bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Rocket Money.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll tell you this right now. The biggest gift that you ever given me, my friend, is Rocket Money. I'll tell you why. Because I was bleeding money from subscriptions so many that I didn't use anymore. And it's like wasting money. And you can, you can find out what you know. I mean, you're not listening to or you pay your what you're paying for that you're not using, that I'm not using anymore. Right. And you can eradicate it.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right. You can eradicate it with just a few taps. Rocket Money is pretty impressive. They've saved users over $880 million.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh my God.

[Bobby Lee]

Subscriptions. That's so much money that's going wasted out into the world on stuff that you thought you might like at one time. You threw it on your phone, you forgot you had it. And you can set budgets, you can set goals, you can get personalized insights and regular reports to receive real time alerts for transactions, upcoming bills and refunds. And I'm telling you, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that's going to help you service all of your financial goals in one spot if you use all of the services.

[Andrew Santino]

The app consolidates checking, savings, loans, investments into a single dashboard to get users a clear view of their financial picture.

[Bobby Lee]

It's pretty incredible, man. And these automated savings that grow, they can grow towards the goals that you have no matter what it is. You know, whether it's a car A vacation, a birthday gift for someone that you love and adore. And you can do a set it and forget it approach because they've got adjustable amounts in the frequency which you can save. Rocket Money has all this all in one place.

[Andrew Santino]

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spend spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

[Bobby Lee]

Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. [e-mail] Bad Friends that's RocketMoney.com Bad Friends

[Andrew Santino]

RocketMoney.com Bad Friends I said, I said,

[Bobby Lee]

I said, respect, I'm down. He said, respect, I'm down. Black power to two white women, two white lesbians. And then came back and sat down.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

And I was like, why did you do this?

[Andrew Santino]

Why'd you do. Why'd you do the fist?

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't know what else to do.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

When someone says, I'm a lesbian, you put up a black power fist.

[Andrew Santino]

There are white people hand gestures, right, that you're allowed to do.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. This one, you can do this one.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you can do that one. Right. You can wave. Right. You can do peace. You mean you can do Shaka.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, Shaka's good.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, I think Shaka's good. Right? You can do heavy metal.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Rock on.

[Andrew Santino]

Rock. Rock on. Right. But you cannot do this.

[Bobby Lee]

You can't do that.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, so that was your opening line. Have you seen.

[Bobby Lee]

Have you seen Shrek?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, yeah, Andrew gave it to me and then I said that. And then they laughed and they said, well, you also kind of look like the berries and cream kid.

[Pete Holmes]

He does.

[Andrew Santino]

You think that opening would work for me if I walked up to a group of girls at a bar and I said, you ever watch Despicable Me? They go, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I go, minion, do your sound. Do your Minion. It's my favorite. When you do that on stage, it's my favorite sound.

[Andrew Santino]

You do. Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

I. When I listen to that bit, that's my favorite sound. Yeah, because you always go, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So, yeah, that. That's not a good opener to me. But it landed.

[Bobby Lee]

They got a huge laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you get a real laugh?

[Bobby Lee]

Of course it did.

[Pete Holmes]

Because it's.

[Bobby Lee]

It's self deprecating. It's funny. It's easy. It's not saying like, what are you chicks up to? Or you're. It's not like a bro energy. He just went, have you guys seen Shrek?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And they go, of course. And he goes, I. It's Me, It's Lord Farquaad.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Beautiful. Then they loved it. It was endearing.

[Andrew Santino]

I love the lesbians.

[Bobby Lee]

The one girl was straight though.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You asked for the wrong girl's number.

[Andrew Santino]

And here's the thing about what should. They weren't seeing each other.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no. They were just friends at the bar.

[Andrew Santino]

Because in that situation. And I don't want any fucking flack from anybody because this is my opinion.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you're allowed to have it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Is. I think one should be hot. One should be.

[Bobby Lee]

Not if it's a. If it's one's gay and one's not.

[Andrew Santino]

No, if they're both two lesbian couples.

[Bobby Lee]

You can't have two hot lesbians.

[Andrew Santino]

It drives me crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Because it's too off the market.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you think they took it from you?

[Andrew Santino]

It's like, you know, it's like though. I'm gonna. I'm gonna just. Carlos, do what I'm saying.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Two different markets, man.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna just tell you about this. The exchange in rank.

[Bobby Lee]

You're at the meat market there at the fish markets.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Different markets.

[Andrew Santino]

So my old hang up back in the 70s and 80s is this right. That Asian women. Women were fetishized.

[Bobby Lee]

Still are.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, right? And white dudes would get them, right. And say, I'm dating Danny. Asian woman would say, but we never got to get. Get with white girls. I think the exchange rate was very poor.

[Bobby Lee]

You exclusively date white women now.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but I figured out the game.

[Bobby Lee]

He's trying to correct the.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, and also times have changed. So now it's. I. I'm used to going on stage and see a mid Asian dude with a hot white. Because just the times have changed.

[Bobby Lee]

Who are you referencing?

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

The mirror. Who you referencing? Who's the hot Asian guy with the. Who's the mid Asian guy with the hot.

[Andrew Santino]

Me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Someone that looks like me. I'll see with a very attractive white girl. And now it makes sense. Back in the 70s 80s though, the exchange rate, we got nothing. And they got all of it. And even white girls and black girls didn't like us. So I think we're the original incels. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Could you ever date what you couldn't date?

[Andrew Santino]

I 100 would. I would marry Candace Owens right now. Oh my God.

[Bobby Lee]

I think she likes white guys.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't have a shot.

[Bobby Lee]

But you might.

[Andrew Santino]

There's something about Candace Owens because I feel like I'll lay in bed and won't Be bored.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think she sleeps.

[Andrew Santino]

I have no racial preferences on anything, you know, I mean, if they're attractive and, you know, I mean, Indian, I'll do. You know what I mean? I. I don't. Yeah, there's not one. I mean, maybe there is a couple, but it's only because I've never met them before.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, it's not in your circle.

[Andrew Santino]

There's some certain people I've never met before and I'll never meet, like, Eskimo, I would love.

[Bobby Lee]

What is it? It's Inuit, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Inuits. Inuit, but with more of an Asian slant.

[Bobby Lee]

It's Inuits. I. I mean, you know, you're gonna get. It's like. It looks like Native American and. And.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I love the Native American.

[Bobby Lee]

It looks like Native American and Asian combined. Yeah, it's a great combo.

[Andrew Santino]

And penguin a little bit.

[Bobby Lee]

You can take that. You can have that one.

[Andrew Santino]

You gotta have that one.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I have that one.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want that. Yeah, I'm touching that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It's just because penguins live up. Up north.

[Bobby Lee]

I got it.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

I think they got it.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. I was just throwing it out. Joke. It's not.

[Bobby Lee]

I loved it.

[Andrew Santino]

I have nothing against Eskimos, Inuits, Okay. I love them all. Okay. I. I love Native Americans, but there's so. I've never been an Eskimo. I've met Mong now. That's pretty cool.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, we had a ton at our show.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we have a ton of Mongs, you know, very attractive people.

[Bobby Lee]

A lot of Hmong fans.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But there's. I don't think is. Maybe I've met everyone, I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

Close.

[Andrew Santino]

What is one that. Well, you know, what I haven't met is that island where they're still tribal and they kill the Christians that try to go to the island and they kill them.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. The term Eskimo is considered offensive, derogatory, and outdated by many indigenous people, particularly in Canada and Greenland. It's a colonial label. While still used by some. In Alaska, it's increasingly replaced by civic group names like Inuit, Inuka Back, or Yupik. I'm sorry, I can't pronounce that.

[Andrew Santino]

I have no idea. Can I tell you a fun fact, please, about this? Right? So you know those Iranian Lego videos? Have you seen those?

[Bobby Lee]

What is LEGO got to say about this?

[Andrew Santino]

This is what I'm saying. This is what I'm saying.

[Bobby Lee]

Is Lego gonna say.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'm gonna tell you why.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Lego is where may. Where. Where is Lego head their headquarters.

[Bobby Lee]

Germany.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. Denmark.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, Denmark. That's right.

[Andrew Santino]

Who does Denmark run?

[Bobby Lee]

Who does Denmark run?

[Andrew Santino]

Greenland.

[Bobby Lee]

Denmark weather. Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

And who tried to take Greenland?

[Bobby Lee]

We did.

[Andrew Santino]

They're not going to complain.

[Bobby Lee]

Not going to complain.

[Andrew Santino]

Interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

Interesting.

[Andrew Santino]

But, yeah. So they're fighting their war through this as well.

[Bobby Lee]

It's also ironic we have a lot of Iranian friends here in Los Angeles.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's even crazier.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I went up to Amir. Okay. Last night. Yeah. He had tears in his eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, it's.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And I walked because his dad's in Iran.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. And I. I hugged him and I whispered and I sincerely went. I'm so sorry, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it sucks.

[Andrew Santino]

It sucks. But. And he doesn't. He can't even sometimes get in contact with him.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Imagine that.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I mean, it's insane.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. And he's like. I get. He gets worried, you know, I mean, and he told me the city that his dad is in and I've never heard of it before. I can't repeat it. I don't know what it is, but it's not Tehran. It's like, you know, in more rural. But he's still, like, scared because, you

[Bobby Lee]

know, I mean, Turbon. He's in Turbon.

[Andrew Santino]

Turbon. God, you're so good.

[Bobby Lee]

Turbon.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Not to run.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what I'm doing right now. It's a joke, but it's what I'm doing right now. Yeah. I'm looking right at you.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Turbon was a joke.

[Andrew Santino]

It was.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, Tehran and Turbon. Turban night. It was a bad.

[Andrew Santino]

Your play on words. Sometimes.

[Bobby Lee]

Sometimes. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They go behind on my head.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, when they go over your head, it's a bummer because it misses. And then.

[Andrew Santino]

It doesn't miss it with the audience, though.

[Bobby Lee]

No, they hate it. They do, I think. So clip those. Yeah, we'll clip those. No, it is. It is very sad. And also, you know, the end is near.

[Andrew Santino]

So there is a feeling of end of the year. I mean, the other day we talked about Vietnam War.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby sat on the couch backstage and we talked about. He said, aren't you scared?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And I said, I don't know. What do you want me to do? There's nothing I can do.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. He has a really weird way of like, you know, like, if it ends, it ends.

[Bobby Lee]

Because. What. It's the same way I feel on an airplane. I. I can't control this. It's not. I. If the plane crashed.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Okay, but what are your thoughts right before it hits the plane? Are you screaming or not? Are you screen? Because I'll be screaming.

[Bobby Lee]

No chance.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not screaming.

[Bobby Lee]

Dead silent.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, dude, you have night terrors. You.

[Pete Holmes]

That's not real.

[Andrew Santino]

That's true. When it really is happening, you're not going to be screaming. You're not going to do that.

[Bobby Lee]

He falls asleep on a plane and he has a night terror as it's.

[Andrew Santino]

That's double. Imagine. Imagine what you would do. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

I wouldn't be screaming in the plane went down.

[Andrew Santino]

I I about you, Carlos.

[Bobby Lee]

I screamed on the way to London. Yeah. Oh, that's very nervous on planes.

[Andrew Santino]

I feel like really loudly.

[Bobby Lee]

It was bad when we took a flight as a family recently. You did get a little panic to the winds.

[Andrew Santino]

I get nervous on planes. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But you got to know that it's fine. Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I. It just. My body doesn't realize that.

[Bobby Lee]

But if it did crash, we're on tmz.

[Andrew Santino]

It's great.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino die with other friends aboard.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not even mention your names in that. No. There's no way.

[Bobby Lee]

But, like, there could be like a

[Andrew Santino]

picture in slide four. Yeah. But you don't get a sign at the Comedy Store. No.

[Bobby Lee]

That's so funny.

[Andrew Santino]

That's the only thing I want.

[Bobby Lee]

God, laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

I already told them. You know that, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. What?

[Andrew Santino]

It's got to be up for two

[Bobby Lee]

weeks when you die.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. Sometimes. Because when. When a comic dies, they put up for two days.

[Bobby Lee]

Two days. Sometimes it's a day.

[Andrew Santino]

A day. I get two weeks. And they made an agreement. Peter did. Sure.

[Bobby Lee]

It's weird to replace it. It's just like, you take it down and it's Chocolate Sundays Right after Bobby Lee. Chocolate Sundays.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. The old dude. That'd be. That'll break my heart in heaven.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a funny. Wherever I go, it's funny filming. We'll put it on our Patreon. When we die, they'll take our name down and replace it with whatever. Whatever. What's goop Show. Terrible. Horribly funny. Horribly funny. Coming up this week in the store as they take down to Rip Bobby Lee.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, that would break my heart.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, that's what. You know, classically in Los Angeles, the running joke was that they always did the Laugh Factory. Their sign always said make God laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And then the name. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And the store would just put rip to the person.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But make God laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

It's.

[Bobby Lee]

It's just. It's almost condescending.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But you know what they would say? Somebody told me this joke, if you died, they would put literally, may God Raph. Johnny Sanchez told me that.

[Bobby Lee]

So funny.

[Andrew Santino]

They're gonna put, God make God Raph.

[Bobby Lee]

Make God Raph.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I'll tell you, in that scenario, the plane goes down. Right. That if I had a kid, I wouldn't scream because I would hold their hand and I. I would have to have a stoicism.

[Bobby Lee]

But you don't have a child. So what would you scream?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would scream.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you gotta scream.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I would add a muck in there.

[Bobby Lee]

What does it say?

[Andrew Santino]

I'd worsen it. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you said people giving the ick on airplanes.

[Andrew Santino]

No, there's like. You don't want to scream when the

[Bobby Lee]

plane goes down, so you don't give

[Andrew Santino]

a hot girl the ick.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. Right as you're dying.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, though. Is it somebody you're seeing? No, no.

[Bobby Lee]

He's just saying in general.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. If I was with a girl I was seeing, seriously, I would hold her hands. Depending on what they do, I would do the same.

[Bobby Lee]

I think one forehead kiss. I'd say goodbye.

[Andrew Santino]

I would do an Eskimo nose rub.

[Bobby Lee]

What in it?

[Andrew Santino]

An Inuit. Sorry, my bad. Didn't learn my lesson.

[Bobby Lee]

Inuit kiss.

[Andrew Santino]

An Inuit kiss. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, you know, here's the thing. Sometimes when there's really bad turbulence, I don't get scared because you're at the

[Bobby Lee]

front of the plane.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not as bad.

[Bobby Lee]

We're in the back where it's really bad in the back, you actually are more likely to survive.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You know that for the front. Front usually gets killed first.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Back survives. You're 35F. You're gonna. You might live. You're two. You're to be. Your head is through the front window of the plane.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I.

[Bobby Lee]

During heavy turbulence, I always ask for a drink.

[Andrew Santino]

You do.

[Bobby Lee]

It's like really, really bad. I'm always like, can I get a coffee?

[Andrew Santino]

And they're just sitting, belted in. They're all seat building.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Just a little coffee. One.

[Andrew Santino]

And they're like.

[Bobby Lee]

It's this insane.

[Andrew Santino]

That's insane.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I don't. I'm kidding.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You know, I. I always think of scenarios of what I would do to survive. Run to the back. No, I wouldn't run to the back. What I would do is. I think I would do this midair. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Lee]

You stand up and do the mangina while it's crashing. Give everyone a laugh as the planes

[Andrew Santino]

do a Silence of the Lambs.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe get one laugh. Right. Just get completely naked or something. But you know, I would. If it's over the ocean, I would get naked. Do you know why?

[Bobby Lee]

Because you're gonna swim.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'd be dead. So that I don't. It's about in the environment. So the sharks can just eat me whole.

[Bobby Lee]

You think the clothes.

[Andrew Santino]

Without clothes and my.

[Bobby Lee]

The shark comes now, he's wearing Golden Goose. I can't eat him.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Because usually they're gonna, you know, short. A shark's gonna be on a beach and they're gonna find.

[Bobby Lee]

My golden shark comes up, he's like, is that a made worn shirt? I don't want to ruin that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Shark's like, you know, that's like a 300 shirt through that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Out of respect the shark has.

[Andrew Santino]

I think I would get naked so that they can eat orca. You know what I mean? Right. They can just eat me quick.

[Bobby Lee]

I love how you think clothes are going to deter these animals from eating you. You're in their house, they're gonna eat.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not that I don't want them to get diarrhea or get a stomach.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you're concerned with their diet.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

That's smart.

[Andrew Santino]

Just eat me whole.

[Bobby Lee]

Eat me whole. One big gulp.

[Andrew Santino]

One big gulp. Right. Because they have to tear the shirt probably with. They don't.

[Bobby Lee]

They just eat you, bud. They'll just take that with it.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like, you know, even if I had like a.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, sometimes you eat a piece of candy and you get some of the wrapper in there.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Same thing for sharks.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I don't. Oh. Can I tell you what happened to me yesterday?

[Bobby Lee]

Please.

[Andrew Santino]

So, yeah. So, okay, so honey went to Kalila's house, right. So I had no one in the house.

[Bobby Lee]

All alone.

[Andrew Santino]

And I don't know how to cook. Okay. And try to eat healthy.

[Bobby Lee]

Who does?

[Andrew Santino]

Right. I've never boiled a harder egg before.

[Bobby Lee]

I've never boiled a hard egg either.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm being serious. I've never hard boiled an egg in my life.

[Andrew Santino]

You never hard boiled an egg?

[Bobby Lee]

Not interested in it.

[Andrew Santino]

I like them.

[Bobby Lee]

I like them. If I can go get them and they're made. I don't want to make it at home.

[Andrew Santino]

Exactly. I tried.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so hard. That's why it's called something more.

[Andrew Santino]

Something more horrifying happened when I did it though. So I went to chat GPT And I'll never go back to chat GPT again to like teach me how to cook something because they're raw.

[Pete Holmes]

Wrong.

[Bobby Lee]

It's wrong.

[Andrew Santino]

It's wrong.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

And number two, I'm boiling them and I see one of the eggs and sticking out of the egg is a feather.

[Bobby Lee]

What? A ballute. You throw a balloon

[Andrew Santino]

and I'm like, what the. And I have a photo of it. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're not gonna send it to Carlos so we can look at it together?

[Andrew Santino]

I'll send to Carlos right now.

[Bobby Lee]

Store bought eggs occasionally have feathers on them. It's less common in the United States due to industrialized washing processes. These feathers are incidental remnants from the natural nesting and laying process, sometimes surprisingly, are generally safe. You could eat it. You ever crack an egg and then the shell gets in there and you're tired, you're like, I'll just eat it. I'll eat the shell. It doesn't. It does not matter.

[Andrew Santino]

It doesn't matter.

[Bobby Lee]

It's cooked. What's gonna happen? It's just a little shell. You poop it out. You'll grind it up. So this is the picture of the egg that was hard boiled at your house.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So go to the first picture.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And that, that was sticking out of the egg. See the one little white hair right there? There was an opening. Right. And there was a feather coming. Ooh.

[Bobby Lee]

I just got the shivers. Ooh. I. Ooh.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know why I'm getting.

[Andrew Santino]

I still ate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I still ate.

[Bobby Lee]

It's still good.

[Andrew Santino]

Why open it? And there's, there's like. It's not polluted. There's not like. You know what I mean? Because if that happened, I would probably sue.

[Bobby Lee]

So now, did this make you never want to hard boil again?

[Andrew Santino]

I can never cook it again.

[Bobby Lee]

No more hard boiled.

[Andrew Santino]

Also, when I opened it, it was all gooey. You know what I mean? It was all good because I didn't know how because chatgpt fucked me up.

[Bobby Lee]

Why don't just buy them pre hard boiled to be fair?

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, go ahead, Andre.

[Pete Holmes]

It is putting an egg on water.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And boiling the water for 10 minutes. That's it. That's. That's as complicated as. No, you.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

You say it like it's easy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You say it like it's easy, but when you've never done it before. And so this is what Chat gtb said. If I may. If I may argue, go off. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Chatgpt said put it in cold water.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. All three eggs yes. Right. Simmer to a boil.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Then count eight minutes. Yes. Okay. I did the same exactly the way they said to do it.

[Bobby Lee]

You do 10 minutes instead of eight and that's it.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. But the chatgpt said anywhere from seven to 10 minutes. So for me it's like, oh, I'll do. Pull it out. Eight and a half, nine minutes.

[Bobby Lee]

That makes sense.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what I mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I want. I don't want super hard or boiled.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, I mean, I want hard boiled. You know what I mean? I don't know what happens if you overcook it.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think anything.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, okay.

[Bobby Lee]

So maybe, I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Nothing happens.

[Bobby Lee]

The fart smell ruminates for longer.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Because it will. It does make your whole house smell.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, So I can buy hard boiled eggs at the store. I think that's what.

[Bobby Lee]

They're bagged. We get that. We get these at the house.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But I don't know if they're processed

[Bobby Lee]

because I get free range vital farms, baby.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. Okay, good.

[Bobby Lee]

Ethical eggs, happy hens.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. That's what I'm gonna do from now on.

[Bobby Lee]

Ethical eggs, happy hands. Yeah. You don't need to do it anymore.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

We had Chinese food the other night, by the way, for something. Chinese food. Some of the greatest food in the world. When it goes in the fridge, it does something to the fridge. I don't know what it does to the fridge, but it makes all the other food smell like Chinese food. It's impossible. I don't know how they've done that. Something in the chemical makeup of Chinese food doesn't do that with ramen. Not Indian, not Thai. Chinese food goes in the fridge. Everything in your fridge is Chinese food.

[Andrew Santino]

Now can I ask you a question?

[Bobby Lee]

I had a piece of celery. It was Chinese food. I wanted cele. Peanut butter. I was eating Chinese food. It was bamboo for some reason.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I ask you what brand of refrigerator we have?

[Bobby Lee]

I think it's a sub zero. Is that right? I actually don't know the brand of the fridge.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm sub zero.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. I have a scorpion fridge as well.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you do?

[Bobby Lee]

When you open it, it goes, get over here. Yeah, that's what I have. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Finish him.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It says that about your meals. Finish your meals. All you can eat.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. I think that's my fridge. What? What do you have? A nice fancy fridge.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no self circulating thing or in there or.

[Bobby Lee]

No self circulating.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What does that mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Just A way that. Don't laugh at McCone. I'm not a scientist.

[Bobby Lee]

Why are you laughing at him? McCone?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I just like the way self circulating sounds. You have a mini fridge. You don't even have a full fridge at your house.

[Andrew Santino]

You have a little mini fridge. What do you put in there?

[Bobby Lee]

His mini meals.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you have mini meals in there? Peanut butter for sure. Jelly for sure.

[Bobby Lee]

How does Brad Williams not have his own brand of mini fridge?

[Andrew Santino]

I know, he should do that.

[Bobby Lee]

A self circulating ground fridge is a sustainable non electric cooling system that utilizes underground temperatures to store food similar to traditional root cellar. Oh, do you have one of those? Wow, that's very nice. No electricity needed for your fridge.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I have what you have. Oh, it doesn't circulate.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it does not.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Oh, I think because I'm Asian, I'm. I'm just used to everything tasting like Chinese.

[Bobby Lee]

Everything always tastes like the oat milk.

[Andrew Santino]

Tastes like Chinese. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you still put a box of baking soda in the freezer?

[Andrew Santino]

Why would you do that?

[Bobby Lee]

Do you not know about this?

[Andrew Santino]

No. Tell me everything.

[Bobby Lee]

So look, he's nodding. That's a Midwest thing. White batteries in the fridge. Batteries you put in the fridge?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I buy them at the store.

[Bobby Lee]

But you put them in the fridge. It keeps them long. Keeps them longer. They can last a lot of them at the store. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what I do?

[Bobby Lee]

Placing an open box of baking soda in the freezer is an effective natural way to neutralize orders, preventing food from absorbing strange smells. It is funny for some reason. You just open the box and it just makes your freezer not smell. It's old. This is old white people stuff. It's like putting your.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved.

[Andrew Santino]

Because you know what? I.

[Bobby Lee]

You never learned this?

[Andrew Santino]

Not only that, like, I. I want to learn the ways.

[Bobby Lee]

The ways of the whites.

[Andrew Santino]

The ways of the whites. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is the first information you gave me for the way of the white.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll give you a couple more.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, so baking soda in the freezer. Give me more. Way of the whites.

[Bobby Lee]

Put your jeans in the freezer for one full day and you can get rid of like if, say you go to Vegas, you get.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but what, what if.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm sorry, I'm just gonna say if you get smoke on your jeans, cigarette smoke. And like you say, you go to a place that it just like stinks them up, but they're not dirty. You didn't sweat in them. Yeah, but you don't want to wash them because that up denim.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You fold them and put them in a freezer for like a day. A day and a half. Smells gone.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

You never put jeans in the freezer. That's white. That's what white people.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I wish I would have interrupted because I had a joke.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, go.

[Andrew Santino]

I can't anymore.

[Bobby Lee]

Please.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Please.

[Andrew Santino]

How do I take the jeans out of my body?

[Bobby Lee]

You can't go in the freezer. You're not allowed. What's other white might have worked.

[Andrew Santino]

When do you think? Or no, no, no. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

What's some other white? Way of the white.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I weigh the white. Let's talk about way of the white.

[Bobby Lee]

Now, is your butter in the fridge or is your butter on the counter?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Is your butter on the counter or in the fridge?

[Andrew Santino]

My butt is inside my. My. On my body. Another one. Another.

[Bobby Lee]

Another Bang.

[Andrew Santino]

Another gene. Another gene. Joke.

[Bobby Lee]

Pretty good. Special two on the way. Hi, sweetheart.

[Andrew Santino]

Pete Holmes, everybody. Peters. How you doing? How you doing? My name is Andrew Rice. Clay. Talk space.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, boy.

[Andrew Santino]

I love therapy. It changed my life. And I think businesses like talk space is so important, especially what's going on now in the world. Feeling. Our people are feeling anxiety, stress, you know me. And they're freaking out.

[Bobby Lee]

They are. But you know what it is now?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, do you know what May is?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

May is Mental Health Awareness month. Yay. And Talkspace is the leading provider of online therapy. They want you to strengthen your relationships and know that a caring, licensed therapist can help you no matter what you're going through. Talkspace makes it easy, accessible, and affordable to face your challenges, whether that's a mental health condition, relationship conflicts, past trauma, or everyday stress. And find your path to move forward with resilience and peace. Plus, most insured members have a $0 copay.

[Andrew Santino]

It's so easy to get started, Andrew. You can easily sign up online and get PA with a licensed provider, typically within, guess what? 48 hours.

[Pete Holmes]

No way.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Wow. Well, I got to tell you, Bobby and I are both big proponents on this show. We've talked about our mental health. We really do love, love the ability we have to talk to someone. It's amazing. And I think you should take care of yourself. Not just this month, but every month, but especially this month with Talkspace. Talk Space is in network with most major insurance plans, but if you pay out of pocket as a listener of this podcast, you're going to get $80 off your first month with Talk Space. When you go to talkspace.com badfriends enter that promo code SPACE.

[Andrew Santino]

80 that's SPACE80s P A C E 80. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com bad friends and enter promo code SPACE80.

[Bobby Lee]

Avocado green mattress.

[Andrew Santino]

When I stayed at the Airbnb in Palm Springs. Yeah, right. All the mattresses were avocado.

[Bobby Lee]

That's why you got one in your house, too.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And I love Avocado Green mattresses. All right. When I invest in something for my home, I wanted it to last.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I'm so excited to tell our fans about our sponsor, Avocado Green Mattress. Their certified organic mattresses are specifically designed to relieve pressure points, support your body the way it needs, and help you actually get the deep restorative sleep you've been missing. Every single mattress is made with thoughtfully sourced materials and built with real care. So you're going to get incredible sleep night after night after night.

[Andrew Santino]

It's comfort and support you can actually feel. Avocado mattresses are designed to provide both comfort and proper support, helping your body stay aligned with while still feeling cozy.

[Bobby Lee]

Here's the best part, man. No matter how you feel, it's good for you. It's good for the planet. Choosing Avocado is one of the most sustainable choices you can make. They're made with natural, certified, organic materials that are responsibly sourced. They last longer, which means less waste. On a global scale, it's good for everybody, so treat your body right at night. Bobby loves his mattress. He's told me a lot because it focuses on real materials and thoughtful craftsmanship. And choosing an organic mattress or solid wood bed frame like their Avocados City bed Frame because you're a city boy, it brings timeless design, quality and sustainability into Bobby's already very active and busy bedroom.

[Andrew Santino]

Avocado products are made, not manufactured and thoughtfully crafted and real materials to deliver lasting comfort and support. Go to avocadogreenmattresses.com badfriends to check out their mattresses and furniture sale.

[Bobby Lee]

That's avocadogreenmattress.com bad friends avocadogreenmattpress.com badfriends shopify we wouldn't have.

[Andrew Santino]

We have an online business. We wouldn't have one without Shopify. Shopify. Get started with your own design studios, don't you? I mean, my dream as a young man was always having a design studio with hundreds of ready to use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, here's the deal. No matter how big or small your business is, you need to Accelerate your efficiency. Whether you're uploading new products or you're improving existing ones or managing the future, Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that are going to write product descriptions, page headlines, even enhance your product photography to make whatever it is you are

[Andrew Santino]

selling, love it and better. Tell them. Tell them about the purple. The iconic.

[Bobby Lee]

You really want me to tell them?

[Andrew Santino]

I want you to take a moment of the purple.

[Bobby Lee]

Telling you about the purple button, the iconic purple shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world. It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. Also helps boost conversions, meaning less carts are going to go abandoned and more sales for you.

[Andrew Santino]

It's time to turn those what ifs into Cha Ching with Shopify today.

[Bobby Lee]

That's exactly right. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com Bad Friends that's shopify.com Bad Friends shopify.com Bad Friends. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Pete Holmes, PDPD. PD. PD.

[Andrew Santino]

PD.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm so happy to be.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, so before you came, we were talking.

[Bobby Lee]

Before you start, before you start. Oh, I want to give a shout out to Pete, one of our oldest friends in the business, who's a phenomenal comedian who has a special right now available out right now on you tube but.com YouTube.com. we're gonna put the link in the description down below, but please go watch Pete's special.

[Pete Holmes]

Please do watch it. Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

One of the funniest people on planet earth.

[Pete Holmes]

I really appreciate that. Thank you. Slam. Tino.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you know, I mean it. Okay. Ask him away.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. So before you got here. Yeah. I want to learn the way of the white.

[Pete Holmes]

You want to learn the way of the white?

[Bobby Lee]

I was coaching him on way of the whites. I brought up baking soda in the freezer, which is a way. That's a white thing. It's a way of the white in the fridge. You mean you can do both?

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Very white.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can go half white.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm only half white.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

That's very white. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ginger, double white.

[Bobby Lee]

Ginger, double ginger, double white.

[Andrew Santino]

What's another way of the white?

[Bobby Lee]

Double white.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me guess. You do polish your baseball glove.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, polish is such an insane. No, we. We oil it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you oil.

[Andrew Santino]

Oil it.

[Pete Holmes]

Put a band. Band around it. Although the Asians are huge in baseball, the Japanese.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, yeah, I know.

[Pete Holmes]

You're baseball.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Koreans love baseball.

[Andrew Santino]

Nimmy. One famous Korean baseball player.

[Pete Holmes]

Johnny Chan.

[Bobby Lee]

Johnny Chan.

[Andrew Santino]

He's so good.

[Pete Holmes]

He can do anything.

[Andrew Santino]

Plays for the Astros.

[Pete Holmes]

Anything. That's a gamble.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What is a way of the white. I want to. I want to answer that question.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I'm trying to think stuff like this. Like. Like in penny loafers. We actually would put pennies in the penny loafers.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the way I was with subtle questions. Pretty good name drop. Judy Greer.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me grab this.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you know who Judy Greer is?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, well, she was in one of my favorite Tarantino movies. Is that Judy Greer?

[Pete Holmes]

Is she in a Tarantino movie?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think so. That's Pam Greer.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's Pam.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, and they are sisters. Pull up two photos.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's see.

[Pete Holmes]

You know Judy Greer from Arrested Development?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I know Judy. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. She's very, very funny and wonderful, and one of my dear friends.

[Andrew Santino]

She.

[Pete Holmes]

She outwited me, I think, with the loafers. Because if she sees a penny on the. On the street, we all know if you see a penny, pick it up all the day. You'll have good luck. You know that?

[Andrew Santino]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

But then she knew a second verse, which is like, put the penny in your shoe and good old things will happen to you.

[Bobby Lee]

That's awesome.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm walking around with her, and she's like, oh, this penny in my shoe. And I'm like, why do you have a penny in the shoe? That's. That's double white.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. Here's. How are.

[Pete Holmes]

How are the careers with buying Girl Scout cookies? If I see Girl Scout cookies for sale, I'm like, this is way of the white. I have to buy 12 box.

[Andrew Santino]

We don't do it because of the chemicals and all. It's the worst made in terms of. Of unhealthiness. The Girl Girl Scout cookies.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. It's the most unhealthiest cookie you can buy.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me why. Sorry. Backstreet.

[Andrew Santino]

Real quick.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me why.

[Bobby Lee]

Tell me why.

[Pete Holmes]

Real quick. BBB.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yep. BBBs. Science. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Science. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Look up Girl Scout cookies if they're unhealthy, because I like eating them a lot, and I do like supporting little tiny white girls with parents.

[Pete Holmes]

Have Samoa. Samoan.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll only eat samos with Samoans. I have to go to the Pacific island.

[Pete Holmes]

All I need is an inflatable chair and an unreliable mic. Sou. Have a good time on a Sunday.

[Andrew Santino]

What does it say? Ooh.

[Bobby Lee]

Reports claimed in 2005 safety allegations claimed trace amounts of heavy metals like mercury and caramel delights. Nobody eats those. And pesticides like glyphosate get to the Samoans, many flavors are high in saturated fats containing more than 20% of the daily.

[Pete Holmes]

This is nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

That's nothing. That's not.

[Andrew Santino]

That's nothing.

[Pete Holmes]

I need like li. It's not sugar. It's lie.

[Bobby Lee]

The guardian up top maintains. Up top maintains. Experts up top maintain the cookies are safe to eat.

[Pete Holmes]

Couldn't spell particularly.

[Bobby Lee]

Just.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that you couldn't type in

[Bobby Lee]

Google into the Google bar.

[Pete Holmes]

I've done that. You ever. You're in a trance and you yelp. Yelp.

[Andrew Santino]

So I was wrong about that. I will get them from now on.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you. What about.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I just went on a talk show and they had these bars called David bars.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, you know, David bars.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So not a white thing.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not a white thing. Well, don't worry. I'm going to white it up.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I will reliably wipe this up.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I pay my taxes quarterly. That's pretty white.

[Bobby Lee]

Same.

[Andrew Santino]

Never done that. That's very good.

[Pete Holmes]

This is. So you do.

[Andrew Santino]

You can see.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm glad I introduced Socio.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna have to write these away or the white room.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, we'll.

[Andrew Santino]

We'll remind. I'll re.

[Pete Holmes]

Listen, you should tell your business manager. Do you get really overwhelmed every time this time of year with a huge payment?

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby has no idea how much money is in his bank account at any given time.

[Pete Holmes]

I would definitely be fleecing Bobby. Wouldn't you?

[Bobby Lee]

100. I've told him a little off the top. His business manager is just a little off the top. I called this man. I called this man.

[Pete Holmes]

No, don't get nervous. I'm. I don't think they would. Because they'll go to jail if they're doing it. They're not really doing it.

[Bobby Lee]

He's about 86 years old. He lives in Marina del Rey. He runs the business out of his apartment. I've called him. It's insane.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, the business manager.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I've called him. And I go, hey, man, I think we need to fund the bad friends account. We're about to go back out and we're going to pay for some stuff. Takes him about a month and a half to get back to us.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that. Yeah, I love that. For no one, he's like, I got

[Bobby Lee]

to go chisel the gold out of this tomb. I'm keeping it in. It's. Dude, honestly, you're getting stolen from 100%.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no, I don't worry about that. I want to keep Bobby Light. I want to keep slamming light. I want to keep Bobby, like, look at this face.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm teasing. He's not stealing from you. He's a reliable, wonderful person. We're making a joke. It's a comedy show.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a comedy show. It's a comedy show. And what it is, David Wars. So if you look at a David bar, it says it has 30 grams of protein or something and it has 150 calories. Guess what? That is impossible. Yeah, that's like chemically impossible. And I googled it, but because I had to know, I was like, are David bars lying? And it's like, yes, they have like 300. I don't know this, by the way. Don't fucking come after me, you chiseled CEO. You gorgeous man with fucking muscle tone from all your.

[Andrew Santino]

Impossible to even do that.

[Pete Holmes]

I, I mean, protein itself is pretty high in calories. That's one of the problems.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I see.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, it's one of the. Actually the benefits of it if you're using it right.

[Pete Holmes]

But also should be asking you, you secret muscle, can we go back to

[Andrew Santino]

the way of the wife? Of the wife? Well, first of all, you, you brought up that. Why is that white?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's not.

[Bobby Lee]

I would argue. Why did you say stop?

[Pete Holmes]

It's not. I said, I'll keep it white just by being me.

[Bobby Lee]

Protein bars are inherently a white guy snack. This is 100. I do not see.

[Andrew Santino]

I eat them.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because you associate with whites and you're dating a white. You're. You're.

[Pete Holmes]

How about a gallon of milk on the table? On the dinner table?

[Andrew Santino]

Never done that.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the way of the white.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, God, the white. I also. Can I observe? There's an observation I've had ever since a kid. You guys make up your own language that we don't understand.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me, what do you mean? Well, I, I particularly spelling it correctly. You didn't misspell it. Join. Join me in the hot tub.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. May God, Raph. Anyway, that's gonna be my. When I died at the Laugh Factory, that's what's gonna happen.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that pre arranged?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's pre arranged.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, thank God.

[Bobby Lee]

Raph.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What's our language that we try to hide stuff from you in?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I, I first noticed it in the 70s as a kid.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I saw the movie Grease. We talked about this already. Right. But I'm going to say it again, because Pete's new to this.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm new to this.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. I'M new to this, and I realized that you guys have your own language. From a song. We Come Together. That's your own white language.

[Pete Holmes]

That sounded.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, here's how.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a riff here, but I don't want to risk my career for it.

[Bobby Lee]

Do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to hear him say Shamalama Lama Ding Dong Again.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that racist?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

And nobody's saying or thinking anything.

[Bobby Lee]

Nobody sounds like you guys.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, that was the riff. That was the riff. I won't do it. I have too much to lose.

[Andrew Santino]

We can't even say too much.

[Pete Holmes]

We can't even say it.

[Andrew Santino]

Watch now.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay?

[Andrew Santino]

We are coming together.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you mean physically.

[Andrew Santino]

We can't even say it. So that's your language.

[Pete Holmes]

Can't say.

[Andrew Santino]

We can't even physically say.

[Bobby Lee]

But we stole that from. From, like, jazz and soul that were making up words.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right. Well, give me a soul singer. That was there.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, we stole that.

[Andrew Santino]

So black people have their own.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's white Cinnamon Toast Crunch. What do you. What do you.

[Andrew Santino]

That's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I've been Honey Nut.

[Bobby Lee]

Cheerios. A little bit whiter. Cheerios.

[Pete Holmes]

H and C. Cheerios.

[Andrew Santino]

I think regular life is white.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Not cinnamon, but regular life.

[Pete Holmes]

Just Regular life is white.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Ah, it's crazy to say. Well, yeah, I knew you meant the cereal, though.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, I remember the whole philosophy of life.

[Pete Holmes]

Remember that great Seinfeld where he goes, the goal. To call your cereal life. How about a bowl of Almighty God?

[Bobby Lee]

How about that?

[Pete Holmes]

Because if you don't like it, you can go to hell.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a great bit.

[Andrew Santino]

Is it?

[Bobby Lee]

It is a good.

[Pete Holmes]

You're not sure.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I hate it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It's one of those bits that you

[Andrew Santino]

go, ah, I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

But then you do like it.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, how about this?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm a Wheaties guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Wheaties, that's ours. That's ours for sure.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that you? For sure? Cinnamon Live. What else do I do?

[Pete Holmes]

I think Wheaties is the ultimate immigrant. Like, like, you come to America and you're like, I'm gonna be on the Wheaties box. I mean that. When I say immigrant, I mean that in the most positive way.

[Andrew Santino]

Shohei Otani.

[Bobby Lee]

He's probably on the Wheaties box.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Marty. The Marty supremacy. Did you guys see the Marty supremacy?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, he was the best. Jason Bourne.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I hope so.

[Andrew Santino]

Who?

[Bobby Lee]

Shohei? He's not on there.

[Andrew Santino]

Golden Grahams.

[Pete Holmes]

Golden Grahams. Is white, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Is that white orange?

[Pete Holmes]

It kind of has an eastern flavor. Like, you must get past the golden gram.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, like a gate.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a what?

[Bobby Lee]

Look up golden grand fox.

[Pete Holmes]

If you said nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What was it?

[Bobby Lee]

Because they had. They used to have a brown bear as their mascot. Remember that guy?

[Andrew Santino]

Why they never saw him?

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. That's golden. That's golden. Can't get enough. Super golden Crisp. Super golden Crisp.

[Bobby Lee]

Golden Crisp.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, So I would. Did I get through all of the way of the whites?

[Bobby Lee]

No, there's so many more things. I mean.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Oh, microwaving your coffee.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a way of. The way.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a mom.

[Andrew Santino]

We've never done that.

[Pete Holmes]

Mom White.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Changing. How about this? Putting gas in your car before it gets to empty. That is remarkably.

[Pete Holmes]

That took my breath away.

[Bobby Lee]

That is such a white guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, I don't even. I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

How about.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't even understand what you said, so say it slowly.

[Bobby Lee]

Put gas in your car before it gets to E. Yeah, you wait.

[Andrew Santino]

It's got to be blinking 100. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

The light.

[Pete Holmes]

No, the way of the.

[Bobby Lee]

I've never seen the gas light on in my car.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Because. Can I say this? I fill up gas in the same way that I wash my car or get a haircut. It's based on mood.

[Bobby Lee]

It's mood.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm in a great mood.

[Bobby Lee]

Fill it up.

[Andrew Santino]

Insane.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm full of it.

[Andrew Santino]

Fill it up. You know, my car says one mile left. That's when I fill it up.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

What kind of car is it?

[Andrew Santino]

It's a Hyundai. Make the joke.

[Pete Holmes]

I won't.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a great mate.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you make the car.

[Bobby Lee]

Clip it.

[Pete Holmes]

Is this live?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you clip?

[Andrew Santino]

We edit? Yeah, yeah, we clip. We're on the top podcast in the world.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know, I know, I know.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't even know why.

[Pete Holmes]

Why do you think I would be here?

[Andrew Santino]

But the way he just did it. Why do you think I would be here?

[Pete Holmes]

Promoting Silly Fun over here.

[Bobby Lee]

Please watch Silly Silly Fun boy right now on YouTube. A rev.

[Pete Holmes]

Top of the Hour here on Bad Friends. Pete Holmes from Silly Silly.

[Bobby Lee]

Welcome back to Top of the hour. It's 10:09 in the PM.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you know that's. Again, it's against the law, like, because radio used to be used for, like. It still is used for, like, army and that sort of stuff. You have to say who you are. That's an old law. Like, if you do, like, serious or whatever. Terrestrial raid. Not serious is they have to go like WKBBL, top of the hour, 45, 9. Because people would be like. In the old days, they'd be like, who are you? Identify yourself.

[Bobby Lee]

Really used it as well.

[Pete Holmes]

You're cramming up the. The frequency and they'd be like, it's oldies 103.3 wx they have.

[Andrew Santino]

What year is this?

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I'm saying.

[Bobby Lee]

That was World War II, I imagine, right?

[Andrew Santino]

World War II. So you couldn't hear.

[Pete Holmes]

I will say you guys have. Imagine. How come you didn't pick up that. That frequency? You have a magic.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean we did Benedict Cumberbatch crack the code? Yeah, nice try.

[Andrew Santino]

You didn't get that frequency.

[Pete Holmes]

We had a lanky gay crack.

[Bobby Lee]

I. I didn't hear that one.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you should have heard that. See, Raiders weren't good back then.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

That's another way of the way.

[Bobby Lee]

What's your key? What is your code? What's your common. Go to code if you're doing a radio impersonation.

[Pete Holmes]

Wkbl.

[Bobby Lee]

As if we all have one.

[Andrew Santino]

One.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Isn't that fun?

[Bobby Lee]

Wkqx. I just love WKQX because I know

[Andrew Santino]

I literally don't have one.

[Bobby Lee]

This is a way of the way.

[Pete Holmes]

This is a way.

[Andrew Santino]

That's another way away being ready. Is that a good one?

[Pete Holmes]

I wanted more for a lanky gay. Cracked your code like that. None of us saw the imitation.

[Bobby Lee]

I loved it.

[Pete Holmes]

So fun.

[Bobby Lee]

So fun.

[Pete Holmes]

But what bragging rights.

[Andrew Santino]

I got one.

[Pete Holmes]

Big ass army generals are like, we got a lanky gay on your code. Like, how fun is that? How fun is that? The general had to shake hands with someone he probably had an issue with.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In those days, right? He was like, good job. Gotta hand it to you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Eating a steak. Yeah, I love it.

[Andrew Santino]

I deal with it.

[Pete Holmes]

Mac and cheese with butter.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a white thing.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. You add a little extra butter.

[Bobby Lee]

Butter.

[Pete Holmes]

Anything on the Mac and cheese box that says if you want sriracha, a little bit better.

[Bobby Lee]

Butter.

[Andrew Santino]

That's the way I use sriracha.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that. We've. We've co opted that. That's ours.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you did. That's yours.

[Pete Holmes]

Sriracha mayo. Yeah, that's what we call it.

[Bobby Lee]

And you know why?

[Pete Holmes]

You blend the white with the age. Sriracha.

[Andrew Santino]

Man. You guys took Bill Cosby.

[Pete Holmes]

We love Cosby. We stand by. What if I had it, I opened my shirt, it says I stand with Bill. I stand with Bill. You want to cut that out? We. I don't Stand with.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't need to cut that out. It's a bit.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't stand with Bill.

[Andrew Santino]

I think that's.

[Pete Holmes]

I also, Jeffrey, I'm not too hot on.

[Andrew Santino]

But there are some blacks you take.

[Pete Holmes]

There's some blacks.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. And you own it. That's ours. Whitney Houston, not Whitney.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, like the racial draft.

[Andrew Santino]

You own her. No, not own her, but, like, this is our claim. Tina Turner Claim.

[Bobby Lee]

Tina Turner.

[Andrew Santino]

You got.

[Bobby Lee]

You claimed her, like rolling on the fucking river. She's everybody's.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but the thing is, is that she.

[Pete Holmes]

I know what you're trying to say.

[Andrew Santino]

What am I trying to say?

[Pete Holmes]

You're trying to say it's like that Chappelle show, the racial draft, kind of.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but the one you're thinking of is, like, aloe black. I'll give you that. That's probably a white Will Smith.

[Pete Holmes]

Pre slap was the ultimate. Every white person was like, that's our guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, we liked him.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's what you do, my friend. You go, that's my guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Joe Mandy called him Joe Mandy. And Noah Garfinkel called him Blonde Blanks because he was black. Tom Hanks, Blonde Blanks. But then Blum Blanks. Blum slapped somebody.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you doing?

[Pete Holmes]

Oj OJ Was. Yeah, yeah. I'm not black. I'm oj. Yeah, that's what he meant.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

George Foreman. How many grills do I have to sell?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Just like you guys took him.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we loved him.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, we loved him.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is he dead?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

See, we don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

We don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

And we're gonna look it up. And by the way, if he's not dead, he will be soon, because this show has killed. How many people have we killed? Maybe seven or eight. Truly? Yeah. We speak.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

The Pope.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But. But there are some. But there are some celebrities that we take syllabus. Asians celebrities.

[Bobby Lee]

No, he's alive. 76.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. And.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Rest in peace, I should say, when this comes out.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

He. No, it says he died.

[Andrew Santino]

He died.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, he died on the 21st.

[Bobby Lee]

So in the time in which I read that and said that he died, that's how good we are.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Count it.

[Andrew Santino]

We took Bjork.

[Pete Holmes]

Bjork is dead.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but we. We claim Bjork.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, his age.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

As an Asian.

[Pete Holmes]

Where are you on Mark? Paul Gosler. He's part Japanese.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, we take him.

[Pete Holmes]

You can have.

[Bobby Lee]

You can't have Bjork. I love Michael Bjork is every weird white person.

[Pete Holmes]

But I do want to suck his dick.

[Andrew Santino]

You suck him in part Season two, you mean.

[Pete Holmes]

Are we talking about the college years?

[Andrew Santino]

Is that the guy from Heated Rivalry?

[Bobby Lee]

No, Mark Paul Gosler.

[Pete Holmes]

Mark Paul Gosler is. Is the wonderful, the incomparable. I hate to call him Zach Morris, but that's saving what you might know.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me see.

[Pete Holmes]

Say by the bill. There he is.

[Andrew Santino]

And he's a half Asian.

[Pete Holmes]

No, he's got. I. That looks a court.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a court to me, too.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a court too low.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, it's a court, too. No, we did a sketch. Rubio.

[Pete Holmes]

We did a sketch on my show where he played Ryu. Ryu.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

And he. Because we were like, oh, okay. He's somewhat Japanese, so that's okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I think that's okay.

[Pete Holmes]

But then he came on, and the joke was that I was firing him because no one knows what he's saying. Where, like, when you do the kick thing, it's like, what are you saying? I don't like asparagus. I don't like it. Better get right.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But he learned the Japanese so well that it ruined the bit and we had to come up with another.

[Bobby Lee]

His mother is a tiny, ready to go Indonesian woman. It says.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I'm sorry, it's not Japanese. Dry Mark Paul. I blame him.

[Andrew Santino]

Why don't you call me?

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't know you at the time.

[Andrew Santino]

Fair enough.

[Pete Holmes]

Although, do you think you'd be a good Ryu?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I think I would be.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you seen a picture of.

[Bobby Lee]

Pull it up.

[Pete Holmes]

Pull up Ryu. This is like me claiming I'm ready to be zangief. I don't think so. We got a good blanca right here. I am a blanca. Is just a redhead.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, Rio for. Oh, you're right. Rio from Street Fighter.

[Pete Holmes]

You'd be a good. You could be.

[Andrew Santino]

I got it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Yeah, I just.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yes, I would be.

[Pete Holmes]

You think so?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, you're looking at the same thing I'm looking at.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Yeah. I am looking at. Because I'll tell you this, why you're

[Bobby Lee]

more of a dull seam.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't seem like a dull scene to me. I think I'm more like.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm Chinley. I'm Chun Lee. I don't think you got shoulders.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't have the thighs for Chun Lee, bro.

[Bobby Lee]

Chun Lee is built. She's got. She's got tree trunks, brother.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That was one of my first. That's one of the first representations of thick, thick T, H, I, C, C. Oh, yeah, yeah. She loved it.

[Bobby Lee]

So hot.

[Andrew Santino]

So hot, that girl.

[Pete Holmes]

Make her. Not make her, but have her. Invite her to do the spinning bird kick. Ask her a couple good pauses. You got yourself a jerk, my man. You got yourself a heated rivalry, my man.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, hey, stop looking.

[Pete Holmes]

Look at that.

[Andrew Santino]

Stop looking at the porn aspects of this.

[Pete Holmes]

That is porno. Blur off, blur off. I'm just kidding.

[Bobby Lee]

Between her and Jessica Rabbit.

[Pete Holmes]

Jessica Rabbit for me was Jessica Rabbit. Changed a generation.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

My brother was in a picture with Jessica Rabbit. We went to Disney. I guess that's a Disney fantastic character. And I picked the one where I'm in the car and. And. And Roger Rabbit is flying out. He picked the one where he's in the trench coat. And Jessica Rabbit, they impose her over the photo. It's a picture with Jessica Rabbit. But they're supposed to be standing so close that her boobs are pushing up against you. But he was so shy, bless him, that he stood at a distance in the picture. It just looked like her boobs were levitating for no reason. He was too shy to mash him. I like that. Mom was watching.

[Bobby Lee]

He sexualized it for nine year old boys.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what she was.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean.

[Pete Holmes]

And April o'.

[Bobby Lee]

Neill, April Neil.

[Pete Holmes]

April o' Neill was the April o' deal, bro. Clip it, clip it, clip it.

[Bobby Lee]

Jessica Rabbit real fast again so we could see a photo of her. I mean, she was stunning.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's see if we can get this big boy. I know.

[Bobby Lee]

And incredible. That actor. What was his name? That's against her. Bob Hoskins.

[Pete Holmes]

And then Cool World was like, oh, you like that? How about this with Brad Pitt? And we're all like, pass, pass.

[Bobby Lee]

We didn't like it.

[Pete Holmes]

Pass.

[Bobby Lee]

It just didn't like.

[Pete Holmes]

Cool World is to who framed Roger Rabbit as Dark City is to the Matrix.

[Andrew Santino]

Whoa.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, what?

[Andrew Santino]

I love Dark City, though.

[Pete Holmes]

What? I just. So is a cool World.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I guess. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Dark City was fun, but it wasn't.

[Andrew Santino]

My. My cartoon crushes Wilma from the Flintstones.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was more of a Betty.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm being real.

[Pete Holmes]

Wilma's okay.

[Bobby Lee]

This is why you and I have a good relationship.

[Andrew Santino]

I like that.

[Pete Holmes]

That looks like a fish.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. No, I always liked her. I go, she's sexy.

[Pete Holmes]

No, she is. I think they designed her.

[Andrew Santino]

And also Fred looks Asian Fred in that one. I think in general. I always, I always looked at Fred Flintstone and Go.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's an Asian Fred Freestone. Fred. Bonnie.

[Pete Holmes]

There is.

[Andrew Santino]

He doesn't look Asian.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Badu.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

See if Shane Gillis had been sitting next to an Asian.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No controversy. Yeah, no controversy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, exactly right.

[Andrew Santino]

It's.

[Pete Holmes]

It's called the Rupole.

[Bobby Lee]

It's the Rupole.

[Pete Holmes]

Crip it.

[Bobby Lee]

Crip it.

[Pete Holmes]

Silly Silly fun boy on YouTube now

[Bobby Lee]

watch silly silly fun boy on YouTube right now with Pete Holmes.

[Andrew Santino]

That is an interesting point, though. I don't think he would have been in that much trouble if I was there.

[Pete Holmes]

If. No trouble. Yeah, no trouble. Don't you think? I don't remember what he said in the car.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want to dig into this again. Also, it was like the best thing in his career was not going to snl. He got to fly as free as he wanted to fly, and then he got to make his own television show and then became the most famous comic in the world. So, ironically, it was a good thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it wasn't. It's not just ironically. It's. It's. It's. I mean, there's something kind of lovely about it.

[Bobby Lee]

It's beautiful. He made his own.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a life lesson, actually.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a life lesson to have fun.

[Bobby Lee]

Nothing's that serious. Silly Fun Boy right now on YouTube.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, there you go.

[Bobby Lee]

Everything is fake and comedy is supposed to be stupid.

[Pete Holmes]

It. Shane did my New Faces that I was hosting.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I went up to him. I feel like an idiot because I went up to him and I didn't say, like, you got it, kid. But it's funny when you're encouraging someone who's on the precipice of, like, exploder stardom, and I'm like, oh, I'm being such a good older comedian. I'm like, you got something, man. Like, he really murdered.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he murdered so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

And his set was really, I think, this side of the line, not like over the line, but it was, like, edgy. And it's like this show, you know, New Face. You're supposed to like, everybody's toeing the line. He went a little long and he did. I don't know if you know that bit about, like, you got to hand it to the guy that came up with the Special Olympics.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So he did his set and then he was like, all right, I'm probably shouldn't do this one, but I'm going to do it.

[Andrew Santino]

And he did it. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Killed it.

[Andrew Santino]

Murder.

[Pete Holmes]

It was like the sound of a standing ovation. It's a bunch of idiots. So, like, you know, I'm not idiots, but, you know, it's agents and people that are idiots.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you said it. Feet double it down.

[Pete Holmes]

And.

[Andrew Santino]

But they. It murdered.

[Pete Holmes]

And I just. Him and John Marco Ceresi both closed two of the nights that I was there.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was just like, what? And Laura Peak. There were a lot of great people.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

You know these people?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What you do? You're at the store. You're at the store.

[Bobby Lee]

And I like to see you coming around the store a lot. That's my favorite thing to see.

[Pete Holmes]

I've been around. I was there. I went.

[Bobby Lee]

I like you.

[Pete Holmes]

I kill in the. The main room. And then I go and do in the original room.

[Andrew Santino]

You know. You know what I do want to Bobby?

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

My mind goes film it.

[Bobby Lee]

Film it, Clip it.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, what's wrong with you today?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. I wanted to burn. Yeah. I don't. I love you because all you, you

[Andrew Santino]

know, I mean, you just, you know, we have a relate.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, I know I. I love you. But I've. I've said this about you before. When you're thinking, you look like you're getting ready to pounce.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Here's the thing.

[Pete Holmes]

And I get defensive and I'm like, I better make fun of it.

[Bobby Lee]

He is an attack mode.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not true. That's right. So I've had this.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not in attack mode.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at your hand. Look at your claws. Your claws are out.

[Andrew Santino]

You're.

[Pete Holmes]

You're this close to a hidden dragon.

[Andrew Santino]

Him.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm giving myself the note, Bobby, I love you. I'm gonna adjust my attitude this week.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. I've had some beefs with three people. And in my mind, I'm like, am I the. Remember when I asked I out loud?

[Bobby Lee]

You said, am I the problem?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Am I the problem with all your beefs?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And. And I really.

[Bobby Lee]

There wasn't a common theme

[Andrew Santino]

and that even that little retort you and I had. Right. Yeah. Do you have beef with me?

[Pete Holmes]

No, I have zero beef with you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So do you think it's because I'm about to pound.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I think it's. Do you want the true answer?

[Andrew Santino]

I want the true.

[Pete Holmes]

I come in, I go, bobby. And I mean this in the best way. Is it like a wild man? Like if I had five. If the doors of the elevator are closing, I'm gonna go see Bobby Lee tonight. They get off the elevator. Who's that? Oh, he's kind of like a wild man. That's what I would say.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

So wild man means you don't know in the best way, because entertainment is surprise. You're always surprising. So I do think I go, like, I wanna, I wanna see where I'm at with Bobby. I'm gonna send these sonar pings as he. He is he kind of. Is he grumpy? Is he happy? Is he silly? Is he funny? What's he gonna do? So I send out these little tests and then I go, oh, I got sweet Bobby. This is the child of, you know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Abuse and trauma. Yeah, that's what trauma does.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, Dan Levy last night looked right at me and goes, I think you have a mental illness.

[Bobby Lee]

Dan Levy.

[Pete Holmes]

Dan Levy. You know, Dan, the very funny Dan Levy. You don't know Dan Levy?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I'm saying, which one, though?

[Andrew Santino]

Now there's two Dan Levies.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, there's Eugene's son. Yeah, that's Eugene Levy. Are you that guy?

[Andrew Santino]

No, Dan.

[Bobby Lee]

No, Dan Levy, our friend, he does.

[Pete Holmes]

He toys with Mulaney.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looked right at me and goes, I think you have a mental illness.

[Pete Holmes]

What. What was the context?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I, I. Bobby was pissing in his mouth.

[Pete Holmes]

You dirty. I think you're mentally ill. No, last

[Andrew Santino]

night, the whole night, I was wearing these types of glasses at the Comedy Store and I did the Italian thing all night long.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, if that.

[Andrew Santino]

I wouldn't stop in the green room.

[Pete Holmes]

That's mentally ill. That was a good set. David Spade, if that's mentally ill, I'm right next to you.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I heard that Chris Fleming, I listened to him on Birbiglia, is working it out podcast. And somebody heckled Chris Fleming, where they went, let's go, Weird Al. And today my wife was on the phone with her brother and I just kept going, let's go, Weird Al. And then I texted him, let's go, Weird Al Fleming. No, no, no. Just my brother in law. And then I shot a video of my daughter going, let's go, Weird Al. And texted it to my brother. Yeah, just. This is the byproduct of creativity. Sometimes I'm completely on your side.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Shame on you, Dan Levy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Levy, Levy, Levy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Shame on you, Dan Lee.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no. He was kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

He said, okay.

[Andrew Santino]

He was laughing.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, so was that shame on you?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was on me. But I got my hands and knees. I go, I promise.

[Pete Holmes]

Who are the people you have beef with?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, here's the thing, Robbie Hoffman.

[Bobby Lee]

100 big beef.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But then later that night, she texted.

[Pete Holmes]

You got.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, she loves you, but there's a. There's a tension.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but I didn't do anything it.

[Bobby Lee]

That you. Sometimes you don't have to.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, Eric Andre.

[Bobby Lee]

That one's real.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but we're good now because he just. He just said, let's go on tour together.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right. Again, same thing.

[Andrew Santino]

All right.

[Bobby Lee]

Same.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

So close to kissing.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Love.

[Pete Holmes]

Fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting.

[Bobby Lee]

Love and hate.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but I. I think when we're so close. Podcast or I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

Why did you have beef with Eric Trick?

[Andrew Santino]

I have no idea. He thinks this happened, which just didn't happen.

[Bobby Lee]

He called me about this. It did happen. He ripped your shirt and you got mad about that.

[Pete Holmes]

He ripped.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no. His beef from 25 years ago.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, the original.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Aged beef.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's aged beef.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

It's got a nice layer of mold on it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Cut that off and you get underneath of that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You bury it.

[Andrew Santino]

It's snow beef.

[Pete Holmes]

Snow beef.

[Bobby Lee]

From Japan.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you heard snow beef?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

From Japan.

[Pete Holmes]

Snow beef.

[Andrew Santino]

It's. Melts right in your mouth. Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Not in your hand.

[Andrew Santino]

But it.

[Pete Holmes]

Who knew Eminem stood for moo and moo? Okay, I. I said stood wrong.

[Bobby Lee]

You want to clip that one or.

[Pete Holmes]

No, you can clip it.

[Bobby Lee]

Put that one in the trash.

[Andrew Santino]

I like, but Eric Andre's accusation is. Is that we both auditioned for Mad tv. I got it. He didn't get it, and he thought that I changed my relationship with him. That was kind of standoffish and weird. I don't remember being like that.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, how old was he? Nine when he.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I. I think it's perception.

[Bobby Lee]

That was, like, 30 years ago.

[Andrew Santino]

I think a lot of times sometimes we have certain perception. Yeah, right. You'll see somebody have a bad day, but that you take it personally or something. You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

We don't see the world how it is. We see the world how we are. And now we're on my podcast.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I just turned this into. You made it bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but that is it.

[Pete Holmes]

Is this a good wink?

[Andrew Santino]

It's a very good wing.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't like it.

[Andrew Santino]

I hate it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I don't like when you wink. You're not a wink guy. You guys are. He's a wink guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Wink. Do I wink?

[Bobby Lee]

Do the glasses and show them the wink. Take the glass off. Look at this. Wink.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Love that wink.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What. What was that.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a wink.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you showing me where the moonshine is?

[Bobby Lee]

Are you.

[Andrew Santino]

You look like Tucker Carlson right now.

[Pete Holmes]

All whites look like Tucker Carlson.

[Andrew Santino]

Ah, the way of the white.

[Pete Holmes]

Except the blancas.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, the blanca. The blancas get away with.

[Pete Holmes]

If you hit jab and something happens, you're a blanca.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay? You're.

[Pete Holmes]

If you don't and you're white, you're a Tucker.

[Bobby Lee]

What's going on?

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, I'm going to give you white hand because we just. Before you came, me and McCone had white hand gestures.

[Pete Holmes]

White gestures.

[Andrew Santino]

What they're allowed to do.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. So I'm just gonna do them and you. You see if they're allowed to do it. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's. That's. That's our bread and butter.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

That's our bread and butter.

[Andrew Santino]

Right, right.

[Pete Holmes]

Still in the zone.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It might be a youth faster, but yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We invented this.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. You did, right?

[Bobby Lee]

We did.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, hang loose.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. For sure. Now, what about this?

[Pete Holmes]

You are so funny. You're a true talent. And it's so funny.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, what about this?

[Pete Holmes]

That's a no.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a no.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a no.

[Andrew Santino]

And he did that to a girl.

[Bobby Lee]

He asked for a girl's number, she said, I'm a lesbian, and he went like this to her.

[Pete Holmes]

That is the funniest.

[Andrew Santino]

It's insane.

[Bobby Lee]

That's like, I watched it live last night.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he saw it live last night. And I go, you're not. Not. You guys are allowed to have.

[Pete Holmes]

What was she black?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

It's getting clearer.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's getting.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you wear a gold medal and you're on the podium in the 70s.

[Bobby Lee]

Were you protesting something?

[Pete Holmes]

I do think movies like Fantastic Mr. Fox, which I love, which has the wolf going like that. I have a frame picture of the wolf going like that.

[Bobby Lee]

But this is. Yeah, but it's a wolf.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's a wolf.

[Andrew Santino]

Wolves can do this. They can do whatever they want.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't do that.

[Andrew Santino]

You can't do that. Are there other things that whites can do that whites can't do? Let me ask gesture wise.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I enjoy as a white being folded into someone else's culture is the soul shake. If I go here, nobody's going, what are you doing?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, what's a soul shake?

[Bobby Lee]

Dapping someone up. It's just like a dapping someone up when you go like this.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what a soul shake is? I don't know if we should call It. Soul shake.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

We should not.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like the Ebonics of right.

[Bobby Lee]

Which we learned.

[Pete Holmes]

Which we learned is. Look up. Is soul shake a bad term?

[Bobby Lee]

It sounds like it. I think just dapping someone up is what they say now.

[Pete Holmes]

Soul shake is inherently back here. Is not apparently bad or offensive. Yeah, I. I've always thought that that's like when. You know that clip of Obama. He's shaking hands. He's shaking hands. He's shaking hands. And he gets to the black guy and they. And they do that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

One of my favorite clips.

[Andrew Santino]

I love that.

[Bobby Lee]

I've seen that nature.

[Andrew Santino]

So years ago, I was.

[Bobby Lee]

That's just you on. It's like, oh, this guy gets it.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I like anything that implies kinship. And if somebody's. That's why I'm saying. I know that I'm being folded in to someone else's culture, but I. I enjoy that in any way. I'm not trying to be funny. If I came to your house and had a traditional Korean meal, I would really love that. I would be. I would be honored. And I should have said honor.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. We also have meatloaf and chicken pot pie as well. I understand those.

[Pete Holmes]

You guys love Stouffers. I know, but that's me folding you into mine.

[Andrew Santino]

Or let me ask you.

[Bobby Lee]

CPP is a white thing. Chicken pot pie is our meal.

[Pete Holmes]

You down with cpp?

[Bobby Lee]

You know, me clip it.

[Andrew Santino]

I love. Anyway, Pete. It's really good. Pete, look in that camera.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, we have to end on our laugh? Yeah, we have to end on a laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Let's try to figure it out.

[Pete Holmes]

Something funny.

[Andrew Santino]

You want to do an improv game? How do we end it?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just. Look, we just did a whole section that we were like, we have to lift that out.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Now we're back.

[Bobby Lee]

Now we're back.

[Pete Holmes]

And Andrew Santino has to go to a game, and Bobby's pretending that he has to leave despite his producers. I want to end on something. If not funny. I'll settle for heartwarming friendship.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll settle for funny or silly.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you want to play?

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, some movies end not funny.

[Pete Holmes]

That's true.

[Bobby Lee]

What movie?

[Andrew Santino]

I've seen it was, like, not funny at all.

[Pete Holmes]

How about. We can play a game? We can play a game that I've. I played with Colbert. I've played with my wife. It's called Smallest Smile. Do you want to play Small Smile?

[Bobby Lee]

And we're out here.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. How do you play it?

[Pete Holmes]

Super easy. You look down and when you come back, you come back with a neutral face. We're gonna go one at a time. And then you do the smallest smile you can do. It has to be. You're gonna be so good at it. It has to be perceivable as a smile. I'm gonna go first just to give you a sense.

[Andrew Santino]

I already know it.

[Bobby Lee]

Right into the camera.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Yeah, it's in my camera. Ready?

[Andrew Santino]

This is my camera. So we. We all do at the same time?

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, One at a time.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I want to watch and I want to enjoy.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, go.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm just gonna do it so you know, the key is come up with neutral and then do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, Here we go.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. Ready?

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not going to be able to do it.

[Pete Holmes]

You're going to be able to do it. I'm going to give you one direction.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Do less than you think. It's almost nothing.

[Andrew Santino]

Cuz that red.

[Pete Holmes]

Right? It has to read as a smile, but has to be small. Santino, you going to close us? Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Ready? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the point. The point is it's hard to do without laughing.

[Andrew Santino]

I love.

[Pete Holmes]

I want to see another one, though.

[Bobby Lee]

Just because smiles are in the eyes.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's too good. It's too good. What you're doing right now.

[Bobby Lee]

It's hard to not do it.

[Andrew Santino]

It's hard to. Let me give you one more shot.

[Pete Holmes]

It was very good. Less.

[Bobby Lee]

No laughing.

[Andrew Santino]

No laughing. All right, do.

[Pete Holmes]

And I would say do half as much.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, do half as much.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. Cuz you got a mustache. And I'm not joking. That highlight bites the smile.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, so. All right. Ready? What's so funny? Ready?

[Pete Holmes]

Very good.

[Bobby Lee]

Very dark.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved you in perfect days.

[Andrew Santino]

Go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

Just another.

[Bobby Lee]

So hard.

[Pete Holmes]

Here it is. Slam. Tino.

[Andrew Santino]

So good.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how you get booked on.

[Andrew Santino]

That's the game.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, look, we ended on a laugh. Please watch Silly, Silly Fun boy. It's on YouTube.com.

[Bobby Lee]

thank you. Website right now. Silly, Silly Fun boy. It's on Pete's YouTube.

[Pete Holmes]

And go to Pete Holmes.com for my tour dates and follow me on social.

[Andrew Santino]

Also say, thank you for being a bad friend.

[Pete Holmes]

And thank you for being a bad friend, Sam.