Rudy Loves Chocolate

Summary

Bad Friends – "Rudy Loves Chocolate" (October 27, 2025)

Episode Overview

In their signature blend of wild, irreverent, and brutally honest banter, Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee host a raucous Halloween episode with regulars Isa (“Rudy”), Carlos, and guest Dax Flame. The gang dives into recent adventures, romantic escapades, dominatrix culture, dating dilemmas, a hilarious game of Halloween trivia, and plenty of self-deprecating, pointed observations. This episode leans into themes of experimentation in life and love, group dynamics, money etiquette, and the primal realities of human connection—with all the sharp, silly, and chaotic energy fans love.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Birthday Party Stories & Halloween Vibes (00:33–03:00)

• Reminiscing about an epic birthday party featuring Chef Yoon, a sake Super Soaker, and wild grill stunts.
  • Andrew: "Show the Saki squirt gun...there's Max getting right in the mouth."
  • Carlos: "He hits himself in the face. Not once...He does it twice." (01:30)
• Giddy, Halloween-centric energy as they launch into a messy, improvised jam celebrating the spooky season.

2. Rudy's Dating Life & 'Chocolate' Preference (03:19–04:07)

• The group teases Isa about her new romantic flings, emphasizing her current preference for "chocolate" (dating Black men).
  • Andrew: "Sleeping over at black guy's houses...Walking out bow-legged, Jewels. What have you been doing?" (03:29)
  • Isa: "Just seeing a couple of people."
  • Carlos: "[To Isa] Every time...it's this gigantic, handsome Black guy. Every time." (03:46)
  • Andrew: "You like a little bit of chocolate now, huh?...You love chocolate." (03:52)

3. Trying New Things & Furry Costumes (04:07–05:54)

• Debate over dating diversity, Carlos’s desire to try a furry costume, and the comedic fascination with the furry community.
  • Carlos: “I’ve always wanted to try [a furry suit] since I saw it on Entourage.” (04:29)
  • Andrew: "Shout out to the furry community..."
• Andrew discusses meeting dominatrices in Vegas:
  • "I was like, how many guys get like genital mutilation? She’s like, a ton. A high amount of people." (08:13)

4. Dominatrix & Sexual Experimentation (07:55–10:55)

• Hilarious, graphic descriptions of dom/sub fantasies and pain thresholds.
  • Andrew: "I'm missionary for a minute and a half and then go to bed." (08:49)
  • Carlos: “Level two is what? Two cheeks?...Maybe stick a toothpick inside the penis hole.” (09:40)
  • Andrew: "That's level five or six. You're skipping!" (09:46)
• Honest discussion about the psychology and economics of kink culture.

5. The Porn Industry & the Role of 'The Cuck' (10:57–12:01)

• Andrew recounts meeting a small Filipino porn actor who specializes in cuckold roles.
  • Andrew: "He started off as a shooter...Now...I'm the cuck...I just have to watch." (11:21)

6. The 'Hot Wife' / Cucking Discourse (12:05–13:18)

• The white-hot, comedic explanation of "hot wives" and the hierarchies within non-monogamy.
  • Andrew: "Consensual, non-monogamy."
  • Carlos: "I want to be with that ugly wife...I'll be the hot husband." (12:48)

7. Dating Out of Your League (13:02–13:47)

• Andrew ribbing Carlos on the punchline that men routinely “date out of their league.”
  • Andrew: "Every guy we know dates women out of their league." (13:22)

8. Adventures in Vegas and Gambling Woes (13:52–15:18)

• Andrew details a packed Vegas weekend: emo festivals, gambling losses, intergenerational hijinks with Shane Gillis and his dad.
  • Andrew: "Shane on fire...He was winning...I lost all my money." (14:50)

9. Entourage Dynamics, Comedy Touring & Paying for the Crew (15:22–20:02)

• Carlos complains (humorously) about footing huge dinner bills for his entourage while on tour.
  • Carlos: “I have a lot of entourage now. But my problem is...No one has money.” (15:56)
  • Andrew: “There is a code of standup. You are supposed to pay for your openers.” (18:54)
• The etiquette and burdens of travel, hospitality, and comedy hierarchies (“the hierarchy pays”).

10. Who Pays on Dates? Gen Z Perspective (24:50–25:06)

• Isa never pays when dating, nor offers to split the check.
  • Isa: “Oh, I don’t pay.” (24:55)
  • Andrew: “You cannot pay. Do you offer half? You don’t even do that.” (24:57)
  • Isa: “No.” (25:00)

11. Dating Women with Kids (25:09–27:35)

• Playful debate on single parent dating, bringing kids to dates, and tolerances for age of the child.
  • Andrew: “5, 5, 6. Kinda the cutoff. If she brings a 10 year old—that's bananas.” (25:34)
• Carlos’s misadventures with a girlfriend’s pre-teen son (26:50).

12. Serial Killers, Childhood Trauma, & Pop Culture (30:03–38:41)

• The crew riffs on the making of serial killers, bedwetting, and their prevalence in American vs. international culture.
  • Carlos: “Highest concentration of serial killers has got to be from here.” (37:37)
  • Andrew: “We’re number one again!” (37:41)
• Short tangent on the BTK Killer and how “the drawing looks like Bobby.”

13. Halloween Trivia Showdown (54:24–63:27)

• Dax Flame acts as quizmaster for Halloween and horror movie trivia, leading to chaos, trash talk, and surprise upsets.
  • Dax: "Which famed horror actor performed the monologue in Michael Jackson's Thriller?"
    Bobby: "Vincent Price." (59:30)
  • Running joke about Carlos always losing and Dax’s “negative energy.”

14. Candy Preferences, Snickers Jokes & Going Solo (64:00–67:30)

• Goofy, slightly risqué riffing on Halloween candies.
  • Andrew: “The Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are shaped like pumpkins—my favorites.” (64:29)
  • Carlos: "I went roller skating again last night by myself...The most lonesome human experience you could ever have." (65:30, 66:20)
• Meditations on independence, dying alone, and the bittersweetness of solo life.

15. First Kiss Advice & Dating Anxieties (68:00–74:59)

• Bobby and the gang dissect how to initiate a first kiss—directly asking vs. waiting for signals.
  • Bobby: "It's really hard. First kiss is such a hard thing to know how to do. You ever ask?" (68:58)
  • Bobby: "Should we kiss or something?" (70:14)
• Final segment on performative masculinity, intimacy, and goofy “bear” metaphors for kissing.

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Notable Quotes

• Andrew Santino:

  • "You like a little bit of chocolate now, huh? You love chocolate." (03:52)
  • "Consensual, non-monogamy." (12:48)
  • “There is a code of standup. You are supposed to pay for your openers.” (18:54)
  • "Every guy we know dates women out of their league." (13:22)

• Carlos:

  • “Maybe stick a toothpick inside the penis hole.” (09:40)
  • "I have a lot of entourage now...my problem is...no one has money." (15:56)

• Isa ("Rudy"):

  • "I love chocolate." (03:54)
  • "Oh, I don't pay." (24:55)

• Bobby Lee:

  • “It’s stupid to talk about this crap. Let’s talk about something smarter.” (53:43)
  • "First kiss is such a hard thing to know how to do. You ever ask?" (68:58)
  • "Should we kiss or something?" (70:14)
  • “I love you.” (71:36)

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Segment Timestamps

• [00:33]–[03:00]: Chef Yoon & Halloween jam
• [03:19]–[04:07]: Rudy’s dating preferences, “chocolate” jokes
• [04:07]–[06:09]: Fur-suits, Dominatrices, Vegas hijinks
• [08:13]: "Genital mutilation" kink culture
• [10:57]–[12:01]: Cuckold roles in porn
• [12:05]–[13:18]: “Hot wife,” hierarchy of non-monogamy
• [13:02]–[13:47]: Dating out of your league
• [13:52]–[15:18]: Vegas trip recap
• [15:22]–[20:02]: Entourage, comedy touring, paying etiquette
• [24:50]–[25:06]: Who pays on dates
• [25:09]–[27:35]: Dating with kids, cut-offs for tolerance
• [30:03]–[38:41]: Serial killers, trauma, pop culture
• [54:24]–[63:27]: Halloween trivia game
• [64:00]–[67:30]: Candy favorites, Snickers joke, solo skating
• [68:00]–[74:59]: First kiss advice, performative masculinity

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Memorable Moments

• Andrew and Isa’s “chocolate” jokes become a running callback throughout the episode, setting a bawdy, playful tone.
• Carlos’s escalation from “light smack” to “toothpick in the penis” when discussing BDSM levels—a highlight of the group’s outrageous humor. (09:20–09:46)
• Group trivia turns into an absurd battle with frequent accusations of unfairness (and Bobby’s surprise win on a Beetlejuice question!).
• Carlos's solo roller-skating saga told as both comedy and existential crisis.
• End-of-episode play-by-play on how to master a first kiss, culminating in a ridiculous “bear and honeycomb” metaphor.

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Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced, raunchy, and deeply self-aware. The hosts’ chemistry comes through in relentless teasing, ego clashes, and an undercurrent of genuine affection. Jokes are dark, playful, and occasionally provoke the boundary between earnest vulnerability and raw, punchline-driven chaos.

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For listeners new and old, ‘Rudy Loves Chocolate’ is classic Bad Friends: fearless, filthy, and deeply human beneath the madness.

Transcript

[Andrew Santino]

This episode is brought to you by Rumchata, a delicious, creamy blend of horchata with rum. It's best enjoyed over ice or in your coffee. Rumchata. Delivering vacation vibes anyway, or anywhere you drink it. Find out [e-mail] Drink responsibly. Caribbean rum with real dairy cream, natural and artificial flavors. Alcohol 13.75% by volume 27.5 proof. Copyright 2025, Agave Loco Brands, Pojoaquee, Wisconsin. All rights reserved. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

[Bobby Lee]

White dude and an Asian dude.

[Andrew Santino]

You two are disgusting.

[Carlos]

You two or something.

[Andrew Santino]

We're bad friends.

[Carlos]

Probably one of the funnest birthday parties I've ever been to.

[Andrew Santino]

Was it one of the most fun birthday parties you've ever done?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

There's Chef Yoon right there.

[Carlos]

He was out of pocket.

[Andrew Santino]

What did he do? He didn't do anything.

[Carlos]

Try to squirt stuff in my mouth.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, he had a Saki squirt gun. Yeah, he had a little Saki squirt gun. Show the Saki squirt gun. When I let me. Like the. There's Max getting right in the mouth. Yeah, that had sake and super Soaker. Super Soaker, by the way. Invented by a black guy. We learned. Stolen by a white guy.

[Carlos]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

We learned that.

[Carlos]

We learned that.

[Andrew Santino]

But show the one of me. He let me. He let me light the grill on fire. Huge. More, more, more. He kept yelling. And then he goes, saki squirt gun. And he unloads maybe 16 ounces.

[Carlos]

Wait, wait. He started the Palisades fire.

[Dax Flame]

Sexy.

[Andrew Santino]

Y. Y. And Yun, he hits himself in the face. He has flaming rods, and he hits himself clean in the face. Not once there, but he does it. He does it twice. He did it right after this. Do it again. Right in the face. Twice.

[Carlos]

But I told him three times. I go, I'm sober. The fourth time, he's like, you want to relapse?

[Andrew Santino]

He.

[Carlos]

He didn't listen.

[Andrew Santino]

Relax. Work on. He was so fun. That guy was one of the most fun times I've ever had in my entire.

[Carlos]

I was threatened by him.

[Andrew Santino]

You loved him.

[Carlos]

I made an announcement, remember? I go, don't replace him with me.

[Andrew Santino]

I would. Yeah. I said, are you. Are you busy? Do you want to do a podcast?

[Carlos]

He had. He had real good energy.

[Andrew Santino]

Great comedic timing.

[Carlos]

Yeah, good comedic timing. I've been a little off lately.

[Andrew Santino]

There's me getting scored. Wow. What a silhouette. Looks like someone's pissing in my mouth. Internet. Take this and run with it. Yeah, take this and run with it. Carlos also did not get squirted in the mouth. Carlos, of course, is a for. It's our Halloween. It's our spooky Halloween episode. You got a Halloween song prepared by Bob.

[Carlos]

Oh, I'm not. No, I'm doing the beat. Let's see who goes first. Scary Halloween, Scary Halloween bum. Scary Halloween.

[Andrew Santino]

Who do we have in the studio?

[Carlos]

The. Are you. What the.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't just get to moan. She thought it was a native champ.

[Carlos]

Yeah, she's a party girl.

[Andrew Santino]

She was going to do a haka there, you know.

[Carlos]

She's a party girl.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Whoa. What's going on with you? You know what's so funny?

[Carlos]

Going out with all these black guys.

[Andrew Santino]

Yikes.

[Carlos]

Going up with black gu.

[Andrew Santino]

Sleeping over at black guy's house. Walking out of the house like she just rode a horse. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bow legged, bow legged Jewels. Jules, Jules, Jules. What have you been doing?

[Isa]

I've just been.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you dating someone new? Is that what's going on?

[Isa]

Just seeing a couple of people.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Carlos]

Every time, though, she's just like, look at this guy. It's this gigantic, handsome black guy. Every time.

[Andrew Santino]

You like a little bit of chocolate now, huh? You like a chocolate milk?

[Isa]

I love chocolate.

[Andrew Santino]

You love chocolate. Fantastic.

[Carlos]

How come. How come I never see Asians in your little rotation?

[Isa]

I've done Asians.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I know you have.

[Isa]

So.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've moved on.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Moved on, moved up.

[Isa]

Try something else.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You got to try other stuff. And that's. That's Carlos's life motto. You gotta try other stuff. I do agree with that. Honestly, we're not gonna be able to hear a word that you're gonna say.

[Carlos]

Yeah, take that thing off.

[Andrew Santino]

What is that, by the way?

[Dax Flame]

It's a furry mask.

[Carlos]

It's like something a shooter would Google at night.

[Andrew Santino]

My favorite thing is you pretending like you did. Like you already didn't have that costume. Oh. Order a furry. Yeah, like that wasn't in your closet.

[Carlos]

I've always wanted to try it since I saw it on entourage, like 15 years ago.

[Andrew Santino]

Who did a furry on Entourage? Drama has sex with a girl who's a furry.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Shout out to the furry community, dude. I met me and Derosa in Vegas. Met these two beautiful. Three beautiful, sweet women who were dominatric and I wanted the down low. And she was like, I'm a big fan. Where's Bobby? First question out of everybody's mouth, where's Bobby?

[Carlos]

You doing with Shane?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Shane, we did. I Did a couple of shows in Vegas.

[Carlos]

Yeah. I have a photo for you.

[Andrew Santino]

What is that?

[Carlos]

We show you a photo.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. I did a couple of shows with Shane in Vegas. Shane, you know, just phenomenal, dude. The venue was unbelievable. What is that? Oh, it's a photo of me and Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift? Yeah.

[Isa]

Friends with Taylor Swift.

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You guys.

[Carlos]

He'S high class. Now, about elite. Elite?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. We went to the football game. It's funny that that's the only photo that they chose to snag of me.

[Carlos]

The Times of India.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, once you've made it, you've made it, man.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Taylor Swift surprising chat with Andrew. Surprising chat with loser, ugly ginger boy Andrew Santino. Chiefs game sparks his wedding diss. Yeah. This was the most misinterpreted thing I've ever said. I said. I probably. I had said on. On. Pardon my take. I'd said, like, they were like, oh, you're gonna go to the wedding. I was like, dude, I don't know. I also don't want to talk about it. I was like, leave me the.

[Carlos]

But that photo, though. So you're mid smile. You have. You're like, looking out. You have your finger. You have your finger here. She must have said something funny. So what. So you say what she said. Come on.

[Andrew Santino]

If you think I'm going to let you.

[Carlos]

What's the finger about, though? I'm sure I was trying to cover your mouth.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it was covering my mouth. I was saying a racially charged joke to her, and I was trying to cover my mouth.

[Carlos]

Yeah. And she's in mid. Saying a punchline or something, and you look at your face. You know, you've never laughed that hard in front of me, ever. What?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Isa]

What?

[Carlos]

What in God's. What is she saying that's going to give you that reaction?

[Andrew Santino]

I actually don't look at that face. I don't know the moment in time.

[Carlos]

I've never seen you make that face. What.

[Andrew Santino]

What does she smell like?

[Carlos]

Yeah, what does she smell like? Tell. Tell us.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, you could get. Why don't you guess?

[Carlos]

Okay. Rose matcha.

[Andrew Santino]

Rose hips.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Rose hips.

[Andrew Santino]

Rose hips, yeah.

[Carlos]

You. I mean, soft serve matcha.

[Andrew Santino]

That's just your favorite. That's why you're saying.

[Carlos]

No, no, no. Just on the pits.

[Andrew Santino]

Smells like a global superstar would smell.

[Carlos]

Whoa. Bottle that up.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude. She's so very sweet, very cool, very nice. And they're very courteous to let me even come near that booth because probably the most unaccomplished ugly guy in the whole Clique. But they let me. They let me in.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Anyway.

[Carlos]

Incredible.

[Andrew Santino]

What was I saying? You broke up my brain.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What'd you break up my brain. What were we saying? Oh, these dominatric.

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Joe and I go to get pizza after the Gillis show. And we go to get pizza and these three women. It was the. Dude, this is crazy. In Vegas, it was the Marathon, the Four Aces, the WNBA team's parade for winning a championship. IMO Fest, which was.

[Carlos]

You would have fucking love imofest. Dashboard Confessionals, my favorite.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, Blink played with Panic at the Disco and two, I don't know, three other bands. And we meet these three girls. And I was like, oh, did you guys go to Emo Fest? And she's like, kind of. We did something else. And I was like, oh, what'd you do? And she's like, we're dominatrices. And I was like, I am so curious about. Like, I want to know. I was like, what? Like how many got. What percentage of men do you actually like, hook up with or who just wants the, you know, the game? And she's like, it's much. It's way low on actual sex.

[Carlos]

I got tied up once.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, tied up is nothing. This is like kick, beat, insult, drag, make you dress up in different outfits. Spitting, kicking. I go, how many guys get like genital mutilation? She's like a ton. A high amount of people.

[Carlos]

Like razor blades to the anything.

[Andrew Santino]

Kick, pull, squeeze.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

These were not schiza girls. These were not Sha girls.

[Carlos]

Not German. These weren't German girls.

[Andrew Santino]

They weren't German girls. We came to Vegas for a little. Yeah, little poopy poopy. Circus circus poopy.

[Carlos]

Would you ever get that done though, brother?

[Andrew Santino]

What? No.

[Carlos]

Get tied up and I don't like.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Carlos]

Why not?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm missionary for a minute and a half and then go to bed.

[Carlos]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, a minute. Maybe a minute. Not even a minute and a half.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No. I don't want to get hurt while I have sex. That's not for me. I respect it.

[Carlos]

I do easy mode first.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, dude.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah. Don't go full. Full blown master.

[Andrew Santino]

I play as the first guy, you know, first avatar.

[Carlos]

Like an npc.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. This is the simple npc. This is me.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's who I am.

[Carlos]

I'd be willing to get tied my hands behind my back.

[Andrew Santino]

You're. You're this npc.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My legs tied like this, right? And just a light smack on the cheek.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't mind.

[Carlos]

And then I'll go. You mean turn it up, Turn it up. You got to start. You got to start with 1.

[Andrew Santino]

You can't start at 9.

[Carlos]

You can't start at 9 when your first time getting tied up.

[Andrew Santino]

Nuts.

[Carlos]

No, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

I go, okay, do that right little. And then level two is what? Two cheeks?

[Andrew Santino]

Double. Double, yeah.

[Carlos]

So to cheek it. Two chicken pop.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe she chokes a little bit, right?

[Carlos]

And then maybe stick a toothpaste toothpick inside the penis hole.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no.

[Carlos]

Is that how. What level is that?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't. That's level five or six. You're skipping.

[Carlos]

I'm skipping.

[Andrew Santino]

Levels go from, like, pop, pop.

[Carlos]

Twist my nips.

[Andrew Santino]

Twist, nips, twist.

[Carlos]

Nips, twist, Nips. Yeah. And I'm not talking about my Japanese.

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos likes, by the way, is a nip twist.

[Carlos]

Yeah, but she was.

[Andrew Santino]

She was fascinating, dude. I was so intrigued. I was like, I want to know everything about it. The one girl was very shareable. The other one was like, I'm eating my pizza. Leave me alone.

[Carlos]

I wish I was there.

[Andrew Santino]

You would have loved it.

[Carlos]

I would have done it.

[Andrew Santino]

And they were rad.

[Carlos]

How much money you think?

[Andrew Santino]

She didn't tell because I didn't want to ask her about finances, but I. I imagine because I did say, how expensive does it get? And she's like, well, some sessions are in the thousands, so in the multi. Thousand. Why am I. Yeah, why? We have. We have one right there.

[Carlos]

But do people orgasm or are they just, like, the pain?

[Andrew Santino]

It's not about coming.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

God damn it. That's the best part.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Carlos]

You just need a Richie. Isn't that the best part?

[Andrew Santino]

Of course.

[Carlos]

Of course.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Yeah. I would love to see Richie tied up.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, can we get you a dominatrix? And you'd be down to. Sure, yeah. Yeah, we're gonna film it.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

You're really down to be on cam? Depending on how far I go. I also met a guy.

[Carlos]

Level five toothpicks in the.

[Andrew Santino]

I also met a guy this weekend who in this familial group of friends that I guess we had met before. He is a. He works in porn. He started off as a film. As a filmographer. He started off as McCone, right. A shooter. And now he. I go, you ever get in front of the camera? He goes, I've been doing it lately. I go, ooh, little tiny Filipino guy. I go, what's going on with that?

[Carlos]

Who's it?

[Andrew Santino]

And he goes, yeah, it's kind of cool. I go, well, what do you. What Are you like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm the cuck. So he's like, I don't get to penetrate. I'm the boyfriend that gets cheated on in front of me with the girl.

[Carlos]

What? Tell me. Explain. Explain.

[Andrew Santino]

He's the cuck. He in the video of like, you know, like in a. In a porn where it's like he's. He just stands there and watches. That's not him.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But he just stands there and watches.

[Carlos]

Can he play with himself while it's happening?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Carlos]

Oh, man.

[Andrew Santino]

That's like the punishment.

[Carlos]

Can he stick his finger in his own.

[Andrew Santino]

He can do nothing.

[Carlos]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

He doesn't. I go, do you ever get anything? He goes, no, I just have to watch.

[Carlos]

That's what. That would be me. I'd just be like with one finger in there.

[Andrew Santino]

One finger in your ass.

[Carlos]

I wouldn't even go up and down. I'll just stick it in.

[Andrew Santino]

He was great. He was very interesting.

[Carlos]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Very, very interesting stories. I met this weekend in Vegas was interesting little.

[Carlos]

I wonder what that. But I mean, it must be arousing to watch.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, I don't know. I mean, I think the goal would be to not get into it because then you're really in character because it's. It's about the pain of it all.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Some guys let their. They like to watch their wives.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what cucking is. That's what.

[Carlos]

Well, I'm just explaining to the audience. No, but it would.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, you're explaining to one of my family members. Watches the show weekly.

[Carlos]

Does that.

[Andrew Santino]

My aunt is like, Hm. Thank you. Hot wife is married. Hot wife is a married woman who has sexual relations with other men with the full knowledge and consent of the husband.

[Carlos]

That's just the opposite.

[Andrew Santino]

They call them hot wives. That. So a hot wife is a woman who has a cuck husband.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And it's all good to go. Consensual, non monogamy.

[Carlos]

I want to be with that ugly wife so I can do it. I'll be the hot husband, buddy. Well, you don't think I'd ever be the. I don't, buddy. You don't think I'd ever be the hot husband?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think so.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Not in this lifetime.

[Carlos]

I can explain.

[Andrew Santino]

I can describe you the woman I believe in reincarnation. I do think in your next life you could be, but I do not think that's in your cards this time around. Oh, and that's a compliment because you date women much more Attractive than you.

[Carlos]

That makes me so upset, what you're saying. Shreking.

[Andrew Santino]

You're Shreking.

[Carlos]

I'm not Shrek.

[Andrew Santino]

You've been shreking all day. You're Shrek King.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You tell me you don't date women out of your league. That's insane. That's all you do is date beautiful women. That's all you do. And that's a compliment, but it's a backhanded one. It's still backhanded, but it doesn't matter. Every guy we know dates women out of their league. Do you know someone that's with someone that's compare. That's on their level of looks?

[Carlos]

Yeah, you're right. I don't want to name names. I know a couple of guys with girlfriends. I'm like, who are? I'm not.

[Andrew Santino]

But I had a magical little weekend in Vegas. It was wonderful. It is an interesting city.

[Carlos]

Is it dead like they say?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. What do you mean? I just told you how many things were there. Like, literally the marathon emo fest. Every hotel was packed, sold out. It was crazy. Look, it's probably also because it's high season right now, because it's getting shitty in other parts of the country, people want to go, get away. And Vegas was perfect weather and the shows were incredible. And we were gambling with Shane's dad, which was the funniest thing in the world because Shane gave him a little bit of money.

[Carlos]

I met his dad.

[Andrew Santino]

I, like, his dad feels the fucking greatest man alive. He gave him a little bit of money. So we go down and sit at the table, and Shane was like, I got to go to my room to go get money because I have cash in the room. And I was like, well, we can just give you cash. And he's like, no, Phil, I just gave you cash. He just gave his dad cash. Like he had just given it to him. And he was giving me some. And his dad was so funny. He's like, no, no, I'll give you a little bit. And he was like, holding out on giving him money. And Shane was like, are you fucking serious right now? I just gave you that money. But he gave him like a wad of money. I think he just handed it to him, was like, dad, go gamble. And he was holding back on it. But, dude, Shane on fire.

[Carlos]

Yeah, he's.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, he was gambling. He was winning money. I lost all my money. And at the very end, he goes, we gotta go. We were gonna go to this other thing. And he goes, just put Whatever. All in. And I was like, all in. I go all in and I'm excited. I get 20. I get two face cards, and I'm like, we're winning. She. She flops out 21. It actually hurt. It actually hurt.

[Dax Flame]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He was like, you're good. You don't care. I was like, no, no, it's okay. It was all the money that I put down, but it's okay. It doesn't matter.

[Carlos]

You asked me about my weekend.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I'll act the same as you just acted about me explaining my. What happened in your weekend Here. What happened in your weekend? What did you do?

[Carlos]

Nothing. No, I went to. I did the Irvine Improv again.

[Andrew Santino]

Orange County's finest.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Can I ask you this, though? Okay. So I have a real problem. I need your advice.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

So, you know, I don't want this to be taken the wrong way.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. But how many black guys have you been dating?

[Isa]

Just two.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And no whites.

[Isa]

No whites.

[Andrew Santino]

Good for you.

[Bobby Lee]

Good girl.

[Carlos]

So I've been kind of like a black guy where I have a lot of entourage now.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah? How many people are you traveling with? Well, because I called you from the hotel room.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I talked to. It was you. Ramsay, Cat, Bird.

[Carlos]

Luke.

[Bobby Lee]

Luke.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And one more person.

[Carlos]

But then Gilbert Alex, my guy, showed up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

And a couple of assistants from the agency. Right. But here's my problem, Mr. Hollywood.

[Andrew Santino]

Really come with an entourage. From Hollywood, cut to the Taylor Swift photo.

[Carlos]

Go to the Taylor Swift photo.

[Andrew Santino]

I cut to the entourage from Hollywood. I didn't bring an entourage.

[Carlos]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

I didn't bring an entourage with Taylor.

[Carlos]

The world is your entourage. You never heard that quote before?

[Andrew Santino]

No, but I gotta tell you.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Or use that. It's really good.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

The world is.

[Carlos]

Your entire world is your own.

[Andrew Santino]

So what you had about how eight, nine people in the.

[Carlos]

Right. But my problem is. And this is fine, right. I'm. You know, I can afford it, but.

[Andrew Santino]

You'Re so annoying.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's so funny.

[Carlos]

In the middle, in between shows, right? It's like, I need to eat.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Right.

[Carlos]

So everyone goes.

[Andrew Santino]

Everybody's got to go.

[Carlos]

No one has money.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, yeah, no one has money. Well, dude, no one has money. You're taking your guys from the store.

[Carlos]

I know, I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Of course, they don't have that.

[Carlos]

All of a sudden, it's like, I'm fine. Right. But I'm like, you know, there's all these, like. Went to this Korean restaurant, which is pretty good. Right next to the. There's a new Korean restaurant next to the Irvine Improv.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Carlos]

And it's. It's called Galbi Social Club.

[Andrew Santino]

Close.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They're right there.

[Carlos]

Yeah. And it's literally right next to the. Right. So I'm like, let's go to the Galbi to show the. You're going. And then they have these packages, like, you know, Mean.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. What kind of meats do you want?

[Carlos]

Like, there's a feast package.

[Andrew Santino]

Sure.

[Carlos]

Right. And usually, like, I can. I'll just go, I'll take one of that. Right. But now it's like, yeah, I'll take five of that. Yeah, right.

[Andrew Santino]

It adds up.

[Carlos]

It adds up.

[Andrew Santino]

It adds up.

[Carlos]

Right? And people are feasting.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. They're doing the Trump feed.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah. Throwing, you know, me bulgogi in their mouth. Right. Playing little games. Yeah, right. Yeah, right.

[Andrew Santino]

Marinated. Marinated.

[Carlos]

And then they're ordering more.

[Andrew Santino]

More steamed egg or steamed.

[Carlos]

Right. In my mind, I'm calculating more steamed day. That's fucking 1995 there, you know? I mean, sake drink. On and on.

[Bobby Lee]

All right.

[Carlos]

And you get the bill, and you look around the table, and they all look like Little Orphan Annie's friends. Yeah. Meek, Right. Like Oliver Twists.

[Andrew Santino]

May I have another bowl of porridge? Just more. One more steamed egg.

[Carlos]

Yeah, Right. And then it's just like, you got to do it because.

[Andrew Santino]

Why don't you tell me how much it was? I mean, that many people. What is the bill for that many people?

[Carlos]

It's not that much. It's not that. It's like I said, I can afford it.

[Andrew Santino]

You can, but. And you. And you did it, so that's what happens.

[Carlos]

But. Yeah, you. You have no problem with it.

[Andrew Santino]

There is a code of stand up. That's right.

[Carlos]

Let's go.

[Andrew Santino]

You are supposed to pay for your openers.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You have to.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Because you have the money in there.

[Carlos]

Everyone from CA Come down.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, no, no, no, no. Okay, okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wa. I mean, with the agents, by the way, the rule is.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

The hierarchy pays the agents. When they show up, they should pay.

[Carlos]

It wasn't the agents. It was the assistants.

[Andrew Santino]

Why? Oh, then you got to pay.

[Carlos]

I got to pay.

[Andrew Santino]

But if the agent shows up or someone at the agency, they pay because I love them.

[Carlos]

By the way, thanks for showing up because it makes you feel good that the. The company is coming out.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want anybody to show up ever, to my shows. That's at my agency. Please don't ever show up.

[Carlos]

Come on. Down. Come on down.

[Andrew Santino]

But go to his shows. I prefer no one to come. You know, I want the group.

[Carlos]

I go to Arby's before, and then.

[Andrew Santino]

I want my host, my feature. And that's it.

[Carlos]

Yeah, that's all.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want a bunch of people.

[Carlos]

I feel good. I honored.

[Andrew Santino]

You like the entourage.

[Carlos]

Yeah, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

It gets you off. You like that. Yeah, you enjoy that thing.

[Carlos]

And then all of a sudden, like, you know, I mean, a guy has three other friends, you know, I mean, they came to the show comped, sure, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, what. What they're not gonna pay for.

[Carlos]

Fine. It's fine.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

But then they're like, can they come?

[Andrew Santino]

And you're like, yeah, let them come. Everyone wants to come. Let everybody come. Right, Richie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say, let everybody come. Let everybody come.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Clip it.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Honestly, dude, you got to do it.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What's my opinion? You wanted my opinion. Do you have to do it? Yeah, you got to do it. It's the hierarchy of pay. Those that make the mo. And by the way, then when you're with other comics, like at our. At our, we either swap, like, I'll pay, you pay, or you do credit card roulette. So one of us has to throw a credit card in a hat, and then one of the. And usually make the server pick it. Then they pick it out, and then whoever gets hit gets hit.

[Carlos]

Have you ever picked up the tab?

[Andrew Santino]

No. Oh, my God. Have you ever picked up the tab? Who? I don't even think she pays for.

[Isa]

Gas sometimes with my friends.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Carlos]

Really? Do you? Okay, let me ask you, in your friend group, do you have the most money?

[Isa]

I don't think so.

[Carlos]

Oh, really? I've seen your friend group.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's go out to eat. Yeah.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Gremlins.

[Carlos]

Shopify. We have an online business here at Bad Friends, and we use Shopify because it's the best. Shopify's point of sale system is a unified command center for your retail business. It brings together in store and online operations across up to a thousand locations.

[Andrew Santino]

And thanks, Philippe, for Shopify. They're the way that we get our merch to you guys. Imagine being able to guarantee that shopping is always convenient. Endless aisle ship to customer, buy online, pickup in store. All made simpler so customers can shop how they want and the staff can have the tools to close the sale every single time.

[Carlos]

And let's face it, acquiring new customers is expensive. Andrew With Shopify pos you can keep shoppers coming back with personalized experiences and first party Data that gives marketing teams a competitive edge.

[Andrew Santino]

In fact, it's proven based on a report from EY businesses on Shopify POS see real results like 22% better total cost of ownership and benefits equivalent to an 8.9% uplift in sales on an average relative to the market set surveyed. We use Shopify and if you have a small business, you should to turn those what ifs into why nots and keep giving those big dreams the best shot with Shopify.

[Carlos]

Get all the big stuff for your small business right with Shopify.

[Andrew Santino]

Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com Bad Friends shopify.com Bad Friends shopifY.com Bad.

[Carlos]

Friends Talk Space Talk Space is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere. I'm telling you something right now, Andrew. I do therapy every week, right? And I think it's very vital for my mental health. You know, I had so much trauma growing up as a kid and I use emdr, other methods to take the power away from those terrible moments in my life. And I need Talk Space.

[Andrew Santino]

And you don't always have to have a traumatic thing in your life to go talk to someone. I think talking to someone is wonderful. We should all be doing it. And Talk Spaces and network. Okay? Talks Based therapy and psychiatry is covered by most insurers and most insured members pay a copay of $0. All right? And Talkspace makes getting the help you need easy, accessible and affordable. You can do it from the comfort of your own home, your car, wherever you're on the road, you're in a hotel, it doesn't really matter. That's why if you're a bad friend, but you need a little bit of a good friend, you should use Talk Space.

[Carlos]

As a listener of the podcast, you'll get 80$80 off your first month with Talk Space when you go to talkspace.com bad friends and enter promo code SPACE80.

[Andrew Santino]

That's SPACE80S P A C E 80 to match with a licensed therapist today go to talkspace.com badfriends and enter that code SPACE80CHIME I wish my younger self.

[Carlos]

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[Andrew Santino]

Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA members FDIC Spot me Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file Fees apply at out of network bank ranking and number of ATMs according to US News and World Report. 2023 time checking account required.

[Isa]

But I don't. I never. I don't know, sometimes.

[Andrew Santino]

How about this? When you're going out on dates now.

[Isa]

Oh, I don't pay.

[Andrew Santino]

You cannot pay. Do they. Do you offer half? You don't even do that.

[Isa]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Thank you. Has any guy ever said, do you want to split it?

[Isa]

No, but that would be crazy. I would just leave.

[Carlos]

I saw a video the other day.

[Andrew Santino]

It's empowerment. Right there.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

On full display.

[Carlos]

A TikTok where a guy picks up a girl, first date and the girl brings her son to get a free meal.

[Andrew Santino]

How old's the kid?

[Carlos]

He's like five years old.

[Andrew Santino]

That's okay.

[Carlos]

If you picked up a girl with a kid.

[Andrew Santino]

Five years old is cute. Five's funny. You can. You know what? By the way. Yeah. You use that as ammunition. You joke with the kid, you say funny stuff. You make faces, you make him laugh. She loves you more. That's a home run.

[Carlos]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I guess strategy.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

[Andrew Santino]

But by the way. 5, 5, 6. Kind of the cutoff. If she brings a 10 year old. That's bananas.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He can stay at home alone. 10. I was. I mean, when we started being home alone, we were like eight. Yeah, you're fine. There's hot dogs in the fridge.

[Carlos]

Do you remember I was dating.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

And so I remember she came out.

[Andrew Santino]

With her Son, that kid was 30.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah. No, he was 12 years old. Right, right.

[Andrew Santino]

That's over the breaking point.

[Carlos]

And then he goes, when I pick up from the airport, all he could say is, I have a short throat. Right.

[Dax Flame]

He's a little.

[Andrew Santino]

Short throat.

[Carlos]

Yeah. No sore throat.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I said short.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, I have a sore throat. Right. So we get to my house and I go to, you know, doordash, and I just go, I have a sore throat. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I can only eat caviar.

[Carlos]

I said, hey, kiddo. I say, hey, kiddo. What kind of flavor do you want? He don't care. I gave him every brand.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, that's a problem.

[Carlos]

He comes to my house, I give him a. I give him packets of it, like bags of it. He sticks in his mouth and he goes, it spits it on the floor.

[Andrew Santino]

Right, Denied.

[Carlos]

So then I go pick it up. And he goes, you pick it up. He goes, I go pick it up. You pick it up. I go pick it up. She goes, you pick it up. You know what I did? I picked it up.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I picked it up.

[Andrew Santino]

He won.

[Carlos]

He never had another bag again. I still have those things in my house.

[Andrew Santino]

He's got a bag of sorts.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Ever since then, I'm like, no more kids.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You got to cut it off.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But five or six is cute. And you use that. You go, you. You ingratiate yourself to the kid. Then it's going, oh, he's a nice guy. He likes my kid. And if the kid's funny, you might have more fun with him than a date.

[Carlos]

She would have to be. Carlos, back me up on this. Yeah, they got to be hot because they have to be the hottest thing.

[Andrew Santino]

I look, look, not in the dating game, but I got to tell you, there's probably a lot of five year olds I'd rather joke around with than some of the girls that you date. Large problem.

[Carlos]

They're annoying, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Some of them are.

[Carlos]

For sure they're annoying, right? Some of them. I can see your face.

[Andrew Santino]

Some of them I'd rather be like, I'd rather chat with a five year old about trains and monsters.

[Carlos]

Yeah. I remember one time I was with a girl and we were in Vegas or something. You literally called. Cuz I was gone. I went to the bathroom. So you go. You got to get the back here. I go. Away. I go. You said so, and so is annoying.

[Andrew Santino]

You can't leave me alone with these people. I don't know what to talk to them about. I feel more comfortable with a kid and we can joke around. I can make a fart noise. And that's 30 minutes right there.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I start doing and they're like, they lose their mind.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I can't do that to your date.

[Carlos]

I had this one girl, I had this one girl. She had to come back and apologize to you for being rude. Do you remember that? Because she was just like. Because she was a huge fan. But then she was like, but when.

[Andrew Santino]

I meet him a fan of you.

[Carlos]

No, I back up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She said, when I meet him, Andrew, right. I gotta, I gotta have confidence, you know, I mean I gotta like, I can't be a fan girl. Right. I'm like, no, just be yourself. I go, just be yourself. She goes, no, no, I have. And then when she met you, she was a super mean. Yeah. She was like, hey, what's up? And I'm in my mind, I'm like, what are you doing?

[Andrew Santino]

Not the move.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah. And then like 10 minutes later she had to come back up to you and go, hey, I'm sorry about my attitude.

[Andrew Santino]

But that point, I was already out.

[Carlos]

You're out.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm out.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm out.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's my point. So look, on new dates, new dates bring a kid. Ladies out there.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Isa]

I don't have a kid.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yet. Mark my words.

[Isa]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's coming for you. Well, you're up to no good.

[Carlos]

If you went on a date with a guy and he had a couple of kids, would you, would that turn you off or no?

[Isa]

I think right now it would.

[Carlos]

Why?

[Isa]

I just don't want to deal with kids.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

But what if you met a guy? Okay, look, you're 23.

[Isa]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What if you met a guy that's 28 and he has a kid then. No, here, look. Ages 20 to 29, which is your age range. Approximately 24% of black men in this age range have father to child. So a quarter of the men that are going to take you out have a father. So. Or have a child. So you're going to meet a guy who's going to have a kid. You're going to have to decide at some point what are you going to do? You're going to fall in love with this man and be the new mom.

[Isa]

No, I don't want to be a mom.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I'm just telling you. Ever statistics. Are there ever.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

35% of non Hispanic Asian women be like you Titubabi.

[Carlos]

Like explain to me what my I'm.

[Isa]

Like goal and just old and just like, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm single and old.

[Carlos]

Single and old.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you say I want to be like you?

[Isa]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Interesting.

[Carlos]

Really?

[Isa]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

I influenced you in that way?

[Isa]

I think so.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Yeah. My lifestyle.

[Isa]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You are a life coach.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you are.

[Carlos]

Because last night I was just like, I'm just gonna play Dying Light part two till five in the morning.

[Andrew Santino]

How'd that go?

[Carlos]

Great.

[Andrew Santino]

Completed it.

[Carlos]

No, it's impossibly. There's so many.

[Andrew Santino]

Can't beat it.

[Carlos]

It's on and on. It's the scary. It's the dumbest game at night. Have you played Dying Light at night? It's the most terrifying.

[Isa]

What about Silent who?

[Carlos]

I couldn't. I couldn't finish it. I couldn't finish it.

[Andrew Santino]

I started watching the BTK Killer last night and everybody. Because everyone's been sending me that. It's you.

[Carlos]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

You saw the BTTK Killer. This is the drawing is you. Have you seen the drawing?

[Carlos]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Go to BTK Killer.

[Carlos]

Please don't. I get DMs and text about all day.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at that. Look, it's. That's one. That's so obvious, Richie. That's so obviously you, though. It's like. Who's that? That's Bobby Lee.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you watch that BTK Killer?

[Carlos]

No, but I'm a big fan.

[Andrew Santino]

It's tragic, dude. It's awful to watch.

[Carlos]

Who's here?

[Andrew Santino]

It's heartbreaking. Who is here? Who's here? Oh, we have a guest.

[Carlos]

Spooky, spooky.

[Andrew Santino]

Ooh, spooky, spooky flame.

[Carlos]

Spooky, spooky, spooky flame is here.

[Andrew Santino]

Spooky flame.

[Carlos]

Dude, you look like you just got off a meth binge.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It looks like somebody extinguished your flame there.

[Carlos]

Yeah. What's going on? Dude, you look. See wild eyed.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

[Isa]

Your eyes are so blue.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Your eyes are blue. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you. Thanks.

[Andrew Santino]

Beautiful boy.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

How's it been going?

[Carlos]

Real beautiful.

[Bobby Lee]

Good.

[Andrew Santino]

Is this your Halloween costume? We asked you to come in Costume?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. It's like the Project X outfit.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it's what you wore in the movie?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God. That's. Is that exactly the clothes that you wore in the film?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Well, I mean, different jacket, but pretty much.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I be honest with you, bud? Yeah. It's not even a little bit like. Wait, zoom in. Look at how young you are there. How old are you there?

[Bobby Lee]

18.

[Carlos]

Wow.

[Isa]

How old are you now?

[Bobby Lee]

33.

[Andrew Santino]

Is that good? Memories of Project X. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You do. You have good memories of that.

[Bobby Lee]

That was filmed near here. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You still. Do you still get residuals from that movie?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, pretty small, but. Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, what's an average one from that film?

[Bobby Lee]

I think probably like 3,000 a year.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not bad.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Free money.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And then Dumb and Dumber.

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

What is. Who y' all are dressed as?

[Andrew Santino]

No. Ben and Jerry.

[Bobby Lee]

The ice cream.

[Carlos]

Jerry the ice cream.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Carlos]

Yeah. I'm Chunky Monkey.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Who are you?

[Isa]

Meg.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, okay. Cool.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not all part of the same theme. Like, those guys are not part of Ben and Jerry at all. Can you guess what they are? What do you think Carlos is?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, Sonic.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

Sonic the Hedgehog.

[Andrew Santino]

And look who's right next to him is Tails, right there. That's Tails.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Richie's Tails. Richie, what do you think Richie is?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Karen Carpenter.

[Carlos]

Karen Carpenter.

[Andrew Santino]

And then who do you think is in the back there? Who do you think is in the back?

[Bobby Lee]

He told me Groucho Marx.

[Andrew Santino]

So you already got tipped off?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, can. You want to lie and retake it again? Yeah. Who is that in the back?

[Bobby Lee]

Someone with a mustache.

[Andrew Santino]

You started off right. It's Hitler. It's Hitler. That's actually Hitler. That's Hitler before he shaved it into a little tiny. So Hitler. Actually, that's. That's actually the outfit that he was known for the most. And then he shaved a little tiny mustache here.

[Bobby Lee]

The art school one.

[Andrew Santino]

This is art school Hitler? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Carlos]

The art school art school Hitler.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, that's art school Hitler. That was art School Hitler before he got denied and kind of really changed his thought process about the world. But there he is. That's art school Hitler.

[Carlos]

Is that him as a kid?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Do you think you could, at that point.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at that. Whoa.

[Carlos]

Whoa.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at those legs.

[Carlos]

But as a kid, do you think.

[Andrew Santino]

It looks like Pete, you'd be able.

[Carlos]

To change his mind?

[Bobby Lee]

Huh?

[Carlos]

If you ran into Hitler, you had a time machine. You ran into that Hitler that was, like, nine years old. Do you think you could be able to change the direction of his life? What would you say?

[Andrew Santino]

That's a really good question.

[Carlos]

What would you say?

[Andrew Santino]

Hi, little Hitler.

[Carlos]

I can't do the.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Hello. Hello, little Hitler.

[Andrew Santino]

Hello, Chinese boy.

[Carlos]

Already? It's hard. Yeah, well, you know, I'm not Chinese. I think you're just, you know, I'm from a different. But, you know, we're all human beings. We're all kind of the same you're.

[Andrew Santino]

All from China as far as I'm concerned.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I get it. But it's like I'm Korean.

[Andrew Santino]

Rice man, please.

[Carlos]

You know what? Calling derogatory words.

[Andrew Santino]

Little rice man. Tiny. Little.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Anyway, no, I like you. You people are okay. Yeah, you're not so bad.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I think all people are equal.

[Andrew Santino]

No, all people are equal.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Not all.

[Carlos]

What do you. What do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

A few people don't deserve the same things as me.

[Carlos]

I see. Well, let's go through. Let's go through the fucking groups.

[Andrew Santino]

Blacks, Jews, Asian.

[Carlos]

Yeah, all equal with you.

[Andrew Santino]

They're equal on their little plane.

[Carlos]

Oh, so you're in a different category.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we're superior. Okay. You killed nine year old.

[Carlos]

I would kill him.

[Andrew Santino]

You can't flip that guy. I don't think it was born. I don't think he was born like that. I think something tragic happened. I think he was probably molested in art school, which is why he had this whole weird art school thing. Molested. And then this was his rage against the world. Was Hitler molested? Gotta be.

[Isa]

Was he gay?

[Andrew Santino]

Gotta be.

[Carlos]

No, Hitler wasn't gay, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

It wasn't cool enough to be gay. Historians and scholars have found no credible evidence Adolf Hitler was sexually molested. Rumors circulated after World War II. These were largely for propaganda purposes and have been discredited. I like how they discredited. Like they had to go out of their way to find out. They're like, all right, who molested Hitler? He had a harsh father, traumatic episodes. Yeah, I think he had something. All right, raise your hand if you molest Hitler. Guys, come on. We're not going to get back to painting until you guys tell me who did it. Yeah, we want to do watercolors.

[Carlos]

Listen, I think you're. I think he was born that way.

[Andrew Santino]

You really do.

[Carlos]

Sociopath.

[Andrew Santino]

No, because something had to have happened to him. Dude, I think we're all born pretty clean and good. Something cracks a human. Something breaks. Every time. You watch these true crime documentaries, something really bad happened, right? Dax, has anything really bad happen to you in your life?

[Bobby Lee]

Not like that.

[Andrew Santino]

See?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And that's why he's high functioning, normal adult.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but someone didn't say something the other day about. Often serial killers are bedwetters to an older age.

[Andrew Santino]

And how. When did you stop?

[Bobby Lee]

I did. I did. Until old. Too old. But not any more, of course. Like maybe like nine or something.

[Andrew Santino]

Nine old to wet the bed.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's older than kids that women bring on dates with Bobby. That's pretty. Nine is old.

[Carlos]

I can imagine him coming downstairs like in the Exorcist. He just pee something.

[Andrew Santino]

The triad was proposed in 63 by psychiatrist J.M. mcDonald. Based on the observations small group of nonviolent patients who had made threats. It's a misconception the serial killers are bedwetters. That's not true. Okay. To the McDonald triad.

[Bobby Lee]

So that's not like getting a head injury, right?

[Andrew Santino]

What? A head injury. Head injury, molestation. Both physical and sexual abuse towards. That's that. This. They all kind of have a lot of that stuff in common.

[Carlos]

But if you look at our society and then you look at like how many serial killers were in Sweden or Thailand, you're talking about low numbers, like 3, 4 people throughout their history.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, the highest concentration of serial killers has got to be from here.

[Carlos]

It is.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, we're number thousands. We're number one again.

[Isa]

But why here?

[Carlos]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Head injuries?

[Carlos]

No. What?

[Andrew Santino]

You have the most head injuries.

[Carlos]

You think so?

[Andrew Santino]

A lot of doctors dropping babies.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Studies suggest a correlation between head injuries and serial killing. It's not a direct cause, but there is a tie. I wonder what the other one is. What's your favorite breakfast, Jules?

[Isa]

Rice, eggs and seaweed and kimchi and spam.

[Andrew Santino]

Google that and see if that's a serial killer meal. That sounds like one.

[Carlos]

That's exactly what I like.

[Andrew Santino]

What do serial killers eat?

[Bobby Lee]

Is it like a mixed up?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What is that called? Is that called the dish? Do you have a nickname? It's something serial. Kills a variety of foods. Zoom in. There's no single serial killer diet. And there should be. That's a new diet plan. You want to have a rip body, you got to have the serial killer diet. The last meals, fried chicken, French fries, onion soup. While another one requested steak with baked potatoes.

[Carlos]

I've been thinking about Dahmer lately, but I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

No, we're not going back down that rabbit hole.

[Dax Flame]

We have some famous horror movie scenes to bring.

[Andrew Santino]

I'd love to do a script reading. Let me see. Dax.

[Dax Flame]

Also, since we have a professional actor among us, Dax.

[Carlos]

Factor.

[Andrew Santino]

Yum yum. Fall always feels like a reset. It's back to school. It's. Football is here, It's. Hockey is back. Basketball is back. Baseball's coming to a close. Busier routines, shorter days. And it's a hard time to find time to cook. And who's got time to cook? Not me.

[Carlos]

Me either. And you know, it's. It's. It's. You know, it's hard to cook who has the time. But if you want a quality meal, go to factor. More variety, more meals. Choose from a wider selection of weekly meal options including premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp with no extra cost.

[Andrew Santino]

I love salmon and they also have GLP1 friendly meals and new Mediterranean diet options which I love. Get your fish baby packed with protein and good for you fats. They got global flavors. They even have meals now from Thailand for the first time. And Bobby. China. They have China as well. 97 of customers say that factor helped them live a healthier life. Feel the difference no matter your routine.

[Carlos]

Eat [e-mail] BadFriends 50 off and use code BAD FRIENDS50OFF to get 50 off your first box plus free breakfast for one year.

[Andrew Santino]

That's wild, man. That's code BAD FRIENDS50OFF@Factor Meals.com for free. 50% off your first box plus free breakfast For a year. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with Factor offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the.

[Carlos]

Secure messaging app that brings the whole group together.

[Andrew Santino]

Use polls to settle dinner plans, send events, prevent invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone.

[Carlos]

Learn [e-mail] Limu Emu and Doug, here.

[Andrew Santino]

We have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating.

[Carlos]

It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[Andrew Santino]

Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera. They see us.

[Carlos]

Only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com Liberty Liberty Liberty. Liberty Savings Fairy unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you see one that you want to do, Jules? I mean, you love scary movies. What about seven? The scene from seven? Yeah, let's do seven. Who are you going to be, Jules? Mills or John Doe?

[Isa]

Mills.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, you're John Doe. You're going to be John.

[Carlos]

No, no, no. You got to be John Doe because I'm doing stage directions.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay? Please.

[Carlos]

Okay, go ahead.

[Isa]

I don't remember.

[Carlos]

What?

[Isa]

Who's Mills?

[Carlos]

That's Brad Pitt's character, right?

[Dax Flame]

Then Dax, you are Somerset in the scene, okay?

[Carlos]

And remember, Somerset, you're an old black man.

[Andrew Santino]

You really got to turn on that voice.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Is it Morgan Freeman?

[Carlos]

Yes, it is.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you ever seen the movie? Okay, okay. Even better.

[Carlos]

Marshlands, early evening.

[Andrew Santino]

Here he comes.

[Carlos]

That's what. Stop. Use Kevin Spacey on this.

[Andrew Santino]

That was my space.

[Carlos]

Okay? My bad.

[Andrew Santino]

He's talking about a boy.

[Carlos]

Extension. Extension. Marshall Marshland's. Early evening.

[Andrew Santino]

Here he comes.

[Isa]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

I wish I could have lived like you.

[Isa]

Shut up. The you talking about?

[Andrew Santino]

Do you hear me, Detective? I'm trying to tell you how much I admire you and your pretty wife.

[Isa]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Tracy.

[Isa]

What you say?

[Andrew Santino]

Tuition. Read the whole thing?

[Carlos]

Yeah. Mills freezes. Turns to Doe. Doe smiles. Somerset is close.

[Andrew Santino]

It's disturbing how easily a member of the press can purchase information from the men in your precinct.

[Carlos]

Somerset starts running towards Mill.

[Bobby Lee]

Throw your gun down.

[Andrew Santino]

Now that is Morgan Freeman. Now that is Morgan Freeman. Give me to me one more time.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You're also screaming at Throw your gun down.

[Andrew Santino]

No, that was laughing.

[Carlos]

I understand that. But you know how far apart they are.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You're yelling.

[Carlos]

Literally, like, you know, I mean, a quarter of a mile away.

[Andrew Santino]

Go for it.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Throw your gun down.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I visited your home this morning after you'd left.

[Carlos]

Meals is filled with aching terror.

[Andrew Santino]

I tried to play husband. I tried to taste the life of a simple man.

[Carlos]

Somerset is 50 yards away and closing.

[Bobby Lee]

Throw it away.

[Andrew Santino]

Louder. Throw it away. Loud as you can.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Throw it away. It didn't work out. So I took a souvenir. Her pretty head.

[Bobby Lee]

Mills.

[Carlos]

Meal raises his gun. Mills raises his gun in the air.

[Andrew Santino]

Mills. Gun in the air.

[Bobby Lee]

No. No. No. Give me the gun.

[Isa]

What's going on over there?

[Carlos]

Somerset throws his own weapon away.

[Bobby Lee]

Put the gun down.

[Isa]

Show me the box. What was in the box?

[Andrew Santino]

Because I envy your normal life.

[Bobby Lee]

Put the gun down, David.

[Andrew Santino]

It seems that envy is my sin.

[Isa]

What's in the box? What's in the fucking box?

[Andrew Santino]

I just told you.

[Isa]

You lied. You're a fucking liar. Shut up.

[Carlos]

Cut. Cut for a second. Just cut for a second. Right. You. You. I think you subconsciously know that there's something terrifying in the box. And you. I think you do know that it's your wife's severed head.

[Isa]

So you're angry.

[Carlos]

Much more panicked.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, how would you feel if you. If you did. If you. If someone had a severed head? That of someone that you love?

[Isa]

Scared.

[Andrew Santino]

Scared, yeah.

[Carlos]

And pissed.

[Andrew Santino]

And mad.

[Carlos]

And mad rage.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, imagine if someone came to you in the desert with a box. And Tito's Bobby's head was in there. How would you feel?

[Isa]

Mad.

[Andrew Santino]

But not with a smile.

[Carlos]

Yeah. I don't think that I would be a good example. I Think somebody else. Yeah.

[Isa]

No, I'd be mad.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, mad.

[Carlos]

Issa, your sister.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh. Isa's head is in a box.

[Isa]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

No, not in a happy donut. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Why are you smiling?

[Andrew Santino]

The smiling is crazy.

[Carlos]

Let's go back to. Let's go back to. It seems that envy is my sin.

[Andrew Santino]

It seems that envy is my sin.

[Isa]

What's in the box? What's in the fucking box?

[Andrew Santino]

I just told you.

[Isa]

You lied. You're a fucking liar. Shut up.

[Bobby Lee]

It's what he wants. He wants you to shoot him.

[Isa]

No. No. You tell me that's not true. That's not true.

[Andrew Santino]

Become vigilance, David.

[Isa]

She's all right.

[Carlos]

You tell me he's crying. He's crying at this. She's crying.

[Isa]

I'm crying.

[Carlos]

Yeah, kind of crying.

[Andrew Santino]

Rage become wrath.

[Isa]

Tell me she's all right.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you laughing?

[Bobby Lee]

If you murder a suspect, David.

[Isa]

No. No.

[Andrew Santino]

She begged for her life, Detective. She begged for her life. And the only life of the baby inside her.

[Carlos]

Somerset slaps John Doe across the face. Shut up, Mills, face lit, fills with confusion. Then a wave of horror. Doe's eyes register shock.

[Andrew Santino]

He didn't know.

[Carlos]

Mills raises and lowers the gun a few times, sobbing.

[Bobby Lee]

Give me the gun, David.

[Carlos]

Mill turns the gun on John Doe.

[Bobby Lee]

David, if you kill him, we. He will win.

[Isa]

Oh, God. Oh, God.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude.

[Carlos]

Dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Morgan Freeman would be jealous.

[Carlos]

He would be gone. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So good. Dax.

[Carlos]

Hello. Okay. Very good.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Very good stuff.

[Carlos]

Very good stuff.

[Andrew Santino]

Those are very, very good.

[Carlos]

You want to attempt Blue Velvet, or.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think so.

[Dax Flame]

It's a good seed.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you miss acting? It was good.

[Isa]

Yeah. It was good.

[Carlos]

Yeah, it was good.

[Andrew Santino]

You miss acting?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah, I love acting.

[Andrew Santino]

We got to get you back. We got to make him. We have to write a movie and get Dax in it.

[Carlos]

He's got to be the nemesis, though.

[Andrew Santino]

You have to be evil. You have to be evil, right? Would you play an evil guy? What's the most evil thing you've done in your life?

[Bobby Lee]

Killed a fish.

[Carlos]

Purposely?

[Bobby Lee]

Purposely. But because my grandpa had left, we went fishing and, you know, you have to kill the fish after you catch it.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't have to.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I couldn't get the hook out of its mouth, so I. And then he had left to go help my mom, and then I had to kill the fish with a rock.

[Andrew Santino]

Carlos, will you Google serial killer tendencies? Ties with killing fish with rocks. Is there a tie to.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, check if it's, like, while people are fishing.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no. That doesn't matter. That's. I think we got two well known serial killers. Jeffrey Dahmer and Albert Fish have documented ties to killing fish and other small animals.

[Bobby Lee]

But I didn't like it.

[Andrew Santino]

This. You didn't. It says right here neither of them enjoyed it. While it was happening, they were fishing with their grandfather.

[Carlos]

Did you cry while you're doing it?

[Bobby Lee]

No. No.

[Andrew Santino]

They show tendencies to not cry at all while they're killing the fish. Did you feel anything at all?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What did you feel?

[Bobby Lee]

Terrible.

[Andrew Santino]

Studies show the word they use is terrible at the beginning, but then sexual arousal when it's over.

[Carlos]

Did you have an erection?

[Dax Flame]

No.

[Carlos]

Okay. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Most of them can't get an erection. It says here because of the terror. Terror. Wow. Do you think you may have some serial killer tendencies?

[Bobby Lee]

No, but that maybe aligns so. Yeah, maybe one, maybe singular, that.

[Carlos]

I think he's the opposite of a serial killer. I think he's a good guy. Your heart is so pure.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, he could just be a regular killer and not. Yeah, you know, he could.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, he's not a killer.

[Carlos]

I think you're a sweet guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Isa]

I feel so a party guy. I've seen him a lot in parties that I went.

[Carlos]

Okay. What party did you go to where you saw Dax?

[Isa]

The Zach justice one. And another one. And another one.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's true. It was my friend Ryan's birthday.

[Carlos]

And you went to that?

[Isa]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

A lot of influencers. People there. A lot of young people.

[Andrew Santino]

Who invited you?

[Carlos]

Zach, because, you know, she's on his podcast now as a permanent.

[Andrew Santino]

I see that. Yeah, I see that on the Internet. How do you.

[Carlos]

Wait, wait. How do you feel about that, Andrew?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you're a bad friend. Then you do Tiger Belly. Then you do Trash Tuesday, then you this. You're kind of like a pod. You're kind of a pot hopper, if I'm being honest.

[Carlos]

Yeah, let's be no loyalty.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you're a pot hopper. Look, there's a pot hopper right there. Yeah, there she is pot hopping all over.

[Carlos]

All over the place. Look at her.

[Andrew Santino]

You're. You're a pot hopper. It's actually not a good thing to be.

[Isa]

It's just Family podcast. Tiger Belly.

[Andrew Santino]

Ew. You pot hop.

[Carlos]

Look at it. Look at this. More, more, more.

[Andrew Santino]

You're evil. Pot hopping. Yeah, that's what's evil is pure as pot hopping.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You stay loyal to us, but no, she's pot hopping.

[Carlos]

She's pot hopping.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, are you and Zach just good friends? How do you know Him. Right. So you introduced the pot hopper, too?

[Carlos]

Yes, I did.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it's your fault, you know, he.

[Carlos]

Swooped in pot hopping. He pot hopped.

[Andrew Santino]

Mrs. I don't feel like podcasting.

[Carlos]

I had to force you to do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Now pod hopping.

[Carlos]

Now anyone asks, you do it.

[Andrew Santino]

How excited are you for about the Dodgers? Oh, my God, you're such a big Dodger fan.

[Carlos]

I am.

[Andrew Santino]

And where are they now?

[Carlos]

World Series.

[Andrew Santino]

Can you name some of your favorite Dodgers?

[Carlos]

Yeah. Freeman. I like Freddie Freeman. I like Shohei the best. That other Japanese that. That game that he played last game, it's probably the greatest in the history of baseball.

[Andrew Santino]

You're a big Dodger fan, Dax.

[Bobby Lee]

As big of like any other team.

[Andrew Santino]

That doesn't. That's not.

[Carlos]

Yeah, that's not an answer.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not. That's, like when you say, do you like food? And they're like, I like food. Like people like food.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

There's Shohei. So handsome.

[Carlos]

He's handsome. Elitist.

[Isa]

Big boy.

[Andrew Santino]

Big boy. That's what she goes to, right? To big boy.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He is a big, big boy. That's Japan's finest export.

[Carlos]

He has Pearl harbor energy all the time.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, it's payback, baby. Yeah, yeah. That's his girlfriend. Yeah, right there.

[Carlos]

That's wife.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. Oh, wife. Sorry.

[Carlos]

Mamiko. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it?

[Carlos]

Mamiko.

[Andrew Santino]

Say it again. Mamiko. Very good. You don't have to.

[Carlos]

Do you think, though? Do you think in his head, though.

[Andrew Santino]

It makes me look tan? That's what I like about Japanese women. They make me look tan.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Yeah. Do you think in his mind is like, I shouldn't marry because now I think I could get white?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Carlos]

Do you think or not you think?

[Andrew Santino]

No. Dude, he's from Japan.

[Dax Flame]

Bob's mad now.

[Andrew Santino]

He's from Japan. His favorite, I think Japan. He has to. He represents Japan. He's got to have a Japanese wife.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He'd have to get some dumb American wife. What a waste of his time. He's got some bozo goofball like, he played in Orange county before. Imagine if he was with some Orange county girl. Some, like, Laguna beach chick.

[Bobby Lee]

You'd be.

[Carlos]

She's very pretty.

[Andrew Santino]

She's gorgeous.

[Carlos]

She's gorgeous.

[Andrew Santino]

Gorgeous.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Beautiful Japanese girl.

[Carlos]

What's. Why you laughing?

[Dax Flame]

Because I know you have that mindset.

[Carlos]

Of, like, holding out till, like, you have succeeded.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, Bobby, what are you talking about, dude?

[Carlos]

Because you can get the hottest girls.

[Dax Flame]

When you're at your richest and most famous.

[Carlos]

And I know you actively seek that Because I would, too. I get it.

[Andrew Santino]

You've said to me, an Asian American at their highest pinnacle is getting a hot white girl. You've said that. You've said that. You've said that as a. As a successful Asian American, the pinnacle is getting a hot white girl.

[Carlos]

It's called playing in the snow.

[Andrew Santino]

Playing in the snow. Snow bunny life. Yeah, you say that. Dude, don't pretend like that's not true. Is that not true?

[Carlos]

No, it's not.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Carlos]

Acting. I mean, do you think. Would you ever date an Asian woman?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Carlos]

Have you?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I. I've been on a date with an Asian. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You can't take this the wrong way, please. You seem like you do like Asian girl.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

You've got I like Asian girl, white guy energy.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Like it's almost a fetish.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, no. Like a tech guy.

[Carlos]

Yeah, sure. Do you like. Do you like dried squid?

[Bobby Lee]

I've never had that.

[Carlos]

Okay. Seaweed.

[Isa]

Watch porn. What do you watch?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I don't know.

[Carlos]

He doesn't watch it. Do you watch it?

[Bobby Lee]

Sometimes.

[Carlos]

What's your Google history? I mean, your pornhub history.

[Andrew Santino]

The feds probably know.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What were we talking about earlier?

[Carlos]

Really? It's uncomfortable.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

You don't want to talk about that. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's.

[Carlos]

You know, it's so funny you. Because I know you now pretty well. You don't like to talk real private stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

True.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Yeah. You want to protect some things about your private life.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Why is that?

[Bobby Lee]

You think I'm just too timid talking about porn on a podcast?

[Andrew Santino]

I agree. It's. It's stupid. We shouldn't be talking about it at all. Okay, I agree with you.

[Carlos]

I agree, too.

[Andrew Santino]

Say it. Say it's stupid, guys to talk about this crap.

[Bobby Lee]

It's stupid to talk about this crap. Let's talk about something smarter.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you.

[Carlos]

Oh, I see.

[Andrew Santino]

And he's right. Let's. Tell me. Give us something smarter. That is true. What would you like to talk about that's more intellectual?

[Carlos]

You know much about the A1 Atlas meteor approaching Earth?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Is that what it's called? A1? Yeah. Tell us about this. This comet that's hurling toward Earth.

[Bobby Lee]

It's risky, but people aren't too worried.

[Carlos]

What's risky about it?

[Bobby Lee]

That it could collide or something.

[Carlos]

But do you think it's an alien spacecraft?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Carlos]

Okay.

[Dax Flame]

We have another way to test intelligence. I have a Halloween trivia game.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's see how smart you really are.

[Carlos]

Halloween trivia. How do you do you Yell it out or do you just raise your hand?

[Dax Flame]

It's going to be like the old days. It's point based. There's 25 questions. We're all going to go in order of that everybody gets to buzz in and go first. But we'll start with you being able to go first. But I mean, do you want to buzzing or do you want to go? Everybody equal gets a first question.

[Andrew Santino]

Everybody equal.

[Dax Flame]

Okay, I'm not going to plug in cuz you're not going to see this.

[Carlos]

So it'll just go down the line. Like if I don't get it right, then it's your turn. Your turn.

[Dax Flame]

Well, you guys will all guess because some of them are going to be like. Like multiple choice. Not multiple choice, but like, like question one. What is the most popular Halloween candy?

[Andrew Santino]

What's the most popular Halloween candy? What do you think?

[Carlos]

That's a good one, man.

[Andrew Santino]

I know my answer. We have to go.

[Carlos]

Candy corn.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

[Dax Flame]

Candy corn.

[Andrew Santino]

I was gonna say candy corn. That's what I was.

[Dax Flame]

Guess something else.

[Andrew Santino]

Huh?

[Dax Flame]

Guess something else.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, that's the one.

[Carlos]

That's not the game that. The game's not good though.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, cool.

[Dax Flame]

You can, I mean you guys can both guess candy corn and then if you both are right, you both get a point.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I think that's good.

[Andrew Santino]

Candy is my guy.

[Carlos]

Candy corn.

[Isa]

Reese's peanut butter cup.

[Carlos]

That's a good one.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, we go candy corn. They do cups.

[Dax Flame]

They're correct.

[Andrew Santino]

Reese's peanut butter cups.

[Dax Flame]

One point for Rudy, one point for Dax.

[Andrew Santino]

That'll piss me right off.

[Carlos]

That pisses me off.

[Dax Flame]

What was candy corn originally called? Andrew starts.

[Andrew Santino]

What was candy corn originally called?

[Dax Flame]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Candy corn was originally called. Witch's toes. Witch's toes.

[Carlos]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. I have no idea.

[Isa]

Pumpkin fingers.

[Andrew Santino]

Ooh, pumpkin fingers. Body parts. It seems to be the theme.

[Bobby Lee]

Candy pyramid.

[Andrew Santino]

Candy pyramid. Very specific.

[Carlos]

Harvest candy.

[Andrew Santino]

Harvest candy. That's actually good too.

[Dax Flame]

The answer is chicken feed.

[Andrew Santino]

Chicken feed.

[Dax Flame]

Next one. What candy is given to soldiers in battle in the Korean War?

[Andrew Santino]

Ketamine.

[Carlos]

In the Korean War, starting with Rudy.

[Andrew Santino]

Methamphetamine. What? What? What candy was given to soldiers in the Korean War?

[Carlos]

I think I know.

[Isa]

Sugar. The sugar cane candy.

[Carlos]

Sugar cane candy.

[Andrew Santino]

Sugar cane candy.

[Bobby Lee]

Hershey's.

[Andrew Santino]

Hershey's.

[Carlos]

I'm gonna go with Hershey's.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna say Sugar babies.

[Carlos]

Tootsie Roll. Fuck.

[Andrew Santino]

Damn it.

[Carlos]

These are hard. Dance.

[Dax Flame]

This is one where you have the opportunity to get three points.

[Andrew Santino]

Dax, you're up first or two points or one point.

[Dax Flame]

What are the top three most popular Halloween costumes for dogs?

[Andrew Santino]

For dogs.

[Dax Flame]

For dogs.

[Carlos]

For dogs.

[Bobby Lee]

Ladybug. Ladybug. Scarecrow. Astronaut.

[Carlos]

Me. Yeah. Sunflower. Vampire. Mommy.

[Andrew Santino]

Toto. Zombie. And Butterfly.

[Isa]

Ghost.

[Carlos]

Oh, Ghost.

[Andrew Santino]

Ghost. I forgot about ghost. How do we forget about firefighters? Or firefighter? Yeah, that's so funny. No. Yeah. You mean Dalmatian.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah. Firefighter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I get it. I get it. I get it.

[Carlos]

I get it, too.

[Isa]

Butterfly. Too.

[Andrew Santino]

Butterfly. What are the three?

[Dax Flame]

Pumpkin?

[Andrew Santino]

None of us.

[Dax Flame]

Hot dog.

[Andrew Santino]

None of us.

[Dax Flame]

And Bumblebee.

[Andrew Santino]

None of us.

[Carlos]

None of us.

[Dax Flame]

It is still two to nothing. I mean, one to one.

[Andrew Santino]

To nothing.

[Dax Flame]

To nothing.

[Andrew Santino]

Bumblebee over. Butterfly. Or Ladybug. Bullshit.

[Dax Flame]

That's what it says.

[Andrew Santino]

Fuck you.

[Carlos]

Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go.

[Andrew Santino]

Where'd you get this? Off a truth social.

[Dax Flame]

I pulled it from a bunch of different sources.

[Carlos]

Okay, go ahead.

[Andrew Santino]

I only make bugs Bumblebees.

[Dax Flame]

In what American state is it illegal to be a priest or nun for Halloween? Bobby starts.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I already know.

[Carlos]

Kansas.

[Andrew Santino]

I actually, now that I think I was gonna say Utah.

[Isa]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Name any state.

[Isa]

Tennessee.

[Andrew Santino]

The good guess.

[Bobby Lee]

Arkansas.

[Dax Flame]

These might be too hard. This is Alabama.

[Andrew Santino]

No, he was close. Give him a point. He's close.

[Carlos]

No, no, no. You don't know.

[Dax Flame]

We need to start racking up points. Yeah. He's closest.

[Andrew Santino]

Alabama and Arkansas are neighbors. That's close.

[Carlos]

Okay.

[Dax Flame]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

We were nowhere near it.

[Carlos]

Okay.

[Dax Flame]

A pumpkin is a fruit. True or false?

[Carlos]

True. True.

[Andrew Santino]

True. You gotta go against the grains, kid.

[Isa]

False.

[Andrew Santino]

It's true.

[Bobby Lee]

It's true.

[Andrew Santino]

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

[Dax Flame]

Bobby and Rudy tied at one point.

[Andrew Santino]

Nice.

[Dax Flame]

Andrew and Dax tied at three.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's go, Dax.

[Dax Flame]

Which famed horror actor performed the monologue in Michael Jackson's thriller?

[Bobby Lee]

Vincent Price.

[Carlos]

Bella Lugosi.

[Andrew Santino]

Emeril Lagasse. Sorry.

[Carlos]

Oh, God.

[Andrew Santino]

Why did you say Vincent Price?

[Bobby Lee]

I remember there's that, like, deep voice in that song.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I don't know. I'll say. I'll say Vincent Price. I'm gonna copy you.

[Isa]

I'll copy you.

[Dax Flame]

Vincent Price is correct.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. Very good guess.

[Bobby Lee]

Cool. Thanks.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome.

[Carlos]

I, I, I, I. I'm getting out now. I'm getting. I'm getting out now. There's no way to come back.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, there is.

[Dax Flame]

Hold on. There's enough questions where you can tell, okay?

[Carlos]

Okay.

[Dax Flame]

So the standings right now. Dax and Rudy are tied with five.

[Andrew Santino]

Four.

[Dax Flame]

Andrew's with four and Bobby is taking up the rear with one.

[Andrew Santino]

You're always taking it up the rear.

[Carlos]

His tone, dude. He can no longer be the question.

[Andrew Santino]

Guy Richie should be doing.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dax Flame]

How many.

[Carlos]

Richie, can you take over?

[Andrew Santino]

Richie take over?

[Carlos]

Rich, take Richie, take over.

[Andrew Santino]

Richie. It's going to hurt.

[Carlos]

I think it's. It's his negativity.

[Andrew Santino]

He's.

[Carlos]

He's. He's embody Groucho Marx right now. I. I don't like it. Yeah. So Richie, you take. No, Richie takes over.

[Andrew Santino]

Richie takes over.

[Carlos]

Yeah, go ahead, Richie.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Richie, go ahead, bud.

[Isa]

All right.

[Andrew Santino]

How many Halloween movies has Jamie Lee Curtis appeared in? The closest. Okay, Rudy, perfect. 62117.

[Dax Flame]

Rudy gets it again.

[Carlos]

Oh, my God. Don't look at me, dude. I'm in the last place.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't remember.

[Carlos]

You go through. You get against what I'm saying.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't remember at all.

[Dax Flame]

In Twilight.

[Carlos]

No. You shot Richie.

[Andrew Santino]

Richie, dude.

[Dax Flame]

In Twilight.

[Carlos]

Richie, Richie.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, all right. In Twilight, what year did Edward Cullen turn into a vampire? Never seen the movie.

[Carlos]

In what year?

[Bobby Lee]

What year?

[Dax Flame]

Closest to the year.

[Andrew Santino]

Rudy's up first.

[Carlos]

No, you don't even say closest to the year. You say closest to the year. Richie.

[Andrew Santino]

Closest to the year.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Isa]

Like 17, 20, 18, 20.

[Carlos]

What's the question?

[Andrew Santino]

No, Richie, in Twilight, what year did Edward Cullen turn into a vampire?

[Carlos]

Oh, in the movie, like his character.

[Andrew Santino]

So you said you already guessed 1720 and you guessed 1820 something.

[Carlos]

1650.

[Andrew Santino]

I think 15, 14, 19, 18. Oh, so that is Dax. I've never seen the movie.

[Dax Flame]

So Rudy has the opportunity to tie.

[Carlos]

Himself for a second.

[Dax Flame]

The last question.

[Andrew Santino]

There it goes.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me see something.

[Carlos]

Okay. Richie does a question.

[Dax Flame]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yep.

[Carlos]

Yeah. All right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yep.

[Carlos]

I mean, I don't know. How many times do I tell you? All right. It's just irritating. I don't know what it is. I think that's why I'm losing. I think that's why I'm losing.

[Bobby Lee]

That's why.

[Carlos]

Yes. All right, so I don't want to hear a word from you. I love you, bud. But, Richie, from now on, I'm so sorry, guys. I'm sorry. He's the reason I'm losing. You're fucking. Go ahead, Richie.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't worry. I'm your good luck charm.

[Carlos]

Here.

[Andrew Santino]

How many minutes does Michael Keaton appear on screen in Beetlejuice?

[Carlos]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Say it again. How many minutes does Michael Keaton appear on screen in Beetlejuice? Okay, Dax, start.

[Bobby Lee]

10.

[Carlos]

17 minutes.

[Andrew Santino]

28 minutes.

[Isa]

7 minutes.

[Dax Flame]

17 minutes. Bobby gets it right and Wins the game.

[Andrew Santino]

I told you. Good luck, John.

[Isa]

How did he win?

[Dax Flame]

No, he didn't die. Stack still wins.

[Andrew Santino]

Dax 1.

[Dax Flame]

Final score, Bobby Lee, 3. Andrew Santino.

[Andrew Santino]

5.

[Dax Flame]

Rudy Giuliani, 6. Dax Flame, 7. Happy Halloween.

[Andrew Santino]

You're no longer welcome on the show, Dax. You understand me?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't come in here and you win.

[Carlos]

Okay?

[Andrew Santino]

You're supposed to throw the game for us.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll give a point to everyone.

[Andrew Santino]

So that gets you down. Six, five, four.

[Carlos]

Next time we do a game, right, here it goes. No more dates and square footage of a. An area that's insane.

[Dax Flame]

No square footage.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Or a feet. Or of any additional insane. Right. From now on, it's just facts.

[Andrew Santino]

Facts. Yeah. It's only fact.

[Dax Flame]

You didn't get the facts one right.

[Carlos]

Whoa. You got the.

[Dax Flame]

You got the guessing ones right.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ruined. I think you ruined my Halloween. Dude, this is the worst Halloween I've ever had.

[Andrew Santino]

Come on.

[Carlos]

Yeah, no, I'm being real. You ruined anything. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Any candy that you're excited about getting this year?

[Carlos]

No, because I have access to all the candy I want.

[Andrew Santino]

Not me. This is the only time here I'm allowed to have it in the house.

[Carlos]

Really? So what do you. What do you. What are you looking forward to?

[Andrew Santino]

The Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are shaped like pumpkins. My favorites. What are you excited about this year?

[Isa]

Snickers.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't. No, don't do it.

[Isa]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Nothing.

[Carlos]

Nothing, Nothing.

[Isa]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Dax?

[Bobby Lee]

Nerds. Gummy clusters.

[Andrew Santino]

That makes sense. I do like that.

[Carlos]

I like the sour gel or some sort.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, just gel. Yeah, the packet of sour gel I.

[Carlos]

Went to in Burbank. There's a horror museum.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm sorry, Rudy, with the Snickers.

[Carlos]

It's like.

[Andrew Santino]

It's right there.

[Carlos]

It's veiny.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

I mean, last year reminds you of something.

[Andrew Santino]

Snickers. But I only like the king size. You perv. You're gross.

[Carlos]

Pervert.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't even like Snickers, you pervert.

[Carlos]

I went roller skating again last night by myself.

[Andrew Santino]

Why are you doing that? Invite someone to come with you. No, why are you going solo skating? Because what if you fall again and get hurt?

[Carlos]

I did fall a couple of times, and then I fell once. I got up and then there's a. He happens to be black. He's. He's a referee outfit on. And he goes, keep it moving.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, well, you can't.

[Carlos]

I'm like. I literally got the wind knocked out of me. Give me a second. Keep it moving.

[Andrew Santino]

But you got it. You got to get up and go, man. There's a whole thing going on.

[Carlos]

I know. And you got to put your thumbs up to see if you're all right.

[Andrew Santino]

Were you okay?

[Carlos]

So when you slam, you have to go like this. It's so humiliating.

[Andrew Santino]

That's how they know you're not hurt.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm okay.

[Carlos]

I'm okay.

[Dax Flame]

Was it your first time since the incident?

[Carlos]

No, I've been going by myself.

[Andrew Santino]

Training.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's never gonna happen again. You're never gonna fall again.

[Carlos]

The most lonesome human experience you could ever have.

[Andrew Santino]

You put on headphones?

[Carlos]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

You just.

[Carlos]

I'm just skating around. There's this 90 year old Japanese man, he's one foot backwards.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Carlos]

Yeah. He's killing it, right? And it's just like I'm gonna. Oh, this is. Yeah, this is my life.

[Andrew Santino]

You're that guy.

[Carlos]

No family, nobody.

[Andrew Santino]

Stop it. You can invite so many people that would love to come skate.

[Carlos]

No one's gonna go skating on a Monday night.

[Isa]

Should have asked mama.

[Carlos]

I'm not going with your mom.

[Andrew Santino]

Why not?

[Carlos]

She would fall over like a coconut and explode on the coconut meat all over the place. There's no way.

[Andrew Santino]

Coconut skate sesh.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Coconut skate sesh.

[Carlos]

No, there's something. I like it because it kind of like watch a movie by yourself and stuff. You're like, I'm okay being my. By myself. I don't need anybody. I don't want to be in a situation where I'm like, I need somebody to make me feel whole. I want to be able to do it on my own. It's a little depressing, but I gotta get prepared because I don't have any children. So it's like I have to be prepared that you're gonna die alone at the end. You know what I mean? It's gonna be.

[Andrew Santino]

We're all gonna die alone.

[Carlos]

Well, you're gonna have friends and family around.

[Andrew Santino]

So will you?

[Carlos]

Yeah. That Japanese man from the roller rink.

[Andrew Santino]

Maybe he'll be long gone, my friend.

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah, yeah. But.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, Dax, don't you think the dying alone.

[Carlos]

No, but I'm just saying. Do you feel comfortable just being by myself? Like eating a meal by yourself?

[Bobby Lee]

I do, but it sounds like you're. You're. You're not sure about it.

[Carlos]

Oh, wow. Explore that.

[Bobby Lee]

Would you rather be alone a lot of the time?

[Andrew Santino]

Do you long for a partner at all?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you on the hunt?

[Bobby Lee]

I did go on a hinge date last night.

[Andrew Santino]

What are we talking? Where'd you go?

[Bobby Lee]

To a bar.

[Andrew Santino]

What Bar.

[Bobby Lee]

Bigfoot Lodge.

[Andrew Santino]

Would you.

[Carlos]

Oh, I love Bigfoot Lodge.

[Bobby Lee]

A beer.

[Andrew Santino]

What did she order? Sorry?

[Carlos]

They.

[Bobby Lee]

I think she went by. She.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. What did she order? What did she. They order? She heard they.

[Bobby Lee]

Cider.

[Andrew Santino]

Little cider.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me the conversation. What was it? What was it?

[Bobby Lee]

What kind of things do you do for fun? And were you intrigued?

[Andrew Santino]

Was she pretty?

[Bobby Lee]

She was pretty.

[Andrew Santino]

Were you looking pretty?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't. I don't know. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What did you wear?

[Bobby Lee]

A black shirt and some jeans.

[Andrew Santino]

That's pretty.

[Bobby Lee]

Thanks.

[Carlos]

But you always wear your head.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Did you make a move?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

You give her a hug?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Carlos]

Now, do you make a move when you see a sign or. What is a gut instinct thing with you?

[Andrew Santino]

What is it?

[Bobby Lee]

It's really hard. I have. Yeah. First kiss is such a hard thing to know how to do. You ever ask?

[Andrew Santino]

Do you just go, hey, yeah, I kind of want to kiss you?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Have they said no?

[Bobby Lee]

No. No.

[Carlos]

Oh, you've never said.

[Andrew Santino]

Closes every.

[Carlos]

You're a closer, dude. You're a fucking closer, girl.

[Andrew Santino]

Ask me for a kiss. I had such a fun time to tonight.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you want to kiss?

[Carlos]

Oh, that's how direct you are.

[Andrew Santino]

That was pretty fast.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I would, I guess.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, I'm wet, but that was fast.

[Carlos]

You know, I. You know, that's interesting. I don't do that because I'm too scared to act. I honestly believe that, like, I. I have to have a couple of signs before I go in.

[Andrew Santino]

What are the signs?

[Carlos]

I have to know, like, if they're like.

[Andrew Santino]

What, baseball sign? Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you.

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah. No, I. I need. They have to be touching me a lot.

[Andrew Santino]

A lot of touching.

[Carlos]

Right, right. And then it's just the way they look at me.

[Andrew Santino]

How do they look at you? Oh, I see. That is a white girl. Yeah, she is.

[Carlos]

You know what I mean? And then I'm like. I think it's on.

[Andrew Santino]

What's your signal to move in for a kiss?

[Bobby Lee]

I can't. I. I can't tell. That's why.

[Andrew Santino]

So you say, can I have a kiss?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Or would you like a kiss? How do you phrase it?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't remember the last. I think the last two times were they actually asked.

[Andrew Santino]

What do they say?

[Bobby Lee]

Should we kiss or something?

[Andrew Santino]

Or do you say yes right away? Or do you go, sure, yeah. You say, yeah, I want.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you ever said the words, like, have you ever said I love you to somebody?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

You've been in love.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And what happened?

[Bobby Lee]

We broke up.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what happened.

[Carlos]

That's funny.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh. Why do you think you broke up?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, well, I think she just wasn't sure. What, like, needed to figure out life or something?

[Andrew Santino]

She did? Yeah, because you've got to figure it out.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I mean, but I was. I didn't feel like I needed to break up.

[Carlos]

So you said. You said to her, I love you, and then she said, let's break up. I mean, how fast did that.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, not in the moment.

[Carlos]

Oh, okay, okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Because she had said it back before. Yeah. Yeah.

[Carlos]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Like she had said. Like we had been saying it for months.

[Andrew Santino]

Said it first.

[Bobby Lee]

Me. Say it to me as if you're her back then.

[Andrew Santino]

Anybody.

[Bobby Lee]

Someone I love. I love you.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't believe you. I don't believe you.

[Carlos]

I don't believe you either. Do it again.

[Bobby Lee]

You want me to do it to you?

[Carlos]

I'd love to. Look, lock me in the eyes because don't dart your little eyes away. Look at me. Eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

I love you.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's she? Who's that?

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, who's.

[Carlos]

I'm Chang. Hi, I'm Chang.

[Bobby Lee]

I love you.

[Andrew Santino]

I believe it.

[Carlos]

I believe that you like Chang better than the other one.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You want to kiss?

[Carlos]

You do have an Asian fetish.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Carlos]

Do you want to kiss?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yes.

[Carlos]

Do you know? Do you. Do you go close mouth first? Or you.

[Andrew Santino]

Or do you open it closed, tongue it?

[Carlos]

What if she tries to dart your. Her little tongue inside your mouth? What do you do then?

[Bobby Lee]

I would just probably accept that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You got to take that.

[Carlos]

I feel like guys have to adapt to her and not the other way around. Of course. But why?

[Andrew Santino]

Because we're lucky they want to do stuff with us.

[Carlos]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

That's insane.

[Carlos]

So you instinctually know, okay, this is.

[Andrew Santino]

Her style because you've seen guys, you look at what a man looks like, they don't want to do. Why? Why would they want to do anything with us? It's insane.

[Carlos]

No, but in terms of when you first lock lips, you've ever seen you naked.

[Andrew Santino]

You fully naked in the mirror.

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah. It's horrifying.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I'm not saying you.

[Bobby Lee]

I just.

[Andrew Santino]

In general. What are you guys whispering?

[Carlos]

What are you whispering? I called you an incel for saying that.

[Dax Flame]

And then he said you are a performative male. It's just back of the room talk. Like back of the classroom talk.

[Andrew Santino]

But we can see you.

[Dax Flame]

Yeah, it's like in school, they can see. It's like.

[Carlos]

Like I'm a performative male. What does that mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Pull it up.

[Dax Flame]

I mean, kind of, like, the old. Like, when you'd, like, pretend to be, like, reading or, like, crying in your car or something. Pretend to be, like, deep.

[Isa]

You, like, macho.

[Dax Flame]

Yeah, like performing a thing for. So.

[Andrew Santino]

So he's a performative male.

[Carlos]

It's like a meme now on the Internet.

[Dax Flame]

Bobby's like, exactly. That guys are trying to look mysterious or, like, you know, like, oh, yeah, I'm performative.

[Carlos]

I'm performative. I don't think that's a bad thing. It's unperformative.

[Dax Flame]

There are worse things.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I think it is negative.

[Carlos]

It is a negative thing. And there will be revenge.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you all have first kiss advice?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I do get permission. And people usually say, start slow. Go as fast and hard as you can. Tongue. As much tongue. And you hold their ears. Grip their ears. No, I'm not.

[Carlos]

Imagine it's honeycomb, and you're a bear.

[Andrew Santino]

You're a bear, right?

[Carlos]

And you gotta see a beehive.

[Andrew Santino]

Sniff them.

[Carlos]

You open up a hole, you stick your bear tongue in there, and you get all the honey.

[Andrew Santino]

And sometimes in the middle of the.

[Carlos]

Kiss, go, yeah, like a bear. Like. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, be a bear. Goat.

[Carlos]

Is that a bear? Is that a bear or no? I don't know. Really close your eyes. You're in the woods. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

The ghost of a bear.

[Carlos]

It's a ghost bear.

[Andrew Santino]

Obviously a ghost.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Kissing advice. Let's give him kissing advice at the exact same time. One, two, three. You gotta go.

[Carlos]

Are you gonna do a whole sentence? You're gonna do a whole sentence.

[Andrew Santino]

Just on the count of three. We give him advice at the same time. One, two.

[Bobby Lee]

More like, whoa. More like how to initiate it rather than the mechanics.

[Andrew Santino]

See if you can pick it up. We're doing it simultaneously. See if you can pick up some notes. Ready? One, two, three.

[Carlos]

You got to lock eyes with them, and then, you know, I mean, grab the back of her head. And then you just dart your face right into the face. You know what I mean? And then you open your mouth and you dart dark, dark, dark, dark, dark. With your tongue, right? And if she goes, no, you got to keep going, Keep going, keep going.

[Andrew Santino]

Keep going, keep going until she's done.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

And then say, thank you for being a bad friend.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you for being a bad friend.

[Andrew Santino]

Say it louder.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you for being a bad friend.

[Andrew Santino]

Do it like Morgan Freeman.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you for being a bad friend.

[Carlos]

D.