Podcast Summary: Bawdy Storytelling, Episode 32 – "Monogamish"

Host: Dixie De La Tour
Date: September 25, 2017

Overview

In this episode of Bawdy Storytelling, host Dixie De La Tour responds to a listener request from Erica in Montana, who sought stories about monogamous, long-term couples rekindling their passion within their committed relationships. Although Bawdy often focuses on polyamory and non-monogamy, Dixie curates three real-life tales—ranging from comedic to kinky and deeply personal—to explore the spectrum of “monogamish,” from mostly monogamous with some adventurous edges, to finding joy and erotic connection in long-term love.

Key Discussion Points & Stories

1. Listener Request: The Inspiration for the Episode

• Setup: Erica, a listener and beef warehouse worker in Montana, emailed Dixie asking for stories about monogamous couples spicing up their relationships.
• Dixie’s Response: Dixie shares her excitement about inspiring listeners far and wide (even while they're surrounded by 5,000 pounds of steak), and how Erica’s email led to the creation of this episode.
• Quote:
  • “We've definitely spiced up her relationship from stories she has heard on the Bawdy Storytelling podcast, and that made me feel good.” (Dixie, 03:22)

2. Story 1: “Monogamish Adventures with Crash” by Delenium

Timestamps: 05:46 – 25:21

• Setting: North Beach, San Francisco, circa 2008. Delenium is a 42-year-old manager; Crash is her 21-year-old summer intern.
• The Tear-down: Bored with her corporate job, Delenium is both amused and aroused when a stunning, much younger intern starts working with her. After a tequila-soaked work event, their flirtation escalates with a detour to a strip club.
• Comedic Escapades:
  • Delenium vividly recounts their escapades at the strip club, culminating in a double lap dance, a cartoon-like shirt-ripping, and frenzied public makeout mortified by club staff.
  • Quote:
    • “Why would you give me such an easy pitch if you didn't want me to swing?” (Delenium, 08:15)
  • Hilarity ensues with mischievous lap dances and the discovery of bruises in unexpected places the next day at the gynecologist.
• Reflection: Despite intense chemistry and opportunity, Delenium draws a line—valuing her emotional wellbeing and workplace boundaries over sexual conquest.
  • Quote:
    • “I really never regretted not sleeping with him. I felt like the best part had already happened.” (Delenium, 23:57)
  • She confides feeling “monogamish” by nature, always longing for romance over wildness, and insists that “vanilla” can be a delicious flavor in itself.
  • Quote:
    • “If anybody thinks that makes me boring or vanilla, I feel like it's a really yummy flavor sometimes.” (Delenium, 25:09)
• Memorable Moment:
  • Crash walks bare-midriffed, giggling and proud, through the BART station after a wild night:
    • “He jumps out of the car with his backpack on. At the Montgomery station, crackheads and worker bees are pointing at him and laughing because he's bare midriff in his purple shirt.” (Delenium, 21:12)

3. Story 2: “A Techie in the Dungeon” by Raj

Timestamps: 26:06 – 40:18

• Background: Raj, an Indian techie in San Francisco and “pervert by marriage,” narrates his journey from sexual inexperience to “monogamish” exploration, prompted by his wife Andy’s evolving identity and desires.
• Comic Culture Clash:
  • Growing up in Mumbai, sex was a taboo subject: “A culture that never really ever talks about sex, but somehow still manages to produce a fuck ton of babies.” (Raj, 26:33)
• Navigating Open Relationships:
  • Andy, his wife, comes out as queer and later requests opening their relationship, thrusting Raj into the world of polyamory, BDSM, and dungeons—often from a distance.
  • Humorous confusion over finding BDSM tools in the apartment: “I picked up the ping pong paddle and my first thought was, why is there only one? And where's the ball?” (Raj, 29:15)
• His First Play Party:
  • After research, Raj attends a BDSM dungeon party in Atlanta and, after an awkward start, gets propositioned for a “spanking scene.”
  • Through trial and error, he navigates Fetlife, safe words, and prolonged play, discovering both pleasure and bewilderment.
  • Quote:
    • “On a scale of 1 to 10, that was a minus 5.” (Raj, 33:40)
  • Ends up making a new friend, sharing coffee at 6:30am amid suburban moms, his play partner blissed out in leather and cat ears.
• Reflection: Despite his adventures, Raj embraces his “vanilla” truth, choosing to explore kink at his own pace and finding contentment in his limits.
  • Quote:
    • “Even my trips are vanilla.” (Raj, 38:45)
    • “I’m just going to continue being the best vanilla you can find.” (Raj, 39:50)

4. Story 3: “Monster Erotica and Married Joy” by Rose Caraway

Timestamps: 44:12 – 59:00

• Setting: Sacramento, 2011. Rose, the future host of the Kiss Me Quick podcast and mother of three, recalls the steamy intersection of monogamy, creative work, and sexual adventure with her husband.
• Making Erotica Together:
  • Rose and her husband record erotica in the suffocating heat of a minivan-turned-recording-studio, leading to an unexpected, passionate romp inspired by monster erotica (Godzilla as a tender “lover”).
  • Quote:
    • “We fuck in the back of my green Toyota Sienna in the middle of the summer, recording erotica. It's monster erotica, and it's awesome.” (Rose, 47:06)
  • Hilarity ensues when their kids find her panties in the van the next morning.
• Leveling Up the Fantasy:
  • Motivated by their new bond, her husband builds her a home recording booth—her “new version of exhibitionism.”
  • Rose pens her ultimate fantasy story: She becomes Grace Jones and gets ravished by Conan the Barbarian in a dark, literary reimagining of Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery."
  • Quote:
    • “I've always wanted to be Grace Jones... But not only did I want to be Grace Jones, there was a very specific thing... I needed to be Grace Jones and get fucked by Conan the Barbarian.” (Rose, 50:45)
• Art-Imitating-Life:
  • While recording her fantasy, her husband interrupts—naked, aroused, and ready to fulfill the role of her very own Conan, culminating in a frenzied, soundproof-booth sex session.
  • Afterwards, they listen to the recorded sounds of their passion.
  • Quote:
    • “If anybody out there thinks that monogamy is boring, you can just go ahead and eat my apple. Because it ain't, I'm telling you. And because monogamy rocks.” (Rose, 58:10)
  • Playful, true, and celebratory: Rose exemplifies how long-term monogamy can be unapologetically hot and creative.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If the rules are clearly arranged, our future is only you and I, but occasionally it's not just you and me. Another woman and another guy... we are monogamish.”

  • Monogamish Song Performer, opening and closing the episode (00:10, 61:09)

• Delenium:

  • “I've been having sex longer than you've been alive. Think about that.” (15:18)
  • “I have the dirtiest mind I maybe have ever met. I just know how my heart is and I know how to take care of it.” (24:28)

• Raj:

  • “I was a nerd. This meant that when I got here, I had no sexual experience whatsoever. Completely, totally extra virgin.” (26:51)
  • “Turns out that even my trips are vanilla.” (38:45)

• Rose Caraway:

  • “I've been married to my husband for 20 years... I have only had sex with him before. And we... are totally connecting through this podcast that we're doing, all of this erotica that we're reading and offering to the world. We've never connected like this before, and it's awesome.” (47:56)
  • “You, too, can get turned on by anything if you just turn your mind on, get your brain turned on.” (58:03)

Structural & Thematic Highlights

• Theme: The episode advocates for the legitimacy, excitement, and happiness possible in various shades of monogamy and “monogamish” arrangements. From holding boundaries and knowing oneself, to embracing one's flavor—be it vanilla or extra saucy—the message is: there are many ways to make long-term love and sex extraordinary.
• Tone: Raw, comedic, honest, supportive, and inclusionary. Speakers are forthright about insecurities, taboos, and personal victories.
• Closing Song: The episode is bookended by the “Monogamish” song, emphasizing playful boundary-bending, honesty, and consent.

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Speaker | Timestamp | |------------------------------------|--------------|------------| | Listener Email & Context | Dixie | 01:18–05:30| | Story 1: Delenium & Crash | Delenium | 05:46–25:21| | Story 2: Raj at the Dungeon | Raj | 26:06–40:18| | Story 3: Rose’s Monster Erotica | Rose Caraway | 44:12–59:00| | Advice & Reflections on Monogamy | Rose Caraway | 57:30–58:15| | Outro Song “Monogamish” | Performer | 61:09–64:16|

Final Takeaways

• “Monogamish” can mean whatever fits your relationship, blending openness, boundaries, adventure, and love.
• Emotional safety, humor, fantasy, and honest self-exploration are ingredients for spicing up any long-term relationship.
• As Dixie says, “If anybody thinks that makes me boring or vanilla, I feel like it's a really yummy flavor sometimes.”
• Monogamy (or whatever your flavor) can absolutely rock—especially when you know yourself and keep discovering new ways to connect.