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Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 292: ‘Dixie loves Wet Bread’
00:24:39
Did you know that there’s an enclave of Bawdy SuperFans in Nashville, Tennessee? This episode is a Behind-The-Scenes story, the story behind the stories, if you will. For those who love the Dixie Ramble, get ready for a Puppet and Clown and Music...
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Transcript15 lines
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Dixie Delator
The following podcast contains true stories of sex, kink, gender, or body image. Thanks for being a consenting adult. Cause here we go.
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Wet Bread Vocalist
All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous.
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Get used to it.
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Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's too much Just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside.
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If you're ever frightened, just run and hide.
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My vagina is eight miles.
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Dixie Delator
What? Hi there and welcome to the Bodi Storytelling Podcast. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie delator, and this week we have the premiere of a brand new song written just for body storytelling. Hey, friend, how's your week going? Sorry that I didn't have an episode last week. My podcasting equipment died and I had to order new equipment and it's arrived. Do you hear any difference? The other one was on the way out. It regulates my microphone and it was making crackly noises before and the sound quality wasn't good. But my podcast producer, Roman, tells me that the test files we've done have turned out really well. So let me know. Do you like it? Does it sound different? I hope it sounds warmer because I'm in your earbuds and I want to sound as good as possible. I'm kind of riding a hide today. One of my favorite things to do in the world is story coaching, helping people find their stories. You heard me tell a couple of weeks ago, the story about how I helped somebody do the polyamorous English to Spanish space pirate wedding officiate speech and felt really good. I heard it went really well. This week. Somebody hired me. They're a burlesque dancer and wanted to get up and do something brave for their birthday and they wanted to get on stage and tell a dirty story. It's in a city far away. It's not bawdy. But they hired me to help them find the really good, you know, the stuff that we do, the stuff that I love to do. And today we worked on it. And I tell you, the moment that felt really good is they looked anxious because I've tried to get this person on my stage before and they were always like, oh, telling a story, public speaking, I can't do it. But as we worked together and I kind of laid out my system and all of that, at a certain point they were like, oh, my God, your system. It's like the choreography to a burlesque performance. I can do that. It's choreography. I just learned the choreography, and it makes me feel so good. When people, like, get it, they realize storytelling, yes, it's hard, but it's only hard because you do all the work up front. And then when you get up on stage, it looks so natural, it looks so effortless, because now you can have fun with it. You've done the hard part, the part that's intimidating, finding everything, being funny. We really focused on how to be funny today. And when it started, this story was not funny. But by the end, they're going to be rolling in the aisles. I'm hoping that it will be recorded and maybe I'll even get to play that story for you here on the podcast. Fingers crossed for that. I also have been coaching someone. Can you tell? I've been doing a lot of coaching lately. I also have been coaching somebody who is in Europe and they'd never been on stage and had been invited to be the keynote speaker at a narrative medicine conference and hired me and said, I have no idea how to do this. You may have heard me mention this before because we've been periodically working on this for months. And today they got on stage and I got this message immediately after they stepped off stage. And the message says, holy shit, Dixie. This was the best experience I have ever had professionally. I made so many people cry and laugh, and multiple people said that they now understand someone in their lives because of my talk. Thank you so much. I said, you rocked it. Congrats. And she said, I did. And it's going to open up new worlds of opportunity for me. Thank you so much. Public speaking stands in your way, y'. All. It really holds you back. It was night and day, the difference in my life. Once I got past my fear of public speaking and got up on a stage and once you do it, that terrifying moment, once you face your fears and do it, you step off stage and go, that's not that hard. That's not what was I afraid of? And it becomes so much easier because you've done it. The hard part is the first time, and then after that, it just takes all the power away. So, yeah, I've been helping people find their power, particularly for the last few months. But today I feel like the payoff happened, and I wanted to share that, you know, all that positiveness with you because you have put up with me through some really dark times over the last few years. And when I have a good day, I should get on a microphone. And I should talk to you about it, shouldn't I? Because you deserve the good stuff, not just the hard stuff. I also want to tell you about my birthday party, because last week was my birthday and this past weekend we had scheduled a party. Now, my birthdays have been hard for the past three years. My partner of 12 years dumped me on my birthday in 2021. And then next year, my friends were like, we're going to have this party. It was going to be DixieCon, a riff on my friend Jared's big birthday party, which was a porn clown orgy that happened in a penthouse in Las Vegas. I wanted to do my own version of that, but, you know, weird giant heads and puppets. And that's just the stuff that makes me giddy. It makes me so happy. Well, it didn't happen because that year in 2022, six people on the planning team got Covid, so the party never happened. And last year I just went, well, fuck it, what's the point? And I gave up. And I didn't even try. But this year I decided I wanted to try again. So I just said, maybe, maybe I should have a party this year. And immediately my friend Suzanne said, I will host your birthday party. You can have it here at my house. Suzanne and Ted have a great house for parties. So, I mean, I tell you, I produce events, hardest parts of the venue. Once you got the venue, everything is gravy after that. So I invited a bunch of friends. We make plans. Now I live in San Francisco. The party was going to be in Oakland. And day of party, party's supposed to run, you know, 4 to 10. It's just before 4 and I'm about to get on the Bay Bridge to head to Oakland. And I decide, you know what, if it's my party, I can be fashionably late. I'm gonna stop. We might not have enough food, right? I'm gonna stop and get some crudite. I'm gonna get some cheese and crackers, stop at Trader Joe's, grab a few things. And we have this thread that's been going on for DixieCon, the party, and someone has posted that the Bay Bridge is completely closed. There's a grass fire on Yerba Buena island, the island in between the two parts of the Bay Bridge, completely closed, can't get anywhere. I was pretty sure I was going to arrive 4:30 fashionably late, you know, but now it's 4:20 and that bridge is stopped and not going anywhere. So I called Suzanne and said, okay, should I get on The Bay Bridge, or should I try and go around by other bridges? Suzanne gets off the phone, she does some research. She looks around, she talks to her partner Ted, and she comes back and she goes, you should get on the Golden Gate Bridge going to Marin, and then go around to the Richmond Bridge, bring it around all the way around the other way. Like, we are talking 50 miles at least in the other direction. So I start driving through San Francisco to get on the Golden Gate Bridge. And all the traffic that was gonna be on the Bay Bridge is now here. So it's completely stopped. I am stopped in the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm stopped on the Richmond Bridge. And as I'm sitting in traffic and I'm watching the thread of my birthday party, people are there. People are going, dixie, where are you? I'm getting all these texts. I'm getting people who are saying, I've been sitting on the bridge for an hour and a half and I'm really sorry. I wanted to be at your birthday party, but I. I have to go home. I didn't realize that the bridge is not moving. There's no. I can't get there. So I'm watching people cancel. And I'm starting to feel a little sad because I'm missing my own birthday party. But the great thing is my friends are weirdos and they've brought a lot of props. So people start making videos and start taking pictures. Here's what's happening. Here's what you're missing. And the whole thing is just so ridiculous. It's just taking. I'm just. I'm completely sitting in stopped traffic, can't get anywhere. And it's. It's not sad, it's comical because I'm watching the footage come in from the party. I'm laughing while sitting in traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge, Not. Not moving at all. I'm moving every few feet. Here comes a new video. Here comes a new text. I can read it because I'm not actually driving. I'm stuck. And it's making me laugh, and it's making me feel loved that they're going, do you think we'll see you today? I share my ETA on my phone's GPS with a few of them. And so people are saying, oh, I hear you're here. And all these people are just sending me messages while I'm stuck, unable to attend my own birthday party. I figured I'd be there by 4:30. I arrived after 8pm, full traffic the whole way. When I finally showed up, a Few people had brought children. Y', all, here's a pro tip. Don't bring children to a professional pervert's birthday party. It's a bad idea. The kids were all told they couldn't have cake until Dixie got there to blow out her candles. And so the kids are just, like, bombarding me. Hey, blow out your candles. Blow out your candles. Blow out your candles. And I'm like, I need a drink. Like, I've been in traffic for over four hours. Like, you're gonna have to wait. It's past their bedtime. And by the time they lit the candles and people were singing me Happy Birthday, the kids were standing under the cake, like, are you waiting for some to drip off the plate? You're that desperate for cake? And I fucked with him a little bit. I was just kind of like, oh, hang on. I think I need a better. Wish you could just. You're gonna have to wait while I think. Mmm, I don't know. This feels important. I need to really concentrate. They're just twitching, waiting for me to blow out this candle so they can finally have some cake. Honestly, there was so much cake at this party, it was ridiculous. My friends recorded a music video using puppets and giant heads and costumes. Of course there were clowns. Of course there were clowns. My friend Moda, who had written a song 15 years ago called Dixie's Tits, they're pretty Good Tits, he showed up with this ukulele and he led us all in a song. I wore Bert from Sesame Street's head with a very low cut top while they all sang about my tits. And I gave them a little applause titties, and I got to open amazing presents. But the best part, I think, was because I wasn't there. People were forced together. And there were many people who had never met, who had conversations because they were waiting on me to arrive. And several people made new friends. Turned out one person, who was very socially anxious, who lived right down the street from the host of the party, walked in and announced their anxiety. And the host has pretty much adopted her. And it's like, you're going to make art with us. We're going to hang out. We live so close together. And they've contacted me to say, hey, can you give me her information? We want to include her in our antics. We want to take her into the art making family. People like Dawsey Easton, the ethical slut, showed up. And Dawsey lives far away, and that's isolating. But one friend I hadn't seen in a Decade showed up. And it turned out as she made a comment, you know, they don't do shit like this in Marin. Dawsey went, what don't they do? And they realized they both live really close to each other and now they're in touch. And, you know, my favorite thing in the world is helping people make friends and make new connections and be less lonely in the world. That's what storytelling does better than anything is it makes you feel connected. So even though I was four hours late to my own birthday party, it felt like a huge success to me. I didn't get home until 3:00 in the morning. Thank God the host decided that they were gonna keep going beyond the hours that we had originally talked about. And so many people made new friends. So many people got to share their freak side. People who had never met. Our circle just folded in perfectly. They were like, I wasn't sure if the date I brought was gonna be. And it turned out she fits. She's one of us. Those are the moments you get when you throw people like that in a tight little container. So maybe the birthday curse has been broken. Maybe that was it. Three years. And this year I feel like I got the party I've been waiting for for a long time. I am so fucking grateful that I have such incredible friends. So contact a friend today. Tell them how much you appreciate them, send them some inside joke, remind them that you love them, that in person time. If you can't have it, do it whatever way you can. Whether it's a greeting card, whether it's a phone call, whether it's a text, whether it's a meme. Just reach out to somebody and remind them how fucking important they are to you. My friends turned it all around for me. This year's gonna be different. I am sure of it. I've got a live body storytelling coming up and I hope you can join me. It's happening in Portland, Oregon on Friday, June 21, y'. All. I haven't done a show in Portland since 2016 and it's long overdue. And this one is going to be a two show night. I'm going to be doing a main stage curated body at 7:30 and then at 10:30 I'm doing body Slam where you can put your name in the hat to get up and tell your own story so you can listen to well crafted stories and you can get up and tell your own well crafted story. Tickets are available in the show notes and they're also on the website. Don't forget The Moth for Pervs is coming to Portland, Oregon on Friday, June 21st. See you there. I love a good backstory, don't you? When I was contacted by someone who told me they'd started writing dirty songs because of the bawdy storytelling podcast, that's the ultimate compliment. And I was very curious to hear their music. Well, they knew I was about to go on east coast tour. They were in Nashville. I was bringing the show to Nashville, and we started plotting. So let me tell you about the people in the band. Melody Walker and Lizzy Ross are both celebrated songwriters in the indie folk and Americana scene who decided they had far hornier songs to write than their previous mainstream projects would allow. Allow. They had spent so many years not wanting to seem like those kind of bisexuals. You know, the lusty, insatiable, wanton kind of woman who would start a band just to advertise their goods to a captive audience of other certified sluts and poly queerdos. But when Melody turned Lizzie onto her favorite podcast, bawdy Storytelling, and then they found out Dixie was coming to Nashville, it was all over. For their good reputation, they decided to risk it all to debut their new duo, Wet Bread. I'm sorry if my laugh hurt your ears, but Wet Bread, y'. All. The thing you should also know, because I'm planning my year around this, is that Melody is the front of a grateful drag cover band called Bertha, which came to fruition in protest to the Tennessee anti drag and anti trans laws. Now, Bertha is about to go on national tour, so I'm going to include a link so that you can see so you can see where they're going. I'm very excited. They're going to be in Berkeley at the end of this year, and I'm definitely going to be there with every drag queen and porn clown I know so that we can cheer Melody on. I love their music. If you follow them on Instagram, you're gonna fall in love with them, too. But Lizzy and Melody were the most delightful duo. They'd written fresh songs just for the show. So incredibly talented. And you're gonna get to hear the song that they are proposing as a new podcast theme song. I wanted you to hear it here first. This was recorded live on stage at Body Storytelling at City Winery in Nashville, Tennessee. This is Wet Bread.
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Wet Bread Member
Anyway, so this is our attempt at a body theme song. We love eight Miles Wide, but you need a body song, so I don't know, take it or leave it. We're auditioning it right now. She's Never heard it, you guys. She didn't even hear it at soundcheck. She was like, la, la, la.
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Dixie Delator
Looking.
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Wet Bread Vocalist
Through the keyhole at all your secret dreams Lovers like a rainbow Forbidden fantasies scary but inviting Salty, wet and warm Jiggle at the handle and open up the door More of your body, body if you're feeling naughty turn on your body, body, yeah, your body, body if you're feeling naughty turn on your body, body, yeah where everybody's beautiful and nothing's too unusual so open up your mind Open up your mind if you wanna smack and ask all you gotta do is ask and wait for the green light Old flame, new flame Seven friends you wanna bang no shame in getting real all orifice, no artifice so take it off your bucket Listen live to tell the tale on body, body. If you're feeling naughty, turn on your body, body, yeah.
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Wet Bread Member
Guys can echo it if you want.
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Wet Bread Vocalist
Your body, body, body, body if you're feeling naughty, turn on your body, body, body, yeah. Let's get some clap. Keep turning your body, body if you're feeling naughty, turn on your body, body, yeah.
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Dixie Delator
You guys got it.
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Wet Bread Vocalist
Your body, body if you're feeling naughty, turn on your body, body, yeah. Keep it going. Your body, body if you're feeling naughty, turn on your body, body, yeah, your body, body if you're feeling naughty, turn on your body, body Turn your body over, yeah. Give it up for Dixie. Give it up for the storytellers, everybody. Thank you. Wet bread, y'.
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Dixie Delator
All. Well, you've heard me say that times are really tough. The golden age of podcasting is over, which means sponsorship is not really available to us. And it's tough when you do a sex and storytelling podcast to get sponsorship. A lot of people just want to go with, you know, Joe Rogan, but I'm not Joe Rogan, and that means I need your help. Whatever you can do to support this podcast means so much, and it means that you can help us continue. Right now, I'm on the edge. I'm deciding, am I going to continue past 300 episodes? This is 292. Or am I gonna give it up and try and put the energy that goes into creating a podcast into something else? This takes a lot of work. My work, Roman, my podcast producer's work. And if I don't hear from you, if you don't support it, it's gonna go away. You can support us through Venmo, through CashApp, through PayPal, through Buy Me a Coffee. But best of all is Patreon. Go to p-, A-T-R-E-O-N.com bodi and that's ongoing support. And ongoing support is what makes the biggest difference. Thank you for considering it. I know that times are tough for all of us, but I can't go out of pocket with the podcast anymore and I want to keep doing it. And I want to know know that you want me to keep doing it. Thanks for considering it. Last week I asked you if you would write a review for the podcast and I got one. One? But it's a really good one. It says five stars. My favorite podcast. This pod makes me feel sexy, sane and safe. My work here is done, people. I'd love it if you'd write me a review. I love reading what you have to say about the Bodi storytelling podcast, and it means that other people read it and give us a try. And it's very hard to get the word out when you're dirty and your words let people know that we're worth listening to. No amount of advertising can do what your good word of mouth can do. So thanks for considering it. While I'm saying thank you, I want to say thank you to the people who make the podcast possible. Thank you to David Grossoff, Donal Mooney, Mohsa, Maxwell Smith, and podcast producer Roman Dinhoudeker. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie Delator. This has been episode 292 of the Bawdy Storytelling Podcast. Thanks for listening.