No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day

Summary

Bad Friends Podcast Episode: "No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day"

Release Date: April 14, 2025
Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino

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1. Introduction and Upcoming Tour Announcements (00:00 – 02:00)

The episode opens with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino excitedly discussing their upcoming tours in London, England, and Dublin, Ireland. They share dates and venues, encouraging listeners to purchase tickets via their website.

• Bobby Lee (00:00): "Hello there, mate. Beautiful, beautiful Ireland. So where are we going first?"
• Andrew Santino (00:09): "We're gonna go to London, England. July 18th, guys."

2. Celebrating Andreas' Birthday (02:00 – 07:35)

The hosts shift focus to celebrating their friend Andreas' birthday. They engage in playful banter, highlighting Andreas' contributions and achievements. Bobby and Andrew express their appreciation, presenting him with humorous gifts like a piñata shaped in his likeness.

• Andrew Santino (03:10): "I have some words to say too. Your work is..."
• Bobby Lee (06:41): "You mean the world to us. Your work here is undeniable, irrefutable, and irreplaceable."

3. Interaction with Greg Fitzsimmons: The Canceled Show Incident (07:35 – 19:38)

A significant portion of the episode involves a heated yet comedic exchange with Greg Fitzsimmons. The discussion centers around a canceled comedy show that Andrew opted to bail from, misunderstanding it as a charity event. Greg clarifies the situation, leading to humorous apologies and teasing remarks.

• Andrew Santino (10:55): "Can I tell you what happened?"
• Greg Fitzsimmons (15:22): "I love you. I respect you and I appreciate you agreeing to do it, even though you didn't."
• Bobby Lee (18:14): "Tough. Tough. Move."

4. Personal Reflections and Sobriety Meetings (19:38 – 29:25)

Andrew shares a heartfelt narrative about his journey with sobriety, detailing his experiences attending meetings and the impact they've had on his life. The conversation underscores the importance of such support systems, with Bobby emphasizing the significance of their contributions to listeners facing similar struggles.

• Andrew Santino (21:17): "I have something serious to say..."
• Bobby Lee (27:04): "I think it's a beautiful, important thing to do as a child of addiction..."

5. Humorous Segments and Creative Ideas (29:25 – 45:49)

Returning to their comedic roots, Bobby and Andrew brainstorm absurd concepts like an app for surrogacy with a humorous twist. They continue to riff on personal anecdotes, including Andrew's fictional interactions at sobriety meetings and Bobby's tales of family outings.

• Bobby Lee (31:32): "It's called 'No Mommy, Yes Papi.'"
• Andrew Santino (38:07): "Can we go into some of my messaging at Raya?"

6. Light-Hearted Banter and Wrap-Up (45:49 – End)

The episode concludes with more playful exchanges, touching on topics like autograph prices, kinetic energy walkways in Japan, and societal observations. Bobby and Andrew maintain their signature humor, leaving listeners entertained while subtly reinforcing the episode's earlier themes.

• Bobby Lee (57:42): "People are gonna fight back. It's gonna happen."
• Andrew Santino (64:38): "I can't believe you did that."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Bobby Lee (00:00): "Hello there, mate. Beautiful, beautiful Ireland."
• Andrew Santino (03:10): "I have some words to say too. Your work is..."
• Greg Fitzsimmons (15:22): "I love you. I respect you and I appreciate you agreeing to do it, even though you didn't."
• Bobby Lee (27:04): "I think it's a beautiful, important thing to do as a child of addiction..."
• Andrew Santino (29:12): "That's very direct."
• Bobby Lee (44:37): "You don't want this for your birthday gift. That's exactly what we're going to do."
• Andrew Santino (52:20): "I'm a mind tricker."
• Bobby Lee (58:22): "I'm printing money. I'm the phrase. I'm literally printing money, by the way."

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Conclusion

In this episode of "Bad Friends," Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino blend heartfelt moments with their trademark humor. From celebrating a friend's birthday to navigating misunderstandings with fellow comedians, the duo offers listeners a mix of genuine appreciation and comedic relief. Their interactions highlight the nuances of friendship, personal growth, and the ever-present element of comedy that fans have come to love.

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Note: Advertisements and promotional segments have been excluded from this summary to focus solely on the core content of the podcast episode.

Transcript

[Bobby Lee]

Hello, mate. Hello there, mate. We're going over the pond there. Go get beans on toast and then go into Ireland. Beautiful, beautiful Ireland. So where are we going first?

[Andrew Santino]

We're gonna go to London, England. July 18th, guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. July 18th.

[Andrew Santino]

OVO Arena. Bumblei.

[Bobby Lee]

We'll be in London, England, on July 18th.

[Andrew Santino]

Dublin, Ireland.

[Bobby Lee]

Then we're going to Dublin, Ireland, July 19th. We're at the 3Arena. The 3Arena. 3.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you well?

[Bobby Lee]

That's a good impression. Give me a good Irish impression. Oh, that's so good. That's so good.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

Say pint of Guinness. That's perfect. Dublin, Ireland. We're coming to see you July 19th at the 3Arena. Tickets available at badfriendspod.com London, England. Tickets available July 18th at badfriendspod.com.

[Andrew Santino]

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Felice Copliano. Saki. Feliz Felicity.

[Andrew Santino]

It your birthday?

[Bobby Lee]

Happy birthday.

[Andrew Santino]

I just got that. I'm like, oh, happy. How old are you now? I mean, do. How long do porgs live?

[Andreas]

They live a long life.

[Andrew Santino]

They do? Yeah. Not when they're being eaten by Chewbacca. I'm trying to remember that scene where he grilled a porg.

[Andreas]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

What silly game is this?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it's the Mexican Venus.

[Bobby Lee]

I gotta catch it. Like this?

[Carlos]

Yeah, it's a Mexican game.

[Bobby Lee]

Ow. Yeah, Mexican games hurt.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I could do it first try, I think.

[Bobby Lee]

You think so?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, dude, you actually hurt your hand.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, let's start from the top. I don't like it. It started. Let's sing the song again.

[Bobby Lee]

Put the lyrics up. Feliz Copeliano's it.

[Andrew Santino]

Feliz Copeliano's it.

[Bobby Lee]

Feliz Copelianos.

[Andrew Santino]

Corino. Andreas.

[Bobby Lee]

It's the same words. Over. Over. How did you mess that up?

[Andrew Santino]

Because they said name in.

[Bobby Lee]

In Spain. It's.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me. Can I have it solo? I want acapella. I think that's my problem.

[Bobby Lee]

Spain.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll go f. No, I want to. The first chunk again.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, it's in Spain. We're doing. He's Spanish.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh. Oh, okay. So, Andreas.

[Andreas]

After five years.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I'm gonna go watch. I have another sound effect. You know what that is?

[Bobby Lee]

Lawnmower.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Leaf blower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, Happy. How old are you now?

[Andreas]

45.

[Bobby Lee]

40.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you really? God. Imagine being 45 as a director and not directing anything. I mean, is there a. I mean, what I've never seen. Wow.

[Andreas]

There's a few exception. There's a few exceptions.

[Bobby Lee]

Be nice to the guy. It's his birthday.

[Andrew Santino]

Happy birthday. I mean, you know what? Can I say something? You do the best YouTube videos. I really. When I see his YouTube, I go, oh my God. This should be a criterion top notch.

[Carlos]

Yeah, without YouTube, you're not even famous in the last 10 years, Bobby.

[Andreas]

Whoa.

[Bobby Lee]

Shots fired.

[Andrew Santino]

Shots fired. Can I say something? I came in smiling in a good like that. Well, where. Where did that come from?

[Carlos]

You attacked Andreas on his birthday.

[Bobby Lee]

You did, on his birthday.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, all right, fine. All right, but can I ask you guys, can I. Andrew, can I ask you a question?

[Bobby Lee]

Please?

[Andrew Santino]

Name me one movie. Just let's be factual here. Yeah, name me one movie that Andreas has directed.

[Bobby Lee]

Go to his IMDb. There's actually a lot on there.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Let me look.

[Bobby Lee]

Andre Rosende. I am the B.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

I am the B.

[Andrew Santino]

Although you have one.

[Bobby Lee]

I am the best. I am. Wait, wait, zoom in. Known for. Wait, I want to read his. I want to read his.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I want to read it. Read it.

[Bobby Lee]

Zoom in. Andres is an LA based writer director from Espana. He received a BA in film studies from Universidad Complutense of Madrid and an MFA from Columbia University. His film have played at festivals all around the globe including Cannes, Stig, Cleveland, south by South. Cleveland.

[Andrew Santino]

I want a line. I want a line.

[Bobby Lee]

Go.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you finish it, then let's.

[Bobby Lee]

Cleveland, south by Southwest West Pantasia, the Priors Club and Elakma Young Directors Night.

[Andrew Santino]

Andre Andreas has received many awards including DJ for best Latin short for escape to more than 35. Mr. Beer Bear and the Fantastic Fest Mercado Fantastical Gold Award for the best future and development for the Turned. Wow, what has he directed?

[Bobby Lee]

Here we go. Known for.

[Andrew Santino]

Known for. Let's go.

[Bobby Lee]

Known for Bad Friends. First thing up there. Go look. A producer. Bad Friends. Bad Friends, American Carnage. Oh, yeah, that's right. You produce that.

[Andrew Santino]

You produce that? Oh, good.

[Bobby Lee]

Jane, Anonymous, the Devil Below. Bad Friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Bad Friends, Chain of Death. Oh, Puppet Cop was great.

[Bobby Lee]

Puppet Cop was great.

[Andrew Santino]

So underrated. I know.

[Bobby Lee]

You're under arrest.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, I know exactly. What am I being pulled over, sir?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you're black. That's it.

[Andrew Santino]

All right.

[Bobby Lee]

Puppet Cop.

[Andrew Santino]

Puppet cop. Great. Underrated. Green plastic sandals. I'm the red. You thought that red plastic sandals was good green.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait till you see green.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, wait till you can see green plastic sandals. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Gonna blow your mind, Mr. Bear. Which is actually the original of the show. The bear on FX.

[Andrew Santino]

Right?

[Bobby Lee]

This is just the Spanish version. Mr. Bear.

[Andrew Santino]

I thought it was a prequel for to cocaine bearer.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. Mr. He had a job before he coke. Before a cocaine bear did coke. He had a job. He had a family escape.

[Andrew Santino]

And the Oscar nominated escape.

[Bobby Lee]

Escape. Don't forget about snapshots.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, how can you forget about snapshots? That's how he did it.

[Andreas]

Thank you, guys.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, so very good.

[Bobby Lee]

Andres, do you want to say anything to defend yourself on your birthday? Happiest of the birthdays.

[Andreas]

Thank you, guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Were we able to get you any gifts?

[Andreas]

Your. Your presence is a gift.

[Bobby Lee]

Give me. McCone's got some gifts that we'd like to give you for your birthday.

[Andreas]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

You mean the world to us. Your work here is undeniable, irrefutable and irreplaceable. You are that good to us. You mean the world and I mean it. Bobby and I wouldn't be where we are without you.

[Andrew Santino]

I have some words to say too. Your work is.

[Bobby Lee]

And your first gift. Is there a pinata? And look at your second gift. A pinata shaped like. Shaped like what?

[Andrew Santino]

Let me look at the face. Can I sit the face shape like me.

[Bobby Lee]

It's you.

[Andreas]

This is the greatest gift I ever got.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. Actually pretty great. I'm quite excited about this. Thank you. Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Close your eyes. You have to close your eyes. All right, all right. Stop for a second. Stop for a second. Stop for all. Can I use the stick? I want to do an impression. Can I do an impression?

[Bobby Lee]

The best part is he hasn't even dented it. It hasn't even broke a little bit this way.

[Andrew Santino]

Guess what impression I'm doing. Okay. It was a mistake. Al the baton.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, very good, very good. All right, let him finish. Let him finish. Go ahead. I'm doing a Play the music and let him finish.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm doing a gofundme for Alela Everett. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yes. More. Oh, there, there.

[Andrew Santino]

Yay.

[Bobby Lee]

Very good, Carlo. That's the kind of production that we have on this show. The candy couldn't even go inside of it.

[Andrew Santino]

But I am doing a gofundme on Alela Everett.

[Bobby Lee]

You broke the vent. It was so strong.

[Andrew Santino]

I had something serious to say.

[Bobby Lee]

Jesus Christ. The vent is broken. Wow. Okay, Bob, put the guest up there. Put. Put broken Bobby up there, please. Very good. There's broken Bobby. By the way, they got the eyes right? Fancy. Tell me, how did that feel? Did that feel good?

[Andreas]

It felt so good. That felt like you birthday in the last 10 years.

[Bobby Lee]

Cathartic right?

[Andreas]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

You got something off your chest? Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, I've never had Mexican gum before. You can't even chew through it. It's like a what?

[Bobby Lee]

It's made out of the bottom of a chew.

[Andrew Santino]

You want to chew my Jolly Roger? I can't chew it.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, here, how about this? Let's settle some beef the other way.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna call somebody.

[Andrew Santino]

I want my pinata. I want my Andre.

[Bobby Lee]

You'll get yours.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Do you have an Andrea's pinata? Dude, I'll show you what I do.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, let me see if I can get a hold of somebody here. Hello, Fitz.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What's up, buddy?

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, Greg Fitzsimmons here on the Bad Friends podcast. Greg, I'm sitting next to Bobby Lee. Bobby is. Bobby wants to talk to you about something. Do you have anything you want to explain? You talked. You called me today and I told him you were awful hurt about something. I didn't get the full story. What really happened?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, not hurt at all. I was touched, honored that Bobby would agree to come on and you know, I do my St. Patrick's Day show every year.

[Bobby Lee]

Famous show every year. Gret Fitzsimmons does an incredible St. Patty's Day show. They have Irish soda bread. They have traditional song, live music.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's a party. It's beyond a comedy show. It's a party.

[Bobby Lee]

It really is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I was so happy to promote it. I went on K Rock, I went on ktla. I went on Good Day la.

[Andrew Santino]

Ooh, kroc.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Bobby was nice enough to lend. Lend his name to the. To the show. And we got a good crowd. And unfortunately, I don't know what happened.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll tell you what happened.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Missing at the end of the show.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I tell you what happened?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, let's hear it.

[Andrew Santino]

First of all, I apologize. Did you hear that?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Of course.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, so secondly, did you get my money?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Somebody gave me 200.

[Andrew Santino]

Exactly. I gave it for what? For the charity. Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

To the bus boy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. And can I say something? What does that buy? A couple of books. A couple of books? A couple of like, you know, where you fill out the grades. I don't know how school works, but, like a couple of things. Pencils. Yeah, yeah. And also.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What are you talking about?

[Bobby Lee]

Where do you think the money was going?

[Andrew Santino]

What's the benefit for?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It was benefit for the comedians. I was paying you a bunch of money.

[Bobby Lee]

You were getting money to perform it. There was no benefit.

[Andrew Santino]

It wasn't a benefit for a school.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There was no benefit for us.

[Andrew Santino]

The way. Did I walk in and see little kids on stage playing the guitar?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Little kids.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, who's on stage? It was like, Mary, Paul and Mary. What is it called?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Mary, Paul and Mary.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. There's two Marys in that band. Was there not singing there that did that threat.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did that throw your comedy off that much? You couldn't perform because it was a musical actor.

[Andrew Santino]

But it's just not that. I looked at the back row. There was a lot. A bunch of older ladies there, and there's, like, musical things going on. I turned to Tim Dillon. I go, you know, I'm just going to give $200 for the charity, and I'm gonna bail.

[Bobby Lee]

So wait a minute. You showed up to the venue, didn't even perform. You bailed because of the crowd and.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because we had no. He's supposed to headline the show, and he just. Just decided not to.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow. But you came all the way there.

[Andrew Santino]

But did I not go? That's good. Like, going is good. Going is good.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So what is it? Have you not worked out that 15 minutes of material.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, here we go. This is how we're gonna do it. Oh, we're gonna do this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wondering how many more times you need to do that 15 minutes before you know it's gonna work. No matter where you go.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna. You know, I'm gonna let you have this. Give me another one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Another one.

[Andrew Santino]

A slam. Another slam.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, Bobby, look, you are doing so well with what you've been dealt. Genetically, mentally, emotionally. I know that you were molested by intellectually disabled person. I know that you've got a mustache that just won't fucking stand up and grow. There's a lot of things you're struggling with. So when you bail out on a show like that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You let down hundreds of people in the audience.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think so. I don't. I don't think so.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, now, Fitz, just for clarity, was his name promoted on the show as he was? Very much so. Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Very much so.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Anything. Anything for the people that are listening that could have gone to that show number one.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm sorry. I bought some books for a cherry that doesn't exist.

[Bobby Lee]

There is no charity.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. But you did grab the 200, put in your pocket. That's good.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I gave it to the busboy.

[Bobby Lee]

He gave it to the bus boy.

[Andrew Santino]

Good.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

And that bus, was he gonna get corn?

[Bobby Lee]

They love.

[Andrew Santino]

They love the corn, right? They like you know, making.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wait a minute.

[Andrew Santino]

What is this?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Who says he was Mexican? How do you Both jump to that immediately.

[Bobby Lee]

Was he.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He was an American young man.

[Andrew Santino]

Trump. Define it. If you saw him, would be in a plane to go to Mexican. Yeah. Okay, so he got, you know, in El Paso.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, look, Tim Dillon was there. Thank God. He was not supp. Supposed to be there. And he just stopped by as a friend to support this show and luckily he went on, so he was able to close it out.

[Andrew Santino]

But, you know, it's so funny to do this because I. I saw his name on the list.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

His name is not on the list.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, you're right. I think you're right. Well, thank Tim Dillon. And I'm sorry, I mean, Fitz is.

[Bobby Lee]

One of our oldest friends.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

But here's one of our most loyal pig.

[Andrew Santino]

I had a gig at the Ice House there. Were you not running behind?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We were not running behind. We were absolute. Because there was a show on after us. And so we had to promise them we would be done an hour and a half into the. After the show started, which we.

[Andrew Santino]

I just made a bunch of assumptions and I'm so sorry. I thought it was a charity for kids.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I love you.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I love you. I respect you and I appreciate you agreeing to do it, even though you didn't, but you agreed to. And that's the thing that means the most.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay?

[Bobby Lee]

The commitment, not the follow through. Yeah, but the verbal commitment does mean.

[Andrew Santino]

I just got a bad vibe from the room.

[Bobby Lee]

You got a bad vibe from a full packed house, a sold out room.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but there were people on stage singing folk music.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Annie, Letterman, they all said that this was the best crowd they've seen in a year. Everybody destroyed everybody.

[Bobby Lee]

Because it was a party.

[Andrew Santino]

It was a party.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It wasn't just the show. It was beyond that.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, I'm gonna throw somebod the bus.

[Bobby Lee]

Go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Oh, and here we go. Greg. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not mentioning Annie or Tim. Right. But somebody that was on the show said this. The reason why they laugh so hard is because the music was weird.

[Bobby Lee]

Who said it?

[Andrew Santino]

I can't tell you.

[Bobby Lee]

You literally just said, I'm going to throw someone under the bus.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

So then do it.

[Andrew Santino]

I can't.

[Bobby Lee]

Give me the initials of the comic that said that.

[Andrew Santino]

TW who was it?

[Bobby Lee]

Greg tw Tom Wilson?

[Andrew Santino]

No, Taylor Williamson.

[Bobby Lee]

Taylor Williamson.

[Andrew Santino]

He wasn't on it.

[Bobby Lee]

Who? Who was on the show?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it's good to see. Greg. Greg, Greg.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Eric Griffin. Eric Griffin was on the show.

[Bobby Lee]

He said it destroyed.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He texted me the next day saying, put me, put me on that show.

[Bobby Lee]

Every year.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I said, well, there's probably space next year because Bobby has already committed. So that's an opening right there.

[Bobby Lee]

Eric Griffin, Black Irish. Who else was on it?

[Andrew Santino]

Tim and Annie. He's great.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

He's great. He's a star. He really is a star.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Is great. All right, well, then say sorry one more time to our good friend Greg.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm so sorry, Greg. I love you.

[Bobby Lee]

Mean it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You can always be on one of my shows. You can always be on the poster for one.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll see it in Korean. I'll see it in Korean.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Here.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll say it in Korea. Chingu. Nah. Yeah. You know what chingu means?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What does it mean?

[Bobby Lee]

We all know what chingu means?

[Andrew Santino]

What does chingo mean?

[Bobby Lee]

You said enough on this show.

[Andrew Santino]

What does it mean? It's a friend.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's a coin you use in a Korean spot.

[Andrew Santino]

Apologize.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, very good, my friend.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. Apology.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, well, we love you, Greg. I'll try to fix him, man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay. I love you guys. Work on. He's a work in progress. Keep working on him, Andrew.

[Bobby Lee]

I will. Bye, buddy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right, bye.

[Andrew Santino]

Why? Why?

[Bobby Lee]

One of the greatest comics alive.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

One of the greatest, most talented. Because you disrespect a legend, that's trouble. That guy's a fucking legend. Greg Fitzsimmons is a legend. Now, you disrespect somebody else, that's on your terms. You disrespect one of our oldest friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Tough. Tough. Move. He called me. He said I was really bummed. I was having a cup of coffee.

[Andrew Santino]

Interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

I gotta be honest with you. I was pretty bummed at your boy. I said, what happened? And he told me.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, let me tell you something. And I can't even believe you're doing this, because I'm gonna say this.

[Bobby Lee]

Go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

When I was molested by the guy with. He was in a folk band.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you being serious?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What did he play? Other than your ball.

[Andrew Santino]

And I saw him perform on you? No, afterwards. After the show. So when I walked in.

[Bobby Lee]

That's why you got with him. You saw him. You were like this rock star. I got it.

[Andrew Santino]

I got Very good. He was very good.

[Bobby Lee]

So folk music has a tie.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And I had a. I had a PTSD reaction to the show, and I had to leave.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

And I gave him 200.

[Bobby Lee]

You had an MSG reaction. What did you say?

[Andrew Santino]

I can't believe you did that.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I didn't do it. Fitz called me today. He was acting it's forever dead with Fitz.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're fine. The Shane thing, You're cooked.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, I've heard that.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean that with every sense of my being.

[Andrew Santino]

I've heard that through the deep. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And I mean deep.

[Andrew Santino]

A war. Oh, dude, it's beyond a war.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I'll lose.

[Bobby Lee]

What did I say to you on the show? I said, don't do this. Don't go after Shane. This is a bad idea. I know, but I said it like five times. Okay, well, I'll say this. I love you. You're my partner. You're my best friend. You're my dog. Not gonna walk into that with you, bud.

[Andrew Santino]

So when we're doing the animation today, we did a little work.

[Bobby Lee]

We did it.

[Andrew Santino]

You gave me a lot of notes. I liked it.

[Bobby Lee]

We gave. Okay, go ahead and say it. Say the truth.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Did it bother you?

[Andrew Santino]

We did bother me.

[Bobby Lee]

We did our first session today in the animated movie that we're gonna be in.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And he gave me some notes. Andrew did some line readings. Yeah, a lot. That's good. A lot. Every other line.

[Bobby Lee]

Every other line. Why do you guys think that is? Andrew's a good actor. Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, Spaghettio.

[Bobby Lee]

I gave him readings because I wanted to get him in the mood. And by the way, he will agree when I said stuff to him, not line readings. When I said stuff, like, bob get jumpy like you do, and you did. And then do you kill it?

[Andrew Santino]

This is what he made me do. He goes, you're a bat, right?

[Bobby Lee]

I go, yeah, I'm an ox and he's a bat.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but then you're like, be a bat, be a bat. So I'm literally in, and I'm going. I'm going like this. And he goes, more. More like a bat. I was doing this and saying the lines. And he kept going. That's it. That's it.

[Bobby Lee]

Was it?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know if it is. I think you just make me look.

[Bobby Lee]

Like a fool in the window. You guys know the truth. I brought something out of him. Just like we do on the show. When he batted, the lines crushed. And then everyone. The booth went like this. Laughing, laughing. Fucking asses off. Yeah, it worked. When you physically emote, when you're sitting there just doing it in the mic, it's never going to work. You were emoting like you would in the scene, just like you would if you were acting. I didn't give you a line reading. I gave you emotional readings. I said, bob, do the thing that you do. And then he killed. Yeah, and then he killed the session and then he got us out early because he begged the woman.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, let me tell you, I have.

[Bobby Lee]

A video I'll send you.

[Andrew Santino]

I also have begging. A magical thing that happened to me that. It's not really a comedy thing, it's a real thing. If I may share it.

[Bobby Lee]

The Mola Station with the down syndrome kit.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no. Yeah, that was funny. That was very funny. Rocket Money. I bleed money because I have so many subscriptions out there on my phone, right. And I don't even know what's what. Right. But you know what Rocket Money does? It consolidated and now I get to see what I'm bleeding and I can weed it out and I can save money for myself because I live in the American usa.

[Bobby Lee]

You do?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Stop wasting money. We all do this. Bob and I download apps, you buy games, you, you, you subscribe to, stuff you have no idea what you're paying for. And Rocket Money is going to help you. They're going to even try to negotiate your bills for you. They automatically scan your bills, find opportunities to save, and you can ask them to negotiate for you. Let them do all the dirty work, baby.

[Andrew Santino]

Easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track. See your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going.

[Bobby Lee]

Rocket Money has over 5 billion users, has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to 740 a year. When using all of the app's premium.

[Andrew Santino]

Features, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to Rocket Money.com Bad Friends today.

[Bobby Lee]

That's RocketMoney.com Bad Friends Rocket Money.com Bad Friends Shopify.

[Andrew Santino]

If you run a small business, you know there's nothing small about it. As a business owner, I get it. Our business is and has always been all consuming since we started.

[Bobby Lee]

That is exactly true. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all E commerce in the United States. From household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. Perhaps like Bad Friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I mean we love Shopify. We use it and we only use the best. Tackle all the important tasks in one place, from inventory to payments to analytics and more.

[Bobby Lee]

Shopify makes the marketing minefield easy with built in tools for running social media and Email campaigns so you can find new customers and keep them.

[Andrew Santino]

And if you're looking to grow your business internationally, we love Japan and Ireland.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

We Shopify has global selling tools to help you in over 150 countries.

[Bobby Lee]

Get all the big stuff for your small business. Right with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com/bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Go to shopify.com/bad friends shopify.com sl bad friends. As you know that I just did a movie in Oklahoma City with a bunch of young Hollywood.

[Bobby Lee]

Name some of the names. No, you can.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want to.

[Bobby Lee]

Why not?

[Andrew Santino]

That'd be a surprise.

[Bobby Lee]

You did to me at lunch.

[Carlos]

You bragged at lunch on the phone with me?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You bragged at lunch. I like how he pretends like he's not Mr. Hollywood. Then he brags, brag, brag, brag. You bragged.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Today's not good. Happy birthday. It's not good today. Happy birthday. I feel like being assaulted.

[Andreas]

I'm liking it.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, so I was in Oklahoma City.

[Bobby Lee]

You were?

[Andrew Santino]

I felt depressed and I thought maybe I should use that.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't like.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. So guess what I did use. I no went to a meeting. I took my phone out. I have this meetings app on my phone.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I went to a meeting.

[Bobby Lee]

Good.

[Andrew Santino]

And I felt good. Then what did I do? The next night I went to another meeting.

[Bobby Lee]

Good.

[Andrew Santino]

And then there was a kid in the movie that was also sober. Took him to a meeting. Okay. And then I went to Dallas to do what's his name's show.

[Carlos]

Dr. Phil.

[Andrew Santino]

Dr. Phil?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dr. Phil.

[Andrew Santino]

And I know you have some feelings about that, too. We can share later.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, sure. Whenever.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. But something magical happened. I was at a mall. I was planning to go to a meeting, but I went to a mall first to get some shoes. I was walking around and I see a kid, and he has these gigantic throat stab wounds in his throat.

[Bobby Lee]

Stab wounds?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Jesus.

[Andrew Santino]

They're super thick, right? Why are you laughing?

[Andreas]

How do you know there's stuff?

[Andrew Santino]

Because I asked him.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, are those stab wounds?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I go, dude, what the. He goes, yeah. You know, I. When I was super, like, using, I used to stab myself in the neck. And he goes. But he teared up and he was like, you got me sober.

[Bobby Lee]

No, that's awesome.

[Andrew Santino]

And I go, what? He goes, I mean, you talk about sobriety. And then I go, what do you do tonight? I go, oh, I got. How many meetings have Been going. He hasn't been meetings in years.

[Bobby Lee]

And he goes, the throat stab guy didn't go to dj.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I would assume he would be on track.

[Andrew Santino]

So I go, you know, you, you, you. You're not doing it for you. You're doing it to help others.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So I said to meet me at this random meeting, and he showed up.

[Bobby Lee]

Good.

[Andrew Santino]

Sat next to each other, and I think he. There was a shift that happened. While you're smiling, I just think it.

[Bobby Lee]

Feels good to hear this. I think this is very important.

[Andrew Santino]

And then afterwards, we. I sound his body. I knew it because he wanted a tattoo on my signature. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you right?

[Andrew Santino]

On the chest.

[Bobby Lee]

He got a tattoo of my.

[Andrew Santino]

Of my signature on his chest.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, boy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And then he got me two pants.

[Bobby Lee]

He bought you pants from the store that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he works at a store. I like these pants, but. And so, I don't know. I didn't get them, but he got me two brand new pairs. And then.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I say something?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean this when I say this. I think the work that you do in the sober world is not what I'm saying. Can I just finish? I think it's extremely important, and I think there's a ton of people that listen to this show that either use. Used to use, have trouble, have thoughts, and I think it's a great world to put our audience in to know that.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you being real right now?

[Bobby Lee]

Do I sound.

[Andrew Santino]

I thought there's a joke coming.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

I think it's a beans on toast or something.

[Andrew Santino]

Is there a beans on toast coming?

[Bobby Lee]

There was.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. I know.

[Bobby Lee]

What. No, I think it's a beautiful, important thing to do as a child of addiction, as someone whose best friend is an addict, whose friend. We have a lot of friends that have lost their lives to it. I think it's important that you do stuff like that. I really mean it. I think it's imperative to the future of people who are struggling to hear you, a famous guy who, by the way. What? You guys are laughing.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, I'll tell you why the disrespect from Andreas, it's insane, because literally, when you're saying something very sincere and heartfelt and real, and I. Dude, I felt it. Dude.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm trying to be.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, I'm connected to you. This is what I see from this guy.

[Bobby Lee]

You're mocking me.

[Andrew Santino]

No, him. This is what Andreas is doing for, like 10 seconds. Looking at something, doing a smirk.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

And I'm going, what the. Dude?

[Bobby Lee]

What I'M saying is boring and I don't care.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I love it.

[Bobby Lee]

I guess it's boring. I think it matters. I think it's an important part of life. You know, it's the same way when somebody comes up to me or emails us and says, hey, man, I was going to kill myself last year. My mom died in June, my dad left us. And listen to the show. Makes me feel good. These moments change my life. I think it's fucking important. They make me feel like what I'm doing when I'm sitting on an airplane and it's 40 minutes late and I'm bummed out and it's freezing and they lost my bag and I'm going to be late to the thing and I'm pissed off and I didn't eat. I go, oh, this is all worth it. Because somebody gets joy from our thing.

[Andrew Santino]

I know it.

[Bobby Lee]

And you give people joy by giving them hope in the process of comedy.

[Andrew Santino]

I know what you're gonna say next.

[Bobby Lee]

Beans on toast.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'm Bobby. Mom.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So what I'm saying, though, is not that I did anything.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, you did.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I didn't. I didn't do anything. What I'm saying is that I believe that when you make a choice, like I'm going to really commit to sobriety, you're open to. Right? To situations that you. You may be able to help somebody indirectly, almost, you know, I mean, I didn't do anything. I just said, hey, dude, let's meet me at this meeting.

[Bobby Lee]

That's very direct.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, come with me to this thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're lending a hand. Anyway, we'll move on from the sober community, but I do think it's an important thing. It's not that funny today, but it doesn't matter. That's not about.

[Andrew Santino]

This isn't.

[Bobby Lee]

This is about us being real. You want to be funny and we'll go back to making fun of Andres. It's easy. Go for it. Look at that shirt. By the way, I had McCone search Helen High Water to find Spanish stores. Okay. Go all over la. By the way, Decidual, your shirt company that you love so much, is that a Decidual shirt? You know that fucking dump is. It's closed all over the world. There's like three left, just in the.

[Andrew Santino]

US I have a question.

[Bobby Lee]

There's one in Gaza. It's insane how little of them. There's none in the U.S. are there.

[Andrew Santino]

No white strips in Spain? Why are your teeth so yellow?

[Bobby Lee]

Jesus Christ. There he goes.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that too much? Is that too much?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it hit him. That one hit him.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, because.

[Andreas]

Yeah. You have no real teeth. That's why yours are so white.

[Bobby Lee]

There he goes.

[Andrew Santino]

It's called. It's just today.

[Bobby Lee]

He's hitting you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he did hit me. Yeah. Very good.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, because it's your birthday, why don't you throw a couple insults at us?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, go ahead.

[Andreas]

No, I love you guys.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Okay. Are you doing. Let me. Can I ask another simple question? Right? You're doing a Mohawk, Andre Agassi on the side thing here, or what?

[Andreas]

You have to wait.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, is that what you request in Turkey?

[Bobby Lee]

Wherever you went, it's gonna be good.

[Andrew Santino]

What I want wait for Christmas, like Taxi Driver in the end, right? And then put under because it's gonna.

[Andreas]

Be a Christmas miracle.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait for Christmas.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

My hair will come in. Just wait for Christmas.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Look here, my friend Fancy, do you have anything planned with your wife for your birthday? Do you have it? You guys have Fitzy? Huh?

[Andrew Santino]

You called them Fitzy?

[Bobby Lee]

Fancy.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Where the fuck have you been?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

We're doing this for five years, fans.

[Andreas]

We're taking our daughter to Disneyland. So nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you really?

[Andrew Santino]

Unbelievable. You have kids? Oh, my God. It's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait a minute. Have you already bought the tickets? Yeah.

[Andreas]

Not everybody waits until they're 60.

[Andrew Santino]

What did you say?

[Bobby Lee]

Not everybody waits till they're 60 to have kids.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Okay. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Shots. Again.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Have you bought tickets? Have you. Okay. Can bad friends buy the Fast pass for you guys or whatever?

[Andreas]

Sure.

[Bobby Lee]

That could be the birthday gift.

[Andrew Santino]

No. You know what you need?

[Bobby Lee]

You know the irony of it?

[Andrew Santino]

Chaperone. Oh, God.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's do chaperone.

[Andrew Santino]

That's eight grand.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's do the regular thing.

[Andreas]

I thought you wanted to be a chaperone.

[Bobby Lee]

We would chaperone you. You know what the funny thing was? My wife literally said that. She goes, what if they. You buy him tickets to take this kid to Disneyland? I go, they don't fucking. He doesn't want that for his birthday gift. That's exactly what we're going to do.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but the chaperone. You know how it works, right?

[Andreas]

Not really.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you know how it works?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not. I've never done it. I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

We should do it.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andreas]

I've done it once and got the super fast.

[Bobby Lee]

We did Universal Studio Studios and then.

[Andrew Santino]

You didn't show it. No. Disneyland. I'll tell you how but wait a minute.

[Bobby Lee]

We did buy super fast pass at Universal for Halloween Horror Nights. You didn't even show up. You bailed.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

Everybody else showed up except for you.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

Jules showed up. Yes. And you didn't show up.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I'll. Can I tell you how it works?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, please.

[Andrew Santino]

You pay for it.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Sounds pretty easy.

[Andrew Santino]

And then you show up.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

And you show up at the log. There's a log cabinet, kind of. Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah, you're right. Log cabinet. Kind of like a hoteli lobby thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Where there's, like, you know, a fire. Very descriptive, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. What is this? You're like.

[Andrew Santino]

So then a lady in that suit shows up and she goes, bobby, I go, yeah, I'm your chaperone for today. Right? And then you go, oh, where do we go? She goes, go wherever you want to go. I go, we don't have to wait in line. She goes, no.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

So you can go anywhere. Like, if you.

[Bobby Lee]

A grand per person? No, for the whole group, per family.

[Andrew Santino]

So you can get a group of 10 and pay eight.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. And then you don't have to. Like that roller coaster at California Dreaming. I don't get the Asian ones.

[Bobby Lee]

They didn't offer you her.

[Andrew Santino]

They're too quick.

[Andreas]

They only had one.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Yeah. I can't catch up. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

In the middle of the ride. Get off the ride.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. But it's pretty convenient.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, yeah, if you're. If you have enough money. This seems like this is the move. Would you like this fancy for your birthday or would you like to keep your job?

[Andreas]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andreas]

Although we all do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Although it really. You know, that money really took a. I took a hit.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, it's not a cheap experience.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So, you know, guys, I don't. You know.

[Bobby Lee]

How about that? How about this, though? No, I've never even heard of this experience, but it is.

[Andrew Santino]

Adam Levine told me about it.

[Andreas]

Yeah. That's why some people don't do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Resort VIP tours.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you richer than all of your friends? Get ready for a day without poor people.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Call 71 4. I mean, that's literally.

[Andrew Santino]

I would have done it if I wasn't trying to oppress a girl.

[Bobby Lee]

You should tell me that that is true.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. And this is the first. I was meeting her son, and I'm like, I wanna. You know me because I never met the kid before you told me.

[Bobby Lee]

And it's A great movie, right?

[Andrew Santino]

So, like, I want to give him. But then he left this lightsaber at the park, and I got mad.

[Bobby Lee]

It is crazy to think, though, like, that kid's first. His first experience is this like. Like, we have a family friend of ours, you know, my buddy. I'll say it off the air.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

His. His sister. Their kids have never ridden on a commercial airline. They've only flown private.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

They're little kids, so they have no fucking idea what it's like to go to an airport ever.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

They have no clue. So, like, little kids that grow up in this world, they don't know what it's like to go to Disneyland.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, this kid, I fucked him up.

[Bobby Lee]

I think you did. I'm saying.

[Andrew Santino]

Because he can never go to Disneyland again. Oh.

[Bobby Lee]

They'll be like, where's the. Where's the Asian woman who tours us around? Yeah, I want her again.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because this. This is. This is the spoils of the richest. I mean, this is like. That's fancy pants. Look, I could get you some all access wild, because now, you know, we work for the mouse.

[Andrew Santino]

But if we go. If we go as a group.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andreas]

If we go as a group with your kids.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So maybe we can get to know your family. I've never met that.

[Andreas]

I know you love. You will love that.

[Andrew Santino]

So.

[Andreas]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Lee]

He has one child. Just one kid or whatever.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One, two.

[Bobby Lee]

Doesn't mean you've met his wife. She's been here, I'm sure.

[Andrew Santino]

Why? Is that wrong?

[Andreas]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

How is that wrong?

[Bobby Lee]

And the whole time in your life going, see? See?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

See?

[Andrew Santino]

If I said to you I jerked off to your wife, why would that be wrong?

[Bobby Lee]

It's not. It's fine. It's a fantasy.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. Does that offend you? Yeah. What would hurt is I would never jerk off. Right? Right?

[Andreas]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

That would be hurtful.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

If you said, you know, the girl that you're with, Never. I. I get it. That's a compliment, by the way. At lunch today, you said. Or at dinner tonight, you said, no, no more women. Done. Period.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Over. I'm done.

[Bobby Lee]

No more data. Are you off the sites?

[Andrew Santino]

Off the sites. Not doing any of it.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you know why? It's over. That's why. It's not gonna happen again.

[Bobby Lee]

No, come on.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, it's over. Trains dead. I know what the beep beep was about, but it's over. I'll tell you why, dude. All right? There's a lot of deception going on. There's a Lot of this going on, right? Hey, you want to, you know, go out this night, right? And they go, yes. And then the night comes, I make reservations and they bail.

[Bobby Lee]

On the night of the.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Where I make reservations, you know, I mean, and I have a whole. And then I have to take the night off of Stand up. Right? Take the night off, right. And then they bail. It's just like, all right, like tomorrow night, I'm going to a place. I'm going to meet somebody very special tomorrow night. Bong Joon Ho.

[Bobby Lee]

You're going to meet Bong Joon ho tomorrow night? Mr. Where? Mr. Holly.

[Andrew Santino]

Mr. Seoul.

[Bobby Lee]

Mr. So. Yeah, Bong Joon Ho. You're going to meet him?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's incredible. Where are you guys gonna go meet?

[Andrew Santino]

He's having an art exhibition. And then his producers called me and said he, you're invited and we want you to come.

[Bobby Lee]

So I wish I got stuff like that.

[Andrew Santino]

You want to come with me?

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no, it's okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Anyway, what I'm saying is I'm done with women and Bong Joon. I'm off the sides and I am feverishly masturbating. But, you know, I mean, I need to stop that.

[Bobby Lee]

But we talking twice a day.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I've been doing it twice, but now like every other day. Now every other day, remember? Because the other day I was doing 14 days in a row.

[Bobby Lee]

I didn't do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Remember that? Yeah. And then, so all right, so no more women.

[Bobby Lee]

So it's just Bong Joon Ho from now on.

[Carlos]

You can't seek love.

[Andrew Santino]

It's got to find you. Bob. I think that's sin. Not right. But. No, I think. I think you're right. I think. Here's what it is. I think it's just either gonna happen or not.

[Bobby Lee]

You think so?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, because it's like also, you know, I swipe all the time on Raya and I get no hits.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but that's a fan. That's not a real website. Every time I see my friends that are on those. That Raya one, yeah, that's almost like it's just Instagram. It's like showing off to. For the sake of showing off.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, I could even go to my.

[Bobby Lee]

I've never met one person that's dated off Raya for real. Maybe hook up, maybe. But everybody I know, girls and guys, they say the same shit.

[Andreas]

I have this fantasy of doing a bad friends bachelor edition where like, we have women coming to meet with Bobby and then we do a full show.

[Bobby Lee]

So that's what you jerk off to.

[Andrew Santino]

Can we go into some of my messaging at Raya?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And see if I'm doing it right?

[Carlos]

I thought you deleted it.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, no, I lied. I lied. Sorry.

[Bobby Lee]

Five seconds ago, I deleted.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, so let's start. Let's randomly start. Okay, so I sent a message. This Alexandra. Oh, that's a long thing, let me say. And then I don't know if I'm. Oh yeah, I'm blue. Are you still in la? Sadly, I am. I go, hahaha. Why don't you like it? What? Was it good so far? No, let's go back. Korean joker.

[Bobby Lee]

Why don't you write it? Yeah, I mean, it does sound like a murder. What a murderer would say.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't want to stay?

[Andrew Santino]

I go, highs, apostrophe S. Is that good? No.

[Bobby Lee]

No. I mean, I don't think so.

[Andrew Santino]

She goes, hey. And I go, I sent a message through Insta, if that's cool. Nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

What? Well, why? I don't understand.

[Andrew Santino]

Why are you laughing?

[Carlos]

Because girls specifically don't like that when they map.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, wait, why would you do that instead of just continuing the chat there?

[Andrew Santino]

Because there's no, like, I don't really look at my Ryan notification.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, God.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, sometimes days will go by.

[Bobby Lee]

I got it.

[Andrew Santino]

You want to read one? Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, hello.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that me?

[Bobby Lee]

You said hi. She said, well, hello, and then you bailed.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me look, let me look.

[Bobby Lee]

And by the way, well, this is so long ago. It says this is 2022.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, look at the photo.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's get another one. No, she looks cute. Okay, let's get a more recent one. You went back so far?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, how about Ariana yesterday? Okay, I do live in la. You live in la. I do. I try to get out. Are you here? I'm here. Let's communicate. Let's communicate through Instagram.

[Andreas]

Your game is outstanding.

[Bobby Lee]

How about another one.

[Andreas]

That'S like my comedy. Hello.

[Andrew Santino]

Hello.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, this one.

[Andrew Santino]

Hello, everybody. Let me tell you guys, I'm a 53 year old man, sexually active and without bluechew, I got nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I'm. What?

[Bobby Lee]

No, you do great with.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but what I'm saying, this really, really does help me.

[Bobby Lee]

It really does.

[Andrew Santino]

If I want to get aroused, I want to be, you know, I mean, ready to be at bat. I go bluechew.

[Bobby Lee]

You dig in and have some. Bluechew? Yeah. Blue Chew tablets are made in the usa, prepared, shipped directly to your door. The best part is take them anytime, day or night, anywhere. Plan ahead. Be ready whenever an opportunity arises and it's done online. No doctor visits, no awkward conversations, no waiting in line at the pharmacy. Be like Bobby Lee. Get yourself some blue and and Blue.

[Andrew Santino]

Chew is tablets are made in the usa, prepared and shipped directly to your door. You can take them anytime, day or night. So you can plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arises.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right, you want to get bricked up like Bobby Lee if you want to get hard as a rock. Yeah, Rock Lee, they call him. Make life easier by getting harder. Pebble.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Pebble Lee.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, well make life easier by getting harder like Pebble Lee and discover your [e-mail] we got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of BlueChew free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and support and safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast DraftKingsports book.

[Andrew Santino]

The NBA 82 game grind is done and now the real fun begins. The NBA playoffs are here and it's time for all the high stakes drama, clutch moments and drop dropping plays.

[Bobby Lee]

I can't wait. If you're looking to make the playoffs Even more exciting, DraftKings sportsbook has you covered. As an official sports betting partner of the NBA, you place a bet on your favorite player's performance. You know, will Luka drop 30, 40 or more? It's your call.

[Andrew Santino]

Will Micah go under?

[Bobby Lee]

Will he go under?

[Andrew Santino]

He might not even be either.

[Bobby Lee]

Who knows? Here's something special for first timers. New DraftKings customers bet $5 to get $200 in bonus bets instantly. Make it a playoff run. To remember with DraftKings, download the DraftKings sportsbook app and use the code Bad Friends. That's code Bad Friends for new customers to get $200 in bonus bets. When you bet just five bucks only on DraftKings, the crown is yours. Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER NEW YORK, Call 877-8-HOPE NY or text HELP NY 467369 In Connecticut.

[Andrew Santino]

Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boot Hill casino and resort, KS 21 +. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction.

[Bobby Lee]

Void. In Ontario, new customers only. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see DKNG co Audio. I'll tell you, this one hurts. This one hurts my feelings.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay Go ahead.

[Bobby Lee]

She says, my best friend is a comedian in la. Anyway, you have to give me a heads up when your tickets go on sale so I don't miss it. I'll comp you no pay. How Asian are you? I'll compute. No pay.

[Andrew Santino]

It's the way you're saying it. Say it in a southern accent.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll compi. No pay.

[Andrew Santino]

You're right. It's Asian. Yeah, you're right.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll compute. No pay.

[Andrew Santino]

And nothing after that.

[Bobby Lee]

She goes, oh, thanks. I hope Oklahoma went well for you. That's so nice.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Then he didn't respond.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that recently?

[Bobby Lee]

March 12th. So that was like a week over a week ago.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me see.

[Bobby Lee]

Listen, you screwed up on that one.

[Andrew Santino]

Why.

[Bobby Lee]

Why wouldn't you hit her back and go, it did go well.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

What's going on? You want to meet Bung Joon Ho?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no.

[Bobby Lee]

Throw that in there.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, some of them is hard because she lives in Austin.

[Bobby Lee]

Then never mind. I didn't.

[Andrew Santino]

And she has children.

[Bobby Lee]

You got to get over that, dude. You're 52.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I love it. No, I love kids. Yeah, I love them.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't say that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. I love the little ones.

[Bobby Lee]

You love when people have kids.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't. Yeah, yeah. I don't have a.

[Bobby Lee]

You have to accept the fact that that's a reality. Like our good friend Nick. Christ, he was looking for love. He's been in and out. He met. He fell in love deeply with someone who has a kid. Life is good.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, is that who. She has a kid?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Bobby Lee]

And he's been a wonderful. I don't even know what the labels are now, but I. Dude, you have to get over the fact you are at an age. You are going to meet someone with a kid.

[Andrew Santino]

What about this, though? I. I went on a date with somebody last week, and her kids are teenager, two boys.

[Bobby Lee]

That's great.

[Andrew Santino]

And they're gigantic fans of mine.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, no, but the good.

[Andrew Santino]

She'll go, like, what does. I'm Bobby Ma mean? I go, oh, nothing. Don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, just call me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. What's down syndrome? I go, what do you mean? She's like, something happened. Like, she doesn't. She's not a fan. She gets it all from her kids.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, but the good news is, if they're teens, that means they're going to be 18 and be out of the house soon. Then you got the house to yourself again. So you're really just playing find a woman with a kid. Who's 16, 17. Then you're in good shape.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but if she's in her 40s, I can't have kids.

[Bobby Lee]

That's not true. What do you mean, that's not true? Oh, you want to have true with kids with her?

[Andrew Santino]

I want to have kids.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, then here's the deal, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Why don't you go knock up a young stripper, have a baby.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Pay the stripper to let you keep the baby.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And then, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Meet a woman.

[Andrew Santino]

That doesn't sound right.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't want to raise a kid.

[Andrew Santino]

So I go down the seventh veil. I pay the COVID Girls, girls, girls. Oh, girls, girls.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, tell them at the door, I don't want to pay cover. I'm trying to have a baby with all these girls.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Okay. And then I go, what do I say? When?

[Bobby Lee]

During the lap, I'll give you 50 grand to have my child and let me keep it. And then you don't have to be involved. This happens on the other way, by the way. There's women that tell men, I want to have a baby with you, but I don't want you involved in the life of the baby. Why can't a guy do it?

[Andreas]

You don't need a stripper. You can just do it normal like that.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know if anybody but a stripper would do it.

[Andreas]

Like, for him, the Kardashian woman did it.

[Bobby Lee]

Who is this? Just, by the way, this is not to say I love dancers. You are well respected.

[Andrew Santino]

You're respected.

[Bobby Lee]

You're well respected. I'm just saying there should be.

[Andrew Santino]

I just created an apple.

[Bobby Lee]

There's an app.

[Andrew Santino]

No, we created the app.

[Bobby Lee]

What is it?

[Andrew Santino]

Women that want to do that.

[Bobby Lee]

Women that want to do that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Please download. Women that want to do that.

[Andrew Santino]

What I'm saying, women that want to be surrogates or whatever.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's a surrogate.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's an app. You can swipe through. They can give their college education divides.

[Bobby Lee]

It's called no mommy, yes, papi, yes, no mommy, yes, papa.

[Andrew Santino]

And then you go, how much? And you, you know, you do.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, it's the same. There is surrogacy, right? There is for people that can have kids. You look at the surrogacy, same kind of thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Can you do it organic, though? Implants?

[Bobby Lee]

You want to have sex with them? Yeah, I don't really.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't feel comfortable with the squirties.

[Bobby Lee]

I think it's a little bit of A problem. I'm not gonna lie.

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think they do that.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, they don't do that.

[Bobby Lee]

You gotta pay them a lot more. I would, I would imagine extra 25. I think it's more than that.

[Andrew Santino]

50 grand?

[Bobby Lee]

I, I, I'd say maybe more.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, well, then no.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, well, or be like Carlos, get a call girl. Get a call girl.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Generational trauma.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you know, because that's what I have from my parents. War.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. Then you'll match up with someone.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You raise a kid solo. Or you could take someone's kid, steal Whitney's kid.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Free kid.

[Andrew Santino]

Who else has kids I can steal?

[Bobby Lee]

Who's got a lot of kids? Is there a comic with a lot of kids?

[Andrew Santino]

George Kimmel?

[Bobby Lee]

You don't want those kids. Those are.

[Andrew Santino]

The boy doesn't like me, but maybe the white walkers.

[Andreas]

They already have Asians, so.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Can. Can Carlos be my surrogate?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, kind of. Can you carry?

[Carlos]

Oh, should I transition and get a uterus?

[Andrew Santino]

Can you implant a uterus in somebody and have a baby with them?

[Bobby Lee]

You can.

[Andrew Santino]

Can you really?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think so.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Can you Men have babies now.

[Bobby Lee]

They're allowed to legally. Here.

[Andreas]

How it works.

[Bobby Lee]

Not in any of the states that I respect.

[Carlos]

Look, trans.

[Bobby Lee]

Both biological. Trans men are capable of becoming pregnant. Yeah, because you can implant a uterus.

[Andreas]

No, those are women.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no. That's biological. That's trans men. Meaning. Yeah, they have a uterus already. You can't implant the uterus and.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, cut it out.

[Carlos]

Bobby's dream come true.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby's dream come true. It's just like a uterus in a vacuum in, like, a tube.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, in the Xbox.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Put a uterus in the back, I'll. The Xbox.

[Bobby Lee]

God, this guy blowing a schno.

[Andrew Santino]

What's going on, dude?

[Bobby Lee]

Our producer, no joke, is sick literally twice a month. But I will say, yeah, very, very happy. Very Happy with what? That the weather is getting nice. Because I was traveling around. I come back to LA and I go, ooh, that feels good.

[Andrew Santino]

Feels so good.

[Bobby Lee]

Sunshine.

[Andrew Santino]

Dallas felt good.

[Bobby Lee]

Dallas feels good.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Should we move to Dallas?

[Andrew Santino]

I know. I love the town.

[Bobby Lee]

I love Dallas.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, let's go.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, I just can't move to Austin.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I can't go to Austin.

[Bobby Lee]

No business.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me a reason.

[Bobby Lee]

Why Dallas?

[Andrew Santino]

Austin?

[Bobby Lee]

Why I can't move there?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Why can't I move there?

[Andrew Santino]

I keep telling you.

[Bobby Lee]

Vegas, brother. You don't want to live in Vegas. You don't. I Mean, I like Vegas a lot, but I like to visit.

[Andrew Santino]

I think guests would go there.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't think it's hard, Hard life. You don't think you would have a tough time in Vegas?

[Andrew Santino]

No. There's probably good AA out there.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, dude, but there's a lot of. A lot of everything out there.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

There's everything you've ever wanted there.

[Carlos]

It's Addiction City.

[Andrew Santino]

It's addiction setting. Says the kid. It's addiction setting. Like from the kid from Minnesota to nothing. Do the line.

[Bobby Lee]

It's addiction city.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And it's addiction City. What a You are. You texted me the other day. I didn't text you back because of the addiction City stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, it's that kind of stuff that gets you. No.

[Andrew Santino]

Energy. It's that energy. And then you looked at me earlier. You're like, hey, dad. And I didn't really give you anything, did I?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

I will after this. Yeah, I will after this.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to ask you a real question.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

You've been on the road, you've been working. How close are you to doing your hour?

[Andrew Santino]

No, not even close.

[Bobby Lee]

Come on.

[Andrew Santino]

Literally not close. I just extended the timeline. Now it's January.

[Bobby Lee]

You're gonna shoot in January?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

2026.

[Andrew Santino]

No, 28. 26. 26.

[Bobby Lee]

And you'll put it out at the end of 2026?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, they. They go, this is the final last. I'll take that.

[Bobby Lee]

But wait a minute. You're gonna shoot it in January? You've got eight months now to prep.

[Andrew Santino]

I've got, like, my closer down.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I have a whole fun closer. That's crazy. I mean, I just need about 20, 25 minutes. I'm getting there. We'll get there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. This hilarious thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

I just didn't see Bobby on the bus ad, so I was concerned.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, because the ads are only for 2025.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why. Yeah. Dude, what are you trying to do?

[Carlos]

Dude, I was worried that something happened.

[Andrew Santino]

Nothing happened. The deal is going okay.

[Carlos]

Well, I didn't see her. You weren't being publicized.

[Andrew Santino]

Is Sebastian publicized?

[Carlos]

They don't really need to.

[Andreas]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Because he's in my chunk.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

He's in my chunk.

[Carlos]

You're in his chunk.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. Can I say something to you? All right. Me? Yeah. I would tell you this.

[Carlos]

Call me that.

[Andrew Santino]

Last night, Tim Dillon and Marcelo Hernandez.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he's funny.

[Andrew Santino]

Tim goes, hey, you want to go rappers party? I go, what's a rapper party? I Know a rapper, he's like. So they take me to this gigantic. In this on wheelchair, this gigantic building. The rapper lands with a helicopter.

[Bobby Lee]

Who's the rapper?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

Love that.

[Andrew Santino]

I have no idea who it is. Right. But you know who got recognized the most?

[Bobby Lee]

You did. More than Dylan and Marcelo from YouTube. Wow. I got to know the rapper's party.

[Andrew Santino]

Who are you calling?

[Bobby Lee]

Dylan.

[Andrew Santino]

I just lied.

[Bobby Lee]

I just lied, man. What's going on?

[Andrew Santino]

I just lied.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to know the rapper.

[Andrew Santino]

But I got mad at it. You know me. I got defensive. So I lie when I get defensive.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, make up a better line.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. Yeah. So you know, I'll tell you that. What was.

[Bobby Lee]

You're naming people. We know. You could have said Bong Joon Ho. And I did crack last night. I don't know how to contact.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. All right. But what am I mad about? I even forgot that you're mad at.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlos for trying to get is the.

[Andreas]

B Jong who real?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

You're not seeing him either?

[Andrew Santino]

No. How am I going to see him?

[Bobby Lee]

What are you doing?

[Andrew Santino]

What do me. I don't know what to say today. I just. Lying.

[Bobby Lee]

All right.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I say something?

[Bobby Lee]

I respect it.

[Andrew Santino]

The kid didn't go to the meeting.

[Bobby Lee]

The staff.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you believe that? Those big stab wounds in the neck.

[Andreas]

You're a great actor sometimes.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you so much.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. All of its lies.

[Bobby Lee]

Backhanded compliments. Yeah, You're a great actor sometimes.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. But here's the trick, though. All of it did happen.

[Bobby Lee]

I know it did.

[Andrew Santino]

So there you go. In your face.

[Bobby Lee]

I know it did.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I'm a mind tricker.

[Carlos]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Tricker.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm a mind tricker. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You got to be careful.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Sorry. My bad.

[Bobby Lee]

Mind tricker. What's up, my tricker? What's up? Mind tricker.

[Andrew Santino]

This is my neighborhood trick. What?

[Bobby Lee]

When? Saw my family on St. Patrick's Day. It was fantastic.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell us more.

[Bobby Lee]

And I went out to a little pub. Nice little pub. We went to an old pub in my neighborhood that I grew up in. I posted a picture about it. The first apartment I ever had. Theo responded to it and goes, the first of all, the first three floors are. Is a garage. It's a parking garage. He goes, damn, dude. No windows. Yeah, buddy.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

I love him.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

It's his birthday today. Happy birthday to Theo.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And then I trolled around Chicago with my family. It was very meaningful. It was very wonderful to see my family.

[Andrew Santino]

I love your family, dude. I really.

[Bobby Lee]

I Miss him. I wish I could see him more. I don't know how we can do that. I really do move to Vegas.

[Andrew Santino]

Is your sister still out there?

[Bobby Lee]

She's out there.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

No, she's in love. She's in love in Chicago.

[Andrew Santino]

I like that guy.

[Bobby Lee]

He's a great guy. He's a great guy. Loving Chicago, you know?

[Andrew Santino]

I love Chicago because the professor, the pizza professor guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. We had him at the Dr. Phil show. We did the Dr. Phil show. I got to be honest with you. The surprise guest was mind blowing.

[Andrew Santino]

Who was it?

[Bobby Lee]

Chevy Chase. No, it's my hand of God.

[Andrew Santino]

Chevy Chase went up on stage.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It was pretty incredible.

[Andrew Santino]

And did he do bits?

[Bobby Lee]

Him and. Him and Dr. Phil. They talked for a little bit. They did a couple of bits together, but Chevy wasn't going to stay around for a while. I think they made it very clear he was going to hang out. But they played a beautiful video beforehand of like summer of Chevy's greatest bits from different movies. It's pretty emotional.

[Andrew Santino]

He's a legend.

[Bobby Lee]

His family was there. They all were like. Like loving it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And then he walked out there, did a couple of bits with Dr. Phil and then took off. It was tough to follow. Not gonna lie. Very happy. I wasn't on right after.

[Andrew Santino]

Who was on?

[Bobby Lee]

It was Norman Mark. Yeah. Which he killed. But I'm also was like, I don't want to go after Chevy. I don't have to. A legend. But Norman went out there. He crushed. I mean, he.

[Andrew Santino]

I did mine in Dallas with Jamie Canada.

[Bobby Lee]

Same kind of level of fame. Chevy Chase.

[Andrew Santino]

It was fun.

[Bobby Lee]

Jamie's my dog.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'll be honest. I was dreading it, but I really did have fun.

[Bobby Lee]

You were dreading. Because it's nerve wracking to do live shows like that.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I think the money is what I mean, because I had. Look at my. From my point of view.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I went from the movie early to Dallas.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

So I had to wait three days in Dallas to do that show. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You were hanging out.

[Andrew Santino]

So you have to understand that there's like some resentment building.

[Bobby Lee]

You're right.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, what am I doing here, man?

[Bobby Lee]

What the right for how much?

[Andrew Santino]

You know, I mean. And I was just repeating that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But now we'll go to a meeting.

[Bobby Lee]

I think it would come to a meeting to calm down.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And I was meant to go probably to meet that kid.

[Bobby Lee]

You definitely were.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You were. Yeah. Norman was great. We had some lunch beforehand and he was like, yeah, piggyback some shows Did a couple shows at the Den. Great venue.

[Andrew Santino]

I have to say, though, this Monday night meeting I go to, I can't say who it is, but he's a gigantic, gigantic, gigantic musician. So I go to the. Hold on, dude, did I ever tell you about my Monday night that I go to?

[Bobby Lee]

You told me. Yeah.

[Carlos]

Celebrity one, right?

[Andrew Santino]

It's not a celebrity one.

[Carlos]

Okay, wait, Men's.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a men's meeting, but it's old Rock.

[Bobby Lee]

Steven Tyler.

[Andrew Santino]

No, he's not in it.

[Bobby Lee]

Actual.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. We're not doing this.

[Carlos]

Oh, I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. What?

[Bobby Lee]

Slash.

[Andrew Santino]

No. No, it's not. No, it's not. It's the anonymity part. I can't say this part.

[Bobby Lee]

Anyway, Oats.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Oats.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. And Garfunkel. Oh, it's Garfunkel. The other guy from Wham Hall. Yeah. Yeah. But he's. He's literally like one of the greatest, Right? I've been going to this meeting for 20 years.

[Bobby Lee]

Paul McCartney, Elvis.

[Andrew Santino]

And I try to look at him and I wore his T shirt the other day.

[Bobby Lee]

So dumb.

[Andrew Santino]

I did.

[Bobby Lee]

You wore the shirt of the band.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I want him to even look at.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, right.

[Andrew Santino]

So I had the shirt and I was doing this, sitting like this, and he just would. He's literally directing my eyeline. He won't look over.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, yeah, because he knows you're peacocking.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And then, you know, I made up the story when I shared and got everyone all emotional.

[Bobby Lee]

Was it going to a rapper's house?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still nothing. But anyway, I don't know why I.

[Bobby Lee]

Said that, but what happened to the Monday night meeting that was important?

[Andrew Santino]

Nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

Is there food at the Monday night meetings?

[Andrew Santino]

No. Coffee and water.

[Bobby Lee]

Have you ever thought about bringing food for people?

[Andrew Santino]

What are you gonna give? No.

[Bobby Lee]

Would that be a move? No, that's not a move.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, I can bring cookies.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you bring anything ever?

[Andrew Santino]

No. No one brings anything.

[Carlos]

You can make it your own commitment, though. If you want to give more, I'll go.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, you could be like, I'll bring my cookies.

[Andrew Santino]

So I shared. So I shared the. I shared that meat. That story. Dallas and the kid, you know?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And it got everyone teared up in the room, of course.

[Bobby Lee]

It's beautiful. What is this? Oh, by the way, after all the hate I get, Apple co founder Steve Wozniak prints his own custom two dollar bills and spends them. Thank God. Thank God the Internet is backing me up. All the people that make fun of me online, all the times people mock me, the wazi Wazi Prince. Two dollar bills. Bobby. In your face. It's real.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

And he spends them. There's the was dog right there.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. I don't remember the US Government. So by law, these are legal.

[Bobby Lee]

By law, they're legal tender.

[Andrew Santino]

I have been spending them. You can get arrested for them. You cannot get convicted because you're in the right. He's printing his own two dollar bills. And I sell them. I sell sheets of four two dollar bills for five dollars. And of course, I tell you, what you're getting is worth $50.

[Bobby Lee]

It's worth.

[Andrew Santino]

You'd be an idiot not to buy it for five bucks. I sell them all over the place. Place. And the Secret Service.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The Secret Service proved these three times.

[Bobby Lee]

The ner. The nerve of this guy, by the way. Printing money. He's one of the richest men in the world and he's print. Literally doing. He's spitting in the face of poor people. I'm printing money. I'm the phrase. I'm literally printing money, by the way. Something is happening, by the way. There's a revolution coming.

[Andrew Santino]

I feel it.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, I'm dead serious. I'm not even kidding.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God. Are you ready? I have seeds.

[Bobby Lee]

Something's happening.

[Andrew Santino]

I have seeds and bottles of water.

[Bobby Lee]

I feel that.

[Andrew Santino]

Pumpkin seeds, melons.

[Bobby Lee]

Something's coming. They're big. Big dog CEOs. Big, big presidents are going to get in trouble. People are going to start taking people out. The doomsday clock has 89 seconds to midnight. We're so close. The world is about to collapse. I had. I was in the desert. I met a guy. He was. Sweet guy. He said he worked for some company, not going to say. And he goes, yeah, These other people in my company keep pushing me to get security. They're afraid for my life. I said, why don't you do it?

[Andrew Santino]

Let's get trailers. Let's get trailer. I'm being real.

[Bobby Lee]

No one's gonna kill podcasters.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, we're not involved.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

I want to be involved.

[Bobby Lee]

You're wrong. You're not.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to get a stick.

[Bobby Lee]

You can get a stick.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Give them the stick with a pinata.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. No, but really, when you mean revolution, what do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

I think there's going to be an uprising. I think there's going to be an uprising, and I mean this. There's going to be an uprising of the lower and middle class, and they are going to go after the top tier. The guys who own Amazon, who own Microsoft, the guys who control all of these big monolithic corporations. I think it's. I think it's going to happen.

[Andrew Santino]

But if you see.

[Bobby Lee]

I think it's going to happen.

[Andrew Santino]

These town halls now, right, you can see the anger and you're seeing people that normally, normally wouldn't protest and say things. Just screaming and, and, and interrupting and, you know, I mean, they're, they're, they're in rage mode.

[Bobby Lee]

People are, People are gonna fight back. It's gonna happen. So get ready because it's coming. I thought about.

[Andrew Santino]

But let's get a trailer.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, we're fine.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. We gotta get seeds.

[Bobby Lee]

We will get the seeds.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Okay. I've always wanted seeds and wanted to watch them grow.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we'll get some seeds. You could do that?

[Andrew Santino]

Can you do it? Can we, can we get seeds, though?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God. Erewhon sells seeds. Great.

[Andreas]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

We'll buy them from Erewhon.

[Andrew Santino]

We gotta get seeds that. I see them on TikTok a lot.

[Bobby Lee]

You see Tick Tock seeds?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, like a variety. Like a variety pack.

[Bobby Lee]

Yep. All I see on TikTok now is people telling me that you're fat and you're lazy and you need to get up and make money. That's what all TikTok is all like. You want to optimize your day. Day. You think your day starts when you wake up. By the time you wake up, I've done six jobs. Yeah, I've had six jobs. I. I impregnated four women and I tripled my bank account. Yeah, while you're sleeping. That's what I see on Instagram. Tick Tock now is getting boring.

[Andrew Santino]

You're. Two months ago, I searched animals with down syndrome, and now I just keep getting like every other one is like koala were. You know, I mean, it's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God. That's an.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I do it. And they're cuter when they have it.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, the, the koala is.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at the koala with this little fat tongue sticking out.

[Bobby Lee]

I didn't know that they got down syndrome.

[Andrew Santino]

I think they all do. Yeah. Anyway, seeds. Let's go back to seed.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude. That's me there. I am. That's my kid.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You want seeds?

[Andrew Santino]

I think there's gonna be come to a time when peak oil. When peak oil happens.

[Bobby Lee]

Peak oil. You know, peak oil, when we run out of oil.

[Andrew Santino]

No, it's not when we run out. We get to the top precipice of where oil. Right. We can get it. And then the demand is gonna be too high. High because the the, the world is growing population wise and we have bigger, like we have empires, not like India and China. Right. And so when we can't have the demand, that's when things start breaking down. Because fossil fuel isn't something that you can just make. It's just there. And then once you're done with it all, it's not there anymore.

[Bobby Lee]

We'll find something by then, hopefully.

[Andrew Santino]

But my point is that after peak oil and then all of a sudden we can't get blueberries from Mexico or whatever.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't need them.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, okay. Then you can't get plantains from Brazil.

[Bobby Lee]

But look at this. It suggests between 2028 and 2035. I will say we will find a continuation of alternative solutions when we're put in a corner. Humans do great things. Have you seen, by the way, Japanese are using kinetic energy to now try to power cities, entire cities. They have these things on the ground that you walk on, just regular sidewalks. And by stepping on it right there, they're triangles. No, no, do the one that's triangles down that one.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

So these are kinetic energy walkways and they're putting them all over Japan. When they walk, they capture the kinetic energy which turns into electricity powering an entire city.

[Andrew Santino]

Amazing.

[Bobby Lee]

So the proposition is that this will be all over major cities. New York, Chicago, Miami, where there's a lot of foot traffic, and it will end up powering the city itself. Look, dude, the smartest people in the world are continuing to work on great shit. I'm not saying.

[Andrew Santino]

I just don't know. I mean, why don't we have it now then?

[Bobby Lee]

Everything takes time.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but they're making it for themselves though. But Jimmy Carter, back when he was president, Japan, he was talking about peak oil back then. I know this is a danger.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but look, it's not happened yet. We keep putting off. Look, dude, we're all dead. I got so many microplastics.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

I pissed a Lego yesterday.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, I know, I know, I know.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, it's like, it's, you know, whenever I go to eat sushi now, they're like, yeah, you get too much sushi.

[Andrew Santino]

It's.

[Bobby Lee]

You're gonna blank, blank, blank. Well, fine. I like the sush. I like sush. I'm gonna keep eating poisoned fish from the sea.

[Andrew Santino]

Drinking this, you get a little microplastic.

[Bobby Lee]

Right again. What do you. What am I supposed to do?

[Andrew Santino]

Exactly?

[Bobby Lee]

What are we supposed to do?

[Andrew Santino]

Get a well.

[Bobby Lee]

Get a well.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Dig a well.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And then there's Piss and poop in the. Well, somehow you see the way people act in public, and I'm like, no, shit, we're fucked.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, what?

[Bobby Lee]

The way that we. Okay, we were going. We were going to try to get a car to go to the airport, and there was traffic, like, crazy traffic because they're. They're doing something to the expressway again in Chicago. And these people were waiting outside of the hotel to get autographs from. There were. The. The hockey team was in town, and the LA Kings were staying there. And the way these men would, like, bump in front of each other and throw each other out of the way to get an autograph from another grown man. I'm like, oh, we're.

[Andrew Santino]

It's. We're grown men. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, I mean, literally fighting for airtime space to have another man sign a piece of paper that most likely they want to sell. They're not going to keep it, and they're not making a living off of this. They're just. They just want the satisfaction. But they were, like, fighting. I was like, we're. As a society, we're.

[Andrew Santino]

I've never asked for an autograph. Have you?

[Bobby Lee]

Absolutely. When I was a kid.

[Andrew Santino]

When I was a child, I didn't know anybody.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you were. You were deprived of all.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe the local barber.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at that. Your autographs are for sale online. There you go. That was someone you signed at the airport.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. That is. That is my signature. Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

100.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. How much is it going for?

[Bobby Lee]

$67. Oh, don't laugh. Mine's less. For sure. Andrew Santino. $30 is mine. That's 85. Look at Andrew Santino autograph. $26, max. I won't breach 30. 59, 42. I'm less. See? 49. One hundred and twenty four. Because it's you and I together.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

$30.

[Andrew Santino]

Do people buy it?

[Andreas]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Somebody must. It exists.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's a $50. What? Just one of our tour posters. With all of us or just you and I?

[Bobby Lee]

Just you and I. Wow. That's a little offensive.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

It's 15% off.

[Bobby Lee]

When did they decide to take it down?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it's been up for 15 years.

[Bobby Lee]

Nice.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, these kids gone.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Can I just say something? That tone was insane. That was crazy, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

It's an addict's paradox.

[Andrew Santino]

I am. That's what it was. Hey, happy birthday, Andreas.

[Bobby Lee]

Happy birthday, Fancy.

[Andreas]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

You said.

[Bobby Lee]

You said it.

[Andreas]

Thank you for being a bad friend.