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Bobby Lee
This cold and flu season, Instacart is here to help deliver all of your sick day essentials. Whether you're in prevention mode and need vitamins, hand sanitizer, and that lemon tea your nana swears by, or you're in healing mode and need medicine, soup, and a lot more tissues, simply download the Instacart app to get sick day supplies that reinvigorate or relieve. Delivered in as fast as 30 minutes, plus enjoy. Zero delivery fees on your first three orders. Excludes restaurant orders. Service fees and terms apply. Hey, bad friends. I have only two cities left on my tour before I film my special this weekend. Boston, Massachusetts. Boston, I love you so much. You've always done me right. I have four shows at the Wilbur in Boston this weekend. Bring your loves out for Valentine's Day. Then February 21 and 22. Minneapolis, let's go, baby. I'm shooting my special for hulu in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Come see me. Go to andrew santino.com for those tickets. Andrew santino.com.
Andrew Santino
Hello?
Bobby Lee
Hello?
Andrew Santino
Hello. Mike, it's me.
Bobby Lee
Beans on toast.
Andrew Santino
Hello.
Bobby Lee
And who are you?
Andrew Santino
I'm Squeaky the Pete.
Bobby Lee
Squeaky the Pete. Hello, girls. Ladies and gentlemen. You waited for it. You wanted. We're coming to London and Dublin.
Andrew Santino
We are. We're coming. Dude.
Bobby Lee
Tomorrow. Pre sale for the artist starts tomorrow. The code is bad, friends. We're going to be in London and Dublin July 18th and 19th. 18th and 19th. We'll be there.
Andrew Santino
You gotta come. Because we may not come for a while after.
Bobby Lee
We may not come for a while after that. London and Dublin. We're coming to see you. We're so excited. Artist pre sale starts tomorrow. The code is bad, friends. And then it's on sale to the public on Friday, February 14th. Get the artist pre sale ticket so they don't jack up the prices. Everyone on the Internet, go get them.
Andrew Santino
Go get it.
Bobby Lee
Code is bad friends. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?
Andrew Santino
White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. Oh. Oh, it's so good. It's so good to be free and an American.
Bobby Lee
American. American. I love you. Did you see the protest this morning in San Diego?
Andrew Santino
That's what I love about America. We can protest. What was it about?
Bobby Lee
They were. They were mad at ice.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah. And. Oh, dude. And then tomorrow. Hey, are you gonna not work tomorrow, Carlos? Oh, because y'all. Because of the protests against dei? No, no. Tomorrow, what they're doing, Hispanics are gonna do a no work day.
Bobby Lee
So what do you mean? It's like every day for them.
Andrew Santino
But you better not be working tomorrow, dude. I have to be here at noon.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, he has to work tomorrow.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God, he's a traitor. No, I'm working. I'm legal. I'm legal.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, no, yeah.
Andrew Santino
The people that are legal also protesting for their people.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Don't you get it?
Andrew Santino
I asked about my maid in Houston and apparently she's fine. She's illegal. Well, that's good. Juanita's fine. No, Marina. Okay, let's say. Listen, I want to say something up front, if I may. That's wrong.
Bobby Lee
That's wrong.
Andrew Santino
And if one day we're going to have a Korean protest. Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
For what?
Andrew Santino
What.
Bobby Lee
What's the protest?
Andrew Santino
No more. We're not gonna make Bibimbap.
Bobby Lee
Well, we'll.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Do without Bibimba.
Andrew Santino
You know, we're also gonna do. We're gonna dig. Dig back our kimchi up from the ground so they don't ferment for one day. Dude.
Bobby Lee
Wow. Yeah, I don't like that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I know. Dude, you want them to.
Bobby Lee
I like kimchi.
Andrew Santino
Right. Also, those girls at the karaoke, they're not working. No. Yeah. Dude, those. What are those? Glass girls. What do they call them?
Bobby Lee
Grass girls.
Andrew Santino
What do they call them?
Bobby Lee
I don't know. But let me say this. Donald Trump, please don't get rid of Koreans like we please. Mexicans are fine. Get rid of them.
Andrew Santino
Get rid of our. How about the ones that came over here illegally?
Bobby Lee
Koreans.
Andrew Santino
Koreans, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Do Koreans come over here illegally?
Andrew Santino
No, we follow the rules. We're law abiding.
Bobby Lee
I gotta say something wild. The woman who cleans the house sometimes.
Andrew Santino
Your house.
Bobby Lee
I got scared because I thought, what if she. Is she gonna get gone? And then I asked her and I said. I said, hey, you know, if. You know, if I know how to blow the whistle, you know, what. What do I do?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I did.
Bobby Lee
And she said, I'm from New Mexico. And I was like, what?
Andrew Santino
Really?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, she's from Albuquerque.
Andrew Santino
They have accent.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, it's so thick. I had no idea.
Andrew Santino
No. Well, then she's lying. She's a lying bastard.
Bobby Lee
Okay, you be me and I'll be here. I'll show you how it went.
Andrew Santino
I'm you.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Good morning. Hey, Juanita.
Bobby Lee
Her name's Just say Maria.
Andrew Santino
Oh, sorry. Hey, Maria.
Bobby Lee
Oh, hi, Michelle. Andrew.
Andrew Santino
You know, I'm very concerned about what's going on with the Trump thing and stuff.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
So anything I can do to help.
Bobby Lee
You know, maybe More money first.
Andrew Santino
Wait, where are you from? You're from Mexico, right? Oh, you know Jon Jones.
Bobby Lee
Of course I did. I did. I do love her so much. What would I do? I said she could live at our house. Mine live with us.
Andrew Santino
Last week.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I gave her. So I ven. Hoed the money.
Bobby Lee
You don't give her cash? No, Venmo gotta give them cash.
Andrew Santino
Which. What? Look what I did, though, because they.
Bobby Lee
Gotta pay taxes on that.
Andrew Santino
I gave her 200 cash on top of the money.
Bobby Lee
Oh.
Andrew Santino
Because I never thought I was gonna see her again.
Bobby Lee
That's it.
Andrew Santino
I swear to God.
Bobby Lee
200.
Andrew Santino
Well, look like it was like, Mike. Like, hey, thanks for all the laughs. Because, you know, I make fun of her when she's. You know.
Bobby Lee
I get it.
Andrew Santino
So I just want, you know, senorita here. I don't. I don't know her name, but.
Bobby Lee
You don't know her name.
Andrew Santino
I do. I don't want to say it, though.
Bobby Lee
This woman is like the love of my. I love her. She's honestly, like a man I trust.
Andrew Santino
Do you play games with yours all the time? No, not. Not those kind of games.
Bobby Lee
She never comes and finds me.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
She just goes to work.
Andrew Santino
I go, Marco, Polo, Pollo Pollock.
Bobby Lee
But say this Trump. Come on, do it. Leave the Korean. Leave the Koreans alone.
Andrew Santino
Also leave the Mexicans alone.
Bobby Lee
Get them out of here.
Andrew Santino
Because now, check it out, dude. Who's going to do those jobs? No, you're not. Strawberry. Oh, yeah. You'd look like you're strawberry. Love strawberries. Yeah, I'd eat.
Bobby Lee
So what would I could I.
Andrew Santino
You think I could pick cotton? Do you think I could.
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
How many little swabs? I don't know how it works. Do you go swab by swab?
Bobby Lee
It's swab by swab.
Andrew Santino
Is it a puff? What do you call it?
Bobby Lee
Up, up, Up. That's okay.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. How do you do it? You do use a sky.
Bobby Lee
No. Do they do by sky? Is that a real word?
Andrew Santino
In Stardew Valley, we use sky.
Bobby Lee
Oh, sky.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, to get wheat.
Bobby Lee
Oh, you mean like a sickle?
Andrew Santino
Is it called a sickle or sky? Sickle. Okay. What's a sky, then?
Bobby Lee
Dude, I hope to God that you read sickle as sky.
Andrew Santino
I know. I think there's a sky. Dude, if I. I'll kill myself.
Bobby Lee
I'm not gonna say you're wrong.
Andrew Santino
I've been seeing sky three years, dude, because it started.
Bobby Lee
Is it sky? I know what it's sickle is.
Andrew Santino
It's got a curve to it that's a sickle. Like a grim reaper.
Bobby Lee
That's a sickle.
Andrew Santino
That's not a sickle. It's a scythe.
Bobby Lee
That's a scythe. No, a sickle is a handheld. No hammer and a sick.
Andrew Santino
Sky is that dude with a hook.
Bobby Lee
Scythe.
Andrew Santino
Right. That's a scythe.
Bobby Lee
Okay, what's a sickle?
Andrew Santino
For once I'm right. Bastard.
Bobby Lee
Dude, I'm sh. You dumb, dumb. I'm shot.
Andrew Santino
You're all dumb dumbs.
Bobby Lee
Dude, slow down there, all right? Once I'm right, it's almost the exact same thing.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, right. A sickle.
Bobby Lee
A scythe is just a longer handed.
Andrew Santino
Exactly. You don't use a sickle when you cut cotton.
Bobby Lee
You don't know a sky theater. You.
Andrew Santino
I do do.
Bobby Lee
You don't.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I get the ones far. Oh, you know what I mean? I pick the ones close and I get the ones far.
Bobby Lee
Dude, cotton is just by hand, right? It's just pick, pick, pick.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God. Can I wear gloves?
Bobby Lee
I don't think so. I think that's part of it.
Andrew Santino
I think I can. You know what? I would use those gloves that they use in the football games. The gigantic, like finger ones.
Bobby Lee
Number one.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
How do they pick cotton today? I do want to know. I actually don't know. It's got to be. I want to know how big machine that forks it up. Right? Today, cotton is almost exclusively picked by using large machines called cotton pickers. Which sounds racist.
Andrew Santino
But dude, you know.
Bobby Lee
Whoa, little white boy. Get away from that cotton picker.
Andrew Santino
But back in the day, do you think in the 1800s, you think you. You and I be able to do it?
Bobby Lee
No way.
Andrew Santino
We would.
Bobby Lee
You and me, we'd fold immediately, you know, but my back would hurt. You would be sweating.
Andrew Santino
I would be singing. Swing, swing, sweeter. Dude, you'll be singing with me.
Bobby Lee
That's the movie we should make.
Andrew Santino
Dude, you got to do the Irish song. You and I in the Irish accent. Let me start.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Swing a little sweeter.
Bobby Lee
Dude, we would get nothing done.
Andrew Santino
We get nothing.
Bobby Lee
And then you would smoke and light a field on fire. On accident.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah.
Bobby Lee
We get fired. Oh, well, it's interesting. They never got little people to do cotton paint because it's so low to the ground. You don't have to bend over.
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's good.
Bobby Lee
You send them out.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be great.
Bobby Lee
Crazy. We could never. We would never last if we weren't in this. Do you realize if we weren't living right now you and I would be fucked.
Andrew Santino
That's. You know. You know when people say that and I argue against it?
Bobby Lee
What would we do in another time?
Andrew Santino
Because I'm going to say something, okay. I'm. The way I am is because of the environment that I'm in. Hear me out there. No, you laugh at me, you mock me, dude, but I'm going to tell you something right now. You know, I just do what's necessary.
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
Yes. I do what's. I've always done what's necessary. Bare minimum. Yeah, but this survival, right? Yeah, right. So back then I would do the bare minimal. But I would still be able to survive and eat and all that stuff. So I would work.
Bobby Lee
You think so? Because a lot of people went starved to death because they did the bare minimum. If you couldn't contribute, you were gone, you were dead. Bare minimum today you get away with anything you want.
Andrew Santino
Okay?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, okay. You know what I'm saying?
Andrew Santino
No, no, keep saying because.
Bobby Lee
Because bare minimum today just you can get by. But you have so many resources back then what would you do to get food? You're not going to hunt.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but I would have. I would have developed a different skill set.
Bobby Lee
What do you think your skill set would have been? That's my point.
Andrew Santino
I would be. Omelets.
Bobby Lee
Omelet station.
Andrew Santino
No, I know what I'm saying is I would probably make came out wrong.
Bobby Lee
These days with the price of eggs.
Andrew Santino
No, I would, I would have figured something else out. I would also done like maybe prostitution.
Bobby Lee
So you'd hook yourself out.
Andrew Santino
I would do something that's going to be. Or you know, I know what I would do. Opium. Then I would do something kind of borderline illegal.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
You know what I mean? Right this way, Mr. John. You know, I mean and I would sit down, right. And I would supply. I'd have that supply chain going.
Bobby Lee
Okay, well that, that's not the minimum. That's good. That's a lot. That's good work ethic.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. It would say Mr. Lee's mysteries. Yeah. Mr. Reese, I just. I see the font.
Bobby Lee
Oh, I see it now.
Andrew Santino
I see the lights.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
It's like Vegas.
Bobby Lee
Yes.
Andrew Santino
Mr. Reeves. Right. Premium opium. Right. Discount for white.
Bobby Lee
Wait, why?
Andrew Santino
I just get people in.
Bobby Lee
Get them in?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Get the bodies in there.
Andrew Santino
And I would say no, you know the other who's not allowed?
Bobby Lee
Got it.
Andrew Santino
I get like guess who it might.
Bobby Lee
Well, no hats, no loose fitting clothes.
Andrew Santino
That's people. Oh yeah. No. What?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, no Timberland boots. I know, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
No fubu. I'm gonna have different things in there, right. That's gonna like, make my, you know, store shine. What foot massages.
Bobby Lee
They got that.
Andrew Santino
I know, I know. But I'll do other things like Brazilian wax.
Bobby Lee
This is all going back.
Andrew Santino
Red eyebrows.
Bobby Lee
You're selling your body manicures.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. I'll stick. Sit on your dick. All right.
Bobby Lee
This is all you. A hooker. This is you. This all is just a front for you being a hooker.
Andrew Santino
No, it's not. No, it's not. Yeah, that's last case.
Bobby Lee
That's first case. Case closed.
Andrew Santino
First of all, have you ever tried to have sex when you're on opium?
Bobby Lee
Have you?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it's impossible.
Bobby Lee
I. I'll have this. I've had. I've tried to have sex on opiate. Opioids. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it's hard. Even opioids, it's hard.
Bobby Lee
You can't get hard. It's hard.
Andrew Santino
It's hard to get hard.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, it's hard to get hard.
Andrew Santino
So I would like if. If some white burly guy was like, jacked up on my premium opium, like, straight from, like, you know, I mean, the opium. Opium, right.
Bobby Lee
From the opium.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Right. From the opium. Straight from the tap.
Bobby Lee
Right? From it.
Andrew Santino
Right. And they're still able to go, hey, man, let me get your butt over here. You know what I mean? I would be like, oh, this one. I have to do it.
Bobby Lee
Gotta do it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Have I saw a Tik Tok video the other day. There's people just posting how to make cocaine on Tik Tok. Do you know this?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I would.
Bobby Lee
They put it behind different kinds of music, but there was like, guys that. It was just like, with music, and he was just showing like, the coca leaves in the barrel and all that stuff. They're just.
Andrew Santino
Now cocoa leaves are different than cacao.
Bobby Lee
Cacao is chocolate.
Andrew Santino
Chocolate, right.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Okay, good.
Bobby Lee
But they're cousins.
Andrew Santino
Are they really?
Bobby Lee
Chocolate and coca. Coca cocaine. Coca leaves and coca chocolate, I think are like cousin plants.
Andrew Santino
Really?
Bobby Lee
I think so.
Andrew Santino
Cacao and like cocaine leaves. Yeah, because it's cacao leaves.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Coca. The plant.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
It's worldwide psychoactive alkaloid cocaine.
Andrew Santino
So if I let's. First of all.
Bobby Lee
And then chocolate plant is. Is the coca plant, right?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. But like before there was cocaine. If you and I were living in that time and you. You and I cow.
Bobby Lee
Oh, sorry.
Andrew Santino
We were wanderers, right?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
We're just wanderer, you and I. Nomads.
Bobby Lee
No, Mad.
Andrew Santino
And we saw that leaf, we wouldn't know what to do with It.
Bobby Lee
Well, they started chewing on it. That's how they found out the powers of it. They chewed on it and gave them energy.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. But then who was like, oh, this is great. In a powder. And up my nose, like, who came up with that?
Bobby Lee
Who started cocaine?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Mexicans.
Bobby Lee
And how.
Andrew Santino
How. Why would you think that you could do that?
Bobby Lee
Like, here's what we're saying, right? Albert Nieman isolated an active ingredient called coca leaves, which he named cocaine. Well, that's like, I found out. You know how. You know how microwaves were invented?
Andrew Santino
Oh, should teach me.
Bobby Lee
There was a guy who had a bar of chocolate in his pocket, and he was working near a. A. A radiator, a radioactive radiator or whatever, and it melted, like, because he was standing next to it, and he was.
Andrew Santino
Like, oh, are you being real right now?
Bobby Lee
Look it up. How? Microwave. Watch the first microwave. It was a guy. He had a bar of chocolate in his pocket, and he. It melted because he was too close to this radiator or whatever that's called. I'm saying it wrong. American engineer Percy Spencer. Spencer was working with a radar set when he noticed a candy bar in his pocket had melted. He discovered the magnetron tube in the radar set was emitting microwaves that generated heat, melting the bar of chocolate in his pocket. That's how dumb we are.
Andrew Santino
We find all this on accident.
Bobby Lee
So. All accident?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. In therapy. This is so shameful. I've never shared this before.
Bobby Lee
No, you have to.
Andrew Santino
But I did something in third grade about the microwave. Anyway, can I. I was living in Minnesota, and there was a girl that lived next to me, and there was a rumor that she put a rabbit in a microwave. Yeah. And exploded.
Bobby Lee
A pet rabbit.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And I. When I found the rumor, right. I was so mad. I mean, I never met a rabbit, but I was. I just remember as a kid going, explore rabbits.
Bobby Lee
Man can't do that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. It's man bad, Right? So I would. Every time she would walk by in class, I would go, rabbit killer. And she didn't do. Was just a rumor.
Bobby Lee
Right?
Andrew Santino
And one time she cried in class.
Bobby Lee
Because you kept calling her rabbit Rabbit killer.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. And then the teacher brought me on in front of the class and sat me down in the chair in front of the whole class and goes, you're short. You know what I mean? You're little.
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
How does that feel? Like he was belittling me in front of the class because I was making. And I started to cry.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
It taught me a really big lesson. Here's the lesson, even if it's a rumor, you don't say shit, dude.
Bobby Lee
Keep it to yourself.
Andrew Santino
Keep it to yourself.
Bobby Lee
Also, what? Also that teacher.
Andrew Santino
What?
Bobby Lee
We got to get that guy.
Andrew Santino
We do.
Bobby Lee
Where the. Is he belittling my friend in front of people?
Andrew Santino
Did that makes you mad?
Bobby Lee
That pisses me off. I wouldn't put up with that.
Andrew Santino
Really?
Bobby Lee
Leave him alone.
Andrew Santino
You would have said that in class.
Bobby Lee
I would have been so mad if somebody belittled my friend in class.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah, Yeah. I think now you can do it. I've seen Tik Tok videos where students talk back.
Bobby Lee
The one kid is my favorite that's like, instead of you, you ought to be.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah, I love that.
Bobby Lee
I love that.
Andrew Santino
I love that. Yeah, yeah. Instead of yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
He's like, well, no, no, you make it up. Yeah. You know, you know, you know, Charles, Charles, you know you don't pay attention in class, right? And yet you're not putting your essays in early.
Bobby Lee
You wonder why kids are failing.
Andrew Santino
Hold on, hold on.
Bobby Lee
You wonder why kids fail?
Andrew Santino
Let me get that over again. I'm not a good teacher. You skip a few classes, you don't remember. So. Charles. Yeah, you know, I'm. You know, I'm tired of your attitude. You come to class late, right? You don't seem to, like, be interested in your book work, right? And your essays are all over the place. I mean, what is going on, pal?
Bobby Lee
You know, you don't really care about us as youth. You don't invest in us. You don't care about our issues and what we care about. All you want to do is get a paycheck, and that's disappointing to me. And maybe if you showed a little bit more love to the students and cared about our world and what was important to us, maybe, just maybe, we create a better environment and a better future.
Andrew Santino
That's so good. You don't even have to look that up. That was good. Dude, I would never be able to do that.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you would.
Andrew Santino
There's no way.
Bobby Lee
Dude, do yours.
Andrew Santino
I can't do it. There's no way. I can't even. All right, try.
Bobby Lee
Kevin. Kevin.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You don't pay attention, and your essays are late. And I want to know who you think you are screwing up my class, not paying attention and goofing off.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, man. Your generation, the algorithms of your superiority, man, us kids, we just want to learn by tactile approach, by touching, feeling. Right? Learning through our own physical experiences, man, there's other Ways that we can learn, you know, not just analytical.
Bobby Lee
Well, you're failing.
Andrew Santino
Exactly. But if you taught me the right way, with love and empathy. Right. I'd be able to absorb the information, maybe.
Bobby Lee
That's very good.
Andrew Santino
But the beginning, the algorithm part, I went. I didn't know what I was doing there.
Bobby Lee
I don't know how you know how to look that up. But that kid was so powerful.
Andrew Santino
That guy was such a great speech. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I could have never snap back at a teacher. We never did that. Yeah, we never did that. We got. Dude, we got in so much trouble all the time. You couldn't say shit back. You couldn't go to the bathroom. If you go to the bathroom, you're fucked. I have to go to the bathroom. Too bad. Well, I'm going to go. Well, you're going to.
Andrew Santino
I'm a student. Ready? You're a teacher, Mr. Stevenson?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You know, I don't know what bathroom to use because I don't feel comfortable in the men's bathroom, even though I was born male. Right. But like, you know, I get stairs when I go to the women's bathrooms. We got to do something as a school.
Bobby Lee
Stand up.
Andrew Santino
That's it.
Bobby Lee
Stand up.
Andrew Santino
That's enough.
Bobby Lee
Stand up.
Andrew Santino
Okay. What?
Bobby Lee
Take your pants off.
Andrew Santino
All right. What?
Bobby Lee
That's interesting.
Andrew Santino
End scene.
Bobby Lee
Even the teacher doesn't know. Yeah, I don't know what that is.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I wouldn't be a good teacher because. Not. Because I don't. I don't know knowledge. And I don't have any topic.
Bobby Lee
You got a lot of knowledge, but.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. What. What if I had to be forced to be a teacher at a school with the things that I know? What would it be about?
Bobby Lee
Well, Star Wars. You could do some sort of.
Andrew Santino
But I'm not that Star Wars.
Bobby Lee
No, but I'm saying you could do like Star Trek. Star Trek. Film. You could do film. Or television theory. You could do TV theory. Right. Production, maybe. Maybe media. Media? What is that? Media production. You could do that. You could do. You could do an entrepreneurial class. A digital entrepreneur.
Andrew Santino
You think so?
Bobby Lee
How to start your own business on the Internet. It's literally your whole life.
Andrew Santino
But you could do more than me.
Bobby Lee
The. I could. I don't know. Math? No. Science?
Andrew Santino
Bowling?
Bobby Lee
About sports.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Golf?
Bobby Lee
Yep. I could do it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. Like, I know. But still. Pe. You could be a coach.
Bobby Lee
I am a gym teacher.
Andrew Santino
A gym teacher.
Bobby Lee
I would write a teacher.
Andrew Santino
I think you would know about hip history of hip hop and music.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but I don't think a white redheaded guy can teach that.
Andrew Santino
I think that needs to change.
Bobby Lee
I do too.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I could do probably like more punk, you know, I mean, art rock, you know, I mean, the history of punk or the history of alternative music. Maybe I could do.
Bobby Lee
You could do all music.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
But by the way, think about this now. The generations below us, how old is like Nirvana to them now?
Andrew Santino
It's so crazy.
Bobby Lee
Think about that.
Andrew Santino
It's classic music. Now.
Bobby Lee
We have a radio station here in LA called K Earth 101. And when I first moved to LA, no, it was the oldies, which was the 50s, 60s and 70s.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Now it's the 70s, 80s and 90s.
Andrew Santino
I can't believe that's oldies.
Bobby Lee
The 90s.
Andrew Santino
The 90s is oldies.
Bobby Lee
70S, 80s and 90t.
Andrew Santino
So creep is an oldie.
Bobby Lee
Yes.
Andrew Santino
That song, Creep.
Bobby Lee
Yes.
Andrew Santino
How about I'm a Loser by Beck?
Bobby Lee
Oldie.
Andrew Santino
That's not an oldie, that's a newie, dude.
Bobby Lee
It's a goodie, but it's a good way.
Andrew Santino
Oh, wow. What's it. What's a newie?
Bobby Lee
Chapel Roan. That's a newie. Sabrina Carpenter. That's a newie.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
We're oldie, buddy.
Andrew Santino
Oh my God, I feel that. Would Harry Styles be newey?
Bobby Lee
He's newishy.
Andrew Santino
Newishy. New.
Bobby Lee
Wishy.
Andrew Santino
Newishy.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, because there's that. You gotta think. Remember that kid that was at the show? He was 16 years old. You think of his world. We're old. We're old, dude.
Andrew Santino
Then why does he like us? Because we're new.
Bobby Lee
We're newishi.
Andrew Santino
We're new. You know that song? I don't know the lyrics, but it's a Harry style song. How the stars down this way.
Bobby Lee
What is this song?
Andrew Santino
Wait.
Bobby Lee
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. This is.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. I can do it in toots. I can do it in toots. I can't do it in. Yeah, yeah. I can do anything in dudes.
Bobby Lee
You're a true duder.
Andrew Santino
I'm a duder dude.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, duder.
Andrew Santino
But that song, one day, if that song becomes like an oldie I hang will be Shopify. Oh my God. Without. If you have an online business, you don't have Shopify.
Bobby Lee
What are you doing?
Andrew Santino
You're not doing it.
Bobby Lee
You're not doing a good job. That's for sure. Because no one does selling better than Shopify. It's home of the number one checkout on the planet. We've been shipping you guys merch since we started this show and thankfully for Shopify, it makes it so simple, so easy put into one easy to use place for us and for you.
Andrew Santino
So if you're into growing your business, which you all should, you should be your, your commerce platform better be ready to sell whenever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in the store, in their feed, and everywhere in between.
Bobby Lee
Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify, okay? That's what's really going on. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout that Skims and Allbirds and Aloe uses.
Andrew Santino
Sign up your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com bad friends all lowercase.
Bobby Lee
Go to shopify.com bad friends to upgrade your selling today. That's shopify.com bad friends hello fresh.
Andrew Santino
With hello Fresh, you get farm fresh pre portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep.
Bobby Lee
That's right.
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
That's right. It's easy to find time to eat well with 50 wholesome, hassle free meals to choose from each week delivered to your door. Look, Bob and I are on the run. We're on the road, we're on the move. We're moving and shaking. And we need something fast and wonderful and delicious and easy. That's why HelloFresh's 15 minute meals are done in just three simple steps. So you can eat better this year without all the hassle.
Andrew Santino
You know, I. I love HelloFresh because it also tastes like a restaurant meal.
Bobby Lee
It does taste restaurant quality.
Andrew Santino
It's like really delicious and it comes.
Bobby Lee
Right to your front door. You don't even have to leave. It's so simple. And you know what? You got to try it. If you're a busy body and you need something easy and delicious and healthy, get up to 10 free meals and a free high protein item for life@hellofresh.com BadFriends10FM.
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
That's up to 10 free HelloFresh meals. Just go to hellofresh.com bad friends10fm HelloFresh America's number one meal kit.
Andrew Santino
This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Upgrade your business with Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet. Shop pay boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning fewer carts going abandoned and more sales going Cha Ching.
Bobby Lee
So if you're into growing your business.
Andrew Santino
Get a commerce platform that's ready to sell wherever your customers are. Visit shopify.com to upgrade your selling today. That would mean that I'm just too old. Well, that like what we like, we're so not like it's like our Sinatra.
Bobby Lee
You know, I mean we're gonna get there.
Andrew Santino
That Harry Styles will one day be like Sinatra.
Bobby Lee
He. I mean he. For that.
Andrew Santino
Oh my.
Bobby Lee
For that generation. Is he not? Chalamet is kind of like. Not. I was gonna say Newman, but Chalamet is kind of like who's the best comparatively old actor To Chalamet, he would be like, Paul Newman's not too far off. Yeah, it's like a Robert De Niro. But, but, but De Niro is very brand specific. Right. Brando was more broad. Newman was more, more, more, more like him because he was very traditionally Stewart. Jimmy was more. Jimmy had a lot of character based stuff too. Like he was very kind of. I don't know yet. It's hard.
Andrew Santino
Think about this.
Bobby Lee
God, he's good though, huh?
Andrew Santino
He's the best. Shalom.
Bobby Lee
It's unbelievable, that kid.
Andrew Santino
200 years ago from now, what is the music going to be like to us? It's going to be like, right? Don't you think? You know, it'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And people are just at the club dancing to that. We're gonna be like, yeah. What is this?
Bobby Lee
Turn that music down.
Andrew Santino
Right? And we're like, what the fuck? And there's a singer going, ding. He's going to ding.
Bobby Lee
He's going to ding. Right?
Andrew Santino
And we're like, what is this? But the kids are like, you're old.
Bobby Lee
You don't get it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You guys like lyrics and like, you know, melody, go write a poem. Melody. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Loser.
Andrew Santino
Oh my God. And what are. What is. The movie's gonna be like? It's gonna be all around us. We will be.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. We'll be living in a movie.
Andrew Santino
Imagine like you're in the Avengers. Cause they're gonna do another Avengers 100 years from now.
Bobby Lee
They have to keep making.
Andrew Santino
They're gonna remake it. They have, Right? But now, you know, I mean, I'm gonna be the cab driver. You know that cab driver that just dies?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You know what I mean?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Because I was watching Avengers yesterday again for the 90th time. I get bored.
Bobby Lee
You gotta.
Andrew Santino
And I look at all the extras, right? The lady goes, ah, you know what I mean? With the briefcase down the street. You know what I mean? And I go, what is. Where Is she going? You know, where is she going? Yeah, where is she going? But I also looked up the Avengers. That New York scene. I go approximate how many people died in that last scene? 2600 people died there. Jesus. That scene. 2,600 people died. And no one gives a shit about those people.
Bobby Lee
They're gone. Wow. What is cinema is going to be us, I guess it's just going to be alive. It'll be a thing that's happening like live performance. I think performance art will like morph into like. Art will just become life. Will they be. They'll be merged into one. You'll just be seeing live performance are like now. I walked down the street the other day in New York and this. These girls were doing like a full tick tock coordinated dance. The phone is on the window. They have no. They're in the middle of the street. They don't even care about the world around them. We'll just continue to be immersed in this where people are making their own. Their own realities through virtual reality.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And they'll just live through.
Andrew Santino
Or maybe I could be Bob Dylan.
Bobby Lee
I don't think so.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. The gullies are broken the silly is gone.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You know what I mean? The mountains arise and the fountains are done.
Bobby Lee
Keep going.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. The Clippers are winning and the Lakers are done. Times they are changing. What do you think? Whoa. Pretty good. Dylan ask, right? You do one.
Bobby Lee
The Mexicans are gone. Trump wants them out.
Andrew Santino
Very good.
Bobby Lee
Koreans won't budge. They'll scream and they'll shout, oh.
Andrew Santino
And then Woody Guthrie was like. So that guy Scoot who played Woody Guthrie came to the or because, you know, he's. He's dating my friend Sosie. So Sosi goes, me and Scoot are coming. And I got him a table and they sat and five comics all night long pointed to him and goes, great job in the movie.
Bobby Lee
He did do a great job.
Andrew Santino
Like Marc Marin, like a bunch of people. And it was. I just. And I could see him just like, like take it in. You know what I mean? Like he killed it in that movie.
Bobby Lee
Imagine what that feels like.
Andrew Santino
But you know, like we, we get audience reactions every night.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So we know what that's like.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. But we never put out like an award winning performance.
Andrew Santino
This is.
Bobby Lee
You think so? I don't think.
Andrew Santino
No, I don't think so. I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think so.
Bobby Lee
You know what this is? This, this show should be called Bare Minimum.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. This is. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Two bears, one minimum.
Andrew Santino
Wow. Yeah. You're right. But it was nice to see. So I shared with you what. What happened last Thursday for. To me what. It was a disaster. And I like to share it on group level, if I may.
Bobby Lee
Give it.
Andrew Santino
Okay. I get a call from the Little Hobbit. The Punk Rock Hobbit. You know, that is. No, the Punk Rock Hobbit. Just think about it. He's a comic.
Bobby Lee
The Punk Rock Hobbit.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. He started.
Bobby Lee
Josh.
Andrew Santino
Adam Myers started comedy. Later. Late in Life.
Bobby Lee
Dean Del Rey.
Andrew Santino
So he calls me. Hey, Bobby.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You know, I'm doing this benefit show. Steven Tyler, baby.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Right. And I go, I don't know. I don't do well in benefit shows. You're gonna kill. So I show up and Steven Tyler is in the green room. Wow. I take a photo with him. Super nice.
Bobby Lee
Did he ask you or you ask him?
Andrew Santino
I think he goes, hey, let's take a photo.
Bobby Lee
I'm serious.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I think that was the. The vibe.
Bobby Lee
I know he's a fan.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And I sat there and I was like, this is cool. Then Josh home comes in from Queens of the Stone Age.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Let me say something. I'm one of his biggest fans.
Bobby Lee
I love, love Queens.
Andrew Santino
Not only that, I love them. Crooked Vultures. Yeah. Yeah. And I. And I met him and I was just like, oh, are you ever gonna put on another Vultures album? He's like, I know. We're all, you know, our schedules, this and that. And then Adam Ray goes up, and he's pretty good, and I'm after him. And so I go up, I open my mouth and. And I. I'm telling you guys right now. I know I told you guys this yesterday, Right. I haven't bombed like this in years. It was silent in the room. And I. My time. Because I want to kill. Right? Because I'm like, My heroes are in the crowd. Yeah. Right. And about two minutes in, in my periphery, because I know where Josh home is sitting. I could just see him stand up and just walk up.
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. He walked out of the room.
Bobby Lee
What if he was going to make another album?
Andrew Santino
He was.
Bobby Lee
You could have inspired him.
Andrew Santino
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. My heart combusted into my chest plate.
Bobby Lee
Well, Josh, please reach out.
Andrew Santino
And then I go, he might do the map. And you know what he's doing? He's talking to Adam Ray in the back.
Bobby Lee
Oh, boy, that hurt.
Andrew Santino
It hurt.
Bobby Lee
And what toppled that over? The worst. The server comes to the table the other night right after you tell that story. And the server goes, sorry, I don't know who you guys are.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that's okay.
Bobby Lee
She goes, do you know Adam Ray?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I remember.
Bobby Lee
You got so.
Andrew Santino
I didn't get mad.
Bobby Lee
You were bomb proud. You were.
Andrew Santino
You're bumped too.
Bobby Lee
No, I was. I didn't give a shit at all.
Andrew Santino
When your eyes crinkle, do you get. That's jealousy. Yeah. You did that. You did a Clint Eastwood.
Bobby Lee
Did you know what I was on? I was like, I don't want to talk anymore. I want to eat food. I'm starving.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
She wanted to talk comedy, but, you.
Andrew Santino
Know, and Adam's having a moment. That's great. Right. But it's just like, it. It broke my heart. And you know what? I. The same thing happened to me 18 years ago, and I've never shared this because it's so embarrassing.
Bobby Lee
Give it.
Andrew Santino
So there was this time where Anthony Kiedis was really hot on me.
Bobby Lee
He was like, you're hitting on you?
Andrew Santino
No, he loved my comedy.
Bobby Lee
Oh.
Andrew Santino
I remember one time he. I was playing in Vegas and he brought. That's the reason why I was in the Dictator is because he. He introduced me to Sasha.
Bobby Lee
Whoa.
Andrew Santino
So I was. I was playing the Playboy comedy night at the palms and court McCowan comes up to me and goes, dude, Anthony Kiedis is here with Sacha Baron Cohen and David Spade.
Bobby Lee
Oh, wow.
Andrew Santino
So they sat. Watched my set, and then they took me to dinner. Right. And then. And then, like, he would invite me to shows. Anthony. And then I was doing a show at the El Cid, and he brought Flee. The whole band. And they sat in front. It was alternative room. Okay.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
I bombed so hard that night. I never talked to him again.
Bobby Lee
He never communicated with you again?
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
I would. I could see them blush, and he was embarrassed. You've never bombed in front of your heroes?
Bobby Lee
Well, you're my hero, and every time I do bad in front of you, it breaks my heart.
Andrew Santino
No, you've never. You always kill it in front of your heroes.
Bobby Lee
Did you like that? That's not even remotely true.
Andrew Santino
You're. You know what?
Bobby Lee
You know that's not even remotely true. In fact. In fact. In fact. In fact, in front of, like, famous people. No, I don't have any good stories of, like, famous people coming to see. The only good story I had was when Catherine O'Hara came to see me.
Andrew Santino
Where?
Bobby Lee
At the Improv.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
I told you guys that.
Andrew Santino
No, we never heard that. When.
Bobby Lee
I've never told that. No, I have told the story. Yeah. I was auditioning for a show. He did a TV show for hbo.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
I auditioned for the show.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And then by way of some how. Through a manager or something, she obviously is so close with guest. She came and saw me at the improv, and somebody was like, hey, I think Catherine O'Hara is here to see you. And I was like, really? I was so bummed. I was by the bar. I was like, this is not good. Because what, like, what the am I gonna do, right? I go up. I have a fine set. It was good.
Andrew Santino
Of course you did.
Bobby Lee
Well, the rhythm. The rhythm was nice. The room was good. And then I go back, like, I nervously, like, walked by the room. And then I go. I go in, I go into, you know, to the green room.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And I was like, oh, I should go say. I want to go say hi, maybe. And then who. The guy that was working at the booth was like, she left. I was like, dude. And he was like, no, no, no. She sat, watched your whole show, was laughing. And then as soon as you got done, she got up and she went back home. And I never heard about it ever again. Christopher. Never. I never spoke to him about it. I never heard anything about it.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
Kind of crazy.
Andrew Santino
That's cool.
Bobby Lee
It felt so. So rock star. I don't know if she was like. If she, like, caught wind. And I don't even know how it happened that it was like, I'm going to go watch that guy.
Andrew Santino
So I. I have, you know, that there was a movie idea that I. My. My. My friend McGrail and I came up with, and there's a pretty big male, you know, an actor that wants. That is curious about a role, like a.
Bobby Lee
Like a big guy.
Andrew Santino
He's pretty bad. I want to say who it is, but he. He wants to see me sometime in the next couple weeks perform. But I. I'm. I'm afraid that I'm gonna. It's gonna be another Josh home situation.
Bobby Lee
No chance. And Josh, by the way, reach out. He's not mad.
Andrew Santino
No, I know. It's all in my head. He was so nice to me, by the way, and I'm a huge fan. He's such a great talent.
Bobby Lee
Imagine if he emails Carlos in the BoothMail.com and he's like, please tell Bobby that I do love him.
Andrew Santino
And I've hit the ball so many times too. I mean. I mean, you.
Bobby Lee
Almost every.
Andrew Santino
Almost every time I do, you know, I mean, sometimes.
Bobby Lee
Sometimes we foul tip it. Yeah, we're gonna foul tip it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, sometimes you do.
Bobby Lee
Who's here? Bring him in.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, bring him In.
Bobby Lee
Bring in our boy. Oh, look who it is.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God. Do you call your hair.
C
Not recently. Well, I took a shower a second ago. That's it.
Andrew Santino
That's it.
Bobby Lee
That's it.
Andrew Santino
That's it. I think you nailed it.
Bobby Lee
That's it, buddy.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. Hello.
Bobby Lee
Welcome back to the show. Dax Flame, everybody.
Andrew Santino
You look like you had a spiritual experience. Like, you look like a different person.
C
I exercised also today.
Andrew Santino
And shower.
Bobby Lee
What did we do in the exercise? What do we do?
C
I played basketball with a friend.
Bobby Lee
Can we. Can. Can I see your three point stance? Wow.
Andrew Santino
Wow. Whoa. 101.
C
No, just shooting.
Bobby Lee
You guys were just shooting together. How long do you shoot for?
C
Maybe 30 minutes to an hour.
Bobby Lee
And do you break. Break a sweat or no?
C
Yes.
Bobby Lee
Are you wearing these clothes that you're wearing now or you're wearing.
C
No, I wore shorts today.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you did.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
I've never seen your legs before.
C
I. Yeah, I usually wear jeans or pants.
Andrew Santino
Are your legs nice?
Bobby Lee
Let's see.
C
You can see them if you want.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I'd like to see.
Andrew Santino
Well, I'd like to see one.
Bobby Lee
Whoa. Whoa.
Andrew Santino
Those are pretty good legs, actually.
C
Thank you.
Andrew Santino
They're World War II legs.
Bobby Lee
Those are. That's like.
Andrew Santino
I mean, like, just a traditional.
Bobby Lee
That's normal. Those are Normandy.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, Normandy legs, dude. Traditional white.
Bobby Lee
Have you ever stormed a beach?
C
No.
Bobby Lee
Do you go to the beach?
C
Yeah, but I never swim.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you shouldn't.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, you shouldn't.
Bobby Lee
You don't know what's out there.
Andrew Santino
You know who you're. You know what guy you are on Normandy?
C
Who?
Andrew Santino
The guy that kind of catches on fire, but then you run in the ocean.
C
Is that this the Saving Private Ryan? Is that where that starts?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
C
Okay.
Andrew Santino
But then you run to the ocean. You only half burn, but then you pretend you're dead in the water, okay? Then the war passes, and then you. And then you're back.
Bobby Lee
Would you play dead in war, do you think?
C
In a movie or in real war?
Bobby Lee
No, real war. It's coming.
C
If I didn't think I had a.
Bobby Lee
Chance anymore, you just play dead. Play possum.
C
Yeah. Unless there is, like, someone I could potentially help.
Andrew Santino
Let's. Let's play it out. All right. We're in one of those. I don't know what you call it, but, you know, in the beginning of Saving Private Ryan, they're in that.
Bobby Lee
Those boats.
Andrew Santino
U boat.
Bobby Lee
Well, no, U boats are the submarines.
Andrew Santino
Right, but it's one of those boats where, like, you know, and they're always like, either vomiting, right? And they're just super scared.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And bullets whizzing by, right? And they're holding. And there's always one guy with a cross and he kisses it. Right, right. There's always one guy like that. And there's another guy going, mama. You know what I mean? There's a mama guy always.
Bobby Lee
And there's one guy going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
The Rogan killer. Joe Rogan. Yeah. Overcompensating, right?
Bobby Lee
Jacked up on alpha, right?
Andrew Santino
So then the thing closes, goes down, and then you see two or three guys in the front just go down right away. Right? What do you do?
Bobby Lee
What do you do?
C
So I see two people just d.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, well, you're like fourth row, you know? I mean. Yeah, yeah. Frankie Castro dies in front of you, right? Devon Sanchez dies in front of you.
Bobby Lee
Marco Jackson.
Andrew Santino
Jackson dies in front of you.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Marco Swano.
Andrew Santino
Marco Swano. But. Dies in front of you. And then what do you do?
C
Stay in the boat.
Andrew Santino
You don't move forward to the beach.
C
I mean, if every single person is getting killed, they are now.
Bobby Lee
But you're.
Andrew Santino
You're fucking. Cap. What do you call a captain or. You're a sergeant.
Bobby Lee
You're a sergeant.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Sergeant's going, come on, flame. Move forward, Flame.
Bobby Lee
Get going, Flame.
Andrew Santino
You just gonna sit there? People are dying. You just sit there, Flame.
C
Yeah, I would. I'd probably just point out that every single person has died as they left, so.
Bobby Lee
Oh, it's pretty logical. Pretty logical does make sense.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You know what? You probably go overboard on the other side, under the water.
C
They would throw me over, you're saying.
Andrew Santino
Because if you were in front of me and you weren't moving, right. I would throw you over so I.
C
Could get forward, but then you would get killed, right?
Andrew Santino
I don't know yet. It's. The odds are bad, but it's like I have to go forward.
Bobby Lee
I would use you as a human shield.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, me too.
Bobby Lee
I think I would grab you and I would just have my flame shield.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
And you're just getting. Let me see what that looks like.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You know what I would do, too? When he's down. When he's down, you know what I would do? I would steal something. You know what I would steal from him? His morphine packet. Oh, morphine. Morphine packet. And you would. You'd feel every pain.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you would.
Andrew Santino
Of your death. I wouldn't inject you with the morphine because you were a coward.
C
That would probably. Yeah, that would make more sense than just people Going forward. Using someone as a shield?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, pretty heavily.
Andrew Santino
Dude, that was a brutal scene.
Bobby Lee
What's been going on with you, Dax? What's been happening in your life? Somebody told me that you're seeing somebody now. I heard a rumor that you're dating somebody famous. Do you know this?
Andrew Santino
Oh, no.
C
It's not accurate.
Bobby Lee
He's got a famous girlfriend. He's being shy about it.
Andrew Santino
Jealous.
Bobby Lee
Just tell him.
C
Emma Watson.
Bobby Lee
He's dating Emma Watson? He has been. He's been seen. Paparazzi have caught them out in public.
Andrew Santino
You're really dating Emma Watson?
Bobby Lee
Why are you spelled on her?
Andrew Santino
She.
C
She asked me to keep it private, but I don't like to keep anything.
Bobby Lee
I mean, we can cut it out.
Andrew Santino
Are you being real right now? Yeah, he is.
Bobby Lee
Do you want us to cut it out? Yeah, we should cut.
Andrew Santino
Is there a photo?
Bobby Lee
There was a paparazzi photo. I don't know.
Andrew Santino
With. I want to see Dax and Emma together. I kind of believe it.
Bobby Lee
No, they are really.
Andrew Santino
No. Real quick. Is that him?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Blue Chew. I'm sorry, but without Bluetooth, maybe I'm not good.
Bobby Lee
Right?
Andrew Santino
Because I've been using it, you know, I mean, because I'm an older male, and sometimes I have. You know, it's hard to get the.
Bobby Lee
Owl up at night.
Andrew Santino
And bluechew is putting its money where its mouth is and offering you a month free. Guys. The process is simple. Sign up to bluechew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days.
Bobby Lee
That's so easy. Bluetooth tablets are made here in the usa. They're prepared and shipped directly to your door. Take them anytime, anywhere, day or night. So you do it right, you can plan ahead. Okay. Bobby's been using this for a long time now, and I'm. I'm not kidding. The effectiveness is crazy. This guy.
Andrew Santino
I love it.
Bobby Lee
It's hard as a rock. Lasts forever. That's why he's late to the show all the time. Why not get bricked up like Bobby Lee? You ready for the best sex of your life? We got a special deal for our listeners. Make life easier by getting harder. And discover your options@bluechew.com and we have.
Andrew Santino
A special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of bluechew free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast Zocdoc. You know what? Without ZocDoc, my skin wouldn't be good, because I Got. What's the matter?
Bobby Lee
I have a sore throat.
Andrew Santino
Oh my. You gotta go to zocdoc.
Bobby Lee
I have to get a doctor.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. This is the best way to get one. Can I tell you what it is?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
ZocDoc is a free app, my friend.
Bobby Lee
What is it?
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
I'm fine.
Andrew Santino
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Bobby Lee
You can filter based on specific preferences, whether looking for a male doctor speaks a specific language. See where it has availability that fits your work schedule or has an opening in the next day or so. Look, you're going to find the right doctor on there for you. I moved to a new neighborhood. I jumped on Zoc doc. I thought, how good is this? It's very good. And also appointments are made through zocdoc. They can happen fast. Typically you can get them within 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments if you're lucky. It's amazing.
Andrew Santino
Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com bad friends to find and instantly book a top rated Doctor today.
Bobby Lee
That's z o c-o c.com Bad Friends Zocdoc.com Bad Friends.
Andrew Santino
Live from Radio City Music hall, it's the SNL50 homecoming concert. Featuring performances by Arcade Fire, the B52, Backstreet Boys, Bad Bunny, Bonnie Ray, Brittany Howard, Randy Carlisle, Chris Martin, Dave Grohl, David Byrne, Devo, Eddie Vedder, Jack White, Jelly Roll, Lady Gaga, Gaga, Miley Cyrus, Mumford and Sons, Post Malone, the Roots and more. Celebrating 50 years of SNL music. February 14th at 8pm Eastern. Catch it live on Peacock.
Bobby Lee
Isn't that crazy?
Andrew Santino
That's crazy, dude.
Bobby Lee
So you. So how did you guys meet? How'd you meet Emma Watson?
C
I went to a Harry Potter thing.
Bobby Lee
Like a meetup or a convention or what was it?
C
Or a book signing.
Bobby Lee
Oh, okay. Right on.
Andrew Santino
Oh, a book signing. And you were signing the books, Emma. Oh, Emma Watson was.
Bobby Lee
Did you just run game on her? So I'm Emma Watson. Hello. Welcome. You want me to sign your book?
Andrew Santino
Hello. I'm her publicist, Ramon. Hello.
Bobby Lee
That's my publicist, Ramon. Would you like me to sign a book?
C
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Wonderful. What's your name?
C
Dax.
Bobby Lee
Dax. You're cute.
C
Thank you. So are you.
Bobby Lee
Thank you.
Andrew Santino
I don't know why you're signing that. That's Eyes Wide Shut. The script.
Bobby Lee
Oh, wow.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Is this the script for American Psycho? Listen, are you a big fan?
C
Yes.
Bobby Lee
You want a photo?
C
Yes.
Bobby Lee
All right. Anything else?
Andrew Santino
All right, hurry up.
C
How's your day going?
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God.
Bobby Lee
I mean, not bad at all, really.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
It's better that you're here.
C
Oh, thank you. What kind of things do you like to do?
Bobby Lee
I mean, count money.
C
These things are probably the worst.
Bobby Lee
Go shopping, eating food.
Andrew Santino
Crab cap. Crack.
Bobby Lee
Crab.
Andrew Santino
Crab.
Bobby Lee
I love crab cakes. I'm big. I'm a big.
Andrew Santino
She loves horchata.
Bobby Lee
I love horchata.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
C
That's very good.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
So Salsa Verde loves salsa verde.
Andrew Santino
If she's eating Mexican food, she loves salsa verde.
C
What's your favorite place to get it?
Bobby Lee
Mexican food. Yeah, maybe like, del taco. Paquito mash.
C
Okay. We should go there sometime.
Bobby Lee
You asking me out on a date? Really? Wow.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
You've got quite the confidence, little man.
C
Thank you.
Andrew Santino
You're absolutely incredible. Dude.
Bobby Lee
Are you cut or uncut? Have you got a sleeve or is it a mushroom?
C
It's. I'm circumcised. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Really? How big is it? Limp.
Andrew Santino
Excuse me for a second. Emma. There's a long line.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, they can wait.
Andrew Santino
I know, but it's like, you know, we had a heart out in 45.
Bobby Lee
It's quite horny, so they can. I know, but how big is it? Limp.
C
I'm uncomfortable with your publicist hearing.
Bobby Lee
Oh, Close your ears.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
How big is it?
C
Average. Normal.
Bobby Lee
Great. Uncover.
Andrew Santino
Okay, I heard it.
Bobby Lee
Still, if I said average.
Andrew Santino
Tom Hardy's in line.
Bobby Lee
Really?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. He's gonna ask you out.
Bobby Lee
Well, give me your number and take me out on a date.
C
Okay.
Bobby Lee
I can't wait to see.
C
Where are you gonna take her, Paquito Moss?
Bobby Lee
Get more creative.
Andrew Santino
Get more creative. Hi ho, hi ho.
Bobby Lee
Hamburger.
Andrew Santino
It's owned by.
Bobby Lee
After the date, what would you want, sugar fish? What do you want to do to me? Maybe I'm yours, Dex. Oh, what would you do to me in the villa?
Andrew Santino
We have a villa?
C
I guess. Make out.
Bobby Lee
Make out, then maybe.
C
See? Whatever you're comfortable with.
Bobby Lee
I'm comfortable with all of it. Tell me what you like. You want me to spit on you? Kick you? Pull your air?
C
I think maybe just play it by ear.
Bobby Lee
You want me to play with your ears?
C
Sure.
Bobby Lee
Wonderful.
Andrew Santino
Crappy crap as he is in his mouth.
Bobby Lee
Dude, I see how you got her really good. Well, let me tell you something. We've had a lot of Submissions to break up your relationship. You know this. We've had women who have submitted to date you. Do you know this? Okay, put on your headphones so you can hear this. Yeah, you'd like right there.
Andrew Santino
Let's be honest. Okay. If you, if, if you really want to go on a date, there's a.
Bobby Lee
Lot of women out there. And if you, you really are dating Emma Watson. So some of these women need to get in line. People, people need to know. So yours. This woman will be second. See. Hi, Dex. My name is Katie.
Andrew Santino
I'm 34 years old.
Bobby Lee
I am a single mom. I have a 4 year old son that lives with me full time. I work in Orange County. I work at a veterinary hospital. I'm a practice manager. So I'm around animals all day pretty much. I do like to go to comedy shows. I was at the Comedy Store a few weeks ago when you opened for Bobby and Andrew and that was awesome. You were super funny.
Andrew Santino
And I like going to hockey games.
Bobby Lee
I'm a huge hockey fan.
Andrew Santino
I like good food. I don't really know what else to say, but yeah, hopefully I get to talk to you soon.
Bobby Lee
She's a babe. She's a dude. She works with animals. Babe. Hockey babe.
C
She's very pretty.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, she's pretty. We did not pay her to say.
C
Oh, okay.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
C
In case you have doubts.
Andrew Santino
Honestly, Honestly, how do you feel? Let's be real good. You do about her?
C
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Is this someone that might be your type?
C
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Right on. Do you like hockey at all?
C
No.
Andrew Santino
Could you pretend to like it?
C
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
All right, check it out. We're at the hockey game. We're at the Anaheim Ducks game. And they're playing the Edmonton Oilers. Look at them out there. Which one do you like the most?
C
That guy.
Bobby Lee
Who you rooting for?
C
Oh, the Oilers.
Bobby Lee
No. Fuck, dude, we got to get that part right.
C
Yeah, the Ducks.
Bobby Lee
Anaheim Ducks. Ducks in Orange County.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Which, which, what position do you like the most on the ice? Who do you like?
C
Goalie.
Bobby Lee
You love the goalie.
Andrew Santino
Nice.
Bobby Lee
Dude. You like to protect?
C
Yes.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. You seem like a protector. Yeah, Right on, man. And she has a four year old son. You can be comfortable with another. Another young man around a child.
C
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Oh, no. A puck comes towards you, what do you do? You grabbed it. No, you grab it with your mouth like a seal. Dude, you got. And then good. Like that.
Bobby Lee
Well, no, he grabbed it. What if he puts in his mouth after.
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's true.
Bobby Lee
Wow. Did you catch the puck? Do it again.
Andrew Santino
Whoa, whoa.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
And Then. Okay. So great. You gonna take her on a date.
C
In real life or in.
Andrew Santino
In real life.
C
Oh, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Okay. Before you do, her four year old son is right here. This is Milo.
Andrew Santino
Hi.
Bobby Lee
And you have to tell Milo that you're gonna take his mom out on a date because he's a little uncomfortable. He's got. He's got a tick.
Andrew Santino
It.
Bobby Lee
It.
Andrew Santino
It's cool to meet you.
C
Nice to meet you. How was. How are you?
Andrew Santino
Good.
C
Do you go to school?
Andrew Santino
Yep. Yep, yep, yep.
C
You're. You seem really cool.
Andrew Santino
You go, go.
C
Do you like hockey?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. Gretzky.
C
Oh, yeah. Wayne Gretzky.
Andrew Santino
No. John.
Bobby Lee
John Wayne Gretzky.
Andrew Santino
John Wayne Gretzky.
Bobby Lee
John Wayne Gretzky.
Andrew Santino
My favorite serial killer.
Bobby Lee
So I don't know if you're willing to leave Emma Watson, but bad friends will pay for you to take a girl on a beautiful date. If you'd like to take any of these women on a date, we will pay for the date. And I'm talking start to finish, okay? We'll get you a car service, we'll get you a nice dinner, we'll pick up the bill, you know, movie, whatever you want to do afterwards.
Andrew Santino
I'll be there.
Bobby Lee
Bobby will have to chaperone.
Andrew Santino
I have to chaperone.
C
Would y'all both be there?
Bobby Lee
Would you like us both to be there?
C
So it would either be just. Just you or just the two of you?
Bobby Lee
No, I'm. I'm probably not gonna be there.
Andrew Santino
Wait, wait. I'm sorry. Be honest with me, dude. Let's get this out on the open, dude. Why are you uncomfortable with just me being there?
C
Well, I think if there's just one other person on it, like a date, if it might feel. Well, I don't. I actually don't. I don't know.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, they don't know.
C
True.
Andrew Santino
Exactly.
Bobby Lee
Would you like me and Bobby to go on a double date with you and one of these girls?
C
Oh, like you would bring people?
Andrew Santino
I bring my own date.
Bobby Lee
You bring a date when I date each other.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah, we'll bring. Yeah, us two together.
Bobby Lee
We're on a date.
C
That could be distracting. Yeah, but it might make things less.
Bobby Lee
How about this? We'll pay for a date with you and one of these nice young ladies if you feel like. Or many. If you'd like. And. And you just report back and tell us how it went.
C
Okay, We.
Bobby Lee
Do you want us to be there? I don't think we'd want to be there.
C
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Do you want us to be there?
Andrew Santino
Be honest.
C
I. I Don't. I don't know. I have to. I have. I have to think.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Think about it.
C
But.
Andrew Santino
Okay. If you were to. Do you have a car yet?
C
Yes.
Andrew Santino
Good. That's good.
C
Thank you.
Bobby Lee
Congratulations. You got a new car.
C
No, it's not new, but I mean.
Bobby Lee
You got a car.
C
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Did you not have a car before?
C
Yeah, No, I did.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you did. You always had a car. Yeah, I know. Why? I thought he didn't.
C
A Subaru.
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's a good car.
C
Thank you.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Would you drive to Orange county to take her on a date? Okay. I will.
Bobby Lee
Say, there's a couple hockey games coming up. Maybe we can get you to one of those hockey games with that girl.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
If you're interested.
Andrew Santino
Do you hook up on the first date or. No. Generally or. No, I.
C
If I felt comfortable with someone and there was a good. Yeah, then I. Then I would be comfortable, too.
Bobby Lee
I believe that. I believe that. If you had an unlimited budget to take a girl out on a date to. To a restaurant or whatever. Where are you taking her? We're paying. Bad friends are paying. Don't worry about it.
Andrew Santino
No, how about this? A weekend, a getaway, Right? You. We will pay for everything. You just tell us what. Sky's the limit.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Where do you want to go?
Andrew Santino
Where do you want to go?
Bobby Lee
We will.
Andrew Santino
We're travel agents.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And you know Tokyo. Little. Little Tokyo. Yes, Tokyo in downtown la. Right?
Bobby Lee
That's what you mean.
Andrew Santino
Or Tokyo, Japan.
C
Tokyo, Japan.
Andrew Santino
Okay, okay. Tokyo, Japan. That's great. So did you write that down? Tokyo?
Bobby Lee
I did. I heard it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
A little expensive.
Andrew Santino
It is, but we're gonna do it.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
Yes, so. And first class for both of you. First class, both of them.
Bobby Lee
Interesting. Yeah. That'll be cheap.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
What hotel?
Andrew Santino
Like, we're already. 10,000.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, we're deep. This is bad. Park Hyatt. What hotel?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that's Park.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
How much. How much is the park translation?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. A couple thousand a night.
Andrew Santino
A couple thousand? Yeah. How many nights is that?
Bobby Lee
I think. How long you stay there?
C
A couple of weeks.
Andrew Santino
Okay, 14.
Bobby Lee
14 times what, at two and a half thousand?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. So we're talking about 30 grand. Along with the flights. 40 robots. 50 grand.
Bobby Lee
We're sinking right now.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. 50 grand. And then dreams of sushi.
Bobby Lee
You want to go see Euro on the subway? Yeah, subway.
Andrew Santino
Okay. That's another five grand. Two grand.
Bobby Lee
Five.
Andrew Santino
Five grand.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
From Eero. All right. Can we go just like, you know, like dumplings and stuff after that?
C
Or now for A couple days.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Oh, he's got demand.
Andrew Santino
Okay. And so then what are some of the activities you would like to do?
C
Should probably just walk around and look.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
That'll be cheap.
Andrew Santino
That's cheap.
Bobby Lee
Thank God.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
This guy's gonna buy a bullet train or something.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Have you been to Japan before?
C
Yes.
Bobby Lee
And you loved it.
C
I got the flu, so that's why I want to go back and then not get sick.
Andrew Santino
Wait, you got the flu on your way there?
C
Once you got there on day two.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God. What was that like?
C
Depressing.
Bobby Lee
How did you get. How did you get it? Do you think you got it from traveling?
C
Yeah, probably from just from.
Bobby Lee
Was it a bug or the physical like you were.
C
I. They told me it was the flu because then I went and, like, went to the doctor to see if I needed any medicine, and they said it was the flu.
Andrew Santino
It wasn't co. It was before COVID After. Wow.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
Wow. That's incredible.
Bobby Lee
And how long are you there with the flu?
C
One week. So one day healthy and then six days sick, and then I went back.
Bobby Lee
So you were in bed for six days?
C
Well, yeah. I mean, the second day I was kind of, like, just kind of, like, walking around, but feeling bad, and I was like, I'm just gonna relax at my hotel. And then I just started to feel really bad.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
So you spent six days in a hotel?
C
Basically, yes. Would you go with just solo.
Andrew Santino
Dax, you're by yourself. Sick and sick in Japan by yourself that's the saddest.
Bobby Lee
Did you ever write a song about this?
C
No.
Bobby Lee
You should.
C
Okay.
Andrew Santino
Sick in Japan Sing it now.
C
Sick in Japan let's hear it.
Bobby Lee
Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the debut of Sick of Japan by Dax Flame.
C
I was excited, bought my ticket. Let's take this trip. Wow. It's awesome going around, but there's something else going around. It's the flu and I miss you.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
C
Sick Japan.
Bobby Lee
Sick in Japan it's pretty sick.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Did you fly first class?
C
No.
Andrew Santino
Why'd you ask? First class for this trip?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. What's going on?
C
You said unlimited budget.
Bobby Lee
We did? Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That's true. That's my bad.
Bobby Lee
I gotta be honest with you. I kind of want to send this. Him to Japan.
Andrew Santino
I know.
Bobby Lee
Like, I really.
Andrew Santino
Now we feel bad.
Bobby Lee
I want you to go.
C
I'll. Okay.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Should we pay for him to go to Japan? I think that's a fucking rad move. Would you. Would you love that?
C
I would love that, but no pressure.
Bobby Lee
But how about this? Here's The. Here's the twist. You've got to go to LAX right now. Twist would be you have to leave from the podcast and go to. You have to go literally now. You might not even go home.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, we'll buy you a kimono.
C
Okay?
Andrew Santino
Right? One of those, you know, I mean, chopstick hair things. You gotta put those.
Bobby Lee
What do you think, Dax? Would you go to Japan right now if we bought you a ticket?
Andrew Santino
There's two flights tonight.
C
I do need my laptop.
Andrew Santino
Why? You want to watch Netflix? What are you doing?
C
So I can edit.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, he wants to be able to edit and shoot.
Andrew Santino
I'll edit your.
C
Yeah, because I have videos that I have to post still.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
C
Make new ones.
Andrew Santino
Or we could maybe bring a friend of yours to shoot. He's going to work out there, right?
Bobby Lee
No, he's got to go alone because he wants to relive that solo experience in Japan. That's the beauty of Japan. Am I right?
C
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Who shoots with you normally?
C
My friend.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I met him.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, we met him. We met that guy. I think we should send him to Japan, dude.
Andrew Santino
Singapore. No, what's cheaper?
Bobby Lee
Was cheaper.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Mongolia or something.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I mean, that's. Would you like to go to Mongolia?
C
I don't know anything about it.
Andrew Santino
There's a go.
Bobby Lee
It's great.
Andrew Santino
There's a Genghis Khan museum.
C
That'd be cool.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. And you like Mongolian beef.
C
Yes, they got that out of that.
Bobby Lee
They got that. There it is.
Andrew Santino
Right?
Bobby Lee
I gotta tell you.
Andrew Santino
And the eagle. Look at the eagle. Do you like Mongolian eagles, baby?
C
That looks pretty cool.
Bobby Lee
Like.
C
I'd like to see that.
Andrew Santino
Dude, look at how much you. You're gonna.
C
You're.
Andrew Santino
You're gonna get sick out there.
Bobby Lee
No way. You get healthier if anything.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I managed. I was on a donkey with the eagle on her arm. You and I, us three going there now.
Bobby Lee
I'm watching. That's you and me. And that's you, me and Bobby. That's Bobby with the E. Imagine.
Andrew Santino
Imagine that life, the fresh air.
C
It does look like really, really refreshing.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
C
And interesting.
Bobby Lee
I really want to send him to Japan.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Japan.
Bobby Lee
I really mean it. I'm not even fucking kidding. For the show. I really want to send him to Japan.
Andrew Santino
Well, let's just fucking do it, man.
Bobby Lee
Okay, fine.
Andrew Santino
We're gonna send you to Japan. Look at that, though, huh?
C
Cool.
Andrew Santino
Have you ever seen a skeleton cow? What is that next to that lady? That's insane looking.
Bobby Lee
Mongolia, dude.
Andrew Santino
What is that? Cow. That's a cow. Wow.
Bobby Lee
What time is it?
Andrew Santino
Right now.
Bobby Lee
What time is it?
Andrew Santino
It's 8. 801.
Bobby Lee
What is our midnight flight? Would you really go tonight if we booked you a flight?
C
Well, I would have to get my passport.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, we did send you home and of course. Okay. There's an 1120.
C
I am supposed to go to New York on Friday.
Andrew Santino
Why?
C
Because someone wanted me to come make videos for them.
Bobby Lee
Would you rather go to Japan?
C
I do both.
Bobby Lee
You want us to? Well, just. We'll fly you round trip from LA to Japan and back. So you would leave tonight at midnight, 11:20pm you lose two days. You know that, right?
C
Let's see.
Bobby Lee
We get him back when you come back.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Is it really that long? Well, he has to stop.
Bobby Lee
There's only a stop at night. There's no direct at night.
Andrew Santino
Huh? 22 hours.
Bobby Lee
You willing to stop? Stop is 10 hours.
C
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Because you want to go to Japan?
Andrew Santino
Can we stop him in Mongolia at least? There's got to be a cheaper one.
Bobby Lee
How much is it?
Andrew Santino
940. You have a five hour stop. He wants first class though. Dude. How much is first class?
Bobby Lee
First class is so expensive.
Andrew Santino
Just to see what it is. How much is first class? $20,000.
Bobby Lee
$20,000? That's how much it costs to go to Japan.
Andrew Santino
Both ways or just one way?
Bobby Lee
That's got to be both ways.
Andrew Santino
It's got to be both ways. Round trip. We hope so. And what's business? That's insane.
Bobby Lee
20 grand?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. We do business, right? We do business when we travel.
Bobby Lee
We better be doing business.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. We don't do first.
Bobby Lee
Holy.
Andrew Santino
Holy. Imagine that.
Bobby Lee
Imagine how many little Japanese guys can do that. They just do that all the time. Like little Japanese businessmen. They fly that all the time. Little, huh?
Andrew Santino
Some of them are bigger.
Bobby Lee
Which ones?
Andrew Santino
That's true.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
There's business. 5,000.
Bobby Lee
Let me say this, and I'm not kidding. I'm not making a joke. When you get back from New York, you call the boys and we are immediately going to book you a flight to Japan.
C
Wow. Okay, I'll do it. If you still want to then.
Bobby Lee
No, I want to now. So we will do it. The boys know we will book you a flight.
Andrew Santino
Go though.
Bobby Lee
You want to go with them?
Andrew Santino
No. Okay, but don't you want to go? Let's all go.
Bobby Lee
Well, we're going to Korea, aren't we? We're going to Korea.
Andrew Santino
That's what you say, but I don't know, man.
Bobby Lee
Do you not want to go?
Andrew Santino
I do want to go, but. Is that real?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, it's Literally. I have to go.
Andrew Santino
I know you have to go, so you. But who's gonna fly me there? They will, but they're gonna give me business.
Bobby Lee
Of course.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Okay.
Bobby Lee
Yes.
Andrew Santino
I'm acting like a baby. Yeah, I'd like to go.
Bobby Lee
Of course you're gonna go.
Andrew Santino
I'll go.
Bobby Lee
Dax.
Andrew Santino
Dax, will you go to Korea with us?
C
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Dude. How funny. If he got sick again in Japan, I'm gonna get him sick the second time.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, we can plan that.
Bobby Lee
One of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. We get him sick on purpose. To the second trip to Japan. Do you speak Japanese?
C
No.
Bobby Lee
Try. Good. Very good.
Andrew Santino
You're done. Dude, I thought was a Japanese.
Bobby Lee
Say it again.
C
Ohio. Gozaimasu.
Bobby Lee
When they walk into the restaurant. Yeah, yeah, I get that.
Andrew Santino
It's funny. You're scared of doing the accent.
Bobby Lee
I know.
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
You are scared of it.
C
I don't know. Yeah, I don't know how that would sound.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, but. But you've never done it at home that, like. Come on, Dax. Well, you know, you've done different accents at home. Not on camera because, you know, you're afraid to get canceled.
Bobby Lee
To.
C
To do the Japanese accent while speaking Japanese.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. At home in your privacy. You do it.
C
Maybe.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I mean, you've done. You've done, like urban guys at home. You know what I mean?
C
Maybe. I can't remember specific.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, you. How about rednecks? Have you done. Can you do a redneck, you know, I mean, impression? You could because it's white. Go ahead.
C
Hey, y'all.
Bobby Lee
Hey.
Andrew Santino
Hey.
C
Do you. Do you like. Do. Do you like trailers?
Bobby Lee
I do.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, we do you have one for sale?
C
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
How much?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Well, tell us about it. I don't want to just buy out. Okay.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you're right.
C
How much you got?
Andrew Santino
That's not how it works. Explain to me what kind of trailer. What's what. What are the convenient things about it.
C
And the utilities and just like a trailer hitch and.
Andrew Santino
Well, that's what we always. We always wanted. Yeah, yeah. What else?
C
Little red bed.
Andrew Santino
We love little beds.
Bobby Lee
Little bed to bed.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, a little bit of bed.
Bobby Lee
A little bit.
Andrew Santino
You have a medium bed to bed?
C
Yep.
Andrew Santino
Okay, we'll get a medium bed of bed. Yeah. And what else?
C
Tv.
Andrew Santino
What kind, though?
Bobby Lee
Color.
C
Color tv.
Andrew Santino
You know what kind of screen? Flat screen. Oh, that's nice.
Bobby Lee
How big?
C
36 inch TV.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
That's not big at all.
Andrew Santino
Not big at all, but okay.
C
48 inches.
Bobby Lee
That's still pretty small, but that's fine.
Andrew Santino
What else is there? Is there a bathroom?
C
Yep.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
How many?
C
One, two.
Andrew Santino
One.
Bobby Lee
Or losing your accent, sir, where are you from? Yeah, where are you really from, sir? You're from Texas?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
What part?
C
Dallas.
Bobby Lee
Really? Where? Oh, my cousins. My cousins live in Dallas. They just moved there. Which. Which area?
C
North of Dallas.
Bobby Lee
Like Frisco.
Andrew Santino
We love north of. Don't. We love north.
Bobby Lee
We love north of Dallas.
Andrew Santino
We love it there. Nice piano bars.
Bobby Lee
So are you gonna sell us this trailer?
C
Yep.
Bobby Lee
What are you asking for it?
C
$15,000.
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
That's like a flight to Japan.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God. He's having a nervous break.
C
That's what.
Andrew Santino
I was so weird.
Bobby Lee
It seems like they haven't.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Is that what you're doing? You selling everything because you're moving to Japan?
C
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Did something happen?
C
Yeah, I got sick last time I was there.
Andrew Santino
We should bring him to.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I know. Don't say it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Don't say it out loud.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. We got some plans for you, bud. You like us as fan. We feel like family to you?
C
Yeah. Can I ask you a question?
Andrew Santino
Me specifically or. Okay, go ahead.
C
My friend said she met you and she said that I'm friends with Dex, and you said.
Andrew Santino
Oh, wait, Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Don't. Hold up. Stop. I know what you're gonna say, and.
Bobby Lee
I know this is a true story. I know. Yes, it is.
Andrew Santino
Your friend's lying. Okay.
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. And I did in a funny way, you know? You know how funny I am, right? Right? I do things in a come, do I not? Right. Everything I say is like, with it. With a hint of, like, comedy. Right?
Bobby Lee
Say what she said.
Andrew Santino
No, I didn't say it.
Bobby Lee
What did she say?
C
She said bobby said that guy smells weird.
Bobby Lee
Did you say Dax smells weird? One of our brothers? Yeah, smells weird.
C
I didn't ask about the body language.
Bobby Lee
How do you feel about that, Buddha? Do you think Dax smells weird? Is that how you perceive him? Dude, he's our friend.
Andrew Santino
Let's. Can we work out the conversation here? Okay.
C
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I'm friends with that. Yeah, he smells weird.
Bobby Lee
What do you talk. What do you mean?
Andrew Santino
I was kidding.
Bobby Lee
That's not funny.
Andrew Santino
I know. Maybe it wasn't. My bad.
Bobby Lee
All right.
Andrew Santino
He doesn't feel it smell weird. That's why I could say it.
Bobby Lee
But that's really mean, I think.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Can you call him and tell him?
Andrew Santino
Your friend. Right. She has another thing coming now. Okay, Right And I said it in a comedic way. But when you started talking, I knew exactly what you're talking about. Because when I said it, and this is what a great friend she is. She was so mad on your behalf.
Bobby Lee
She was pissed.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Will you call?
Andrew Santino
She's like, what? She goes, what the fuck do you mean?
Bobby Lee
Great.
Andrew Santino
And I go, I'm just kidding.
Bobby Lee
Will you call her right now?
C
Yeah. You shower today before I text her and ask her if.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, text her.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah, text her.
Bobby Lee
Because I want. Because Bobby's willing to apologize. Because let me say something about my best friend, Bobby Lee. He will. He will make up for his mistakes always. Am I right? Am I right?
Andrew Santino
I hate being embarrassed.
Bobby Lee
You make good. You always make good. You always have. He's done everyone right.
Andrew Santino
Also, can I just say another thing? I. I'm proud of you, Dax, because it's something. It's not. It's something that you wouldn't say. Right, Right. I feel like you're like, I wanna. Right. You would hold things within yourself because you're kind of shy and you were very confrontational there.
C
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable by confronting you. I asked her if. I told her. I said, can I call you? I want to ask you about the smell thing on Bad Friends.
Andrew Santino
And what you say?
C
Nothing Isn't replied. I turned it off of silent mode so that.
Andrew Santino
Okay, I can't believe that.
Bobby Lee
I believe every second of it.
Andrew Santino
No, I cannot believe it. I honestly do. I didn't say it in, like, to be, like, offensive. It was just like a funny thing.
Bobby Lee
We know it was a joke.
Andrew Santino
I know, but it's like. But she. She was being a good friend to you.
C
What did she say?
Andrew Santino
She said, no, he doesn't. What the do you mean by that? And I was like, oh, it's just.
Bobby Lee
Just kidding.
Andrew Santino
Just kidding.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And she was like, no, it sounded real.
Bobby Lee
I'm like, how did you meet this person at the store?
Andrew Santino
I don't remember. I. I know that she was, I.
C
Think, at the Improv.
Andrew Santino
At the Improv is what happened. Yeah, she performed.
Bobby Lee
Oh, she's a comic.
Andrew Santino
Yes, she comics.
Bobby Lee
Oh, right.
C
To comedy.
Andrew Santino
She's new to comedy.
C
Well, new to stand up.
Andrew Santino
Stand up comedy. And so now when she said it to you, was she saying it like, be careful of that guy. He's an.
C
No.
Andrew Santino
Okay. What is. How did she say it?
C
She just told me that story.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God, I'm embarrassed.
Bobby Lee
Was this the girl with it that we talked about the other night?
Andrew Santino
No. Some complete. I'd never seen her before. She seemed super nice, you know? I mean, she was a little nervous about comedy because she even said that. I think she's like, I'm not. I'm new to this.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
You'll be fine. Or something. You know? I mean. And then she goes, I'm friends with Dax. And I go, oh, yeah, he smells weird. And she goes, what the. No, same girl. I would not say that again. Right.
Bobby Lee
One and done, you know?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I'm so. Dax, can I say something? You. I apologize.
C
I accept.
Andrew Santino
No, I don't know, really. Listen.
C
Okay, well, I don't have a sense of smell, so I. I take showers whenever I'm going to be around people and. Because I can't tell anymore since I lost my sense of smell a couple.
Bobby Lee
Of years ago from COVID So you can't smell at all?
C
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Seriously?
C
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Nothing.
C
Nothing.
Bobby Lee
Oh, my God. Now do you feel bad?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I'm gonna tell you something right now that's not true.
C
You don't smell bad.
Andrew Santino
You don't.
C
Okay.
Bobby Lee
I've never. You've never smelled bad?
Andrew Santino
I've never even smelled you. When would I have had the opportunity to.
Bobby Lee
Well, he's here.
Andrew Santino
You don't hug.
C
That's what I said. I said. I'm usually sitting, like, seven.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And when we. When you leave, we never. We're never. We don't cross paths. You know what? So I want to say something. Okay. I said it as a joke to. Oh, no, I was. Listen, I want to say something to you. Okay. I. Honestly. I love you so much. Yeah. And I'm. It's a blessing that you get to do our show. I mean, that we have you on our show came out weird. Yeah. Yeah.
C
I do feel.
Andrew Santino
No, no, no. That's not what I meant. What I'm saying, it's a blessing that you do our show. We think you're an asset. You make our show so much more interesting and fun.
Bobby Lee
I agree.
Andrew Santino
I mean, you're so important to us. I would never do anything to burn this bridge. I really think that you're. You're a sweet guy. You're a funny guy. I think you're brave. When you did that show with us at the Comedy Store in the main room. In the main room. You know how difficult that was? And you crushed it.
C
Thank you.
Andrew Santino
You know what I mean? I only see you as an ally and a. And. And a brother.
C
Thank you.
Andrew Santino
And I said it. I was trying to act cool because she was a. She was hot. Your friend. Her.
Bobby Lee
Her.
Andrew Santino
His friend is beautiful. Right. So I'm sorry.
C
Thank you.
Bobby Lee
But you know what? Bobby occasionally will use comedy to deflect when he's uncomfortable, so maybe she. Her beauty blew him away.
C
Would you want me to say anything to her?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I'm sorry that she had to hear that.
C
Okay.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
No, that's not. No. What do you want us. It was a joke. Tell her clearly he's kidding. No.
Andrew Santino
I apologize.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
All right, let's squash it.
Bobby Lee
Squash the beef.
C
I wasn't. Yeah. I didn't feel offended.
Andrew Santino
Good. Thank you.
Bobby Lee
Dax, have you ever been offended by us on this show?
C
No.
Bobby Lee
Good.
Andrew Santino
We love you so much. Anyway, look in the camera.
C
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Bobby Lee
The best.
Andrew Santino
Who.
Podcast Title: Bad Friends
Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Episode Title: Sick In Japan
Release Date: February 10, 2025
Production: A 7EQUIS production
In this episode of Bad Friends, hosts Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino engage in their signature blend of humor, storytelling, and candid conversations. The episode spans a wide range of topics, from personal anecdotes and cultural observations to lighthearted banter with their special guest, Dax Flame. The dynamic between the hosts remains lively, offering listeners both laughs and relatable moments.
The episode kicks off with Bobby Lee sharing updates about their upcoming tour, expressing his excitement for the final two cities before filming his special. Highlights include:
Boston, Massachusetts: Bobby announces four shows at the Wilbur, inviting listeners to bring their loved ones out for Valentine's Day.
Bobby Lee [00:15]: "Boston, I love you so much. You've always done me right."
Minneapolis, Minnesota: Andrew Santino mentions filming his Hulu special in Minneapolis, encouraging fans to grab tickets via his website.
Andrew Santino [01:20]: "Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets."
They also tease upcoming shows in London and Dublin, emphasizing the importance of securing pre-sale tickets with the code "bad friends."
The hosts delve into discussions about American politics and societal issues, blending humor with commentary:
Protests Against ICE: Bobby references a recent protest in San Diego, leading to a conversation about the complexities of immigration and activism.
Andrew Santino [02:10]: "That's what I love about America. We can protest."
Hypothetical Korean Protests: The duo humorously speculates about what a Korean protest might entail, playfully suggesting actions like ceasing to make bibimbap and disrupting kimchi fermentation.
Andrew Santino [03:10]: "No more. We're not gonna make Bibimbap."
Immigration Policies: They discuss the implications of deporting various immigrant groups, poking fun at stereotypes while touching on serious themes.
Bobby Lee [06:02]: "Donald Trump, please don't get rid of Koreans like we please. Mexicans are fine. Get rid of them."
Bobby and Andrew share personal stories that offer insights into their lives and growth:
Teacher Encounters: Andrew recounts a childhood incident where he falsely accused a classmate of putting a rabbit in a microwave, leading to public embarrassment and a valuable life lesson about rumors.
Andrew Santino [05:00]: "It taught me a really big lesson. Even if it's a rumor, you don't say shit, dude."
Career Challenges: Both hosts reflect on their comedic journeys, discussing moments of failure and the importance of perseverance.
Bobby Lee [08:14]: "If we weren't living right now you and I would be fucked."
A significant portion of the episode features an interactive segment with Dax Flame, where the hosts engage in playful and improvisational dialogue:
Skit and Improv Games: Bobby and Andrew involve Dax in various comedic scenarios, ranging from historical reenactments to absurdist humor about modern culture.
Bobby Lee [37:00]: "Do you speak Japanese?"
Dax Flame [37:10]: "No."Andrew Santino [37:16]: "It's funny. You're scared of doing the accent."
Relationship Dynamics: The hosts humorously navigate a fictional scenario where Dax is dating Emma Watson, leading to exaggerated and comedic conversations about dating and social interactions.
Bobby Lee [45:46]: "She's dating Emma Watson? He has been. He's been seen. Paparazzi have caught them out in public."
Dax Flame [46:14]: "You're a dude. She works with animals. Babe. Hockey babe."
Travel Plans: The trio fantasizes about extravagant trips to Japan and Mongolia, highlighting the comedic disconnect between their grand plans and the practicalities involved.
Bobby Lee [53:44]: "That'll be cheap."
Andrew Santino [54:37]: "How much is it?"
Throughout the interaction, the hosts and Dax maintain a lighthearted tone, showcasing their chemistry and improvisational skills.
Towards the latter part of the episode, Bobby and Andrew discuss the nature of comedy, personal growth, and their relationship with their audience:
Audience Reactions: They emphasize the importance of audience feedback, noting how it shapes their performances and motivates them to improve.
Andrew Santino [28:59]: "We know what that's like."
Self-Deprecating Humor: The hosts employ self-aware humor, teasing each other and themselves in a way that resonates with listeners.
Bobby Lee [07:20]: "I have to be here at noon."
As the episode wraps up, Bobby and Andrew transition into promotional segments, endorsing brands like Shopify, HelloFresh, BlueChew, and ZocDoc. These segments are seamlessly integrated into the conversation, maintaining the show's energetic pace.
Despite the structured promotions, the core of the episode remains grounded in genuine camaraderie, humor, and the hosts' unique perspectives on life and comedy.
Humor as Connection: Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino utilize humor to navigate complex topics, making their conversations both entertaining and thought-provoking.
Candid Storytelling: Personal anecdotes offer listeners a glimpse into the hosts' lives, fostering a deeper connection.
Dynamic Host-Guest Interaction: The playful engagement with Dax Flame exemplifies the hosts' ability to create an inclusive and lively atmosphere.
Balancing Content and Promotions: While the episode includes promotional segments, they are woven into the narrative in a way that maintains the show's momentum.
For more episodes and updates, follow Bad Friends on Instagram, Patreon, TikTok, and visit their official website.