Bawdy Storytelling Podcast: Episode 295 – “Orgasm Leader Board” (Kevin A. Patterson)

Host: Dixie De La Tour
Guest Storyteller: Kevin A. Patterson
Date: June 19, 2024

Episode Overview

This episode of Bawdy Storytelling revolves around a hilarious, sex-positive true story from Kevin A. Patterson, a prominent voice in polyamorous and non-monogamy communities. The show, curated and hosted by Dixie De La Tour, is “The Moth for pervs”—a stage for honest, bold, and uproariously candid stories about sex, kink, gender, and body image.

Kevin’s tale, “Orgasm Leader Board,” takes listeners through the wild logistics of a marathon day of tag-team hand sex, sex geekery, community connection, personal healing, and the importance of finding laughter—even amidst heartbreak and growth.

Key Discussion Points & Story Highlights

1. Dixie’s Reflections on Bawdy Storytelling (00:57–11:15)

• Dixie opens up about her internal debate on whether to continue the podcast after 300 episodes, sharing the emotional challenges of producing Bawdy Storytelling over 7+ years.
• She reads a heartfelt fan email from Christy, which details how the podcast created a sense of belonging and hope in Christy’s life during dark times.
  • Quote (Dixie, reading Christy's email, 05:40):
    “Your passion and dedication to building a community where everyone feels equally seen and heard in all of their authentic glory is awe inspiring. Your everlasting radiance has brightened my world.”
• Dixie encourages listeners to share their own experiences to help inform her decision, emphasizing how much the personal stories and support matter in sustaining the show.

2. Meet the Storyteller: Kevin A. Patterson (11:07–11:16)

• Kevin is introduced as a key figure in the Philadelphia polyamory community, creator of the Poly Role Models blog, and co-author of "Love’s Not Colorblind." He centers polyamory discourse on representation and inclusion.

3. Kevin’s Story: The “Orgasm Leader Board” Adventure (11:16–22:12)

Setting the Stage (11:16–12:00)

• Kevin launches straight in, promising “three stories in one” with signature humor and energy.
• He sets the scene:
  • “I'm on my back…my left hand is buried inside somebody’s vag…my right hand was also buried in someone’s vag. But I really needed to check the time…had two or three more appointments after this.” (Kevin, 11:23)

Life Context (“Getting Over by Getting Under”) (12:00–13:10)

• 2018–19: Kevin is riding high in the polyamorous scene but struggling inside after a painful breakup (“Not gonna bother with a real or fake name because fuck her, but…”).
• He throws himself into connection, sex, travel, and healing as a means of coping.

Frenchie’s Birthday & “Birthday Bruises” (13:10–14:15)

• At Frenchie’s raucous 40th birthday, “birthday bruises” become the night’s kinky highlight.
  • “You gather up all your people…everybody gets some impact toys and everybody goes to town.” (Kevin, 13:30)
• Funny inventory: “I got a bang bag, she got a fuck truck.” (Kevin, 14:04)

Genesis of the Tag-Team “Hand Orgy” (14:15–15:30)

• Amidst the party chaos, Kevin and friend Lexi—both reputed for their skills—joke about offering “hand sex” as a service. The joke becomes very real.
  • “We picked a date in April. That's how we became this gender nonspecific traveling hand orgy.” (Kevin, 14:54)

The Great Roadtrip: “Handjobs on Tour” (15:31–16:40)

• Operation logistics: Excel spreadsheets for mileage, times, and orgasm counts. Hand sex appointments across Philadelphia neighborhoods.
• “For about 12 hours…we drove around giving hand, you know, tag team hand jobs.” (Kevin, 15:17)

The Philadelphia Music Hall Orgy (16:41–19:20)

• The team ends up at Philly’s fabled Music Hall—a kinky clubhouse with all the toys and space needed.
• Seven friends arrive; what starts as “just hand sex” quickly escalates into a full-blown orgy, complete with a literal orgasm leaderboard on a whiteboard.
• Memorable moment:
  • “We’re going through, like, all the Stranger Things closed captions. You know, ‘moaning intensifies,’ and ‘squelches wetly.’” (Kevin, 18:20)
• Kevin’s partner Ivy seizes the moment, riding him to completion while friends keep score.
  • “That's the sort of rock, saddle entitlement to my dick that I really appreciate.” (Kevin, 19:06)
• On the whiteboard leaderboard, Kevin humbly brags:
  • “I’m down at the bottom…up two. So good for me. You know, it's twenty and fifteen and ten…two. And I killed it. It was a good two.” (Kevin, 19:50)

Emotional Turns and Healing (20:13–22:12)

• The fun roadshow happens a second time in June, but a chance sex ed conference trip in August puts Kevin face-to-face with conversations around emotional abuse and his own healing.

• “That whole getting over someone by getting under someone else—it’s fun until you have somebody spelling out all of your anxiety right at you…This is the pain that I’m falling away from.” (Kevin, 21:28)

• Ultimately, Kevin finds himself back to “just being a regular slut again,” embracing the humor and heat of his memories without needing to repeat the marathon.

  • Closing comic note:
    “I'm good leaving it as, like, a bunch of wild memories and this commemorative shirt that says Fist of Fury. Thank you.” (Kevin, 22:05)

4. Musical Segue & Celebration (22:12–24:47)

• A celebratory, performative song (“I want that trophy!”, 22:12) brings comic closure, echoing the episode’s playful competitive spirit.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Kevin, on the orgy logistics:
  “I made a whole Excel spreadsheet. You know, I'm charting down mileage, times, you know, orgasm counts for the people who are willing to count orgasms for us.” (15:10)
• Kevin, on the poly perspective:
  “That’s the origin story of my polyamory—made a joke about a threesome, and 20 years later I'm still with that same threesome chick.” (14:40)
• Kevin, on healing and slutty joy:
  “I'm back to just being a regular slut again. And while, like, I wouldn't say no to a third hand over fist road trip…I'm good leaving it as wild memories and this commemorative shirt that says Fist of Fury.” (22:02)

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:57 — Dixie’s intro, podcast crossroads, and Christy’s letter
• 11:16 — Kevin’s story begins
• 13:10 — Frenchie’s birthday & “birthday bruises”
• 14:54 — Lexi & Kevin hatch their tag-team plan
• 15:31 — The April “hand-orgy” roadtrip logistics
• 16:41 — Philadelphia Music Hall: Orgy & orgasm leaderboard
• 20:13 — Reflection on sex, healing, and emotional growth
• 22:12 — Musical trophy celebration

Final Thoughts & Tone

With Kevin’s storytelling—irreverent, honest, and community-driven—the episode echoes the heart of Bawdy Storytelling: authentic liberation, healing humor, and the importance of being seen and celebrated in all your sexual glory. The episode also reflects Dixie’s openness with her audience and her gratitude for the community’s support during uncertain times.

For listeners:
This episode is an uproarious, NSFW romp with a surprising undercurrent of vulnerability. It’s an illustration of how sexual adventure and friendship help people navigate life’s heartbreak and find wild new forms of connection and laughter along the way.