Bawdy Storytelling, Episode 298: "Gloryhole Virgin" (Jeffrey Allen Hayes)

Host: Dixie De La Tour
Storyteller: Jeffrey Allen Hayes
Release Date: August 18, 2024

Episode Overview

In this episode of Bawdy Storytelling—the original sex and storytelling series—host Dixie De La Tour introduces and shares “Gloryhole Virgin,” a candid, comedic, and heartfelt personal story by drama therapist and professional game master Jeffrey Allen Hayes. Jeffrey’s story takes listeners from nervously Googling “gloryhole etiquette” to an unexpectedly romantic anonymous hookup that shatters his assumptions about connection and intimacy.

The episode is rich in humor, vulnerability, and body positivity, and it captures both the nervous anticipation and genuine surprise of exploring new sexual scenarios. Through Jeffrey’s signature blend of wit and authenticity, listeners are encouraged to embrace their sexuality, challenge shame, and pursue joy.

Main Segments & Key Insights

1. Dixie’s Joyful Reflections & Announcements

(00:02 – 10:25)

• Dixie opens with her signature warmth, briefly commenting on the political moment and how the potential for change brings her “joy.”
  • “It feels very vulnerable to talk about something that a lot of people feel very strongly about…My take is the world is a better place this week, and I want to see it keep getting better.” (06:05)
• She stresses the importance of hope and “joy” at the heart of storytelling, describing Bawdy as “a celebration.”
• Dixie announces upcoming Bawdy live shows, including a return to Chicago at the Den Theater and a storytelling intensive workshop.
  • “Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to get your tickets now for that show at the den…” (09:29)
• She introduces Jeffrey Allen Hayes with affection and admiration, highlighting his unique approach to sex, kink, and storytelling.

2. Story: “Gloryhole Virgin” by Jeffrey Allen Hayes

(10:25 – 19:46)

Setting the Stage

• Jeffrey shares a sweet moment:
  • “I just got a text from my dad, and he said, I’m so proud of you…he knows that I talk about sex and stuff, and he’s just so adorable about it.” (10:25)
• He launches into his gloryhole adventure, which began online via Scruff (an app like Grindr).
  • “Scruff should give me some money because I talk about them in 90% of my stories.” (10:37)

Googling “Gloryhole Etiquette”

• Nervous and inexperienced, Jeffrey scours the internet to learn the dos and don’ts of anonymous sex at a gloryhole.
  • “I was raised right, okay, so I’m sitting and I’m Googling glory hole etiquette and I recommend you do it because…it’s going to enlighten you.” (11:00)
• He humorously discovers the dick-slap rule:
  • “If the bottom is particularly upset, it is not uncommon for the bottom to slap the dick. So this has quickly turned around as a scenario for me into like a nightmare…there are no brownies and there is dick slapping.” (11:42)

First Steps Into the Unknown

• Motivated to prove himself (to both himself and his experienced partner), Jeffrey accepts an invite to a gloryhole setup in the Castro, San Francisco.
• He recounts his nerves about not knocking (“I really feel like I should knock…”), and steels himself for his “anonymous sex debut.”
• The setup: a curtain with a hole.
  • “Okay, I know what this is for. I can do this.” (12:45)

The Anonymous Encounter

• Initial anxiety gives way to pleasure and curiosity as he receives oral through the hole.
  • “A really wonderful sensation happens. There is now what I presume to be a mouth on my penis." (13:03)
• When the partner pauses to apply a condom—with his mouth—Jeffrey is delighted:
  • “I was like, I didn’t know this could happen. They didn’t cover this in the glory hole etiquette…this is like, extra credit.” (16:18)
• As their encounter intensifies, impulse overtakes formality. Jeffrey reaches past the curtain to touch the other man’s hip. The favor is returned, and, in a frenzied moment, the curtain—and rod—falls, exposing both lovers.

Revelation and Connection

• In a moment of vulnerability, Jeffrey beholds the stranger’s face:
  • “He has this look of like, horror on his face. And I just—I look at him and I’m just—all I can say is, you’re beautiful. Because he is.” (17:55)
• The story ends with the unexpected:
  • “So the bad news is it turns out I’m not very good at having anonymous sex—because even when I’m trying really hard, I end up establishing a connection. This is just a problem I have and I’m at peace with it…the good news is this supposed one night stand actually ended up being a really beautiful relationship.” (18:25)
• Memorable closer:
  • “I am so glad I did not get my dick slapped.” (19:22)

3. Notable Quotes and Moments

On etiquette and anxiety:

“There are no brownies and there is dick slapping. And this is not going well for me.”
— Jeffrey Allen Hayes (11:45)

On connection despite intentions:

“It turns out I’m not very good at having anonymous sex—because even when I’m trying really hard, I end up establishing a connection. This is just a problem I have and I’m at peace with it.”
— Jeffrey Allen Hayes (18:25)

On vulnerability and beauty:

“He has this look of horror on his face. And I just—I look at him and I’m just—All I can say is, you’re beautiful. Because he is.”
— Jeffrey Allen Hayes (17:55)

4. Bonus: Comic Musical Interlude

(19:46 – 23:45)

After Jeffrey’s story, a humorous, innuendo-filled song, “Accept My Shaft” by Ninja Sex Party, plays. Jeffrey ad-libs commentary, keeping the playful spirit alive.

• “But try to find a way to incorporate the shaft while you are doing so. Actually, you know what? Really concentrate on the shaft more so than the heart.”
  — Jeffrey Allen Hayes (23:17)

5. Final Announcements & Closing Reflections

(23:45 – End)

• Dixie returns with reminders about virtual workshops, gratitude for Patreon supporters, and ways listeners can support the show.
• She encourages listeners to review the podcast, sharing a fan’s testimonial that captures the Bawdy spirit.
  • “Bawdy is a gem among the gravel pit of podcasts…Dixie makes you feel like she’s chatting with a friend, and the storytellers will have you blushing, laughing, and tingling with delight…” (starting at 24:15)

Episode Highlights & Takeaways

• Sexual Curiosity Meets Vulnerability: Jeffrey’s journey is a humorous, relatable exploration of trying something new and navigating the awkwardness of sexual etiquette.
• Unscripted, Authentic Storytelling: The heart of Bawdy Storytelling is real stories told live—imperfect, sincere, and packed with humanity.
• Unexpected Connection: Despite setting out for anonymous sex, Jeffrey ends up making an emotional and lasting connection, showing the permeability between physical and emotional intimacy.
• Body Positivity & Self-Acceptance: Both Dixie and Jeffrey emphasize joy, acceptance, and pursuing pleasure free from shame.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro, Dixie’s Announcements & Joy Theme: 00:02 – 10:25
• Story: “Gloryhole Virgin” (Jeffrey Allen Hayes): 10:25 – 19:46
• Comic Song Break (“Accept My Shaft”): 19:46 – 23:45
• Closing, Announcements & Listener Shoutouts: 23:45 – end

Summing Up

This episode is quintessentially Bawdy: funny, moving, and deeply sex-positive. Jeffrey Allen Hayes’s hilarious, anxious, and ultimately sweet adventure through gloryhole culture is both a lesson in embracing new experiences and proof that the messiest moments can become the best stories. As always, the show invites listeners to laugh, blush, and celebrate their gloriously imperfect sexual selves—with ample joy.