← Bawdy Storytelling
Loading summary
Transcript38 lines
- [00:01]
Performer/Singer
Well, Picard, I wanna get you hard. Whoa. Well, I love you so. Picard, I wanna get you hard. Whoa. I wanna. There's a disturbance in my lower quadrant. Take me like Riker took Soren back in the first season when the writers were experimenting. Please, commanders, say engage. I'm more than happy to arrange an evening on the holodeck. I'd love to know what you would pick. I look up at the stars. I see a love that could be ours Aboard the Enterprise. Your sleek bald head between my thighs. You're not a fan of Rome romance, but come on, just give me a chance. Show me your captain's log. I'm more turned on than dame on talk.
- [01:13]
Dixie de La Tour
Hey, smarty, wanna party? Welcome to the Body Storytelling podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour. And this week we have stories about how computer programming can get you laid. About how nerds throw a sex party, and about how flagging that you're a geek can let other geeks know what you're into. This is going to be a great show. And this week's show is all about nerds. Let's get right into the stories, shall we? Our first storyteller is someone who sat quietly in the audience for years. And when I announced that the theme for a show was Talk Nerdy to Me, I got a pitch. And though she was terrified to get on stage, she did it anyway. This first story is from Janelle Tavares. She is a computer programmer and this show needed a little bit of that, didn't it? And it's her first time. We don't know if we'll ever get her back. So if you make it so that she feels like she can get up here and do this, I think she can. Please welcome for the first time to the Body stage, Janelle Tavares.
- [02:52]
Janelle Tavares
She's right. I am scared as fuck. So my story starts with me sitting in computer science lecture. Our usual professor isn't there and the guest lecturer is a short skinny man with gold wire ribbon classes. He lets us know that there's been a change of schedule. He doesn't have slides, but he's going to provide some coding demonstrations to so we can be introduced to the object oriented programming concepts of polymorphism and inheritance. He proceeds to set up the projector and open up his favorite code editor, vi. Before I know it, code is flying around the projector. This man can type fast and he's super smart, but it's VI that's making him look like a coding God. The features and the shortcuts make it powerful and efficient and effective and I'm having a visceral reaction. My nerd boner is huge and my nipples are erect. I take a second to survey the other students in the lecture hall to see what their reaction is and I see Mike Acute RA at this point I am an undergrad at a polytechnic institute in Massachusetts. I am majoring in electrical and computer engineering and minoring in computer science. I've been focusing on my electrical engineering courses, so my social life has basically failed. They're time consuming, they're intense, and I only really know the people in my classes. Beginning my junior year, I decided to become an ra and that opened up my social circle to people like Mike. Mike looks like the actor Dominic Monaghan from Lost in Lord of the Rings, but with dark eyes and a mop of dark curly hair. We've met eyes a couple of times and there was butterflies, but we didn't really get a chance to talk yet. I find an excuse to talk to him after this titillating lecture. I catch him after class and ask him what he thought of all those coding examples. He says yeah, he was crazy productive with Virginia. I enjoy using VI and VIM for homework and did you know that they come installed standard with all Unix operating systems, his favorite of which is Ubuntu Linux? I say I didn't know that, but I think I need to have this in my life. Tell me more. He proceeds to quickly offer to give me a demonstration and to help me with my first instance. All we make a date and it's.
- [06:05]
Spider
On.
- [06:13]
Janelle Tavares
Come Friday night. He comes by my dorm room and he's looking adorable with his curls and he's very well prepared with his Ubuntu Live pre burned cd. He immediately gets to speccing out my system and using Windows tools to partition my hard drive. I'm going to have a dual boot. At this point I'm as interested in the details of what he's going to do to my computer as I am to him. So I'm standing close to the monitor and making sure I'm absorbing everything. But I'm also in his personal space and he doesn't seem to mind. He pushes back on me. Sometimes he rests his head on my hips. We're comfortable at this point in the install process. He has rebooted the system and he's up to the installation menus and he's telling me how the operating system is going to be laid out on my desk. Ext 3 file format. Here's the swap here's the home directory. He knows what he's talking about. He is in his wheelhouse and it's always arousing to see somebody do that. I'm feeling him more than ever. He goes on to tell me that when he finishes my config, I'm going to have some network shares so that I can access my files from all around campus. And I'm like fuck yeah, networking. I hate those little USB keys. This is new technology for me and the cloud was not so good at the time, so it was sexy. He also goes on to tell me that his Ubuntu Live CD is a little out of date, so he's going to have to get some updates, make sure everything's good, ready to go. And he tells me he's going to do this by opening up a terminal and in issuing Sudo apt, get, update and upgrade. I let him know I haven't spent much time at the terminal yet. Please explain more. He goes on to tell me that Sudo is short for superuserdo, which is the most powerful account on the system. It has access to everything. Whatever comes after Sudo has to be immediately executed. My response is so Sudo demands obedience. He gives me eyebrows and a giggle. So at this point in the install process, the menu comes up that asks for a username and password. I lean in, get to the keyboard nonchalantly, lay a breast on his shoulder and let him know that I'm just going to use my name as the username, but for password I'm going to use Hurt so good. H E R T Z as in the units of frequency. His mouth drops open a little bit and his eyes are wide. You can tell he's not used to any woman being forward with him, but his pupils tell me he's enjoying it. At this point he lets me know that we just have to wait in the install process. He puts an arm around my hips. We've got a little bit of physical tension going on. My nerd boner is at full mast, so I make a bold move. I throw my leg over the chair and straddle him while saying, I really want to show you how much I appreciate you opening up my world to open source. Somebody's having a code orgy to make sure that we can have this experience and we get to have a real life interaction. He digs his fingers into my hips and kisses me deeply and I know he's feeling it just as much as I am. It's on. We start taking our clothes off and I position myself under the desk in front of him so he still has access to the keyboard. I start taking his pants and shorts off. I put my face next to his thigh so he can feel my steamy breath when I say I want you. I can see his cock dance a little bit to finish my install. He's game. He enjoys the tease. He's calling out the numbers on the progress bar as I start to tease his cock. Light kisses and caresses, licks and flicks. It gets harder and bigger and his fully erect penis has a beautiful curve to it. As he starts calling out 80s and 90s. I start to take his cock into my mouth. Just the tip at first, and then deeper and deeper. When he gets to 100%, he only has a few key strokes left before the config is done. I push his chair back. I get up. I take the rest of my clothes off. I lead him to the bed and say, sudo, Lick me. He's more than happy to oblige. He is quite enthusiastic. Skilled is what he's doing. His tongue is running up and down my labia. I've gotten quite steamy and throbbing lust going while I was going down on him. So the way that he is tickling and teasing and pleasing my clit is. Is fantastic. Firm pressure is great. I want to let him know that this is good. Give him some positive feedback and also let him know that he's found a spot. That if he lingers on long enough, I'm going to come. So I say, wow. One open curly brace right there. Semicolon. Don't stop. Semicolon.
- [13:06]
Performer/Singer
Close curly bracelet.
- [13:18]
Janelle Tavares
He takes the feedback like a champ. Gets it just right and I start coming. Pleasure is shooting all over my body. Rippling contractions. A deep and satisfying release. I pull his face up from between my legs and it's all wet and glistening. I kiss him deeply and I can taste me on him. That's fucking hot. I whisper in his ear. You mounted my network shares. I mount you. We switch positions on the bed. I move him to the edge of my twin double long so that I can have one leg folded on the bed and one leg on the floor for extra leverage. I get him a condom and he puts it on. I'm so wet from my orgasm. He's so hard from going down on me that the first stroke is balls deep. I continue to fuck him vigorously. His body has uncontrollable contractions. I see so much tension in his neck. It doesn't take that long for him to start to come to and he has a big release and the moaning sounds like animals when his body goes limp. I declare you mount. I dismount him and lay on the bed next to him. We are a sweaty pile of post orgasmic glory. I eventually look back to the system and see the beautiful swirly background of Ubuntu welcoming me to further discovery. To this day, Ubuntu is still my favorite operating system and I only boot into Windows if I absolutely have to and even then begrudgingly.
- [15:45]
Dixie de La Tour
So this week we are celebrating 25 episodes. We have put 25 back to back episodes together and putting the podcast together is a big. It's a big undertaking and it's been possible because of you. You've been listening every week. You've been telling your friends, I hope you're going to go to itunes and review us. And if you haven't, I hope that you will Support our Patreon. Patreon.com spelled P A T R E O N dot com is a way to support the things that you love and keep them going in the same way you listen to those pledge drives on npr. You support npr. Except we have all the stuff you're not going to hear on npr. We have stories that include all the words the FCC don't want you to hear and we have the dirty, dirty details. Everything is left into our stories and you know you want to keep that going. So Please go to patreon.com bawdi to b a W D Y and support our Patreon. It will let me know that you like what we're doing and I'm hoping soon that I could get on a Google chat with you if you support at that level and I can talk to you about your story. Or maybe you can just ask for some sex advice. That seems like a really bad idea, but let's do that. So go to patreon.com bodi and support what we do. It's really important that we keep this thing going and you're making that happen by supporting us on Patreon. Thanks in advance. Our next story is from a nerd who likes to explore abandoned buildings and put together festivals and create unique experiences. And he certainly has a unique experience to share in this story. You can find him. You can find him on FetLife as intentional is his username. But for his stage debut he decided on a different name. This story was told live on stage in San Francisco and the storyteller goes by Spider.
- [18:26]
Spider
So I'm standing in the doorway and I'm watching the seated Andorian alien, but really I'm catching William T. Riker as he swings his leg over the alien's lap and starts to grind into it. And as he does so, he reaches behind himself and starts to undo his uniform, doing a striptease along with the lap dance. Across the room I see Seven of Nine, the sexy Borg from Star Trek Voyager. And she is wearing only a skin tight silver bodysuit. And I think I could develop a thing for cyborgs, but I'm also getting my timey wimey stuff all out of order. This is not the beginning of the story. The beginning of the story is when I am at a reunion of my college gaming and sci fi friends and there are a bunch of us here. We've rented out a giant house and a bunch of hotel rooms and some of us are sitting down to play a game of Settlers of Catan. Now Settlers of Catan, like many other games, has this problem where there are a bunch of different kinds of cards and it's the box is too big and as you move it around the cards will slide around and get all disorganized and it's really kind of a pain. You have that problem. I don't have that problem anymore. Because it turns out a really good solution for this is bondage tape because it sticks to itself, not the cards. You can cut it to whatever length you need and it's really good at keeping things restrained. So as I'm taking out my copy of Settlers, I start to unwrap the bondage tape that is around the cards and I'm not really thinking about this and most people in my group don't notice, but my friend Lana looks at it and gives me this look. Is that yes? Yes it is. We should talk later. So later we're in my room and we're talking. Maybe I'll just skip ahead a bit. We don't talk for the whole time because there's that point after we're talking about kink and what we like, where it becomes clear that this is not going to just be be talking. And we lean in and we start to kiss and I am making out with this friend of mine who I've known and had a secret crush on for years. And as we move over to the bed and she takes off my shirt and I feel her bare hands on my chest, I am feeling this is not just nice, this is hot. This is much hotter than I expected. And I realize she's feeling that way too. And we're both getting more and more Turned on by the fact that the other one's getting more turned on and we don't really expect this. And we get in this hotness feedback loop where we're just getting hotter and hotter and we start saying things to each other to turn each other on even more until we get to the point where we are role playing fantasies. And when I say role playing fantasies, I do mean we are literally describing the sex our LARP characters would have. And even though I'm up here on stage right now, it's actually kind of hard for me to talk about sex and especially about the fantasies that turn me on. But with her, it feels easy and it feels safe and it feels sexy. And as I feel her nails on my back pulling me close, I am overcome. And later, as we're lying in bed, she turns to me and she says, you know, there's a party I think you might like. And this party, this party, you guys, this party is essentially what would happen if a bunch of geeks said, let's throw a sex party. This party has a theme. That theme is the final frontier. And people are costuming. Like, whoa. For this, there's William T. Riker and Data from Star Trek. There's Ripley and an alien from Aliens. We've got Mass Effect, male and female Commander Shepard. We've got Star wars, we've got Babylon 5. We have, even at this sex party, got three characters from Futurama. We run the gamut of geeky sci fi here, and the place is decked out normally a three bedroom apartment, main space, kitchen, smaller rooms off to the side. There are planets on every wall labeled Hoth or Gallifrey or Vulcan. And the refreshments include the Hitchhiker's Guide, Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, tiny Doctor who Daleks and Tardises. Daleks are delicious. But the real thing that makes this party amazing is not just the decor or the refreshments or the amazing costumes. This party has missions. These are tasks you can complete to earn actual badges that you can put on your costume with levels and tracks and everything. That's right. We have gamified the sex party. These are my people. These missions include everything from the spice must flow, lick salt off of someone's neck or frozen in carbonite. Let someone tie you to a bed completely immobilized or curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal. Bring someone to the brink of orgasm and then abandon. I am so excited to be at this party. At one point, I see my friend Arianny and she is leading around Simon Tam. From Firefly, wearing this sort of loose rope cuff. And I see this and I say, I could tie him up more securely for you if you'd like. That sounds like a good idea to her. That sounds like a good idea to him. But before this happens, he says, well, if there's going to be tying involved, I should really go get my girlfriend, because she'd be really into that. And so he goes, and when he returns, with him is Kayleigh Fry, the engineer from Firefly with the jumpsuit and the tool belt and she's even got a luscious red strawberry. She is perfect. And she is very interested in being tied up. So we have a quick chat, we move over to one of the bedrooms. I do this black rope chest and arm binding with red rope coming down and then laced all down the back. And she loves it and I am so happy. And I lean her back on the bed and I tie her legs and I kneel over her and I've leaned down so that I'm entirely on top of her and I start to kiss. And as I do, I move my hand and I start to unzip the jumpsuit underneath the ropes and I cup her breast in my hand and she arcs her back, I zip it down further and I'm inside her. And it is a dream come true. It gets better. Because on the bed next to us, Simon Tam is being co domed by Cylon 6 and a member of the Borg. And yes, they had a plan. And yes, resistance was futile. But for all that, for all the amazing that that was, that is not the highest nerdgasm of this party to tell you what is. I have to tell you that I have come to this party dressed as Obi Wan Kenobi, the Jedi Knight. And I have done this because I've realized and decided that I could construct, assemble and solder together a working light up LED blue 10 inch lightsaber dildo. Would you like to see it? See me after the show. So at some point during this party, at some point during this party, I end up owing a favor to a woman dressed as the Tardis like you do. And she asks for her favorite to have a male Psicorps agent from Babylon 5 perform fellatio on this while it's between my legs. And I agree. And so within, shortly thereafter, I'm in the main space again. I'm sitting down, the Psicorps agent drops to his knees and starts deep throating this. And oh, the Force was strong with this. So this gathers a little bit of a Crowd and I'm really happy about this because I made this thing and people like it. But then, but then, but then this woman walks up to me wearing a silver spandex bodysuit and with cybernetics on her face. It's Seven of Nine. And she looks at the dildo and she looks at me and she says, I want that inside of me right now. I mean, I mean, a Jedi's duty is to serve. So we go back to one of the bedrooms, and we're getting ready. We get our safer sex supplies ready, and we strip off her body suit. We're laying her back on the bed completely naked. And as we do, Le Adama from Battlestar Galactica walks in. And it turns out that the host has also been learning to make their own sex supplies. And so my lightsaber dildo is not the only extremely geeky sex toy at this party. There is also a latex tipped vibrating Star Trek phaser. And so, with Seven of Nine lying back on the bed, legs spread, head thrown back, while I'm fucking her as Obi Wan with this lightsaber dildo, Le Adama is bringing her off with the vibrating phaser. And she comes and she comes and she comes. And while that might not be canon in any kind of fanfic, having it actually happen in real life, that is some real fan service.
- [30:52]
Dixie de La Tour
So hold on to your pocket protector. We got one story left, and it is from a comic who travels around the country. Right now, I believe she's in Austin, but she's about to be at the Beach Bridgetown Comedy Festival. She performs monthly with her pal Bobcat Goldthwait. They do a show called Crabapples in la. And you really want to go see her. If you want to find out where she is right now, you can find her at Caitlin Gillcomedy. We were fortunate enough to have her in San Francisco when we were putting together a nerd show. She closed out the evening with this story. The final story for this episode is from nerd comedian Caitlin Gill.
- [31:41]
Caitlin Gill
I'm taking it right out. We don't need no stinking stance. Hi, everybody. This is the best. Nerds.
- [31:57]
Spider
Nerds.
- [31:57]
Caitlin Gill
Nerds. Nerds. Nerds. I think the tattoo is an excellent form of sexual communication for the nerd. Underappreciated. Until recently, the tattoo used to be the territory of, like, those who had committed to military service or a rock band like those two and those two only. But nerds are owning it these days, right? How many are you inked up? Give me around. Put your Hands. Right, Right. And if you're a nerd, your tattoo comes from a nerdy place. That's what you're expressing. That's your joy. One of my tattoo artists, in her portfolio, I saw someone who got a full Simpson sleeve fucking top to bottom. And this artist nailed it. It was good. You wanna know how good it was? Lisa was sneezing next to a reticulated chipmunk. It was fucking perfect. I have some tattoos. I got my first tattoo when I was 20. I got it right in the middle of my back. I was 20. It was a time when I was ready to make bold and permanent decisions for my life. But it was also before I had ever heard the term tramp stamp. This is it. This is what I got. I got Calvin and Hobbs. I got a little Calvin and Hobbes on my back, which to me is about childhood and appreciating your life and your own intelligence and embracing your friends and understanding your true values. I did not realize at 20 that I had gotten a tramp stamp of an animal and a little boy.
- [34:09]
Janelle Tavares
Oops.
- [34:14]
Caitlin Gill
Seven years later, I upped the game. I got another little tad. I got this little number. I got this little daddy right here. I got an old man. I got an old man on my ankle. That is author Roald Dahl.
- [34:25]
Spider
Dahl.
- [34:27]
Caitlin Gill
Not just author Roald Dahl. That is Roald Dahl as drawn by his illustrator, Quentin Blake. That's right. That's right. Which means if you fuck me real good, you can have an old man up by your ears and you can come on your childhood memories. That's what it means. You're welcome. Just recently, I upped the game. I got a cat, too. Bam. Right there, straight up, pussy on my arm. Y'. All, check out this level of nerdery. This is my cat, Eleanor, posed as Eleanor Roosevelt dressed as me. That's what that is. But you can't just get a. You can't just go out and fucking tattoo a pussy on your arm. You gotta earn this shit. And I earned it. That's what I was gonna tell you about tattoos tangentially. Got me into the best threesome I've ever had. Right, Right. So there was this couple, and I met him on a show. I did a show. I told some jokes. They saw it, they really liked it. We met after the show. We got along great. And they were also creative professionals, so we found lots of good excuses to work together. It was him and her. For purposes of this story, they will be known by pronouns. It's he and she or him. And her. So he and she and I went out after the show, we hung out, we talked about what we wanted to do together, and we launched off a bunch of fun projects and it was terrific. And it was mainly he and I working together. She was more visual artist, he was a performance artist. It just kind of made sense. So we were working together all. And they were projects, like they took me outside of my comfort zone. Like they were hard pressed. It was stories and poems, things I had. I'm a comic, I tell dick jokes. That's my trade. But they wanted to talk about like my heart, my feelings. So I did. And you know, I trusted this guy because, you know, every time I took a risk, it really paid off with him. And, you know, the more we worked together and the more we hung out together and the more we fucking fought about shit, the more I knew, like, oh man, we gonna fuck, right? Like you ever just fight with someone like you're fighting with them and just in the middle of it it's like, oh, this is cause we're not fucking. Oh, I get it. We're just channeling that into this weird argument about Laffy Taffy. That's what's happening. And like, look, I've been the other woman. I ain't gonna. I'm not pretending I haven't done things. But like, this was a couple that I knew I couldn't fuck him in without fucking them up, right? Like, I've done that. I've been on the sly, but nothing was gonna be sly about this. Like, I knew I couldn't just fuck him and it would be okay, so I didn't want to. And we kept kinda getting closer and closer to being inappropriate and eventually tossed it out like, you know, you can't have me unless your girlfriend's there too. And like, to me, I thought that was like the game stopper. Like, I thought like, Like I thought, you know, you two are adventurous and you're sexual, but you've been in a committed couple for a long time. Like, that's not a thing you do. And I can't do that without her. So this is the way that we won't do. And he said like, well, you know, she has the hugest crush on you. And no, y', all, no, I did not know that. I did not look like, I know that I am beautiful, but she's beautiful. Let me explain the difference because we're both beautiful women and never would I get up here and tell you that I am not a beautiful woman. That's bullshit. That's. That's. I know that I am beautiful. I know that. I know that I am beautiful. I know that. I know. I have seen the scientific proof of my own beauty. I have seen the scientific evidence of my own beauty. I have seen them. I have seen the boners. Those are mine. I made those. But I understand my own beauty and my appeal. I have a singular appeal. I get it. Like, I am very beautiful to very few people. That's just how this works. Like, with me, you're, like, into it or, like, not. Like, I either inspire, like, total, like, meh. Or, like, total passion. Just one of the two. And I knew that. And she's just a different kind of beauty. Like, everything with a pulse wants to fuck her. Like, every mammal wants to fuck her. Everything, she just. She walks by, and things are like, I wasn't thinking about sex, and now I am. I'm a nerd. I didn't give myself enough credit. It never occurred to me that something that beautiful would find my beauty. It just didn't land in my brain that that was a possibility. But as soon as you mentioned it, it was like, oh, yeah. You know, she couldn't really talk to me the first time we met, and, like, you know, she is kind of awkward and shy when we hang out, and I think that's.
- [40:10]
Spider
Oh.
- [40:11]
Caitlin Gill
Oh, it's because she wants to fuck. So the next time we were all together, I didn't. I mean, I don't know. I'm a nerd. Like, I don't know. Game is not. We play games, but, like, we don't have game. It's like, I knew I had an opportunity, but I didn't know how to take it. So I just sort of looked at her, and I looked at her foot and was like, I like her tattoo. She does have a tattoo on her foot. It was half in a shoe. Like, I wasn't complimenting her tattoo, but it was the only thing that I could find to sexually communicate with her about and credit to her. She was like, oh, you want to fuck? That wasn't what she said at the time. She took off her shoe, and she showed me her old foot. She has a beautiful koi on it looked real nice. We talked, and I was like. And then later that night, she looked at me from across the room, and she went, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you, me, let's fuck. So we did, y'. All. We went home. And, like, credit to him. He knew that this was my first time with a lady. And, like, I know that that might Surprise those of you who can see or hear me. But I'm not gay. I'm not straight. I'm just a people person and the only people. It's not that complicated. They're parts. Mash em together. Nice way to spend the day. Stop laughing. I have to finish the story. But, like, I just hadn't had the occasion to be with a woman. So he gave us a few minutes. And I will admit that I approached sex with another woman with a certain amount of arrogance. Hubris, if you will. Like, I just assumed I would be super good at it. No, y'. All. What the fuck is up with the vagina? Oh, my God. It has no end. It has no beginning. Who made this? MC Escher? Like, I don't know. I don't know. But she gave me some instructions and I found my sweet spot, which is apparently Eaton Bush, yo, I'm super good at it. And he came back in and we were. I mean, we got to it. We fucked for hours. How do I know we fucked for hours? Cause Game of Thrones season one had just come out and like, any good nerd, they didn't buy the season when you can just torrent that shit for free. So we had all 10 episodes, which mean we just pushed play on the beginning of the fucking file. And it was episode five, six. We still fucking. Like, we were fucking so furious. Like, they have toys, but we didn't have time to get them. So I'm just like, fake pegging and, like, one arm and her and just like, ah, everything. I'm barking orders, I'm taking orders. It was great. And we have Game of Thrones blaring and, like, things got shitty. Like, we're slapping. There was a lot of hitting and slapping and tying and choking and shit happening and loud noises and stuff. And, like, the first knock at the door didn't even slow us down. Like, I think the second knock, like, entered some part of our subconscious that we became aware that there were other people in the world other than who was fucking in that room right then. And it was the third knock when we realized that it was definitely this door. Like, maybe we should figure it out. So we sent out him as the ambassador. And he like, right, sorry, dude. Sometimes double standards play the other way. So he put on just enough clothes to answer the door to talk to the police. And you can't tell me those neighbors thought we were fighting and not fucking. They just did not want to have anything to do with whatever the fuck was happening in that apartment. So the cops were called on us having sex and the officer said, like, we got a call about some.
- [45:01]
Spider
Noises.
- [45:07]
Caitlin Gill
And he was like, yeah, there were noises. The officers left, no citation issued. Maybe a high five. I don't know. I wasn't there to see it. And he came back in and we're nerds, so we're obedient to authority, even though we resent it. So we did not stop fucking. We just toned it down and we fucked up straight through until episode nine. And just like any good nerds, we quieted down so we could watch the Battle of the Blackwater. And so from that moment until the end of my days, any threesome I have the privilege to be a part of will hereby be known as a Battle of My Black Water. Thanks, dudes.
- [46:31]
Dixie de La Tour
So we've shared a bunch of stories from nerds, but it is less than half of what you get when you come to a live show. If you come to our May 17th nerd sex show in San Francisco, you'll not only get brand new stories from nerds, you are going to get games like Sniff Test, like OK Pervert, an especially nerdy Bangor. More we're having a nerd Carnival Carnal Vol. You get it? You know what I'm trying to say? It is going to be a way to interact with other nerds. Get your flirt on and you not only listen to stories, maybe go home and create a story with another nerd. Let me tell you about some upcoming shows that we have for body storytelling. We have on May 17th we'll be in San Francisco with Nerd Sax. And on May 24th we'll be in September, Seattle with Love, the one you're with. If you'd like to get on stage and tell your story in Seattle or in San Francisco, pitch me your story. A voice memo is a great way to do that. And attach it to an email and send it to dixieodistorytelling.com I love helping people get on stage. We'll work together to make it perfect and then we'll watch you rock that stage on show night. So send it as soon as you can. I can't wait to hear your story. I want to say thank you, as I always do, to podcast producer Matthew Marder, to sound engineer David Grossoff, to Ruben Tan, our livestream and On Demand producer. Ruben, we're missing you and we hope everything is going well. I know you're overseas. We will have the livestream back when Ruben is able to bring it back to us. He's dealing with a death in the family right now. And Joe Moore is our video editor. You can find Jo's work on our YouTube channel. You can also find us on Instagram. You can find us on Facebook at Bodi Storytelling. You can find us on Twitter at Bodi. And we have a lot of videos for you in addition to the podcast@YouTube.com bodystorytelling so that's it. Thanks so much for listening. Please tell your friends about us. Please leave us a review on itunes, and I hope that you'll be here in the next week for our next episode. It's going to be a really good one, y', all, so make sure that you subscribe on itunes. Talk to you really soon. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and thank you for listening to the Body Storytelling podcast.
- [48:51]
Performer/Singer
Pick hard I want to get you hard Whoa. Well, I love you so pick I want to get you hard well, I want to make it so.
- [49:13]
Janelle Tavares
Well, I.
- [49:13]
Performer/Singer
Know you've got this thing with Crusher, but luckily I crushed her. My phaser wasn't set to kill. I just stunned the bitch so she'd be still. I'm multiplexing, right? I'm multiplexing an array to show you just what.
- [49:28]
Dixie de La Tour
Of course.
- [49:28]
Performer/Singer
Talay, assimilate me. Let's just do this.
- [49:31]
Caitlin Gill
God, you're hot.
- [49:32]
Performer/Singer
When you're Locutius, your dick is the final frontier. So make your orders crystal clear. I'm not a Betazoid, but I can sense that you'd enjoy making me your number one. Come on, Shawn, Luke. Let's have some fun. Your artificial heart would melt if you'd just play your cards. Pick hard I wanna get you hard Whoa. Well, I love you so pick hard I wanna get you hard I wanna make it so all right, I'm gonna need you guys help on this next part. It's really easy.
- [50:17]
Janelle Tavares
You're gonna sing along.
- [50:18]
Performer/Singer
It goes like this. I want to fuck Picard. Fuck Picard. Sing along with me. Ready?
- [50:27]
Caitlin Gill
Here we go.
- [50:29]
Performer/Singer
I want to pick hard Picard. Try without me. You got it. Beautiful. Try the harmony if you want to fuck. Big heart. Big heart. Awesome melody. You guys are really good. I want to fuck Big heart. Louder.
- [51:02]
Caitlin Gill
Let me hear it.
- [51:10]
Performer/Singer
Keep that going, guys. Out there in outer space I want to sit on your face Even back on Earth I've heard stories of your curse it doesn't take whining to see that you are meant for me Me I promise nobody will know so please say you'll make it so Because I want to get you high W.
- [51:59]
Dixie de La Tour
I.
- [51:59]
Performer/Singer
Love you so hard I want to get you. I want to make it so. Whoa. Thanks, guys.
- [52:23]
Janelle Tavares
And he tells me he's going to do this by opening up a terminal and issuing sudo apt, get update and upgrade.