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Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 22 - Size. Matters.
01:03:16
It takes all shapes and sizes! Ever heard of a giantess fetish?
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Transcript42 lines
- [00:01]
Performer Singing
Whenever life gets you down? Keeps you wearing a frown? And the gravy train has left you behind? And when you're all out of hope? Down at the end of your rope? And nobody's there to throw you a line? If you ever get so low that you don't know which way to go? Come on and take a walk in my shoes? Never worry about a thing? Got the world on a string? Cause I've got the cure for all of my.
- [00:40]
Dixie de La Tour
Boo.
- [00:40]
Performer Singing
Love is loose? I take a look at my enormous penis and my troubles start melting away.
- [00:52]
Dixie de La Tour
Bow.
- [00:52]
Performer Singing
Bow. I take a look at my enormous penis? Saying the happy times are coming to stay? I gotta sing and I dance? When I glance in my pants? I am the feeling like a sunshiny day? I take a look at my enormous penis? Everything is going my way.
- [01:21]
Dixie de La Tour
Hey, y'. All. Welcome to the Bodi storytelling podcast. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and this week's episode is all about size. We aren't going to head straight to the length versus girth argument that you're expecting, and we're going to take you to some new places. This week we have three incredible stories from Janice in the City, Stevie the stripper, and yes, even a story from me. It don't turn out the way you expect, though. We have been working really hard on this podcast. We want to say thank you for listening every week because we're over six months at this now. I've been having the best time going through the archives of stories because we've been doing this 10 years. Body storytelling is the original sex and storytelling series, and I've been pulling out stories that I love, and this podcast is giving us a way to share them with you. I hope you like it. Love it. If you go to itunes and review us, every single review makes so much difference. And you telling your friends and you reviewing us means that we're gonna keep doing it. So let's get into story. Our first story this week is from a performer who goes by the moniker Janice in the City. This is an incredible story that happened on stage. The response of the audience was so supportive and so loving, and it was a story that made me see a fetish that I'd hear about for years in a completely different way. This story is from Janice in the City, told live on stage in San Francisco.
- [03:16]
Dixie de La Tour (Storyteller)
I like the way you took the shoes off.
- [03:32]
Janice in the City
So I know I'm tall. I'm really, awkwardly, amazingly tall. I've been taller than everyone else all of my life. I've been 64 since I was 13 years old. This means I've grown quite accustomed to everything that comes with that. So when I walk down the street, I get lots of comments. My favorite is usually from someone in the tender line going, damn bitch, you're tall. Or can I climb me that mountain? I get those a lot. Or just things like buying shoes I have to do online. They don't make them in my size, things like that. But what I never imagined was that being tall would mean that someday Legos would be a part of my sex life. But I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself. So growing up in a small farming community in southern Missouri near the Arkansas border meant that anybody who was different was an outsider. And being 6 4, among many other things that made me an outsider meant that I was called names. And I definitely wasn't accepted. I was called six, Sasquatch and Bigfoot. I was made to feel like a monster most of the time. And at 17, all I really wanted was to be a pretty girl. And even when I was included, I was a jock or one of the guys. And I knew I wanted out. You know, I was applying for colleges, I was doing what I could to get out. So when my mom brought home my first computer and it came. I'm hoping the audience is the right age here. I think it is. When it came with that CD that said AOL on it, I dove right into those chat rooms. If you're here and you don't know what a chat room is, in the interest of time, turn to the person next to you and ask them. So I spent most of my time in 20 something singles. I was 17 city folk. I had never been outside of Arkansas or southern Missouri. And I found a home in tall people. And in tall people. And I enjoyed flirting with lots of people. That was great. But in tall people is where I met Manuel. Manuel and I started talking and chatting and we exchanged pictures and very quickly moved to the phone. And Manuel was fantastic. First of all, he was 6 3. From his pictures, he was the typical tall, dark and handsome, but not too skinny. So he didn't make me feel huge. He had an incredible singing voice. He actually had a part time gig as an Elvis impersonator, which was important because at that point in my household, Elvis was one of the only artists that wasn't gospel or country that I was actually encouraged to listen to. And he loved tall women, which was great. But most importantly, Manuel was the first male ever to tell me I was beautiful. And I fell head over Heels for Manuel. So we very quickly arranged for him. Manuel lived in Richmond, Virginia, and we very quickly arranged for him to come visit me. And there were no real airports near my town. So he flew into Memphis, which also happens to be the home of Graceland, where the king lived, which was convenient for Manuel. So this was about a five hour drive. And my mom, knowing that this wasn't going to be a discussion, drove me down there, or I drove, she sat and we went to the airport. And we were waiting at the gate because you could do that then. And I saw him come off the plane and I immediately recognized him. That's. That's my Manuel, except he was a little bit shorter and he had a little bit more of a bouffant than I really expected. And he was a whole lot bigger than I thought. And I thought, oh, my God, I'm in love with an obese Hispanic Elvis impersonator. But he's my obese Hispanic Elvis impersonator. And so we took Manuel home to Southern Missouri and we had this great few days, like, of a date. And we. We did all these really cutesy little things. We were both totally broke and we went to this amusement park and they played this Disney song. It was some. I don't know, they were playing the Sleeping Beauty theme song. And we waltzed to it. It was totally cute. We danced in the middle of this total crowd. And I was 17. I thought this was rom com stuff, and I just fell. And so over the next couple of months, we had three or four visits that were fantastic. And about our fifth visit, he told me he wanted to marry me. And in the next sentence said that he wanted to make love to me. And I was a good little Christian girl. I was saving myself for marriage. So I called my mom and asked her if that was okay. So after mama said yes, I. I got down on my knees by the bedside at the Baymont Inn and Suites of Springfield, Missouri. And I said to God, you know, if this isn't right, give me a sign. And when nothing happened, I said, sure, let's go for it. And much like many of you women out there, I'm sure my first time was neither satisfying nor memorable. In fact, none of my relationship with Manuel was satisfying. We were together 10 months and I didn't orgasm once. Just a note. And I was too young to know that that didn't matter or that that did matter at the time. But. So a few bumps and grunts later, like, we finished and we continued along that method for a few trips. But I noticed each time, like, he was starting to look away a little bit more. He was becoming more distant. It was taking him longer to come. And so at some point I asked him, I said, you know, I feel like you're not into me. What am I doing wrong? Like, teach me, you know? He's 24, by the way. I'm 17. Teach me. So he tells me he has a fetish. He tells me that a true fetish is when somebody can't actually come unless they're participating in or thinking about the object of their fetish. And he tells me that his fetish is something called a giantess fetish. After he tells me a little bit about it, I'm thinking, oh, my God, this is amazing. There's a community of like a thousand men out there who like tall women. This is awesome. But then I learn a little more. So a basic giantess is, you know, you're like attack of the 50 foot woman. Or you guys remember the premiere, like the intro to Suddenly Susan with Brooke Shields where she's kind of walking around and peering into the buildings? That was actually a giantess fetishist. And he's like a total hero in the community for getting that up on primetime tv. It's a big deal. So that's like your normal giantess, but then there's your mega giantess. And a mega giantess can be any size above that. And she usually, like, stomps on cities and, like, she can crush anything. Manuel's particular thing was that he was really into mega giantesses, but he wanted to control them, not be crushed by them. So he introduced this to me by introducing me to Janice in the City. Janus in the City was the first real giantess story that was published on the Internet. So it was really widely distributed back in the dial up days. And Janus was this beautiful California girl who was out swimming in the water when an earthquake happened. And these vapors came up and they changed her and transformed her into an 800 foot tall woman. And she starts walking around and because it's written by a man, all of a sudden she gets really horny and wants to fuck everything in sight. And so she, like, starts grabbing skyscrapers and, like, putting them up her vagina. And, like, it goes into great detail about all of the people who die at death based on her, like, cervical muscles. And then she, like, eats them. And, like, it's this amazingly sexy story if you get over the patriarchal society within it. So after a while, reading the story wasn't enough. So Manuel Requested that I buy some 6 inch heels. For reference. These are 4 inch. I don't own 6 inch heels anymore because I can't walk in them. I was 17 and he would have me stand naked and, and read the story to him. Awesome. There were many other stories too. Janice goes and gets her friend Pam and takes her into the vapors and they have fun with the buildings and whatnot together. At one point, I go to visit Manuel in Richmond and I get there and I notice that he has set up this elaborate LEGO city and there are Hot Wheel cars lining the streets. And he asks me to tell him my own version of the story. And so at first I'm kind of, you know, shy about it and I walk around trying not to step on anything, but I'm pretty klutzy myself. And I kind of step on something and then I get kind of into it because like, my man is sitting there on the bed and he's watching me. So I step on a car by accident first and probably like trip and almost fall. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm stepping on that car. And then I'm like, yeah, I'm going to put my heel through that house. Yeah, you want me to do that? And then he's like, pick up a building. So I like reach down, I pick up this skyscraper and I hold it. It's like, Lego skyscraper. I tell him what I'm gonna do with it. He's totally into it. And I'm so excited. I'm like watching him and I'm like, oh my God, I'm getting my man off finally. Like, this is awesome. I'm frickin horny. Cause he's all into it, right? And then he comes and goes to sleep. And you know, I'm 17, I'm not very good with my hands yet. And I kind of look down at this pointy skyscraper Lego thing and I decide to put it down and go to bed frustrated. I'm really enjoying the power of watching him like this. But I wake up in the morning and I realized that Manuel was watching my shoes and he was watching the Legos and he was watching my muscles, but he wasn't ever watching me. And this starts to sink in. But we have another trip coming up. Christmas is coming and he's supposed to fly in on Christmas Eve and we're going to spend it in Memphis. And I totally know I'm going overtime. I'm sorry, guys, there's a blizzard. It's a five hour drive to Memphis and everybody Tells me not to drive down there and I'm headstrong. It doesn't matter what my parents say, I drive anyway. It takes me 10 hours to get to Memphis. I get to the airport wearing an entirely inappropriate black napkin thing and my six inch heels and I go wait at the gate for my boyfriend after having spent all of my savings from a part time job to buy him this $200 collectible Elvis ornament stupid thing that he really wanted. And he doesn't get off the plane. His flight comes and he doesn't get off. And so I go talk to the gate agent and she says he never boarded. And so I go to the payphone and I call him and he answers in Richmond, Virginia. And he says, oh, my flight was canceled. And I'm like, no, your flight just came in. So there's a little bit of an argument. But I get a hotel for the night, he comes in the next day and he's really excited to give me my Christmas presents and I'm so excited to give him his. And he has three and I'm feeling really inadequate because I only have one present for him. So he gives me the first present and it's a pair of six inch heels. And I'm like, oh, there's a pair of six inch heels right there that I can't walk in. Great. And then he gives me the second present and it's a WNBA Barbie, which is particularly apt because I've just turned down a whole bunch of college scholarships because I decided that I didn't want to play basketball professionally. And then I decide I'm going to give him my present because I'm really excited about it. So I give him this Elvis thing and he's super excited, but also had expected it and he's like, thank you, that's great, and gives me my last present, which he's super excited about and says that will give us lots of fun together. And it's a pair of weightlifting gloves so that we can work out together so that I can become a bodybuilder. And it just really sinks in. And over the next couple of days I just realized that I am not beautiful to him. I am the closest thing that he'll ever get to a giantess. I'm happy to say that I was smart enough to realize that sooner rather than later and I got out of that relationship within the next month. And I'm super happy being 64 now. But for the record, it's been 15 years since Manuel and all of my best orgasms have come from men shorter than me who didn't give a damn how tall I was. Thank you.
- [17:53]
Audience Member/Interjector
You're not going to sing, are you? Couldn't you just play your harp and.
- [17:59]
Janice in the City
I'll throw things at you.
- [18:02]
Audience Member/Interjector
Oh, you're big.
- [18:05]
Stevie the Stripper
I'm little. My head only comes to your middle. But I say little guys can do big things too.
- [18:13]
Janice in the City
Yes, but Goliath, he's.
- [18:16]
Audience Member/Interjector
He's big.
- [18:25]
Dixie de La Tour
Wasn't that a remarkable story? Again, that was from Janice in the City, told live on stage. Let me tell you a story about that story. When she appeared on stage and told that story, we put that video up on YouTube and within a couple of weeks we noticed that something strange was happening. We found that it was being shared widely on Giantess forums that people were sharing the video and talking about it. They enjoyed the fact that she is 6 foot 4 without heels. They really enjoyed a story from the Giantess point of view. I actually ended up getting on the forums and having conversations with some of the people who were remarking on Janice's height and her attributes and had a really interesting conversation where I asked them to consider what it felt like to be objectified simply for your attributes. I see that story now in a completely different way after having heard it from both Janice's point of view and from Giantess Fetishist's point of view. But if you'd like to see her tell the story, you can go to Body Storytelling's YouTube channel and you can watch as well as listen. So Body Storytelling has had a YouTube channel for many years. The podcast is brand new. You can go to YouTube.com body body storytelling b A W D Y like it always is. And you can see a lot of these stories as well as hear them. This is just a new way for us to share some of the stories. Many of the stories you gonna hear on this podcast are gonna be brand new and some of them are gonna be beloved favorites. I have stories that I revisit again and again. Sometimes I go to my own YouTube channel and I watch a story so that I can enjoy that moment and watch that person be afraid to tell their story in front of hundreds of people and watch that look of joy on their face. And that's one thing you get off YouTube that you don't get on a podcast. So enjoy them both, check them both out and share the videos with your friends. Janice's story, I think seeing the visual adds quite a lot to it. So check it out. She's under Janice in the City. So speaking of the podcast. And Speaking of the YouTube channel, I'm going to talk to y' all about Patreon. Patreon is how we are funding this brand new project, the podcast, and people are supporting it. And it's starting to grow slowly, but it could use a lot of help. It's pretty expensive to do podcasting. You have to pay a sound engineer if you're Dixie de La Tour. And I can guarantee you I am not qualified to do this. I can talk into a microphone and I've done it for many years. But I'm not that good at the equipment part of things. I'm not that good at mixing sound. And there's also hosting. I know you think I'm hosting, but I'm not hosting. Hosting means web hosting. So you supporting us is what makes a difference, and we still have room in the bawdy hall of fame. We'd love to list you as one of the people who got this podcast off the ground. We are getting great reviews from people who listen to it regularly. It's very strange to suddenly have this new thing out in the world, and people come up to me at live shows and talk to me about the most recent episode and ask me about what's coming up. Those are the people that I see here in San Francisco or in Seattle or in any of the other cities that I bring the show to. But the podcast is allowing us to bring it to cities all over the world, because every place in the world needs to know that sex is healthy. It's fun. I don't want to come at you with stripping all the fun out of sex, because, I don't know, sometimes I think if you can get a little shrill when you tell somebody sex is your birthright. That is absolutely true. It is your birthright. But it's so much fun. And you can not only have the fun of boffin the hell out of somebody, but then you can turn around and tell the story. And if you learn the art of storytelling, or if you're a natural raconteur, as many people are, you just get up in front of people and you share your story. And forever people will have this point of reference for you. They'll know this piece of your life, and you will inspire them to go out and create their own stories. And sometimes it's a little too easy to believe we're not good enough, we're not big enough, we're not small enough. All of the things the world will use to tell you that you're less than. It's Going to make you think you're not enough. And no matter what you look like, whether you're tiny, whether you're big, there is somebody out there who is excited about what you got to bring. In fact, I don't know if you know what a feeder is. A feeder is someone who gets off on the thrill of causing someone. Well, there's several definitions. Well, okay, let's just shut up and say for these purposes, there's one definition. And that definition is someone feeding you, putting a spoon in your mouth, and knowing that putting that spoon in your mouth and putting food inside your body is causing you to gain weight, it's causing you to grow. And as a big girl, I've had feeders approach me over the years. So yesterday I was at a birthday party that was a pie party. It had probably 50 different kinds of pie. It had pizza pie, it had quiche, it had pecan pie. Even though they'd ask, people don't bring no pie with nuts. There were still people who brought pie with nuts. There was lemon meringue pie and key lime pie and all of these things. And I had this amazing piece of Boston cream pie, which is my favorite kind of pie, because it's a cake pretending it's a pie. And I had the last piece of Boston cream pie on my plate. And my friend Nikki came by. Nikki is this beautiful bbw, big, beautiful woman. She beats herself up all the time because she'd lost a ton of weight and she's gained some weight back. And she said, oh, my God, you got that last piece of Boston cream pie. And I'm like, you want some of it? She said, yeah. I'm like, then I'll make you a deal. I'm gonna feed you with my hand. I'm gonna feed you this piece of Boston cream pie, but I get to rub on your big old belly while I do it. And I get to know that I'm making you bigger by spooning these calories into your face. And she looked a little sheepish. And then she went, yeah, let's do it. And so as I fed her this custardy, cakey, chocolate covered confection, and she made delicious sounds. Cause it was homemade Boston cream pie. I got to rub on her belly.
- [25:39]
Janice in the City
Her.
- [25:39]
Dixie de La Tour
She was beautiful. And it made it taste that much better. I did not mind giving away my piece of Boston cream pie, watching her enjoy it in that way. So our next story is going to be from somebody who looks a little bit different than the person I just described. She is a stripper Am I supposed to be politically correct and say she's an exotic dancer? No, she's stripper. She calls herself a stripper. I like to go with whatever you prefer to call yourself. And she calls herself a stripper. She is one of my favorite storytellers because she has so much joy when she walks up to a microphone. She fell in love with the microphone the first time she got on stage. For me, she'd never done anything like it. And when she walked off, when she walked off stage, she went, you've just created a monster. She now writes she has a new story in an anthology that just came out. And this story is from a dear friend of mine. I believe this was a the first time she ever got on my stage. This story is from Stevie the stripper.
- [27:15]
Stevie the Stripper
Okay, so obviously you guys, I'm a stripper and I super love my job and I'm going to tell you, am I doing it right? Okay, cool. I'm gonna tell you about my favorite day at work, like ever. So for those of you who've never been to a strip club, basically it's exactly how they describe it, like in a rap song where there's like money falling through the air like rain and there's big booty everywhere and lap dances are happening. And honestly the money through the air part is the best part because it is like it's raining on you. And it's more like I'm in a snow globe of money and like I can lie on the stage half naked making snow angels out of all the money that's falling. And then when I'm done, this little man with a broom comes and like sweeps it all up and cleans up after me and I get to keep it all. Okay, so another thing I love about my job is being someone's like fantasy girl. Being a fantasy girl is a great opportunity to sort of like leave behind my regular personality and all my hang ups and just be whoever they want me to be. It's really special that people trust me with their intimate fantasy life. It's really cool that I get to figure out what it is. Sometimes I'm like the girl next door. Sometimes I'm like the crazy coke bitch who's about to punch them in the face. There's all different things that I get to try out being for them and they give me money and that's really cool. So that's their fantasy though, about me. When I'm having a really good day, I get to live some of my fantasies. Yeah. So basically my number One fantasy is about fat people. They can be men, they can be women, but when they come in the club, I just get so excited, right? Because fat people are great. For me, it's like, fat is happy and fat is fun. It's like fat is abundance and bounty and too, too much of a good thing. And I just love exploring all the curves and the mountains and valleys that they bring to me. It's just, like, such a soft, sensual experience for me, right? So I think, though, like, that might be unusual. I get to project a lot of things, but I've done a lot of thinking, obviously, and one of the things I realized is I'm probably obsessed with it because of my own history. When I was in college 10 years ago, I was anorexic. I was super thin and unhealthy. It was a time in my life where I thought I could solve all of my problems by taking up as little space as possible, where if I just had fewer and fewer needs, I could whittle myself down for nothing and not really bug anybody. So that's why fat people mean a lot. One day, though, it's gonna be happy again. Don't worry. So one day, a dentist comes in, and he brings his, like, entire. This isn't even my favorite day yet, so don't worry. The dentist brings, like, his whole office staff in, and for whatever reason, they have their annual office party at the strip club, and he got bottle service for them. There's, like, 10, like, hygienists. He gives them all, like, lots of money to spend on us. And I got to be performing for them on stage. I'm, like, doing my thing, and they all are, like, holding money and getting really excited and throwing it all over me, like, making it rain, like, in a rap video. They start to shout like they're getting really worked up about me. And they're like, oh, my God, like, you're so hot. They're like, I want your body. Like, I just want to be you. And, like, even though I'm lost in being a stripper, that's the part where it kind of freaks me out because I'm like, oh, the last time someone said they wanted to be me, like, I was 85 pounds. And, like, I was getting threatened to be kicked out of school. And my classmates and my friends, even people I didn't like, would come and say, like, oh, your body looks so great. Like, how do you get such good grades? Like, you know, how are you so perfect? And all I can think is, like, why would you Want this? Like, any day I would trade your happiness and your fun for, like, my perfect, skinny body. I'm done being serious. So anyway, best day at work ever. Obviously, it's about a fat guy. I'm on stage again. A really normal looking fat guy comes in. He has, like, his professional attire, like slacks and a polo shirt. And he's very normal, except he comes up to stage and, like, right away puts down 20 bucks, which is awesome. So I get off stage and right away he grabs me and pulls me and he says, like, the two best things anyone could say to me ever. And the first one is, you're my ultimate fantasy. And then the next thing he says is, I'm gonna give you all my money. So, like, obviously, that's perfect. Obviously. We're going to the champagne room. Like, we go upstairs. Upstairs is where the champagne room is. And it's, like, very exclusive and private and fancy because there's, like, chiffon curtains and there's like leather couches and glass coffee tables and, like, candlelight, and it's very sexy. But that's when I always have to break it to them that, like, we're not actually going to have sex. Like, maybe you thought that when we were going up there, because I'm your ultimate fantasy girl, but, like, that's not actually what we're gonna do. So usually, hopefully they're like, so in love with me just like this guy is that it's okay. Like, everything's fine. Like, he's already told me that, like, we're gonna get married and everything's, you know, gonna be perfect forever. So I'm not actually worried about how we're gonna pass our time. Especially when I ask him, like, you know, what's our wedding gonna be like, right away, without skipping a beak, he's like, I'm wearing assless chaps. And I'm like, like, I was like, cool, so what am I gonna wear? He, like, doesn't even give a shit, so. Which is awesome. I'm like, oh, this is gonna be, like, way different than the normal champagne thing. Like, you're gonna do the work. Like, you're gonna. You're gonna come up with the fantasy. So obviously I'm like, well, what's our married life gonna be like? Like, you know, what are we gonna do? What's. Like, we pick Malibu. We're going to live right by the beach in, like, a big mansion. I've always wanted to live there, so I'm really happy we're on the same page about that. I Don't have to work. Like, he's going to be my sugar daddy. He's going to go work all day, and I stay home, and my job is to fuck as many guys as possible, right? So cool. Like, we decided there's gonna be a webcam so that he can watch me from his desk at work, and I'm gonna be fucking, like, Chippendale, Louisiana, supermodels by the pool, and he's gonna be watching me at work, and then he's gonna come home and always fuck me, too. So this is awesome. Like, for me, this is. This. That thing that he create, that we created together has actually become my number one masturbation fantasy. Like, if I'm bored and it's the middle of the day, which is my favorite time to masturbate, like, this is what has been getting me off for, like, a month and a half. I add to it, and it works every time. Anyway, back in the champagne room, like, I'm lost in his world completely. Like, he's sort of sprawled out on the leather couch, and I, like, am draped over him, and I'm propping my head up on his chest like this. And he's so big and floaty that I can't even put my knees or my feet on the ground. Like, I'm in total La La Land. But right in that moment where he's got me in his total trance is obviously when the manager comes in and is like, yo, Stevie. Like, time's up. You gotta get out of here. Like, half an hour's gone, $350 gone, and you have to go back to work. So, like, we're in a daze. He leaves. He gets my fake stripper number, and. But I have this really happy moment where I'm like, this is a day where I finally realized that I totally, 100% want to be me. So, the end.
- [37:02]
Dixie de La Tour
Well, thank you for a very pleasant evening. I really must go.
- [37:06]
Janice in the City
The entertainment is about to commence.
- [37:16]
Audience Member/Interjector
Take a look around you Someone might recognize you it's not the type of place you want to bump into friends I know what you came for to watch me on the dance floor Making what you paid for and part of your dreams Money staring Come on and see me every Saturday night But it's all right don't you know My hands are long My thighs, you can't believe your eyes My body hypnotized as I said so let the show begin I'll show you everything and you're my safety pin there's nothing you can say to take my Ride away I can be a lady out of trouble I got ability don't you look down on me I can live without your daddy mind can you?
- [38:26]
Dixie de La Tour
That story was from Stevie the Stripper. And I believe that was her first time performing at Body Storytelling. I'm feeling really chatty today, so I'm going to tell you that a couple of weeks after she got on stage and told that story for us, we went to the Gold Club where she's a stripper, and we did an outing and we took 15 or 20 people who come to Body Storytelling and we went for the lunch special, which was, you know, pretty much all you could eat strippers. And it was all you can eat fried chicken. And they have a real. They have a really good lunch buffet for $5. You can get in in the middle of the day at the Gold Club in San Francisco. And you can have pretty good fried chicken. I can say that as a Southerner. They have a salad and other stuff. I'm sorry, I don't care. Fried chicken was what I was there for. And we sat down, 15 or 20 of us. Stevie ignored her customers and came over and sat and chatted with us and told us stories about the regulars who come to the Gold Club all the time. When I was coaching Stevie for the story, at one point she had told me that it really turns her on when somebody makes it rain. So I had stuffed about, I don't know, $41 bills in my wallet. And she's telling us stories about, see that guy? That's the captain of Alameda and this guy who looked like a pirate wearing a purple suit, who drove all the way over from Alameda to San Francisco to watch strippers and tip them and. And she was just like, see that guy? He's a math teacher. She's telling us stories about all the regulars when she wasn't looking. When she was deep in story, telling somebody something about one of the characters who was there at the Gold Club. I snuck up behind her with that wad of $1 bills and I just dropped them all in her head. She threw her hands up in the air, she squealed. And she just enjoyed that money falling all over her body. And is there anything better than making somebody happy? She really enjoyed that and went right back to her story just as soon as she was done. Speaking of story, let's get to our next and final story. And this is a story from me. I don't often tell stories on my own stage anymore. I love to tell stories, but it's so important for Me to watch people get on stage and have their chance. So I've done a lot less of it. But I do tend to sew the stories together with my own stories. The stories that are told on stage change the mood, head it in the right direction. But this was a night when I decided to tell a whole story, start to finish. And this one was from our Size Queen show. So let's call this story Size Queen, shall we? This is me, Dixie de La Tour, telling a story on stage. I hope you like it.
- [41:39]
Dixie de La Tour (Storyteller)
Now I'm feeling kind of shy. So the sex party's been going on all night long. And we're in a McMansion in Oakland. It's one of those amazing places with 18 bedrooms and a building out back that has a hot tub and a sauna. And because this sex party is my birthday, some friends of mine have offered to cook a big Southern breakfast for all the people who have stayed around. And there have been hundreds of people at this party. There's a lot of people still in this building. I'm sitting in the hot tub with five or six friends, and we can smell the biscuits cooking. We can smell the bacon and the Jimmy Dean sausage. And we're sitting there talking about all the crazy things we've done and seen the night before, naked, feeling really good, waiting. It's about a half an hour till the breakfast is about to be served. And of the people sitting in the hot tub with me naked, one of them, this guy who looks a lot like Jeff Goldblum, which, if you know me, is my ultimate fantasy. Jeff looks at me across the hot tub and he says, Jeff says, hey, Dixie, how come in all the years we've been throwing crazy parties together, we've never fucked each other? And I'm like, hmm. And I'm trying to act like I don't really have an answer, but the truth is, Jeff has an 11 inch dick. I have watched a lot of things at those parties. It's like a floor show. This thing is scary big. And I'm going, that's a good question. I don't really know. And he's like, well, it is your birthday and we have a little time until breakfast is served. Why don't we run upstairs to take care of that? And I'm. You know when your birthday comes around every year, you look at your life and you go, what have I achieved and what is still lacking? Have I fucked an 11 inch dick in my life? That would be no. And I'm like, okay, let's do that. Let's just go, you know, I'm just like, fuck, yeah, let's just go do that. Let's do that. We climb out and everybody's applauding. Yeah, go do it. We go up the stairs into one of the 18 bedrooms. And as we're going up the stairs, smell of biscuits everywhere. So I go up the stairs. I'm like, you should know, I'm kind of at the tail end of my period. So I have put a sea sponge up in there, kind of take care of business. So just, you know, it's not gonna bother you, but I just thought you should know. And he goes, that's fine, it's fine. Don't care. Gonna use a condom. It's cool. We go up to one of the bedrooms. He's very excited because he's like, queen of the sex parties. Gonna fucking have at that. And I'm kinda like, what did I.
- [44:52]
Dixie de La Tour
Just say I would do?
- [44:56]
Dixie de La Tour (Storyteller)
And I get on my hands and knees on the bed, and he puts a condom on. He's getting lube and he starts to go at it. And as soon as he puts that fucking thing in me, I'm like, this is a really stupid idea. I don't want this at all. And I'm making noises that he thinks are like, yeah, she likes that. And the truth is, get that fucking thing out of me. It's enormous. But you don't want to say that because that's rude. And I'm committed. And so he starts saying all the great things. Yeah, big ass is awesome. You like that big dick, don't you? And I'm like, mm hmm.
- [45:39]
Janice in the City
And.
- [45:44]
Dixie de La Tour (Storyteller)
And I feel like one of those hollow chocolate bunnies from Easter. All my organs have been shoved down my throat and there's just barely room enough for his penis inside me. I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this. And as I'm making noises and he's making noises, and his dick, it's getting harder and harder, which is making it worse. I see this hairy arm come through the open door and it's holding a Jimmy Dean sausage biscuit. And it says, hey, Dixie, we've already had breakfast, because y' all been going at it for a while. This is the last biscuit and it's your birthday breakfast. Do you want this? And I look over my shoulder at Jeff Goldblum and I say, I will.
- [46:48]
Dixie de La Tour
Give you half of it if you.
- [46:49]
Dixie de La Tour (Storyteller)
Take that fucking thing out of my pussy right now. He's been fucking all night. It's fine. We sit naked on the edge of the bed, we break it in half, we sit there, it's fantastic. You know, we go downstairs, we have cheesy grits, we have every southern breakfast item there is that's left. Because we've been fucking for a while. And eventually I clean up, I go home, I'm in that post party bliss. It's been an awesome birthday party. Crazy shit everywhere. And I'm kind of high. I'm really high on my life. And as I'm about to go to sleep at three in the afternoon, I realized I probably might want to get that sponge out of my vagina. So you know how they tell you that the vagina has an ending? What I learned much later is the vagina has a cul de sac. It really does. And so I am reaching underneath trying to grab this thing and all I can get is the tiniest. I'm pulling out tiny little flecks of sponge, I'm flicking them and I'm doing it again. So if I'm not already stretched out from the 11 inch dick, I'm sticking my own fucking arm in there. And I cannot get it. I cannot get it. Monday comes, it's still in there. And I'm feeling like this is going to be a problem really soon. I should call a doctor, but I'm kind of embarrassed to call a doctor and say I let a monster cock get inside me. And I thought that there was an ending to the vagina, but apparently I was wrong. And.
- [48:53]
Dixie de La Tour
So Tuesday morning, 72 hours or.
- [48:58]
Dixie de La Tour (Storyteller)
So have passed and I get a phone call from my friend Julie. Julie's been at the party.
- [49:04]
Dixie de La Tour
She had left earlier.
- [49:06]
Dixie de La Tour (Storyteller)
She wants to see did anything happen after she left. It was a great party. And I happened to mention that I have had a sea sponge inside my vagina for 6, 72 hours. Julie is queer. She knows a lot about vaginas. She's like, have you been to the doctor? I'm like, no, she's a sex educator.
- [49:23]
Dixie de La Tour
Do you think you should go?
- [49:26]
Dixie de La Tour (Storyteller)
I'm kind of embarrassed. And she's like, well, just come over and I'll get it out. This is an awkward moment in a friendship when this happens. And I'm like, this feels weird to me. And she's like, so I'll tell you what's gonna happen. I just want you to know what you're walking into. You're gonna come over to my apartment and you are going to take your bottoms off. You can leave your shirt on. You're gonna climb into my clawfoot tub. That has no water in it. You're gonna throw your legs over the side. I'm gonna put on a latex glove, and I'm gonna get in there in a position you can't get in there, and I'm gonna get it out. I'm like, that sounds reasonable. So I go over to her house, and as I'm walking up the staircase into her railroad apartment, she's standing there and I'm like, I've given some thought to your plan, and here's another part of the plan that I would like to have happen. It's been in there for a while. I feel less than fresh. So when you get it to a place where I can get at it, like, just a little bit, get the fuck out of the room. And she's like, okay, whatever you want. And so I go into the bathroom, I take off my bottoms, I climb into the ice cold clawfoot tub. She's down the hall somewhere, and I'm sitting there with my gaping maw open, waiting for my good friend to come in and essentially fist my vagina. And she walks in wearing a yellow dishwashing glove. I'm like, what the fuck is that? She's like, I'm out of latex gloves. I thought I had some. I'm like, all right, I guess we're committed. Let's do it. So she's leaning over the side and she's just getting it in there. And I'm just like, this is not a moment I ever wanted to have in my life. And let's think about how much has been going on down there for days. I'm a little sore, and it's getting sore by the minute. And finally I'm just, you know, she's doing the same thing I am. She could just grab the tiniest bit and there's nothing coming. Tiniest bit. Because you know what? There's not a lot of grip in a fucking dishwashing glove. So eventually, she sits on the end of the tub and she gives me a very serious look, and she says, I think it's time we had a talk.
- [52:19]
Dixie de La Tour
What's your STD status? Like what?
- [52:25]
Dixie de La Tour (Storyteller)
She's like, the glove's not going to work. I'm going to have to stick my bare arm in there. Is there anything I need to know about your past? I don't know. It's fine. I get checked. Why are we talking about this? I just want it out. I just want it out. Please get it out. And she goes, okay. She gets rid of the glove and she inserts her bare arm up inside there, and almost immediately, she grabs it, and I feel it start to move and come out a little bit. And I look her in the eyes and I say, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out. And I terrify her. And she runs out of the room and shuts the door. I mean, I don't want to be too graphic, but if your golden retriever came across this on the beach, it would roll in it. For I'm not happy to be in that room. I reach into my purse where I have brought a ziploc bag. I pull it out, I put it in a ziploc bag. I zip it, I put it inside a plastic grocery bag, tie it up twice, put it inside, and I wrap it up seven times to make sure it's trapped and away from me. And I come out, she's obviously gone and washed her hands very thoroughly. And I see her standing at the end of the railroad apartment looking in the other direction like a dog that's been caught doing something it probably shouldn't do. And from about 30ft away, as I go down the stairs to leave, I go, we'll never speak of this again.
- [54:18]
Dixie de La Tour
She goes, I agree.
- [54:21]
Dixie de La Tour (Storyteller)
A couple months later, I'm at a sex party. Jeff Goldblum walks up to me and he goes, so, you know, we were interrupted a while back and what do you think? You want to give it another go? And I'm sure he's thinking, big deal. What's an 11 inch dick? What's an 11 inch dick? What's an 11 inch dick? Followed by your own arm inserted 200 times, followed by your best friend's arm inserted another 200 times. And I give him a kiss on the cheek and I say, thanks, darling, I'm good.
- [55:19]
Dixie de La Tour
I want to tell you about upcoming shows for body storytelling. Our next show in San Francisco is themed Paris Paramore. And we have the incomparable Marga Gomez. Marga Gomez is a solo show superstar. She's been voted best comedian. She performs all over the country. And this is my first time having Marga live on stage at Bodi. I performed alongside her, but I've never had her in my show and I'm so thrilled. We also have comedian Ash Fisher, who is a host of the comedy show man haters. And we're getting news stories all the time. It's going to be a really good show. The date of that show, the Paramore show, is on April 12th in San Francisco. And after that, we are going to be back in Seattle on April 26th. That's a Wednesday. The theme for the evening is Infomaniac. Infomaniac is one of Sounds like nymphomaniac, doesn't it? Infomaniac is one of those themes where you can kind of geek out. We love it when you. You put a lot of information in your story. It's still a story, but you're gonna teach us a few things. So maybe it's how to throw up Harry Potter sex party. Maybe it's your dirty librarian. Best place to fuck in the library. I don't know what your story is. You ain't sent it to me yet. But if you'd like to be on stage in Seattle, pitch me a story. I work with you, I story coach you. We make it beautiful. That show is the infomaniac show on April 26 in Seattle. Speaking of Seattle, I was back in Seattle last week. We had an incredible show, a packed house. We do it at the Rebar in Seattle, which is the oldest queer bar in Seattle. It is a rambling old place that's full of characters. The audience was 75% brand new people. Some of them had listened to the podcast. Some of them had been told by their friends it was a great show and they were enthusiastic and into it. A lot of them were thinking about stories. So if you want to get in this next Seattle show, you need to pitch me a story soon. Send it to dixieoddystorytelling.com that's my email address. The best way to pitch me a story is to record yourself telling the story. Because I'm Southern, I'm illiterate, I can't read. Don't write it down. Send me a voice recording so I can hear you tell a story. And don't sweat it. Just kind of tell me the gist of the story and I'll help you make it pretty for the stage. Speaking of which, I've told you we have a YouTube channel. Body Storytelling is on YouTube. We also have an Instagram account, BodyStorytelling. And we're on Facebook @BodyStorytelling. Please go there like us. You can find information about upcoming shows, find out what kind of stories we're particularly looking for. Or you can always throw your own story at me because I like it when you tell me what a theme means on Twitter. We're boddy. So follow us in all the places so that you know what's coming up. And as I've said for a while, my goal is to try and do a tour since this is our 10 year anniversary here. So you'll be finding out where we're planning to go and get more information on that as it develops. I want to say thank you to Matthew Marder, my podcast producer, to David Grossoff, my sound engineer to Jo Moore who records video to Ruben Tan who records our live streaming and On Demand. If you're looking for that, it's@bawdistreaming.com and Ruben can set you up so you can watch the whole show start to finish. One of the great things about watching the live stream or the on demand is you can have a date at home. And those things that you do while you're listening to Dirty Stories at home, I'm not going to say what they are. Should I say what they are? They're like maybe you can fuck during the stories because you can't really do that at the live show in the building. We recently had somebody who was so excited about the livestream of our show and wanted to watch. It was two shows that night back to back for our 10 year anniversary and they were so excited about the livestream. They live in Sweden and got the livestream and when it started it was 4am in Sweden. They set their alarm clock, got up at 4am to watch Dirty Stories. To watch two back to back shows of Dirty Stories, here's a pro tip. You don't have to get up at 4am there's an on Demand. You can watch it whenever. Christian, thank you for that story. I was so flattered that you loved us enough to set your alarm clock and get up at 5 4am to listen to our stories. So that's it for this week's episode. We want you to tell your friends about us, we want you to review us and I want you to send me your story. I don't want to read your story. Person in Minneapolis who just sent me a written story, I want to hear your story. If you'd like to be on this podcast with a recording of your story, that's possible. If you just want to send me a story so that I can know that you are ready to rock the stage when I get to Fort Lauderdale, then send me a story. I love waking up, sitting down with a cup of coffee and listening to what your life is like. I'm a sexual folklorist. I love to collect the stories and hear about the adventures of people and how they do it in cities all over the world. So until next week, this is Sexual Folklorist Dixie de La Tour telling you go out there. Life's an adventure. Make shit happen. Do something fun. You're gonna take care of everybody else. You're gonna treat them like you want to be treated. But get up there and have some fun. You're gonna be dead soon enough, so do it while you can. Thanks so much for listening to the Body Storytelling Podcast. I'll see you next week. Thanks.
- [61:18]
Performer Singing
I take a look at my enormous penis and my troubles start a me I take a look at my enormous penis and the happy times are coming to stay I gotta sing and I dance when I glance in my pants and the feeling's like a sunshiny day I take a look at my enormous pee ness ain't Everything is going my way Sam Everybody look at my enormous penis S My troubles started melting away I take a look at my enormous penis and the happy times are coming to stay yeah, I got great big amounts in the place where it counts and the feelings like a sunshiny day I take a look at my enormous Everything is going my way My trouser monster Everything is going my way Everything is going my way Size doesn't matter Everything is going my way.
- [63:19]
Janice in the City
Can I climb me that mountain?