Loading summary
Bobby Lee
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?
Andrew Santino
White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two or something. We're bad friends. Yeah. What are you doing with the drink? Give it to the king. God.
Bobby Lee
Give the king his drink, dude. Give the. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Get him a side table to put that on also.
Andrew Santino
Hey, before you do that.
Bobby Lee
Before you do that, clear off that table.
Andrew Santino
Bow. Bow to Tom.
Bobby Lee
Take it all off.
Andrew Santino
Bow to Tom.
Bobby Lee
Bow to him.
Andrew Santino
Bow to Tom first.
Bobby Lee
Bow to him. Say, my liege, I am.
Andrew Santino
My leash.
Bobby Lee
Say, I am so proud to have met you in person, my liege.
Andrew Santino
It's just from my homeland. Sucky, sucky, Saki sucky.
Bobby Lee
Okay, now go. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let him put drinks on your back until Carlos can clear off the table.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Use him at the table. Yeah. Good boy.
Tom Segura
I don't hear anything. No.
Bobby Lee
God damn it.
Andrew Santino
Damn it, man.
Bobby Lee
I think he might have.
Tom Segura
Oh, there we go. Yeah. You just had to.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Did you just. Did you do that?
Tom Segura
You can bring it down a little bit.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
All the way.
Andrew Santino
Pretty hot. That's all right.
Tom Segura
You can bring it down a little.
Andrew Santino
Sorry, sir.
Tom Segura
Thank you.
Bobby Lee
I was like.
Andrew Santino
Are you deaf? Yeah.
Bobby Lee
What?
Tom Segura
Wow.
Andrew Santino
Whoa. What? What? I just got it.
Bobby Lee
I'm trying to insult our guest.
Tom Segura
Fancy Spaniard.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, dude. Number one. We're family. Yeah, that's number one. Number two. He's the king. Number two. Number three, Right? Number three.
Bobby Lee
Andrew's. What kind of death. Watch your tone, bud.
Andrew Santino
Bro.
Bobby Lee
You want to get shipped back? You want ice? You want me to. You want me to send ice?
Andrew Santino
I have a passport now.
Tom Segura
Wow.
Andrew Santino
I'll bring fire. Dude.
Bobby Lee
How long it is funny.
Tom Segura
He is like that. Sounds like he just got. Did you just get the passport?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, two years ago.
Tom Segura
Oh, okay. Okay. It sounded like. It sounded like it arrived last week.
Bobby Lee
No, I have a passport now. No, he did. He took a citizenship test, and he's an American citizen. We're proud of him. Yeah.
Tom Segura
Way to go, man.
Andrew Santino
So I'm not to. Let's introduce our guest.
Bobby Lee
Ladies and gentlemen, our guest today is one of the most powerful, poignant.
Andrew Santino
It's too much.
Bobby Lee
It's a lot. It's Tom Segura. No.
Andrew Santino
Take out poignant. Poignant and powerful.
Bobby Lee
He is powerful and poignant.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
And he has a show out right now on Netflix called Bad Thoughts, which we are going to sue for as a bad friends company. Man.
Tom Segura
It's right there. Right?
Andrew Santino
Are there other words you could have used?
Tom Segura
Yeah, there were awful. 300 awful thoughts. It could have been.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Atrocious thoughts.
Tom Segura
Yep.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Alliteration would have been good. Like tyrannical. Terrible. Terrible thoughts. Well thought. Tyrannosaurus rex.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Synonyms for bad you could have used.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Zoom in. Zoom in.
Bobby Lee
Substandard.
Tom Segura
Unacceptable would have been good.
Bobby Lee
Unacceptable thoughts. Second rate.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Tom Segura
Dreadful.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Dreadful.
Andrew Santino
Not up to par thoughts.
Bobby Lee
Unlucky. Grim thoughts.
Tom Segura
Have you thought about what you're gonna name your special?
Andrew Santino
No, I haven't, Tom.
Tom Segura
It's one of the worst times you can have.
Andrew Santino
I know. I can't think of it.
Bobby Lee
I just did mine.
Andrew Santino
I know. I know. Your. Your title. Say it. Yeah, but I know your title's great.
Tom Segura
There's this thing, too, when you. When you're naming, and they pointed us out to me because we were submitting just dozens of them.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Tom Segura
Every title sounds fake until it's, like, official. Right. When you're. When you're throwing them around, you're like, that sounds like a madeup. That doesn't sound real.
Bobby Lee
Well, ChatGPT says Bobby's comedy spell should be called Tiger Dad. Unfiltered Kimchi. The Slept King. Pork Chop Samurai.
Andrew Santino
Undiagnosed.
Bobby Lee
That's the only one. Trauma Llama. So good.
Tom Segura
I feel like if. If you do go with Still Bobby, you got to do one of these poses.
Andrew Santino
How about this?
Bobby Lee
There.
Tom Segura
You're Still Bobby. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
No, does your title. I was thinking about this because you guys are the pros.
Bobby Lee
Correct.
Andrew Santino
And you guys are better than me.
Bobby Lee
That's right.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Tom Segura
What, as people?
Andrew Santino
You mean people draw better mediums?
Bobby Lee
As people as comics, as friends, as. As actors, as writers, as performers.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Everything.
Andrew Santino
Really? Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You know, take it away.
Tom Segura
Okay. Now go.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
It is so good. Anyway, well, I was going to say, does your title have anything to do with your jokes or your theme? Or can it just be random?
Tom Segura
It can be random.
Andrew Santino
All right. Well, why can't I just do the Slept King?
Tom Segura
You can.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Trauma Llama is more fun.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but I don't have jokes about llamas.
Bobby Lee
I certainly think you could write one. Let's do one right now. Go ahead.
Andrew Santino
What did the llama say to his twin brother? Llama.
Bobby Lee
What did he say?
Tom Segura
You know, because you're open.
Andrew Santino
Right. That's dead. Online.
Tom Segura
Well, the opener is your table setter for the hour, so that's a good way to start the hour, let people know what kind of show they're gonna.
Andrew Santino
Really?
Tom Segura
Sure. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Well, listen, you're my. You're a better friend than me. Right. And you're a better actor and all that stuff he said. Right. But what I'm saying to you is that. Are you being real right now?
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You think that joke I just wrote should be my opening joke for the special?
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Tom Segura
I mean, you might maybe workshop it a little.
Bobby Lee
Do.
Andrew Santino
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for coming, man. My first special, San Diego.
Bobby Lee
Hey.
Andrew Santino
Hey. What's up?
Bobby Lee
Trapping lava.
Andrew Santino
What? Thanks for bringing it up, guy. Right. What did the one llama say? To swim Lava, brother.
Bobby Lee
What did he say?
Andrew Santino
What?
Tom Segura
Everybody's laughing.
Bobby Lee
Losing it, dude.
Andrew Santino
I'm losing it.
Bobby Lee
My favorite thing you said is it's the table setting for the entire special. And it made me think immediately. I know that's a turn of phrase, but how? Bobby has literally never set a table his entire life.
Andrew Santino
I went to etiquette school.
Bobby Lee
No, you didn't.
Andrew Santino
There's a paper in Poway. I have a clipping of it of me going to etiquette school. They took a photo of me.
Bobby Lee
Why did they take a photo of you going to etiquette school?
Andrew Santino
Because I didn't know what a fork was.
Tom Segura
How old were you?
Andrew Santino
12 or something. And so I was like, there's so. Yeah, it was like that. And I picked up a fork. What? Not me. Oh, I was thinking of a fork, like, looking at it like, this is a fork. I mean. And I was like, dude, you went.
Bobby Lee
To etiquette class for how long? Be honest.
Andrew Santino
For like a year. We also learned dancing. Ballroom dancing.
Bobby Lee
Shut up.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Tom Segura
You know what's so funny is that you have none of. None of that is in you or about. Like, I've. You know, I love you and I've. And I've introduced you to different people in my life. And all of them are like, where's this alien from? Like, within minutes, they're like this.
Andrew Santino
No, no, off. Tom, I think it's your projection because I'm gonna say something. I'll tell you why. We were in Toronto backstage.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And he said the same exact. Privately, he goes, where are you from? You're so weird.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And I think that's his own projection. I think I'm normal.
Bobby Lee
Wait, why are you saying he's not projecting? Yeah, why? What would he be projecting?
Andrew Santino
Cuz he's weird.
Bobby Lee
No, I don't think so, dude.
Andrew Santino
You don't think that's weird?
Bobby Lee
I think he's. He's about as. He's about as low weird on the weird scale as you are the highest of the weird.
Tom Segura
What's weird about me, though?
Andrew Santino
Oh, it's weird that you're Peruvian me. But you look like a white guy.
Tom Segura
Okay, that's kind of weird. Sure.
Andrew Santino
I would say, right?
Bobby Lee
It was interesting, not weird.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
That's more interesting than weird.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
That's like. Oh, you're proving. Proving that's interesting. I didn't know that.
Andrew Santino
No. The only guy that lost weight that looks worse.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Tom Segura
Okay.
Bobby Lee
You see what he's doing? And by the. By the way you look, right. He tried to go to battle with Shane Gillis. Didn't end well, so.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, well. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, here's another thing that you're weird.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
You. You. You surprise me.
Tom Segura
That's weird.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, because it's like you're dynamic, but, you know, you hide your talents.
Bobby Lee
What are you talking about?
Andrew Santino
I don't know. I'm just.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, it's not working. Yeah, he's not weird. Look, Carlos.
Tom Segura
Weird.
Bobby Lee
He's weird, man. We know what weird is. We have it all over. Look at the window of weirdos.
Andrew Santino
He said alien.
Bobby Lee
You are quite alien.
Andrew Santino
So I walk into, like, a dinner. Like.
Tom Segura
But here's the thing. You. You take this. You always get defensive. Like it's a. Like it's a critique.
Bobby Lee
Right?
Tom Segura
But what I'm saying is that it's a celebration, like, when people meet you. Like, I. We've. We've toured together. You came and did bad thought. You did an episode of Bad Thoughts with me.
Andrew Santino
I have another thing that I let him finish. Okay. But go ahead.
Tom Segura
So, like, in. In both scenarios, you know, like, I go like, oh, here, this is my friend Bobby's great comic. And everyone, you know, it's like, oh, cool. Always, if not within the first 20 minutes, within the first few hours, people pull me aside and they're like, yo, this guy's out of his fucking mind.
Bobby Lee
Dude. Story my fucking life. It's got to be right every day of my life.
Tom Segura
And why does he react this way, though?
Bobby Lee
He pretends this is an act. It's a. He does this because he wants. This is him ramping up. You know how, like, somebody ramps up. Yeah, he's ramping up silently. Look at him. Go ahead and say what you want to say back. He's not critiquing you. He's just giving you the real world.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Tom Segura
Okay.
Andrew Santino
People used to call me eccentric.
Bobby Lee
Eccentric, whatever it is. Yeah, that's a one. And expresso.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And espresso. Eccentric.
Bobby Lee
Can you get me espresso? I'm an egg centric. That's what you should call your special eccentric espresso.
Andrew Santino
All right. Water.
Bobby Lee
Did A Rama, save towards the queen.
Andrew Santino
Brother, you're on fire today. So women used to go, you're eccentric. And I Googled it, and I don't think that I'm any of that.
Bobby Lee
You are eccentric. We've looked it up on this show.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
So unconventional and slightly strange.
Andrew Santino
But that's about. That's about. That's about society. Like, society tells you how to behave one way, right.
Tom Segura
Not everybody is weird about you. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That's what. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Here's the deal. You are eccentric. We love. That's what we like about you.
Tom Segura
It's the most fun thing.
Andrew Santino
But I honestly. Can I just say. Oh, can I just. I honestly think that I'm normal for you.
Bobby Lee
You are.
Andrew Santino
That when I wake up, I go, oh, normal. You know what I mean? Like, no, I don't do that.
Tom Segura
You wear a mask.
Andrew Santino
No, I don't do that. No, no, no. I go, oh, good morning. No, I go, oh, morning. Yeah, yeah. Like that. Okay.
Bobby Lee
Can I give you an example? Okay, here's the deal.
Andrew Santino
I don't like this.
Bobby Lee
If I said to my mom and dad in Chicago, if I said, tom Seguro's coming over for dinner tonight, they'd go, oh, wow, awesome. Oh, my God. And then if I say. When I said, bobby, Mom, Dad, Bobby's coming home for dinner, my mom goes, really? What? Is he. Okay, that's a fact. They were there. All right.
Andrew Santino
When I went to your fucking Thanksgiving fucking dinner, right?
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Wasn't I polite?
Bobby Lee
You were. And I joined my fucking. You were sitting on.
Andrew Santino
I am.
Bobby Lee
You were putting on.
Andrew Santino
I am.
Bobby Lee
You were putting.
Andrew Santino
Who? I am, dude. I'm a normal dude.
Bobby Lee
How much of an act was he fucking putting on? It was unbelievable.
Tom Segura
You were watching football with his dad.
Bobby Lee
It's such bullshit.
Andrew Santino
Because that's what I do in my normal life.
Bobby Lee
He's such a liar.
Tom Segura
You've watched football before.
Andrew Santino
No, no, but, like. But it's like all the Kansas City Chiefs are playing the. Philadelphia. Philadelphia.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Right. Yeah. And you know. Because they should change the name.
Bobby Lee
No, they did.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
They changed it. Philadelphia. Philadelphia.
Andrew Santino
Skyhawks. Whatever.
Tom Segura
They are Skyhawks.
Andrew Santino
So. Yeah.
Tom Segura
It's so close.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. So. Yeah.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I think it's Eagles. Hey. There we go.
Tom Segura
You got it.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Name me some football.
Bobby Lee
You want to guess? Pittsburgh.
Andrew Santino
Steelers.
Bobby Lee
Very good.
Tom Segura
Very good.
Andrew Santino
Detroit Lions.
Tom Segura
Chicago. Got to know that.
Andrew Santino
Bears.
Bobby Lee
Arizona. That's a tricky.
Andrew Santino
Cardinals.
Bobby Lee
Oh, that's good. Wow. You know, all them all.
Andrew Santino
So. That's my point. I'm. I act like this in show business areas.
Bobby Lee
Good for You.
Andrew Santino
Right. So, like, you know, I met Chuck Lori the other day. You know what I mean?
Bobby Lee
Brag. Big brag. Big brag.
Tom Segura
Was it a general? Like, was it a.
Andrew Santino
No, we were just hanging out.
Bobby Lee
Where?
Tom Segura
Oh, we were just hanging out, me and Chuck Lori.
Andrew Santino
And I act weird around him because I'm like, use me as innocent come five and a half guys or whatever.
Bobby Lee
You. Right.
Andrew Santino
And so it's like, I act. I can see myself. Like, my brother does it. My brother acts weird in front of you. He. He's. That's not who he is.
Bobby Lee
Right. I've seen both sides of your brother.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. So it's like. I think that I kind of, like, accentuate certain things.
Bobby Lee
You play it up, right?
Tom Segura
Yeah. That's normal, though.
Andrew Santino
Thank you so much.
Tom Segura
Okay.
Andrew Santino
I have a qualm with you.
Tom Segura
Tell me.
Andrew Santino
Okay, okay. This fool, right? You know, I don't. I'll bring it up privately.
Bobby Lee
No, do it now. You might as well do it now.
Andrew Santino
That look was fucking. You have a look now, Dan.
Tom Segura
Now.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your look now is improved dramatically.
Bobby Lee
What do you mean?
Andrew Santino
He can look at me with an eye or both eyes, if you may. And. And you can go just in one eye. Shut the up.
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah, but I wasn't doing that.
Bobby Lee
He didn't do that, though.
Tom Segura
I didn't do that.
Bobby Lee
Tell me. What the.
Tom Segura
I'm curious as to what your qual.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Oh, check this out. Dude, this is so funny.
Andrew Santino
What?
Bobby Lee
Here's here. I'm Bobby, making it up.
Andrew Santino
No, I'm not. I'm not making. I'm not making it.
Bobby Lee
I'm making it up right now in my head. Making it up. I'm making it up. I'm making it up right now in my head. Go.
Andrew Santino
I'm not gonna say it.
Tom Segura
Oh, come on.
Bobby Lee
Come on, dude, don't do this. Just do it.
Tom Segura
What's your qualm?
Bobby Lee
Please.
Andrew Santino
What did. So what the qualm was that? You called me.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Hey, I'm doing a project, right. And I go. And you called me facetime. So then I went to your bad thoughts thing.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And I went to the director. I'm like, oh, of the project that you're doing. And I go, I'm in it. Right? He's like, we'll see.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Tom Segura
I don't understand.
Bobby Lee
Hold on one second. I'm just gonna. Who said I'm gonna give this story the light? Is this. Is that it?
Tom Segura
Wait, that went to the premiere? That's what you're saying?
Bobby Lee
And you were worried. You weren't in it? You're in the show.
Andrew Santino
No, it was a different project.
Bobby Lee
Oh, what?
Andrew Santino
The movie?
Tom Segura
The movie.
Andrew Santino
You called me a movie. And then when I went to the. And talked to the director, he made it seem like I wasn't in it.
Bobby Lee
Maybe you're not.
Tom Segura
What did he say?
Andrew Santino
He goes, we'll. Maybe he was joking, like we're gonna have auditioning or something, but you know what I mean. Yeah.
Tom Segura
Interesting.
Bobby Lee
Were you good in the movie, do you think?
Andrew Santino
We haven't done it yet, so.
Bobby Lee
What the are you talking about?
Tom Segura
He's. He's talking about that there's a movie coming up.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Tom Segura
That your offer is coming this week for.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Tom Segura
And.
Andrew Santino
And he's. Oh, wow. You know, I believe that. Yeah. He'll turn it down, but he might. You know how he does.
Bobby Lee
He might.
Andrew Santino
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Well, you know what? Not. We can't all do Karate Ghost.
Tom Segura
Karate Ghost.
Bobby Lee
Dude. This guy.
Tom Segura
What's Karate Ghost?
Bobby Lee
My favorite thing about Bobby. Sometimes Bobby's like, don't do the Asian accent anymore, man. I'm trying to get away from that kind of shit. And I'm like, okay, fine.
Tom Segura
I.
Bobby Lee
What'd you do this week? He's like, I shot Karate Ghost.
Andrew Santino
What is that, deadline? Yeah, it's not deadline.
Bobby Lee
Belushi, Bobby Lee and who else? Tim Rosin, Colton, Gobo. Those are fake names. Those are. AI.
Andrew Santino
Well, that dude right there is in the new Karate Kid movie.
Bobby Lee
I know, buddy. I'm just teasing.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Tom Segura
Wait, so have you. Is this.
Andrew Santino
I shot it already.
Tom Segura
And Steve.
Andrew Santino
How. He's in it, too.
Tom Segura
Is it just your voice?
Andrew Santino
No, no, I'm literally in it, but.
Bobby Lee
Stop it.
Andrew Santino
What the.
Bobby Lee
It's a good movie. It's gonna be big.
Tom Segura
How was it, Steve?
Bobby Lee
How? He's in it. By the way, here's how I know Steve. How he's in it.
Andrew Santino
What?
Bobby Lee
Steve. How? He called me. I was at the gym and he. They called me to say, hey, man, did Bobby change his number? I can't get through to him at all. I was like, you got the right number, bud.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, Yeah. I texted him back, though.
Bobby Lee
You did? At. Finally.
Andrew Santino
We called. Yeah, I called him. Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Set in a town ruled by an absurd karate law, the film watches a lonely teen form an unlikely bond with the ghost of his late father's favorite action hero. Is that right?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Tom Segura
And then you're the. You're the fake.
Andrew Santino
No, I play a sensei. I do think Asian. I do think Asian.
Tom Segura
I was going to say, how's your English in it? Is It. The kind we all want to hear.
Andrew Santino
The. You all right?
Bobby Lee
But it's based on a popular comic book, right? In the video game.
Andrew Santino
So here's the deal, okay? I fucking look at you in that IMDb photo.
Tom Segura
That's great, man. Down there.
Bobby Lee
This guy's killing it, man.
Tom Segura
Yeah, that one.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That was from a long time ago. 1996.
Bobby Lee
That's when VH1 was still on the air.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Tom Segura
So handsome.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Anyway, this is what happened, Tom.
Tom Segura
Kick punch.
Andrew Santino
I had to fly.
Tom Segura
You had a. Tell me. You had what?
Andrew Santino
Come on, dude. I feel so defenseless. I being. I'm being bullied by both of you.
Bobby Lee
Do you deserve this?
Andrew Santino
I do.
Bobby Lee
I think you do.
Andrew Santino
I do.
Bobby Lee
Go ahead.
Andrew Santino
I apologize.
Bobby Lee
That's fine.
Andrew Santino
Okay. I didn't show up to a meeting.
Tom Segura
You. Yeah, what was it, at noon or something?
Andrew Santino
You're like, it's 10aM in the morning.
Bobby Lee
10, 10:30. Carlos and I were on the phone with Ireland. We were zooming with Ireland doing morning press, and they were like, where's Bobby? Is Bobby. Is Bobby gonna be coming with you?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I was like, well, he's not at my house. We have two separate homes, so I don't know where. And they're like, really? Can you get a hold of Bobby? And I was like, I can't. We can't get a hold of Bobby.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. How mad were you?
Bobby Lee
We had this plan.
Andrew Santino
How mad were you?
Bobby Lee
I said, you're right, Irishman. We have had this plan for weeks. Yeah. I can't believe Bobby's not on the call. I was like, I can't either. You know what, dude? He never does stuff like this. And the Irishman goes, ah, that's so disappointing that I thought we'd get you together and you'd be goofing together. And I said, me, too. Me too, bud. Me too.
Andrew Santino
I know. How many times I have to fucking apologize for it. Karate Ghost.
Bobby Lee
Can we not talk about Karate Ghost?
Tom Segura
You didn't even tell me, by the way.
Andrew Santino
What? About what?
Tom Segura
Well, you. I. You had asked me and. And, you know, about. About you and bad thoughts and, like, is it funny? Is it good? And I was like. And then I was like, thank you so much for doing it. Did you watch it?
Bobby Lee
The. You know he didn't watch it.
Tom Segura
You didn't watch it?
Bobby Lee
No fucking chance.
Tom Segura
You didn't watch yourself?
Andrew Santino
No. Well, so what happened? Was this.
Tom Segura
Okay, what happened?
Andrew Santino
I'll tell you what happened. So Gilbert from Tiger Belly.
Bobby Lee
Correct.
Andrew Santino
I made him watch it. So he saw the whole show.
Bobby Lee
So you Paid another guy to watch your scene for you.
Tom Segura
And.
Andrew Santino
And then before. Because, you know. And he goes, your sketches is not as strong, you know, as the other sketches.
Bobby Lee
Is it your fault?
Andrew Santino
I know. Just listen to what I'm saying, Tom. I don't want it when you roll around. All right? So what I'm saying is that. And so I'm like, oh, but I have to say, I've gotten a lot of taxes. How great I was in it.
Tom Segura
You're so funny in it.
Andrew Santino
So my point is, is that. Thank you so much.
Tom Segura
Okay. You were. You were really great in it, honestly.
Andrew Santino
Thank you.
Bobby Lee
Why didn't you want to watch it?
Andrew Santino
Andrew, do you watch everything you're in?
Bobby Lee
No, but I watch everything you're in.
Andrew Santino
I know. And I watch Nicky. Nicky.
Bobby Lee
Did you.
Andrew Santino
Nicky Stinky?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. What's it about?
Andrew Santino
It's about golf, baby.
Bobby Lee
That's right.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Very good. Say less.
Andrew Santino
Anyway, so I don't watch things that I'm in.
Bobby Lee
Me neither.
Andrew Santino
Right. But sometimes I force myself to. Yeah. I mean, I'm trapped into it.
Tom Segura
You're gonna be happy with yourself in this one day when you see it. You're very funny in it.
Andrew Santino
Also, if. If it was shown at the premiere, I would have been forced to watch it. But it's like. But based on the other sketches on the show, let me say it's this, okay? I was talking to my date about it, and I go, number one, I've never seen anything like it. Okay. Number two, it shot like a film. Number three, it's crazy funny. So what I'm saying is, is that thank you for putting me in it.
Tom Segura
Yeah, Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I think it's. It's prestigious, and I want to say that congratulations.
Tom Segura
Okay, thanks, buddy.
Bobby Lee
Jesus Christ. Listen up to me.
Andrew Santino
No, listen. You listen to me.
Bobby Lee
You listen to me.
Andrew Santino
All right, I will.
Bobby Lee
I'm going to tell you about the only gift that any dad wants to get this Father's Day. Get him Gold Belly. Gold Belly ships the most iconic foods from the best restaurants across the country straight to his door for free. Like this Chicago's finest new Luma luminaries.
Andrew Santino
And also, can I just say, during the pandemic, I survived with the gold Belly. I got pies from North Carolina, I got cakes from New York, and I got these pizzas from Chicago. You get the best from all over the United States of America, and it delivers your house. And, you know, it comes. Some of it comes frozen.
Bobby Lee
That's right.
Andrew Santino
And it's easily microwavable or baked in your oven. Right. And it's you get delicious foods from all over the country. And wow. I'm we're just trying to open your world.
Bobby Lee
We just want to open your world. Don't say contained to your little bubble in your little neighborhood of the three restaurants you always go to, there's an ease of shipping and a quality of food that is like no other. You can get anything from anywhere pretty much on gold belly. So if you're looking to make dad feel like an absolute legend this father's day, or you just want to impress your friends and family with an epic meal, next time you Host, go to GoldBelly.com and get free shipping and 20% off your first order with promo code BAD FRIEND.
Andrew Santino
That's Gold Belly.com code BAD FRIENDS for free shipping and 20% off your 1st order.
Bobby Lee
Old belly baby. Shopify. Cha ching cha ching ching cha ching cha ching.
Andrew Santino
Upgrade your business again. Get the same checkout we use with Shopify. You know, we have an online business. We would not have one without Shopify.
Bobby Lee
That's exactly.
Andrew Santino
Nobody, nobody does it better than Shopify. And it's the humble. It's the home of the number one.
Bobby Lee
Checkout on the planet and the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%. You know, there's these companies like allbirds, you know, the shoes I love birds and stuff like that.
Andrew Santino
Skims.
Bobby Lee
Skims is great too. And you think great business, great business, great business. But what's really going on behind them? The business behind the business.
Andrew Santino
Shopify. Shopify.
Bobby Lee
It's Shopify.
Andrew Santino
So if you're into growing your business like we all are, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere else in between.
Bobby Lee
So upgrade your business and get the same checkout that Skims and Allbirds uses right now. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period@shopify.com Bad friends all lowercase.
Andrew Santino
You guys just got to go to shopify.com all lowercase bad friends to upgrade your selling today.
Bobby Lee
Go to shopify.combadfriends to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com bad friends. The NBC Nightly News legacy isn't handed.
Andrew Santino
Down or NBC News. I'm Tom Brokaw.
Bobby Lee
I hope to see you back here.
Andrew Santino
I'm Lester Holt.
Tom Segura
It's carried forward.
Andrew Santino
Tom Yama is there for us.
Bobby Lee
Firefighters are still working around the clock. As the world changes, we look for what endures.
Andrew Santino
We are coming on the air with breaking news right now.
Bobby Lee
We look for A constant.
Tom Segura
And from one era to the next, trust is the anchor for NBC Nightly News.
Andrew Santino
I'm Tom Yamas. A new chapter begins.
Tom Segura
NBC Nightly News with Tom Yamas.
Andrew Santino
Evenings on NBC.
Bobby Lee
We're not doing that movie anyway.
Andrew Santino
I was considering it.
Bobby Lee
No chance, Andrew.
Andrew Santino
Promise. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. You know, when he chases. This is a funny. I bet you. I. I wonder if your guys do this, like, after the show's done, you know, we're done, we're wrapping up, we're saying goodbye, and then he'll. They'll follow you to your car to ask you one thing. Not in front of everybody else. Yeah. He's like, andrew, Andrew. And he chased me to the parking lot. I go, what's up, man? He's like, well, just wondering. And as he's doing this, I'm getting into my car. I'm already gone. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm leaving. You know what I mean? It's like a kid being like, when will you be back, dad? I'm like, I'm not coming back, buddy. Your mom has you now. And he goes, we. Maybe. Do you think you will be in that movie? Maybe. What did I say?
Andrew Santino
I say yes.
Bobby Lee
I said, of course I will.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but you're not.
Tom Segura
This is a movie.
Andrew Santino
There's no way.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, there's no fucking way.
Andrew Santino
He went to film school.
Bobby Lee
Total fucking bullshit.
Andrew Santino
We had a real director here two weeks ago.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. We had David Mammon sitting in. David Manning to work with this fucking guy. Yeah, we are. We're going to do your movie. And I can't wait to do it. I'm excited to do it, Andrew.
Tom Segura
I hope you consider the movie that we're.
Bobby Lee
I've heard. I don't know, man. You know what? But I am very excited to even. We don't have that. You have to. Have to tell me. No one's told me anything.
Tom Segura
No, it's coming this week.
Bobby Lee
Oh, it is.
Tom Segura
I swear to you. Okay.
Andrew Santino
Wait, are you being fucking. No. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. Right. And I don't like your mischievous smile.
Bobby Lee
Why?
Andrew Santino
Okay. Are you saying to me this? Okay, tell me and I'll be open. Yes. And I'll accept it.
Tom Segura
Okay.
Andrew Santino
What you're telling me, Mr. Segura, is that you're going to offer him a part in your movie. Okay.
Tom Segura
Yes.
Andrew Santino
Through his agency.
Tom Segura
Yes.
Andrew Santino
Right. Are my agents going to call me? You're going to audition for it? I. To be honest, because we're friends. I love you so much. I love you, too. We did Indian seances in Canada. Right. We've gone through so much together.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
What are you asking? Ultimately, what are you asking?
Andrew Santino
Am I going to get an offer?
Bobby Lee
Oh, you want to get an offer for the movie?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, because you're getting one.
Bobby Lee
We don't know that.
Andrew Santino
He just said it.
Bobby Lee
We don't know that.
Andrew Santino
Okay, hypothetically, would I get one? Not hypothetically. Am I getting one?
Tom Segura
I don't know yet. I. Because I.
Bobby Lee
Why?
Andrew Santino
Did a good job at that thought.
Tom Segura
Not like that. It's not like that.
Bobby Lee
You don't understand.
Tom Segura
You don't. There's a lot of. It's not me going. Him. Yes, him. No, it's not like that.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you. I don't think I. You don't think I know how movies work?
Tom Segura
Well, then why are you yelling?
Andrew Santino
Look at my IMDb guy.
Bobby Lee
Let's look at. Let's check out his IMDb.
Andrew Santino
Oh, here we go. Now you're gonna shame me.
Bobby Lee
Dude, what's your problem? He's probably. You're probably gonna get something. You never know.
Tom Segura
Okay, let's see this imdbl.
Andrew Santino
No, just kidding. Sorry.
Bobby Lee
Look at that. Stacked. Stacked.
Tom Segura
So many.
Bobby Lee
What else do you need?
Tom Segura
God damn.
Bobby Lee
Look at that right there. Kicking it. Old school. Chili Chill. I mean, it never ends.
Tom Segura
What's your favorite thing that's on there? Do you have one favorite?
Bobby Lee
He's got to fix the. Mikey.
Andrew Santino
Bad thoughts.
Tom Segura
Oh, stop.
Andrew Santino
Hello. I know. Listen, I'm being real. Yeah, let's be real for a second. I know how the biz works. And.
Bobby Lee
Do you.
Andrew Santino
He's a great actor.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And I understand why you would. And I'll catch you on the flip side. Yeah, I'll catch you on the flip side.
Tom Segura
But it's not like. It's definitely not like.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, no, it's. But, you know, I'm gonna talk.
Bobby Lee
Can I cut this off and change this.
Andrew Santino
Change the subject.
Bobby Lee
I want to say something.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Let's get real.
Bobby Lee
We are a little heartbroken. We do. We do miss you. It's a little annoying that everyone left us. Can we be honest and tell our friends everybody left us. We're here alone on this little island.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Also, it's gonna die out there.
Bobby Lee
Oh, he. Yeah, he's been. He's been. He's trying to curse it.
Tom Segura
Well, he was telling me that in 2020.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Tom Segura
He's like, you don't feel the fucking wave coming back here right now? And I go, no, no.
Andrew Santino
I did say that. Huh?
Tom Segura
Oh, you did.
Andrew Santino
No. You know what? I think we're jealous.
Bobby Lee
It's not jealous. We miss our friends. I miss.
Andrew Santino
That's the thing. It's like when the. Half the community moves you. I mean, you. It's like Game of Thrones.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Tom Segura
It was so fun, by the way, to be in the store the other night when we ran into each other. Yeah, that was such a fun night.
Andrew Santino
That was a fun night.
Bobby Lee
Felt like the old days.
Andrew Santino
The old days, you know, I mean, I remember when Rogan was there. You, all these guys, you know what I mean?
Bobby Lee
Seth.
Andrew Santino
Seth Rogen. Yeah, yeah. And all those guys. You're so quick today.
Bobby Lee
Thanks, man.
Andrew Santino
God, you're so good.
Bobby Lee
Now you turn it up.
Andrew Santino
Good sleep?
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Did you?
Andrew Santino
Not really.
Bobby Lee
I can tell.
Andrew Santino
Why?
Bobby Lee
Because your demeanor.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my demeanor's off.
Bobby Lee
You're slower today. You sound slurry.
Andrew Santino
Really?
Bobby Lee
It's early for you.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it's early for me.
Tom Segura
Wait, how. This is early.
Bobby Lee
Very early.
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
Too early.
Bobby Lee
We know.
Tom Segura
What's a normal wake up time? I know we've talked about it, but I don't remember.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, no, when I have nothing. Yeah, when I. When. When I have nothing to do. Right? So when I have nothing.
Bobby Lee
Dude. How funny is that? How funny is that for you to say that to me in front of my. When. When I have nothing to do? We have so much going on and it's so funny. What he's saying is when Andrew has all the stuff to do and I don't do any of it, I get to fucking sleep till 5. It's amazing.
Tom Segura
That's insane, bro.
Bobby Lee
He sleeps till 4pm and then we shoot at 6 or 7pm Usually.
Andrew Santino
I don't have children.
Bobby Lee
Neither do I.
Andrew Santino
We have.
Bobby Lee
We have jobs.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Tom Segura
Wait, so what, to get up at 4? What time did you go to sleep, though?
Andrew Santino
Well, last night, for instance, if I may. Yeah, you know what I mean?
Tom Segura
You may.
Andrew Santino
All right, so I'm playing. So I'm playing. I was playing Oblivion but watching House of the Dragon at the same time.
Bobby Lee
Oh, double down.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I was doubling down again.
Bobby Lee
I love it.
Andrew Santino
But with Oblivion, I could just wander.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
You don't need to really be pick up mushrooms, you know, I mean, you.
Bobby Lee
Know, you're foraging and stuff.
Andrew Santino
Well, I'm an alchemist, right. In the game. So like I like making potions and stuff, you know what I mean?
Bobby Lee
You're quite the alchemist in the real world as well.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And then taking Grand Soul Gems, trigger the Black Soul Gems, you know, I mean, why are you.
Tom Segura
But you are slurring. Is that from a thing?
Andrew Santino
I haven't slept Good. Last night.
Tom Segura
Okay. It's not like a neurological condition or something?
Andrew Santino
Are you being real right now? You think I'm slurring?
Tom Segura
Well, you said I pick up mushrooms.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you did. Okay, he is right.
Andrew Santino
Or I'll be more clear then.
Tom Segura
Okay, okay.
Andrew Santino
All right, so what I'm gonna say. This will make dumb. Let me finish. Let me finish. Okay. So then. Then the birds. Tweet, tweet, chirp, chirp.
Bobby Lee
Very good.
Andrew Santino
Right.
Bobby Lee
Sounds like I'm teaching you English.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, you're right. I literally had one hour of sleep last night.
Tom Segura
Wait a minute.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Tom Segura
So what? Wait, you're playing the game? The movies on TV show. TV show. And then what it show? It's 5, 6am Later.
Andrew Santino
5, 6am okay. And then I go. Bath time.
Bobby Lee
He takes a bath. He loves morning baths.
Andrew Santino
So I have buckets in the bathtub. And also my tree. Tea oil.
Bobby Lee
Tea tree.
Andrew Santino
Whatever.
Bobby Lee
We're gonna figure it all out.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Tom Segura
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Tea tree, tea tree.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. So I had one hour of sleep, so I'm like, really tired. Right.
Bobby Lee
Did you go on a date? Were you going to date last night, though?
Andrew Santino
No, no date.
Bobby Lee
Don't lie.
Andrew Santino
Swear to God.
Tom Segura
Wait, so the bath is over around 7, 8am Then, then do you get.
Andrew Santino
It's called a Korean ritual.
Tom Segura
Okay.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Tom Segura
Do you get body scrub too? You got scrubbed.
Andrew Santino
So I have two scrubbers. One for my feet.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And the one for all my whole body.
Bobby Lee
What are the buckets for? In the tub?
Andrew Santino
Because when you do. Yeah, right. Then I take the bucket, fill it with warm water and I pour it over my back.
Tom Segura
Oh, wow, you're super Korean.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
I lay there, listen to music, and then by the time. Then it's 10.
Tom Segura
Then it's 10.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Then it's now it's 10, man. Now it's 11. Right.
Bobby Lee
That's when I'm on the call with Ireland.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly. And then what happens is I hear my dogs.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
In the backyard. Because my bedroom, you have a pool and a really nice backyard.
Tom Segura
Yeah. I mean, you don't have to flex that hard.
Bobby Lee
He does too.
Andrew Santino
Ozembeck. I took a shot.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, we know.
Andrew Santino
And now I'm like, oh, my God, the dogs are running around. I'm right.
Bobby Lee
They're hungry. They have to eat and piss.
Andrew Santino
And so then I double check my phone to see if the alarm is on. It was.
Bobby Lee
It was on. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And then I went to sleep.
Bobby Lee
Okay.
Andrew Santino
So what's up? What's up? What do you. You got A problem with that.
Bobby Lee
So that's about 11:30 or so.
Tom Segura
That's a normal day. You're not a weird guy.
Andrew Santino
But normally, like, for instance, the karate ghost week.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Well, you're filming is a different thing.
Andrew Santino
So if I have a 5am call time, I'm there.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Tom Segura
I was gonna say, how do you. How hard is it for you to pivot when you're working in a production and you.
Andrew Santino
I don't sleep.
Tom Segura
You just don't.
Andrew Santino
I just show up. Like, no sleep.
Tom Segura
So you show up and then.
Andrew Santino
But then if I have two days in a row, then that night I'll sleep at 7.
Tom Segura
Right. You'll just pass.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And he knows the lines.
Tom Segura
Yeah, He's a pro.
Andrew Santino
I do. I know my lines.
Bobby Lee
Show up knowing the lines. That is a fact.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Show up knowing the lines and he shows up on time, you know.
Andrew Santino
You know, I'm getting better at though, memorizing lines when I'm there.
Bobby Lee
It's giving you more incentive to not memorize lines.
Andrew Santino
No, no, I'm just saying I still memorize them. But there was one day where I was like, I was so tired. I'll just do it in the morning. Right, right. It was a lot of pages. Oh, and I could just do it quickly. What? What?
Bobby Lee
You're really solidifying your offer from the new movie.
Tom Segura
Well, yeah, that's just. I just get panicked if you're like.
Andrew Santino
Well, you're the lead. You're number one on the call sheet for that. Yeah, yeah. So you have a lot of lines.
Tom Segura
That's true.
Andrew Santino
And that horror movie did really good.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, I think that not the best number.
Andrew Santino
What was that movie called?
Tom Segura
What? The one that I had a role in.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, you were like the VHS clerk.
Tom Segura
Oh, Countdown.
Andrew Santino
Countdown.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, bring it up. I want to see a photo.
Andrew Santino
I love that movie.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
When I saw Cigar because I watched.
Bobby Lee
Every horror type in his name with the Countdown actually that the.
Tom Segura
The scene for me went, is there he is. No, but this look at the acting. The scene with the next to it.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Tom Segura
And the cell phone store that goes like. That's like even like hood clips over. You play it. Because people love a customer service guy being like, hey, off.
Andrew Santino
I love. I love. Honestly, I love drew mov scenes in that movie.
Tom Segura
Oh, thanks, man.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, thanks.
Bobby Lee
But yeah, that is on hood clips. 100%. That's World Star's favorite.
Tom Segura
They're like, hey. And then people comment like, well, she deserves it. She was talking.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, deserve that. Get up on my man's face.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, man.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Too much. You did it.
Bobby Lee
I know, but it was. We're doing it in context. You know what I mean?
Andrew Santino
Oh. What?
Bobby Lee
No, that's good.
Andrew Santino
All right. Okay.
Bobby Lee
You know my favorite thing to watch, by the way? It's graduation season and black graduation is the greatest thing in the world. Have you watched black high school?
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
They're losing their mind. I love most fun I've ever seen.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Tom Segura
I love where it was like all women just.
Bobby Lee
Oh, bro.
Tom Segura
Absolutely.
Bobby Lee
Going off chaos. Give me videos. Go to YouTube. Go to YouTube and just do Black Graduation Celebration.
Tom Segura
Oh, it's. Yeah, it's wild. And then sometimes it goes from these incredible, like dance, you know, like celebratory things to just an all out riot.
Bobby Lee
Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a fist fight. Yeah, it's a. Yeah, amazing.
Tom Segura
Yeah, amazing.
Andrew Santino
You know they call that, huh? Joy.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Joy and happiness.
Andrew Santino
You went to college, Tom.
Bobby Lee
Look at this. Look. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey.
Andrew Santino
Down.
Bobby Lee
Hey. Hey.
Andrew Santino
That's so cool, bro.
Bobby Lee
I love this. I love this so much. Damn.
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God, it's so good.
Tom Segura
That's so good.
Bobby Lee
This is it. My grandma. All right, that's it. Anyway, and then. And then a white person has to ruin it with salt.
Andrew Santino
There's some turmeric.
Tom Segura
That kid's moves were so, so, so good.
Bobby Lee
But I'm saying though, how. How has this not been? How is this now? Is this like new to us?
Tom Segura
I know.
Andrew Santino
Well, you guys are white people are stiff and they don't know joy.
Tom Segura
You don't think white people know joy?
Andrew Santino
Right?
Bobby Lee
At a level, you think Asian graduations are buck like that? Are you out of your fucking mind?
Andrew Santino
What do you mean?
Bobby Lee
You think an Asian graduation celebration would be fucking wild?
Tom Segura
Asian.
Andrew Santino
Okay, look up. Okay, look up. Oh, hold on. Carlos. Carlos, look at me. They go directly. Carlos, look at me. After that, look up the gradu where people can wear whatever they want in Japan. Go ahead. I'm gonna prove you wrong for once in my life.
Bobby Lee
What is it? Hello Kitty all over the place?
Andrew Santino
No, just listen so people can anything in your graduation at Kyoto University. Graduation isn't just about formal robes. It's a celebration of individuality. Instead of sticking to the usual caps. That's joy, dude. Yeah. Japanese universe.
Bobby Lee
Time out.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
You guys are so repressed as a culture that you're like. You have to dress up like weird fantas creatures.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
In order to like, feel something.
Andrew Santino
No, it's expression.
Bobby Lee
No, because they're not allowed to express any other time of day. They have to be head down on the train. Quiet.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Is this a look at.
Tom Segura
And they also wore masks that you can't even actually express yourself in.
Bobby Lee
Right. It's not even them.
Tom Segura
Like mascot helmet.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, but. But with the head helmet on and off. It's the same thing. Their faces are the same.
Bobby Lee
This is repression.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
This is heavy repression.
Andrew Santino
Is this oppression?
Bobby Lee
What is that?
Andrew Santino
It's a ninja.
Bobby Lee
Oh, my God.
Andrew Santino
Dude, that's expression. What's your little sarcasm bomb? That's express. Oh, that's Nagasaki.
Tom Segura
Was it a joke or was that, like, Hiroshima?
Andrew Santino
Oh, that was more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was definitely Hiroshima. The. The cloud was bit.
Bobby Lee
Don't even try. Don't try to play like you're Asians are stiff as fucking whites. Black people celebration is individual to them. You don't get to fucking.
Andrew Santino
Tom.
Bobby Lee
Get to be on that fence.
Andrew Santino
Were you, for once. Because you've been. It's been the duo.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Against Papa.
Bobby Lee
That's bullshit.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So what I'm saying is this, for once.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Is that a form of expression?
Tom Segura
Is that a form of expression?
Andrew Santino
Yes.
Tom Segura
Yeah. I mean, it's. It's very repressed expression. Yes, it is an expression.
Bobby Lee
This does not happen at Korean graduate. This is Japanese Japan. You don't get to do that.
Andrew Santino
Okay? We're just. We're talking about, like, the race.
Tom Segura
Kids smiles at graduation.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. It's just.
Bobby Lee
Hey, hey. No.
Andrew Santino
All right, now give me a wild white graduation celebration.
Bobby Lee
Shooting guns at each other.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Tom Segura
She's like, hey, I'm gonna wear my blue.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
No, my case was black people celebrate like no one else. You can't lump Asians into there.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I'm just.
Bobby Lee
You guys, don't do it like we're in the middle.
Andrew Santino
If blacks are tens or fives, you're.
Bobby Lee
Zero, you're above whites.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Bobby Lee
Okay. Yes.
Andrew Santino
Thank you. That's all I wanted.
Bobby Lee
But you're not near them, are they? Yeah, they're above whites for their celebrating, I would say, for their oddity, their culture of oddity. They're weirdos.
Tom Segura
Oh, right.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, they're weirdos.
Tom Segura
Yeah. The weirdos right here.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, that's.
Andrew Santino
You know, I just got it. It's your American lens.
Bobby Lee
You're American.
Andrew Santino
Okay?
Bobby Lee
So what I'm saying to you, you're from San Diego. You know, that's about the whitest place on planet Earth.
Andrew Santino
You have to wear a new pair of glasses.
Bobby Lee
I got lasik.
Andrew Santino
No, no. I'm just saying you have to look at life with a different lens. Go on a different perspective. Well, teach me what I'M saying is. Is that. You mean culturally? You know, I mean, we're Americans, right? I dabble in Asian, though.
Bobby Lee
I dabble in Asian as well.
Andrew Santino
You know?
Bobby Lee
What?
Andrew Santino
You do dabble in Asian?
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino
You know, when I. You know, the way I walk and the way I behave. Maybe it's a cultural thing that I'm from Asia.
Bobby Lee
It's a Bobby Lee thing.
Andrew Santino
And you perceive it as to be, you know, I mean, weird.
Bobby Lee
You're one of one.
Andrew Santino
I'm just one of a billion.
Bobby Lee
Nobody's like you.
Tom Segura
No, I don't think so.
Bobby Lee
No. Nobody's like you.
Andrew Santino
Okay.
Tom Segura
I haven't met other Asians. None of them.
Bobby Lee
None of them are like you. Jimmy Oyang. Nothing like you.
Andrew Santino
Well, I was molested and beat by my dad. Well, that's what happens.
Bobby Lee
That's white.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
See, you are like us. That's our thing.
Tom Segura
Now you need to go back to etiquette school for being honest.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you do.
Andrew Santino
Really?
Tom Segura
I think you should probably do a little course.
Bobby Lee
Hey, where are you gonna go now? Oh, he's walking into a dinner. Anybody order Chinese? Hey, buddy.
Andrew Santino
Hello, sir.
Bobby Lee
How you doing?
Andrew Santino
Excuse me.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
What do you think?
Bobby Lee
It looked good.
Andrew Santino
Thank you.
Tom Segura
That was really respectful.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, very.
Andrew Santino
And like. Like your Thanksgiving thing, Like my Thanksgiving.
Bobby Lee
Dinner with my parents.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. What a lovely time.
Tom Segura
So he was super polite there.
Bobby Lee
Dude, it was so annoying. My mom literally goes, it was so good that everyone came over. I was like, no, it was nice. And she was like, and Bobby. Oh. So, you know, he's so sweet. And I was like, you have no fucking idea, dude. It was such an act. It was such a fucking act. He had that glimmer in his eye, like, when he said goodbye, he turned to me and he was like, okay, bye. And then you're me. He turned and went like this devil. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
What am I, prayer? Oh, dude, I did Tom. I did a Thanksgiving prayer at the table.
Tom Segura
Oh, my God.
Andrew Santino
How great was that?
Bobby Lee
It was, you know. You know it was him. Are you still married to that lady?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, he's the best. Yeah, I saw her in that.
Bobby Lee
You gotta get out of that, dude. Dude, you gotta get out of that, dude.
Tom Segura
No, she's still there.
Bobby Lee
Kids aside.
Andrew Santino
But you've won the lottery in a way. In a way, yeah.
Bobby Lee
You have a rad wife.
Andrew Santino
She is awesome. Not. But just not just. That is like, if I was dating a comic or, you know, married to one. It's rare to find a super funny one.
Bobby Lee
And ones that last. I know this is cornball shit, but Honestly, I'm always. It is funny. You two, the only other comic couples that's married and obviously you've been married much longer. Moshe. Natasha.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And.
Andrew Santino
Oh, you're talking about comics.
Bobby Lee
Comics that are married.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Mark Norman and his.
Bobby Lee
Mark Norman and his wife. Yeah, that's right.
Andrew Santino
Comics.
Bobby Lee
But that's also new. They've been married for way longer.
Andrew Santino
Andy and Rose. Bud Baker comics. New.
Bobby Lee
Newer.
Andrew Santino
Newer. Yeah, yeah.
Tom Segura
Oh, there's the other fun game.
Bobby Lee
This is too many more people than I thought.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Tom Segura
Isn't Hannah.
Bobby Lee
Oh, Hannah Burner and her husband.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Yeah. Both good stand ups.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
What are these lists?
Tom Segura
Persons.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. It's wrong.
Andrew Santino
But the. But, but the proof is.
Bobby Lee
The point is it's incredible that you two have stayed together.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
This long, being both comedians and both reserving your career and no one had to stop.
Andrew Santino
But all those examples is that they all are both funny.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I mean, I've never seen like a really great comic date marry an open micro.
Tom Segura
I mean, that wouldn't work.
Andrew Santino
I don't think it would work by friends.
Bobby Lee
You might.
Andrew Santino
Okay. Anyway.
Tom Segura
You might have a harem.
Andrew Santino
So it does. Yeah. But you guys are together and that's great. What does it celebrate?
Tom Segura
That Christina's great. She's awesome.
Andrew Santino
We, we love her and she's good actress. Yeah, she was granted actress. Yeah, yeah.
Tom Segura
Great mom. Great. Yeah, she's the best, man.
Bobby Lee
But honestly, be real with us.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You don't miss us at all?
Tom Segura
I miss you guys crazy.
Bobby Lee
Do you?
Tom Segura
I tell you this too. This is also totally sincere, man. This show is so funny.
Bobby Lee
This dumb show.
Tom Segura
This dumb show. This is the only, one of the only things that like, you know, we all are scrolling all the time. I watch every clip.
Andrew Santino
Ah, Tommy, come on.
Bobby Lee
No, you know what? I would share the same sentiment, but I can't watch Bort. No, I'll watch you. I can't watch Bort.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
We don't even see fucking Bert. Bert anymore. I'm joking around. Burt.
Andrew Santino
Oh yeah.
Bobby Lee
I can't even see Burt anymore because of his appearance. Yeah. I can't be near. No. We never see him fucking anymore. He's the only guy that stayed in la. And how often do you see Bert for real?
Andrew Santino
Not much.
Bobby Lee
I went over to his house, we had a little get together. You came. But then outside of that, he's never here.
Tom Segura
But do you really miss out? You miss your friends?
Bobby Lee
I do a lot of Tom. We do a lot actually. It kind of sucks.
Andrew Santino
Reminded a little dance when you're sitting back there.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
So he's in the worst. Sitting in the back bucket booth.
Bobby Lee
I can't hear a word you just said.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, he's in the back. Like the little chairs in the back. Yeah, yeah. What? What didn't you understand?
Tom Segura
It was a. It was a rough sentence. It was rough.
Andrew Santino
Rocket Money.
Bobby Lee
Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending. It helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Bobby was spending so much money on stupid apps and stuff, games, meditation apps. We did Rocket Money for him and it was almost embarrassing how much money he was.
Andrew Santino
I probably spent. I saved thousands of dollars.
Bobby Lee
Thousands. You probably truly. Because you didn't know what you were doing. And you know what? Most people don't know. Rocket Money has a dashboard that gives you a clear view of your expenses across all your accounts, so you know what you're paying for.
Andrew Santino
Easily. Create a personalized budget with custom categories to help you keep your spending on track. See your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going.
Bobby Lee
Rocket Money is going to help, even negotiate to lower your bills for you. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. You can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service. You don't have to. And Rocket Money has over 5 million users, has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to 740 a year when they use all the app's premium feature.
Andrew Santino
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.
Bobby Lee
Download the Rocket Money app and enter our show name bad friends in the survey so they know we sent you.
Andrew Santino
Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from our show Blue chew. You guys, 53 year old man here, Ed Dog and I need to rise.
Bobby Lee
You are the Ed Dog.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And in a situation where I need to rise, you know what? I just choo choo here. A couple of minutes later, bam. And the women go woo woo.
Tom Segura
Yay.
Bobby Lee
Have better sex with Bluechew. Bluechew is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. And starting now, bluechew is offering a combo so strong it'll knock your socks off and your neighbor's socks off too. You'll have to move towns with the amount of noise you'll be making. Blue Chew Max has arrived and it combines the active ingredients of Viagra and Cialis in one chewable. This combo acts fast and lasts.
Andrew Santino
Guys, be ready when she needs it. And get your first month of Blue Chew for free.
Bobby Lee
For free. Great sex is a few clicks away. Sign up@bluechew.com consult with one of the licensed medical providers. Once you're approved, you're going to receive. Receive your prescription within days at your doorstep. All you got to do is put it in your mouth. And Blue Chew tablets are made in.
Andrew Santino
The USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door.
Bobby Lee
That's right. Get bricked up like a brick house. Don't miss out on the back session your entire life. Make life easier by getting harder. And discover your options@bluechew.com and we got.
Andrew Santino
A special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of Bluetooth free. When you use promo code bad friends. Just pay $5 shipping.
Bobby Lee
That's promo code bad friends. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast and for keeping Bobby Lee hardware.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Crank it up, man. Let's go.
Andrew Santino
All right, so anyway, I was sitting in the bed. Yeah. And I. I was. And I walked in. I did a little dance in front of you.
Tom Segura
You did?
Andrew Santino
Because of. I was so happy to see you.
Tom Segura
Yeah, it really was. It was fun. Memories, man. Being there was super fun.
Bobby Lee
It's. The store is not the same, but it's okay. Things change. They come and they go. Are you going up at the mothership a lot or.
Andrew Santino
No?
Tom Segura
Well, I've been on tour so much that I'm not one of those people when, you know, you get off of a. A. A week of grinding, you get home, you're like, I gotta get back on stage right away. I don't do that, Bobby.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You were always. You're that. You'll always just get up. You'll just go, go, go. You'll just do it again.
Tom Segura
That's good. That's good. I. I still go. I went two weeks ago.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Tom Segura
So it's just like, depends on the time, but, you know, this summer, I'm not gonna tour. So if.
Bobby Lee
What's on the. What's on the. What's on the docket for the summer?
Tom Segura
I'm gonna vacay a little vacay, and. And then we shoot something.
Bobby Lee
Can we guess what the. Whether he's going to vacation. Let's get.
Andrew Santino
Oh, Bora Bora. No, I don't know where that is.
Bobby Lee
Something more elevated. That's in Tahiti.
Andrew Santino
That is. Okay. Elevated. Well, I'm gonna say this about him. We did a show in Vegas. We went to that Jose Anders what's her name? Jose Andres.
Bobby Lee
Hey, hey.
Tom Segura
Hometown guy.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And I go, I thought to myself, oh, this is how he eats.
Bobby Lee
What do you mean, this is how he eats?
Andrew Santino
I love.
Bobby Lee
Huh? High level, high level food.
Andrew Santino
High level everything.
Bobby Lee
How many. How much did he order?
Tom Segura
I don't remember.
Andrew Santino
It was. No, it was a. You order for everybody?
Tom Segura
Yeah, we had a feast.
Andrew Santino
It was a feast. It was the greatest steak I've ever had.
Bobby Lee
Ever.
Andrew Santino
I think so. Because it was the way. Because they gave us a plaque. You know, sometimes when you get, like, Japanese wagyu, he just says it on the menu. This dude came up with an authentic, like a stamp.
Tom Segura
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
From some Asian dude.
Bobby Lee
He stamped the wagyu.
Andrew Santino
No, for the Asian dude. It's a gold, like, you know, like Game of Thrones, where you would, like, I mean, put like, you know, wax to hold it together or whatever. And it was like, signed by some Japanese dude.
Tom Segura
You know what? I remember about this dinner, too. It was a big dinner. It was probably like 15 of us or something.
Andrew Santino
All right.
Tom Segura
And we had a security guy, like, assigned to us for this weekend.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Tom Segura
And he was like. He came over to me. I thought he was going to tell me, like, something related. He goes, is it cool if my uncle comes by? What? He goes, he goes, yeah, just to, like, you know, meet you. And I go, are you working right now?
Andrew Santino
He was like, what'd you say?
Tom Segura
I said, of course. And then. And then, you know, we're having dinner. And then the security guy. And then there's just some guy just unk. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And uncle showed up.
Tom Segura
He goes, yeah, come over here.
Bobby Lee
Oh, you want. You, like, get up from eating?
Tom Segura
Got up from the table. And I was like, what's up, man? He goes, hey. I go, hey. He goes, yeah, I live here. I go, cool, I'm having dinner.
Andrew Santino
Wow. Wow. Did he sit down with us?
Tom Segura
No, he did not.
Andrew Santino
Okay, good.
Bobby Lee
But he's been funny as if he sat down.
Tom Segura
Oh, my God.
Bobby Lee
Can I get a plate? You're like, I guess, dude.
Tom Segura
He showed me, like, photos of some he's working on. This is at the restaurant at, like, during.
Bobby Lee
I love this guy. I like when people are bold like that. I think that's funny.
Andrew Santino
Do you think so?
Bobby Lee
I think it's funny.
Tom Segura
It was very funny.
Andrew Santino
I think it would bother you.
Bobby Lee
I'd laugh about it. But we talk about it.
Andrew Santino
I know.
Tom Segura
Yeah, you talk, but it's also hilarious. Yes.
Andrew Santino
What circumstance would you not take a photo with somebody? Dude, I've funeral, obviously.
Tom Segura
Funeral.
Bobby Lee
No, that's My. I look my best. I'm wearing a suit. We're in a suit. Take a photo.
Tom Segura
I don't have that thing, dude. Like, I've. I've been around friends of ours who. I'm like, oh, my God. When they go. When they're like, no, not now, like, all that. I've never done that.
Bobby Lee
Never.
Andrew Santino
I haven't either.
Bobby Lee
I mean, the only time I've done.
Tom Segura
It for other people, if that makes sense.
Bobby Lee
Ah, yeah.
Tom Segura
You know, like, one time I was at a dinner with Rogan, and I see a guy, like, there's like a plant in the restaurant, and he's like. And I go, hey, man, what are you doing? He's just like. I go, he's having dinner. Like, So I did it for him, right? I would never do it for. For me.
Andrew Santino
I can come up with some scenarios where you wouldn't do it.
Tom Segura
Well, okay. If my kids.
Andrew Santino
When you're skydiving, just going to say.
Bobby Lee
If you're with your family, if you're.
Andrew Santino
Skydiving, you won't do it.
Bobby Lee
Bungee jumping.
Andrew Santino
If you were in, like, a war, like, you know, I mean, like, you're a Russian, and then you're fighting Ukraine, and the Russian guy goes, photo. Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Hey, can I get the photo? Not right now.
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Honestly, only. Only. I think I told the story on here. I was sitting down. We just got off a long flight. My wife and I are sitting down to have dinner, and this guy, like, barges up to the table and doesn't even acknowledge my wife. Like, stares right at me. Like. Like, basically bumps into her way. He's like, yo, dude, I'm a fucking huge friend. Let me get a photo. And that line of questioning also. Let me get a photo. Like, what, dude? I was like, dude, I go, brother, I'm at dinner with my wife. You need to chill the out. Like, you were being a little too. And he went. Sat down. And then the server comes over with a bucket of ice and a bottle of champagne. And I was like, no, no, we didn't. We're not drinking. We're not. Order any booze. And she's like, no, no, this is from a gentleman in the restaurant. I was like, oh, I don't. We hate champagne.
Tom Segura
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Like, we don't. I don't like champagne. I hate it. And I was. And she's like, it's one of this spot, you know. The guy's like, oh, it's a really nice bottle. I was like, okay, don't open it. And they're like, don't open. I was like, just put it in the thing. And I go, who's the guy? And then they lead me around the side. It's the guy. Yeah, it's the same guy. And I walked it up to him, and I go, hey, man. And then he goes, dude, I just wanted to apologize. I'm so sorry I took care of your meal. I. That was so fucking rude.
Tom Segura
No, that's really.
Bobby Lee
And I was like, buddy, you're the man. I go, I don't drink champagne. Here, have it. To take it. He had, like, three girls with him. I was like, do your thing. Thank you. And then I said, let's take a photo. But that turned out the right way.
Tom Segura
Sure.
Bobby Lee
But it was cool. Move on him. He was like, I took. I paid for your meal. I was like, oh, that's fucking.
Tom Segura
That's nice.
Bobby Lee
But at the beginning, I was very like, dude, get the fuck out of here.
Tom Segura
Are you. Do you shut people down?
Andrew Santino
Never. But there's some annoying circumstances if somebody did that.
Bobby Lee
If you're at dinner with a girl and somebody barged and, like, ignored them, you'd be mad. You'd be like, dude, that's fucking crazy rude.
Andrew Santino
I had a guy come up to me and from behind, and I feel arms wrapped around me on the side like this. He's. Come on, man. Like that. Without even asking. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, he just snuck in and like, let's. You know. I mean, I was like, what are you doing?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, that's weird.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I'll always take a photo, but if it's. I'm with. If I'm with my wife at dinner, I'm like, dude, it's dinner, man. That's. But also, the kind of person that just is chill about is, like, thinks that that's chill. You're like, are you okay? Yeah, I'm at dinner. We're eating food.
Tom Segura
That's the worst time to approach someone, hands down.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Well, just any other time.
Tom Segura
Also, I did have one time at a. At a urinal. The guy next to me goes like, no. And I go, hey. And he goes, nice to meet you. And he sticks his hand up, and I go, I'll wait.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. That's so crazy.
Tom Segura
We're done.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Where would you not take a photo? You.
Andrew Santino
Me specifically?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, you.
Andrew Santino
Like I said funeral. I wouldn't do it if I was like, AA meeting.
Bobby Lee
Can't do. You can't. Did you get asked to get. Take pictures, bro?
Andrew Santino
One time I was at an A meeting, and it was a big one. It was in Louisville, Kentucky.
Bobby Lee
Those are big.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. No, it was a speak. It was a speaker meeting.
Tom Segura
Ground zero.
Bobby Lee
Right, Right. That's where bourbon is made.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. You're talking about 2, 300 people there. Right.
Tom Segura
Damn.
Andrew Santino
And so in a meetings, they always go, does any. Is there any from out of town? Right. But that was my mistake. Would you please introduce yourself? I go, hey, I'm Bobby. I'm from Los Angeles. I've been sober for whatever the time it was, you know, 12 years, whatever. And I sat back down. Then after the meeting, there was a line.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
To take a photo with me. And I just went, I can't do this.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I just, it's just, it's because it's.
Bobby Lee
An invasion of your privacy.
Andrew Santino
Not only that is like, you know, I go to regular meetings. You know, I mean, sometimes I go to celebrity ones, but like, you know, he does.
Bobby Lee
He loves celebrity meetings.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Who's going to be there?
Andrew Santino
No.
Bobby Lee
Oh. Who else is getting clear.
Tom Segura
I want to ask you a question. And obviously I'm not asking you to reveal actual details, but in a broader sense. Have you ever been to a celebrity meeting where a celebrity reveals something?
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah.
Tom Segura
And it's just like your dopamine rush.
Andrew Santino
Is just like, oh, yeah. Oh, man, I've heard some crazy shits from gigantic people.
Tom Segura
Really?
Bobby Lee
Fuck.
Andrew Santino
I go to this meeting, I'm going to tell you what night.
Tom Segura
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
But it's an all men's meeting.
Tom Segura
Tuesday.
Bobby Lee
What, Thursday.
Andrew Santino
No, it's not Thursday.
Bobby Lee
No, it's Tuesday.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. And it's. It's invite only. And it's all legendary rock stars. Okay. And I got in it when I back. Way back in the day when I was on mad TV when I got.
Bobby Lee
Sober that you have to get recommended. It's like, Raya, somebody has to recommend.
Andrew Santino
No, somebody has to go up to the guy and go, can this guy come?
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
You mean.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
And I've been turned down by celebrity mean. You know that. No, I swear to God.
Bobby Lee
What, do they check your star meter? Why the fuck.
Andrew Santino
Well, when I first got sober this time.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
When you were Kicking the Hat, 2022.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. Kicking the habit.
Andrew Santino
My therapist goes, you should contact this person because he has a really good meaning. So I called this guy and Paul Rubens and I go, can I. I just got sober again. Can I go to your meeting? Go. You're not big enough.
Tom Segura
No. Yeah, he said that. For real?
Bobby Lee
But honestly, I do know who the guy was.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I wasn't big.
Bobby Lee
You're not big enough.
Andrew Santino
I'm not bad.
Tom Segura
He hasn't seen bad thoughts. Maybe you call him again.
Bobby Lee
That's also true.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
But I went to this. So this Monday night, and it's like, it's so intimidating to see the. Yeah. Because I've pried in that meeting.
Tom Segura
Is the person. The person who said, that's good. You're.
Andrew Santino
I have.
Tom Segura
Is the person who said, you're not big enough. A huge name, though.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Tom Segura
Oh, they are too.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Tom Segura
And they were like, sorry, man.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. It just. You can't do.
Tom Segura
Maybe do it.
Bobby Lee
Should I get to a marvel. I should get sober just to see if I could get into better. I would.
Andrew Santino
I would relapse then love that. If you call me, go, hey, he let me in the meeting. I would be like.
Bobby Lee
How funny would that be if I got into more important meetings?
Tom Segura
Dude, you gotta do it.
Bobby Lee
I'm gonna do it. Dude, I'm gonna do it.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. It's weird, but I like to go to the regular ones, like the plumbers and all that stuff, because it's like, I want to feel normal.
Tom Segura
Yeah, but also, like, you're also the.
Andrew Santino
No, wait, that's not. No, what I'm saying. Let me rephrase it.
Tom Segura
Don't you want to be the big shot at the.
Andrew Santino
No, no, no.
Bobby Lee
He does. Yes, he does.
Andrew Santino
Cut all that out.
Bobby Lee
Shut up.
Andrew Santino
Cut that out.
Bobby Lee
Stop it.
Tom Segura
They're all like, we're just regular guys. And you're like, me too.
Andrew Santino
No, because with alcoholism, right. It's just like, you want to have commonality with people.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And a connection. Right. And I want to bond people through alcoholism.
Tom Segura
Do you share a lot? Are you a share?
Andrew Santino
I do.
Tom Segura
You do?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And dude, he loves to share.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
He gets up there. In fact, he kills.
Andrew Santino
You know what? I don't like when it's like. So there's two types of. There's three types of meetings. Okay. Okay. Speaker meeting. Right. And then there's like a circle where everyone shares, but the worst kind. And I went to one Tuesday like this, where it was like, anyone can share it, but you have to raise your hand. Right. So I can't. Me, me. I can't do it.
Bobby Lee
No.
Andrew Santino
Right. And so when something. Somebody doesn't raise their hand, they'll pick somebody. So sometimes I'll go pick me. You know what I mean? But I can't raise my hand.
Bobby Lee
Because you feel like it's too desperate.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I just want to. Yeah. Because it's like, you know, And I'm always.
Bobby Lee
Because you're an attention.
Andrew Santino
No, I'm not.
Bobby Lee
No. We all. We're standups.
Andrew Santino
I am. I am.
Bobby Lee
Yeah, we are. You are.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I am.
Bobby Lee
You're an attention. Look at how you just reacted to that. You're an attention whore.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And those things are. I mean, that's.
Tom Segura
So you'll speak, but not if you have to raise your hand. So in what circumstance do you.
Andrew Santino
So some meetings.
Bobby Lee
He wants them. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to be like, pick me. Yes.
Andrew Santino
Some meetings are like this, where the secretary. This is. We point to you. You don't raise your hand. Those are ones I like.
Tom Segura
You like that?
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
Tom Segura
Can you share something with us that you've shared at one of those.
Andrew Santino
Really?
Tom Segura
Sure.
Andrew Santino
Because if I say it, it's going to. You cringe.
Bobby Lee
No, we won't. I promise. Yeah, we're your friends.
Andrew Santino
Well, I like example, you know, I mean, you know, I'll say something like, you know, Socrates once said a life not self examined is not a life worth living. I mean, and so what I love about AA is like, it's internal, you know, I mean, and it's like, it's about looking in the mirror and looking inside yourself. And so. And so, you know, I do the steps. You know, I think it's very important. You know, the weight lifted from 8 and N, you know, I mean, is absolutely incredible. You know, I mean, and I think it's very important, that kind of thing.
Tom Segura
Thank you, Robert.
Andrew Santino
That.
Tom Segura
Like that and then everybody.
Andrew Santino
Well, no, but sometimes they'll have a music they'll play you off.
Tom Segura
They'll play you off like the Emmys.
Bobby Lee
That's incredible. Like, they know when you. They say you're done.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Wow.
Andrew Santino
You're like talking about. Yeah. Was molested. Who let the dogs out.
Tom Segura
Really cool.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And you're like, okay, I'm done. Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Lee
I think that's pretty incredible that you give them that shtick.
Andrew Santino
I have so many different shticks I can use, you know, I mean, when.
Bobby Lee
Are you actually being real?
Andrew Santino
When there's a hot girl there. No.
Tom Segura
Dude, how many times have you scooped one up? A million?
Andrew Santino
No. Gonna be so one one throughout my whole life. Sarah.
Bobby Lee
Oh, Sarah. That's right.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I shouldn't blow her animity, but yeah. Yeah. That was the only one. I don't go there to like hook up.
Bobby Lee
Isn't. It's against the code.
Andrew Santino
They call it the 13th step.
Bobby Lee
What is that?
Andrew Santino
It's these. It's so gross. It's like these old timers, people with men and women, they see a newcomer and they go in, and it's like.
Bobby Lee
That'S the 13 step.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah. It's. It's not in the steps, but it's like.
Bobby Lee
No, I know. It's a hypothetical.
Andrew Santino
You're taking advantage of people's vulnerability and desperation because you don't get sober unless you lost a lot, you mean?
Bobby Lee
No, no.
Andrew Santino
If you lost a lot, you get. Did I say that wrong?
Bobby Lee
I have no idea.
Andrew Santino
You have to be a very low point in your life. Yeah. I mean, people that are newcomers have lost a lot.
Bobby Lee
Right?
Andrew Santino
You mean? And they've. You know what's a great place to.
Tom Segura
Be a predator, is what you're saying, right?
Andrew Santino
What I'm saying is, is that some people, not probably 1%, right. They'll go in and. Not predator, but they're like, you know, hey, let me take you after the meeting.
Tom Segura
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Take it to lunch.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me pick you up for meetings. When their intention is, this girl's hot.
Tom Segura
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Santino
And it's. It's unfathomable, and I think it's wrong.
Tom Segura
Wow. You're a really good person.
Andrew Santino
It says that. It's just. Here's the thing. And. And let's be real for a second, okay? The whole point of it is to get out of yourself, right? So, you know, when there's a newcomer, like, if I'm sitting there in a meeting and a newcomer goes, I'm a newcomer. I'll always reach my hand out and go, hey, man, welcome. You know, if you need anything, let me know.
Bobby Lee
Nice.
Andrew Santino
I think you're being a jerk.
Bobby Lee
I said, that's nice.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. When you do this, though.
Bobby Lee
Well, yeah, I'm listening.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, let's move on from now.
Bobby Lee
I said, that's nice. I was being nice. I was being what?
Tom Segura
Tom, you'll. You'll also welcome, like, an attractive woman, right?
Bobby Lee
You'll welcome them if you need anything.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, no, you know, I. You know. But anyway, you inspired me.
Bobby Lee
You've inspired all of us, Tom.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
And the biggest bummer of all is we don't get to see you more.
Andrew Santino
I know, dude, but the only way.
Bobby Lee
We can see you is by watching Netflix Bad Thoughts, available right now on Netflix.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Streaming Name some of the other people that are in this.
Tom Segura
So Shea Wiggum's in it.
Bobby Lee
Boom.
Tom Segura
Who's also in the new Mission Impossible. Phenomenal time for us, dude.
Andrew Santino
When I saw him.
Bobby Lee
Can he finish?
Tom Segura
Dan Stevens. Dan Stevens, incredible actor.
Bobby Lee
Yes, true.
Tom Segura
Daniella Pineda, Phenomenal. She's phenomenal. Who else? Roberto Lee. Bobby Lee.
Bobby Lee
Roberto.
Tom Segura
Roberto Lee. Oh, my God. Rob Eiler. Kirk Fox. He's in. Fantastic in it. Marlon Bar. Christina Pajitki. Alan. Rachel. Rachel, yeah. Rachel Bloom.
Andrew Santino
Alan Barnholtz.
Tom Segura
That's right.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I did a scene with him. He. I love Alan.
Bobby Lee
Joseph Rogan.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
None other than Joseph Rogan.
Andrew Santino
What did Joe do in it?
Tom Segura
Plays a gay. Like a regular gay. Yeah.
Andrew Santino
That's so great.
Bobby Lee
And Sickler. Sick dog.
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah. Sickle cell.
Bobby Lee
The boy.
Andrew Santino
Sickle cells in it.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Wow.
Bobby Lee
Did you ever try to convince him to move down to Austin? Sickle.
Tom Segura
We've talked about it. You know, everybody at some point has talked. And then even now, people go like, I got to get out of this city. I'll say it now. I guess maybe post fires and people start talking about it more. But. Yeah, I don't know.
Andrew Santino
We should. We should get a place down there.
Bobby Lee
No, Fine.
Andrew Santino
Why?
Tom Segura
I still love it here, though. I have to say that I do love it.
Bobby Lee
You love la?
Tom Segura
I love la.
Andrew Santino
I loved your house.
Tom Segura
The one that burned down.
Andrew Santino
Yeah. I mean before. I mean, after you left, right?
Tom Segura
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You went to that house?
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
His entire family was in that house when it burned.
Andrew Santino
Really?
Bobby Lee
Extremely expensive.
Andrew Santino
Can we talk about. I try to bring up the last episode, but then we made a joke out of it. But I'm being real, okay?
Bobby Lee
Be real.
Andrew Santino
Have you heard of King Charles? Not the. It's a dog. Right. I remember that.
Bobby Lee
I'm trying to push this on us.
Andrew Santino
Because I. I want you to. Your perspective.
Bobby Lee
So can I tell you who my opinion. My guess is that the girl you're dating has a King Charles.
Andrew Santino
No, it's not about King Charles. The dog. It's a dog name.
Tom Segura
God, that's an adorable dog.
Andrew Santino
No, King Charles, the. The alpha Alpha dog.
Bobby Lee
What is this?
Andrew Santino
That guy?
Bobby Lee
What about him?
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah. This video is great.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, it's so great. So what. See that? I'm just.
Bobby Lee
I'm just trying to ingest.
Andrew Santino
So basically in China, you haven't seen this video?
Tom Segura
Is that what he's.
Bobby Lee
I have never seen.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, right. In China. Right? There's like, oh, I know.
Bobby Lee
Video ends then.
Andrew Santino
No, it's not like that. It's a sanctuary. So there's a dog sanctuary. Right. And there's hundreds of dogs there. Right? I'm boring you.
Bobby Lee
No, it just. I mean, so many jokes are running through. It's unbelievable. I mean, you're like. Literally, I'm like loading a gun.
Andrew Santino
I know.
Bobby Lee
You're like, in China, there's A hundred dogs.
Andrew Santino
Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
Kept as a sanctuary. I'm like, this is a buffet. Go ahead.
Andrew Santino
All right, so what I'm saying is, is that. But there's one dog, his name is King Charles, and he's the alpha dog. But he's not the biggest, Right. He's super small.
Bobby Lee
Right.
Andrew Santino
And the way the dogs behave in front of him. So this video in itself is. King Charles is not in it. Right. A bunch of dogs are fighting, right? Right, King Charles. But it's. It's in the subtle details.
Tom Segura
Yes.
Andrew Santino
So. Right, exactly. Play again. See, these dogs are going crazy, right?
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Right? They're all fighting, right? Yelling at each other. Here comes King Charles. That one. See the. Let's push pause.
Tom Segura
That's.
Andrew Santino
Rewind a little.
Bobby Lee
One dog bowed to him.
Tom Segura
Exactly.
Andrew Santino
So what the. What dog to his left bows. The other one gets up and leaves.
Bobby Lee
That's the most Chinese I've ever seen. They bow. They taught that dog how. It's amazing.
Andrew Santino
This brown dog leaves, right? Go.
Bobby Lee
Yeah. The brown dogs are.
Andrew Santino
I'm out of here.
Tom Segura
Look at that. The rest of them.
Bobby Lee
Whoa.
Tom Segura
Otherwise, goes into the gate. It's like, I'm out.
Andrew Santino
I'm out. Yeah, yeah.
Bobby Lee
He's.
Andrew Santino
Slowly, everyone leaves.
Tom Segura
Everyone leaves.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
And I've been obsessed with this guy. This is how you see yourself. Smaller but commanding.
Tom Segura
Oh, wow. Is that. Is that a real observation? You think, though, Is that relevant to you, that you feel like this. This is the dog you identify with. You're like, I'm not as big as the other dogs, but I should be respected the way that they.
Bobby Lee
Let me tell you the dog that he is in this video. Start the video over. Okay? I'll tell you who Bobby is.
Andrew Santino
Okay?
Bobby Lee
Okay. All these dogs are fighting. Pause. You see the dog sleeping?
Tom Segura
Yes.
Bobby Lee
That is you. That is you.
Tom Segura
And that dog gets up and goes, look at that.
Bobby Lee
Oh, fuck this. This.
Andrew Santino
That's me, dude.
Bobby Lee
100%. That's you. That's literally you. There's no argument about it. Look at that. Keep him. Watch him off. Look at that. Off. He's gone.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
Or that's you, buddy.
Andrew Santino
Who.
Bobby Lee
That's you on the ground. That's me. After you. Didn't you bail on. I'm the King Charles, and you bailed on another fucking gig.
Andrew Santino
Okay?
Bobby Lee
And then. Look at this. And you try to make excuses, and I put my foot on your throat.
Andrew Santino
But it does give you a life. It gives me a perspective of, like, you know, I mean, sizes and everything.
Tom Segura
You're.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Tom Segura
Nice.
Andrew Santino
You mean? Yeah. And the Other day, I was at the Improv. There was a gigantic door guy. He's like 6:3. He's standing out front. And I walked up to and like his breasts, you know, I mean, my head is at his breasts.
Tom Segura
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
I just walked up to him and kissed his breast and walked away. This King Charles dude, how did he.
Tom Segura
Like, how did he react?
Andrew Santino
Didn't like it at all.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
He'S that bottom dog.
Tom Segura
Yeah. Hell yeah, dude.
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
Bobby Lee
You kiss that man's tit Just like that. What did he say?
Andrew Santino
He laughed.
Bobby Lee
Yeah.
Andrew Santino
Of course. When Bobby Lee kisses you in the.
Tom Segura
Breast, dude, it's funny.
Andrew Santino
It's funny, dude.
Bobby Lee
It is funny. Yeah. I don't know how you get away with that.
Andrew Santino
What do you mean?
Bobby Lee
I don't know how you do that. Imagine Tommy and I kiss somebody's tit.
Tom Segura
It wouldn't go.
Andrew Santino
Is that the weird. Is that the weird thing you're talking about?
Bobby Lee
Yeah, if we're going to go full circle. That's what we were talking about at the beginning. Most guys don't kiss other guys tits.
Tom Segura
The only thing you should leave with here today is just knowing how not normal you are.
Andrew Santino
Dude.
Bobby Lee
But in a good way.
Tom Segura
In a good way. It's so endearing.
Bobby Lee
I want you to impart some words of wisdom for our good friend Tom Segura before he leaves. Because you are an all knowing, all seeing, all being individual. And people come here looking for advice about the world and life and comedy and career.
Andrew Santino
I see. I see. Okay, so. I see. I see. I see.
Tom Segura
Okay, hold on.
Bobby Lee
Let him get in his too.
Andrew Santino
Okay, I'll make up a proverb.
Tom Segura
Please.
Bobby Lee
Well, don't say make it up. Just pretend like it's a. You know what I mean?
Andrew Santino
No, but that's how special I am.
Bobby Lee
You say it then.
Andrew Santino
Okay, you're right. I apologize. A man who says that a word.
Bobby Lee
That sounds like a proverb?
Andrew Santino
Yeah, heary, heary. A man who promises gold to a fellow man and negates on that gold is a man who should be boiled in water. Are you. Do you really know the language?
Bobby Lee
Yes. He's speaking Japanese.
Andrew Santino
Holy fuck, dude. Forget what I said. Then forget what I said.
Bobby Lee
Ladies and gentlemen, do yourself a big favor. On behalf of the Bad Friends family, please go watch Bad Thoughts right now on Netflix. Please do our best buddy, Tom Segura. We miss and love and we know he's doing right by us. Down.
Andrew Santino
I'll tell you why you should watch.
Bobby Lee
It, because you're in it.
Andrew Santino
Yes. And also I want a second season so it can continue my story.
Bobby Lee
Oh, interesting that you think you'd go back.
Andrew Santino
I know. Probably not.
Bobby Lee
It's on him, not on you.
Andrew Santino
I know. Okay. Everything's on him.
Tom Segura
I'd love to.
Andrew Santino
I'm not gonna do it. Can you look in the camera and say thank you for being a bad friend?
Bobby Lee
Say thank you for being a bad friend in Japanese. That was so good.
Andrew Santino
D.
Podcast Summary: Bad Friends - "We Are Suing Tom Segura"
Release Date: June 9, 2025
Hosts: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino
Guest: Tom Segura
The episode kicks off with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino engaging in their signature playful banter, setting a humorous and light-hearted tone. Bobby jests, "[00:00] You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?" immediately establishing the camaraderie and teasing dynamic between the hosts.
The central theme revolves around their guest, Tom Segura, and his Netflix show, "Bad Thoughts." Bobby introduces Tom with exaggerated praise, stating, "[02:12] And he has a show out right now on Netflix called Bad Thoughts, which we are going to sue for as a bad friends company." This humorous declaration sets the stage for a series of jokes and discussions about the show.
Andrew adds to the comedic critique, saying, "[02:19] It's right there. Right?" highlighting their playful intent to "sue" the show for its title. The hosts delve into a comedic exploration of alternative titles for comedy specials, brainstorming options like "Tyrannical Thoughts" and "Unacceptable Thoughts" to mock the naming conventions often seen in the industry.
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the creative process behind naming comedy specials. Bobby Lee humorously suggests titles, "[03:11] ChatGPT says Bobby's comedy spell should be called Tiger Dad. Unfiltered Kimchi. The Slept King. Pork Chop Samurai." This segment showcases their inventive and humorous approach to crafting unique and memorable titles.
Tom Segura chimes in with his thoughts on the challenges of naming, emphasizing, "[03:18] Every title sounds fake until it's, like, official." The trio continues to riff on words, exploring synonyms for "bad" to enhance the alliteration and catchiness of potential titles.
The conversation shifts towards Tom Segura's acting endeavors, particularly his role in the movie "Karate Ghost." Andrew shares his excitement, "[04:21] But Trauma Llama is more fun," before seamlessly transitioning into a discussion about acting techniques and project experiences. Tom elaborates on the challenges and humorous anecdotes from filming, providing insight into the behind-the-scenes aspects of his work.
Bobby and Andrew engage in light-hearted teasing about memorizing lines and attending meetings for acting projects, injecting humor into the exploration of the acting world. Quotes like "[15:13] And you're not near them, are they?" illustrate the playful ribbing between the hosts and their guest.
A poignant segment unfolds as Andrew delves into his experiences with sobriety meetings. He recounts, "[55:33] I have been to a celebrity meeting where a celebrity reveals something," highlighting the complexities and vulnerabilities associated with such environments. The hosts discuss the dynamics of honesty and connection in support groups, with Bobby emphasizing the importance of authenticity: "[58:15] You don't have to," referring to the supportive nature of sobriety communities.
Andrew shares personal struggles and the emotional toll of maintaining sobriety, stating, "[57:06] You think I'm slurring?" The conversation becomes introspective, exploring the delicate balance between humor and genuine personal challenges.
The trio reminisces about interactions with various celebrities, sharing humorous and heartfelt stories. Bobby narrates an amusing encounter, "[52:11] But outside of that, he's never here," referencing a friend's absence and the candidness of their discussions. These anecdotes provide listeners with a glimpse into the hosts' personal lives and their interactions within the entertainment industry.
Tom Segura shares a memorable dinner experience, "[49:17] And we had a security guy, like, assigned to us for this weekend," illustrating the unexpected and often humorous situations that arise when celebrities navigate public appearances.
As the episode draws to a close, Bobby and Andrew express their appreciation for Tom Segura's contributions and the enduring friendships within their circle. Bobby emphasizes, "[43:01] What are you asking? Ultimately, what are you asking?" underscoring the importance of genuine connections and mutual support among friends and colleagues.
Tom reflects on the value of friendship and the impact of their collaborative efforts, stating, "[43:24] I miss you guys crazy." The episode concludes with heartfelt acknowledgments and a comedic twist, reinforcing the bond shared among the hosts and their guest.
Notable Quotes:
This episode masterfully blends humor with candid conversations, offering listeners an entertaining and insightful look into the lives of Bobby Lee, Andrew Santino, and their guest Tom Segura. Through playful teasing, personal anecdotes, and genuine reflections, "Bad Friends" delivers a memorable and engaging podcast experience.