Asmongold has a girlfriend — and she handed him a list of ultimatums.

In this episode of Based Camp, Malcolm and Simone break down Kai’Sa’s demands (clean the “contaminated” room, shower every other day, get the shorter haircut, cut the sugar) and explain why the majority of the nerd-right actually supports them.

Is this domestication… or a woman who actually wants him healthy, functional, and capable of having the family he says he wants?

We go through every confirmed demand, compare it to how real long-term partnerships work, talk s**t tests vs. genuine investment, American cultural preferences for women with spines, OnlyFans economics, and why “I love you just the way you are” is often the most unloving thing you can say.

Plus the usual Based Camp tangents: dead rats as alarm clocks, Mongolian beef in a 1700s farmhouse kitchen with no hood, Tibetan fox girls, and the eternal struggle of keeping a website online.

Episode Transcript

[00:00:00] Malcolm Collins: Hello, Simone. I’m excited to be here with you today. Today we’re gonna be talking about a diabolical situation that the internet has been shockingly, like the, the nerd right internet, which is where this situation is relevant, has been getting mostly right, which, it makes me feel good to be part of this wider political movement.

[00:00:17] Okay. Which is Asmongold has a girlfriend, okay?

[00:00:21] Simone Collins: Is it official?

[00:00:23] Malcolm Collins: Yeah, it’s, it’s official. It, it, it’s at least official that she’s given him a list of demands or ultimatum. And her name is Kai’Sa, and

[00:00:30] I’ll put up a picture of her here. Very cute. Simone thinks she looks like a, one of those robot Chinese girls, right?

[00:00:37] Like the robot sex dolls. In

[00:00:38] Simone Collins: a good way. In a good way.

[00:00:40] Malcolm Collins: She looks- Like maximally designed.

[00:00:42] Speaker: UBTech has taken a major step toward bringing humanoid robots into everyday life with the introduction of the new You World U1 series. Revealed during the company’s twenty twenty-six global launch event in Shenzhen, China, the new robot is being presented as the world’s first full-size ultra bionic humanoid robot built for mass production.

[00:01:04] It represents a shift from robots that mainly work in factories to machines that can interact naturally with people in homes, schools, healthcare, and many other environments.

[00:01:16] Malcolm Collins: Yes. And people online have been like, “White guys tanking ugly Asian girl.” I’m like, if you think this is an ugly Asian girl like I, I don’t know. Like Asians have- Wait, you’re calling

[00:01:24] Simone Collins: her ugly? ... nose- That’s like people saying Ar- Margot Robbie was mid.

[00:01:29] Malcolm Collins: Yeah, no, it, it doesn’t make you look hotter. It makes you look f*****g insane and insecure, Okay ... ‘cause she’s very attractive.

[00:01:35] Simone Collins: Yeah. But anyways- She looks like a, like a human doll. It’s, it’s, it’s kind of scary. I for me, she crosses the uncanny valley. She’s very beautiful, but in a way of like, like are you...

[00:01:45] Is, is it-

[00:01:46] Malcolm Collins: She, she gave him a list of ultimatums of things he needs to change about himself. And

[00:01:50] Simone Collins: this is confirmed? Like did she publish it or like how did it

[00:01:53] Malcolm Collins: come out? He’s talked about it publicly and it’s, it’s-

[00:01:55] Simone Collins: Oh, I need to see. Okay ... she

[00:01:56] Malcolm Collins: hasn’t disconfirmed it. But she puts out this list, and, you know, the, the movement being what it is, a lot of the movement is downstream of, like, the red pill diaspora and stuff like that. Hmm. You would think that the majority of the people within the movement would be like, “Oh, well, you know, she’s domesticating him,” as some people have said or something like that.

[00:02:14] Like, but i- if you run a sentiment analysis on this the m- majority, it appears a pretty large majority of fans, of people aware of the Asmongold-iverse, other than Hasan, who has just been crashing out in anger over the fact that Asmongold has a girlfriend, that it’s clear that Hasan is jealous of. Hasan has a secret girlfriend.

[00:02:32] Simone Collins: What? But she’s hotter?

[00:02:34] Malcolm Collins: Yeah, she’s hotter. Asmongold’s

[00:02:35] Simone Collins: girlfriend is

[00:02:35] Malcolm Collins: hotter. And he can’t handle it. Oh. Oh. And Hasan’s girlfriend isn’t gonna reproduce with him. She’s already made it clear she doesn’t want kids. Asmongold really wants kids, and so, you know, Asmongold will be with his- I

[00:02:43] Simone Collins: know. Mm. I’m so happy

[00:02:44] hottie, have lots of kids I hope this, like, turns into the family he’s wanted. Now’s the time.

[00:02:49] Malcolm Collins: Yeah, they’ll be b- b- b- the little, little roach kings. But most of the people on our side have actually been like, “No, we entirely support her giving a list of demands or an ultimatum.” And we’ll go through them, and I’m also of this position.

[00:03:04] And I, I, I th- I think it’s useful to go through the demands that she’s making of him so we can talk through, for our fans, so you can better understand what is a good partner, what is a bad partner, and what are the ways that a good partner would engage you.

[00:03:21] Simone Collins: Okay ...

[00:03:22] Malcolm Collins: now, this isn’t to say that any ultimatum list that somebody gave you is a positive sign, but there are specific ultimatums that I’m...

[00:03:31] I’m gonna go further here. I’m not gonna say th- this list of ultimatums isn’t something where I’m like, “Look, you shouldn’t hold that against her.” It’s, “This is a sign that she is an explicitly better girlfriend or wife material than a woman who didn’t give you this list of demands.”

[00:03:49] Simone Collins: Hmm. Like, he’ll be better off if he complies with these demands?

[00:03:53] Malcolm Collins: Well, we’ll go through them. Okay, so- Yeah ... demand number one.

[00:03:55] Simone Collins: Okay.

[00:03:55] Malcolm Collins: To clean up his room which she called, [00:04:00] quote-unquote, contaminated. And no-

[00:04:02] Simone Collins: Malcolm, it’s his brand Why would you-

[00:04:07] Malcolm Collins: She found a, a cockroach head in the fridge, and she found in his toilet one morning, this is a, a, the stream that went viral,

[00:04:15] Simone Collins: Like poo smudged on the- I saw the clip.

[00:04:16] Oh, the clip of the... That was really sweet actually, ‘cause she’s like, “That’s a cockroach head.” And he’s like- Mm ... no. No. Yeah. Wait, how did you know that?”

[00:04:24] Speaker 2: Where is it? Wait, your fridge- Okay ... looks very clean. Yeah, it is. Of course it’s clean. No, nevermind. It’s- No, it’s not. Wait- Is that a cockroach head? That’s a f*****g cockroach head. Yeah, actually it is. Why is it just the head? How did you know that? How did you know that? ‘Cause there’s a little th- thing on the head.

[00:04:42] The pointy... Yeah, no, you’re right. They actually... Oh my God. Why did you put it in the fridge? It’s like- I don’t know how it happened. I mean, it could’ve been five years ago. He’s probably been there for years. You gotta-

[00:04:52] Simone Collins: He was, like, impressed that she was able to identify a dismembered cockroach head, which is really sweet. I guess he was like, “You understand cockroach a- anatomy.”

[00:05:02] Malcolm Collins: So first of all, I, I wanna be clear. I don’t think there’s anybody who watches Asmongold because he’s dirty. The, the, the portion of his audience, the people watch him because he’s down to earth.

[00:05:13] Simone Collins: Yeah.

[00:05:14] Malcolm Collins: His, his level of dirtiness, just so people understand, there was a case where a few streamers went to his house to, like, do an Asmongold whatever thing at his house.

[00:05:24] Simone Collins: Mm-hmm.

[00:05:24] Malcolm Collins: And they apparently were, like, bedridden for, like, a week afterwards. They became so sick. Oh,

[00:05:30] Simone Collins: gosh ...

[00:05:30] Malcolm Collins: I’ve, I have gone to places with, like, black mold and stuff like this and experienced- Yeah ... this before. Yeah. Like, it is likely that he just over time built up an immunity to whatever is in his house.

[00:05:41] Simone Collins: No,

[00:05:41] Malcolm Collins: definitely. But it is almost certainly sapping years from his life. The fact that it rotted out all his teeth on his face, the fact that he mentioned that eating a burrito after he had his teeth replaced, he was really excited because he realized that burritos didn’t taste bad, it was just the rot from his teeth was seeping into the flavor.

[00:06:02] I

[00:06:03] Simone Collins: know. It’s so horrible.

[00:06:03] Malcolm Collins: This is not good. A, a woman, when you’re at this level, who’s like, “Hey, like, let’s- Oka...