Paper Airplanes Come & Still Your Girl

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bad Friends – "Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl"

Episode Information:

• Title: Bad Friends
• Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
• Guest: Morgan Jay
• Episode: Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
• Release Date: December 10, 2024

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1. Welcome and Guest Introduction

The episode kicks off with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino introducing their guest, Morgan Jay, setting the stage for an engaging and humorous conversation. Morgan joins as a friend and fellow comedian, bringing his unique perspective to the show.

2. Morgan Jay’s Nervous Encounter with the Hosts

Morgan shares a humorous and slightly awkward story about his initial interaction with Andrew Santino. He recounts how he nervously approached Andrew before the show, armed with a list of talking points intended to guide the conversation.

• Morgan Jay: "I feel like I'm not a good podcast guest... Can you tell I'm all clogged up? Oh, my back is killing me." [02:25]

Andrew playfully ribbing Morgan about his appearance and interactions, setting a light-hearted tone for the episode.

• Andrew Santino: "Your side's like this. My side's like that. They don't clean my side. I just don't get it dirty like you do." [01:24]

3. Discussing Morgan’s Podcasting Experience

The trio delves into Morgan's experiences with podcasting, highlighting the challenges and humorous moments he's faced. Morgan admits feeling like he hasn't excelled as a podcast host but appreciates the feedback from his peers.

• Morgan Jay: "I felt like I bombed meeting Little Dicky for real." [35:12]

• Andrew Santino: "You even have a hot driver's license. Look how hot you are, dude. You've got a side... doing one of these." [04:46]

4. Memorable Stories and Encounters

Morgan shares an unforgettable experience meeting the legendary Dave Chappelle. He describes a surreal night filled with laughter, gourmet chicken and waffles, and dancing—highlighting the profound impact of meeting one of his comedy idols.

• Bobby Lee: "Dave Chappelle is Willy Wonka of comedy. He makes the... It's unbelievable." [65:03]

• Morgan Jay: "We ended up getting chicken and waffles with homemade butter and syrup poured... It was so surreal." [56:38]

Andrew and Bobby reminisce about their own interactions with Dave Chappelle, emphasizing his generosity and charismatic presence.

• Andrew Santino: "He picked us up in his Jeep. We walked into a private dining room, and he was just so cool." [66:00]

5. Exploring Friendship and Collaboration

The conversation shifts to the dynamics of friendship within the comedy world. Bobby and Andrew express their appreciation for working with friends, discussing how it enriches their podcasting experience and fosters a supportive environment.

• Bobby Lee: "Our goal was just if you could work with your friends and have fun, that was like, we beat the system." [43:49]

• Andrew Santino: "We just show up and ride the wave. Sometimes the wave isn't rideable." [47:27]

6. Comedy Bits and Interactive Fun

The hosts engage in playful banter and comedic bits, including attempts to create paper airplanes and sing improvised songs. Morgan participates enthusiastically, adding to the episode's lively and spontaneous atmosphere.

• Morgan Jay: "Paper Airplane coming. Steal your girl." [38:16]

• Andrew Santino: "Do you want to try it out? Just get it close to your mouth." [13:34]

7. Reflections on Life and Comedy

Towards the end of the episode, the trio reflects on the importance of memories and experiences over traditional measures of success. They discuss how unexpected moments and genuine interactions contribute to personal growth and fulfillment.

• Andrew Santino: "When you build memories, I think that's the point of life." [66:15]

• Bobby Lee: "I agree." [67:37]

8. Closing Remarks and Final Jokes

As the episode wraps up, Bobby, Andrew, and Morgan share final jokes and heartfelt thanks. They express their appreciation for each other's friendship and the enjoyable conversation they've had, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and laughter.

• Morgan Jay: "Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad, bad friend." [72:14]

• Andrew Santino: "We love you, dude." [46:26]

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Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino: “You don’t let it soak” [00:54]

• Morgan Jay: “I was so nervous. I just was bomb.” [08:17]

• Bobby Lee: “Why can't we fire him? Are we waiting for him to be deported? He's worthless. A disgusting porg of a man.” [12:27]

• Morgan Jay: “How do dwarves touch themselves? I always think about that when I see them.” [40:19]

• Andrew Santino: “I couldn't move my neck and my heart was about to stop.” [43:49]

---

Conclusion

This episode of Bad Friends seamlessly blends humor, personal stories, and genuine friendship. Bobby Lee, Andrew Santino, and guest Morgan Jay navigate through a series of amusing anecdotes and heartfelt reflections, offering listeners both laughs and relatable insights. Whether recounting memorable encounters with comedy legends or engaging in playful improvisation, the trio delivers an entertaining and enriching episode that embodies the spirit of true friendship.

Transcript

[Bobby Lee]

This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huell. Your go to for complete nutrition try.

[Andrew Santino]

Huh. With 15 off today using code bad [e-mail] Bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, we got a demand. We got the money. Bad Friends merch. Look, we've got the. The fan submitted. We're working with the fans on designing the merch now. And this is one of the hoodies that we've got.

[Andrew Santino]

And this is embroidered.

[Bobby Lee]

This is embroidered. And that one says, I'm Bobby, mom, and can I say something? And it's beautifully embroidered. It's. It's. It's patched on there. It's gorgeous. And it's at Bad Friends merch dot com. Go to Bad Friends merch dot com.

[Andrew Santino]

You two are bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Who are these two idiots?

[Andrew Santino]

You two are disgusting. You two are something.

[Morgan Jay]

We're bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Come here.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Somebody look at this.

[Bobby Lee]

I. I can't see. What that. What is that?

[Andrew Santino]

Just come, please. Look at it.

[Bobby Lee]

What is that?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, no.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that dip? Is that like a.

[Andrew Santino]

What is this area right here?

[Morgan Jay]

Dude, this a croissant jelly type.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at this area right here.

[Bobby Lee]

I see it. What is the white thing? Taste it, Makon.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no, no. Don't taste it. But. But listen.

[Bobby Lee]

Paper.

[Andrew Santino]

Can you. Can you clean that, or do we.

[Bobby Lee]

Have those disinfectant rags?

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, this is insane. Dude, you clean his side. My side's like this.

[Bobby Lee]

They don't clean my side. I just don't get it dirty like you do. That's a big difference. Yo, what are you doing, bro?

[Morgan Jay]

I'm nervous.

[Andrew Santino]

Just wipe it.

[Bobby Lee]

Just wipe it. You don't let it soak. It doesn't.

[Andrew Santino]

Evil laugh. All right, that's good.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm letting it soak. It doesn't soak. No, you don't.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you don't know how to soak it.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, it's fine.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's go. I soak so good.

[Morgan Jay]

Mormons do. Some people do.

[Bobby Lee]

Mormons are the big soakers.

[Morgan Jay]

Super soakers.

[Bobby Lee]

Mormons are the super soakers of the world.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And then what's a kid that goes underneath the bed and rocks the bed? What's his name, huh? So they soak, right?

[Andrew Santino]

They.

[Bobby Lee]

Because they can't have movement, so they stick the wiener in. They don't move it, and then someone goes onto the bed and pushes it.

[Andrew Santino]

The kid from the garage. That's what.

[Bobby Lee]

Right? That's who it is.

[Andrew Santino]

I call it the kid from the grudge.

[Bobby Lee]

See, look at this. Shaking the bed in Mormon. It's something commonly done by Mormon teens expected to remain virgins. It's called. It's called jump humping. Jump pumping. So the guy gets under the bed and moves the bed.

[Andrew Santino]

Last night, where were you?

[Bobby Lee]

I was at home.

[Andrew Santino]

I was at my friend's show.

[Bobby Lee]

I didn't feel good last night.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Can you tell I'm all clogged up? Oh, my back is killing.

[Andrew Santino]

Love you, dude. Okay, stop.

[Bobby Lee]

Now. I know I was supposed to go last night. I texted. I texted Cho today. I apologize.

[Andrew Santino]

Last night, I'm at the Comedy Store, and I see this sickly guy. Not sickly. Handsome. Skinny. You know, talented.

[Bobby Lee]

You mean in shape.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what I meant.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, like an in shape.

[Andrew Santino]

Right? You're right. You're right. Yeah. Okay. That's resentment talking, I think.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, put that away.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Let me. Let me put that aside.

[Bobby Lee]

Holster that. Put that in the holster. Yeah, because you're looking skinny lately. How many people on. How many people on tour commented that the Ozempic must be working because you look skinny? Well, we heard it the whole trip.

[Andrew Santino]

Jeremiah Watkins, last night called me Fatty. He goes, what's up, fatty? And I could. I could not believe it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but he's like paper. He's such a wispy, thin guy.

[Andrew Santino]

He attacked me. Anyway, why did he call you Fatty? I don't know. Why?

[Bobby Lee]

What? Who started it?

[Andrew Santino]

He did.

[Bobby Lee]

He just came up to you and goes, hey, fatty.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Wow, it was incredible.

[Bobby Lee]

And that Dr. Phil stuff's going to his head, huh?

[Andrew Santino]

I think that's what it is. Till Till Coney.

[Bobby Lee]

Till Coney Kil.

[Andrew Santino]

Tony.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, is that our version?

[Andrew Santino]

Welcome back to Till con chill, coney. And Dr. Phil got to his head.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Anyway, so last night, this guy comes up to me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Morgan. Jay. Is that Jay Morgan or what happened?

[Morgan Jay]

It's Morgan.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

You really think his.

[Andrew Santino]

You.

[Bobby Lee]

You think Jay Morgan. You've known him.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but I thought he switched it. No, no, I've never heard anyone with the last name of Jay.

[Morgan Jay]

Everybody says Morgan, Jay Morgan all the time. I don't know why that happened.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, because of two first names. Yeah, that's your fault.

[Morgan Jay]

My first submittal name.

[Bobby Lee]

What's your real last name?

[Morgan Jay]

Venti Cinque.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you really?

[Bobby Lee]

Venti cinque means 25. Yeah, no, don't do that. What's your real last name? He doesn't.

[Morgan Jay]

No, it is Venti Chin.

[Bobby Lee]

No chance.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not Venti Chinquay.

[Bobby Lee]

Give me your id.

[Morgan Jay]

Are we introducing me yet?

[Andrew Santino]

Not yet, no.

[Bobby Lee]

No, we're just doing this. You let us take control of the show. Venti Chinque.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. Venti Chinque.

[Bobby Lee]

There's only one part of that last name I love.

[Andrew Santino]

Look, I swear, every time I do my house.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

They won't even let me.

[Bobby Lee]

Bro, he even has a hot driver's license. Look how hot he is. Dude, dude, he's hot in the photo. He's got a side. He's side. He's doing one of these.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Your middle name.

[Morgan Jay]

I went to my first. I went. No, no, it's my. Always my middle name for Morgan J.

[Bobby Lee]

Morgan J. Morgan J. Ventinque. 25.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah. 25.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

It's a weird last name. There's a whole weird story in Sicily about you're Siciliano. Siciliano.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's go.

[Bobby Lee]

Same dude. And, man, you are hot. Everyone else has to face forward when they take the picture. And they usually say, don't smile. He's so hot. They let him go sideways and smile.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You are a hot guy, you sexy. Morgan J. Is in the building. Give it up for Morgan J. I.

[Andrew Santino]

Had an intro, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it was taking too long. It's too long.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. Well, can I. Not yet. Can I just say what I'm gonna say and then.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, say what you want.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me see what I want to say.

[Bobby Lee]

This is his favorite. Let him do this.

[Andrew Santino]

Frantic. Drink away. He hangs out with Benny Hopps, Little Two Eyes. You know Jimmy the Cricket?

[Bobby Lee]

He knows Jimmy the Cricket. How long you know Jimmy the Cricket?

[Andrew Santino]

All right, so. So last night, he comes up to me, nervous. Yeah, yeah. He goes, I'm a little nervous. I go, about what? He goes, I wrote down questions.

[Morgan Jay]

No, I wrote down talking points.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm.

[Morgan Jay]

Okay, it's not quite. I wrote the. Sorry, go ahead. I'm going to show you.

[Bobby Lee]

Andrew, every time you interrupt him, he's going to do the.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's. That's the.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me see some of these questions.

[Morgan Jay]

This is what I showed him.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, so some of the questions that he wrote down or some of the top talking points making this list because I feel like I'm not a good podcast guest. Did Whitney's podcast. She never put it out. Did dumbfounded podcast. We had to redo it.

[Morgan Jay]

I did Tiger MILF podcast. She didn't put it out.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Tiger. Oh, yours?

[Andrew Santino]

No, not mine.

[Morgan Jay]

Young Yang.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, Jay. Young Summers.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, wait. Hers is called Tiger Milk.

[Morgan Jay]

Tiger milf. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

She's your protege.

[Andrew Santino]

She called hers Tiger milf.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. I guess.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I'm gonna get this.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. All right, so listen, you did Whitney's, and she never put it out?

[Morgan Jay]

No, no, she never put it out.

[Bobby Lee]

But that's also because she could have taken the wrong pill that day and forgot to post. Then you had a colonoscopy on Friday.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And the drug they gave you felt good.

[Morgan Jay]

What? The Michael Jackson drug, like propanol.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, oh, profanol, Right.

[Morgan Jay]

It was good.

[Bobby Lee]

That's. Carlos. Don't Not. So.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I just finish my intro real quick?

[Bobby Lee]

Brother, we're already there.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'm not there yet. No, this is another thing that he says. Another thing.

[Morgan Jay]

What do I say? I'm so nervous.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm with somebody, right? He gives me the list.

[Bobby Lee]

Were you with a comic?

[Andrew Santino]

A young lady.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, a nice lady.

[Andrew Santino]

Then he goes out of. I didn't even ask. He goes, I got a visctomy.

[Morgan Jay]

Stop. You want.

[Andrew Santino]

Then he goes. I swear to God. He goes, you want to see it? Stop.

[Morgan Jay]

I was so nervous.

[Andrew Santino]

I just. I go. I go. I go. I know.

[Bobby Lee]

I didn't even ask.

[Andrew Santino]

I didn't even ask.

[Morgan Jay]

You're the guy who shows his pubes.

[Andrew Santino]

To audiences and then. Right. He goes, do you want to see?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I go, we're in the patio, so there's people around. What the fuck is your problem?

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, but the guy who shows his pubes to people on stage. I thought it was.

[Bobby Lee]

This makes sense.

[Morgan Jay]

I was like. I thought that was your energy.

[Bobby Lee]

This makes sense.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you can't. You can't. Mitch, you can't match my energy, okay? You can't match it.

[Bobby Lee]

Did it.

[Andrew Santino]

My. My energy is my only frequency. You can't match it.

[Bobby Lee]

Did Ozempic shrink your hands? Look at your little finger.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Everything went like this.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, I know.

[Morgan Jay]

I wasn't really gonna do it, but I was nervous and I just was bomb.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I see it? I do want to see it. Yeah. Can I?

[Morgan Jay]

I could. I'll. You really want to see it?

[Bobby Lee]

I'd love to see. I put it on camera, but I'd love.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want to see it.

[Bobby Lee]

You got to see it.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want to see it.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to see it.

[Andrew Santino]

I refuse to see it.

[Bobby Lee]

I got to see it. Why'd you get a vasectomy?

[Andrew Santino]

You're.

[Morgan Jay]

Cuz.

[Bobby Lee]

You never want to have kids.

[Morgan Jay]

Okay, look, there's. There's a scar right there, okay?

[Andrew Santino]

You have nice testicles, dude.

[Morgan Jay]

There's one on the other side too.

[Bobby Lee]

You. You. You're real Bald.

[Morgan Jay]

Well, I. I shave my balls.

[Bobby Lee]

You shave with a razor or with, like a. Like a.

[Andrew Santino]

Like a smoking it down?

[Morgan Jay]

I shave with a razor.

[Bobby Lee]

Most of us Italians, we don't shave our balls.

[Morgan Jay]

No, I shave. I shave with a razor. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You go down on women.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Italians don't throw that neither. We don't throw that.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, that was in us, the Sopranos, Right? He didn't want to eat his.

[Bobby Lee]

That used to be real faux. Faux paw for Italian Americans to go down on. It was like, you suck m. You.

[Morgan Jay]

Want to see it?

[Andrew Santino]

I just saw it.

[Morgan Jay]

You didn't see it?

[Andrew Santino]

I saw the pink sack.

[Morgan Jay]

All right.

[Andrew Santino]

Nice color.

[Bobby Lee]

Beautiful sack.

[Andrew Santino]

Beautiful sack.

[Morgan Jay]

So. I'm sorry, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, I'm sorry.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, let's back up. You're 37 years old.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And you got a vasectomy because you never want it. You're like. No kids ever. Are you married?

[Morgan Jay]

I. I got a. I got a serious partner I'm with. But. But we're in an open. You know, I'm dealing with something right now. Currently, we don't know for sure if this girl's, like, lying or not about a pregnancy. So that kind of put the fear of God in me. Like, you know, they gotta change things.

[Andrew Santino]

What'd I tell you?

[Bobby Lee]

No, what I tell you?

[Andrew Santino]

No, you told me what I tell you.

[Morgan Jay]

I mean, you told me last night.

[Andrew Santino]

What the I tell you? So you don't Ohio.

[Morgan Jay]

You don't girls.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't go Midwest. Them.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Andrew Santino]

You told me. Isn't that where Whitney's kid is from Miami?

[Morgan Jay]

No, but another Texas. Another comic was like, you gotta hook up. Can I have my phone back?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Morgan Jay]

Okay. Another comic was saying, like, you can't hook up with girls in small towns if you do it in a big city.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like, oh, I didn't tell you that. Oh, yeah, you told me that. Somebody told you.

[Morgan Jay]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait a minute. Because if you do it in a small town, she'll probably have the kid.

[Morgan Jay]

No, it's just like, you're like, I don't want you. You're like the coolest thing that happened in that town. If you fucking girl, Miami, she'll fuck a football player the next day.

[Bobby Lee]

Or before she fudge you.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Literally. Or you might be the appetizer. And then she.

[Morgan Jay]

But, yeah, but me. Me and my. Me and my girl, we've. We've already, like, talked about how we don't want to have kids.

[Andrew Santino]

And you don't bag it.

[Morgan Jay]

No, I do. I do. And this. This this. My come was nowhere near this person. So now I'm like, oh, that's even.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean? What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

He's saying the person that claimed pregnancy, he. There was no, There was no interact. There was no transactional jizz.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, sometimes I can redirect my jizz.

[Morgan Jay]

And, and they haven't.

[Andrew Santino]

And I, I really can.

[Bobby Lee]

You're. You're just watching an old Asian man with his hands behind his back strumming through the street.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. And by the time. By the time.

[Bobby Lee]

By the time it comes out of your penis.

[Andrew Santino]

She's home.

[Bobby Lee]

Sludge. Yeah, she's.

[Andrew Santino]

She's already at home.

[Bobby Lee]

She's gone.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Anyway.

[Morgan Jay]

But yeah, so I got. And just out of an ab caution and also, you know, in the next four years are going to be tough on women. So I figured I'd get my nuts snipped off anyway.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. Cuz Trump might take away vasectomy.

[Morgan Jay]

I did this before the election. I did this in September. You did this in September? Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You have bulgy eyes.

[Morgan Jay]

I'm not high, bro.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but the bulging I like.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, I brought you guys a gift. Do you guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you smoke weed in general or.

[Morgan Jay]

No, I'm kind of don't do anything anymore.

[Bobby Lee]

You quit every. You just.

[Morgan Jay]

I. I'll have a drink like for special occasions, but outside of that.

[Bobby Lee]

Good for you.

[Morgan Jay]

Do I. I. I know you guys get a bunch of free all the time and you guys might. You don't have to keep this. You could give it back to me if you want, but I know you wear beanies sometimes.

[Bobby Lee]

He loves beanie.

[Morgan Jay]

I have the lol. Hahaha. Beanie Love. Throw it.

[Bobby Lee]

This is fantastic.

[Morgan Jay]

I have these two lighters. This one's for you.

[Bobby Lee]

Love.

[Morgan Jay]

That one's for you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, well, that one's not.

[Morgan Jay]

That one's for you.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, look at this. It's a. Oh, it's titties. Yo. This is great. Oh, you sell these at your show?

[Morgan Jay]

I got those in. I got those in.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you. I got those on my.

[Morgan Jay]

And I just. Yeah, you can have it. And then these are the. What's your name, bro? Hat.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me see. Oh, okay. This is. This is from your show.

[Morgan Jay]

This is from the show.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Morgan Jay]

So I don't know. You feel free to give it to somebody.

[Bobby Lee]

No, this is beautiful. I'm gonna wear this. I rock this. You know what's so funny?

[Morgan Jay]

Just hide the lighter so I don't.

[Andrew Santino]

Have to block them for the whole episode. Okay.

[Morgan Jay]

Do you have to Block that.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a.

[Morgan Jay]

It's a YouTube.

[Andrew Santino]

Nick. Go ahead, express yourself.

[Bobby Lee]

Can you hit me a little song there?

[Morgan Jay]

Do you want like inspirational piano music?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Inspirational piano? Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

Okay, let's see. Oh, no, I have another one.

[Andrew Santino]

No, we like that.

[Bobby Lee]

There are times on the podcast when I'm sick and tired of the Spaniards. Why can't we fire him? Are we waiting for him to be deported? He's worthless. A disgusting porg of a man. Thank you.

[Morgan Jay]

Great.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you like my sound effect?

[Bobby Lee]

I really like it.

[Andrew Santino]

Thanks, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Very good.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, usually sound effects don't get involved. You know what I mean? But I thought this is the right time.

[Bobby Lee]

Sometimes you gotta. I thought, very appropriate.

[Morgan Jay]

Is this song.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God. Here we go. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, let's go.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, yeah. The Bad Friends podcast. Why is Bobby Lee accusing me of being on drugs? Do you want to do some of this?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

You want to try it out? Okay, you could try it out. Just get it close to your mouth.

[Andrew Santino]

I know how it works. What?

[Bobby Lee]

Doesn't sound like it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, now I know how it works.

[Bobby Lee]

Put away the other micro.

[Andrew Santino]

I know how it works.

[Bobby Lee]

Sick.

[Andrew Santino]

You little fucking Italian bastard. Bulgy eyes, big teeth. Just like a cartoon character from Disney.

[Morgan Jay]

It's fun, isn't it?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

That your news?

[Morgan Jay]

You want to try it? Try it.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh. Oh, my God.

[Morgan Jay]

You gotta get closer, dude. You gotta closer. Closer to it.

[Andrew Santino]

You gotta get closer to him. Here we go.

[Bobby Lee]

I never wanna give it back.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, my God, he's killing it. Everything inside of me not to lick your sack.

[Bobby Lee]

You got a great sack for J.

[Morgan Jay]

It's beautiful, B. There it is.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm sick of this Asian next to me.

[Morgan Jay]

It's fun, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Pretty fun. Real fun. That's so really fun.

[Morgan Jay]

All right, so what I.

[Bobby Lee]

So what I said was to Morgan before the show, I said, I said, dude, I love what you do. Yeah, I said, but you've also done a. A disservice to our comedy world because he's so good at this and so it's so wonderful. I see people copy him online. We're talking about. There's people in other countries who are doing this now as stand ups trying to be him. And they're terrible.

[Morgan Jay]

There's a guy from Portugal doing it, a guy from Germany doing it. Russia, like these different countries are franchise stinks.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so weird. They're like they're trying to do this thing, but it's so bad that it bums me out because it's almost like, you wish you could copyright your style. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, because.

[Bobby Lee]

Because. Because whenever somebody. If you're weird and you suck, but you're unique, I like you. Yeah, I said that to him. I like it. But if you're weird. But I know you're doing an impression of another guy. Can't fucking stand it.

[Morgan Jay]

But, I mean, you know, some people accuse me of being like a. Kind of like a poor man's little dicky sometimes, too. I get that a lot, you know, Like.

[Bobby Lee]

Only because you're a curly hair bro.

[Morgan Jay]

But we also do the auto tune stuff and.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but Dave. But Dave is.

[Morgan Jay]

You know, I've met him three times. I feel like I botched the every. The meeting. Every.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what? Let's get to this.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, he's.

[Andrew Santino]

I want Jewish. I want to get this part of our personality.

[Bobby Lee]

Aliens.

[Morgan Jay]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a problem.

[Andrew Santino]

This part of your personality.

[Morgan Jay]

Is it. Why does it feel like you're like. I'm coming in here and I have to defend myself?

[Bobby Lee]

To me?

[Morgan Jay]

No, to him. Like, right across from you. If I got to defend myself.

[Bobby Lee]

He's always shooting. The kid's shooting.

[Morgan Jay]

What is it? I can't believe I'm nervous, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

I can't even.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't I make you feel comfortable?

[Morgan Jay]

You've made me feel comfortable.

[Bobby Lee]

See? Why are you shooting so hard at him?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not shooting hard. I can't believe what's going on right now.

[Morgan Jay]

What's going on?

[Andrew Santino]

I can't even believe. I can't. I'm rattled.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, here's Carlos called it. Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it?

[Bobby Lee]

You get rattled when. When? When it's a hot guy. You.

[Morgan Jay]

No, you don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, he does, bro.

[Morgan Jay]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. He always does. Tell me I'm lying.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think he's hot.

[Bobby Lee]

You're so full of. Dude, shut the up.

[Andrew Santino]

That's insane.

[Morgan Jay]

You.

[Bobby Lee]

100%.

[Andrew Santino]

That right there is a grave misjustice.

[Bobby Lee]

You wouldn't hook up with him.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. This right here is.

[Bobby Lee]

You wouldn't hook up.

[Andrew Santino]

Diabolic. In what context exactly? Schindler's List. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He's not. Did he make.

[Andrew Santino]

In a Schindler's List context where I'm in a camp, maybe.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You mean. But no other context. Mamastad, maybe in an Amistad contest. We're in the bottom of.

[Bobby Lee]

On the boat.

[Andrew Santino]

That's on the boat. We're rowing. You're.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you're not rowing.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

You're not rowing.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I'm. You know. Where I'm at.

[Bobby Lee]

You're in the. You're in the coal room.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'm rowing, but I'm at the Strongman row team, where I don't have to do much. I just put my hand on the goal. Go, go, go. I'm just kind of going.

[Bobby Lee]

You're keeping time.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

What's that you're doing?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's not. This is. This isn't Fury Road.

[Morgan Jay]

Okay. All right.

[Andrew Santino]

I. You and Fury Rod.

[Morgan Jay]

So what. What did. What did you want to. What did you want to bring up?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, what was it?

[Andrew Santino]

It wasn't being aggressive, dude. It was just an observation. I'm so sorry that maybe I. Maybe I do come across that way.

[Morgan Jay]

No, no, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

And let me.

[Morgan Jay]

I'm projecting.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. Let me change my attitude. I think you're right. So let me start over. All right, here we go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, what's up? What's up, man?

[Morgan Jay]

What's going on?

[Andrew Santino]

Thanks for doing it.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, I'm so happy.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm a big fan.

[Morgan Jay]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I just made a little observation. If you wanted to hear it, I.

[Morgan Jay]

Would love to hear it. Yeah?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It's just everything comes from a negative lens with you sometimes, you know?

[Morgan Jay]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, a little bit. But, you know, do you. Do you. I'll be me. And it's really good to see you, man. I like what you're doing out there.

[Morgan Jay]

I appreciate it, man.

[Andrew Santino]

Feel better?

[Morgan Jay]

I do.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. That. Is that better now?

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, cool.

[Morgan Jay]

Was that. That was the feedback.

[Bobby Lee]

Was that it?

[Morgan Jay]

That I have.

[Bobby Lee]

I thought you had a comment or.

[Morgan Jay]

Something that I see, like, things as a negative.

[Andrew Santino]

No, it's like, you know, because last night you're, you know, no offense, if, you know, I love you, you know.

[Morgan Jay]

Do you know? But.

[Andrew Santino]

But what? No, I'm talking. Hey, man. See, that's what it is. I think it's him. Did you see that? No, no, no, no. Andrew, please back me up, okay?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay?

[Andrew Santino]

Please be real.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I ask a question first?

[Andrew Santino]

No. Make. Make a comment about my observation just now.

[Bobby Lee]

He's. He is. He is excited to be here.

[Andrew Santino]

I am so nervous.

[Morgan Jay]

Can I tell you something? You don't know this. You don't remember this.

[Andrew Santino]

I think I know what it is.

[Morgan Jay]

What is it?

[Andrew Santino]

It's the four finger point.

[Morgan Jay]

No, it's not that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Point with one finger. Don't go with four because it's dominating you. You go like. Can I tell you something with four? I don't like it.

[Bobby Lee]

Good.

[Morgan Jay]

I had two encounters with you, that's too fingers now.

[Andrew Santino]

Two fingers. Fine.

[Morgan Jay]

So I once was on in Venice. It was on Abbot Kinney. And I saw you walking down the street. This was like a year or two ago when I wasn't having the blow up, right? And I go, oh, Bobby Lee, what's up? You know my buddy Mark Smalls? He's like, play. He plays games with you and stuff. And you were like, are you a funny guy? Are you funny? Are you like. You were like. You were like, seeing if I was like me.

[Bobby Lee]

That sounds exactly like, are you funny?

[Morgan Jay]

And then you, like, you, like, grabbed me a little bit, like, tussle me, like, kept walking. And I was like, okay, all right.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

And then. And then the second time, I was at the improv.

[Andrew Santino]

This is unbelievable. This is unbelievable. Can't believe this.

[Morgan Jay]

The second time.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. Continue, friend.

[Morgan Jay]

It was at the improv and I. And I was so excited because we're in the same lineup. And he was coming in the. In the. The green room. And he goes, oh, my God, you're so talented. Do you a lot when you're on the road? Like, that was exactly. That was like how quick it came. So it was like very quick. Like, boom. And I was like, oh. And I really wanted to, like, I don't know what the. You know, it was like I wanted to give you the right answer. I don't know what the right answer was.

[Bobby Lee]

That's how he operates.

[Morgan Jay]

You must a lot, right? You're a good looking guy.

[Andrew Santino]

I never said that. That's insane.

[Morgan Jay]

You did.

[Andrew Santino]

Either one didn't happen.

[Bobby Lee]

Say it to me right now. But I'll pretend I'm Morgan and say that ex.

[Morgan Jay]

What he did. I'll walk in the room and do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, walk in the room and let me see.

[Andrew Santino]

Say that says what?

[Bobby Lee]

You're sexy as you. No.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you're doing great. I like your online.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, I ready. You're so talented.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'm. I'm me.

[Morgan Jay]

You're. No, I'm. I'm you. You're me.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, all right, hold on. I'm not done. I got to be you. Go back up. Back up for a second. I got to be you real quick.

[Bobby Lee]

Get those eyes.

[Andrew Santino]

Got to get my white eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

White eyes. There you go. All right, go ahead.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh. Oh, my God. You're so. You're so talented. Oh, thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

I do auto tune.

[Bobby Lee]

The sheer disrespect. I do a lot of.

[Morgan Jay]

That's. That's why. And. And I've seen how Bobby isn't You know.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, go do it over. Do it again.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, because I have another line. I want to go.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You need the mic anyway. But you did say that to him for sure. That sounds.

[Andrew Santino]

No, because people make exaggerations about my. My encounters with them. I'm being real.

[Bobby Lee]

You think you're Bill Murray or some shit or whatever. Isn't it? Bill Murray? He does that.

[Andrew Santino]

No, what I'm saying is people go, I met Bobby Lee. He did this. I never did that. Yeah, I mean, so it's like. I don't know. I don't remember those instances. Yeah, I remember probably different.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And that's the thing about storytelling. Yeah, that's the thing about, you know. You ever see the movie Rashomon?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Rashomon.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, is that Rashomon, where it's like. It's four people, three people telling the story of one thing from their. All their different points of views.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. So in this Rashomon context. Right. My point of view is this. I saw you invent in. In on Venice. Abbot Kinney. Yeah, right. And I go, oh, he's cool. And I go, how's comedy going? That's how I remember it. And then in the improv, this is how I view it. I go, oh, I love your online. You go, yeah, yeah. And. And then you go, you said, I get a lot of girls. And I go, oh, that's cool. Because that happens when you rise. That's my point of view.

[Bobby Lee]

That's how you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's how you thought it happened.

[Andrew Santino]

That's how I know it happened in my point of view. Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

There was another time at the store, too, that I'm recalling.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, go. You see now, go ahead.

[Morgan Jay]

Where? Well, I was just trying. I've said hello to you because I just assume somebody like you wouldn't remember who I am, and so.

[Bobby Lee]

He's got a great memory.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, he does.

[Bobby Lee]

The kid's got a memory like a elephant.

[Morgan Jay]

And so I. I said, yeah, I think my buddy Andrew Lopez did. Did your podcast and. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. You also, like, I think you asked again if I was funny or not, because we didn't know you. I don't think you knew who I was. And he kept asking if I was funny.

[Bobby Lee]

You. You are very funny.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, but Bobby didn't.

[Bobby Lee]

This is a key case of. This is conflabulation. Conf. Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

Confabulation. Welcome to Andrew San Diego's new special, I'm the Godfather.

[Andrew Santino]

I really like you though. I really like.

[Morgan Jay]

I like you too.

[Bobby Lee]

God, it's beautiful.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. Very good.

[Bobby Lee]

Beautiful.

[Andrew Santino]

Very good.

[Bobby Lee]

Displ Displ is one of a kind metal poster designed to capture your unique passions. Display created a 21st century canvas that's sturdy, magnet mounted and durable enough to withstand a lifetime of intense staring. It mounts right there on the back so you're not ruining your walls.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

The Bad Friends design. Listen to that. Like a storm's coming, but it's going nowhere, baby. This is holding strong and steady. Display created this unique magnet mounting system only takes 20 seconds. No need to drill holes in your walls. You just gotta stick a protective leaf, place a magnet and put the displate on your wall. It's so easy. Even someone like mcon in our studio can do it. Because he did.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

Solve all your gifting riddles and save some money using our discount. Go to displate.com bad friends the discount is applied automatically or use the code Bad friends at the checkout to get up to 36% off your order.

[Andrew Santino]

Display it. Collect your passions. Rocket Money. I'll tell you this pal. Cha ching Cha ching ching Cha ching. It saved me a lot of money this Rocket Money, I'll tell you that, right? Because you know what? I have a lot of subscriptions, lots that I'm not even aware of. You know, I mean, and it's like it, it consolidates all it all and it saves you so much money over the years.

[Bobby Lee]

So easy, man. Most Americans think they're spending like $62 a month on subscriptions.

[Andrew Santino]

Holy Mo. Holy moly.

[Bobby Lee]

Real number closer to 300.

[Andrew Santino]

Holy moly moly.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a lot. That's a big difference. Even if a couple of subscriptions fall under your radar, there's all sorts of other stuff, payments recurring that you don't know. And managing finances can feel complicated and time consuming.

[Andrew Santino]

What is?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, with them they make it so simple.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, what is Rock Rocket? What is Rocket money? Rocky Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your own subscriptions, monitors your spending all helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

[Bobby Lee]

That's exactly right.

[Andrew Santino]

They want to help you.

[Bobby Lee]

They want to help you, man. You can get alerts if your bills increase in price and if there's unusual spending activity. They have so many functions on there to help you get back the money that you've been blowing in the wind. Rocket Money will even try to help negotiate to lower your bills for you, sometimes by up to 20%. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year. When using all of the app's features.

[Andrew Santino]

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com bad friends that's rocket money.com.

[Bobby Lee]

Bad rocket money.com bad friends manscaped hey everyone. Jing jing jing jing jing.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

It's like Santa's elves made it just for you, Andrew. The blades and pivoting head adjust to every curve of your face and neck as if they had the gift of foresight. That's right. So go ahead, kiss that awkward jawline patch goodbye. No more pretending it doesn't exist while you hope nobody notices under the mistletoe.

[Bobby Lee]

The best part about the Chairman Pro is that it's waterproof. You can use it in the shower, use it in the tub. And the package is incredible. It's got the power Shave gel. The Chairman Pro is providing a smooth, comfortable shave. You got to try it out. So get the Chairman Pro package today and experience a shave that's as smooth as you deserve.

[Andrew Santino]

Get 20 off and free shipping with the code bad [e-mail] that's 20 off.

[Bobby Lee]

Plus free shipping with the code bad friends at manscape.com. we met only one time, right?

[Morgan Jay]

We did. We did a show in Venice many, many years ago.

[Bobby Lee]

Backyard on our backyard.

[Morgan Jay]

It was a big show. It's a guy, Ben Blanchard.

[Andrew Santino]

I was interesting because Andrew doesn't do backyard.

[Morgan Jay]

This is a long time ago. Before he was.

[Andrew Santino]

Isn't that interesting Actor. Isn't that interesting. First of all, never done a backyard show.

[Morgan Jay]

I thought Ricky was great.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you, bro. That's also a crazy lie. During COVID I did outdoor shows all the time. I did one. You know the kid. There's a kid on the east side who had a show and had a tree house in his backyard. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes, I did that. You never. You didn't. You've never. You.

[Morgan Jay]

Santa Monica or Santa Monica?

[Bobby Lee]

No, Santa Monica was. Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no.

[Morgan Jay]

There's. I guess there's a lot of tree.

[Bobby Lee]

Houses on the east side.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I can't see you going to Venice to do a back.

[Morgan Jay]

This was a long time ago, brother. Before this was like pre 2. Like 18 or something.

[Bobby Lee]

Back in the day, I went everywhere. I used to drive down to. I used to drive down to Dana Point. You to two shows. Dana Point.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

You know where that is?

[Andrew Santino]

I love it.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't know where that is?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I don't know where it is. No.

[Bobby Lee]

It's the last city before you get to the military base. On the way to San Diego, I used to drive down there. I used to drive to Orange county all the time for shows, man. I'd put in the work. We weren't all mad TV kids that got to just do the store all the time. Some of us had to. Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, God. Oh, God. Some of us grind my defense. My defenses are coming up. Lower it, dude. I'll be a nice guy. Good to see you.

[Morgan Jay]

Good to see you.

[Andrew Santino]

Touche.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Really great tour we got. Went to Australia.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I'm not talking.

[Andrew Santino]

We're not gonna talk about that today.

[Morgan Jay]

My brother's really excited. I'm on the podcast. He listens to the podcast.

[Bobby Lee]

What's his name?

[Morgan Jay]

Jack.

[Bobby Lee]

Shout out to Jack.

[Morgan Jay]

I'm not gonna tell you how he described the podcast, but he's excited about it.

[Bobby Lee]

What did he say?

[Morgan Jay]

He said, yeah, I like that poc. I can't tell you.

[Andrew Santino]

You have to tell. You have to tell.

[Morgan Jay]

With the Irish dude and the fat Asian guy. That's what he said.

[Bobby Lee]

That's the alternative name for the show. The Irish dude and the Fat Asian guy. Not fat anymore. Not fat.

[Morgan Jay]

And that's what he said.

[Bobby Lee]

Zempie is cooking, but he loves the ponka.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You know, it's so fun because it's. Here's what's fun about life. I just can't believe it.

[Bobby Lee]

What can't you believe?

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, it's just like you'll never meet the guy. Lie, lie.

[Bobby Lee]

No. You had to tell the truth. Yeah, there's always funny.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's incredible. But wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, next time you cough into the mic, put it on the auto tune.

[Morgan Jay]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to hear auto tune cough. You're sick too, aren't you?

[Morgan Jay]

I thought you guys make fun of each other on this. Not anymore.

[Andrew Santino]

We do. We do. Yeah, we do. We do.

[Bobby Lee]

That's our whole.

[Andrew Santino]

Now so far. Now so far. You know, you've done other podcasts and you thought you did bad on the other part. How do you think you're doing on this one?

[Morgan Jay]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Be honest. Me. How do you think you're doing?

[Morgan Jay]

I think I'm doing middle.

[Andrew Santino]

I think you're doing very great. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're fantastic.

[Andrew Santino]

It's great. Yeah. See if it gets released.

[Bobby Lee]

I know that is. That's the guy. That guy could not release it. He's the guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He's our little magician.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I think you're doing a great job.

[Morgan Jay]

Thanks, man.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And welcome.

[Morgan Jay]

Thanks for having me.

[Andrew Santino]

This is awesome.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, so let me ask this. Let's move on from the vasectomy thing. I want to. Because you brought talking points that I'm. You had a colonoscopy on Friday. Your father had.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, he died of colon cancer.

[Bobby Lee]

God, I'm sorry. How old were you?

[Morgan Jay]

Six.

[Bobby Lee]

Six years old.

[Morgan Jay]

Like 31 years ago. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

And then my. I got. My mom remarried. My stepdad has Parkinson's. No way. Like 30 years.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Maybe it's you.

[Andrew Santino]

That's it. You know what, dude?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm sorry, bro. Bro, it just came out.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

I apologize.

[Andrew Santino]

When you said that, it rang true with me. You know what? It rang true with me. I didn't want to say anything. Yeah, I want to see that earlier. Yeah. Bad luck.

[Morgan Jay]

Or it could be the Vietnam War in Agent Orange. I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

That could be it, too.

[Andrew Santino]

Interesting. You bring it back to the Asian.

[Bobby Lee]

I get it.

[Andrew Santino]

Very interesting. You did that? Yeah. That's incredible.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe it's Covet.

[Bobby Lee]

What's next? What'd you have for lunch? Panda Express?

[Morgan Jay]

Wait.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait a minute. How old is the gentleman with Parkinson's?

[Morgan Jay]

He's 77.

[Bobby Lee]

Terrible. So awful. And this guy was your dad, basically?

[Morgan Jay]

He raised you just. More or less. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And is he. Are all his functionality is. Is still there or is he kind of.

[Morgan Jay]

You know, on good days, it's like. It's. You know, he just has slow speech, but, you know, on bad days, it's like he's not talking at all. And.

[Bobby Lee]

Man.

[Morgan Jay]

And it's just like, oh, that's terrible. So slow. Blings. A lot of coffin at the. At the dinner table and stuff like that.

[Andrew Santino]

It's funny when people bring up stuff like that, I tend to laugh. But it's not. I'm not mean. No, it's just a defense mechanism.

[Morgan Jay]

I understand.

[Andrew Santino]

Like Ramsay at the Comedy Store. His dad's losing his mind.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, when he first told me, he goes, my dad's, like, losing his mind. And that, you know.

[Morgan Jay]

You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

That was like. You know, that was like my first. That's because I just can't deal with it. Like, if I'm at a funeral.

[Bobby Lee]

It's your instinct.

[Andrew Santino]

If I have a funeral, I'm gonna laugh. One time, my brother at a funeral, right? And we heard a knock, and I go, look, Auntie Han is trying to get out. And then my brother. Then my brother started laughing, like, uncontrollably. Yeah. So it's just in, you know, in uncomfortable situation.

[Morgan Jay]

I'm looking back at him, he's looking at me.

[Andrew Santino]

I love you, dude. Yeah. I love you, dude. Dude, you and I, we should have been pals long ago.

[Morgan Jay]

Let's play some Fortnite together or Call of Duty or something. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

War zone or something.

[Bobby Lee]

Where'd you grow up?

[Morgan Jay]

Jersey. About an hour outside of New York.

[Bobby Lee]

Love a Jersey kid.

[Morgan Jay]

I was in freshman. Where were you at 9 11.

[Bobby Lee]

High school.

[Morgan Jay]

High school, yeah. Me too.

[Bobby Lee]

One of my. One of my favorite classes, too.

[Morgan Jay]

What class was it?

[Bobby Lee]

Spanish.

[Morgan Jay]

Spanish.

[Bobby Lee]

Up my Spanish class.

[Morgan Jay]

I was in English class.

[Bobby Lee]

Were you?

[Morgan Jay]

And we had people in our town that worked in the World Trade center area. I remember the girl. I remember the girl right behind me burst into tears and ran out of the room because they showed it. They were, like, on tv. It was crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you talking about?

[Bobby Lee]

911. Is that in your topics?

[Morgan Jay]

No, it wasn't, but I don't know. I'm running around a list now.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I mean, that was very good. I feel like that was on the list. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

This is kind of wild. Yeah. This one says, promote Hamas.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Go ahead, brother.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, go ahead, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's on you.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a good platform.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I guess.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

This one's.

[Andrew Santino]

Here we go.

[Bobby Lee]

Here we go.

[Andrew Santino]

Here we go. Yeah, keep going, keep going. Ride the middle. Ride the middle of Hamas.

[Bobby Lee]

Come on.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, ride the middle really good, dude.

[Morgan Jay]

Will you.

[Bobby Lee]

Once. Will you. Once. No, no, once. Grab it. We just say, will you sing. Sing Al Akbar once in there.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Hamas. Allah Akbar.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

Out of context, this is gonna be terrible.

[Andrew Santino]

It doesn't matter.

[Bobby Lee]

I want that as my ringtone so bad. No. Okay, hold on. This. This is good. Went to a private members club in Disneyland. 33. You went to Club 33?

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, I went there. My reps got me in there.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what's fun? Get. Get a couple of pieces of paper. We're going to write some lines. He's going to sing them.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

If it's too much, you know. I mean. Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

That's why this is why this is.

[Andrew Santino]

This is fun. This is fun.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's do this. Yeah, you did.

[Bobby Lee]

So you felt like you bombed meeting Little Dicky for real.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah. So the first time I was like, he just moved to Santa Monica and this is before the show and everything. We're at the California Chicken Cafe on. On Lincoln Boulevard.

[Bobby Lee]

He loves that place.

[Morgan Jay]

And I go in there and I go, oh, little Dicky, man. Hey, you're so great, man. If you're ever looking for somebody to do like a H hook or something, it was really nice. He's like, actually, man, I'm just trying to do like real rap right now. But he was like, if you put your mind anything, you really can achieve like your dreams or some. He said some like that.

[Bobby Lee]

You want me to call him and.

[Morgan Jay]

No, no.

[Bobby Lee]

Reckon.

[Morgan Jay]

Do you know why? Because I feel like he. He's like, I really think he's an amazing artist.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

And I feel like he would. What he sees as me, what. What I would do, and I'm probably projecting is I'm just being charismatic with auto tune and I don't. And I think the two things are so different, you know, but the two.

[Bobby Lee]

Things are inherently different, so they can't be compared. I suppose that's like saying we both do amplification of voices.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Microphone. We're all different. It's a. You're still different.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But he, he. He is. He's someone that if you're good, respect.

[Morgan Jay]

He likes Hope. So.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

He doesn't think I'm.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna text him, ask him if he likes you.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Lee]

And he's like, don't with that guy.

[Morgan Jay]

Give no context for it.

[Bobby Lee]

You got some of yours already?

[Andrew Santino]

I only have two.

[Bobby Lee]

I only got two as well.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's just do two. I. I can't think of any.

[Bobby Lee]

You can think of another one.

[Andrew Santino]

Fun. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're creative. Sing about the idiots in the booth real fast.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

We got some dummies. We got some dummies in the booze. I think they have tiny penises. They support Hama. One of them has a crazy bald.

[Bobby Lee]

Head that they're hiding.

[Andrew Santino]

The ones I have are probably even good.

[Bobby Lee]

These aren't really good.

[Morgan Jay]

It's so Gucci.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Friends, can I ask you a question? When you're on your show and people don't sing, you know, sometimes.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, I get upset.

[Andrew Santino]

It's upsetting to me when I'm watching it. Yeah. It's like, give it a go at least.

[Morgan Jay]

But I'll tell you what. Those people who give me pushback.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

And then there's a couple clips where we've gotten them to sing. The. The joy that reverberates in the room when we get somebody to, like, kind of like this. Exposure therapy, to, like, sing and come out of their shell.

[Bobby Lee]

And when you crack somebody.

[Morgan Jay]

When you crack somebody and they smile and the whole room smiles, and, I mean, it's. And for me, it's exciting. You know, I was. You know, I got. I was doing standard for, like, six years, and I was. I was doing okay, but I just kind of got bored with it and all right there.

[Bobby Lee]

Damn, dude, that worked. I thought. I can't believe I remembered how to make a paper airplane. Oh, Los Angeles. We are Paper Airplane.

[Andrew Santino]

Hello, everybody.

[Morgan Jay]

We are Paper Airplane.

[Andrew Santino]

All the way from Busan, Korea, everybody.

[Bobby Lee]

Yo, can we name our first paper airplane?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we are.

[Andrew Santino]

Here we go.

[Bobby Lee]

Paper Airplane.

[Andrew Santino]

Fly, fly, fly all over the world.

[Bobby Lee]

Paper airplane coming. Steal your girl. Yeah, they're really good.

[Andrew Santino]

There you go. I have three, and if you don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly what I thought would happen.

[Morgan Jay]

Is this. Okay, it's on.

[Andrew Santino]

They don't work.

[Morgan Jay]

I'll make it. I'll make it work.

[Bobby Lee]

They'll make it work. 100%.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah. Yeah. I went to so many. Can we freak off? Give me that baby oil. Give me that baby oil. Put it on my. Put it on.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, good one.

[Morgan Jay]

What's the next one? You know what I like? I like the taste of children's toys. Those little beans in my mouth. Put some diddy oil on them. Get it nice and slippery.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's so good.

[Morgan Jay]

Finish it.

[Bobby Lee]

Take it home.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Believer. Kelly, where was it? Where was it? Where's the one?

[Morgan Jay]

I just.

[Andrew Santino]

Where. The one where was. They're combined probably in those. Mine are so good.

[Morgan Jay]

Bobby, where are you from? What's your.

[Andrew Santino]

San Diego? Korea.

[Morgan Jay]

Ching ch, ch.

[Andrew Santino]

Next one. Next one.

[Morgan Jay]

Does anybody know some dwarves here? Does anybody know some dwarves in the room? Anybody know some dwarves? Because did you know that when dwarves farts, they fly just a little bit? Did you know that if you get a seahorse and you put it and you with a dwarf, you got ocean cowboys, little cowboys.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it's so good.

[Morgan Jay]

Swimming through the ocean. How do dwarfs touch themselves? I always think about that when I see them.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, bro. Very good. Very, very good. Very good.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you write the dwarf cowboy? This little water.

[Andrew Santino]

No, that was. He added that. Okay, that's mine. Was the farting.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, the farting.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. Which I ended it there. But then he added. Then you also added more of the ching chunk. Yeah, that was.

[Bobby Lee]

You got to continue. Yeah, it's not good enough. You got to say. Huh? Fried rice from Hong Kong.

[Andrew Santino]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Andrew Santino]

Shopify powers 10% of all E commerce in the US and Shopify is the global force behind all birds, Rothies and Brooklyn and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size across 175 countries.

[Bobby Lee]

Plus Shopify's extensive help resources are there to support your success every step of the way. Because businesses that grow, grow with Shopify like ours.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell them. Tell them how they do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Get it. You got to sign up for a $1 a month trial period at shopify.com badf friends all lowercase.

[Andrew Santino]

My God.

[Bobby Lee]

Go to shopify.com bad friends now to grow your business no matter what stage.

[Andrew Santino]

You'Re in, my lord.

[Bobby Lee]

Shopify.com Bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

You have one new voicemail. Hi.

[Bobby Lee]

So you would be so proud of me. I'm hosting Thanksgiving for my friends and I was stressed because I really wanted it to feel just like Michigan. But then I found the same stuffing mix that you use on Instacart and I ordered instant gravy canned cranberry.

[Andrew Santino]

What else?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I got everyone a little butter sculpture shaped like a turkey. All right, I should probably get cooking, but I miss you today. Happy, happy Thanksgiving, Mom. Oh, and you should download Instacart. It's way easier than sending dad to the store. Download Instacart and enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply. This episode is brought to you by Allstate. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like, you know, to check the date of the big game first before you accidentally buy tickets on your 20th wedding.

[Andrew Santino]

Anniversary and have to spend the next 20 years of your marriage making up for it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings. Vary terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Morgan Jay]

Do you guys feel like from this point you've achieved everything you wanted to?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'm good. I'm out.

[Morgan Jay]

I felt good last year. Everything at this point is just, like, extra for me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

I'm happy. Know.

[Bobby Lee]

I think we've always said, like, as soon as we could employ and have fun with our friends, that was, like, we beat the system.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

We can, like, work without. Like, literally everybody in here is a friend of ours from many years ago, except for one guy that's newer, but we still love. But, like, that guy is my oldest friend in Los Angeles. Like, and we work together.

[Andrew Santino]

I've known him for a very long time. Yeah, okay.

[Bobby Lee]

But we. Our goal was just if you could work with your friends.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And make. That was like, can we do that all the time?

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah. Yeah, it really is. This year was the first year I started bringing my, like, openers and friends with me, and it's the best. It's literally been a whole.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's call Domino.

[Morgan Jay]

No, we already know because I did it with a friend of mine, Benny and Bazuna.

[Andrew Santino]

Because dumb is.

[Morgan Jay]

We were, like, all over.

[Andrew Santino]

Dumbest. Lower.

[Bobby Lee]

I like Benny. Yeah, he wrote on Dave.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah. Benny was great. And we. We. We were just kind of all over the place, and it wasn't editable, so we just. I just did.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna lie. You're not with me.

[Morgan Jay]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Just watch this.

[Bobby Lee]

They're old friends, so this is.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, watch.

[Bobby Lee]

You are. I'm so.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm old friends. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It'll be worth it.

[Morgan Jay]

Is he still mad at you?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, we'll find out.

[Andrew Santino]

What up? Yo, dude. What's up? So it's so crazy, dude. I ran into Morgan J. Yeah. And he was like, yo, dude, that dumb made me do his podcast twice. It was. And I'm like, no, seriously, what happened? Dude, nothing happened, man. He just did it because the feed did the first podcast, and it was bad. Like, what the happened, though, dude? He's not really a great podcaster, so it just. I. I just didn't get any good things, so. Because he was also with my other comedian, homie, Binium. Yeah. And they were, like, not riffing well, so I got him on again. How do you do? The second time I thought he did great. The second was better, so I'm glad we did it again. Yeah. Good, good, good. Yeah. Do you think we should have him on our show? Morgan? Yeah, for sure. Why? But really, though, why? Yeah, because I've heard bad things from Whitney stuff, and, you know, other people have said it like, that. He's not like. He's stiff and doesn't know how. He doesn't know how to add information. He's a kind of a diva. Is he a diva? No, he's not a diva. I mean, he's definitely making noise, you know. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, when you look at him, doesn't he not look like a rat to you? Like his fucking teeth and the way his face comes out like a rat. No, I'm being real. Is Morgan there or what?

[Morgan Jay]

I'm right here, bro. I'm on the podcast. I was nervous about how I'm a bad podcaster.

[Andrew Santino]

I fucking knew it.

[Morgan Jay]

You fucking prick.

[Andrew Santino]

I love you, dude. We love you.

[Morgan Jay]

You're the best, bro. That's a perfect.

[Bobby Lee]

Morgan's good, dude. No, he's real good.

[Andrew Santino]

No, because you even said. I mean, if you. You were like, you. You're self aware.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

There are times I do podcasts. I'm like, that was. I was terrible.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

I even said. I was like, I don't know how you guys are gonna edit this together. This was crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Morgan Jay]

Well, this is.

[Bobby Lee]

There's no way I've done that. Where you do them and you're like, dude, can we not put that out?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, put that out.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Or you give them a million notes. You got to cut that out. Cut that out.

[Bobby Lee]

If you were, like, in a bad place, sometimes the day you're coming from, you're like, brother, I'm not in a good. I shouldn't have done it.

[Morgan Jay]

It's crazy how you came right from doing your own podcast. You just, like, Doing podcasts. Do you have one after this?

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Bobby Lee]

We do that all the time.

[Morgan Jay]

This is exalt. Like, I tried to do a podcast, but it wasn't in me. I'm more. I'm. I'm trying to do the live streaming stuff. I'm trying to be like Kai.

[Bobby Lee]

See, I don't want to do live streaming.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I. Here's.

[Bobby Lee]

We don't.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's the. What works for us. We just absolutely do not prepare anything.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

We just.

[Morgan Jay]

You were mad at this list?

[Andrew Santino]

No, we just kind of just show up and like, you know, just do it. And sometimes we don't air it.

[Bobby Lee]

Some of us prepare.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean you're.

[Bobby Lee]

We have stuff slotted for the show.

[Morgan Jay]

Sometimes it's better not to prepare.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah. Well, that was fun. Like that little thing we did, man, we didn't know we were gonna do.

[Bobby Lee]

It depends on. It depends on what show. But sometimes we have to prepare.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but I mean, I mean, you.

[Morgan Jay]

Must have some guests who you think are gonna be like pulling teeth, right?

[Bobby Lee]

No, Like a lot of times I'll coordinate with these guys on bits that we're gonna run on the show. But Bobby will. Bobby. Bobby is a. It's like a hidden camera show for him. He's never. He's out. You know what I mean? Like, he gets to show up and you're. He's always the bit. Yeah, but that's the beauty is that we tee you up to fly free.

[Morgan Jay]

Wonderful.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you not know that we do work behind the scenes?

[Andrew Santino]

I understand that you do work like.

[Bobby Lee]

So why are you.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's a video that we're going to watch. But what I'm just saying in general about like how we're going to open or the things that we even said in the first 45 minutes, we didn't plan.

[Bobby Lee]

No, we did not.

[Andrew Santino]

None of it.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we just kind of ride the wave and sometimes the wave isn't rideable.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, it's a swell. It's a swell.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a one footer, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's a one footer. And then sometimes we go, we can't release that footage.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, I get it.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, you can't get. Yeah, you can't put on one footer, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, can I just say that you're. It's like your eyebrows have like. They're like Hitler mustache.

[Morgan Jay]

Just got them done.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Morgan Jay]

Right before this, I literally was like, I like, I like clean myself up.

[Andrew Santino]

But they're like, literally short. Are they usually longer or.

[Morgan Jay]

No, I mean, if I didn't do anything, it'd be a unibrow for sure.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Lee]

You get them threaded?

[Morgan Jay]

Threaded, yeah. Nice girl from Bangladesh did him for me.

[Bobby Lee]

You know about that threading.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, no, we.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, I prefer that to the Kalila.

[Andrew Santino]

I used to take her to the threading place. Yeah, I see them do it. They thread.

[Bobby Lee]

You've never had to trim.

[Morgan Jay]

Shout out Beauty secrets. On Venice Boulevard? No, on Washington Boulevard.

[Bobby Lee]

Beauty secrets you've never had to do. Trim your eyebrows?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I've never trimmed anything except for my mustache.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

How often you do that?

[Andrew Santino]

Once a month when I can taste my hair. Then I cut it.

[Bobby Lee]

What does it usually taste like?

[Andrew Santino]

Why, sometimes I go, wow, this pastrami sandwich is rough. And I go, oh, my little mustache is getting into the. You know what I mean?

[Morgan Jay]

When you guys have a slice of pizza, like, you smell it afterwards for a little bit, like the cheese.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm a germaphobe. I wash my face.

[Morgan Jay]

I just want you to know I know I sounds. I. I'm not like a contagious.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, I know Andres is. Any is sick anyway. He comes into the studio sick every.

[Morgan Jay]

You guys get sick a lot when you tour?

[Andrew Santino]

No, we didn't get sick at all. Australia, we didn't get sick.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I don't get sick much. I have a good immune system. But he does. He does bring his ass baby. And his wife works in a hospital.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So this brings in here every week. I'll immediately be like, oh, you've been sick. And I'll go, you're sick? And then what do you say? Every time I go, are you sick? What do you say?

[Andrew Santino]

I was.

[Morgan Jay]

I was.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm over it. Yeah, he's always over it. So the day that he gets healthy is we pod the next day. Just a coincidence that he's always just over it.

[Morgan Jay]

It.

[Bobby Lee]

The liar.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Call him a dirty, sick liar. He's a dirty Spaniard liar.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, you're a dirty Spaniard, you colonizer. You and your colonizing friends. You.

[Bobby Lee]

You fucking love you. Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Do girls, when you're with that. If you're with them, do they want. Like you're in the hotel or whatever? Do they want you to turn that shit on then?

[Bobby Lee]

Have you ever done that same to.

[Andrew Santino]

A girl when you're singing?

[Bobby Lee]

Have you ever whipped that out and sang while you're in the hotel?

[Morgan Jay]

No, no, but I. With my guitar, I've seen.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, really?

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Can you imagine getting head while you're like.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, the one time. So I met. I just get. I met this girl in Cleveland, right?

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, yes. Be gentle with us with the ball. Put one in your mouth. Put the second one in your mouth and take that index finger and stick it in my.

[Bobby Lee]

Chicks have to love that shit, though, huh?

[Andrew Santino]

They love it.

[Morgan Jay]

I'm a goofy guy. They like a goofy guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Nah, you're a handsome cat though, too. So how do you break that up when my fat.

[Andrew Santino]

Am I fat?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Like your brother said.

[Morgan Jay]

No. You've been thinking about that. You're not.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I've been thinking about the whole.

[Bobby Lee]

You're down. Literally, you're down six.

[Andrew Santino]

Asian guys. That's what he said. The fat Asian guy.

[Morgan Jay]

Stout dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I'm not stout.

[Bobby Lee]

No, he means you're stocky. Look at that. Lift up your shirt.

[Morgan Jay]

You're not fat.

[Bobby Lee]

You did.

[Morgan Jay]

No. You lost weight, bro.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, what's up?

[Bobby Lee]

He's on Ozempic.

[Morgan Jay]

I'm not trying to fight you, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Anyone to move on. I gotta let it go. I let it go. I let it go. Yeah. I let her go. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Tell him what you told me in. In Australia, though. What's gonna happen?

[Morgan Jay]

What's gonna happen?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I'm gonna get ripped, bro.

[Morgan Jay]

Do you want to. We can go to a gym sometime. To go?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, dude, take them.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you'll see.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't.

[Morgan Jay]

Do you know.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what I've been saying in Australia the whole time? Morgan J. If I may?

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's kind of this kind of bullying shit. It's this right here. It's. It's. No, it's this.

[Bobby Lee]

No, he kept. In the car. In the car. I'm going to get jacked. I'm going to get jacked.

[Andrew Santino]

I said ripped.

[Bobby Lee]

Ripped.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

You can do it.

[Andrew Santino]

And this guy. And this guy cackled like a hyena in the night, dude, in my face. And I. You know what I said to him? I kept saying to all these guys. You'll see, because I love a challenge.

[Morgan Jay]

You can do it.

[Andrew Santino]

I love a challenge. Right? Yes. I know what?

[Morgan Jay]

I believe in you.

[Andrew Santino]

I am going to do it.

[Morgan Jay]

In the power of, like, you can do it, bro. I don't think you can get Jack because you're 60 or something, so.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

But I think you get fit.

[Bobby Lee]

Fit is different. He said he's going to get jacked.

[Morgan Jay]

I don't think you get like ripped jack.

[Bobby Lee]

Correct.

[Morgan Jay]

Whatever you do, no matter how ripped you get.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Morgan Jay]

It's going to be like a little bit.

[Bobby Lee]

Literally proving my point.

[Morgan Jay]

A little bit looser.

[Bobby Lee]

But verbatim. What I said in Australia, that's what he said, verbatim.

[Morgan Jay]

But you'll be like ripped healthy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, healthy.

[Morgan Jay]

That makes sense. But even like a 50 year old who's ripped, it's going to be a.

[Bobby Lee]

Bring up RFK junior with the shirt off. This cat is in unbearably good shape and you'll never get near this. And he still looks kind of fat. Do you know what I mean?

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, but the Rock is on Trent or something.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he's on. Yeah, he's on. So zoom in. Look, he's in phenomenal shape.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't think I can look like.

[Bobby Lee]

That, dude, but look. Look at it. His belly still is like loose. Cause we're not young anymore. You're not a kid.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but I'm still gonna look like. That's still me. That's ripped to me.

[Bobby Lee]

He is ripped.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. And I can't get there. This thing is physiological.

[Bobby Lee]

There's no way you'll ever get ripped.

[Morgan Jay]

I love those fucking.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, you'll never be a grasshopper.

[Andrew Santino]

And I fought it with my okay.

[Bobby Lee]

There's far too much fake sugar in the world. I agree, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Take it out. So everyone listening to now. You heard it first. Wait six months to a year.

[Morgan Jay]

Let's do it.

[Andrew Santino]

And then we'll see.

[Bobby Lee]

That'll be you. You'll end up. You'll be like Alex.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Man, I got jacked as Frogs are gay.

[Morgan Jay]

You know, some.

[Andrew Santino]

Some.

[Morgan Jay]

Some people. Some women like. Like that bill.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

Dude, that's a really good.

[Bobby Lee]

This is my point. Women already like the way he is.

[Morgan Jay]

That's a good point.

[Bobby Lee]

He pulls beautiful women. So to change is weird. The same girls aren't going to find you attractive. That's.

[Andrew Santino]

Somebody said, I already told you, I'm fucking Cornholio. Yeah, they're really funny.

[Bobby Lee]

I told you the wildest shit about this guy. I never tell you the story.

[Andrew Santino]

You met him.

[Morgan Jay]

This is my first time here. So I've heard no story.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but this. Did I ever tell this on. No, the wildest story. Dude, this is a while ago. Me and Rogan and George Perez and we're playing in Austin. What's the club? Why can't I think of it? Cap City.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

The old one.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And we're down there and the next morning George is like, you know, hey, bro, we want to get high as a. And I was like, oh, yeah. Absolutely. Dude. Let's get ripped up and, like, go down by the Lady Bird Lake. Or we get stoned. And then Rogan is like, meet me at the Four Seasons Hotel. We're gonna have. We're gonna have lunch. Okay. We're. Or dinner or whatever. Okay. And he's coming. He tells us when we're.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, boy.

[Bobby Lee]

When we're there. And I was like, oh, Alex Jones is coming to this.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Morgan Jay]

Are you. Is that like a. Oh, he's coming. Or is it, like.

[Bobby Lee]

How fascinating with this.

[Morgan Jay]

Okay, okay. Like.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, he's not gonna talk to me. I'm just gonna be near him at a dinner listening to chaos. You know what I mean? Yeah. There's a piece of me that was like, this is a bad idea.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want to be photographed with this lunatic. But he's like. He comes to the dinner, and, dude, he showed. There's, like, armed guards everywhere. And he sits down. We're outside on the patio surrounded by a bunch of people. And he does. Like I said. George and I are baked, and we're just looking at each other because we're like, this is so strange. And he brought a girl, A girlfriend or some.

[Morgan Jay]

Whatever.

[Andrew Santino]

She beautiful?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't remember.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

She's like a woman. I don't know. But he's. The whole time, he's like, in the middle of conversations with Rogan, like, deep, deep. They didn't look at, you know, he didn't look away from Phil once. And he would be like, yeah, that's. And then you're the girl. This is the girl with him. He'd be like, yeah, so, Joe, that's like. That's the thing that's going on. It's like, frogs are gay. That's an emulation of a chat. Children are going to be gay, like frogs, and be hot, bump and all. And then he. And then he would stop, and in the middle of it go, baby, baby, kissy, kissy.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. That's so funny.

[Bobby Lee]

My hand to God.

[Andrew Santino]

Baby, baby, kissy, kissy. Oh, my God, I love it.

[Bobby Lee]

And she give him a kiss.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And she give him a little kiss. And then you go.

[Andrew Santino]

And like I said, two maybe. Because kissy kissy means two.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Kissy kissy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But he wouldn't even skip a beat, dude. He'd go right back it. Right back to Rogan and be like. And that's the thing. If they're licking frogs, trying to get high on psy. And they're also going to be gay. Turning you gay and you're kissy kissy.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

My hand to God.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

George Perez, you know we're cooked.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So George was. I mean, so baked. We're dying laughing, and I can't look up. Like, I'm just laughing.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you laughing?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm trying to eat mash.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

It's amazing because I was losing my mind. It was so surreal. It was like one of those, like, I'm in a. I'm in like, a curb episode. Do you know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

I was like, does he go licky licky? Yeah, let's baby. Wow. That's where sucky sucky maybe came from. Yeah. I mean, wow.

[Bobby Lee]

The weirdest thing was, like, a lot. And what was two.

[Andrew Santino]

What was sucky sucky? Two dollars. Is that 50 years ago? 100 years ago. Is that still two dollars?

[Bobby Lee]

That's from a movie, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Two dollar. Sucky sucky. What?

[Morgan Jay]

Chinatown.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe, like, inflation's gone up. You think it's like 80.

[Bobby Lee]

It was a full metal jacket, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Is it $80 sucky sucky now, you think, or 100? No, it's like 140 specific. So sincere, dude. That. It was so funny, dude.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

By the way, I wanted to put this fact out there to the world because it shocked me. When did. When did Picasso die? Picasso?

[Morgan Jay]

Was it probably in the 60s, in the 80s?

[Bobby Lee]

In the 70s?

[Morgan Jay]

In the 70s.

[Andrew Santino]

I was close.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But I thought for sure it was before that.

[Morgan Jay]

You're probably gonna.

[Andrew Santino]

Seventies.

[Morgan Jay]

You're like Van Gogh. Van Gogh.

[Bobby Lee]

Van Gogh.

[Morgan Jay]

Van Goth.

[Bobby Lee]

Who the is Van Goth?

[Morgan Jay]

Van Gogh. But he's pronounced Van Gogh.

[Bobby Lee]

Shut up.

[Morgan Jay]

Look it up.

[Andrew Santino]

How do you think I ask you about art?

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, but it's go G O u G h, right?

[Morgan Jay]

It's. Well, it's Dutch. It's like.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I ask you about art?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but we're not, bro.

[Morgan Jay]

That's true.

[Bobby Lee]

That's Van Gogh.

[Andrew Santino]

Is. Is Keith Haring good?

[Bobby Lee]

You know my stance.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Morgan Jay]

Have you seen the Doodler? The Doodle guy?

[Bobby Lee]

That guy's better than Keith Harris.

[Morgan Jay]

That guy's really great.

[Bobby Lee]

I fuck with that guy. Mr. Doodle?

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, Mr. Doodles.

[Bobby Lee]

I fuck with him.

[Andrew Santino]

He got the subway.

[Morgan Jay]

He.

[Bobby Lee]

He painted his whole house in doodles.

[Morgan Jay]

It's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

Bring up Mr. Doodle real fast. This dude is fucking incredible. Keith Haring was.

[Morgan Jay]

This guy's incredible.

[Bobby Lee]

This guy is a magician. I've never seen someone so.

[Morgan Jay]

And it's just like. I don't know how it comes out of his brain. It's all freehand, and it comes out perfect.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at that.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, wow. That's so dope.

[Morgan Jay]

And he just did that with, like, paint and markers and Keith.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Keith Haring wishes he could do that.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Now bring up some Keith Haring. He's dead, right?

[Morgan Jay]

But the same could be said for what's his name? He did the. The canned tomatoes or some.

[Andrew Santino]

Andy Warhol.

[Morgan Jay]

Andy Warhol.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, don't ever. Don't ever bring him.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

In a negative light.

[Bobby Lee]

These are different. Different. These are different because. Andy Warhol. Andy Warhol. Look at it. Look, look. Come on, bro. Please, dude.

[Morgan Jay]

I mean, he. It was about aids. He was doing this for aids.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. No. What? No, he just happened to have aids.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, he can't do it for it. No.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God. I got aids. I got the art. But he wanted to bring awareness. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He went and got AIDS just so he could do the art.

[Morgan Jay]

He was. That looks like a doodle. It's like a. That's a mister.

[Andrew Santino]

I think it's pretty cool, dude. I think he's the first guy to do that.

[Morgan Jay]

You know what it is? It's got sauce. It's got. It's got swag.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it's great. I do like it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

It's got swag.

[Bobby Lee]

No, here's the problem. I like, but I don't want it.

[Morgan Jay]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

It's fine.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I. With it. He was. He was. He's talented, but also, like. I don't know. It was. It's fine.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

It's no starry night.

[Andrew Santino]

He looks like he has AIDS right there.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Terrible, bro.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at that. He's like, I got aids.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Any. Oh, here we go. An A song.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I have.

[Bobby Lee]

I got so much aids.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

You got me on this podcast going, yeah, Basquiat.

[Andrew Santino]

You like him?

[Bobby Lee]

You know how I feel about Basquiat.

[Andrew Santino]

He's great.

[Bobby Lee]

He's cool.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But again, like, his isn't like, wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He's just cool.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

This is the problem. I fit this in cool artists. Like, that's cool. But I never go, wow. I just go, that's right now. Yeah, but I see that on. That's like at a. On a shirt at Target.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

What's your. What's your Korean name?

[Andrew Santino]

Huh? Okay, that's so. No, that's true.

[Bobby Lee]

That was a Godfather theme.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't know. You know. Yeah, that's good. You don't know my Korean. Yeah. Do it down. That's a little thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Chosun Gobi that's his.

[Andrew Santino]

How do you know?

[Bobby Lee]

From dumb. Yeah, from dumb.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh.

[Bobby Lee]

What is your Korean name? He'll sing it.

[Andrew Santino]

Song. Wow. Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

How did you get Sung Woo?

[Andrew Santino]

I didn't. My parents did it.

[Bobby Lee]

How do they get it? What does it mean?

[Andrew Santino]

I think it means success.

[Morgan Jay]

You're coming out of, like, a republic. What does that mean?

[Andrew Santino]

What does that name mean? Lee Seung Woo is my.

[Bobby Lee]

So when you Chinese people giving each other wing long names and ding dong names.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, did they have it? Is there a website that has a definition?

[Bobby Lee]

By the way, that's what. That's what the name of the.

[Morgan Jay]

A Virginia Tech shooter.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, Sung who? Sang Hui.

[Andrew Santino]

That's Sangui, not Sang Woo.

[Bobby Lee]

Pretty close. Both suners.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

Some songs of.

[Bobby Lee]

By the way, you remember Wing Dings? That's what. That's what that Texas dude calls any sort of Asian writing. I saw a bunch of Wing Dings on the wall, dude.

[Morgan Jay]

Bro. Korea is crushing it right now.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to go.

[Andrew Santino]

In what way?

[Morgan Jay]

Just culturally. They're just like, exporting.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, that's you. Sun is the name. Who H, O, O.

[Andrew Santino]

Just H. I don't know. Hu.

[Bobby Lee]

How do you not know your.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know how to spell it.

[Morgan Jay]

They're dancing better. They're singing better. They're making fried chicken better. They're crushing it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yo, be careful about that fried chicken.

[Morgan Jay]

Well, you know, GI's taught them how to make fried chicken.

[Bobby Lee]

That is true.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, that is true. Black GI is taught him how to do that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Korean fried chicken is bomb as brother.

[Morgan Jay]

Crushing it right now.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Film. They're crushing it. I mean, look at that.

[Bobby Lee]

That was the biggest problem with Australia, by the way.

[Morgan Jay]

What's that?

[Bobby Lee]

Too many whites. The food was dog.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, I just. I always had Thai food when I go to these. Like.

[Bobby Lee]

Like us too. But you run. You kind of run out of. Because even then you're like, all right.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They.

[Bobby Lee]

That there's too many whites. That is a worldly knowledge. If you have too many whites Central core in your country and not enough others, you're. Your food is. We had more bad pizza.

[Morgan Jay]

Wasn't there a comic who was like, if you want to deport all the people out of America, you shouldn't be allowed to eat their food. Like, whoever you want. That's whoever you want to deport. You can't eat their. Their cultural food.

[Andrew Santino]

They don't have extra crispy chicken at the Kentucky Fried Chicken. And it's like.

[Bobby Lee]

It's like, soggy.

[Morgan Jay]

Did you get the Kentucky Fried Chicken? In Australia.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. No good.

[Morgan Jay]

Was really good.

[Andrew Santino]

The quality of the chicken is good, but they don't have extra fried. It's got to be crispy, by the.

[Bobby Lee]

Way, because the best. And they love kfc. But I think our best still to this day is Popeyes. I think Popeyes the hardest. I think it's the crispiest that we, that we get in America.

[Andrew Santino]

What's the best fried chicken you've had in my life? Yeah, the Dave Chappelle fried chicken.

[Bobby Lee]

The best fried chicken I've ever had. Was one. One of them was definitely at Chappelle's.

[Morgan Jay]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

We had chicken and waffles at like 1:30 in the morning. After we did.

[Andrew Santino]

I couldn't move my neck and my heart was about to stop.

[Morgan Jay]

Was this at his place at his club.

[Bobby Lee]

I couldn't go to slee sleep because I'm.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, I, I thought I was going to have a heart attack that night.

[Bobby Lee]

It was like he had like a world renowned chef. After we did our show and the show's done, we closed down. Everyone's, you know, party is over. He's like, we'll go have chicken and waffles. And I was like, where? He's like right there. And we walked into a room into like a private dining room and they served us made to order waffles with homemade butter and syrup poured.

[Andrew Santino]

All that was incredible.

[Bobby Lee]

Did like beautiful fried weekend. Yeah, it was gorgeous. And then afterwards he was like, let's go dance.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Then it was like a night.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Start dancing.

[Bobby Lee]

Amazing.

[Morgan Jay]

So hanging out with him was pretty tight.

[Bobby Lee]

Dave Chappelle is Willy Wonka of comedy.

[Andrew Santino]

He is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he is the dream maker. He makes the. Yeah, it's, it's, it's unbelievable.

[Morgan Jay]

His aiz told a joke about. He's like, do you really not want to hang out? You could, you could go home or you could say you hung out with Dave Chappelle or some like Aziz was like had a joke about how you. Yeah, he wasn't. I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but he, but honestly he is. He's like a dream mate.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Where there's guys where you're like, oh, is that. Would that be as fun to hang out with them? With Chappelle, he's so generous.

[Morgan Jay]

You could tell, you could tell when you watch him. I always said that like the comics that are really great are the ones you want to hang out with after the show.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, he was like, well, he had a store. He's like this beautiful store in town that has all The Chappelle gear.

[Morgan Jay]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

And he was.

[Andrew Santino]

Take anything you want.

[Bobby Lee]

He was going there and Take anything. And we were like, no, no, we'll get a shirt or a hat, you know? And we walked in there, and the people working there were, like, back ready bags. We're like, okay, guys, throw everything in a bag that you'd like. It was wild, man.

[Andrew Santino]

Wild.

[Bobby Lee]

I was like, oh, this is. You're just. You feel like you don't deserve it. Yeah. Where you're, like, ashamed a little bit. But he's the. You know what I mean?

[Morgan Jay]

I hate to say I'm jealous. I want to do that.

[Bobby Lee]

It was rad. It was rats.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, we cried.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we cried.

[Andrew Santino]

We cried when we were with him. No, I don't. I'm sober. But, you know, when we first saw him, we said, we're gonna go back to the hotel. We got in the car, and we. Him and I both started crying.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true.

[Morgan Jay]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, because it's so cool.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Because he picked us up in his Jeep. Jeep at the airport.

[Morgan Jay]

He picked you up?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. We go to private plane.

[Morgan Jay]

Drove. And he picked you.

[Andrew Santino]

He literally was leaning against. What's up, man? You know? And we got in this. It was incredible.

[Bobby Lee]

He flew us in his jet.

[Andrew Santino]

It was incredible.

[Bobby Lee]

And then he. And then he met us at the airport, and he was like, well, there was a driver there that somebody had arranged. But then he was also there to say, what's up? And to say, like, good to see you. And then we thought, all right, we'll leave him alone. He's like, come in my car. And then we went.

[Morgan Jay]

Is he, like, funny? Like, out off stage? He's like a chill dude or.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, just chill guy.

[Morgan Jay]

Or is he just, like. Not like. No, you know, something. You know, there's some comments. We're, like, always kind of on. He's not on.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no.

[Morgan Jay]

He's just like.

[Bobby Lee]

He's not on, but he'll.

[Morgan Jay]

He's not.

[Bobby Lee]

But it's funny.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, he's naturally funny.

[Bobby Lee]

He's just so, like, charismatically funny that, like, the way he converses is so. He's very intelligent, so the way he frames the world is just funny.

[Morgan Jay]

That's so cool.

[Bobby Lee]

He's the guy, dude. Yeah, he's Willy Wonka to me. That felt like a day. I felt like I was Charlie.

[Morgan Jay]

That's inspiring.

[Andrew Santino]

I think, you know, the whole goal of my life. Right. And the whole. This whole adventure that I've been on, and it's been quite an adventure. Yeah, it's Crazy is, you know, these tiny moments. It's not about like, okay, here we go. Adventure.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Get it out first. You get it out first. Because I like this.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It's about every year if something new happens. Right. I think that's more important than success. Like, you know, like when we were in that island and we saw the little quokkas and they had a baby quokka coming out of the belly. And then, you know, I'm taking a selfie with the quokka and I'm like, this is. Yeah, yeah. It's a moment that I never planned. It was a surprise, unexpected adventure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was memories. When you build memories, I think that's what the point of line life is.

[Bobby Lee]

I agree.

[Andrew Santino]

And experiences. And it's like, you know, the chappelle thing was that. That. And I think some of the things we experience with quokkas. Yeah. And also riding scooters in the park. Yeah, dude.

[Morgan Jay]

My bad friend.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. 14, 000 seats.

[Morgan Jay]

14, 000 sold out.

[Bobby Lee]

45, 000 in Australia.

[Morgan Jay]

Sucking in air through an.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, dude, that's a memory. So Australia, that's the whole point of life. That is. Yeah. Don't you think? Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me do mine.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Do the music.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I love that.

[Bobby Lee]

Beautiful.

[Andrew Santino]

It's beautiful, dude.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

At the Sydney airport, I had to go take a before our flight, and we were in a rush and I didn't want to be late to the gate because I had a. I had a carry on bag and I didn't want there to be no bin space. So I quickly got up after taking a shit a little too fast and leaned forward and my penis brushed against the porcelain of the toilet seat.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, no. Was your dick getting hard cause of the dookie being too big?

[Bobby Lee]

That's the problem.

[Morgan Jay]

You know how your dick gets a little bigger sometimes? That's the problem when you're taking a shit. Yep.

[Bobby Lee]

I was engaging my sphincter. My dick got a little thicker. I brushed it against the porcelain, stood there for like an honest minute. And now I'm a she.

[Morgan Jay]

Now he's a she.

[Bobby Lee]

My kids have two moms now.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

At the cut, I cut my penis right off. At the Sydney airport, you'll find a little Cheeto in stall four. Sydney airport.

[Morgan Jay]

He's got a glitter dick.

[Bobby Lee]

A glitter dick?

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Remember I had a meltdown doing every day.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, in New Zealand. No, going to New Zealand.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God. That was a meltdown you had.

[Bobby Lee]

It was pretty bad.

[Andrew Santino]

It was pretty bad.

[Morgan Jay]

It's farther away than you think it is.

[Bobby Lee]

I thought, they're endless.

[Andrew Santino]

They wouldn't let me on the plane. They wouldn't let me on the plane.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, we went to Perth, too.

[Bobby Lee]

No, they don't. We almost didn't let us into the country.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Lee]

Because his passport.

[Andrew Santino]

Because. Well, not just any dog. Dog.

[Bobby Lee]

The greatest dog alive.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. And so my dog, Snoop Dogg did it. Yeah, Snoop Dogg chewed on my passport.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, cuz, give me that.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a couple of pages that. With bite marks in it. And we're about to go and they're like, nah, you can't. You know I mean, mate, right? And I go, what do you mean you can't come into the country?

[Bobby Lee]

They wouldn't let him do the biometrics.

[Morgan Jay]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So I just sat there while everyone got on the plane and I was like, I guess. And then I started having a meltdown.

[Bobby Lee]

He was. He was arguing with you.

[Morgan Jay]

You were alone. Did you guys just leave him there?

[Andrew Santino]

No, we had a tour.

[Bobby Lee]

We all had gotten on the plane. Yeah, he was last in the line.

[Andrew Santino]

No, Carlos. No, Carlos stayed with. He was yelling, google me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Google me.

[Morgan Jay]

And he was counting down the minutes until. When he was just going to go back to la, he started yelling.

[Andrew Santino]

Five.

[Morgan Jay]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Five minutes.

[Morgan Jay]

And then there was like, I embarrassed. I embarrassed my friend doing something like that in Vegas. Well, no, no, in meltdown. But I was, like, trying to use my status to get into this restaurant.

[Bobby Lee]

What restaurant? Which one?

[Morgan Jay]

It was just in one of the. It was like the Venetian. I forget. We just want to get food. And there was like. It was like Friday night, and I was just like, let's just go here. And then it was all like, young girls who were probably my demographic.

[Andrew Santino]

Sure, yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

And I was just like, hey, guys, I'm on tick tock. You might have seen me like, you sure you don't want. I like, sold this place out. Like, wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, you did that?

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah, I did that.

[Andrew Santino]

I love it.

[Morgan Jay]

And he goes. He goes, bro, that was gross. That was gross.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. When you.

[Bobby Lee]

Who's your boy?

[Morgan Jay]

My buddy Chris. We started comedy.

[Bobby Lee]

I like that.

[Morgan Jay]

He was like, that was gross.

[Bobby Lee]

I like.

[Morgan Jay]

But then my reps got me in a reservation of Carbone, and you guys, that was pretty cool.

[Bobby Lee]

It worked.

[Morgan Jay]

He's like, yeah, that was cool.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

Anyway, sorry to interrupt you. I interrupted you and told my story.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no.

[Morgan Jay]

But I am the guest, so.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you should have. What up? My story.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Pretty cool stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Did you end up a carbon. You ended up on air New Zealand.

[Andrew Santino]

We ended up. We ended up getting in there.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you want to wrap it up, then, sweetheart?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, let's.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what? Let's end this.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Can we end Wrap it up?

[Andrew Santino]

Wrap up. Wrap up the show with a song?

[Bobby Lee]

I'd like that.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah. Bad friends. Time to wrap up the podcast. I had a good time talking with my best friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

Morgan J. Gonna come back again, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, maybe.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, maybe.

[Morgan Jay]

Yeah. Learned a lot about my friends here.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Morgan Jay]

Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad, bad friend.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

Man, that's so good.