Episode 15 - Show Me Your Bawdy (Bridget Rose)

Summary

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Bawdy Storytelling – Episode 15: "Show Me Your Bawdy" (Bridget Rose)

Podcast: Bawdy Storytelling
Host: Dixie De La Tour
Date: January 26, 2017

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Episode Overview

This episode of Bawdy Storytelling, titled "Show Me Your Bawdy," is a vibrant exploration of body and sex positivity, featuring two deeply personal and humor-infused stories from live stage performances. Host Dixie De La Tour frames the show as a much-needed blast of sex- and body-positive energy during trying times, aiming to empower listeners to embrace their bodies and uniqueness.

The featured narrative, "Stretch Marks and Karaoke" by Bridget Rose, follows Bridget's hilarious and transformative sexual misadventure with an OkCupid date, delving into themes of self-image, consent, and acceptance. The second story, by Nash Jones, is a heartfelt reflection on gender, puberty, and the journey to living authentically as a trans man. Both stories highlight Bawdy’s ethos: honesty, laughter, and liberation through storytelling.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Summaries

1. Introduction & Episode Theme

Host: Dixie De La Tour (01:05)

• Dixie sets the tone, emphasizing the show’s commitment to sex- and body-positivity, particularly in challenging times.
• She encourages listeners to be proud of who they are, noting, "Fuck them. I am great the way I am."
• Launches into introducing the first story, teasing its freshness and the unconventional path that led Bridget Rose to the stage.

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2. Story #1: "Stretch Marks and Karaoke" by Bridget Rose (03:21–20:36)

Bridget’s OkCupid Adventure

• Opening Situation: Bridget finds herself unexpectedly naked on all fours in a virtual stranger’s bed, her date (Randy) standing over her in just a Coldplay T-shirt and no pants.
  • Quote: “Are you ready for this dick? Because I don’t think you’re ready for this dick.” — Randy, as recounted by Bridget (04:36)

Backstory: Vulnerability & Self-Image

• Bridget explains that after major surgery and weight gain, she struggled with self-confidence (“my stomach is covered in stretch marks that didn’t used to be there…” [06:05]) and was unsure if anyone would want to be intimate with her again.
• Despite her hesitance, the need to “get back on the dating horse” leads her to Randy, who is enthusiastic and body-positive in his own way.

First Impressions of Randy

• Randy is described humorously as “built like a refrigerator,” a “football player and a lumberjack had sex” (07:04).
• His bachelor pad is a “monument to chips, beer, and a fully stocked tiki bar.”

Karaoke Lair & Date Escalation

• The “sex dungeon” turns out to be a disco-lit karaoke basement, where Randy energetically performs Disney princess ballads directly to Bridget’s face.
  • Quote: “Six-five, beardy dude in front of me, theatrically singing Disney princess songs and looking me dead in the fucking eye—like, does he think this is cute?” — Bridget (09:39)
• Bridget reluctantly participates: “I select ‘Psycho Killer’ from the Talking Heads—which is probably my subconscious trying to tell me something.” (11:18)
• Randy’s clumsy but sincere come-ons continue. After much awkwardness, things progress to the bedroom.

The Alien Fetish Reveal

• Randy, still clothed except for his pants, puts on the movie Prometheus, fast-forwarding to the alien pregnancy scene.
  • Bridget realizes, “Okay, this guy is like, using me to masturbate to alien porn right now. This is happening.” (16:37)
  • He actively positions Bridget to face the TV during sex and becomes absorbed in the movie, pulling her hair toward the screen during the infamous alien birth scene.

Climax & Aftermath

• The sexual encounter is brief and uncomfortable. Randy, post-orgasm, blurts out: “You make my dick feel real happy. You want to go again?” (19:11)
• Bridget, feigning an excuse, hastily leaves.
• Takeaway Moment: The story ends on a triumphant note of self-acceptance; if Randy can be unashamedly himself, why let stretch marks—or anything else—hold her back?
  • Quote: “If Randy’s kinky alien baby sex fetish doesn’t stop him from putting himself out there and getting weird, then why should a couple of stretch marks stop me.” — Bridget (20:15)

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3. Host Reflections & Community Story (20:36–23:08)

• Dixie shares a moving story about a new audience member who found belonging at a live show, underscoring the importance of sex-positive, judgment-free spaces.

  Quote: "Thank you for giving us this, this place where we can be okay with who we are." — Unnamed audience member (21:50)

  • Dixie highlights Bawdy as an inclusive community for those who might arrive alone.

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4. Story #2: Gender, Puberty & Authenticity by Nash Jones (23:08–34:49)

Childhood Gender Expression

• Nash recounts identifying as a boy from an early age (“I am a boy.” [24:15]), supported by a flexible mom and a sports-encouraging dad.
• Early years spent thriving as “all-time QB” among boys until being “outed” as a girl during co-ed basketball.

The Sun Maid Box Metaphor

• Struggling with expectations of femininity, Nash fixates on the image of the Sun Maid as a symbol of what “girlhood” is supposed to become.

First Signs of Puberty: Disconnection

• At nine, Nash’s early period sparks anxiety and the belief he has cancer; puberty severs connection with boyhood friend Robbie and the masculine identity Nash had cultivated.

Detour, Conformity, & Middle School

• Nash describes conforming to “Sun Maid” femininity in middle school, then later reclaiming masculinity through hair and clothing, yet still feeling physically disconnected because of menstruation and chest development.

Transition & Self-Acceptance

• At 26, Nash embarks on a medical transition, initially conflicted due to feminist beliefs and fear of societal perceptions.
• The true turning point isn’t social; it’s private: “It was when I thought about being…alone in my body, in my relationship with my physical parts, that I knew, unequivocally that this was the right thing to do.” (33:22)
• Nash marks the end of menstruation with a personal ritual: burning their period panties, feeling “a huge burden lifted” as he finally arrives at home in his body.
  • Quote: “As I tossed the panties in and I watched them burn, a huge burden lifted, and I knew that I had finally made it back home.” — Nash Jones (34:33)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Consent is so sexy.” — Bridget Rose (03:47)
• “You gotta get your mouth real close up to the head of it, like you’re about to suck a really fat cock.” — Randy, via Bridget (10:45)
• “Disney songs be damned. Your girl is getting laid tonight.” — Bridget Rose (13:07)
• “He’s using me to masturbate to alien porn right now. This is happening.” — Bridget Rose (16:37)
• “If Randy’s kinky alien baby sex fetish doesn’t stop him from putting himself out there and getting weird, then why should a couple of stretch marks stop me.” — Bridget Rose (20:15)
• “I am a boy.” — Nash Jones, first assertion of gender identity (24:15)
• “That a girl.” — Nash’s father, the accidental outing (27:38)
• “She became this vision of the future that I had that I carried with me… I was going to turn into something like this Sun Maid.” — Nash Jones (28:15)
• “It was when… I knew that I had finally made it back home.” — Nash Jones (34:33)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:05 — Episode theme & Dixie’s introduction
• 03:21 — Bridget Rose begins "Stretch Marks and Karaoke"
• 04:36–05:10 — Outrageous date setup (“Are you ready for this dick?”)
• 09:39–13:00 — Karaoke basement, Disney songs, awkward flirtation
• 14:14–16:37 — The Prometheus/alien fetish reveal
• 20:15 — Bridget’s conclusion: radical self-acceptance
• 20:36 — Dixie: Community and audience story
• 23:08 — Nash Jones’s story: gender and body journey
• 27:38 — Nash’s “That a girl” moment/outing
• 28:15–29:50 — Sun Maid vision
• 34:33 — Nash completes his transition and homecoming

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Tone & Style

• Candid, irreverent, and hilarious: Bridget’s storytelling is raw, self-deprecating, and unflinching in its details, poking fun at both herself and her date with love and sarcasm.
• Heartfelt and reflective: Nash’s segment brings vulnerability and insight into the complexities of gender identity and body autonomy.
• Supportive and inclusive: Throughout, Dixie’s hosting ties the stories together into a broader message of self-acceptance and finding community.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential Bawdy Storytelling experience: equal parts funny, awkward, raw, and deeply moving. Bridget’s brutally honest and comedic account of getting back into dating celebrates body positivity, while Nash’s poignant story explores the emotional terrain of gender identity. Through both, listeners are encouraged to embrace their bodies, their quirks, and their weirdness—because, as Dixie’s community and these storytellers illustrate, there is liberation and connection to be found in sharing our true selves.

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For more information on upcoming live shows or to connect with the Bawdy community, visit bodystorytelling.com. If you enjoyed these stories, consider supporting Bawdy Storytelling on Patreon.

Transcript

[Mika]

Big girl, you are beautiful? Walks into the room, feels like a big balloon? I said, hey, girls, you are beautiful. Daiko, get a pizza, please Daiko, come on my knees screaming, big girl, you are beautiful. You take your skinny girl? Feel like I'm gonna die? Cause a real woman needs a real man. Here's why you take your girl and multiply her by 4? Now a whole lot of woman needs a whole lot more? Get yourself to the butterfly lounge, Find yourself a big lady? Big boy, come on around and they'll be gone? And you, baby, no need to fantasize. And so.

[Dixie]

Hey, everybody, welcome to the Bodi storytelling podcast. Are you liking what we're creating? I really want to hear from you. I've been getting some great emails and some great tweets, but it's really important for me to know what direction you want us to head off into if maybe you have a story you're dying to hear. We live in San Francisco, the most magical place in the world for sex positivity, and I bet I've got access to that story. So just let me know what you want and let's make that happen. This week, our episode is entitled show me your body. And guess how we're gonna spell body? That's right my way, motherfucker. This week, we figured with the world going the way it is right now, it'd be good to have some positivity out there. And you know when you say sex positive and you say body positive, it's just the uplifting. The stuff that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning. The stuff that makes you look in the mirror and say, you know what? Fuck them. I am great the way I am. So if you need a little boost right now, it's the middle of the winter. We're here to help you this week. The song you hear behind me is Mika singing Big Girl. Isn't this an incredible song? I love it so much. We are going to kick right off with a story that happened. So fresh. It's such a fresh story. It happened on Wednesday, and right now it's, I don't know, a week from Wednesday. But last week we did the theme, choose your own adventure. And I had a storyteller who had told a story that I loved, and I asked if he would come tell another story, and he didn't feel up to getting on stage right then, but he said, you should talk to my girlfriend. She's got a great one. So out of the blue, I start texting her and we work on her Story. And the first time ever on stage, I felt like she really rocked it. This story is from Bridget Rose, who is a teacher and an OkCupid veteran. And I like to call this story Stretch Marks and Karaoke.

[Bridget Rose]

Thank you. Wow.

[Randy]

Man.

[Bridget Rose]

Wow. Thank you. I feel the love tonight. That's a quote from a Disney movie, which will become a lot more pertinent as I go on with this story. So this story is a story of misadventure, if you will. And I just want to start it off, I want to preface it by saying we're all pervs here, right? And. Yeah. Yep. And to each their own. There is absolutely no judgment. Whatever thing it is that you like, you do you. That being said, if you want to share it with someone, ask. First consent is so sexy. Okay. Yes. All right, so the story starts out. I am fully naked and on all fours in this strange man's bed. And he is standing over me with his Coldplay T shirt on and his dick out. And he comes over to me and puts his junk just right up in my face and goes, are you ready for this dick? Because I don't think you're ready for this dick.

[Randy]

Um.

[Bridget Rose]

Maybe. Sure. And before I know what's going on, he starts the TV and he gets behind me and he starts drilling me. And I look up and I'm like, what the. Is that a fucking alien fetus? What. What is going on? So let me back up. It's hard to start with alien fetus. You need some context, right? So I met this guy on OkCupid. We've all been there, right? His name is Randy. Karaoke lover, 69. And he doesn't have a lot of pictures, but his face is pretty cute. And we both really love karaoke. So we hit it off and before you know it, we're sending, like, flirty texts. And then he's got me sending sexy mirror selfies with, like, duck face and everything. And like, let me just tell you, this isn't really what I'm all about right now. I had just had major surgeries. I had a work related back injury and I. The surgeries were completely life altering, and I've gained 60 pounds and my stomach is covered in stretch marks that didn't used to be there. And I just. I look in the mirror and I don't really feel like myself anymore. And I'm also pretty sure that no one is ever gonna want to bone me again. So I try to get back on the dating horse, get myself out there, and I go on a slew of really awful fucking dates. But Randy, Randy seems like a breath of fresh air, right? I send him the sexy mirror selfie and he's all like, oh my God, your body is so hot. I would do so many unspeakable things to that. Yes, please, Randy, yes. So even though it's not my style to go to someone's house on the first day, I'm like, your girl's gotta get laid, all right? We gotta. Stella's gotta get her groove back right now. So I show up on his doorstep and he opens the door and what I'm met with is this massive hulking figure, right? Like I Knew he was 65 from his OkCupid profile, but I didn't know that he was built like a refrigerator. Like if a football player and a lumberjack had sex and their offspring happened and grew up, it was like all beardy, beefy and like big old beer belly, right? So Randy gives me a hello and a giant bear hug that I'm pretty sure is just going to snap me in two, right? And he takes me on a tour of his ridiculous bachelor pad. Like we're talking cupboards stocked with nothing but chips, a living room that has a giant ass TV and a fully stocked tiki bar with a kegerator. All pretty impressive, I guess. But he looks at me and he goes, I've saved the best for last. And I'm like, oh boy. And he leads me to the basement and I'm thinking to myself, yes, yes, Kinky sex dungeon tonight is going to be so fucking awesome. But then he flips on the light and I'm greeted with Christmas lights around the room and a strobing colorful disco ball above a dance floor that is equipped with a karaoke machine, a microphone and a foot controlled fog machine because he says he likes to activate it when he's singing his power ballads. Yes. So he leads me over to the sitting area and opens a refrigerator that is fully, fully stocked with Pabst Blue Ribbon. And he hands me one and I open it. Thank you. And he grabs himself one and proceeds to shotgun that motherfucker. And as if that wasn't bad enough, he goes in for not one, not two, but three more. After the first one, I'm just fucking standing there like, what have I gotten myself into? Then he takes a massive bong hit and eventually he comes to sit next to me on the couch and of course burps right in my face and is like, oh, sorry. So talk to me. About what? I have no idea what to think. Right now. So I just start talking about this programming class I had just taught and how I was really excited about the outcome. You know, first date chitchat, right? But I'm like a minute into it, and he goes, you know what? Sorry, let me stop you there. I'm not much of a computer guy myself, so how about I just sing you a song? Okay. And before I know it, he's up at the karaoke machine. The music is starting, the fog machine turns on, and Randy begins to sing. I can show you the world Shining, shimmering, splendid Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide? So there's a six, five, beardy dude in front of me, theatrically singing Disney princess songs and looking me dead in the fucking eye, like, does he think this is cute? I have no idea whether or not I should laugh or cry. So I just kind of clutch my beer and sit back and like, oh, here we go. And I hope that it's over soon, but it's not. After that, he goes in for Be Our Guest from Beauty and the Beast. And he finishes with a grand finale of A Part of youf World from the Little Mermaid. And, yeah, good song, right? But, like, still. And so I'm about to just be like, you know, I left the water running. I gotta. And then he finally is like, oh, would you like to sing a song? So I jump up and I grab the microphone, just eager to be doing something else. And I hold onto it and he goes, wait. And he touches my hand gently and he's like, you gotta get your mouth real close up to the head of it, like you're about to suck a really fat cock. Okay, this is good. Okay, so, microphone, dick in one hand, I select Psycho Killer from the Talking Heads, which is probably my subconscious trying to tell me something, but I don't really realize it at that moment. So I start to sing, right? I'm like, Psycho Killer. FA FA FA FA FA FA FA FA sh. This dude literally reaches his index finger up to my lips and makes the sh. Sound as I'm in the middle of rocking out with my cock out. Not really, but, you know, and I just look at him and I'm like, ques kassay. What? And he's all like, I'm not going to lie. Your voice is getting me really hot right now. Um, you're. Thank you. You're welcome. I don't really know how to respond to that. Just don't say anything. And then he grabs my head and he just starts making out with me violently. And his beard is scratchy. He smells like PBR and Cheetos. But God damn it, it has been so long since I've been laid. I'm gonna persevere. Disney songs be damned. Your girl is getting laid tonight. Okay, whatever. So then, like, even more exciting, he wraps his beefy arms around me, picks me up, and puts me on the pool table, which, for a six foot tall woman, really fucking hot. Like, not a lot of dudes can do that. I'm super into it. We're making out, it's getting hot and heavy. And he looks at me and he says, I would really like to fuck you right now. And I'm all like, on the pool table. You have a roommate? No, I'm not an animal. God. And he grabs my hand and he brings me up to his bedroom. And so I jump onto his bed. Randy goes over to his desk and takes another massive bong hit. Because, you know, you just gotta do what you gotta do. And he looks over at me and he's like, why are you still wearing clothing? And I'm like, oh, I don't know. Okay, here we go. Tonight's been really fucking weir, but getting laid.

[Randy]

Yay.

[Bridget Rose]

And I take off my clothes and I realize he's starting to go over to his tv and he grabs the DVD and he turns to me and he says, so, is Prometheus okay with you? Prometheus? What do you. I'm sorry, what? Yeah, you know, the prequel movie to the Alien series was Sigourney Weaver with, like, it's got Charlize Theron and Noomi Rapace, and they go to a planet and there's like. They discover the Facehuggers, and then she gets pregnant with an alien. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. Got it. I remember the movie. Thank you. Yeah, it was pretty good, I guess. Great. Prometheus it is then. And he pops it in the DVD player and proceeds to fast forward to a specific scene where the lead character, Elizabeth, is laying on this futuristic table, about to find out that she's been impregnated with an alien fetus. What the fuck? So I know he has a roommate. I'm telling myself this is all about just, like, covering up sex noises. A pretty loud scene. Like, there's nothing weird happening here. Just like, can you please fuck me and we can get on with this and I can go home, Please? So I'm naked, he's fully clothed and on top of me. Making out with me and fumbling with my tits. And he's all your boobs are really soft. Aren't they supposed to be? Thank you. And he's like, you like it rough, right? And I'm like, yeah, thank you for Shut up, slut, and get on your hands and knees. And I'm like, okay, yeah. And I jump up and assume the position facing his headboard. And he's all like, no, you're facing the wrong way. And he slaps my ass. And he kind of picks me up, faces me towards the television. Oh, my God. So Randy gets up, he finally takes his pants off to reveal, I'll be honest, a pretty decent dick. Like, not too big, not too small. Goldilocks cock, if you will. And I start to get excited again. Okay, get your head in the game. We can do this, Bridget. We can do this. But he leaves his Coldplay T shirt on, which is weird, but, like, whatever. He comes over, puts his junk up in my face, and he's all, you ready for this dick? Because I don't think you're ready. Yes. Yes, that's the answer. Yes. And then I look at the TV and I realize that now the lead character is running down the hallway in her underwear. And I've seen the movie, so I know where she's about to go. We'll get there. And so he gets behind me before I even realize what's going on. He was paying more attention to the TV than me when he asked me the question. He's just gets behind me and is fucking me really hard, which feels good. But I look back and his eyes are fixed on the tv, just laser, laser focused. And I'm like, oh, my God. Okay, this guy is, like, using me to masturbate to alien porn right now. This is happening. Okay? So I put my head down and I just try to, like, go to my Zen place and, like, and just try and get off. Like, there's gotta be some saving this night, right? Like, for the love of Christ. Then he notices that my head isn't looking at the tv, so he grabs the chunk of my hair and he pulls it up so I have to look at the tv. And of course, right now I am graced with the scene where Elizabeth is having her fucking uterus lasered open and this octopus comes, like, crawling out of her stomach, super hot. So I close my eyes and I just, you know, wait for it to be over. And luckily, although it felt like an eternity, it was really only a minute or two. And Randy seems like he's about to blow and he's all like, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Oh, my God, you sound like Mr. Kool Aid Man. I didn't think it could get any weirder. So he falls back, and I'm just kind of frozen on all fours, like, what just happened to me? But also thanking my lucky stars that he didn't shove his ovipositor down my face hole and implant alien seed in my chest cavity, right? That would have really sucked. So a minute or so later, he looks at me and he goes, you make my dick feel real happy. You want to go again? And he grabs the remote and he starts rewinding, and I'm all like, no. Oh, no. You know, I just remembered a thing. I got the water running, My dog ate my homework. I gotta go. And I jump up and I throw my clothes on, and as I'm leaving, about to, like, sprint out the door, he goes, you know, I had a really good time tonight. We should do this again. And I'm like, yeah, don't call me. I'll call you. Gotta go. Bye. And I hop in my car and speed off and never look back. So I get home that night, and I'm feeling like, oh, my God, what else? Like, maybe I should just give up dating forever, right? But I go to bed, I get a good night's sleep, and I wake up in the morning, and I realize that there's a better takeaway from this. If Randy's kinky alien baby sex fetish doesn't stop him from putting himself out there and getting weird, then why should a couple of stretch marks stop me.

[Dixie]

Again? That was Bridget Rose from our live show in San Francisco just a week ago. And I've been talking to people on social media and asking them what they want, and I keep being told what they want is a live show. They want to see a live show. And the difference between a podcast and a live show is night and day. Because we don't just give you stories, we give you games. We make it easy to talk to people. Sometimes I get down off the stage and introduce you to somebody because you should know them, and that's what we do really well. There is nothing to rival it. And also another thing to take into consideration is there's going to be stuff you see at a live show that you will never hear on the Internet, because that's a thing. But last week at our live show, I had someone who came up to me after the show was this beautiful African American woman with long braids. And she waited for a long time after people left so that she could talk to me. And I Finally said, I'm sorry to make you wait so long. And she came up and she said, I just found your podcast last week, and I live a long way away, but I couldn't believe that this existed. She said, I came here without any friends. I couldn't find anybody to come with me. And I said, we are designed so that you don't have to have a friend to come with. You can come here on your own and feel like a part of things. And she cried and said, thank you for giving us this. This place where we can be okay with who we are. And she hugged me and I cried with her, too, and it was so touching. And I went home high as a kite from the experience. And I want to thank you. If you're supporting our Patreon, you're making this happen. That woman would never have found this if it hadn't been a podcast. And the only way it can be a podcast is if you help us do the things that need to be done. There's hosting, there's sound engineers. There's a lot of things. So Please go to patreon.com bawdy spelled b a w, D, Y. We've had some new people sponsor us, and we hope this week it'll be you. If there's a reward you're looking for, email me. I'm dixiebodistorytelling.com you know, I'm a pleaser, and I like to give you what you want, but supporting the Patreon is so very important. And thank you in advance for doing that.

[Nash Jones]

So I'm standing in the bathroom with my older sister at the age of three, and I start pulling and tugging on my labia and pulling it out from my body, and I'm super excited. And I say, matlie, look, I have a penis. And my sister's five. She's blonde. She looks something like the little girl in the Coppertone sunscreen bottle, you know what I mean, with the trousers being tugged down. And she thinks I don't know the right words to use. And she goes, no, silly. You don't have a penis. You have a Venus. We're girls. And it's not that I didn't know the right words to use. I knew the right words. I had probably just learned them, that boys have penises. And so what I was doing was looking for mine, right? Growing up in Albuquerque, I always had a very strong sense of self around my gender. And my mom even wrote in my baby book that at two and a half, probably, like, the first sentence, I Ever spoke. I had asserted to her, I am a boy. And my mom was super cool. She let me keep my hair short. She let me wear what I wanted to wear, which was often some combination of like black velvet pants with suspenders, oversized cowboy boots and like a multicolored beret. Yeah, it was a really good look. And my dad, he encouraged me in sports, which was at that age great because instead of my body being this hindrance, it was like really accepted, it was an asset. It made me athletic. Right. And so at that age, well, always I was a people pleaser. I like people to like me. And being socialized as a girl, I didn't have the skills that I needed to get by as a boy in this world and to get away with my gender non conformity. But then Robbie moved to town. Robbie moved to New Mexico from London, England. In first grade. We were six. He looked something like, oh gosh, what was his name? Ricky Gervais, you know, but without the potty mouth. But six years old, right? And he took me under his wing and he taught me the ways of first grade boys. And he loved American football, it was his life. And he taught me how to play the game and I was damn good at that game. I was like over a foot taller than the next tallest person in my class. Girls often develop a lot faster. And then I was just like huge. So I gained the status and the privilege and the popularity amongst the boys at recess as the all time qb, which is basically the quarterback for both teams during recess. So I was killing it. But as a girl, I wasn't able to play on the football team after school, right in the leagues. So I joined a co ed basketball team. My dad was the coach, we were the Silver Bullets. And the boys on the team thought I was a boy. I had my short hair and everything and I didn't correct them. And so I got to live my whole season as a boy. It was like this like, you know, haven for me. And until about the end of the season when my dad, who was the coach, got really excited about something I had done in a practice, maybe like executed a good pick and roll and he goes, that a girl. Everything was silent and all I heard was like the ball drop and kind of dribble off to the side. And one of my teammates looks at me and goes, you're a girl. Just like disgusted, busted, like totally found out. And yet again being told that I was very wrong about myself. So I was thinking about all this, all this basically gender policing that I was experiencing at the kitchen table one morning, I was six, so my feet weren't even touching the ground, right. They're like swinging below the chair. And there was a little red box of Sun Maid raisins on the table. You all know that box. There's the Sun Maid on there. She's got her brown hair and her red bonnet and she's got her tray of grapes. She's very cute and feminine. And I'm looking at that box and as a kid, I wasn't given many examples of what it looked like to be a masculine woman. So I thought, okay, if everyone's right and I'm a girl, then I'm going to someday grow up to be this feminine woman. And I was looking at that box and, and thinking, okay, we kind of have similar hair color and similar skin tone. I guess someday something's going to happen and I'm going to turn in to something like this Sun Maid. She became this vision of the future that I had that I carried with me. And I didn't know what was going to happen to get me there, but something, someday I would turn into the Sun Maid and that thing that would happen, it happened three years later. I was nine and I was sitting cross legged on the carpet in the den of my childhood home playing Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis. Yeah, sick game. Really good game. And I had an itch on my chest and I went to scratch it and I felt this hard rock under my nipple. And I was like, what? Oh my God, I have cancer. Like, this is definitely a tumor. I am definitely dying and I am definitely not going to tell anybody about this. But. But at night I would pull on it and tug on it and try to dig my nails behind it and try to kind of pop it out like a zit or something. And not two months later, I was spending the night at Robbie's house. Little Ricky Gervais. And I woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible stomachache. The worst of my life. And I snuck down the hall and woke up Robbie's mom and told her what was going on. And she was sweet and stayed up with me all night until she called my mom in the morning. And she picked me up, my mom. And I came home and I just collapsed on the couch and I was wailing. I was just like writhing in pain and screaming and crying. And she was like, maybe you should go try to go to the bathroom. And so I went. And of course I got there and I discovered blood in my underwear. And I'm Nine. I haven't gone through sex ed. I have no idea what's going on. But I thought. I knew. I thought, it's the cancer. I am dying. And I left outside to see my mom and was convinced I was intent on not telling her about my newfound death sentence. And so she got it out of me about the blood. And I know that she was sad that her little tomboy was going to be going through a very early puberty, but she tried to feign some excitement and was like, you know, no, like, you're becoming a woman. This is exciting. And I thought, oh, becoming a woman. This is when I become the Sun Maid. This is what gets me there. Right? And so I thought, okay. You know, I didn't have a lot of examples. And so I thought, okay, this means I have to stop being a boy and start being a girl. And what I knew of girls was girls didn't hang out with boys. So the first thing that I knew to do was to go to school the next day, and I pulled Robbie to the side, and I told him, I can't be your friend anymore. Yeah. And I can't play football anymore. And I definitely can't spend the night at your house anymore. And he was, like, super confused, right? He was like, what is this? Cause you got sick at my house. Like, I didn't get you sick. This isn't my fault. What do you mean? It was, like, straight up, like an Old Yeller moment, you know, when the boy takes the dog out and says, I hate you.

[Dixie]

Go away.

[Nash Jones]

Never come back, so that he doesn't have to conjure up the honesty that it takes to talk about what's really going on. So my life detoured and aiming for that Sun Maid. I never wore a red bonnet, but I definitely wore some red spaghetti straps from Abercromb. And just like I had tried to be the kind of boy that had status and popularity on the playground, I was going to try to be the kind of girl that had status and popularity. And so I became a middle school mean girl. Yeah. And over the next decade, I refound my masculinity in the way that I carried my body. And I cut my hair short again, and I found clothes that felt affirming. But under those clothes was still those tumors. And every month, I was still getting that period that would just wreck me mentally and physically and that I intrinsically knew that I shouldn't have. So at 26, 17 years after that sleepover at Robbie's house, I determined that I needed to transition medically with hormones and with surgery. And it wasn't the idea of, like, getting called sir by strangers or walking down the street with my partner and getting read as a straight couple that got me there, because that was, in fact, a very big barrier to me understanding that this is what I wanted to do. I was a feminist. I fought very hard to be respected as a woman who acted and looked like I did. And I wasn't sure that I wanted to walk around this world being read as a man. But it was when I thought about being not with everyone's perceptions, right, of my gender and my body, but just alone in my body, in my relationship with my physical parts, that I knew, unequivocally that this was the right thing to do. So the first person I called from my family was my big sister, Mally, who was looking a lot less like the Coppertone girl and a lot more like Uma Thurman at that point in our lives. And I called her, and I let her know about my decision. And she was great. I mean, she was really the only person in my life still, like, up here that had known me back then, before the detour. She knew that little kid. She knew my most authentic self. And so, of course, she was affirming, and she was so great and helped me advocate with my family. So I got top surgery, which is chest reconstruction, and I cut out the cancer, and I started testosterone. And it wasn't when my voice dropped or when I grew facial hair that I finally felt at ease in my body, but it was when three months in that dreadful period ended. And it was such a momentous occasion that I felt like I needed to mark it with kind of a rite of passage, Right. A ceremony for myself. So I gathered all of my period panties, all of them, and I put them in a bag, and I built a huge fire in my backyard. Yeah. Yeah. And as I tossed the panties in and I watched them burn, a huge burden lifted, and I knew that I had finally made it back home. Thank you.

[Dixie]

That last story was from Nash Jones. Nash is a trans activist and storyteller. I met them at a story slam. I loved Nash's story and invited them to come over and work on storytelling. And this was Nash's first time telling a story on the main stage at Body, and they did an incredible job. So, you know, my purpose in life is to get you to come out to a live show and be with other people and make new friends. And if you're in the San Francisco Bay area, tonight, we are at San Francisco Sketchfest. A number of incredible storytellers will be performing at the Punchline in San Francisco. And I've never performed at a comedy show and I'd really like it if you'd come and say something. Hi, get that thing out of your butt. Whatever you want to say. After Sketch Fest, we start our 10 year month of activities. We have Body Slam, which is putting your name in the hat to tell a story. We have the Body Songs Festival in Oakland and in San Francisco we have the Main stage show with storytellers flying in from across the country to perform to help us celebrate a decade of sex and story. We were the first ones to do it and we really want to commemorate this. So please get your Tickets. We're at bodystorytelling.com you can get info on all the 10 year anniversary shows. Because I'm Southern and polite, I always like to say thank you to the people who help me do things. Thank you to Matthew Marder, my podcast producer, to David Grossoff, who is our sound engineer for the live shows, to Ruben Tan, Joe Moore, and every other member of the Bodi team. This is a lot more than me. That's it. We're going to end with hey hey from Super Chick. I hope you have a great week. Go out to a live show, be with people and we'll see you soon.

[Randy]

Some people you can never please you might as well just let them be. They mock everything not their own from their imaginary throne. But I won't bow down even if.

[Bridget Rose]

The whole world thinks I'm crazy So.

[Randy]

Hey hey this song is where I Subway Put your hands in the air if you're crazy like us. Hey hey hey hey. That's freedom you hear coming right to your ear that's the sound from our bus. Hey hey why try to be like someone else when you can only be yourself self? No one can sing the song you legendary.

[Bridget Rose]

Psycho killer. Kesca say shift.