Monique (4:07)

So I have always had a thing for crazy. I mean, it's pretty obvious. The last time I was here at Body storytelling was for OkCupid Night. I was there on a date with someone from OkCupid where my profile picture has me wearing psycho clown makeup and wearing a straight jacket. When other girls were writing movie stars names on their notebooks, I was having dirty fantasies about the Joker. And as you can imagine, I have dated a lot of insane people. There was the military sniper who turned out to be a con artist telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, which, you know, good on him. I kept dating him for a while after I found out. There was the pathological liar who used to tell me the most amazing stories about working in a bondage strip club undercover for the CIA. And then there was the paranoid schizophrenic who introduced himself as Satan When I first met him. It didn't work out for him to be my lord and master, but we are still friends. But you know, you never really forget your first. To give you a little background for this story, I was living in a really ritzy suburb called Naperville, Illinois. I came out as bisexual at the age of 13 years old. I got surprisingly little shit for it. But when I met the girl who was the subject of this story, I had only ever had one girlfriend before. Her name was Tanya. And you know, she was a lovely girl, but she turned out to be straight, you know, like they do. So when I met Monique, I was absolutely not ready for her. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She looked exactly like her name. Sounded like a French princess. She had these clouds of blonde curls and these big blue eyes and she was even shorter than me. But you wouldn't mistake her for a doll because there was something about her that was just larger than life. She was a photo model for catalogs and stuff since she was in her freshman year of high school. People never believed when they met her just how tiny she actually was. And, you know, it wasn't just how she looked either. She was the kind of girl, she got good grades without even trying. She told these jokes that made you feel like you were going to go to hell if you laughed at them, but then you did anyway. And she was so confident that she could be interested in fiction and role playing games and all the nerdy things I loved and walk into a party and be like, what? And you know the best thing from my point of view of the four lesbians in my school? She liked me. So when she asked me out, I told her, you know what? I would love to go out with you, but I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with women. This is going to be awkward and terrible and I'm sorry in advance. She said, you know what? That's okay, I'll teach you. So we'd been together for about a week, you know, making out between classes and the like. She shows up at my place. She walks in dressed to the nines in a pencil skirt and a very dapper suit coat. Then she takes off the suit coat and underneath she's wearing a fishnet shirt with no bra. And she starts kissing me. And suddenly I think I know exactly what to do. So she drags me off to my bedroom. She pushes me down on the bed. We're tearing each other's clothes off, except for the fishnet shirt. She left that on for me. And she's going down on me and I'm burying my hands in those curls of hers and they're so springy I can hardly hold onto them. And then after I came all over the place, she was the one lying back on the bed and I was fingering her. And she was making the most amazing noises. And when I did more of that, she made even better noises. And it was great. And then I decided I wanted to go down on her. And she was like, oh, yeah? Yeah, go down on me. I started licking that pussy like it was delicious ice cream. And it was awkward and I was really bad at it. And she kind of grabbed my head and tried to move it around the right way, and that didn't really work. She started giving me some tips. She told me the thing about how you should try spelling out letters on her clit with the tip of my tongue. And that was working pretty well. And she was starting to moan very nicely. I was about halfway through her name for the 20th time when my bedroom door opens. At this point, I was still Living with my mother. She'd gotten home from work early and was sometimes kind of spacey about knocking. Now, luckily, we'd already had the mom, I'm kind of halfway gay conversation back when I was dating Tanya, so it wasn't as awkward as it could have been otherwise. And she said exactly the same thing, which was, now, don't you think your girlfriend would like to come to dinner? And I was classy enough that I didn't say the obvious, which was, mom, we've both already eaten. Now, I do not remember what we had for dinner that night, just that there was a lot of staring down at our plates, not quite making eye contact. Anyway, let's fast forward through the next month of us dating, because it was pretty great. We were seeing each other all the time. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. We were having sex all the time. She was just insatiable. She would drag me into her car or utility closet or once onto the empty stage in our auditorium and didn't even pull the curtains. And I could barely keep up with her. And it was intense and it was fantastic. And in retrospect, maybe if we'd spent a little more time talking and a little less time with our tongues down each other's throats and various other bits of anatomy, I would have had a little more clue about what was coming next. At the end of that month, she said to me, you know what? I want to go on a real date. I want to go dancing. And you know what my girl wants, my girl gets. So we get all dolled up and we go take my car down to the local club that will let in minors, which is called Chasers, because you have to bring your own alcohol and your own hip flask, but they'll sell you the coke chasers. So we get there, and pretty much the first thing that happens is she points across the dance floor and says, oh, hey, that's my ex boyfriend, Carl. Like, oh, okay, that's cool. Seems like you guys are still okay with each other. That's cool. We dance for a couple of songs. I go to the bar to go get a couple of sodas. I come back and no Monique. I look in the bathroom where people are drinking their vodka out of their flasks. I look in the smoking patio, and then I think to look in this dark little alcove full of velvet couches where people go to make out. The first thing I see is Carl sitting there alone next to a pile of coats. A pile of coats that is suspiciously exactly the same height as Monique. And as I walk over to him, I notice two things in quick succession. That his hand, which had been moving under the coat, freezes when I come walking up. And he looks guilty as fuck. And I know exactly where my girlfriend is. So I say to him, hey, Carl, have you seen Monique? And he says, no, I have no. And at some point, he'd stolen his hand back and was wringing them on his lap. And then I reached over to the pile of the coats and I patted it on the head, and her curls were just as springy as they ever were. And I said to him, okay, well, you know, if you see my girlfriend, please tell her that I'm looking for her. And then I walked away before I said something I'd regret. I was out on the smoking patio, and she comes tearing out there about a minute later. She is out of breath. She is disheveled. She's still rearranging her stockings and her skirt, and tears are already streaming down her face. And she grabs my arm and says, please, we have to talk about this. I can explain what happened. I say, okay, what happened? She says, I love you, but I need something from him that you can't give me, that no woman can give me. I need to get pregnant so that I can give birth to the Antichrist and bring a new reign of darkness upon the world. She proceeded to explain that the shadow vampires that lived in her dreams had told her that she was of their bloodline and that it was her destiny to bridge the world of the spiritual and the mundane. They also spoke to her sometimes while she was awake. They weren't nice to her. And, you know, at this point, I started trying to comfort her because how can you be mad when someone's just doing what they think they have to do? We ended up breaking up about a week later. But, you know, not because of the whole Antichrist thing. I mean, like I said, I like crazy. It works for me if you want to get pregnant with a shadow vampire child, you know, tell me that. Don't tell me you want to be with just me and go out dancing. And also, how do you have the weight of the future on your mind for a whole month and not even tell me? You know, maybe I could have helped or something. So I'm still on the lookout for my perfect lunatic. And I still wonder what happened to Monique, whether she ever did give birth to that Antichrist.

Dixie de la Tour (15:44)

I honestly believe that story has it all. It's got shadow vampires, it's got the impregnation of the mother of the Antichrist. It's got queer sex. And I love that. Sashira ended her email to me by saying, you should know that we broke up a couple months later. But it wasn't over this. What could have possibly happened after this that made them break up? And maybe she'll come back and she'll tell us someday. So one of the great things about creating a theme for a show is very similar to what I used to do when I created a personal ad. If you did it just right, people would really resonate with what you were talking about, and they would have to confess their deepest, darkest secrets. And I had put out an ad on Craigslist. It was entitled Uncle Daddy, if that tells you anything. And people were giving me the standard, oh, yeah, daddy's good little girl. Yeah, not that creative. I did get one guy who told me his sister had forced him into sexual slavery for her sorority. That's a lot of S's. And he was forced to eat the pussy of all the people in the sorority. And I have a bullshit detector. And that sounded like bullshit to me. So I didn't respond to him. But one that really stood out to me was someone who said, in my incest related fantasy, you are my cousin. I'm gonna come over. We will have sex. I'm gonna bring all my friends. You're gonna have a lot of sex with a lot of people. And at the end, you and I will get together and raise the baby as our own. Did I miss him? Wait, there's a baby? I. I was. I was like, I had to know this person. I am very curious. I had to know what that was about. So I immediately responded to him. The secret of getting me to respond to you. And I was like, you and I should talk. I knew he. He wasn't really going to go there and tell me the whole story via email. I knew I was going to have to talk to him. I knew I was going to have to have phone sex with him. It's a hard job, but somebody's got to do it. And so I got on the phone with him. His name was Jason. I called him Jason Brother for some reason. Not Jason cousin, Jason Brother. He's still in my phone, I believe, as Jason Brother. And we had phone sex. I really wanted to understand where that interesting little twist at the end came from. I wanted to make him comfortable. I wanted the truth. And plus, I wanted phone sex. So I had phone sex with Jason brother a number of times. And always somewhere near the orgasm, there would Be something about me getting pregnant, something about the baby. And I would go, yeah, okay, yeah. But I really wanted to understand what made that so hot for him. So about a month later, we've been having fun sex for a month, but I really wanted him to be comfortable. I'm that kind of person. I really want you to know that I am not the sort of person who's going to exploit this. I just want to understand the real reason for how you got to be the person that you are. And we're laying there all blissed out, covered in fluids, separately on the phone, and I say, so Jason, what's that baby thing about? Why is there a fantasy of raising the baby together after I have sex with all of your friends? And should, I don't know, should I tell you now? I might make you wait till the next episode so you can find out the reason behind Jason brothers interest in getting me pregnant with all of his friends and him taking on the responsibility as my partner to raise the baby ourselves. Next episode I will have the answer to that question. So stay tuned. God, that's evil. That feels so evil. I'm so sorry to do that to you, but I kind of feel like I really want to make you wait till the next episode. So to find out about me and Jason brother, stay tuned for the next episode of the Bodi podcast. All right, let's get back to that beautiful day. That cup of coffee still piping hot. That email. I'm still reeling from that first email. And then I open the next. The very next email. And the next email included a story teaser. I don't like story teasers. I want to know how things turn out. I'm a very curious person, but if your tease is really good, you can probably grab my attention. And the email said I would like to tell on the body storytelling stage my story of how transient global amnesia was triggered by intense sex. Okay, got my attention. Yeah, I had to know how that came out. That's a great way to get me to write you back and say, all right, I have to know. Tell me. And I got her on the phone and I heard the story and I learned a little bit about Celine. Celine is an Emmy nominated filmmaker. She's made five trips to Africa. She's flown with the Blue Angels, but here it's misspelled and it says Blue Angelus, but I think she means Blue Angels. She has interviewed the Hells Angels and she's been threatened by Cesar Chavez. I'm guessing that one happened a while back. So she's got a great bio. She sounds like a really interesting person. I can't wait to find out how this story turns out. And now I'm gonna let you hear that story, and you're gonna get to hear how that story turned out. Our next storyteller is Celine.

Celine (21:56)

Thank you. Thank you, everybody. And Dixie is absolutely right. What I realized sitting there in the audience waiting to go on, is that I've never told anyone this story. And because it's kind of illicit and I probably shouldn't be talking about it, but I'm sure you can all keep a secret. So this is story is about a guy named Jake. And Jake is a guy. You know, I say this, but I'm going to say that he looks like the young Stephen Hawking, okay, The very young Stephen Hawking, before he was in the wheelchair, actually, the version of Stephen Hawking that's in the movie, you know, because he was tall and thin and thick glasses and hair always falling in his face and these eyes that always were kind of wicked and kind of shy. And we met when we were both brand new freshmen at UC Berkeley. And we were in the dormitory and we were in the cafeteria of the dormitory. And he was actually a mathematician and I was a poet. And we found each other sitting across a table in the dorm and I was scribbling in my notebook and he was writing numbers and weird symbols on a napkin. And we looked up and saw each other and I said, what are you writing? And he said, a math proof. And I said, what's that? And he said, it's the way that you reason deductively from what you know to what you want to know. And then he said, what are you writing? And I said, it's a poem. And I thought. He looked at me kind of strange, you know, So I said, haven't you ever written a math proof that was a love poem? And he just looked at me and he said, they're all love poems. I know, right? So, like we got in bed and. But, you know, this wasn't like. This isn't like romantically we got in bed. This is like we got in the little bed in the dorm room where it's really awkward and you're expecting the roommate to come in at any moment. And. And you know, he. I remember that he freed my breasts from my bra. And I remember that he stuck his hands down my pants. And I got scared. I was a virgin and I said, stop. And I think I pushed him away, I don't really remember. And he stopped, unfortunately, and the moment was lost. I don't know if his roommate came in, but it was just like, over. And it was really over. I was hoping I would get a second chance. I thought I'd get a second chance, but I didn't. He just drifted away. And then we both moved out of the dorm. And I never saw him again. But I never forgot him. Okay, fast forward a lifetime, many decades later. I fell in love with a wonderful man, an artist named Ronaldo. And we had a child and we had a life together. And then he got cancer and he died. And the thing about it was, maybe some of you have been through this, that because Rinaldo was so fulfilled, he had such a fulfilling life. And because he had this incredible, lucid, loving death at home with me and our daughter. After he died, I was like in this manic high. I was like, totally high and totally full of love with no one to give it to and totally horny. So there was a dark night, a dark, lonely night, and I was sharing a lovely bottle of Pinot Grigio with myself and I started drunken Googling my college love. And I called Jake. And as fate would have it, he picked up the phone. And as fate would have it, Jake, who had been a mathematician, was now a puzzler. He is a professional puzzle maker. And he though he lives on the east coast, he was going that weekend to a puzzlers convention in Los Angeles. Now I live here in San Francisco. And, you know, I like a warm beach. It's easy to, you know, I agreed that I would jump on a plane and that we would meet at the Santa Monica pier. So I'm there and I'm waiting. And if it wasn't for the fact that he still had that kind of shy and kind of wicked smile, I wouldn't have recognized him because Jake had morphed from the skinny guy into kind of a nerdy Burt Reynolds, very hot and hunky. And we got on the Ferris wheel, wonderful Ferris wheel at the Santa Monica pier. And, you know, we started talking and I said, you know, that I had deeply regretted that I had said no that time, but I was just terrified. And he confessed that he also was terrified and that he also was a virgin and that that's why he ran. He just, you know, didn't know what to do. And then he asked me if I wanted a back rub. So I'm told that that's nerd code and you should just always know when someone says that. So, yes, we retired to a wonderful little surfer's dive called The Hotel California, which is on the Santa Monica Pier. And he drew the curtains. It was dusky dark. It was daytime, but the curtains were drawn. And he told me to lay down on the bed. He didn't ask me. And I heard the sound of running water. And in a minute he came back and he spread warm lotion all over my back. And then just as I was getting into that, he just flipped me over and kissed me. A really long kiss. And then he pulled me to the edge of the bed. And then he put my hand on his heart. On. And then I unzipped his fly. And then I took his cock in my mouth. And then I relaxed my throat like I learned to do, so he could thrust it down in there just as deep and as long as he wanted to do. And then he pulled me to my feet because he wanted my pussy and I wanted him in my pussy too. And so then he fucked me. And we fucked all over the bed and the floor and the chair. And you know how. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the thing is, like, sometimes we think that like good, good sex is just about a great orgasm. But this time good sex was about that mind blowing time, annihilating moment, which is really a bunch of moments where you're just in it. You're just in it and there's nothing there. There's no time. And you're just in that together. And it goes on and on and on until then you both come and lie there sweaty in each other's arms and everything is right with the world. And that's how it seemed. It seemed like everything was right in the world. We got up, we put our clothes on, we were starving. So we went to the cafe to get breakfast. And then he went up and ordered blueberry pancakes. And I ordered scrambled eggs. And then we sat down. And then he asked me what I wanted to order. And he went back up to the counter and ordered blueberry pancakes again. And the waitress was like, didn't know what to do. And then he came and sat back down again. And then he opened the menu and he asked me what I wanted. And he started to get up again, I guess to order blueberry pancakes. When I said, what the hell is going on? What's going on? And he said, what do you mean, what's going on? And I said, you keep doing the same thing all over again. And he said, oh, my God, it's happening again. So it turned out it had happened six months before with his wife after sex. And they had rushed him to the hospital. And they ruled out the stroke and they ruled out an aneurysm and they ruled out a brain tumor. And then they gave him the good, bad news. He has transient global amnesia and he totally loses his short term memory. No ability to form memories after a period of intense sex. And the problem is. Yeah, I mean, there's no known. They think that's what the cause of it is. They don't know what the cause. And there's no cure. And it's supposed to.

Sashira (30:37)

To.

Celine (30:38)

It's supposed to not. It's supposed to stop. It's supposed to stop at some point and you're supposed to be okay. And so I said to him, well, when? How long does it go on? And he said, well, I can't really remember. I think it might be a day. But here's the problem. Here's the problem.

Dixie de la Tour (30:51)

We.

Celine (30:52)

He had told me I knew he was married. He had told me he was married. And he told me they had like a don't ask, don't tell relationship. It was okay as long as she didn't know. But now here we were together. We both had to get on a plane and in four hours and he had no memory. And how could I. I couldn't leave him. But how could I stay with him? How could I go to the police or to a hospital? Because my name would be on the records and that would totally blow the don't ask, don't tell thing. And he would be in trouble. And so it was actually very frightening. And what we did was we walked and we talked. And partially that was because he couldn't remember if he checked out of the hotel. So we didn't want to try to check out again and have them think we were weird. So we walked and talked and really to, you know, to wrap it all up, I mean, what ended up happening was that I, that I devised this game. It was like a childhood game where you. Where I would recite the contents of my purse and the color of my panties and the make and model of my car. I would intersperse this in the conversation and then test him to see if he could remember it. And at first, of course, he couldn't remember it at all. And then hour after hour, walking on the beach from Santa Monica to Venice and back, little by little, he was able to remember, you know, pink and you've got a keychain and, you know, you're driving a Subaru. And at that point I felt, well, at that point I had to get on a plane and I thought that he was Safe. And so I said goodbye. And of course I called the next day to make sure he was okay. And he was okay. And he said he still couldn't remember what he had for breakfast that day, but he could remember that I blew his mind. And I, of course, will never forget when we had a little bit of eternity and a little bit of a black hole. And when we understood that the mind is in uncharted territory.

Dixie de la Tour (33:05)

So if you've ever had five or six glasses of wine and wanted to call that hottie from high school and you picked up the phone and you just looked at it for a minute and then you put it back down, you don't know the end of the story. Celine was brave enough to do it, and that's the story that happened for her. If you did it yourself, please message me with that story. I'd love to hear that story. All right, I'm going to tell you about upcoming shows for body storytelling because I have some interesting news for you. Okay, well, it's not news yet, but it might be new soon. So it's very, very close. On Thursday, September 7th, we are in Seattle at the rebar. Seattle. And we'll be followed the next week, September 13th, in San Francisco. We're going to pit these cities against each other. The theme for both of those shows is Joyride. Why? Because I just feel like I need a little bit more joy. The world is a nuts place lately. The world is crazy. And I feel like I need some joy, even if it's just half of the name of a show that gives me joy. So the theme for the show on September 7th and September 13th is Joyride. September 7th is Seattle. September 13th is San Francisco. Okay, here comes the news part. You ready for the news part? I have been working hard on booking venues for an east coast tour for body storytelling. I'm very, very close to announcing the cities, but I can tell you the places I have been looking are Boston, Brooklyn, New York City, Washington, D.C. baltimore, possibly Provincetown. That's where I am right now. And the really exciting news is that Rachel Lark and I are going to do this together. If you don't know Rachel Lark's music, it was at the top of the show. She has been writing custom songs for body storytelling for a bit over four years now. She came to my show, she didn't really have any sex related songs, but at the end of the night, she said, I can write them for you. And she. She has written so many songs for my show and she has been touring with those songs with the band. She just got back and we've decided that we want to tour together. If you've never seen her live, she is incomparable. She really is an amazing musician and I'm really thrilled that as part of my 10 year anniversary, I get to go on tour with her. We have a tight timeline, but if you wanted to do a tilt and get together enough money to bring us to your city, Rachel Lark and I could come. I could host a slam, you and your friends could tell stories. I could tell a story of my own. Lark could be your musical act. Who knows? If you live in a city that's not too far from any of the ones that I just mentioned, I love house parties and house concerts are just such a great way to get exactly what you want. So message me Dixie at bodystorytelling. Maybe we can make that happen. I love it when I mention things on the podcast and then I get the sweetest emails. I mentioned that my partner was an off roader and loves to drive off road with our giant dog Quake and I got a message from somebody in LA who said we have great off roading trails. I would love to host you in Bent and show you all the great spots and get to meet you. And for me, that's what storytelling is about. It's for making the world smaller. For opening up my email every day and meeting new people. And I hope you'll send me a message too so that I get to meet you. If not on email, maybe on this east coast tour. All right, it's time to say thank you. Don't you think? I'd like to say thank you to the people who make this podcast possible. Every single one of those people who support our Patreon, and to the team that make it happen to podcast producer Matthew Marder. Could not do this without Matthew. David Grossoff, who is our sound engineer. Ruben Tan, who records our On Demand. You can find that@bodystreaming.com and see past shows, the entire show, start to finish. Who else am I supposed to think? Joe Moore, who does our video and everybody who makes it happen. The volunteers in every city, the people who run the bango table, the people who help out at the front door. Every one of the staff is handpicked so that they can make newcomers feel welcome. You know that when you go into a body storytelling show that it doesn't matter if you don't have somebody with you. You can go alone and make new friends. The whole show is designed to support that. That's my mission. In life to connect you and help you make new friends and maybe have sex with them. But friends, yes, you're probably gonna have sex with with them, but yeah, please don't think that you can't go out because you don't have someone to go with you. I can't stand it when people don't live their life and their time slips away from them and they don't go out and they don't have that once in a lifetime experience. It only happens if you leave the house. So leave the house. And if you live on the east coast, come to Body Storytelling. Or if you live in San Francisco or Seattle, come to Bodi Storytelling. I'm working on new dates and I love to meet new people. It's my favorite thing. I love helping you make new friends. It's my second favorite thing, and I'm hoping that Bodi can help you do that. It's been doing it for so, so, so long for thousands and thousands of people. We really should add your name to the list of people whose lives were changed by Bodi. That's it for this episode of the Bodi storytelling podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour. I will be back really soon with the next episode, and I will resolve this story about me and Jason brother and let you know how it all turned out. Thanks for listening. Tell your friends, review us on itunes or wherever you review stuff, and I hope to see you in person at a show really soon. Thanks.

Sashira (38:56)

What did we do that night? That shit was clearly a mistake. We just got too relaxed and started drinking wine too late. But we do that all the time and we've been doing it for years. Could it be that we've been blind to something that's always been here? It's hard to imagine what this even means. You see, we've already met the parents and we share our bills and we split our groceries where's the playbook when we're already and how do I go back now that I know you got the best dick? Oh, shit.

Monique (39:30)

Oh, no.

Sashira (39:30)

It's happening again we'll figure it out tomorrow Baby, just give in well, I told you I love you and we were best friends but now that we're banging it kind of depends Uncharted territory well, I told you I love you and we were best friends but now that we're banging it kind of depends Uncharted territory well, we used to say I love you we used to say I love you all the time but now we're scared to look into each other's eyes Now I love you Feels intense to say But I don't really know Another way to express the fear in my heart that would pulled us together Might tear us apart Fuck, I'm fucking my best friend did we even consider that this could be fun? You know me, I'm the one to run from a good time we know all the land mines we're not each other's type but we'll settle for a soft rhyme it's weird because we met when we were 18 but if we saw each other on a dating app screen we would swipe that shit right and we'd go out tonight so I think that it's worth it let's give it a try well, we see we seem to love each other a lot and if you ask me I'd say that's a good start Uncharted territory.

Monique (40:54)

Well.

Sashira (40:55)

We seem to love each other a lot and if you ask me I'd say that's a good start Uncharted territory well, I think we might like it I think we might like it now oh, yeah I think I think we might like it I think we might like it now Fuck, yeah I'm fucking my best friend.

Monique (41:25)

I need to get pregnant so that I can give birth to the Antichrist and bring a new reign of darkness upon the world.