Bawdy Storytelling – Episode 27: "Phone Sex"

Podcast: Bawdy Storytelling
Host: Dixie De La Tour
Date: May 27, 2017
Episode Length: ~48 mins

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dixie De La Tour, ‘sexual folklorist’ and founder of Bawdy Storytelling, takes listeners on an uproarious, tender, and eye-opening romp through the history and culture of phone sex. Featuring three deeply personal and distinct true stories, the episode explores discovering sexuality via the telephone—from the absurd and hilarious to the formative and unexpectedly moving. Through honest, unpolished storytelling, the performers examine everything from workplace mishaps to adolescent self-discovery and the surreal overlaps of work and desire.

Key Segments & Storytellers

1. Dixie’s Introduction and Setup

[00:32–03:13]

• Dixie sets the tone, blending humor, sex-positivity, and a touch of nostalgia:
  “Is that an iPhone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?... Before we get into stories, I need your help with something.” [00:32]
• Encourages listener support through Patreon: “In this scenario, I am the Michelangelo of sex and storytelling, and you are going to make sure that you can hear these stories wherever you are.” [01:24]
• Outlines the episode structure: three stories, thanks in part to community support.

2. Story #1: Matt Holdaway – "Breast Pumps & the Best Phone Sale Ever"

[03:13–15:55]

Highlights

• Fish-Out-Of-Water Comedy:

  • Matt moves from Idaho to a female-dominated LA call center and accidentally becomes the office “hottie.”
  • Recounts a mortifying and hilarious breast pump demonstration that goes awry:
    "So I flex my biceps and I push my pecs together and I start pumping away and all of a sudden I get a seal and like I get this amazing tingling sensation in my…” [06:40]
    • “Nipples.” (Amber Electra, offstage interjection) [06:40]
    • Breast pump gets stuck on his nipples, causing panic and pain: “It’s a titty twister times ten, zillion. Like I’m in immense pain, like super immense pain because it’s like, my erotic zone’s just being like–everyone’s laughing, no one’s helping.” [06:56]

• Phone Sex in Customer Service:

  • Later, as a call center quality monitor, Matt overhears a female operator flip a collection call into a phone sex roleplay and a huge up-sell:
    • Operator’s sultry improvisation: “Ooh, I’m wearing a lime green top, a black miniskirt, and stiletto heels.” [10:29]
    • “I used to be a phone sex operator… That’s how I got the job.” [14:38]
  • Matt’s reaction: “I could admire your creativity when it comes to getting to the sales, but for sure, if anybody heard me hear you do that, you’d be so fired. Like, no second chance.” [14:54]
  • She gets a pie gift certificate for her “plus ten” sales package conversion.

Notable Moment

• Matt’s breast pump story is met with universal laughter—he fears he’ll be legendary “as the guy who got the breast pump stuck on him” rather than the office hottie. [08:01]
• “As I walked away, she flashed her tongue ring at me.” [15:00]

3. Song Interlude – "She Touched Herself"

[15:03–15:55]

• Playful, tongue-in-cheek song riffing on phone sex and lonely late-night calls:
  “I called her on the phone and she touched herself…” [15:26]

4. Story #2: Amber Electra – "Confessions of a $1,000 Phone Bill"

[19:10–31:48]

Highlights

• Sexual Curiosity at 11:

  • Amber gets called to her Catholic school principal’s office. Her mom, frantic, asks: “What have you been doing?” [21:22]
  • Turns out, Amber racked up $1,000 in charges to 976 adult chat lines after experimenting with different dial-in numbers:
    “I would call obsessively… I would call and you would listen to a recording. It was like, ‘Hi, this is Ann Marie, your flight attendant for Flight 767. In the back we have the Mile High Club…’” [23:00]
  • Realization that these recorded fantasies sync with her growing self-awareness:
    “They were all making these, these beautiful crazy noises. And I was making them too. And it was like, what is happening to my body?” [23:19]

• Coming-Out as a ‘Pervert’ and Therapy:

  • Humorously reflects on her therapy after being busted:
    • “So [the therapist] determined that, you know, I was fairly normal, however... just a pervert.” [24:54]
    • Shares the ridiculousness of being sent to clean a family friend’s house after re-offending:
      “Look at that little pervert scrubbing the kitchen floor. You know, like, the phone was still there. They didn’t take it off the hook or anything.” [27:55]

• Continued Phone Sex Curiosity:

  • Recalls early romance where phone sex played a formative role:
    • “It took me six months to say the word pussy without laughing. I was like, pussy. Oh my God. Like, I couldn’t do it.” [30:17]
    • Eventually, even as an adult, she sometimes returns to anonymous phone sex lines: “I guess I just never got over it. And that’s my dirty little secret. The number you have reached has been disconnected.” [31:32]

Notable Quotes

• "Either my daughter has been diddled by someone or she's just a fucking pervert. And either way, this is not good." [24:33]
• "I was able to bring myself to orgasm without actually knowing what that was. When I was six, it just felt... Yeah, I know. It was pretty great." [25:51]

5. Story #3: Jeffrey Hayes – "Be the Sex You Want to Have"

[32:58–45:03]

Highlights

• Phone Acting for Republicans... and Ameritel:

  • Jeffrey, working two call-center jobs—one as a Republican Party telemarketer, the other as a phone sex "actor."
  • Hired for his “fantastic voice”:
    “He says, have you ever thought about voice acting? I said, why, yes. Yes, I have.” [33:24]
  • Clueless at first about “phone acting,” then thrown into training at a phone sex line:
    “Number one: be the sex you want to have—which is the most inspirational thing I’ve ever heard.” [35:02]

• Sexual & Professional Roleplay Collide:

  • Shares the mantra: “Be the sex you want to have... fulfill the client’s every need and fantasy, even the ones the client is not aware of.” [35:10–36:12]
  • Hilarious job confusion when the two worlds overlap:
    • “Hello, this is Jeffrey with the Jackson County Republican Party...” [37:50]
    • A regular phone sex client calls him at the Republican Party job; the call seamlessly shifts between pitch and seduction.

• Peak Moment—Outmaneuvered by the Client:

  • The client flips the script, focusing on Jeffrey’s real turn-ons (“my ears and my shoulders are my two super sensitive areas” [42:29]), leading Jeffrey to an actual, non-contact orgasm at work:
    “And I come. And I actually come, you guys. There was no interaction with this or this. It was all right.” [43:12]
  • The client then donates $400 to the Republican Party: “I will never forget the fact that I later checked and found out that he actually did donate $400 to the Jackson County Republican…” [44:45]

Notable Quotes

• “Who’s the one paying for phone sex here?” [42:42]
• “I now have this Pavlovian response to Republicans.” [44:44]

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Dixie de La Tour: “Is that an iPhone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” [00:32]
• Matt Holdaway: “It’s a titty twister times ten, zillion.” [06:56]
• Amber Electra: “I was 11… I had run up over $1,000 in 976 phone calls.” [21:23]
• Amber Electra: “Either my daughter has been diddled by someone, or she’s just a fucking pervert.” [24:33]
• Jeffrey Hayes: “Be the sex you want to have—which is the most inspirational thing I’ve ever heard and true facts.” [35:02]
• Jeffrey Hayes: “And I come. And I actually come, you guys. There was no interaction with this or this. It was all right.” [43:12]
• Jeffrey Hayes: “I now have this Pavlovian response to Republicans.” [44:44]

Themes & Takeaways

• Nostalgia for Analog Sex: The episode is steeped in reverence for the era when phone sex was both a portal to unexplored desires and a source of anxiety, trouble, and, sometimes, actual employment.
• Humor in Awkwardness: Whether stuck in a breast pump, humiliated by a phone bill, or caught between two jobs, awkwardness is mined for revealing, cathartic laughter.
• Sexual Self-Discovery: All three tellers examine how phone sex played a pivotal role in discovering and expressing parts of their sexual selves, whether as children, adults, or professionals.
• Breaking Taboos with Authenticity: The performers’ willingness to share “dirty little secrets” creates both comic and healing moments, bringing taboo out of the shadows.
• Connection & Empathy: Dixie underscores the importance of considering others’ desires and needs in any sexual encounter—a lesson made literal in these stories.

Memorable Closers

• Amber Electra: “The number you have reached has been disconnected.” [31:32]
• Jeffrey Hayes: “I now have this Pavlovian response to Republicans.” [44:44]

Recommended Segment Guide

• Opening Introduction (Dixie): [00:32–03:13]
• Story #1 – Matt Holdaway: [03:13–15:55]
• Amber’s Interlude in Matt’s Story: [06:40]
• Song “She Touched Herself”: [15:03–15:55]
• Story #2 – Amber Electra: [19:10–31:48]
• Story #3 – Jeffrey Hayes: [32:58–45:03]

Tone & Style

Unapologetically honest, irreverent, supportive, and celebratory of sexual diversity and the messy, human stories behind our desires. The episode balances raunch, humor, and vulnerability, living up to its tagline: “The Moth for pervs.”

For more decadent, hilarious, and surprisingly relatable tales of sexual folklore, subscribe to Bawdy Storytelling.