Privileged Bottom

Summary

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Bad Friends Podcast – Ep. "Privileged Bottom"

Hosts: Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee
Guest: Carlos (a.k.a. “Black Magic”)
Release Date: August 3, 2026

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Overview

In this playful and candid episode of Bad Friends, comedians Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee, joined by fan-favorite Carlos (“Black Magic”), riff on everything from Broadway musicals to conspiracy theories, family memories to their unique upbringings. The episode veers from laugh-out-loud improvisations to more heartfelt—and sometimes dark—personal stories, underpinned by the trio’s comfort with vulnerability, relentless teasing, and their shared comedic chemistry. The title, “Privileged Bottom,” becomes a recurring motif as Bobby reflects on hitting rock bottom during recovery, only to have Carlos roast him for his “luxurious” circumstances.

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Main Themes & Segments

1. Musicals, Opera, and Broadway Boundaries

• [01:24–03:14]
  The show opens with Andrew recounting his experience seeing Phantom of the Opera, prompting Bobby’s classic discomfort with musical theater:

  “You’re gay. That’s what you are… I will not go. I went to Lion King one time. Is it the same?” — Bobby Lee (02:48)

• Discussions compare musicals and operas, touching on singing styles, traditions, and inclusivity in modern casting:

  “The Phantom is black. … I want my Phantoms black!” — Bobby Lee (02:12)

2. Mortality, Politics, & Aging Out of Power

• [07:15–09:24]
  The hosts turn to public figures who “overstay” in positions of power, lampooning Mitch McConnell and Barry Manilow:

  “You had your time. Why don’t you just lay on a beach?” — Bobby Lee (09:20)

• A reflection on the appeal of retirement leads to Bobby’s dream of farming and slowing down in Hawaii, gently mocked by his co-hosts.

3. Farming, Water Rights, & Outrageous Entrepreneurship

• [14:09–16:22]
  Andrew rants about the Resnick family and California’s agriculture water wars:

  “Half of the world’s nuts come from this family… enough (water) to supply San Francisco’s population for a decade.” — Andrew Santino (14:27)

• The trio brainstorm absurd “gentrified” products, from boutique cocaine to bottling air and selling “Bad Friends Air”:

  “We gobble up all the air, take the air out of society, and then sell it back… you want oxygen?” — Bobby Lee (15:58)

4. Conspiracies, Ancient Aliens & the Age of Aquarius

• [24:41–27:39]
  Black Magic joins the conversation, launching a discussion on Egyptian pyramids, aliens, and esoteric cosmic epochs:

  “What if they were the aliens?... We can’t figure it out.” — Andrew Santino & Carlos (25:05)

• The group debates CERN, Shiva statues, and interpretations of ancient mythology:

  "Why is the Shiva statue in front of the CERN building?" — Andrew Santino (28:15)

5. Surveys, Sex, & Scandalous School Rumors

• [47:03–50:23]
  They discuss reports that younger generations are having less sex, Internet-fueled anxieties, and recount notorious school rumors and urban legends.

  "My girl, there was a rumor she took three bunnies and put it in the microwave. … Bunny killer!" — Bobby Lee (48:59)

6. Nostalgia, Parental Porn, and Coming-of-Age Stories

• [33:05–43:31]
  The hosts exchange stories about discovering adult material as kids—ranging from VHS to hidden magazines to awkward parental instruction—uncovering both trauma and hilarity:

  “He had the worst hider ever. I was finding porn under the couch, under the shelves, and I was like, you got this everywhere!” — Carlos (36:36)

• They reflect on family, shame, and the detective work of adolescent curiosity.

7. Sobriety & "Privileged Bottoms"

• [54:00–57:17]
  In a bittersweet moment, Bobby describes his lowest point during addiction recovery—detoxing alone in a luxury hotel room. Carlos gently roasts Bobby’s “privileged” circumstances:

  “Privileged bottom.” — Andrew Santino (57:17)
  “It’s so crazy to hear a famous person’s bottom… sitting in a nice hotel. A poor kid in a third-world country… I wish I could be that lucky.” — Carlos (57:04)

8. Standup Catchups, Day-to-Day Routine & Comedy as Therapy

• [51:01–54:15 & 74:35–76:00]
  Carlos gives an update on his life—pursuing standup, fighting career stagnation, his very “boring” days, and venturing into new career ideas (like being a 911 dispatcher, which he failed hilariously).
  • The hosts riff on the difficulty of the dispatcher test and the surrealism of “911 as your dream job” (63:47).

9. Bad Friends Chemistry, Character Work, & Comic Bond

• [74:52–76:31]
  Carlos offers heartfelt admiration for Andrew and Bobby’s improvisational gifts and their authenticity both on and off stage:

  “You two are gifted... The way you do voices and accents... even the character work you do, it’s funny, it’s believable.” — Carlos (75:12)

10. Wrapping Up: Theremin Metaphors & Wizard of Oz Bits

• [76:00–78:48]
  Andrew draws a metaphor between his and Bobby’s comedic interplay and the odd musical instrument, the Theremin—two frequencies blending. The episode winds down with a Wizard of Oz riff, reimagining the cast with their own traits and a nod to racial crossovers and stereotypes.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Broadway:
  “You’re gay. That’s what you are... because I will not go.” — Bobby Lee (02:48)
• On Survival:
  “I timed it. Six minutes, I’d be dead.” — Bobby Lee, on floating in a pool (05:51)
• On Water Hoarding:
  “Kill these… we don’t need nuts.” — Andrew Santino (14:58)
• On Gentrifying Drugs:
  “Maybe I can gentrify cocaine like they’re doing with sardines.” — Bobby Lee (12:17)
• On Rock Bottom:
  “I remember when I was detoxing, [...] I slept by the doorway of the hotel because if I died, they could discover my body sooner.” — Bobby Lee (55:13)
• On Family Porn Stashes:
  “He had the worst hider ever. I was finding porn under the couch, under the shelves, I was like, you got this everywhere!” — Carlos (36:36)
• On Gifts:
  “You two are gifted... The way you do voices and accents... it’s funny, it’s believable.” — Carlos (75:12)

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Timestamps: Key Segments

• [01:24] – Phantom of the Opera & the “Black Phantom” revelation
• [05:07] – Bobby tests his survival limits in the pool
• [14:09] – Water rights and the "Wonderful" nut family
• [24:41] – Black Magic talks aliens and conspiracy theories
• [47:03] – Sex among Gen Z and urban legends from high school
• [54:00] – Bobby’s “privileged bottom” story
• [63:31] – Carlos’ failed quest to become a 911 dispatcher
• [74:52] – Carlos reflects on Bad Friends’ comedic chemistry
• [76:07] – Theremin metaphor for Andrew & Bobby’s energy
• [78:21] – Wizard of Oz racial/character riff

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Tone & Style

• Language & Tone: Raunchy, irreverent, heartfelt, and frequently self-deprecating. The hosts and guest are unfiltered, quick to roast each other, jump between silly impressions and vulnerable admissions, and adept at riffing on awkward topics.
• Dynamic: The trio’s comfort level allows for seamless transitions from jokes to emotional honesty—and back again at breakneck speed.

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In Summary

“Privileged Bottom” is classic Bad Friends: a riotous blend of bits, roasts, and honest disclosures. If you enjoy the unpredictable, gleefully inappropriate, and surprisingly sincere dynamic between Andrew, Bobby, and their guests, this episode delivers it all—plus some new iconic inside jokes for the Bad Friends faithful.

Transcript

[Andrew Santino]

This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for from a browse to a bike ride this summer. Find more on Facebook. Hey, bad friends. I'm gonna be playing September 7th in St. Louis. Well, it's St. Charles, but it's right next door to St. Louis, Missouri.

[Bobby Lee]

You gotta go.

[Andrew Santino]

You gotta go. Please.

[Bobby Lee]

Want to see the best comic in the world?

[Andrew Santino]

You gotta see me, baby. I'm at the Mayor Star Casino September 7th there in St. Charles, St. Louis, Missouri. That's my last show of the year, so come out and see me. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. That's andrewsantino.com. st. Louis, St. Charles, Missouri. Hey, guys.

[Bobby Lee]

We have new merch. I love these shirts. These are my favorite ones.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at how great this shirt is right now. This is incredible. An amazing Bad Friends Art made this for us, and we want you guys all to be wearing it on your person right now. You can buy these shirts right now in red or [e-mail]. that's badfriendsmerch.com. go get the shirts. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

[Carlos]

White dude and an Asian dude.

[Bobby Lee]

You two are disgusting.

[Carlos]

You two or something. We're bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Christine.

[Bobby Lee]

That's where you went.

[Carlos]

Christine.

[Andrew Santino]

Christine.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Christine. I did it on Wednesday.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you really? Is it that good?

[Andrew Santino]

It's fantastic.

[Bobby Lee]

Phantom of the Opera.

[Andrew Santino]

It's.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know anything about the story, so good. Tell me the story. The ghost story.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a ghost.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a ghost story.

[Andrew Santino]

It is.

[Bobby Lee]

But he's half white. What's the mask about?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't like it.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I tell you something?

[Bobby Lee]

Tell me about it.

[Andrew Santino]

The cast I went to.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

The Phantom is black.

[Bobby Lee]

Is it really? Yeah. And he has a white half white face.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

He's in white face.

[Bobby Lee]

I like that.

[Andrew Santino]

That's. The Phantom is black.

[Bobby Lee]

I want them black.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. What?

[Andrew Santino]

Sure, man.

[Bobby Lee]

I want my phantoms black.

[Andrew Santino]

Me too, dog.

[Bobby Lee]

All right.

[Andrew Santino]

And my grim reaper reapers Phantom was fantastic.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

So it makes sense.

[Bobby Lee]

Is there opera?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

It's called Phantom of the I. I

[Bobby Lee]

understand that, but there could be Not Christine. Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

Come to my lair. And here we will fire. Dude, it's so funny.

[Bobby Lee]

It's good.

[Andrew Santino]

I loved it.

[Bobby Lee]

I love it. You're gay. That's what you are. You're gay. Yeah. 100.

[Andrew Santino]

Undoubtedly.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Because I will not go. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You would never go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I went to the Lion King one time. Is it the same?

[Carlos]

Same. It's just.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a play.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's still a. Is it an opera? Would you say they're singing?

[Andrew Santino]

No, it's a musical.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it's a musical. What's the difference between musical and an opera?

[Andrew Santino]

Fancy knows. He went to school for this.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

For real?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, for real. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He wants to know. Musical is a.

[Bobby Lee]

Modern operas are generally sung through classical performances utilizing non amplified operatic voices. So you have to sing like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But everything like this. This is a musical kind of. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's pretty good.

[Bobby Lee]

I see.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm coming.

[Bobby Lee]

I understand now.

[Andrew Santino]

Kind of bummed. He got his eyes done. Now he can see everything that's on that screen. He used to not be able to read it. Now he can see everything.

[Bobby Lee]

I can see everything. I can read it.

[Andrew Santino]

It was incredible. The. The whole cast did a great job. It was really cool.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you go backstage?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I sat in the.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I thought, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. That's why you don't go.

[Bobby Lee]

No. You went to the wedding. How was it?

[Andrew Santino]

Vip?

[Bobby Lee]

How was the wedding?

[Andrew Santino]

I didn't go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you did. I know you went. Yeah, I saw the photos.

[Andrew Santino]

Didn't go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. How was the. How was the wedding?

[Andrew Santino]

I threw up on Taylor Swift's dress.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Everywhere.

[Bobby Lee]

Was it star studded?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, dude, it was just cousins. It was all a thousand cousins. It was a thousand.

[Bobby Lee]

A thousand cousins. I see. Like, so are you, Christine, when you're in that situation, are you nervous or are you having fun?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm having a blast there.

[Carlos]

Just.

[Bobby Lee]

Certain people that aren't allowed to go.

[Andrew Santino]

Certain people aren't allowed to go or

[Bobby Lee]

are not friends in that, you know, that's fine. I'm not, you know, if. Like there's certain weddings I would probably be invited to. Yeah.

[Carlos]

Who?

[Andrew Santino]

Whose?

[Bobby Lee]

Like, you know Joel, that drummer from the comedy series, a doorman, Joel Jimenez. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think you would.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think maybe not.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I don't think so.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but I don't think huge. You know, I think that maybe I would get invited to certain McCones. I know, but that. But not the level of. I can't think of anyone in the

[Andrew Santino]

level might not get to McConnell?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think so. You know what I realized the other day when I was swimming that if I was thrown overboard in the middle of the ocean, if I was on a cruise or whatever. Yeah. I would survive for 6 minutes. Cuz I tried to test it, I timed it. And waiting in a pool for six minutes, that's my limit. I would have drowned.

[Andrew Santino]

Six minutes is pretty good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Without any like platform or something to hold on to.

[Andrew Santino]

Average time for the Coast Guard to come get you, it's like an hour. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What's the average time?

[Andrew Santino]

Dead. You're totally dead. Under an hour to several days.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. There's no way I would. I would die.

[Andrew Santino]

But see, it says hypothermia depending on where you fall in. You fall in down there in the Bahamas, you're in me.

[Bobby Lee]

Listen to me. I might pull. Is heated. Okay. There are no waves. Yeah. There are no sharks.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Probably orcas.

[Bobby Lee]

I timed it. Six minutes, I'd be dead.

[Andrew Santino]

We should stuff. We should put sharks and stuff in your pool and make a wave machine in there to see how long we could last.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, well, without the sharks first.

[Andrew Santino]

No, put the shark.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, put the shark.

[Andrew Santino]

The ones that don't buy two minutes. The ones that just tickle you like a tiger. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Tiger shark. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

50 to 60 degrees, you could last one to two hours.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

In 50 degrees you'd have to have something to float on like Jack did and rose like a door. We let's rip a door off in your house and put it in the pool and reenact Titanic.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I can jack it.

[Andrew Santino]

I can rose it.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh yeah, yeah, you can rose it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, 100%.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'll jack it.

[Andrew Santino]

They're. They're going to come soon.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Bye.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Goodbye. I can I be honest with that

[Andrew Santino]

is they could have both fit on that door.

[Bobby Lee]

Not only that, I would have jacked it.

[Andrew Santino]

You would have killed yourself.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I would have been like pushed her off and then got on, stayed on.

[Andrew Santino]

That's reverse jack.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I reverse the Jack.

[Andrew Santino]

What's the other guy's name that snuck onto the. The family. The women and children boat? That guy? Her ex husband. He's the guy, his fiance. Sorry. He snuck on the women and children boat.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Who plays that? Billy Zane?

[Andrew Santino]

You do.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's. I would do the Billy's. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You would have gotten on with.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I'm small.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you're like a little.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. They would see that I was women Children and Asians. Yeah. I go, hello. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that an Asian woman?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I am. Hello.

[Andrew Santino]

Redheads just jump in and die.

[Bobby Lee]

Yep. Speaking of death, I think Mitch McConnell's still alive.

[Carlos]

Yep.

[Andrew Santino]

Is he?

[Bobby Lee]

He doesn't know he's alive, though.

[Andrew Santino]

Keep talking about them.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I don't think he's alive, but he. I think he's brain dead, but I think he's still alive.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, go to the first. Go to Images.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

How bad is his PR team that they're not trying to get rid of these pictures? Just get rid of that. Just be like, don't publish it. Don't publish that.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what he looks like.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. So cut it out.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, sometimes you can Google someone and it only shows photos of them when they were like, 40.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what I mean? It's like this guy, they're letting him put every. Get it out of there.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, is it me? Is he not hot?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think he is, brother.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, good.

[Andrew Santino]

I just don't.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want to shame the guy. I just don't think that, like, I don't know. What? Is he hot?

[Andrew Santino]

Not even when he was young?

[Bobby Lee]

As a young guy, he wasn't hot.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Didn't work. Never had, like a. So he always was in an awkward phase.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He never got out of it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And then he also marched with Martin Luther King.

[Andrew Santino]

Did he?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Did he?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I think he was chasing him. Is that true or no? Yeah, there he is. Where is he?

[Andrew Santino]

And there's his wife right there. Next.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Which one is.

[Andrew Santino]

That is not Martin Luther King. That's just a black guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You think that's MLK?

[Carlos]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

I heard that. I saw TikTok. That is not. Bro.

[Andrew Santino]

Someone on TikTok was like, that's MLK. That's just a black guy. He attended his march. He went to the march. That doesn't mean he marched.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Attended. Well, he attended it. That's.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but there was, like, a big gathering. He probably showed up to the gathering to be like, how can we get this guy? I'm trying to get him.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I see.

[Andrew Santino]

Plotting and planning.

[Bobby Lee]

I thought he changed through time. I think people do that.

[Andrew Santino]

I doubt it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Like, I love black people, and as they get money and, you know, power and stuff, I don't lock him anymore for some reason.

[Andrew Santino]

I'd say so. Such. He's like, how old There he is. 90.

[Bobby Lee]

What, he's 84?

[Andrew Santino]

No, he's 90 by now. No.

[Bobby Lee]

He's 84.

[Andrew Santino]

Mitch should. Should not be able to allow.

[Bobby Lee]

And also Barry Manelow. It's like. It's like it's over. And so you had your time.

[Andrew Santino]

You had your time.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It's like, why don't you want to just lay on a beach?

[Andrew Santino]

Have you seen that mouth? This mouth? The mouths don't move. It's the creepiest thing I've ever seen.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That they've got him, like, propped up and it's like his teeth are doing that. I'm like, this is ventriloquist. I think Jeff Dunham is. Is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Doing Barry Manila now.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You know the best white song is.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me the best white song.

[Bobby Lee]

The. The best song you guys ever written. And Christopher Cross sailing. Say, it's like the best white sailing. J feeling.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, look at that photo of him.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Nothing else. They didn't have any other pictures available.

[Bobby Lee]

Here's why I like it. You can imagine yourself, right, being a black guy on a boat.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh.

[Bobby Lee]

With three other white guys. Right. You sailing,

[Andrew Santino]

rowing.

[Bobby Lee]

You are sailing and rowing. Right. And then when the boat comes back. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

How are you on the boat? Because you wanted to be on the boat.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I want to be on the boat. The minorities are gone, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you're a black guy in the boat with all white guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Just like what happened just now. I was trying to do it. Reference of that black guy we got missing. We got it. I don't think you did.

[Andrew Santino]

I got it.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think it's a good joke.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a great joke.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry. I apologize.

[Andrew Santino]

It's fine.

[Bobby Lee]

No, sometimes I hit. Am I missing today?

[Andrew Santino]

You're hitting home runs.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think.

[Andrew Santino]

As far as I'm concerned.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I like the color of that beanie, by the way.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you. I tell you what, I think retirement is key. Yeah. You hear people talk about retirement like, oh, you're not going to like it. You know, it's a repetition. There's no goal in life. That's when you start dying.

[Andrew Santino]

Sounds great.

[Bobby Lee]

It sounds great to me.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to rep. Yeah, let's get out of here.

[Bobby Lee]

Just being in a. On a beach all day, like, drinking sweet drinks.

[Andrew Santino]

You're going to be in Hawaii 100% on a private little beach.

[Bobby Lee]

Not private. Amongst everybody.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. He needs recognition.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. No, I honestly believe that.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that Bobby Lee? All day, a sign that says, it's me, Bobby Lee.

[Bobby Lee]

There's no way there's no way. So a small little place, you know, I want to grow.

[Andrew Santino]

Farm.

[Carlos]

Grow farm?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'm gonna farm. I'm gonna farm melons.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you think?

[Bobby Lee]

Melons.

[Andrew Santino]

What did you farm?

[Bobby Lee]

Whatever they have, like sugar cane, you know. Well, they.

[Andrew Santino]

Pineapple. They used to dole was there for you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Pineapple. Things that in that environment, you can grow something, thrive. I want to learn how to grow.

[Andrew Santino]

I like that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I want to learn. I want to have like a big yard for like cats and dogs and stuff.

[Andrew Santino]

I love that.

[Bobby Lee]

And just like, you know, lay on a beach.

[Andrew Santino]

Now, would you ever split a farm with me or no?

[Bobby Lee]

I would.

[Andrew Santino]

Cannabis, tobacco, coca, cava and nut palm.

[Bobby Lee]

These are drugs you can farm.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Probably cava, opioids maybe. I love cava.

[Andrew Santino]

Why are you doing that? Yeah, we don't. We're not gonna. He's gonna farm legal substances. He can distribute.

[Carlos]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

He can relapse once he retires. Okay, you know what, Carlos, first of all, you know, you know the process of. From coca to cocaine. Oh, you would so hire people for that.

[Andrew Santino]

As someone that has hired a few people to do that, it is still very hard to do.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe I can gentrify cocaine like they're doing with sardines. Or you can get the leaves in Los Feliz. Yeah. Like the plants and how.

[Andrew Santino]

You know too much about it. Yeah, I'm a little nervous.

[Bobby Lee]

I think if you gentrify old school drugs. That's my thing. That's cool. Because they're doing it like, you know, with fish wife. You know what fish wife is?

[Andrew Santino]

No. Is it a new restaurant?

[Bobby Lee]

No. If. No, it's a sardine. So back. Back in the day, Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Teach me, baby.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll tell you. Right. Thousands of years of people, like poor people would eat sardines.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

In cans.

[Andrew Santino]

I. I like.

[Bobby Lee]

But it's super good for you. Yeah, it's really good protein and. And she, you know, kind of gentrified it and made it, like, cool.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like what they did with lobster.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

Serve it to prisoners.

[Carlos]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

So she says that fish, white smoked Atlantic salmon is so good.

[Andrew Santino]

So it's a brand of. Of fish.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a brand of fish in a tin, in a can.

[Andrew Santino]

I got it.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. So why can't we do it with opium?

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. I think you're right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I won't do it because I'm sober, but it's like, you know, hey, right

[Andrew Santino]

here, I'll do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'll do it. What would we call it? Smoke Cousin, man.

[Carlos]

Summer school.

[Bobby Lee]

Summer school, yeah. Oh, summer school.

[Andrew Santino]

Summer school is fantastic. That's a fancy all. Everyone in this room had to take it, I'll tell you that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it says summer school. Yeah, it's fentanyl.

[Andrew Santino]

Damn, dude, we got to give you credit for that. That's nuts.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Bobby, what should we call it?

[Bobby Lee]

Summer. Spring.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay,

[Bobby Lee]

I'm sorry. Lake. Lake. Lake Boat. No, like Elson.

[Andrew Santino]

Lake Elsinore.

[Bobby Lee]

Lake Elsinore. That's a cool lake.

[Andrew Santino]

Sail.

[Bobby Lee]

No sail.

[Andrew Santino]

Lake.

[Bobby Lee]

Sail. Lake.

[Carlos]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Sail away lake.

[Bobby Lee]

Sail away lake.

[Andrew Santino]

How about. How about White Lady Coke? White Lady's too literal. That's what they call it on the streets. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

White sale.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. White Ghost.

[Andrew Santino]

They are usually.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Except for Phantom this weekend.

[Bobby Lee]

Anyway, we'll fuck up. We'll get a marketing team.

[Andrew Santino]

But I got a new family for you to hate in the farming world. I had this discussion with my in laws at the house about farming in central California. The Resnick family. Do you know these people? The Wonderful. They own wonderful, you know, palm. You know, they own all of the water. Like, literally all of our water.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Check this out. Half of the world's nuts come from this family right here. And these people. Look up the. Click on his Wikipedia majority stake in the Current Water bank, one of California's largest underground water storage facilities capable of storing 500 billion gallons. Okay, check this out. Every single year, they use 120 billion gallons of water. Two thirds on nuts. This is enough to supply San Francisco's entire population with water for a decade.

[Bobby Lee]

That's insane.

[Andrew Santino]

Kill these. We don't need nuts.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what we got to do?

[Andrew Santino]

We don't need nuts.

[Bobby Lee]

We gotta do.

[Andrew Santino]

We need pistachios.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, I like walnuts that.

[Andrew Santino]

I think this is pistachios and almonds.

[Bobby Lee]

But they're using the water for. To sell. To sell water. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

They're using the water to make almonds and pistachios. It takes a ton of water to make them.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I didn't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, then I don't need pistachios or almonds anymore.

[Bobby Lee]

Get rid of them. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Gone.

[Bobby Lee]

They use the same water. The frack.

[Andrew Santino]

Fracking wastewater. Right. They got criticized for that.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, really? We should capitalize on air.

[Andrew Santino]

How do we bottle air?

[Bobby Lee]

We got to bottle air. I think. I think you can do that from concerts. You can get like a Taylor Swift air bottle.

[Andrew Santino]

Will you. Hey, will you buy the website Bad Friends Air? And we'll start redistributing air.

[Bobby Lee]

What we need to do is Take the air out of the world and then like sell it back to the world.

[Andrew Santino]

You want oxygen?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You want oxygen.

[Andrew Santino]

But we secretly got to buy from.

[Bobby Lee]

Took the air away. We could sell it from the Bad Friend studio. Like Bobby Lee breathed this air or air buildings.

[Andrew Santino]

No, dude, he wants to own baseball.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to air all. I want to own the all air.

[Andrew Santino]

Bobby wants to own the atmosphere.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. So we, we gobble up all the air. Right? Take the air out of society, in the world. Yeah, right. And go.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you want to breathe.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, rainforest. You want to breathe. But they're like, we have trees, but it's like we gotta take them away. No, no, they create oxygen. Yeah, but a high velocity fan.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, how about this? Okay, why don't we just start owning gravity? Let's go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They're out of here.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, out of here, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Come down to earth, pal. Yeah, that'll be all right.

[Bobby Lee]

Or let's double down. Once we get gravity, let's own black holes.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Yeah, we'll get it all.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we'll get it all. And bending space and time.

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos heard black holes and piped up real. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But once you get the air, something called the Bernelli happens. When all the air you get, like you're immersed by it.

[Andrew Santino]

So you're.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, of course you're immersed by it.

[Carlos]

You need.

[Bobby Lee]

Cuz you're alive.

[Carlos]

You need to give it 2 to 5ft of space.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, Bernelli will be the, the, the, the brand.

[Bobby Lee]

The brand of our air.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You can, yeah. Seal the gaps. Obviously.

[Andrew Santino]

Could you imagine we hire him to seal the gaps. None of them are sealed. Yeah, we lose all of our air the first day.

[Bobby Lee]

Is it crazy to think that like, you know, everything is monetized?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Even simple things like water and people

[Andrew Santino]

have owned the water and food.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

So long.

[Bobby Lee]

It's like. And a lot of these water companies, you don't realize, aren't really that good for you. Oh, you mean with microplastics and such?

[Andrew Santino]

They just caught that fancy olive oil company, the one in the. Where you squeeze. It's the little tiny droplet that comes that they sell them at fancy places. It has forever chemicals all in it. Olive oil company, they just got caught with forever chemicals.

[Bobby Lee]

That's why I buy pretty high end olive oil.

[Andrew Santino]

I make my own.

[Bobby Lee]

You have all the trees?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yes, I do.

[Bobby Lee]

And I see one tree and I. Oh, you hand.

[Andrew Santino]

I hand.

[Bobby Lee]

You hand squeeze them.

[Andrew Santino]

I hand squeeze. I just, I do that with almond milk. You do?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I do. Almonds And I squeeze them as hard as I can.

[Andrew Santino]

Pfest, baby. For every chemical. Yeah. We got them in all of our blood.

[Bobby Lee]

They got sued two hours ago by the New York Attorney General.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, really? It just happened? Yeah. Wow. Nice.

[Bobby Lee]

I bought a hair kit.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you talking about?

[Bobby Lee]

Like on TikTok. It was like, you know, I mean, we send us your hair and we'll tell you what's in your body.

[Andrew Santino]

Stop sending people your stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

DNA. We don't want to send your DNA.

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's a credible company.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, you should do send your dog's hair.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, and see, and they're like, bobby,

[Andrew Santino]

this is a huge problem. The problem they call you. They're like, sir, can we have a conversation?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Are you half. Are you primitive?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're like. I mean, I do feel I'm awake all night. I do.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yell at the moon in the middle of the night.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. There's going to be that new movie coming. I'm excited.

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Because there's never really been werewolf.

[Andrew Santino]

A werewolf movie? Yeah. Teen Wolf Dog.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no.

[Andrew Santino]

One of my Robert Eggers. A scary one. Oh, a scare.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, no. Star off through that. He did Nostrov to.

[Andrew Santino]

He's doing this.

[Bobby Lee]

He's doing. No Ferrato Nostradam.

[Andrew Santino]

Let him say it the way he wants to say it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You're fucking Spanish cuck.

[Andrew Santino]

You Spanish cock, dude. Well, wolf. And it's spelled like fancy would say it were wolf.

[Carlos]

Exactly.

[Bobby Lee]

Because look at that. If that's not a world.

[Andrew Santino]

Isn't that the Liver King? That guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

The wet wood. When does this come out? Next year?

[Carlos]

Probably at the end of this year.

[Bobby Lee]

You should watch. Check out the trailer. It's pretty good. There's some good movies coming out, man.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's in it? Zoom in. Willem Defoe.

[Bobby Lee]

He's always in. Robert Eggers. He was in the Lighthouse. He was in Nostaraftu. Wait, is that right?

[Andrew Santino]

Aaron Taylor Johnson. Lily Rose Depp.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Ralph Innocent. Simon Burnley. So they gave. Yeah. Cool. Lily Rose Depp.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, she was in Nostaroften. Am I saying it wrong?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

What is it? How do you spell it? Nosferatu. Nosferatu.

[Andrew Santino]

You say it however you want to say.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I don't want to listen correctly.

[Andrew Santino]

Nosferatu.

[Bobby Lee]

Nosferatu. Nosferatu.

[Andrew Santino]

Now, Lily Rose Depp, she was also in Johnny Depp's Balls at one point.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but she was also. Okay, let me say something. If you watch Nosferatu, Right. She's amazing in that.

[Andrew Santino]

You would be.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You would be. If your stepmom pooped in your bed, you'd have to have some kind of.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You'd have to have some kind of depth.

[Bobby Lee]

Some trauma.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Some traumatic depth to make you a good actor.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Who's here?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, oh, oh. Blum, blum, blum, blum, blum, blum, blum, blum, blum. Magic in the house. Magic.

[Bobby Lee]

Black magic in the house.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you doing? Are you a crip now? Are you a crip?

[Carlos]

He's a crip from Compton.

[Bobby Lee]

Like magic in the house. Bluechew. I'm almost 55 years old. I have a girlfriend, and I have to admit I have to use sometimes Bluechew.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not something you should be afraid to admit. Many, many, many, many millions of men need to do this. And Bluechew now is upping their game with Bluechew Gold. It's better sex and a tablet. They combine four ingredients into one powerful solution. Two ingredients are going to get you hard physically. Boom. Boom. And two support arousal.

[Bobby Lee]

It makes you desire it.

[Andrew Santino]

It desires it in your brain.

[Bobby Lee]

In your brain. And to make your bedroom noisy again. Nothing says hello, neighbors like a bedpost knocking against the drywall at 2am that's your bedpost.

[Andrew Santino]

That's Bobby's bed.

[Bobby Lee]

That's my. Yeah. I have a big head. I'm Korean.

[Andrew Santino]

And I'm telling you, there's a reason Bluechew is number one brand for better sex. Experience it for [e-mail] it's so good. Bobby is using it and he calls me right after and goes, let me tell you something, dude. I'm juiced up, bricked up to the ceiling.

[Bobby Lee]

And we got a special deal for our listeners right now. When you buy two months of Bluetooth Gold, you get the 3 3rd free with promo code bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

That's promo code bad friends. You're also going to receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We're going to thank Bluechew once again for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom Avocado green mattresses.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm so excited to tell you, our sponsor, Avocado green mattresses, because.

[Andrew Santino]

So good.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, why wouldn't you use. Why would you use any other mattress when the avocado is the best one?

[Andrew Santino]

It is kind of remarkable when I switched because avocado was nice enough to send us a mattress.

[Bobby Lee]

Y.

[Andrew Santino]

You can feel it. IM quality. The quality that they put into this is so nice. They're designed to provide comfort and proper support because you know old Andy's got a bad back over here and they help my back stay aligned while still feeling cozy. So you don't get that super soft without any support. They've got them both.

[Bobby Lee]

It's made, not manufactured Avocado focuses on thoughtful craftsmanship, creating products that feel intentionally made rather than mass produced so you can feel good when you buy.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, here's the best part. Sustainable choices that you can make with natural, certified organic materials, responsibly sourced and built to last. Which means less waste over time. Because a lot of times, what do you do? You throw out a mattress that goes in the junkyard, it piles up, probably sits for hundreds of years. No, they've taken care of that. Avocado products are made, not manufactured, thoughtfully crafted with real materials to deliver lasting comfort and support. You can experience them in person at Avocado Showroom or premier retailer near you, or shop online @avocado green mattress.com Bad friends to check out their mattress and their furniture sale.

[Bobby Lee]

That's avocadogreenmattress.com Bad Friends avocadogreenmattpress.com Bad Friends Rocket Money I'll tell you this. The best gift you ever give me is Rocket Money because I've saved so much money on my subscriptions, on my gadgets.

[Andrew Santino]

And so funny how many you had. I think this guy had 12 things he didn't even use.

[Bobby Lee]

I was bleeding money guys.

[Andrew Santino]

It's so stupid. And they're saving people so much money. I don't even know why. You don't want automatic savings, so you download these apps, you pay for a subscription, you forgot you did it. And Rocket Money is going to save you money. They're going to save you over $70 on average within the first 30 days.

[Bobby Lee]

They've saved users over 880 million in canceled subscriptions.

[Andrew Santino]

That's absurd.

[Bobby Lee]

That's insane.

[Andrew Santino]

Dad, this the app consolidates everything checking, savings, loans, investments into a single dashboard. You can look at everything in front of your face. It gives you a clear view of your financial picture. And it automates savings, by the way, so you can grow with adjustable amounts of frequency. You can set it and forget it approach, which is awesome if you're saving for something big. Take the money back from all the unwanted, unused nonsense on your phone. Save it for that rainy day, for that thing you really want.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, the app consolidates checking, savings, loans and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture.

[Andrew Santino]

That's exactly right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. [e-mail] Bad Friends that's RocketMoney.com Bad Friends

[Bobby Lee]

RocketMoney.com Bad Friends Black Magic in the house. How you doing, Black Magic?

[Carlos]

Good. Feeling good.

[Andrew Santino]

You're looking good.

[Bobby Lee]

You look good.

[Andrew Santino]

Ladies and gentlemen, Black Magic is back on the show. Good to see you, baby boy.

[Bobby Lee]

So I've been getting into the alien thing a little bit more.

[Carlos]

You have?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I don't understand it. So the hieroglyphics, right. In ancient times, in the cave drawings, they show alien heads and alien things. So do you think the Egyptians and these kind of people witnessed and met aliens 100? You do?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What if they were the.

[Carlos]

What are they saying?

[Andrew Santino]

Aren't they the aliens? No, see, I think they were the aliens. When we say the aliens built the pyramids, that's who was there.

[Carlos]

I mean, because look at the size of them things and just the science behind them. We can't figure it out.

[Andrew Santino]

They keep going. I've seen all these videos where they try to emulate how to. How to do that. Doesn't work.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, the Giza is exactly pointing to true north.

[Andrew Santino]

That's true.

[Bobby Lee]

Why are you laughing, dude? That's not true. Bobby got such tick tock brain. Yeah, yeah, it's pointing to true north,

[Andrew Santino]

but it is, it is true. Northwest, Kanye's child, She's doing a concert atop there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And also it's like the Egyptians believed that we were. It was trying to talk about how we're in the age of Pisces, but we're about to be in the age of Aquarius.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I wish it was Sagittarius.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And 150 years. The age of Aquarius is going to happen.

[Carlos]

What the is that?

[Andrew Santino]

You're supposed to know.

[Bobby Lee]

You're supposed to know. That's why I'm bringing it up, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

I feel like black people always know that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the age of Aquarium, the fifth dimension.

[Carlos]

My aunt was heavy into this.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Yeah, see, none of our into this.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I was teaching me this when I was young and I'm. I'm still up. I don't get it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I don't either. That's what I'm asking. What is it? Are we in the age of Aquarius in 150 years and then what happens? And the Egyptians seem to hint at It. Right. And they have all these like weird, like hieroglyphics. I can't say it.

[Andrew Santino]

Hieroglyphics.

[Bobby Lee]

Hieroglyphics.

[Andrew Santino]

The Age of Aquarius is an astrological era characterized by a shift towards collective consciousness, humanitarianism, innovation and interconnectedness. Sounds good. Astrologers calculate its arrival based on the position of the equinox is a roughly 26, 000 year cycle. While the exact start date remains heavily debated, many believe we are transitioning into this new dawn right now.

[Bobby Lee]

That's insane. We're in the Age of Aquarius now. Well, we've been in it in conjunction with AI and all these other things that are happening. And cern, you know that machine that they shut down in. What was it? Switzerland? Netherlands? Where is it?

[Carlos]

But they just shut it down just for maintenance. For four.

[Andrew Santino]

But that's what they told you.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what they told you.

[Andrew Santino]

They told you it's for maintenance. But you know, it's really.

[Bobby Lee]

You're not, you know, work at cern.

[Carlos]

Black holes and dimensions, these.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

You probably didn't even know it then the ship came in like, what the.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They had no idea.

[Bobby Lee]

You know much about CERN or. No.

[Carlos]

Yeah. I don't know a whole. Not a whole lot, but I know.

[Bobby Lee]

Tell us about it.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at cern.

[Carlos]

Well, CERN is just particle accelerators. Just them colliding particles.

[Bobby Lee]

What's that statue about in the front of that. That's right in front of the cern.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Explain that.

[Carlos]

That's the.

[Bobby Lee]

Ali Wong was a part of it. I mean, what's going on here?

[Carlos]

Isn't that the.

[Bobby Lee]

Who is that the Indian goddess? I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Which one.

[Bobby Lee]

Which one?

[Andrew Santino]

Aren't there thousands of them?

[Carlos]

Yeah, it's like I forget, man. I don't be Shiva when it comes to the. Is it Shiva?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think Shiva.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, but why is it in front of the CERN building?

[Andrew Santino]

Why is the Shiva statue in front of the CERN building is what we need to know. This is the kind of stuff that our fans really need.

[Bobby Lee]

I've honestly. We can talk about something else. We can talk about something else. This is something. I think you're being disrespectful.

[Carlos]

I'm more of a guy to me.

[Andrew Santino]

Shiva statue stands outside. I'm the one that guessed it was Shiva stands outside of the CERN building as a symbolic gift from the Indian government to celebrate its long standing scientific partnership with the laboratory. Dates back to the 1960s.

[Carlos]

I can understand that. I'M more of a Krishna guy myself.

[Andrew Santino]

You? Oh, you like Krishna?

[Carlos]

Yeah, Krishna. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you're Krishna? Yeah, yeah, all the way. I like more than one arms. That's what I support.

[Carlos]

But Krishna is the most, like, described God in the Hindu. In the Hindu?

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean described?

[Carlos]

He's like. If you Google what God is the most. Most described God in the. In the. In the haters, the vetters, or the.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, let me describe a God, and you guess what it is.

[Carlos]

Okay. All right.

[Bobby Lee]

He's wearing robes. He's got a beard.

[Andrew Santino]

Long hair, white God.

[Bobby Lee]

Who is it? Who is it?

[Carlos]

He's got a robe.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Two fishes in his back basket.

[Andrew Santino]

Sounds like my guy.

[Carlos]

Two fishes, right?

[Bobby Lee]

There's a snake. What's going on?

[Carlos]

That's Jesus.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. All right. He's fat. Asian, right? But happy. Exactly.

[Carlos]

So, I mean, I'm more of a Shang D guy. That's who I am. Who's the.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's Shang D?

[Carlos]

Who's Zhang D is the original.

[Bobby Lee]

Describe it.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, Sean, isn't that your.

[Bobby Lee]

Describe it. That's my cousin. Yeah, go ahead. Second cousin on my mom's side is

[Carlos]

the original Chinese God. That's the supreme God.

[Bobby Lee]

Can you describe it without looking at the photos?

[Carlos]

Change the name to tn. Huh?

[Bobby Lee]

Describe it without looking at the photo.

[Andrew Santino]

Shangdi.

[Carlos]

Like. Like the sun.

[Andrew Santino]

Look it up.

[Carlos]

Light. Cosmic. I don't know how to describe me. He's just like our God. God in Jesus. The God of Jesus. He's hard to describe.

[Andrew Santino]

Beautiful.

[Bobby Lee]

He looks like him. Me. Yeah, that's Shanghai, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Chinese, though.

[Bobby Lee]

No, that's watching me with a beard. Imagine me with a beer. Dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Go to all real fast.

[Carlos]

Is that Emperor Whatever his name is.

[Andrew Santino]

Zoom in on Shangi. Supreme deity in ancient Chinese theology dating back to the Shang and Zoo dynasties. Initially viewed as the ultimate ancestor of the Shang royal family. He controlled victory, harvest, weather. Hey, weather.

[Bobby Lee]

He's like storm.

[Andrew Santino]

Someone else took that over years later. Later, Protestant missionaries famously adopted the term to translate the concept of the Abrahamic God into Chinese. So he was the original from the Shang dynasty.

[Carlos]

Right. So he was before. Way before Buddha, though he's original. Not only that, but he's also. It's. Tian is the same God too.

[Andrew Santino]

They're one in the same.

[Carlos]

Hey, what. What part of Spain are you from? I'm from the north. From the north, but what city?

[Bobby Lee]

Santiago de Compostela.

[Carlos]

Oh, Santiago de Compostela.

[Andrew Santino]

I was gonna go visit, and then everyone told me not to.

[Carlos]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

When I was in Spain, they were

[Bobby Lee]

like, Too many bells.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't go.

[Bobby Lee]

Are there bells there?

[Andrew Santino]

All in the streets. It's all bells. The whole place is made of bells. Little tiny bells.

[Carlos]

Is Yamin. He lived close to where you were.

[Andrew Santino]

Yao Ming is Chinese.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

The basketball player.

[Bobby Lee]

He's super talented, that kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

Who's your all time?

[Bobby Lee]

Who's your all time of what is it?

[Carlos]

Henry.

[Bobby Lee]

Henry. Henry. Terry Henry, I think is my bur camp. Yeah, yeah. Legend Dennis Burkamp. Yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

I like.

[Andrew Santino]

I can't.

[Bobby Lee]

Why can't you? Yeah, you. You don't understand.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like edging soccer is like an edge. The whole.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm an edger. Aren't you an edger?

[Carlos]

What is that it?

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

It gets close to coming, but you never not.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I never know.

[Carlos]

That's got to be.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what. Soccer is painful to watch.

[Carlos]

The only time that ever happened is like when your mom walk in when you beat off.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Right? I don't know that.

[Carlos]

Sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

Go ahead, finish it. Finish it.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. I don't know about know.

[Carlos]

You. You're in there thinking you got some privacy, and she's like, hey, you want pancakes?

[Bobby Lee]

Like you've done that. How many times has that happened?

[Carlos]

Once.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

You do got the pancakes afterwards.

[Bobby Lee]

Was that traumatic?

[Carlos]

Yeah, it is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Carlos]

Mom, she just, you know, she just pretend like it don't happen. She just. Yeah. Okay. Well, now, Jesus.

[Bobby Lee]

How old were you when that was happening?

[Andrew Santino]

28. Oh, boy. I hope you grow up a little bit, doc. I saw what was going on in

[Carlos]

there, but she the one who gave me the sex ed book instead of just sitting down. Sitting me down and talking to me.

[Andrew Santino]

And you read.

[Carlos]

Yeah. There's a sex ed book page in there.

[Bobby Lee]

Is there, like, photographs in it?

[Carlos]

Sitting on the toilet, and he's like this. And it's like, it's okay to masturbate. And I was like, really? And there began my porn addict, the pastor.

[Bobby Lee]

Pure wow. So what did your mom go. Sit down, Doc. I want to talk to you about sex.

[Andrew Santino]

She gave him a book.

[Carlos]

Just gave me the book, Bob. Oh, look on your desk. Can you read it? And I was like, all right.

[Bobby Lee]

And what in the book? It had masturbation. It was a chapter. Yeah, Yeah. I discovered it on my own. How about you? You didn't need a book. I didn't need a book. No. It got hard.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm like, you discovered it differently than everybody else.

[Carlos]

Oh, wow. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

For sure, for sure.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. When I was molested, I wasn't hard

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I didn't say you were. I didn't even talk. I wasn't even talking about.

[Carlos]

He's talking about the experience of the joy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Wait a minute. Was there joy? Just asking. Interesting.

[Andrew Santino]

I think my dad kind of said something. I think my dad said, hey, kiddo. Hey, kiddo.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What else did he say?

[Bobby Lee]

What are you doing?

[Andrew Santino]

What are you doing?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Come over here.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Well, am I all right? I'm naked?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, come over here.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Look at this.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what this is?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's yours?

[Bobby Lee]

No, this is a. This is a magazine.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, what is that?

[Bobby Lee]

It's, you know, pretty good magazine. It's called Hustler.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, nice.

[Bobby Lee]

How you doing? I'm good. Yeah?

[Andrew Santino]

You want to look better now?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Now. Do you feel any kind of thing down there?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't? No. Look at this.

[Andrew Santino]

What is that? Oh, a cologne advertisement. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Smell it. Yeah. Drakar.

[Andrew Santino]

Now I'm hard. Yeah.

[Carlos]

So your pops introduced you.

[Andrew Santino]

I think he just taught. No, no, not like sex, not jerking off stuff. I think my dad said something about if you're gonna do stuff with girls, you go get a condom. I think that was like the most that he said was like, if you're gonna do what I. What you're probably gonna do at your age, just don't, don't, don't. Don't be dumb. Just go get a condom.

[Carlos]

So when y' all got in middle school, if my mother would just. Would have waited one more year, they taught us that because we had sex ed in. In.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

And there wasn't circle jerks. See how Bobby laughs?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I know, I know, I know. C. I don't know. We didn't have a community circle jerk around, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

We did.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, you did.

[Andrew Santino]

You got it.

[Bobby Lee]

You discovered on your own. So what happened was. So my friend Alan's dad had videotapes, right. And. And so what? I would go. I would go, hey, can you steal one of his videotapes? And can I borrow it? Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I love the video.

[Bobby Lee]

Back then it was like a movie called Debbie Does Dallas.

[Andrew Santino]

I love Debbie Does Dallas.

[Carlos]

Debbie Dale's Dallas.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, It's a classic. It's like porn's, you know, Vertigo or whatever.

[Andrew Santino]

Apocalypse Now.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. But so that was. What. What year was Debbie does Dallas?

[Carlos]

19. She was before our time, but had been 87.

[Andrew Santino]

78.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, so I'm. That's perfect. You know, I mean, so I'm like, you know, 10 years old. He has Debbie's. And I I take it home, right? My parents are at work. It was a weekend, and I, you know, means jerked off real quick, like. Like three pumps watching Debbie Does Dallas. And then it's a little thing came out like a little droplet. And I was like. It felt so good, and I was like, wow.

[Carlos]

Like a. It's just like a. Like a volcano or. Like, was it a.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Carlos]

Or was it, like the over the side or.

[Bobby Lee]

It was more like a.

[Andrew Santino]

It made that sound when you walk into a Korean store.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But I just remember that I must have been, like, 13, I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

13. 13.

[Bobby Lee]

About right. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, 13.

[Carlos]

Y' all parents didn't have porn?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

No, dude, what are you talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're dead. Yeah, your mom did. You found your mom's.

[Carlos]

My dad.

[Bobby Lee]

Your dad had it.

[Carlos]

That was all over the place. I said, he had the worst hider ever. I was finding porn under the couch under the shelves, and I was like, dude, this. You got this everywhere.

[Andrew Santino]

Did your mom never say anything about it?

[Carlos]

I'm quite sure she watched it with him. She had to, because I'm just like, this. Too much porn.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they're watching it together.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a good.

[Bobby Lee]

Some people use Jurassic park as a family, but gather round, family. We're gonna watch Jurassic park or whatever, but not you guys.

[Carlos]

I guarantee you.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Forrest Gump, everybody. Come on in. You know what I mean?

[Carlos]

But guarantee your pops probably had pornhead in some way.

[Bobby Lee]

No, we didn't.

[Andrew Santino]

For sure.

[Bobby Lee]

For sure. I didn't.

[Andrew Santino]

For sure. Yeah, my parents were traditional for sure, but he. But it's not like it wasn't in, like, the Cupbo. It wasn't, like, near the cereal.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you look for it?

[Andrew Santino]

No, because I had my own. Like, I had ours.

[Carlos]

All right, well, what I meant by the shelf is I was like, one. One tape under the couch.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Is it dried basil? I mean, is that a shelf?

[Carlos]

No, what I'm saying, though, is I became like, Inspector Gadget. I was looking chimney. I didn't give a. I was like, where is he keeping this? And I was finding his stash like this, man. It was like a marathon, a beating off. I said, this is insane.

[Bobby Lee]

He's a little guy.

[Carlos]

Magazines everywhere.

[Bobby Lee]

I said, this dude got clock.

[Andrew Santino]

Your dad. Your dad's just trying to make you a detective. He's like, yeah, Doc, going to be a detective.

[Bobby Lee]

You found it Eventually.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I was like, the Riddler. He leave clues. Like a little car, you mean. Welcome, Doc.

[Carlos]

Three main spots.

[Andrew Santino]

If tits Are what you're looking for. Lift up the floor.

[Carlos]

Yeah, the three main spots was underneath the couch, behind the couch. Underneath.

[Bobby Lee]

No, we don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way I'm trying to tell you.

[Carlos]

I was lifting the couches and.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The couch beneath the couch.

[Andrew Santino]

If your parents are watching it together, why would they just keep it in their bedroom?

[Carlos]

Yeah, because that's why I was founding this too. It didn't matter.

[Bobby Lee]

It doesn't matter.

[Andrew Santino]

They should have just kept it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, kept it in there in the room.

[Carlos]

I don't think my mom. I think my dad was the one. He just was just into that shit. Yeah, he just was hiding. That's the way he was at. My mother would did that. But my, my father, I'm like, he's the one hiding. This is dumb. Cause I was finding that everywhere.

[Andrew Santino]

He wanted you to find it probably.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he wanted you to find.

[Andrew Santino]

He was hoping that you were interested.

[Carlos]

And they had a master bed. I mean a king size. King bed.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Most parents have that.

[Carlos]

No, no. But yeah, parents don't have.

[Bobby Lee]

My parents had a single bed, but yeah,

[Carlos]

That on top of these. What did you call it?

[Andrew Santino]

The headboard?

[Carlos]

Yeah, it's a head. It's not the headboard but it's. It's the headboard but it's like it's

[Bobby Lee]

the couch beneath the couch. The triple couch situation, you know that one.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, but the head. Not the head.

[Carlos]

No, it's like I don't even know how what to call it. Cuz it's like it was a mirror. Right? You a never seen. No, like this.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, so there's like bad living

[Andrew Santino]

visual, a king bed, a dresser and

[Carlos]

there's a mirror in the back thing that goes with the bed.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, so that like the bed, the bed frame and the headboard.

[Carlos]

Right, but this is like. So the headboard is actually a mirror with drawers and then it's got two.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh that, Is that it?

[Carlos]

Bigger than that?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, bigger than that. Yeah, we can visualize it. What about that one?

[Carlos]

It's like a whole contraption they had. Like it was very.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I see. I understand. Because that's what. What my friend Alan had. His parents had a waterbed, but in behind it there were cabinets and a mirror. And there was also a mirror on the ceiling for some reason.

[Carlos]

Not on the ceiling.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but yeah, these people had it in my mind. I was like what is that about?

[Andrew Santino]

What is that people have?

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean?

[Carlos]

See that one right there? Yeah, Something kind of like that.

[Andrew Santino]

Which one?

[Carlos]

All the way on the end. That one with a blue. Oh, you just.

[Bobby Lee]

No, with that blue one. With that blue one.

[Carlos]

No, no, no, go back. Like with the arrow. Okay, like that. Like that.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Like.

[Carlos]

Yes, like that.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

There's a microwave above there. What the. Is going on there, man?

[Carlos]

There's a whole bunch of.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it saying? Yeah, Rent a center. Who's it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Wow.

[Carlos]

You never seen it? Y' all never seen anybody?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I've. I think seen. I've seen 70s versions of that, but. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So there's contraption. I don't have that at home.

[Carlos]

Up on the top. Very tip top.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

He used to hide tapes in the area. Yep. Up right up in there. Now I used to climb, like, DVDs or tapes, all of them in the 80s, laser and all magazine.

[Bobby Lee]

The old film thing that they put the reel in.

[Andrew Santino]

Real to real?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, real to real.

[Carlos]

What's funny too, is it just was Penthouse Hustler.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

He had a couple Playboy, but Playboy.

[Andrew Santino]

Playboy was always weak. He wanted. Yeah, he wanted.

[Bobby Lee]

He wanted Nasty.

[Carlos]

Yeah, he wanted that. And I sold it. I said, I'm talking about this dude. Like father, like son. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Lee]

You know, I don't. Yeah. I don't. But. Wow. So you. You. He hid him in that backboard.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And also the couch. Behind the couch. Where are some other areas? Kitchen.

[Carlos]

Okay. So we had to enter.

[Andrew Santino]

They had a kitchen behind a kitchen?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, they did.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Two kitchen had a entertainment system in the den. It was underneath the shelf. It was just where you could just barely slide anything under there.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. So just squeezed underneath there.

[Carlos]

There you go.

[Bobby Lee]

Y.

[Andrew Santino]

Like that.

[Bobby Lee]

Like that.

[Carlos]

So it would be.

[Bobby Lee]

You have to lift that whole thing

[Carlos]

way bigger than that.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Okay. The one that we had, it was like that. Like that?

[Carlos]

Like that, but better.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Okay. A high level.

[Carlos]

Yeah. And it was underneath. Like that.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, like that. And you had to lift that as a kid to get to it.

[Carlos]

It was like. It was a space elevated enough off the floor where he could just squeeze them in. And he would try to push him all the way to the back. But this guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You found it. Yeah. Wow. You probably felt like, you know, excitement finding it too. Like, my dad's gonna hide it and I'm gonna find. It's like, you know, it's a little game you're playing with your dad.

[Carlos]

Easter eggs, but this.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's an Easter egg. Yeah. Wow, that's amazing. And what kind was it?

[Carlos]

Oh, it was. That's how I got into Taboo. Come on back. B.

[Bobby Lee]

Kachava. No, I tell you what, guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell me, Guy.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll tell you. I. I drink the stuff.

[Andrew Santino]

It's so nutrient dense. It's all the nutrition your body craves in one delicious, simple shake. And let me tell you something right now. Kachava's got its new cinnamon French toast. It's so good.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so good.

[Andrew Santino]

You love, you really love. The mint chocolate mint chocolate chip is one of your ultimate favorites.

[Bobby Lee]

I have them all. Chocolate, vanilla, chai matcha, coconut, acai, strawberry, coffee, chocolate, mint, and of course, the new cinnamon French toast.

[Andrew Santino]

It's pretty incredible. The best part about this is man, Energy, digestion, strength, metabolism, cognition, immunity. Kachava supports literally all of these things. If you haven't tried it, you really should. The flavors are so good. It doesn't taste like one of these shakes that's filled with all sorts of, like, powdery nonsense that gets stuck in your.

[Bobby Lee]

No GMO dude. No. No animal products, no gluten, no preservatives,

[Andrew Santino]

no fillers, no nonsense. This stuff is great and it's clean nutrition to fuel wherever your day is going to take you. So you need to take. Treat. Treat yourself right now to a childhood favorite. It go to kachava.com and use our code bad friends for 15 off your first order.

[Bobby Lee]

That's Kachava K A C H a v a.com code bad friends. Shopify. Shopify is where you go to start your business with everything you need already there from day one.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm telling you, they, they, they've changed our lives.

[Bobby Lee]

They have. Because we have an online business.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, we do. We sell shirts. We sell merch right now. Great [e-mail] yeah, we love Shopify. The Shopify checkout, it, it's. It does something that most of these things can't do. It means more customers are going to actually buy, return and returning ones can do it in one single clip. Because Shopify checkout makes it seamless. Okay. And questions are going to come up. People that are shopping online. Shopify has built in AI Assistant Sidekick. It's ready to help you build, troubleshoot, and keep on moving. So you get back to what you're doing, which is shopping for what you love is Shopify handles the setup and checkout. Do you have more time to focus on growing your business and the tools to do it with them? They kind of make everything seamless for your business so you can sell whatever it is you're selling.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, they power millions of businesses worldwide. From household names like Mattel and Gymshark to small businesses just getting started like

[Andrew Santino]

Bad Friends, they helped us out since the very beginning. We've been using Shopify handle everything since the jump on this show and we want to thank them for helping us out. That makes our online store seamless and easy to use. All you need is the idea. Shopify handles all of the rest.

[Bobby Lee]

Start your free [e-mail] Bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

You heard him. He said start your free [e-mail] Bad friends quince.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh my God. I love quince because it's like high level fashion, nice material, but you're not paying as much, you know, for it.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm telling you, dude, this is so soft.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so soft.

[Andrew Santino]

This is like your little tushy. This is like Bobby's little smooth tush.

[Bobby Lee]

I love it.

[Andrew Santino]

I keep going back to these guys. They sent us a bunch of stuff and I was like, yeah, let me try it on. 100% European linen pants. They have shirts are very breathable, easy to throw on. Summer upgrade needs to happen in your clothing rotation. And this is the best part. Bob said it's.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They start at just $34.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh my God. Their tees are soft enough to live in all day.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And the lightweight cotton sweaters are exactly what you want when summer nights cool down.

[Andrew Santino]

It is so nice, man. And everything at Quince, by the way, is priced 50 to 80% less.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I was talking about.

[Andrew Santino]

Similar brands, they work directly with ethical factories. Cut out that middleman. That nonsense middleman. So you're paying exceptional quality, not for the brand markup because that's where you get taken. And it's not just clothing. Quince right now has become a trusted favorite for everything from home to travel to everyday essentials. They sent over some travel stuff for me, which was very nice. Thank you, Quints. And now I've got all the clothes I need for my little trip, plus all my little essentials for my on the go.

[Bobby Lee]

Make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to quince.combadfriends for free shipping on your order and a 365 day returns.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. It's not available upstairs in Canada too. That's Quince Q U I n c e.com badfriends for free shipping and 365 day return. Quince.com bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, it's. It's better to be a dad now. I think it's easier to hide when

[Carlos]

you're not getting laid as a kid. That's what you do. But also now messing with the streets. I was getting it in.

[Andrew Santino]

Usually 7 year olds are not getting late.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, well, I mean, there's a sex epidemic now with 20 year olds. You know, I mean, there's a. It's bad.

[Andrew Santino]

So they say no, it's true. Who's polling that? That and who's saying yes or no?

[Bobby Lee]

I think it's college campuses.

[Andrew Santino]

Where could they get that? I mean, like, who. Which colleges?

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, there's polls and stuff. People call.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, I don't buy them. Show me a poll. Show me the poll that kids are having less sex than ever. Because I don't buy it. Who would say yes? You'd lie.

[Carlos]

You'd be like, wait, wait, the kids are having less sex?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, they say they are now they're Youth risk behavior.

[Bobby Lee]

Today's high schoolers are reporting lower rates of sexual activity than previous generations.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Because they locked in on the youth risk behavior survey. 32 of high schoolers. Who's taking that? Imagine they go to your school like, you guys want to take a survey about sexual activity? Everyone would be like, nah, that. So the people that said yes are the nerds that aren't.

[Bobby Lee]

So they're like, no, no, I. I think doc's right. I think the dopamine hits, right, that normally kids would get are now exchanged with video games.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I don't think it's dopamine. I think the fear of the Internet is what's real. It's not the dopamine there. It's be. We had dopamine hits. I played what, Duck Hunt for a thousand hours a day.

[Carlos]

Real talk.

[Andrew Santino]

The problem is you. They're afraid of the Internet, of like a girl being saying something about them. Like, Tommy Martin's is good. Is sideways, then passing it around to everyone in school.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no comm. There was no communication when we were kids. It was word of mouth. And half of that was not true. You know, like, I remember this girl, they. They said that this older guy, we were. We were what, sixth grade? And they said an eighth grader, she poured syrup on his wiener and licked it off. And then in high school, someone asked her, she was like, we've never even hung out, me and that guy. Yeah, but it was like people just made up because they're like, yeah, I heard the.

[Bobby Lee]

The. My girl. There was a girl that's in my class. I forgot her name, and I feel so bad about that. But there was a rumor that she took three bunnies and put it in the microwave. And they exploded in her microwave. Right. And I remember at school, I went, bunny killer.

[Andrew Santino]

Slightly different topic.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but I'm just saying about.

[Andrew Santino]

It's good, though. Yeah. This is real. Yeah. This is what happened.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. There was a rumor, right. And I called her Bunny Killer. Right. And then the teacher came up to me and yelled at me. It's like, you have no proof. You have no, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

These are just alleged, you know, allegations.

[Andrew Santino]

But it sounded real.

[Bobby Lee]

It sounded real. And then if I saw her now, I'd be like, I know you didn't kill bunnies.

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, now she's doing it after all those years.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Maybe she was.

[Carlos]

Instead of putting them in the pot, she throw them in the microwave.

[Andrew Santino]

What was a big rumor in your high school that got around a big room that, like, everyone was saying in high school. I'll tell you what our high school did. They tried to elect twin brother and sister, prom king and prom queen. That was like, the meanest thing ever.

[Bobby Lee]

Did it happen?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I was never in the Taboo. Yeah. I was never even in the running. Were you in the running for prom? Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I wasn't even.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Even the. The. The funniest guy in my high school was a guy named Matt Ueda.

[Andrew Santino]

Where is he at?

[Carlos]

That.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. But. And I remember when him getting the,

[Andrew Santino]

you know, prom king.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, no, he got. We had a funniest guy, like, different,

[Andrew Santino]

like, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Bobby Lee]

He got funniest guy. You know, I mean, in our class. And I remember in the yearbook, you seeing. He had a front page. Like a page. Right. And I remember going, I'm so much funnier.

[Andrew Santino]

What did you get?

[Bobby Lee]

Nothing. I got nothing.

[Andrew Santino]

He wasn't there enough. He probably. You probably were absent a lot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I missed junior year. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So it's kind of like you can't get voted in if you're not really around.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Carlos]

All right.

[Bobby Lee]

What'd you get? Anything? I didn't get Me either.

[Carlos]

I wouldn't. I was popular, but not like that.

[Andrew Santino]

Most likely to go to the NBA. Imagine he was taller than everybody at one point. And they were like, man, Doc's. Doc is gonna go, man.

[Carlos]

I actually lead the JV team, see? And I got kicked off.

[Andrew Santino]

That's insane, because they kept growing.

[Carlos]

Get your little ass.

[Andrew Santino]

They come back from the summer. They're like, damn, Doc, just on your look.

[Bobby Lee]

You look like a bowler.

[Carlos]

I do both.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He's nasty.

[Carlos]

I got a ball. I got a. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know he's nasty at bowling.

[Bobby Lee]

I bet you do. You roller skate or no?

[Carlos]

Yeah, I did.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. I would love to go to roller skate with you.

[Carlos]

Basketball, football, somewhere to baseball.

[Andrew Santino]

Everything where stuff is close to the ground.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I love. Roller skating. I go by myself.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. If I fall, it's way hurt. It hurts.

[Carlos]

Ground, skydiving.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not jumping a lot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Basketball. That's too far for you.

[Carlos]

Yeah. It'd be crazy if I was a pole voter or something.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You have any alien updates or anything?

[Carlos]

I'll tell you one and tell me

[Andrew Santino]

it doesn't have to be alien.

[Bobby Lee]

You could just give me update. Give me updates of your life, what's

[Andrew Santino]

going on in your real life. Are you still working?

[Carlos]

No, I haven't worked in about two years.

[Andrew Santino]

Hell yeah.

[Carlos]

So right now I'm like in between. I said, well, I might pick up another job depending on if I have this other project that might go through

[Bobby Lee]

and like a podcast. Like a podcast?

[Carlos]

No, no, no, no, no. This is acting. But okay. I'm working on my stand up more. Like I said, I've been going back and forth to New York. So I want to go to New York this month.

[Bobby Lee]

Good.

[Carlos]

In the end of this month and keep building the standup. I ain't really been doing too much or nothing. Just that and, you know, being with. Hanging out with my cousin, trying to give him some time.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you collect unemployment?

[Carlos]

No, never.

[Andrew Santino]

Why not?

[Carlos]

I did when I first left Amazon because I can't get it now.

[Andrew Santino]

But Amazon. Don't they have an unemployment program for as long as you work there? Don't you get benefits when you leave?

[Carlos]

Yeah, I got those already.

[Andrew Santino]

And you're done?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

How about this Wednesday I do a belly room show this Wednesday? It's new joke night. You want to do it in the belly room?

[Andrew Santino]

Upstairs.

[Bobby Lee]

Upstairs. Come do it. It's always packed. Yeah, it's not him. It's my. It's my show. But I'll like, you know, Andrea Gin's on it. There's a bunch of people on it it.

[Carlos]

Because you know I hate going to the comic.

[Bobby Lee]

I know you do, but go come upstairs and do the belly room. I'm doing brand new jokes, 15 minutes,

[Andrew Santino]

sneak up the stairs and not see anybody.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I'm cool. I'm cool.

[Bobby Lee]

Come this Wednesday night. Dude, I'll put you up.

[Carlos]

All right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So you can get some your rounds in. Yeah, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, what. What are you doing when you wake up in the morning?

[Bobby Lee]

You eat Give me the routine, the doc routine.

[Carlos]

I wake up, I eat.

[Bobby Lee]

What time?

[Carlos]

Check my email.

[Bobby Lee]

What time is it?

[Carlos]

It's like seven, eight o' clock in the morning.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Carlos]

Do that. Then I go walk the neighborhood around 11, 12 o'. Clock.

[Bobby Lee]

Doing what? Stalking?

[Carlos]

Well, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Prepping. It's called prepping.

[Bobby Lee]

Roaming.

[Carlos]

It's called admiring from a distance.

[Andrew Santino]

Cruising.

[Bobby Lee]

Cruising. He's cruising. Yeah. He's truly peeping. Peeping.

[Carlos]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. So you're walking around the neighborhood.

[Andrew Santino]

So once you found your victim, then it's.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no. So you're walking on the.

[Carlos]

Walk around the neighborhood. Then I come home and then I just chill at the crib.

[Andrew Santino]

Make lunch.

[Carlos]

Yeah. And I might go do a mic or if I got a little small show to do or something like that. I do that and I just talk on the phone. And family and friends. I'm telling you, my life, my friends, they'd be like, man, your life is boring as hell. Stop calling me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but it sounds very easy and

[Carlos]

nice, man, because I'm 52, so what more can you really do? Like, I'm not a party Hollywood drunk, you know, like Bob.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm just sober almost five years.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, almost. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So that's good. That's insane.

[Carlos]

Goddamn.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but I'm 55 as well, so we're, you know, getting older. Maybe you're just slowing down physically.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Well, you know what I was gonna say, though, is you're the only person that ever, like, drink and get up and don't party. You've never. You never heard of this guy, like, partying anywhere?

[Andrew Santino]

Who?

[Bobby Lee]

This guy I did. Alone.

[Carlos]

Alone.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he always liked it alone.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm in a loan. Private.

[Andrew Santino]

His hotel room.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'm not one of those guys. I'm gonna go to the bar or, you know.

[Andrew Santino]

That's me. I love the bar.

[Carlos]

Yeah, you do.

[Andrew Santino]

I love a bar.

[Bobby Lee]

He loves a bar.

[Carlos]

But how do you get drunk alone? Like, up alone? Like, is it like a. What makes you just go. It just me. And I'm just going to.

[Bobby Lee]

Because for me, it's like it was. It was always just hiding. Like I knew what it was. And it's me covering up feelings and not wanting to be here. And it's like, why would I do it in front of other people? You know? So doing drugs alone and drinking alone privately in my bedroom is my thing.

[Carlos]

God damn, that's depressing.

[Bobby Lee]

It's. It is depressing. You know, I remember. I remember when I was detoxing, I thought I was gonna die the Last time, and I had. I was waiting for a room to open up at a place in Phoenix, but I. And I slept by the doorway of the hotel because if I had died, then they just. They can discover my body sooner. What the.

[Carlos]

Dude, you got to be one of the most selfish.

[Bobby Lee]

Why? Why?

[Carlos]

For people to just walk in and see you.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I just thought that I felt like I was gonna die. Oh, yeah, right, right. I felt like I needed medical or something. All right, forget it, dude.

[Carlos]

I'm sorry.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a go. Like, one of the most vulnerable things that have happened to me in the last five years.

[Andrew Santino]

You think his death was, like. Was influenced by his need to be seen as a famous person?

[Carlos]

I want them to find me dramatically,

[Bobby Lee]

like, on the ground.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't feel well.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I was just. I took a pillow. All right. Okay. Yeah, I just would sleep by the door with a pillow.

[Carlos]

How you feel now?

[Bobby Lee]

I feel great.

[Carlos]

Feel great?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I feel great. I don't like the way you mocked me.

[Carlos]

I just.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. I. I've never. I've told that story before. I've never had anyone laugh at it.

[Carlos]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. That. That didn't seem like we gotta get

[Andrew Santino]

Doc to go to AA meeting to just laugh at every story.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it was just like, my bottom. It's so crazy.

[Carlos]

It's so crazy to hear a famous person's bottom. It's like, what the.

[Bobby Lee]

Sitting in, like, a nice hotel. I was. It was okay. Yeah. Yeah, it was.

[Carlos]

It was a nice poor kid in a third world country.

[Bobby Lee]

It's like, I wish I could be very lucky. I'm very lucky that I got that stay in the nice hotel, waiting for a room to open up at a rehab. I'm very lucky, you know? Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Privileged bottom.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's a privileged bottom. But for me, it was my bottom.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. That's the name of his new special. Privileged bottom.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Privileged bottom.

[Andrew Santino]

Watch it now on Hulu. When does your special come out? November. Yeah. November what?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. Oh, yeah. Oh, for Hulu.

[Carlos]

Probably should have been pull one out. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, all.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what?

[Bobby Lee]

We're good. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're pushing, but I like it. Yeah, I did it already.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, well, he shot it already.

[Bobby Lee]

I shot it already.

[Carlos]

Should have been done it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. But I already did it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's. I did it.

[Carlos]

All the fans was looking for this. They've been looking for your.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And it's coming out. Why are you angry all of a sudden?

[Carlos]

I'm like this guy, like, he's like one of the guys that just won't give the people what they want. It's like, fuck you. They've been wanting this shit for a long time, Bobby. It's like, drop this special motherfucker. Even I want it. I was like, why Bobby hate.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but he wants to, he wants to make it a real special. It's a special. A special special.

[Carlos]

Oh, this one is dear to your heart. I didn't know.

[Bobby Lee]

Get it out. Get it out.

[Andrew Santino]

I like it.

[Bobby Lee]

Get the frustrations out.

[Carlos]

It's not frustrations.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Yeah. What is it?

[Andrew Santino]

And wine. There is truth.

[Carlos]

Well, it's, it's, it's admiration. Can I say?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. He admires you.

[Bobby Lee]

You admire me?

[Carlos]

Yeah, as a comic. You, you, you're a funny dude, bro.

[Bobby Lee]

Like Kevin Spacey in the movie 7.

[Carlos]

But you know what I want to do?

[Bobby Lee]

I adm afar you. I mean, become wrath.

[Carlos]

That's the wrong.

[Bobby Lee]

Remember? That's what it sounds like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's coming.

[Bobby Lee]

A little psychotic.

[Andrew Santino]

It's called Finally.

[Carlos]

You've already done what, three, five?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I've done, I've done three. Three, yeah.

[Carlos]

How did you feel about this one?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. I saw it a couple times. I go, I can't watch it again, you guys. I, I, I get, you know, I told the producers, just whatever, just cut this my laugh out a lot.

[Carlos]

Oh, you.

[Bobby Lee]

So you're going to New York?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I show. You gonna go try to live in New York?

[Carlos]

No, no, no, no. I'm just gonna, just, I just been going back and forth over the past.

[Andrew Santino]

Where are you staying when you go to New York?

[Carlos]

In the hotels.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you don't stay like a friend or anything?

[Carlos]

Nah.

[Bobby Lee]

There's two hotels or just one.

[Carlos]

I do like three, four. About almost a month out there. Just one.

[Andrew Santino]

That's gotta be several.

[Bobby Lee]

Expensive.

[Carlos]

It is.

[Andrew Santino]

Why don't you just stay with a friend? There's got to be comics.

[Carlos]

Well, I got family, but the problem is, is I like to just be in, out, gone. Now, the last time I stayed with, you know, Lee say it that does the podcast.

[Andrew Santino]

He used to do Joey Diaz's show.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, they still do.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Carlos]

Together. So he. I was staying with him the last time I was there.

[Andrew Santino]

In Jersey?

[Carlos]

No, in New York.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, he lives in the city?

[Carlos]

Yeah. He just recently got married to.

[Bobby Lee]

Slept on the couch.

[Carlos]

Yeah. I said, well, I could have slept in the bed. I had the whole apartment to myself because he has this, this.

[Bobby Lee]

Why are you so Defensive. I didn't know he had a spare bed. Maybe he could have. Yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

But I didn't sleep in his bed. It's weird, even though, cuz you never know. Like, I know he probably washed, but sleeping in another man's jizz is weird. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, well, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you're assuming a lot, but yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You think he knew Inspector Gadget was coming to sleep over, so he left some clues for it.

[Carlos]

You're like

[Bobby Lee]

black Inspector Gadget. Yeah.

[Carlos]

Worst part.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, look, that's you document. Yeah, he's got a gun. So some porn, some money. It's great.

[Carlos]

Got the vino?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, the vino right there. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Will he find his?

[Carlos]

Yeah,

[Bobby Lee]

that'd be a good look for you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Where my.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm out here inspecting, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Could you become a detective, you think?

[Carlos]

You know what? I recently just tried to apply for being a police dispatcher because I just wanted to see if I can do it. I failed the whole. I failed that.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, wait, how's that hard?

[Andrew Santino]

Don't you just answer the phone?

[Carlos]

No, no, no, no, no. Like, so when they bring you in, they give you all recordings, right? So it's all emergency calls. It's like. Yeah, such and such, but it's like so much going on at once and you got to try to memorize this.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, let's. I'm calling in. Hello?

[Carlos]

Hey.

[Andrew Santino]

Fired. You're fired.

[Carlos]

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm already fired, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

911, what's your emergency?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, do that. Right. Ready to go?

[Carlos]

Trying to tell you.

[Bobby Lee]

911. Go ahead.

[Carlos]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

So usually you start 911 in emergency.

[Carlos]

My cat is stuck in.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I'm the guy.

[Andrew Santino]

You're the.

[Bobby Lee]

You're the guy.

[Andrew Santino]

I see why you failed.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

Oh, I'm the guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, you're the 911.

[Carlos]

How may I help you?

[Andrew Santino]

How. What's your emergency?

[Carlos]

What's your emergency?

[Andrew Santino]

It's like the literal.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, the little thing. Yeah.

[Carlos]

This is what I'm trying to tell.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

I came home.

[Bobby Lee]

I came home. My parents, my. My parents, they're not breathing.

[Carlos]

Would you guys just relax? I'm always on the other side getting arrested, so I wouldn't know.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you talking about? My parents are not alive.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me see the test. They put the test online.

[Carlos]

Yeah, it's like if it's. If it is online, whoever put that up, they gonna get arrested.

[Andrew Santino]

What was the. What was the. What was the test like?

[Carlos]

The test is all recordings.

[Andrew Santino]

So you listen to.

[Carlos]

And then you have to jot down the information that's happening, happening. And you have to make sure you take the most crucial points. And then they do a multiple, multiple

[Andrew Santino]

choice question and you failed those.

[Carlos]

I fail.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, here, here's. Here's some. Right. So.

[Andrew Santino]

But wait a minute. What I'm confused about is. Don't. Can't you. They're writing stuff down, aren't they? In a computer, while they're on the call, you can hear them, they're typing the names, addresses. So why would you have to memorize it?

[Carlos]

Because you gotta. It's when, when you're under pressure, right.

[Andrew Santino]

You have to be able to retain the information.

[Carlos]

Yeah. And you have to know when what

[Andrew Santino]

points to take up the phone.

[Carlos]

911 is a joke in your town.

[Bobby Lee]

Already failed.

[Andrew Santino]

My family's dead.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, I'll do it. 911, what's your emergency?

[Andrew Santino]

Hi, yeah, my. My son just broke into the house and he shot my brother and my mother in law and they stole my dog. Three of our dogs. They stole Kibbles, Whiny and Poops Me Me. And he's wearing.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm so sorry. Poops Me. What is that?

[Andrew Santino]

Poops Me was the name our 4 year old gave. Our 4 year old is in the house too. He's upstairs. He's trapped. Any.

[Bobby Lee]

Gabe is your brother?

[Andrew Santino]

Please come back fast. Please come by.

[Bobby Lee]

Is Gabe your brother?

[Andrew Santino]

They're gone. Oh, I'm the cop.

[Bobby Lee]

Ready? Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. Emergency. What's going on?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, a man called, you know, I mean, and the brother broke into the house, shot the brother named Gabe, stuck in there.

[Andrew Santino]

Gabe?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And there's animals.

[Andrew Santino]

How many?

[Bobby Lee]

A couple.

[Andrew Santino]

What are their names?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know. I didn't know this was going to be this kind of test.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what he had to do. That's what he had to do.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that my dream?

[Carlos]

It's just.

[Bobby Lee]

Why is that your dream?

[Andrew Santino]

Don't yell at the cops.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

That's my dream though.

[Carlos]

I just put in the application. I didn't even think they were gonna call me. And they called like, come on in. I was like, what the.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they need people.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a tough gig.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a tough one.

[Andrew Santino]

You're listening to sad show all day.

[Bobby Lee]

I can't do it. Too traumatic.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what I do? I told him, be my eyes. I do. Be my eyes. You know, Be my eyes is. It's great. Look up. Be my eyes. My friend. Hillary signed me up for. It's an app where blind people call you and they say, like, hey, can they show you? They're. They're FaceTiming you. And they go, hey, man, what am I looking at? Like, I'm look like. My last one was a guy working in his garage, and he was like, hey, what part is this? Is this an. Like, what size is this? What is this?

[Carlos]

This?

[Andrew Santino]

So I was telling him what the parts were. They were in front of him that he needed.

[Bobby Lee]

That's not the same thing.

[Carlos]

This is.

[Bobby Lee]

It's.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean? I'm. No, you help. You help these blind mechanic. Now was a man just fixing something in his garage.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, call ikea.

[Andrew Santino]

Call ikea.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they'll bring over. They'll come and help you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, this. What? It's not landing. This is a good thing. This is a very good thing.

[Carlos]

So a blind person. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You guys are dying.

[Carlos]

Not.

[Bobby Lee]

You didn't say blind person there.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, I did.

[Bobby Lee]

You did. Okay, tell me again.

[Andrew Santino]

The first thing out of my mouth. Blind people.

[Bobby Lee]

I think they should call it something else.

[Andrew Santino]

Be my eyes. Yeah, pretty literal eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

Eyes without a face.

[Andrew Santino]

Eyes without a face. No, it's great, because blind people. If people. If you don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they're blind.

[Andrew Santino]

Not that most people that are blind can't see anything. That's like a common misnomer. It's not like you see blackness. That's actually. Actually super rare. So they see, but they can see distorted. So a woman called me and goes, hey, which bag of vegetables am I holding? I can't tell which one this is.

[Bobby Lee]

You can't chat your GGTP it.

[Carlos]

Shout out to Nate and hurt.

[Andrew Santino]

How is chat GPT gonna tell her what it is?

[Bobby Lee]

Because you can take a photograph. What kind of vegetable is this?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. Maybe she doesn't want to use ChatGPT. They use Be my Eyes.

[Carlos]

Okay, so.

[Andrew Santino]

So I Be my eyes a lot. I like that. That I do. They call and it goes, blah, blah, blah. Someone's calling.

[Bobby Lee]

They can't do. Be my ears. That wouldn't work.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

So that failed.

[Carlos]

That failed.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. So what else are you trying for?

[Carlos]

I got 49 problems. 79. I was supposed to get 79.

[Andrew Santino]

You had 49 out of 79. The test was out of 79.

[Carlos]

No, 79 was just a pass. I got 49 on it.

[Bobby Lee]

That doesn't sound.

[Carlos]

I left a hole because when the recording came on, I left the whole section.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, he goes, I got 49 out of 79. And I'm like, that doesn't make sense. You got 49 out of 100.

[Carlos]

Yeah, but I just tried to make it better.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Well, you.

[Andrew Santino]

I know when he said 7, I go, what a weird. What an innocuous number. 4. 49 out of 100 is wild. They give you like 30 putting your name on it, huh? Yeah.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I think so. It was like the recording was so fast. It's rapid. And they tell you. They say, hey, you're not going to get everything. Just jot down what you can. So it gets. It goes from slow and then it goes progressively, like, just to that goddamn top speed.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, were there people in there taking it with you at the same time?

[Carlos]

Yeah, it was like 50.

[Andrew Santino]

Did any of them pass? You know, gotta be a few if you're a.

[Bobby Lee]

That's. How many. How many people do you think? Audition.

[Carlos]

I'm gonna be honest. Like, I didn't even want the job.

[Bobby Lee]

Audition.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you meet the director? Please. Slate, please.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Interview. How many people interviewed at the same time you did. Took the test.

[Carlos]

It wasn't. It's just about 50 people.

[Andrew Santino]

50.

[Bobby Lee]

So 50. And you think maybe two come out.

[Andrew Santino]

One or two get it?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's got to be someone that's really good at, like retention and regurgit.

[Bobby Lee]

What if 40% got it?

[Carlos]

The chick next to me was so fast.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe half.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe half.

[Carlos]

The chick next to me was so fast. I said, she. She just doing. She just writing down. There's no way. But if she was that fast. I said, this chick passed.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe she did.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

If you're a fan of ours and you do 911 operator, please. By the way, 9:1 operator is so funny. They're listening to our show instead of taking calls. Yeah. Please let us know down below. Reach out to Carlos in the booth. Gmail dot com. We want to hear your story. I would love to hear. You know what I mean? I'd love to 100 that there are

[Carlos]

some 911 operators out there that's a fan of your show.

[Andrew Santino]

You know who I think our biggest contingency of fan?

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

By far? Huh?

[Bobby Lee]

People who call 91 1.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Probably.

[Andrew Santino]

But very good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's very good.

[Andrew Santino]

Drivers.

[Carlos]

I passed the typing test.

[Andrew Santino]

Test drivers.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, the typ. There's a typing test there.

[Carlos]

Yeah. That's how I got to the next phase.

[Andrew Santino]

How many words per minute?

[Carlos]

I think I typed 43. And you only had to do like 35.

[Bobby Lee]

That's good. You. Then you thought, oh, my God, I Got this.

[Carlos]

You got to be able to type in bigbuttmilk.com quick.

[Andrew Santino]

Below 40 is not good. So you just got it.

[Bobby Lee]

You just.

[Andrew Santino]

40 to 50 is average, 60 is good and 80 is advanced.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm 20. I got to be 20.

[Carlos]

Do you type?

[Andrew Santino]

I voice text.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't even time hold up.

[Carlos]

Y. Didn't have.

[Andrew Santino]

We do a lot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Like spade.

[Andrew Santino]

Huh.

[Carlos]

Typing wasn't a curriculum, a must.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. When we were in high school.

[Carlos]

In high school. Oh yeah. So you should know how to type.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know the numbers though. I don't remember what mine was cuz I just did whatever they needed.

[Bobby Lee]

I think if I. If I would know what the T and the hr. Right. I have my index fingers on those. I think I can do it. Well, just.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh no, I can type like this. Yeah, you don't to need.

[Carlos]

Well, you know the home world keys though.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Whatever the.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Andrew Santino]

No, he doesn't type. Yeah, he hunts and pecks.

[Bobby Lee]

He does this L, A U A N T. I think I do it.

[Andrew Santino]

And then he goes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Delete, delete, delete, delete.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

You guys know how to type? You know the home roll keys?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Okay. What about you, Carlo?

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, I know how to type. Yeah.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I. I can't like list the keys, but from asdfl. What is it? I. I see it, but I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Here's a question for you guys. Would you do neural link in the Future?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh yeah.

[Carlos]

10 years from now.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't even know what it is, but I'll do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Chip implantation in your.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh yeah.

[Carlos]

You

[Andrew Santino]

sure?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm doing all of it.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't care.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't have kids.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, why not?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not valuable.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll be the first guy to do it.

[Carlos]

It.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not a valuable. I can get out of here and no one would it. It's fine. Yeah, put it in my head ten years from now.

[Carlos]

That's why I said it'll be way more.

[Bobby Lee]

What if the wrist thing isn't that funny?

[Andrew Santino]

Everyone in this room is childless except for you. You would never do it. I wouldn't do this. See what I mean? And Carlos, would you do it?

[Carlos]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Too early for 10 years. 10 years. Going to be so advanced in 10 years.

[Bobby Lee]

It doesn't even seem. I don't know. That doesn't seem like a long time.

[Andrew Santino]

How far we've gone in 10 years from now.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Think about 10 years ago and how far we've gone from then to now. Now and then. It's exponentially getting faster every year. We can't even predict. 10 years could be insane, I think in 10 years.

[Carlos]

Also remember that AI is also a big contributor to the technology advancement of. So now would you do it?

[Bobby Lee]

Probably not. Still on it.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

What's the hesitation, I wonder?

[Bobby Lee]

I already got something on my head. Surgically put.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you don't want to up your hair.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we're gonna have to go through that.

[Andrew Santino]

And they do neuralink now for people with hair trans. Damn different. He got his hair done, ain't there?

[Carlos]

What we. You. You really got something done.

[Andrew Santino]

It's worth it.

[Carlos]

When did you get it done?

[Andrew Santino]

Come here and show him up close. He can tell up close.

[Bobby Lee]

Two months ago.

[Andrew Santino]

It just started.

[Carlos]

Two months to go.

[Andrew Santino]

It takes a long time, but he gets there. Look at it.

[Carlos]

Let me see what you got there.

[Andrew Santino]

It's going. Dude, look. Look at how much better that looks. Well, I would face him forward. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

There.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, look at that. Look at how much is there.

[Carlos]

Okay. Yeah, I touch it, but.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. This is the weirdest. I've never touched it. I never touched it. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You want to touch it? Yeah, I could touch it.

[Carlos]

Give.

[Andrew Santino]

Gave you consent.

[Carlos]

Who's going to tell them?

[Andrew Santino]

Fellas, I.

[Bobby Lee]

Who's gonna tell them what? Yeah, it's like cheap hair. It's only two months.

[Carlos]

Yeah, we'll get your money back.

[Bobby Lee]

It was free.

[Carlos]

It was free.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. That's what you get when it's free.

[Carlos]

Do you feel the confidence coming back or how do you feel? Feel?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I forget about it all the time. It'll be a couple months.

[Andrew Santino]

He was confident when he was bald. It didn't matter.

[Bobby Lee]

It doesn't matter.

[Carlos]

That's what I like about the.

[Andrew Santino]

It never mattered to him ever.

[Bobby Lee]

Would you get it done, Plugs? Yeah.

[Carlos]

N. I'm going. Go on ahead and just.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but you shave your head anyway.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I mean, I don't shave it. But you.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm saying you. But you.

[Bobby Lee]

You wouldn't call. You have knife.

[Andrew Santino]

I cut it short.

[Carlos]

Yeah. I cut it tonight.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So my is like, wait, who cut your hair?

[Carlos]

Me.

[Andrew Santino]

You cut your own?

[Carlos]

I used to be a barber. I didn't tell you. God damn. I got surprises for you.

[Andrew Santino]

He was everything.

[Bobby Lee]

Baker, barber, anything.

[Andrew Santino]

Candlestick maker, wasn't it? Isn' it hard for you to line yourself up though? Isn't that what they say?

[Carlos]

No, no, I'm not as my eyesight is. Isn't as.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I got to tell you, one side is higher than the other.

[Carlos]

Yeah, but my hair don't grow, like, straight. Everybody's.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, I know, I know, I know.

[Bobby Lee]

But it's a little crooked that. I guess I'm here.

[Carlos]

That's okay, though. It look good, though.

[Andrew Santino]

So you line your up in the mirror.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Carlos]

Beard, everything.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you have a. Do you have, like, a template to line up? Do you put on your head. You've seen this when people put the. You know, talking about. Yeah, no, not a bowl, but you know what I mean? They have. Have, like. They have guards and guides now, so you can line up yourself. You've never seen amateurs. Oh, okay.

[Carlos]

Rookies. I'm a seasoned vet here.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you got the.

[Bobby Lee]

It looks good.

[Andrew Santino]

I never Tower of peace out there.

[Carlos]

Like, I used to blend it, but

[Bobby Lee]

you're doing it wrong.

[Andrew Santino]

They do say it's hard to do on your own because it's in the mirror. That's got to be tough. Look at that fade for beginners.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, if you take a. A three shaver, like, you know me. The. Whatever they level three.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know what that means. Oh, you mean the. The clip number?

[Bobby Lee]

The clip number.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And you just do it. Why would that not.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. He. He has to line the line the hairline ones.

[Carlos]

And no, girls, I'm. I'm deep in a trench.

[Andrew Santino]

We're talking. Not the whole head. We're talking about lining up his hairline.

[Carlos]

Yeah, right here.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Carlos]

Right here.

[Andrew Santino]

Black guys. Black guys get their edges. You edge your.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I wouldn't edge it.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you're an edger.

[Carlos]

You get your edge, too. Look at your beard.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we edge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I have a bar because I

[Andrew Santino]

have, you know, because I have a little bit of flavor document.

[Carlos]

Not bad, that ball spot in the middle in the back, but.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow, he's strong.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

You're shade. You give this guy a bottle of Josh and he's.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah,

[Andrew Santino]

yeah, I know.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm. Today's. You know what I did today?

[Carlos]

What'd you do?

[Bobby Lee]

Did you get. I go. I. We need doc today. Oh, yeah, yeah, you did. I did.

[Carlos]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Because I just. Today I was doing other podcasts. I was brain fried.

[Carlos]

How do y' all do that? Like, it's so hard bouncing the pod. I don't like it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's hard.

[Carlos]

I barely like doing this.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you, bro.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, thank you.

[Carlos]

You're welcome.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, when you get the. Do you do. Do you Go.

[Carlos]

No. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes. But I'll tell you why. You two are very gifted, you know, I don't think you guys really. Well, maybe you do know, cuz that's why you're rich. But let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. You two go dudes. The way that you do voices and accents and like, even when I came on here, I was like, I don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, how you doing? I'm Jimmy Smalley. Stuff like that. Yeah.

[Carlos]

What the. That was.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that the gift you're speaking of?

[Carlos]

But just. But even in the character work that you two do.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

It's funny. It's believable.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And it.

[Carlos]

It, It. It just crosses.

[Andrew Santino]

It can be.

[Bobby Lee]

It can be.

[Carlos]

It can be.

[Andrew Santino]

Sometimes it's a struggle, I think, as we have our. It's our little play place. This is where we get to like, goof. It's like our little goof.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a goof.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a goof room.

[Carlos]

I see the same two dudes on stage, though, because I grew up with you guys.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, no, I know. You mean we are. Yes, we get. Yeah, no, you're right. Well, because.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I mean, we're polar opposites in many ways.

[Andrew Santino]

Very. A lot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Of course, he's more alpha.

[Andrew Santino]

Except our comedic dials seem to be on this. It's like, what's that thing? Duncan Trussell loves it. You know the thing that's like, shout out to D. I love that dude. You know, he. He has that, like. It's like electric. It's like electric waves between your hands and it, like. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Bobby Lee]

Of course.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know the name.

[Bobby Lee]

Xylophone.

[Andrew Santino]

Xylom Home. I don't know what it's called, but I mean, like, you can have these different sounds and they're so different, but somehow they, like, blend well. That's like him and I, we're like two different frequencies. We're two different frequencies, but for xylophone, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Or.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no. It's like with a hand. It's like with your hands.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. What do you call that?

[Andrew Santino]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you call.

[Andrew Santino]

Isn't that wild as.

[Carlos]

Yeah, his right hand. Look at his.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. You're doing that with Taboo. I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Be nice, guys. He has Parkinson's. That's. That has nothing to do with the music.

[Carlos]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It's beautiful. Is it not? You've heard that in music.

[Andrew Santino]

A Theremin. You're using two electric. Yeah, There is no strings. It's all. It's all because of electric.

[Carlos]

So it's the currency. It's a fan to the.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's the current. You're interrupting the current.

[Carlos]

Oh, okay.

[Andrew Santino]

That.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't even know about this?

[Carlos]

No, I've never even seen.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Have you heard of a didgeridoo?

[Carlos]

What year was this even?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, what year is the theremin invented? Probably in the 60s. 50s.

[Carlos]

60s.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't even know Know it's a

[Carlos]

cool instrument because he's doing the theme song from.

[Andrew Santino]

When is it from? 1920.

[Bobby Lee]

1920, dude.

[Carlos]

From.

[Andrew Santino]

From Somewhere over the Rainbow.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You were in that movie wizard of Oz.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Was it Lollipop Kid?

[Andrew Santino]

You weren't Toto.

[Carlos]

I Toto.

[Andrew Santino]

Your mother.

[Carlos]

Little black bass.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

At least he wasn't talking about the flying monkeys. Because then I'll be.

[Andrew Santino]

Brother, I'm not gonna go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I'd be the scarecrow.

[Carlos]

I think you can go there. Because you know what?

[Andrew Santino]

Because you have no heart. That's a tin Man.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Has no soul. No brain.

[Bobby Lee]

No brains. I'm. Yeah, I'm totally scared.

[Andrew Santino]

You're the no brains.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What am I then? I'm probably. I'm not the cowardly line. Oh, I'm the man behind the curtain. I'm the wizard.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you're the wizard. Yeah. And you're Toto.

[Carlos]

That would be me. Yeah, I would be. Be the guy behind the curtain.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no.

[Carlos]

Because of my voice. Because remember, he had that. That powerful ass.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me hear it.

[Carlos]

Open the curtain little. You know.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. The Wiz was a Black wizard of Oz. No.

[Carlos]

Yeah, that's the way. Yeah, that's the weird.

[Bobby Lee]

The Asian one wouldn't work because of the yellow Brick Road would just disappear.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, Toto would only been for one scene. That's for sure.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. He isn't eating. Yeah, yeah. The Tin Man. Right. It would say Made in China.

[Andrew Santino]

It would break.

[Bobby Lee]

It would break down.

[Andrew Santino]

He breaks right away.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

And then sing.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And. Yeah. The movie will be five minutes long. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

In the Wiz, the Yellow Brick Road. It was Martin Luther King Boulevard. That. The yellow.

[Carlos]

Good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, we gotta go. Doc, look into the camera. Sign off for us. I love you.

[Carlos]

Hey, love y'. All. Thank y' all for checking out bad friends. We'll see y' all soon.

[Bobby Lee]

No, that's not what it is. Thank you for being a bad friend.

[Carlos]

Oh. All right. I always find it up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you got it all right.

[Carlos]

Thank y' all for being a bad friend. Every day you give a beautiful voice. Corner in the pouring rain? Look for the girl with the broken smile?

[Bobby Lee]

It's the piano talking?

[Carlos]

And she will?

[Andrew Santino]

Beloved and she will. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal.

[Bobby Lee]

So there goes my big idea for the commercial.

[Andrew Santino]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 months, 90 for 6 months, or $180 for 12 month plan required. $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees.

[Bobby Lee]

Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes.

[Andrew Santino]

Me slow when network is busy.

[Bobby Lee]

See terms o.