Episode 46: ‘Yucatan Triangle’ (Gretchen Shanks)

Summary

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Bawdy Storytelling Episode 46: “Yucatan Triangle” (Gretchen Shanks)

Podcast: Bawdy Storytelling
Host: Dixie De La Tour
Storyteller: Gretchen Shanks
Release Date: October 31, 2018

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Episode Overview

This episode features Gretchen Shanks’ deeply personal, sex-positive journey of sexual awakening and transformation, delivered on stage for Bawdy Storytelling. Gretchen shares her vulnerable and at times hilarious story of moving from sexual frustration and self-doubt to sexual exploration, joy, and empowerment – starting with an unexpected experience in Tulum, Mexico, and leading to adventures in sex parties, BDSM, and profound self-discovery.

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Main Story: Gretchen Shanks’ “Yucatan Triangle”

[04:12] A Sexual Encounter in Tulum

• Gretchen sets the stage: She’s 43, newly single, on a self-reinvention vacation in Tulum after burnout and a long, sexless stretch.

• Scene: Gretchen is naked in bed with her kayaking guide, a “short, swarthy Mayan man.” He starts massaging her, surprisingly moves to rimming her (“He’s licking my ass!”), and they proceed to have sex.

• Her internal dialogue is split between enjoying the experience and feeling disconnected:

  • “I’m so embarrassed. My brain just keeps going back and forth – focus on the pleasure. I’m not going to come.” [06:18]

• She observes a recurring pattern: In her limited sexual history (five encounters in her life), she’s never been able to orgasm with a partner.

  • Notable Quote:

    “This is the story of all my sexual encounters. Never come with someone else. Don’t know how to be responsive. And at this point, I just feel broken and defective.”
    — Gretchen Shanks [07:21]

[07:21] Realization and Resolve

• The emotional fallout: Gretchen returns to her hotel, breaks down in tears, and realizes she can no longer ignore this pain point in her life.
• She is determined to change— “[Am I] gonna live the rest of my life like this, or... finally fucking do something?” [08:52]

[09:08] Research and Seeking Help

• As a self-described “research geek,” she searches the internet for “female failure to orgasm,” reading everything to find solutions.
• Discovers a world of sex therapy options: sex therapists, sexual surrogacy, sexological bodywork, tantra, and more.
• Back home in Seattle, after careful vetting (and spreadsheeting), she finds a multi-disciplinary practitioner who guides her through months of sexual healing.
  • “I worked with him for four and a half, almost five really intense months. And it is so good… now I feel way more comfortable in my body. I’m much more comfortable with sex and dating.” [11:42]

[12:30] Sexual Exploration Begins

• Newly empowered, Gretchen begins exploring her sexuality:
  • Dates a couple and discovers threesomes.
  • Attends an all-female sex party in San Francisco: “A little intimidating, a little challenging, but so hot. I just love the sight of a lot of naked ladies getting sexy together.” [12:57]
  • Engages a BDSM coach, exploring submission and bondage for the first time.

[13:34] Public Play and Sexual Triumph

• At a pre-Pride BDSM party, Gretchen is publicly pleasured on a medical exam table by a “delicious man, who’s kind of a cross between Vin Diesel and Truman Capote.” [15:12]

• She describes the physical sensations, the toys used, and the increasing intensity:

  • “He’s talking dirty to me the whole time, telling me what he sees as he watches me on the table writhing and moaning…” [16:32]

• The cathartic climax:

  • “It’s so amazing that it happens. My back arches off the table as this orgasm that just feels huge to me comes through… Not only had I had this orgasm with this person, but there were like 30 other people in the room at the same time.” [16:48]

[18:32] Transformation and Self-Love

• Gretchen closes her story radiating self-acceptance and joy:
  • “I’m 45 now. I go to sex parties, I date a ton, and I finally know that I am totally worthy of all of the pleasure and sex that I want for myself. I know I’m beautiful and desirable… It took fucking forever to figure it out. But you know what? Doesn’t matter, because I know it now.” [18:50]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On feeling broken:
  “Never come with someone else. Don’t know how to be responsive… I just feel broken and defective.”
  — Gretchen [07:21]

• On sexual healing:
  “I worked with him for four and a half, almost five really intense months. Now I feel way more comfortable in my body.” — Gretchen [11:42]

• On sex parties:
  “It was a little intimidating, a little challenging, but so hot. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I just love the sight of a lot of naked ladies getting sexy together.”
  — Gretchen [12:57]

• On her public orgasm:
  “My back arches off the table as this orgasm that just feels huge to me comes through… Not only had I had this orgasm with this person here, but there were like 30 other people in the room!”
  — Gretchen [16:48]

• Self-acceptance:
  “I finally know that I am totally worthy of all of the pleasure and sex that I want for myself. I know I’m beautiful and desirable.”
  — Gretchen [18:50]

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Important Timestamps

• 04:12 – Gretchen’s story begins: Tulum encounter and sexual frustrations.
• 07:21 – Realization of lifelong sexual struggle.
• 09:08 – Research and decision to seek professional help.
• 12:30 – Outlining her sexual explorations and growth.
• 13:34 – BDSM and public sexual experiences.
• 16:48 – Culmination: First partnered orgasm in public.
• 18:50 – Gretchen’s conclusion and message of self-worth.

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Episode Tone & Style

Gretchen’s storytelling is candid, humorous, and unflinchingly honest. She mixes self-deprecation with positivity, taking listeners through vulnerability, shame, curiosity, pleasure, and eventual triumph. Dixie’s hosting frames Gretchen’s journey as brave and inspirational, while the Bawdy Storytelling environment embraces radical honesty, consent, and celebration of sexual exploration.

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Closing Thoughts

This episode is a celebration of owning one’s sexual narrative and healing from shame and self-doubt. Gretchen’s story offers hope, guidance, and inspiration for anyone seeking more joy and wholeness in their sexual lives. The audience’s enthusiastic response (standing ovation) mirrors the impact her vulnerability and transformation has on listeners.

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For further information about live shows, music, and future episodes, see Bawdy Storytelling’s website or social channels.

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Transcript

[Dixie Delator]

There is something you should know before we get started. These true stories of sexual adventure are no surprise adult in nature. That means you probably don't want to leave this blaring on your laptop at work. Let's make sure everybody's on board to hear this, because, you know, consent. So if you're ready, let's do it.

[Rachel Lark]

All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous. Get used to it. Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide. My vagina is eight miles.

[Gretchen Shanks]

Hello, hello, hello.

[Dixie Delator]

Hi there. This is sexual folklorist Dixie Delator, and this is episode 46 of the Body Storytelling Podcast. This time, I have a beautiful, moving story for you from our Seattle show. But first, there's something I want to talk to you about. This podcast is brought to you by Patreon. Patreon.com p a t r e o-n.com is where you go to pledge your support. If you support this podcast, it means it continues to grow and continues to be put out on a weekly basis. I'm about to, any minute now, head to LA and go to Patricon, which is the Patreon Conference, so I can get better at interacting with you on Patreon, finding out the stories you want to hear, hearing stories from your own life. And it's a way to have a much deeper relationship with each other. Deeper than me talking into a microphone, you and me getting to know each other. Go to patreon.com bodi give it whatever level you can, and thanks in advance for your help to not just keep going, but we want to keep growing. So, you know, my favorite thing in the world is watching somebody be terrified and then do it. Anyway, the performer for this episode is someone who came to Bawdi storytelling for the first time, sat in the audience, was blown away, and came up to me at the end of the show and said she really wanted to tell a story on the stage. She contacted me afterwards. We started work. We found her story, and because she was so good, she was at the very end of the show, she was having panic attacks backstage in the green room, but she did it. She even lost a little bit in the. In the middle because she was so emotional, but she did it and got one of the most beautiful standing ovations I've ever seen. She is a sex and dating coach in Seattle, Washington, and this was her very first time on our stage. This story is from Gretchen Shanks.

[Gretchen Shanks]

So I'm naked, laying in a bed in Tulum with my kayaking guide. He's a short, swarthy Mayan man. He's giving me a massage and he's just pushed my ass cheeks apart. And I feel something kind of wet and warm back there. Oh, my God, he's licking my ass. I mean, I've always fantasized about it, but I can't believe he went there. And it feels kind of dirty. I'm a little embarrassed because I'm sweaty at this point, but I really don't want them to stop. And I can't believe this is happening at all. I took this vacation to Tulum really hoping to start to reinvent myself after leaving my job. And, you know, I'm so burned out at 43. And what I really need from these three weeks is just to start taking care of myself again. Some yoga, exercise, some healthy eating. Not too much, but some. Some, you know, laying out on the beach. But what I really want, I don't tell anyone, but what I really want, something I hardly ever had in my life. A little bit of romance, maybe even a sexual encounter. See, at this point, I've only ever had sex five times. Five times total. And the last time was about eight years ago at this point. So what I desperately want is to end this sexless life that I have. And it's happening like, I mean, I really did not think it was gonna. And it's pretty good. But I have this nagging thought in my head while we're fucking. His fingers and his cocker in me. And it's feeling good, but I'm not gonna come. I just know it, I feel it. And even worse, I'm completely unresponsive the whole time. He's doing all of these yummy things to me that I fantasized about. And I just lay there. I don't move, hardly make any sound. I try a little bit and then I'm just. I'm so embarrassed. My brain just keeps going back and forth. Focus on the pleasure. I'm not going to come.

[Dixie Delator]

Pleasure.

[Gretchen Shanks]

I'm not going to come. And then it hits me. This is the story of all of my sexual encounters. Never come with someone else. Don't know how to be responsive. And at this point, I just feel broken and defective. Thank you. Thanks so it's the next morning and I go back to my hotel, drop my stuff down, sit on the couch, and I cry. Obviously I cry. I don't even know how long. It just comes. All the feelings, all the feelings, you see, because even though I had so little experience, I'd never really put it together that that's what they had, all that, it had always been like. I'm overwhelmed by the emotion, but I also know that I have to do something about it and I have to do something now. Like, I mean, I'm live the rest of my life like this. Or I'm going to use this time when I'm not working, stressed out 50 to 60 hours a week in the office, gone half the year to finally fucking do something.

[Dixie Delator]

What the fuck?

[Gretchen Shanks]

Because I've been in talk therapy for years, clearly not working on this point. And start to breathe again. Tears slow down and I think, research. I'm a research geek at heart. In fact, if I'd brought my laptop with me, I probably would have been making a spreadsheet at this point. But I have a smartphone and wi fi and that's all I need, really. I mean, the spreadsheet will come later. So here I am in one of my favorite parts of the world, this gorgeous area of the Yucatan Peninsula. I should be on the beach, slathered in sunscreen, getting one last sunburn in before I go home. And instead I'm in my hotel room just stabbing away at my phone and I'm searching female failure to orgasm. And I mean, I read, I follow article after article. I love cross links and references. So many pages open on my phone it might break at any moment. And I get another feeling right here that I need to do something that is more than just talk therapy. I'm a really smart person, and if intellect alone would have solved this, it would have already happened. So I start reading up on different approaches to dealing with sexual dysfunction. You know, there's actually a lot out there. I mean, I'm a former Catholic girl from Kentucky, so I didn't know most of this. I mean, my people don't even do talk therapy. So this was a whole new world for me. And I learned about. Of course there's talk therapy with specialist sex therapists, which I've never done. There's things like sexual surrogacy, sexological bodywork, tantric healing of all different sorts and flavors. And so I leave Tulum a little subdued, but resolved. Get back to Seattle, do a lot more research, interview some folks, and, oh, you've always got to interview the people because you never know, you know, with the questions and the spreadsheet. And you think I'm joking, but I'm not. No. And I find this amazing practitioner who's kind of a grab bag of all the things. He does some surrogacy work, some body work. He's a tantra guy, you know, just all the stuff. Cause I got shit to deal with. And I worked with him for four and a half, almost five really intense months. And it is so good. I don't have a job at this point because it took everything I had. But it's pretty fucking amazing because now I feel way more comfortable in my body. I'm much more comfortable with sex and dating. And now I'm at the point where I kind of want to try all the things, all this stuff I've missed out on, and really to figure out what actually turns me on. So I start exploring. I date a couple for a while, and I learn. I really like threesomes. I take a solo trip to San Francisco to go to an all female sex party. My first ever sex party. It was a little intimidating, a little challenging, but so hot. I mean, I don't know about you, but I just love the sight of a lot of naked ladies getting sexy together.

[Rachel Lark]

So.

[Gretchen Shanks]

And I do some work with this fantastic BDSM coach. She's a former pro dom. And, you know, submission and bondage had featured in my fantasy life for so long, but I'd never tried any of it. And I wanted to figure out what I really liked and how to be safe with someone I trusted. And it was so opening for me that I started going to BDSM parties that she throws sometimes at her space enthrall and even. And even at her pre Pride parade party last summer, I played for the first time in the dungeon out there where anyone might see. So I'm on the medical exam table, and my leather miniskirt is hiked up to my hips. My legs are splayed in the stirrups, which are really handier than you would think. And this delicious man, who's kind of a cross between Vin Diesel and Truman Capote.

[Rachel Lark]

Is.

[Gretchen Shanks]

Between my legs playing with my pussy and ass. And, you know, he's using mostly his fingers, which are magic. And for a little while, this butt plug that has these rotating beads in the base, right? So they kind of roll around your outer sphincter as it's vibrating. It's kind of like the rabbit vibe, but way better, in my opinion. When you Just really try it. And I mean, honestly, it's like this man is or virtuoso and I'm his instrument that he's just playing for like I don't even know how long. I mean, and it's just fantastic. And all of this pleasure is building. And you know, I'm self conscious at first because I've been in public space. But eventually like just he's layering sensation after sensation and the pleasure is building and I forget where I'm at and I'm on this table. He's doing all of these unbelievable things to me. Stimulating my G spot through my anus. The clit is being played with. There's a lot of fun pressure with his fingers and hands and penetration. And he's talking dirty to me the whole time, like telling me what he sees as he watches me on the table writhing and moaning and what else he wants to do to me.

[Dixie Delator]

Yeah.

[Gretchen Shanks]

Exactly. Yeah. And it's so amazing that it happens. My back arches off the table as this orgasm that just feels huge to me comes through. And I'm moaning and I'm writhing and I just. I don't even know what else is going on. See, I'd spent years, so many years of my life being unresponsive and unable to express any pleasure, experience orgasms with someone else. And here I was, I just had the mother of all orgasms for me with while this man was between my legs pleasuring me. And not only had I had this orgasm with this person here, but there were like 30 other people in the room at the same time. So I'm 45 now. I go to sex parties, I date a ton. And I finally know that I am totally worthy of all of the pleasure and sex that I want for myself. I'm not good. Thank you. Thank you. And I know I'm beautiful and desirable. It took fucking forever to figure it out. But you know what? So doesn't matter because I know it now.

[Dixie Delator]

Tingling, delicious, electrifying, sensational experiences of orgasmic bliss. Will you talk dirty to me? Have an orgasm.

[Gretchen Shanks]

Female fantasies, guys.

[Rachel Lark]

So then why are people having sex?

[Dixie Delator]

I had somebody contact me recently to say that they were battling cancer and that their dream was to come to a live body storytelling and be in the room where we make this magic. I am so honored by that that you realize the live show is something unique and special. Then I'm going to tell you about upcoming live body storytellings on Friday, November 9th in San Francisco. The theme is Packs a wallop. Oh my God. This is going to be such a good show. It's on a Friday night. We're bringing out our weird games. In fact, I'm working on some new games and the lineup so far is looking stellar, so please be there. That one's in San Francisco. On Wednesday, November 14, I'm in New York in Brooklyn at the Bell House. Risk, the Podcast and Body Storytelling are doing a collaboration show and these are shows that sell out fast. So get your tickets as soon as possible and if you haven't booked your travel, book your travel because it is worth a trip to see Risk and Bodi together on December 6th in Seattle. The theme is the Naughty Beds still taking pitches. So you could be on stage in Seattle if you pitch [e-mail] December 13th back in San Francisco and the theme is Happy Endings. That will be our last show for the year. So that's four shows coming up where you could see Bodi live. That's three cities. So I hope to see you at a live show sometime soon. Be sure and come up and say hi face to face, will you? I love a good backstory, so I'm going to tell you a backstory about the song on this episode. So you've probably heard Rachel Lark here on the podcast. She has been our main music writer for years and years for Bodi, writing custom songs for my show. This song is from her very early days. She had just joined us at Body and this is when I was doing Body Slam, which is a story slam similar to Bodi, except put your name in the hat, you get to tell a five minute story. And the theme of this particular Body Slam was but we finished anyway. She performed this song. We sat there in stunned silence and then got on her feet and gave her a standing ovation. I mean, we knew she was talented, but wow. She decided to do a high budget video and she wanted to put the people in our community who were really boosting her signal and the people who inspired her. So she put in Polly Superstar, the founder of Kinky Salon. She put in Sister Flora, Good Time of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. She put in Like a Fox from the Body political burlesque, Jamie DeWolf from Tourette's Without Regrets, Dan Savage that she had met backstage at Body. They headed off so well. They're still collaborating right now on another project. They fell in love with each other and she put in Me. So we spent days in a warehouse in Oakland making a big video for this song. And if you want to see it, look up Warm, Bloody and Tender. The official video. It's perfect for Halloween. I think you'll love this song. This is Warm, Bloody and Tender from Rachel Lark.

[Rachel Lark]

I got a special date tonight. Everything has gotta be just right. Cause it's my last chance, you see tomorrow he moves to Italy. So I got my favorite scarf and I got my favorite hat Got all my jewelry, did my makeup like my cat. Got my favorite bra and I got my favorite tee oh shit, I see there's blood on my panties. What the fuck do I do to cancel it? Just be rude. But Shitty's just a dude and there's no way he'd be that down. Or maybe he would but what's at stake right now is he might not wanna. And the thing is I gotta. He's hotter than Madonna and a lot less drama. Maybe it is still a go and he just doesn't have to know. No harm, no foul. That's why God made towels. So I turned the lights down and he still went down he didn't even know that his face was was all brown he said, girl you taste good Girl you taste sweet I said, you do it right, you get a monthly treat Cuz just like steak tastes better when it's warm, bloody and tender Warm, bloody and tender Warm, bloody and tender While I kept the lights low I said, just so you know I'm we than most he said, yeah, I noticed and if you're into it, how about a fist? I said, why not? Though I never had before if my pussy won't clot, it might as well be sore I started screaming and begging for more it was a scene of blood and gore After a few hours we showered also in the dark he said that he'd think of me when he moved to Italy he said for some reason that he couldn't explain he'd been unleashed in a whole new way he picked me up and and said let's go again Then he turned on the lights and he saw the stair he didn't turn the lights down and he's doing down he didn't even care that his face was all brown he said, girl, he tastes good Girl, you taste sweet I said he'd eat right, you get a monthly treat he's just like steak Pussy tastes better when it's warm but. And tender. Warm, bloody and tender. Everybody sing it.

[Gretchen Shanks]

Whoa.

[Rachel Lark]

Wow. Warm, bloody and tender. Wow. Warm, bloody and tender. Wow. Warm, bloody and. 10. Thank you.

[Dixie Delator]

Do you ever wish you could unlock your own story? Do you listen to the stories on this podcast and think I have so many stories, but which one? And how do I tell it? Well, you can work with me. That's my favorite thing in the world to do is to help people find their story and tell it well. Maybe you want to tell it on stage. Maybe you just want to regale your friends at your next party. Either way, I can help you tell your story in a way that feels good, not just for you, but for the people listening. Find out more by contacting [e-mail] can't wait to hear from you. I'm a plot Southern girl who always says please and thank you. So I must say thank you to the people who made this podcast episode possible. Thank you to Joe Moore, my video producer and archivist, to Dana Hanna, my project manager, to David Grossoff, my sound engineer. To Marty Garcia, my podcast producer. And thank you to you for listening, for subscribing, for writing us the review. I love it when you write us a review, sending me your emails. I love hearing from you and knowing what kind of stories you want to hear. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour and we'll be back very soon with the next episode of the Body Storytelling Podcast. Here's a peek at what's next.

[Gretchen Shanks]

But that's not what tonight's story is about. No, tonight's story is about the Holy Grail of masturbation. My mouth Otto Fellatio. I'm going to tell you about the time that I successfully sucked my own dick, because that's what body storytelling is all about.