Transcript

A (0:17)

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to Baton Paper Podcast. I'm Becca Freeman.

B (0:22)

And I'm Olivia Mentor.

A (0:23)

And it is our, I think, third annual Valentine's Day obscure erotica extravaganza.

B (0:36)

Happy Valentine's Day to us all.

A (0:38)

How do you feel about what you have brought for us today on a scale of 1 to 10?

B (0:44)

I don't know. I'm still processing it. I have a lot of mixed feelings. This was a comedy of errors getting to this. But I. I will tell you that this is the first time I have consumed the audiobook version. Oh, that's a choice. I have a different, you know, a different perspective to bring to the table.

A (1:03)

Okay.

B (1:04)

How are you feeling?

A (1:05)

I think I have a solid eight on my hands. I think I have something that is funny but not scarring for the listeners. I feel like I maybe went too far last Valentine's Day with the Deviled eggman. I still get a lot of DMS about deviled eggs. Anytime anyone is eating deviled eggs, I do too, actually. So I think I found a good balance.

B (1:34)

I do think that we have both brought something that can be consumed.

A (1:40)

So originally on Saturday night, you DM'd me a screenshot of a book called the Dinosaurs Embrace a Forbidden Romance.

B (1:53)

I have a lot of dinosaur erotica, like, information to report back to you, but that's not the direction I went.

A (1:58)

I can't wait. And then yesterday we talked and I said I found mine, and you asked if it's a food item, and I said no, but it is a drink.

B (2:08)

Yeah. Which I think we're gonna have a little bit of. Everything or. No, actually, that's a complete lie. I think we're just gonna have two very specific things that are in the same world.

A (2:19)

If this series has taught me anything, it's that you can make comedy erotica out of anything. You can fuck anything.

B (2:29)

Absolutely. This one really. It really taught me that lesson all over again.

Summary

Bad On Paper – "Obscure Erotica 2026"

Hosts: Becca Freeman & Olivia Muenter
Date: February 11, 2026

Episode Overview

Becca and Olivia celebrate their annual Valentine’s Day "Obscure Erotica Extravaganza," diving into the wildest, weirdest corners of indie erotica. Each host brings a new “obscure” erotic novella to discuss, examining everything from plot to world-building (or lack thereof), mechanics of object-based intimacy, and the balance between shock, humor, and scar. Listeners are in for hilarious summaries, critical analysis, and memorable quotes about sentient macaroni and cheese, step-sibling pitcher sex, and the inexhaustible creativity of the genre.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Checking In: Highs & Lows (02:35–07:46)

Olivia’s High: Excited for her upcoming book release and book tour after a rough January. “I've never been so happy to see a new month. Oh, January was long and it was rough... I'm just feeling good.” (02:45)
Becca’s High: Finally booked movers for her new apartment, feeling in control and hopeful.
Lows:
- Becca: Triggered by the cancer themes in the Andrea Gibson documentary, “Come See Me in the Good Light."
  - “I made it 20 minutes. I was hyperventilating, crying. It was a type of crying that I don't even think I do annually.” (05:32)
- Olivia: Pre-tour burnout. Emphasizes the need for post-tour rest and reset.
  - “I'm verging on burnt out... I'm trying to work ahead as much as humanly possible.” (06:55)
Both express hope for smoother days ahead.

2. The Main Event: Obscure Erotica Reviews

A. Olivia’s Pick:

My Macaroni and Cheese Is a Lesbian. Also, She Is My Lawyer by Chuck Tingle
(09:33–24:47)

Plot Summary
- Follows Mona, sued by the element of water for defamation after declaring water “disgusting” and endorsing chocolate milk.
- In a sentient-objects world, her lawyer is Hema – a bowl of macaroni and cheese who is also, coincidentally, a lesbian.
- The story includes a courtroom battle, office romance, and a quasi-sexual encounter with the pasta-dish-turned-lawyer.
Worldbuilding & Mechanics
- Lack of logical explanation for object anatomy:
  - “The Mac and cheese has a vagina. Not explained. The Mac and cheese has hands. The Mac and cheese has a head.” (15:21)
  - “I think actually the body parts are made of the Mac and cheese. So it's like messy. Yeah.” (15:40)
- Courtroom scenes feature a water bottle in a suit as lead counsel for “Big Water.”
- Sex scene involves phrases such as “her macaroni tongue,” and Hema the mac and cheese gets “overcooked” post-coitus.
- “The sex was too hot and now I'm overcooked. So the noodle, the noodle of her is falling apart.” (17:05)
Critical Analysis
- Olivia finds the story “nonsensical" and confusing, laughing at the bizarre logic but disappointed in the lack of clarity.
  - “Honestly, I laughed. But I also think maybe we have a different scale than most people here.” (19:49)
- Reviewers mention a "unicorn story" bonus, which Olivia's copy didn’t include, causing further confusion.
- Spiciness: Underwhelming; “three out of five, maybe… and that’s generous. Maybe two.” (22:36)
- Wishes for a future sequel: More worldbuilding and clarity about object-to-human sentience rules.
Notable Quotes
- “Her macaroni tongue.” (17:05–17:20, Olivia)
- “You can fuck anything.” (02:19, Becca)
- “My algorithm is fucked. The things that it suggests to me…” (12:20, Becca)

B. Becca’s Pick:

Cold Sweat by Vera Valentine
(27:00–45:47)

Premise & Content Warnings
- Erotic novella featuring “Red,” a sentient glass pitcher of cherry punch (a legal stand-in for the Kool Aid Man), who is the protagonist's stepbrother.
- Author’s note & trigger warnings up front:
  - “He’s a sentient pitcher of punch. Step siblings getting it on (they met as adults)... Glass rod insertion. Punch in places it doesn’t usually go... Discussions of anime... Drunken sex with a pallet of drink mix... Sucralose, Red Dye Number 40.” (29:49–31:52)
Plot Summary
- Protagonist Jules is home from college on break. Parents are out, house is cold, so stepbrother Red (the pitcher) suggests using the new sauna.
- A tree falls, trapping them inside. Red cools her off with punch dispensed from his own body.
- Detailed anatomical explanations, including:
  - “A clear glass shaft with a simple bulbed head, all surrounding a thick internal column of the red cherry punch…” (37:09)
  - The rim of the pitcher as an erogenous zone, glass dildo imagery, and existential punch/blood/cum debates.
- Post-coital logistics discussed, e.g., UTI prevention:
  - “Red laughed loudly… ‘Jules, relax. I'm sugar free. You're fine, I promise.’” (38:57)
- Ends with Jules and Red making plans to move in together; parents are conveniently absent.
Critical Observations
- Becca praises the author for addressing all logical questions, providing clarity lacking from other obscure erotica.
  - “They really did answer every question I had. She really went the extra mile to be like, well how does that work?” (32:26–33:03)
- Story is more focused on logistics and world-building than actual spiciness.
  - “There’s, like, one main sex scene… it was more logistically oriented… I was worried because he doesn't have a lid.” (43:51)
- Reader reactions are surprisingly positive, with puns and genuine 5-star reviews for the author’s imaginative efforts.
  - “Quench my thirst for weird smut, that’s for sure.” (41:36)
  - “This book is better than most books I’ve read in the romance genre to date.” (42:17)
- Both hosts agree Vera Valentine is the standard for fun oddball erotica.
Notable Quotes
- “I’m a man that happens to be a glass pitcher of liquid, not blind. You’re gorgeous.” (36:42, from Red)
- “He does say… when he comes…” (44:23, Becca — trailing off in horror)
- “My good little cup.” (38:45, from Red — cringe)

3. Reflections on the Genre & Sequel Dreams

Both hosts marvel at the sheer creativity, rating scales, and viral appeal of "weird smut" Kindle books.
Olivia muses about wanting more story logic and world rules, particularly around sentient objects.
Becca brainstorms sequel ideas for "Cold Sweat," wishing for “more breaking down walls—literally.”
- “He didn’t break through any walls… I think there’s really two ways to achieve that: she gets kidnapped, and then he has to find her and, you know, he has to break through a wall…” (44:32–45:24)

Timestamps for Noteworthy Segments

Valentine’s Day Erotica Tradition – 00:23
Highs and Lows – 02:35–07:46
Introduction to Obscure Erotica Picks – 09:01–09:55
Olivia reviews Chuck Tingle’s Mac and Cheese – 09:33–24:47
- Convoluted object erotica explained – 15:15–19:49
- Reviewer confusion, unicorn mystery – 21:03–22:32
Becca reviews Vera Valentine’s Cold Sweat – 27:00–45:47
- Author warnings and set-up – 27:00–31:52
- Kool Aid stepbrother anatomical Q&A – 32:14–38:20
- Punch logistics and aftermath – 38:23–44:18
- Goodreads review highlights – 41:23–42:32
Sequel brainstorming & genre musings – 44:32–45:24

Tone & Notable Moments

The episode is equal parts analytical, irreverent, and self-aware, with both hosts keeping a mix of book club seriousness and stand-up comedy about the inherent absurdity of their subject.
Memorable running jokes: “You can fuck anything.” (Becca, 02:19); mac and cheese anatomy woes; Red’s glass rod and “good little cup.”
Recurrent meta-commentary: “I laughed, but I also think maybe we have a different scale than most people here.” (19:49, Olivia)
Both express that the humor and creative logistics win over purely shocking or graphic content.

Closing: Obsessed With & Book Club Announcements (47:41–51:19)

Obsessions:
- Olivia: Bombas slipper grippers.
- Becca: Swedish sour pear bubs candies.
Current Reading: Both are too deep into “weird erotica” to finish traditional books.
February Book Club Pick: Olivia’s novel Little One — a dual-timeline thriller about a woman fleeing a cult, out February 3. Discussion at the end of the month.

For Further Discussion

How do you feel about the scale of smutty creativity?
Are you team plausible object romance, or do you prefer pure mad-libs chaos?
Join the Facebook or BFF chat for more confessions, recs, and reactions.

Final Thoughts:
This annual Bad On Paper tradition delivers a mix of gag-worthy content, sincere curiosity about the boundaries of romance novels, and biting commentary on taste, logistics, and the joys of letting your reading goal be just a little bit weirder. Vera Valentine: you have fans in Becca and Olivia. Chuck Tingle: maybe explain the noodles next time.