The Island Bullies Are Back

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bad Friends – Episode "The Island Bullies Are Back"

Introduction and Merchandise Promotion [00:00 – 00:51]

The episode of Bad Friends, hosted by Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino, kicks off with an enthusiastic promotion of their latest merchandise drop. Kalila, presumably a co-host or producer, highlights the new collection of socks, shirts, and baseball caps, emphasizing their excitement about the quality and design. Notable promotions include their website badfriendsmerch.com and social media handles.

Kalila [00:06]: "We got new merch, new socks and shirts. It's been a long time since we made merch, but we really love this drop."

Dark Humor and Ant Traps Discussion [00:51 – 05:30]

The conversation swiftly transitions to the hosts engaging in their signature dark humor. Andrew Santino introduces a joke comparing his ant traps to Auschwitz, sparking an uncomfortable yet humorous dialogue about the number of traps he owns and the (fictional) number of ants trapped.

Andrew Santino [01:03]: "I mean, I don't want to use World War II references, please, but above my refrigerator, on the top of my refrigerator, you know what I call it? Auschwitz, dude."

Kalila attempts to salvage the joke, pointing out the absurdity of the "six million ants" punchline, leading to playful banter about the nature of their humor and empathy.

Cruise Ship Antics and Documentary Critique [05:30 – 18:00]

The hosts delve into anecdotes about living with spiders, showcasing Andrew’s imaginative scenarios where he personifies spiders, leading to amusing yet grotesque storytelling.

Andrew Santino [02:43]: "When I'm taking a bath, sometimes I'll be a spider and I talk. I go, you want to go swimming beds. Right? But they can't swim."

Transitioning to critiques of cruise-related content, they discuss a poorly received documentary about a cruise ship, humorously dissecting its lack of engaging perspectives and overextension of a five-second story into an hour-long movie.

Kalila [11:31]: "I watched the worst documentary of all time last night. It stinks."

Comedy on Cruises and Personal Stand-Up Experiences [18:00 – 35:00]

Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino explore the idea of comedians performing on cruises, debating its viability and sharing personal experiences of bombing stand-up shows. Andrew recounts a particularly poor performance to a small audience, humorously lamenting the challenge of connecting with unfamiliar crowds.

Andrew Santino [20:11]: "I had one particular. Was like seven people in a 200 seat room. I bombed so hard."

Kalila empathizes with the struggle of performing in such settings, highlighting the importance of fan support to avoid the necessity of such grueling schedules.

February Adventures and Recognition Issues [35:00 – 50:00]

The dialogue shifts to their experiences in Hawaii, discussing the dynamics of being recognized by fans and the humorous inconveniences that come with newfound celebrity status. They joke about mistaken identities and the challenges of maintaining privacy while living in a tourist hotspot.

Andrew Santino [43:08]: "So if we gave you a GoFundMe for your debut, would you attend?"

Cultural Exchanges and Upcoming Projects [50:00 – 78:34]

In the latter part of the episode, the hosts discuss cultural practices such as the Filipino debut, debating its costs and cultural significance with playful mockery. They contemplate throwing a debut party, interspersed with humorous negotiations about financial contributions and social expectations.

Bobby Lee [53:00]: "That's so much money."

Transitioning to their professional endeavors, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino talk about an upcoming movie project in Spain directed by a figure named Fancy. They humorously navigate the complexities of casting and directing, including exaggerated scenarios involving potential cast members and behind-the-scenes antics.

Andrew Santino [74:04]: "We're booking the flights. Three days. And this is a really big test. I want to know what he's gonna be like on set as a director."

Their playful interactions continue as they role-play casting auditions, further showcasing their chemistry and comedic timing.

Conclusion and Sign-Off [78:00 – End]

The episode wraps up with heartfelt acknowledgments of their friendship and co-hosting partnership, blending sincere moments with their characteristic humor.

Kalila [78:15]: "I'm the gift that keeps on giving to me. And you're the gift that someone else already got me."

The hosts sign off with mutual appreciation, leaving listeners with a blend of laughter and a sense of camaraderie.

Bobby Lee [78:34]: "Thank you for being a bad friend."

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Santino [01:03]: "Auschwitz, dude."
• Kalila [11:31]: "It stinks."
• Andrew Santino [20:11]: "I bombed so hard."
• Andrew Santino [43:08]: "So if we gave you a GoFundMe for your debut, would you attend?"
• Bobby Lee [53:00]: "That's so much money."
• Kalila [78:15]: "I'm the gift that keeps on giving to me."

Key Takeaways:

• Merchandise Promotion: Emphasis on new, eagerly anticipated merchandise reflecting the podcast's brand.
• Dark Humor: Hosts engage in edgy, dark humor, often pushing boundaries to elicit laughter.
• Stand-Up Challenges: Discussion of the difficulties and humorous aspects of performing comedy in unconventional settings like cruises.
• Cultural Insights: Exploration of Filipino cultural practices, highlighting differences and commonalities with Western traditions.
• Upcoming Projects: Teasers about future projects, including a movie in Spain, showcasing their ongoing creative ventures.
• Friendship Dynamics: The episode underscores the strong, playful friendship between Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino, integral to the show's appeal.

Conclusion:

"The Island Bullies Are Back" is a quintessential Bad Friends episode, blending sharp humor, personal stories, and engaging banter between Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. Listeners are treated to a mix of promotional segments, dark comedy, and genuine camaraderie, making it a memorable addition to the podcast series.

Transcript

[Bobby Lee]

Hey.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh. Oh.

[Kalila]

Look at what goes on my feet.

[Andrew Santino]

Look what goes on my hands and my body.

[Kalila]

And look what goes on our head.

[Andrew Santino]

And my head.

[Kalila]

We got new merch, new socks and shirts. It's been a long time since we made merch, but we really love this drop. That's why we did it. We waited. We think this is.

[Andrew Santino]

We got. We've got so cool. Baseball caps, baseball caps, the T shirts.

[Kalila]

We have the thank you T shirts and socks. And we have socks available right [e-mail].

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, guys. We have new merch. Check it out. These T shirts. Oh, my God. The best we've ever done.

[Kalila]

I think this is incredible. These. This design is my favorite so far.

[Andrew Santino]

These hats have these shirts and these hats.

[Kalila]

And this is like the thank you bags that you get, which we love so much. And it's got some stuff down below for you to read when you get them.

[Andrew Santino]

You'll see, you'll love it. So go check@badfriends merch.com.

[Kalila]

Go to badfriends merch.com to get. To get this gear, these hats, these shirts, and socks for your feesies. Get these right now@badfriends merch.com.

[Bobby Lee]

You two are bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude.

[Bobby Lee]

You two are disgusting.

[Andrew Santino]

You two or something.

[Bobby Lee]

We're bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, I don't want to use World War II references, please, but above my refrigerator, on the top of my refrigerator, you know what I call it? Auschwitz, dude.

[Kalila]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

There's 93. I'm not kidding you. I have 93 traps. The hotels.

[Kalila]

Yeah. The little mouse trap.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

And I go, oh, you mean the ant trap.

[Andrew Santino]

The little ant traps. The ant traps. I have 90, 94, 93 of them in there. Right.

[Kalila]

And how many. How many ants have you caught? 6 million.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but 8. No, I've caught thousands of them. And what? 6 million is a funny joke.

[Kalila]

Oh, God.

[Andrew Santino]

I miss. I missed the joke. I missed the joke. Dude, that joke was so good. Six million. Yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

How many ants you got?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

You know what? Here, if we redid the joke, you would.

[Andrew Santino]

I would have said, God damn, that was good.

[Kalila]

I would have said, how many ants did you catch? 6 million. And you would have. And you would have said, that's what they say.

[Andrew Santino]

That's. I know, I know, I know. But I didn't even.

[Kalila]

It's all good.

[Andrew Santino]

Get it? I'm so sorry. That's how good you are.

[Kalila]

No, I'm not good.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. So, no, I. I was being literal about it. Yeah. I mean, so probably thousands.

[Kalila]

Is there food up there?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I. Apparently, what happens in the summer is it gets so hot, they have to come inside to come inside.

[Kalila]

I know. I got spiders all over my house.

[Andrew Santino]

Spiders the same way.

[Kalila]

And the dog catches the spiders. And this is the funniest part. She's sick. She's sick. She plays with them. She doesn't kill him right away. She pushes them in the corner with her nose and keeps them in there.

[Andrew Santino]

Right.

[Kalila]

Like a maniac. And then I'll come over like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And then she's like. And she'll look, and the spider will.

[Andrew Santino]

Be like, I don't know where to go. Yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

She pushes it up against the wall, and she waits for me to get there. Then she kills it. Yeah, it's kind of tight. I like that little hunter mentality, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what I like to do?

[Kalila]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

When I'm taking a bath, sometimes I'll be a spider and I talk. I go, you want to go swimming Bed. Right? But they can't swim.

[Kalila]

No, they can't.

[Andrew Santino]

When you're taking a bath, do you ever see bugs?

[Kalila]

Oh, what do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

That's where they look because there's a. The pipes, the water, all that. They love all that stuff.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I used to think putting a spider down the drain or down the. Like, in the toilet kills it. I've seen spiders come right back up. I'm not even kidding. I've seen a spider come right back up.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what I did once? This is when I was bored, and I think my Xbox is broken. Right? But check this out, dude.

[Kalila]

Wait, what do you mean it's broken?

[Andrew Santino]

It was. This is when this. The very first Xbox broke, when I had, like, 15, 20 years ago.

[Kalila]

What's it called? The Red Ring of Death. Is that what it's.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it was the Red Ring of Death. Do you remember? Right.

[Kalila]

I remember that.

[Andrew Santino]

So I had nothing to do during the day. You know what I mean? And so I stared at a, you know, a scout ant.

[Kalila]

A scout ant?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I don't know what that is.

[Andrew Santino]

So sometimes I think that's. I mean, I'm not a. Oh, they.

[Kalila]

Send him in early, huh?

[Andrew Santino]

Right. So there's a guy they send.

[Kalila]

You know, it's like our Carlos.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And go. Go see.

[Kalila]

Go check it out.

[Andrew Santino]

Go check it out.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So whenever. Sometimes you'll see, like, an ant by itself. You mean by himself. It's crazy. Imagine, dude. Imagine being. And then seeing someone. You know, I mean, a human. This gigantic mountain thing. Right, right. So I saw Ant grab a cracker.

[Kalila]

Like a full size cracker?

[Andrew Santino]

No, it was like a chunk of a cracker. But, you know, I mean, he's like, I'm gonna bring this to the village. So he. From the kitchen, I tracked him. I let him carry it for a long time.

[Kalila]

That's nice of you.

[Andrew Santino]

Right all the way to the living room, which probably took about two hours. Right. I scooped him back up and I made him start over. I made him start over. He.

[Kalila]

You know. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What the fuck, dude? That's like a. And I let him do it again. Yeah, you got. You got to teach him a lot of.

[Kalila]

Teach him a lesson.

[Andrew Santino]

You can't just crush them.

[Kalila]

People's attitudes. Bugs wide. But harming or killing bugs poor to find strong disapproval of such actions. Find him cruel and unethical. Even concerning psychological tendencies in children. Undeveloped empathy and psychopathic behavior. What do you think?

[Andrew Santino]

What you're trying to tell me is this. When Dahmer was a kid, that was.

[Kalila]

In the movie, right?

[Andrew Santino]

That was a bag of bones, Right. If I hit a bag of ants, it would be the same sick sign.

[Kalila]

Pretty close.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't think so.

[Kalila]

Well, it's near.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't. If I had a jar of dead ants, I don't think it's the same as bone.

[Kalila]

Wait a minute, dude, you have a whole jar of ants? Yeah. That's crazy. That's even crazier.

[Andrew Santino]

How many are in the jar? Six million. I have. I have an Auschwitz of ants in a jar. So what you're saying to me right now is if you had a son.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm your sick.

[Kalila]

You are my.

[Andrew Santino]

I was in the backyard.

[Kalila]

Hey, buddy. What were you doing out back?

[Andrew Santino]

Knocking?

[Kalila]

Nothing. It seems like you have stuff in your hands in your pockets. What is that? No, show me your hands, bud. I want to see. Oh, my God. Is that.

[Andrew Santino]

That's right.

[Kalila]

That's a bunch of dead grasshoppers.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

What are you doing? What'd you. Why do you have so many. What are you doing?

[Andrew Santino]

I like to pluck the wings.

[Kalila]

You pluck the wings off the grasshoppers?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And then they still alive when I poke the wings.

[Kalila]

Oh my God.

[Andrew Santino]

And you know what they do?

[Kalila]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

They get hurt them so good.

[Kalila]

And you like this?

[Andrew Santino]

Feel good? I get. Daddy, Daddy. I get hard when I do that.

[Kalila]

Well, I'm glad I'm divorcing your mom anyway.

[Andrew Santino]

I pluck the wing right and then what I do is I take a stick.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

A little teeny stick. Eye die.

[Kalila]

You poke out their eyes.

[Andrew Santino]

I poke eye out. Right. You know what I do? Then they go swirly.

[Kalila]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

They don't know what going on.

[Kalila]

So they go in a circle like, hello, adoption agency.

[Andrew Santino]

You would do that?

[Kalila]

We want to give him back.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. What would you do this?

[Kalila]

Because you're my adopted son, obviously.

[Andrew Santino]

Obviously. In this scenario. Yes. Okay, what about this? When they adopt a kid from Russia. This has happened in, you know. You know, Russian kids.

[Kalila]

Crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. Maybe gotta be knife work.

[Kalila]

Knife work.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They know how to. They know how to do that.

[Kalila]

They do, yeah. What is that. What is that called?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I like that.

[Kalila]

The blade. What? The butterfly knife. They can do that.

[Andrew Santino]

That's.

[Kalila]

Dude, watch this. Dude, Google a kid with a butterfly knife. I guarantee he's a Russian kid who knows how to do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

100. If you adopt. If you adopt a Russian kid who can. Butterfly knife, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Or. Daddy, you want to play a game and then you know that, right? Like remembering aliens. Was it aliens?

[Kalila]

Aliens?

[Andrew Santino]

And they let the. The robot.

[Kalila]

Look at this. There's a little Russian girl right now, right? Obviously playing with a butterfly knife.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

And her dad is like, really good girl.

[Andrew Santino]

Very good. Yeah.

[Kalila]

You have to learn.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So if you had a Russian kid, he was doing some shady.

[Kalila]

Oh, yeah, he was.

[Andrew Santino]

Is three years old, adopted from Russia.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, you wake up one night, right? And he's just standing over you with a butterfly knife. And for some reason, a spatula. Right. Good morning, Daddy. You know what I mean? Or good. You know what would you. Would you. What would it take for you to go. Go back to Russia?

[Kalila]

It would make a good fight scene for sure out of me and the kid. I mean, I'd have to fight him. He's obviously instigating a fight. Then butterfly knife and the spatula. He's going to cook me something or we're going to fight.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I made spaghetti, Daddy.

[Kalila]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you want. Fast enough?

[Kalila]

You're going back, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Kalila]

We're putting you back on the boat.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I think. I. I don't know how. Well, that would really traumatize the kid.

[Kalila]

He traumatized me.

[Andrew Santino]

I. I know I don't need that. But can't you change him?

[Kalila]

No, dude. That's what they say. And then Dahmer's dad was like, we can't believe he was boiling body.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's right.

[Kalila]

They acted like they didn't know was coming the whole time, right? That's what you do. You cannot change that back on the boat.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a lot of signs, you know? I mean, and I get it. Like, if you're emo.

[Kalila]

Emo's different than emo's.

[Andrew Santino]

Different than psychotic for sure. But what I'm saying is one of the signs. Probably because I've never had children, right? But if your son doesn't have any friend, like, okay, so I'm your son. I have no friends, dog.

[Kalila]

Well, let's get you some friends, buddy.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't want friends. I want to stay in the room forever, dog.

[Kalila]

Okay. What are you doing in the room, though?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Kalila]

Why are you a little.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm plucking fucking caterpillar wings, dude. Dad. Poking their eyes out, brah.

[Kalila]

All right. Well, all right.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean, all right? Dad? Comedy guy.

[Kalila]

Oh, man.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, oh, man. What? You know what I mean. What kind of dude. You know what? Ron Howard had a better career than you, dad.

[Kalila]

Yeah, he did.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. In terms of redheads, he's the top redhead.

[Kalila]

Well, I agree.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You know what, dad? You. You know what, Dad? I have redheaded, too. Because of the genetic code. I can't get any. Dad, because you're.

[Kalila]

Well, that's your fault.

[Andrew Santino]

No, it's your fault, too. That. Because you gave me the red hair. You freak.

[Kalila]

I'll kill you.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what I'm.

[Kalila]

I snap. I lasted five seconds.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what I'm trying to get to.

[Kalila]

Yeah, well, look at the behavioral traits of kids who are. Might be psychotic people who have cruelty to animals. Fascination with fire. Ooh, that one. Me, for sure.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a good one.

[Kalila]

Persistent bedwetting. That's bedwetting. That's.

[Andrew Santino]

That's me. I still do that.

[Kalila]

Antisocial behavior.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what's an antisocial behavior.

[Kalila]

You don't want to go talk to people. You don't want to be around people. No, that's not us, okay?

[Andrew Santino]

That's not us.

[Kalila]

Manipulative or deceitful behavior. That's us.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's me.

[Kalila]

Yeah, you manipulate. You're the king manipulator.

[Andrew Santino]

Lack of empathy. I have empathy.

[Kalila]

Empathy and remorse. We have that, all right? Aggression and violence. Me, spades.

[Andrew Santino]

Not me.

[Kalila]

Fascination with violence and death. That's more you than me.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I like ballerina. Last night I saw that. That's pretty violent.

[Kalila]

Was it?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Kalila]

It was violent.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't know what ballerina is?

[Kalila]

What is ballerina?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, let me explain it to you.

[Kalila]

Oh, it's John Wick.

[Andrew Santino]

So what they're trying to do is try to, you know, expand the franchise.

[Kalila]

Oh, God. I couldn't even get to the last one. It flopped. It was so bad.

[Andrew Santino]

It was. You know what? There was some disconnection in the. I don't think it was directed well.

[Kalila]

But the last one wasn't good either. I tried to watch it. It was so bad. Oh, so they're having this girl. Who is that girl? That's, she plays the ballerina.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

This movie didn't do well. She's huge.

[Andrew Santino]

She's great in it too.

[Kalila]

She's.

[Andrew Santino]

So you can, you know. Here's what's sad about Ballerina. Okay. I'm not a film critic, but we are kind of. Yeah, we are kinda. But when you're watching her, you know, she's trying so hard to be. I mean, look at. She's doing all the John Wick.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, I mean, getting thrown over cabinets. You know, I mean, I mean, doing.

[Kalila]

So she's doing her own stunts.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. And she's doing it. And you're in your. And you, you, you're, you're, you're saying, I wish this was a better movie for you because you are doing such hard work.

[Kalila]

She's busting ass.

[Andrew Santino]

Busting your fucking ass.

[Kalila]

106 million worldwide. I got to be honest with you. I bet you the budget wasn't that high.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh my God. It had to be. $100 million movie.

[Kalila]

No way was it that visually stunning.

[Andrew Santino]

It had to be the stunts and.

[Kalila]

All because the John Wick. His tradition.

[Andrew Santino]

How much it was 80 million to 90 million. Yeah. It had to been okay because look.

[Kalila]

At the John Wick franchise as a whole. They started that whole thing with such low budget nothing. It was like 10, 20 million or something. I'm telling you, that's. By the way, I watched the worst documentary of all time last night.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me guess what it is.

[Kalila]

What a waste of time.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I guess the topic?

[Kalila]

Go ahead. Trending on Netflix.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I, I, I know what it is.

[Kalila]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

What do I get if I guess it?

[Kalila]

Give anything you want. What do you want?

[Andrew Santino]

Poop cruise.

[Kalila]

That was poop.

[Andrew Santino]

Really?

[Kalila]

100%.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. I couldn't get through past the 15 minutes.

[Kalila]

It sucked.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

By the way, they made a five second story. They made it a fucking hour movie. It stinks.

[Andrew Santino]

It stinks.

[Kalila]

And they should have told it from different perspectives. They got like the most, the least entertaining people to talk about it. Get some weirdos. Get some weirdos that were on the boat I want the guy. They have people being like, it was out of control and there's poop coming out of the dreams. No, I want the guy who's like, I'm the one that made the tents and I was collecting poop. And I want that guy in the documentary. Where's the weirdo?

[Andrew Santino]

But was he in on the boat?

[Kalila]

You tell me there's not one of those guys on a fucking Carnival Cruise Line, okay? Anybody that goes on these things, first of all, is a maniac. You know, there's lifers, they go on these things. There's people that stay on cruises, they just go cruise to.

[Andrew Santino]

When you ever. I see a TikTok with Carnival Cruise and I look at the pool party seems like a nightmare. Number one.

[Kalila]

I'll tell you what, it looks insane at sea.

[Andrew Santino]

Too many people.

[Kalila]

Way too many.

[Andrew Santino]

Right? Music's not my thing, that kind of.

[Kalila]

Music, because it's constant everywhere you go.

[Andrew Santino]

It's, give me the loot, give me the loot. I don't know what they're playing.

[Kalila]

I do love it.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know what they're playing.

[Kalila]

I do love that.

[Andrew Santino]

Something like Biggie or something.

[Kalila]

I love. Give me the.

[Andrew Santino]

I love. Give me the song.

[Kalila]

No, they're playing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but I'm on a boat. I don't want to hear it. Give me the loot. Give me the loot. You know, I don't want to hear it, right? Because it's like, I'm not. I've never done that.

[Kalila]

You don't do that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I've never, you know, Give me the loot. I've never done that.

[Kalila]

Now, if it was Portishead, you'd be into it.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know what? Mazzy Star.

[Kalila]

Fine. Mazzy Star is great.

[Andrew Santino]

Or whatever, right?

[Kalila]

Well, that's a suicidal song. On a boat wouldn't be good.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, but still, I could cut with myself with my emo friend, you know what I mean? So it's the music. Too many people. Give me another reason why you wouldn't go on that cruise.

[Kalila]

Well, I. Buffets, you know, give me the creeps. I have. I'm germaphobic. I think Buffet to me is Night Nightmare. Everyone's in the. That. No, thank you. Also. Also, there is something to be said about unlimited booze and booze available in a trapped environment.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Hallelujah.

[Kalila]

Give me something.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I go back to the buffet?

[Kalila]

Sure.

[Andrew Santino]

Never trust a buffet without a glass paneling. Oh, bro, bro, if there's no glass paneling, forget it. And Guess what? Who's the fucker that has to clean that fucking thing?

[Kalila]

Oh, gross.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, God. You know, it's people's breath.

[Kalila]

It's breath and snot and hands and fingers.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's gross. All right. Here's another thing. I don't think that I'd be able.

[Kalila]

To sleep well in on a boat.

[Andrew Santino]

Because you'd have to pay extra to get a. Can you get a window room?

[Kalila]

I think they're all window rooms, right?

[Andrew Santino]

There's no inland room, I would imagine.

[Kalila]

Why would there be? How could there be? They all have to be on the outside of the boat.

[Andrew Santino]

I would need a window.

[Kalila]

Huh? Stop.

[Andrew Santino]

Is the shower water even without, like, is the shower water good?

[Kalila]

It's filtered clean water. You can't. It's non potable.

[Andrew Santino]

Thank you.

[Kalila]

So you can't drink it, but you can shower with it.

[Andrew Santino]

Why is that? I want to shower in. In water that I can drink.

[Kalila]

I totally agree. I totally agree.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't you? Like, I can't put it in my body, but I could put it outside my body.

[Kalila]

And by the way, this. It gets in my body when it pours. Yeah, it's on my.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I want Fiji water for shower water.

[Kalila]

Yeah. 100.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

It contained bacterias, viruses, chemicals. So, yeah, you're. It's. No, no, you can't drink it. But also, I don't trust that they're not recycling water. How do you know? How do I know?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you don't know.

[Kalila]

You would never know.

[Andrew Santino]

You never know. Even the fucking water filter I have at my house sometimes, I don't know.

[Kalila]

Oh, I think it's bullshit.

[Andrew Santino]

I think we have.

[Kalila]

We have filtered water at the house too. And I'm like, this didn't do anything.

[Andrew Santino]

This has high tech technology, five filters, nothing. Use idiom And I dm. You know, me and all these fucking things. I don't even know, by the way.

[Kalila]

Yeah, idiom and idiom. How well do they work?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, idiom and idiom. But so here's another thing I. Activities.

[Kalila]

So you're not doing any of those?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, let's just throw them out. I've never been on a cruise, but I assume pool activities is one pool all day. Okay. Number two, Is there a movie theater?

[Kalila]

There is a huge movie theater and a huge performance theater where comedians and musicians and people go to perform.

[Andrew Santino]

But what are they playing in the movie? You know what they're playing?

[Kalila]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

What?

[Kalila]

What are they playing?

[Andrew Santino]

What are they playing?

[Kalila]

What are they playing?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm asking you because I've never Been. I've never been on a cruise.

[Kalila]

I've never fucking been.

[Andrew Santino]

I've never been on a cruise. So what do you think? Okay. You? I'm on a boat. Yeah. Honey.

[Kalila]

Hi.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's go to the movie theater. What's playing?

[Kalila]

Hi. Welcome to movie theater. Yeah, we have three films available. Which one would you like to see?

[Andrew Santino]

You sing to me.

[Kalila]

Yes. Oh, we have three films there. Which one would you like to see?

[Andrew Santino]

Let me just read it. Madea.

[Kalila]

MEDEA showing in 10 minutes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. In 10 minutes.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What is Medea?

[Kalila]

It's a beautiful. It's a beautiful, heartfelt story.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Family story.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

About a woman and her. And her extended family.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. No, thank you. That's pretty much. Is it a comedy?

[Kalila]

It's a comedy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Who is Medea? Who plays Medea?

[Kalila]

Tyler Perry.

[Andrew Santino]

Tyler Perry, yes. Yeah, I know. What's another movie that you have here?

[Kalila]

Oh, we have Soul Plane.

[Andrew Santino]

So what is that?

[Kalila]

It's. It's Dog and some friends are on. And Katt Williams. They're on a plane to.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I ask you another question?

[Kalila]

Sure.

[Andrew Santino]

Is Tyler Perry. Is that what you said?

[Kalila]

Tyler Perry?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. Is he black?

[Kalila]

He is.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. I didn't know.

[Kalila]

Is that okay?

[Andrew Santino]

No, it's completely.

[Kalila]

I would hope so.

[Andrew Santino]

Big Denzel fan?

[Kalila]

We don't have any Denzel.

[Andrew Santino]

What's the third movie?

[Kalila]

I think you can see what the third movie.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, almost thought. Is that about a boat?

[Kalila]

It is about a boat.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, good. Do you have Titanic? Because I like White Boat.

[Kalila]

No, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Kalila]

We found that.

[Andrew Santino]

That tested negative with the people on cruise. Okay. So there's movies. What else is there? Is there darts? Like, what else happens?

[Kalila]

Shuffleboard. There's also water slides, they said. And then people really get off on the casino. It's a fucking floating casino.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, it's a casino. Yeah.

[Kalila]

Another way for people to lose their mortgage.

[Andrew Santino]

Can you smoke inside the casino, you think?

[Kalila]

You better believe it.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, good.

[Kalila]

It's a boat. You can do whatever the fuck you want. Maritime law, baby. You can have as much fun as possible. Look at. There's a Punchliner comedy club. There's an IMAX theater. You can play Deal or no Deal live.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Kalila]

Drive in movies. Oh, dive in movies.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Karaoke. Nightmare. Piano bar. Live music. A nightclub.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

A sports bar. And then fancy. What does that say? Go ahead. That's in your stuff.

[Andrew Santino]

Blonde. Blank. Blank.

[Kalila]

It's a dazzling performance version. So what is this? Is that Carnival's website? Yeah. It's their activity.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. So I want to ask you this.

[Kalila]

God, no, thanks, man.

[Andrew Santino]

Sometimes, you know, I'll run into a comic I haven't seen in a very long time.

[Kalila]

This just happened to you?

[Andrew Santino]

No, just general. Sometimes you just run into a guy like, oh, so and so.

[Kalila]

Yeah, I saw.

[Andrew Santino]

I haven't seen you in 20 years or whatever.

[Kalila]

I literally just saw. Do you know who Tarun Shetty is, love?

[Andrew Santino]

Tarun.

[Kalila]

Yeah, I just ran into him and I haven't seen him in a long, long time.

[Andrew Santino]

And then they go, yeah, I've been doing the cruises. That, that, that thing.

[Kalila]

Oh, when they tell you they have. Oh, right.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, they've been doing. They've been gone because that's how they make it, which is a great. A cruise. Doing Stand up on a cruise.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Would you do it? I mean, because I've never been offered it.

[Kalila]

Let me tell you something.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me. Let me just say something.

[Kalila]

When this show's over and we aren't on this show anymore, we might have to cruise.

[Andrew Santino]

I have nothing against.

[Kalila]

He might be cruising. It might be bad Friends at Sea.

[Andrew Santino]

We could do that because Chelsea Lynn does it. I think the workaholic boys are doing it.

[Kalila]

They are doing it.

[Andrew Santino]

Bert's done it. A cruise?

[Kalila]

Yeah, they all do cruises.

[Andrew Santino]

What I'm saying is just you as a stand up, getting hired.

[Kalila]

I know what you're doing.

[Andrew Santino]

What am I doing?

[Kalila]

You're saying that my career is headed in the path that I will be a cruiser.

[Andrew Santino]

You're a movie star and that's. That's insane.

[Kalila]

Please, I'm not even a TV star.

[Andrew Santino]

You got something coming. I can feel it. Okay, yeah, I made some calls. But my point is. All right, but what I'm saying is, is that I could. No, I don't know if I could do it. I don't know if I have the material for it. I don't know if I have.

[Kalila]

Here's really what it is.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

It would kill my soul to eat shit on a boat and then not.

[Andrew Santino]

Be able to leave when you bomb.

[Kalila]

And then I have to go to 41C, my bunk. I have to eat and then walk past people to my. But I've lived that life. It hurts when you eat.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Kalila]

At a bad room. And then I'll be in the back sitting at a table, eating chicken wings.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Until I have to go. Until my ride takes me back to the hotel like that. I mean, I bomb and then I'm up there.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God. And your opener's in there too.

[Kalila]

Yeah. We have to chat it out.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And he's like I killed.

[Kalila]

You're like, oh, I know, I saw you.

[Andrew Santino]

I used to play Heroes in Vegas and used to do 16 shows in a week. That's Monday through Sunday.

[Kalila]

Ridiculous.

[Andrew Santino]

So one time I had a really, really, like. It was eight people that don't know. What happens is when you don't have a name and you're doing a club like Heroes in Vegas, they don't care who it is.

[Kalila]

No, they're just giving free tickets.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, free tickets. People show up, they don't know who the fudge you are.

[Kalila]

Which is why we're so grateful for the fans. So God, keep going so we don't have to go back and do 19 shows.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I had one particular. Was like seven people in a 200 seat room. I bombed so hard.

[Kalila]

You cannot kill with seven people.

[Andrew Santino]

I went to the Geraldinas. Is that what it's called? The ice cream place? Geraldis. Geraldis, Geraldis.

[Kalila]

No, no, no.

[Andrew Santino]

Ghirardelli.

[Kalila]

Yeah. Thank you. Well, the Foreigner got it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Ghirardelli ice cream place. I got a sundae after the show.

[Kalila]

That's kind of a nice reward, right?

[Andrew Santino]

But the two people that went to the se of the seven, right? And the guy goes to me, yo, nice try.

[Kalila]

That's so funny.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not. You were funny. It's not, you know, I mean, you're pretty. Good night. Like he acknowledged my attempt.

[Kalila]

A guy shook my hand one time. I think I was in God, I want to say, I. I want to say not Portland, but I was in the northwest somewhere and I don't remember where I was because I was all, let me guess, Northwest, broken on the road.

[Andrew Santino]

Tacoma.

[Kalila]

Yeah, it could have been Tacoma. It was up in the northwest somewhere. But I was broken on the road. And a guy said. And I had such a mid ass set. And he shook my hand and smiled very nice because I was saying hi to people on the way out. You. I used to do that a lot, you know, because you just wanted to say thanks for coming. Sure. And the guy goes, keep swinging.

[Andrew Santino]

Keep swinging.

[Kalila]

And by the way, it's not even that mean. It's just perfect.

[Andrew Santino]

It's perfect.

[Kalila]

It's like saying you'll hit the bulk. Come on, you're doing it. You're all right. You'll be you, you know, don't worry about keep, keep swinging.

[Andrew Santino]

Which means that you struck out.

[Kalila]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I see that now that you struck out.

[Kalila]

He's saying, batter out, get back in the battery.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow factor. Summer is here, baby. More sun, more light, more time to do all the things that make summer so special. And the number one thing is you don't want to be doing all summer spending hours cooking inside. Right Andrew?

[Kalila]

That's right. I don't want to be indoors, man. That's where the factor comes in. Factors Chef crafted, dietitian approved meals are ready in just two minutes. That's as long as Bobby lasts in the bedroom. Taking the hassle out of eating well.

[Andrew Santino]

Factor powers your day. Shut up. To sound down with nutritious breakfast on the go lunches, premium dinners and guilt free snacks and desserts, Factor has your whole day covered.

[Kalila]

Look at Bob and I are on the road a lot. A lot of times we're on the go. And factor. Thank you to them. They sent us a bunch of meals. They are delicious.

[Andrew Santino]

They're so good.

[Kalila]

They're so quick and easy to get in and get going with your day.

[Andrew Santino]

Get started@Factor Meals.com Bad Friends 50 off and use code BAD FRIENDS50OFF to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.

[Kalila]

That's code BAD FRIENDS50OFF@Factor Meals.com Bad friends 50 off for 50% off plus free shipping. Factor Meals.com Bad Friends 50 OFF Shopify.

[Andrew Santino]

Look guys, if you, if you have an online business and I don't do, I don't know what you're doing if you're not using Shopify. When you think about businesses, Andrew.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They're selling through the roof like aloe or allbirds or skims. What do you think of a pretty good product?

[Kalila]

I guess. Good.

[Andrew Santino]

But you think of Shopify? No.

[Kalila]

Oh, that's what I think of the most though.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kalila]

Because that is honestly the secret behind business. Because businesses that use Shopify, they are winning.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

That means way less carts are going abandoned and way more sales going. Cha ching. Up up, up up up up up up up.

[Andrew Santino]

So if business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed and everywhere else in between. My friend.

[Kalila]

Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify and the secrets out. It's not so secret. Businesses that want to grow grow with Shopify like ours, upgrade your business and get the same checkout that all birds and skims uses today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com bad friends all.

[Andrew Santino]

Lowercase go to shopify.com lowercase bad friends to upgrade your selling today.

[Kalila]

Shopify.com bad friends keep swinging is keep.

[Andrew Santino]

Swinging is a really good shout out.

[Kalila]

To that guy that stayed with me for 12 years.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Pretty funny. Is hurts too.

[Kalila]

You're pretty funny.

[Andrew Santino]

You're pretty. Yeah, pretty funny. I don't like.

[Kalila]

It's mean when they go. When they say it. Like a surprise when they go, you were pretty funny. Like it blew their mind.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I think that's worse.

[Kalila]

They saw you. Yeah. You were actually funny. That's. He knows. That's so mean.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Or.

[Kalila]

Or yeah. You really want to get under a comedian skin.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Fans go up to the headliner, shake his or her hand and go of your dude. Funny. Funny stuff. I loved the guy before you. That will them up in a way. It's irreparable damage, but say it real go. God, I love that guy. Right. Before you say his name again, say their name again. Make the headliner tell you the other. That'll. That kills a headliner so much.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll tell you, it's the meanest. Same thing. If you see the opener with the header standing next to each other.

[Kalila]

Yes, I know. This is.

[Andrew Santino]

You go to the opener and go, you should headline.

[Kalila]

Oh, God, it's so funny.

[Andrew Santino]

You should have been. You should have been the headliner. Right. That will destroy every ounce of joy inside your heart. It hurts.

[Kalila]

So it's happened to all of us, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

We've been so much.

[Kalila]

We've been on both sides of the fence.

[Andrew Santino]

Both sides of the fence.

[Kalila]

That's like what I told you that, that, that story where I loved the National. I followed them from the beginning. I saw them in small shows. Then we saw them open the Hollywood bowl for RM. And my wife hates RM so much. We left after the. We paid for RM's tickets to watch the opening act.

[Andrew Santino]

Your wife hates REM. That's very annoying to me.

[Kalila]

Loads are.

[Andrew Santino]

That's the most annoying thing I've ever heard.

[Kalila]

Let me tell you something.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I never cared. I never. I always thought, whatever. REM's fine. They're. They're not a favorite of mine. I don't listen to them.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God.

[Kalila]

But now because of her hate.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I've also found out why she hates them.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I guess? Yeah, let me think. Too white. Like in a generic college.

[Kalila]

So college y. White whiny guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Right?

[Kalila]

It's whiny white guy. She hates whiny white guy. Ah, look at this band.

[Andrew Santino]

That's.

[Kalila]

Look at. Look at their faces.

[Andrew Santino]

Mike Mills. Mike Mills is the one. The glasses brother. He is the whitest of the whites. Right?

[Kalila]

That's whiter than me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But Peter Buck the guy to the far left, right? What do you think? I like white dudes like that.

[Kalila]

Yeah, but he doesn't belong. Which one of these things doesn't belong?

[Andrew Santino]

Peter Buck.

[Kalila]

He does not belong.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. That's the guy that laugh. What do you think of Michael Stipe?

[Kalila]

I think he's a brilliant songwriter.

[Andrew Santino]

He is. But I like his voice.

[Kalila]

Just don't care.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, that's insane.

[Kalila]

I think the song automatic for people.

[Andrew Santino]

There's just so many great albums that they've done that it's like I just. When. When I heard your wife just now doesn't like rm, it really kind of shocked me.

[Kalila]

Here's why.

[Andrew Santino]

It's one of the greatest bands of all time. I think.

[Kalila]

I disagree. Do you know what? This. They'll never go up there as the greatest. One of the greatest bands. They are. They are. He's a brilliant songwriter.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you out of your mind?

[Kalila]

No one names. REM is one of the greatest bands. And you'll never listen to their albums again once you've done with them.

[Andrew Santino]

How do you. I listen to it all the time now.

[Kalila]

No, you don't.

[Andrew Santino]

Labels of the reconstruction. I know the albums. Let me say something.

[Kalila]

Give me your Spotify and prove to me that you listen to them recently.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay?

[Kalila]

Liar.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, how do you. Liar. I don't have. I can know Apple Music. I can do.

[Kalila]

What are you my dad?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Right. Even download it. Let's see if you. Because when you download a song, that means you really like it.

[Kalila]

Sure. Is it downloaded?

[Andrew Santino]

So let's see. This is downloaded, right? Yeah.

[Kalila]

Click on.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm gonna go to artist. I don't think I have it.

[Kalila]

I hope.

[Andrew Santino]

Look. Downloaded REM that's just on.

[Kalila]

That's. That's the library.

[Andrew Santino]

No, that's not. Download it. Look at the top.

[Kalila]

Give it to me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. And you know when it's downloaded, press rm. It has that little white dot. Means it's downloaded on my phone.

[Kalila]

Automatic for the people. All you have is one song. Night Swimming. One song.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Kalila]

One song.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

And on.

[Andrew Santino]

Go now. Now go to my non.

[Kalila]

And you have one song on the other album. One dot. There it is. Driver eight.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Don't get.

[Kalila]

Give it to two songs he loves.

[Andrew Santino]

Downloaded. Downloaded. Now let's go back to now. Oh, let's go back to just library now. Please, please let me improve in the.

[Kalila]

Way that you hate.

[Andrew Santino]

Give me the loot. Give me the loot.

[Kalila]

I hate Aria.

[Andrew Santino]

I love Biggie. What are you talking about?

[Kalila]

No, you don't want to boat I.

[Andrew Santino]

Don'T think he killed Tupac.

[Kalila]

He didn't.

[Andrew Santino]

Or his people did.

[Kalila]

He did. No. So. So the irony of going to an opening act for the record was so we could see the national because we love them. And I had to leave for Remember? And I don't hate R.E.M. i think Michael's one of the best songwriters. I just don't care.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. I mean, it's. It's like if you believe they put.

[Kalila]

A man on the moon.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Man on the moon.

[Andrew Santino]

What's the song about?

[Kalila]

If you believe, if you believe.

[Andrew Santino]

What's the song about? The song is about who? Andy Kaufman.

[Kalila]

I know, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Unbelievable.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's the first time I've ever heard of. Even before I even knew who Lenny Bruce is. I learned it from.

[Kalila]

All right, you want me to. You want me to drop the act? I like REM a lot.

[Andrew Santino]

Do you really?

[Kalila]

Yeah, I do.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, did you leave?

[Kalila]

Yeah, we left.

[Andrew Santino]

Why did you leave?

[Kalila]

Because she didn't want to hear it. You know how funny it was?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I literally go, what if we stay for, like, two songs?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kalila]

I really, really. Yeah, I wanted to stay. Yeah, of course I wanted to stay.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I knew it, dude. As soon as you told me that irked you, I was like, well, I'm gonna dig as deep as.

[Andrew Santino]

That was good, because it was really getting me going. Because here's the thing. I don't even know if I went to a show of a band that I really loved, and if my significant other said, let's leave, I don't know if I could. I think that would be a deal breaker for me.

[Kalila]

It would hurt. Yeah. Well, here was the. Here was the deal. We went for the national. Truly. I want to see the national. So that's really. Because I'd never seen them in that big of a venue, so we wanted to see that and then talk about a beautiful full circle. They played the Hollywood bowl the next year, solo headlining. And then I thought, we should go see the opening band of that and leave before the National.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Who was opening his bed of that?

[Kalila]

No, it was. It was a. It wasn't a nobody. It was like a band where you're like, oh, they could sell a lot of tickets.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Sometimes you need two bands to sell. Sometimes you need two bands to sell a lot of.

[Andrew Santino]

To be a big. Yeah, yeah, of course. I. No shame. I get that.

[Kalila]

What do you mean? You and I, we love it together. Sometimes we're the killer combination.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Good combination.

[Kalila]

That's why we're doing London and Dublin together.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

And. Yeah, we can announce it.

[Andrew Santino]

Saudi Arabia.

[Kalila]

We're doing Saudi Arabia. We're doing the Riad Comedy Festival.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but to me, that would be like. Like the girl that I'm seeing now, she's like, let's watch Hamilton. I didn't know anything about it.

[Kalila]

The play.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's a. Wait, the movie is the play. She goes, if. Because I guess they're going to do. I feel so bad about this, dude.

[Kalila]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

So she goes. She goes, well, in New York, the original cast is going to do like one show, right? And to be impressive, I go, I could maybe try to get tickets for that.

[Kalila]

Can you imagine how expensive that.

[Andrew Santino]

Guess what?

[Kalila]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

I can't. That's what I found out. I have no power.

[Kalila]

That's right.

[Andrew Santino]

I call people, they're like, get the out of here, dude. I go, oh, okay.

[Kalila]

An impossible ticket. That's like for Bradley Cooper and whoever hot.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what I'm saying. I thought that maybe I could get a back row thing, brother. I know, brother. I don't know no about Hamilton.

[Kalila]

Because here's what happens.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

They put in that show is going to be the coolest, hottest New York celebrities in the. In the. In the orchestra. Then in the top balcony, the. That will be people who used to be super famous but are still cool and relevant.

[Andrew Santino]

Corey Feldman.

[Kalila]

What the.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm going to throw some names. You see if they get a kid to come or not.

[Kalila]

In the balcony?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, in the balcony.

[Kalila]

I'll say a name. I'll tell you if they're an orchestra. Balcony or upper deck.

[Andrew Santino]

This is a good. Or backup Charlize Theron.

[Kalila]

Orchestra.

[Andrew Santino]

That's good.

[Kalila]

Orchestra. Oh, yeah. The floor. They're on the floor.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, Charlie. All right. Pauly Shore.

[Kalila]

Pulling tickets out front.

[Andrew Santino]

Scalping tickets. He's scalping tickets up front.

[Kalila]

No, he's a ticket ripper.

[Andrew Santino]

He's a ticket four, brother. Okay. Okay.

[Kalila]

We love you, Paul.

[Andrew Santino]

We love you, too. Yeah, I know. Let's keep going.

[Kalila]

We wouldn't get in the building is the point.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, what's that guy? No. Okay.

[Kalila]

What's that guy? Obviously not in there. If you have to say, what's that guy? Yeah, he's not inside.

[Andrew Santino]

Harry Styles.

[Kalila]

Orchestra.

[Andrew Santino]

Orchestra.

[Kalila]

By the way, second row.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Kalila]

They want him in the shot of the reverse camera shot of. Of Hamilton with Harry right there. That, you know, the picture that they want.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, let's go. Let's go to Sally Fields.

[Kalila]

I gotta be honest with you. Balcony one. She's in the first balcony.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Kalila]

Here's what they pitch her. She goes, oh, I'd like to be down in the orchestra. And they go, sally, it's kind of hard to see from down there. You might because of your age, but I'm four.

[Andrew Santino]

Nine.

[Kalila]

No, no, I'm saying. Yeah, that's why you need to be elevated to see down to the.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you. You're. As a talent guy that works for Hamilton. Yeah, that's really. Oh, yeah. So I'm calling.

[Kalila]

Yeah, we'd be.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm a public.

[Kalila]

We'd be afraid that you couldn't see the stage from over, people. So we'd want you elevated to look down. There's two balconies. You're in the beer in the prime. You're in the middle one. You're on the best one.

[Andrew Santino]

So, David Swimmer.

[Kalila]

David Schwimmer.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Schwimmer.

[Kalila]

Yes, we do have a seat for Dave.

[Andrew Santino]

Where is he sitting?

[Kalila]

He's in the second balcony.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, second balcony. I think he's orchestrating. You do? Yeah, I think he's orchestra.

[Kalila]

He's actually in the second balcony, and he's in the middle row. He's in the dead center.

[Andrew Santino]

So. Really? David Swimmer would get that.

[Kalila]

Dave, dead center, though.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Gets to see right down. Am I wrong? That's. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, I have.

[Kalila]

Who else do you have on your team, on your. In your roster there? Agent. What's your name again?

[Andrew Santino]

Agent Donovan. Alejandro Crisp.

[Kalila]

Is that a new agent Donovan? Alejandro?

[Andrew Santino]

Just call me crisp.

[Kalila]

Oh, Crispy.

[Andrew Santino]

Dr. Chris.

[Kalila]

Oh, I know Mr.

[Andrew Santino]

Crisp. I'm a doctor.

[Kalila]

Oh, Dr. Chris.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But I also do publicists on the side. Publicity on the side.

[Kalila]

Damn. What happened to your fucking. What happened?

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean, what happened?

[Kalila]

Were you. What kind of doctor were you?

[Andrew Santino]

I was a orthopedic surgeon.

[Kalila]

Someone's heard me talk about it recently.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

All right, so let me hear. Who else do you have on your client list?

[Andrew Santino]

Molly Ringwald. Ooh.

[Kalila]

She'll be upstairs next to David. Two seats away.

[Andrew Santino]

Mollywell center.

[Kalila]

Center. Two seats away. Perfect. Beautiful.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, now let's go. Dr. Ken Jeong.

[Kalila]

You know, let me see if we have any more tickets, actually, because I think we might, you know, you can.

[Andrew Santino]

Would get balcony. That's insane. That hurts.

[Kalila]

You're not Ken.

[Andrew Santino]

I noticed it. But honestly, you don't think that can get balcony?

[Kalila]

Yeah, he get balcony. He get first bat. He. I didn't want to say it to upset you. He'd get middle balcony for sure.

[Andrew Santino]

I already tried. They said no.

[Kalila]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They said, quote, get the out of here.

[Kalila]

No, shut up.

[Andrew Santino]

But they did.

[Kalila]

Shut up. Get the out of here, or you'd get middle balcony.

[Andrew Santino]

I won't. I already tried. I called, you know, I mean, my peeps, and they go, it's not. No, get the out of here.

[Kalila]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So I go, okay, I think you.

[Kalila]

Could get top row. I believe it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You know, you One show. I don't think so. Dude.

[Kalila]

You could get up there. I think you could.

[Andrew Santino]

No way. Yeah.

[Kalila]

You guys.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. No way, right? I, I, I'm.

[Kalila]

What do you mean? It's like 600.

[Andrew Santino]

Andre Agassi.

[Kalila]

Oh, he's in there. 100. It's a legend. A literal legend in his game.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, Carla Malone.

[Kalila]

Carla Malone.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Carla. Carla.

[Kalila]

You're saying Carl Malone.

[Andrew Santino]

Carl Malone, the basketball player.

[Kalila]

Old. He got pregnant.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Carl Malone.

[Kalila]

Carl Malone would not be available for that. They would not. They'd go, sir.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. Living legend, though. No, you know what? We could go if they did Lion King. Do you ever see Lion King? I went, I think the only third play I ever went to, but I had a girlfriend named Christine, and she goes, let's go watch. So at Pantages, you went to go.

[Kalila]

See the Lion King.

[Andrew Santino]

I bought tickets. Right. It was pretty fun.

[Kalila]

Yeah. I haven't seen it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, there's like a giraffe when a guy in a costume, you know what I mean? And you're like, oh, look. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty.

[Kalila]

You didn't pay attention to it, did you?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I'd never seen the Lion King in any form, so it was so riveting to me because I didn't know the story.

[Kalila]

Shut the fuck up. You never saw the Lion King?

[Andrew Santino]

I have never seen Little Mermaid, lion, any of those Disney old things. Mulan, I don't know, Princess of Persia, any of that stuff.

[Kalila]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

The only thing I saw was Nima. Nemo. I saw Nemo. I saw the one that has, like, schizophrenia. The Dora. I forget things.

[Kalila]

You finding Dory?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that one. Yeah. Where am I?

[Kalila]

Ever seen Aladdin?

[Andrew Santino]

No. I don't even know. So when I was watching the Lion King, I go, too old. I didn't even know it was about Africa.

[Kalila]

It's not.

[Andrew Santino]

No. I thought. I don't know anything about it. All I know, it just says it's on. No, it's not in Africa.

[Kalila]

It's in Bakersfield.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I didn't know. Right. So I know that the lion's in it, but I don't know any other kind of information.

[Kalila]

What else you know about the lion?

[Andrew Santino]

He Must. Mutumba.

[Kalila]

Mustafa. Mustafa.

[Andrew Santino]

Mustafa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

Mufasa.

[Andrew Santino]

Mustafa.

[Kalila]

Mufasa.

[Andrew Santino]

Mufasa. I know that there's a thing where he goes, look, and there's like a little boy. Like the little one cub.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Over the ridge. Yeah, I don't think that was in that live play. What's. What's. So let's. Okay. I don't know what the Lion King is.

[Kalila]

No. Aladdin. No Lion King. No.

[Andrew Santino]

Little. Well, okay. Little Mermaid. Let me see.

[Kalila]

You know. Shut up. You're with me.

[Andrew Santino]

I swear onto my mother's life, you. I don't know what the little. I know that it's a mermaid. I know she's little. Just based on the. You know the title. Yeah, I know that there's a purple creature. The. The. The rotund. The fat purple thing.

[Kalila]

Purple, fat.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And she's. Whatever she does, right? Bubbly, bubbly, bubbly.

[Kalila]

Yes. Bubbly, bubbly.

[Andrew Santino]

You're in a clam trap.

[Kalila]

That's exactly right.

[Andrew Santino]

Right, right. I know that there are clams right.

[Kalila]

Under the sea, right?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. I know that kind of stuff.

[Kalila]

So you know it because you've been.

[Andrew Santino]

In a mall and you go, what the is this? And they go, it's from the Little Mermaid. Then you go, oh. And you retain that information. But I don't know anything about that. I don't know the thing about Aladdin. Nothing about Aladdin.

[Kalila]

Magic Carpet Ride dog.

[Andrew Santino]

I know the who song.

[Kalila]

I can show you the world.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I did. I know the. Like, start a tune. I'll can maybe finish it. Go ahead.

[Kalila]

Okay. Here is. Here is the jungle of. Is. Here is the jungle. You will be the man of the jungle. You know that song? No, it's not a real song.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. I know that. Didn't retain. That didn't hit. I'm being real. Try to hit.

[Kalila]

All right. Aladdin.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but I don't know, so. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. But you think. Okay, if I have to start, what do you think I should start with?

[Kalila]

That's interesting. What should he start with? If he's starting with one of those old school Disney movies, I would say either.

[Andrew Santino]

Peter Pan. I know Peter Pan. Ask me anything about Peter Pan. I'll tell you Peter Pan.

[Kalila]

No, he's seen Peter Pan. I would say. No, that's Songs of Disney, dog. We're talking Disney film. A classic Disney film. I would say, honestly, I think the Lion King is one of the best. Aladdin and Lion King, Beauty and The Beast and the Little Mermaid are the three. Like, bangers.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Beauty and the Beast is the only.

[Andrew Santino]

So good that was nominated for an Oscar. The only animated film ever.

[Kalila]

What is Beauty and the Beast?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Was it best. Best for best picture?

[Andrew Santino]

Can I. I don't think I. I'll pass on Beauty and the Bees.

[Kalila]

Oh, you're wrong. She's the hottest.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I believe that you can't. It's inherently. You already know the story based. Just based on your story, Bobby. Okay. Like, explain to me why would be my story, Andreas, I'd like to be educated.

[Kalila]

Money makes you more handsome. Damn, dude. These guys are.

[Andrew Santino]

Damn, dude.

[Kalila]

That's what's going on up there. And that's crazy. Window.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

It's like you're cursed to be alone forever. Holy shit. That's not the message. Beauty is inside. Yeah, that's the nice version. The Beauty is on the inside. But to get the princess to your castle, sometimes you gotta kidnap her.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, no. The scary laugh.

[Kalila]

He's about to lose it.

[Andrew Santino]

It's good.

[Kalila]

No, no, I'm not. I'm not saying that about you. They are.

[Andrew Santino]

It's good.

[Kalila]

No, I didn't say it about you. Stop it.

[Andrew Santino]

Stop that. Unbelievably good. Yeah. I go.

[Kalila]

He's getting to lose his mind. True Classic.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, my God. You know, whenever you look. Wear True Classic, Andrew, you look so like.

[Kalila]

You think it's my body.

[Andrew Santino]

Very Marlon Brando early or Marlon Brando days.

[Kalila]

Like.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It looks so clean on you. Dude.

[Kalila]

When you wear True Classic, you look like Bobby Lee in the early days.

[Andrew Santino]

When I was 12.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

You were young and fit.

[Andrew Santino]

And let me ask you, what sets them apart from other T shirts?

[Kalila]

Because their mission goes beyond fit and fabric. It's about helping guys show up with confidence and purpose. The gear fits right? It feels amazing, and it's price. So guys everywhere, no matter who you are or what you do, you can step into confidence without stepping out of your budget.

[Andrew Santino]

We've been wearing True Classic for a while now, and now you can feel the difference the moment you throw one on. Tailored where you want it, relax where you need it. No bunching, no stiff fabric. No bs. Just a clean, effortless fit that actually works for real life.

[Kalila]

And by the way, you can forget overpriced designer brands, all right? Ditch that disposable fast fashion. True Classic is built for comfort, built to last, and built to give back. You can grab them at Target, Costco, or head to truclassic.com bad friends and get hooked up today.

[Andrew Santino]

That's true. Classic.com bad friends talk space. You know, today at 4, I went to therapy.

[Kalila]

You did go to therapy, Right before we recorded every Thursday.

[Andrew Santino]

I do. And I tell you something, it's. It's because of my anxiety. Right. I need to work through what makes me anxious. Right. Because of the trauma that I experienced as a kid. I had to work on these different moments as a kid doing EMDR and all that stuff. I honestly believe that therapy is priceless. And I think that to be free and to have a healthier life, you should do. You should go to where? Our Talk Space.

[Kalila]

I think you should. Talk Space is the leading virtual therapy provider. It makes getting the help you need easy, accessible and affordable. It's for everybody. And by the way, their talks based therapy and psychiatry are covered by many insurance plans. I know that's a big deal for a lot of people. Like, well, I can't afford it, but they're covered. And. And employers, including Tricare for active duty veterans and their dependents. Most insured members have a zero dollar copay. So you should try Talkspace. I believe everyone should talk to somebody.

[Andrew Santino]

And Talk Space makes getting help convenient because you can take your appointments from the comfort and privacy of your own home. And that's nice. You can even talk it out between sessions by sending messages to your therapist.

[Kalila]

That's right. As a list to this podcast, you're going to get $80 off your first month with Talk Space when you go to talkspace.com badfriends Enter the promo code SPACE80. That's S, P, a C80. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com bad friends. Enter the promo code SPACE80. The girls are back.

[Andrew Santino]

Damn, dude, look at how tan. Tan Rat turds. That's what they look like.

[Kalila]

Stop it.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm kidding.

[Kalila]

How long were you guys in Hawaii?

[Bobby Lee]

A month.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow, look at you guys.

[Kalila]

God, you guys.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Look how 10 they are.

[Bobby Lee]

And we went to the beach today too.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, they did.

[Kalila]

Do you. You've never worn sunscreen?

[Bobby Lee]

No, we don't need to. We don't burn like you.

[Kalila]

Okay, Don't.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, go talk to. Into the mic. You see Issa. Hello.

[Kalila]

I cannot believe how tan you get.

[Andrew Santino]

They're so tan.

[Kalila]

You got so tan.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

We didn't burn once, though.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, because you guys don't.

[Kalila]

Don't say nobody burned. There's Filipinos that burned.

[Bobby Lee]

Probably like the lighter Filipinos. But we're not light.

[Kalila]

Oh, you guys haven't gotten a sunburn.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Kalila]

You've never.

[Bobby Lee]

Not on that trip.

[Kalila]

But you have gotten a sunburn.

[Bobby Lee]

When I was a kid.

[Andrew Santino]

Now, did you eat the chocolate cake?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

How much of the chocolate cake?

[Andrew Santino]

So what happened was I was on Gold Belly about a month ago, and there was an advertisement for a. Like a double, triple chocolate cake.

[Kalila]

Sounds good, right?

[Andrew Santino]

It comes. They're in Hawaii, and I'm on Ozempic. So that cake is not getting eaten. So I put in the freezer, thawed it out a couple nights ago. Right. And I've been begging them to eat it.

[Kalila]

Because you want them to be satisfied?

[Andrew Santino]

Not that. Because I don't want it to go to waste.

[Kalila]

Yeah, because you can't have it.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. I've been eating. I had it for breakfast. I had a slice I had made your mom make me a slice for breakfast. Chocolate cake.

[Kalila]

Make a slice.

[Andrew Santino]

I go, can you get it? Can I get a slice? And she. And she sliced it.

[Kalila]

And you had it?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, last night.

[Kalila]

How good is it?

[Bobby Lee]

It's so good.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like Trip. Too decadent, though, is what you're saying.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so heavy.

[Andrew Santino]

It's heavy. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kalila]

But you got it. That's why you have to. You just have to eat a small piece of it.

[Bobby Lee]

We got, like, so small. He was so mad that we took a small piece.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I want a big chunk. You know, here's another thing that drives me crazy.

[Kalila]

Give it to me.

[Andrew Santino]

Because they all live with me.

[Kalila]

I know. I've heard it's insane.

[Andrew Santino]

And so.

[Kalila]

Wait, you don't right now, do you?

[Bobby Lee]

I do if you do.

[Kalila]

Gross.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

What a night.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's another thing. Is their mom. Sorry, I go today. I go, I'm gonna get a sandwich. She said, oh. I go, want one? Okay. I go, what kind? Turkey. Okay, get it right. Comes from where? Where do I get it, you think?

[Kalila]

Giada. Oh, Uncle Paulie's. Uncle Paulie's.

[Andrew Santino]

How good is that sandwich?

[Kalila]

It's my favorite.

[Andrew Santino]

Right?

[Kalila]

It's the best.

[Andrew Santino]

We get the sandwich. She takes the bread off. Complete bread. Takes. Takes it out.

[Kalila]

Takes the bread off of the sandwich.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it takes all the insides. Then butts. Busts out her own Filipino bread, right. And puts the insides of the sandwich onto the bread. I don't know what kind of bread it is, but Filipino bread. What kind of bread is it?

[Kalila]

What is it?

[Bobby Lee]

It's a keto.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, keto bread.

[Kalila]

Filipino keto. Oh, she's Philip Fila. Keto.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. And she's keto. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because she doesn't want to be fat.

[Kalila]

Your mom's not fat.

[Bobby Lee]

She was really fat before.

[Kalila]

Was she? Would you say that to her? Would you say, mom, you're fat?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

That's so mean.

[Andrew Santino]

It's so mean.

[Kalila]

You guys are mean.

[Bobby Lee]

She would show us old pictures of herself, and she was like, God, I really let myself go. Like, she would show us.

[Kalila]

Yeah, but you guys, that doesn't mean you back it up and go, yup, fatty.

[Bobby Lee]

But that's normal in our family. We just say the truth.

[Kalila]

See, they're mean to each other. But it is true. But it is true. Maybe we should all be like this to our family members.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Was I fat? Yeah. Okay. Am I fat now?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

No. In fact, you said something about you. You're a narc, by the way. You're a little piece of.

[Bobby Lee]

What did I do? Yeah, what did I do?

[Andrew Santino]

So your mom took a photo of my passport photo. And then you tell Kalila, right, he looks sick.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I didn't say that. I said you look so old already.

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Kalila]

You don't think he looks younger now that he lost weight?

[Bobby Lee]

No, Like, I felt so bad because, like, on the picture, like, your. Your eyes were like that. And then, like, your skin was so sad.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm Korean off. That's how we all look.

[Bobby Lee]

But I just felt so bad, so I texted Atikalai and said, titu. Bobby looks so old now.

[Kalila]

Oh, God, how mean.

[Andrew Santino]

It's so mean. It's not. I have no.

[Bobby Lee]

But with a crying emoji.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I didn't see the emoji. Yeah.

[Kalila]

Oh, that changed everything.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. So what you're saying you got emotional because it's. Don't you think it's because of the Ozempic face or. You really think that I look old now?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, how old are you?

[Andrew Santino]

I'm. Guess how old I am.

[Kalila]

He's got a birthday coming up.

[Andrew Santino]

I have a Birthday coming up.

[Bobby Lee]

54.

[Andrew Santino]

54, right.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

54 coming up. Yeah.

[Kalila]

He's turning 54.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And one day you'll get there.

[Kalila]

No, they won't. They won't live that long.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

There's no chance. Well, she made. She might. You're.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, he says 7. 16. 17.

[Bobby Lee]

17.

[Andrew Santino]

17.

[Kalila]

Yeah, 17. When you turn 18 next year, March is 18. A big deal. Like it is in the States. Like, you can vote and all that is there voting down there?

[Andrew Santino]

Give me the rules.

[Kalila]

Chucking chickens in the road or what is it?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, the drinking age. The drinking age is 18. 18 in the Philippines.

[Kalila]

Yeah, but I feel like in the Countries like that. People drink anyway. Before that. Yeah, see, it doesn't.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh. So If I was 15 in the Philippines and I walked into a liquor store, could I buy a bottle of whiskey?

[Kalila]

No, you could if you knew the guy. If he's probably. He's probably your cousin.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. If he was your uncle. Like in our. In the Sorry Sorry stores, you can just.

[Kalila]

Why two sorrys too. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, that's you people. That's your people's thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's called Sorry, sorry sorry store. All right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's just like a.

[Kalila]

It's like a thank you, thank you story.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I didn't know. Thank you.

[Kalila]

Yeah, yeah, it's like a. My bad, my bad.

[Bobby Lee]

When you turn 18, you usually have a debut. Yeah. Debut.

[Kalila]

What is debut mean?

[Bobby Lee]

It's like. But for 18 year olds.

[Kalila]

Yeah, but it happens at 16.

[Andrew Santino]

At 18. 18.

[Kalila]

It's a. And they call it a debut. So you throw a party.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Kalila]

Is it. Did they do like, like extravagant parties.

[Bobby Lee]

Like they do again, like gallons are like really big. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Are there dwarves? Are there dwarves? They're deems to be dwarves.

[Kalila]

Did you have a debut? Are you gonna have a debut?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think so. It's really expensive.

[Kalila]

How much does it cost?

[Andrew Santino]

How much does debut?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Kalila]

We should throw her away.

[Andrew Santino]

You wanna. You want us to fund your debut?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Guys, click below on the DOE and the GoFundMe.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, let's do a gofundme for your debut.

[Kalila]

How much is it? It says two. 200. No. What? What? $600,000. Oh, that's a two. Okay, so it's either it's anywhere between a thousand and twelve thousand USD. $12,000.

[Andrew Santino]

$12,000. Oh, it's for a grand though. Yeah, but there's moderate. Oh, you want a grand? Wait, wait. Zoom in, zoom in. It says grander. Or is this grander?

[Kalila]

Moderate means it's so we could. You could. For a thousand to two thousand United States dollars. You could do a nice one for like a big show. You do four grand to twelve thousand.

[Andrew Santino]

Twelve thousand. A twelve thousand dollar Filipino in the Philippines debut.

[Kalila]

I figured you'd buy an ice.

[Andrew Santino]

You can buy anything you want for that. Yeah, right. Look at that. Look at that.

[Kalila]

Is that her debut?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Wow.

[Kalila]

What's the word for debut though? They don't say debut. They do say that. Yeah, that's why.

[Bobby Lee]

And then they say it debut.

[Kalila]

Welcome to my debut in Cebu.

[Andrew Santino]

So is there a mute?

[Kalila]

Like how Jewish kids do the Fucking. You know their bar mitzvah rap videos. Come to my debut in Cebu.

[Andrew Santino]

Can you drink it? So if we could do debut, you would drink?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then who's invited at the whole town?

[Bobby Lee]

The whole town? Yeah.

[Kalila]

That's why it's expensive. You got to pay for everyone's.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Kalila]

It's like a wedding. You gotta pay for everyone's.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Is. Is there kind of like that kind of music or.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I've never been to one, so I don't really.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you never have. So we can just go like any kind of music?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you can pick any music.

[Kalila]

You're stuck in L. A. In your head.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not okay. Yeah, Yeah. I think I'm stuck. Yeah. Yeah. So, all right, so no debut for.

[Kalila]

You Unless we throw one for you. Maybe we will. I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Would that bum you out not to have a debut?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I wouldn't. But I know people get so much money from gifts. Oh, yeah, because they give. Yeah.

[Kalila]

The same thing continues bar mitzvahs. They all get money. They get. They get like a. It's supposed to be like a fund for your new adult life or whatever.

[Andrew Santino]

So if we're at your debut. Okay. Debut or whatever you call it. Okay. And we gave you an envelope of money, American money. What would be sufficient? Do you think me and Andrew came? We flew all. Now, mind you, we flew to. Yeah, mind you, we flew all the way to the Philippines. God, we got hotels to go to. Some person's debut.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but I'm not just some person.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, what are you? You're a snowflake, an individual? Is that what you're saying? What?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm your knee.

[Andrew Santino]

You're my niece. Okay, so how much money would you say?

[Kalila]

Like, think about how much money I'd spend on sunscreen alone.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Would you complain? Like Tito Boundary only gave me? So what would be the number? That would be suffice for you?

[Bobby Lee]

It has to be enough so that me and my sister could go to Hawaii for a couple of months.

[Kalila]

What the.

[Andrew Santino]

That's. You were just in Hawaii for a month.

[Kalila]

That's so much money.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude.

[Kalila]

Dude, Americans who have full time jobs can't afford to go to Hawaii on vacation for a week. They want to go for a month.

[Andrew Santino]

But they were just there for one month.

[Kalila]

Your fault.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, yeah, your fault. You know what? You get nothing for your debut.

[Kalila]

That's insane.

[Andrew Santino]

So if we gave you. If I gave you five grand American.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh my God, that's a lie. That's a lot.

[Kalila]

I'm looking in 100 bucks.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I just thought of 2000. I was like, oh, that's too much already.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, what if me and Andrew gave you 100? 200 each.

[Kalila]

No, I'll give you a hundred dollars.

[Bobby Lee]

It can't be $200 because you've given me $300 before just to do, like, just to be alive.

[Kalila]

What are you doing?

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

Literally, like a couple. A couple days after I got here, he. He woke us up at like 12am and he was like, if you guys suck on this sour ball, I'm gonna give you a hundred dollars.

[Andrew Santino]

On. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Let's put it into context. Let's put it in context. Okay.

[Kalila]

What the are you doing?

[Andrew Santino]

Shut the up. Shut up. I was shut. All right, we got to explain it better because it sounds a little weird. Okay, so I saw a tik tok, right, with these sour balls that you. It's a candy.

[Kalila]

I've seen them.

[Andrew Santino]

You've seen them?

[Kalila]

They're like. They're like. What are they? Sour warheads.

[Andrew Santino]

They're like sour warheads, right? So I woke them up, cuz I just got them. I found them in the box. They just got delivered.

[Kalila]

Sure.

[Andrew Santino]

So I guess. What did I say?

[Bobby Lee]

I say I'll give you $100. Yeah, I'll give you $100 if you can suck this for one minute. One minute, One minute.

[Kalila]

Rephrase all this. I'll give you $100 if you can eat this for a minute. Yeah, suck this ball.

[Andrew Santino]

It's insane.

[Kalila]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

He kept saying, you have to suck it.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't eat it. You suck it off.

[Kalila]

Right?

[Andrew Santino]

You don't eat it, you suck it. Right, Carlos? Yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

Carlos Yevo.

[Andrew Santino]

You know you bite, right? He bites. He bites it.

[Kalila]

Yeah, he bites.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. You lick it.

[Kalila]

You lick it.

[Andrew Santino]

So they did a minute, and I gave 100 bucks.

[Bobby Lee]

It was so easy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Do you have. Do you have money on you right now?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Kalila]

Do another challenge then for 100. This will be your. This will be.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I don't have anything to suck.

[Kalila]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have nothing around here anyway. Let's move on. Stop. All right, so here's the thing, okay? Listen, all right.

[Kalila]

Give me one of those heels to see if they can chug.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, that's not a thing. All right, so what I'm saying is that sometimes I get generous.

[Kalila]

But you do get very.

[Andrew Santino]

No, that's why I don't think I'd be a good dad.

[Kalila]

No, you'd be a great no, because.

[Andrew Santino]

I would spoil the out. Like, what do I do with the cats?

[Bobby Lee]

Feed them.

[Andrew Santino]

Overfeed. Everyone treats. Yeah, King King treats. Right. I treat living things in. In my vicinity with praise and with gifts.

[Kalila]

Except for me.

[Andrew Santino]

And that's. Yes, I do, dude.

[Kalila]

You. Nope.

[Andrew Santino]

Not my talent.

[Kalila]

Your talent?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

That's interesting.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You know what? Yes. Congratulations, dude. I'm offering you my services for being a talent.

[Kalila]

Services denied.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Right. And I accept your talent as well, and that's a gift.

[Kalila]

I give you so much more than that.

[Andrew Santino]

Exactly. That's my point. Yeah, because your point is, how come you don't give me a for your birthday? What did I get you? I got you a golf one time.

[Kalila]

You give me something real this year.

[Andrew Santino]

All right, what do you want? What?

[Kalila]

You want to know what I want?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I want to know what you want.

[Kalila]

Something big.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. To suck on.

[Kalila]

Give me a sour ball to suck on.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't suck on those sorrow balls. But my point is, is this. All right, so what you're saying to me right now, ladies, is I'm being too generous with you.

[Kalila]

Yeah. You need to stop the generation.

[Andrew Santino]

It stops everyone here right now. It stops here and now.

[Kalila]

This is the problem.

[Andrew Santino]

No more cash.

[Kalila]

Because little nieces. Nieces are. Are so sweet, and they're so nice. But then what they're really doing is they're pulling. They're manipulating you to give them more money.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Well, I don't know about Issa. See, I've never. Never.

[Kalila]

Sounds like it.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's another thing that occurred last night, if I just may, while we're at it. Okay. Don't like your attitude right now, by the way, that little face you did. Okay, so don't scare me.

[Bobby Lee]

What did you do the other night? You scared Mom. That was.

[Andrew Santino]

What did you do the other night? What are you talking about? Slow down. What are you saying?

[Bobby Lee]

He was, like, scared, though. He was being a little weird.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, guys. So just by me being alive and around is scary.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what he did? He waited for so long, and he was just crawled up in the corner, and he was waiting for me to go up, and he screamed at me when I got up the stairs, and it was creepy.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. Okay, but when I say this, don't do it back.

[Kalila]

No, they. Well, it's gonna. No. There's gonna be no retribution.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, because it was. I should have known. Because I'll tell you why I should have known. All the sides. All the signs were there for me to know. So usually when I walk into the house, I come home around midnight to 1 in the morning, Right?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And the dogs are in their room. So I have four dogs sleeping. No, they go hog wild when I walk in.

[Kalila]

Right.

[Andrew Santino]

But they don't. They never let them out. Right. But last night I opened the door and they're just out roaming around. Roaming around.

[Kalila]

So you should have known.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. And I look into their room. First of all, they all share one room. Three people. Like sardines. Yeah. I would talk about Amistad. I mean, it's like, how do you sleep in that room?

[Bobby Lee]

We have the Japanese, like, floor bed. And we just share all through.

[Andrew Santino]

And then somebody gets the couch.

[Kalila]

Don't you have another room?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but it's getting redone. And also.

[Bobby Lee]

And the bathroom upstairs is broken. It's broken?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Why is it broken?

[Andrew Santino]

Because I'm getting remodeled. But I can't get it remodeled until they completely move out.

[Kalila]

Because you think you need to.

[Andrew Santino]

I actually. I can get it remodeled now since you guys live downstairs.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a lot, though.

[Kalila]

Who cares?

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, there's. It's like a lot of people in the house. A lot of animals. It's like a lot. I have seven out. Anyway, let's get to the. So the dogs are out. I looked in the room. They're not there. And for some reason I was just like, oh, well. And I just walk up the stairs, completely dark on this, you know, I mean, on my. The second floor of the house. Right. And then your mom, whatever, which is like, you know, not a boo or. Ah.

[Kalila]

Like.

[Andrew Santino]

Like a. Like a Filipino ghost. Yeah. And it scared me a bit. Right. Yeah. So. All right, let's continue this game. Yeah. The Scare game.

[Kalila]

It's not a competition. Yeah, it's not. How much longer is this living situation gonna be like this?

[Andrew Santino]

Indefinitely, probably. It seems indefinite.

[Kalila]

Really?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Like, when do you think?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Me there.

[Bobby Lee]

I leave soon. Yeah. Leaving soon.

[Kalila]

You go back to the Philippines when?

[Bobby Lee]

On the 12th.

[Kalila]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Soon.

[Kalila]

And then you. When. You know when you come back? You don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I don't know. But I think wants her to come back on September. September. And then go to Hawaii again.

[Kalila]

Jesus Christ. These kids are living like a family.

[Andrew Santino]

And now that you graduated.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm free.

[Andrew Santino]

You're free? Free.

[Kalila]

So you might come back September? Yeah, September 11th, maybe.

[Andrew Santino]

It's a great holiday for us.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you heard of September 11th? What happened that day?

[Bobby Lee]

You know?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I don't tell us what happened. We don't know because we were in a coma.

[Kalila]

Both of us.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah, 2001. We were both in a coma. What happened? Tell us about September 11th. Don't Google it.

[Kalila]

Yeah, I want to see if I know it. Okay. What happened?

[Andrew Santino]

9 11. I know, but what happened on 9 11?

[Kalila]

Yeah. What did happen?

[Bobby Lee]

The twin towers and stuff.

[Kalila]

What's interesting now?

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, go ahead.

[Kalila]

Because she wasn't alive for 9 11.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

So what she thinks happened probably didn't happen.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why we want to know.

[Kalila]

What do you think happened?

[Bobby Lee]

You guys are just gaslighting. No, you guys are like. You guys are just gaslighting.

[Kalila]

Neither of you were alive for 9 11. So how the do you know what happened?

[Bobby Lee]

We asked mama about it and she doesn't know about it. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So no one knows about it, I guess. What do you know?

[Bobby Lee]

Philippines, like. I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Because mama doesn't know anything.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

Did the Philippines have their own 911 ever or. No?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, it happens, like, every day there.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, there's a 911 there.

[Bobby Lee]

I meant like very bad things.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Killings, killings.

[Andrew Santino]

Remember that? Darte. Is that his name?

[Kalila]

See that? That's. That's 2021. Terrorist incidents in North Kotabato. Buses were bombed and torched in September. Eight persons were wounded. An explosion at a volleyball court in Datu Payang.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Why do you. When you say the name, why do you do an accident?

[Kalila]

Say it.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

It's like when someone, like a white person comes back from going to Mexico.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, oh, my God, I loved my time in Mexico.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You don't. It's the same thing. Yeah.

[Kalila]

Bruce and I had a lot of fun in Puerto Vallarta.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

You know. You know what the irony of this is?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

These motherfuckers, foreigners, get mad at us when we don't do it. That's the fucking irony with you fuckheads.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

On the Internet. You know how many I've seen on TikTok being like, it's Iran. It's not Iran.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

Hey, so what I want to. I want the girl's advice on something. Fancy's going away to Spain, so we need to replace him because we don't have anybody at the studio. And we asked for Spaniards specifically. Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Is that right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

And we got submissions of Spaniards that are going to replace him. And we want you guys to help picking somebody from this list. Can you do that?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Fantastic. First impressions, Bob.

[Bobby Lee]

Nice nose.

[Andrew Santino]

I I like the Adrian Brody by Vibe.

[Kalila]

I love it, too.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, like, he, you know, he went through, like, a war.

[Kalila]

Alejandro Brody.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I like it. Go ahead.

[Kalila]

All right, let's see.

[Andrew Santino]

Hola, Bad Friends podcast. I am living in Hollywood, but I am from Spain, specifically Catalan.

[Kalila]

He's lying.

[Andrew Santino]

But I also grew up in Malaga. I would love to be your new Spaniard on podcast. I. I'm just kidding, bro. I'm Indian. I do live in la. I am Canadian. I'm funny as. I love your podcast. Stop. Push pause. What he's trying to do. He doesn't know what the job is. We're not looking for, you know, I mean, a guest.

[Kalila]

It's a guest.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. We're looking for someone that's going to work behind the scenes.

[Kalila]

All right, who do we got on our submissions?

[Andrew Santino]

This is Andres.

[Kalila]

Hello.

[Andrew Santino]

Hola, Migos. My name is Andres. I heard you guys were looking for a new Andre. So here I am sending my submission. And one thing is, I'm actually not from Spain. I'm from Colombia. But I think it's the next best thing because we have cocaine. So, yeah, I think I would make a good job of filling in for the other Andres because I can make quirky comments every episode and you guys can tell me to shut the up. So, yeah, Bobby, Andrew, I love you guys. I've been watching you for years.

[Kalila]

All right, pause it.

[Andrew Santino]

I actually high up.

[Kalila]

I don't know if he's from Colombia. He's. I think he's putting on an accent again. I think he's another liar. But I. But the piece that I'm now arguing with myself with, this is clearly done on an Android. So I'm like, he could be a foreigner. This is not an iPhone.

[Andrew Santino]

How do you know? It's Android.

[Kalila]

The video quality is odd. It's different than what we're used to.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I.

[Kalila]

By the way, usually better video quality on Android. This looks strange. Something. So it means the conversion switch when he got to an iPhone.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I defend him real quick, please?

[Kalila]

I mean, I like.

[Andrew Santino]

I like him because he's just like Andres in this sense. And I don't want you to be offended by it, but he's not sexually threatening.

[Kalila]

Right, Right.

[Andrew Santino]

It's something very asexual. Yeah. I mean, they're like nothing.

[Kalila]

Correct.

[Andrew Santino]

Like Barbie. Just nothing down there, Ken. I mean. Yeah, yeah. It's just a smooth sailing.

[Kalila]

Okay, so then he's high.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kalila]

And he doesn't come to at the end of this and say, hey, I'm just kidding. I'm American, right? I don't think so.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I scrubbed through them.

[Kalila]

What does that mean? Because I love the discovery for us.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like. It's a reliving breathing.

[Kalila]

Your job.

[Andrew Santino]

We need two submissions. We got to get rid of this guy.

[Kalila]

What are we doing with you anymore? What are we doing? Should we fire him, too? And get two new people in the booth?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, what you today, Sada Raider? Should we bring them?

[Kalila]

Only because.

[Andrew Santino]

And I go, really? And you go, we gotta bring them. Right? And I'm always like, really?

[Kalila]

Someone's got to shoot the show. He's got to shoot the show.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't you love McCone to do Andrew?

[Kalila]

I hate him lately. He's pissing me off.

[Andrew Santino]

You like McCone?

[Bobby Lee]

I like my cone.

[Kalila]

You like, like McCone?

[Andrew Santino]

Why do you like him?

[Kalila]

Why do you guys like him?

[Andrew Santino]

What do you. Who like better, McCone or EJ? Be real right now.

[Kalila]

Go fast. Fast. Don't think.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, right?

[Kalila]

We like that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we love that.

[Bobby Lee]

But we hung out with Macon and his friends, and. Oh, my God, they're so cool.

[Kalila]

Wait, when the fuck did that fuck did that happen?

[Bobby Lee]

Because Macon wanted to buy a dress for, like, filming something for me. So we hung out and then. Oh, my God, his friends are just so cool.

[Kalila]

When the cool fuck was this? Before they left, we went to the Silver Lake Flea. The flea market.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And we've never been there, so we were like.

[Andrew Santino]

You were there, too?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

[Kalila]

Oh, you might. You might get fired.

[Andrew Santino]

My blood is. Okay, so let me get this straight.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Yeah, you met him at the flea market. Here's the address.

[Bobby Lee]

No, his house.

[Andrew Santino]

What? So you have his address?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So you bring the Prius to his house?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then do you go. All right, I'll follow you in the car? Or do you guys get in one car? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Kalila]

And then did you go inside his place before?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. His place is so cool.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Lee]

It's very artsy.

[Andrew Santino]

And did he go, do you want.

[Kalila]

To move in there? Why don't you move in there? Yeah, I like it so much.

[Andrew Santino]

Was the bed bouncy?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I didn't.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, he did a tour of the house.

[Kalila]

By the way. What do you mean tour? It's one room.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

It's literally one.

[Andrew Santino]

So this is the corner.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Of the room. This is the other corner of the room.

[Kalila]

Two more corners.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

That's so fun.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's funny. So then you went to the flea.

[Kalila]

Market to get one car to dress for a sketch. That sketch. Sketch you guys shot.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

And you got a dress and you bought the dress. So he's buying her dresses.

[Andrew Santino]

And then. And don't. Okay, I'm gonna ask you another question, and I want you to. Was there other things you did, like a coffee run?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, yeah. He bought us coffee before we got there. He was like, do you guys want coffee?

[Andrew Santino]

Where'd you guys go? Let me guess. Alfred?

[Kalila]

No, they went. No, these. Over on his side of town.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I see.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

So where'd you guys go?

[Kalila]

Where'd you go?

[Andrew Santino]

Blue Note?

[Kalila]

No, no, he went to.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like, stereoscopic.

[Kalila]

Yeah, yeah, Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't like it.

[Kalila]

Oh, on Sunset. Yeah, yeah, that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Yeah. No, I know.

[Andrew Santino]

It's an indie place.

[Kalila]

Yeah, it's actually. It's actually hipster. The neighborhoods.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they're so cool. Like his friend group. It's. Yeah, Yeah. I couldn't. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That bother you or.

[Kalila]

No, no, dude, because he's 25.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Kalila]

She's 23.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, so same age.

[Kalila]

Same age of loser.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I feel like a loser compared to him.

[Kalila]

You are, but he is, too.

[Andrew Santino]

I think you. I would have to say that you're a bigger name.

[Kalila]

I used to think you were so cool.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean?

[Kalila]

Yes. This is not cool.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's not cool. Here's another thing that bothers me. That now. Thank you for bringing this up.

[Kalila]

You're welcome, man. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Are my farts bothering you?

[Kalila]

Yeah, twice.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Because I've been noticing my own farts. And you can ignore them.

[Kalila]

Well, yeah, because we were in a groove.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

And then I thought, yeah, if he does it again, I will say something, but it's got to be out of.

[Andrew Santino]

The context, so I just want to say. SoS it one's coming. Yeah. Okay.

[Kalila]

But isn't that nice of me? I thought we're in a comedic groove. Don't want to break the groove.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, I just. That one bothered me. Yeah, it's just the one. I just.

[Kalila]

Yeah, it's gross.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, here's another thing that your sister revealed to me last night. Don't look at her like that. Oh, I think. What? I think you get. I think you get recognized more than you admit. You get recognized.

[Kalila]

True.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think.

[Kalila]

You know. That's all right.

[Bobby Lee]

So the other day again. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

At the beach. What happened?

[Bobby Lee]

Someone was asking her if we were leaving. You're leaving for parking. And then I was like, no, we just got here. And then.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, you're Rudy. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, okay. And then the hamburger place the other day too.

[Bobby Lee]

In and out.

[Kalila]

You know, getting recognized now. No, that's going to be insane.

[Andrew Santino]

That's going to be insane. But you get recognized every day now.

[Bobby Lee]

Not every day in Hawaii.

[Andrew Santino]

Anytime. No, not one time?

[Kalila]

No, the Hawaii is different.

[Bobby Lee]

There was one time, but you could tell the dude wasn't a local.

[Kalila]

Yeah, it was. It was a white guy from. Yeah, a main island. White guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Okay, the mainland white guy doesn't count. All right, so let's go through some more. This guy's high on our tick list, right? What's his name? Andres.

[Andrew Santino]

I like it non sexual.

[Kalila]

I'm 50. 50 if it's real. I'm not kidding. Okay, I scrubbed through it. This guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Out. Hola. What the.

[Kalila]

Give him a chance.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. I would like to be the new Spaniard in the booth. I lived in Spain for 33 years and now I live in Los Angeles.

[Kalila]

Pause if you guys, he's under 33. And why the is his shirt off? Why in the is this guy in bed with his shirt? You couldn't put a shirt on when you're doing a fucking.

[Andrew Santino]

And then what serial killer does he remind you of?

[Kalila]

Dahmer. That's Dahmer. I thought it was going to come out when he first started talking at those.

[Andrew Santino]

Exactly.

[Kalila]

That's thinking about coming over there to the booth. And by the way, all this being said, high on the list.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you think so? Sure, I think that's a good thing.

[Kalila]

He's funny, he's cool. I like him. Yeah, I think that's the thing about our fans that people don't get. Yeah, we like it when you're a fucking weirdo.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we like weirdos.

[Kalila]

Top. Shit it.

[Andrew Santino]

Hi, bad friends. It's Luke Crichton.

[Kalila]

Pause. I'm out.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. What, are you gonna build us a gazebo? Like, what are you gonna do for us? A new deck at my house. Like, what the. Are you. Yeah, yeah. What's going on here?

[Kalila]

We don't need a youth pastor.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Jesus Christ.

[Andrew Santino]

We want to talk to you about the Lord.

[Kalila]

Press play.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we're just with you, Luke. Is Xavier still here? What?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What is he doing? He's just sitting. Xavier, what are you doing? Come over here.

[Kalila]

He's rocking back and forth. Yeah, we got a new guy, Xavier, that's going to be on the show a little bit.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at him. Xavier.

[Kalila]

Xavier.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you doing back there? I'm just sitting. I'm taking notes. Okay. Can I tell you the first time I met Xavier?

[Kalila]

Maybe he's replacing fans.

[Andrew Santino]

I know. Can I tell you the first time I met him? Yeah. It's the funniest thing. I'd seen him before, but I never really talked to him. So I'm in Vegas, right? And Bargazi Nate, Bargazi goes, let's go to a skank festival. So he. I get in Nate's car, we drive to Skank Fest, right? And then I lose Nate. I'm. You know, and I'm just kind of wandering around, and there's an acid tent. There's a tent. What is this? Cigar. Cigar tent. But people are saying this is where everyone's on acid.

[Kalila]

Sure, that makes sense.

[Andrew Santino]

So I sit there next to Xavier, and he's doing this look that you're me, right? He's gone. Later, I go, what's up, dude? You got nothing. I go, you high? He goes, right. Like, no information. I see around the store. He goes like.

[Kalila]

Like, kind of breathing, like, just tripping balls.

[Andrew Santino]

Tripping his balls off.

[Kalila]

Well, how many tabs do you have?

[Andrew Santino]

We. I. I did one, but it was really strong. And I feel like at the point where we all were like, dude, like, it's really starting to hit us right now. Bobby Lee just sits down next to me, and I did. I froze up.

[Kalila]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He was breathing loud out. I go, what's your problem today? I guess this is what's going on.

[Kalila]

Xavier, do you. Are you. Do you use a lot?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Kalila]

You're not a big drug user?

[Andrew Santino]

No. When I'm, like, around, like, certain friends, like, we'll go.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Who are you with that. That night? Horos, Rashidi, Kim Kong.

[Kalila]

We know. We know.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we know them living acid.

[Kalila]

If there was a chance for us to have you on the show, on acid, on the show, will you do that?

[Andrew Santino]

No, dude, I can't.

[Kalila]

You can't do it on camera. You'd freak out.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I don't know that I'd freak out, but I have to, like, drive here. There. Like, I don't.

[Kalila]

No, we'll get you.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, we'll Uber you here. We'll get maybe three drops of acid. Three hits. Three. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember that? The job is to record this. Yeah. And then sit down, right?

[Kalila]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And we'll Uber you back. We'll get you a nice Kim and Sarah's podcast. That's kind of like how we did it. Who's Kim is there. You were on it. That's how I first met you.

[Kalila]

This.

[Andrew Santino]

This Kim and Sarah. I don't remember. I honestly don't know what you're talking about, but okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

Well, I'm going to tell you something.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Talk closer to the mic. Okay.

[Kalila]

We're excited. You're gonna. We're gonna. You're gonna be with us for a little bit on the show here.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. That's gonna be a lot of fun.

[Kalila]

We're gonna dose.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. Can we dose you or no? Say yes. Yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

All right.

[Andrew Santino]

All right.

[Kalila]

Thank you.

[Andrew Santino]

Zebra does stand up too, right? Yeah, yeah. That's what I was doing there. I was on the show. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. It shows. Don't be a dick, dude. At least. At least Xavier can go up on stage and walk through that fear. You people of.

[Kalila]

I gotta tell you something. Yeah, that was ice cold.

[Andrew Santino]

I. So we're going to Spain.

[Kalila]

We're going to go to Spain to shoot a movie for Fancy.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. So Fancy's directing a movie. It's a zombie.

[Bobby Lee]

Zombie. Oh.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah.

[Kalila]

Yeah. You're. Hey, whatever.

[Bobby Lee]

That was canceled.

[Kalila]

It is. It should be.

[Andrew Santino]

It should be. But he, I guess is there. Thank you. Yeah, he got, like, oil money or something. Somebody. Yeah, it's funding it. I don't know how you got the money.

[Kalila]

Cartel.

[Andrew Santino]

Cartel. But we are going there. We're booking the flights. Three days. And this is a really big test. I want to know what he's gonna be like on set as a director.

[Kalila]

I'm beyond excited.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And I. I want to know if you listen to his notes. I'm fine. I think I could. I. I think if you gave me direction, I'd be like, okay, Andreas, shut.

[Kalila]

The up, you liar. You're not taking any notes from him.

[Andrew Santino]

I. I'm king note brother, bro. I go. Let me do an adjustment. That's why I say on movies all the time, I'd like to do the adjustment.

[Kalila]

Well, let me tell you something right now.

[Andrew Santino]

Can you do an adjustment? Can you learn your lines?

[Kalila]

Oh, my God. I'll tell you something right now. I'm not taking any of your notes. You can shove them up your ass.

[Andrew Santino]

Andrew, I think. What have you said, Andrew? I think slow the line down, you know? I mean. Yeah, because, you know, people aren't really grasping it's a serious. What would you say?

[Kalila]

Is that what you want me to do?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Okay. Action.

[Kalila]

We're gonna decide to go to the bib.

[Andrew Santino]

You do the polar opposite.

[Kalila]

100.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you give me a note.

[Kalila]

Bob.

[Andrew Santino]

Hold on. Dude. Bobby, did you say cut?

[Kalila]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

Cut.

[Kalila]

Cut. Cut. All right, please, on this scene, can, can you be more emotional? It's emotional. Scene.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Kalila]

Okay. Action.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he died.

[Kalila]

Perfect.

[Andrew Santino]

You think so?

[Kalila]

Well, we're gonna cut you out of that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

Well, thank you for your submissions. I don't think we found anybody yet. We'll keep searching.

[Bobby Lee]

The undress guy is good. The Asian guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Kalila]

Congratulations on your once again fantasy fueled life of journeyness to Hawaii. Both of you girls, it's. I've never met. People have gone to Hawaii, so. For, for months at a time. The living vacation.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

And by the way, all your fault.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I mean, all your. I don't fund their flights or their hotel room.

[Kalila]

In a way, I guess you're right.

[Bobby Lee]

Your graduation gift was really nice.

[Kalila]

I see.

[Andrew Santino]

What was it?

[Bobby Lee]

The place.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. I. I gave you a debut in Hawaii on a beach.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And did I pay for the house too?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I wasn't even at the. I wasn't even at the house.

[Kalila]

You're the only guy I know that doesn't even know what he's paying for.

[Andrew Santino]

I know.

[Kalila]

You have no idea.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I'm like. Because I.

[Kalila]

You'd be the greatest partner.

[Andrew Santino]

I showed up. I'm like, oh, this is pretty cool. Who's funding it? You are. I am? Yeah.

[Kalila]

I love that.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. And I brought all that. That was a. You know, what can I say about that day? You were there too. That weekend was, I think, one of the greatest weekends of my life in a long time.

[Kalila]

Say it.

[Andrew Santino]

I just said it.

[Kalila]

Well, go on, explain why I, I. What made it so special?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. It was just. The shows went well Friday and you know, all. You know, I brought three openers from the Comedy Store. Yeah. Mike, Ariana and Ramsey Badawi, Everyone was at the beach. Right. And then Kalila and that side of the family was there. It was just. Everyone kind of got along. It was like, you know, beautiful. You know, it was just a great weekend.

[Kalila]

Yeah. Beautiful. It made you feel something.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. That it's not over.

[Kalila]

Well, let me tell you something. Every single week of my life with you on the show, the greatest week. You think I don't mean it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. But. But before when I go, you know, I mean, I'm the gift to you. You're the gift to me? Is that what it is?

[Kalila]

You're the gift that keeps on giving.

[Andrew Santino]

You're the gift that keeps on giving to me, too.

[Kalila]

I'm the gift that keeps on giving to me. And you're the gift that I. That someone else already got me. So I'm going to pretend like I love it, but I'm going to regift it to somebody else.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, good.

[Kalila]

I want you in my life I.

[Andrew Santino]

Want you in my life forever.

[Kalila]

Girls, look in the camera and sign off. You know what to do.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you for being a bad friend.