Episode 297: ‘Strap-On Olympics’ (Tatyana Brown)

Summary

Bawdy Storytelling, Episode 297: "Strap-On Olympics" (Tatyana Brown)

Date: July 25, 2024
Host: Dixie De La Tour
Storyteller: Tatyana Brown

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Episode Overview

This episode of Bawdy Storytelling centers on themes of sexual exploration, community, and the wild creativity that flourishes in inclusive and sex-positive spaces. Featured storyteller Tatyana Brown takes us inside a notorious Bay Area play party, narrating how a simple desire to witness strap-on play transformed into an unforgettable, collaborative group event: the gleefully chaotic Strap-On Olympics. The tale is a celebration of queer joy, communication, spectacle, and the radical possibilities that unfold when people are unashamedly open about their desires.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Sex-Positive Community

Timestamp: 07:01–10:40

• Tatyana sets the stage with vulnerability, sharing a rough start to the year: sudden work loss, simultaneous polyamorous breakups, and questioning her sex drive.

  “Like, I was just, like, destroyed. Like, what is sex? You know what I'm saying? ... Maybe I just, like, I'm gonna turn 30 and now I just don't want to have sex. That might be what it is. No.” (07:25, Tatyana)

• She decides to revitalize herself the local way: attending a Bay Area play party, emphasizing how these spaces foster both communication and fun.
  • These parties begin with “communication workshops” and exercises around consent, intimacy, and being present—a ritual she gently mocks but also wholeheartedly embraces.

  “I sound really sarcastic about it, but I fucking love that shit. For real. Like, all of us who are here, like, we do we both need to be like, no, no, no, that's stupid. And also, like, actually, my inner child needs to be held right now.” (08:45, Tatyana)

2. The Inciting Incident: “Strap-On Sex? I’d Watch That”

Timestamp: 10:41–13:50

• Tatyana bonds poolside with a lively “straight” woman over dessert and sex banter.
  • The woman admits, “she’s never hooked up with anybody who wasn’t a dude” and would only be “tempted by someone really smooth” at the party—something Tatyana laughingly disclaims is “definitely not” her.
• Inspiration strikes when they both witness a charismatic, platform-booted partygoer whom both admire. Tatyana tells a story about her receiving a mind-blowing clothed strap-on blowjob—a “life goal!”

  “True story: This one time I saw that woman get the most amazing blowjob wearing a strap on while fully clothed with her arms like behind her head from this like completely naked sub dude who was just going to town on her. And I was like, life goals, that's who I want to be.” (12:51, Tatyana)

• Prompted by the straight woman’s comment, “I could totally go for some of that—watching, you know,” Tatyana seizes the initiative to orchestrate the scene.
  • She emphasizes the “What if we…?” magic of these spaces, where voicing desires often sparks creative communal action.

3. Birthing the “Strap-On Olympics”

Timestamp: 13:51–16:40

• The pair approaches go-go boots woman, then the party's logistics fall into place—slowly morphing from a joke to an all-out event spurred on by a “deeply competitive genderqueer person” (nicknamed “Napoleon”: short, fiery, full of bravado).
• The phrase “Strap-On Olympics” is coined; excitement blossoms. The party organizer agrees to help:

  “Do you need the toys from my bag?”

  • The host’s supportive, can-do attitude underscores the open spirits of sex-positive parties.

4. The Olympics Begin: Improvised Competition & The Spirit of Play

Timestamp: 16:41–22:50

• Shouts of “Strap-On Olympics!” ring out, gathering a crowd of 70–80 people.
  • Tatyana—temporarily thrust into the role of impromptu emcee—quickly invents rules and events “camp counselor”-style:
    • Event 1: Blowjobs (on strap-ons), audience chooses winners
    • Event 2: "Floor Exercises"—teams compete to perform the most penetrative positions in four minutes
• Contestants include:
  • The go-go boots woman (“who I want to be when I grow up”)
  • Napoleon (ultra-competitive)
  • A complete newbie, preparing for their first-ever strap-on experience—publicly!

  “We are on the brink of something no one has ever done before. We are about to cause world peace through strap on sex. Because that's what the Olympics are fucking about, right, you guys?” (19:34, Tatyana)

• A sense of spontaneous, shared thrill spreads among participants and audience alike; the event turns both wild and heartwarming.

5. The Play-by-Play: Chaos, Cheer, and Consent

Timestamp: 22:51–24:50

• The “floor exercises” commence after a dramatic audience-led slow clap (for warmup/foreplay).
• Each team dives into energetic, inventive sexual feats:
  • Napoleon’s team manages 17 positions in four minutes, displaying both determination and acrobatics.
  • The newbie and their partner communicate tenderly, relishing the experience.
  • The go-go boots woman, ever nonchalant, enjoys herself in her own way.

  “Napoleon is in the middle of this, like, completely industrious machine... if you were to tell me that Napoleon had, like, charted out what was going to go next and what was the most efficient way to move their body, I would have believed you.” (24:01, Tatyana)

• The event ends in awe and applause, a collective sense of “this has never happened anywhere before.”
• The straight woman (“the reason I did all this in the first place”) is beaming with shared accomplishment and amazement.

  "I can't believe we did that together." (24:36, ‘Straight girl’)
  "Yeah, me either. Good job. Thanks, everybody. Ooh, nice." (24:38, Tatyana)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Oh, lord, don’t worry y’all. You can keep your boners, I promise.” (07:01, Tatyana, opening her story with self-deprecating humor)
• “If you say the words and you see enough people be like, huh, that’s a good introduction to... Yeah, keep it going, keep saying the things, see if you can make it happen.” (14:44, Tatyana, demystifying community consent)
• “I’m gonna seem a little bit pushy and annoying for a little bit. You just gotta understand that there’s a difference... you gotta be able to read the room.” (15:13, Tatyana, on instigating group play responsibly)
• “There’s kind of like a lazy orgy feeling that happens, right? Where you’re like, I mean, I’m just having orgasms, this is fine..." (13:20, Tatyana, on sexual party atmospheres)
• "17 positions in four minutes... I don’t know if I’ve ever had sex in 17 positions." (24:20, Tatyana, amused awe at the competitive spirit)
• “We are about to cause world peace through strap on sex. Because that's what the Olympics are fucking about, right, you guys?” (19:34, Tatyana)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 07:01 – Tatyana begins her story and sets up the heartbreak backdrop
• 08:45 – A tongue-in-cheek yet sincere take on sex party communication exercises
• 12:51 – “Life goals” moment: recounting a legendary strap-on blowjob
• 17:32 – The phrase “Strap-On Olympics” emerges
• 19:34 – “We are about to cause world peace through strap on sex...”
• 21:20 – Events and competition format are announced
• 22:51 – The games commence; mayhem and laughter ensue
• 24:36 – The heartfelt aftermath and shared joy

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Tone and Language

Tatyana’s narrative style is playful, honest, sarcastic-yet-sincere, and deeply sex positive—adopting a camp counselor-meets-queer auntie vibe. The story seamlessly blends humor, vulnerability, emotional nuance, and an infectious sense of possibility.

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Takeaway

“Strap-On Olympics” is a dazzling testament to the power of collaboration, unapologetic desire, and queer communal mischief. The episode encapsulates why Bawdy Storytelling endures: it’s raw, raucous, tender, and reminds us that sexual connection and collective joy—when approached with care, consent, and creativity—are transformative acts.

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For more like this—subscribe to Bawdy Storytelling and stay tuned for more tales of radical honesty, laughter, and liberation.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast contains true stories of sex, kink, gender, or body image. Thanks for being a consenting adult. Cause here we go.

[B]

All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous. Get used to it. Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey. My vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just running. Hide. My vagina is eight miles. What?

[A]

Hi there, and welcome to the Bawdi Storytelling podcast. I'm sexual folklorist, Dixie delator. And this week we have a story from Bay Area based writer, performer, and educator, Tatiana Brown. How's your week going, my little potato? Don't you like my little potato as a greeting? It's gender neutral. And I was trying to be, you know, respectful and shit. I hope that you're well. I wish you could tell me how you are, but I wanted to tell you what I'm working on right now because I have this thing. I don't know, it's probably a mental illness. I'm not sure. You know, the things that I add to shows that are really bad ideas that I do anyway. I get giddy when I do them. Like games like Sniff Test, where you put your dirty underwear in a Ziploc bag and other people can huff them and let you know if they like your scent. Bad idea, right? But I get so excited when I come up with these ideas right now. It's not the same thing at all. But I am working on a birthday gift for my best friend, and I'm broke. So it's like, how can I be, you know, how can I find something that's frugal but thoughtful? I'm not going to tell you what it is because for all I know, she's listening to this podcast episode and her birthday's next week, so I'm not going to say what it is, but I will say gifts to me are one of the ultimate love languages. I have people who crochet things and bring them to me at the show, and I'm like, you crocheted me a butt plug.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I had somebody I didn't know very well come to my birthday party back in May, and they had made me the most creative, clever, tiny little Jack in the box. If you know about my fetish for a covered head, Jack in the box is, like, the ultimate and I kind of like feet. So she put these giant, like clay formed feet on this doll. It's tiny and just blew my mind that anybody put that much thought into, into a gift for me. And I like to do that same thing for people. It's rare when I look at somebody and go, I know exactly what to get you. But when I figure it out, I'm happy. It makes me so happy to give you something that's gonna make you go, are you fucking kidding me? And I think this gift is gonna make Little P go, are you fucking kidding me? It's requiring a lot of labor and I'm not crafty, so that slows me down. Crafty people are much better at being frugal than I am. But I think, I think it's gonna work. If I can get it finished and get it in the mail on time because P lives on the entire other side of the country, I will be so happy with myself. I've got the birthday card, I've got the rest of this stuff. But this gift, getting it in the mail, finishing it in time, it just kind of makes you bubble up with excitement. The love you feel for the person that the gift is for just kind of like stews in your system for hours or days or weeks. I've been working on this thing for a couple weeks, so I will let you know how it goes. I would love to hear from you though. You know, I love to get voice memos. You know I love to get emails from you. I would love it if you tell me the best gift you ever got or the best gift you ever gave. Because that sort of creativity, that sort of thoughtfulness, it just makes me happy. I could use a little extra happy right now.

[B]

You could too.

[A]

I bet. The world has been a really difficult place. Feels like it's getting more difficult as time goes by. I'd like to do whatever I can to help you transcend the world and be reminded that the world is full of kind and thoughtful and gift giving people. You're one of them. Don't forget that. Stay tuned for more. I'll let you know what the gift is and I'll probably put pictures of it on my Patreon so that you can see it. Because it's really a visual gift. But I can describe it well. And I have to say that this is a gift I gave once, a very long time ago to a friend and it rocked their world. Might not rock yours, but it rocked theirs. I think it's gonna rock little P's world. So don't tell her, okay? It's gonna be a secret. I'd like for it to be a secret. Anyway. Thank you to the number of you who signed up for my new Substack newsletter, the Dixie Ramble. This week it's going to be taking over where this podcast was headed. Stories about connection and kindness and empathy and inspiring each other to be better people and keep going as the world changes around us. The thing that drives me in this world is joy, so I plan to continue that journey on substack. There's a link in the show Notes to Subscribe. It's time for a story from one of my favorite storytellers. She and I met many years ago at a kinky underground sex party, sat there and regaled each other with true stories and fell in love with. And we've been friends ever since. So let me tell you about this week's storyteller. Tatiana Brown is a Bay Area based writer, performer and educator. She has toured nationally performing and facilitating workshops for almost 10 years. Her work has appeared on NPR's Snap Judgment, and she has taught at Yale University, Indiana University, Duke, and many more. Tatiana has been on the bawdy stage since the very beginning and loves to spend time with people who are far, far sluttier than she can currently be. This storyteller is Tatiana Brown.

[B]

Oh, Lord, don't worry, y'. All. You can keep your boners. I promise. For me, this year started with just, like, a complete clown car full of, like, travesty. Like, like, all of the, like, work that I'd been doing disappeared. And a lot of. And, like, two breakups. Thank you. Being poly. What bullshit is this? Like, and, like, one of those breakups where you're like, no. Like, I'm gonna have to learn, like, a new language where every verb is conjugated with like. But I am without her as, like, part of it. Like, I was just, like, destroyed. Like, what is sex? You know what I'm saying? Like, does anybody else. Have you ever had that kind of, like, I am so sad that. Who cares? We're gonna get better. I promise. That's not where we're staying. I had, like, a real, like, I don't know. Am I. Did I. Maybe I just, like, I'm gonna turn 30 and now I just don't want to have sex. That might be what it is. No. In case you were wondering. So once it had been established for me that, like, that was not the case, I decided to do what most Bay Area locals would do and fix my. Fix my Sex drive problems by going to a play party. So I went to this particular kind of play party up in the Oakland hills in a very fancy house. And it's the kind of orgy where you have like a communication workshop before it starts. You know what I'm saying? Like, some people here know that was a knowing laugh where you're like, oh, yes, and now. And now we are going to talk about rejection and intimacy and we're all going to do exercises together and practice, which is actually perfect and totally the thing that I needed because I was doing the like, oh, God, I don't know kind of feeling. And I didn't just want to sit and kill, like, straight dudes boners in some room with Dixie. Although there's never a time I don't want to do that. None of you are safe. But I get to this party and we get through the communication connection workshop where they're like, non verbally make eye contact and like, figure out how to see the sacred in another person. We do that whole thing. And I sound really sarcastic about it, but I fucking love that shit. For real. Like, all of us who are here, like, we do we both need to be like, no, no, no, that's stupid. And also, like, actually, my inner child needs to be held right now. And I just. And it's much better. Thank you. So, like, it's that kind of party, right? Like, big, like, fancy potluck banquet spread, gorgeous pool, hot people, and they just want to talk about their feelings for the first 20 or 40 minutes. And that's fantastic. So I run into a really beautiful long hair cascading down her back, bubbly, excellent, laughing, sort of just like, great laugh, brilliant smile woman. And we're talking and we both decide that what we want to do is get pie and then go sit out on the patio at the pool of this house and watch a bunch of people fuck. Seems like a good choice, right? And we're doing like the witty banter thing. And she's just like, so fun to be around. We're eating pie and we're like, look at that couple. They've been just like touching each other and breathing for like 20 minutes. What's that about? Like, oh, look at that. Like, that's really beautiful. And in the middle of this whole process, like, this amazing, gorgeous woman says to me that she's never hooked up with anybody who wasn't a dude. And if anybody was gonna get her to do something at this party, they would have to be really smooth. And I'm like, I am twice out. Like, that's cool. Definitely not smooth. But I'm like, you know what? I'm really enjoying myself chatting with this person. And then this amazing woman who is genuinely a human that I want to be when I grow up walks by in knee high platform go go boots. And she like squats to pick something up and doesn't break her ankles. And we're both like, she's a bad bitch. We want to be her. And I'm like, true story. This one time I saw that woman get the most amazing blow job wearing a strap on while fully clothed with her arms like behind her head from this like completely naked sub dude who was just going to town on her. And I was like, life goals, that's who I want to be. And the straight girl that I'm with, straight girl says, yeah, there hasn't been that much strap on sex around here. I could totally go for some of that. And I'm like, go for some of that. And she's like, well, watching, you know, And I'm like, oh, oh. And then I remember what it is that I know how to do. And it's sort of like a baby deer, like learning how to walk kind of a thing. And I'm like, well, if you want to watch something like that happen, we're in the perfect place for that. And she's like, what do you mean? And I'm like, well, everybody here is all about like naming their desires and then helping each other find them. And this is the fucking truth. Like, the reason I really love those spaces, it's not just because, like, my inner child needs to be held. It's because those kinds of community spaces are spaces where you can make ridiculous and unexpected shit happen just by being like, well, what if we. And then usually if you say it with enough enthusiasm and excitement, people get out of. Like, this is gonna sound weird, but there's kind of like a lazy orgy feeling that happens right where you're like, I mean, I'm just having orgasms, this is fine. Like, you're cute. Do we need anything more than this? We can go get some grapes. I don't know. And I usually walk into those spaces and think, like, yeah, but what if we made a human pyramid, guys? And so the straight girl says to me, what? Like, yeah, I would like to see, I would like to see some strap on sex. And I'm like, well, if we just ask enough people, we can make that happen. And suddenly, I mean, she's just this like stunningly beautiful human being. And her face just like, she's beaming. She's like, what are you really? I can just ask people to fuck in front of me so I can watch and they'll do it? And I'm like, yeah, totally, you want to do that? And she's like, I do. And I'm like, all right, let's go. So I drag her to the Go Go boots woman, who is who I want to be when I grow up. And I'm like, so we are looking to instigate some strap on sex. Do you think you can help? And we have this like really funny logistical conversation. Well, you know, it's 5pm and I kind of need to hit my second wind. So I'm going to stay here, this beach chair for a little bit and then maybe I'll get in the hot tub. We're doing that whole thing and in the middle of that, someone jokingly says the term Strap On Olympics. And I feel something electric in the air come together. And I look at the straight girl and we're both like, oh. And I'm like, do you? Do you? I mean it doesn't have to be like a big thing, but do you want to see the Strap On Olympics? And she's like, I really do. And I'm like, I'm here for you. But here's the thing. I'm gonna seem a little bit pushy and annoying for a little bit. You just gotta understand that there's a difference. Like you gotta be able to read the room. There's like somebody who's being like, what about human pyramid? While everybody's not into the idea. And that's kinda like non consensual and not super fun. Like people will be like, geez, who invited this chick? You don't want that. But if you say the words and you see enough people be like, huh, That's a good introduction to. Yeah, keep it going, keep saying the things, see if you can make it happen. So she's like, I do. And I like grab her by the hand and we walk into the house. I become a person going, do you want to be in the Strap On Olympics? Do you want to be in the Strap On Olympics? Strap on Olympics. Strap on Olympics. It's a really catchy phrase. The Olympics have just happened, right? Nobody knows what the fuck I mean. I don't know what I mean. I just know that we need to make something happen and it's going to be called the Strap On Olympics. And so as we're talking about this, I watch people become a Little bit afraid, like I would watch that I wouldn't do it. And I'm like, yeah, I know. Me either. Trust me. What the fuck? What is a Strap On Olympics? And then I watch a lot of people, like, have ideas. I walk up to this very short, deeply competitive, very funny, but deeply competitive genderqueer person who I say, do you want to be in the Strap On Olympics? And they just perk up and they're like, how many heats is it going to be? And I'm like, yo, you need to slow your roll. Like, I don't heats. And they're like, I don't fucking care, but I am here for you. Let me go make some announcements. I'm gonna get us competitors. And I'm like, okay, good. So we're in the middle of this fantastic mansion full of people who are interested in communicating and making sure that they, like, talk about their boundaries before they fuck each other senseless. And this, this person who like, total Napoleon complex. I'm just gonna be honest about that. So we'll. They like go running into the house and they're like, I'm gonna win the Strap On Olympics. So, like, we've gone from the word Strap On Olympics to victory. Like, that's just where we are. They go running into the house and I talk to the organizer of the party and I'm like, I think we might be wanting to do something called the Strap On Olympics. And the organizer is like, yeah, let me make an announcement about that. Do you need the toys for my bag? And I'm like, you know what we've been missing this entire time is strap ons. So that's super useful. Ask and ye shall receive. This is not the secret. There are a lot of naked people though. So it does work eventually, right? Like, so the organizer makes a big announcement that we're gonna do the Strap On Olympics. And we're gonna do it in the living room of this house, which has 20 foot ceilings and a big balcony loft that goes all the way around so anybody who wants to can watch. And then they're just yelling like, strap on Olympics. People come down and Napoleon has recruited a lot of people to watch, but they have some really fucked up expectations. They're like, how do you guys do hurdles in the Strap On Olympics? And I'm like, I do not know. I don't think we can. That sounds like everybody needs their insurance to check in first and we need to sign waivers. We're not doing. We're not doing hurdles. So all this yelling happens and all Of a sudden, I have about 15 people in front of me. And like, I'm gonna put it, like, I don't know, 70 or 80 people. Like, there are people out by the pool, but, like, bunch of people in the house waiting for the strap on Olympics to start. And there's like a crowd of 15 people staring at me, being like, what do we do? And I'm like, oh, fuck. Well, now would be a good time to have an idea about what comes next, right? So over the course of this, we've talked about a bunch of different events. And I'm like, I go into this place as a. So like, Dixie can tell you this. As a show organizer. There's something that happens where you think about how long it is that people can give a fuck about whatever it is that's happening in front of them. I'm coming dangerously close to the edge of this. So let's get into the sex. Yeah. We get started by me looking at the crowd and being like, okay, we are gonna do two events, you guys. And I'm making it up in my head, like, right then I'm like, first is blowjobs. It's audience choice. Who wants to wear the strap ons. We have three. And all of this stuff sort of camp counselors itself into existence. And I have the woman who I want to be when I grow up wearing one strap on. I have Nepal wearing another. And then I have a complete newbie who's never had strap on sex before in their life. And they're gonna lose their strap on sex virginity in front of like 80 people in the middle of a fancy house in Oakland. And they're all just like, now tell us what to do. And I'm like, okay, two events. The first one will be blowjobs. The second one will be floor exercises. Floor exercises is not like gymnastics. But it sounds like it is. And it means. It means we're gonna help. I'm gonna give you an amount of time and you have to do as many positions as you possibly can in that time. And the person who does the most positions wins the rules. And they're like, we think so. And I just want to be clear. Like, it at this point doesn't matter if everyone understands the rules. We are on the brink of something that no one has ever done before. We are about to cause world peace through strap on sex. Because that's what the Olympics are fucking about, right, you guys? That's where we are. So I yell all of this to the ascendant assembled orgy crowd. Which really is also like. It's a combination of people who are like, what's going to happen here? And people who happen to be fucking in the general proximity of the strap on Olympics. But they gloriously and generously give us their attention. And we start the blowjobs. And Napoleon is like, just wants to win. Is like, are you all watching this? Are you seeing this? And they have three people giving them a blowjob at the same time. And they're just pointing at and yelling. And I'm like, I hear you. I get it. You want to win. But here's the thing. There's a newbie with us, right? And so, like, I'm standing in the middle of this living room, sort of like pacing and, like, yelling, hosting the Strap on Olympics, which is really just sort of like a living thing that no one person can really define or control, right? Like, I really just am, like, on for the ride. So I'm like, being like, hey, audience. Like, are you seeing that shit? And I look up or I look to my side and there is the virgin, right? Standing there, receiving their first strap on blowjob. And they have the, for lack of a better term, the baby deer look, you know, like, oh, my God, I think I get it. And they're just looking at me like. And I'm like, I know, right? So we announce, like, by the way, this is this person's first ever strap on sex. And the audience goes wild, and they win that event because it's audience choice. And the next event, Napoleon just goes nuts. And we have this weird moment where I'm like, I announce to everybody, we get four minutes. That's how long this event is gonna last. Because you don't really have that much time to keep an audience's attention, even when you actually have the people fucking right around you. It's really hard to keep people focused, especially when they could be fucking each other. So I'm like, four minutes, as many positions as you can possibly do. The team that does the most wins. And then I realized that I'm about to have three teams of people fuck each other without any foreplay whatsoever, which seems a little rude, right? Like, that just seems inconsiderate. So I'm like, okay, audience, what I need you to do is can y' all start a slow clap? And can y' all start a slow clap? That's good enough. Keep it going. And I say to them, all right, by the time you're done with your slow clap, we're gonna start. Start this event. So you Might want to slow it down a little bit so that people have the opportunity to like, get warmed up. But as soon as we end up in tumultuous applause, the event will have started. Time will have started, and that's when we'll be at floor exercises. Can you all cheer like, real quick? Like, yeah, like that. So they meant that. And they're off three people in strap ons fucking the shit out of anybody they can get their hands on. And it starts really focused, right? Like, the virgin is being like, okay, well now, and how do I. And maybe you can flip. And they're having, like, really good communication and stuff like that. And Napoleon is in the middle of this, like, completely industrious machine. Like, unbelievable. Like, if you were to tell me that Napoleon had like, charted out what was going to go next and what was the most efficient way to move their body, I would have believed you. And the woman who is who I want to be when I grow up is like, sort of pretending to give a shit, but she's very like, I'm wearing a strap on and with some hot people. Would you. Can you. Do you mind? You know? And so me and the straight girl who I've done all of this for, essentially she's co hosting with me, which means we're like walking around this group of people and being like, ta da, look at this thing that's happening. Five positions, everybody. And like kind of high fiving each other. And she keeps looking at me like, oh, my God, this is happening. And I'm like, I know. And then I'm like, I could have fucked somebody else in this time, but you're really cute. And this is weird. So even trade. And like, it keeps escalating and escalating. I watch Napoleon change positions without actually dismounting. Like, literally goes from like a missionary thing to flipping their entire body around. And they keep fucking the person they're with because they're in it for the gold, you know? And I'm just watching their positions climb. The rookie, their partner is like, you know, I'm actually kind of chafing. And they're having, like a very tender conversation. There's face touching and eye contact and it's lovely. And like, we're still like, look at them, they're doing great. And then like the woman who I want to be when I grow up, she is getting fucked while giving herself a hand job, which is the position. Sure, that seems legit. A hand job with the strap on. And I turn around and by then we've gotten to 17 positions. Napoleon has hit 17 positions in four minutes. I don't know if I've ever had sex in 17 positions. I'm pretty sure I have, you know, but it's so. It's like you're just kind of like, wow. 17 in four minutes. Okay. And like, the audience, we're all just kind of like, wow. And the whole thing ends in this kind of magical, like, this has never happened anywhere before kind of way. And everyone's kind of in awe of it and we applaud, but we're also like, aw. I kind of worry about everyone's genitals right now. And I'm staring into the eyes of the straight girl who I made this strange thing happen for. Because I'm awkward and I don't know how to talk to people, so sometimes I make stuff happen instead. And she's just like, I can't believe we did that together. And I'm like, yeah, me either. Good job. Thanks, everybody. Ooh, nice.

[A]

Tatiana Brown.

[B]

Eden is a hedonist. She listens to the Smiths. I'm more like a one night sad apologist. She's so out of. Every time I swing, I miss her. Oh, my God. I think, oh, my God, we're gonna kiss it. Get into my bed Girls just want to have. Girls just want to have girl. Oh, fuck, she's eating me out. I'm trying not to scream on her parents couch I don't even know what we were talking about but we were messing around and then it all happened so quick her hands are on my neck she's got a grip she can turn me on just like a switch it really gets me going when she tells me just like this get out of your head Tell your minute Drop dead. Get into my bed Girls just want to have sex get out of here your head. Oh, nice.

[A]

That was Girls Just Want to have Sex by Maisie. I've got some great news. Bawdy Storytelling has finally locked down a venue and we're coming to Chicago. I've been getting mail since 2019 saying, when you're coming back to Chicago, we love you here. And it's happening soon. I'll have a ticket link and an actual date for you next week. I'm also returning to Portland and Philadelphia, and I'm working on dates in Seattle, Austin and Boston right now. What do you want to see this show? Where are you in the world? That information helps me so much because, I mean, that's why we do this, to be in person with each other. And that's the only way I can really change your life. So send me an email. Bodystorytellingmail.com Tell me where you are and let's make it happen. If you love this podcast and you listen, then I need your help. I'm at a crossroads. I cannot financially go out of pocket for this thing anymore. I can't. And believe me, it's not just my time. I have a very talented audio editor. I have other people who help me with different aspects of this, this podcast to get it out into the world. I'm just the talent. I'm the voice. Everybody else needs to be paid, and I'd like to be paid, too. But right now, I'd be totally happy to not be paying for the privilege of doing all the work to produce a podcast. As I've said, I'm trying to decide by the 300th episode, and this one is 297. If you care about the podcast, I need you to step up now. I know you think maybe I'll decide next year, but it might not be here next year. I want to say thank you to Luna and Blair and Tina and Vanessa, who made the decision to support the Bawdi storytelling podcast this week. Thank you to all of you, and I hope it inspires the rest of you to you, the person listening right now to help us keep this thing going. Thanks in advance for your support. Whenever you take the time to write a review for this podcast, you kick us up in the algorithm, you make my day, and you let other people know that this podcast is worth their time. I put so much time into recording this podcast and I've been doing it for, like, eight years. It would mean a lot if you could write a review wherever you do that. Here's one that I got this week. Five stars. Such humanity. I love this podcast so much. It showcases the human experience so well and in such a distinct way. I can't tell you how many times my heartstrings are pulled listening to this show. Sexual experiences are human experiences. It's a huge way we connect, right to ourselves and others. I love how wholesome these stories end up being in the midst of supposed depravity. I love the playfulness. I hear it's hard to put into words, but thanks everyone for making me feel so normal and for making it all about love. Thanks for pushing limits and coming out of your shell and stirring the imagination and the liberation. What a beautiful tapestry of moments. Wasn't that a good review? I hope that inspires you to write one of your own. Thanks in advance for considering it. And while I'm thanking people, why don't I thank the team that make this podcast possible? Thank you to David Grossoff, Donal Mooney, Mohsa Maxwell Smith, and podcast producer Roman Dan Hauteker. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour. This has been episode 297 of the Body Storytelling Podcast. Thanks for listening.