Tortilla Face

Summary

Bad Friends: “Tortilla Face”

Episode Date: August 10, 2026
Hosts: Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee
Producer/Contributor: Carlos
Length: ~67 minutes

Episode Overview

This episode of Bad Friends takes listeners on a classic, loosely-structured comedic journey with Andrew, Bobby, and Carlos riffing on everything from the foul smell of the studio to slumber party traumas, comedy in Gen Z, wild residual check stories, and on through tangents about food, parenting, conspiracy theories, and media fame. The show, true to its name and spirit, thrives on playful banter, absurd personal stories, and the joys and indignities of being minor celebrities.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Studio Smell & Gaslighting ("Is it poop?")

• The episode opens with complaints about a pervasive odor in the studio, possibly due to a plumbing issue.
• Quote:
  • “Our studio smells like poop. And we walk in.” – Andrew [00:30]
  • “Microscopic fecal particles. Aero particles.” – Andrew [01:38]
• Notable Moment: Playful “gaslighting” about who can actually smell the stink, with Carlos suggesting Bobby has “phantom odors.”
• Timestamps: 00:30 – 01:43

---

2. Obituaries for Bobby’s ‘Villains’ & Conspiracy Theories

• Bobby laments his “villains” (politicians he rails against) dying; riffing morbidly on Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, and the “AI” appearance of a circulated political photo.
• Quote:
  • “I don’t think he knows he’s alive, but he’s alive.” – Bobby [02:43]
• Parody speculation on AI fakes and government cover-ups.
• Timestamps: 02:02 – 03:04

---

3. Residual Checks & Old TV Tales

• Discussion about the realities of residuals for old TV shows (like Partridge Family and Mad TV) and actors’ surprise about their value (or lack thereof).
• Quote:
  • “Residuals–are usually small. Like 11 cents, he says, all the time.” – Andrew [04:11]
  • Bobby reveals he doesn’t really get Mad TV checks, suspects his contract was bad.
• Bobby’s “famous” story of farting in Crystal Flanagan’s mouth resurfaces.
• Timestamps: 03:04 – 05:50

---

4. Childhood Pranks, Sleepover Trauma & Slumber Party Humiliation

• The hosts swap childhood pranks gone wrong—farting, drawing penises on faces, blanket smothering, being bullied at sleepovers.
• Quote:
  • “I got up and I cried and I walked home…like a seven mile walk with dicks all over my face.” – Bobby [07:04]
• Andrew relates with tales of being both a victim and perpetrator of cruel sleepover gags.
• Timestamps: 05:50 – 08:20

---

5. On Tour Mishaps, Comedy Shows, and Getting Old

• Bobby recalls falling off the bunk on Bert Kreischer's tour bus.
• Both reminisce about bus tours, performing on KSI’s “Make Me Laugh” show, and feeling out of sync with Gen Z’s sense of humor—especially surreal meme culture and bread jokes.
• Quote:
  • “Maybe we don't have our finger on the pulse of comedy now.” – Bobby [10:31]
• Memorable Moment: The infamous “tortilla slap” contest, where Bobby is walloped so hard he blacks out momentarily.
• Timestamps: 08:20 – 11:10

---

6. Clowning, Bread Bits & Generational Comedy

• Discussion about clown school, slapstick games (e.g., squeaky duck shoes and harmonica whippings seen in Asian viral videos).
• Quote:
  • “I want to go to clown school.” – Andrew [11:44]
• Memorable Moment: Bobby wants to whip Andrew with mouse traps while wearing duck shoes.
• Timestamps: 11:10 – 13:15

---

7. Food Tangents: Thai & Indian, Restaurant Gatekeeping

• Arguments over taste in Thai (Tom Kha soup: “smells like wet feet”) and Indian food, gatekeeping favorite restaurants from listeners.
• Quote:
  • “No, Jitlada is one of the most famous old-school Thai food in LA…” – Andrew [14:48]
• Samosa preferences (“I’m only a vegetable samosa guy” – Bobby [16:44]) and how spicy food triggers color/race jokes about how little spice “Nordics” can handle.
• Timestamps: 13:15 – 17:09

---

8. Bowling, Family Encounters, & “Get Out” Jokes

• Stories about bowling nights, picking up the tab with a "couple hundreds", and being invited into the woods by a white girlfriend.
• Evoking “Get Out” fears of minorities in rural America.
• Quote:
  • “Whenever a white girl says, let’s go to the woods…and invites a minority…that’s bad.” – Andrew [18:03]
• Memorable Moment: Recasting “Get Out” scenarios with Bobby as the targeted minority boyfriend.
• Timestamps: 17:09 – 18:32

---

9. TV & Hollywood Industry Anecdotes

• Bobby plugs Widow’s Bay (AppleTV) and discusses industry friends/producers that made it big (Key & Peele, Superstore).
• Audition stories, like Andrew’s failed wheelchair role.
• Quote:
  • “I literally auditioned and they were like, it’s too much.” – Bobby [34:34]
• Timestamps: 19:02 – 20:25

---

10. Amber Alerts, Ebony Alerts, and Kimchi Alerts

• Spirited riffing on government missing-person alerts:
  • Amber Alert (origin: missing person, “girl named Amber”)
  • Ebony Alert (for missing black people, recently instituted in California)
  • Absurd proposals: “Kimchi alert” for missing Koreans.
• Quote:
  • “You can only get [Ebony alert] if you have an Android. This is insane.” – Andrew [31:12]
• Notable Moment: Imagining a Hollywood kidnapping scenario as a comedic “Speed” sequel with buses full of Chinese tourists.
• Timestamps: 25:00 – 33:01

---

11. Travel Bureaucracy, Price Gouging, and Bottled Air

• Complaints about new travel visas/fees to UK or Australia for US citizens, general trend of paying for everything (even “air from Taylor Swift’s Eras tour”).
• Quote:
  • “Sell air…we gotta bottle bad air. It’s just Bobby’s farts in a can.” – Andrew [32:52]
• Timestamps: 33:02 – 34:15

---

12. Hoards, Messy Cars, and Living Situations

• Bobby and Carlos debate whose car/life is grossest; Carlos tries to defend his “candles and incense” strategy for keeping his place presentable.
• Quote:
  • “His car is a biohazard. The state came by in a habitat.” – Andrew [40:21]
• Timestamps: 39:06 – 42:38

---

13. Conspiracy Theories, Latin, and Aladdin-9/11 Mashup

• The crew prompts Carlos to fabricate a fresh conspiracy theory, which spirals into connecting Aladdin lyrics to 9/11 as dark humor.
• Quote:
  • “I can show you the World Trade Centers…” – Andrew [48:01]
• Memorable Moment: Bobby and Andrew “decode” Aladdin lyrics as if they were premonitions.
• Timestamps: 44:49 – 49:20

---

14. Being Recognized, Celebrity Minor Annoyances

• Riffs on the mixed feelings of being asked for photos at dinner, encountering paparazzi at LA hotspots, and the etiquette of ignoring or indulging fans in public.
• Frank Sinatra comparisons, fake humility, and the reality of not being that famous.
• Quote:
  • “I do have a little smirk when I do it. Maybe it’s a little cocky thing.” – Bobby [52:57]
• Timestamps: 50:54 – 54:39

---

15. Parenting: Joy & Terror

• Bobby is ambushed on a Saturday by a pool full of friends’ children in his backyard, causing existential questions about joy, children, and adulthood.
• Quote:
  • “There’s just too much joy here.” – Bobby [59:18]
• Conversation about whether he and Andrew could (should) ever parent, or “timeshare” a foster kid.
• Timestamps: 58:13 – 62:29

---

16. Adoption, “Imposter” Stories, and High School Infiltration

• Quick rundown on the costs and perils of adopting or fostering a child.
• Talk of real-life imposters in high school and possible movie pitches about failed adulthood and returning to high school.
• “22 and a half Jump Street” is pitched as a joke sequel.
• Timestamps: 62:29 – 65:56

---

17. Classic Comedy & Hollywood Drug Tales

• The episode closes on nostalgic tales of classic movies made in a “cocaine haze,” and the glory days of being paid handsomely to misbehave.
• Quote:
  • “Let’s remake Jaws with cocaine.” – Andrew [67:15]
• Timestamps: 66:17 – 67:45

---

Memorable Quotes

• “Our studio smells like poop. And we walk in.” – Andrew [00:30]
• “I got up and I cried and I walked home. Like a seven mile walk with dicks all over my face.” – Bobby [07:04]
• “Maybe we don’t have our finger on the pulse of comedy now.” – Bobby [10:31]
• “I want to go to clown school.” – Andrew [11:44]
• “Whenever a white girl says, let’s go to the woods, and invites a minority…that’s bad.” – Andrew [18:03]
• “Sell air…we gotta bottle bad air. It’s just Bobby’s farts in a can.” – Andrew [32:52]
• “There’s just too much joy here.” – Bobby [59:18]
• “Let’s remake Jaws with cocaine.” – Andrew [67:15]

---

Notable Moments & Running Gags

1. Poop Smell Denial: Recurrent reference to the acrid studio and faux denial from the team.
2. AI/Conspiracy Satire: Fake news photos and jokes about covering up deaths or government procedures.
3. Tortilla Face Incident: Bobby’s hard tortilla slap and prank injuries.
4. Aladdin-9/11 Lyrics: Turning a Disney song into a running dark-humor gag.
5. Kimchi and Ebony Alerts: Surreal, ethnic-based riffing on standard alert systems.

---

Timestamps for Main Segments

• [00:30 – 01:43] Studio smell & gaslighting
• [07:04 – 08:20] Bobby’s seven-mile “penis face” walk
• [10:31 – 11:10] Comedy generational divide
• [14:48 – 17:09] Food gatekeeping: Thai & Indian
• [25:00 – 33:01] Missing person alerts
• [39:06 – 42:38] Hoarding and messy cars discussion
• [44:49 – 49:20] Conspiracy theory improv & Aladdin
• [58:13 – 62:29] Parenting joy, fear, and timeshare foster plan
• [66:17 – 67:45] Classic Hollywood drug tales

---

Tone and Style

Stay true to the Bad Friends tone: conversational, irreverent, self-deprecating, and filled with absurd tangents, meta-commentary, and running inside jokes. Both hosts lean into their on-mic personas as unlikely friends, always at risk of going too far, but ultimately pulling back before anything truly offensive lands—delivering big, raunchy-hearted laughs.

---

For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode was pure Bad Friends: a kitchen-sink hour of grotesque studio conditions, awkward childhood recollections, barbed industry in-jokes, wild sidebars into Gen Z meme culture, existential musings on parenting, and relentless riffing—enough to make you grateful, amused, and just slightly worried about the cast’s collective mental health. If you want to witness the fabric of friendship woven with nostalgia, self-mockery, and unfiltered comedic imagination, “Tortilla Face” has it all.

Transcript

[Andrew Santino]

This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was. The bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group.

[Bobby Lee]

The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for, from

[Andrew Santino]

a browse to a bike ride this summer.

[Bobby Lee]

Find more on Facebook.

[Andrew Santino]

Our studio smells like poop. And we walk in.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, twice I walked in because I had to go to the bathroom, and it's.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but. But the poop would. The smell was before that.

[Bobby Lee]

Before I smell the poo. Then I smelled my own poo. Came back. More poo.

[Andrew Santino]

More poo.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It's worse than the poo that I had. The real poo. Well, there's a pipe that broke.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a pipe.

[Bobby Lee]

And then you guys gaslighted us, saying that. Oh, there's no smell.

[Andrew Santino]

Smell.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Oh, this is.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, well, they had a meeting before, and they go. Tell. Tell them we don't smell anything.

[Bobby Lee]

What is going on? Is there a.

[Andrew Santino]

Something broke? You can't. None of you can smell that.

[Bobby Lee]

I can smell it from here.

[Andrew Santino]

That. Dude, I said it three times.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, good.

[Carlos]

Don't smell anything.

[Bobby Lee]

We have the same senses.

[Andrew Santino]

You guys are gaslighting. Yeah, you did smell something.

[Carlos]

This thing.

[Bobby Lee]

It's that famous thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude.

[Bobby Lee]

This is wood.

[Carlos]

No, you all got.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I can close my eyes. I know the senses.

[Carlos]

You got to know.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, this is wood.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. This is glass.

[Andrew Santino]

This is glass.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

This is ceramic.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. That's a wall. I can see. I can. All my senses are working, and I smell poo.

[Andrew Santino]

Smelling poop in there typically means you're inhaling volatile compounds, hydrogen sulfide, so.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my go.

[Andrew Santino]

We're inhaling. This is our studio. Is hydrogen sulfide.

[Bobby Lee]

We got to get out of here.

[Carlos]

Aero particles, apparently.

[Andrew Santino]

Honestly, we do need to get out of this.

[Bobby Lee]

We got to get out of the studio. That's the. That's the final.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what it is. Microscopic fecal particles. Aero particles.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

You have phantom odors, though.

[Andrew Santino]

No, brother.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe it's the odor that Lindsey Graham left.

[Andrew Santino]

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

[Bobby Lee]

White dude, Asian dude. You two are disgusting. We're bad friends. All my villains are dying.

[Carlos]

I know. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Mitch McCullough's in the hospital. That's my penguin. The Riddler died. That's my Lindsey Graham. My MCU is.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a. There's a. There's a theory that they. That Mitch McConnell is dead and they killed Lindsey Graham to cover up more time?

[Bobby Lee]

No, but they did. They posted a real photo with her, him, and China lady. AI, did you see the photo, though?

[Andrew Santino]

It looks AI to me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't look AI ish.

[Andrew Santino]

That's AI.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at that. That's not even a real. They're not in the room together.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no way those are two separate photographs that they mesh together.

[Bobby Lee]

It's pretty good. AI, though.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's the guy in the back under all the blankets?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's true.

[Andrew Santino]

Who's holding up the pillows?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that is true.

[Andrew Santino]

Stop it. That's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

It's crazy. He's alive, though.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what they say.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think he thinks. I don't think he knows he's alive, but he's alive.

[Andrew Santino]

As of now, it's.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, as of now, he's alive.

[Andrew Santino]

If this show does anything. Yeah, if this show does anything and

[Bobby Lee]

it comes in three in a row.

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It comes in three in a row.

[Andrew Santino]

Third. Then.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know, maybe the man on top. That's all I can say. The man on top.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait a minute. You know what?

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

You know who I.

[Bobby Lee]

Not that I want. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what I did the other day, by the way? Yeah, you know what I did? I. I saw, like, a podcast clip about somebody. Joel McHale was talking about some of his craziest guests on who's A Dan Patrick show, and he brought up Danny Bottiducci being one of the worst guests on the Soup. I thought he passed away. Didn't you think he wasn't alive.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't even know who that is.

[Andrew Santino]

Bring up Danny Bonaduce.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I love him.

[Andrew Santino]

What was he on? Partridge Family. What was it? Zoom in. Yeah. Partridge.

[Bobby Lee]

Partridge Family.

[Andrew Santino]

I thought he passed away.

[Bobby Lee]

1974. He's still alive.

[Andrew Santino]

That's me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Redheads. You guys survived for a very long time.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Do we? Yeah, yeah. Like wildfire or something.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't say anything fancy. You don't deserve anything right now. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He was taking shots at me. I bit my lip and he goes, luna does that all the time. And we tell her, you eat the food, not your mouth or the tongue. I bit my lips.

[Bobby Lee]

Residuals from Partridge.

[Andrew Santino]

Google that. Gotta be proudly.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think so, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah. What do you mean? They still play. That's got to be an international show.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he does still receive residuals Royalties are.

[Andrew Santino]

Are usually small. Like 11 cents, he says all the time. If. Even if. If it's over a dollar, it's $3.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Carlos]

From the 70s.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Sometimes I look at my. Do you ever look at that. The app. Do you ever look at the app?

[Bobby Lee]

This is a residual app.

[Andrew Santino]

There's sag, Aftra. You can look at your app and you can see what your residuals are. Watch this. Let me tell you what's coming.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm excited for this, actually. This is real residuals.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I want to see if I'm. Well, that's for you.

[Andrew Santino]

Residual.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't have a thing.

[Andrew Santino]

$30 Friendsgiving. Oh, it's from a bunch of it. So it's five things I want to Warner Brothers. This is what we're. This is what. You never track that?

[Bobby Lee]

No, my thing is to be like. You owe $8 to Karate Goes. Yeah, Yeah, I owe. Yeah, you owe 1495 to Mad TV for. There's no way I'm getting checks.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, they're. Well, they're not going to you. Yeah, they're going. Someone's got that.

[Bobby Lee]

Somebody's got it.

[Andrew Santino]

58 bucks coming in.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Wait, man. TV definitely still giving you residuals?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't think so. There's.

[Andrew Santino]

Mad TV is syndicated for sure all over the world. They're playing somewhere in a hut in Indonesia.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They're Cracking up at Mrs. No way.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. It says. It says yes.

[Andrew Santino]

What? Mad TV cast members and crew still receive residual checks from their contracts. Oh, you probably didn't have your contract.

[Bobby Lee]

I didn't probably have it. Yeah, that's. They have Crystal Flanagan as. As her photo is always the one.

[Andrew Santino]

Why. Why is that?

[Bobby Lee]

Do you think that was the one? I farted in the mouth, remember? What?

[Andrew Santino]

You farted in her mouth?

[Bobby Lee]

You remember I farted in her mouth and she cried.

[Carlos]

It's a famous Bobby story.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, it does make sense. If you farted into anybody's mouth, they would cry.

[Bobby Lee]

I didn't know at the time, though. My instinct said no, but I did.

[Andrew Santino]

It wasn't that funny that when we were kids, you could do that to your best friend. And that was like a.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what it was. It was like a fun club. But she cried.

[Andrew Santino]

I told you, I used to put a. I used to.

[Bobby Lee]

Club behavior.

[Andrew Santino]

It's club. It's inside.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. It's in the club.

[Carlos]

Locker rooms.

[Bobby Lee]

Locker room. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Basement, sleepover stuff. My best friend Sean, I told him on here, right. He's claustrophobic. I Used to put a blanket over him and hold him down. That's the meanest thing in the world. And he would cry

[Bobby Lee]

when so when we were in. So mean Sacramento. Troy. Remember Troy?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

My buddy Troy works for the casino. Troy reminded me a story of this guy, Eric Purvis. And when I was a kid, I spent the night at the Room and it was a slumber party with a bunch of kids.

[Andrew Santino]

Sleepover.

[Bobby Lee]

Sleepover, right. And they drew penises on my face. Of like. Penises. Yeah, I just said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They. They do things on my face.

[Andrew Santino]

Your penises on your face.

[Bobby Lee]

And you know, I mean. And you know, I mean, whatever.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, when I did sleepovers, they draw penises on my penis.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Very weird.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to get a tattoo of a bigger penis on my piano. Do you think that'll work? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. Have I said that joke before?

[Andrew Santino]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Anyway, so I remember I got up and I cried and I walked home.

[Andrew Santino]

How far was the walk, you think?

[Bobby Lee]

It was like a seven mile walk without a dirt road.

[Andrew Santino]

With dicks all over your face?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, with dicks all over my face. I remember Eric's mom drove to find me and I was crying and she picked me back up and drove me home.

[Carlos]

It's too sensitive.

[Andrew Santino]

Did she help you get the dicks off your face?

[Bobby Lee]

I think I had. My dad did it.

[Andrew Santino]

Did you say if you gay?

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Does this mean you gay? Your dad thought that you're gay?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's like a star on your sleeve.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That they did for Jews. They did that for you. They drew on you if you were gay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It was all over my face and I just. I remember. Why did I make a big deal out of it?

[Andrew Santino]

Because it's embarrassing.

[Bobby Lee]

It was embarrassing.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not fun when somebody draws a dick on your face. It's fun if everyone's doing it to everyone. But if everyone teamed up on.

[Bobby Lee]

They teamed up on me and it's like. I also. I don't like getting woken up abruptly.

[Andrew Santino]

You do not.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't. It puts me in a bad mood.

[Andrew Santino]

Or you fall out of a bunk. Yeah. And you go to the hospital.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I'll just. What do you mean when you fell

[Andrew Santino]

out of the bed?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I fell out and I broke my face on the Bert Kreischer tour bus.

[Andrew Santino]

Yep.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Stuff like that.

[Andrew Santino]

That's cr. That. The fact that that happened on his bus. Of course it's going to happen on his bus.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Where else didn't happen on our bus.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Well.

[Bobby Lee]

Because I got to choose where to sleep.

[Andrew Santino]

That's exactly right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I want bottom bunk.

[Andrew Santino]

You want. You need.

[Bobby Lee]

I need bottom bomb. I'm a little guy. Yeah, right. And then they. It's like, no, man, they bullied me.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, that's what we're going to do at some point in a couple years. I said, we're going to do one more world tour. Bus tour. World tour.

[Carlos]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Santino]

We are.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

We got to go back out and do one more for the kids. Oh, yeah, one more. Remember when we did the KSI show when we did his. We did his Make Me Laugh show.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's. And they got it. What?

[Andrew Santino]

Tough.

[Bobby Lee]

It was tough for me because it's like nothing makes me laugh if it's

[Andrew Santino]

not you actually funny. It's hard.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so hard to make somebody laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

But this is proof.

[Bobby Lee]

But I went up there and I. I went up on stage and I just do a funny dance.

[Andrew Santino]

Killed.

[Bobby Lee]

And it got everyone to laugh. It's not. It's not hard.

[Andrew Santino]

No. But, yeah, here's where you're wrong. It's because everybody thinks they can be funny.

[Bobby Lee]

You make a noise. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

That's funny.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what I mean? And that's all you have to do to get anyone to love. But they had this. They. I mean, one woman pretended to be poo.

[Carlos]

Yeah. You liked her?

[Andrew Santino]

No, I love the Pooh Girl.

[Bobby Lee]

She was great. That was thought out.

[Andrew Santino]

The weird one that probably isn't going to end up in the episode was an older woman came up and did a Southern story about going to a motel with her husband, and she had a cane and she threw it. And then I got worried. I said, do you need the cane? And she did need the cane.

[Bobby Lee]

She needed it.

[Andrew Santino]

But it was very strange. And she.

[Bobby Lee]

And then the girl after her stole the cane.

[Andrew Santino]

Stole the cane from her.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And she came up with the cane, which. And I wanted her to get the money.

[Andrew Santino]

She did get the money.

[Bobby Lee]

I know because I forced it.

[Andrew Santino]

You made sure she got the money

[Bobby Lee]

because she's an open mic or. I've seen her at open mics. But anyway, they.

[Andrew Santino]

They do that. They make sure that the right people get the money because they want to make sure they. They go, we don't want to give away. They want to give away money. Yeah, they want to give it to people.

[Bobby Lee]

But it was hard. People didn't have a plan.

[Andrew Santino]

You got to have a.

[Bobby Lee]

They just came out like, hey, what's going on.

[Andrew Santino]

One guy set up a piece of bread.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And it fell and it fell.

[Bobby Lee]

And they can't say laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

They laughed.

[Bobby Lee]

I didn't laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no. I said they laughed. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Any bread work? I'm not. I'm out. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not true.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, breadwork. I gotta do it.

[Andrew Santino]

That's not true. Because you said French roll would have made you laugh.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I said croissant would have made you laugh.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

If we were in France. Yeah, that would. Made me laugh. But it was like. It was things like that that were happening.

[Andrew Santino]

It just reminded me that we're old.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe we don't have the. Our finger on the pulse of comedy now. No.

[Andrew Santino]

My fingers on this pulse, making sure my cholesterol. I'm old. Old people now.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. We don't get it.

[Andrew Santino]

But bread, I guess, is a thing on the.

[Bobby Lee]

Thing on the.

[Andrew Santino]

See, bread can be funny. Concept of Gen Z. Surreal, random meme reference to money, income, getting that bread. Didn't get any of that.

[Bobby Lee]

And then the tortilla thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, that was funny. You hit. You hit. Bobby hit a guy in the face with the tortilla and then he hit him back. But he hit Bobby so hard. He fell.

[Bobby Lee]

I fell back. It was so. I, like, blacked out for a second.

[Andrew Santino]

He hit you hard.

[Bobby Lee]

You were worried.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I thought, like, you were going to, like, break your back or something.

[Andrew Santino]

First of all, you're supposed to hit him with the tortilla. Yeah, he used his hand and I got his.

[Bobby Lee]

Some of his fingers were in my face.

[Carlos]

You got assaulted?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I got assaulted.

[Carlos]

It was like five minutes in, too.

[Andrew Santino]

It was. It was wild. Yeah, it was wild.

[Bobby Lee]

What I would have done is, like, you audition them first.

[Andrew Santino]

Here's what you would have done. You would have gone on stage and told jokes. That's how you're funny. That's not our world trying to make people laugh.

[Bobby Lee]

Like standup.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we're standups.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but I can still do it.

[Andrew Santino]

That's different, though. You don't. That's clowning. That's actually clowning.

[Bobby Lee]

I can clown around, you know, and do it, but they. They just weren't funny people.

[Andrew Santino]

Would you be willing?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

I already.

[Bobby Lee]

Already, yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Because I want to do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's do it.

[Andrew Santino]

I want to go to clown school. I actually would do a semester at clown school. I'm not kidding. Would you go to France with me and do a semester of clown school?

[Bobby Lee]

I would do a semester. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Because after. After I talked to Zack Zucker about it, I was like, this is incredible. I would love to just go. It's like, you know how people go take a college course because they want to learn something? Not from you. Fancy. You guys would be good.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I'd be the best clown.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, he gets a kids show out of this.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but here's another thing I want to do with you.

[Andrew Santino]

Hello, neighbor Wonder. You be my neighbor.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. I would put. You know, you've seen those Chinese people wearing the squeaky ducks on their feet and then they whip each other with a harmonica.

[Andrew Santino]

So funny.

[Bobby Lee]

We. I want to do that.

[Andrew Santino]

It's the one of the funniest things

[Bobby Lee]

with mouse traps on the floor. I want. I love stuff like that. What is that even called?

[Andrew Santino]

This? I. No, that's not.

[Bobby Lee]

That's not. Yeah, it's. They whip. Whip. They whip each other.

[Andrew Santino]

Guys with ducks on their feet just click on that. It's just so funny that they do that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I think it's a fun game.

[Andrew Santino]

They beat each other with ducks on their feet.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, this, this.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, look, Escape. So this guy's blindfolded and they have to walk and he swings at him.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah,

[Andrew Santino]

pause this. This is just in this guy's bedroom, by the way. I know he got his friends over, was like, come put ducks on your feet. Yeah, this is what we need to do.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to do this. This is fun.

[Andrew Santino]

This is funny.

[Bobby Lee]

Some people use bullwhips, like white dudes.

[Andrew Santino]

That's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

It's crazy where they get really hurt. Yeah, we're not gonna do that, but maybe a belt or something. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Last night we had a. We had a crack. We had Thai food last night. But of. I make fun of my wife every time she gets Tomka soup.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

It's beautiful. Lemongrass is not it for me.

[Bobby Lee]

I love.

[Andrew Santino]

Smells like wet feet, grass. It smells like the studio.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what Tomka. It's lemongrass soup with mushroom. It's. I cannot stand it. And to me, it's so refreshing. To me, it just feels like they don't even like making it. Like they get the order and they're like, tomka. All right. Like, they have to get it out. They like making fun stuff. This is. This is like soup slop.

[Bobby Lee]

It's also like the taste. It's like, when did fire become a flavor? Like, you know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Burn it.

[Bobby Lee]

Burn. It's an element, right? It's like the sandwich is windy or whatever. Like, why would you, you know, like, it should not be a flavor.

[Andrew Santino]

No, Fire doesn't need to be?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Fire. Yeah. Earthy, earthy muscles. That's never good.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you eating? A storm.

[Bobby Lee]

A storm?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm eating a little storm. I see. I can't do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Where it's like so hot. Like how is this? Do you like hot?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but not like that. Not like where it's so hot you can't taste anything.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Cuz it.

[Andrew Santino]

I told you I took my buddies, one of his good friends over to in Thai town to Jitlada.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't know Jit Lada?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You say these things. I'm not fancy.

[Andrew Santino]

No. Jit Lot is one of. One of the most famous old school Jit Lada. Jonathan Gold ranked it as like one of the best Thai food in LA at the time. Rest in peace, Jonathan. Go Jlad is the best. Oh, I went there. Oh, you know, Jit Lot, you've passed it 100 times in.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I've seen that before. Is that on La Brea?

[Andrew Santino]

It's on, it's on Hollywood Boulevard in tha town. So good. We took a Swedish kid here. Whatever. Swedish, Danish what? Something up there.

[Bobby Lee]

What doesn't have that. Have just a kid.

[Andrew Santino]

Those kids don't eat spice. Swedish kids, any Nordics? He goes, he goes, she's like how spicy? And he's like hot. And they were like, okay, how, how hot? Like they see whites, they know better. And they go, you don't do what we do.

[Bobby Lee]

And if it's 10, what you do is a two or three.

[Andrew Santino]

If it's 10 from them. Yeah, I get three. Max.

[Bobby Lee]

Max.

[Andrew Santino]

You don't go over five people.

[Bobby Lee]

No way. Five is too much.

[Andrew Santino]

We're what, I'm white?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that.

[Andrew Santino]

We can't do that. This guy got their spice and he did the, the game where he, he's like, no, it's good. We're like, that's not too hot. And he was like, it's fine. Four seconds.

[Bobby Lee]

Dripping and sweat.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he's like convulsing and he's like, I don't know if I can finish. And you're like, yeah, no, yeah. You, you just.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, wait. The Swedish guy had an Asian accent?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes. It turns him Asian. He ate such hot food.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He became Thai.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Anyway, Thai food gotta be my new number one. Lately I don't know what it is. I keep eating good Thai.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Ties might. It's never been my thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow, really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Indian is my thing.

[Andrew Santino]

I love Indian food.

[Bobby Lee]

You ever go to El Merch?

[Andrew Santino]

Come on.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes or no?

[Andrew Santino]

Of course.

[Bobby Lee]

Elmer's is the best.

[Andrew Santino]

It's so good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't give it away on this show.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Andrew Santino]

People to go.

[Bobby Lee]

No, the non.

[Andrew Santino]

We shouldn't say the name. I don't want people. No.

[Bobby Lee]

Why? No, Elmer, you know, I want. I want to give them a plug. That's how good they are.

[Andrew Santino]

No, it is good, but then it's not now. Now people are gonna.

[Bobby Lee]

You'll go there every day.

[Andrew Santino]

I'm there every day.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. El Merch is so good.

[Andrew Santino]

It's phenomenal.

[Bobby Lee]

They have. I don't know about you with samosas.

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean? I love some.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but I'm only a vegetable samosa guy.

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you don't. You don't ever get meat.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I only get vegetable samosas with the potato and the peas in there. It's so clean and fried. It's delicious. And also naan, I love garlic, which like garlic, onion, garlic.

[Andrew Santino]

Non's, my favorite.

[Bobby Lee]

Garlic. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

It's my favorite.

[Carlos]

Good.

[Bobby Lee]

And then you always get two curries of some.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, have to get at least two.

[Bobby Lee]

Curry. Yeah. A chicken one. And what do you do?

[Andrew Santino]

I do a veggie curry and then a veggie.

[Bobby Lee]

Always.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Veg ways. And then I'm just making our listeners hungry. Is all this really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but it's a really good. I love Indian food.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, welcome back to the show, McCall.

[Bobby Lee]

We're starting. Oh, I get. When I give you money, would you spend it on. I would spend it on.

[Andrew Santino]

I went bowling with some friends.

[Bobby Lee]

I spent it on.

[Andrew Santino]

When I got drinks with my aunts. Now, did you pick up the tab? Because you never offered the tab ever.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You picked up the tab.

[Bobby Lee]

I threw a couple hundreds down on it. Whoa, player.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow, wow, wow.

[Bobby Lee]

At the bowling alley, by the way,

[Andrew Santino]

100 in Minnesota at a bowling alley. That's like that you bowl for a month.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Amazing.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, how many games do you want to own the bowling alley?

[Bobby Lee]

Do you hook up with any Minnesota ladies?

[Andrew Santino]

You know? He did.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I was just with my family.

[Andrew Santino]

He's being quiet, you know, he did. He took someone to the cabin.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Now my girlfriend wants me to take me to a wedding in Wisconsin in the woods. Should I go? I know I'm scared.

[Andrew Santino]

Whenever a white girl says, let's go to the woods.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And invites a minority to the woods. I know. That's bad summer. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Have you seen. Get out. That didn't work out too well for him.

[Bobby Lee]

It didn't get.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, that's your girlfriend and that's you. Yeah, it's sinking in. It's slowly sinking in.

[Bobby Lee]

And then in the movie. So I enter a white man.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, you do, neighbor.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that they just.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah. You transform into a nerdy white guy.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

Bradley Whitford.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Phenomenal legend guy. So good.

[Bobby Lee]

He's so good. I mean, West Wing, it goes on and on. Yeah.

[Carlos]

Studio 60.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Studio 60. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Not. Not as good.

[Bobby Lee]

Not as good. What's the ones where the. What's the show with the whites and the hoods and the.

[Andrew Santino]

That's where I took you to in the south.

[Bobby Lee]

No, what's the one that works like modern, but it's like oppressive hands and mail.

[Andrew Santino]

Handmade hand mail.

[Bobby Lee]

Hands, mail. I saw that. He's in that.

[Carlos]

He's in that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Hands of mail.

[Andrew Santino]

That show was so good.

[Bobby Lee]

It was so good, that show. But the best show on television is Widow's Bay.

[Andrew Santino]

I've never seen it.

[Bobby Lee]

It is My friend Katie Dippold and Colton Dunn produce it. It's so good.

[Andrew Santino]

I know Colton Dunn. He's great.

[Bobby Lee]

He's great. So it's.

[Andrew Santino]

Dude, wait, this is his show. He wrote this.

[Bobby Lee]

He produces on it.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, he's the man. He's in it. No, no, he's writer in it.

[Bobby Lee]

No, the writers.

[Andrew Santino]

He's a Katie Tapol.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but he does. But he's. You know, Colton wrote for Key and Peele. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, he's a great writer. He was a mad TV writer.

[Andrew Santino]

He. He did a role that I was maybe going to be up for in Superstore. When he's in a wheelchair.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And they literally. I went in for the audition, they were like, you're in a wheelchair? And I was like, oh, why? Why? And they were like, what do you mean? Just you're in. The characters in a wheelchair.

[Carlos]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

I was like, no, no, no. I just. I didn't know that going in. They didn't tell me that until I was in the room.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, did you do it?

[Andrew Santino]

Well, yeah, I was like,

[Bobby Lee]

I know. It's so good. Yeah, yeah. You gotta go high so they can give you notes. You gotta go, lower it down, lower it down. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Santino]

They have to tell you to tone it down.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You didn't get it? Yeah, yeah, I didn't get it.

[Bobby Lee]

Hi, it's Fiona Collie and I am

[Andrew Santino]

a real life wheelchair user.

[Bobby Lee]

I wanted to pop in to let

[Andrew Santino]

y' all know Andrew Santino is my best friend.

[Bobby Lee]

News should be yours too. Don't be bothered by what he just said. I'm not, so you shouldn't be either.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

We good?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we got it.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Where's my fucking money? Right here. There you go. I'll edit this. I'm gonna count it. Acorns so many people are focused on where their money is today. Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. And with Acorns potential screen you can find out where what your money is capable of.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, there's not much you can do about the money that you got now, but if you want to do something about the money you could have tomorrow, Acorns wants to help you out with the Acorns potential screen. You're going to find out what your money is capable of doing.

[Bobby Lee]

As a young man, I wish Acorns was in my life.

[Andrew Santino]

Me too. I'm telling you because I did. I didn't know how to budget.

[Bobby Lee]

I didn't know.

[Andrew Santino]

I had no idea what to do. And Acorns grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or thinking about settling down. Acorn supports your big and small goals across every life stage. It's very important to save while you can doesn't have to save a lot of you can just save a little bit and you can adjust what you want to put in. It's an all in one you don't need like finance apps cluttering up your phone. With Acorns you invest, save and give your money a chance to grow in one trusted place.

[Bobby Lee]

Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns.

[Andrew Santino]

Head to acorns.com bad friends to download the Acorns app to get started Paid non client compensation provides instead of deposit promote Acorns Tier 2 competition provided potential subject to various factors such as customers accounts age and investment settings does not include Acorns fees. Results do not predict or represent the performance of any Acorns portfolio, investment or social vary investing balls risk Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor few important discloses acorns.com bad friends smalls oh my God.

[Bobby Lee]

I have three cats at home. Gunar me Bojo I was gonna yell

[Andrew Santino]

every time you said it and I

[Bobby Lee]

want healthy stuff for them and that's

[Andrew Santino]

why Smalls is here to help you out because Smalls fresh gently cooked food is made without preservatives It's a balanced diet that leads to less shedding, fewer hairballs, more silky, shiny fur on your kitten.

[Bobby Lee]

This is what I need. Smalls cat food leads to high protein and improved hydration. That equals strong bones and toned muscles. My cats don't have to muscle.

[Andrew Santino]

They need to get strong. The winter is coming. Cats use protein as our main source of energy. More protein means more fuel and more sustained energy for your cats. And by the way, Bobby's cats do need this more than any because they're not getting enough protein to get strong.

[Bobby Lee]

And guess what? They have cat toys as well.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at how cute that is.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And you know what? I'm going to go home right now with these three and we're going to play, play, play.

[Andrew Santino]

We're going to play, play, play. Yeah. So stop serving your little carnivore a bowl of processed shortcuts for a limited time because you are a bad Friend listener. You're going to get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh my God. When you head to smalls.com bad friends.

[Andrew Santino]

That's 60% off of your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com bad friends talk space.

[Bobby Lee]

I had therapy earlier today and let me say the weight off my shoulders is off. I had a lot going on this week and talking to someone is so important because if, especially if you come from trauma, right, you can do emdr, talk about the trauma so that later it doesn't come turn into strokes and,

[Andrew Santino]

and stress and cancer and all cancer

[Bobby Lee]

and all kinds of stuff.

[Andrew Santino]

Take control of your mental health. Right now the world feels a little uncertain for you maybe. And better mental health leads to better overall health and communication leads to better relationships. So what you want to do is talk it out, man. Don't be afraid to do it. Bobby and I are big proponents of therapy in all forms.

[Bobby Lee]

Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere.

[Andrew Santino]

Talkspace makes getting the help you need easy, accessible and affordable. Plus, most insured members have a zero dollar copay.

[Bobby Lee]

As listeners of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com and enter promo code space80.

[Andrew Santino]

That's space80. S P A C E0 to match with licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com and Enter that promo code.

[Bobby Lee]

Space 80 went out a couple times with a gay Asian guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you did?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I'm like, everybody. Yeah, I did that.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Imagine my performance is so bad. They're like, we got to have a black guy in the wheelchair.

[Bobby Lee]

I literally auditioned it, and they were like, it's too much.

[Andrew Santino]

We can't do this guy. This guy's too much.

[Bobby Lee]

We went too far. Yeah. But Widows Bay is.

[Andrew Santino]

I went back for a callback. I broke my neck. I jumped off a building. Broke.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It's called Miser Technique. I love it. Method. But Widows Bay is the funniest and pretty scary show. It's great.

[Andrew Santino]

What's it on Apple?

[Bobby Lee]

It's on Apple.

[Andrew Santino]

Geez, man. These guys keep making great tv, and we're not a part of any.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Andrew Santino]

God. I bought your phone, Katie.

[Bobby Lee]

And then we know the other guy.

[Andrew Santino]

Pretty great hero. Oh, yeah, yeah, Yeah. I don't know who that is.

[Bobby Lee]

He. He was the showrunner for Atlanta.

[Andrew Santino]

That's. What's his name? No.

[Bobby Lee]

Did I up his name?

[Andrew Santino]

That's not the same guy.

[Bobby Lee]

It is.

[Andrew Santino]

Is it?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Can you look it up?

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know, but it doesn't. Oh, yeah. Hero mirror.

[Bobby Lee]

Murai Hiro Mirai did.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Hiramurai. That's right. He doesn't. He doesn't look like that.

[Bobby Lee]

He's getting older.

[Carlos]

Maybe they use the wrong picture. Wrong Asian.

[Andrew Santino]

That happens a lot.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

That's so funny.

[Andrew Santino]

I got an Amber Alert yesterday. Last night.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And then I was driving on the highway, and they also had it on the highway on one of the signs. Enough. You're not going to get them.

[Carlos]

Have you ever gotten an Ebony Alert?

[Bobby Lee]

What's an Ebony Alert?

[Carlos]

It's real. It's when a black person goes missing.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. My phone goes, God damn, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

I was dating. I was like, who's going to do it?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Right there. Yeah.

[Carlos]

In California. It's new.

[Bobby Lee]

It's so hard on the phone when you're watching a movie at the theater. I got. Damn. All the time.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you're already talking so much. It doesn't.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. But wow. So, yeah, I get Amber Alerts as well.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It's always crazy. It's in a van.

[Andrew Santino]

If it's Ebony Alert, it should be Ivory Alert. Then is. What if it's Ebony and Ivory? Why wouldn't we do that? Why is it Amber? Because it was a girl that got kidnapped named Amber.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's probably.

[Andrew Santino]

Can I be honest with everybody in our audiences?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

If you're naming your kid Amber, she's going to get kidnapped.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Also, can I. Just another suggestion, please. Right. Don't kidnap White girls.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, they care so much. They care a lot.

[Bobby Lee]

They care so much. You may. Don't kidnap white girls.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a lesson out there.

[Bobby Lee]

A lesson out there.

[Andrew Santino]

Don't do it. Yeah, I just don't like when you get the Amber lip on your phone and it goes,

[Bobby Lee]

yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're like, okay, I can't. I'm not gonna go.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not going.

[Andrew Santino]

What am I gonna go look for? The Kia Soul? I'm gonna go look for a brown Kia Soul with license plate XQ485.

[Carlos]

You can turn them off on the government alert section.

[Andrew Santino]

How. How up and dark is that? You can turn it off. I have. That's how little we care about people. We go, I don't want to know mine's on.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to keep it on. Because what if. I'm at the 7:11.

[Andrew Santino]

Now, this is the.

[Bobby Lee]

I often go. This is the.

[Carlos]

Wouldn't do anything if you saw Amber.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you out of your. Not Amber. She's gone. But if Amber. Amber's gone.

[Andrew Santino]

This is the beginning of a good movie.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're at 7:11.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm at 7:11. I look over, I get an Amber look. I look over, look out for a white boss, you know? I mean, with fluorescent green.

[Andrew Santino]

You mean like a van? Yeah, white van. Bus. Oh, school bus.

[Bobby Lee]

No, a boss like that. A school bus. Right. Well, Florence and Greed hubcaps.

[Andrew Santino]

These guys are bad criminals.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, right. And what do they.

[Andrew Santino]

What do they steal? Her in a big white. The Chinese tourist bus. Yes, it's a tourist bus.

[Bobby Lee]

A tourist bus.

[Andrew Santino]

And it's filled with Chinese people going to Hollywood Boulevard in Amber.

[Bobby Lee]

Right? And it says, you know me. Look for a Puerto Rican kid named you know me, Raul Tata.

[Andrew Santino]

Last seen on a bus filled with Chinese tourists going to Griffith Park.

[Bobby Lee]

And then I. And then I go. Would I. Who do you call?

[Andrew Santino]

The cops? No, they're busy.

[Bobby Lee]

And then you got a call and go, I think I see the white bus.

[Andrew Santino]

You call the cops. An emergency. Doc answers. Hey, man, what's up? Hey, man. Girl got kidnapped.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I thought you failed. Yeah, yeah, they needed someone bad, Tino.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, like, who do you call? The cops. And then they leave. And then what happens?

[Andrew Santino]

They try to track, and then I gotta stay there. Then now you're implicated. This. This is what I'm saying. This is the beginning of a movie. Now you're in. The cops don't show up, so you keep following them. And then you have to pretend like you're a part of Their crew.

[Bobby Lee]

No, because I have a white bus, too. Right. There's another white boss.

[Andrew Santino]

It just so happens.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I have a white bus.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, I got it. You're a. You're a tour guide and you're giving a Chinese tour.

[Bobby Lee]

Why? A Chinese tour?

[Andrew Santino]

That's who takes those.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you mean like a Hollywood tour?

[Andrew Santino]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And they're kidnapped the girl.

[Bobby Lee]

They're not. Oh, this is where Morgan of Freeman live. They do.

[Andrew Santino]

I've been on that tour. That's exactly what it sounds like.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

The whole time.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And they come with a little flag and they go, follow, follow. Okay, we've all seen this, too.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, so I'm a guy. There's two tour buses.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, identical, identical.

[Bobby Lee]

We're both Chinese guys.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, dude. The kidnappers are just guys that kidnapped a girl.

[Bobby Lee]

But they have a tour bus.

[Andrew Santino]

They have your same bus.

[Bobby Lee]

The same kind of bus.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, exactly.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And you're giving a tour. Actually, the same bus is the one bus.

[Bobby Lee]

You're just the driver.

[Andrew Santino]

Right. They kidnap a girl and take her on your tour bus.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, and I calm on my own. Right, so speed, right?

[Andrew Santino]

It's speed. It's the same. We're just doing speed.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, there's a bomb on it. Oh, there's a bomb.

[Andrew Santino]

There's a bomb. You have an adult child accent in it. 100%. Yeah. Police. LA Police. How can I help you?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I have a bomb on my tour bus. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Where are you at?

[Bobby Lee]

We were going to Marlon Brown house. Oh, you got to have Mar in the Katan house.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And then, you know, there's a guy in the back and he goes, I saw Amber first.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Is the girl with you? What is a girl with. Is a little girl on the bus?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Well, I got two. I got Amberla and Ebony Alert. Yeah, so both of them. I'm boss.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Yeah. Well, bring them to the police station now.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but there's a bomb.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, why is there a bomb on the bus?

[Bobby Lee]

Please call Ricky, okay? Yeah, because I think he can solve.

[Andrew Santino]

What about Sandra Bulk? You want me to call her?

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no, no. Not her.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. This is not a bolt speed situation, okay? This is a. You think?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's a funny movie.

[Bobby Lee]

A funny movie, right.

[Andrew Santino]

Amber Alert. I've never heard of an Ebony Alert. You made that up, by the way.

[Carlos]

I really didn't.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, you did.

[Carlos]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

How come we've never gotten one? Is it only for black people's phones?

[Carlos]

Because you. You had the wrong. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You need Cricket Wireless.

[Bobby Lee]

It comes with cricket wire. It comes with it as a packet.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, they only Ebony alerts only go to phones that go green. It's only. It's only. It's not imessage. It's only. You can only get it if you have an Android. This is insane.

[Bobby Lee]

It's insane.

[Andrew Santino]

Emergency notification system. California design aid to swift recovery. Missing black youth and women. I've only seen Amber. I've never seen Evan.

[Bobby Lee]

Download down. Download it.

[Carlos]

It's not an app.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, just do all races then.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. I don't know why I don't.

[Carlos]

Doing the argument of Fox News.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Korean alert.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, that's funny.

[Bobby Lee]

He is.

[Andrew Santino]

He's on Fox. Kimchi alert. Can I tell you something? Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Santino]

Kimchi alert. So good.

[Bobby Lee]

Or kimchi thieves. Yeah. Or just.

[Carlos]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

Kimchi alert.

[Bobby Lee]

Kimchi alert.

[Andrew Santino]

So good. The California Ebony alert program went into effect January 1, 2024. Oh, it just started.

[Bobby Lee]

All right.

[Andrew Santino]

We're brand new.

[Bobby Lee]

We're brand new.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, I'm going to Europe in what, eight days? I had no idea. You got to get a visa to go to UK now. You got to pay 20 bucks just to, like, apply to go to the. As a tourist.

[Carlos]

Yeah, we did it last year for the London.

[Andrew Santino]

Those are not our dogs anymore. I thought they were our boys.

[Bobby Lee]

What? Australia. Do I have to do it?

[Andrew Santino]

100 Australia. You do.

[Carlos]

Yeah, but.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but you're working. I'm going as a tourist, and you still have to get one.

[Carlos]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

I thought that was wild. I was like, man, they really don't like us anymore, huh? Yeah, you gotta apply right there to the eta. They do the same thing coming here. I know, but we didn't used to do that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but for the World cup, how many. I mean, did it. Was it difficult for people to come here?

[Andrew Santino]

No, you just pay 20 bucks. They. Tourists pay 20 bucks.

[Bobby Lee]

But I'm sure they let everyone in. I think they do.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. You've seen. Have you seen some of those games? It looks like everybody got in.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Holy, dude. It's a Trump thing, I think 20, 25. Oh, it just started January of last year. So we did it when we went there last year.

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Didn't know that. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It's making so much. Even the park. I mean, it's like everything's being charged. It's crazy.

[Andrew Santino]

That pisses me off.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I know. We already talked about.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, I know. But it pisses me off.

[Bobby Lee]

It goes back to my, like, we gotta Sell air, you know, but it's like we should.

[Andrew Santino]

We gotta get in bottle and sell bad air. Yeah, it's bad air. It's just Bobby's farts in a can.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Or just get the room here. Let's bottle the room.

[Andrew Santino]

I think something. I'm.

[Bobby Lee]

There's something wrong. I. I feel that's. It's throwing me off because I feel like I'm getting sick right now.

[Andrew Santino]

I hate that you guys don't even smell anything. It makes me question your living situation. Yeah, maybe you guys all have broken pipes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. What is this?

[Andrew Santino]

It's air from Taylor Swift's eras tour.

[Carlos]

Yeah, it's from one of her concerts.

[Andrew Santino]

$50?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, buy it now. Go ahead if you want to. Go ahead and buy. I know you want to.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's an Air1.

[Carlos]

There is new Air1 water at the bar. That's $12. It's just iced water. We'll get some next shirt.

[Andrew Santino]

It's just water that comes from their tap and they. It's there. It's just 12 for tap water?

[Carlos]

Yeah. It's like a new thing.

[Andrew Santino]

It's unbelievable.

[Carlos]

We gotta get it some.

[Andrew Santino]

What a game that they're playing over there. What a game that they get to play, huh? Add to watch.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's wild. It's genius, though.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

People are doing it. Who cares?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna sell my thumb imprint.

[Andrew Santino]

Your DNA.

[Bobby Lee]

No. You know my thought. You know the glue thumbs I make?

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, the glue thumb. I thought you mean your physical thumb.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Oh, your fingerprints, you mean.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, That's.

[Andrew Santino]

I wouldn't sell. That's your dn. That's it. Can use that for what?

[Carlos]

Murder?

[Andrew Santino]

Sure, whatever. Everything.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, okay, but that'd be interesting because I'm not in Atlanta. Wherever the murders are, right? And they use it.

[Andrew Santino]

They gotta go down the list of how you're not there. How were you able to not be here? That's pretty impressive.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, I. I'm sure they contract that I'm not where they're killing. Right?

[Carlos]

But if your fingerprints are there.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but I'm saying I sell glue thumbs.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, but they ping his thumb. They ping your phone so they'll know you're not there.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not there.

[Andrew Santino]

How could he have been there at this? Now, this is for you. Covering up future murders. You're sending out all these now you have an alibi.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God, there's another movie there.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, the Kimchi Alert Thief. Yeah, he's on the go. He's just kidnapping at will, leaving his thumbprints all over the country.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Andrew Santino]

The other day was 711 day. Did anybody go get a free 711 slushie? No.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Andrew Santino]

You know I did.

[Bobby Lee]

What'd you get?

[Andrew Santino]

There's only one blueberry. Cherry Coke. Cherry Coke, my favorite. Yeah, Cherry Coke's the best. They don't, they don't. They don't like giving it to you. You know that. You go in there, you go, I want the free slushie. And they're like, well, fine, guess.

[Bobby Lee]

What about Coke?

[Andrew Santino]

What's wrong?

[Bobby Lee]

Prices are rising.

[Andrew Santino]

Coca Cola prices are on the rise.

[Bobby Lee]

Guess why. It has something to do with the straight of her moods. What is it? No, don't Google it. Don't Google it. Okay, okay, wait, wait. Guess.

[Andrew Santino]

There's why. Why is there a little bit of oil and Coke? It would make it better.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Why would. Why would Coke rise? Because of the straight arm moves, you think?

[Andrew Santino]

Because in during wartimes you share a Coke. I've seen the commercial. Did your house just get bombed? Get a Coke. Have a Coke.

[Bobby Lee]

There's a polar bear there too.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, this is really bad.

[Bobby Lee]

Can I tell you?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, what is it?

[Bobby Lee]

Aluminum.

[Andrew Santino]

All the cans, aluminum. Oh, that makes perfect sense.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't even know how I know that.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, you saw it on a TikTok this morning on the shitter. Yeah, I know you. Aluminum prices are surging multi year highs due to a combination of geopolitical supply shocks, structural production limits and growing demand. Middle east tensions are causing. What is that? So what does it say? Aluminum. One of the world's largest smelters, aluminum. Bahrain and Alba previously cut output roughly 10, 19%. So we're overpaying for Coke. Thanks a lot, Hermos.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you, Hermos. Yeah. Who's to blame there, you think? No, but it's just like it's a forever war.

[Andrew Santino]

I feel like everything is a forever war, though.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

Name a war that actually finished. We didn't finish Vietnam wasn't still going on, brother.

[Bobby Lee]

No, it's not. No, it ended. They won.

[Andrew Santino]

They did win, didn't they? Win 100.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, we surrender. We. We stopped.

[Carlos]

We left.

[Andrew Santino]

We left. Which, that's an American way of being like, you didn't beat me. I went home. Yeah, it's like, well, you were losing. It's like, no. Yeah, the word. That was the worst. We're still suffering from that. In terms of people. The military still suffering from that. It was the worst. That thing was the worst.

[Bobby Lee]

It was the worst war. It's a bad up, but guess What? It wasn't even a war conflict. Did you know that?

[Carlos]

Yeah, we just.

[Bobby Lee]

What was the last war that us

[Carlos]

were in on Bad friends? World War II.

[Andrew Santino]

World War II.

[Bobby Lee]

We already talked about it.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Sorry, my bad.

[Andrew Santino]

It's fine. Let's talk about not war.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, but can I just say one last thing though? About war?

[Andrew Santino]

Of course.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. So I was. I re. Watched Godzilla minus one.

[Carlos]

Oh, nice.

[Bobby Lee]

Have you seen it? Of course. Terrible movie.

[Andrew Santino]

I've only seen +1. I only go positive with Godzilla.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. And what you realize is that the guy, the main lead in it, his character bailed out of Kamikaze.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, right. He. We talked about that. He. He decided not to go through it.

[Bobby Lee]

And then when you think, really think about that, you're like, why would I root for this guy?

[Andrew Santino]

The shame.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Because he was. They were disowned by. By the government.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Relatable.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Carlos]

It's probably relatable to not want to Kamikaze.

[Andrew Santino]

I almost bought you a gift yesterday.

[Carlos]

What is it?

[Andrew Santino]

I couldn't get the gift because of circumstances, but I found a shop in Little Tokyo. I went to Little Tokyo yesterday and I found a shop that people. Huh?

[Bobby Lee]

Somebody from out of town.

[Andrew Santino]

We had family in town and they

[Bobby Lee]

wanted to go there.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, we were.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a good place to.

[Andrew Santino]

It's awesome.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, first of all, get recognized a

[Andrew Santino]

lot through the furry masks. Yeah, I did. They wear furries all, you know, have you been a Little Tokyo? There's kids dressed up with furry masks on people, anime dressed up. It's actually fucking awesome. This is like. It's like Comic Con constantly in. In Little Tokyo. Yeah, it is.

[Bobby Lee]

It's great.

[Andrew Santino]

So I went around to some of the shops. I wanted to take them to Philippe's French Dip. And then we walked down.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's a great place.

[Andrew Santino]

And then we went walk down from there and I said. My wife was like, you know, Little Tokyo is right there. And the girls wanted to go see it. And I was like, this is definitely worth it. And they were. It's mesmerizing. Good food. But there was a figurine that I almost bought for you, but the circumstances. I'll tell you later.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

But I am going to buy it for you. And it's. It's a one of a kind Godzilla and it'd be perfect in this studio. And I saw it. I immediately was like, yeah. Oh, he's going to love that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. My girlfriend was like, my bracelet broke. Okay, all right, buy another one. No, I want it fixed.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Where do you go? To the jewelry district downtown.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, careful.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What? Yeah, but you don't realize that the jewelry district is. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

I love that you can't say jewelry. It's my favorite thing in the world. Say it again.

[Bobby Lee]

Jewelry.

[Andrew Santino]

There it is.

[Bobby Lee]

Jewelry. Jewelry.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like, English. Wasn't you Will. Language.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no. What is it?

[Andrew Santino]

Jewelry.

[Bobby Lee]

Jewelry.

[Andrew Santino]

Jewelry district.

[Bobby Lee]

Jewelry district.

[Andrew Santino]

Jewelry.

[Bobby Lee]

Jewelry. Jewelry.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Do it fast.

[Bobby Lee]

Jewelry district. And I really. I go. I go. There's no parking. Right. And if I were gonna park my car in on any street, it's gonna get taken and it's gonna get ransacked, broken into. Yeah, it's like we. I said, I. We kind of got our first Kind of. I was like, I'm not doing it. You know, it's crazy how it's literally right next to it.

[Carlos]

Your first fight was like 15 months into your relationship.

[Andrew Santino]

It's going well.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, we don't really.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't fight.

[Bobby Lee]

It wasn't even a fight. I was just like, can we just not. I mean, I can just get you another, you know, piece of jewelry.

[Andrew Santino]

This is why McCone doesn't mind driving that piece of. That he drives because Macon could leave the doors open, the keys in it running, and people are like, I'm not taking that. You can't imagine. We should get a forensic scientist to come in to find out how many materials have been spilled on his seats. Bodily fluids, food.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, your car seats.

[Andrew Santino]

It's un.

[Bobby Lee]

I bet you I would win.

[Andrew Santino]

No chance.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, 100. I got stuff that you would like. Why was that even in the car?

[Andrew Santino]

His car is a biohazard. Yeah, the state came by in a habitat.

[Bobby Lee]

Anti fungal cream all over my car right now.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what he drives. Antifungal cream.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Hyundai Honda.

[Bobby Lee]

Because my foot itch once and I want. The two of it. Went all over the place.

[Andrew Santino]

His car has. Your seats are. I don't want to sit in it. I get afraid to go in there.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, it wasn't like that before. You bought the car.

[Andrew Santino]

Of course. No, but I've had it for, like seven years. But he. But he destroys it. It's not.

[Bobby Lee]

You're like me.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

We don't care about it, brother.

[Andrew Santino]

He's way worse.

[Bobby Lee]

I love it, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Way worse than you.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you a hoarder?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I can see it.

[Andrew Santino]

It's gross.

[Bobby Lee]

It's gross.

[Andrew Santino]

His place is. You've never been to his house.

[Bobby Lee]

Is it hoardy? There's just.

[Andrew Santino]

There's shit Everywhere. There's.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God. Every smell.

[Andrew Santino]

It does not. It doesn't. You know why it doesn't smell? It doesn't smell. He has a lot of candles.

[Carlos]

I do.

[Andrew Santino]

For if women come over. He's very smart with that incense. I see Carlos. Carlos keeps it clean. Tight, clean, tidy.

[Bobby Lee]

Your place is clean.

[Andrew Santino]

There's no mess at his house.

[Carlos]

Yes, I have a dog, so it's. I don't want it to be.

[Bobby Lee]

You also have a Bible.

[Carlos]

I do have the Bible.

[Andrew Santino]

You have the Quran as well?

[Carlos]

No, I have the drug Bible he's referencing from Coachella.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Throw it away.

[Carlos]

Yeah. I haven't done anything since Coachella.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you're just holding on to it for a rainy day.

[Carlos]

Hell, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You look like. Like an exorc priest.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You could perform exorcisms.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Like, not.

[Bobby Lee]

They're like street, like. But if you see the exorcism. Right. Exorcism through Rome.

[Carlos]

But mine don't go through Rome.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you don't go for the room. You're just the guy that knows. Right. And you smoke and you're a little dirty. You live in, like, a tiny place.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

With a neon red Bible on your wall.

[Carlos]

I do. Hail Mary.

[Andrew Santino]

I was gonna say a neon sign outside of his window and it glows in his room.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's cool. And everything's black. Yeah, yeah, Like. Like John Doe from seven.

[Andrew Santino]

Yes, yes, that's exactly.

[Bobby Lee]

There's a hand with a glass jar.

[Carlos]

I would love to devote my life to, like, just exercising demons from people.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, dude, I think you'd be able to do it.

[Andrew Santino]

We got to exercise some out of you, sir.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I did fail Latin.

[Bobby Lee]

No, you would suck the demons in. You. That's your thing. I think you have a great capacity for demons. Yeah, I definitely. I think you do. I think that you could just. You're the vessel. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

His reserve tank is big for demons.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, I think so. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You're like the thing that capt ghosts and Ghostbusters, but they don't have to ever clean it out.

[Carlos]

Yeah, I don't like getting rid of, like, addictions or bad things. I just manage them.

[Andrew Santino]

So bad.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you manage them, brother. You can manage demons?

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah. I mean, I currently do.

[Bobby Lee]

Stop, stop, stop.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. He speaks in Latin to them.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's Amber

[Andrew Santino]

Ultra.

[Bobby Lee]

You know what, man? Those pouches get addictive.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, they're. They're. Look, you. You put in. And you put in your mouth. You put in your mouth. You keep doing it all day. You don't realize how many you put in there and then you're buzzing off the nicotine and you don't need that. You need a little bit of an alternative and that's why Ultra is here to supplement that. These things are great, man. There's zero nicotine and they're natural nootropics.

[Bobby Lee]

It narrows your blood vessels and restricts oxygen delivery to muscles which can directly counteract the pump you want to get out of your workout.

[Andrew Santino]

That's what nicotine does to you. Yeah, but with Ultra now that's not gonna be the case, okay? Ultra helps you out, alright? It helps you out, it feels good. Nicotine's actually detrimental to your workouts. If you are exercising, it increases your heart rate and blood pressure significantly. So why not take an alternative that helps you out that's nicotine free. These things last a coup one to two hours of energy. They're actually fantastic.

[Bobby Lee]

They're great for athletes, runners.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, they are. They are very good. You get a better boost without having that nicotine buzz, that nicotine anxiety that sometimes comes along with it. So if you're looking to supplement it with something else. They got great flavors. Cool mint, wintergreen, tropical watermelon and blue razz, which is my favorite. Ultra is the ultimate guilt free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine.

[Bobby Lee]

New customers can use Code Bad friends to get 15% [e-mail] that's take ultra.com

[Andrew Santino]

for 15% off with code BAD Friends. After your purchase are going to ask you where'd you hear about us? Support our show, please and tell them that we sent you DraftKings.

[Bobby Lee]

The DraftKings sports app is now available in all 50 states. You're in on the excitement at the

[Andrew Santino]

speed of sports, Bobby. I didn't even know there was 50 states. But now I know that DraftKings got.

[Bobby Lee]

I thought there was only 13.

[Andrew Santino]

Fight Night is here and DraftKings has you covered. New DraftKings customers can sign up with Code Bad friends and spend five bucks to get 150 in rewards within 14 days and includes all markets. What's the code, Bob?

[Bobby Lee]

Bad Friends.

[Andrew Santino]

That's that Code Bad Friends in partnership with DraftKings. The Crown is yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook. You got a gambling problem. Call 1-800- GAMBLER 1-800- My Reset Connecticut. Call 888-789-7777. Visit ccpg.org on behalf of Boo Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass through may apply in Illinois 21 plus void in Canada Event

[Bobby Lee]

contract trading with graphics predictions involves risk of loss.

[Andrew Santino]

Availability varies Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get bonus bets that expire in seven days.

[Bobby Lee]

Trade to get predictions dollars that expire in one year.

[Andrew Santino]

$50 in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for 14 days. One non withdrawable reward redeemable nationwide based on sportsbook predictions and free to play sports contest Availability varies by state. [e-mail] offer limited time offer factor.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh my. There's other. That's not a. There's not a better meal than factor.

[Andrew Santino]

You want to try that again?

[Bobby Lee]

No, I don't because that's when I get excited. I stutter.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, I know. Yeah, yeah, you get so excited about factors. The factor meals are designed to help you with a healthier lifestyle that doesn't cost you a lot of money or a lot of time because they're ready in how many minutes, Bob?

[Bobby Lee]

Two minutes. Factor makes chef crafted dietitian designed ready to eat meals so you don't have to choose between real food and convenience.

[Andrew Santino]

And here's the best part. They got salmon burger, shredded pork, collard greens and so much more.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh my God.

[Andrew Santino]

It's not just the old school, you know, lump of chicken with rice that you're used to in these in other meal kits.

[Bobby Lee]

And they're all good. Like when you eat a factor meal, it's. They're all good.

[Andrew Santino]

Every one of them is very good. 97% of users agree Factor meals help them live a healthier life with a more delicious life. So you can feel confident you're doing something good for yourself with every meal.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, let's eat Real head to factor meals.com bad friends 50 off and use code bad friends 50 off to get 50 off and one free breakfast item per box for one year while supplies last until 10, 31, 20, 26.

[Andrew Santino]

Ooh, Halloween. That's code. Bad friends 50 often at factor meals.com bad friends [e-mail] see website for more details. What do you mean you failed Latin? Why would you take Latin?

[Carlos]

My dad made me take Latin in 2001.

[Andrew Santino]

Why?

[Carlos]

Because it was offered at my school and then.

[Bobby Lee]

I wish you would have studied that.

[Carlos]

No, I did.

[Bobby Lee]

Your whole life.

[Andrew Santino]

Unusable language.

[Carlos]

Take Spanish.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a romantic language.

[Andrew Santino]

Take Sanskrit instead. Shit, you can't fucking use Latin.

[Carlos]

No, was terrible. 911 happened during it.

[Andrew Santino]

That's why.

[Carlos]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You were summoning some old. Yeah, it was crazy, like Gregorian chants or whatever.

[Carlos]

I said the wrong thing. And some Middle Easterners all of a sudden show up on a plane.

[Andrew Santino]

We must kill the infidel.

[Carlos]

Exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

Because of you. They crashed.

[Carlos]

It was a curse.

[Bobby Lee]

You look like a conspiracy theorist to me, Bob.

[Carlos]

That's projecting, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Like you know things you do.

[Andrew Santino]

You do right now a lot.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Give me make up.

[Andrew Santino]

Make.

[Bobby Lee]

Make believe. A conspiracy theory.

[Andrew Santino]

Give us any of them.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. No. Something that you've completely made up. But let me just see.

[Carlos]

Lindsey Graham didn't die of natural causes.

[Andrew Santino]

What happened?

[Carlos]

There was a bathhouse rave party late at night in Kiev.

[Andrew Santino]

You know what's so funny?

[Carlos]

German.

[Andrew Santino]

You know that he knows.

[Bobby Lee]

This is Russian. Yeah, it was Russians.

[Carlos]

And this like really good looking hockey player guy was like.

[Bobby Lee]

He did rivalry. Yes.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

They were filming. It was one of the actors.

[Bobby Lee]

One of the actors.

[Carlos]

But to get Lindsay's attention, he whispered things about Disney movies.

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa. He loves Disney World. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

He was like Aladdin.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he knows about Aladdin. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, we all know about Aladdin, so

[Carlos]

he did some deep diving.

[Andrew Santino]

Aladdin was one of the 911 pilots. I can show you the World Trade Centers.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Carlos]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

That. You did the theme music for the. For this movie we're gonna make. That's amazing.

[Andrew Santino]

We just cracked the code.

[Bobby Lee]

We just cracked the code.

[Andrew Santino]

I can show you the World Trade Centers. Centers shining shim. Let's go to the lyrics. Let's find out if there's 911.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

No, there might be.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

I can show you the. I can. Tumbling planes, tumbling towers. Oh, no. Dude. Did we just find out that this was. I can show you the World Trade Centers. Shining, shimmering, splendid they were.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You tell me, princess. Now when did you last let your heart decide?

[Bobby Lee]

I can open your eyes to the

[Andrew Santino]

fire Take you wonder by wonder one

[Bobby Lee]

by one Two wonder the two wonders of the world.

[Andrew Santino]

Over, sideways and under.

[Bobby Lee]

Which is the third building? Sideways. Right. Wow. Oh, the third. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

And what happens when that happens?

[Bobby Lee]

A whole new world, A new fantastic point of view. Point of view.

[Andrew Santino]

Because there's nothing.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no one. Bin Laden was right.

[Andrew Santino]

Or say we're only dreaming. A whole new world. Dazzling place. I never knew. Well, we figured it out.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

We cracked your coat, Aladdin.

[Bobby Lee]

Undescribable feeling.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, it's got to be. I imagine.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Every turn of surprise. Yeah, it sure was. It sure was.

[Carlos]

That's crazy, dude.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, we cracked the code, and I'm a little upset that we cracked it that easy. Every conspiracy theorist, by the way, online.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm so sorry.

[Andrew Santino]

Is sunk flat.

[Bobby Lee]

Earth.

[Andrew Santino]

You mean conspiracy theorists. One of my favorite games. Donkey Kong. Unbelievable. And that old man in the chair, Cranky Kong.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Donkey Kong was probably one of the beyond Super Mario Brothers. It was one of the games that I wanted to conquer the most. I wanted to beat all the levels of Donkey Kong.

[Carlos]

The new one is so good from last year.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it on? What system?

[Bobby Lee]

Switch to so you would memorize when to jump and timing 100. That's what it is.

[Andrew Santino]

Donkey Kong. I was obsessed.

[Carlos]

It's not Bonanza. It's. You can rip apart the levels you like.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, you. You can you just destroy everything? Yeah, it's kind of tight.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I never. I was never good at Pac Man. It's a panic.

[Andrew Santino]

It's anxiety.

[Bobby Lee]

It's anxiety. Yeah. It's like you're, like, stuck in a corner. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What does it say on my side on our sign? Bath Reigns, Buff Friends. Oh, Buffering. Hey, Buffering. Hey. Are you the guy from Buff Race? I said, I get that.

[Bobby Lee]

I get that a lot.

[Andrew Santino]

Where's Bobby? Yeah, I don't fucking know. What did that guy do at the. At the shoot? He goes, my friend loves you. That's, like, one of the funniest insult. It's like, such a funny. Hey, but my buddy loves. Can I get a photo? My buddy loves you. I'm like, okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. I hate it.

[Andrew Santino]

And they're like, I don't care about you at all, but my body loves you.

[Bobby Lee]

Or, yeah, you. Sometimes you're at a place and they go, let me send a photo to my buddy because he loves you. Yeah, but it's like, well, then just take it. Send a photo of me, then.

[Andrew Santino]

Take a picture of me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, because I know it's because of you that you want the photo. Yeah, it's. You know, I. Yeah, you think they're being.

[Andrew Santino]

You think they're being. Why would they not just say it's them?

[Carlos]

Ego.

[Bobby Lee]

They want a big dog. Yeah, I'm getting a lot of, like, dinner interrupt interruptions, too.

[Carlos]

Maybe it's a sign of getting more famous.

[Bobby Lee]

Shut the up.

[Carlos]

You haven't reached any. Like, you're not at a peak yet. So you're getting recognized.

[Andrew Santino]

I mean, that is what it is.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Obviously you're getting recognized more.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm not. It's like, I don't even go, what?

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean? What do you mean?

[Bobby Lee]

What do you mean?

[Andrew Santino]

What do you mean?

[Carlos]

Fine, you're not famous.

[Bobby Lee]

Whatever.

[Carlos]

Who cares?

[Bobby Lee]

It's relative. Everything's relative. Yeah, it's like the.

[Andrew Santino]

Are you talking about.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you talking about?

[Andrew Santino]

You just said I'm getting a lot of dinner interruptions. Like, you're. Like. You're Frank Sinatra. No, I'm not getting a lot of dinner interruptions. I can't just get out and smoking, eat with a broad out at night.

[Bobby Lee]

I did it my way, you know, I. No, I get like a. No. Like, I'll get this. Hey, man. My friend dared me, you know, I mean, to take a photo with you. Is it right? I know you're. I'm interrupting dinner, and I'm like, all right, and I'll do it.

[Andrew Santino]

You won't do it if I'm at dinner with you?

[Bobby Lee]

No. Anybody.

[Andrew Santino]

If I'm at dinner with my wife, I would say, please don't interrupt dinner with my family. If you're on a date with your girlfriend, I think it'd be cool to not interrupt the date with your girlfriend. But if it's with, like, people and friends. Yeah, I don't give a. But it's like, you're with your significant other. It's kind of like, I'd like them just a meal with my wife. But if I'm with you and I. Yeah, we'll take photos. We don't give a.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I do it every time. Yeah, I do ballet.

[Andrew Santino]

But it's hard for your girlfriend then, because then they have to stand there, and then it just feels weird. But if it's just friends, I don't take the picture.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I think she. She likes the fact that I'm so generous with my thing.

[Andrew Santino]

No, I think it just interrupts an intimate moment that you might be having.

[Bobby Lee]

I do have a little smirk when I do it. Maybe it's a little cocky thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, of course it's you.

[Bobby Lee]

It's. Can I take a photo? I'm like, excuse me.

[Andrew Santino]

I did it my way.

[Bobby Lee]

I always stand it. I do. I do it my way. I always stand. Do a photo pose.

[Andrew Santino]

Chang Sinatra over here.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You really are.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm changing.

[Andrew Santino]

You're James and Hotra.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But. Yeah, I do. I do. Maybe I do. Ham it up. What? Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You go to Dantana's.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You go to the spots where it's gonna happen, too.

[Bobby Lee]

I do.

[Andrew Santino]

If you go to the door.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. There's this one Italian restaurant. I think it's, like, in.

[Andrew Santino]

Thanks for taking care of me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, Chang Sinatra's here.

[Bobby Lee]

There's this one restaurant where you make reservations. It's over, like, way on the west coast, not, like, on the west side. West side. I mean, West Coast.

[Andrew Santino]

It is the West Coast.

[Bobby Lee]

It is West Coast. And there is. They're known to have paparazzi there. Elephante, I think that is it. Elephante, Santa Monica. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Paparazzi.

[Carlos]

Yeah. It's like.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It's like what the ivy used to be or whatever. It's like where they. Where they, you know, they're gonna be.

[Bobby Lee]

And so I. I never. I've never gotten, like, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap. Right. And ended up in TMZ or whatever. Right. But in this particular situation, I was on a day. This is way before the girlfriend I have now, and she's like, yeah, I can't live this lifestyle. I go, this never happened.

[Andrew Santino]

It happened, though.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I laughed so hard, dude. One time we were walking.

[Bobby Lee]

That was it.

[Andrew Santino]

Oh, wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Look how fat I was. Is that the restaurant?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. It looks like you ate the whole place.

[Bobby Lee]

I tried everything. Yeah. Dude, I look terrible.

[Andrew Santino]

What does it say? It says, Bobby. Bobby, whole menu. Lee steps out for dinner with a

[Bobby Lee]

female companion on a rainy night in la. That was it. What year was that? What, two years ago?

[Andrew Santino]

You're wet and fat. That's tough, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

I was so fat back then.

[Andrew Santino]

Look at how good looking you look now, dude. Skinny.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at us now. You and I now, right down.

[Andrew Santino]

Wow. Look at how sexy. Sexy boys.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, dude. One time, I was leaving Nobu, Malibu, and they were taking pictures of, like, a celebrity, and it was like, I don't know who was coming out. I couldn't see.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And I was like, what the. What's going on over there? And the guy turned a photographer, I can see, like, turns and looks at me, goes, hey, what's up, up? And I was like, hello? And it's right back to taking pictures of whoever.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Santino]

I was just like, I'm not. Whoever it is is famous. I was like, yeah. The camera guy was like. He's like, oh, hey, man, what's up? Whoever. Somebody real. A photo that could make them money.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but you can be. Actually, you can, like, talk to them and be like. And negotiate into what? Into, like, they'll. I'll get off a plane at the LAX and some guy with a camera will come. How do you think of a new controversy that happened?

[Andrew Santino]

TMZ is that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And I always go, hey, hey, dude, come on. I know we know each other for a long time because. Yeah, I got. I'm so tired right now, because I get it, buddy. I get it. And then they just won't, you know, There's a way to negotiate it's. Funny.

[Andrew Santino]

They try to catch people off guard. Eric Andre handles is the best. He's always just, like, mean or weird to them. He's always weird. And it works every time. It works.

[Bobby Lee]

Like what? Let me.

[Andrew Santino]

Let me do a clip of him. It's amazing. Like, Eric Andre of tmz. He's like. He just bullies them back. Unless now he's being nice because he's promoting a movie.

[Carlos]

That's what it looks like. It would be.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Of course, now there's one. There was one of him getting a car, and he just kept asking weirder questions back to the guy. Like, the guy was like, eric, what do you think about this? A controversial thing. He's like, do you like gelato or ice cream? More to the cameraman.

[Bobby Lee]

That's so good.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, Just bounce it back to him.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Then it's like a moot point. That's it.

[Bobby Lee]

It.

[Carlos]

That's just them leaving.

[Bobby Lee]

That's good. Good clip. Dude. What the. It's Eric Andre just walking to a car. What are you getting angry for?

[Andrew Santino]

Why are you getting.

[Bobby Lee]

What are you getting angry for?

[Carlos]

Sorry, I shouldn't have insulted you and Mr. Andre.

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa, dude. You know what?

[Carlos]

He very famous.

[Bobby Lee]

Erica, what about this? Not say anything.

[Andrew Santino]

I do like this. Carlos loose. If something's building up, let it rip.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I did.

[Carlos]

Immediately.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

No, but I mean, what else is going on that I feel like something's drumming up a little bit?

[Carlos]

No, I'm pretty open with you, Andrew.

[Andrew Santino]

Now, I know you are, but is anything rumble bumbling right now between us?

[Bobby Lee]

I think we're good.

[Carlos]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You got me an iced coffee? Yeah, if I owe you money for that.

[Carlos]

Yeah, you do.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

That might be it. He wants that.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that the money? I'll give you the.

[Carlos]

I'm not rumbling about money.

[Andrew Santino]

That's. He's fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's anchor about then.

[Carlos]

You know what it was? I snapped at you because you were insinuating that I was bad at my job. When I would. Was when I made a mistake.

[Andrew Santino]

I did hear that. When I heard just now, seconds ago.

[Carlos]

Yeah. It can make you insecure when your boss, like, makes fun of you in front of your co workers.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, but we asked for a video of Eric Andre responding with, you know.

[Carlos]

Pretty hard to find a video of Eric Andre and the paparazzi, considering he's not even remotely close to, like, Timothy Chamolay.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, okay.

[Carlos]

More famous friends.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, okay. So can I ask you this, then?

[Carlos]

Okay, ask me anything.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. I shouldn't. I shouldn't have said anything.

[Carlos]

No. You know what? I shouldn't have said anything.

[Bobby Lee]

Or should. You should have found good footage.

[Carlos]

It would have taken me more than five seconds, considering.

[Bobby Lee]

We could edit the. Out of this thing, you know, I mean, we could give.

[Carlos]

No, no, no.

[Bobby Lee]

There's. Australia is going to be so fun.

[Carlos]

If I had taken more than 10 seconds, you would have been like, where's the. Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Here's another thing that Jules does that drives me crazy about my animals. What is so Esther Pavinsky.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

For the other day. Oh. I wanted to bring this up the other day I woke up Saturday morning to hearing children play in my backyard. Oh, I know.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

What a terrible. It's like birds is worse. I mean, as bad. But it was children playing in my

[Andrew Santino]

backyard, so, like, joy was going on. And there's pure joy going on.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I walk in and there's three babies in my backyard, in my pool. Esther's kids, two of Esther's kids, and Kalila's kid.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay. Everybody, you know, has a key to his house.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Everyone knows. Literally everyone come in.

[Andrew Santino]

They're the. The. The key maker was like, I can't keep copying this key.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

There's 30 of them out.

[Bobby Lee]

And I was. So I was. I got in my swim trunks. You. Me. My girlfriend came out. Right. I'm swimming, you know, I mean, there's a swimming teacher there, too.

[Andrew Santino]

They hired a full. Like.

[Bobby Lee]

Like a full on swimming.

[Andrew Santino]

What, do you own the ymca?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

What's going on at your house?

[Bobby Lee]

And I sat there and out loud, I said, there's just too much joy here.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It's.

[Andrew Santino]

It's.

[Bobby Lee]

It was pleasant.

[Andrew Santino]

Right, right.

[Bobby Lee]

But if it's. If I had the responsibility of the kids, I don't think I would be as joyful because there's a lot of. Hey, you know, like, don't go there.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not a. Hey, hey. That guy. You would just let them do whatever the. They want.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Eat the dog poop.

[Andrew Santino]

Y. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, the kids pick up stuff.

[Andrew Santino]

Let them do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And so. And. And it's like. But you. The responsibility to do that. I just. It would be stressful.

[Andrew Santino]

It's heavy.

[Bobby Lee]

It's heavy.

[Andrew Santino]

But sometimes if you let the kid eat the dog poop, then they turn out like Micone. They figure it out.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You know, sometimes they figure it out.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

I bet you Fancy's childhood was very, very like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. It was. Look at him, wasn't it? You got yelled at a lot.

[Bobby Lee]

A lot. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

McCone was. Well, maybe if you want to eat the dog, poop and explore, that's okay. If it's gonna. If it's gonna open up your mind, that's good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He was babied like that. You know that?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You see his parents.

[Bobby Lee]

And that's why he treated him like a porg. Like a soft pork.

[Andrew Santino]

Okay, dude, I'm sorry. Why are you killing?

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. I love you, man. Here's. But what. Here's one thing that I missed, though, in life is Esther's kid went to Dave. You know, Dave King.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Her. His husband, his dad.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And the kid goes, daddy, hold on me.

[Carlos]

Right?

[Bobby Lee]

And he's.

[Andrew Santino]

I'll hold you, Chinese little baby.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no, no. It's a baby. Daddy, hold me.

[Andrew Santino]

That's better. That was a white baby.

[Bobby Lee]

That was a white baby. Yeah, you betcha.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a white baby.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he grabbed the baby, and you know that he's teaching the baby to swim. And I'm like, it's cute. This is so cute. I think maybe I'm missing out in a whole.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. New world.

[Carlos]

You are, but you'd have way less money, Aladdin.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. You and I. You and I didn't have kids, and that is a thing that we miss.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But it's a. I just feel like it'll. It's too much of a responsibility for me, maybe.

[Andrew Santino]

I don't know. I think you'd be a great dad, so I don't think it would matter. I think you would learn. I think you'd be so much fun. It would. You would just be a different guy. You'd be a different Bob.

[Bobby Lee]

Daddy, there's a. There's a ghost in my room. And you're like, oh, God.

[Andrew Santino]

Well, I don't. Don't bring it in my room.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. And then you got to check underneath the bed. I think that's fun.

[Andrew Santino]

That's cute. And then you make up a game.

[Bobby Lee]

Him. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

You killed the ghost. You took care of it. Oh, I got the ghost out. I went and got him.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, there's a boogeyman. And then I have my wife. You know, I mean, go check. And then I'm. I'm the boogeyman.

[Carlos]

Girlfriend.

[Bobby Lee]

I dress up in the thing.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, see?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So then it becomes stronger.

[Andrew Santino]

Isn't that fun, though?

[Bobby Lee]

It's fun.

[Andrew Santino]

See, that's a good time. Like, does your wife ever come in there and say, hey, I need you for something? In your middle of cutting sometimes, but not. What would she ask for help of any kind.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, like what?

[Andrew Santino]

Hey, we have a child. They need help with literally anything.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, like what?

[Andrew Santino]

Like get the baby to sleep.

[Bobby Lee]

Why can't you do that?

[Andrew Santino]

Exactly.

[Carlos]

That's what I say.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, you do that.

[Carlos]

Exactly.

[Andrew Santino]

That's that latin lover she loves.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. I would do like, you know, I mean, you gotta drop, you know, I mean, Timmy off at baseball practice at 7 in the morning.

[Andrew Santino]

You're not doing that.

[Bobby Lee]

I am doing that.

[Andrew Santino]

You would hire someone to do it.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I would do it, but then I would be like. But you're picking them up.

[Andrew Santino]

Up you.

[Bobby Lee]

Because I'm gonna sleep when I get back home.

[Andrew Santino]

You wouldn't do that. You just pay someone to do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Pay who?

[Andrew Santino]

There's drivers. What do you mean?

[Carlos]

Yeah, Carlos, I'm not taking care of your kids.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll give you money.

[Carlos]

I don't need money that bad.

[Andrew Santino]

That is so funny. He just shut it down. I get.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, you so rude. I don't wanna. You're being so rude right now. No, pick up my kid. Timmy.

[Carlos]

That's insane. Timmy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Whoa.

[Bobby Lee]

What about you, mccone? I take him up. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Timmy's little in his little bacteria car.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, I get you a new car.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, you'd have to.

[Bobby Lee]

I would have to die. Would die in that car.

[Carlos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

It'll make him stronger.

[Bobby Lee]

It'll smell like this.

[Andrew Santino]

Timmy will trapped underneath like a box of old merch and a chick fil a bag.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

How did the kid die? Under bad friends hoodies.

[Bobby Lee]

And then if you watch the baseball game. Your Timmy's a baseball game?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. Go to t ball game.

[Bobby Lee]

You gotta cheer.

[Andrew Santino]

You have to cheer.

[Bobby Lee]

But you're not really cherished.

[Andrew Santino]

Only when they look at you.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, I'm watching. Daddy's watching.

[Andrew Santino]

What? If we're being honest. Yeah, we did. That is a little thing. We still could. We could adopt, you and I. We could adopt a kid. You know, how about we adopt a kid and we time share it like it's a condo? No, you have it.

[Bobby Lee]

How much is. Can you adopt?

[Carlos]

I'm googling it already with my quick skills.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

God, he's on one today. Which color do you want? 40 to $70,000. To adopt.

[Bobby Lee]

That's how much it costs to get a kid.

[Andrew Santino]

Foster care is the most affordable route. Often zero to $2,000. Well, private domestic, infant and international adoption typically around 40 to $70,000.

[Bobby Lee]

Now that's how much is to get the kid transferred to Your house.

[Andrew Santino]

Unless you adopt from a foster care, which is zero to 2,000.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that would do that. Foster care. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carlos]

But those are rampant with scams. Usually.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but if I go to a legitimate.

[Andrew Santino]

What are you talking.

[Carlos]

You might get. What if you get like a 30

[Andrew Santino]

year old, you get Brad.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, like that movie Imposter. You ever see that movie? Yeah, that documentary.

[Andrew Santino]

That girl was. Was incredible. Oh, another one just came out about a girl that kept going back to high school. Did you see that?

[Carlos]

Never Been Kissed?

[Andrew Santino]

No, no, it's a, it's a, it's a. It was a news article. It's not a movie yet. A girl kept going back to high school and lying in different cities and stuff like that. And she was like 26 years old and a senior in high school.

[Bobby Lee]

Imposter was worse. You know that documentary.

[Andrew Santino]

I know, I know. I'm just saying. But this, this is a real story that just happened as well.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Okay.

[Andrew Santino]

People still trying to pull this off is wild.

[Bobby Lee]

It's wild.

[Andrew Santino]

What is it? A girl keeps. She kept going back. They just kept finding.

[Bobby Lee]

What does she looks like? Well, I want to see what she looks like.

[Andrew Santino]

A K Classman, 28 year old woman who was arrested for enrolling in a Bronx high school, opposing a 16 year old student, 28 years old, and pretended to be 16. And she did it multiple times in different, different districts. That's her.

[Bobby Lee]

I would buy it. 16.

[Andrew Santino]

That girl's not 16 years old.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's crazy. 28 years old. Here's the saddest part.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

She didn't do it for any like nefarious reasons. She's just like sad and lonely and missed her childhood. That's so up and dark. It's not like why would you want

[Bobby Lee]

to go to the worst place imaginable? High school was the darkest years of

[Andrew Santino]

my bullied and she wants.

[Bobby Lee]

So was I. I want to go back.

[Andrew Santino]

No, she wants like to. She wants to make up for the years that didn't work for her.

[Bobby Lee]

Probably.

[Andrew Santino]

It's sad.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

By the way, that's another movie.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Andrew Santino]

Bobby goes back to high school to make up for all the times you were bullied and everything. Now you're the cool king. Now the guy becomes a famous podcaster and comedian, goes back to high school and is the king again.

[Bobby Lee]

Like 22 and a half jump straight

[Andrew Santino]

back to school was incredible. That was so he could get a.

[Bobby Lee]

Say that joke again.

[Andrew Santino]

22 and a half jump street.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they actually.

[Andrew Santino]

They did 21 and a half. Yeah, yeah, they did it.

[Carlos]

They did already.

[Andrew Santino]

They did it. Back to school.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a call. He goes right to college, Right?

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Oh, but with the son.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah. They put a hot tub in his dorm room.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a funny danger from the man.

[Bobby Lee]

He's the man. Downey Jr. Oh, that's right. Right.

[Andrew Santino]

I forget. He's like, the cool art guy. That was before he, like, slid off into the.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Into the midst.

[Bobby Lee]

What? A comeback story.

[Andrew Santino]

Ramis told a story about Caddyshack on day one that the DP set up a shot, and he had got to set, and they were like, all right, let's go. And Ramos was like, let's. I think we should be shooting this way. And the DP was like, what?

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

He's like, what about over there? He's like, because everything is right there. And he turned and he was like, yeah, we could shoot that. That way, too. That's totally fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Like, he. They were so fucked up and out of it. They were just. Every day. They partied all day, every day. And then they had storms in Florida while they were filming, so they would just coop up in a hotel and just do drugs all day, all night. And they're like, we got to film in a day or two. That's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

And also, they would get real money.

[Andrew Santino]

Yeah, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

And half of it would be spent on cocaine drugs. That's awesome. We miss those days.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's make that kind of movie.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, dude. I'll relapse.

[Carlos]

We would naturally just.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna relapse to do a movie. The drug movie.

[Andrew Santino]

No, you're not.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Andrew Santino]

Fine.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Carlos]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

Let's remake Jaws with cocaine.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

That's a big fish.

[Bobby Lee]

And I'm just chewing on shrimp. Cocaine and shrimp just grinding into my teeth.

[Andrew Santino]

The boat never leaves the port.

[Bobby Lee]

It never leaves the port.

[Andrew Santino]

We just do blow on the boat for, like, five days straight. Never leave.

[Bobby Lee]

Meanwhile, he's killed a thousand tourists. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

And hence the beginning of the movie.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

The Amber alert. The kimchi alert begins.

[Bobby Lee]

The kimchi alert. Yeah.

[Andrew Santino]

All right. Thank you for being a bad friend.