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- [00:07]
Jefferson Bergen
Well, I met her at a party near the hot tub and the beer Our connection sparkled like a crystal chandelier. Her playful smile and bedroom eyes put visions in my head. But then she introduced me to the man who shares her bed. I hung my head in sorrow, turned away to fill my plate? She said, hey, baby, don't you look so sad Just ask me for a date. Well, my man and I just don't subscribe to guilt or jealousy. So I took her invitation and the rest is history. I don't care if my preacher and my friends don't understand. Sometimes love works better with an extra ampersand. Well, I know it ain't perfect, but I'm taking it in hand. Cause she's my favorite woman and I'm her second favorite man.
- [01:37]
Dixie de La Tour
Hey there and welcome to the Bawdi storytelling podcast. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and this time we're going to talk about the power of the triangle. The love triangle, that is. But before we get down to business, I got an important question to ask you. Have you supported our patreon yet? Patreon.com is a way to support the projects that you love. It's kind of like subscribing to them. You know, you subscribe to magazines, magazines. You subscribe to things that you want on the regular, like this podcast. And so go to patreon.com spelled P A T R E O-N dot com. It's like being a patron of the arts. And click to support us at whatever level you can. If it's a buck, if it's 50 bucks, every little bit helps us to continue doing what we're doing. We have been operating on faith for a while, and you can help us get back bigger and better by supporting us. Go to patreon.com click that button and you'll get more body than you ever thought possible. Is that possible? That's not possible. Our first story on our love triangle episode is from someone who used to fly in from Dallas, Texas to come see body storytelling in San Francisco all the time and dreamed of getting on our stage. And she was so in love with the format and what we create. The sex positive vibe, the open accepting nature of the event, that eventually she got up her nerve and she pitched me and she's now been on my stage a number of times. She is the co founder of the Intimacy Dojo. She now lives in the San Francisco Bay area. And our first story is from Kathy Bartuli.
- [03:50]
Kathy Bartuli
So we're laying there, the three of us, in post orgasmic bliss. The two guys I'm with were all sweaty and panting and they look so satisfied. And I'm laying there wondering, should I have stayed home and baked a pie? There's three things you should know about me to make the story make sense. In the family I grew up in, there were some rules. And one of them was that you never ever showed up to a family gathering with a store bought pie. You always baked it from scratch. And if you didn't, it disrespected the whole family. To a woman, a good woman would always keep her man no matter what. She'd do whatever she needed. And if she didn't, she was a failure. She was undesirable and just not enough. And she was kind of shamed by the whole family. And three, sex was between a man and a woman, only two at a time. Anything else was deviant, perverted, and probably shunned by the family. And the little I knew about homosexual sex was that it was barren, stark and lonely. No emotions involved. So I grew up in upstate New York. It was kind of racist. I didn't know that at the time, but when I brought my first boyfriend home, he was Asian and the neighbors were talking to my dad like, why did she bring a Brownie home? Why is she dating a Brownie? And I didn't even know what that meant. And my boyfriend, he was wonderful. He kind of looked like George Takei with a flat top. Real sweet, loving guy. And we met in China. We were both exchange students there. And, and we met, we fell in love, we started a relationship. And about 10 months after I met him, one of his friends took me aside and said, just want you to let you know that Dean, he's played with men before. I don't want you to get too attached. I was like, oh my, I'd never heard of anything like this. I was horrified. And I went to him and I said, dean, what's going on? Is this true? And he said, oh, don't worry, it was just a phase. I was curious. It's out of my system. I was like, oh, okay, that's good. And we got deeper in love and we moved back to the States and we had a long distance relationship until he graduated. And then he moved out to New York with me and we moved in and we got this adorable little one bedroom apartment. We decorated it together, we had friends and family over, we entertained. And he got me a ring. And my life was finally looking like I thought it was supposed to. Until one day he came to me. And he said, kathy, we need to talk. And I said, about what? He said, do you remember that time in China we talked about me fooling around with men? And I said, yeah. You said it was a phase. He said, I lied. It was. I really am attracted to men. I've been fooling around, having anonymous sex this whole time and I still am. And I think I'm gay. And I didn't know what to say. I was speechless. I couldn't breathe. And I said, but we're engaged. And he said, yeah, I'm Catholic, I love you. I want to be in our relationship. I don't want to tell my parents that I love men, but I really think I might be gay. And I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be a failure. And I was desperate. I went back to the family motto and I said, don't worry, we're going to figure this out. And so we both cried a lot and we both talked a lot and we didn't know what to do. We tried fantasizing a little bit. We would pretend that I was a man or pretend that there was a man in bed with us. And that seemed to help, but it didn't. I could tell he was still miserable, but I didn't want the relationship to end. So one day after sex, I blurted out, what if we had a threesome with a guy? Would that help? And he said, maybe, I'm willing to try. So we kind of figured out what we were going to do and how we were going to do it. And as fate would have it, the first time the two of us could go to the gay bar together was the night before Thanksgiving when we were supposed to go to. I was supposed to bake pies to go to my family's house. And there was this conflict. I wanted to keep my relationship, but I also want to shame my family. So being inexperienced in the criminal arts of lying, I came up with this brilliant plan that if he would confess to dropping these imaginary home baked pies so that we could go to the store and buy them, I would be willing to go with him and try to have a threesome. He agreed and our criminal pact was sealed with his lust and my codependency. And we got in the car and we drove off. It was an hour to the nearest bar. It was in Ithaca. It was called the Haunt, up on the Hill, kind of divey place. And we went in and we were having drinks at the bar and looking around, trying to see who might be A good prospect for this. And after a while, we noticed this guy that looked kind of like James Franco. Kind of stylized beard, dark hair, very suave looking, dancing. And we were like, maybe. And we went over and we were dancing near him and we were like chit chat, like, hi, good night. Oh, I like the music. And then Dean asked him if he could buy a drink. Buy him a drink. So we were sitting at the bar and we made some more very awkward chit chat. And then Dean blurted out, have you ever had a threesome? And I called him. James said, well, yes, I have. Would you like one? So we agreed and he suggested we follow him home so we could leave in the morning. And we followed him down 20 minutes down the hill to downtown Ithaca, this really pretty two story house. And he took us to this finished basement with white walls and very nice modern art. Kind of a posh black leather sofa. He made us drinks and Dean and I sat on the couch and pretended like we did this all the time. And James sat between us and he was kind of stroking our hair and our arms and helping us relax. And then he leaned over and he kissed. Dean and I had never seen two men kiss before. I don't think I even knew they did kiss. I think in my mind, heterosexual sex didn't include any kissing or tenderness. And it blew my mind. And I also turned my body on to watch. And my brain was just kind of spinning like, I can't believe I'm doing this. And then they both turned around and they were kissing me and they were alternating. And James had this coarse beard that was a nice contrast to Dean's smooth face. And there are different styles of kissing, and I was getting really into it, even while my brain's going bad, bad, don't do this. So after we fooled around for a while, James suggested we disrobe. So we undressed each other and we stood there awkwardly. We didn't know what to do. I think James was kind of like, oh, newbies. He was like, how about you guys suck my dick? And that kind of fit in my mindset of what a threesome was. So I was like, okay. And honestly, I'd always been really insecure about giving blowjobs because I had never had anyone to talk to about it. And I didn't like. It just felt very strange. So we were. I was kind of watching and it was like, as an engineer, I'm like, oh, really? Oh, you can do that. Wow. So it was really fun and it was really hot to get to touch Dean's. Lips around the sky's hot cock and get to experience and try things out. And then James is like, I think we should fuck now. And we stood up and we're like, okay. And he's like, okay, Kathy, you sit on the edge of the couch. Dean, you face her and I'll get the lube. And we're like, okay. And it started off kind of awkwardly, but then it got really hot, like to have the different rhythms as Dean thrust into me and then James thrust into him. And then they kind of got in sync for a while and it was all this powerful energy and it was really dynamic. And I was also noticing that the energy between Dean and James was very different than anything I'd experienced with Dean. I'd always thought that we had a really good sex life. I thought it was pretty spicy in the narrow confines of what we thought was okay. But it wasn't anything like what they were experiencing. And this Dean was the first person that I'd ever slept with, the first person I ever loved and thought we were supposed to be together forever. And I was watching this and thinking, what's going on? Who am I? What am I doing here? And it still felt really good. So I was getting really turned on and I came really hard. And when I came, I clamped down on Dean's cock and he came. And then a few strokes later, James came and they kind of collapsed down on top of me. And it was this delicious warm weight of two bodies and the breath and the heartbeats going really fast and it was really nice. After a couple minutes they rolled off to the side and they were spooning right next to me. And I was really aware of the tenderness between them. And I felt very cold and very alone. And I got up to go to the restroom to clean up and I looked over my shoulder and I saw them kissing over Dean's shoulder. And I just. The tenderness was so evident. I went in the restroom, I closed the door and I looked in the mirror and I was like, who is this person I didn't know who was looking back at me? I don't lie to my parents. I don't show up with store bought goods. I don't do these wildly deviant things and I don't enjoy them. And I certainly don't convince someone to stay with me, someone I love to stay with me when it's wrong for them. I think my heart broke a little bit in that moment because I realized I was never going to be what he needed. I think I was kind of Short when I came out of the restroom, Dean, we got to go. We've got to go buy some pies. And we left. And a couple hours sleep and a shower later we drove the hour and a half to my grandparents and everybody ran out like they always do. And they gave us hugs and they said they loved us and how was our trip? And unloaded the car. And I still remember my grandmother's face when I handed her the store bought pies. And that plot with the plastic covers and the fake whipped cream. What is this? Dean dropped the pies. I had to buy them. And to this day I haven't told them that I lied about it. I guess if they watch my YouTube channel they'll find out. A couple months later, Dean and I did break up. We decided that he should find a relationship that was right for him. And not long after that, I kissed a woman for the first time and broke down some more beliefs that I had. And I look back at that night and I wonder, what if I had stayed home and baked that pie? I don't think I'd be poly or queer. I don't think I'd have a patent and a PhD and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here with all of you amazing perverts.
- [16:29]
Unnamed Polyamorous Narrator
There's lots of kinds of people in this world and I'm. Well, I'm not like other girls. How do I explain this properly? My boyfriend's girlfriend isn't me. Well, obviously one of them is. But there's another girl of his and I know her and she knows me and that would be girl. Great if it was just us three.
- [16:58]
Dixie de La Tour
Our next story is from a second generation polyamorous sex educator. They have told for both Bodi and Risk podcast when Risk and Bodi have done collaboration shows live and they have also performed for Bodi in Seattle. They are originally from Seattle, moved to the San Francisco Bay area and this story was recorded live at our Paramore show. This next storyteller is co creation.
- [17:41]
Co-creation
Well, it's nice to see y' all too. So I find there to be nothing sexier than creating something together. In this case, what was being created was a B rate independent sci fi fantasy movie like Gods, Fairies, guns. It's called Ember Days. Check it out if you want a good time. There were like 30 of us put together in this one double wide mobile home in rural Seattle making this movie together. There were. There was one shower, one fridge and far too many dietary restrictions. Like it was chaos, right? And in the middle of all of that chaos. I only had eyes for her. Her name is Bex. She is a like fit, honey blonde Jessica Alba type with this like hippie singer songwriter thing going on. And she was the star of the film and we did end up hooking up but in the end she got together with the director, Michael. And Michael is like think Jessie from Breaking Bad. Okay, but like with white brunette, dreads down to his ass and knuckle tattoos and even more teeth like you like what you like. I don't know. So those two got together, moved to Texas and had a baby together and a couple of years go by and I love watching them and seeing this newborn grow into this toddler that I swear is the next like Macaulay Culkin from Home Alone. Kid has like blonde hair, same haircut, and that post mischievous, innocent, maniacal look like down pat. And I just feel so much joy for this kid knowing where he came from but having never met him until it's the third anniversary of the movie and we all decide as a cast to go back back to that double wide mobile home and celebrate, including Michael, Bex and baby Kai. So they come, everybody again, it's just chaos. But now we're like drinking and telling stories and like oh, the good old days and it's great. It was a wonderful time. At the end of the night, we're once again all figuring out where the hell everyone's going to sleep and Bex comes up to me, says, would you like to share the guest room with Michael and I? It would just, I mean it's small but. And it would just have to be sleep. But we would love to have you. I mean Kai will be like in his crib at the end of the bed. So just sleep. I jumped at the chance. I was like, uh huh, yeah, sure, yeah, totally. Just trying to hope to God that I would actually be able to sleep. And so we all like settle in, go to sleep. And in the middle of the night I wake to somebody whispering in my ear, Ko Ko, are you awake? Yeah, what's up? I roll over to see their smiling faces at me in the darkness. They wanted to do more than sleep and they said, well just we would have to be silent because guy's right there.
- [21:40]
Jefferson Bergen
Okay.
- [21:41]
Co-creation
I said, I understand. So 10 minutes later, my ass is up in the air and my face is fully engulfed in Bex's pussy and I am going at it. I have had years of build up and I like pussy's a food group, right? Suggested to servings per day. You get it? You get it? Okay. So I'm all up in it, and I feel Michael come up behind me and I hear the rip of the condom. And as much fun as I'm having years of wanting to be with this man, I am not about to let him enter me without looking me in the face. So I turn over, I lean myself back against Bex, and I watch him enter my body and he fucks like a madman. So he's all up in it, and we're trying to make the bed not squeak. And he is just loving me just right. And Bex eventually has to put her hand over my mouth while I climax. And once I'm kind of like, done and down, he's just grinning at me. And he like slowly pulls himself out and then like ever so gently climbs off the bed to go deal with the condom. And at that moment, I feel this rush of energy and I, like, flip over and I face specs. Now I believe that I have a cock just like every other guy. Mine just happens to be made of masculine sexual energy, but it penetrates just fine. Bex is also aware of this, and in that moment, her body was calling that energy like a magnet. And so as I, like, smash my hips into hers, she knows exactly what is happening. And I proceed to take all of my energy and just go at it as quietly as I can. What I didn't know was that Michael and Bex had had sex the night before without a condom. And that I am pretty damn certain that my energy, like, thrusted up into her, pushed Michael seed towards her fertile egg and eventually to what would become their second child. I'm also pretty damn certain that Michael knew that this was happening because he didn't. He didn't interrupt. He didn't, like, try and make it about him. He just stood back, recognizing that Bex and I were having a moment and he was cool with that. Pro tip for threesomes, it's not always about you. So when Bex and I managed to maintain silence through both of our orgasms, Michael climbs back on the bed and we all settle down to actually sleep. We check on Kai. Miraculously, he hasn't moved. And we doze off in the morning. I wake first. Not an early riser, so what the fuck? And I feel eyes on me. I scan the room and I find these beautiful dark eyes of this toddler. And I know exactly what he is going through in that moment. See, I grew up with polyamorous parents. My childhood was filled with snuggles with my parents and their partners reading The Sunday funnies, that was like, that is childhood to me. But Bex and Michael live in Texas and they don't really have other partners. And so this is the first time that Kai has ever looked up and seen more than just two people in his parents bed. And I know that this is kind of a fragile moment and I want nothing more than to be able to provide a positive experience for him in that moment. So I lean over and I gently wake up Bex and I say, why don't we bring Kai into the bed so that he's not weirded out by me being here. And this smile just lights up her face like she couldn't believe that I cared about her kid that much. And I nodded and she crawled to the edge of the bed and like pulled him in and I rolled over and gently kissed awake Michael. And he and I welcomed mama and baby back under the covers. And as we were all snuggled up together feeling the love, I realized it was mom, dad, baby, Kai and me. And that I once was that poly kid. But now I get to be the cool auntie, you know, and like, I just want to be the coolest auntie I possibly can for this little kid. And fortunately I'm gonna get the chance to be able to do so.
- [27:08]
Kathy Bartuli
Thanks.
- [27:19]
Unnamed Polyamorous Narrator
But she has a guy who's even more pretty and a long distance thing in another city. He and his wife come by when they can and they have a kid who calls me his aunt. Just when I thought it was all too crazy I tried to draw our family tre there's nothing wrong with extra love but the paper wasn't big enough. Of all the ways I've ever dated it's never been so complicated the chain can extend to eternity Cause my boyfriend's girlfriend isn't me.
- [28:05]
Dixie de La Tour
Our final story is from someone who has performed many times for Bodi, but he's usually performed in a capacity he's so much more comfortable with. He's performed as our musical act many, many times. In fact, he's created an entire album of songs for Bodi storytelling that is called Come for Me that you can get on itunes. But he finally decided he wanted to tell a story and worked so hard on it and I was so proud. In fact, I had my hand on his chest backstage and he was about to have a heart attack. And you know, I love that. Our final storyteller is Jefferson Bergen.
- [29:04]
Jefferson Bergen
Do it. Did you guys have a good time tonight? Then let's give credit where it's due. Make some noise for the person that put this all together, ladies and gentlemen, Dixie de la Tour.
- [29:20]
Co-creation
Come on.
- [29:21]
Kathy Bartuli
Come on.
- [29:38]
Jefferson Bergen
I have pussy all over my face from the tip of my nose all the way down past my chin. I am completely saturated in the essence of this lovely, lovely woman. She tastes amazing. It's like a little bit of vanilla and a little bit of peach and like a touch of this really earthy honey. My senses are going nuts, as if I've just walked into an ice cream parlor. I have one hand that's laying across her smooth, flat stomach, and my other hand has two fingers that are curled slightly and sliding in and out of her slowly as my tongue does very tight, slow, aggressive circles around her tiny little pinklet. Her stomach is starting to quiver and her thighs start to shake a little bit, and I can see her head start to go back and forth on the pillow, and the bed starts to move and books fall off and clothes fall off and things are falling off of shelves, and I am so afraid that if she comes as loud as I think she's going to, she is definitely going to wake up the woman in the room next door. And I do not want her to wake up the woman in the room next door. So 10 years ago, I was a steakhouse server in Chicago who fell in love with a steakhouse cocktail waitress who was beautiful. She was like a combination of Charlize Theron and Tara Reid's portrayal of Bunny Lebowski. When we started dating, the same thing would happen everywhere we go. We'd show up, and people would look at her and then look at me and look at her, and they go, dude. I go, that is your girlfriend. She is way out of your league. And I would kind of nod, and it would always hurt. But I got used to it because I just started to believe it. Yep, she was out of my league. So to compensate for that, I was already a nice guy, but I would. I was ratcheting it up. I was doing everything I could to make Bunny's life wonderful. I took care of all the domestic stuff. You know, we lived together. I took care of the groceries and laundry and the dry cleaning, and I walked her Yorkie Maltese dogs everywhere, and we were happy. She was beautiful. I would. I had this beautiful woman with me. We were really happy, and we were happy until we returned from our destination wedding in the Virgin Islands. The woman that I had fallen in love with did things with me that we both enjoyed. We went and saw music. We. We talked about spirituality. We got into Buddhism, and there was lots of sex. And then the woman that I was suddenly married to. Was into Us Weekly and reality TV and salon treatments. And the sex, well, she just stopped touching me altogether. And I was confused. I was sad. But I kept on plugging along. But then things got weird because she started to go on these vacations to Vegas and to Miami that were paid for by her cocktail waitress friends, sugar daddies. And I went from being the ugly half of the relationship to ugly half who was also a doormat. And I remember one day in particular, I was walking the Yorkie Maltese dogs in Lincoln park, and they were wrapped up in their leashes and they were barking at something. And I couldn't hear anything because I was numb. And all I could hear in my earbuds was the sound of Dan Savage telling me to dump that motherfucker already. I'm glad you agree. But I wasn't there yet. I was in a lot of denial. And I had to stop listening to Dan Savage at the time. And then the bottom fell out when I discovered, while I was working two jobs, I discovered that she was spending our rent money on Botox and on lip injections. And then I discovered the incredibly incriminating correspondence between her and a married man. The night that I was carrying her to bed and I saw her phone go off. And when I confronted her about it, at first she just left. And when she finally came back, she said in this kind of condescending, kind of pat me on the head way, well, I should have never accepted your proposal in the first place. And when I followed up and said, well, I've been going to therapy. Why don't we go to therapy? In the same tone, she said, oh, there's no amount of therapy that's ever going to make me fall in love with you. And at that point, I was not only the ugly half, I was the doormat. And I was now completely invisible. I was destroyed. I was deceived. I was confused. I was. We were married in January, and before Thanksgiving, I had moved my stuff out of her high rise apartment in the South Loop into a dingy, dark, cold little studio in Uptown. And I still had to work with her every day. That's when my best friend from high school called me. His name is John, also known as the Bitch, you, Majesty. And he called me and he said, jefferson Berge, this is the Bitch. Your Majesty, you are now gonna move to Northern California to live with me and my wife. So they had an extra room, extra bathroom. I moved out here about five years ago, and the first two things I needed to do when I got out here was, number one, I needed to make music again. And number two, I needed to get laid. So I got a gig. And. And in this time, I remembered. It kind of rekindled my love for aggressive women. Something about the confidence that they exuded and the confidence that I lacked. It was just a great combination. And one night, I show up at my gig, and there's a band playing before me. And there's one person on the dance floor, and that's Veronica. Veronica was in her early 20s. The short, curvy brunette with long, layered hair with feathery earrings. She kind of looked like Kate Beckinsdale goes to Coachella, all right? And she saw me looking at her at the bar. She gave me the come hither finger, and I'm like, okay. Came right up to her, started dancing. And after a moment, I said, who do people tell you that you remind them of? And without even a heartbeat, she pulled her scarf off and said, robert Plant. So Robert Plant stuck around for a little bit of my set, but then disappeared in the night. But it didn't matter because she. She found me on Facebook, and she sent me a message, and she asked me out. So it was on. So we first meet up at Skylark on the mission. Shots, beers. Great music, right? She tells me how much she loves to party. She's like, let's go to the Elbow Room. There's a great band playing. I'm like, perfect. We walk to the Elbow Room, go up to the second floor. Band's blaring, people are dancing. The place is a sweaty mess. Shots, beers. And she starts then parading me around to her little friends. All of her friends, coincidentally, kind of look like her, too. All short, curvy brunettes. Same kind of Coachella look. It was like this little vampire harem that was kind of like swarming around me. And they were talking to each other and looking at me and giggling and talking to each other and giggling. I was being blatantly objectified, and I fucking loved it. More shots, more beers. Now, at this point, the aggressiveness, you know, then she starts dirty talking on the dance floor, and I love dirty talk. And she gets in my ear, and she goes, I love sucking cock. And my friends and I already know that you have a nice cock. I can't wait to pull it out. And I'm like, well, most of that was pretty sexy. I'm still enjoying myself, you know? But then at this point, then the aggressiveness turns to obnoxiousness. Cause she's dancing around. She starts trying to Put her hands in my pants. And I'm like, no, I don't think so. Taking her hand out of my pants, she tries to grab my face to kiss me. I'm kind of pulling away, and then she catches me off guard and sends her tongue straight into my mouth, Grabs the back of my head, pulls me in. She's tasting my esophagus. And this is the kiss that basically starts everything and ends everything immediately. Because she tastes wasted. She tastes like paint. You know, when you kiss someone and they've been drinking a lot, they just taste. It was like the biggest boner killer ever. And at this point, I'm like, all right, I could leave or no. I've been drinking with this girl all night long, and I've been drinking with her. But I guess when you're drinking like a divorced man, you have a few, you know, it's not as. Not as difficult. So I pay the tab. And as I'm paying the tab, she's going, Betty. And runs across the bar to this blonde woman who is also in her early to mid-20s, who's tall, short, blonde hair. She kind of looks like a young, like, Jenna Elfman from, like, Dharma and Greg. She looks like Dharma. And she's not looking at me the same way the vampire harem was looking at me. She's looking at me kind of, like, kind of skeptical. And I find out that Betty is Veronica's roommate. And next to each other, Betty looks like this pristine, like, soft serve vanilla ice cream cone all put together Next to Veronica, who looks like a melted chocolate sundae with cookie monster eyes trying to grab at cock. I say, hi, nice to meet you. I'm gonna make sure she gets home okay. In a tone that couldn't be mistaken for, I'm having a terrible time. She's like, cool. Nice to meet you. Bye, Veronica. I'm like, at that point, Veronica had run down the stairs. All right, run down the stairs. I'm trying to catch up with her, but Robert Plant decides to kick open the fire door. Fire alarm goes off. Chaos. People are yelling at me. I'm like. I catch up behind her. In the course of three seconds, I catch her from falling down on the street, hail a cab, throw her in the cab, close the door behind us. She leans to the cab driver and goes. The cab driver speaks perfectly. Fluent drunk girl. Cause he just starts driving. And a moment later, she nods off on my side. And I think, cool. I was attractive for a second, and now I'm back to being a doormat. We get to her place. I get her up into this house. I don't know where I am. I know that Suture Tower is nearby. I might be near Twin Peaks. I don't know. I've been holding my pee for what seemed like an hour. Find the bathroom. By the time I get out, she is passed out cold on a chaise lounge in the front room, just out. Well, I can't let Robert Plant go the way of John Bonham. So I turn her on her side. I make sure that if she does puke, she's gonna puke right into her purse. There we go. But now, now I'm standing in the foyer of this mystery house. I paid the tab. I paid for the cab. I don't have any money. This is before Uber. I don't. The Bart's long gone. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do. And my heart jumps, because that's when the front door opens, and it's Betty. And I go, hi. She goes, where's Veronica? And I kind of point at the front, at the chaise lounge. And she looks over, and she's like, yeah, that's about right. And I say, how did you get here so quickly? You must have left right after we did. She's like, well, I knew I was gonna come home. I have work in the morning. But after you guys left, somebody pulled the fire alarm, and they evacuated the entire bar. Like, oh. At that point, she kind of sizes me up, and she can tell that I've had a horrible night. And she goes, do you want to go smoke a joint? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Some moments later, I'm in Betty's room, and it's a mess. There's shit everywhere right in front of me. She changes out of this little plaid skirt that she was wearing into these tiny little athletic shorts and this ripped tank top. And she's got this really lean, athletic body. And I compliment her, and she says, oh, it's. Thanks. That's nice. It's from years of being a ballerina. She puts on music. She's got great taste. I look on her bed, and she's got a Harry Potter book that's face down. And I've read the entire series twice. So we start geeking out about that, and suddenly I feel a lot more like myself again. I feel. It feels natural. It feels nice. We're laughing. We're having a good time. And then she kisses me. And it was one of those kisses that she didn't taste wasted. She tasted full. Kind of like a Mix between a sativa and an indica, which was way more my flavor anyway. But the fact that no one had touched me for a long time, and now I had two beautiful women kissing me in one night, it felt pretty good. So at this point, I wanted to taste more. And clothes started coming off, and her skin tasted really good, and her hair smelled really good, and more clothes came off. And we're laughing because this is fucking ridiculous. And before you know it, I am between her legs and I am worshiping the tastiest vagina I've been around in years, to the point where it's like an oasis in a desert. I'm just like, oh, my God. And she's quivering and she comes really loud and things are falling off the bed, and she laughs and she pushes me off and flips me over and pulls my cock out. And my cock had had a very confusing night up to this point. She takes me in her mouth, and within moments, she gets me off. And now we're laying in a heap and we're laughing because this is fucking crazy. And I start making jokes about which Harry Potter spell will make my dick hard again. Wingardium Leviosa. That works. Condoms come out. Now the real, really fun sex starts happening. We're slamming into each other. Stuff's falling all over the place. The bed's shaking, the shelves are rattling. And I'm thinking to myself, veronica could wake up, but I don't care. We're laying in a heap after the sex. And at this point, I say to her, you must do this to all of Veronica's bad dates. And she goes, most of Veronica's bad dates aren't nice enough to make sure that she gets home safely. So a couple of hours being nice got me in trouble. So. So the next couple hours go by, and she's got to get up and go to work because she teaches high school math. And now it becomes more of, like, a Mission Impossible thing because we need to sneak me out of this house like an old blues musician. Because, you know, Veronica has already woken up downstairs because she's already called me and she's already texted me. And to quote Shirley Noem, she wrote, oopsie daisy, I had a few too many. She had no idea how she got home. She had no idea that I got her there, but it didn't even matter. Now, you would think that hot ballerina math teacher sex from a bad date to a good date is the happy ending of this, but it really isn't. Because the happy ending is after I left that mystery house my peacock feathers went. And suddenly, just from Betty and Veronica, it kick started my confidence. It kick started my creativity because I wrote a song called Blackout, available on itunes and Spotify that I started playing all over the place and people started laughing at it. So that empowered me to start writing sexually driven songs. So not only was it starting my confidence, my creativity, it was kick starting my cock all over again. And from there I found the confidence to pitch a song to Dixie de La Tour for a body storytelling show. And in that time I made a sustainable life out of making music and I got to write these filthy inappropriate songs for the best audience in the entire country. And in the course of all that time, I also met a beautiful, intelligent woman who I fell deeply in love with, who didn't see me as the ugly half and didn't treat me like a doormat. And in fact, if anything, beyond the fact that she gives me the best sex that I've ever had in my life, she calls me handsome and I believe her. So after all that, I feel like my happy ending is actually right now right here and this nice guy is just getting started. Thank you it.
- [48:26]
Dixie de La Tour
So I am loving doing the podcast, but I can tell you that I can't get you laid if you don't show up in person to a live body storytelling upcoming shows include July 12th we'll have Size Queen in San Francisco. I have one spot left in that lineup so if you have a Size Queen story, send it to to me. A voice memo is great. Give me the beginning, middle and end of the story. Doesn't have to be perfect just so that I can know what the story is about. And email that voice memo to dixieoddystorytelling.com and if you have a question about how that works, feel free to email me and ask questions as well. On Thursday, July 20, the theme will be Wanderlust in Seattle. I'm taking story pitches for that theme right now. We have over a month month to pull it together. So send me your story as soon as possible. A voice memo to dixie body straight playing.com you'll be getting a coaching session with me and get to perform on stage at Bodi in Seattle at the Rebar Seattle. If your story is chosen and while we're on the subject, if you have a story that you think would be good for this podcast, record it and send it to me. I'd love to experience expand this podcast to beyond the stories that we have on stage in the cities that we already are performing in. So if you have a story that you think is a fit for body storytelling, send it to me, record it, and attach it to an email and send it to the email. You know what the email address is Now. I would love to have your story to include in this podcast if it's a fit, so send it to me soon. It's time to get that story of yours out there into the world. So I want to say thank you to the people who helped make this podcast possible. To podcast producer Matthew Marder, thank you so much. This wouldn't be happening without you. Sound engineer David Grossoff, who records at the live shows for us. We've also been having Leslie Jones record for us in Seattle lately, so thank you, Leslie as well. Ruben Tan, who records our On Demand. If you want to watch the whole show start to finish, you can go to bawdistreaming.com and Ruben Records the show and sends it out either as a live stream or an on demand. So you can either watch it while we're on stage or watch it whenever you want after the fact. And Joe Moore records our video. He's our archivist who has helped us maintain these years and years of stories. Thank you, Joe, for doing the work that I could never do. And that goes for everybody on the team. You guys are vital members of the Bodi Storytelling Podcast. So thank you again. That's it for the Body Storytelling Podcast. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie De La Tour. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast and if you could please subscribe to it on itunes and review us. Reviewing us on itunes means that we start to float above the other podcasts that are out there. And as we move up, more people find us. And we believe that sex positive storytelling is something that you should have wherever you are. My dream is to take sex positive storytelling to people everywhere. And the way that they're gonna find us is if you review us and if you tell your friends. Thanks so much for listening. We'll be back soon with the next episode of the Body Storytelling Podcast. Have a great week.
- [51:48]
Jefferson Bergen
She's my favorite woman and I'm her second favorite man. Well, I won't pretend this kind of love is easy to achieve, but I'm crazy about my sharing and I like her boyfriend, Steve. Now, we don't go for threesomes, though there's nothing wrong with that. But we share our biggest and Bourbon. And one frisky jungle cat. I don't care if my rabbi and my friends don't understand. Sometimes love works better with an extra Ampersand well, I know it ain't perfect but I taking it in hand Cuz she's my favorite woman and I'm her second favorite man she's my favorite woman and I'm her second favorite man.
- [53:08]
Kathy Bartuli
Second.
- [53:09]
Jefferson Bergen
Favorite man oh yeah.
- [53:13]
Kathy Bartuli
Second favorite man Second favorite man.
- [53:18]
Jefferson Bergen
Now we're cuddling in her Camry and I can't believe my luck I not only get to kiss her well we even get to buckle up our seat belts and drive into the future home hands. My very favorite woman with her second favorite man. My very favorite woman with her second favorite man.
- [54:03]
Kathy Bartuli
Well, I was to say that I am honored and blessed to have to be in a group like this with people that are creating a world where people can. They can love who they want, they can have sex with who they want and how they want and they get to decide if they bake a pie or make it from scratch.