New Episode on Patreon

Summary

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Bad Friends - Patreon Episode (June 19, 2026)

Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Special Guest/Recurring Character: "Kiddo"
Theme: Birthday Banter, Friendship Roasting, and Gift Exchanges

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Episode Overview

This Patreon-exclusive episode of Bad Friends revolves around a hilariously chaotic and heartfelt birthday celebration for the recurring character "Kiddo." Bobby and Andrew lean into their trademark style—a mix of genuine affection and relentless roasting—as they bestow a barrage of gifts, backhanded compliments, and escalating birthday shenanigans.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Birthday Celebrations, Bad Friends Style

• The episode opens with Bobby singing "Happy Birthday" to Kiddo, who is dressed in a suit for a mysterious event featuring Steven Spielberg and "disclosure day."
• The hosts riff on whether Bobby actually cares about Kiddo's birthday, highlighting the group's interplay between affection and mock-apathy.

Quote:

"Nor did I care." – Bobby Lee [00:49]

2. Gifts…and More Gifts

• Bobby gave Kiddo a Ralph's cake, kicking off gift-giving (and teasing).
• Bobby discusses having sent a genuine birthday text earlier and roasts Kiddo for being a consistent disappointment, in true Bad Friends fashion.

Quote:

"You continue to let me down year after year, and I know this following year will be just the same. Love you." – Bobby Lee [01:55]

• Andrew ups the ante, promising Kiddo double whatever Bobby gives, sparking a mock gift war.
• Bobby claims to have given Kiddo $5,000 to help with rent, with another $5,000 coming on Friday. Andrew instantly one-ups with a $10,000 promise—pending “receipt review.”
• The group debates the logistics and authenticity of the birthday cash, escalating into absurdity.

Quote:

"If he gives you money, I'll give you double." – Andrew Santino [02:43]
"I'll give you...So 20." – Andrew Santino, on escalating amounts [03:05]

3. Birthday Gift Obsessions & Social Awkwardness

• Bobby details how Kiddo fixates on gifts, even scrutinizing Bobby’s hands as he approached, seeking any hint of what present is incoming.
• The hosts mock Kiddo’s intensity, likening him to “an autistic little spy,” and poke fun at his focus on the birthday loot rather than greetings.

Quote:

"He just stared at my hands like an autistic little...an autistic little spy." – Bobby Lee [03:25]

4. The Mystery of the Graded Gift

• Anticipation builds for Bobby’s actual present—a vinyl record, speculated based on the package shape.
• Bobby gives a dramatic run-down of the collectible's credentials, invoking the world of graded collectibles:

“Know that this is graded and rated twice...It got a mint cover and it got two pluses. Plus, plus on the physical. Like air, one water. It's very special on the physical.” – Bobby Lee [04:29, 04:46]

• References are made to previous valuable (and confusing) gift exchanges, such as “the cards he gave me from Arsenal,” underscoring their tradition of semi-absurd, semi-serious gifting.

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• Roasting as Love Language:

  • “You continue to let me down year after year, and I know this following year will be just the same. Love you.”
    Bobby Lee [01:55]

• Escalating Generosity:

  • “If he gives you money, I'll give you double.”
    Andrew Santino [02:43]

  • “I'll give you...So 20.”
    Andrew Santino [03:05]

• Social Awkwardness Observed:

  • “He just stared at my hands like an autistic little...an autistic little spy.”
    Bobby Lee [03:25]

• Inside Collecting Jokes:

  • “It got a mint cover and it got two pluses. Plus, plus on the physical. Like air, one water. It's very special on the physical.”
    Bobby Lee [04:46]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 – [Bobby serenades Kiddo; birthday set-up]
• 00:46 – [Birthday indifference riffing]
• 01:25 – [Birthday text roasting and toasting]
• 02:43 – [Andrew promises to double Bobby’s gift]
• 03:05 – [Gift escalation gets out of hand]
• 03:25 – [Bobby’s “autistic little spy” quip about Kiddo’s gift fixation]
• 03:56 – [Build up to the mystery vinyl record gift]
• 04:46 – [Bobby details the grading of the present]

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Summary

In this episode, Bobby and Andrew take their signature blend of roast and warmth to another level as they mark Kiddo’s birthday. The poignancy of slightly heartfelt moments weaves through a relentless spitfire of insults and jokes, with extravagant and deliberately ludicrous gift-giving (“I gave him five grand”; “I'll give you double!”) at the core. The team lampoons each other about authenticity, money, and the subtle art of being weirdly generous while maintaining the upper hand. Quips about collectible grading, social awkwardness, and the transactional nature of their "affection" create a vivid (and hilarious) slice of the Bad Friends universe.

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Transcript

[Bobby]

Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday. Happy birthday to you.

[Kiddo]

Guys, it's.

[Bob]

It's funny because you're dressed in a suit, wearing a tie, because you're going to a big event. You're going to. Ooh, an event where Steven Spielberg is going to talk about disclosure day for his. And I told you. Let me finish. I told you before this podcast. Just go now. Go now, because you're not going to be here for the pod. And I realized why you stayed for the Happy Birthday song.

[Kiddo]

Because also, I wanted to, because you didn't know it was my birthday.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Nor did I care.

[Kiddo]

I know.

[Bobby]

That's fair.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby]

Blow out your Ralph's cake.

[Bob]

Happy birthday, kiddo.

[Kiddo]

Thanks, Bob. Yeah, that was crazy. My wish was, I wish Bobby cared about my birthday. And right when I blew it out, you said, happy.

[Bob]

Dude. It's so weird that you just said that, because my. My emotions just changed about it. And I'm gonna give you a hug. It was like obsession. Wow.

[Bobby]

The wishbone.

[Bob]

Yeah. Yeah. Come here. Wishbone.

[Bobby]

Wishbone. You thought I saw it?

[Bob]

No.

[Bobby]

And I'll say this. Are you drinking? You're not drinking this?

[Kiddo]

No.

[Bobby]

So you got this just for me to drink alone?

[Kiddo]

Well, for.

[Bob]

I wanted McCone to have something.

[Bobby]

Okay, I'll tell. Cheers.

[Kiddo]

Yeah.

[Bobby]

And you know what pisses me off about this kid? I sent him a text this morning, and in the text, it said, happy birthday. You continue to let me down

[Bob]

here.

[Bobby]

Cheers. Cheers.

[Bob]

All right.

[Kiddo]

Cheers.

[Bobby]

Okay. Kind of operation are we running here? I sent him glasses. At least I sent him a real glasses.

[Kiddo]

From Ralph.

[Bob]

Okay.

[Bobby]

Happy birthday. You continue to let me down year after year, and I know this following year will be just the same. Love you.

[Bob]

I didn't text you, but I'd like to do a live text.

[Bobby]

Yeah, live. Text them.

[Bob]

Yeah. You've grown enormously over the years. I've realized you do have talent. You really do.

[Kiddo]

Thank you.

[Bob]

Yeah. You're a creative kid. You have talent. And I. You know, being a Hollywood piece of shit is gonna. I'm gonna treat you nicer because I believe. I believe one day you will get that opportunity. So I'm gonna change, right? And go, kid. Kiddo. Dude. You got it, kid. And you're talented, and I embrace you, and I want you to have a good time tonight. And whatever you need, I got you. If he gives you money, I'll give you double.

[Bobby]

I gave him five grand.

[Bob]

I'm gonna give you ten grand.

[Bobby]

No, but I'. Five grand. And five grand on his Birthday.

[Bob]

Which for. For why?

[Bobby]

Birthday party, huh?

[Bob]

Why'd you give him five grand today?

[Bobby]

Because I. Well, he needed the money. He said he can't pay rent, so I gave him five grand. And then I said, on Friday at your birthday party, I'll give you another five. So 10.

[Bob]

I'll give you.

[Bobby]

So 20.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah. But then I have to see the receipts first to know that you got the money, and then I will do.

[Bobby]

It was cash. I gave him cash.

[Bob]

I'd like to see the cash. Yeah, yeah. Do you have the cash on you?

[Kiddo]

It's in my car.

[Bob]

It's in your car? Go grab. Grab it.

[Bobby]

It's.

[Bob]

It's. It's redheaded trickery.

[Bobby]

He's not a redhead.

[Bob]

I know you.

[Bobby]

I'm not a trick.

[Bob]

You're a deceiver.

[Bobby]

You're a treat.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Kiddo]

Yeah.

[Bobby]

Well, what annoys me about the kid is he saw me get out of my car and he stared at my hand like an autistic little. An autistic little spy. And he was like, oh, what is that? Is that a gift for me? And it's annoying because it is, but it's so annoying that you stared. You didn't even say hi. You just stared at my hands to see when I walked out of my car. Like, he's just, like, such a little autistic weirdo. He didn't say hi. He just looked down at my arms and. To see what I'm carrying and then looked up at me. That's why I pushed him as hard as I could.

[Bob]

What did he give you?

[Kiddo]

He hasn't given it to me yet, but I believe it's a record.

[Bob]

Oh, it's a record.

[Kiddo]

On the shape of the package.

[Bob]

Two records now. Oh, two records now.

[Kiddo]

Okay, well, three, including the two that Bobby will get me.

[Bob]

No, I'm. I'm not going to give you record. I'm going to do something better. Yeah, I'm going to double down on it.

[Bobby]

All right. Get the record.

[Bob]

Okay. Happy birthday, bud.

[Bobby]

This is a very special. And so let me warn you something before you do this. Know that this is graded and rated twice. Okay? If you know anything about collections, this guy. Okay.

[Bob]

You're so annoying.

[Bobby]

Okay. You're still.

[Bob]

You are so annoying.

[Bobby]

I learned it. I learned it this morning.

[Bob]

I know. You learn a lot.

[Bobby]

I don't know anything about it.

[Bob]

It's like the cards he gave me from Arsenal. Yeah.

[Bobby]

I mean, what. Those were super valuable.

[Bob]

I understand that. That's why it's in a safe.

[Bobby]

I didn't know anything about cards.

[Bob]

I understand. So tell me how much this is.

[Bobby]

So, all I know is this woman told me these are graded. The. The COVID is mint. It's m. It got a mint cover and it got two pluses. Plus, plus on the physical. Like air, one water. It's very special on the physical.