Episode 291: ‘Freaks Need Love, Too’ (Flora Goodthyme)

Summary

Bawdy Storytelling Episode 291: “Freaks Need Love, Too” (Flora Goodthyme)

Host: Dixie De La Tour
Storyteller: Flora Goodthyme
Release Date: May 13, 2024
Podcast Theme: Real-life sex-positive storytelling, with a special focus on authenticity, humor, and transformation.

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Overview

This episode centers on activist, artist, and Sister of Perpetual Indulgence Flora Goodthyme. Flora shares a candid, hilarious, and touching account of their wild sex life, struggles with heteronormative expectations, and eventual embrace of love outside the standard conventions. With her trademark wit and uncensored storytelling, Flora explores polyamory, sexual healing, and the journey to finding authentic connection among fellow “freaks.” The episode is a celebration of self-acceptance, queer love, and the importance of community.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Host’s Introduction and Reflection

• Dixie De La Tour reflects on the challenges of continuing the podcast amid financial strain, expressing vulnerability and asking listeners for input on whether to keep going.
  • [01:05] “As I come up on 300 episodes of this podcast, I’m looking at the expense, I’m looking at the amount of work, and I’m not seeing any return on it…The golden age of podcasting is over.” — Dixie De La Tour
• Dixie introduces Flora, highlighting her as a bold fixture in the sex worker, drag, and kink communities, and teases a story full of hilarious honesty.

Flora Goodthyme’s Story: Journey to Unconventional Love

• Early Lessons & Attempts to Conform

  • Flora grows up within strict heteronormative frameworks, believing happiness is found via monogamous marriage.
  • Multiple family marriages and failed attempts to fit in leave her feeling out-of-place.
  • Flora’s sexual curiosity and openness lead to classic mishaps—such as unintentionally cheating and being labeled “amoral.”
    • [05:25] “He told me that he couldn’t be with me any longer because I was amoral. I know. It’s OK. It gets better.” — Flora Goodthyme

• Clumsy Relationships & Humor in Heartbreak

  • Flora recounts being catfished by a boyfriend posing as another man online.
  • She contemplates remaining single, fearing loneliness and internalizing shame from family expectations.
  • [08:11] “…spending those trips by themselves, not with someone else, and looking for empty little crumpets that could fill a void that my parents left behind…” — Flora Goodthyme

• Finding Community & Self-Acceptance

  • Discovery of the Sisters, Dixie, and a broad sex-positive community becomes a turning point.
  • Flora learns to embrace perversion as a form of self-love and liberation.
    • [09:40] “And meeting this amazing community of perverts and freaks, I learned that I could be myself and I could accept myself…” — Flora Goodthyme

• A Life-Altering Accident & A New Kind of Love

  • After a severe accident necessitating hip and femur replacement, Flora reconnects with human sexuality primarily as hope and curiosity—“Would my dick still work?”
  • A would-be one-night stand becomes an intimate friendship instead of sex.
    • [11:25] “…there’s no sex. I’m so sorry. I know. It’s Bawdy Storytelling. There was no sex this time, and that’s okay, because we made a really deep connection.” — Flora Goodthyme

• The Birth of a Polyamorous Love Story

  • Months later, Flora and her friend explore more, leading to a three-way encounter featuring the recurring pseudonyms "Tyler Lautner" and “Zeus.”
  • Flora narrates their first double penetration experience: “That’s right, DP motherfuckers. Two dicks, one hole. All the pleasure.”
    • [14:36] “I didn’t have to wipe my dick on the curtains because I had a cum rag and his name was Zeus.” — Flora Goodthyme

• Choosing Commitment on Their Own Terms

  • Flora describes the gradual development of feelings for “Taylor Lautner,” leading to a critical crossroads: a request for commitment.
  • Flora is honest; she can commit emotionally, but not physically, and is met with acceptance.
    • [16:06] “I told him I can commit to you emotionally, but I cannot commit to you physically. And he was okay with it.” — Flora Goodthyme

• A Joyful Queer Proposal

  • Years later, they propose to each other simultaneously, in the rain at the Embarcadero—both with rings in their pockets.
    • [16:55] “He got down first and said, ‘Will you marry me?’ And I answered his question with a question—which he hates the most—and said, ‘Only if you marry me.’” — Flora Goodthyme
  • Flora gives hope to fellow “freaks”: “It is possible for freaks to find love. And I wish the same for all of you.”

Postscript and Updates

• Dixie updates listeners: Flora and “Nick” (the Taylor Lautner lookalike) married during the pandemic, added a new partner (“Ollie”), and are happily living as a triad in San Francisco.
  • [20:05] “They met another partner, Ollie, and together they’re a very happy triad… Flora, I’m so happy for you. I’m so happy you found not just one love, but many loves.” — Dixie De La Tour

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Repression and Family Pressure:
  • “[Marriage] seemed really scary to me. Plus, I also realized that I’m kind of a pervert. I know, it’s true. It’s true.” — Flora Goodthyme [04:13]
• On Polyamorous Sex Adventures:
  • “That’s right, DP motherfuckers. Two dicks, one hole. All the pleasure.” — Flora Goodthyme [14:36]
• On Emotional, Not Physical, Commitment:
  • “I told him that I can commit to you emotionally, but I cannot commit to you physically. And he was okay with it.” — Flora Goodthyme [16:06]
• On Freaks Finding Love:
  • “So it is possible for freaks to find love. And I wish the same for all of you.” — Flora Goodthyme [17:02]
• On Sexual Community And Acceptance:
  • “Meeting this amazing community of perverts and freaks, I learned that I could be myself, and I could accept myself, and that eventually I would find someone who would accept me for who I am.” — Flora Goodthyme [09:40]

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Important Timestamps

• [01:05] Dixie discusses her anxieties about continuing the podcast and introduces Flora.
• [03:49] Flora takes the stage and begins her story.
• [04:13]–[05:25] Early attempts at relationships & sexual openness.
• [08:11] Reflections on loneliness and family expectations.
• [09:40] Flora discovers sex-positive community & self-acceptance.
• [11:25] Post-accident awkward meeting (intimacy without sex).
• [14:36] Flora recounts a wild night of double penetration.
• [16:06]–[16:55] Commitment talk and proposal.
• [17:02] Uplifting conclusion: “Freaks can find love.”
• [20:05] Dixie provides epilogue: Flora’s post-story life update.

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Tone

Flora’s story is delivered with irreverent humor, self-deprecation, and warm candor. She balances raunchy sexual jokes with moments of genuine vulnerability, fostering a sense of inclusion and possibility for everyone—especially those who have ever felt “too much.” The overall episode celebrates queer joy, openness, and the power of community.

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This episode is an unfiltered, moving invitation to embrace your authentic self, trust in queer love, and laugh at the messy beauty of unconventional paths.

Transcript

[Dixie de La Tour]

The following podcast contains true stories of sex, kink, gender, or body image. Thanks for being a consenting adult. Cause here we go.

[Unknown Performer (Opening Song)]

All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous.

[Flora Goodtime]

Get used to it.

[Unknown Performer (Opening Song)]

Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide. My vagina is eight miles.

[Flora Goodtime]

What?

[Dixie de La Tour]

Hi there, and welcome to the Bodi storytelling Podcast. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and this week we have a story from activist artist and sister of Perpetual indulgence, Flora Goodtime. Y', all, I'm feeling kind of stuck, and I need your help. My birthday's coming up really soon, and that makes you kind of look at your life and go, am I doing what I should be doing? As I come up on 300 episodes of this podcast, I'm looking at the expense, I'm looking at the amount of work, and I'm not seeing any return on it. And it takes a lot to produce a podcast. My podcast producer, Roman Den Heldeker, is a dream to work with. But, you know, the golden age of podcasting is over. Sponsorship seems to have gone away. And I posted on social media the other day to ask people, should I continue with the podcast? I might need to stop at episode 300, and that's not that far away. And people were saying things like, I listen 250,gazillion percent. They were saying, I listen and laugh. Your podcast is so well done every week. I know it's expensive. I'm not a patron, and I can't blame you if you need to curtail the free offerings. I mean, we're all hit really hard financially, but I've been back from door for, you know, pretty close to two months, and I'm not sure what to do next. If this much time is being spent on producing a podcast, maybe that time is best spent elsewhere. You know how I love to hear from you. So Please write me bodystorytellingmail.com Let me know that you listen, because podcasting is I talk and I wait to hear. And right now, I need to hear from you so that I can figure out whether to continue. Will you do that for me? This week's storyteller is one of my best friends in the world. I love her Dearly. And if you think I have a potty mouth, you ain't heard nothing yet. So let me tell you about this week's storyteller. Makeup mark or sister floozy Flora Good Time has been a fixture in the sex worker, drag and kink community for many, many years as an activist and as an artist. Floozy, as she's known to her friends, has traveled the world over and collected colorful stories galore. This storyteller is Flora Goodtime.

[Flora Goodtime]

Hi, kittens. How you doing tonight? You guys having a good time? Me, too. So this story starts chin deep in the furriest ass you've ever seen from Ireland. It's plump, like one of those peach emojis that you get on your phone, and hairy like my chest, just the way I like them. It's the best makeup remover. And while I'm chin deep in this beautiful ass, I am looking up at the beautiful man that that ass is currently sucking off. And that beautiful man is my partner, Nick. I never thought that this could be possible, you know, because I grew up like most of you did, with a mom and a dad and a heteronormative kind of expectations where you find the one person and you stay with that one person and do your monogamous things with and eventually get married and have a house and white picket fence. And I realized at a very early age that that may not happen for me, but I repressed it. And I thought I can conform and I can blend in with everybody else and I can have that happiness that everyone around me seems to be so desperately looking for. My mother was looking for it in her four marriages after my dad, and my dad was looking for it after his two marriages. And my sister, who's four years younger, is looking for it on now her sixth husband. And so this whole idea of marriage seemed really scary to me. Plus, I also realized that I'm kind of a pervert. I know, it's true. It's true. So I realized this with my first serious relationship. It lasted about one year until I kind of fucked it up by fucking his best friend and not knowing that I fucked his best friend without telling him. Until we met at the barbecue at my boyfriend's house. And he took him aside and told him how wonderful I was. And they compared notes. And afterwards he told me that he couldn't be with me any longer because I was amoral. I know. It's okay. It gets better. And so then I find another relationship, and I jump right into it, and I seem to find These Latino boys because they've got those good family values and that repressed Catholic upbringing that really just wants you to get into a relationship real fast. Like faster than any lesbian U haul party you've ever been to. So I find this guy, he's fresh from Columbia, can't get much more Latin than that. And we get into a relationship and it's about a year into the relationship and I start drifting off and going online and talking to other people. And I find this guy and I start talking to him and we share pictures and it's just like talking. And I'm not really going to fuck this guy until he says, hey, you want to meet at the bar? So right across the street from your house? Because I kind of told him where I lived just in case something would happen. You never know. And I go to this bar to meet him and it's the guy that I'm dating, fresh from Columbia, and he's sitting out there with his phone and the saddest look on his face because it was he that I was chatting to. And he stole those pictures offline from someone else and set me up. And I was like, oh, you know what? Maybe I just shouldn't do the whole dating thing. Maybe I should just be one of single gay guys who spends their expendable cash on luxurious trips and has one of the saddest, saddest stories because they're spending those trips by themselves, not with someone else, and looking for empty little crumpets that could fill a void that my parents left behind. So I know, boom, boom, boom. So later on I've matured and I've been single for a very long time and I find the sisters and I find the per. I find Dixie and I find all these other amazing sex positive people who are in open relationships, who are in poly relationships, who have all these relationships that were totally outside of what I was told that I was expected to strive for and yearn for and fight for and really repress myself for in those relationships. I didn't really love myself. I loved the idea of pleasing this systemic ideals of people and the two and one shall never be the same and blah blah, blah, blah for hero never and death till you part and cheat on them in the meantime. And I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want to cheat. And meeting this amazing community of perverts and freaks, I learned that I could be myself and I could accept myself and that eventually I would find someone who would accept me for who I am. I found that person in 2011, in one of the most awkward of times. Awkward because I answered the door with a walker, and I had just been hit by a car and had my hip and femur replaced. And while I was in traction for 18 hours at the hospital from this accident, my dick was numb. And I decided to go online because it worked for me in the past and find someone to come over and test my pecker and see if it still worked, because all the nerves were pretty much shot and I couldn't feel anything. And I was like, oh, is this forever? Am I going to be able to ejaculate? Am I going to be able to get hard? Am I going to be able to please that person so we can have our fairytale romantic relationship that I know is truly just that of fairy tale. And this beautiful boy comes to the door, and he looks like a combination of Tyler Lautner and Johnny Depp from Edward Scissorhands. He's got that beautiful porcelain brown skin that's, like, flawless. And when I say porcelain, I mean like porcelain, like the stone. Like porcelain, like the throne you sit upon daily. It's smooth, it's chiseled. It calls to you and beckons. This is the man who's at the door. And I answer with my walker, trying to not look as hobbled and broken as I am inside. And I invite him in. And I'm nervous because I'm broken and I've got a walker and there's a stranger in my house. So the nervous thing for me to do is keep my hands busy and roll a joint. And I just kept rolling joint after joint and getting him higher and higher and talking and just becoming his best friend and going into the friend zone and, oh, gosh, he's gotta go. There's no sex. I'm so sorry. I know. It's body storytelling. There was no sex this time, and that's okay, because we made a really deep connection. And the sex happened a few months later. And it wasn't just him. It was him and the guy he was dating. In those few months, they both came over. The guy that he was dating was equally beautiful with a long, beautiful, golden beard, tiny little scruffy skater body. And he looked like Zeus. I don't know. You do the math. And so I take them both into the bedroom, and I'm now upgraded to a cane. I no longer have a walker, so I'm more mobile. And we all get on the bed and we have this wonderful time. And I'm eating this beautiful, hairy ass of Zeus, and he is currently sucking the dick of Tyler Lautner. And I am having the time of my life. And it's okay. And I'm getting these beautiful it's okay eyes from Tyler Lautner as I get up and slowly start to play with the head of my dick against Zeus's ass. And as he slowly backs up against my cock and takes it all the way down, I whisper into his ear and I say, is that really enough? And he says, no, it's not. And it just so happens that Taylor Lautner is in the perfect position on the bed, laying on his back with his dick fully erect at this scene. And I tell Zeus, you need to sit on that dick right now. And so he gets off my dick and he jumps on that beautiful Taylor Lautner cock. And then I say, are you ready? And Zeus says, mm. And I make sure I get a good spit from the back of my throat that's nice and viscous. I slap it all over there, sprinkle a little on his butthole, and then I slip it in. That's right, DP motherfuckers. Two dicks, one hole. All the pleasure. His eyes are rolling back, his toes are curling. This is one of the most amazing experiences for all of us. We had the loveliest time. It was great. I didn't have to wipe my dick on the curtains because I had a cum rag and his name was Zeus. Later on, some time has passed and I've stayed in touch with Taylor Lautner. Zeus is no longer in the picture, but Taylor Lautner and I are fucking. And it's just very casual because I don't want to be in a serious relationship. I just want to fuck whoever I want to fuck. I mean, I don't need to be in a relationship because why? I mean, I don't need to conform to my parents heteronormative ideals of what I should be expected to do. I should be able to be myself and fuck whoever I want. So this beautiful Irish boy comes into town and I say, hey, Taylor Lautner, do you want to go camping with me and this Irish kid? And so we all go up to this wonderful oasis in Willits called Campin Sons. Some of you may have been there, you still can. It's a wonderful place. There was a kinky camp out. And it's while I am chin deep in this ass and eating it and looking up at Taylor Lautner that I realized that I could have this something special. It's been over a year that Taylor Lautner and I have been Loosely fucking and fucking other people intermittently at the same time. And it's kind of cool. It's kind of great. And I really like him. But I also kind of like this Irish kid who's only here for 90 days on a student visa. And I met him one week into his visa. So I'm like, I'm gonna get every day of those 90 days in, and I kind of fall for this Irish kid. And it's time for him to go back to Ireland. And Taylor Lautner turns to me, and I could see he's really tuned in on how I started feeling for this Irish kid. And also, we've been loosely dating for over a year. And he says, I need you to commit to me. And it's. I know it. Gasp. I need you to commit to me. And I would normally say, yes, I'm going to commit to you because I need to be in this relationship. But I took a step back and I had to be honest with myself, and I also had to be honest with him. And I told him that, yes, I would love to be in a relationship with you, but I am afraid. I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt you. I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt what we could build. And I'm afraid that it's just not going to be the best thing ever. And I told him that I can commit to you emotionally, but I cannot commit to you physically. And he was okay with it. Now fast forward. It's 2019. It's been eight years. And in May, after all this time in May, we got together and we magically had rings on our pockets at the same time and got down on our knees at the Embarcadero in the rain. And he got down first and said, will you marry me? And I answered his question with a question which he hates the most and said, only if you marry me. So it is possible for freaks to find love. And I wish the same for all of you.

[Unknown Singer (Song Interlude)]

We've been going for a while We've been going strong Hard here to believe in all the years have come and gone when we put our hands together Key into a cage Every story started when I found you on the page and I still remember where I was when the feeling changed and how I burned my tongue when the ceiling caved in where do you go when the gold is gone? When the old front lawns turning gray Will you grow from those cold blood wrongs? When those old love songs start to play Doo doo doo doo doo they start to play do do do do do Sit there to the junk man have you seen my heart? He said not for a while in any pile of heavy parts Said not, not to worry thank you all the same since my heart's been beating like a kitten on parade and I still remember where I was when the ceiling caved in How I burned my tongue when the feeling changed and where do you go when the gold is gone? When the old front lawn turning gray Will you grow from those cold blood wrongs? When those old love songs start to play they start to play.

[Flora Goodtime]

They say.

[Unknown Singer (Song Interlude)]

It gets better but I've seen it worse Hate to say I told you so But I told her to they say love's a blessing But I've seen it so cursed I still remember where I was when the feeling changed and how I burned my tongue when the ceiling caved and where did you go when the gold is gone when the old front lawns turning gray.

[Flora Goodtime]

Will you.

[Unknown Singer (Song Interlude)]

Grow from your cold blood rungs? When those old love songs start playing they start to play they start to play they start to play.

[Dixie de La Tour]

That story was told on stage in 2019. Want to hear an update? Flora and Nick, that handsome Taylor Lautner look alike, ended up getting married during the pandemic. I sat in my house watching On Zoom, crying at the most beautiful ceremony ever. They met another partner, Ollie, and together they're at very happy triad. Flora and Nick bought a house and they're domesticated. Well, maybe not domesticated for the rest of the world, but for San Francisco, they're pretty damn domesticated now. Flora, I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy you found not just one love, but many loves. Nobody deserves it more. I've been telling you for a while that things are kind of dire financially. As someone who made their entire living off of selling tickets to live shows, after I spent hours and hours coaching each story to make it beautiful, the pandemic changed all that. I'm not really sure what to do next. And since this podcast cost me completely out of pocket, I have to decide whether I can continue. Right now, I'm not really sure what to do as I approach the big number of 300 episodes. Maybe it's time. I need to know that you're listening. And a great way to let me know that you're listening to this would be to go right now to Patreon and sign up to support me. It's P A t r e o-n.com body and everything helps. $10 a month that could keep this thing going. So go to Patreon, sign up to support us. And if that's not your thing, go to Cash App or Venmo or PayPal or any of those places. Because I'm making a decision soon. And you can help me make that decision. I just got a new review for the Body Storytelling Podcast and I want to share it with you. Real bawdy and wonderful. I love storytelling and I love spice. This podcast is a perfect mixture of those two things. Each story is so real and unapologetically open. They talk about sex the way we should, with real words, real experiences, and no judgment. Boy, they nailed it, didn't they? 5 stars. I love reading what you think about the podcast. And hey, my birthday's coming up really soon. And if you don't have money for a gift, the very next best thing is to write me a review. This one was written on Apple Podcasts, but you do what works for you. Thank you in advance for considering that. And I also want to say thank you to the people who make this podcast possible. Thank you to David Grossoff, Mohsa Maxwell Smith, Donal Mooney, and podcast producer Roman Den Hauteker. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour. This is episode 291 of the Bawdi Storytelling Podcast. Thanks for listening.