Episode 37: Love isn’t Blind (Marco Salsiccia)

Summary

Bawdy Storytelling Podcast

Episode 37: Love Isn’t Blind (Marco Salsiccia)
Host: Dixie De La Tour
Storyteller: Marco Salsiccia
Date: August 29, 2018

---

Episode Overview

In this episode, Marco Salsiccia takes the stage to share a deeply personal and transformational story about losing his vision—and finding himself, love, and sexual awakening in the process. Dixie De La Tour, the creator and host of Bawdy Storytelling, sets the scene, both honoring Marco’s bravery and illuminating the power of true, raw storytelling that forms the heart of the show. The episode explores sex, disability, loss, adaptation, and the radical possibilities discovered within non-monogamy.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Intimacy and Safety

[01:42] – [04:28]:

• Dixie introduces Marco and shares their unique connection, forged through storytelling workshops and a dream she had about him being on stage.
• “[Marco] had been coming to my San Francisco show for a few years…The winner of Bango that night…he was blind and he had a handler with him…After that, we became friends on Facebook. And one night I had a dream…you were on my stage…Let’s find your story.” (Dixie, 01:42–03:40)

---

2. Marco’s Life Before Blindness

[04:28] – [06:10]:

• 2013 was a breakthrough year for Marco: senior animator, vibrant social life, and a serious relationship with his girlfriend, Mindy.
• He describes himself as fairly well-rounded, passionate about work, gaming, art, and cooking.
• “‘I was also entering my second and a half year of dating my girlfriend at the time, Mindy…basically a diametric opposite to me…But we had hit it off.’” (Marco, 04:43)

---

3. The Onset of Blindness and Relationship Strain

[06:10] – [09:47]:

• Marco details a cascade of complicated eye surgeries leading to the eventual and sudden loss of his vision.
• Emotional strain builds as Mindy expresses disappointment, placing the burden of “getting better” on him.
• “‘All Mindy can tell me is that I have to get better for this to work….One of my last visual memories was talking to Mindy on the couch. I could just see her staring at me with an ultimate look of disappointment. But it wasn’t disappointment in the surgery or the doctors. It was disappointment in me for not having gotten better.’” (Marco, 07:40–08:43)
• After his complete loss of vision, Mindy leaves him, deepening his sense of isolation.

---

4. Rediscovering Himself and Navigating Online Dating

[09:47] – [13:00]:

• With the support of family and organizations for the blind, Marco starts rebuilding his independence, learning new technologies and skills.
• He tentatively returns to OkCupid, navigating profiles by ear and screen reader.
• Connects with Amy—her witty profile and tech-savvy nature catch his attention. She has experience with vision problems and responds warmly.
• “‘Her first message back was that that was the best message she’d ever seen on OkCupid.’” (Marco, 11:35)
• Amy is in an open relationship and introduces Marco to literature on non-monogamy (“Opening Up” by Tristan Taormino), opening new horizons.

---

5. First-Date Vulnerabilities and Sexual Awakening

[13:00] – [15:12]:

• Their first date is a revelation—Amy is supportive, guides him comfortably, and embraces his blindness without discomfort.
• Discussion of non-monogamy deepens their connection; Marco explores and embraces an identity he’d never previously named.
• Their chemistry peaks with a memorable moment:
  • “She turned to me and said, ‘Damn.’ I was like, ‘What?’ She said, ‘My cat’s where I want to be right now.’ So I picked the cat up, and she crawled onto my lap.” (Marco, 14:10)
• Marco discovers sensuality without sight, guided by touch, sound, and openness.
• “‘And I realized that you don’t really need eyes for this. I was able to feel every fold, every bit of hair, her thighs with my hands. I was able to feel her excitement through my tongue and through my mouth. I didn’t have to look up and see that she was enjoying herself. I could hear it. All of my senses were on fire and all that fear melted away.’” (Marco, 15:00)

---

6. Acceptance, Love, and Adaptation

[15:12] – [16:39]:

• Marco and Amy thrive in a committed, non-monogamous relationship, embracing open communication and adaptation as central to their love.
• “‘She’s really brought me around to not thinking. That’s been a burden. Not a burden. It’s just a way of life. And we adapt and we move forward. And it really took losing one of my most treasured senses to realize who I actually was.’” (Marco, 16:15)
• Ends with a note of hope:
  • “‘In the darkest of darks, there’s always a way forward. You just have to keep moving.’” (Marco, 16:31)

---

7. Dixie’s Reflection and the Power of Storytelling

[16:39] – [18:48]:

• Dixie shares the behind-the-scenes logistics and emotional weight of bringing Marco’s story to the stage.
• Highlights accommodations, accessibility, and ultimately, Marco receiving a standing ovation—a prophetic vision fulfilled.
• “I look toward the audience and I say, ‘Marco, stop. You’re getting a standing ovation.’ And that’s when I saw it. That look on his face I’d seen in my dream…all that applause just flood his body.” (Dixie, 17:45)
• Encourages listeners to honor their stories and trust their worth.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Marco (on his relationship’s breakdown):
  “It was disappointment in me for not having gotten better.” (08:43)
• Amy (on their first date):
  “‘My cat’s where I want to be right now.’” (14:10)
• Marco (on sex without sight):
  “I was able to feel her excitement through my tongue and through my mouth. I didn’t have to look up and see that she was enjoying herself. I could hear it. All of my senses were on fire…” (15:00)
• Marco (on acceptance):
  “It really took losing one of my most treasured senses to realize who I actually was.” (16:15)
• Dixie (reflecting on Marco’s ovation):
  “That look on his face I’d seen in my dream…all that applause just flood his body. Fucking crying right now, thinking about [it]...” (17:45)

---

Important Timestamps

• [01:42] Dixie introduces Marco’s backstory and her dream
• [04:28] Marco takes the stage, sharing his life before blindness
• [06:10] Vision loss and the unraveling of his relationship with Mindy
• [09:47] Learning adaptive skills and returning to online dating
• [11:35] Connecting with Amy, an open relationship, and emotional chemistry
• [13:00] Their first date and sexual experience without sight
• [16:15] Reflections on his relationship with Amy, self-acceptance, and hope
• [16:39] Dixie’s behind-the-scenes look at the performance and its significance

---

Tone & Language

The episode is honest, irreverent, open-hearted, and explicit—as is Bawdy’s trademark style. Marco narrates with warmth, comedy, and deep emotion; Dixie provides candid, enthusiastic insight as host and coach, reinforcing the importance of raw, real storytelling.

---

Conclusion

“Love Isn’t Blind” is a powerful testament to resilience, adaptation, and the profound possibilities that can emerge in the face of loss. Through Marco’s candid and moving story, the episode reaffirms the central Bawdy Storytelling ethos: everyone’s intimate experiences have value and telling your true story can be an act of both personal and communal transformation.

---

Transcript

[A]

So before we get into things, I want to say something that you might need to know. The content of this podcast is adult in nature. So that means if you got little ones running around your house, don't put this on Alexa, because they go learn stuff they're not ready to learn yet. I want you to make sure that you got your headphones on, whether you're at home or you're at work or maybe you're at a party. Sharing this with other perverts, that's just fine, but let's make sure people don't hear this unless they're ready. So you got your earbuds in, you got your headphones on. Let's go.

[B]

All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous.

[C]

Get used to it.

[B]

Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight months wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide. My vagina is eight miles.

[A]

Welcome to the Bodi storytelling Podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie delator. Hey, welcome to season four. Yeah. The song at the top of this show is 8 miles wide by storm large. Probably the most perfect song ever recorded, and one I feel like she wrote just for me. Do you ever wonder how these stories end up on stage at Body Storytelling? Well, sometimes the backstory is just as exceptional as the story itself, and I think this one's pretty unique. There is this man, Marco, who has been coming to my San Francisco show for a few years because there are hundreds of people at the show. I often just don't notice when people come month after month. But I was doing a show at the Jewish Community center in San Francisco and the winner of Bango. That night, in a room that had almost 500 people in it, I announced his name. And as he came down the steps, I realized that he was blind and he had a handler with him. The whole time, I'm thinking, oh, my God, this is so exciting. This makes such sense. And that was the first time I noticed him. And after that, we became friends on Facebook. And one night I had a dream, and I woke up the next morning, and I got on Facebook and I messaged Marco, and I said, hey, I had a dream about you last night. He's like, what was it about? I was like, you were on my stage. And he's like, what was my story? He was very excited because he really wanted to get on stage. I don't know what your story was. I can only remember you standing on stage in this really hard to determine look on your face. I just remember that look. And he said, hey, do you want to work on a story? Let's find it. And I'm always down to find a story. So we started getting together and started working on a story. And I had been very curious about him ever since I first noticed him. I always wonder what people's backstory is. And so we start working on this story and it became obvious that he'd never really processed this event in his life and that I was bringing up some really emotional stuff for him. And what you're going to hear here is the result of those hours of story coaching. Our storyteller for this episode is Marco Salsita.

[D]

Right here. Got it. When Dixie says, you can't see anyone from up here, she's telling the truth. So 2013 was a year that was really looking up for me. After freelancing for several years as an animator, I finally nailed my job as a senior animator, leading teams of animators working on commercials, TVs, film, corporate videos, web videos. It was life for me. I absolutely loved it. I went to school for never felt like a job. Every single day I got to work with amazing people and tell amazing stories. Visually. When I wasn't working, I had a really fun social life. I loved cooking and hosting dinner parties and game nights, cracking up with cards Against Humanity, Uno Attack, Dominion, or playing video games with all of my friends. I went to Sharks games. I was a major movie buff, loved art and museum. I was pretty well rounded. I was also entering my second and a half year of dating my girlfriend at the time, Mindy. Imagine Mindy Kaling, about 5 8, very busty, curvaceous and Filipina. She was a really loud, boisterous, opinionated, socially dominant, extroverted sorority girl from SoCal and basically a diametric opposite to me being very introverted and shy and geeky and super computer nerdy. But we had hit it off. We met on OkCupid and started off pretty casual, but a few months in, she was getting kind of frustrated that I had been seeing other women and demanded exclusivity. Thinking that we had hit it off, we decided to go exclusive and restart our relationship. The jealousy never really went away, though. Anytime we had a party and her female friends were there and they were talking with me, she would get really upset and Passive aggressive, like I was hers. But apart from that, everything seemed to be going well. Then halfway through the year, my vision started to deteriorate. Now, I've had vision problems all my life, but I don't have nearly enough time to explain that all here right now. But ultimately, I was going in for eye surgery. I felt pretty good about it. The doctors got this, it was going to be fine. I come out of surgery with a complication, and I have to go in for a second surgery and then a third surgery and then a fourth surgery, each one with a complication. As I'm sitting in recovery after each one of these surgeries, all Mindy can tell me is that I have to get better for this to work. I needed to get better. So getting better is what I tried to focus on. So I started working with the Department of Rehabilitation and the Lighthouse for the Blind to figure out exactly how I can get my life back. How can I get back to work? So I started learning how to get around with my white cane. I started learning accessible technology, how to interact with my phone and computer using screen reader technology and text to speech engines, independent living skills. They gave me a pair of really weird looking glasses that looked like they had bubbles on the front that allowed me to see my computer screen. So I was starting to work with that. But a few months later, it was all for naught. In April of 2014, my vision just went dark and took about 30 minutes. Everything just disappeared. And retinal arterial occlusion. That's what the doctors told me. Basically, after all the trauma from the surgeries, the artery in my eye threw a stroke and killed my entire retina. Permanent damage. It wasn't getting any better. The vision came back a little bit and it was like looking through dark shattered glass. I had swaths of jagged triangles of missing vision. And one of my last visual memories was talking to Mindy on the couch. And I could just see her staring at me with an ultimate look of disappointment. But it wasn't disappointment in the surgery or the doctors. It was disappointment in me for not having gotten better. A few days later, my vision disappeared completely, as did Mindy. She left me. I was completely lost. I was feeling extremely isolated and alone. I had friends and family for support, and I kept working with the Lighthouse to continue on with my training. But ultimately not being able to see anything, it was a major loss to my livelihood. A few months later, after floundering around, I just realized I needed to start doing something. And so I went back to something that I found Familiar. I went back to OkCupid and used my accessible technology to figure out how to get around and listen to some profiles. So I popped up on my phone and started listening to some users. And of course I'm not really used to the screen reader just yet, and it's telling me names like sfomio, Nick, Wasserman. Just a lot of weird usernames out there. So finally I end up landing on one and it comes out clear as day. I try this and I think, oh, that's kind of a cute name. I go through it character by character and I realize that it's typed in camel case, which is the programmer trick of having the first word completely lowercase and every word thereafter in title case. So, okay, this person must be pretty geeky. I go into her profile and sure enough, it was absolutely fantastic. She was five, one, curvy Asian, had cats, and her name was Amy. She really loved music, she was a writer, she was creative, and I decided to send her a message. We hit it off pretty much instantly. Her first message back was that that was the best message she'd ever seen on OkCupid. And so we kept messaging back and forth. We talked about Game of Thrones and how Ramin Djawadi was doing. Ask me anything on Reddit. The fact that she knew what an AMA was and what Reddit was was amazing. She also we connected about the visual impairment. She was very curious and asked me questions about it, and I've always been an open book, so I didn't mind talking about it. She had vision problems earlier in her life as well, so she fully sympathized and empathized with what I was going through. After a few back and forths later, we also determined that she was looking for something casual, as was I, and she was presenting us in an open relationship. I don't really quite knew what that was at the time, but we decided to finally meet up for a date. She came over to my house, I took her by the arm, I told her how to guide me, and we walked down to Sushi Raw, which is a sushi place just down the street from my house. White people sushi, as she likes to call it. I liked it at the time, but so we. She guided me to the table, we sat down, she told me what was on the menu and had no problems at all with guiding me and didn't mind that I had to touch my food in order to eat it, and our conversation just flowed. We talked about music, we talked about writing, creativity, geeky things, and we talked about the open relationship, and she pointed me to a book called Opening up by Tristan Tormino. So after the date, I went home. I found it on audible, and I listened to it cover to cover, and it absolutely blew my mind. Non monogamy, polyamory compersion. Just dealing with jealousy and dealing with all the complex terms. And everything was highlighting and helping me quantify feelings I've had all my life. And I finally had vocabulary to explain that I'm non monogamous. It was okay to be in a committed relationship and see other people. A few days later, I'm sitting on her couch. She invited me over, and we were just talking in our. The conversation just continued, and she was running around cleaning everything up, and the tension was just kind of building. We were talking more about our sex lives and what we were interested in. And she sat down on the couch while we were talking, and her cat had crawled into my lap. And after a little while, my heart was beating pretty fast. I could hear her breathing a little fast. And she turned to me and said, damn. I was like, what? She said, my cat's where I want to be right now. So I picked the cat up, and she crawled onto my lap. And from that point on, I figured out how sex works when you're blind. Now, it's definitely something I had to get used to. It's a lot of adaptation. I didn't know what she looked like, but I had to explore her, and I figured out what she looked like with my hands. Kissing was kind of fun for the first part. A little bit of logistics there so you don't smash your faces into one another. But we figured that out pretty quick. Quick, but it was great feeling her thick hair, her amazing breasts, her tight ass, her legs. Just everything about her was so much fun to explore. And it went from being scared about this new situation to becoming more. It was more exhilarating. She took me by the hand, and we went back to her bedroom, and I took down her pants and wanted to do something that I absolutely love. I love going down on people. That's my thing. And I was afraid that, how's this gonna work? Oh, I'm so nervous. Is this really gonna. Is this all right? She was extremely supportive and super communicative. And I realized that you don't really need eyes for this. I was able to feel every fold, every bit of hair, her thighs with my hands. I was able to feel her excitement through my tongue and through my mouth. I didn't have to look up and see that she was enjoying herself. I could hear it. All of my senses were on fire and all that fear melted away with that. And it was just absolutely amazing. She was multi orgasmic and had to actually shove me away after I turned her into a blissful orgasmic puddle on the bed. And from that point on, it was absolutely amazing. And she just took all that fear away. Three years later, we are now in a loving, committed, non monogamous relationship. Yeah, we live together and we have our amazing communication style. We know how to talk to one another. We have our rules and we have our boundaries. And we've gone through some ups and downs, but it's been always mostly up. She's really brought me around to not thinking. That's been a burden. Not a burden. It's just a way of life. And we adapt and we move forward. And it really took losing one of my most treasured senses to realize who I actually was. And I have to say that in the darkest of darks, there's always a way forward. You just have to keep moving. Thank you.

[A]

So I'm gonna tell you the rest of the story. I had never had a blind storyteller on stage. And when I had told Marco about my dream and he had said, let's work on a story, I said, great. And he said, but first we have to figure out a few things. Like, the Timekeeper holds up signs to tell you where you are in terms of your time left. I. I can't see the signs. And so we started figuring out this elaborate process so that we could have the Timekeeper connect with him in a different way. Our stage at the Verdi Club is very high and it's very small. So I was worried. I'm always kind of scared up there, that I'm going to get too excited and fall off the edge of that stage. It's never happened, but never say never. And so we work on this. We show up two hours early for the show so we can figure out the stage part. I'm not gonna lead him out to the stage unless he wants me to lead him out to the stage. I wanna make sure I'm respectful of whatever he feels is right and how he wants to be treated. We decide that I'm gonna get him to the mic and then he's gonna hand me his cane and I'm gonna sit back down in my usual spot. And then at the end of his story, I'm gonna stand up and I'm gonna give him his cane and he's gonna get off stage by himself. And because he's already mapped out the stage. So that's the plan. And he tells his story, and I know what his last line is going to be. And he takes a step back from the mic to let me know he's done. And I stand up and I go to hand him his cane. As I do, I look toward the audience and I say, marco, stop. You're getting a standing ovation. And that's when I saw it. That look on his face I'd seen in my dream. He tilted his head back, he gave a slight smile, and I watched all that applause just flood his body. Fucking crying right now, thinking about was the thing I'd seen in my dream. The story came about because of my dream, and I got to watch it all make sense right then at the end of his story. So don't psych yourself out. Don't think your story isn't worth it. We all tell ourselves that. Marco, thank you for working so hard on that story, for being so brave, for sharing your life with us. Thank you. Hey, let's hold up one minute. I don't believe you subscribed to Bodies podcast just yet. And by subscribed, I mean supported. Bodi Storytelling is doing this all out of pocket. There's no sponsors yet. There's just you. And there are costs associated with podcasting. If you've wondered why we have all these great stories and you haven't got them yet, it's because we need your help to keep this thing going. So if you go to P a t r e o-n.com, that's Patreon body B a w D Y, you can help keep it going. Hey, you kids. What? I say get out of here. And if you have ideas for rewards that you'd like to see, if you want to get on a Google hangout with me and tell me a story, get some advice on how to tell a story better. If you want some advice on any of the things you've heard in these stories, I'll do my very best to answer them. But I need your support. So go to patreon.com body it's really important, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

So I really have fallen in love with podcasting. But I will tell you my first love and the thing that people tell me changes their life is the live stage show. Body Storytelling has been producing stories on stage for so long, since we were a little pervert coffee clutch back in the day. And it just keeps getting better every single month. And you know what? I'd love to have you be part of an upcoming show. So I'm gonna tell you how to pitch stories too. But first, here's the dates and the themes. On September 20th in San Francisco, our show is Metamorphosis. If you have a story, I'm still filling out the lineup, so send me your story. I'll tell you how to do that in just a minute. On September 27th in Seattle, the show is Pax a Wallop at the ReBar Seattle. On October 18th in San Francisco, our theme is Never say Never. It's a brand new theme. What's it make you think of? Send me a story. And on October 25th in Seattle, our theme for Halloween is Wicked. So if you'd like to tell in San Francisco or Seattle, send me your story. Dixieaudistorytelling.com and here's how you pitch me. So I know that when you hear a story, you think, oh my God, I have like 15 stories now and I don't have anybody to tell them to. I know this because you guys email me and you tell me your stories. But I have a better idea. Rather than writing your story, why don't you tell me your story? I'd love to use your submissions on the Bodi Storytelling Podcast. So here's the best way to do it. I want you to go to your phone. I want you to go to Voice Memo. Just about every phone has one and I want you to hit record and I want you to tell me a story. Pretend you're telling it to me. Well, you are telling it to me, so you're not pretending. But just tell me a story. Beginning, middle and end. If your story works, I'd love to put it on an upcoming podcast episode. Same goes with music. If you have songs that relate to sex, kink, or gender, I'd really like to hear them. So send them to me. Dixie. @bawdystorytelling.com Send me your story. Send me your song. I can't wait to hear it. Why do I gush so much about the live show experience at Body Storytelling? Well, here's a little taste for you. This song was written just for us and performed live on stage at our Sexual Napalm show. It was performed by Jefferson Berge and Natalie Smith. It's called Always up to Go Down.

[C]

How did I find you?

[B]

How did we get here?

[C]

How did we navigate into this common space?

[B]

It wasn't love at first sight nor.

[C]

The first kiss that night there was.

[B]

Something in the air that we could taint.

[C]

We have exes about 37 combined total exes.

[B]

But they don't mean a goddamn thing to me.

[C]

Any thoughts of who's in your bed? Never goes into my head. You keep my heart and mouth full and busy. All is on the up and up whenever you're around. But the best part is when we're both going down on each other. I'm so thankful I'm so lucky for.

[B]

Every pussy you learned to lick before you met me. And all that practice. I know you had a lot of practice but now you're always up to go down on me.

[C]

Not keeping tabs.

[B]

I don't care who taught ya. I could really give a fuck about how you learn.

[C]

Oh, our veracity is proof in our viscosity. Performing oral reciprocity.

[B]

Shut up. It's your turn.

[C]

Like a bag on a Cuban cigar or a sip of a Petey scotch. I wanna put my mouth in around your crotch. Thanks for trimming up down there. I'm so thankful I'm so lucky for every dick you put in your mouth before you met me.

[B]

With all that practice I know you.

[C]

Had a lot of practice. Now you're always up to go down on me when I commit you know I know I'll never fail.

[B]

Yeah, you really know your way around my genitalia.

[C]

I come here before pun intended. And I come to the right place. I can see it shining all the way. You got a little on your chin. I can see it shining all over your face keychain.

[B]

I'm so thankful I'm so lucky, so lucky for every punch that you learned to lick before you met me.

[A]

And all the dicks.

[B]

With all that practice I know you had a lot of problems practice. I'm so lucky that you're going down on me. I'm so lucky that you're licking where I pe. So thank you baby.

[C]

For being always.

[B]

Up to go down on me.

[C]

I know what you mean. Tongue flicking your little bean.

[B]

I just gotta suck on that penis Colada.

[A]

It's time to say thank you. Thank you to Marty Garcia, our podcast producer, who is doing an incredible job of making this thing come together in a brand new way. To David Grossoff, our sound engineer, who records live at our San Francisco show and recorded these stories and songs for us. To Dana Hanna, who as a project manager has been helping us make sense of all of this and help us get these stories and songs to you. To Joe Moore, who records video at our San Francisco show, but really, he's our archivist for all these years. I'd also like to thank for this episode storyteller Marco Salsitia. Thank you for this story that just made me so proud of what I do for a living. To Jefferson Bergie and Natalie Smith, who sang the song on stage in San Francisco at Body Storytelling. To the Verity Club, our home in San Francisco. It's been a joy to work with them for all these years. And hey, here's a big one. I want to thank you. Thank you for listening. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour. We'll be back really soon with more of the Body Storytelling podcast. And here's a peek at what's next. Like, he was talking about the School to Prison pipeline, and I was like.

[C]

Yes, put it in me Ra.