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Bobby Lee
Hey.
Andrew Santino
Oh. Oh.
Kalila
Look at what goes on my feet.
Andrew Santino
Look what goes on my hands and my body.
Kalila
And look what goes on our head.
Andrew Santino
And my head.
Kalila
We got new merch, new socks and shirts. It's been a long time since we made merch, but we really love this drop. That's why we did it. We waited. We think this is.
Andrew Santino
We got. We've got so cool. Baseball caps, baseball caps, the T shirts.
Kalila
We have the thank you T shirts and socks. And we have socks available right now@badfriendsmerch.com.
Andrew Santino
Hey, guys. We have new merch. Check it out. These T shirts. Oh, my God. The best we've ever done.
Kalila
I think this is incredible. These. This design is my favorite so far.
Andrew Santino
These hats have these shirts and these hats.
Kalila
And this is like the thank you bags that you get, which we love so much. And it's got some stuff down below for you to read when you get them.
Andrew Santino
You'll see, you'll love it. So go check@badfriends merch.com.
Kalila
Go to badfriends merch.com to get. To get this gear, these hats, these shirts, and socks for your feesies. Get these right now@badfriends merch.com.
Bobby Lee
You two are bad friends.
Andrew Santino
Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude.
Bobby Lee
You two are disgusting.
Andrew Santino
You two or something.
Bobby Lee
We're bad friends.
Andrew Santino
I mean, I don't want to use World War II references, please, but above my refrigerator, on the top of my refrigerator, you know what I call it? Auschwitz, dude.
Kalila
Why?
Andrew Santino
There's 93. I'm not kidding you. I have 93 traps. The hotels.
Kalila
Yeah. The little mouse trap.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Kalila
And I go, oh, you mean the ant trap.
Andrew Santino
The little ant traps. The ant traps. I have 90, 94, 93 of them in there. Right.
Kalila
And how many. How many ants have you caught? 6 million.
Andrew Santino
No, but 8. No, I've caught thousands of them. And what? 6 million is a funny joke.
Kalila
Oh, God.
Andrew Santino
I miss. I missed the joke. I missed the joke. Dude, that joke was so good. Six million. Yeah, yeah.
Kalila
How many ants you got?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Kalila
You know what? Here, if we redid the joke, you would.
Andrew Santino
I would have said, God damn, that was good.
Kalila
I would have said, how many ants did you catch? 6 million. And you would have. And you would have said, that's what they say.
Andrew Santino
That's. I know, I know, I know. But I didn't even.
Kalila
It's all good.
Andrew Santino
Get it? I'm so sorry. That's how good you are.
Kalila
No, I'm not good.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. So, no, I. I was being literal about it. Yeah. I mean, so probably thousands.
Kalila
Is there food up there?
Andrew Santino
Well, I. Apparently, what happens in the summer is it gets so hot, they have to come inside to come inside.
Kalila
I know. I got spiders all over my house.
Andrew Santino
Spiders the same way.
Kalila
And the dog catches the spiders. And this is the funniest part. She's sick. She's sick. She plays with them. She doesn't kill him right away. She pushes them in the corner with her nose and keeps them in there.
Andrew Santino
Right.
Kalila
Like a maniac. And then I'll come over like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And then she's like. And she'll look, and the spider will.
Andrew Santino
Be like, I don't know where to go. Yeah, yeah.
Kalila
She pushes it up against the wall, and she waits for me to get there. Then she kills it. Yeah, it's kind of tight. I like that little hunter mentality, dude.
Andrew Santino
You know what I like to do?
Kalila
What?
Andrew Santino
When I'm taking a bath, sometimes I'll be a spider and I talk. I go, you want to go swimming Bed. Right? But they can't swim.
Kalila
No, they can't.
Andrew Santino
When you're taking a bath, do you ever see bugs?
Kalila
Oh, what do you mean?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Kalila
That's where they look because there's a. The pipes, the water, all that. They love all that stuff.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
I used to think putting a spider down the drain or down the. Like, in the toilet kills it. I've seen spiders come right back up. I'm not even kidding. I've seen a spider come right back up.
Andrew Santino
You know what I did once? This is when I was bored, and I think my Xbox is broken. Right? But check this out, dude.
Kalila
Wait, what do you mean it's broken?
Andrew Santino
It was. This is when this. The very first Xbox broke, when I had, like, 15, 20 years ago.
Kalila
What's it called? The Red Ring of Death. Is that what it's.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it was the Red Ring of Death. Do you remember? Right.
Kalila
I remember that.
Andrew Santino
So I had nothing to do during the day. You know what I mean? And so I stared at a, you know, a scout ant.
Kalila
A scout ant?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
I don't know what that is.
Andrew Santino
So sometimes I think that's. I mean, I'm not a. Oh, they.
Kalila
Send him in early, huh?
Andrew Santino
Right. So there's a guy they send.
Kalila
You know, it's like our Carlos.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And go. Go see.
Kalila
Go check it out.
Andrew Santino
Go check it out.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So whenever. Sometimes you'll see, like, an ant by itself. You mean by himself. It's crazy. Imagine, dude. Imagine being. And then seeing someone. You know, I mean, a human. This gigantic mountain thing. Right, right. So I saw Ant grab a cracker.
Kalila
Like a full size cracker?
Andrew Santino
No, it was like a chunk of a cracker. But, you know, I mean, he's like, I'm gonna bring this to the village. So he. From the kitchen, I tracked him. I let him carry it for a long time.
Kalila
That's nice of you.
Andrew Santino
Right all the way to the living room, which probably took about two hours. Right. I scooped him back up and I made him start over. I made him start over. He.
Kalila
You know. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
What the fuck, dude? That's like a. And I let him do it again. Yeah, you got. You got to teach him a lot of.
Kalila
Teach him a lesson.
Andrew Santino
You can't just crush them.
Kalila
People's attitudes. Bugs wide. But harming or killing bugs poor to find strong disapproval of such actions. Find him cruel and unethical. Even concerning psychological tendencies in children. Undeveloped empathy and psychopathic behavior. What do you think?
Andrew Santino
What you're trying to tell me is this. When Dahmer was a kid, that was.
Kalila
In the movie, right?
Andrew Santino
That was a bag of bones, Right. If I hit a bag of ants, it would be the same sick sign.
Kalila
Pretty close.
Andrew Santino
I don't think so.
Kalila
Well, it's near.
Andrew Santino
I don't. If I had a jar of dead ants, I don't think it's the same as bone.
Kalila
Wait a minute, dude, you have a whole jar of ants? Yeah. That's crazy. That's even crazier.
Andrew Santino
How many are in the jar? Six million. I have. I have an Auschwitz of ants in a jar. So what you're saying to me right now is if you had a son.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I'm your sick.
Kalila
You are my.
Andrew Santino
I was in the backyard.
Kalila
Hey, buddy. What were you doing out back?
Andrew Santino
Knocking?
Kalila
Nothing. It seems like you have stuff in your hands in your pockets. What is that? No, show me your hands, bud. I want to see. Oh, my God. Is that.
Andrew Santino
That's right.
Kalila
That's a bunch of dead grasshoppers.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
What are you doing? What'd you. Why do you have so many. What are you doing?
Andrew Santino
I like to pluck the wings.
Kalila
You pluck the wings off the grasshoppers?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And then they still alive when I poke the wings.
Kalila
Oh my God.
Andrew Santino
And you know what they do?
Kalila
What?
Andrew Santino
They get hurt them so good.
Kalila
And you like this?
Andrew Santino
Feel good? I get. Daddy, Daddy. I get hard when I do that.
Kalila
Well, I'm glad I'm divorcing your mom anyway.
Andrew Santino
I pluck the wing right and then what I do is I take a stick.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
A little teeny stick. Eye die.
Kalila
You poke out their eyes.
Andrew Santino
I poke eye out. Right. You know what I do? Then they go swirly.
Kalila
Oh, my God.
Andrew Santino
They don't know what going on.
Kalila
So they go in a circle like, hello, adoption agency.
Andrew Santino
You would do that?
Kalila
We want to give him back.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. What would you do this?
Kalila
Because you're my adopted son, obviously.
Andrew Santino
Obviously. In this scenario. Yes. Okay, what about this? When they adopt a kid from Russia. This has happened in, you know. You know, Russian kids.
Kalila
Crazy.
Andrew Santino
I don't know. Maybe gotta be knife work.
Kalila
Knife work.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They know how to. They know how to do that.
Kalila
They do, yeah. What is that. What is that called?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I like that.
Kalila
The blade. What? The butterfly knife. They can do that.
Andrew Santino
That's.
Kalila
Dude, watch this. Dude, Google a kid with a butterfly knife. I guarantee he's a Russian kid who knows how to do it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
100. If you adopt. If you adopt a Russian kid who can. Butterfly knife, right?
Andrew Santino
Or. Daddy, you want to play a game and then you know that, right? Like remembering aliens. Was it aliens?
Kalila
Aliens?
Andrew Santino
And they let the. The robot.
Kalila
Look at this. There's a little Russian girl right now, right? Obviously playing with a butterfly knife.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
And her dad is like, really good girl.
Andrew Santino
Very good. Yeah.
Kalila
You have to learn.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. So if you had a Russian kid, he was doing some shady.
Kalila
Oh, yeah, he was.
Andrew Santino
Is three years old, adopted from Russia.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Like, you wake up one night, right? And he's just standing over you with a butterfly knife. And for some reason, a spatula. Right. Good morning, Daddy. You know what I mean? Or good. You know what would you. Would you. What would it take for you to go. Go back to Russia?
Kalila
It would make a good fight scene for sure out of me and the kid. I mean, I'd have to fight him. He's obviously instigating a fight. Then butterfly knife and the spatula. He's going to cook me something or we're going to fight.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I made spaghetti, Daddy.
Kalila
Okay.
Andrew Santino
Do you want. Fast enough?
Kalila
You're going back, dude.
Andrew Santino
Really?
Kalila
We're putting you back on the boat.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I think. I. I don't know how. Well, that would really traumatize the kid.
Kalila
He traumatized me.
Andrew Santino
I. I know I don't need that. But can't you change him?
Kalila
No, dude. That's what they say. And then Dahmer's dad was like, we can't believe he was boiling body.
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's right.
Kalila
They acted like they didn't know was coming the whole time, right? That's what you do. You cannot change that back on the boat.
Andrew Santino
There's a lot of signs, you know? I mean, and I get it. Like, if you're emo.
Kalila
Emo's different than emo's.
Andrew Santino
Different than psychotic for sure. But what I'm saying is one of the signs. Probably because I've never had children, right? But if your son doesn't have any friend, like, okay, so I'm your son. I have no friends, dog.
Kalila
Well, let's get you some friends, buddy.
Andrew Santino
I don't want friends. I want to stay in the room forever, dog.
Kalila
Okay. What are you doing in the room, though?
Andrew Santino
What?
Kalila
Why are you a little.
Andrew Santino
I'm plucking fucking caterpillar wings, dude. Dad. Poking their eyes out, brah.
Kalila
All right. Well, all right.
Andrew Santino
What do you mean, all right? Dad? Comedy guy.
Kalila
Oh, man.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, oh, man. What? You know what I mean. What kind of dude. You know what? Ron Howard had a better career than you, dad.
Kalila
Yeah, he did.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. In terms of redheads, he's the top redhead.
Kalila
Well, I agree.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You know what, dad? You. You know what, Dad? I have redheaded, too. Because of the genetic code. I can't get any. Dad, because you're.
Kalila
Well, that's your fault.
Andrew Santino
No, it's your fault, too. That. Because you gave me the red hair. You freak.
Kalila
I'll kill you.
Andrew Santino
That's what I'm.
Kalila
I snap. I lasted five seconds.
Andrew Santino
That's what I'm trying to get to.
Kalila
Yeah, well, look at the behavioral traits of kids who are. Might be psychotic people who have cruelty to animals. Fascination with fire. Ooh, that one. Me, for sure.
Andrew Santino
That's a good one.
Kalila
Persistent bedwetting. That's bedwetting. That's.
Andrew Santino
That's me. I still do that.
Kalila
Antisocial behavior.
Andrew Santino
That's what's an antisocial behavior.
Kalila
You don't want to go talk to people. You don't want to be around people. No, that's not us, okay?
Andrew Santino
That's not us.
Kalila
Manipulative or deceitful behavior. That's us.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that's me.
Kalila
Yeah, you manipulate. You're the king manipulator.
Andrew Santino
Lack of empathy. I have empathy.
Kalila
Empathy and remorse. We have that, all right? Aggression and violence. Me, spades.
Andrew Santino
Not me.
Kalila
Fascination with violence and death. That's more you than me.
Andrew Santino
Well, I like ballerina. Last night I saw that. That's pretty violent.
Kalila
Was it?
Andrew Santino
What?
Kalila
It was violent.
Andrew Santino
You don't know what ballerina is?
Kalila
What is ballerina?
Andrew Santino
Well, let me explain it to you.
Kalila
Oh, it's John Wick.
Andrew Santino
So what they're trying to do is try to, you know, expand the franchise.
Kalila
Oh, God. I couldn't even get to the last one. It flopped. It was so bad.
Andrew Santino
It was. You know what? There was some disconnection in the. I don't think it was directed well.
Kalila
But the last one wasn't good either. I tried to watch it. It was so bad. Oh, so they're having this girl. Who is that girl? That's, she plays the ballerina.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
This movie didn't do well. She's huge.
Andrew Santino
She's great in it too.
Kalila
She's.
Andrew Santino
So you can, you know. Here's what's sad about Ballerina. Okay. I'm not a film critic, but we are kind of. Yeah, we are kinda. But when you're watching her, you know, she's trying so hard to be. I mean, look at. She's doing all the John Wick.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You know, I mean, getting thrown over cabinets. You know, I mean, I mean, doing.
Kalila
So she's doing her own stunts.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah. And she's doing it. And you're in your. And you, you, you're, you're, you're saying, I wish this was a better movie for you because you are doing such hard work.
Kalila
She's busting ass.
Andrew Santino
Busting your fucking ass.
Kalila
106 million worldwide. I got to be honest with you. I bet you the budget wasn't that high.
Andrew Santino
Oh my God. It had to be. $100 million movie.
Kalila
No way was it that visually stunning.
Andrew Santino
It had to be the stunts and.
Kalila
All because the John Wick. His tradition.
Andrew Santino
How much it was 80 million to 90 million. Yeah. It had to been okay because look.
Kalila
At the John Wick franchise as a whole. They started that whole thing with such low budget nothing. It was like 10, 20 million or something. I'm telling you, that's. By the way, I watched the worst documentary of all time last night.
Andrew Santino
Let me guess what it is.
Kalila
What a waste of time.
Andrew Santino
Can I guess the topic?
Kalila
Go ahead. Trending on Netflix.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I, I, I know what it is.
Kalila
What?
Andrew Santino
What do I get if I guess it?
Kalila
Give anything you want. What do you want?
Andrew Santino
Poop cruise.
Kalila
That was poop.
Andrew Santino
Really?
Kalila
100%.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. I couldn't get through past the 15 minutes.
Kalila
It sucked.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Kalila
By the way, they made a five second story. They made it a fucking hour movie. It stinks.
Andrew Santino
It stinks.
Kalila
And they should have told it from different perspectives. They got like the most, the least entertaining people to talk about it. Get some weirdos. Get some weirdos that were on the boat I want the guy. They have people being like, it was out of control and there's poop coming out of the dreams. No, I want the guy who's like, I'm the one that made the tents and I was collecting poop. And I want that guy in the documentary. Where's the weirdo?
Andrew Santino
But was he in on the boat?
Kalila
You tell me there's not one of those guys on a fucking Carnival Cruise Line, okay? Anybody that goes on these things, first of all, is a maniac. You know, there's lifers, they go on these things. There's people that stay on cruises, they just go cruise to.
Andrew Santino
When you ever. I see a TikTok with Carnival Cruise and I look at the pool party seems like a nightmare. Number one.
Kalila
I'll tell you what, it looks insane at sea.
Andrew Santino
Too many people.
Kalila
Way too many.
Andrew Santino
Right? Music's not my thing, that kind of.
Kalila
Music, because it's constant everywhere you go.
Andrew Santino
It's, give me the loot, give me the loot. I don't know what they're playing.
Kalila
I do love it.
Andrew Santino
I don't know what they're playing.
Kalila
I do love that.
Andrew Santino
Something like Biggie or something.
Kalila
I love. Give me the.
Andrew Santino
I love. Give me the song.
Kalila
No, they're playing.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but I'm on a boat. I don't want to hear it. Give me the loot. Give me the loot. You know, I don't want to hear it, right? Because it's like, I'm not. I've never done that.
Kalila
You don't do that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I've never, you know, Give me the loot. I've never done that.
Kalila
Now, if it was Portishead, you'd be into it.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know what? Mazzy Star.
Kalila
Fine. Mazzy Star is great.
Andrew Santino
Or whatever, right?
Kalila
Well, that's a suicidal song. On a boat wouldn't be good.
Andrew Santino
I know, but still, I could cut with myself with my emo friend, you know what I mean? So it's the music. Too many people. Give me another reason why you wouldn't go on that cruise.
Kalila
Well, I. Buffets, you know, give me the creeps. I have. I'm germaphobic. I think Buffet to me is Night Nightmare. Everyone's in the. That. No, thank you. Also. Also, there is something to be said about unlimited booze and booze available in a trapped environment.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Hallelujah.
Kalila
Give me something.
Andrew Santino
Can I go back to the buffet?
Kalila
Sure.
Andrew Santino
Never trust a buffet without a glass paneling. Oh, bro, bro, if there's no glass paneling, forget it. And Guess what? Who's the fucker that has to clean that fucking thing?
Kalila
Oh, gross.
Andrew Santino
Oh, God. You know, it's people's breath.
Kalila
It's breath and snot and hands and fingers.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it's gross. All right. Here's another thing. I don't think that I'd be able.
Kalila
To sleep well in on a boat.
Andrew Santino
Because you'd have to pay extra to get a. Can you get a window room?
Kalila
I think they're all window rooms, right?
Andrew Santino
There's no inland room, I would imagine.
Kalila
Why would there be? How could there be? They all have to be on the outside of the boat.
Andrew Santino
I would need a window.
Kalila
Huh? Stop.
Andrew Santino
Is the shower water even without, like, is the shower water good?
Kalila
It's filtered clean water. You can't. It's non potable.
Andrew Santino
Thank you.
Kalila
So you can't drink it, but you can shower with it.
Andrew Santino
Why is that? I want to shower in. In water that I can drink.
Kalila
I totally agree. I totally agree.
Andrew Santino
Don't you? Like, I can't put it in my body, but I could put it outside my body.
Kalila
And by the way, this. It gets in my body when it pours. Yeah, it's on my.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I want Fiji water for shower water.
Kalila
Yeah. 100.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
It contained bacterias, viruses, chemicals. So, yeah, you're. It's. No, no, you can't drink it. But also, I don't trust that they're not recycling water. How do you know? How do I know?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, you don't know.
Kalila
You would never know.
Andrew Santino
You never know. Even the fucking water filter I have at my house sometimes, I don't know.
Kalila
Oh, I think it's bullshit.
Andrew Santino
I think we have.
Kalila
We have filtered water at the house too. And I'm like, this didn't do anything.
Andrew Santino
This has high tech technology, five filters, nothing. Use idiom And I dm. You know, me and all these fucking things. I don't even know, by the way.
Kalila
Yeah, idiom and idiom. How well do they work?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, idiom and idiom. But so here's another thing I. Activities.
Kalila
So you're not doing any of those?
Andrew Santino
Well, let's just throw them out. I've never been on a cruise, but I assume pool activities is one pool all day. Okay. Number two, Is there a movie theater?
Kalila
There is a huge movie theater and a huge performance theater where comedians and musicians and people go to perform.
Andrew Santino
But what are they playing in the movie? You know what they're playing?
Kalila
What?
Andrew Santino
What?
Kalila
What are they playing?
Andrew Santino
What are they playing?
Kalila
What are they playing?
Andrew Santino
I'm asking you because I've never Been. I've never been on a cruise.
Kalila
I've never fucking been.
Andrew Santino
I've never been on a cruise. So what do you think? Okay. You? I'm on a boat. Yeah. Honey.
Kalila
Hi.
Andrew Santino
Let's go to the movie theater. What's playing?
Kalila
Hi. Welcome to movie theater. Yeah, we have three films available. Which one would you like to see?
Andrew Santino
You sing to me.
Kalila
Yes. Oh, we have three films there. Which one would you like to see?
Andrew Santino
Let me just read it. Madea.
Kalila
MEDEA showing in 10 minutes.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. In 10 minutes.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
What is Medea?
Kalila
It's a beautiful. It's a beautiful, heartfelt story.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Family story.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
About a woman and her. And her extended family.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. No, thank you. That's pretty much. Is it a comedy?
Kalila
It's a comedy.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Who is Medea? Who plays Medea?
Kalila
Tyler Perry.
Andrew Santino
Tyler Perry, yes. Yeah, I know. What's another movie that you have here?
Kalila
Oh, we have Soul Plane.
Andrew Santino
So what is that?
Kalila
It's. It's Dog and some friends are on. And Katt Williams. They're on a plane to.
Andrew Santino
Can I ask you another question?
Kalila
Sure.
Andrew Santino
Is Tyler Perry. Is that what you said?
Kalila
Tyler Perry?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. Is he black?
Kalila
He is.
Andrew Santino
Okay. I didn't know.
Kalila
Is that okay?
Andrew Santino
No, it's completely.
Kalila
I would hope so.
Andrew Santino
Big Denzel fan?
Kalila
We don't have any Denzel.
Andrew Santino
What's the third movie?
Kalila
I think you can see what the third movie.
Andrew Santino
Oh, almost thought. Is that about a boat?
Kalila
It is about a boat.
Andrew Santino
Oh, good. Do you have Titanic? Because I like White Boat.
Kalila
No, no, no.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Kalila
We found that.
Andrew Santino
That tested negative with the people on cruise. Okay. So there's movies. What else is there? Is there darts? Like, what else happens?
Kalila
Shuffleboard. There's also water slides, they said. And then people really get off on the casino. It's a fucking floating casino.
Andrew Santino
Oh, it's a casino. Yeah.
Kalila
Another way for people to lose their mortgage.
Andrew Santino
Can you smoke inside the casino, you think?
Kalila
You better believe it.
Andrew Santino
Okay, good.
Kalila
It's a boat. You can do whatever the fuck you want. Maritime law, baby. You can have as much fun as possible. Look at. There's a Punchliner comedy club. There's an IMAX theater. You can play Deal or no Deal live.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Kalila
Drive in movies. Oh, dive in movies.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Karaoke. Nightmare. Piano bar. Live music. A nightclub.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
A sports bar. And then fancy. What does that say? Go ahead. That's in your stuff.
Andrew Santino
Blonde. Blank. Blank.
Kalila
It's a dazzling performance version. So what is this? Is that Carnival's website? Yeah. It's their activity.
Andrew Santino
Okay. So I want to ask you this.
Kalila
God, no, thanks, man.
Andrew Santino
Sometimes, you know, I'll run into a comic I haven't seen in a very long time.
Kalila
This just happened to you?
Andrew Santino
No, just general. Sometimes you just run into a guy like, oh, so and so.
Kalila
Yeah, I saw.
Andrew Santino
I haven't seen you in 20 years or whatever.
Kalila
I literally just saw. Do you know who Tarun Shetty is, love?
Andrew Santino
Tarun.
Kalila
Yeah, I just ran into him and I haven't seen him in a long, long time.
Andrew Santino
And then they go, yeah, I've been doing the cruises. That, that, that thing.
Kalila
Oh, when they tell you they have. Oh, right.
Andrew Santino
Well, they've been doing. They've been gone because that's how they make it, which is a great. A cruise. Doing Stand up on a cruise.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Would you do it? I mean, because I've never been offered it.
Kalila
Let me tell you something.
Andrew Santino
Let me. Let me just say something.
Kalila
When this show's over and we aren't on this show anymore, we might have to cruise.
Andrew Santino
I have nothing against.
Kalila
He might be cruising. It might be bad Friends at Sea.
Andrew Santino
We could do that because Chelsea Lynn does it. I think the workaholic boys are doing it.
Kalila
They are doing it.
Andrew Santino
Bert's done it. A cruise?
Kalila
Yeah, they all do cruises.
Andrew Santino
What I'm saying is just you as a stand up, getting hired.
Kalila
I know what you're doing.
Andrew Santino
What am I doing?
Kalila
You're saying that my career is headed in the path that I will be a cruiser.
Andrew Santino
You're a movie star and that's. That's insane.
Kalila
Please, I'm not even a TV star.
Andrew Santino
You got something coming. I can feel it. Okay, yeah, I made some calls. But my point is. All right, but what I'm saying is, is that I could. No, I don't know if I could do it. I don't know if I have the material for it. I don't know if I have.
Kalila
Here's really what it is.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
It would kill my soul to eat shit on a boat and then not.
Andrew Santino
Be able to leave when you bomb.
Kalila
And then I have to go to 41C, my bunk. I have to eat and then walk past people to my. But I've lived that life. It hurts when you eat.
Andrew Santino
I know.
Kalila
At a bad room. And then I'll be in the back sitting at a table, eating chicken wings.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Until I have to go. Until my ride takes me back to the hotel like that. I mean, I bomb and then I'm up there.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God. And your opener's in there too.
Kalila
Yeah. We have to chat it out.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And he's like I killed.
Kalila
You're like, oh, I know, I saw you.
Andrew Santino
I used to play Heroes in Vegas and used to do 16 shows in a week. That's Monday through Sunday.
Kalila
Ridiculous.
Andrew Santino
So one time I had a really, really, like. It was eight people that don't know. What happens is when you don't have a name and you're doing a club like Heroes in Vegas, they don't care who it is.
Kalila
No, they're just giving free tickets.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, free tickets. People show up, they don't know who the fudge you are.
Kalila
Which is why we're so grateful for the fans. So God, keep going so we don't have to go back and do 19 shows.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I had one particular. Was like seven people in a 200 seat room. I bombed so hard.
Kalila
You cannot kill with seven people.
Andrew Santino
I went to the Geraldinas. Is that what it's called? The ice cream place? Geraldis. Geraldis, Geraldis.
Kalila
No, no, no.
Andrew Santino
Ghirardelli.
Kalila
Yeah. Thank you. Well, the Foreigner got it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, Ghirardelli ice cream place. I got a sundae after the show.
Kalila
That's kind of a nice reward, right?
Andrew Santino
But the two people that went to the se of the seven, right? And the guy goes to me, yo, nice try.
Kalila
That's so funny.
Andrew Santino
It's not. You were funny. It's not, you know, I mean, you're pretty. Good night. Like he acknowledged my attempt.
Kalila
A guy shook my hand one time. I think I was in God, I want to say, I. I want to say not Portland, but I was in the northwest somewhere and I don't remember where I was because I was all, let me guess, Northwest, broken on the road.
Andrew Santino
Tacoma.
Kalila
Yeah, it could have been Tacoma. It was up in the northwest somewhere. But I was broken on the road. And a guy said. And I had such a mid ass set. And he shook my hand and smiled very nice because I was saying hi to people on the way out. You. I used to do that a lot, you know, because you just wanted to say thanks for coming. Sure. And the guy goes, keep swinging.
Andrew Santino
Keep swinging.
Kalila
And by the way, it's not even that mean. It's just perfect.
Andrew Santino
It's perfect.
Kalila
It's like saying you'll hit the bulk. Come on, you're doing it. You're all right. You'll be you, you know, don't worry about keep, keep swinging.
Andrew Santino
Which means that you struck out.
Kalila
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I see that now that you struck out.
Kalila
He's saying, batter out, get back in the battery.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow factor. Summer is here, baby. More sun, more light, more time to do all the things that make summer so special. And the number one thing is you don't want to be doing all summer spending hours cooking inside. Right Andrew?
Kalila
That's right. I don't want to be indoors, man. That's where the factor comes in. Factors Chef crafted, dietitian approved meals are ready in just two minutes. That's as long as Bobby lasts in the bedroom. Taking the hassle out of eating well.
Andrew Santino
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Kalila
Look at Bob and I are on the road a lot. A lot of times we're on the go. And factor. Thank you to them. They sent us a bunch of meals. They are delicious.
Andrew Santino
They're so good.
Kalila
They're so quick and easy to get in and get going with your day.
Andrew Santino
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Kalila
That's code BAD FRIENDS50OFF@Factor Meals.com Bad friends 50 off for 50% off plus free shipping. Factor Meals.com Bad Friends 50 OFF Shopify.
Andrew Santino
Look guys, if you, if you have an online business and I don't do, I don't know what you're doing if you're not using Shopify. When you think about businesses, Andrew.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
They're selling through the roof like aloe or allbirds or skims. What do you think of a pretty good product?
Kalila
I guess. Good.
Andrew Santino
But you think of Shopify? No.
Kalila
Oh, that's what I think of the most though.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, exactly.
Kalila
Because that is honestly the secret behind business. Because businesses that use Shopify, they are winning.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
That means way less carts are going abandoned and way more sales going. Cha ching. Up up, up up up up up up up.
Andrew Santino
So if business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed and everywhere else in between. My friend.
Kalila
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Andrew Santino
Lowercase go to shopify.com lowercase bad friends to upgrade your selling today.
Kalila
Shopify.com bad friends keep swinging is keep.
Andrew Santino
Swinging is a really good shout out.
Kalila
To that guy that stayed with me for 12 years.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Pretty funny. Is hurts too.
Kalila
You're pretty funny.
Andrew Santino
You're pretty. Yeah, pretty funny. I don't like.
Kalila
It's mean when they go. When they say it. Like a surprise when they go, you were pretty funny. Like it blew their mind.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I think that's worse.
Kalila
They saw you. Yeah. You were actually funny. That's. He knows. That's so mean.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Or.
Kalila
Or yeah. You really want to get under a comedian skin.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Fans go up to the headliner, shake his or her hand and go of your dude. Funny. Funny stuff. I loved the guy before you. That will them up in a way. It's irreparable damage, but say it real go. God, I love that guy. Right. Before you say his name again, say their name again. Make the headliner tell you the other. That'll. That kills a headliner so much.
Andrew Santino
I'll tell you, it's the meanest. Same thing. If you see the opener with the header standing next to each other.
Kalila
Yes, I know. This is.
Andrew Santino
You go to the opener and go, you should headline.
Kalila
Oh, God, it's so funny.
Andrew Santino
You should have been. You should have been the headliner. Right. That will destroy every ounce of joy inside your heart. It hurts.
Kalila
So it's happened to all of us, dude.
Andrew Santino
We've been so much.
Kalila
We've been on both sides of the fence.
Andrew Santino
Both sides of the fence.
Kalila
That's like what I told you that, that, that story where I loved the National. I followed them from the beginning. I saw them in small shows. Then we saw them open the Hollywood bowl for RM. And my wife hates RM so much. We left after the. We paid for RM's tickets to watch the opening act.
Andrew Santino
Your wife hates REM. That's very annoying to me.
Kalila
Loads are.
Andrew Santino
That's the most annoying thing I've ever heard.
Kalila
Let me tell you something.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
I never cared. I never. I always thought, whatever. REM's fine. They're. They're not a favorite of mine. I don't listen to them.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God.
Kalila
But now because of her hate.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
I've also found out why she hates them.
Andrew Santino
Can I guess? Yeah, let me think. Too white. Like in a generic college.
Kalila
So college y. White whiny guy.
Andrew Santino
Right?
Kalila
It's whiny white guy. She hates whiny white guy. Ah, look at this band.
Andrew Santino
That's.
Kalila
Look at. Look at their faces.
Andrew Santino
Mike Mills. Mike Mills is the one. The glasses brother. He is the whitest of the whites. Right?
Kalila
That's whiter than me.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. But Peter Buck the guy to the far left, right? What do you think? I like white dudes like that.
Kalila
Yeah, but he doesn't belong. Which one of these things doesn't belong?
Andrew Santino
Peter Buck.
Kalila
He does not belong.
Andrew Santino
Okay. That's the guy that laugh. What do you think of Michael Stipe?
Kalila
I think he's a brilliant songwriter.
Andrew Santino
He is. But I like his voice.
Kalila
Just don't care.
Andrew Santino
Okay, that's insane.
Kalila
I think the song automatic for people.
Andrew Santino
There's just so many great albums that they've done that it's like I just. When. When I heard your wife just now doesn't like rm, it really kind of shocked me.
Kalila
Here's why.
Andrew Santino
It's one of the greatest bands of all time. I think.
Kalila
I disagree. Do you know what? This. They'll never go up there as the greatest. One of the greatest bands. They are. They are. He's a brilliant songwriter.
Andrew Santino
Are you out of your mind?
Kalila
No one names. REM is one of the greatest bands. And you'll never listen to their albums again once you've done with them.
Andrew Santino
How do you. I listen to it all the time now.
Kalila
No, you don't.
Andrew Santino
Labels of the reconstruction. I know the albums. Let me say something.
Kalila
Give me your Spotify and prove to me that you listen to them recently.
Andrew Santino
Okay?
Kalila
Liar.
Andrew Santino
I mean, how do you. Liar. I don't have. I can know Apple Music. I can do.
Kalila
What are you my dad?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Right. Even download it. Let's see if you. Because when you download a song, that means you really like it.
Kalila
Sure. Is it downloaded?
Andrew Santino
So let's see. This is downloaded, right? Yeah.
Kalila
Click on.
Andrew Santino
I'm gonna go to artist. I don't think I have it.
Kalila
I hope.
Andrew Santino
Look. Downloaded REM that's just on.
Kalila
That's. That's the library.
Andrew Santino
No, that's not. Download it. Look at the top.
Kalila
Give it to me.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. And you know when it's downloaded, press rm. It has that little white dot. Means it's downloaded on my phone.
Kalila
Automatic for the people. All you have is one song. Night Swimming. One song.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Kalila
One song.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
And on.
Andrew Santino
Go now. Now go to my non.
Kalila
And you have one song on the other album. One dot. There it is. Driver eight.
Andrew Santino
I know. Don't get.
Kalila
Give it to two songs he loves.
Andrew Santino
Downloaded. Downloaded. Now let's go back to now. Oh, let's go back to just library now. Please, please let me improve in the.
Kalila
Way that you hate.
Andrew Santino
Give me the loot. Give me the loot.
Kalila
I hate Aria.
Andrew Santino
I love Biggie. What are you talking about?
Kalila
No, you don't want to boat I.
Andrew Santino
Don'T think he killed Tupac.
Kalila
He didn't.
Andrew Santino
Or his people did.
Kalila
He did. No. So. So the irony of going to an opening act for the record was so we could see the national because we love them. And I had to leave for Remember? And I don't hate R.E.M. i think Michael's one of the best songwriters. I just don't care.
Andrew Santino
Okay. I mean, it's. It's like if you believe they put.
Kalila
A man on the moon.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Man on the moon.
Andrew Santino
What's the song about?
Kalila
If you believe, if you believe.
Andrew Santino
What's the song about? The song is about who? Andy Kaufman.
Kalila
I know, dude.
Andrew Santino
Unbelievable.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
It's the first time I've ever heard of. Even before I even knew who Lenny Bruce is. I learned it from.
Kalila
All right, you want me to. You want me to drop the act? I like REM a lot.
Andrew Santino
Do you really?
Kalila
Yeah, I do.
Andrew Santino
Dude, did you leave?
Kalila
Yeah, we left.
Andrew Santino
Why did you leave?
Kalila
Because she didn't want to hear it. You know how funny it was?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
I literally go, what if we stay for, like, two songs?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Kalila
I really, really. Yeah, I wanted to stay. Yeah, of course I wanted to stay.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
I knew it, dude. As soon as you told me that irked you, I was like, well, I'm gonna dig as deep as.
Andrew Santino
That was good, because it was really getting me going. Because here's the thing. I don't even know if I went to a show of a band that I really loved, and if my significant other said, let's leave, I don't know if I could. I think that would be a deal breaker for me.
Kalila
It would hurt. Yeah. Well, here was the. Here was the deal. We went for the national. Truly. I want to see the national. So that's really. Because I'd never seen them in that big of a venue, so we wanted to see that and then talk about a beautiful full circle. They played the Hollywood bowl the next year, solo headlining. And then I thought, we should go see the opening band of that and leave before the National.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Who was opening his bed of that?
Kalila
No, it was. It was a. It wasn't a nobody. It was like a band where you're like, oh, they could sell a lot of tickets.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Sometimes you need two bands to sell. Sometimes you need two bands to sell a lot of.
Andrew Santino
To be a big. Yeah, yeah, of course. I. No shame. I get that.
Kalila
What do you mean? You and I, we love it together. Sometimes we're the killer combination.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Good combination.
Kalila
That's why we're doing London and Dublin together.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
And. Yeah, we can announce it.
Andrew Santino
Saudi Arabia.
Kalila
We're doing Saudi Arabia. We're doing the Riad Comedy Festival.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but to me, that would be like. Like the girl that I'm seeing now, she's like, let's watch Hamilton. I didn't know anything about it.
Kalila
The play.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it's a. Wait, the movie is the play. She goes, if. Because I guess they're going to do. I feel so bad about this, dude.
Kalila
What?
Andrew Santino
So she goes. She goes, well, in New York, the original cast is going to do like one show, right? And to be impressive, I go, I could maybe try to get tickets for that.
Kalila
Can you imagine how expensive that.
Andrew Santino
Guess what?
Kalila
What?
Andrew Santino
I can't. That's what I found out. I have no power.
Kalila
That's right.
Andrew Santino
I call people, they're like, get the out of here, dude. I go, oh, okay.
Kalila
An impossible ticket. That's like for Bradley Cooper and whoever hot.
Andrew Santino
That's what I'm saying. I thought that maybe I could get a back row thing, brother. I know, brother. I don't know no about Hamilton.
Kalila
Because here's what happens.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
They put in that show is going to be the coolest, hottest New York celebrities in the. In the. In the orchestra. Then in the top balcony, the. That will be people who used to be super famous but are still cool and relevant.
Andrew Santino
Corey Feldman.
Kalila
What the.
Andrew Santino
I'm going to throw some names. You see if they get a kid to come or not.
Kalila
In the balcony?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, in the balcony.
Kalila
I'll say a name. I'll tell you if they're an orchestra. Balcony or upper deck.
Andrew Santino
This is a good. Or backup Charlize Theron.
Kalila
Orchestra.
Andrew Santino
That's good.
Kalila
Orchestra. Oh, yeah. The floor. They're on the floor.
Andrew Santino
Okay, Charlie. All right. Pauly Shore.
Kalila
Pulling tickets out front.
Andrew Santino
Scalping tickets. He's scalping tickets up front.
Kalila
No, he's a ticket ripper.
Andrew Santino
He's a ticket four, brother. Okay. Okay.
Kalila
We love you, Paul.
Andrew Santino
We love you, too. Yeah, I know. Let's keep going.
Kalila
We wouldn't get in the building is the point.
Andrew Santino
Okay, what's that guy? No. Okay.
Kalila
What's that guy? Obviously not in there. If you have to say, what's that guy? Yeah, he's not inside.
Andrew Santino
Harry Styles.
Kalila
Orchestra.
Andrew Santino
Orchestra.
Kalila
By the way, second row.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Kalila
They want him in the shot of the reverse camera shot of. Of Hamilton with Harry right there. That, you know, the picture that they want.
Andrew Santino
Okay, let's go. Let's go to Sally Fields.
Kalila
I gotta be honest with you. Balcony one. She's in the first balcony.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Kalila
Here's what they pitch her. She goes, oh, I'd like to be down in the orchestra. And they go, sally, it's kind of hard to see from down there. You might because of your age, but I'm four.
Andrew Santino
Nine.
Kalila
No, no, I'm saying. Yeah, that's why you need to be elevated to see down to the.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you. You're. As a talent guy that works for Hamilton. Yeah, that's really. Oh, yeah. So I'm calling.
Kalila
Yeah, we'd be.
Andrew Santino
I'm a public.
Kalila
We'd be afraid that you couldn't see the stage from over, people. So we'd want you elevated to look down. There's two balconies. You're in the beer in the prime. You're in the middle one. You're on the best one.
Andrew Santino
So, David Swimmer.
Kalila
David Schwimmer.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, Schwimmer.
Kalila
Yes, we do have a seat for Dave.
Andrew Santino
Where is he sitting?
Kalila
He's in the second balcony.
Andrew Santino
Oh, second balcony. I think he's orchestrating. You do? Yeah, I think he's orchestra.
Kalila
He's actually in the second balcony, and he's in the middle row. He's in the dead center.
Andrew Santino
So. Really? David Swimmer would get that.
Kalila
Dave, dead center, though.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Gets to see right down. Am I wrong? That's. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
All right, I have.
Kalila
Who else do you have on your team, on your. In your roster there? Agent. What's your name again?
Andrew Santino
Agent Donovan. Alejandro Crisp.
Kalila
Is that a new agent Donovan? Alejandro?
Andrew Santino
Just call me crisp.
Kalila
Oh, Crispy.
Andrew Santino
Dr. Chris.
Kalila
Oh, I know Mr.
Andrew Santino
Crisp. I'm a doctor.
Kalila
Oh, Dr. Chris.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. But I also do publicists on the side. Publicity on the side.
Kalila
Damn. What happened to your fucking. What happened?
Andrew Santino
What do you mean, what happened?
Kalila
Were you. What kind of doctor were you?
Andrew Santino
I was a orthopedic surgeon.
Kalila
Someone's heard me talk about it recently.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
All right, so let me hear. Who else do you have on your client list?
Andrew Santino
Molly Ringwald. Ooh.
Kalila
She'll be upstairs next to David. Two seats away.
Andrew Santino
Mollywell center.
Kalila
Center. Two seats away. Perfect. Beautiful.
Andrew Santino
Okay, now let's go. Dr. Ken Jeong.
Kalila
You know, let me see if we have any more tickets, actually, because I think we might, you know, you can.
Andrew Santino
Would get balcony. That's insane. That hurts.
Kalila
You're not Ken.
Andrew Santino
I noticed it. But honestly, you don't think that can get balcony?
Kalila
Yeah, he get balcony. He get first bat. He. I didn't want to say it to upset you. He'd get middle balcony for sure.
Andrew Santino
I already tried. They said no.
Kalila
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
They said, quote, get the out of here.
Kalila
No, shut up.
Andrew Santino
But they did.
Kalila
Shut up. Get the out of here, or you'd get middle balcony.
Andrew Santino
I won't. I already tried. I called, you know, I mean, my peeps, and they go, it's not. No, get the out of here.
Kalila
Really?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. So I go, okay, I think you.
Kalila
Could get top row. I believe it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You know, you One show. I don't think so. Dude.
Kalila
You could get up there. I think you could.
Andrew Santino
No way. Yeah.
Kalila
You guys.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. No way, right? I, I, I'm.
Kalila
What do you mean? It's like 600.
Andrew Santino
Andre Agassi.
Kalila
Oh, he's in there. 100. It's a legend. A literal legend in his game.
Andrew Santino
Oh, Carla Malone.
Kalila
Carla Malone.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Carla. Carla.
Kalila
You're saying Carl Malone.
Andrew Santino
Carl Malone, the basketball player.
Kalila
Old. He got pregnant.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, Carl Malone.
Kalila
Carl Malone would not be available for that. They would not. They'd go, sir.
Andrew Santino
Wow. Living legend, though. No, you know what? We could go if they did Lion King. Do you ever see Lion King? I went, I think the only third play I ever went to, but I had a girlfriend named Christine, and she goes, let's go watch. So at Pantages, you went to go.
Kalila
See the Lion King.
Andrew Santino
I bought tickets. Right. It was pretty fun.
Kalila
Yeah. I haven't seen it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, there's like a giraffe when a guy in a costume, you know what I mean? And you're like, oh, look. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty.
Kalila
You didn't pay attention to it, did you?
Andrew Santino
Well, I'd never seen the Lion King in any form, so it was so riveting to me because I didn't know the story.
Kalila
Shut the fuck up. You never saw the Lion King?
Andrew Santino
I have never seen Little Mermaid, lion, any of those Disney old things. Mulan, I don't know, Princess of Persia, any of that stuff.
Kalila
What?
Andrew Santino
The only thing I saw was Nima. Nemo. I saw Nemo. I saw the one that has, like, schizophrenia. The Dora. I forget things.
Kalila
You finding Dory?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that one. Yeah. Where am I?
Kalila
Ever seen Aladdin?
Andrew Santino
No. I don't even know. So when I was watching the Lion King, I go, too old. I didn't even know it was about Africa.
Kalila
It's not.
Andrew Santino
No. I thought. I don't know anything about it. All I know, it just says it's on. No, it's not in Africa.
Kalila
It's in Bakersfield.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I didn't know. Right. So I know that the lion's in it, but I don't know any other kind of information.
Kalila
What else you know about the lion?
Andrew Santino
He Must. Mutumba.
Kalila
Mustafa. Mustafa.
Andrew Santino
Mustafa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kalila
Mufasa.
Andrew Santino
Mustafa.
Kalila
Mufasa.
Andrew Santino
Mufasa. I know that there's a thing where he goes, look, and there's like a little boy. Like the little one cub.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Over the ridge. Yeah, I don't think that was in that live play. What's. What's. So let's. Okay. I don't know what the Lion King is.
Kalila
No. Aladdin. No Lion King. No.
Andrew Santino
Little. Well, okay. Little Mermaid. Let me see.
Kalila
You know. Shut up. You're with me.
Andrew Santino
I swear onto my mother's life, you. I don't know what the little. I know that it's a mermaid. I know she's little. Just based on the. You know the title. Yeah, I know that there's a purple creature. The. The. The rotund. The fat purple thing.
Kalila
Purple, fat.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And she's. Whatever she does, right? Bubbly, bubbly, bubbly.
Kalila
Yes. Bubbly, bubbly.
Andrew Santino
You're in a clam trap.
Kalila
That's exactly right.
Andrew Santino
Right, right. I know that there are clams right.
Kalila
Under the sea, right?
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah. I know that kind of stuff.
Kalila
So you know it because you've been.
Andrew Santino
In a mall and you go, what the is this? And they go, it's from the Little Mermaid. Then you go, oh. And you retain that information. But I don't know anything about that. I don't know the thing about Aladdin. Nothing about Aladdin.
Kalila
Magic Carpet Ride dog.
Andrew Santino
I know the who song.
Kalila
I can show you the world.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I did. I know the. Like, start a tune. I'll can maybe finish it. Go ahead.
Kalila
Okay. Here is. Here is the jungle of. Is. Here is the jungle. You will be the man of the jungle. You know that song? No, it's not a real song.
Andrew Santino
I know. I know that. Didn't retain. That didn't hit. I'm being real. Try to hit.
Kalila
All right. Aladdin.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but I don't know, so. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. But you think. Okay, if I have to start, what do you think I should start with?
Kalila
That's interesting. What should he start with? If he's starting with one of those old school Disney movies, I would say either.
Andrew Santino
Peter Pan. I know Peter Pan. Ask me anything about Peter Pan. I'll tell you Peter Pan.
Kalila
No, he's seen Peter Pan. I would say. No, that's Songs of Disney, dog. We're talking Disney film. A classic Disney film. I would say, honestly, I think the Lion King is one of the best. Aladdin and Lion King, Beauty and The Beast and the Little Mermaid are the three. Like, bangers.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Beauty and the Beast is the only.
Andrew Santino
So good that was nominated for an Oscar. The only animated film ever.
Kalila
What is Beauty and the Beast?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Was it best. Best for best picture?
Andrew Santino
Can I. I don't think I. I'll pass on Beauty and the Bees.
Kalila
Oh, you're wrong. She's the hottest.
Andrew Santino
Because I believe that you can't. It's inherently. You already know the story based. Just based on your story, Bobby. Okay. Like, explain to me why would be my story, Andreas, I'd like to be educated.
Kalila
Money makes you more handsome. Damn, dude. These guys are.
Andrew Santino
Damn, dude.
Kalila
That's what's going on up there. And that's crazy. Window.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
It's like you're cursed to be alone forever. Holy shit. That's not the message. Beauty is inside. Yeah, that's the nice version. The Beauty is on the inside. But to get the princess to your castle, sometimes you gotta kidnap her.
Andrew Santino
Oh, no. The scary laugh.
Kalila
He's about to lose it.
Andrew Santino
It's good.
Kalila
No, no, I'm not. I'm not saying that about you. They are.
Andrew Santino
It's good.
Kalila
No, I didn't say it about you. Stop it.
Andrew Santino
Stop that. Unbelievably good. Yeah. I go.
Kalila
He's getting to lose his mind. True Classic.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God. You know, whenever you look. Wear True Classic, Andrew, you look so like.
Kalila
You think it's my body.
Andrew Santino
Very Marlon Brando early or Marlon Brando days.
Kalila
Like.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. It looks so clean on you. Dude.
Kalila
When you wear True Classic, you look like Bobby Lee in the early days.
Andrew Santino
When I was 12.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
You were young and fit.
Andrew Santino
And let me ask you, what sets them apart from other T shirts?
Kalila
Because their mission goes beyond fit and fabric. It's about helping guys show up with confidence and purpose. The gear fits right? It feels amazing, and it's price. So guys everywhere, no matter who you are or what you do, you can step into confidence without stepping out of your budget.
Andrew Santino
We've been wearing True Classic for a while now, and now you can feel the difference the moment you throw one on. Tailored where you want it, relax where you need it. No bunching, no stiff fabric. No bs. Just a clean, effortless fit that actually works for real life.
Kalila
And by the way, you can forget overpriced designer brands, all right? Ditch that disposable fast fashion. True Classic is built for comfort, built to last, and built to give back. You can grab them at Target, Costco, or head to truclassic.com bad friends and get hooked up today.
Andrew Santino
That's true. Classic.com bad friends talk space. You know, today at 4, I went to therapy.
Kalila
You did go to therapy, Right before we recorded every Thursday.
Andrew Santino
I do. And I tell you something, it's. It's because of my anxiety. Right. I need to work through what makes me anxious. Right. Because of the trauma that I experienced as a kid. I had to work on these different moments as a kid doing EMDR and all that stuff. I honestly believe that therapy is priceless. And I think that to be free and to have a healthier life, you should do. You should go to where? Our Talk Space.
Kalila
I think you should. Talk Space is the leading virtual therapy provider. It makes getting the help you need easy, accessible and affordable. It's for everybody. And by the way, their talks based therapy and psychiatry are covered by many insurance plans. I know that's a big deal for a lot of people. Like, well, I can't afford it, but they're covered. And. And employers, including Tricare for active duty veterans and their dependents. Most insured members have a zero dollar copay. So you should try Talkspace. I believe everyone should talk to somebody.
Andrew Santino
And Talk Space makes getting help convenient because you can take your appointments from the comfort and privacy of your own home. And that's nice. You can even talk it out between sessions by sending messages to your therapist.
Kalila
That's right. As a list to this podcast, you're going to get $80 off your first month with Talk Space when you go to talkspace.com badfriends Enter the promo code SPACE80. That's S, P, a C80. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com bad friends. Enter the promo code SPACE80. The girls are back.
Andrew Santino
Damn, dude, look at how tan. Tan Rat turds. That's what they look like.
Kalila
Stop it.
Andrew Santino
I'm kidding.
Kalila
How long were you guys in Hawaii?
Bobby Lee
A month.
Andrew Santino
Wow, look at you guys.
Kalila
God, you guys.
Andrew Santino
I know. Look how 10 they are.
Bobby Lee
And we went to the beach today too.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, they did.
Kalila
Do you. You've never worn sunscreen?
Bobby Lee
No, we don't need to. We don't burn like you.
Kalila
Okay, Don't.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, go talk to. Into the mic. You see Issa. Hello.
Kalila
I cannot believe how tan you get.
Andrew Santino
They're so tan.
Kalila
You got so tan.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
We didn't burn once, though.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, because you guys don't.
Kalila
Don't say nobody burned. There's Filipinos that burned.
Bobby Lee
Probably like the lighter Filipinos. But we're not light.
Kalila
Oh, you guys haven't gotten a sunburn.
Bobby Lee
No.
Kalila
You've never.
Bobby Lee
Not on that trip.
Kalila
But you have gotten a sunburn.
Bobby Lee
When I was a kid.
Andrew Santino
Now, did you eat the chocolate cake?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Kalila
How much of the chocolate cake?
Andrew Santino
So what happened was I was on Gold Belly about a month ago, and there was an advertisement for a. Like a double, triple chocolate cake.
Kalila
Sounds good, right?
Andrew Santino
It comes. They're in Hawaii, and I'm on Ozempic. So that cake is not getting eaten. So I put in the freezer, thawed it out a couple nights ago. Right. And I've been begging them to eat it.
Kalila
Because you want them to be satisfied?
Andrew Santino
Not that. Because I don't want it to go to waste.
Kalila
Yeah, because you can't have it.
Andrew Santino
Right. I've been eating. I had it for breakfast. I had a slice I had made your mom make me a slice for breakfast. Chocolate cake.
Kalila
Make a slice.
Andrew Santino
I go, can you get it? Can I get a slice? And she. And she sliced it.
Kalila
And you had it?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, last night.
Kalila
How good is it?
Bobby Lee
It's so good.
Andrew Santino
It's like Trip. Too decadent, though, is what you're saying.
Bobby Lee
It's so heavy.
Andrew Santino
It's heavy. Yeah. Yeah.
Kalila
But you got it. That's why you have to. You just have to eat a small piece of it.
Bobby Lee
We got, like, so small. He was so mad that we took a small piece.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I want a big chunk. You know, here's another thing that drives me crazy.
Kalila
Give it to me.
Andrew Santino
Because they all live with me.
Kalila
I know. I've heard it's insane.
Andrew Santino
And so.
Kalila
Wait, you don't right now, do you?
Bobby Lee
I do if you do.
Kalila
Gross.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
What a night.
Andrew Santino
Here's another thing. Is their mom. Sorry, I go today. I go, I'm gonna get a sandwich. She said, oh. I go, want one? Okay. I go, what kind? Turkey. Okay, get it right. Comes from where? Where do I get it, you think?
Kalila
Giada. Oh, Uncle Paulie's. Uncle Paulie's.
Andrew Santino
How good is that sandwich?
Kalila
It's my favorite.
Andrew Santino
Right?
Kalila
It's the best.
Andrew Santino
We get the sandwich. She takes the bread off. Complete bread. Takes. Takes it out.
Kalila
Takes the bread off of the sandwich.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it takes all the insides. Then butts. Busts out her own Filipino bread, right. And puts the insides of the sandwich onto the bread. I don't know what kind of bread it is, but Filipino bread. What kind of bread is it?
Kalila
What is it?
Bobby Lee
It's a keto.
Andrew Santino
Oh, keto bread.
Kalila
Filipino keto. Oh, she's Philip Fila. Keto.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. And she's keto. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Because she doesn't want to be fat.
Kalila
Your mom's not fat.
Bobby Lee
She was really fat before.
Kalila
Was she? Would you say that to her? Would you say, mom, you're fat?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
That's so mean.
Andrew Santino
It's so mean.
Kalila
You guys are mean.
Bobby Lee
She would show us old pictures of herself, and she was like, God, I really let myself go. Like, she would show us.
Kalila
Yeah, but you guys, that doesn't mean you back it up and go, yup, fatty.
Bobby Lee
But that's normal in our family. We just say the truth.
Kalila
See, they're mean to each other. But it is true. But it is true. Maybe we should all be like this to our family members.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Was I fat? Yeah. Okay. Am I fat now?
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
No. In fact, you said something about you. You're a narc, by the way. You're a little piece of.
Bobby Lee
What did I do? Yeah, what did I do?
Andrew Santino
So your mom took a photo of my passport photo. And then you tell Kalila, right, he looks sick.
Bobby Lee
No, I didn't say that. I said you look so old already.
Andrew Santino
Why?
Kalila
You don't think he looks younger now that he lost weight?
Bobby Lee
No, Like, I felt so bad because, like, on the picture, like, your. Your eyes were like that. And then, like, your skin was so sad.
Andrew Santino
I'm Korean off. That's how we all look.
Bobby Lee
But I just felt so bad, so I texted Atikalai and said, titu. Bobby looks so old now.
Kalila
Oh, God, how mean.
Andrew Santino
It's so mean. It's not. I have no.
Bobby Lee
But with a crying emoji.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I didn't see the emoji. Yeah.
Kalila
Oh, that changed everything.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. So what you're saying you got emotional because it's. Don't you think it's because of the Ozempic face or. You really think that I look old now?
Bobby Lee
Well, how old are you?
Andrew Santino
I'm. Guess how old I am.
Kalila
He's got a birthday coming up.
Andrew Santino
I have a Birthday coming up.
Bobby Lee
54.
Andrew Santino
54, right.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
54 coming up. Yeah.
Kalila
He's turning 54.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And one day you'll get there.
Kalila
No, they won't. They won't live that long.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Kalila
There's no chance. Well, she made. She might. You're.
Andrew Santino
No, no, he says 7. 16. 17.
Bobby Lee
17.
Andrew Santino
17.
Kalila
Yeah, 17. When you turn 18 next year, March is 18. A big deal. Like it is in the States. Like, you can vote and all that is there voting down there?
Andrew Santino
Give me the rules.
Kalila
Chucking chickens in the road or what is it?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, the drinking age. The drinking age is 18. 18 in the Philippines.
Kalila
Yeah, but I feel like in the Countries like that. People drink anyway. Before that. Yeah, see, it doesn't.
Andrew Santino
Oh. So If I was 15 in the Philippines and I walked into a liquor store, could I buy a bottle of whiskey?
Kalila
No, you could if you knew the guy. If he's probably. He's probably your cousin.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. If he was your uncle. Like in our. In the Sorry Sorry stores, you can just.
Kalila
Why two sorrys too. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, that's you people. That's your people's thing.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's called Sorry, sorry sorry store. All right.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, it's just like a.
Kalila
It's like a thank you, thank you story.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I didn't know. Thank you.
Kalila
Yeah, yeah, it's like a. My bad, my bad.
Bobby Lee
When you turn 18, you usually have a debut. Yeah. Debut.
Kalila
What is debut mean?
Bobby Lee
It's like. But for 18 year olds.
Kalila
Yeah, but it happens at 16.
Andrew Santino
At 18. 18.
Kalila
It's a. And they call it a debut. So you throw a party.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Kalila
Is it. Did they do like, like extravagant parties.
Bobby Lee
Like they do again, like gallons are like really big. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Are there dwarves? Are there dwarves? They're deems to be dwarves.
Kalila
Did you have a debut? Are you gonna have a debut?
Bobby Lee
I don't think so. It's really expensive.
Kalila
How much does it cost?
Andrew Santino
How much does debut?
Bobby Lee
I don't know.
Kalila
We should throw her away.
Andrew Santino
You wanna. You want us to fund your debut?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Kalila
Guys, click below on the DOE and the GoFundMe.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, let's do a gofundme for your debut.
Kalila
How much is it? It says two. 200. No. What? What? $600,000. Oh, that's a two. Okay, so it's either it's anywhere between a thousand and twelve thousand USD. $12,000.
Andrew Santino
$12,000. Oh, it's for a grand though. Yeah, but there's moderate. Oh, you want a grand? Wait, wait. Zoom in, zoom in. It says grander. Or is this grander?
Kalila
Moderate means it's so we could. You could. For a thousand to two thousand United States dollars. You could do a nice one for like a big show. You do four grand to twelve thousand.
Andrew Santino
Twelve thousand. A twelve thousand dollar Filipino in the Philippines debut.
Kalila
I figured you'd buy an ice.
Andrew Santino
You can buy anything you want for that. Yeah, right. Look at that. Look at that.
Kalila
Is that her debut?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Wow.
Kalila
What's the word for debut though? They don't say debut. They do say that. Yeah, that's why.
Bobby Lee
And then they say it debut.
Kalila
Welcome to my debut in Cebu.
Andrew Santino
So is there a mute?
Kalila
Like how Jewish kids do the Fucking. You know their bar mitzvah rap videos. Come to my debut in Cebu.
Andrew Santino
Can you drink it? So if we could do debut, you would drink?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And then who's invited at the whole town?
Bobby Lee
The whole town? Yeah.
Kalila
That's why it's expensive. You got to pay for everyone's.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Kalila
It's like a wedding. You gotta pay for everyone's.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Is. Is there kind of like that kind of music or.
Bobby Lee
No, I've never been to one, so I don't really.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you never have. So we can just go like any kind of music?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you can pick any music.
Kalila
You're stuck in L. A. In your head.
Andrew Santino
That's not okay. Yeah, Yeah. I think I'm stuck. Yeah. Yeah. So, all right, so no debut for.
Kalila
You Unless we throw one for you. Maybe we will. I don't know.
Andrew Santino
Would that bum you out not to have a debut?
Bobby Lee
No, I wouldn't. But I know people get so much money from gifts. Oh, yeah, because they give. Yeah.
Kalila
The same thing continues bar mitzvahs. They all get money. They get. They get like a. It's supposed to be like a fund for your new adult life or whatever.
Andrew Santino
So if we're at your debut. Okay. Debut or whatever you call it. Okay. And we gave you an envelope of money, American money. What would be sufficient? Do you think me and Andrew came? We flew all. Now, mind you, we flew to. Yeah, mind you, we flew all the way to the Philippines. God, we got hotels to go to. Some person's debut.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, but I'm not just some person.
Andrew Santino
Oh, what are you? You're a snowflake, an individual? Is that what you're saying? What?
Bobby Lee
I'm your knee.
Andrew Santino
You're my niece. Okay, so how much money would you say?
Kalila
Like, think about how much money I'd spend on sunscreen alone.
Andrew Santino
I know. Would you complain? Like Tito Boundary only gave me? So what would be the number? That would be suffice for you?
Bobby Lee
It has to be enough so that me and my sister could go to Hawaii for a couple of months.
Kalila
What the.
Andrew Santino
That's. You were just in Hawaii for a month.
Kalila
That's so much money.
Andrew Santino
Dude.
Kalila
Dude, Americans who have full time jobs can't afford to go to Hawaii on vacation for a week. They want to go for a month.
Andrew Santino
But they were just there for one month.
Kalila
Your fault.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah, yeah, your fault. You know what? You get nothing for your debut.
Kalila
That's insane.
Andrew Santino
So if we gave you. If I gave you five grand American.
Bobby Lee
Oh my God, that's a lie. That's a lot.
Kalila
I'm looking in 100 bucks.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
I just thought of 2000. I was like, oh, that's too much already.
Andrew Santino
All right, what if me and Andrew gave you 100? 200 each.
Kalila
No, I'll give you a hundred dollars.
Bobby Lee
It can't be $200 because you've given me $300 before just to do, like, just to be alive.
Kalila
What are you doing?
Andrew Santino
What do you mean?
Bobby Lee
Literally, like a couple. A couple days after I got here, he. He woke us up at like 12am and he was like, if you guys suck on this sour ball, I'm gonna give you a hundred dollars.
Andrew Santino
On. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Let's put it into context. Let's put it in context. Okay.
Kalila
What the are you doing?
Andrew Santino
Shut the up. Shut up. I was shut. All right, we got to explain it better because it sounds a little weird. Okay, so I saw a tik tok, right, with these sour balls that you. It's a candy.
Kalila
I've seen them.
Andrew Santino
You've seen them?
Kalila
They're like. They're like. What are they? Sour warheads.
Andrew Santino
They're like sour warheads, right? So I woke them up, cuz I just got them. I found them in the box. They just got delivered.
Kalila
Sure.
Andrew Santino
So I guess. What did I say?
Bobby Lee
I say I'll give you $100. Yeah, I'll give you $100 if you can suck this for one minute. One minute, One minute.
Kalila
Rephrase all this. I'll give you $100 if you can eat this for a minute. Yeah, suck this ball.
Andrew Santino
It's insane.
Kalila
I know.
Bobby Lee
He kept saying, you have to suck it.
Andrew Santino
You don't eat it. You suck it off.
Kalila
Right?
Andrew Santino
You don't eat it, you suck it. Right, Carlos? Yeah, yeah.
Kalila
Carlos Yevo.
Andrew Santino
You know you bite, right? He bites. He bites it.
Kalila
Yeah, he bites.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. You lick it.
Kalila
You lick it.
Andrew Santino
So they did a minute, and I gave 100 bucks.
Bobby Lee
It was so easy.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Do you have. Do you have money on you right now?
Andrew Santino
Yes.
Kalila
Do another challenge then for 100. This will be your. This will be.
Andrew Santino
No, I don't have anything to suck.
Kalila
No.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have nothing around here anyway. Let's move on. Stop. All right, so here's the thing, okay? Listen, all right.
Kalila
Give me one of those heels to see if they can chug.
Andrew Santino
No, no, that's not a thing. All right, so what I'm saying is that sometimes I get generous.
Kalila
But you do get very.
Andrew Santino
No, that's why I don't think I'd be a good dad.
Kalila
No, you'd be a great no, because.
Andrew Santino
I would spoil the out. Like, what do I do with the cats?
Bobby Lee
Feed them.
Andrew Santino
Overfeed. Everyone treats. Yeah, King King treats. Right. I treat living things in. In my vicinity with praise and with gifts.
Kalila
Except for me.
Andrew Santino
And that's. Yes, I do, dude.
Kalila
You. Nope.
Andrew Santino
Not my talent.
Kalila
Your talent?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
That's interesting.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You know what? Yes. Congratulations, dude. I'm offering you my services for being a talent.
Kalila
Services denied.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Right. And I accept your talent as well, and that's a gift.
Kalila
I give you so much more than that.
Andrew Santino
Exactly. That's my point. Yeah, because your point is, how come you don't give me a for your birthday? What did I get you? I got you a golf one time.
Kalila
You give me something real this year.
Andrew Santino
All right, what do you want? What?
Kalila
You want to know what I want?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I want to know what you want.
Kalila
Something big.
Andrew Santino
Okay. To suck on.
Kalila
Give me a sour ball to suck on.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't suck on those sorrow balls. But my point is, is this. All right, so what you're saying to me right now, ladies, is I'm being too generous with you.
Kalila
Yeah. You need to stop the generation.
Andrew Santino
It stops everyone here right now. It stops here and now.
Kalila
This is the problem.
Andrew Santino
No more cash.
Kalila
Because little nieces. Nieces are. Are so sweet, and they're so nice. But then what they're really doing is they're pulling. They're manipulating you to give them more money.
Bobby Lee
No. Well, I don't know about Issa. See, I've never. Never.
Kalila
Sounds like it.
Andrew Santino
Here's another thing that occurred last night, if I just may, while we're at it. Okay. Don't like your attitude right now, by the way, that little face you did. Okay, so don't scare me.
Bobby Lee
What did you do the other night? You scared Mom. That was.
Andrew Santino
What did you do the other night? What are you talking about? Slow down. What are you saying?
Bobby Lee
He was, like, scared, though. He was being a little weird.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, guys. So just by me being alive and around is scary.
Bobby Lee
You know what he did? He waited for so long, and he was just crawled up in the corner, and he was waiting for me to go up, and he screamed at me when I got up the stairs, and it was creepy.
Andrew Santino
All right. Okay, but when I say this, don't do it back.
Kalila
No, they. Well, it's gonna. No. There's gonna be no retribution.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, because it was. I should have known. Because I'll tell you why I should have known. All the sides. All the signs were there for me to know. So usually when I walk into the house, I come home around midnight to 1 in the morning, Right?
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And the dogs are in their room. So I have four dogs sleeping. No, they go hog wild when I walk in.
Kalila
Right.
Andrew Santino
But they don't. They never let them out. Right. But last night I opened the door and they're just out roaming around. Roaming around.
Kalila
So you should have known.
Andrew Santino
Right. And I look into their room. First of all, they all share one room. Three people. Like sardines. Yeah. I would talk about Amistad. I mean, it's like, how do you sleep in that room?
Bobby Lee
We have the Japanese, like, floor bed. And we just share all through.
Andrew Santino
And then somebody gets the couch.
Kalila
Don't you have another room?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but it's getting redone. And also.
Bobby Lee
And the bathroom upstairs is broken. It's broken?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Why is it broken?
Andrew Santino
Because I'm getting remodeled. But I can't get it remodeled until they completely move out.
Kalila
Because you think you need to.
Andrew Santino
I actually. I can get it remodeled now since you guys live downstairs.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
It's a lot, though.
Kalila
Who cares?
Andrew Santino
I mean, there's. It's like a lot of people in the house. A lot of animals. It's like a lot. I have seven out. Anyway, let's get to the. So the dogs are out. I looked in the room. They're not there. And for some reason I was just like, oh, well. And I just walk up the stairs, completely dark on this, you know, I mean, on my. The second floor of the house. Right. And then your mom, whatever, which is like, you know, not a boo or. Ah.
Kalila
Like.
Andrew Santino
Like a. Like a Filipino ghost. Yeah. And it scared me a bit. Right. Yeah. So. All right, let's continue this game. Yeah. The Scare game.
Kalila
It's not a competition. Yeah, it's not. How much longer is this living situation gonna be like this?
Andrew Santino
Indefinitely, probably. It seems indefinite.
Kalila
Really?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Like, when do you think?
Bobby Lee
I don't know.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Me there.
Bobby Lee
I leave soon. Yeah. Leaving soon.
Kalila
You go back to the Philippines when?
Bobby Lee
On the 12th.
Kalila
Wow.
Andrew Santino
Soon.
Kalila
And then you. When. You know when you come back? You don't.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I don't know. But I think wants her to come back on September. September. And then go to Hawaii again.
Kalila
Jesus Christ. These kids are living like a family.
Andrew Santino
And now that you graduated.
Bobby Lee
I'm free.
Andrew Santino
You're free? Free.
Kalila
So you might come back September? Yeah, September 11th, maybe.
Andrew Santino
It's a great holiday for us.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Have you heard of September 11th? What happened that day?
Bobby Lee
You know?
Andrew Santino
No, I don't tell us what happened. We don't know because we were in a coma.
Kalila
Both of us.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah, 2001. We were both in a coma. What happened? Tell us about September 11th. Don't Google it.
Kalila
Yeah, I want to see if I know it. Okay. What happened?
Andrew Santino
9 11. I know, but what happened on 9 11?
Kalila
Yeah. What did happen?
Bobby Lee
The twin towers and stuff.
Kalila
What's interesting now?
Andrew Santino
Okay, go ahead.
Kalila
Because she wasn't alive for 9 11.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
So what she thinks happened probably didn't happen.
Andrew Santino
That's why we want to know.
Kalila
What do you think happened?
Bobby Lee
You guys are just gaslighting. No, you guys are like. You guys are just gaslighting.
Kalila
Neither of you were alive for 9 11. So how the do you know what happened?
Bobby Lee
We asked mama about it and she doesn't know about it. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So no one knows about it, I guess. What do you know?
Bobby Lee
Philippines, like. I don't know.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Because mama doesn't know anything.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
I don't know.
Andrew Santino
Did the Philippines have their own 911 ever or. No?
Bobby Lee
Well, it happens, like, every day there.
Andrew Santino
Oh, there's a 911 there.
Bobby Lee
I meant like very bad things.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Killings, killings.
Andrew Santino
Remember that? Darte. Is that his name?
Kalila
See that? That's. That's 2021. Terrorist incidents in North Kotabato. Buses were bombed and torched in September. Eight persons were wounded. An explosion at a volleyball court in Datu Payang.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Why do you. When you say the name, why do you do an accident?
Kalila
Say it.
Andrew Santino
I know.
Bobby Lee
It's like when someone, like a white person comes back from going to Mexico.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Like, oh, my God, I loved my time in Mexico.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. You don't. It's the same thing. Yeah.
Kalila
Bruce and I had a lot of fun in Puerto Vallarta.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
You know. You know what the irony of this is?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
These motherfuckers, foreigners, get mad at us when we don't do it. That's the fucking irony with you fuckheads.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
On the Internet. You know how many I've seen on TikTok being like, it's Iran. It's not Iran.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kalila
Hey, so what I want to. I want the girl's advice on something. Fancy's going away to Spain, so we need to replace him because we don't have anybody at the studio. And we asked for Spaniards specifically. Right?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Is that right?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
And we got submissions of Spaniards that are going to replace him. And we want you guys to help picking somebody from this list. Can you do that?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Kalila
Fantastic. First impressions, Bob.
Bobby Lee
Nice nose.
Andrew Santino
I I like the Adrian Brody by Vibe.
Kalila
I love it, too.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, like, he, you know, he went through, like, a war.
Kalila
Alejandro Brody.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I like it. Go ahead.
Kalila
All right, let's see.
Andrew Santino
Hola, Bad Friends podcast. I am living in Hollywood, but I am from Spain, specifically Catalan.
Kalila
He's lying.
Andrew Santino
But I also grew up in Malaga. I would love to be your new Spaniard on podcast. I. I'm just kidding, bro. I'm Indian. I do live in la. I am Canadian. I'm funny as. I love your podcast. Stop. Push pause. What he's trying to do. He doesn't know what the job is. We're not looking for, you know, I mean, a guest.
Kalila
It's a guest.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. We're looking for someone that's going to work behind the scenes.
Kalila
All right, who do we got on our submissions?
Andrew Santino
This is Andres.
Kalila
Hello.
Andrew Santino
Hola, Migos. My name is Andres. I heard you guys were looking for a new Andre. So here I am sending my submission. And one thing is, I'm actually not from Spain. I'm from Colombia. But I think it's the next best thing because we have cocaine. So, yeah, I think I would make a good job of filling in for the other Andres because I can make quirky comments every episode and you guys can tell me to shut the up. So, yeah, Bobby, Andrew, I love you guys. I've been watching you for years.
Kalila
All right, pause it.
Andrew Santino
I actually high up.
Kalila
I don't know if he's from Colombia. He's. I think he's putting on an accent again. I think he's another liar. But I. But the piece that I'm now arguing with myself with, this is clearly done on an Android. So I'm like, he could be a foreigner. This is not an iPhone.
Andrew Santino
How do you know? It's Android.
Kalila
The video quality is odd. It's different than what we're used to.
Andrew Santino
Can I.
Kalila
By the way, usually better video quality on Android. This looks strange. Something. So it means the conversion switch when he got to an iPhone.
Andrew Santino
Can I defend him real quick, please?
Kalila
I mean, I like.
Andrew Santino
I like him because he's just like Andres in this sense. And I don't want you to be offended by it, but he's not sexually threatening.
Kalila
Right, Right.
Andrew Santino
It's something very asexual. Yeah. I mean, they're like nothing.
Kalila
Correct.
Andrew Santino
Like Barbie. Just nothing down there, Ken. I mean. Yeah, yeah. It's just a smooth sailing.
Kalila
Okay, so then he's high.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Kalila
And he doesn't come to at the end of this and say, hey, I'm just kidding. I'm American, right? I don't think so.
Andrew Santino
Wait, wait, wait, wait. I scrubbed through them.
Kalila
What does that mean? Because I love the discovery for us.
Andrew Santino
It's like. It's a reliving breathing.
Kalila
Your job.
Andrew Santino
We need two submissions. We got to get rid of this guy.
Kalila
What are we doing with you anymore? What are we doing? Should we fire him, too? And get two new people in the booth?
Andrew Santino
Well, what you today, Sada Raider? Should we bring them?
Kalila
Only because.
Andrew Santino
And I go, really? And you go, we gotta bring them. Right? And I'm always like, really?
Kalila
Someone's got to shoot the show. He's got to shoot the show.
Bobby Lee
Don't you love McCone to do Andrew?
Kalila
I hate him lately. He's pissing me off.
Andrew Santino
You like McCone?
Bobby Lee
I like my cone.
Kalila
You like, like McCone?
Andrew Santino
Why do you like him?
Kalila
Why do you guys like him?
Andrew Santino
What do you. Who like better, McCone or EJ? Be real right now.
Kalila
Go fast. Fast. Don't think.
Andrew Santino
I know, right?
Kalila
We like that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, we love that.
Bobby Lee
But we hung out with Macon and his friends, and. Oh, my God, they're so cool.
Kalila
Wait, when the fuck did that fuck did that happen?
Bobby Lee
Because Macon wanted to buy a dress for, like, filming something for me. So we hung out and then. Oh, my God, his friends are just so cool.
Kalila
When the cool fuck was this? Before they left, we went to the Silver Lake Flea. The flea market.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. And we've never been there, so we were like.
Andrew Santino
You were there, too?
Bobby Lee
Oh, my God. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Kalila
Oh, you might. You might get fired.
Andrew Santino
My blood is. Okay, so let me get this straight.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Yeah, you met him at the flea market. Here's the address.
Bobby Lee
No, his house.
Andrew Santino
What? So you have his address?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So you bring the Prius to his house?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And then do you go. All right, I'll follow you in the car? Or do you guys get in one car? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Kalila
And then did you go inside his place before?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. His place is so cool.
Andrew Santino
Oh, really?
Bobby Lee
It's very artsy.
Andrew Santino
And did he go, do you want.
Kalila
To move in there? Why don't you move in there? Yeah, I like it so much.
Andrew Santino
Was the bed bouncy?
Bobby Lee
No, I didn't.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Oh, he did a tour of the house.
Kalila
By the way. What do you mean tour? It's one room.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kalila
It's literally one.
Andrew Santino
So this is the corner.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Of the room. This is the other corner of the room.
Kalila
Two more corners.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kalila
That's so fun.
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's funny. So then you went to the flea.
Kalila
Market to get one car to dress for a sketch. That sketch. Sketch you guys shot.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
And you got a dress and you bought the dress. So he's buying her dresses.
Andrew Santino
And then. And don't. Okay, I'm gonna ask you another question, and I want you to. Was there other things you did, like a coffee run?
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah, yeah. He bought us coffee before we got there. He was like, do you guys want coffee?
Andrew Santino
Where'd you guys go? Let me guess. Alfred?
Kalila
No, they went. No, these. Over on his side of town.
Andrew Santino
Oh, I see.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So where'd you guys go?
Kalila
Where'd you go?
Andrew Santino
Blue Note?
Kalila
No, no, he went to.
Andrew Santino
It's like, stereoscopic.
Kalila
Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I don't like it.
Kalila
Oh, on Sunset. Yeah, yeah, that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Yeah. No, I know.
Andrew Santino
It's an indie place.
Kalila
Yeah, it's actually. It's actually hipster. The neighborhoods.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, they're so cool. Like his friend group. It's. Yeah, Yeah. I couldn't. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That bother you or.
Kalila
No, no, dude, because he's 25.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah, right.
Kalila
She's 23.
Andrew Santino
Oh, so same age.
Kalila
Same age of loser.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
No, I feel like a loser compared to him.
Kalila
You are, but he is, too.
Andrew Santino
I think you. I would have to say that you're a bigger name.
Kalila
I used to think you were so cool.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
What do you mean?
Kalila
Yes. This is not cool.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it's not cool. Here's another thing that bothers me. That now. Thank you for bringing this up.
Kalila
You're welcome, man. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Are my farts bothering you?
Kalila
Yeah, twice.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Because I've been noticing my own farts. And you can ignore them.
Kalila
Well, yeah, because we were in a groove.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kalila
And then I thought, yeah, if he does it again, I will say something, but it's got to be out of.
Andrew Santino
The context, so I just want to say. SoS it one's coming. Yeah. Okay.
Kalila
But isn't that nice of me? I thought we're in a comedic groove. Don't want to break the groove.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I just. That one bothered me. Yeah, it's just the one. I just.
Kalila
Yeah, it's gross.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, here's another thing that your sister revealed to me last night. Don't look at her like that. Oh, I think. What? I think you get. I think you get recognized more than you admit. You get recognized.
Kalila
True.
Bobby Lee
I don't think.
Kalila
You know. That's all right.
Bobby Lee
So the other day again. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
At the beach. What happened?
Bobby Lee
Someone was asking her if we were leaving. You're leaving for parking. And then I was like, no, we just got here. And then.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Wait, you're Rudy. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Like, okay. And then the hamburger place the other day too.
Bobby Lee
In and out.
Kalila
You know, getting recognized now. No, that's going to be insane.
Andrew Santino
That's going to be insane. But you get recognized every day now.
Bobby Lee
Not every day in Hawaii.
Andrew Santino
Anytime. No, not one time?
Kalila
No, the Hawaii is different.
Bobby Lee
There was one time, but you could tell the dude wasn't a local.
Kalila
Yeah, it was. It was a white guy from. Yeah, a main island. White guy.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Okay, the mainland white guy doesn't count. All right, so let's go through some more. This guy's high on our tick list, right? What's his name? Andres.
Andrew Santino
I like it non sexual.
Kalila
I'm 50. 50 if it's real. I'm not kidding. Okay, I scrubbed through it. This guy.
Andrew Santino
Out. Hola. What the.
Kalila
Give him a chance.
Andrew Santino
All right. I would like to be the new Spaniard in the booth. I lived in Spain for 33 years and now I live in Los Angeles.
Kalila
Pause if you guys, he's under 33. And why the is his shirt off? Why in the is this guy in bed with his shirt? You couldn't put a shirt on when you're doing a fucking.
Andrew Santino
And then what serial killer does he remind you of?
Kalila
Dahmer. That's Dahmer. I thought it was going to come out when he first started talking at those.
Andrew Santino
Exactly.
Kalila
That's thinking about coming over there to the booth. And by the way, all this being said, high on the list.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you think so? Sure, I think that's a good thing.
Kalila
He's funny, he's cool. I like him. Yeah, I think that's the thing about our fans that people don't get. Yeah, we like it when you're a fucking weirdo.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, we like weirdos.
Kalila
Top. Shit it.
Andrew Santino
Hi, bad friends. It's Luke Crichton.
Kalila
Pause. I'm out.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. What, are you gonna build us a gazebo? Like, what are you gonna do for us? A new deck at my house. Like, what the. Are you. Yeah, yeah. What's going on here?
Kalila
We don't need a youth pastor.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Kalila
Jesus Christ.
Andrew Santino
We want to talk to you about the Lord.
Kalila
Press play.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, we're just with you, Luke. Is Xavier still here? What?
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
What is he doing? He's just sitting. Xavier, what are you doing? Come over here.
Kalila
He's rocking back and forth. Yeah, we got a new guy, Xavier, that's going to be on the show a little bit.
Andrew Santino
Look at him. Xavier.
Kalila
Xavier.
Andrew Santino
What are you doing back there? I'm just sitting. I'm taking notes. Okay. Can I tell you the first time I met Xavier?
Kalila
Maybe he's replacing fans.
Andrew Santino
I know. Can I tell you the first time I met him? Yeah. It's the funniest thing. I'd seen him before, but I never really talked to him. So I'm in Vegas, right? And Bargazi Nate, Bargazi goes, let's go to a skank festival. So he. I get in Nate's car, we drive to Skank Fest, right? And then I lose Nate. I'm. You know, and I'm just kind of wandering around, and there's an acid tent. There's a tent. What is this? Cigar. Cigar tent. But people are saying this is where everyone's on acid.
Kalila
Sure, that makes sense.
Andrew Santino
So I sit there next to Xavier, and he's doing this look that you're me, right? He's gone. Later, I go, what's up, dude? You got nothing. I go, you high? He goes, right. Like, no information. I see around the store. He goes like.
Kalila
Like, kind of breathing, like, just tripping balls.
Andrew Santino
Tripping his balls off.
Kalila
Well, how many tabs do you have?
Andrew Santino
We. I. I did one, but it was really strong. And I feel like at the point where we all were like, dude, like, it's really starting to hit us right now. Bobby Lee just sits down next to me, and I did. I froze up.
Kalila
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
He was breathing loud out. I go, what's your problem today? I guess this is what's going on.
Kalila
Xavier, do you. Are you. Do you use a lot?
Andrew Santino
No.
Kalila
You're not a big drug user?
Andrew Santino
No. When I'm, like, around, like, certain friends, like, we'll go.
Kalila
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Who are you with that. That night? Horos, Rashidi, Kim Kong.
Kalila
We know. We know.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, we know them living acid.
Kalila
If there was a chance for us to have you on the show, on acid, on the show, will you do that?
Andrew Santino
No, dude, I can't.
Kalila
You can't do it on camera. You'd freak out.
Andrew Santino
Well, I don't know that I'd freak out, but I have to, like, drive here. There. Like, I don't.
Kalila
No, we'll get you.
Andrew Santino
No, no, we'll Uber you here. We'll get maybe three drops of acid. Three hits. Three. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember that? The job is to record this. Yeah. And then sit down, right?
Kalila
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
And we'll Uber you back. We'll get you a nice Kim and Sarah's podcast. That's kind of like how we did it. Who's Kim is there. You were on it. That's how I first met you.
Kalila
This.
Andrew Santino
This Kim and Sarah. I don't remember. I honestly don't know what you're talking about, but okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kalila
Well, I'm going to tell you something.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. Talk closer to the mic. Okay.
Kalila
We're excited. You're gonna. We're gonna. You're gonna be with us for a little bit on the show here.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. That's gonna be a lot of fun.
Kalila
We're gonna dose.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. Can we dose you or no? Say yes. Yeah, yeah.
Kalila
All right.
Andrew Santino
All right.
Kalila
Thank you.
Andrew Santino
Zebra does stand up too, right? Yeah, yeah. That's what I was doing there. I was on the show. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. It shows. Don't be a dick, dude. At least. At least Xavier can go up on stage and walk through that fear. You people of.
Kalila
I gotta tell you something. Yeah, that was ice cold.
Andrew Santino
I. So we're going to Spain.
Kalila
We're going to go to Spain to shoot a movie for Fancy.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. So Fancy's directing a movie. It's a zombie.
Bobby Lee
Zombie. Oh.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah.
Kalila
Yeah. You're. Hey, whatever.
Bobby Lee
That was canceled.
Kalila
It is. It should be.
Andrew Santino
It should be. But he, I guess is there. Thank you. Yeah, he got, like, oil money or something. Somebody. Yeah, it's funding it. I don't know how you got the money.
Kalila
Cartel.
Andrew Santino
Cartel. But we are going there. We're booking the flights. Three days. And this is a really big test. I want to know what he's gonna be like on set as a director.
Kalila
I'm beyond excited.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And I. I want to know if you listen to his notes. I'm fine. I think I could. I. I think if you gave me direction, I'd be like, okay, Andreas, shut.
Kalila
The up, you liar. You're not taking any notes from him.
Andrew Santino
I. I'm king note brother, bro. I go. Let me do an adjustment. That's why I say on movies all the time, I'd like to do the adjustment.
Kalila
Well, let me tell you something right now.
Andrew Santino
Can you do an adjustment? Can you learn your lines?
Kalila
Oh, my God. I'll tell you something right now. I'm not taking any of your notes. You can shove them up your ass.
Andrew Santino
Andrew, I think. What have you said, Andrew? I think slow the line down, you know? I mean. Yeah, because, you know, people aren't really grasping it's a serious. What would you say?
Kalila
Is that what you want me to do?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Okay. Action.
Kalila
We're gonna decide to go to the bib.
Andrew Santino
You do the polar opposite.
Kalila
100.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you give me a note.
Kalila
Bob.
Andrew Santino
Hold on. Dude. Bobby, did you say cut?
Kalila
No.
Andrew Santino
Cut.
Kalila
Cut. Cut. All right, please, on this scene, can, can you be more emotional? It's emotional. Scene.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Kalila
Okay. Action.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, he died.
Kalila
Perfect.
Andrew Santino
You think so?
Kalila
Well, we're gonna cut you out of that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kalila
Well, thank you for your submissions. I don't think we found anybody yet. We'll keep searching.
Bobby Lee
The undress guy is good. The Asian guy.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Kalila
Congratulations on your once again fantasy fueled life of journeyness to Hawaii. Both of you girls, it's. I've never met. People have gone to Hawaii, so. For, for months at a time. The living vacation.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Kalila
And by the way, all your fault.
Andrew Santino
Well, I mean, all your. I don't fund their flights or their hotel room.
Kalila
In a way, I guess you're right.
Bobby Lee
Your graduation gift was really nice.
Kalila
I see.
Andrew Santino
What was it?
Bobby Lee
The place.
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah. I. I gave you a debut in Hawaii on a beach.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And did I pay for the house too?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I wasn't even at the. I wasn't even at the house.
Kalila
You're the only guy I know that doesn't even know what he's paying for.
Andrew Santino
I know.
Kalila
You have no idea.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I'm like. Because I.
Kalila
You'd be the greatest partner.
Andrew Santino
I showed up. I'm like, oh, this is pretty cool. Who's funding it? You are. I am? Yeah.
Kalila
I love that.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And I brought all that. That was a. You know, what can I say about that day? You were there too. That weekend was, I think, one of the greatest weekends of my life in a long time.
Kalila
Say it.
Andrew Santino
I just said it.
Kalila
Well, go on, explain why I, I. What made it so special?
Andrew Santino
I don't know. It was just. The shows went well Friday and you know, all. You know, I brought three openers from the Comedy Store. Yeah. Mike, Ariana and Ramsey Badawi, Everyone was at the beach. Right. And then Kalila and that side of the family was there. It was just. Everyone kind of got along. It was like, you know, beautiful. You know, it was just a great weekend.
Kalila
Yeah. Beautiful. It made you feel something.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. That it's not over.
Kalila
Well, let me tell you something. Every single week of my life with you on the show, the greatest week. You think I don't mean it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. But. But before when I go, you know, I mean, I'm the gift to you. You're the gift to me? Is that what it is?
Kalila
You're the gift that keeps on giving.
Andrew Santino
You're the gift that keeps on giving to me, too.
Kalila
I'm the gift that keeps on giving to me. And you're the gift that I. That someone else already got me. So I'm going to pretend like I love it, but I'm going to regift it to somebody else.
Andrew Santino
Okay, good.
Kalila
I want you in my life I.
Andrew Santino
Want you in my life forever.
Kalila
Girls, look in the camera and sign off. You know what to do.
Bobby Lee
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Podcast Summary: Bad Friends – Episode "The Island Bullies Are Back"
Introduction and Merchandise Promotion [00:00 – 00:51]
The episode of Bad Friends, hosted by Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino, kicks off with an enthusiastic promotion of their latest merchandise drop. Kalila, presumably a co-host or producer, highlights the new collection of socks, shirts, and baseball caps, emphasizing their excitement about the quality and design. Notable promotions include their website badfriendsmerch.com and social media handles.
Kalila [00:06]: "We got new merch, new socks and shirts. It's been a long time since we made merch, but we really love this drop."
Dark Humor and Ant Traps Discussion [00:51 – 05:30]
The conversation swiftly transitions to the hosts engaging in their signature dark humor. Andrew Santino introduces a joke comparing his ant traps to Auschwitz, sparking an uncomfortable yet humorous dialogue about the number of traps he owns and the (fictional) number of ants trapped.
Andrew Santino [01:03]: "I mean, I don't want to use World War II references, please, but above my refrigerator, on the top of my refrigerator, you know what I call it? Auschwitz, dude."
Kalila attempts to salvage the joke, pointing out the absurdity of the "six million ants" punchline, leading to playful banter about the nature of their humor and empathy.
Cruise Ship Antics and Documentary Critique [05:30 – 18:00]
The hosts delve into anecdotes about living with spiders, showcasing Andrew’s imaginative scenarios where he personifies spiders, leading to amusing yet grotesque storytelling.
Andrew Santino [02:43]: "When I'm taking a bath, sometimes I'll be a spider and I talk. I go, you want to go swimming beds. Right? But they can't swim."
Transitioning to critiques of cruise-related content, they discuss a poorly received documentary about a cruise ship, humorously dissecting its lack of engaging perspectives and overextension of a five-second story into an hour-long movie.
Kalila [11:31]: "I watched the worst documentary of all time last night. It stinks."
Comedy on Cruises and Personal Stand-Up Experiences [18:00 – 35:00]
Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino explore the idea of comedians performing on cruises, debating its viability and sharing personal experiences of bombing stand-up shows. Andrew recounts a particularly poor performance to a small audience, humorously lamenting the challenge of connecting with unfamiliar crowds.
Andrew Santino [20:11]: "I had one particular. Was like seven people in a 200 seat room. I bombed so hard."
Kalila empathizes with the struggle of performing in such settings, highlighting the importance of fan support to avoid the necessity of such grueling schedules.
February Adventures and Recognition Issues [35:00 – 50:00]
The dialogue shifts to their experiences in Hawaii, discussing the dynamics of being recognized by fans and the humorous inconveniences that come with newfound celebrity status. They joke about mistaken identities and the challenges of maintaining privacy while living in a tourist hotspot.
Andrew Santino [43:08]: "So if we gave you a GoFundMe for your debut, would you attend?"
Cultural Exchanges and Upcoming Projects [50:00 – 78:34]
In the latter part of the episode, the hosts discuss cultural practices such as the Filipino debut, debating its costs and cultural significance with playful mockery. They contemplate throwing a debut party, interspersed with humorous negotiations about financial contributions and social expectations.
Bobby Lee [53:00]: "That's so much money."
Transitioning to their professional endeavors, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino talk about an upcoming movie project in Spain directed by a figure named Fancy. They humorously navigate the complexities of casting and directing, including exaggerated scenarios involving potential cast members and behind-the-scenes antics.
Andrew Santino [74:04]: "We're booking the flights. Three days. And this is a really big test. I want to know what he's gonna be like on set as a director."
Their playful interactions continue as they role-play casting auditions, further showcasing their chemistry and comedic timing.
Conclusion and Sign-Off [78:00 – End]
The episode wraps up with heartfelt acknowledgments of their friendship and co-hosting partnership, blending sincere moments with their characteristic humor.
Kalila [78:15]: "I'm the gift that keeps on giving to me. And you're the gift that someone else already got me."
The hosts sign off with mutual appreciation, leaving listeners with a blend of laughter and a sense of camaraderie.
Bobby Lee [78:34]: "Thank you for being a bad friend."
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Conclusion:
"The Island Bullies Are Back" is a quintessential Bad Friends episode, blending sharp humor, personal stories, and engaging banter between Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. Listeners are treated to a mix of promotional segments, dark comedy, and genuine camaraderie, making it a memorable addition to the podcast series.