Rudy Is Single

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bad Friends – Episode "Rudy Is Single"

Episode Information:

• Title: Bad Friends
• Host/Authors: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
• Episode: Rudy Is Single
• Release Date: May 19, 2025
• Production: A 7EQUIS Production

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Introduction and Show Announcements (00:00 – 01:22)

The episode begins with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino briefly mentioning upcoming shows and tour dates. Bobby announces appearances in Edmonton and Winnipeg, with a special mention of London and Dublin shows scheduled for July 18th and 19th, 2025.

• Bobby Lee: “If you're living in Scotland, go to England. And if you're living in Norway, Norway, please fly to Dublin.” (00:36)

Reintroduction of Rudy Jewels (01:04 – 02:09)

Rudy Jewels, a recurring character and friend of the hosts, makes a return after a hiatus. Bobby humorously introduces Rudy, highlighting her past involvement with projects like "Tiger Belly."

• Bobby Lee: “Ladies and gentlemen, she returns. She has risen. It's Rudy Jewels.” (01:04)
• Andrew Santino: “You two are bad friends.” (00:54)

Rudy Jewels and Gift Segment (02:09 – 04:36)

Andrew prepares an introductory monologue involving a whimsical narrative about attending a Renaissance Fair. This segment is filled with playful banter and gift-giving jokes.

• Andrew Santino: “Hello, my weary travelers... And I have some gifts for you all.” (01:27)
• Bobby Lee: “Play the bird. Play the bird.” (02:10)

Andrew presents humorous "gifts" such as a wand labeled "Voldemort's wand," leading to laughter and light-hearted exchanges.

• Bobby Lee: “That's beautiful.” (02:18)
• Andrew Santino: “Do not jam it in your ass.” (03:32)

Discussion on Renaissance Fair Experience (04:43 – 07:04)

The hosts delve into their experiences at the Renaissance Fair. Andrew shares his excitement about returning to the fair, discussing costumes, activities, and interactions with other attendees.

• Andrew Santino: “I'm going back next Sunday. Yeah. With Jules and Dumbfounded and Gene and also Andrea. Jen.” (05:35)
• Bobby Lee: “You look good.” (05:42)

They discuss various activities available at the fair, such as jousting and plays, and joke about dressing up as Asian peasants.

• Bobby Lee: “You're leaning towards girls now?” (06:19)

Easter Celebrations and Personal Anecdotes (07:04 – 17:17)

The conversation shifts to Easter celebrations, egg hunting, and personal interactions. Bobby expresses feelings of missing their co-host Jules, who is graduating and stepping back from the show.

• Bobby Lee: “This means more than I think you know to me.” (04:30)
• Andrew Santino: “It's special.” (04:36)

They discuss teenage anecdotes, friends growing apart, and the challenges of maintaining friendships as life changes.

• Bobby Lee: “She started this show when she was in high school.” (16:32)
• Andrew Santino: “I didn't leave you guys.” (16:25)

Friendship Dynamics and Tension (17:17 – 26:33)

Bobby addresses tensions and perceived neglect from Carlos regarding pet care and friendship responsibilities. Andrew defends his actions while Bobby criticizes his involvement.

• Bobby Lee: “You don't take care of his house.” (08:17)
• Andrew Santino: “She abandons the dog sometimes.” (08:25)

They delve into the complexities of friendship, responsibilities, and feelings of being undervalued.

• Bobby Lee: “Tito Bobby did everything for you.” (17:16)
• Andrew Santino: “What have you done for me?” (17:38)

Humorous Banter and Personal Issues (26:33 – 54:57)

The hosts engage in light-hearted yet edgy humor, discussing topics like ingrown hairs, personal grooming, and embarrassing health issues.

• Bobby Lee: “I lotion my balls every day now because I have eczema.” (53:35)
• Andrew Santino: “It's disgusting.” (54:32)

They offer crude humor intertwined with candid conversations about personal insecurities and health matters.

Birthday Celebration for Carlos (46:42 – 55:53)

A significant portion of the episode focuses on celebrating Carlos's 38th birthday. Interactive jokes and playful teasing are exchanged among the hosts as they share anecdotes about birthday wishes and social interactions.

• Bobby Lee: “Happy birthday, dear Carlos.” (46:42)
• Andrew Santino: “I think you have a dating addiction.” (25:10)

Carlos shares his experiences regarding birthday greetings and feelings of being left out by friends, prompting empathetic yet humorous responses from Bobby and Andrew.

• Carlos: “It makes me feel like I'm being separated from my friends and I'm drifting in space.” (51:30)
• Bobby Lee: “She was one of the pillars of the show and she went away and she doesn't give a fuck about us.” (31:55)

Closing Remarks and Final Jokes (55:53 – End)

The episode concludes with more comedic exchanges, focusing on light-hearted and absurd topics. The hosts continue their signature blend of humor, friendship dynamics, and candid conversations until the end.

• Bobby Lee: “That's Disgusting.” (55:14)
• Andrew Santino: “But this texture of the skin though, is what I want to go back.” (27:35)

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino (01:27): “Hello, my weary travelers... And I have some gifts for you all.”
• Bobby Lee (04:30): “This means more than I think you know to me.”
• Andrew Santino (25:10): “I think you're a sabotager.”
• Bobby Lee (53:35): “I lotion my balls every day now because I have eczema.”

Key Takeaways:

• Friendship and Change: The episode highlights the evolving nature of friendships, especially with life changes such as graduation and increasing responsibilities.

• Humor as a Coping Mechanism: Bobby and Andrew use humor to navigate personal issues and tensions within their friend group, maintaining a light-hearted atmosphere despite underlying conflicts.

• Personal Vulnerability: The hosts share personal anecdotes and insecurities, fostering a sense of authenticity and relatability with their audience.

• Community Engagement: Celebrating a friend's birthday and addressing audience questions or comments underscores the podcast's interactive and community-oriented approach.

Conclusion:

"Rudy Is Single" offers listeners a blend of humor, candid conversations, and insights into the complexities of maintaining friendships amidst personal growth and life changes. Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino's dynamic interplay provides both entertainment and relatability, making it a compelling listen for those interested in authentic and humorous discussions about friendship and personal experiences.

Transcript

[Bobby Lee]

This podcast is powered by Huel.

[Andrew Santino]

H U E L. New customers can use code bad friends for 15 off plus a free gift.

[Bobby Lee]

Yay. Ciao. I'm in Italy, but this week I will be in Edmonton and Winnipeg, Canada. Come see me Edmonton. In Winnipeg, go to andrewsantino.com. hello.

[Andrew Santino]

Hello. Hello.

[Bobby Lee]

Hello, mate. You all right, mate?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm all right, mate.

[Bobby Lee]

We're gonna be coming to London in Dublin, July 18th and 19th. These are the only two shows we're doing in 2025 together.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

International Bo. We're done.

[Andrew Santino]

If you're living in Scotland, go to London. If you're living in somewhere else, go to. You know.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. It's easy. If you're living in Scotland, go to England. And if you're living in Norway, Norway, please fly to Dublin.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Or Poland.

[Bobby Lee]

In Poland. If you're living in Poland, you probably got to come to our Polish show. We're doing one Polish sausage show. We're not. July 18th and 19th, London and Dublin. Go to badfriendspod.com badfriendspod.com.

[Andrew Santino]

You two are bad friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Who are these two idiots?

[Rudy Jewels]

White dude and an Asian dude.

[Andrew Santino]

You two are disgusting.

[Bobby Lee]

We're bad friends. Ladies and gentlemen, she returns. She has risen. It's Rudy Jewels. She's been away from the show for too long. She's been doing a lot of tiger belly. A lot of belly, tiger. A lot of trash. Tuesday.

[Andrew Santino]

I have an intro that I prepared.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, sorry about that. Can I. Yeah, please.

[Andrew Santino]

It's gonna take a couple minutes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Hello, my weary travelers. My boat crashed along a seashore, and I ran into a fair, the Renaissance Fair. And I saw many things. Chalices being made, chain mails. And I also saw one school shooter. I saw a man walking a pickle. Yes. And I have found my people. And I have some gifts for you all. If. If I may. If I may.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Honestly. Will you play the bird again?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's beautiful.

[Andrew Santino]

For Jules.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not kidding. I love that thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Jules, I bought you.

[Rudy Jewels]

It's a wand.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a wand.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's what they call it.

[Andrew Santino]

Come grab it.

[Bobby Lee]

Play the bird. Play the bird. Play the bird, bud.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Sorry, there's not enough water. I gotta put some more water.

[Bobby Lee]

Very good.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Very good. Yeah. Put some water.

[Andrew Santino]

Needs water. Oh, King.

[Bobby Lee]

What is that?

[Andrew Santino]

King, I got you. Voldemort's wand.

[Bobby Lee]

God. Press.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh. Blow the. Blow the bird.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Thank you. Here.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

And then, dude, for my. For my friend Carlos. Oh, Come, please.

[Bobby Lee]

Blow the bird.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's a one for you, my friend.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Here you go. All right.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't much.

[Andrew Santino]

Do not. Do not jam it in your ass.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Happy birthday, Carlos.

[Bobby Lee]

Stop it.

[Andrew Santino]

And then McOen. Please come. I gave you an A black bird charmer. Here you go, my friend.

[Bobby Lee]

Cool, dude. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What do you say, you idiot?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. You bow or something. Andreas, come here. I have a gift for you too.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

I have a gift for you too, Andreas. This is the big one, right? This is a ceramic penis.

[Bobby Lee]

Bibbidi bobbidi. Booth.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Booty.

[Andrew Santino]

And that's. That's. That is it. I had a joyous day, Bob. Yeah. Thank you so much. And then you just got drunk all day, huh?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Smash.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. How'd you get here?

[Bobby Lee]

Uber.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, good. Uber, Uber, my friend. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I tell you something?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

This means more than I think you know to me. What is to me?

[Andrew Santino]

What is it?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, because you don't buy me stuff.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

This is special.

[Andrew Santino]

That was one of the most expensive ones there.

[Bobby Lee]

How much?

[Andrew Santino]

$50.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. So we saw on Instagram, Bobby went to the Renaissance Fair. First time ever. Yes, first time. Last time. First time. First time.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm going next Sunday.

[Bobby Lee]

You are?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And Jules is gonna come.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you really going?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You excited?

[Rudy Jewels]

I want to go. Are there elves?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God. There's elves, there's orcs, there's everything that you can desire.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, explain to us.

[Andrew Santino]

It looks really cool. What?

[Bobby Lee]

Shut up. Fancy. Shut up. Honestly, shut up.

[Andrew Santino]

That was me, phony, at the fair today.

[Bobby Lee]

You're at the fair with your friend Britney?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

And so I'm proud that you draw. You dressed up well.

[Andrew Santino]

You can rent. See, that's. That's where I made the mistake.

[Bobby Lee]

You rented.

[Andrew Santino]

I came like this.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then I went to the store and I rented that vest.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a good looking vest.

[Andrew Santino]

And I was just jamming out here in front of this. Yeah, it was. I'm telling you, dude, that was. What a song.

[Bobby Lee]

You loved it.

[Andrew Santino]

I saw jousting, I saw a couple of plays.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah, it was a very enjoyable thing.

[Bobby Lee]

So you'll go back?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm going back next Sunday. Yeah. With Jules and Dumbfounded and Gene and also Andrea. Jen.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at that. You look good.

[Andrew Santino]

And I'm going to dress. I'm going to. We're going to dress as. And I'm going to get your dress as peasants. But. But Asian peasants. So my fantasy is this.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, that's Not Asian peasants. Whatever you did before.

[Andrew Santino]

No, that wasn't Asian.

[Bobby Lee]

Who is that? Who's that woman?

[Andrew Santino]

That's Brittany, the girl I was with.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlos, stop creeping. Yes, Carlos, creeping.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, don't, don't, don't, don't. Okay. No. I'm going to the bird. Okay. Okay. Okay. You want to communicate? Yeah, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a connection we'll always experience for the rest of our lives. So what I'm going to say to you is, is that we're dressed as, you know, I mean, Japanese rice farmers from the 17th century, and our. Our little canoe got lost, and we ended up in the shores of this English countryside.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And we end up at Renaissance Fair, and we'll have samurai swords, and I'm gonna wear the little rice paddy hats, and we're gonna get you, like, a dress. You know what I mean?

[Rudy Jewels]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Unless you want to. Well, unless you want to dress. How would you like to dress?

[Rudy Jewels]

Like the elves.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Kind of dress like. But the Philippines.

[Andrew Santino]

The Philippines don't have drought. Well, elves. I mean.

[Rudy Jewels]

Yeah, we do.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Those are called crickets. Those are Filipino crickets, dude. They're not elves.

[Bobby Lee]

What does this say in your sweater?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh. Is that a Filipino cricket or elf?

[Bobby Lee]

Piglet. Piglet.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a piglet.

[Bobby Lee]

What's been going on with you, Jules?

[Andrew Santino]

Do you.

[Rudy Jewels]

Do you always get drunk on Easter?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

For Jesus.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Nice try, Juice. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Dude, this is the ender I like.

[Bobby Lee]

We got you.

[Andrew Santino]

So, did you go egg hunting?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You did something? Something like.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what's in those little eggs, huh?

[Bobby Lee]

A little bit of money.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Chocolate?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You Money and your buddies, huh? Day Jason Bateman.

[Bobby Lee]

Aren't relevant.

[Andrew Santino]

Hollywood.

[Bobby Lee]

And so who did I go egg hunting with?

[Andrew Santino]

I have no idea. You're fancy friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Allison Janney.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Of course. Bradley Whitford, the whole cast of West Wing.

[Bobby Lee]

Bradley Cooper.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Bradley.

[Andrew Santino]

No, Bradley Whitford. The whole. The whole.

[Bobby Lee]

And John Ham. John Ham and I had lunch today.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you being real?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you know John?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I met him once.

[Bobby Lee]

You do?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. One time I met him.

[Bobby Lee]

Timeout.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's be honest.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you still mad at Carlos or.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Because I feel like there's a lot of tension from last week.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But, you know, still there. I'm a forgiving man. And I bought.

[Bobby Lee]

You really are.

[Andrew Santino]

I bought. It was really hard to buy him a wand. Yeah. I mean, I. I pondered over it for, like, an hour, looking at it.

[Bobby Lee]

Be honest.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Two hours.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I went, you know what? He deserves a wand.

[Bobby Lee]

He does.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, Bob. So you know when Voldemort or the Jews attack. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Good boy.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe I regret getting that from McConnell, but. Yeah. He's going hog wild with it. But it is a beautiful thing. If you ever. Would you ever go?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Rudy Jewels]

You should go with us.

[Bobby Lee]

Shut up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Why wouldn't you go, though? It's so. I laughed the whole time.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, how about this?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Will you come to an NBA game?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you won't.

[Andrew Santino]

I will.

[Bobby Lee]

You won't.

[Andrew Santino]

I. If you get me tickets, would you.

[Bobby Lee]

Come to an M. A. Dodger game? Will you sit in a Dodger game?

[Andrew Santino]

I'll go four hours. I'll go with you.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you won't.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, if you.

[Bobby Lee]

You know you won't.

[Andrew Santino]

I've offered you before, outside a contract, going, I will go if you go to a Renaissance fair.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlos, can I get some help? For real? I've offered you to come to. You don't want to come.

[Andrew Santino]

Never offered me. Have you ever.

[Bobby Lee]

That's not true.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you ever heard him offer me?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you, Andreas.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Carlos]

For the Lakers.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, I have.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You won't go to a Lakers.

[Andrew Santino]

I love it. If I'm sitting next to fucking Jack Nicholson, I'll do it.

[Bobby Lee]

He's dead. No, but seriously, you won't come to an NBA game.

[Andrew Santino]

I will go. That's what it is.

[Bobby Lee]

That's.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at the women.

[Bobby Lee]

That's your NBA.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but I. I laughed so hard. Like, you know, there was a play. Hi. I can't get into it because it's getting in trouble.

[Bobby Lee]

No, come on, please.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, years ago, I was on a game show, and it was with Rob Gronkowski in that game show called Game On. Oh, yeah, right. And there was like.

[Bobby Lee]

It was terrible.

[Andrew Santino]

Anyway.

[Bobby Lee]

Bad tv.

[Andrew Santino]

So I did a joke and Happy Easter. The producers came up to me and they go, we have to cut that out. I go, why?

[Bobby Lee]

What did you say?

[Andrew Santino]

He goes, racist.

[Bobby Lee]

What'd you say?

[Andrew Santino]

I said, there was a thing about Renaissance fairs and what's one thing about the Renaissance Fair? And I go, there's no black people. And then they came up to me and got cut.

[Bobby Lee]

You can say that literal fact.

[Andrew Santino]

When I went there, I saw three.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait a minute.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but those. But these three, though, special kind. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, wait, wait. Look who we see on the fourth picture. And look who we see. My boy. My dog.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's My dog, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

James.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you finish it?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Stop. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Finite. It's a fire. That bothering you, dude? I love.

[Andrew Santino]

Non stop.

[Bobby Lee]

I love.

[Andrew Santino]

You can't do that.

[Bobby Lee]

I just did it.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but you can't do it.

[Bobby Lee]

It was great. Yes, yes, I'll do it. Is the fire bothering you? Mom. D. This guy is so. James.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, he's the biggest dick.

[Bobby Lee]

What? He's the coolest guy.

[Andrew Santino]

The coolest guy. I'm the coolest guy.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm so sorry, James. I just imagine James is the man.

[Andrew Santino]

But is he better than Conor?

[Bobby Lee]

Connor and James are head to head.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

For me, they're head to head.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Now here's. Here's Connor. Ready?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

She's coming.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh.

[Bobby Lee]

I love. Dude, I love that. He pauses words.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you see the last episode?

[Bobby Lee]

Shh.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Were you mad at me?

[Bobby Lee]

No. Because it was still hot.

[Andrew Santino]

What a beautiful. You know what?

[Bobby Lee]

Hot makeup.

[Andrew Santino]

Now we can talk about it.

[Bobby Lee]

Now you can. Well, for the fans. It's too late now. You had to watch.

[Andrew Santino]

But I. Georgie, I. When I kiss somebody.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to be like them.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Where it's like they want you to be the magic.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, I mean, the magic. The spark, you know? And that's what I'm waiting for.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, Abby has been making up. Remember? Do you remember we ran into Abby at the airport?

[Andrew Santino]

That was so funny.

[Bobby Lee]

We were going to Boston. Where are we going? Boston.

[Andrew Santino]

We were going somewhere in the abbey.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you guys remember this? Who was with us?

[Andrew Santino]

No. Abby and her mom was there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then. I don't know, I think I started the conversation with them first.

[Bobby Lee]

There she is. There's Abby.

[Andrew Santino]

And she was so sweet.

[Bobby Lee]

The what?

[Carlos]

Wood.

[Bobby Lee]

Wood.

[Carlos]

Wood. I would. Abby.

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos. Carlos.

[Bobby Lee]

When he says something perverse.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You always go. Yeah, it's really low.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

She's the Carlos.

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos. What would you do first, Carlos?

[Carlos]

Put on a Disney plus.

[Andrew Santino]

That's good smart. That's good smart, right? You know what I do? Get her some dolphin stickers.

[Bobby Lee]

Love.

[Andrew Santino]

Put some around the room.

[Bobby Lee]

Love.

[Andrew Santino]

And she'll go, yay. Or whatever. You know what I mean? And then what else?

[Bobby Lee]

That's good.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Jules.

[Andrew Santino]

Jules. Do you watch that show?

[Rudy Jewels]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't see Love on the Spectrum? You don't watch that?

[Rudy Jewels]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you watching right now? White Lotus.

[Andrew Santino]

No, she didn't watch that.

[Rudy Jewels]

Last of us.

[Andrew Santino]

Is there Love on the Spectrum in the Philippines? Imagine them.

[Rudy Jewels]

Well, I see.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. They're drowning in.

[Bobby Lee]

You want to climb? You want to climb this Tree.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm kidding. I don't like Last of Us because of the mushroom zombies.

[Rudy Jewels]

But that's the most realistic thing. Because mushroom zombies, cordyceps, they do that.

[Bobby Lee]

They're. That is the most real.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I do have an itchy foot. Is that from that? You are my fungi.

[Bobby Lee]

You're my mushroom zombie.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I got rid of my fungi through the machines.

[Bobby Lee]

By the way, you're not on Tik Tok. Double piercing is. That's right. It's looking good. Good for you.

[Rudy Jewels]

Dude, are you okay?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I just think you're not part of us anymore. You left us.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Give us what you miss about her.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, here's the deal. I love Jules. We started the show with Jules and then every time I see her, I'm like, oh, she's not ours anymore.

[Rudy Jewels]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't play dumb with me, pal.

[Andrew Santino]

Did she.

[Bobby Lee]

You disappeared. You became a star on other shows. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?

[Andrew Santino]

I live with her. I don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Am I wrong?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I'm not. You're not wrong.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't even take care of his house.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, she abandons the dog sometimes. No.

[Bobby Lee]

Too famous.

[Rudy Jewels]

No, I don't.

[Andrew Santino]

Today you walked him at noon. It's 6 o' clock. And now you're coming home.

[Rudy Jewels]

That's fine.

[Andrew Santino]

Where were you?

[Bobby Lee]

Where were you?

[Rudy Jewels]

Hanging out with friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, dog.

[Andrew Santino]

Where were you?

[Rudy Jewels]

Hanging out with friends.

[Andrew Santino]

No friends. What? You have no friends, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

I went to the V. You went to 15 milk tea shops. That's what you did. Yeah. You do something weird like that and the dogs need to get walked and why? They cry at night.

[Bobby Lee]

But they're not being walked because of you. Yeah, because you're. You're negligent sometimes. Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

My God.

[Bobby Lee]

What a mess, huh?

[Andrew Santino]

Did you ask for the jar head at the hair plant place? I did, yeah. Yeah. It's a weird. Can I get the jar head from. You know. Wait. Full Metal Jacket. I want the haircut from Full Metal Jacket.

[Bobby Lee]

Fans.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, fans. What is it? It doesn't look good. You have to wait. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You have to wait.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

That's you.

[Andrew Santino]

That's you, dude. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know what I've been told.

[Andrew Santino]

That's you, dude. My God. And are you mad that your people aren't in the new Star Wars?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. What the crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean? They just. Just put porgs in there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Porgy, porgy, porgy.

[Andrew Santino]

And with the militant. They could be militant. Porgs. Right. With guns. Chewbacca can't eat us, right? That's you, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

You look good.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you look great. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's go back to the vic.

[Andrew Santino]

Can you. When you look at your penis, is it translucent? It seems like it is. Okay, you know what's rude? Put it in your pocket. Don't put it there.

[Bobby Lee]

Perfect.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You're gonna take your wand home, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Jules. What's been going on with Jules?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you keep asking that, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Because she's not around anymore.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

She left us, guys.

[Rudy Jewels]

I didn't leave you guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Did she leave us?

[Andrew Santino]

She's graduating.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no. Look at the booth. Did she leave us?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

She's graduating from college in two months, right?

[Rudy Jewels]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Isn't that crazy? She started this show when she was in high school.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

Senior in high school.

[Rudy Jewels]

I know, but I didn't leave you guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, you did. Don't, don't, don't, don't.

[Rudy Jewels]

I didn't trash Tuesday and Tiger Belly. Ask me, not you guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Fans at home. Did she leave us? Comment down below.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, comment down.

[Bobby Lee]

You know you did. Who gave you the most fun opportunities?

[Andrew Santino]

And she doesn't take them.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Come down to Long Beach.

[Bobby Lee]

Doesn't get appreciated. I don't want to.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want to.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And it's fine.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And now you're single, she's a hot shot. She's got money, does whatever she wants. Single. It's. It's.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what's so funny about you, too.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But you claim you don't have a lot of money, but a lot of Amazon packages.

[Bobby Lee]

A lot.

[Rudy Jewels]

Because I need underwear.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's not. Nobody's ordering underwear. I need underwear and hangers. See, people like you.

[Andrew Santino]

People are like, ungrateful, ungrateful, grateful people. Yeah. People like.

[Bobby Lee]

What has Tito Bobby done for you exactly? Everything. And here you are ordering underwear off of Amazon. Disgusting.

[Andrew Santino]

Heavy metal. Done. Done. What have you done? I don't know. I don't know. What have you done for me?

[Bobby Lee]

Move away. Can I tell you something?

[Andrew Santino]

What? You.

[Bobby Lee]

When you posted that photo of you at the Renaissance Fair.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I literally said, I go, he looks happier than I've seen him in years.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I'm serious. Put up the photo. I'm not kidding. I saw that photo today.

[Andrew Santino]

Which one? With me and Brit or just me dancing?

[Bobby Lee]

You and Brit, dude. I was like, you guys, you look so stoked. You know why?

[Andrew Santino]

This is my friend, you know?

[Bobby Lee]

I know, dude, but I'm just Saying, you know why?

[Rudy Jewels]

Why so pretty?

[Bobby Lee]

You know why?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because you're having. I can tell right there. You're goofing, you're having fun, and you're goofing. I said, oh, man, he's goofing. He's having a good time. And I guarantee you, you got recognized a lot. And you were jamming and having a good day.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I'll be honest with you, Carlos. I had two fairies.

[Bobby Lee]

Am I right?

[Andrew Santino]

I had two fairies, two executioners.

[Bobby Lee]

Who'd you get recognized?

[Andrew Santino]

The king.

[Bobby Lee]

A king recognized you.

[Andrew Santino]

Another one. This is a funny one. A man. So he was holding something, you know, on a leash. And it was like, a man with no shirt on, black leather pants. I don't know what he was. He was holding something on the leash. And I go, that's. And I. And I followed the leash down, and there was another man as. Like, a dog or something.

[Bobby Lee]

Sure.

[Andrew Santino]

Just crawling on the ground like that.

[Bobby Lee]

Sure.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So you have that, too.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean? That's just. What do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

And the dog. The dog. Human. Recognize you?

[Bobby Lee]

Went, my friend. My friends. I like my friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So that was nice.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a real thing there, by the way. You do see, like, people on leashes, huh?

[Andrew Santino]

There's a lot of weird things there. A lot of trans. Which I support. I do.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. And. And it's a couple milady. And he goes. He, lady.

[Bobby Lee]

Miss her?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Miss her. Miss her. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, that was one of those situations.

[Bobby Lee]

That's okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's okay.

[Bobby Lee]

You're. You're guessing.

[Andrew Santino]

I was gathering information.

[Bobby Lee]

You're gathering information as you.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a long walk. It's a lot of walking.

[Bobby Lee]

What? Orange County? Where was this?

[Andrew Santino]

It's in Pasadena.

[Bobby Lee]

Gotta be.

[Andrew Santino]

It was long, but it's. It just goes on forever. And it's like I ate crepes. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

You like sweet or savory?

[Rudy Jewels]

Sweet.

[Bobby Lee]

Nutella. Yeah, Love.

[Rudy Jewels]

It's strawberry.

[Andrew Santino]

You like Pinkberry? Or Yogurt Land?

[Bobby Lee]

I hate Pinkberry so much, it's unbelievable. It's a fake. Place dog.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Give me ice cream. Frozen yogurt is a lie. Am I right, guys? It's a lie.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not a lie.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a lie. Tell me this Pinkberry can't compete with salt and straw. McConnell's Van Leeuwen. It doesn't even come close.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a cleaner taste, though.

[Bobby Lee]

But it doesn't satisfy you.

[Andrew Santino]

It does.

[Bobby Lee]

No. It does.

[Andrew Santino]

With the chocolate malt Crunch.

[Bobby Lee]

The it does. Dude, chocolate ice cream is better than frozen yogurt every day of the week. Everyone knows ice cream. Cash app. You owe me money. You know?

[Andrew Santino]

I know. And you know what? I sent it to you on Cash App.

[Bobby Lee]

You have to send it to me on Cash App because Cash App safe, easy and fast way to send, receive and transfer money to family and friends. Bobby and I are both a family and friends. It's so easy to get started. Just enter your phone number, email, no bank account needed at all. And your money. My money showed up right away.

[Andrew Santino]

No waiting around for days now, man. It's your money. You shouldn't have to wait.

[Bobby Lee]

Cash App has your back. If you're about to send money to a sketchy account, a scam warning pops up. Do you feel way more relaxed knowing Cash App has your back? Because you should. It does. And by the way, I got scammed on one of these money transfer things. I'm not going to tell you which one, but somebody was using my money to rent boats in Florida and go fishing.

[Andrew Santino]

That was me, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

That was you. Oh, wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Really good yellow fish.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I'll tell you what I use. I love using Cash App because it's fast, it's safe, and it makes life way less stressful. All right? So from now on, all you got to use is Cash App. It's the best for a limited time only new Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real? No catch.

[Andrew Santino]

Just download Cash App. Use your code. Bad friends. When you sign up, send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. That's money.

[Bobby Lee]

That's Cash App Display.

[Andrew Santino]

Display is a one of a kind metal poster designed to capture your unique passions.

[Bobby Lee]

Display created a 21st century canvas that's sturdy, Magnum mountain and durable enough to withstand a lifetime of intense staring. Look at these beautiful posters right here. And listen. Listen how that is, huh?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it's like thunder.

[Bobby Lee]

It's magnet mounted. No holes in your wall. None of that nonsense.

[Andrew Santino]

Sound effects.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, when we were kids, used to have to thumbtack them to the wall or tape them. And then you ruined your mom and dad's wall. Or slam a nail in the wall. Not anymore. Now with this plate, it's easy, safe. Magnet mounted system. It takes 20 seconds. No need to drill holes, stick a protective leaf, place a magnet, put the display down your wall. It's that easy.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, they used to deteriorate.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they don't deteriorate in the sun. These aren't going to fade in the sun ever again. It's high quality. They got over 2 million designs available, whether it's Disney, Marvel, DC, Warhammer, your favorite anime shows and movies, including Bad Friends official Designs.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Celebrate 12 years of these sleek metal posters with the biggest sale of the year. Shot millions of designs and enjoy birthday surprises with every order including a set.

[Bobby Lee]

Of stickers and a gift card on top of that. Use code Bad friends or click the link in the description to get the biggest discount this year. 1 to 2 displates is 33% off. 3 displates is 37% off. 4 or more displates is 42% off. Happy birthday. Displate. Ice cream is so much better than frozen yogurt. Everyone in your knows. Please, somebody, please.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Pinkberry.

[Andrew Santino]

Is dog lactose?

[Bobby Lee]

Huh?

[Andrew Santino]

Are you lactose?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I'm Christian.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm lactose. I know, but I'm converting to Christian.

[Bobby Lee]

You're the first Korean Jew that I've ever met. I know, dude, my tummy hurts. No, dude, you don't. You can't have ice cream.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

When we go out. No, you have. You just take a lactate.

[Andrew Santino]

I like a lactate.

[Bobby Lee]

I like a lactate.

[Andrew Santino]

I like a lactate.

[Bobby Lee]

Can you have lactose?

[Rudy Jewels]

I don't, but I still eat it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, your stomach gets upset. Man, what it's like to be Jewish in South Korea.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's zoom in.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm shocked.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, the. There they are there. Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Not one of those people of South Korea.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at the one in the hat right there. That's. That's like a Korean Jew right there. Korean.

[Bobby Lee]

I can't wait to leave.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at your little wand, by the way.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you like your wand?

[Rudy Jewels]

It's so nice.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you texting?

[Andrew Santino]

Nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

You're on your. Here's the deal about Bob. When he falls in love with somebody or falls in crush, whatever, he's on his phone the whole time.

[Andrew Santino]

That's crazy.

[Rudy Jewels]

You have another crush.

[Bobby Lee]

Hard, Hard. You love. You like this person a lot?

[Andrew Santino]

No. Let me do my own.

[Bobby Lee]

Sorry. Dating addiction maybe.

[Andrew Santino]

Cut that out.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlos thinks.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that felt weird. It didn't hit.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlos thinks you have a dating addiction.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you know, I've been looking up limerence.

[Bobby Lee]

Limericks from Ireland?

[Andrew Santino]

No, Limerence.

[Bobby Lee]

And I would love you so very much. What is it?

[Andrew Santino]

Limerence is an infatuation with somebody that's bordering on unhealthy.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you think that's what you have?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. So I'm Being mindful about how I behave. You know, why? Why can't I deserve love?

[Bobby Lee]

That's what we're saying.

[Andrew Santino]

No, we're not saying no.

[Bobby Lee]

We're literally saying I want you to be happy. Am I wrong?

[Andrew Santino]

I think you're a sabotager.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know, man. How would you ever hook me up with a friend of yours?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And can I tell you something? Every time you date someone or starts talking to someone, I do something. Do you? What do you think I do a prayer. And I'm going to say this to the fans right now.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you think I really do?

[Andrew Santino]

A prayer.

[Bobby Lee]

No. What do you do every time you date somebody? I look into their profile. And what's the first thing you think I do? Carlos. What do you think I do with their profile?

[Andrew Santino]

Let me guess.

[Bobby Lee]

You jerk off Carlos. What do you think I do? I think you look at the stories I see. I see if. Go ahead, McCone.

[Andrew Santino]

If she's following a bunch of other comics.

[Bobby Lee]

Huh? Thank you, Macon. Okay, I go, how many people comics is she following? And then I also see, has she dmed anyone we know and the current woman that you're having a good time with? Goose egg. That means she's a good one. Am I wrong?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

She's not following a lot of comics.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And she hasn't been dming comics.

[Andrew Santino]

Likes. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That means she's legit. She likes.

[Andrew Santino]

Not a chuckle.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, no, she likes Bobby Lee. Instead of liking the world of Bobby Lee, she likes Bobby Lee. And that, to me, as the booth knows, is the most important. Have I not supported you? Seriously.

[Andrew Santino]

Enough of that. I think people are gonna drive. It's gonna drive people crazy. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but am I being serious?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

When I say she's following other comics. Blah, blah.

[Andrew Santino]

And let me tell you something. I looked into golf, and when I see a golf ball, right. I look at it different because of you.

[Bobby Lee]

And what do you do? Sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what happens. It never arrives to me. It drifts away from me.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, here, I'll get it. And we get one. I got a kid that'll get it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Good girl. Oh, my God. Oh, my nerve. King dork.

[Andrew Santino]

And don't get offended by this, if I may.

[Bobby Lee]

Go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. But this looks this. The texture of the ball is kind of like your face.

[Bobby Lee]

Go on, go on.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I think you were younger. Maybe you had some acne. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So I'm feeling those craters.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, you feel that?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. And then. But the center there's a mass in there, you know what I mean? And that's the brain.

[Bobby Lee]

That's my brain.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And that's the brain. And your brain.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Is full filled.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. With knowledge.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But this texture of the skin though, is what I want to go back.

[Bobby Lee]

Is it bad?

[Andrew Santino]

Not my favorite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, here you go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'll take that hit.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. What do I remind you of an.

[Bobby Lee]

Ugly old 52 year old man who's single and sad.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. That. That's fast. That was Fast and Furious part six, I'll tell you that. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Anyway, you're the prettiest guy, you're pretty and who supports you more than me? Not these clowns. Yeah, shut up. I mean, now that you're single, what are you gonna do, loser?

[Rudy Jewels]

Eat pussy?

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, are you on to girls? Are you on the girls?

[Rudy Jewels]

I don't know, but I'll try.

[Bobby Lee]

That's the thing about. That's the thing about love on the spectrum. The autistic kids, they. When they're like, I don't know if I like guys, they go right to buy. Curious.

[Rudy Jewels]

And why I'm autistic?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But the two girls in there got together. Yeah, yeah. And they're in love.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm saying. Parry.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

She likes trains. Parry.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love her. I love her.

[Bobby Lee]

So what are you. You're interested in chicks or no?

[Rudy Jewels]

Yeah, anything.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you're open, but would you. You're leaning towards girls now and.

[Rudy Jewels]

No, just both. Okay, but I want to try BBC too.

[Bobby Lee]

Huh? Big black. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. Yeah. No, no. Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, attention all BBCs. There it is.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Send in your. Don't send in your penis. That's disgusting.

[Andrew Santino]

Disgusting.

[Bobby Lee]

Sending you. Sending your what, a video? No, no, no, because they'll do penis like measurements. No, but no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Your credit rating. Yes, your credit rating.

[Bobby Lee]

Send them what kind of car you drive. You drive a Challenger or a Charger at Carlosinthebooth gmail dot com. Let's see if you can get some chocolate love down here to Cinnamon Central.

[Andrew Santino]

So when we're at the Renaissance Dance Fair, right, we ran into a couple of little Asian girls. They're in their 30s, but they're like smaller forever girls. And we were eating and stuff like that. And then my friend goes, yeah. They're going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yum, yum. Look at that. There's Brad Williams.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, stop, dude. And then, and then they look like, you know, librarians or whatever or, you know, I Mean. Or they were like dental assistants. Yeah. And then my friend goes, oh, they're the two biggest only fans. So then I immediately go, what's their only fans?

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean? There's two little people.

[Andrew Santino]

No, they're not dwarves. The smaller Asians that look cute and look like engineers.

[Bobby Lee]

And they're famous only fans.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. And so then I frantically. You know, they're for crossing people trying to get their only fans.

[Bobby Lee]

What are they? What's her name?

[Andrew Santino]

Right. I'm not gonna say. But my point is, is that.

[Bobby Lee]

Please.

[Andrew Santino]

And Ooh la la. It was nice. Nice, Nice. You never can tell. You never can tell. That's my thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you going to do apps now? You never did the apps?

[Andrew Santino]

Like Tinder?

[Rudy Jewels]

Oh, like, no.

[Bobby Lee]

Hinge. Tinder. Raya.

[Andrew Santino]

Try it.

[Bobby Lee]

Raya's yours. Right? That's what you're on.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You can get a. Probably, Right? But I don't like the guys on Riot to go get on, you know, because. Fan.

[Bobby Lee]

Does your generation not do the apps?

[Rudy Jewels]

They do, but, like, all the guys there just want to fog.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I think you're asexual. Is that what it is?

[Bobby Lee]

No, but I mean, like, isn't that what all the apps are? Am I crazy?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Fancy.

[Rudy Jewels]

That's why I don't want to.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't know. Fancy you.

[Andrew Santino]

She's looking for love. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You were never on the apps. Right. You met your wife and where?

[Andrew Santino]

At a bar.

[Bobby Lee]

What bar?

[Andrew Santino]

The Dodgers bar.

[Bobby Lee]

The Dodgers bar. Do you. Do you mean the shortstop?

[Andrew Santino]

Yep.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you kidding me?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

You met your wife at the shortstop on Sunset.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, when you go in for a.

[Bobby Lee]

Shut up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Honestly.

[Rudy Jewels]

But you're the one that's drunk.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And you know. You know, I'm drunk on Easter. And let me tell you something, I'm hurt.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, let's hear it.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I be honest?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm hurt.

[Andrew Santino]

Tell us your hurt pain, because Jules was. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

She was one of the pillars of the show and she went away and she doesn't give a fuck about us.

[Andrew Santino]

You're a fucking asshole right now.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't care about us anymore.

[Rudy Jewels]

I do.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you don't.

[Rudy Jewels]

I swear.

[Bobby Lee]

Now you clean up the dog pooping. You don't care.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, your behavior last night was uncalled for.

[Bobby Lee]

What? I do.

[Andrew Santino]

We're doing a show at the Ice House. Usually we switch, but you told me to close. And then you're like, oh, everybody wants.

[Bobby Lee]

The king to close. Am I right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And then he goes, I have nothing and then he goes up there and he destroys.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

With crowd work.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

And I got buried. Both shots.

[Bobby Lee]

I was rife in it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

There's Matt. Rife in it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

My guy, Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew came and saw us. He diagnosed us.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He gave us a breakdown. This can diagnose you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Live.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

He's a good guy, though, I gotta tell you. Bob.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Is ready to film.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm not ready to film.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, you are. Bobby's hour is so funny. And I've seen it for two years. We were on the road.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

And now he's been doing his thing, and I'm not. I'm not kidding. It's. You're so ready. It's crazy. It's so funny. It's funny to watch someone do it. No, I'm not. I'm not kidding.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm still not done, man.

[Bobby Lee]

No, he's.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I need another 20. And I'm good.

[Bobby Lee]

He's ready to rock.

[Andrew Santino]

Another 20, but it's gonna be.

[Bobby Lee]

And we were there with Kevin Nealon last night. Nealon. One of the greatest of all time.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. He's a liar.

[Bobby Lee]

Passively.

[Andrew Santino]

He's a liar.

[Bobby Lee]

What'd he do?

[Andrew Santino]

He does. Hey, Kevin, did you go up? Well, he goes, yeah, I did. Oh, but he didn't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Not yet.

[Andrew Santino]

You can't get anything truthful from it.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Would you bring a date to the Ice House? Could you bring dates to the store?

[Andrew Santino]

I think it's, you know, what?

[Bobby Lee]

Home territory.

[Andrew Santino]

This new.

[Bobby Lee]

That's.

[Andrew Santino]

That's this new Ice House.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I hate it at first.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

I think they treated me poorly.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And then I complained about it on, I think, this podcast.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then Johnny Buss called me and said, dude, he goes, give us another chance.

[Bobby Lee]

You did.

[Andrew Santino]

And they switched it up and they made. They treat all of us better now.

[Bobby Lee]

100.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. And now it's nice to go.

[Bobby Lee]

You feel better when you go down there.

[Andrew Santino]

I like the rooms.

[Bobby Lee]

I love them.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I will say I missed the old Ice House. For people that don't know it was all Mexican.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Give it to me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I love Mexican.

[Bobby Lee]

I love Mexicans. And it was more Mexican. It's still some. But I liked when it was all Mexican. Yeah, I love Mexicans.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

They're just great people. They're just. I don't know. It's different now. Am I wrong? Please, come on.

[Andrew Santino]

Mexicans.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no. They're really. Oh, you don't like Mexican?

[Andrew Santino]

I love them. I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, seriously, you don't like him?

[Andrew Santino]

I love them.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, just a couple of Mexicans did. They had very yellow teeth. But that was just an observation.

[Bobby Lee]

Really.

[Andrew Santino]

Because next to the Renaissance Fair is a park and it's Easter, right? So, you know, you got a guy, you know what I mean? You know, wearing like a. He's got a mini moped and he's got, like a spider man hat on.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, you know, I mean. Yeah, yeah. And there's all those. You want to go. You go from the Renaissance Fair to, like, you know, people, you know, with real knives, you know, like, hey, you know what I mean? It was like a completely different. If there was a war, they would win.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, sure.

[Andrew Santino]

Between the Renaissance, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They would totally win. But, you know. Yeah, it's good. I love.

[Bobby Lee]

Where was the Renaissance Fair?

[Andrew Santino]

In Pasadena, but by the bowl or something? No, it's, like, far. I. It was a little farther than Pasadena, actually, but it was talking.

[Bobby Lee]

Where is that? No, Carlos, it's that.

[Andrew Santino]

That whole green thing. Irwindale. See that whole green thing right there?

[Bobby Lee]

Can you zoom in, buddy?

[Andrew Santino]

That's so far where the lake is. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly.

[Bobby Lee]

Because the lake is not Pasadena, dude. Zoom out. That's. What is that called? It's by a zoo. Irwindale. That's so far away.

[Andrew Santino]

It's pretty far. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Pasadena's 20 miles west. So were you well received?

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean, dude?

[Bobby Lee]

Were people excited to see Bobby Lee at the Renaissance Fair? You know, dude, it's funny.

[Andrew Santino]

When.

[Bobby Lee]

Please.

[Andrew Santino]

When I was with my group, no one really said anything, but. But I did voyages on my own, and that's when it started happening.

[Bobby Lee]

So do you broke. You broke off from the group?

[Andrew Santino]

I had to break up from the group to do my little shopping.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you have to talk to people about it? Do they have to say, let's. Before we dismantle, we must organize. It feels like they're plotting for war every time they're there.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Yeah. Oh, no. They go. We'll go with the. You know, I mean, the mini cows are. Meet us back there.

[Bobby Lee]

Mini cows.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a petting zoo.

[Bobby Lee]

Calves.

[Andrew Santino]

Little calves. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Really? Did you pet?

[Andrew Santino]

I sure did.

[Bobby Lee]

You did?

[Rudy Jewels]

Are there games?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So it says ax throwing, spear throwing, bow and arrow. Right with. You know. I mean, I didn't do any of those activities.

[Bobby Lee]

You didn't want to try one of them?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no. If there was my group, dude, the Spears, and they were just so bad. Your group, and I was Ripping on them. I go, oh, my God. What do you have? Carpal tunnel. I was just, like, making fun of them.

[Bobby Lee]

If you could do one, what would you do?

[Andrew Santino]

Bow and arrow, I think, because Koreans are good at that.

[Bobby Lee]

Are they? Oh, the guy. The guy from the.

[Andrew Santino]

And women.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. We win every time in the.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me see you pose. That's a bow and arrow if I've ever seen.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'm not done.

[Bobby Lee]

No, it looks good.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh. Targeto pointer. Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

Go. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Right.

[Bobby Lee]

There it is. That's. That's the South Korean moment she won the gold in the Olympics. Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Amazing.

[Bobby Lee]

What's her name?

[Carlos]

Third gold medal. And San Juan.

[Bobby Lee]

Anson. Juan. That's our third gold medal. Damn, dude, that's got to be so gangster.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, have you ever seen the Splash Brothers?

[Bobby Lee]

Steph Curry? No.

[Andrew Santino]

They're. No, they're Filipino guys diving, and they're trying to qualify for some thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh. And they. Yeah, I can't. They can't. I've seen him.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, play it.

[Bobby Lee]

This guy's my guy.

[Andrew Santino]

This the guy? The fourth one?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Well, it's all of them. Really. John Emerson. Okay. Good takeoff. Not going to make it. Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, the second guy's worse.

[Bobby Lee]

When they pause it. Jesus.

[Andrew Santino]

Jesus Christ.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at this.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at this form. Look at his form. Right on his back. That's pretty good. No high five.

[Bobby Lee]

Why would you high five?

[Andrew Santino]

No high five. All right, if he high five, I would move my hand.

[Bobby Lee]

How about this, John David. Yeah, Here we go.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's see if this guy. Try not to laugh, guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Thinking about his nurse gig right after this. Oh, no. Yes, sir. Jesus.

[Andrew Santino]

He does this, but he lands on his feet. It's incredible.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, he's, like, talking in pain. Look at his face. Oh, my God. How are they so bad?

[Andrew Santino]

How are they. You're surrounded by water. The Philippines are surrounded by. Well, you have cliffs. How are they that bad? I don't know. Yeah, they're bad. Look at his face. Dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at that.

[Andrew Santino]

He took a midair. Dude, look at him. Oh, my God. Look at him.

[Bobby Lee]

Delete me. Delete me. Makes it easy, quick and safe to remove your personal data online at a time when surveillance and data breaches are common enough to make everyone vulnerable. I feel vulnerable. Don't you?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. My personal information is my personal information. Information.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't like personal, pal.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. More and more online, partisans and nefarious actors will find this data and use it to target political rivals, civil servants, and even Outspoken citizens posting their opinions online. I got to tell you, bots are out there, Scammers are out there, People calling you from other parts of the world asking you to save a princess. Which I donated money to. I shouldn't have done it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But now with delete me, you can protect your personal privacy for the privacy of your business from doxing attacks before sensitive information can be exploited.

[Andrew Santino]

Take control of your day to day folks and keep your private life private by signing up to delete me now at a special discount for our listeners.

[Bobby Lee]

Today, you can get 20 off your delete me plan by texting bad friends to 64000. The only way to get 20 off is to text bad friends to 64000.

[Andrew Santino]

That's bad friends to 64000. Message and data rates may apply.

[Rudy Jewels]

A lot of Filipinos don't know how to swim.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Rudy Jewels]

Because they don't go.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but seriously, why?

[Andrew Santino]

It's an island.

[Bobby Lee]

It's an island. Well, some islands. It's a chain.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a chain of islands.

[Rudy Jewels]

Some Philippines.

[Andrew Santino]

Nebraska.

[Rudy Jewels]

Some Filipinos don't want to get dark. They don't bother going to the.

[Bobby Lee]

In the sun.

[Andrew Santino]

In the sun, right? Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, but did you ever use sunscreen as a kid? That was not a thing. No, that's our thing. That's my thing.

[Andrew Santino]

But they won gold in. In weightlifting.

[Rudy Jewels]

Oh, weightlifting.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Did they?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, female weightlifting. And then I think with dotarte. Bought her like a mansion or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So here you are, Jules. Young, single, successful, fresh out of college. What's the next move for you?

[Andrew Santino]

Citizenship.

[Rudy Jewels]

Yeah, that's.

[Bobby Lee]

It's him on the cart.

[Andrew Santino]

It's incredible.

[Bobby Lee]

We. We should buy that just for.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Can we scratch all our money together to do that? Look at how sick that looks. You got the gold card.

[Carlos]

Do you really want to be a citizen here? Don't you like leaving?

[Andrew Santino]

She wants to live here forever.

[Rudy Jewels]

I like staying here. But I. I don't get why it's so hard to stay here.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean?

[Carlos]

Best country in the world.

[Bobby Lee]

We get it, man. You're from Texas.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we get it.

[Bobby Lee]

What is it?

[Rudy Jewels]

Because in the Philippines, there's so many white people. White old people. That just stays there for a long time. But then here. I can't stay for a long time.

[Andrew Santino]

Right, right.

[Bobby Lee]

It's unfair.

[Andrew Santino]

It's unfair.

[Bobby Lee]

So the whites get to come and do whatever they want and you can't come here and do it. Right?

[Rudy Jewels]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, what's the Philippines main export?

[Rudy Jewels]

Coconut.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Bobby Lee]

The Philippines may exports electronic products, particularly integrated circuits, semiconductors. Okay, okay. And coconut oil. Coconut oil, copper, nickel, gold.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Office machine parts. That's great.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Printers. You want to print something?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yes. I probably outside companies set up factories there, right?

[Bobby Lee]

For sure.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Bobby Lee]

So what's going to. What's going to happen to you now that you're single? Are you going to move back? Because you can't stay here. We don't want you here.

[Rudy Jewels]

No, I want to stay.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, not with Trump. You can. Guys, tell her. We. You can't stay.

[Carlos]

You need to join. Only fans to survive.

[Andrew Santino]

No, shut the up, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlos, you're a pig.

[Andrew Santino]

You're a pig. Dude, he's our daughter.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Rudy Jewels]

Is there a way to like prove that, like I'm okay, I'm an okay Filipino?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I mean, there is ways.

[Bobby Lee]

There's a test, isn't there?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, there's an okay. Filipino test. And we haven't memorized. We know you have it. Andrew and I have a. Yeah, memorize.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. How fast can you climb a tree?

[Rudy Jewels]

Like really fast.

[Andrew Santino]

Like. All right, like a 20. A 20 foot tree, right? A palm tree. How fast can you climb that?

[Rudy Jewels]

Go like two minutes.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, no, there's poop. There's poop right there. What do you do with it?

[Rudy Jewels]

You eat it.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right. Yeah, Yeah. A dwarf with two knives are attacking you. But from the sky, a lady with two knives is attacking you. What do you do? What do you do?

[Rudy Jewels]

You stab the door.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, that's the right. Correct. Yes.

[Rudy Jewels]

And then.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Rudy Jewels]

You just say hi to the.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's how you do it, dude. Because she fell off a building.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right.

[Andrew Santino]

She was cooking something on the 15th floor and she fell off.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, here comes someone in the village. I, Broody, I'm your. I'm your great, great, great, great, great. And. And you know me. Do you remember me? I need money. What do you do?

[Rudy Jewels]

Shut the up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It's three in the morning. You hear a noise, you go outside, right? And you see a half Filipino man, half wolf. Right. And half chicken. All right, so three halves. Yeah, three halves.

[Bobby Lee]

Everybody has three.

[Andrew Santino]

Everyone has three halves, right? What do you do?

[Rudy Jewels]

You kill it. And you roast it and you eat it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. What else do you do?

[Bobby Lee]

And you. You.

[Rudy Jewels]

You fuck it.

[Bobby Lee]

You fuck it.

[Andrew Santino]

You fuck the human part. Oh, yeah, that's very good. You eat the chicken and the wolf part.

[Bobby Lee]

Pretty easy.

[Andrew Santino]

Very easy. If you have a baby, right? It is a wolf Baby.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a wolf, baby.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. With hair on the face. You know, like Barnum and Bailey. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

One of those circus.

[Andrew Santino]

What? It's a circle. What do you. Do.

[Rudy Jewels]

You eat it because it's an animal?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, that's your kid. No, that's wrong. Right?

[Bobby Lee]

No. Praying mantises?

[Andrew Santino]

No. Propecia.

[Rudy Jewels]

What is that?

[Bobby Lee]

You give it a hair medication?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, it makes. That helps grow. Right. I got it wrong, I think. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So do you wanna. I'm being genuine. Do you want to get back on into the dating scene or.

[Rudy Jewels]

No, not right now.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. The wounds are too fresh.

[Rudy Jewels]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But when you do get back out, you want to only date women, huh?

[Rudy Jewels]

Not only.

[Bobby Lee]

But what kind of woman do you want, though? Do you want, like, a girly girl or, like a girly girl? Girly girl, right? Like, who's your. Who's your crush?

[Rudy Jewels]

My crush?

[Bobby Lee]

Like, what female famous person is your crush?

[Rudy Jewels]

Girl crush.

[Bobby Lee]

Is it, like, a girly girl? So it's got to be like. Is it like a Margot Robbie?

[Rudy Jewels]

No, like the girl from the Last of Us that plays Dina.

[Bobby Lee]

Who's that?

[Andrew Santino]

Look that up.

[Rudy Jewels]

So pretty.

[Andrew Santino]

Isabella Merced.

[Bobby Lee]

Shut up. Fancy with the. With the accent. Isabella Martin.

[Rudy Jewels]

Like, she's so pretty.

[Bobby Lee]

She is. But is that your style? That's your type? That's what you're looking for?

[Rudy Jewels]

I think so.

[Andrew Santino]

Not white.

[Rudy Jewels]

Not white.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, fans, we get it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You have a particular fear of the white.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. What is your fear of the white?

[Andrew Santino]

You have the fear of the white. What is it?

[Rudy Jewels]

Well, I tried white dick, and I told you guys that that was too translucent.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Like, you want to see everything in there. Right?

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't see all the veins. Yeah. The inner workings.

[Bobby Lee]

You want to see how the sausages. Just want to see.

[Andrew Santino]

You just want to cover, you know?

[Bobby Lee]

So. So now, with women, your favorite kind of woman is like, that and small.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Rudy Jewels]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

No, let me ask you something. Are you still buzzed?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. I'm buzzing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Can you tell?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Carlos Happy birthday to you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yay.

[Carlos]

Thanks, y' all.

[Rudy Jewels]

How old are you, Carlos?

[Carlos]

38.

[Bobby Lee]

Damn. Yeah. What's in there? Is that a sweet green salad?

[Carlos]

Yeah, the basic salad.

[Bobby Lee]

Damn, dude, that's so sad. That's your cake.

[Carlos]

Oh. I mean, kale on my actual birthday was Saturn. I played the Indiana Jones game and just hung out with my dog.

[Bobby Lee]

Who texted you on your birthday?

[Carlos]

You and Bob.

[Bobby Lee]

He did.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, I did.

[Bobby Lee]

Did he?

[Carlos]

He really did.

[Andrew Santino]

I really did.

[Bobby Lee]

Did anybody else?

[Carlos]

McCone called me this morning.

[Bobby Lee]

Did fans.

[Carlos]

Fancy didn't.

[Bobby Lee]

Interesting.

[Carlos]

Fancy texted me and said it's Carlos's birthday today.

[Andrew Santino]

I said it was yesterday.

[Bobby Lee]

Go ahead. Go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

I knew it was around 420.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean you knew it was around his favorite holiday. So you didn't know his birthday and you just didn't wish him happy birthday?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Wow, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

You have anything to say for yourself?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

This is a crew. This is a crew.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Carlos]

Jet ski. Hit me up.

[Bobby Lee]

Did she?

[Carlos]

She didn't.

[Bobby Lee]

Nice try.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, nice try.

[Bobby Lee]

All about herself.

[Rudy Jewels]

Belated happy birthday.

[Bobby Lee]

Thanks. Oh, off. That doesn't count.

[Andrew Santino]

Doesn't count. So we're playing London. Who's going?

[Bobby Lee]

Who. Who didn't text you for your birthday that hurt you the most? For real? Like, who didn't acknowledge your birthday that actually bothered you?

[Andrew Santino]

You.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, because I find it real for you. Yeah, because as we get older, right, Bob?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

As we get older on Facebook.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Because all the restaurants are closed. I'm hungry, so I'm ordering it to get delivered to my house.

[Bobby Lee]

You're waiting till now? We had all night to order food. Literally all night. It's 9 o' clock. It's 9:30.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But after this podcast, I'm gonna go straight home. It'll be ready for me.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. What's your problem, dude? Continue with your.

[Bobby Lee]

You're my problem, bud.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, buddy. And that's. That's a strong word right now, bud. We're not at bud level. I mean, you're acting a little silly right now, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Carlos.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Who didn't text you that bothered you the most?

[Carlos]

Probably exes. Like, my ex wife didn't hit me up.

[Bobby Lee]

Why? Wait, wait, why would she. Why would your ex wife hit you up?

[Carlos]

Yeah, just to acknowledge it. And then the girl I dated after who had a boyfriend, she didn't hit me up either because she's engaged now.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, yeah, but.

[Carlos]

And then the other girl also didn't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, dude, outside of exes, because that women. That's tough.

[Andrew Santino]

Any girl texted you?

[Carlos]

Yeah, a couple girls hit me up. Hani.

[Bobby Lee]

Hani?

[Carlos]

Yeah, she's hot. From Miami.

[Bobby Lee]

What guy? What buddy? That. What guy friend that you're close with didn't hit you on your birthday? It bothers you?

[Carlos]

I think the real answer is Andres, but I can't really get mad at Andres. It's this weird thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Benji text you I brought you pizza?

[Carlos]

Yeah, he brought me pizza.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me ask you something.

[Bobby Lee]

Did Benji text you?

[Carlos]

Benji did not.

[Andrew Santino]

Was it shocking when I texted you?

[Carlos]

Yeah, because we had just gotten in a big fight.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Rudy Jewels]

Last week you guys fought.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, maybe. We didn't fight for weeks.

[Bobby Lee]

It's been going on.

[Andrew Santino]

It's been going on for a while. Tested me. What? You never texted me? For what? For anything. Okay. Exactly. I do. All the time.

[Bobby Lee]

Whenever you talk, whenever I call. Fancy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

When he picks up, I go, this is a bad idea.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Me too.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, Andrew. I'm like, never mind. Goodbye.

[Andrew Santino]

Also, there's things going on in the background. Like, were you in a airport?

[Bobby Lee]

The guy. The guy works. He lives in a factory.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, what the are you doing over there, dude?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he lives in a factory.

[Andrew Santino]

Or a baby, you know? What are you doing over there, dude?

[Bobby Lee]

And the baby's like, I gotta tell you, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't buy this bullshit. You and the baby and the wife. That's not real. That's not real, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

It's impossible that she likes you.

[Bobby Lee]

Impossible.

[Andrew Santino]

Who, the baby or the wife? Both. People. Yeah, I think. I think it's an impossibility.

[Bobby Lee]

So, honestly, Carlos. Yeah. So a few people didn't text you and you're not. And it's okay. You don't have to call them out, but there's a few people that didn't text you that it bothers you.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Also, that same person that didn't text me is going to have a baby and they didn't tell me. And I was.

[Bobby Lee]

Seriously?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Carlos]

And I was like, oh, they don't want to tell me.

[Bobby Lee]

Holy shit. Does that fuck you up?

[Carlos]

It makes me feel like I'm being separated from my friends and I'm drifting in space.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, let me tell you something, and I'm being honest. Can I be real? Can I be real?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

A lot of my friends have kids. There's a thing that happens when you don't have kids where you're not invited. And honestly, I get it. I get it.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't want to be invited.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, shut the up. Honestly. Honestly, shut the up.

[Andrew Santino]

But did Sebastian ever invite you to his little kid things?

[Bobby Lee]

No, but that would never be. We're not close.

[Andrew Santino]

I used to go there.

[Bobby Lee]

We're not close like that. Okay, but I'm saying, like, friends of mine outside of the business, they have kids and they feel weird not inviting us. And I understand, but there's also a moment of like. Like today. Like Easter today. Easter Sunday today. I'll come over. I'll come over and do the thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, do what Hunt.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to hunt for kids.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you doing, dude?

[Bobby Lee]

For eggs.

[Andrew Santino]

What is this, Hunger Games? Yeah, I'll go hunt for kids.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll go have an egg hunt.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm a fun guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Not really.

[Bobby Lee]

Really.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, there's a thing about. I know, but in your face, you crank. Your eyes crinkle, right? You do smile, but the cheeks is rage. Have you noticed that?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You'll go like this, right?

[Bobby Lee]

No, but. But I'm. I'm a good uncle. I'm a great uncle. But it's like, I'll come over and do the egg thing. I think people feel bad about inviting us because they're like, you don't have kids. We don't invite you.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And it feels weird. You. You don't get. Well, you're getting.

[Andrew Santino]

Or. You know what I hate, too, is when comics go like, you got married and like. Yeah. Like last year. How many people can't wait, like, 500 and go. I've helped you. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You're shocked.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm shocked. Like, I. Dude, I helped your career.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm. Because. Yeah, it's because of me.

[Andrew Santino]

I wouldn't go, but I want the invitation. You know what I mean? Corsley invites you. Whatever it says.

[Bobby Lee]

Why do you want the invitation? You're never gonna go.

[Andrew Santino]

I've gone to a couple.

[Bobby Lee]

Whose wedding do you go to?

[Andrew Santino]

Dr. Sebastian Maniscaco and Dr. Ken Jeong.

[Rudy Jewels]

I have a question.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, go jazz it up.

[Rudy Jewels]

Do you guys ever get ingrown hairs in your balls?

[Bobby Lee]

Can I tell you something's crazy? This is nuts. I lotion my nuts every day now because I have eczema. You know, like, in your ball.

[Rudy Jewels]

Like, balls.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, check this out.

[Andrew Santino]

You really have eczema?

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, check this out. I have eczema all over my body.

[Andrew Santino]

Stinky, dirty.

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's not stinky. It's just dry skin.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not good, dude. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, dude, it's dry skin.

[Andrew Santino]

It's disgusting. Dude. It's what Jeremiah Watkins gets. I had all over his body.

[Bobby Lee]

I had eczema. This is wild. I had eczema all over my body one time. Dry skin. I got eczema on my balls. And the doctor said. And the doctor was like, just lotion up your balls.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

But I do lotion my balls. I lotion my balls every day.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Now I over lotion my ball.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Pores on my balls. That you know.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm serious. I over lotion my balls now.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you guys put lotion on your nuts. Never did.

[Andrew Santino]

Your butthole is so ugly.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

It's just one of the ugliest buttholes I've ever seen.

[Bobby Lee]

Look who's talking.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Two Part two is my favorite.

[Bobby Lee]

One part two?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, why do you ask that?

[Rudy Jewels]

Because I. I just got my first ingrown and it's like a big cyst.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, it's so painful on your conchito. Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll call that that.

[Bobby Lee]

What is that? Well, you got an ingrown hair.

[Rudy Jewels]

Yeah. It's so painful.

[Bobby Lee]

Gross.

[Rudy Jewels]

Because I didn't exfoliate right once. Like, before you shave.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to hear about it. Disgusting. Dude. That's disgusting. You know what?

[Rudy Jewels]

And I was looking for advice for you guys if.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, here's the deal. I'll tell you. Bobby could tell you. Bobby and I both know the deal with ingrown hairs. You got to use witch hazel. Witch hazel? Look us up. I'm not kidding. Look at witch hazel. Look for people at home. Witch hazel is a great ingredient. You can put on everything. It reduces inflammation. Right? Los. Look it up. There it is. Yup. Tucks cooling pads with witch hazel.

[Carlos]

This looks nice.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's got protects from irritation, hemorrhoids and other problems. Tux, man.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Anyway, thank you for being a bad friend. I mean, what the. Who.